Podiots - Podiots: Episode 45 – Bag Full Of Drugs

Episode Date: February 11, 2020

Peter's had a mikemare, Mikey's been letting off balloons, and Ben's brought some real fake news. Donate to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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discover the new fragrance mutine now available in Canada Dave Benson News with your host Peter Austin and Michael Johnson and Michael Johnson Dave

I did a little Moss Code ticker tape thing there what did you say in Moss Code what did you say in Moss Code that Dave Benson Phillips got actually naked on Twitter that's what I said breaking news

this just in some days ago Dave Benson Phillips as in in memoriam of the late Terry Jones the late great Terry Jones posted a video

that he made apparently some time ago where he's on an actual stage in a real theatre somewhere playing the organ and as it rises out of the stage it reveals his fully naked body I'm looking for the actual

how do we feel about this I'm ecstatic about it I opened up the tweet we just sent out and it's still on my screen and I'm just kind of enchanted by it and I can't look away I'm just going to quickly find because at the end of the clip

I'm sure it says something like thanks to the such and such the staff at such and such theatre for turning a blind eye I think it says. Good. Here's the tweet here. Farewell Terry Jones, Python and inspirational human being, a hero

worth emulating. Years ago, I made a film with no intention of releasing it. However, it seems a fitting tribute to a comedy legend who inspired me. Thank you for making me laugh. And what? Here it is.

Special thanks to Ben Wainwright, cameraman. poor ben and the plaza theatre stockport and ted the theatre manager and staff for turning a blind eye imagine approaching the staff with this request like hey do you mind if i just quickly strip naked and sit on your chair and rise out the floor because he didn't you didn't slink off to the side to do this because i assume to make the organ rise up from the stage is requires a technical team that have to be there to witness it and observe and make sure everything's going to regulation and make sure Dave's ass is perfectly presented.

And he made this some time ago, so it's not even like, you know, he said, look, this might seem a bit of a strange request, but it's, you know, it's a Terry Jones, Monty Python reference. It seems like a fittingly silly way to, you know, commemorate him. But this happened like, I don't know,

a year ago, two years ago, five years ago. He just wanted to make it. He was just in a theatre that had an organ that could rise out of the stage. And he said, if I get all of my clothes off and sit on that seat. Oh my God.

What if? You remember how DeVensen Phillips made that video for us for the portal goblin thing? Yeah. In his stack of DVDs, maybe he had burned this onto a DVD and this was part of the stack.

Oh, I could have been there in the background. Be like the movie from the ring. Don't look at it. There's a reason it's only got three comments underneath it. Yeah. Maybe it's because everybody thought it was kind of a weird thing to do. A little bit weird.

Maybe it's a bit of a weird thing to do But wait, the Dave Benz and Phillips news continues Oh my God This also just in Dave is relaunching his YouTube channel Reinvigorating it He's starting various shows

Including the P-Bone show Where he plays a P-Bone Which is a trombone made of plastic He's learning how to do that Right, I thought you meant he played as in He was taking on the role of a character called P-Bone. Yeah, I mean, P-Bone sounds a bit...

I think Dave knows what he's doing. In posting a video of himself naked onto Twitter and calling his show the P-Bone show, I think he's very much self-aware. So, I mean, if anything, I take my hat off to Dave for working out, you know, the formula for good content on the internet.

While you're at it, you might as well take off the rest of your clothes as well. Yeah, or maybe so, get my P-Bone out. I think he deserves everything There is more Dave news Oh for God's sake Dave has been commissioned by a triple jump fan

to voice a short animated skit based on I believe the intro to Samurai Jack Is that right? Yeah I think so Dave does the narration

about Ben and I doing worst games ever and the whole portal goblin story. So someone has paid Dave Benson Phillips good money to no longer be left out of it. And Dave has apparently accepted that job. So I'd like to think... He took the money?

Yeah, he took the money. I think he might be over it, you know. He does follow us on Twitter now. He does. If you're listening, Dave, which once upon a time might have seemed like a far-fetched thing to say, but I think at the moment, it's entirely likely he might be checking out what we're up to.

you know genuinely really enjoying everything that you're doing right now just getting yourself into the tabloids keep it up keep it up but not in the theatre no

don't do don't do that in there but you're providing us with just endless endless things to talk about and I hope you approve Dave what could the future hold like just when you think it couldn't get any

better like you see the organ video the future truly post-Brexit knows, no bounds. What I like the most about that video is that he has... I don't know if he was... I like to think he wasn't given instructions because when we gave him instructions, he didn't. It was like putting two...

What's the term, Peter? You know it when you put two matching poles of a magnet together? Two, like, repelling. Sure, that'll do. Yeah, basically that's how he was with instructions. He actively did everything he could not to follow them. Whereas here, it seems he's taken a huge, very, very confident leap, two feet first into portraying himself with an accent that is probably problematic.

Yeah, borderline not okay. In many circles. Maybe it's Jack Bradshaw who made it, right? Yeah. All around good boy. Maybe he had the confidence to give feedback on the first audio recording. Do you reckon he made him do it again? Yeah, I was like, oh, Dave, come on.

I'm paying you good money here. But we just drew away from it in fear that we were going to get hurt. Yeah. I mean, Dave, in that video, he does the nerds shout very, very accurately. So. So well. He was either given very good instruction from the start and followed it this time. Or when he handed it back and went, a bunch of nerds, Jack was like, no, Dave.

Say it like this. So. But there you go. That's Dave News. God knows what we'll be talking about in a fortnight's time. I think the next step though from Dave getting naked on stage

would be if there's just some kind of collaboration. I mean, he's back into the YouTube game now. He's doing Webby Telly. I think, you know, Dave and Vidiates, Dave and Triple Jump. Dave and Parrot Boy are just, just Michael's Twitter.

alone. What a home of... What could happen? I hope... The two best Twitter Twitter games out there combining forces. I couldn't even imagine

but I hope his future does hold more collaborations he gets himself out there because I think the people want it but it's just you need to get out there put himself in these situations and make it happen.

He will become viral. He become the national hero he once was. He still is but he could really really become the most nationalist hero. Nope, nope, not nationalist. I'm sorry? Just big hero.

It was a superlative. He already set off a balloon in a BHS, didn't he? He already did a bomb scare. Oh yeah. Oh, dear. I think, I think the nationalest, the nationalist hero of all. Yes. Let's go with that.

And let's please not talk about Dave Benson Phillips for the rest of this episode. Yeah, let's try. Leave him out a bit, everyone. Hello everybody and welcome to Pottie, it's the official. Boom. Vidiots. Boom. Podcast.

Boom. Boom. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter and I'm Michael. Now Michael, we'll fucking get to you in a minute. Dad, no, please.

We'll talk to you in a minute. Don't even worry about it. You might even be the first question we've got. So you just sit there and you think about what you've done. I want to stop thinking. Please. No, it's there for everyone to see. We'll talk about you in a minute.

Okay. How is everyone, though? Are we good? How are we doing? Yeah, fantastic. It's a Wednesday evening. We're out of Europe. Do you feel wealthier now?

I've forgotten. Don't keep talking about it. I mean, we're in Europe? Yeah. It's okay. There's a transition period of 11 months where we can still pretend that we're European.

My dad came back from, I think he was in Germany on the first day after we left the EU and when he got home, I said, oh, did you have to go through the non-EU immigration?

And he said, no, no, just go through the same one because it's transition period. So nothing's changed, really. No. Right. It's just with that stamp of condemnation, really, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. This is the embarrassing moment before it truly becomes a bit shit.

