Podiots - Podiots: Episode 46 - Grandma's Nacho Hat

Episode Date: February 25, 2020

Ben does some sauna socialising, Mikey's hosting a DBP bloodsport and Peter has some introductions to make. Donate to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. Your business doesn't move in a straight line. Some days bring growth, others bring challenges. But what if you or a partner needs to step away? When the unexpected happens, count on Canada Life's flexible life and health insurance to help your business keep working even when you can't. Don't let life's challenges stand in the way of your success. Protect what you've built today.

Visit CanadaLife.com. business protection to learn more. Canada life. Insurance, investments, advice. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety

brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Three, two, one, go.

That was a good goal. Did you feel better about that one? That was a lovely goal. Yeah, okay, good. Well, we're all happy. We all learned to count today. Fantastic. Well, we didn't even learn to count.

We just remembered to hit a mark, which is equally important. Don't hit marks. We're slapping Richards and we're hitting marks. We've got to fucking calm. down, boys. Why is it so sexist? Why can't we hit women? Yeah, why not? Let's bring some equality to this.

True. Who do you want to slap? Marlene. You want to hit Marlene? If you're listening, Marlene, we're coming for you. Wow. Oh my God, what's this weird backstory that we don't know about? Yeah, invent this new fiction for us, Michael. Yeah, tell us about Marlene. What did Marlene do to you mind? Marlene

killed What, shit, what was the music guy called? Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. Oh, clearly you cared a lot about it. God, I've already forgotten his name, it's only been a few months, and he's raised from my mind, but yeah, she, uh... The ink's not even dry on his death certificate. He can't even remember his name. God, I'm sorry.

I think it was a shopping incident where she was, she had a trolley full of watermelons, obviously quite heavy, and per Kevin got on the way and just... Marlene's Malins. Marlene? Yeah, death by Marlene's Mowlands. And yeah, he was just sadly crushed, and that's why he's no longer with us. That was it? I thought it was Bob His Johnson, was it not?

Oh, God. no was it not Michael we've got to keep our fiction straight here okay you're making a mockery I just stayed quiet because I didn't know what to say you can't just throw Marlene under the bus like this you've got to have a good reason it was Kevin who was under the car yeah that's that's the reason is that Kevin was thrown under the under the bus we need to okay one day we'll write down we'll just relisten to every pod yet to create a timeline we'll release that

and then we'll finally just have an answer to all these weird questions we've raised. Yeah. Who's going to do that? He's going to... I don't want to do that. One of these... One of the keen fans

on the Pod Squad maybe. Yeah? But we can't actually... I mean, I was sort of trying to segue but we've not done the intro yet. No, we're not even... I've really ruined that, actually. That's really embarrassing.

Well, I... But actually, Kevin would have allowed us to do the intro but he was killed by Marlene. So there's irrelevance there. There we go. Well, should we just... manually run the intro while I feel embarrassed. Yeah, you take this 20 seconds to just bathe in the feelings.

Think about what I've done. Okay. Hello everybody and welcome to Pottie. It's the official. I'm not going to do it this time. Whoa. I'm not going to do it this time. I was so offended by... the war on Marlene's that actually I've decided to non-aggressively blow into the microphone between each word. I don't like that.

Tickily. Well, this is what you guys did, so. There's only real Marlene's listening. It's not a very common name. I've never met a Marlene. Yeah, I mean, either. There's got to be one out there somewhere. Yeah.

At least one. I reckon that Marlene will own a B&B in New Hampshire and she will make really good home-cooked meals. I was thinking that. I think Marlene would do a really good, like, you know, fried fried breakfast full English She lives on a farm

She's got her own chickens Got her own chickens Yeah Right and you ready Hello everybody And welcome to potty It's the official Vidiot

Podcast It's a conversational podcast It's a conversational podcast Where we take some questions from you at home And obey the law Of the three us Where everybody brings

A Thing Along To Talk About I'm Ben I'm Peter And I'm Michael That one sounded kind of synchronised. Yeah, I thought so.

Wow. It was a total mess on my end, I'll be honest, but I guess in the edit, well, you guys at home, we'll be able to figure out how good we're getting at that. Yeah. It's Peter's turn to edit this week.

It is. Peter, did we do it well? Let's ask future Peter. Yes. Oh, okay. Thanks for that, Peter. We need to be racist. Jesus.

Oh my God. Sorry, sorry. Sorry. painted you into a corner, I didn't like. I might just say something about marathons or, you know, just, oh, I really hate sprints. Oh, yeah, don't discriminate against the different race types. Exactly. Got them.

Welcome along to the podcast, everybody. How are we doing this week? Good. Very good. Excellent. Really good. So glad to hear that. How about you?

It felt like the world's longest pause there between the question and the answers. Hard question. It's a little time to contemplate how we were feeling. Well, do we do the British thing of just, you know, not really say how we're feeling? It's going, yeah, fine, all right. Yeah, oh, great. Peter, how are you doing? I'm fine.

My house is on fire. I'm fine. Excellent. So glad to hear that. Michael. Yeah? How are you doing? Oh, I'm fine.

I'm incredibly stressed and it seems to never end. But it's fine. It's fine. Brilliant. How are you, Ben? No, it's okay From the pause there I could tell no one was interested

To myself I did ask earlier You did I felt like I talked over you And then it was too late I couldn't then A sentence later to go Oh I'm fine

That's okay We all did this Hey This is a great podcast Isn't it Yeah What a fluid It's so good

These first five minutes Are always stellar There's absolutely Nothing that's been lost Since we Since we stopped doing it In the same room

Some might say it's been improved by the fact that we, the pauses hang in the air, like wet sheets. Yeah. They can't be removed. Wet sheets, just uncomfortable and, ugh. Icky. But people who like to support us, they're called the Pod Squad. They're an amazing group of individuals, boys, girls and or others, who financially support us show to show. You don't have to, obviously.

This show is free. You can listen to it. All that we ask is that you listen when we shout out the five. men, women and or others from the Pod Squad who get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. Did you guys know that? Deservedly so. Yeah, absolutely.

What, Stella Bunch? Where can people go if they want to join Pod Squad? Fucking hell, boys. Are we okay? I was convinced he was going to start talking at any moment so I didn't say anything. Likewise. They can go to streamlabs.com

dot com forward slash video it's official forward slash tip also it's in the description and we do tweet it out as well and we post about it these fine amazing people are the members of Pod Squad

for episode is this 46 7 hang on hang on it's episode 46 it's episode 46 the episode 46 Pod Squad are as follows Big Titty Jesus 42

Big Titty Jesus 42 Big Titty Jesus 42. Nice. Lesby Quinn. Phoebe B. Peabody Bee Bee. The Firewall.

Oscar nominee Ryan Johnson. Twonky Wonky. Peter Austin is my daddy. Someone called Ben who still likes men. Dave Benson Phillips Booty. Big Titty

Supportive Goth girlfriend. And the comment is U-W. Good Stegosaurus. Alpha 7. Flatus 74 That Cat AIDS guy.

Jack Coyle will drop kick Ben Okay Human head in Ben's Hoover Okay Ben Potter's barrel roll Stop Do you want to be YouTube friends

Pup Pup Dugal I have yeated your sister Lord Brotovitch Gubberplex from Portland M.E Prince beef cakes Kitty Hawk Goey Bug Spittoon

Stephen Scodes Olby the racist dragon Oh I remember that Fucky Wucky Fulton Freddie Weber sat on a poop Stucalicious Listen to emotion by CRJ I agree with that one

Yeah, Stamroll Kitchen sluts Arse face Mr and Mrs. Maconi Chianus Romainus Pick Pick Pick Pick Pick Pickles Smell my cheese you mother

L Baker 97 Funky Cobra Bendagoos Bodily I hope I pronounced that right I definitely didn't Doc Dickington, Mel Gibbon, Dino DeVito, and Billy Linear Walrus. Holy shit.

