Podiots - Podiots: Episode 5 - B.R.I.S.T.O.L.

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Peter talks WWII-era sexting, Michael poses a creative hypothetical, and Ben brings forth strange tales from past dietary experiments. We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Oh, I don't know about you guys. I'm getting quite thirsty. Yeah, me too.

I did have a coffee. I'm spitting feathers over here. Is that a phrase? Yeah, spitting feathers. That sounds like a rap thing. Well, it is. Okay. I'm not talking about thirsty, I'm just doing a rap over here.

Spitting feathers on these foos. Well, let's stop you from spitting feathers. Drop a lick on a brick and go, I'm on these motherfuckers. Whoa. Jesus. You've been what... Sorry, this is my shoes. It's going to fast coming up on the microphone.

Converse do that, all right? That's really squeaky. Every step I take. Every step. We've got to stop Michael from watching MTV because he's getting... To go back to your link there, your handy link to what you're about to do.

Yes. I'm really thirsty, Ben. Thank you. Jesus Christ, gentlemen. Let's stay on topic. Where's Dave? Where is he? Let's have the Where's Dave theme song.

I don't see him. There's Dave There it was There's the theme song I don't know I don't see him I'm going to give him a ring Yeah

Go on Dave Is the rules boss Papa Lazaru Is that what's going on there Possibly I bet he's in a really important meeting right now I'm just like Dave Can you bring us a drink

Maybe He should be here He's meeting our Coca-Cola supplier To get us in some new fancy drinks Yeah Rio I don't know he's going to ask

Who owns Rio? Has Rio its own... Dave can't come to the phone right now? Oh, Dave! Dave can't come to you to the phone right now. For God's sake, David. Well, that's disappointing. At Dave on Twitter.

Just tell him what you think of him. Piece of shit. Yeah, just be really, really horrible. You're a piece of shit at Dave. On Twitter. You're a fucking asshole. Episode five? No.

At least. Six. Seven? No. No. Wait, six. Six. Five.

Help. Three. Yeah, because last episode was four. Episode zero that we did. Yeah, episode zero adds up to five because we applied for Spotify after the last episode. This is episode five. Is it? I mean, I don't believe you.

Welcome to Pottie. It's episode something. A little bit of monica. Welcome to an episode in my life. A little bit of Monica. I'm not doing this. A little bit of Monica. A little bit of Monica.

My time I was out of listening. They can be too much of a good thing. Stopping now. A little bit of monica. A little bit less of this song, please. There we go, perfect. It's because we're potty. It's number five.

Welcome to Podiat's everybody. Yeah, see, I wasn't just doing it. There's always a reason. Yeah, always a reason. There's always a reasonable reason for that. Welcome back to Podiat's everybody. Thanks. This is the...

Not you. Jesus Christ, Peter. Oh, okay. You don't get a lot of bad. You just wandered past. We pulled you in. Yeah, welcome back, Peter. Sit here, Peter.

Talk here, Peter. Well, thanks having us, guys. We're back. We're back in. This is the official podcast of the Vidyat's YouTube channel. It's the official podcast as if there's unofficial. It's because we've got official in front of everything we do. We could have called this Vidiot's official, the podcast, if we wanted to, and that would have fit better.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Stop. Can we just, can we just do an intro? Right, do you want me to not reply to anything? Just sit here, silent. For now, yes. Two minutes of silence. That's no.

From all of us. Someone dies. Yeah. Yeah, someone at the... I remember our fallen comrades. You remember smooth intros? I don't. It's always been like this.

Yeah, yeah, it's an absolute hellscape. Did you know that we're sponsored by Turtle Beach? What? Did you know this? I didn't. Are you wearing them right now? I'm wearing them right now. This is what they sound like.

That's what it sounds like... When you hit them against the microphone. Mine are a bit different, listen. Oh my God. It's like watching cats play with toys. I wish everyone else could see what happened there. You just knocked the microphone and stand. They just swung around.

swung away from me. Nearly killed me there. If you want to get Turtle Beach headsets just like these ones, you can go to bit.ly forward slash Vidiates Beach. Vidiates. Vidiots. Vidiates Beach.

Oh, I do like to be beside seaside. And you can hear just like we can, which is perfectly well. Yeah. That's why we're talking. Better than perfectly well. Over. Hello?

What? Is your microphone cutting out? I don't know. Help. Also, if you want to find us on pretty much every. thing. Everything. YouTube, Facebook, Twitter,

forward slash Idiot's official. I'd like to thank... We even have... Can I just interject. Yes. I don't do that. No, no, that's fine.

Go ahead. We have a super secret subreddit that no one has discovered yet. Do we? I made it like in the early days. Whoa. Oh yeah.

It's not necessary. Just go and post Minion photos. Yeah, yeah. Keep it a Minion Haven. Sub-hype. Subscrib. Faking gay.

Unsubsibs. Sure. A big thank you to all of our patrons. Patrons, right? Yeah. Not patrons. No.

But you can visit our Patreon. You can visit our Patreon if you want to become a patron. Stop being so patronising. Thank you, Peter. Forward slash Viddi, it's official. And a huge thank you to those people because they're the unsung heroes. They are. Because we don't talk about our Patreon very much.

It's usually just in this. Because we don't want to like, we don't want to bang on about it. Give us money. But we do really appreciate those of you who have donated and continue to donate as well. I thought everyone like drop off after the first month. But still there. Still there. Still going.

Thank you very much. Someone donated 420 the other day. That was, I like that. Nice. 420, does? Yeah, a whole 420. Wow. That's amazing.

Now, if you're not familiar with the show, we all bring a thing and we all like to talk about a thing. The things. Who has brought a thing? I have a thing. And would like to do the, the thing first. I'm happy to go first. You're eager to mention your thing. Go on, peeps.

Okay. Blow us away. Guess where we're going today. Is it Peter's strange place? It is Peter's. Welcome back. to Peter's Strange Place. Okay.

Wikipedia is the name. Yes. How many times did you have to click the random article button today? Oh, no, that's not how I do it. Oh. No? No. How does he do it?

I'm generally... Actually, I'm curious. What is your process? How do you find these things? A lot of these things I'm just generally aware of from being, I guess, a weird person. But I then just, I tend to look them up and read the information verbatim. Right. I can't wait to learn.

today. Yeah. We're back in World War II. Mm-hmm. But this time, it's not about the violence and the battles and the weapons. And the death. And the death and the technology and the trench foot. But what else was going on in World War II, Peter?

People were in love, Michael. Oh. What? Whether whether there's war or not. People are in love through thick and thin. Why did they do that? Yeah, what's the point? Especially during that the silliest war.

Yeah. the silliest. Well, actually, I think World War I is sillier, wasn't it? Well, true, but this was the sequel, isn't it? Right, yeah. Bigger, bad, stupider, stupider. Silly War II. Yeah, the world's silliest wars. During World War II, our boys, our boys.

Or women, or women, except not that many. Some. Some did sneak through, but they weren't allowed to be there on the battlefield. They used to write to their sweethearts back home, didn't they? Why? Because

they were missing them. They didn't have Snapchat back then. They didn't have Insta or WhatsApp. Oh yeah, they used in their Myspace back then, weren't they? Yeah, it was Myspace and Bebo? Yeah, it was one of the two. Yeah, with those glitter gifs that you could generate on. And so they used to send postal correspondence to their sweethearts back home.

And there's this whole secret code that used to go on, which was postal acronyms, people would write on the envelope, an acronym, that was disguised as a word that might well have been written on an envelope, but the letters actually stood for something that was like a secret nod between... L-O-L-L-L-Rothel. Yeah, kind of. Okay.

But they would disguise it generally as place names, right? Yeah. So I've got a few of them here for you, and I want to read the first few, so you can understand what we're doing. Yes. And then you can start trying to guess. Oh, is this fun. Are they going to be sort of World War to, colon, the silliest wars,

like, colourful use of certain pieces of the language? So it wouldn't be, like, crude or offensive. It would be, like, having a gay time or something like that. No. No? No. Is it crude? It's very sweet to begin with.