Yeah. It's like NASA put out a statement. There's a meteorite heading towards Earth and there's going to be total global annihilation in about 364 days. Enjoy. Oh, thank God. Got time. That's a treat, that one. Before we begin the show with the show. question from Twitter

would you guys like to know who is in the Podron squadron this week? Absolutely. These

amazing, powerful, sexy, brilliant, good at sports people have financially supported us over at

streamlabs.com forward slash video it's official if you donate any amount it's very much appreciated. You get a shout

out at the beginning and at the end of the show it helps us keep doing it and also allows us to occasionally buy things we shouldn't like a pigeon tattoo or a Spider-Man PS4 or I don't really know what Peter treats himself to a trip to a castle yeah a trip to a castle there we go I'd have to pay I'm a member membership to the national trust they get a membership yeah it's unlimited castles yeah so let's have a look at all these

castles here we've got donkosis Callum story Dave Benson Hetty Bo Betty Prince Beefcakes Snossages Katie Kins Solo Thank you so much for a very, very very generous day Thank you

Thank you Katie Kins Lord Brottovich Carl Richardson Soapes Richard Peter's fridge freezer The Refined

Raptor Reginald Jack Jenny Kins Tom Carey Matt Fulton The Fucker Upper B2-55 Actually Dave Benson Philips

Carrie the worst Sad student Fox 42 Calcifer the Dragon Arseface Chav Chav Ramirez It says that this time Kitchen sluts

Ashley's Bingo ball bot bot Say moth aggressively Moth Corrosion Zanatella A red bug

L Baker 97 Arthur from Natural 9 Sir Digby Stephen Scodes Ami dosange Got I remember it now Ami

Finley lavery lavery The Jinkle Simone Milher Jack Without the Sea Mikey Wallace Nightmare Emily Lemons and Monica

from Santa Monica Thank you very much I'd love just listening to the names in that segment every time It's amazing It's a magical experience

They get They get crazier every week And as I said Streamlabs.com forward slash video It's official You get a shout at the beginning

and the end of the show And it's very very very much appreciated We love you all We love you all You are all simply amazing. Are you ready for a question? Yes, please.

Michael, will you join us at the front of the classroom, please? Yeah, one second. Let me just close my planner. Pull your pants up, boy. Oh, Jesus, sorry, sorry. No, leave the bouncy ball there. Oh, but it's my favourite one. Are you chewing?

No, no, it's my other bouncy ball. We do not need your comments here, Mikey Johnson. Sorry, sir. I'll approach the front of the classroom. This question comes from Addie at 2 Addie 2 United on Twitter, and it reads, Mikey, why? I think first, for the few people who may not have seen it, maybe Mikey what begin with. Yeah, so basically I dressed up as Wallace from Wallace and Grommer in the most horrifying way I could think of. I'm not going to say anything else. If you haven't seen it yet, pause the podcast.

wherever you are, whatever you're doing, whether you're driving, sleeping or whatever, go to the YouTube channel, give it a watch, and then come back. You know when it's late at night and you get an idea in your head and it sticks? And you suddenly get this whirlwind of motivation like never before. I, for some reason, had that about this, and I'm very proud of myself, to be honest.

It was, I mean, the outfit was great, considering you just got it from a charity shop like that day. Was it that same day that you got it? Same day I filmed it. I got up in the morning and I went, I prepared to like spend the day looking at charity shops because it's not the more specific outfit, but it's definitely like I want to find something that looks accurate, otherwise it would look shit, which would be a shame. Yeah, I mean the shirt and tie, not so hard.

I just need a red tie in a white shirt, but a green vest jumper, not hard, not easy to find, but you got it. Well, I was going to say that every. Everybody knows when you donate stuff to a charity shop, or basically every single item of clothing in a charity shop, is there because a man or a woman has died. And that's the only reason they're there. And the fact that you were able to find that full outfit leads me to the very sad conclusion. That fictional Wallace is dead. No, he can't be.

Well, he lives on in me, I guess. I'm happy to carry the torch. I hope you're ready to report for duty. man you someone else just takes up the cowl once the original one has died that's the sweater vest can i say michael yeah the um when you were i'm trying to think of what's the best way to describe it when you were running at the camera yeah darkness yeah um you looked a bit like matt lucas yeah i had a few people say that and i wholeheartedly agree and now i know i can never go bald because I'll just look like Matt Lucas.

Not saying he's ugly, but I don't want to be Matt Lucas. He's got a look. He's got a look. Yeah. It's his look. Yeah. I just I bought body paint and just Claudia slathered it on me. It was very cold and moist and horrible.

The swimming cap was definitely two sizes, too small. And I think I wore the outfit for a total of two hours before I went in the shower and got it off. And holy shit, I've never had a headache like that. It was a struggle to think. I couldn't speak.

Oh my God. Being Wallace is hard, man. Yeah, it's just cheese, isn't it? Just cheese, constant cheese. Just cheese. Just cheese. Just cheese. I loved the close-ups of you where you could just see the body paint sort of on your stubble, on your beard.

Just the texture of hairy chin and white paint was quite something. There are many things I'd do for online content, but shaving my beard is not one of them. I'm terrified to see what lies beneath. Can you give us a rough timeline from idea to execution? What was the turnaround of this? Actually, I can give you pretty much the exact time that I got the idea. Did you message Claudia? Did you message Claudia and said, I want to be Wallace?

On Thursday, the 30th of January, at 24 minutes past midnight, I made a tweet. You ever just go on the cosplay tag on TikTok and accidentally spend three? hours trapped in a vicious loop of despair and it's awful but you can't pull yourself away from it it was pretty much when I made that tweet when I had the idea and I mean that rapid production there all away from Thursday to Saturday bam done to every waking moment you're at your desk just thinking about what shenanigans you're going to get up to in various charity shops around Bristol I think that's what we're constantly thinking is what shenanigans is Michael getting up to right now, you know, whether they are costume related or farting related, you

know, shreddies, it could be anything. He could be making a video where he farts 72 times. 74. Actually, Peter. Oh, wow. Sorry. This is the magical thing, though, is that Peter and I had to waive all responsibility when we moved away. Yeah.

And we don't have the time of the creative sort of juices left over to apply. to apply to these sorts of things in our spare time anymore because we used to do it full time for Vidiots and now we have to run triple jump like it's an actual business and so when we come home we just want to watch TV and Michael's like no I'm not done yet I've still got plans

it's a treat I feel just like a member of the the Vidiots audience now I can just come home once in a blue moon there's a new video to watch Is this what 2018 was like? God, we spoiled people, didn't I? Jesus, madness. What a treat.

You never knew what those crazy kids were going to get up to next. That's why I made this one a stealth release, because I was like, I don't want to say the video. I don't want to say, hey, heads up, I'm just going to make a video where I dresses Wallace. Because, I mean, that's a weird message to receive. I was debating, sending the picture of me in the costume, but I thought, the video's essentially done. I've just got to edit it. It'd be with them in, like, mere hours. So you get the surprise just like everybody else.

Absolutely. No, yeah, by all means, just surprises at any given time. Claudia asked, are you sure Ben and Peter, it'll be fine with this? Were you fine with it? Definitely. Are you, like, mentally, no, but from a professional standpoint, absolutely. That's all the matters. I can tell you how fine I was with it if we're able to move onto my thing. Oh, good segue. Oh, we're doing this? Are we doing this? It's very unorthodox. Do you mind if I call up the authority? Uh, by all means. Okay, let me just, just got to quickly send it, tweet to the authority.

Right. This is rules, do you mind if Peter does his thing after the first question? Okay, here we go. Right, bear with me, Peter. I'm bearing this. Shouldn't take a minute. Yeah. take a minute.

Just need to run it through an interpreter first. Yeah, it's just going to take a second. Yeah, that's all right. These things take time. It's hard to calculate a good response. Yeah, they do. So much bureaucracy got to go through. Yes, a lot, isn't it?

Well, we're in that, what was it, that 11-month period? The transition period. Yeah, well, because it's a European, it's a transnational thing. Oh yeah, Michael, yeah. Someone wanted to know, just while we're waiting. Someone wanted to know if you encountered, again, without spoiling anything, encountered any issues with security guards. Security guards, no.