We don't even need to do a podcast at this point. We can just read out names, and I'll be endlessly entertained. That's just it kills Michael. Well, that's really overshadowed my thing now, because spoilers, we'll get to it. I've brought a list of weird persons' names, but, like, I think that... That was the list there. Yeah, that was it, really. even just like some of the more seemingly innocuous ones

I mean Mel Gibbon that's just a funny name that's a very good one yeah did you like Phoebe B-Poddy Peebee that was very well done Ben I asked it up then so that was my comeuppance thank you pod squad thank you for for not only keeping us afloat financially but for just being entertaining at the start of every podcast it's bloody wonderful you're doing brilliantly right we have five questions

We do. We have three things. Peter, you're wearing the poop poop captain's hat, poop, poop. I am. What are we doing? Well, question one of five is two people kind of asked the same questions, so I've brought them along, both of them. Zach D at ZDell 27 asked,

Hardest thing you discovered about living away from home for the first time, question mark? Oh, God. Fragment, consider revising. And then Johanna, who we know from back in the Bristol days, at Tiny De Deel, D-E-D-E-D-E-L, says the worst adulting responsibility, question mark, which is, you know, a similar question. This is good. Incidentally, Kit happens, replied to Johanna and said,

I think we all know this is just having to get out of bed. Got him. That's a pretty bad... Yeah, I can take that life. so when you moved out for the first time I mean Mikey you that was when we went to Bristol wasn't it wasn't like your first time

that was my first proper time in my second year of uni I moved into one of my friends on my course his dad owned a house where his son was living so I moved in with him for a bit and the biggest shock there because I was like oh pay X amount and rent a week

I was like yeah fucking great that's cheap as hell it was in the middle of Norway and it was a terrible house but it was cheap but then like after the first month of living there Leo came to me and said oh can you can you we need to pay the bills

and for some reason that really surprised me what bills what the fuck is what I've got to pay for the water Jesus but there's everywhere oh god yeah it just comes out the tap doesn't it it's just in the tap what's the problem

I'm doing the work here I'm turning the tap yeah they should pay you I just in my head I had it had it out there's like oh I'm paying X amount of week and that's it and like maybe that's because we didn't have a contract or anything or anything legally binding but right so that suddenly sent my very pitiful student loan allowance down the drain

and I couldn't really have fun for a while good times I mean I guess the questions are slightly different in that because I've got an answer that applies to zacks but not johannas because it's one of the hardest things about living away from home it's not an adulting responsibility It was the time that I gave myself food poisoning. Fortunately, I was living with Amy at the time. I wasn't living alone. But at the same time, I did kind of think, God, I wish I just lived at home with my mummy right now

because she could just, you know. Bring me chicken soup. Exactly. Like, I was like, I was just shitting my innards out and also being sick at the same time. and because I was shitting in the toilet and therefore wasn't really able to also be sick in the toilet I sort of lent over the sink and was sick in the sink

while I was shitting in the toilet That's a solid image there Oh, it was not solid at all That was the problem Wow, I'd love to see you try and vomit through your legs Into the toilet while shitting That would be expected about it But then I just

That's an advanced move You can't just do that Yeah, you could do that maybe when you're feeling your best but by definition I was you know I was not feeling my best that was the problem so that was that was one of the hardest things about living away from home for the first time was was like just having to just take care of myself and as I say Amy looked after me too but yeah I just remember thinking oh god this is life now isn't it just sometimes I'm gonna get sick and vomiting and yeah I'm just gonna have to deal

with it a beautiful metaphor hmm what about you Ben I would say, so there were two questions, weren't there? Yeah, I realised only after asking them that they asked, like, Johanhas is specifically adulting responsibilities, whereas Zax is just what was a difficult thing about moving away from home. I've got an adulting thing for when Bon Bonn, Bonn. Ben, Jesus Christ. Sorry, when Bonn moved out.

Yeah, so when Bonn moved out for probably not the first time. Well, I managed to get through all of uni and that was fine. And then I managed to get through all of uni. That's all we can have. I survived. I survived. We're all survivors, okay, in our own ways. Yeah.

And I made it through. And then I was, I moved back in with my parents for a couple of years, which was just so fucking rad. Bedtimes. Eventually, I'm... Fuck yeah. You come do the dishwasher. Mom! I'm 24.

Is there an age limit on doing dishwashers? Yeah, there is. I think so. sort of get you either have to own the house or you have to be at school that's how it works that's that's the law that's the law right i moved to london and i moved in a shared house so i just had to pay a lump sum per month to a guy which was you know fine and easy but then when i moved up to newcastle and i moved into my own flat for the first time i had no idea how you know i had a rough idea of how it You know, obviously I have to pay for electricity and I have to pay for water and I have to pay rent and I have to pay council tax and then I have to sort out broadband, but I'd never done that before.

So the prospect of setting up all of these bills and then obviously I've had to do it every subsequent time I've moved, which feels like 10,000 times in the past few years. The first time I did it though, it was really daunting. I didn't, that was, I just had no idea where to start or what it was even be like, even like to be in sort of locked into a contract and a financial. commitment like that outside of a phone contract so that was all that was all quite a new experience a bit stressful but then you know you get you get used to it don't you you do you just sort of that's the whole thing about being an adult you just sort of it's just a parade of things you don't want to do but then you get used to it yeah and everyone's still like well not everyone but like I think for a much longer period than people expect like they just sort of

fake it till they make it like there's there's plenty of mid 30s people out there I think who are still kind of like a bit confused financially or like you know don't know how to like change a fuse or whatever and that's fine that's like that's what everyone's doing really but you know we're all just pretending that we understand what's going on that's what google's for yeah exactly in terms of adulting things I hate the monotony and just This awfulness of having to choose a meal every night. Yeah. It's the worst.

Eating is inconvenient. It really is. I just want to have the food in me and that's it. But I, so I've fallen into the cycle of essentially eating the same thing every night with slight variations for ease. But I'm going to ride it while I can. What have you got? Oh, I always go for vegetables, including pepper, mushroom and onion.

That's my base. That's where I spring from. And with that, I add seasoning to make the vegetables more exciting. a bed of rice because it's cheap and usually just some kind of thing on the sides like recently I've been eating a lot of roasted chickpeas delicious Oh, so you're not just having a bowl of stuffing I said that one time

I think for well the house's own health I can't do that because the fall being 24 hours are apocalyptic to say the least Oh dear I would like that Oh well there you go It's not easy being being green being an adult

but we'll do it we're all fine good luck to everyone being an adult out there yeah you've got no choice this is life get used to it

would you like another question or should we do a thing I'd quite like a question yeah okay Ryan Wagner at Reister Sniper 13 sick

fucking sick that's sick that's sick that's so sick Ryan asks or says in fact you have to face a boggut in your defence against the dark arts class what shape does it take on

and how do you make it amusing to defeat it? So for those of you who don't know a boggut in Harry Potter takes the form of your biggest fear but kind of a physical thing so it's not really I don't think it can take the form

of being buried alive you know it's more like a creature or a I think Lupin sees the movie but like yeah some kind of physical thing oh i'm thinking i'm thinking probably um probably an elderly relative asking a lot of questions oh no so how's university going no please stop stop it i don't want to sit with grandma anymore oh no poor grandma i want to go outside grandma i'll sit with grandma she's not got No one's grandma has long left in them

Or most grandmas don't Excuse you, my grandma's gonna live forever Yeah, well, maybe she will All of my grandmas Well, you better start showing her some bloody Show us a bloody respect Oh, I do, that's the problem, Peter You enable her

Yeah I too, I too No, I'm not speaking specifically about my grandma But in general though, I think everybody gets that As a concept Yeah, the grandma's sort of a metaphor For any kind of social interaction with family which my immediate family i don't mind but i do have as a lot of people do sort of a social

a sociability threshold that is easily breached yeah or broached i should say where i can only handle so much socializing in intensely especially asking lots of questions and being interested in people for so long before i just need to run away yeah recharge it's hide in a dark corner and not think about grandma. Yeah. What would make grandma funny or tolerable? Yeah, how would you make her less scary?

Probably a big hat. Yeah? Yeah, good, yeah. Just a big comical hat. Big, huge hat with a feather in it. Sombrero or something. Yeah, exactly. Maybe the sombrero has tortilla chips on it. Oh, that'd be nice. And then I can just sort of

graze. And then I can keep my strength levels up and I can talk for hours. Because then also she can't really very well start asking you about you know how's your job going when she's the one wearing a silly hat like how can the conversation not just be about her silly hat you know so it's a diversion. All I'm going to want to know is where she gets this unlimited nacho hat from yeah and what kind of blood contract she signed with the demon to make it happen and where do I sign where do I sign also will these kill me am I becoming weaker as a result of these demon nachos or

am I stronger than ever? Lots of much to think about. Much to think about. I don't like snakes. I mean, I think snakes are pretty spooky. Okay. Some snakes I could probably tolerate, but like

a cobra, oh, cobra's really just creep me out. If there was a cobra in this room right now. In fact, no, I've just realized, though, I think something that I hate even more than snakes and if there was one in the room, I would go insane would be an octopus

I find octopuses just the weirdest creepiest thing they've got too many limbs to keep track of I don't mind spiders so much but you know the same number of limbs on an octopus

for some reason really bothers me I guess they're so articulated and it's just a big blobby thing isn't it and it can just move in weird ways It wants to get you. It wants you and only you. Yeah, it does. And they're very clever as well.

They can do... Wasn't that one that predicted the World Cup? Well, some of the results. And it knew what it was doing as well. Always. Have you seen the gift of the one that waves back at the person who waves at it? Oh, God, no, I don't want to see that. It just raises a tentacle and goes, well, all...