And the list gets smuttier and smuttier as it goes on. People were proper... This is sexting of the old days. Okay. People were sending really dirty stuff

to each other and writing it on the envelope but just with an acronym. You have my attention. Yeah? Yeah. So when you're stuck in a trench with a lot of stinky people

in the stinky place, mine just is like, whoa, and you some release. Let's write some letters to my girlfriend. And they were sent back as well from the ladies to the boys on the front.

They would also write stuff on there as well. Okay. So, if you were to write stuff on there as well. write France on your envelope, F-R-A-N-C-E, that would stand for friendship remains and never

can end. God, this is awful. And the only way, presumably, they would know that that was an acronym is if they were stationed in Italy or a country that wasn't France. Well, I think you would write it with dots in between the letters. It was like, obviously

an acronym, but it was just the context was there. Like, it's, it I don't know. It's a weird thing. I don't really understand. Because surely a lot of people knew that this was happening. Yeah, how widely aware were people? One person knows.

Like, oh, this is a filthy one. I think it's just, like, the sensibilities of the time. Like, you didn't necessarily want to write. I want to... Our friendship remains. That you could do anything. Yeah, that you could do anything. So you would, like, just write it in an acronym.

Even if everyone else knew what that meant, at least you're not putting the words down on the paper, I think. It's sort of the... It's like when you're saying... You don't want to say it. I'm going to have a shit. You say, I'm going to the bathroom. Sure.

And everyone knows that you... I mean, some people do. But, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I do. Yeah. Yes. I'm going to do a deposit in the toilet bowl now. Thank you, Michael.

You can just go. You don't need to tell us that. I will take photos. No, Michael, you don't want to destroy the system. Fuck the system. I once went in the bathroom and Sam was there. And he said, oh, you're all right, what are you up to? I'm just about have a big old shit.

I said, what else was supposed to say? I'm off the bathroom. What am I going to do? I don't know. Sorry to derail. I think he probably meant what are you doing today, not like what you're doing right now. You could have just said, oh, we're quoting a podiot, so, you know. I could have, but I needed a shit, so I need to get in that room as quick as possible.

And the easiest way to get in to have a shit is say, I'm going to have a shit. Right. Can we talk a bit more about that bathroom very briefly? Oh, sure. Yeah, I was just in there with Daff and we were recounting the tale of the monster shit. So that's not someone's thing, is it today? What's that? The thing that someone's brought, the tail of the bathroom.

No, no, no, okay. No. Sure, while we're on the topic, before we get onto really dirty, sex talk. But before we even get on to the log talk, to the log nest, the log nest monster I was left in the toilet bowl last week, I want to just talk about that bathroom in general,

because I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's because I had a bowl of soup yesterday, and that was it, and I haven't eaten yet today. And I'm feeling a bit weird. But when, I don't know why it's just that toilet. Every time I open it, either to come or go, which isn't one of your disgusting, sexy World War II thing.

The OG, come or go. Yeah, exactly. I'm, I jump like 10 feet in the air if someone is on the other side of the door. And that doesn't happen to me anywhere else, but here it does. Like, I opened the toilet door earlier. You mean the main door into the room? The main door. Not as in like a cubicle.

Someone's there. No, no, no. Like, I was going in. There was someone stood by the mirrors washing their hands and they looked in the mirror at me and said, you're right. And I, like, I did like a proper flinch. Jesus. Like I wasn't expecting someone.

to be there. What's like that to do with the bathroom though? It's just... Well, it's just that bathroom. It doesn't happen in any other room. Is it just a weird bathroom to you? Maybe it's just because I'm expecting some sort of privacy or solitude in there and having to deal with people in a bathroom. Also, when you go to leave the bathroom and you go to reach for the door handle, because it's one of those big, you know, poles. I'm always terrified that someone's going to open that door and it's going to smash into my fingers. Bunk you on the nose. I was doing, I'm quite a snappy open and like, just grab it. And I think that's why. Everyone's a snappy open.

And if I'm on the other side of that door and suddenly I go to reach for the door and someone swings it open. Right, right. It's ruined me. I think we need a window in that door. Yes, exactly. I think windows on all doors.

Yeah, yeah. And a mirror as you can see directly into the ball. I'm okay with that. Why don't we have just a camera feed into every cubicle? Oh, yeah. I think we should just all wear bags. Yeah.

Bags. Colosomy bags. Exactly. Oh, okay. Like a bag. It's certainly... Well, that too, if you can't afford one. Certainly would have averted last week's crisis, wouldn't it, if we'd use...

Smooth, God. It was anything but smooth, I believe. Well, you didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I wanted you to see it. You said, no.

Was it smooth? Oh, no, it was lumpy, like a meatball maranara. Literally, just like some nuggets in a maranara sauce. Okay. Someone did a big old poop. See, the best thing about this is, there's someone in this office right now who did that shit. Yeah. And we have no idea of you.

And it was first thing in the morning as well. Someone came in and was like, you. Yeah, time to do it. Time to do it before they left for work. And unfortunately, I mean, MJ saw it. I don't really know the details. I was like, I was having a poo in the stall next to it when Mike and Daff came in and just heard like, oh my God. And I came out expecting it just to be like a bad smell. Then Daff was like, no, open it up, open up that lid and look at it. And it was life changing.

It was amazing. Honestly, wow. And it like backed up the system and we couldn't use the bathrooms for like a day and a half. We couldn't flush it down and the smell just, it just stained that room. You would try and break it up, though, wouldn't you? Like, because all of the, I know it's not what it's for, but all of those toilets have toilet brushes next to it. You could have, like, some kind of token effort to, like, avert. See, the worry there is flashback.

Like, with that, the amount of heard there, it was. That's their problem. If you're going to... Oh, you mean, oh, I thought it meant, like... No, I'm not talking about you guys. Like, I'm talking about the person who... No, yeah, you don't just leave a log like that. Is there, like, toilet roll on top of it or anything?

There was toilet roll around the toilet, which was the toilet, which was the toilet. weird thing. Around the toilet. Yeah. Yeah, like on the floor. Did someone do some sort of ritual in there? Is that what's happened? Yeah, they just expelled some demons into the ball.

Just like salt and tea lights everywhere. That doesn't make any sense. I don't think I'm ever like not going to be able to think about this shit. It was just incredible. Right. It's been on my mind pretty much every day. Every time I go in that bathroom, it's just like I get flashbacks to it. And it shut down the toilet for like.

Yeah. Got to go all the way downstairs. It's from two hours at least. Yeah. Ridiculous. Sorry, Peter. So from diabolical shit, back to friendship remains and can never end. Yes.

Never can end. What do you think Holland stands for? H-O-L-L-A-N-D. Hold on to lasting love and naughty dicks. No, no, we're not getting into that gesture. It's all sweet for now. Hope our love lasts and never dies. Swark.

Sorry? Swark. Swalk. Swark. I don't know what that word is. It's like a swaggy walk. I'll Google it just to see if it is. is a thing.

Sealed with a loving kiss. Oh, boo. Oh, sorry, there goes my phone. That's your phone just buzzing down the mic's phone. I just hold it over here. Now, we're starting to just, like, heat up a little bit here. Malaya, my ardent lips await your arrival. Oh, ardent lips.

Ready for a kiss. What's a swark, Ben? It's just a made-up thing. It's literally just an acronym. It's just a raffle. As I think is that last one, you said. Yeah, maybe a couple of them are just acronyms. So the next one is ball top, B-O-L-T-O-P.

Bottoms on ladies' teeth. O-P-P-E. Yeah, overpowered. No, better on lips than on paper. Oh, interesting. Licking the envelope, I guess. Or kissing it, maybe. Right.

Maybe if the lady did a little kiss mark at the bottom. Or the man. Or the man. Well, is he wearing lipstick this man? Or maybe, could be. What's wrong with that? It's 1940, what's the problem? Now, Burma.

That is a place. Burma is a place. And now we're starting to really, really get in there. Burma, be upstairs ready, my angel. Wow. When he gets home. That is saucy. China.