I was terrified. I think you can probably see how uncomfortable I look in that video. Yeah. That's when you realized what you'd done. Yeah, I was walking around, like, arm stiff, just kind of tee-posing around the place. This is the studios. But no security guards, there's no one in you.

office which I think a security guard would have seen the lighter side of it and I wouldn't have been arrested but who knows I would have loved for Nick Park to have been working late imagine oh hello childhood hero um you found me at my worst moment it's me look what you did oh we've got a reply oh thank good uh it says rules boss speaking which of course is an anagram of yes absolutely i think you're good peter go for it okay great fantastic Amazing. So you want to know how, you know, whether we were okay with it. I mean, we were okay with you creating the content and putting it on the channel in terms of, you know, whether you should be allowed to do that.

Of course you should. Were we okay with you doing it and exposing our minds to it? Well, no, because I actually had a dream about it the night that it happened. No, I'm so sorry. Um, now it's, it's probably slightly less exciting than, uh, than you think. It wasn't some sort of horrible nightmare where I was, you know, tied up by cheese strings and you were coming at me with crackers, uh, dressed as Wallace. But I had a dream that the three of us were all together down in Bristol, uh, and Ben and I

were just sort of standing around together. And you walked up to us dressed as Wallace. and we were going oh my god Mikey that's that's great that's great and in as dream logic goes you handed us each some really old sort of mid 90s brick mobile phones

you gave one to me and one to Ben and we all thought that was really funny because in the logic of the dream there was some sort of it was it was like a reference to Wallace and Gromit like oh you know how Wallace has that mobile phone in Wallace and Gromit so we all thought it was hilarious and they were sort of powered by double A batteries on the back so my thing was not just to tell you that slightly

unexciting not really nightmare about the Wallace costume I mean the fact that I'm permeating your dreams is enough for me well absolutely but my thing was to ask you guys do you have any super scary nightmares that you've ever had or like a recurring dream or just a really strange dream that you remember because we've not really talked about

dreams that much that we've had and I think you know a lot of people have stories about nightmares they used to have. I have a very similar dream like in a similar vein to the one you've just talked about Peter in that when I released the fart video

I think a couple of nights later I had a stress dream where I went to work and I was fired and everyone was really angry with me and I never felt so bad. Oh, no. To the point where I woke up on the morning and it took me a few minutes for me to realize

oh, I'm not actually fired. I've still got a job. Oh. It's just like... And I put my professional career on the line for this shit and it haunts my dreams as well as yours. Peter? Yes.

A quick question about your dream. Oh, yeah. We met Wallace. Hashtag make Ben fast in 2020. Yes. Hashtag New Year fast me. Yeah. How fast was I in the dream?

I'm afraid we were both just sort of standing together. Was I standing fast? Oh yeah, you were standing real fast. And I'm sure you grabbed the mid-1990s bad mobile phone with two AA batteries in the back of it really quickly, really fast from Wallace. I needed. that thank you we were we were just so amused because it's

the Wallace thing isn't it you know how he carries around two bad mobile phones we would thought oh Mikey oh you've gone you've gone the whole hog you've even got the two mobile phones

did you try to make a call and then say oh there's something wrong with the controls ha ha ha ha phonely and we all laughed and high fived that's beautiful I had a I had a nightmare as a child

when I was about seven years old maybe that has stuck with me in my head I occasionally have I don't really remember my dreams very often like nowadays but I sometimes wake up from a bit of a recurring theme even though it takes place in different places where I'm climbing up like a steep hill and the more I climb the steeper it gets but I sort of commit to the to the climb until it ends up like a vertical cliff face and I'm climbing up this cliff for far too long before I realize oh I'm getting really high now and it actually starts to bend backwards so I'm almost climbing like the underside of something and then I look down and I'm like 80 feet off the ground oh my god but that's not the nightmare I was about to describe

from when I was seven years old which was I woke up in my bedroom so I thought I was awake I went into my parents bedroom because in the house I lived in as a child, the upstairs bathroom was just an onsuit off their bedroom. And we had one downstairs, but we used to just go through my parents' bedroom and go to their onsuit.

They didn't really mind. And I walked into their bedroom, and they weren't there. And it was really dark. No one was in the house. And I was like, what's going on? Where is everyone? And suddenly I spotted in the darkness next to me this like horrible little like three foot kind of gobliny elfie man

he didn't have like big like bat ears like big goblin ears he was he was basically like humanoid but were just like a pointy nose and like you from the future yeah it was me from the future if I was a sort of creature and in his hand he had a plastic Frankenstein mask that belonged to my brother and he I think you mean Frankenstein's monster I do I absolutely didn't know it was a mask of the of the doctor no it was it was the monster your brother had excellent taste yeah and the goblin grabbed me by the shoulder in one hand and with the other hand he had the mask on his hand and he sort of pushed it against my stomach and his I could feel his claws like coming through the mask

just into my stomach oh my god and he just made this noise He obviously went like, eh, like that. And then I woke up. And it was just the most horrific, vivid nightmare I've ever had in my life. Oh, my God. What does that mean? I don't know. I don't want to know.

The mask. I see how it visited you again. The goblin, the empty house, the noise. It's extra terrifying because it's that layer of you wake up thinking it's reality. It's just like your house, but in a dream, you're not aware. And then suddenly goblin. And that's the best kind of dream where you don't know if it's real or not. He got me, that goblin boy.

What about you, Ben? Have you ever had like a nightmare that's stuck with you? I mean, entirely possibly, but I'm very good at repressing things and not remembering them when I wake up. I also don't dream very often. I just sleep and then wake up. I tend to do that. Speaking of stress dreams, I did have one last year. You remember that time I'd finished streaming.

on a Tuesday, I had, like, turned off the computer or whatever, or at least I'd stopped streaming. And then I went back upstairs. You came downstairs to do a voiceover. Yeah. And somehow it started to stream again. And we're not entirely sure how, because I'd stopped streaming. And Peter was being live streamed from the corner of the room, just the audio of of him doing a voiceover and we started to get tweets saying I don't think this has meant it happen and so I came running downstairs

and I stopped the stream and from then on we've been very very very particular about muting the microphone making sure the microphone is off preferably the computer is just off yeah but that night

for some reason I had a stress stream about it and I thought there was a camera in my room and everyone was watching me in bed and I couldn't shake it and I, oh God, it freaked me out and I had a horrible, horrible night's sleep just because

Peter was nearly caught on camera saying something without even knowing he was on stream potentially, you know, he could have been caught saying something that he didn't think anyone else was going to hear. I could have been because like from time to time I just get like mad about

just like stupid things. Like if there's like noise from the other office across the hall or you know or if I'm just incapable of reading that day I'll go oh what's this fucking sentence what who wrote this fucking sentence unfortunately even though it was we were streaming for probably I don't remember like 10 minutes maybe like like nothing nothing incriminating came out of my mouth other than the fact that I just kept like flubbing lines I was I did like I read I did like retakes of a line like 10

and I was like, oh God, that went, that all went out live. And the chat as well, I saw the chat afterwards and people were just like all talking to each other going, should we tell him? Oh no, I want to keep hearing it. And then when we stopped the stream, they were like, oh, I think he found out that he was streaming. I was like, fuck you guys. Fuck sake.

Fuck you. Yeah, that was, it wasn't even me being being streamed, but that, I don't know why. It really fucked me up. Give you a stress stream. The thought of that. yeah, it was really frightening. I didn't like it at all.

Well, there we go. Nightmares. Absolutely. That was fun. Thanks, Peter. Thank you, Mikey, for the... I mean, yours... It wasn't a nightmare, the one with you in.