I'm pretty tall. So how would I make that funny, spooky? Maybe just... It's a hat on your grandma's head. head, maybe. Oh, no. Adam Pachiti did that on a live stream. Oh, God, yeah. Octopus hat. Yeah, I don't mind a dead one. I'm not saying I would kill it, but I'm just saying if one arrived in the post, like it literally did in the office. I, you know, I didn't have a problem with that. The only good octopus is a dead one. That sounds like a new slogan. Wow. It does.

campaign. Yeah. Uh, mighty. I want to make it to know how I can turn this into a grandma thing, but bedbugs are like the small and like, realistically, they can't kill me, but the idea of potentially having little black creatures living and breeding in my bed and coming in in the night and sucking my blood is, I don't know, it's always kind of freaked me out and like the idea of anything crawling on me, I really don't like. Oh, wow. I didn't expect that as an answer, but that's interesting. I remember as a kid going to a carpet shop

and seeing a display of a dust mite and that kind of triggered this whole fear of small little little insects that you can't really see but are there and I guess the solution would be to make them massage me in my sleep

so I wake up nice and refreshed and relaxed rather than sucking my blood they're just gently just have a little have a little sooth you don't want one like huge fucking butch bedbug coming out of the

bog that's making me really uncomfortable thinking about it oh my god who just walks out he just strolls right up to you and he goes all right matey take the toes off and lay it down and I'm going to massage your back and he just gets on there with all of his legs and just goes

do you have somewhere I can put my octopus nato hat would you like a crisp I've brought me grandma along just to help us out as my assistant today. So anyway, tell us about your job. No. Visualising this big bed bug or

just my, whatever it is, is it as tall as me or is it more like half the height? I think taller. Oh, a towering bedbug. Yeah, he's like nine feet. I'm picturing Machamp from Pokemon. Sort of that build. Big strong, could sort of carry you

in its arms to bed. and then just get underneath you. Yeah, it gets in first. It carries you to bed and it sort of lifts you up like a baby and lies down in the bed with you up above. Yeah. My mental image right now is the worst thing

I've ever had to picture. I mean, I guess at least with a massive bed bug that size, there's confidence in knowing where it is. It's not like the little ones where they can be hiding. There's big boys at the foot of your bed and you can see him and you can monitor his movements. I guess that's better I found it

I found it right you ready I've just googled sexy bed bug art oh fuck off and someone came through no good

let me just just copy this whole thing for you should I tweet this as well do we oh god do we want oh no it is do we no context tweet that

yeah fuck it yeah we could do yeah I'll do it as a reply to the Dave Benson photo already gone out and that way

that's that's fucking social media right there that's some oh there's a worse one oh no would you like would you like the worst one Michael yeah go on oh my god it's just way worse that's the nachos she's got a nacho there she has got

the nacho should I tweet that your grandma shit it's grandma I'll tweet that one out and we'll just let the universe suffer with that oh please brilliant thanks for opening up to us Michael Well, hope it didn't make it worse. I mean, maybe this is like, was it exposure therapy where you just exports one to something until they get used to it?

Yeah. This is, uh, working wonders. When you get married, Peter and I are going to, uh, buy a stripper for you with very specific instructions to dress up as a bed door. To strip your flesh off. Oh, that's going to be very upsetting. Thanks, guys. Can't wait. That's okay.

I'll just tweet that out. Do carry on. Fantastic. Well, it's time for a thing. I haven't been first for a while. Can I go? Go. Go now. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it. I've tweeted it. It's probably not going down well. I'm just going to close Twitter so I don't have to look at it. Okay. Well, if any of the listeners want to see the picture of the sexy bedbug action, then just head to our Twitter or be there. Yeah, video's official. So, some of you might have seen this on Twitter.

I did a tweet about it. but I thought I'd go into a little bit more detail and recount the story here for my thing my parents were in town a couple of weekends ago and they were staying at a lovely hotel not too far from where I live and the hotel has a pool facilities

gym and pool facilities and I was able to make use of those facilities and I did so on a couple of occasions what a treat Wow, lovely. Get some free pool action. Yeah. And the pool had a steam room and a sauna as well.

Wow. Wow. What a bloody treat for this guy. Just getting those muscles all sort of relaxed, ready to go fast afterwards. Mm-hmm. Get spute, hashtag make Ben fast in 2020 or whatever it was. I can't even remember. And I went into the steam room first.

delightful love it you walk in it hurts your eyes and your head and it's so mentholi you can't breathe I love a steam room and it's a brilliant experience I love it so good so I went in there and I sat down for a while and I thought ah this is hot and there was a man who was sat up on the bench overhanging the steam outlet so he was getting it all up in his business oh lovely refreshing And I don't get it because if you stay in a steam room, in my experience you can stay in a sauna for a while. But a steam room, it starts to get so hot at the top of the room that you find yourself sinking lower and lower and lower

until you sort of have to crawl out because it hurts to be in there. And this guy was just sat over the whole thing, which I did not understand. So that sort of set the ground work for, wow, this is a place full of interesting people. and I went across to the sauna now the sauna of course is made of wood

and isn't that exciting looks adventurous it's like a little log cabin like a hot log cabin you go in there you sweat with some strangers for a bit and for some reason more people show up in the sauna than the steam room

in my experience yeah it's dry isn't it yeah well not for much longer Peter Oh So I go into the sauna I sit down As a man

He's eating grapes From a Tupperware pot Oh nice Staying refreshed And it's a surreal experience Because you don't usually Expect to see people eating in a sauna No

Full stop That seems unsanitary But for some reason grapes seem Especially weird A weird choice of sauna snack Oh So we've got

Grape Man in there Is it Grape Coon Is that? Is that? a character we've had before? That's the McNuggies boy. No. It is, isn't it?

Wait, who wants to see who's McNuggies? No, Grape Koon's the fucking penguin. Was that something to do with the penguin? Oh yeah, that was right. Yeah, yeah, there we go. Grape queen the penguin? There you go. Yeah, that was the one.

So we got Grape Koon, sat there in the corner, and my dad's in the sauna with me, and he says, oh, you got your, you got your grapes there then. And I was kind of hoping no one would acknowledge that he was eating grapes, because I didn't really want to open that sort of kind of gripes sauna Tupperware pot. It's all a bit Roman or ancient Greek, isn't it? Just chilling in a sauna with grapes. Yeah. Yeah.

I thought it was very weird. So my dad asks him, oh, you enjoy, you like your grapes in the sauna then? And he goes, and he plays along. The grapecune plays along. She said, oh, yeah, you know, I'd like to see them pop. I was like, what? What? What?

What? It's a weird, almost concerning thing to say in the sauna full of strangers. And we sort of just, we just leave him to it. And five minutes later, he turns and starts talking to me. He addresses me by the wrong name and just launches into a conversation. And after sort of about 10 seconds or so, he's about halfway through his sentence and he realizes that I'm not the person that he wanted to be talking to. But you were sat next to him. for a while before he started talking.

Yeah. Right. So apparently the person he thought was in there had left. Oh my God. Had exfiltrated the sauna a long time ago. And I had been anointed as his new, as Grape Coon's new friend. Yeah. And so he just started talking to me and I said, you know, it's not me.

And he went, oh, sorry. I thought you were, I thought you were someone else. I thought you were my wifu cut out. No. I wasn't. I wasn't the anime cutout. So I don't really know how to react to that. point. So I just sort of stay quiet, you know, still in the hot box, in the sweat room. And he goes

back to his grapes. And I think, oh, what will be a really funny thing to say? Something that will really break the ice, break the tension here. And I say, wow, maybe you should slow down on those grapes, huh? It's clearly making you hallucinate or something. And I get fucking nothing. Is that how you delivered it? They're clearly making you hallucinate or something. No, I didn't say, I didn't say that. Yeah, I just said, oh, maybe you should slow down on the grapes there. No, sure. In my head, thinking, that's a funny joke because it implies that the grapes are the reason he confused me for someone else.

Yes. Because it's a very weird situation to be in, in the sauna with grapes and confusing someone for someone else. I like seeing them pop. I want to see them pop. And he just did not even crack a smile. Oh, dear. He just continued to eat his grapes. and he made me feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world

bearing in mind that he's the one who's eating grapes he's the one who addressed me by the wrong name and he played along with my dad's conversation starter earlier and then as soon as I weigh in there with a fucking brilliant joke I get nothing from this guy at all absolutely fucking nothing he's clearly not not a fan

apparently not the joke was a bit much for him the guy eating fucking grapes in the sauna and so we just sat in silence for a few minutes after the absolute no-cell of my joke and then I left the sauna and I didn't go back in for the entire rest of the time I was there because the grape man was in there he could be there any time he could still be there eating his grapes waiting for the last one to pop so it's just a cautionary tale as much as anything else, I just want people to be aware that saunas may contain men eating grapes

who make you feel like shit for telling good jokes. Good, wholesome, family-friendly jokes. Quite frankly, hilarious jokes, Ben. I loved it. Yeah. Thank you. Thanks, Peter. The tone of your voice always reassures me our mom to a winner. Yeah, it was a great, it was really great, great joke. Thanks, Peter. Good. Thank you. You should have been in the sauna with me. Oh, if only. Yeah. Could have some grapes.