Yeah. Come home, I'm naked already. Wow. Okay. What your girlfriend might send to you. But how is that? But they're at, like, what? He's, he's, he's, he's,

He's fighting people. Come home. She's naked. She's going to be there waiting for weeks on her. Yeah, she is going to be a long time. I think it's more just to give him a nice image, isn't it, to send him off to sleep. Right. Chip.

No drawings or anything. So, yeah, China has come home. I'm naked already. If you received Chip rather than China, that is also a come home, but not so good. Come home, I'm pregnant. Oh, I'm being told that chip. Shit. Chip.

Fuck. So hopefully he's not been... posted in the last like more than nine months because that's a bit that's a great flag Egypt mm-hmm yeah

now try and stay calm lads eager to grab your pretty tits oh can you believe people wrote this stuff in the 40s I didn't think the word tits existed in the 40s I love that they did this this is great

I think it's even though it's it's quite smutty I think it's quite I like that night these are the people who are now complaining about children using smutty language and text. Well, not all them, but some of them. The subtlety is, like, it's gone now, isn't it? Yeah.

You up? You up? Yeah, you want some fuck. Here is a picture of my reproductive organs. Oh, those are nice. Would you like them to interact? Yes, let's do it now. I'm literally naked.

That is how every interaction goes when you send an unsolicited dick pick. Would you like to interact with the genital? That's the thing. Every single one. If you're at work and you want to go home and spend some sweet time with your partner, it might just be You want a China Well no

Well nowadays You might just receive a picture from your partner saying Hey look at me Here's me naked Yeah we And it's like oh okay There's no imagination there But in the olden days

They might have written Norwich Oh the sexist word known to man Nick is off ready when I come home Wow Yeah Does I want the Scunthorpe There's not I think most of that

It's already self-explanatory. England now, you know, our lovely nation. Sure. Not to be besmirched. No, never. Every naked girl loves a naked dick. I'm sorry? I sort of panicked there because I was like, is that actually what it says?

But it does say that. Every naked girl loves a naked dick. The term naked dick is not really a thing that exists, is it? I mean, as opposed to keep it in a sock or something? Yeah. With the trousers on. I don't understand that one. I feel like they may have been stretching.

Well, I think they're just there to force a second N in there. I think it would have just been every naked girl loves a dick, but they were like, oh, but the country's not called Inglad, is it? Well, I mean, isn't it? You could have used nice or... Yeah, a nice... Oh, that's way better. Every naked, every naughty girl loves a nice dick.

Just a bit. God, they didn't know what they were doing. Ridiculous. A novelty dick. Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah. It's got a little helicopter on the end of it.

It's got a bow tie that spins around. We've got a few left. Yeah. And if, what was that kid called? Dayton, Dainton. If Dainton's watching, please. Send this to your girlfriend.

No, don't send this to your girlfriend. Dainton is eight. If Dainton is watching or listening, please put your fingers in your ears. Dayton, if your parents are here listening, what are you doing, look after your child better, Christ. I'm going to call Child Protective Services. Dantin, you need to go to your parents and ask them to buy you Turtle Beach headset.

Head sets. You need them. It's the new toy this Christmas. To say all the kids in school are making fun of you. because you don't have them. Fingers in ears, children. Capstan stands for Can a Prick stand twice a night?

Wow. Whoa. Wow. That's aggressive, that one. Pinnis. Maybe it's just the way you said it. Can a prick? Can a prick?

No, I don't like that. No, that's pretty bad. Low Stoft. Yeah, that's a word. Yeah. L-O-W-E-S-T-O-F-T. I think that is actually a place. That's so mocking.

Yeah, that's a word. Yeah, come on. Think of a better town name. Ben, yeah. Legs opened wide, enter slowly to obtain full treatment. What? What?

That is such a, such a stretch. It is. Well, it could be. We'll see what happens, I guess. Well, if they're open wide enough, it is. Legs opened wide, enter slowly to obtain full treatment. Treatment. And last, but by absolutely no means least.

Oh, God. Yeah. Edinburgh. Oh, okay. This is going to be a long old one. It is a long old one, and it's very specific. Can you go one word at a time? I know that's how reading works, but like slow, sort of slow...

To build up. Erection. Oh, I've already there. Definitely imminent. Now, book usual room, George Hotel. What? Is the George Hotel that popular? I think this might have just been a specific one that, like, a couple years.

If the George Hotel's in Edinburgh, that'd be a... be amazing. At some point they have to have this brainstorming session. Yeah, they have to work out this code before they leave. This means. Yeah.

Well, then they can't do it anyway because how are they going to get to the George Hotel? Well, maybe he was on his way home. Maybe. Erection definitely imminent now, book usual room, George Othell.

Imminent now. That's the same word. Twice, isn't it? Well, it might be erection definitely imminent, now book usual room, George Hotel. Maybe there's a comma instead of a full stop there.

Yeah. So, uh, those are World War II postal acronyms with really dirty, exciting stuff. I'm pretty excited right now. It just makes me happy that like that kind of thing was going on back then and they weren't just living in a really prudish existence

where it was like, oh, I can't wait to give you sweet tender kisses. I do also just like that nice kind of World War II love poetry, but also I think it's great that they were like properly sending each other. Can we come up with one for Bristol right now? Yeah. Brilliant rectum. inside inside

no insert treatment um oiled labia what what what hello

uh should leave it to the professionals be ready I'm sexually transmitting transmitting uh oral infections

infections brist oins with an L oh yeah That's a shame. Oral. Oral laryngitis. Yeah, sure. Why not?

Yeah, be ready. I'm sexually transmitting oral laryngitis. Okay. So he's warning her to get some antibiotics. Yeah, we're going to do love. But like, you've got to be ready. Be ready. This is what I'm being.

Detrimental to your health. Yeah. Wow, Peter, thank you. You're welcome. That was a real treat. Yeah. I feel knowledgeable. Now, you guys at home can send those to your loved ones.

We have a few couples who are idiots, fans, not just singletes. Hi, Dad. Edinburgh. Hi, Dad. Errection imminent. No. No, only for sexual partners. Yes. Is that appropriate? Please. Maybe it is your dad. I don't know.

2018. What's the problem? You don't have shower your dad. It's fine. Disgusting. Who wants a question? Disgusting. We've got two questions right now. First up, this is from Sarah Bennett at Bennett underscore SL on Twitter. Is Billy looking forward? to Thorpe Park

or is it a surprise for him? Who wants to explain what's happened? In the wake of our conversation about Alton Tower's death coaster? No, someone fell asleep while... I don't have the name actually, maybe someone can find it while I'm explaining this. Someone fell asleep while listening to Poddietz.

Oh, I'm not going to find this tweet. That's gone to the wind. But we were talking about the euthanasia roller coaster and they then had a dream about us going to Thought Park with them they tweeted about it they didn't even at Thought Park in it but Thought Park must have just searched Thought Park

they must have some feed set up and they replied and we're talking about it and going like oh we'd love to have the videts at Thought Park and it turns out that the guy who was managing the social media was a videt The journey that we went on to try and work out if he was

legitimately a viewer of our stuff or not? You were just like jokingly going along like how does he know of this? Did you just watch a video? Oh wait no this isn't really deep knowledge what's going on? And he was like oh yeah we got some cards for Michael to play with like hang on what? This is Thought Park's official Twitter account tweeting us that that's weird

It is very strange. So we followed each other Yeah and then the DM came through Slid into your DM? Came sliding right on in ThoughtFault follows me now. Yeah That's great yeah oh that's cool I made it just ask you if we want to come to Thought Park to try out their new Walking Dead rolling coaster rolling rolling rolling it's very different from a roller coaster yeah um and it's gonna happen

billy's gonna go to thought park uh we're going at the end of may we should be getting tbd dates dates today or tomorrow yeah pretty much we'll probably do a couple of videos video about our walking dead experience which i think the the roller coaster's opening soon and that's why they want us to come along and then just a vlog of our adventure i think it might already be open actually Yeah. Roll the coast. In answer to Sarah's question, was it? Sarah Bennett. Oh, yeah? Yes. Billy doesn't know yet.