I got a free phone out of it, to be honest. But it's led to us recounting our horrors, so... It has. Thank you, Peter Austin. That was a really, really, really, really fucking fun one, that. Thanks, Peter. Let's move on to another question. This is from Serran.

At Undead Swine on Twitter. Very important question. What shape do you cut your sandwiches and or toast into the world needs to know? Triangles. Triangle. That is the superior shape. Well, actually, triangles for toast. Yep.

But, well, actually, not even that. Triangles for buttered toast or like, I don't have jam toast very often. But if it's just a slice of toast with spread on it, triangles. If it's an actual real-life sandwich, Or even a toast sandwich with cheese in. Oblongs, rectangles. You're a fucking oblong. Is there a reason for that?

Or is it just purely just something you do? It's just out of habit, I think. Or, I mean, if there's cheese in a sandwich, then if I cut it down the middle, I'm cutting right between two slices of cheese. So I don't have like a really tiny, you know, if you like cut diagonally, you end up with tiny little pieces.

in the corners where you've like bisected the edge of a slice so that's why I do rectangles for sandwiches circles you guys are idiots whoa yeah you've had a circular sandwich fuck that sounds I guess is that more efficient I mean no no no no no there's so much wastage but you look like a fucking no one sits next to you on the train it's brilliant they sit as far You want two seats? That's how you do it. Circular sandwiches.

It's madman. I guess if you've got like... It's just a bread roll, isn't it? Is that what that is? Well, I've heard everyone... I've heard people say roll, but I don't really know what that is. I just called them circular sandwiches.

I guess if you've got like a meat round filling for your sandwich, that makes sense if you want like a consistent bread to meat filling ratio, but... Yeah. Oh, I'm quite intrigued. Or if you're having like a... A pineapple sandwich. My favourite. Yes.

Pineapple sandwich. I tend to go rectangular for sandwiches. Yeah. And honestly, the same for toast. The only time I do triangular is if you're talking cheese toasty. At which point, it's already seared into that shape anyway. Yeah. Oh, true.

Cut along the lines. But I tell you what, here's my logic. When you're eating a rectangular sandwich, you can take three bites along the side until you get to the crust at the top, and that's a further three bites. So you get six mouthfuls there. With the triangles, you take big, weird, pointy bites on each side. Yeah, we stab it into the back of your mouth. Yeah, when you deep throat the sandwich, and then you've got one good bite in the middle, and then you've got a weirdly shaped. There's a lot of crust there.

There's a lot of crust And unless you're getting your fillings perfect I don't feel like it serves a great purpose as a sandwich I feel like it works for toast But I don't know about sandwiches But then Tesco fucking cuts them all like that anyway I actually enjoy Triangles more as a sandwich

Because when I have them from Tesco I really like having a triangle sandwich But for some reason I just don't do it for myself at home It's just a rare meal deal treat Yeah I feel like the weird one now because I don't cut my sandwiches at all or toast.

I just have it whole. Mad. Fucking, fucking vegans. What else can they take from us? I don't want to inflict harm upon the bread, Jesus. It just never crosses my mind, really. Like, yeah, pre-packaged sandwiches, that's the way they are. But I'm not going to go spend the extra three seconds of effort

to cut a sandwich in half when I think it's quite satisfying to hold this entire sandwich in your hand. To fair, something slightly weird that I do is if, I have cheese on toast not like a toasted sandwich but it's just a single slice of bread with cheese on top of it I eat that with a knife and fork so that's pretty wild

fancy boy over here I just think that's despicable really yeah I haven't had a cheese toastie forever I now really really want a cheese toad I sometimes have one on a weekend treat myself yeah it's a weekend thing isn't it toasters never have a toastie on a weekday why you're fucking lunatic

it's madness he's got time for that so many crumbs Deceptively messy Yeah Making a toasty Do you ever clean out your cheese toasty maker Or do you just sort of leave it I don't have a cheese

I used to have a cheese toasty maker I just You grill I briefly toast a piece of bread Until it's only just turning into toast Because you don't want to overdo it Otherwise it'll burn in the oven And then I yeah I just grill it

I put cheese on it And stick it under the grill Maybe it's like you know Those Chinese teapots Where they've been unwashed for hundreds of yours and have kind of got this layer of tea on them which helps add to the flavor. Is that what you'd be going for if you didn't clean your cheese toasty maker? Well, I mean, I do clean it, but usually it's just a cursory wipe around with a piece of kitchen roll

because it's such a pain in the ass to clean. It stays hot for so long. And then it's such an awkward shape that you can't clean it easily. So you just sort of leave it. It's fine. Yeah, it's fine. You're still alive, so it's not done any damage yet. Yes. Yes, it's not hurt me, has it? I'm fine.

Great. Well, we put the world to right there, didn't we? We did. Tate that. Would you like a question or a thing? I'm happy you do my thing. Go on then. Okay, fingers.

Go on then. Go on then. You're fucking... I've got a stupendous tale from the magical land of Stoke-on-Trent. No you haven't. Historic town on the River Trent. It's more than just... to historic town on the River Trent now, this will completely change your perception of

this wonderful, wonderful place. I had another thing planned for this podcast, but then I read about this 20 minutes before the podcast recording started. So I just quickly scrambled something together. And I think it's quite fun. I hope you think it's fun too. Okay. In June 2001, Laura Buxton, who was almost 10 at the time, released a red balloon into the air over a hometown of Stoke-on-Trent. On one side of the balloon, she had written, please return to Laura Buxton, and on the other side, she had written her home address. A few weeks later, a man 140 miles away in Milton Lilburn found the balloon stuck in the hedge that separated his farm from his next-door neighbours. He was about to discard the balloon until he noticed the name and address, and immediately

he took the balloon round to his neighbour's house and showed it to the 10-year-old girl who lived there, whose name was also Laura Buxton. What? Oh my God, she can travel through space. Fucking magic. Laura Buxton from Milton Lilburn wrote Laura Buxton from Stoke-on-Trent to let her know that she'd found the balloon.

The two girls got in touch by telephone and the coincidence was amusing and harmless enough that the girl's parents arranged for them to meet face to face. Whereupon, they discovered a number of similarities He's beyond the two girls sharing a name. I don't know why I'm making this spooky. It gives it more dramatic effect. It's a bit spooky.

They were both girls. No. When they met up, they realized the girls ended up being the same height, which was unusual because they were both quite tall for their age. They both had brown hair and wore it in a very similar style. They both had three-year-old black Labrador retrievers as pets are home, as well as both having grey pet rabbits. Is it Lindsay Loham?

Oh my God, it's Freaky Friday. No, not Freaky Friday. Parent Trap. Yeah, there we go, that one. Or Transformers, I get confused. Transformers, that's the one. Wait, that's Megan Fox. What am I talking about? No, same person, it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine. When they both saw each other in person, they realized they were wearing similar outfits comprised of pink sweaters and jeans. Ooh. Oh, a 10-year-old girl wearing jeans and a jumper. How unimaginable. I'm going to have a stress nightmare about this.

I think this is the main detail of this I find quite fun is when they both went to meet up, they both brought along their pet guinea pigs who happened to be the same colour and had the same orange markings on their hindquarters. Wow. That's, I, the other stuff, yeah, whatever, like girls are all kind of. of the same but the guinea pig that's that's undeniable proof of something

fucking going on that's true the matrix is fucked up yeah it was almost as if the two laura buxton's were the same person oh i look i i i now i'm reading it out loud it's not as impressive as it was when i first read it was like oh that's cool like yeah i'm impressed and i mean i was like at the beginning is is impressive enough on its own just she releases a balloon it travels 100 and what 30 miles did you say and lands next door to a girl with the same name who's the same age. That's very unlikely. Statistical anomaly, to say the least.

And I did do my research. This is real. It's all confirmed. I did extensive research. I loaded up snopes.com and typed in the name. And it was their big tick marks. You're a professional. Yeah, I'm going to fact check.