I tell you what. Yeah. We should go back, all of us. Yeah. Go in there. Find out when grape coon is going to be back in the sauna. And then I'll go back in. And I go, you are enjoying your grapes then?

And the whole fucking sauna should stand up and applaud me. Yes. And totally bewilder this man. Yeah. And then we all just walk out. We're like a flash mob. Exactly. We fuck him up the same way that he fucked me up.

I think that would be the best comeuppance. I like the world building here because, I mean, the facts, when you ask him about the grapes, well, when you mentioned the grapes, he liked to hear them pop, that clearly establishes this isn't his first rodeo. He has eaten grapes in the sauna before. Is this like his weekend relaxation thing, he does every weekend, or is it just like the second time he's done it by chance? Or I want to know more about Grape Coon

There's only one way to find out There's so much more Got to go back Yeah, we're going to have to go back We're going to have to find him We have to do it Have to find Grape Coon I am fairly certain

I will never see this man again in my life But it was such a surreal experience That I just wanted to share it With everybody today Thank you I loved it For bringing that along to the class Ben You're welcome

Thank you for having me Clap Clap Clap Clap please clap Thank you Thank you Good.

Cool. Can I have a question, please? Yes, question time. Do do-do-do. Question three. This is from Mikey Pennington. Oh, hey, Mikey. At M. Penningtore. Not Pennington. Strange.

Mikey says, I need creative ways of getting out of paying my rent. Help! Move out. That's a good one. actually yeah that's pretty creative but where's he where's he gonna move just to another flat and then not here aren't there yeah just keep doing it just keep that hustle up man oh maybe that's a good idea yeah just oh but you have to pay a letter stuff up front to move into a new place don't you

what if you're crashing on someone's sofa I feel like we need more context here okay let me let me just go on Mike Pennington's Twitter okay good idea great idea let's Just sort of stalk him and find... I won't docks him. No. I'll try and get an idea for what kind of person he is without... Yeah, because it'd be good to know... It would.

What the situation is. Why? Mainly why? Why do you want to get out of paying rent? We wouldn't want to deliver bad advice. No. Keeping it vague. He lives in the south of England, so it's high rent down there. It's expensive, yeah. He...

Oh, he's quite well qualified. He's got, he has qualifications. Six GCSEs. Oh yeah, he's got at least six GCSEs. So, I don't know. I mean, I would suggest, but I mean, even if he moves to the north, he's still going to have to pay rent.

What would you guys do? If you, say, say you were physically incapable of paying rent. There was just some sort of magic spell cast on you. So you've still got, you know, you've got money, but you're not able to spend money on any form of accommodation. You can't stay in a hotel. You can't buy a house. you can't pay the rent

what would you do how would you live your life I mean do you want a really tedious answer yeah yeah go on if this was a if this was a if this was a non-romanticized

beautiful fiction I'd probably go to my letting agent and say that I'm having a real issue right now I cannot pay rent next month however if we can draw up the contract so that you can take my security deposit

which is one month's rent and apply it to this month I will then be able to not only repay it next month but also put a new deposit down and that will buy me one month to break this curse this rent curse

That's a very sensible answer Get back on my feet Do you want the fantastical one? Yeah I mean that's far too sensible for me I want a fantastical one I fucking fly away and live in the clouds Peter Yeah, don't pay rent in the clouds I live in sky

Sky hotels That's where I live I live in the sky flats Yeah Clouds are like caravans You just drive them Wherever you want to go Exactly

Dropping water as you travel Nobody Nobody owns clouds Just go live in the clouds So all the games are now as well And Netflix They are, it's all up in the cloud Oh shit

Endless entertainment You don't have to pay for that Yeah Holy shit Free accommodation It's free real estate You've got everything Up there

fuck why don't we all move to the clouds i think that's it i think that's mikey's answer just just go and live in the clouds mikey in fact why aren't you already living up there mikey pennington i mean not mikey johns why aren't why isn't he already up there what's going on we're all it's the cool thing to do maybe he is i mean i haven't seen mikey pennington recently have you no true true he could be in the clouds yeah they have they still have clouds in the south of england don't they they do and maybe that's what his gccese are in just living in Clouds. Clouds.

I've got my cloud GCSE. Yeah. Well, there you go, Mikey. Would you, is there anything else you'd suggest, though? If the cloud thing doesn't work out, which it will, obviously. If the cloud thing doesn't work out, any creative ways of getting out of paying your rent, what I would do is commit a really, really violent murder in your flat, but also try and get yourself an alibi. So it looks like it wasn't you.

And then when the police come around and have to turn your flat into a crime scene, they would presumably put you up in a hotel or something, right? Yeah, police hotel. Yeah. And then one of those police hotels that's not in the clouds, it's on the floor somewhere, on the ground of the earth. So you don't get free Netflix, but it is a place to stay. Yeah, so I think that's a pretty creative way of getting out of paying rent.

Just murder everyone. Fair. I had a nice little idea while we were talking about that. Mm-hmm. If you, provided you live on the ground floor and you've still got like, a few weeks of access to the flat, just lift up the flooring and dig down like a jackhammer or something like that so you can get like create like a little underground basement I guess technically and so you dig that out and eventually you just you just hide down there you start answering phone calls

texts all that stuff that just becomes your house after a few months the landlords will come back in they'll they'll find someone new to replace you clean out your stuff at that point you've got your little hole you can you can route some cables down there and in the middle of night you can sneak up from your hall and steal little bits of bread and feed yourself and sustain yourself. Oh, perfect. There's nothing wrong with that plan. It's perfect. So many options.

Mikey Pennington, there's no excuse to be paying rent anymore. Yeah. You fool. Well, we've got things to do, I suppose. So, Mikey, do you want to go or shall I go? I'm happy to go, Peter. Go, then. Dave Benson Phillips.

Oh my God, just leave him out of it. I'll just leave him out of it. We went, we did so well this episode, not a single mention. And now here I am, fucking it up. It's time for a fight. What? Oh no. A Dave Benson Phillips fight.

Oh, ding, ding, ding. I'll give you a Dave Benson fat lip. Oh, boy. Got even. I've collected eight fun moments from Dave Benson's Phillips life. Question. Yes. Define fun.

Fun to us or fun? Fun for him. Well, maybe not for him. The time he caused a bomb scare. Yeah, maybe not fun for him. Fun to look onto and not be involved in, but fun nonetheless. Okay. Okay.

So I've selected eight things. I'll start off. There's going to be a few rounds here. I've also included brief descriptions because unless someone's watched every episode of this podcast, they probably don't know the inner workings of every detail of Dave Benson Phillips' life, as we do. Okay. So it's another Mikey tournament. Bingo.

Excellent. Fight one Dave Benson Phillips does shows for stuff as a concept versus the death hoax So for the only initiated I'll explain the shows for stuff concept

Because it's bloody brilliant Dave offers his phenomenal services In exchange for items On his website he lists the following things He take in exchange for his time As an entertainer Enough juggling balls slash clubs to teach 20 people

A caravan Anando's black car a game of Twister or six months of accountancy work these are all things that Dave Benson Phillips will do to put on a show for you and there's a whole web page

for this as we're familiar with but I think if you just Google Dave does shows for stuff you'll find it and at the bottom it kind of highlights some things he's already done some sort of some things he's already received in exchange for shows

that includes a meal at Nando's suit you and sweet puppets a meal after an appearance on TV slash radio slash film and lastly six rubber chickens six rubber chickens Dave what do you need six for

enough to teach a class of 20 everyone shares one and the death hoax in 2009 Dave Benson Phillips was the victim of the death hoax perpetrated across the internet which maintained that he had died in a car crash there were other false rumours

that he was presenting on a soft porn TV sex line and that he was no longer being hide because he had a nervous breakdown. I didn't know about the soft porn sex line that didn't happen. Yeah, that was news to me as well. It turns out, yeah, that was a thing. But thankfully, he was fine. He just proved all rumors by existing, thankfully. So of the two, what's your favourite thing?

It's got to be Dave does shows for stuff. It absolutely has to be Dave does shows for stuff. I'd be surprised if that isn't in the final. Yeah, that is a bloody good one. At least for me, that's how Dave Benz and, Phillips, ended my life post-gunging. It was in the What Culture Office, Adam Bucciti was talking about it. Yeah.

And now he's not left. I'm sorry, Dave. No, we did not leave him out of it. Fight two. The Portal Goblin video. Or the bomb threat? I'm sure everyone's familiar with the Portal Goblin video. It's legendary in Vidyat's law.