No, we're keeping that surprise. We're going to put a sack over his head shoving a taxi. We're going to do that thing like they do on YouTube where they tell the kid they're going to the dentist. And then once they're crying, they say, actually, no, we're going to Disneyland. What's Billy's equivalent of going to the dentist? The vet. The vet, yeah, I suppose.

I mean, he has tusks, so. Yeah. We're going to court, Billy. Yeah. Oh. It's about the child protective services. It's about the custody of your child, Billy. Right, next question.

This is from Scott at Finn underscore who asks, what are your favourite TV shows slash movies? Peter, are you all right? It's because Dave didn't bring you a drink, is it tired, yeah, I could have done with a nice sugary drink. It's not make Dave feel bad. He can't tend to us all the time.

Well, he should. That's the only reason he's here. You're a Dave bot. What are yours, Ben? Yeah. Oh, thank you for us. Let's flip that question, right back at you. I'm a big fan.

TV show-wise, I do love an American comedy. An American comedy. But like a good one. Yeah. Like, I'm a big fan of Arrested Development. Okay. And 30 Rock and Community and Parks and Rec. Parks and Rec, you like.

I love those. I watch those a lot. Film-wise, I'm not, I don't have a very refined palette, but equally, you won't find me watching. Well, having said that, we did go and see. Rampage starring Dwayne the Rang Jones. Oh, yeah, how was that? I didn't ask. It was like a weird fever dream that wouldn't end.

I kind of expect, it was kind of what I expected in that it was... A multi-million dollar blockbuster with the rockets. Yeah. And monsters in it. Oh, yeah. A big old monster fighting. Just sort of tenuously based on a video game that was never intended to be a film. No, not at all.

It bears almost no resemblance to the game at all, I don't think either. There are some clever links where they have actually made it resemble it in some ways. But yeah, there's also a... a bunch of just massive holes. Yeah. I'm not usually a fan of that kind of stuff, though. I love me as superhero film. Yeah.

DC superhero films are dreadful. Yay. And they're just terrible. They sure are. Not into those at all. It's weird how I don't understand how you can have that much money and not just find people who know what they're doing. It's just a shame, isn't it?

Sparing of mind, Marvel have had, like, just a handful of their core licenses, and they've managed to put together the Avengers. And Warner Brothers have had all of the DC licenses, and they haven't been able to do. do it. I don't understand. I'm a huge Guardians of the Galaxy family, though. They're my favourites. I need to watch a second one still.

I really enjoyed the first one. I really enjoyed him. I'm not actually that into my superhero movies, but I really like both Guardians films. I love Guardians. I think they're... What a great bunch. A bunch of a bunch of boys. Sort of an older film, not really that old, but

Hot Rod. Oh yeah. I love Hot Rod. It's really... I said you look shitty. Good night, Denise. It's basically It was written for Will Ferrell, who then ended up producing it, and then it just starred the boys from the Lonely Island. Yeah, it's a really good film. I really like Andy Sandberg.

I love it. There's like something funny and stupid that happens every five minutes. I don't know about you guys. Righty. Well, I've been on a Marvel kick this weekend. I've somehow watched like four Marvel films because I never really got into it before. I was like kind of forced into it. It was like, okay, I went to a civil war.

I'm not going to say anything else. Infinity War. But don't tell me because I haven't seen it. Yeah, I've got that. Those both mixed up twice now. the weekend. I've just taught my flatmate, like, oh yeah, I saw Civil War. I mean, Infinity War. I don't know anything. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I'm curious to learn more. I think in terms of TV, every like the Eric Andre Show.

Oh, yeah. That's kind of the weird... Turn that poop into wine. Turn that poop into wine. Nice. I'm trying to think what else is the... It's an important video. Breaking Bad was, I think... Oh, yeah. As far as, like, serious narrative stuff is one of my favorite TV shows ever. Nice. To the point where I think I stayed up all night. when the last episode aired

so I could download the torrent as soon as it aired watch it. It was like 5am I sat there the episode ended and I was just crying like it's all of it inconsolable

Have you seen Fargo? I watched the first episode Of the first season Yeah okay And I was like I'm not interested in pursuing this any further I really enjoyed Fargo

I've heard like good things But as I said like In my head it's like Where else is this going to go It seems weird This is a weird concept for a show I'm saying that I might rewatch I might try again

The first season I think is best one. Second season is still really good and I haven't watched the third season. Each one is its own story but it's sort of set in a similar I think it's set in the same place. It's all set in Minnesota. It's almost like a reboot. Almost every single one is a reboot where it's like it's a similar story but with different characters.

I really like it. Interesting. Film-wise I do like me old horrors thing. Oh yeah. These are two kind of similar films but very different at the same time. The 1977 film House, Japanese horror film is fucking spectacular. Is that with the creepy girl who like

chops off his legs. Yeah, I think so. With, like, cheese wire or something. No. I think there's one point, like, she falls into a grand piano, and the piano eats it. Oh.

Maybe not cheese wire. I don't know. There is a film where someone gets his feet sown off by a creepy, like, I don't know if, yeah, I don't know. House is a really good horror film. Very weird.

It's like a fantasy, it was like the trailer describes it is like, the world's first fantasy horror film. It's made by this, like, Japanese ad director who made his first feature film. It's fucking amazing.

That's not the one I'm thinking of. The effects. and it are awful, but like the best kind of awful. Great. Another 1977 horror film, Susperia, in the Gialo Italian direction style. It's fucking amazing. God.

I highly recommend that one. I don't know what that means. Gallo just essentially means, lots of pretty cool lights, everything's nice. Yeah. Yeah, but it's, again, I think... And then death. And death, lots of death,

and weird men and stabbing and ballerinas. It's great fun. Oh. So how soon... Fuck, I've forgotten the name already. Susperia. There we go. that's my two

two favours right now what about cyber tracker I heard you're a big fan of that cyber tracker yeah he talks like you can't understand

what he's saying yeah we had a shit movie day yesterday yeah we watched two one and a half of the terrible DVDs that we've been sent we watched

cyber tracker in full which was entertainingly bad and yeah that was good yeah it was hilarious it was like a combination of blade runner terminator

like every late 80s early 90s action film with a terrible budget. But then we also attempted to watch the legend of the Titanic, the animated... That was a trip.

It was... That outstayed its welcome after the intro where it was like the terrible zoom in and all of the set layers were moving independently of each other. Vomit-inducing. Really, really wonky. It was like, what, 25 minutes before

to the Titanic left port? It just dragged on and on and on. Everyone's waving at the ship for like half an hour while like people get on the ship. and just have a few conversations. It honestly didn't set sail for like 20 minutes or 25 minutes. And then we fast forward to the end.

Yeah, we did fast forward all the way through. What was the line about the mouse being attracted to the woman? Oh, my God. Yeah. There were two little mice boys looking at... You should say that this telling of Titanic has anthropomorphized animals. It does, yeah, who are like in little clothes,

like down in the bottom of a ship and there's also like a little mouse captain and everything. It's all equivalent. And there were two little mice boys looking in, to the first-class dining area of the human part of the ship and they saw the rose equivalent from this film

and one of them was looking at a going like wow she's beautiful isn't she just a hot all the voices were like that yeah like that awful awful and then his friend turns to me and goes ha well you won't ever be able to get with her because

you're a mouse and she's a woman and then he just says if there's one thing I'm not it's a racist I caught me so off God We just did not expect that We were all looking at our phones at this point Like not really paying attention We've given up

It's one thing I'm not It's a racist It's like wow hey okay Okay then I really want to hear the original Italian voices Because it was dubbed over in English Is it was in Italian?

Yeah it's originally Italian film It looks almost anime-esque in a lot of places What the fact that very little moves Yes Big eyes That doesn't make any sense Sorry Peter tell us What is your

What is your? What are you? Hello? Favorite media? I know one of them is Tony Robinson's Nature Side Walk. Tiny Robinson. That was good, actually.