I don't want to be spreading lies. Reminds me of a friend of mine said that they, I didn't actually see this program, but they said it was a program where they reunited identical twins who'd been separated at birth and these two men got brought together through this program and when they met, I think at an airport,

they were wearing almost an identical outfit and they wore their hair in the same way and when they sat down they had like the same mannerisms and stuff now that obviously makes a bit more sense biologically because they're identical twins so maybe there's genetic predisposition but it's still really interesting that you can raise identical twins far apart from each other and that they can still grow up to be very similar like they were they were sitting and they were just stirring their

coffee nervously like they weren't stirring it to stir it they were just they had like one of those little stirers little plastic stirers and just sort of swell in their coffee just as a as a habit and they were both doing it which is just a weird little nuanced habit for two random people, effectively random people to have, but because they were twins, hundreds of miles of separation didn't stop them both having that. I'm sure twins operate on a special wavelength where no matter where they are in the world, they've got this little thing that connects them and just makes them the same, the share experiences, they all end of the same, and I think that's, it's absolute proof of that and

it's scientific fact now. There you go. Yeah, the girls became friends afterwards. and I'm not sure when this information's dated, but they both still meet up semi-regularly whenever the schedules allow, and the last meet-up was before they both went to uni. Oh.

So, yeah, everything turned out great. Thank God the other Laura Buxton wasn't a man in a child costume trying to assimilate her identity or something. I hate it when men do that. It's just, oh, come on. Why do they do that? I mean, you know, the first Laura Buxton just wrote her name and address on a balloon and sent it off around the world.

And it landed in the field of a farmer, Mr. What's his name? Yeah, anything could have happened. Wow. Oh, my God, maybe, yeah. Why don't you come over here and meet me? There's a girl next door with the same name as you. Oh, God. Come on. I'm sure he didn't do that.

Surely not. Did you guys never do anything similar? Yeah, yeah. No, I don't think. I don't know if I ever put my name on a thing like that, but I'm aware of the idea of sending balloons off or little messages in bottles. I had a message in a bottle ship.

Oh, nice. Kit, sorry, I threw it off the back of a ferry. Did you get it back? Nope. I don't know where it is now, probably. In a whale's tummy. I think the only balloon I've ever released was, it must have been like eight years old or something,

and I had like this nice big Pikachu balloon. know the type kind of tin form heat is that the one where the valve is on his in his bum hole yeah oh in his bum hole okay i remember just being in my garden and i had the urge to let it go let it go and i just stood there watched it float away and instantly felt very sad because i secretly well i still wanted it and there's no way of getting it back now it was floating off no got to catch somewhere 130 miles away michael jugson picked it up and he sold it for drugs What are the odds that Michael Johnson's balloon should be picked up by someone with almost the same name as him? Jekyll Monson.

Well, that was wonderful. That's my little thing, Michael. Thank you, Michael. That was a lovely little trip down Coincidence Lane. Thank you. Let's answer this question. This is from Jamshed at Mighty Jamshed on Twitter. If DBP and the remaining chuckle had a WWE match, who would.

win? And by what method would they win? Oh. I mean, Dave has wrestled. Yeah. Dave has wrestled. He does bronco busters. I've seen that because it looks vaguely sexual and he obviously gravitated towards that. Because why wouldn't he? Yeah. I feel like Mr. Chuckle, you know, they grew up in Rotherham, the North. I feel like they didn't have an easy upbringing so I think they're hardened to the world a bit. You know, they don't take no shit. Well, he doesn't take no shit. But perhaps Barry did all the fighting for Paul, and now Paul's left without his wingman.

That's true. But maybe it could be some kind of handicap match, whereas Dave Benson Phillips, but it's Paul with Barry, the ghost. What, as he is now, or the ghost of him? The ghost. Have you not, I mean, I know you haven't. But in wrestling, Vince McMillard.

man, Mr. Wrestling, once teamed up, I think he, I think he had a match against God. Right. And there was a spotlight that followed something to the ring. That is amazing. Holy shit. He beat God. He beat him. He beat God.

I'm fairly sure. He was in a feud with Sean Michaels, who was recently very Christian. Yeah. who'd worked through some stuff and come out the other side of it and so Vince McMahon had a match against his beloved god and beat him

so there is there is previous for this stranger things have happened in wrestling oh absolutely have if Paul wanted to team with Barry he could yeah and I'm just saying that might throw Dave off

could it be a no DQ's match as well so weapons are allowed oh 100% yeah well what else you're going to do You need gunge. Dave needs gunge, yeah, absolutely. Paul and Barry need a long plank carried over their shoulder or a step ladder. Yeah. Allow me to flex my wrestle knowledge a little in that there are frequently strange, they're called stipulation matches where they're not regular first person to be pinned or tapped out wins or loses.

They're strange things. There was famously one, I think it was called Judy Bagwell on a pole match where one of the wrestlers' mums was or on a forklift or something and they had to get her down or something. I'm not entirely sure what the context was. The point is you can make up pretty much any kind of match that's relevant to the participants. So we could come up with a, it could just be the gunged tank match, kind of like a buried alive match where the first person to get gunged loses.

Oh, nice. so there's all sorts of things we could do here outside of the realms of a regular match shit okay I think we'll establish the two people's main moves and then we'll work from there it makes sense yeah I think Peter mentioned it

Paul has you know slapstick approach where he picks up things wax them over the head and Dave has to have gunge that is like the slippery element of it makes into a real chaos match while Paul's trying to whip around where a ladder falls over Wax himself out

Yeah I think that's a good solid start for a match Okay What else has Dave got going for him though I mean Like he has wrestled So he knows some actual moves DVDs

DVDs Yeah They could fall over those maybe How about we come up with a couple of moves For each of the participants here But they've got to be pun-based I've got a couple of ideas We've got the gunk dunk dunk

There's the gunk dunk There's Put your cocks back Which I think is just a swift Kick to the Nads Maybe Paul could do To knee to you And he just knees them in the face

Like it Yeah Any other ideas What else could we do DBP could maybe do a thing Where he throws Large foam chips At Paul

As though he's the giant baby man. And as part of the game, Paul has no choice but to catch them in his mouth. He can't not do it. It's irresistible to him.

Paul does the chuckle slam in place of his chalk slam. Oh, very good. That's good. Yeah. There's a wrestler called DDP as well. So Dave Benson could just

take his theme music because it starts, it's me, it's me, it's DDP, and he could just dub over it. And he could then do a DDT on the... He could. A Dave Denson Tillips

On his enemies Yeah, right into the gunge Yeah I think I'm inclined to say that Dave has got it You reckon Yeah

Really Yeah I mean I guess age wise He's more athletic He's more resilient He's experienced He's had to carry Washing machines

When he's done a show And he gets his very washing machine Has And they just say look we can't buy you a new one but you can just take the one from the community center didn't you say earlier in the intro ben didn't you tell us let's not talk about Dave the rest of the podcast you knew you'd brought a question along yeah I know I know I did this I did do this it's worth it's worth it I think Paul chuckle will win after interference

from Neil Buchanan oh see I was thinking about Neil I wasn't sure sure whether to bring up another member of the pantheon, but... Well, we may as well, it's a battle royale. Was it mankind who had the head? No, no, that's... You're thinking of the job squad. You're thinking of Al Snow. Al Snow.

He was the one who ran around with the mannequin head. Yeah. So Neil could do that. He could have the head. Hello. Oh, ho. What is wrestling? Oh, wrestling's...