But for his bomb scare, while shopping in a British home store shopping, were they? his son's balloon dog popped and he caused a mild scene before he apologised on Twitter Oh Dave Oh Dave Do you have the wording of his apology? I've left a blank bit

In my document to find it But it's not there Bear with me Okay, no worries I mean I'm biased But I think The Portal Coblin video Because that's when we first discovered

That he is definitely aware of us Yeah Because he told us to leave him out of it Yeah And we continue to not do so Sorry Dave And he followed us on Twitter and then he made a video for us on triple jump

so it's all very, it's confusing signals really. Yeah. But I mean, I'm in full of agreement there that the portal goblin video is the best thing. His tweet, if you're interested. My apologies to the shoppers and staff at BHS Worthing for my son's dog balloon going bang in the store. We are all very jumpy at the mall.

God, yeah, it happened just after an incident and a terror incident in the UK like within a couple of weeks I think so oh Dave you always get yourself in your pickle you're mad lad so portal goblin is the clear winner there portal goblin yeah I would say so yeah this is already going to be a fun final because there's going to be some some contenders next up the organ video versus his stint as a wrestler don't to describe the organ video so yeah that that's that's just Dave's bare ass on the internet and it's beautiful yeah yeah

his stint as a wrestler is ongoing is that's what i think is it it's such a brilliantly weird segue into a new career that how could how could we have guessed that's where dave would end up yeah seeing him host get your own back i'm gonna see that man wrestle yeah see him wrestle well equally i didn't ever think i'd see his bare ass but you know that's very true he's full of surprises he is a tricky one i'm i'm i want to say wrestling and that's not just because I like wrestling I just think it's hysterical that he's wrestling

we must try and go to a show at some point I personally I think it's for me it's the organ because not only did he play an actual organ in a theatre naked and have to get the staff to turn a blind eye but he posted it in

memorium of the late great Terry Jones so he did do that it was for me it was quite a quite a Dave moment, but... I'm torn, because I really like the isolated kind of nature of the organ video, but the wrestling has

infinite potential if he carries on and keeps doing it. That's true. The things that could spawn from wrestling, but I guess does that make it a favourite moment? I should have defined my criteria better. This is my fault. Fuck. Well, yeah, him wrestling is not a moment. Yeah.

But none of these are really moments. Most of them are just eras. Yeah. Right. I'm going to go organ video because it was just so magical seeing that get dropped in the WhatsApp and just like watching it unfold. It was guys.

Guys, stop everything. You were literally, if you had a thousand years, never guess what Dave's done now. Okay, and the last fight before we had into the semi-finals. Psycho Seagull attacks TV legend that one.

Versus his set your cocks back tweet. Oh, it's got to be the Seagull. It's got to be the Seagull. I think because he made front page news. I think it's probably the Seagull, yeah. It's two kind of like highlights of Dave's recent career. One was a very good viral tweet and the other was headline front page news. Yeah.

For those who aren't aware, for the Psycho Seagull story, after an outdoor gig, Dave treat himself to a delicious sandwich, but a Seagull attempted to steal it from him. The girl had been swooping over the crowd for the entire show and caused a nuisance. In a final act of revenge, the Seagull pooped and vomited on his car. I love that because there's absolutely no way they could have possibly verified that it was the same seagull

it was just a bird looks the same though God it must be the same he did actually make the news with the Coxback tweet though as well but not not the actual physical media I think he was just there were a few articles about it

on like Metro or whatever Buzzfeed and all that I think for me it is the seagull yeah it's got to be that's just as a concept that is just brilliant It's brilliant Okay, semi-finals time

Shows for Stuff versus our Portal Goblin video Who's your favourite? The Portal Goblin is good because it's personal to us Only we have, well, we've shared it now But that is for us That was kind of to our specification

And it spawned so much But shows for stuff It's just so interesting I don't know Personally, I was thinking about this Before we started recording today actually Because before I even turn my computer on, I was thinking,

I wonder if we'll bring Dave into it again, as we always do. You know, and as we always should, maybe. But I thought, you know, he has to leave him out of it. We never will. Sorry, Dave. And as I was thinking that, I was like, God, if I'd known, when I was like 10 years old watching Get Your Own Back, that not only would, as you say, Ben,

Dave, Benson Phillips be involved in wrestling, etc., but that we would actually have a bespoke. video made by him for our YouTube channel where he mentions us by name and tells us to leave him out of it you know I would never ever ever have believed that as a kid it's a weird thought that Dave Benson Phillips knows who we are yeah and a stack of DVDs the whole weird thing where I emailed him and his agent replied I'm still not convinced it wasn't him his complete inability or lack of care to follow the very clear stage instructions stage directions I gave him ah ha ha no one hundred and fifty points

yeah so leave me out on and he just pauses for a second and realizes he has more to do it's beautiful the whole thing's beautiful um I wish that he still did shows for stuff because I was fairly convinced that he took that page down in the end, and the only way to view it was through a way back machine. Well, it's still actively listed, because I was able to get it up the other day, and he's got his phone number on there. Oh, God, maybe there's just no link on his page anymore, and he thinks that's the equivalent of taking it down,

is that you can't find it by just going through his homepage anymore. Oh, yeah, I think that's... Didn't someone say that a while ago? I can't remember if it was one of us or one of the guys from the Coltholic Office, but I'm sure someone said like oh the page isn't there anymore and then they just typed in a different word after the forward slash on his URL and like they managed to get to it anyway it's just it's not linked anywhere but it still the page still exists

so I've just Google Dave Benson Phillips Shores for Stuff it's the second link on Google oh it's on Google okay there it is I think it's not Dave's wish list it's not navigable within his website but I guess you can still find it on Google it doesn't sorry I'm just looking at the terms and conditions conditions. They're just wild because they're completely bespoke. The terms traded, the items traded for Dave Benson Phillips' performance in lieu of money must be of exceptional quality or of good working order. That Nando's meal was of exceptional quality. It's good working order. What I'd like

to know is if this was still an option, and you're right, his phone number is absolutely still there and and you can email him in everything um i was i wonder if like possibly we could just say okay we've got fucking a large carpet for the interior of a marquee that's one of the options will you do a podcast for us i don't think that's or a game of twister what kind of show does that get you a leather three piece sweet i don't they're so varying in price and value like four microphone stands or a caravan. It's like what? My favourite is six large and very strong

trestle tables. I don't think we need it doesn't matter that this doesn't exist anymore that he's no longer doing shows for stuff. I think we could still just get in touch with him and say Dave, how much? How much do you want? God, we really should, shouldn't we?

Or should we? Is it too far? If you intend to book Dave to appear in a club and entertainment venue or at Ann Commercial slash Professional University, slash college, or Jesus Christ, Dave, or theatrical event, £250 will be automatically added to the already quoted shows for stuff fee. God.

Wow, so it's not for free if there's fees, Dave, you liar. Whoa, strong words there from Mikey. I hope he doesn't listen to this bit of the podcast. I do very much want to be in his company at some point. Yeah. Not his company as in working for him, just in his personal company. I'd work for him. This is Shows for Stuff 2.

What? Did you guys see that? No. At the top. It shows for stuff too. It's the sequel. Clearly shows for stuff went down so well that he needed to come up with more stuff to do shows for. God.

No way. Fantastic. It's like that video where someone traded from a paper clip all the way up to a car. A house it was, I think, in the end. Oh, was it? Yeah. That's what Dave did. That's what he's doing.

Magical. Yeah, that Dave for stuff. Does stuff for shows, show stuff, do stuff. That's the winner for me. Yeah. Peter? There's too much comedy in it. Yeah.

It's too funny. Yeah, I can concede that. I mean, yeah, I think I would actually personally say the video, but yeah, I can see the argument. Shows for stuff. I think, yeah, as well. I'm agreeing, because it's just, it's amazing. It's such a rabbit hole, and it gives you so much insight that you never thought you needed.

I love it. All right. Last semi-final. It's the organ video. versus Psycho Seagull. Oh, God. I do like the Seagull story, personally. Yeah, I think Psycho Seagel.

There's more to it, you know. The organ video is just Dave's bum for like 12 seconds. Which is good, really good. Yeah. It's a great bum. It is. But it's no a bird sicked on my car. In an act of revenge.