Yeah, I quite enjoyed that. Tony Robinson's Britain's ancient trackways or ancient tracks, possibly. That is just peak Robinson. It is just so Robinson. And it was, it's just, it's just Zen. It's Zen viewing. Nice, chill out.

There are two seasons of it, and he just walks on some of the oldest roads in Britain, like footpaths. And along the way, he, like, goes to all the, like, historical and cultural sites and tells you all the folklore and stuff. That sounds delightful. And it is just, ah, I'd not even thought of that, but yeah, that is actually up there. It's like proper Sunday afternoon TV.

Yeah. Yeah, sit down a cup of tea. Granddad's asleep next to you. It is. Stick on a bit of it. It doesn't matter if granddad is asleep next to you or dead. Yeah, because... Everything's fine three days ago.

Because Tony Robinson can be your new granddad. Yes. And I tweeted about how much I love the show, which I hardly ever do. And Sempai noticed me and retweet. Oh, that's nice. Thanks Tony. If you're listening. Tea Dog. Unlikely. I also, something I mentioned previously on podcast is Whitechapel. I'm a big part of that. Keep me in to watch that. That's on Netflix. That's like a gothic. It's not set in the 1800s. It's like modern crime solving. The first season is a copycat killer replicating Jack the Ripper's killings. Yeah. Second season is the same thing,

but with the cray twins from London. And then seasons three and four, there are like, it's a bunch of like two two episode different storylines each time and basically everything is like there's like a historical precedent for the murders that are taking place and there's like supernatural elements to it and stuff like witchcraft and oh sounds right nice yeah yeah they try and like discount all the supernatural explanations but like there's always that little hint of like oh but wait how does that one thing happened that we can't really explain but other than that my i think my biggest poncho is British sitcoms I'm not so into my American ones

but like old ones from anything between like the 70s and the 90s I love one foot in the grave that's great I'm watching porridge right now Donnie Barker yeah I've seen bits of it before but never the whole thing and that's just been added to Netflix

so I'm watching that nice yeah that kind of thing films one of my favourite films of all time is children of men Oh yeah, oh, that's a technical masterpiece, I love that. It's about a, the human race becomes infertile, and then like 20 years later, when everyone's like, shit, we're just going to die soon.

This one girl gets pregnant, and there's like all these different factions who want to try and use her for different reasons, and like she's getting escorted to safety. It's fucking great sequences in that film. Yeah, there's some like 12 minute long, one take shots. Yeah, it's really, really impressive.

stuff where it's just, it's really immersive because of these really long shots. Yeah. That's something I really like. I'm getting tingles, just thinking about the one where like the guy and the woman through like the baby, like just walking through this building full of like refugees that everyone's looking to be like, oh my God, his hair's like Messiah.

And the cameraman's just running along. There's all this pyro going off around him like fake bullet fire and stuff and the cameraman just sticks with the action all the way there. It's really, really impressive. I've seen some behind the scenes of that. Like there's some crazy stuff to get those shots. The bit in the car. They had this crazy camera rig inside a car to do

like a super long sequence but also be able to like pan the camera around really impressive so it's not like mother then no no it's not I never saw mother it sounds so fun car crash I hated that film yeah yeah just

it never ends it sounds a bit pretentious oh it's so pretentious I think my girlfriend thought it was all right but like it just it's you can see why other people might not it's about religion and it just slaps you in the face for an hour and a half yeah Do you understand? Look at this.

Do you get it? Look at this reference we've made. And then just some bits were just so claustrophobic and just didn't end that like I was just so fed up of it by the end. Yeah. Just like they just went on and on. It was like Legend of the Titanic. Oh, a bit like the fight scenes in CyberTracor. Oh my God.

Let's shoot out for five minutes. It did actually say on the back of the box, didn't it? Just unending shootout. I mean, yeah, well, right. Yeah, yeah. It did not end. Yeah, someone said that as like a bad review. Just, oh, yeah, great.

Yeah, that's a room for us. Other than that, just like sort of Spielberg-y type. I love it. Like, 90s movie, like Jurassic Park and... Monster Films, is you a fan of those? I like my monster films, yeah, their respective reboots. I mean, I'm not... I didn't massively love Jurassic World, but I'm still sticking with it.

The next one looks all right. I'm quite interested. And Star Wars. I've heard people like just shitting all over the first trailer for the new Jurassic World. Like you're saying, oh, it's the worst thing ever. Yeah, some of the trailers have been really bad. But as it's gone on, I think it looks better and better. No doubt to market it.

Yeah. I like Jurassic, the new Jurassic Parker world, whatever it was. I mean, I'm a very stupid film girl. I kind of, anything just watches over me.

I'm not particularly fussy in regards to story. I'll just take it and just chow it down. My monsters, like my monsters, and George. George. Yeah, Indiana Jones.

That's me. Wonderful. Well, what a question. God, yeah, sorry, we went off on that for about 20 minutes. Long one. Who would like to go next?

By which I mean, Michael, would you like to go next? Yes, I would like to go next. have you got for us i've just got a little question a nice to explore ourselves and our passions is it what's your save my goodness oh shit if you were given an unlimited budget and time to work on a project what would you create what would be like a little thing you'd like to work and make any scope any size you can kind of bring other people into this you can just be a one-man thing if you're just given here's everything you need to make something what would you make

man i mean i can think of i can i can talk a little bit my ideas yeah well i've got one in my head, but I feel like there's something I would probably much rather do than the one I can think of right now. My thing is I've given myself all this unlimited scope and budget and stuff. I'd say I'd just make a little book about Newcastle. I was like an idea I had a couple years ago to like go around and interview small business owners. I see all the people who like kind of belong to the city, what they've done for the city and take pictures of the restaurants or whatever there is their own. So I just think like an aspect's really nice. Yeah. A little guide. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Like a nice photographic interview. Here's the

players, what you could get there. It's just to kind of open up some maybe less than known places to people who are visiting or just don't know the area that well. That'd be a nice little thing to do. That's lovely. I have actually in the past thought about it. I do have an answer, I think.

Linking back to one of my favourite TV shows, Whitechapel season four ends on the most nail-biting cliffhanger ever or not a cliffhanger, but like just a massive question mark. Like how and why and what is going on and I would just pay ITV as much as I needed to pay them and all of the

respective actors and writers to just give me a final season that ends with like a full stop not a question mark yeah that is literally what I would do no question nice in a similar vein I'd like to see either because the community the TV show oh yeah they had this thing going I think it was six seasons in a movie that's what they were going for yeah how many seasons did they get? I think they did end up getting like six. Ooh. But like the last few were like really hamstrung by switching networks.

Yeah. Because it was Dan Harmon who was behind it and also the Russo brothers as well who have gone on to do like Captain America Civil War for example and other things like that. And those they kept coming and going and then Donald Glover left. And then it went to Yahoo Flicks or something. Yeah, that was for a season, which was I think maybe 10 episodes, maybe slightly few. it and it's just it was fine I enjoyed what I watched of community

I think I gave up about three or four seasons in like when it like just as it started to decline season two and three were amazing and it started to trail off which is a shame and I'd like to see them do a movie just have a proper send off and have Donald Glover back come back for it but I don't know if he will because he's I think he's kind of

as a man he has completely changed since then he's very serious now he does Atlanta and he's won awards for that and then he's also childish Gambino so he's got an amazing rap career so I don't know how it would happen, but I would like to see that. But generally, in terms of unlimited budget, I, you sort of would, my mind kind of goes to, well, you should probably cure that pesky old,

that pesky old disease. Yeah, but this is, I assumed it was a creative project. Is it a creative project? It's kind of like something you'd like to make. I would do a bunch, I would just like sort out my friends and family and like disease and stuff. This is a selfish project where basically it's something you just want to do. Selfish project. Treat yourself. Have you seen the film, the Hitchhiker's guy, to the galaxy. I have. The Martin Freeman one.

Yeah. You know the bit where it turns out they're just like constructing Earth 2? Yeah. And they're just building all these planets. And there's like a warehouse where they're just constructing just the world. And there's a man who's walking around like spray painting the grass to make it green and stuff. I'd like to build an entire universe.