It's difficult to explain. Like... It's like... if um it's like if a child had never seen superheroes and try to design some of themselves yeah that's wrestling man i want to get into wrestling now i just want like a playlist of these like these weird matches um cultaholic will help you out there coltaholic dot com there we go well there we go plug for you here here's how the end of this match goes down guys you ready yeah yeah so it's it's reached it's reaching its climax you've got paul with a gob full of big foam chips you've got you've got

Dave on the other side, he's exhausted. He's been knead in the face several times and been hit by a big plank of wood or a ladder, a lot. And just as Dave is staggering towards Paul about to deliver the devastating Dave Denson Tillips right into the gunge, Paul, or Barry even, sorry, sneezes and sends ghost plasm all over the referee.

and Dave and they're temporarily blinded and they can't see and who's this coming through the crowd hello it's Nial snow and head

and he runs in and he gets this big salt shaker out for the big art attack and he just puts it all in Dave's eyes and face and then he rolls back

out of the ring just as the ref turns back around oh no you've missed the important one. He also quickly got in his finisher, the control splat. The control spout, yeah.

He did a controlled splat to his, this is the control splat right in his face with the salt shaker, rolls out of the ring, ref turns around, Barry's like, shit, this is my moment. Paul, sorry.

Barry's had his moment. He did his bit. Paul pushes him. Dave's like, oh, and he goes falling into the gungentank, winner. Paul chuckle.

Oh my God. I would pay good money for that pay-per-view. Holy shit. I would. Someone recreate that in 2K20. Commentated by Dick and Dom on the desk. Just for half an hour of the game, the screaming borgies at each other.

Yeah, you can't hear anything that's happening in the ring because they're just yelling louder and louder. Yeah. Oh, amazing. Ben, you've got a future in writing wrestling. I've got to say. You have. How they should have booked.

There we go I hope we all painted a magical picture for people at home there what could have been if they were wrestlers after they were TV personalities Got another question here This is from Boof at Booth on Twitter Oh, I recognise that name

I know that one We know that one Aliens are planning to build a hyperspace Expressway and the route goes directly through Earth What do you show them to convince them to spare Earth and construct a B

road. I think just the video of what made dressing up as Wallace, I think that's enough to skin them away. No, they would fucking they'd build two roads through Earth. Fuck it, you're getting them out of way. Well, they'd redirect the road away from such a horrible place, but

still destroy Earth anyway. Okay, maybe I didn't think it's through. They'd blow it up. They'd blow all of it up. I would I would show them the excellent quality available over on Twitch.tv

forward slash boof if you'll forgive a bit of sucking up there I don't know our channel just everything about it yeah why not? Yeah that's the ultimate high level art form

that's it I think the the video of Dave rising out of the stage naked on an organ would probably have similar effects to Michael's video. Yeah. Oh, what if we show them the danger of traffic

by showing them that Peter gets hit by a car one and two? Yeah, we could. And then they'll be like, actually, no, no more cars. Yeah, these are bad. The, just the, the cover headline of the time that the Seagull vomited on Dave Benson Phillips' car. Shit, shit on his car.

Shit on his car. Well, it did both, didn't it, as I recall? It took a vomit and his shit. Just to tell them, look, this is a world where wonderful things happen, like this. I mean, I'm not saying it's good that Dave's car got messed up. I'm just saying it's a good story. I am.

What was the name of that Chihuahua that got stolen a while ago? Oh, I'll find out for you. Fakt tiny or something. I'm just thinking maybe the Siegel who took that Chihuahua knew of this incoming plan for destruction for earth and so took the chihuahua up to the space aliens presented it to them and it restored their faith in our ability to be a good a good planet it was a good seagull all along gizmo his sacrifice was worthy but now he's living with the aliens on their planet doing really cool stuff the worst part about that story was when they found like

a dog's leg on a roof and everyone was like oh no gizmo then they confirmed it It wasn't Gizmo. It was another dog. It was a different dog. Yeah. Can a Seagull eat a chihuahua? Do Seagull eat dogs? Did a seagull steal a dog?

Do seagulls attack? Do seagulls attack small dogs? God, there's been a development in the Gizmo story by the looks of it, actually. Oh my God. So it's not, sadly, it's not Gizmo, but it's something else. The headline reads, Seagull drops port of dog or cat near where Chihuahua was snatched

Oh no Has ornithologist Peter Rock been involved again God, there's a quite graphic picture of the port And below is a picture of Gizmo And I mean the fur looks remarkably similar It's him then, that's it It's got to be him We've found one tenth of Gizmo

Posters are going up in the search for Gizmo Just as for Gizmo yeah he's gone he's fucking gone he's not he was shot out onto Dave's car oh oh no well I think that's a pretty

I think all of those are excellent reasons to stay away from earth yeah it's not worth it it's not worth it I've got a thing oh thing me it's time for some weird fake news

yes I have collected in my travels across the internet this afternoon I have found four news stories some of them are real and some of them are from

fictional satire website The Onion Madness and these all come from a website sorry a Reddit subreddit called Not the Onion because sometimes

times news is so ridiculous. It might actually be from satirical website The Onion. And it's up to the boys here, or the girls, to decide whether or not these news stories are real or from satirical news website The Onion. I, as I did last time, I have altered the headlines ever so slightly to make them feel a little bit more ambiguous because the Onion often words their headlines in a way where it's quite easy to spot that they're ridiculous and not real. Lifeguard will save Child once he's finished as Jammy Dodger. You know, something like that. Real.

Exactly. Real. Totally real. Are you guys ready? Yeah. Here is the first headline. I will run through them. I'll allow you to comment on each one and then I'll run back through them

and you can tell me whether or not you think they're real. Straight. Sick. blind man's vision returns after bravely being hit by a car on level crossing bravely bravely what a hero that man who crashed into the blind man was on a level crossing so there was a there could have been a train involved or a car and a blind man there's three modes of transport all meeting together on one one spot i'm in my head i've got this picture of a blind man accidentally going on to a level

crossing when a train is fast approaching and so this hero slammed into him with the car to get him out of the path of the speeding train I think that's... Bravely. Bravely. Bravely. Bravely knocked down a blind man.

That's the important thing here. Next one. Fiona the Hippo attempts to make Super Bowl pick vomits on Kansas City. Oh no. I mean... That sounds...

Well, the first half of it's a bit out there, but The second half, a rhino vomiting on Kansas City, just as in the city? HIPPO. A hippo. I think it vomited on sort of the logo of... I'm guessing... Remember that octopus that predicted the World Cup until like the semi-finals or something?

I think some zoo will be doing that again. And they've placed like melons on different crests of teams. And then the hippo came in. And instead of picking up a melon, it just vomited. I will probably say that one is real when the time comes. I'm going to say it's real, but for a different reason, just because the name Fiona for a hippo sounds so perfect. It's too perfect to not be real.

Yeah. Florida troopers find narcotics in a bag labeled bag full of drugs. It's Florida. It has to be true. Oh, I hope that's true. Florida man's out of it again. And finally, Iranian factory makes handy U.S. and Israeli flags to burn. Wait, what does?

Iranian factory makes handy U.S. and Israeli flags to burn. I love that phrasing, handy. I like the idea, but I think that that sounds onion-ish to me. Sounds like a reworded onion. I'm unsure. I think when we recount them all, I'll make my decision. Yeah. Okay. It's time.

Let's start at the top. Blind man's vision returns after bravely being hit by a car on level crossing. That bravely is throwing me off. Yeah, that's... I think I'll say... Although, what would the onion version be if this was an onion?

Like, where's the joke there? Maybe it has to be real. Yeah, I can't... Yeah, I can't see it as an onion article. Is it real? Yeah, I'll see real. A Polish man, who was blind for more than two decades, is reportedly able to see again

after being hit by a car on a zebra crossing. Oh, a zebra crossing, okay. It's actually real. Although the traffic accident took place in 2018, Goraj was recently interviewed by Pulsat News where he said his sight had been perfect in all the time since being hit by the car. Wow.

That's crazy. There we go. It's real. Wow. Holy shit. Real story. Real story. Next headline.