Yeah, I'm going to go with sick bird. Yeah, me too. I think, obviously, this doesn't mean these are the only ones that are but I mean just the portal goblin video and the organ video just quality work and I do love them endlessly but now it's time for the finale. Shores for Stuff versus the Seagull. I'm going to throw my hat in the Seagull camp. Oh, interesting. Yeah, only because we've clearly had a bit of a bias in not only the creation of this tournament

in that it features many moments that are... unbecoming with Dave Benson Phillips but also our selections are sort of perhaps the saddest

ones the sort of more tragic options but there's a thing it's like it's from my experience with Dave and I can only

ever see the weird yeah what else is there I mean that's I mean his first hosted show perhaps I thought like

Korea highlight that time Dave had a bird poo on his car I feel like the way we've gone with this leads me

to choose, I think, the most tragic option. The fact that Dave wanted to do shows for stuff, shows for stuff too, the sequel, and then canned it because people didn't want him to do shows for stuff anymore, that's sad. The fact that he

just wanted a fucking sandwich. The only thing he wanted in this world was a sandwich and a car that didn't have shit and sick on it from a bird after his outdoor gig. That he was doing probably not for stuff. He probably wasn't doing it for stuff.

He was doing it for actual money that he used to... Maybe he did it for the sandwich. Maybe he did it for the car. Or someone who just cleaned his car, that was the stuff. And then a bird shits and six on it, there's a daily star reporter

pops out of the bush and immediately, Dave is front page news. Beloved TV icon. That is the saddest thing I have ever heard in my life. Oh, Dave. No, I feel so bad. Hey, he got some

you know, newspaper coverage out of it. That's an exposure, thoughts and prayers. Yeah. So, well, of the selection, are we saying the Seagull has won? Yeah. But the real winner here is Dave's lasting legacy that he's left in the hearts of now adults and used to be children all over the world with his infectious smile and goopy-goopy antics. And that's why we love him.

All over the world. Yes. We've introduced Dave Benton Phillips to so many people. We have. Yeah, he should be thanking. In what a weird fashion. I would really like to get him on the show at some point just so that, like, we know...

Yeah. So that he knows and we know that it's all... It's all just fun. We do love him. If you're listening, we love you. We do love him. We'll look into it. I mean, we were accused of bullying him, though,

won't we, by definitely him running a different Twitter account. So I don't know if he'd want to, but we can ask, slash pay him. slash get him enough juggling balls for a teacher class of 20 or a very strong tressel table. The thing is, like the silly tweet, like the cockback and subsequent ones that have happened as well that didn't even make it to the tournament, I think Dave is to an extent, I've said before, I think Dave is self-aware now to an extent. Like he knows how to do a silly thing on Twitter, you know.

So I think the fact that we give him coverage for when he does a silly thing, it's not as, it's not, you know, I think that's what he wants. He wants people to talk about the latest Twitter game. Yeah. Ultimately, he's an entertainer and we're just spreading that entertainment, surely. Yeah. Yeah. He's leaning into it.

Yeah. Thanks, Dave, for all your service. I think we've thoroughly justified our position there. There we go. Thank you, boys, for helping me fight it out. This has been a very fight-oriented episode. It has. Stephen Lombard is our next question.

at S.T. Lombard, St. Lombard. At St. Lombard. Holiest Lombard? At time of release, it'll be Pancake Day in Blighty. Ooh. What pancake are you having? And why is it lemon and sugar? Oh, fuck lemon and sugar.

Yeah, why is, I mean, beyond? Okay, let me start this again. Why is lemon and sugar the only time whereas it's acceptable to have so much sugar on a thing that it actively changes the texture to be crunchy. Yeah, that's the worst bit. Why do we tolerate crunchy pancake? I love sugared pancakes.

I don't even put the lemon juice on. I just make a pancake, you know, which is fried batter, and then I pour sugar on the fried batter, and I eat it and enjoy it. I bet you do. I bet you don't wear any clothes either while you do it. No, I don't. In fact, I let the...

It just falls on you. I do. I let the sugar granules just cascade down my bare chest. Oh, my God. You're disgusting. Sometimes if I don't want crunchy sugar, which I don't mind, but if I decide I don't want the crunchy sugar, I'll put icing sugar on it instead. Oh, that does sound nice, actually. That's fucking premium stuff. Is it good? It is premium. It is really nice, though, yeah.

But I'm fine without the lemon. I don't see why you would put something really sweet and then add sour to it um i like that so i'll be having lemon sugar or icing sugar on my pancakes i won't have any pancakes because i always forget and i don't have the ingredients and i can't be bothered to buy enough ingredients to make one or two pancakes for just me oh i just get it left over with ingredients i just get it in a you can get it in a in a bottle just powder in a bottle and you add water to it or milk i've seen that but i i i I wouldn't do it for me. It's not one of those things that I think is a real treat,

but it's not the kind of thing that I would treat myself to. It's the kind of thing that if I had company or someone coming over, I'd say, oh, do you want some pancakes? Let's make some pancakes. That'd be fun. You've got to treat yourself. I wouldn't do it for me. I wouldn't do it for myself.

I've not really done it for myself since, like, whenever it's come around and I've been living in a place on my own, which has been on and off for the past few years. I never do it when I'm living alone. In fact, that's one of my answers to question one would have been, that yeah like when I moved out and lived in a place by myself I stopped doing nice things for myself like having pancakes on pancake day because God

you got no one to impress have you yeah whereas you know my mum always used to make them for us without fail I guess the real joy the real joy is seeing the smile on the people's faces who you've given the pancakes too and you relish in the moment it's all lovely oh we could make a pancake face like meat face couldn't we yes cake face

Cake face. Pan face. Mikey, have you had vegan pancakes before? Do they exist? Yeah, it's really easy. You just remove the egg from the ingredients and it still works. Put a bit more vegetable all in there. Bam. It's just like the real thing. Brilliant. Will you be having pancakes? I think, I want to now. I've kind of forgot about it, but now I really want them. I like big, fluffy American-style pancakes. And my favorite thing is peanut butter on them. Oh.

It's an interest. I don't, that's not on the list of approved. toppings I don't think but I just love peanut butter on anything really God I'm a recent convert to peanuts Oh really I don't I still won't have peanuts on their own That's fair

But I just discovered Eminems Oh pretty good aren't they Yeah fucking yeah hell yeah Eminems are they're pretty nice aren't they Amazing Holy shit I'm not ready for a Snickers yet That's a big that's a big one

Yeah that's a lot of peanuts But peanut M&Ms Wow I do actually like lemon and sugar I think that's delicious I just don't understand why it's weird when you think about the crunch factor

and it's like, yeah, lemon and sugar. It's actually having so much sugar that it crunches in your mouth is. It's a bit weird. Kind of disgusting, actually. Well, I guess proponents of lemon would tell you that if you put enough lemon on it, it'll dissolve the sugar,

but, yeah, I'm all right, thanks. That's a lot of lemons. Golden syrup's good as well. Oh, fuck, yeah. Good old reliable. Yeah, I bet it is. Yeah. I've had savory pancakes

with, like, bacon and cheese in them before in Germany once. Creepies? Yeah, they were just like, there was identical to a, you know, like a British pancake, but just had, um, savory filling in them or topping. Yeah, I've had creepies in France before. Creepy creeps.

With sausage and stuffing. It's bizarre. It's strange because the batter is savory rather than just being sort of plain. Yeah. So when you, when you try and eat one, it's like, oh, no, this should have something else in it. It's weird, savory, savory skin. Savory skin That's the good name for pancakes

Savory skin Saturday Fuck sure of Tuesday I've got a thing It's a bit of fun in games Oh, I love that It's not unlike, I've realised Not the onion Are I'm going to have to take you to court

You might have to, yeah Okay I'll tell you why it's like that I have got some names here From the Don't open it up, don't cheat from the Wikipedia list of unusual names. Okay.

Of course there's a list. Yeah. Three of them are fake. The rest are all real. Let me count how many there are total. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Fifteen. So three out of fifteen are fake.

The rest are all real. And I want you guys to identify which ones are fake. I don't know if you want me to just read them all to you first and then you can decide afterwards or... Yeah. So this first one, difficult to pronounce. Abcdi, it's spelled A, B, C, D.E. Oh, wow.

Abcdi. Okay. The next one. Leon Sextus, Dennis Oswolf, Fraudatifilius, Tolemac, Tolemac, De Oralana, Planta Janette Tolemac, Tolemac, Tollamac. Wow, it's kind of musical. It is. And there are, there are 15 of these, right? There are.

They're not all. They're not all long ones. Some of them are. Okay. Next one. Adolf, Lou, Hitler, Marac. Wow, that's a strong name. It is. I like that one. Number four.

Preserved fish. No. Come on. Preserved fish. Mr. Preserved fish. Yeah, Mr. Preserved Fish. Number five. Praise God, barebone.

Wow. Praise God is high. hyphenated and spelled exactly as it sounds, as is barebone. No, it's not hyphenated, but it's spelled barebone. Okay. Jennifer 8 Lee.

8 is spelled 8, as in the digit 8. Oh, wow. Jennifer 8 Lee. Next, Tiny Cox. Oh, I love that one. Tiny Cox, K-O-X. Tiny Cox.