That would be pretty cool. Okay. It would just be hours. So we've gone from. With your unlimited budget. A book to a universe. Nice. Okay.

Yeah. Like when you said a book, I was like, shit. Did I get the wrong end of the stink here? No, no. I just, I don't want to make another plan. planet. Yeah, no, that's fair.

Just one that doesn't have any of the resource problems that we... So it'd be kind of just like an Earth 2, just like... Earth 2.0, like some bug fixes and stuff and some... Yeah, some... Yeah, but now we're... It's going to right, but you know, retail release, yeah. That's the thing, like, generally speaking, if you sold resource problems, solved, I think I said sold, then a lot of international conflicts would disappear.

I know that's not the root cause of all international conflicts, but... Russia would certainly not be as powerful if... we didn't need their oil, for example. But, you know, there's still just people hating other people because they come from another country, which is not a good thing. No. But, you know, people starving, that's not good. People fighting over fuel, that's not good.

And land. If we could just solve all that. Yeah, but it would be a good old step in the right direction. Theoretically, you could create this perfect planet where, like, everything's great. It just takes one, one asshole, the wrong idea. Fuck everything else. Well, they get to go back to Earth One. Oh, true.

As Earth 1 becomes like Australia. Yeah, yeah, well, precisely. I mean, I don't want it to be like some sort of horrifying utopia. I want it to have problems because otherwise it's not, what kind of life and world is that? But instead of like people who commit heinous, heinous crimes, like murder or, you know, rape and other horrific offences, they just get shipped back to Earth 1 and they can just stay there.

Just go over there, you're going in the naughty corner, which is a whole planet now. You don't get to live. I want to live on Plath... You don't get to live on Earth 2. You don't deserve it. I want to go on Earth 1 all the criminals. That'd be badass.

Michael would write a book on Earth 1. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, there be good. Yeah. Yeah, so you create Earth 1. Earth 1's Newcastle would be really interesting. And then White Chapel season 6 would base itself on crimes that were committed on Earth 1. Now, I'm not saying that Earth 1 should act as some sort of like Arkham City type environment where it's like, well, fuck it.

The prison's bugged. Might as well just cordoned off a portion of the city and just let the criminals live there and do what they want. I'm not talking some Mad Max style. situation. They're still incarcerated, but we don't have to keep them on Earth 2. People get paid handsomely to work on Earth 1. To be prison guards

at Earth 1. And you get shuttled between the two. Oh, I don't know. Teleport, whatever we've got going on. We mentioned a rap earlier, so I just really want to play a little bit of Kanye West's new song. Oh, the Snooppy-poop-de-poop-y. Yeah, I kind of described it, but it's so fucking funny. It's been in my head for a couple of days now. Scoop-de-de-whoop-whoop-de-scoop-poop-poop-ty-scoop.

Scoopty whoop-dee-whoop-woop-pooh-p-p-do-oop-poo-poo-poo-poo. You do realize that your mouth is going to be saying that on the animation. That went on and on and on. Fucking out. This is the last 30 seconds of the song. The rest of it's kind of like a normal. Whoop-o-d- Scoop-dy- Scoop-dy-poop. That man just, he's just not well.

Like, he's just... It's so good. He's just not a well man. He's clearly really like... Scoop-de-whoop. There's something wrong. wrong with him like he is like a bit sort of mentally mentally ill yeah people look at him we were talking about it yesterday when we went to the carvery people people look at him and

go this guy is some kind of genius and then what was it michael you scoop uh let's just go whoop did he scoop kaney west is a genius scoop de scoopdy whoo scoop de who I mean apart he's clearly making that up as he goes a lot yeah no that's good lyrics man he spent years crafting those uses is a fucking amazing album but It frustrates me. This is the equivalent of, you know, I mean, there's an argument against it when you have modern art, which is just a canvas with a single speck of blue on it. And you're like, well, I could have done that.

That's only sold for $10 trillion because it was done by John Johnson. Yeah, but people say, well, why didn't you do it? And it's like, well, because it's stupid. Because if I did do it, I wouldn't sell it for $10 trillion because I'm just Peter, the guy who's not an artist. And it's stupid. Yeah. But once you make a name for yourself in a certain industry, you can do whatever the fucking hell you want.

And it's great. I love it. I love this unadulterated, just doing whatever the fuck you want. It frustrates me because he's such an asshole. If he was a nice guy, I would, I'd be like, good luck to him. You know, if like, who's a nice guy? Drake. Drake's a nice boy. Martin Freeman, if Martin Freeman made a film where it was just him going

in a room on his own and it sold for like $10 billion. Would he call it Martin Freeman's The Scoopiddy Room? Yeah, he would. Fat man, Scoopty, poopity, whoopty. I would wish him all the best of luck, because Martin Freeman is a lovely man. Yeah, well, Martin Freeman didn't do it. Can you worse beat him to him. And Martin Freeman doesn't have, like, clearly undiagnosed mental issues that need to be addressed.

Oh, he's just, he's alternative. No, he's not. Look at the way his facial expression changes all the time. That's not how people work. After everyone unfollowed. No, it's not right. There's something going on in his head. Can we need to work it out.

His child is called North West. Stop. No. Fuck off, man. Ryan, at Ryan Shaw 412, asks, what's your guilty pleasure game? Like a game you know is bad, but you still play and enjoy anyway.

Man. I'm a big fan of renowned French weirdo, Dwayvid Quedge. Michel On Sal. No. The other one. Dwayvd, David Quedge. Who's known for, you know,

his studio, Quantic Dream and Heavy Rain and Beards to Souls. and Fahrenheit or, what was it called, Indigo Prophecy. Yeah, yeah. I love Fahrenheit. Yeah, they're ridiculous games, and they're very wanky, and at some point they usually fall apart. Yeah.

And Beyond Two Souls, just in general, was a bit of a dog's dinner. Jason. But I just loved them because they're so different. And then in the wake of that, you know, tell-tale have risen to prominence. And then what was the horror game called, Until Dawn? Right. Oh, right, yeah, yeah. took those ideas and sort of made them a lot better.

Yeah, a bit more, slightly more grounded, I guess. I'm a big fan of his, and his games are wonky, and he defies his opinion, but I really like his games. I don't have a guilty pleasure game, don't you? I don't know. Maybe you should feel guilty that you've played like 1,200 hours of Binding of Isaac. It's nothing wrong with that. I've got a favorite game.

It's nothing guilty about that. It's a good game. It is a good game. I don't know. I always saying guilty pleasure is a weird thing. Like, if you like something, you shouldn't feel guilty about it. just go out there and like it. It's more a question of things that you know are bad.

Yeah. There are very few things that I like that I actually keep quiet about. Like, I'm mostly just like, yeah, it's a guilty, but like deal with it. That's what I like. Apart from Spirovor, you know, I'm a bit embarrassed about that. You love that one. Yeah, I love just the thought of being inside that flame belly. When we give you that birthday kick, it was supposed to be shared with the office.

You weren't supposed to take it home for yourself just to enjoy. He's like that picture was for everyone. He licked the picture, like all of it. Loads. You just came in the room and they're just like going to town on that Are our listeners

smart enough to understand irony and sarcasm? Ben, just cut this out, Ben, just cut this out, right? This is really... Because I think so. We've had some trouble recently with people

When you said... Oh, I love pushing people to see how far we can take them wise. You said Meme in a video recently and someone replied in the comments and very sincerely said Ben, it's pronounced meme, you idiot. Oh shit.

She showed me. Yeah. I also mentioned in a video that when I was on Tinder someone once tried to like see if I'd be interested in like being fed or whatever you know the weird thing is

where they just feed you or whatever and so I thought you were in a relationship Ben what are you doing on Tinder? I haven't been in a relationship since birth there were times you know and people are like I've caught you I think there's a few people out there who think I'm married with children

I've made a few references in editing like I'll please my children are in tweets and stuff my Twitter is very much a weird place don't believe anything on there Michael's got children Ben is a two-timer

and I love Spirovore One of these isn't a lie What was the question? Something about Vourty pleasure Guilty pleasures Yeah Guilty Pleasures I know that

on some metrics Hogs of War is a bad game Some people would also say it's a great game But, like, graphically, it's horrendous. Hit detection's really bad. There's a lot wrong with it. But Rick Mail.