Fiona the Hippo attempts to make Super Bowl picks. Vomits on Kansas City I think this is true Yeah, fuck it Go on Fiona The world's favourite hippo Has made her Super Bowl pick Or at least she attempted to

Thursday afternoon at the Cincinnati Zoo Fiona the Nile Hippopotamus Now 3 years old Attempted to pick between the Kansas City Chiefs and the San Francisco 49ers The Portly Princess Was placed in front of two enrichment items each emblazoned with the logo of a Super Bowl team.

The 1,200-pound toddler. What is it? What is so many slams on this hippo? The fat idiot was expected to press her snouts to one of the items, indicating her favourite to win, a feat that was sure to influence odds-makers across the globe. But fate had other plans, as Fiona had just eaten lunch. The hippo heart throb.

Instead, vomited freshly chewed veggies atop the Kansas City load. go freshly chewed veggies she's trying to lose weight as well stop stop shaming her was that a sarcastic remark about the fact that the hippo's choice is affecting bookie's odds around the world or is that actually happening that's sarcastic surely i think this is tongue i hope so i don't know it could be real i'd like to think so god i'd like to think so so that's real nice two for two so far boys next one Florida Troopers find narcotics in bag

labeled bag of drugs That Like that to me makes sense Because who's going to actually think there's drugs in the bag With the word drugs And like drugs on it

It's I'm saying solid true Can you remind me what the last story was The final one The final one yeah Yes it is Iranian factory makes handy U.S. and Israeli flags to burn. Okay, well, I'll say that this one is also real, because I think that one is fake.

I know they could both be fake, but yeah. Okay. Yeah. Two men were not discreet in their plans to sell drugs in the Florida panhandle, according to officials. The Florida Highway Patrol arrested two men suspected of drug trafficking after troopers pulled them over on Saturday and found drugs in a bag labeled bag full of drugs. Note to self, do not traffic your illegal narcotics in bags. Labelled bags full of drugs.

Our canines can read, the Santa Rosa County Sheriff's Office posted Monday night on social media. It is, it's just a little canvas bag that's printed on it. It says bag full of drugs. Oh, amazing. It's not even just drugs. Like, it's bag full of drugs. You could just write drugs on the bag and you go, oh yeah, that's my bag of drugs. But no.

It's a bag full of drugs. Absolutely brimming. brimming with drugages. Just arrest me. Arrest me now. Final one. Iranian factory makes handy U.S. and Israeli

flags to burn. False, but... Yeah, this sounds like an onion thing. So you're both saying onion. Yeah. Business is booming at Iran's largest flag factory, which makes U.S., British, and Israeli

flags for Iranian progen. protesters to burn. At the factory in the town of Komenes, southwest of the capital Tehran, young men and women print the flags by hand, then hang them up to dry. The factory produces about 2,000 US and Israeli flags a month in its busiest periods, and more than 1.5 million square feet of flags a year. Wow. That is real.

There were no onion articles this time. You sneaky boy. Very sneaky. I got you. But you guys did great. That was a tough one. Oh, you are devious. They're all true.

Can I loop back to the first story where the blind guy was cured? Yes. So I was listening to a podcast the other day and they were talking about something similar where back in like the 20s, to cure deafness, they would prescribe people terrifying plane rides. Oh, my God. Because there is like occasions where, you know, like ailments like being deaf, being blind, can be purely psychological and I think they tried it once

I don't know how the idea started but they just said just go on this plane ride and so the pilot just took them up high and sort of dive bombing and taking them all over the place eventually it cured it and so from that point on it kind of became a semi-regular cure

sometimes to try and like heal people and there was like pilots who advertised on their business cards that they are you know doctor incentivized you know they are allowed to do this kind of procedure. Wow. Jesus. I guess it makes it.

Maybe the fear of getting wrung over just tick something in his brain. Maybe. He did also suffer head trauma, it sounds like, as well. Yeah, that's probably more likely. There's stuff about, you know, obviously you can get a head injury and lose certain abilities, but also you can get head injuries and, you know, regain them. Or there's really weird stories of people who go to bed. they like have a stroke or like a bleed on the brain in the night and when they wake up they're speaking with like a French accent or like it's terrifying suddenly suddenly they really like knitting like they just love which is of course a disorder yeah definitely that needs to be cured yeah absolutely no but it's like you know these these big gruff men who like to watch football at the pub and be sexist now just want to do nothing more than stay at home and knit

a nice pink jumper for Laura Ashton or whatever name was. It's worse than being sexist, that. Yeah, it really is. It's mutually exclusive as well watching football and being sexist. You can't have one without the other. It's illegal. Absolutely. They're all sexist.

We have. We have one final question here from Chris Lemieux at Aphrodisiac Prime on Twitter. Oh. As these three videotic kings, what gifts would you bring the wee baby Jesworth this is really good that's a very very good question

fuck I want to what would you bring Michael I'm I'm ratting my brain I'm gonna bring a rat there we go you're gonna bring a rat fart incense

fart incense oh that's good yeah a brick bottled liquid ass death hole dead hole all babies need

I think it's fair that the baby Jesus goes through the same trauma I did, it made me the man I am, so therefore a brick to the head could only do him wonders. Yeah. I mean, not at that age, but later. Well, the brains are, I mean, the skull's softer, so it'll absorb it better, right? Yeah. Now, remember, Jesus's gifts were not just gifts that were worth stuff, although they very much were worth money, they were symbolic. gold is because he's the

king of kings frankenstance Frankenstead I think you mean frankincense is monster or frankincense is monster yes it was for because it's like a priest

religious thing you know he's the Messiah or whatever and then the Mur is what you put on a dead body so that's about his death oh fun I had to go to church every Sunday for 16 years so

And, you know, I know these things. Shall we pick out gifts that represent that same symbolism? Yeah, but in the Viddiot's world. In the Viddiot's world, yeah. So representing death. Dave Benson Phillips ascending on an organ. I'm going to give him a signed Dave Benson Phillips headshot. I'm going to give him a crucifix on wheels

so that he can do some mad tricks on his pedal bike. Yeah. He can just go downhills really fast and maybe just shred some steel, you know what I'm saying? Shred some concrete. That's what they do, isn't it? You were a skater, Mikey, you know this. Yeah, you're absolutely spot on there. Damn.

How long you've been skating for? Oh, ours. To represent death, maybe we could just give him any Vidyitz branded merchandise. There we go. Vidiotz is not dying. It's just going to be dead for three days, and then it will come back to life again. With a shit post. Dressed as Wallace.

Yeah. Why don't we get in one of those weird phone cases that we never signed off on that for some reason are on the U.S. Yoxcar store and I don't know where they came from. Gold. What about being a king? Ah, the briefcase. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of power in that. There is. I still got that somewhere. Hey, would anybody like to buy that? Does anybody want it? Let us know. Please someone take it off our hands. Oh, yeah.

It's just at Peter's parents' house at the moment. moment it is yeah it's in my bedroom at my parents place i keep all my my vidiots uh you know stuff in there little models and friends and things that people have made and art for when you're ready to run away from home and you want to grab that it's all packed ready to go billy clay waris is in there oh yeah forgot about that poor boy oh he's okay what about what what was frankincense's monster stand symbolic for again i think it's it's it's It's sort of a religious spiritual thing. It's like a priest slash, you know.

It's the whole religious aspect, the spiritual aspect of his life. I was hoping that I forgot what the second one was. I was like, maybe if it's about birth, given the Hannah Montana pregnancy test. Oh, yeah. Brilliant. We've all got one of those, haven't we? I've got one. Well, I think I've got two, but unfortunately the ferrette's got in my drawl the other day and shout on it.

Oh, no. Was it positive? I can say the ferrets are pregnant with Hannah and Tanner. Yay! Because that's how it works, isn't it? With the pregnancy test, you do a shit on it and it goes blue. It's always worked for me. Yeah.