Tiny Cox. Next one is Algernon, Aloysius Abner Abiline Wow, that's good exotic I'm a hog Good for you

I'm a hog Does it have an apostrophe and everything No no I am a space H-O-G I'm a hog Okay

cute The next one Commodore Cuppertie which is spelled Cup of T C-U-P-A T-E-A all one word

I don't know if it's pronounced Capati It could be Capati But it's spelled Commodore Cuppete That's good It's a good English name Next one Oh here we go

Richard Plantagen In fact was Plantagenet In the previous long name It was Oh Richard Plantagenet Campbell Temple Nugent

Bridges Chandos Grenville Okay Sounds like a list of Small English towns It does Yeah Number 12

Horses and Stans That's just the three words, horses and stuff. Big fan. Okay. Number 13. Public Universal Friend. That sounds like a very neutral name. Like some kind of futuristic society would name people like that.

I think I saw them play at a festival last year. Yeah, Universal Friend. They're pretty good. Yeah. Number 14. Meta World Peace. Nice. Meta is spelled with two T's, M-E-T-A. And finally, Tokyo Sex Whale

Excellent Sex Whale Spelled S-E-X-W-A-L-E So it's neither whale as in moan Nor is it whale as in the animal Or the country Oh sadly No

Well, it's close to the country That's the closest thing But it's just without the S Maybe it's Waleigh Could be Walee Sex Wale Okay Could you paste all of those in the chat

So we can see them Oh, I can do Let me just double check I'm not going to send you any Okay, that's them That's all of them Okay Okay

Should we have three guesses each? Yeah, okay I kind of want to Tiny Cox I want to use For one of my guesses Okay Actually, I'm kind of curious I want to know right now

So Tiny Cox Is it real? You want to know right now So is that Are you both guessing that? I don't know how this works No, I don't Maybe you have six guesses between you

Yeah, that sounds good Tiny Cox is one guess Tiny Cox is a Dutch politician Oh no, Mr Cox Mr Cox Mr Cox is real Oh bud, that's unfortunate Bless him

Well I want to jump in on Public Universal Friend Okay Public Universal Friend Is an 18th century Quaker Who died Was then revived Became an evangelist

and gave himself this unusual name and became one of the earliest instances of a non-binary person in history so I was saying he but actually he was only biologically male they were only biologically male are they interesting oh that's really cool

Peter talk to me about Adolflu Hitler-Mirac Adolfo Hitler-Mirac is or was an Indian politician Whoa oh buddy what year I can pull it up Born 1958, still alive

You've got to do better than that, Adolf. Wow, that's amazing. You've got to make better choices than that. Well, his parents made the choice. Adolf, who chose his own name. In regard to his controversial name, Hitler Marac told the Hindustan Times, maybe my parents liked the name

and hence christened me Hitler. I'm happy with my name, although I don't have any dictatorial tendencies. That's good. That's good to know. Maybe the parents thought he'd redefine the Hitler name and, you know, give it a clean wrap. Oh my God, look at this. In February 2013, it was widely reported in international media that Marac will be running again for the State Assembly against some other oddly named candidates such as Frankenstein and Billy Kidd Sangma.

Oh, my God. What's going on over there? Who do you vote for? Hitler or Frankenstein? Frankenstein. Frankenstein. Rankinstein. Okay, you've got three guesses left. You've got to find them all now.

Your turn, Mikey. Oh. I've, for some reason in my head, I've got a clear that A, B, C, D, E, is a real name because that just sounds like something someone would do. I could totally understand. Horses and stuff. It's got to be horses and stuff. Horses and stuff was invented by me.

Yay! We've got one. Correct. There's a good name, no, I do like that. Okay. Thanks. What about Commodore Cup? Commodore Cup-a-Tee

was fake invented by me Very good Oh this is really stressful now This is it if we want to win I'm going to go Tokyo Sex Whale as the final faker Tokyo Sex Whale is a real person

According to Wikipedia He has control over the global diamond industry Of course he does I don't know what that means exactly but uh... Tokyo Sex Whale That's a powerful name though Okay, so I will give you the final fake one

Okay Which was the slightly less exciting and inventive Alginon Aloisius Abna Abiline Okay That was fake And I'll now tell you who all of the others were Yay ABCDE

328 people were named this in the USA Between 1990 and 2014 Wow Is that just someone filling out the form and just do-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Yeah, I guess so. God. Leon Sextus, Dennis Oswolf, frauditophilius, Ptolemak, Ptolemaq, de Oralana, Plantagenet Ptolemaq, Ptolomac, was a captain in the British army who died in World War II.

Oh, my God. He died because someone tried to get his attention, but couldn't finish his name before he got blown up. Preserved fish. I think might be pronounced Preserveed fish. A historical New York City shipping merchant, I think, let me, let me try and I should actually have this in front of me and I don't, like a big dumb idiot face. But I think preserved fish, oh, here we go. It's a name a bit like, it's a sort of almost religious name. You know how people are called like mercy or like deliverance or stuff like that?

I mean, it's not a very common thing to be called something like that. But I think that's why it's preserved. It's a sort of, you know, you're preserved by God. And Fish just happened to be his surname. Aw, cute. Yeah, it was a reference to being preserved from sin or preserved in grace. There you go. Praise God, Bearbone, was an English leather seller, preacher, and fifth monarchist.

Said to have actually been christened, this is real and hyphenated. Unless Jesus Christ had died for thee, thou hast been damned, barebone. Wow That was his full name Wow Nice So it's another Like religious name

Jennifer 8 Lee was a former New York Times reporter Whose middle name was the number eight Sick, I like it It's cool I'm a hog American society leader

Philanthropist patron and collector of the arts And one of the most respected women in Texas In the 20th century Oh I don't know Yeah

I don't know who gets to decide Who is the most respected woman in Texas Sounds like a comprehensive petition Texas would run. Yeah. Richard Plantagenet Campbell, Temple, Nugent, Bridges, Chandos, Grenville was the third Duke of Buckingham and Chandos.

Oh, very fancy. There you go. And finally, Meta World Peace was an NBA player who, or is an NBA player, who wants to promote World Peace and has a reputation for on-court brawls. Brilliant. Go hand in hand.

So he changed his name to Meta World Peace to promote World Peace. to promote world peace That's quite a good idea I like that beautiful There you go So that was a sort of

Sort of weird Capetia in a way Thank you That was a journey Thank you Yeah I love that There are some There are other weird names in there

That I didn't even include At Mansfield Smith Coming You might have actually heard of Because he was the first head of MI6 But it says His name became appropriate As he promoted

The Use of Seamen As Invisible Ink Oh wow Excellent Very good Just magical How did he find that? You know what?

It doesn't matter. So that's it. We have one final question. That's another culinary one. You can only have one meal, pudding and drink for the rest of your life. What are you having? So it's not your favourite necessarily. It could be, but...

You've got to live with eating it for the rest of your life. Do we live in a world where we have to deal with the content? consequences of our meal choice. Oh God, yeah, I think probably. We can't just eat stuffing every day and not die. Yeah, maybe so. Oh, that makes it far more tedious, doesn't it? Yeah, okay, maybe not.

Because otherwise, we'd all just pick something sensible, like rice and vegetables. Yeah, pretty much what I'd say. Yeah. I'm glad my life choices are being summed up as sensible. Okay, there's no health issues. You're being given a tablet that gives you all the nutrients you need, and the food that you eat with your special meal is purely for taste, but you have to have it every day.

Okay, I'm just going to bash it out nice and easy. I'm not going to be fancy with this. Burger, cheeseburger and chips for the meal. Dr. Pepper for the drink. And for a pudding, a toffee yogurt. Oh, toffee yogurt. Okay. Um, for me, I would actually, as much as I like a cheeseburger,

when we used to sometimes go to spoons after work, and I kept ordering the, what was it called, the Empire State burger, which was like two patties, cheese, bacon. Do you want 2,000 calories in one sitting? Yeah, yeah, it was like nearly 2,000. Um, after that, I, for a very long time for like six to 12 months, kind of didn't really like having any kind of

anything close to a sloppy Giuseppe or, no, what do I mean? A sloppy Joe. A sloppy Joe. Not sloppy Giuseppe, that's a pizza. Sloply Joseph, yeah. Yeah. Any kind of burger with the slightest bit of moisture or melted cheese in it made me feel really unwell because it was just so rich.

Oh my God. I feel if I had that every day, I would just be sick every day. So, I don't know. maybe just like steak and chips with a bit of salad oh so that's good that's fair because that's kind of like all the food groups in one so you can kind of focus on different areas and satisfies for pudding probably just some like some gingerbread or something

I know it's not really a pudding but if gingerbread is allowed I'll have that because I eat ginger nuts like pretty much every day so I'm already doing that I have a couple of those every day that's not good is it when I put it in those words If it was alcohol You'd have a problem Yeah

Drink Rub temperature of water No I don't know Like a bit of OJ Orange juice Yeah Yeah I think

I'm gonna go Casidia's As my main thing Because That's got You know You got your bready bit You got your cheesy bit

In the middle You can fill it with vegetables And a bit of A bit of whatever And I think it's kind of A nice fun package For

relatively, like, it's not sickly. Yeah. I feel like I could eat that for a while. I'm a big fan of eating Mexican, so I think, yeah, cassidia would be my ultimate form of daily nourishment. Nice. Dessert?

Yeah. I'm going to say sugar cookies. So, like, kind of plain non-offensive sugar cookies, because it's very simple. It's just very sugary biscuit, but it's very nice, but like a nice homemade kind of soft one.

Oh, that'd be my favorite dessert. That's good. Yeah. Delicious. What to drink? Oh, I bet I'm going to go oat milk. Oh?

To go with my cookies. Ah, yeah, good shout. Yeah, and also just, because it's quite nice. It's nice thick. Pour it, dam, gill it. That's a 10. Can I ask a question, Michael? Yeah.

If this food was ethically sourced slash magically apparated by some kind of Star Trek machine. Yeah. Is there any? meat-based slash non-vegan stuff that you would choose over those

that's a tough one because at this point like it doesn't really end in my mind I'm just like this is what I eat it's fine but I

mmm omelet omelet omelet cheesy omelet I'm hmm oh see I was never really

like a big eater of cheesy omelets but now you've said that yeah with a bit of bit of mushroom in it as well yeah bit bit garlic

just a little bit Just to give you a hint of garlic Just a tiny bit Just a little bit of garlic in it Gives it that pop That little bit something something You know what I mean I like my garlic to pop

Like these grapes in this sauna Delicious Yeah Well there we are When do we start Can we do that now Please Yeah

Why not I mean you could do that now If you really wanted to You could just buy it every single day Well but I would die With my choice And so would you yeah

Mikey might be all right but we'd die not for much longer yeah I don't know if I'd die I mean if I had steak every day yeah

yeah you would I'm not saying I'd be happy with it but you know your poor bowels would be so clogged up what steak every day yeah

if you had a steak every day yeah I think maybe you're right actually every time someone says steak every day

it gets less appealing Oh dear Hey have you ever had one of those Microwave Cheeseburger Meals that Tesco do Tesco and brand Yeah it comes in a They're frozen It comes in a little cardboard box

We need to do a review at some point Where we just go buy all the Tesco microwave stuff And try it because they've done it for quite a while You get a sad frozen cheeseburger And some frozen chips And you can microwave all of it And you've got the shittest meal. And then the shittest toilet.

Exactly. It's about £1.50 or something. Oh, that sounds so sad. That's what I'm imagining having every day. It never eat any meat product that costs £1.50. I just remembered seeing a cheese and ham toasty

from Tesco that you could like cook in a microwave from frozen and not just... I just microwaving bread. That's not right, is it? Well, it's a fucking cheese toasty. That's what I don't understand. How hard is that to make? Yeah. If you got the griller, that does all the work for you.

They'd probably sell it in the store for like a fiver. It's the problem. Idiots. Fools. Anyway, wow, we made it. We got through. We did. Thanks for those questions, Peter.

Thank you. Thank you for answering them. Oh, pleasure. Hey, guys, you want to hear about my Hoover story? Oh, yes. Oh, tell me more. So, where we left off last time, I think, I'd just cut all the hair off the Hoover Bar thing. Mm-hmm.

my hands are filthy it's disgusting i've been cutting years of other people's hairs off this hoover beta bar so i give a little rinse and i and it looks it doesn't look good as new it looks about the furthest thing from good as news that you could possibly get it looks horrible as bad as old bad as bad as old and at this point i feel like a certified hoover repairman which is actually another one of the names from that list peter yeah it is yeah it's yeah And I slide it back into place. I've had to, this should have been its whole own episode really in terms of taking the bar out, but like I had to unscrew it and everything to get in there.

I reattach the little, whatever it's called, the belt that goes round it to make it spin. I screw everything back together and you'll never guess what happened next. Go on. He's not going to tell us until next week. I'm not going to fucking tell you until next time. Fuck sake. Every week I'm disappointed, Ben. Every week.

That's well. I have to wait. Store.orgscast.com if you'd like to buy some potty at slash vidiots merch. We are actively looking into getting some new designs on there soon. It's very exciting. So keep a look out for those. We'll obviously be talking about it here as and when.

We are ready to do that. Mikey, I think there's some kind of discount code you can use over at store.orgscast.com. Is that right? Oh my God. You're absolutely. right, Byrne. If you use code Vidyots at checkout, that's Vidyat's you'll get 10% off

everything on the Yog's cast store so you could buy some film stuff some stuff from other people and you get 10% off but ideally we want you to spend that money on us

so I can buy more pigeon tattoos. Yeah, you've got another one right? Yeah, yeah. Thank you to the donations I guess that kind of helped pay for this The second pigeon tattoo. Thanks, everyone. Brilliant. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com

forward slash Vidiates Official. And Twitch.com forward slash Vidiates Official. We stream sometimes. Again, we'll talk about it here. We'll talk around social media. Get off our backs.

We'll do it, okay? Jesus. Streamlabs.com forward slash vidiots official. If you'd like to donate and get a shout out at the beginning and at the end of the show. Donation sandwich. We've got some beautiful pod squad members

this week, but before I talk about them, Peter, tell us what triple jump is. Triple jump is the channel where me and Ben are doing triple jump content. Well, not like the actual sport, but just content under the triple jump brand, which is a video games world where we still have formats that you may remember

from vidiates like a piece of cake, which is now called Rules Boss. We've got Prove It, we've got worst games ever. We've got a podcast, which is a video game podcast, They're not a conversational podcast. We've got lists. We've got... I always forget one.

And it's always a different one every time. Cooking. Cooking. That's it. We do cooking now. Like we used to do on videos, but it's its own show. It's its own show.

And Mikey can be found over at Yog's cast, can't you, Mikey? Yeah. And I've actually got something I can talk about this week. Whoa. What? I mean, it's not out yet,

so I'm still going to be Vig because I don't want to blow anyone's load, but I worked on a video with the spiffing bray so I helped produce and shoot and well quote and quote direct something for him so keep an eye on his channel I'll probably be retweeting that and the best place to stay up to date with all my antics is at Paraboy on Twitter

where you can find pictures of ferrets and I'm just looking now a smurf dressed as Steve Jobs with the caption all the smirth's filmmakers send Steve Jobs good wishes and the healing power of smurf magic from 21. My God.

I didn't see that. It's very good. It's very good. And check that out. Now let's go checking with Podrun Squadron this week. We've got Big Titty Jesus 42. Big Titty Jesus 42. Lesbic Quinn.

Phoebe B. Peabody B. The Far Wall. Oscar nominee Ryan Johnson. Twonky Wonky. Peter Austin is my daddy. I know. Someone called Ben who still likes men. Not today.

Dave Benson Phillips Booty. Big Titty. supportive goth, guff, woo, good stegosaurus, alpha seven, flatter 74 that cat aides guy, Jack Coyle will drop kick Ben, human head in Ben, Ben's Hoover, Ben Potter's barrel roll, do you want to be YouTube friends, pup-pup dougal, I have yeated your sister, Lord Brotovich, Gubberplex from Portland, M.E, Prince Beefcakes, Kitty Hawk, Gowy Bug Spittoon, Stephen Scodes All be the racist dragon

Fucky Wucky Fulton Freddy Weber sat on a poop Stucalicious Listen to Emotion by CRJ Kitchen Sluts Arce Face Mr and Mrs. McConey Chainus Remainus

Pick Pick Pick Pick Pick Pick Pick Pickles Smell my cheese you mother El Baker 97 Funky Cobra Bendeguz Bodei I'm so sorry Doc Dickington

Mel Gibbon Dino DeVito Billy Linear Walrus Wow, what a beautiful bunch of Pod Squads for this week Remember if you'd like to join Pod Squad and get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show

you go to streamlabs.com forward slash video that's official donate there any amount really appreciate it, thank you so much finally leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice

it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms do we have a final question for the people at home what have we done today what have we talked about Dave Benson Phillips' best moment, maybe, at the People's Choice.

People's Choice Award. Yeah, or pancake toppings. Oh, pancake toppings. That's more topical, isn't it? Topical. Yeah. Great, okay. We'll do that, then.

We'll leave that there. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We'll be back in a couple of weeks' time, by which I've been, we record, usually. I mean, people have worked it out, I think, but because we release on a fortnightly basis, the interstitial week is when we record. So if you hear this episode today, Tuesday, release day, next week will probably be when we're recording.

So keep a look out on Twitter for questions. Question post asking for questions. There we go. Stand out. Right. It's home time. Okay. See you later.

Bye, Bon. Bye, Bon. Take care, everyone. Bye. Bye. To-rah.