But Rick Mail. And that's enough. And that's great. Also, Gauntlet Legends, I really like. You do like a lot of obscure PS1 games that may not have reviewed too well. Exactly, yeah. You've got that nostalgia, right? There'll be plenty that I enjoy that I can't even think of right now.

They're probably not actually that great. But the original Pokemon games in many videos sort of talking about glitches and exploits and things they're often frequently referred to as the worst games and the most broken games and I'm like shit really is that how they're looked at because I loved them and I still like to play them

I can't think of a single bad game I like they're all great Michael's perfect yeah I have my taste is impeccable no room for improvement Luke Smith asks are you planning a party or video special for a million subscribers I mean yeah it's time to start playing

yeah really yeah let's get to 35 Okay first, shall we? God. What a cruel. My God, please tell your friends. Yeah, please, please share the channel with all your friends and Tom, how great we are. Yeah, that'd be great. If we hit a million subscribers, I'll do a flip off the Clifton Bridge.

Yeah? But now there, right now. Really? I'm signing a legal document right now. There we go. We had it ready. That's true. Peter is a notary. What?

A what? A legally binding document. Yeah, yeah. A notary. A notary. You can witness things and go, whoa. Someone who walks around with a special stamp and witnesses legal documents says yes that is that is a real

fucking out that's a real thing that happened there we go so now if we get a million subscribers on your stamp that's nice yeah do you think our mouths moved when I stamped probably yeah that was all of our shocked faces we're doing this we're doing it we're doing it right I hope

you audio MP3 listeners are enjoying that yeah with no context check out the video for a crazy animation great it's great fun Ben what's your thing I brought a discussion about weird diets or things that you tried or a period where you just had like, you just thought, I'm going to give this a go because why the fuck not,

I've got nothing to lose, and then it's sort of backfired in some way. Yeah, right. I have a couple of examples. You guys are already aware of them, but feel free to ask questions. Oh, yeah, I have many questions, yeah. So the first one was grape juice was always like a treat,

like a Christmas thing we'd have, like red grape juice. I think it's delicious. I haven't had it for years now. I can't say I've eaten grapes plenty, but I don't know if I've had the juice on its own. I'm not a wine fan, but it's like that with all the alcoholic bitterness taken out. It's just a really sweet, delicious.

Like rosé. Sounds nice. It's very lovely. If you can try some. And white grape juice is practically the same thing. So when I moved out and went to university, a number of years ago, I discovered that I had to feed myself.

Yeah, what? which I was not familiar with, quite frankly, disgusted by. And internet shopping was the thing that I could do. And I was like, oh, okay. What are vegetables? What are fruit? Vitamin pills? Nuh.

Sunshine, maybe. Rainbow's lollipops. And I just bought everything that I'd ever wanted from an internet shop. So I bought, I'm a big fan of Ginster slash Ginster's slices. I love chicken and mushroom in particular. to my favourite. I love those. And if they're on sale,

I always buy one or five. If you find some on sale, please send them to. Don't. They will not keep in the post. But I love those. Maybe a voucher. If you got to run it,

that's fine. So I bought like 15 of these, loads of sausage rolls, chocolate, and about eight cartons of grape juice. It's like if a kid to manage to kid a reason on birthday party.

It's exactly that. They're having sausage rolls and grape juice. There was a, There was a show on Channel 4 or Channel 5 like that where they had like 12 kids under the age of 10, I think, living effectively on their own in a house. There were some like crew there, but they were not to interfere whatsoever unless absolutely necessary.

And these kids were given a budget to go into the supermarket. That sounds so good. I just imagine what they did. Yeah, yeah. So I, outside of the, you know, the delicious pastries that I purchased, I sort of just just lived on grape juice for about a week with no solid food

Why didn't you eat the solid food though? I don't know I can't give you that answer I guess maybe you chugged a load of grape juice because you were like, oh I've got all this grape juice and then you were full of liquid and didn't want any food I think that might have been it Yeah

The end result was that it frequently made my teeth red Wow Sort of stained them a little bit Which is fine because you just clean your teeth and sorts of it out and I know we keep going to the toilet space every episode

maybe once every 10 or 15 minutes it's a natural part of life it's no problem there but it looked like a bird had been in the bathroom right like a big old berry plop like no solidity to it at all yeah not the white bird poos the purple ones

yes exactly it was purple I mean at least the inside is nice and clean it's like in the ename just with grape juice yeah just a little cleanse a juice cleanse Kind of. Well, you want to be careful with, particularly with grapes, I think. Because I know someone, I won't

name who they are or how I know them. But I know someone who, when they were very young, I think like four or five, they discovered grapes and sat and ate grapes and grapes and grapes. And they got like acid burns in their asshole when they took...

What? Not like permanent. But like they got... Like it burnt to shit. Peter, I told you not tell anyone about That's scary. Sorry, Michael. It was Michael Johnson. It was Michael's child.

Yeah, one of Michael's many children. Yeah, I think the acid in grapes can be quite bad. Quite scary. Well, luckily, I survived. Yeah. I then sort of swore off that. I don't think I've drunk it since, but I'm still a big fan of grape juice. It's delicious.

What a treat. The other time was in my third year at university. Right. Where I just thought, I kind of want to eat a little bit healthier. I've been eating a lot of... Oh, yeah. I went to uni in Leicester. Those in Leicester listening will be very familiar with Maryland chicken,

of which there are about seven or eight of them. Okay. It's one of them. It's one of those. But they only exist predominantly in Leicester and a couple in Birmingham. Because I've tried to find them elsewhere. Because they used to do a meal that I really like their chicken strips. They were like spicy and kind of soft and I really liked them.

And they were so cheap as well. And it's the kind of sort of chicken shop where they have, or the kind of chain where there's two on a street. Yeah, you know those ones that you only get in towns and they're like local to that town. So I used to eat there a lot and I thought I kind of want to eat a little bit healthier. What can I do?

Well, celery is calorie negative. Oh, no. Why don't I eat nothing but celery all week and then reward my, Saturday it's time for a reward. Saturday is treat day. Yeah, that's how it works. You have no negative, not even no calories. You lose calories.

Uh-huh. And then six days a week. Oh my God, you did a little Brian Butterfield. I tried to Brian Butterfield. God, yeah, that's actually what you were doing. Oh, my God. But it didn't, as you might be surprised to learn, it did not work. These trousers are so loose.

I've got to do it to buy you back. Or 24 hours, you can eat all the chicken strips. And basically, I think I made it like two days. Mm. Didn't last long. I got about halfway through the first day, and I was so hungry. Yeah. And you just crave anything that's not that.

Yeah. So I started craving potato waffles. or potato grids. So it started with me just, I was like, well, how can I make this hummus more palatable? How about hummus, sorry? How can I make the celery more palatable with hummus? So then I was eating it with hummus and then obviously hummus isn't,

you know, huge moose. It's not particularly good for you, the huge moose. Better than not eating anything at all. Yeah, that's true. There was some calories coming in. Good. And then I would like burn through, like, for one piece of celery because you had to chew it for ages.

I'd like get half the fucking tub of hummus on. Because it was just, is horrible. Yeah. It's not nice at all. Day two, I got to about lunchtime and then I bought some potato waffles and it was all over. God. Just as binary with you.

It's all and nothing. Exactly. Like, there's no, I had no ability to sort of measure out a reasonable diet. It was all or nothing. God. The celery is not calorie negative. That's a bullshit thing. Is it?

It has calories. It's just very, very few. No, yeah. It's not that they don't have calories. active protest. Still, that's 100% a lie. Obviously, it's like 13 calories of state or something, but yeah, it's not quite... Have you guys ever done anything similar where you...

I know you've been on quite the white chocolate kick recently. After the 80th chocolate bars it got sent. People sent a lot of milker, and I'm very grateful for it. To be honest, I'm not actually having a massive chocolate kick. I'm just eating it slowly. I'm just working through it. I'm really not like actually... As part of a balanced diet.

As part of a balanced diet, I'm not properly like ODing on chocolate right now. now. I'm just, I know that I've got a backlog of chocolate forever. Yeah. It's exciting. That's great. Yeah, I know. You would never need to buy chocolate again. It's fantastic. What about you, Michael? I don't think we've ever done like an extreme

just kind of all the one thing and none of anything. When I first went vegetarian, for two weeks, I just farted non-stop. But you still fart a lot. Yeah, you should have seen it. Like, literally those were like dangerous days. Because this second year of uni, I moved out into a

friends flat and from like September to December I was normally eating meat whatever and I came back after the Christmas period hey Leo I'm vegetarian now he was like wow what what what and then around this time it was like near the hand-in date for a documentary we'd be making at uni right so it was like crush time we had like three days left to finish it and we like had so much editing left to do so about three days we had about five people living in our flat just kind of taking turns sleeping editing like processing things and oh boy that was peak fart time for me oh no and And I think it's a miracle I'm still friends with some of those people

because it was just every 10 minutes and it got to the point where I bust out my phone to record every fart. So somewhere in my... You should have had farta. Oh yeah. Fartre. So I bust out my iPhone 5. By the end of the week I had a recording about 50 farts. And to shame I dropped that phone

in a pint and it died. So I lost access to all those fart sound effects. But oh my God, I've never farted so much. I am a farty gassy boy. you eating during your initial vegetarian days? Pizza? Just pizza. Tanks of methane.

Yeah. Because I lived with a Korean and he was a really good cook. So I like lots of kimchi fried rice. Oh, nice. It was nice. I was eating well, but obviously I think I went for a lot of easy options at first before I learned to cook, which involved pizza, chips, stuff like that. It makes me really hungry now.

Yeah, I'm really. Just the words. It's definitely lunch time. There's that guy that eats Big Macs every day. Yeah, there is. Supersize me. Yeah. No, there's a man who just has a Big Mac every day.

For about 40 years, he's been eating Big Macs. Oh, my God. He's in the documentary, right? I think he's eating his millionth Big Mac a few years ago. Jesus. How many days is that? He's normal size. Yeah, he just, you know, he's portion control.

Some people just have the metabolism. He looks, it looks like one of those, like, a weird hippie type. I guess if he eats other stuff that's not as bad for him, then. That's the thing that he goes in there. He gets out of the cheese and the bread and the meat. I just Google search Bog Mac there. Bog Mac. That's what happens after you eat a Big Mac every day.

That's what was left in the toilet in the last week. Just the bog Mac. He looks like the kind of guy who'd eat and nothing but big Macs. Oh my God, look at that. Yeah, he does look. One for the link dump there. He's a strange looking dude.

Wait, maybe he's a millionth. It was a hundred thousandth, maybe. Yeah, a million is a lot of years. Oh, 30,000th. Oh, can't even get that. Jesus. What a loser. Sorry, I have a wild-year.

30,000. Pathetic. Big Macdaddy, Don Gorski. That's his name. Macaddy. Oh, my God. Well, there we go. That's the thing I brought.

It didn't generate as much discussion as I'd hoped it would because clearly I am... You're a monster like that and it's just a problem exclusive to me. I think I'm too sensitive to like stick with any of the same thing on a regular, like just every day for a week. I think after two or three days I would just instantly be like, okay, I can't, I'm just kind of like...

Like my dog, he's very sensitive, he poops whenever he eats anything a little bit different. Like chicken, if he eats a bit of chicken, you'll poop everywhere. I mean, that doesn't happen to me, but yeah, yeah. If I did for like a week, that might not be good for me. Well, we wrap up with one final question. Is it from Ross Hornby? This is from some guy called Ross Hornby. Ross Hornby.

At DJH3 Macs on Twitter. It plays like the banjo. No, he plays the horn. No, that's George Fornby. What? George Fornby. Who? When I'm cleaning windows.

Is this the one that does the trains? That's just Hornby. Right. He doesn't have a first name. He's just Hornby. Just in Hornby? Just in Hornby. Just in case.

Hello? Hello? What are we doing? What does DJ H3 Max say? Fuck, he knows the username. He says, how sticky should it be? Two. Yeah, I would say at least like a six.

No, two six, because it's very easy to go overboard on the stickiness. But do you not, like, get any pleasure out of, like, cleaning the stickiness? Because if you're on a two, then there's no... Well, how the hell do you clean up a sick stickiness? That's stuck. That is, like, special stuff for it. Unsticker, right. Pressure hose.

I think it should just be as sticky as it is. Like, you know, sometimes, if it's been a while, then it might be stickier. It might be less sticky. So you're saying just however stick it is is the perfect level of stickiness. Yeah, like, as long as, I guess as long as everyone is enjoying themselves, like, it doesn't really, it doesn't really matter. I don't know. Do you think he's talking about the, the cum-proof bedside table? Oh, I thought he was talking about, um, I thought he was talking about, um, uh, the tree sticks.

That's, tree sap. Tree-saps, sticks. Three-six. Three-six. Well, we might have to get more clarification next week, I guess, or next fortnight. That's embarrassing, isn't it? We're all thinking about different things. God, it's God's sake.

Well, thank you very much, everybody, for listening. Don't forget, we are sponsored by Turtle Beach bit. Dot L.Y. forward slash vidiates Beach to get the same headsets we're wearing right now. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, forward slash vidiots official. Thank you to our Patreon.com.com forward slash patrons. I see your face. Patreon.com forward slash vidiots official. At this is rules boss.

Ask him anything. He's ready and waiting. At Billy Ray Botris, daily tweets about the life of Billy Ray. He won't reply to you, though. He won't reply. Leave us an iTunes review. Whoa. Or a review slash rating on your platform.

Please do. What's the secret message that we can give today? Not the secret word, but the message. What's something that only people who've stayed at the end of the podcast will be imparted with today. Scoopity poop. Scoopty poop. No. No.

Not the word. Not scoopity poop. Can we now have it. So I don't want them all to be the same. but if they like end with a little like hashtag secret word and it's the answer to a question so people who haven't heard the question won't understand the context

but it's like for example like your favourite film but not that because people will be able to guess that but like you know answer the secret question which is Are your parents divorced? Okay It's just going to be a series of yeses and no

How many children does Michael have? Four just loads of numbers names for Michael's next child Shirley and Chris. Name suggestions for your... Yeah, there we go. I've got a new one coming. We don't know what gender it's going to be.

So can we have a boy and a girl's name and hashtag secret answer, please? Yeah, we'd like that. What I actually meant, though, I wasn't after a secret word or phrase. I meant like a secret piece of knowledge that we can share with the people who've waited all the way to the end. Oh, well, what we're going to share this week? What can we give them? There's some things. Have we announced...

Have we announced glitch yet? We've announced glitch. Have we? We're doing glitch, yeah. Have we announced glitch? We're going to new... We haven't done like a proper video on it, but we've... But we're going to be in Newcastle.

We're going to be in Newcastle. Oh, yeah, we talked about it last time. Yeah, we're going to meet up with the cult holic guys. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. If we talk about this week's schedule very briefly, we've got a, well, memory cards is tonight at the time of recording.

Then potty, it's obviously, listening to that right now. We're going to have a Skyrim Zoo. We're going to have a post some tap. Oh, my God, Skyrim Zoo, the thrilling conclusion to meeting Billy Ray Waris's actual Hawkers parents. Worst games ever is this Friday.

The secret piece of knowledge is... Are we saying the name, but? No. Okay. But it might feature a familiar voice. It might feature a familiar voice. Can you guess a silhouette? It might be Adam Piccini.

Maybe not. Oh, God. It might not. In which case, that's fine. And who knows? And who knows? Maybe I made my wrestling debut at a weekend. I don't know.

You love to phone it. But if I didn't, that's fine. Guys, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you for listening, everybody. Don't forget to leave your comments down below. And we respect you. Share it. Name my children, please.

Name is children. Bye.