I've never been pregnant. What do you think, Michael, to the spiritual aspect that Vidiots could bring with Franken senses monster? Oh, I know. What about the rules boss hat? Yeah, because that's advertised. Religion is wisdom. That's true. We'd need to, I mean, none of us have it, obviously, because it's in Europe somewhere.

But you can buy them on Amazon and they're advertised as like Bishop's hats or something. That's what they're supposed to be. Yeah, sure. That's what they are. Yeah. Okay. Well, we've got a pretty convincing few items. I think I'd be pretty happy with that, don't you? God, I'd love to be that, baby.

Would you? Lucky old Jesus. Yeah, you'd be due to be dead in about, what, four years? Yeah. You can't be doing that. Can't be wishing for that. How old was he? He was like 30, wasn't he?

30-something, yeah. 32 or something like that. Rubbish. You've done any carpentry lately, Michael? No, I haven't. Sadly. Well, then you'll be all right. Wait, have I?

No. Have I? No, I'm trying to rack my brains for anything that remotely resembles carpentry. Have you helped, like, build a stage or anything at an event, a set? I put a bald cap on. That's, that's like. carpentry. That is like carpentry, yeah. I mean, no, I drove to a church

and I did car repentry. That's bad. I like it. That's really bad. Your automobile went and did some confession. There we go. Yeah. Yeah. Brilliant. That was a lot of work. Brilliant. Let's leave that there. Hey, who wants the next

chapter of the Hoover story? Oh my God, yes? Definitely. Everyone's so excited. So last time I discovered that there was a blockage. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. How can I forget? So I went into the drawer. My chest, not my chest of drawers, it's just a drawer in a kitchen and got some scissors out. And the blockage was just, it was the, you know, the bar, the thing that spins round with the little bristles on it. Yeah. And it had a lot of hair on it, like a lot. And it wasn't mine because this Hoover was in the flat when I moved.

moved in. Right. And it seemed like a pretty old Hoover anyway. So I started just hacking away at this hair with scissors. But I couldn't really get in there because it was all still part of the Hoover. So I had to take the bottom of the Hoover apart and take this bar out and like just fully take it apart. At which point I was able to get more purchase on snipping off this hair.

But it was so tightly wound round that it was like it had become part of. of the bar anyway. Right. So I was cutting, and it was disgusting because it was, you know, other people's hair, basically, years and years of strangers' hair. And I was just having to cut it off and cut it all loose. And eventually, I cut it all off. And that's all for now.

For now is the more. Oh, you know there's more. Oh, my God, this is going to be like a ten part of it. It's very exciting. Try to contain yourself. at home, everyone. I know it's very, very good. It's leaving me more in anticipation

than half of a Rosie and Jim cassette tape. Oh, nice. Well, I'm not going to leave you waiting a year. Don't worry. I'm going to leave you waiting a year. Let's move on then to the end of the show and we want to talk about store.orgscast.com. That's a place where you can go and buy merchandise. Isn't it right, Michael?

You're goddamn right it is. If you go to store.orgscast.com you can find the Vidyat store where we've got all sorts of lovely things and the best bit the absolute best bit is if you use code vidiots, that's Vidyots

at checkout you'll get 10% of absolutely everything on the Yorkscastle. Everything. So not just Vidiot stuff, you can buy a bloody set of dice probably maybe. Whoa! A calendar, a mug with anybody else's face on it?

But really, buy our stuff, please. Spend all that money And once you bought it, buy it again And again. Buy it again from the US store Get it shipped from there Bam again Yeah, Vidiot's works there too

It's intercontinental, it's magic Yeah, yeah Exactly YouTube, Twitter, Facebook all.com forward slash Vidiot's official Twitch.tvirch.tv Twitter forward slash vidiots official as well

Not sure if there's anything in the pipeline streamwise But we'll be sure to announce it on those social media feeds if there is streamlabs.com forward slash viduets official

if you'd like to donate and support us monetarily it's very much appreciated however much you're able to give and when you donate you will appear in the form of a shout-out at the beginning and the end

of the next recorded show speaking of which it's time to run through those names again are you ready yes doncosis calum story Dave Benson Hetty-Bobetti

Prince Beefcakes Snossages. Katie Kins solo. Thank you very much, Katie Kins. The message says, thank you, beautiful boys. You're very welcome. Lord Brotovich. Carl Richardson.

Soap Slaps Richard. Peter's Fridge freezer. The refined Raptor Reginald. Jack Jenny Kins. Tom Carey. Matt Fulton the Fucker Upper. B-255. Actual Dave Benson Phillips.

Carrie the worst. Sad student Fox 42. Calcifer the Dragon. Arseface. Chav-chav-Ramarez. Kitchen Sluts. Ashley's Bingo Ball Bot Say Moth aggressively

Corrosion Zer Zanatella Yes, a red bug El Baker 97 Arthur from Natural 9 Sir Digby Stephen Scodes Ami Dosange

Finley Lavery The Jinkles Simone Milher Jack Without the Sea Mikey Wallace Nightmare Emily Lemons and Monica From Santa Monica What was that Peter?

That was your That was Claudia's Instagram. I was looking for the clip where she taps the theme tune on your face. Oh, lovely, yeah. When she's doing your thing. But it accidentally started playing just in the middle of the Pod Squad. Well, the pods are all beautiful people. Peter just doesn't care.

He's looking at Twitter and Instagram. But you're all magic. It was relevant content. He calls some of them ugly He calls some of them He plays music and sounds That's what he says When you accidentally live stream your voiceover recordings

He just talk shit on all the All the Patreon Yeah pretty much just say They're all useless No but they're not though They're beautiful and fantastic I don't think that at all I'm very grateful

Thank you everyone At sports as well Streamlabs.com forward slash video It's official if you'd like to join Pod Squad 4 The next episode doesn't matter when you donate between this recording, which is about a week before this episode goes out, and the next recording, which will probably be about a week before that episode goes out. But you will be featured. Always. We'll always feature you. Always, always, always. Finally, if you want to find out where Peter or I are on a daily basis, I don't do that. How do they do that, Peter? they do that by going to Team Triple Jump anywhere they want to go that's on the social media's Facebook and Twitter and also Twitch and YouTube where we do all our content

we do things that you Vidyat's fans of old will recognise such as a piece of cake but it's now called Rules Boss we do prove it we do worst games ever we do our podcast which is nothing like Podiat's it's a video game podcast and you would do well to learn the difference And what else do we do? Live streams and things like that. Main menu.

We do a show called Main Menu, which is all the, it's like the cookery stuff. We used to do Vidiates, but it now has its whole own show. Nice. Yeah. And as Peter said, Pottietz isn't a video game podcast.

Just please. I don't know if some people are doing it intentionally now. But you've got to stop, because we're never going to answer it here. Stop it. Get some help. Michael? Hello! Where are you?

I'm currently in my flat. But what do you do when you're not at your flat? Dresses up as wets. Yeah, I go visit Ardman Studios on a daily basis. But what do you do when you're not dressed up as wallets and you're outside of your flat? I repost weird videos of Finnish commercials onto my Twitter. That video is great. If you want to see what we're talking about, go to at Parrot Boy on the Twitters

and you'll see a hauntingly beautiful. beautiful intro to a politics TV show from the 90s. It's beautiful. Oh, yeah. I'm at Paraboy on pretty much everything. If you search that, you'll probably find an account from 15 years ago. Feel free to follow me there too. Just do it all. Yeah. Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. Right. I've got a, I've got an internet shop coming soon. Oh, excited. I need to get off. What I will say before I go is to please leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating

on your platform of choice it helps something to do with algorithms do we have a final question for the people listening at home what would you sure to the aliens

to stop them from destroying Earth yeah tag boof in it as well on Twitter at booth yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah okay cool I'm going now See you later Bye then Enjoy your shopping Bye Yeah

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah