Podiots - Podiots: Episode 57 - Not The Caravan

Episode Date: July 28, 2020

Peter's ordered an embarrassing Amazon package, Mikey's pitting two Bristols against one another, and Ben's brought some weird fake news.   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots   Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99%

during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Summer's here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days, delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groom lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.

A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan. Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol and select markets.

Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Coming this summer. It's the cinematic event of the decade. I can't believe it. He's back. Who's back? It's Kevin. And he's kidnapped Meatface.

The ultimate. The villain must be stopped. There's only one thing we can do. I've got to hack into Kevin to stop him. Get me to the Pentagon now. Good versus evil. Please. We just want our meat face back.

Help us, Mr. Mikey. Mikey versus a weird music playing goblin monster man. Okay, let's do this. I'll just take a seat. Oh, oh, oh. Wait, what is this? This chair isn't remotely ergonomic. And it's not remotely gamer boy enough.

I can't work with this. The world will end unless I get a better chair. Sir, we have a solution. Oh my God, wow. Yeah, this chair is so great. My hacking and pro gamer skills are going to skyrocket. Thanks Nitro Concepts for letting me save the world. Thank you very much to Overclockers UK and Nitro Concepts for supporting the show.

They've been kind enough to gift us some amazing chairs and they've saved our backs from the terrors of a bad chair. So if you'd like to support them and help us too, you can head over to overclocters.co.com.ukers.ukukukukukukukukh forward slash poddiots and browse a magnificent selection of Poddiet's approved chairs. The link is also in the description. Now enjoy Poddiots. Hello, boys. Long time.

We're here. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. So many different voices you can do today. It's magic, isn't it? Hello, everyone. How's everyone been? It's been like a month, and it feels weird to be back in our pro-recording suite, known as Discord.

It's real. Oh, God, was that deafening for you? No, that was fine. Okay, I just whacked my microphone stance. with my telephone. It's real. Bam. Definitely.

That's it. It's so tactile. Sensory technology that we have here. Yeah. It feels good. It feels good to be back. I'm ready for things.

You know, I'm ready for questions. I'm ready for not Kevin. We put Kevin to sleep. Yeah. Once ago. Yeah. He was in the zone

with their memory cards at the minute. Just that weird. And German robot lady. Yeah. Just in that little room we keep at the back of our minds. We can't kill them. We never know when we might need them again,

so they're just living there forever. It's like that dusty drawer where you keep bits of string and old nails that you've found in the house and you don't know where they've come from. Dead batteries and currency that you can't use. It's just dead memes now. They're all just in there floating around like ghosts. If you look deep enough in your drawer at home,

maybe you'll find a spirit. Oh, maybe. There could be one in there. Anyway, sleep well, guys. Yeah, see you later. All right. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Poddy. It's the official... Boom.

Vidiots! Mm-hmm. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three... where everybody brings... A thing... ...a long to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. Sorry, I forgot the order. Oh, God. Are you okay? That's all right. No. It's been that long. Oh, yeah. What order do we go in again? We're like out in deck. Every time we're seeing in person, you have to stand in a very specific order. I'm sure that's definitely happened in every video we ever did.

And I'm Mikey. Well, that's literally what Peter and I do. How is it? We do have an order. Oh, shit, I didn't know that. So I guess I just kind of plopped in wherever I felt and just ruined the beautiful art you guys worked on. Never. You never ruin anything, Mikey.

You were the fancy hat atop the beautiful structure. I could even be the fancy belt in the middle or the fancy socks on the bottom. I made it to buy a new fancy belt in the middle of the structure. But we could never replace you with a fancier belt, Michael. I don't know, there's some pretty good belts out there. Don't never say never, Ben. You never know. Well, we'll see. But speaking of belts in a segue that literally does not work,

have you found any belts in your new house, Michael? Sadly, not a single belt. I've been beltless for months. My pants just keep falling down and it's really embarrassing. The neighbours keep seeing me in compromising positions and I'm going to have to resort to using a string. Oh, no. But yeah, the new houses, it's nice. I've got space. I'm currently in the stink room with the ferrets.

So it's me making up a stink and four ferrets also making up a stink in quite a warm little room. So it's just, you know, stink central up here. A dedicated stink room, though. Look at you. Yeah, look at us now. I used to just, you know, my stink room was the living room before, but now we can properly separate the two because you don't want to be stinking and living at the same time.

No, you don't. That's, as the famous adage says. I don't want to be stinking and living. That's the bad, bad thing. Yeah, it's all moved in now. Still, like, it's not quite, my room is an absolutely tip at the minute because, you know, Claudia's done a wonderful job in every other part of the house. It looks fantastic.

There's pictures up. And the bit that I'm responsible for currently just has an AK-47 lying on the floor, a bunch of bags and boxes and stuff that I haven't figured out what to do with yet because I've got no storage. No storage, yeah. The floor is my storage at the minute, but I'll make it at home, I'll make it a studio, probably maybe, I don't know. You'll do it. We'll see how much energy I have. It's either that or drape a blanket over a stack of boxes and bam, new furniture. Oh, that's a good idea, actually. I might do that. There's some interesting potential chairs in this room.

I'll report back. I'll find some blankets and they'll decorate. That's dangerous. That is dangerous. And how are you, Peter? What's going on in Castle Austin? Not much new. You know, there's still germs out there. So the door hasn't been opened, essentially. Just hunkered down. Yeah, that's it.

Ready to strike? Ready to strike. I'm unionising. I'm going. What do we want? No more pandemic anymore. When do we want it? Yesterday. Are you campaigning against the virus of the government there? Are you like directly screaming in the virus's face? I'm campaigning. I'm screaming at literally everyone outside of this building. So that's including you two. Oh, no. It's your fault that I have to live in a pandemic world. Shit. Sorry, Peter.

We'll have a word with the other people. people outside of your house. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, just spread it around. That's all of them. All of them, yeah. Every single one. Every single one.

Hey, did you know that you can support this podcast financially? Did you know that? Did you know that? What? I can. I can support the podcast financially. Yeah, you can. Oh my God, yes.

How do I do it, Ben? You literally can. By going to streamlabs.com forward slash podiates donations and donating three pounds or more for a shout-out. And you will join. pod squad for the next episode recording episode of the show that we're doing right now. Oh boy. Yeah, it's real and it's true. And of course, you know, as we say a lot, I feel, you don't have to support us financially if you're not in a position to. There's no pressure whatsoever. Just telling your friends and showing it around means a lot. But if you do want to

go above and beyond, streamlabs.com forward slash pottyist donations. And here is your pod squad for this week. We start with the powerful flibbitty gibbets. Trunter's exosuit has been hit. Oh no. Katie Kin Solo. I will lie awake. Mr. Black.

Taking Blobby to Eisengard. We've got a very generous Tommy the Wank Engine. Thank you very much. You wanky engine. He says, I personally imagined the giant sperm having, oh God, I forgot about this. I personally imagined the giant sperm having arms and legs akin to the thumb people from Spy Kids, trademark. Oh, no. Oh, that'd be awful. Also, I graduated uni and now I have an internship, which means money. Thanks for everything, boys. I couldn't have graduated without you,

genuinely. Thank you very much, Tommy. Thank you. But that's not all. Oh, God, oh please, God, no. There's another one. Clumps, dumps, bumps, bumps, quamps. It's quite a nice one. Nice. And the generous Scooby-Drewby-Drew says, Good day, boys. First time donor. May as well go big. Here's a creepy thing.

Look up, Snowtown Murders. Have fun, boys. Oh, I might have a look. I like a bit of Spookum, so I'll have a look at that. Thank you, Scooby-Duby. But there's even more. Emily Lemons, bring back memory cards.

No. Awesome Fox 42. And known racist Mel Gibbon, with, again, a very, very generous donation. He says, sorry I've been away, boys. I've been helping replace the batteries in government surveillance birds. Keep up the great content. Thank you, Mel Gibbon, for your hard work.

Thanks, Mel. Thank you, Mel. And thank you to all the other people on Pod Squad. It continues with Stephen Scodes. Ross and Helen are engaged. Congratulations. 91P pack of feet mace. Oh, right.

Freddie Weber licks rashes. Barry B Benson Phillips Nice Big Willem's Wet Willam Bumpiss Johnson 351 Jam Ferguson Who gave an exceptionally generous donation Really generous

And said Being a big fan of you guys For a good few years now You have each more than earned this Over that time So here's my contribution In these less than certain times Thank you, thank you

Thank you Jam Also, Alan Claw, Big Boy 30 birthday. Kim. Happy birthday, Alan, maybe. Yeah, possibly happy birthday, Alan. Kim, Kim, who was very generous and said, My boyfriend, who introduced me to you, lovely, lovely boys, proposed to me recently.

We want to know how much money we need to get you to write our wedding boughs for us. Much love. You do not want that. 60P. 60P. Hope you're married. Like a gloat.

lovely, like a glovely saride. Oh, jeez. Doing a pod squat. It was also very generous. About to embark on a 22-hour, 1,000 mile overnight drive across Europe with my wife and kids. It's just safer than flying. Wow.

A back catalogue of poddietz and the latest episode will help me stay awake and sane. Wish me look. That does not sound safer than flying. Good luck. I mean, yeah, I mean, that sounds like an adventure. We need more adventure in these times, not just safe, safe planes, whatever. Let's travel. Let's go across the wilderness in a cow.

For sure. Rudy Rutterbarga was also very generous and said, Fuck them to the top, baby. Rudy approved. Rudy Toot-toot. Also, Lord Brotovich, Kevin from Con, and Lightning McQueen, thank you. Wow, and can you believe it? It's still not over.

No. Oh my God. I mean, I know we took a little break, but good Lord. everyone. Thank you so much. Hi, Evelyn. It's Bobbett Babylonie. Thank you. Axel's Alive 95. Alan Klaw, again. I think Alan forgot they had a birthday and just decided to donate again. Thank you, Alan, very much. A very generous donation from an exceptionally generous donator. Finally got back to work and wanted to celebrate with you lovely boys. Thank you so much for the last couple of years of entertainment. I appreciate what you do. We appreciate you. Thank you so much.

And oh my God, it's another one of exceptional quantity, semi-retired mercenary prosa. Thank you very much. No funny message. Just wanted to thank you for years of wonderful work. But here is hoping that helps you lot continue. Oh, sorry. And here is hoping that helps you lot continue as long as you have fun. By the by, is there a chance some plucky lad slash lass could cut all the names of the pod squad into a rad montage?

Oh, my God. Well, every single one. There's the challenge. The gauntlet's been thrown down. Thank you so much, semi-retired mercenary prostitute. I hope you're doing well in your retirement. Bim-Bam, Wiggy Wham, Deluxe Man. Thank you for the generous donation.

You are forever amusing, make me laugh. And maybe, just maybe, the money will make you launch an attempt at becoming mayor of Gotham City. I'm also at Deluxe underscore Man on Twitter. Praise B-Bee to the Mighty Meat Face. Thank you. P. Bim-Bam. Praise B.

Wiggy-Wam. General Mo Lester. I dislike. Matthew Geoffrey, knee-deep in Trigley-seride, mouth-fart fetishist, crigley-teride, a succulent Chinese beale, hang on, oh Chinese Ian Beale, my mistake, Saturday is FAP Day, thurries for vidiots, Prince Beefcakes, Epileptic Fridge Boy, and Finn Tristam, wow. What a collection of names, my God.

Good Lord, thank you so much, everybody. That's streamlabs.com, forward slash poddiat's donations both with an S on the end if you would like to join Pod Squad for the next episode. Thank you everyone. You'll get a shout at the end of the show as well. Right, are you boys ready for your first question

of the week? Yes! Here we go. This is from Darren Dredge at Dredge 5316 on Twitter. If you was allowed to steal anything from a British museum, what would it be? Oh man, I know exactly what I'd take.

in the M Shed in Bristol there's some little like actual Wallace clay models I would steal all of those and I'd make a Wallace room A Wallace room to go with your stinky room What's the room called in 50 shades

I want like you know that sex dungeon but for Wallace and Gromit in my house Oh I don't know I've not seen 50 shades sadly Just let's just call it the naughty room I'll have a naughty room of Wallace You could have a sign on the door that says The Gorgon Zonler.

Oh, wow, fantastic. Very good, yes. Oh, thank you, Ben. You've just, you've put the little hat on top of my Wallace room, thank you. Oh, I did it. I got up there and I put the hat on. Well, you boys, what do you both want to steal? That's of great historical importance.

Peter, would you steal a whole castle? Well, I don't think they have those in museums. Was it specifically a... British Museum or in the world. It said a British Museum. Oh, okay. Hmm. Maybe just like, there's a, in, in the British Museum, I think it's the British Museum, not the natural history. Yeah, I think it's in the British Museum in London. There's like, they've got a big Egyptology exhibit there that's like permanently on. And there's a load of mummified Egyptians in there but they've also got like a mummified hawk and a mummified baboon there and i think just just for

the sake of being able to say people when people come around for tea and they're like what what's that then you know at the thing in the corner go oh it's just that's just my mummified baboon don't worry about that at all nice uh maybe that's what i'd steal just a mummified baboon 2,000 years old. Just as an icebreaker. Yeah. That's good. That'll be amazing.

I'm actually following a similar trend to you, Peter. I, whenever I visited museums as a child, I was always taken in by the Egyptian artifacts that were particularly golden and blue, you know, with the sort of striped them, like the little, calling them figurines is probably a bit reductive, but you know what I mean, those sort of small. shiny things. I'd like one of those just on my mantle piece. But then again, that's what Britain did anyway.

What went around stealing stuff from the rest of the world? For their mantle piece, yeah, pretty much. So maybe that's not the best look. But yeah, something golden and shiny, I think. Maybe a dinosaur skeleton. That would be pretty cool. Oh, that would be cool. Like, um, uh, what's it called?

What's that game called that everybody loves? Animal Crossing. Yes. Ah, yes. Yes. Oh, now you make me think Maybe what's like the smallest dinosaur Because in actual museums They've got like the massive actual real life You know, recreations of them

I want like a little one that can hang from my ceiling So I've got a little dinosaur floating around Maybe there's a geff in there somewhere A geff Yeah, there must be some taxidomised mongoose somewhere In just, you know, a natural history museum or something Yeah Oh man, yeah, well we had the little

toy quote-unquote toy version maybe if you delve into the real thing find an actual actual mongoose put some little hands on it bam maybe i'd still meat face because that must be in a museum it's got to be that does belong in a museum it belongs in a museum could you imagine ever cooking meat face kids wanted to cook it and eat it remember oh god it's like the world's oldest hot cross bun i'm sure you've seen that that's still there from like the the the early 20th or late 19th century and it's like preserved and it looks all horrible and grey but it'd be like eating that

Oh Oh horrible grey meat face You can't eat the meat face Horrid Wonderful well thank you Darren for that question Next question comes from Justin At drawn by Justin Who asks

Who would like to share their thing first Oh What a segue were we Very good Breaking New Ground I've got something to share that I think maybe we should get out of the way quickly. Oh no, okay. Because it's a slightly sensitive subject, and if you're listening with your loved ones, with your children,

you know, maybe you should just quickly sort of scrub through the next 10 minutes, okay? Don't listen to this with your children ever, please. No. It also is going to contain at least one word of strong language. Oh, like one of the bad swear words, one of the really bad ones. Like crap. Oh no, not Willie. Come on, I've got to bleep those now.

Sorry, sorry. So this is, I really didn't want to bring a weird news story, but I just couldn't help it because I saw this shared on Facebook, which I hardly ever go on anymore, but someone had shared it, and I was like, oh wow, another daily mirror story for the podcast. The headline doesn't even tell you half the story, but the headline is, Mortified Mum, confused.

as postman smirks handing over parcel, then sees label. Okay. Okay. Chloe Lithego says she's resigned herself to years of embarrassment when she has to face her postman after her online Amazon order came with the product name printed on the label. No. Okay. A mum said she can no longer look her postman in the eye after an online order arrived

without the discrete packaging it promised. Chloe Lithgow received an alert on her phone that a delivery was arriving when she said she saw the driver walking up the path, smiling to himself. As she signed for the package, she realised that the name of the X-rated sex toy inside was printed on the label, right next to the barcode the postal worker had to scan first. I opened the door and he handed it over, smirking, as if he knew what was in the box, she said. There is then a photo of the parcel with the label, And the words satisfy a cunt sucker next generation.

No. That's the worst it could have been. It's not graceful at all, is it? Why, you know, why is it not called the tickler or the, you know, the fizzy fun times or something? It's satisfy a sea sucker next generation. Is that the one with Sir Patrick Stewart in it? Yes, that's it, yeah.

I've just pulled up the Amazon article for it, and yep, that is... So what is it called? Did they get it from Amazon? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to search for it on Amazon. Did you search for it on Amazon, Mikey? I did, I did, yes. Okay, can I have a link?

Please. Yeah, can you post a link to a X-rated sex toy in the chat, please? Satisfire. There you go. Clit sucker next genie. I didn't realize they sold sex toys. Oh, wow, it's clitsucker. Okay, well, that's not as bad.

Maybe they've changed it after that news article. They just thought, oh, that's... No, well, in the news article, there's a photo of the label, but they've blurred out the middle two letters, so it's just C something, something T. And what else am I supposed to think? I suppose so. Also, why does it look like an air pod?

Well, I don't know. Oh, it does a bit, doesn't that? It's a whole mystery of things. Here's a question on the, we could have hours of fun here. Is the packaging discreet? Sex toys from Amazon's are usually in opaque plastic bags so you can't see the contents, but have a barcode label on the outside with text describing the contents.

Oh, well, they've changed that. They have changed that because there is a screen, the next part of the article is a screenshot of that question from Amazon. And the answer is, we always make discretion at primary consideration. As such, we ensure that all parcels leaving the warehouse are plain and nondescript. All of our orders are packed in neutral packaging without featuring the name or logo. Nauty.

I mean, maybe they have changed it from one C to the other, but no, I think it's just... I'm well disappointed that the mirror have allowed me to think it was cunt sucker. Because the mere notion that a sex toy would ever... be called anything like that was... Peter, that is what it's called. We're ignoring the internet. The internet's lying. The Daily Mail never does.

It is the sea sucker. Yeah. The article continues with a quote from Chloe, who says, It was awful. I looked at him as if to say, please, I hope you've not seen it. And he looked back to me as if to say,

I know what's in there. I have seen that. The 21-year-old ordered the 15-pound adult toy from Amazon, with the product delivery details promising to make discretion a primary consideration. But Chloe from Warrington says she now feels mortified every time she has to answer the door to face her posty. Oh dear. A Christmas miracle, five stars. I'm 99% sure I passed over into the afterlife for a brief moment in time. I will never leave the comfort of my house again to seek the solace of a lover or even to buy batteries, not

that I could walk for a good 30 minutes anyway, as it's rechargeable, a gift from God. God did not have anything to do with this toy. Are you sure God didn't have anything to do with the Satisfy a Cunt Sucker? Yeah, I don't think so. I don't think so. He designed it. He knows how it works. Well, Love Honey, I think, if you're in the UK, is probably the safest place to go.

Very discreet. Excellent products. Excellent products. Please sponsor us Love Honey. Yeah, Amazon. Don't buy your sex toys from Amazon, please. Jeff Bezos doesn't need your sex money. But he will hold on to that information. And of course, the CEO of Love Honey is God himself. Yes.

So you know that's where it's coming from. Mr. Honey himself, God Honey. Have you seen the second, the other helpful review, but the one-star helpful review? Is that the one that talks about bleeding? All pain, no pleasure, one-star. Right. Yeah. Yeah, there's some detailed reviews on there that I didn't think will be great to share.

No. But you know what? Oh my God, yeah, it does say, yeah, it talks about bleeding. Okay. It's there. It exists. And it's a cheap, don't buy yourself cheap sex toys, I think, is there. You remember when we went to Poundland in Bristol for the Barbie makeup, prove it, to buy makeup.

and they had like the one pound sex toys that would like slide onto your finger and vibrate and they were just made out of hard plastic and they looked like the most brutal things I'd ever seen. Yeah. Shocker. I do. Horrifying. I think what's worse getting a sex toy delivered to you by your Royal Mail Postoperative

or the going up into a pound and checkout with it, what's worse? At least there's a like a smidge of self-respect with the Amazon one. because you're putting in like a bit more effort. That's true. And you could not be home. You might not have to sign for it. It would be worse if they were out of stock at Poundland because you'd have to go in and go,

excuse me, do you have dissatisfy a cunt sucker next generation, please? Previous generation. Yeah. Wow. I mean, Poundland do have self-service tills now. So there is, you know, maybe just sort of case the joint first. Work out your exit strategy. You go in there, you buy your way of,

one pound sandwich that's been there for probably about a week can of iron brew and you're lovely new sex toy and you're ready for a wild weekend the oldest hot cross bun in the world yeah oh dear beautiful wow thank you Peter thank you thank you what a delight you can now take the cotton wool out of your children's ears also don't let them listen to this no again we can't stress that enough this is not for children no definitely not we have another question here from Robin Lankhorst, I believe, at Robin Lankhorst on Twitter. What skill did you pick up during lockdown you're not particularly proud of?

Like, unknowing one actually could eat three pizzas in a row or sitting motionless on the couch for six hours straight. Oh my God, I don't know where to begin with the bad habits I've picked up. I'm quite glad it is bad habits or bad things you've learned because I've learned nothing valuable from this time. No, nothing. Nothing. I've done, I had like a brief stint of being productive, like learning some 3D stuff. And there's the rest of time I've just been, I've done nothing and it's bad.

I think I've learned the limits of just how lazy I can be. I'm scared of what I've learned. What you're capable of. I don't like wearing jeans anymore. It feels weird to put on jeans. Actually, that's a good thing. Yeah, I don't really bother doing my hair anymore. shorts all the time God I've become the ultimate slob I on the other hand

I've had to learn how to I mean there's not much to it but just sort of generally I've had to start drying my hair with a hair dryer because it's that long now I never used to use one I know you're a hairdryer guy

aren't you Mikey I am yeah it probably's not great for the hair but they are quick and they get the job done well I'm sure neither is also vigorously rubbing a dry crinkly towel

all over my head until the hair goes dry but yeah i was i always feel like that like that feels like that's ripping out at least a few hairs yeah every time you do that so i'll take the heat rather than the the rough massage from the hair sucker next generation yeah oh god no oh dear my hair's all i always have my hair very short so i can get away with a with a towel um i've never had to use a hair dryer before oh you lucky boy it's not that bad but it would be nice to go totally analog with my hair solutions I started frequenting a takeaway that I swore off when I first moved here. Oh, not that one.

Yeah, that one. That one, the chicken one. The chicken one. The chicken one, yeah. The ones who didn't want you to give them any business. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they gave me a really, really hard fucking time. They went in there and practically sighed and rolled their eyes that they had to serve me.

And they're not in a place that has a lot of foot traffic anyway. And they only went because it was nearby. and I was, I'd just moved up from London and I was used to walking to places to get takeaway rather than getting it delivered. And so I walked there and I picked it up and he seemed furious and I was like, well, fuck you, buddy. I'm never coming back here until I did.

And I made the amazing discovery that, hey, I can, if I order too much food, I can actually, this stuff surprisingly holds up the next day and I can put it in my oven and reheat it and have it the next day until it didn't work. and I had some of the worst diarrhea of my adult life. Oh, no. And now I can never go back again.

So that was a bad habit, was returning to my ex-flame. God. Shitty chicken. At some point you'll return again and you'll forget the diarrhea you went through and you'll go through it all over again. I will. Wow. That's the ultimate lesson to learn there, isn't it?

I think that was like a message from God. Please don't return here again. Please don't. Did you temporarily pass into the afterlife? I did. Five stars. I think food's been the worst thing. It's just like, I occasionally delivery was a treat before the end times.

But now it's like, I mean, it's easening up now where we can actually go to cafes and restaurants and stuff. And I haven't made them all that yet, but there was a, there's been nights where we've done two delivery orders. And it's not good. Two in one line. Yeah, we'd start with, you know, the other night we got home a bit drunk. We thought, fuck it, let's get like a wrap-in or something. And afterwards, it was like, oh, oh, let's get creams. Let's get a pancake or awful.

And just doing it felt bad. I knew I shouldn't have done it, but it's the only joy I've got. I suppose it's tricky when you're when you're vegan and your diet is limited. It's not so. Your returning drunk home, food options are not as broad as they are for other people. Oh, believe me, we still managed to find something wrong. Yeah, God, it's, I think that's the curse of Bristol. If I was vegan in the Midlands, some weird little village,

I would be skin and bones, like, I'd be filled up on rice and beans, but in Bristol, you'd be grazing on the village green. Exactly, I'd be the local sheep instead of Bristol, they're fattening me up, the little, little man comes up on his motorcycle with treats of plenty. Oh, damn it. I'm stuck in my house. I can't leave help

That deliveroo One day we'll catch him Wherever he is Yeah I was similar Like I've been I've been trying to eat quite well And then Saturday's treat day Obviously

But I found I've I've been drinking a lot more Just by myself Yeah I have And like I spend most of my weekends drunk on my own now Which is fun And I look forward to it

But there was a brief period Where it encroached on like Weekday evenings And then I had to shut that down Because I recognised That was a pattern of unhealthy behavior so I had to stop that but um my friend ben came up for the weekend and then his car broke down and he was stranded here for a whole week and that week was probably the

worst I've eaten uh for years it was just oven pizzas and takeaway and just all sorts of shit nice it was really bad it sounds kind of fun though it was it was fun and then I felt really I felt bad the whole time though and then the next going to bed I felt bad and then you wake up the next day and you're just ready to do it again it's like still recovering

from last night's pizza what's for breakfast potato waffles yeah burgers reheated chicken take away no no can't can't do that

Mikey hello do you have a thing I do have a thing I would like to read you that thing now I don't know why I didn't just go straight into reading it I thought I preempt it Thank you for easing us in.

Theatrix. Welcome to Bristol versus Bristol. Yay. So I was hunting around last night. Like, you know, just scoping out some Bristol news stories trying to figure out, oh, maybe there's something that will spark an idea here, or maybe there's a good news story that stands on its own. And then I realized there's a Bristol in America as well.

Oh. Bristol, Tennessee was the one I focused in on. And I thought I'd grab a few news stories from the UK Bristol and the Tennessee Bristol. I'd read out the headlines and see if you guys can guess which Bristol they're from. I've said Bristol more than I've ever sent my life.

But I do want to clarify, though, that just before starting recording this podcast, it's like, is there more bristols? Turns out there's about 40 bristles across the world. Of course. Oh, the pirates. Oh, boy.

Bristarl. So there's probably some wealth of things out there, but I just focused in on the Tennessee one because that's all I knew at the time. Maybe I'll do an extended Bristol Universe selection later on. Florida man from Bristol, Florida. Oh, I hope there's one in Florida.

God, imagine the Florida, Bristol. That would just, that'd be too much. That'd be the worst place on Earth. Yeah. Okay, so our first headline. Bristol Zoo under fire after endangered warty pig ate its entire family, and a rare monkey was eaten by otters. I'll run through all the article headlines,

then we'll go through. Okay. Bristel Man has had hiccups for the last 27 years. Oh, Christ. Cat in Bristol brings home a bag of illegal drugs. Intruders found sleeping in funeral home caskets in Bristol. Vandals vandalise local politicians home and leave purple dildo on their car. Nice.

Or maybe a clit sucker, who knows. And the last one, Bristol turned. Turn central street into giant water slide. Oh. Okay, so we'll loop back around to the beginning. Bristol Zoo, under fire after endangered warty pig, which I quite like on its own. It's just an animal.

It's entire family and a rare monkey was eaten by otters. Why do you think this took place? Which hellhole? Well, obviously, Bristol, UK, has a zoo, and I don't know if Bristol, Tennessee has a zoo. However, I kind of wonder what kind of... I mean, Bristol Zoo is like a good zoo and I find it hard to believe that they would allow

otters to eat a monkey. I can maybe see a pig... I don't even know how they'd interact. Yeah. Surely it used to be in separate enclosures. I can see like one of the pigs eating the other ones potentially but it might have to be some really crappy small town zoo. Like Bristol, Tennessee might be a tiny place

with a little petting zoo somewhere. where they had some warthogs, like two otters and a monkey, and now they don't have the monkey anymore. They've only got two waters left. So I kind of, even though I know there's a zoo in the UK, I want to say US for that. Yeah, I think I would have, I think we all would have heard about it if it was Bristol, UK.

So, yeah, I'll also say Bristol US. You're both wrong. It is actually the UK Bristol Zoo. I've got a little summary of the article here. The shocking incidents were revealed by a whistleblower from Bristol Zoo. The unnamed source said the tragic deaths were avoidable with better care. Elvis, a very rare male warty pig, was supposed to mate with a female pig made Lilla on his arrival to the zoo.

As staff joked, we hope the king takes a shining to her. But unknown to the keepers, the resident female was already pregnant. And when she gave birth to the piglets, Elvis ate the most. all before fatally injuring her. Oh my God. Elvis. Elvis, what the fuck, man. I mean, that's the ultimate. I don't even know.

I don't even call that payback. That's just vicious. It's eaten your wife's children. Jesus, Elvis. I'm still intrigued by the second half. These things were all avoidable. This could have been avoided with basic care and by not keeping the otters in the monkey enclosure.

Oh, wow. Was that a warty pigs? These are warty pigs. Oh, wow. They look like a crash bandicoat character or something. Wow, they do, yeah. Like that red hair. Shit, yeah.

Nice. Oh, no, these are actually just screenshots from Beyond Good and Evil, too. It could be. Okay, our next one was Bristol Man has had the hiccups for the last 27 years. Okay or USA. It could happen anywhere. I know that it can happen. Yeah.

In your time in Bristol, did you ever hear a man hiccuping over the hills? I've had a lot of things, but I don't know. Yeah, a lot of things. Yeah, I'm going to say UK. I'm just going to say, because we've already had UK one, I'm going to say US for this one. It was indeed the American Bristol, the Tennessee branch. There's not much to go on in the article, because it's literally just an article about a man who's been hiccuping for quite a while, and medicine can't stop him. My favourite line was, Bob Taylor drinks a glass of water every day in the hopes to get.

rid of a little problem. I've one glass, huh? Yeah, but... He's really going hard, isn't he? Previously, he didn't do any... He didn't drink any water until he had the hiccups. I hate the idea of uncontrollable hiccups forever. Yeah, sounds awful.

So this story was published in 2012, and I did a bit more Googling, and I can't find an update, so we can only assume he's still hiccuping to this very day. Oh, poor guy. But it could be worse. The longest recorded... case of chronic hiccups lasted. Do you want to guess how many years?

Oh, like most of someone's life, like 40 years. 70 years. God. That's just torture. Oh, no, no thank you. People get, um, you get like muscle issues and you get exhaustion and stuff if you have chronic hiccups.

If you have hiccups for years, or even less, less than years, really, but you get like exhaustion issues and stuff. I've read about it. For an hour, it's enough, let alone a lifetime. Geez. Fuck that. Cat in Bristol brings home a bag of illegal drugs. That's got to be the UK one.

It has to be. That's absolutely the UK Bristol. The most Bristol thing that could ever happen. The cat brought home a bag full of Class A drugs. The owners found the pets cuddled up in bed holding the bag. And rewarded it with some extra kibble. With a bum. You have a little key, son.

It doesn't expect. explicitly say what the drugs are, but it looks like lots of little plastic wraps of cocaine to me, and I know my plastic wraps of cocaine. You would, you live in Bristol. Yeah. It was your cat. Accidentally picked up the wrong Tesco bag on the way home,

and accidentally came home with 500 grand's worth of class 8. Intruder's found sleeping in funeral home caskets in Bristol. No sound like vampires to me. Yeah. I don't think there's much of a vampire population in Bristol, maybe Tennessee. Yeah, is that Bristol, Transylvania, that one? Yeah. I've got an idea.

I wonder if it's US Bristol, partly because although we do still use the word caskets in the UK, we don't use it as much. I don't see why they wouldn't have just put coffins in the headline. That's true. But then that behaviour does seem very, UK Bristol. So I'm going to go UK Bristol. Peter's etymological

Ruth was right. It is indeed the Tennessee Bristol. This is a weird one. I mean I guess people who break into funeral homes aren't exactly smartest but police in Tennessee were called to a funeral home where workers found two intruders sleeping inside caskets. They're called in about 10.30m. as the police entered the room one escaped one man was caught

turns out I don't know the full story's not really there I assume they went in with the intent to steal some stuff but took a nap didn't wake up in time did a casual coffin nap you know they've been hiccuping for 20 years they were exhausted

it looks like I mean they look pretty comfy so I could see it but you're on the job man come on at least set a timer so you wake up in time vandals vandalize local politicians home and leave purple dildo on their car. Hmm. That could have been in the recent protests, maybe. Maybe it was a politician who was like quite right wing.

But then, you know, they happened in America too. But I guess maybe not, I don't know if they happened as much in Tennessee. I don't know if that's the kind of place. I think they'll shoot them in Tennessee, right? Yeah. Probably. I'm going to stick to my guns and go UK again. Yeah, me too You are 100% right

Do you want to have a guess at who Which politician it was It's one of the baddy ones Oh In Bristol It's a Somerset MP Oh God, I don't know Oh it's not

Oh Flipping The guy you like reclined on the bench That like front bencher What's his name? Jacob Yeah, isn't he Southwest?

He is indeed Is that who it was? Yep, so the words posh scum and shut up and die were sprayed across his windows and car in the Tory MP's house in West Harp Tree Somerset. Oh God, wow, didn't realise this bit.

Condoms were also left near the grounds of the Tory MP's house during the attack. The anarchy symbol was left on his range rother together with a purple dildo. What beautiful. Anarchy symbol.

Beautiful. I bet he wasn't even there at the time. He's probably got like six homes. Yeah, he's up in Durham or something, wasn't he? Condoms were left near the grounds of his home. In a shop. It could be unrelated, but we're just going to assume it's all tied. Yeah, because they were just sort of nearby.

Lamposts had been constructed near his home. Oh my God. There must be something to do with the protest. What are the anarchists planning? And our last story, Bristol turned central street into giant water slide. Hmm. Lots of hills in Bristol, UK. What is Central Street in Bristol?

Yeah. What would that be? That's what makes me think it's probably America. Yes, I agree. It is in fact the UK. Oh no, where's Central Street? I think that was just a vague term for a street, a street near the centre. No, I can see.

Yeah, sorry, that was me being misleading. No, not really. I just read it. Yeah, but it was Park Street in Bristol, the big hilly one next to Queen Square. And I saw some photos and it looks bloody amazing. I hope they do it again so everyone can smudge the germs all over a bit of tarpull. Yes. On a hot, hot road.

That's what we should all be doing. I read that and I didn't think that would happen in Bristol because, I know, A, it needles everywhere and be the weather. But no, they've hijacked a UK street and made it into a fun slide. And the artist who put it all together had quite a sweet quote, which I quite like. Luke said, I'm just interested in thinking about our city in different ways. If you just imagine, you could put slides all around Bristol connecting the neighbourhoods. Shut the fuck up, Luke. Get a real job.

I want Luke to be mayor one day so we can have slipping slides from Stokescroft to Bedminster. That's the dream. Christ, the traffic situation in Bristol is already. horrible. Can you imagine? Well, we just beat out the cars. We don't need cars in the centre if you've got a slip inside, do you? I suppose not.

That's one way to find a solution. Slide all the way along. Was it the M5? What is it in Bristol? The M4? M4? I don't know the streets, to be honest. The one that we had a crash on because of that idiot. Because of that idiot.

No, not necessarily that one. I'm just trying to think of a road and whether or not the slide could propel me all the way to my parents from Bristol if I picked up enough speed. That would have been nice. Definitely not if it was by that crossing by Queen Square because you'd have to wait on your slide for all those pedestrians to walk over. All right, lovely. Thank you very much, boys.

You played Bristol or Bristol. Amazing. Thank you, Michael. Wonderful. Thank you. Next question comes from scoo-dot dot dot at Great Scott UK on Twitter. my two-year-old is scared of getting washed down the plug-hole when the bath is emptying. At her age, I would hide in the footwell when going through the mechanical car washers. I didn't want to get the fluffy rollers.

I didn't want the fluffy rollers to get me, sorry. What was your irrational fear as a child? Oh, fluffer rollers. Fluffy rollers. Irrational fear as a child. That's a good question. I feel like there is one, and I'm trying to remember what it is. Yeah, I'm like searching deep into my brain.

in right now. I feel like, I mean, I wouldn't call it, I don't, well, maybe I guess it is irrational, but I definitely had quite a strong fear of the dark, but that's a boring one. That's not fluffy rollers, is it? Hmm. Hmm. I texted my mum. Oh, to ask her. Right. If there were any sort of, because the question implies that it's sort of, as an irrational fear, it would be something that you experienced more than once. Yeah, yeah. I don't think, apparently I was very well behaved so I didn't have any irrational repeat fears

but I did have a couple of incidents as a child that I can provide you with if you're interested Oh yeah I've remembered one so you go and then yeah I can get you back too Here we go

you once refused to come down a very high slide at Cotswold Wildlife Park you were too scared there was a big long queue and I had to bring you back down the very narrow up staircase past all these children's and all these children and mummies.

And mummies. It also says here, the bloody mummy film, which is when I watched the mummy at my cousin's house and it gave me nightmares. A performance, wise man story, it says, all you had to do was carry your mur and give it to Mary and Joseph. And you wet the bed the night before you were so freaked out by it. Oh no Oh bless And Jesus never got his murder

In the nativity play Yeah Because one of the wise men Got scared And did a bed wee The night before And couldn't hack it I can't watch one

Of the close in time Imagine if that happened In the real story If only two wise men turned up Because one of them Had done a tent wee The day before Yeah

Yeah could have done Oh a tent wee Sounds bad actually Because they just puddles At the bottom And you look Oh no No

You'd have to miss You'd have to miss You'd have to miss The Baby Jeswis birth, wouldn't you, to clean that up? Oh, how sad. Was that your mum's lot? That was my mum's lot, yeah.

Wow. Little, little scaredy cat boy. I know, we all were. I've got one for you. I remember having, to be fair, I think this is kind of understandable because, and I may have even told the story before, but I had a night terror once

when I was, I don't know, sort of a reasonable age, because I remember which house we were in, so it must have been after we moved. So I must have been about eight years old. But I like woke up in the night, but not really. And so it was a, because I used to sleepwalk a little bit when I was a kid. And it was kind of this thing where I was, I could see and I was like conscious and I walked

downstairs because I was really, really scared. But I think like you're still kind of a little bit of sleep as well. And in so much as like your brain can just generate random bits of. of either imagery or sounds or emotions in you in the same way it can do in a dream, even though you're awake. And I went downstairs because I just had this, I went downstairs because I had this overwhelming sense of dread.

Like I was really, really terrified. And I somehow knew that there was this like big tube coming down from the sky, like imagine a big like slide or something from the, from in the playground, one of those tube slides. And inside the tube, there was a meteor rolling down the tube and it was going to hit her and we were all going to die and at the same time as this whole thing i kept just i could picture this really really tiny cartoon ladybird with like

an anthropomorphic face with a really high-pitched voice just sort of saying like hi or something and it was really scaring me i could just sort of i couldn't see it really anywhere but i was just aware that there was this tiny ladybird man saying hi and it was the scariest thing ever. So there was that but then also one of my earliest memories when I was about four maybe or a bit younger

we were on a ferry I think going to France and when I was younger we used to occasionally go and stay in like static caravans you know like on a little it's called a caravan but it doesn't I don't think it moves

like a trailer sort of thing. Yeah it's like a trailer thing and it's on like a kind of holiday park where they do like kids clubs and stuff so my parents were able to go out into the town and do fun things while we were at the kids club so we're going to this thing and my parents said oh yeah we're going to be we're going

to stay in a caravan we're going to stay on this caravan park and I had the irrational fear that we were going to be in like a like a proper camper van with wheels kind of thing right and that we would all go to sleep at night

in this camper van and that the camper van would roll down the hill while we were asleep and we would die I was terrified and I just kept him and I was crying on this ferry I was going I don't want to go in a caravan I don't want to go in a car

and my parents were really embarrassed because they had this child crying in their arms saying I don't want to go in a caravan and everyone was staring at us and thinking they're going in a caravan. We're off to Disneyland, you know. I just cried and cried.

And then when we finally got there, I realized, oh, it's okay. It's not like the one off Sutty and Co. Who had a camper van. Did you ever explain to your parents why you were scared? Was it just, I don't want to go in a caravan. No, I don't think it was. I think I just kept crying and crying saying I didn't want to go,

and they didn't know why. And in hindsight, like, it's quite a vivid memory. And I just think, like, why didn't I just say, like, What if it rolls down the hill in the night? Because then they could have said, don't worry, it doesn't have wheels. It's fine. And it's not on a hill.

That would be irresponsible. I like, I like you. They're just there thinking you really don't like British holidays. Yeah. I want to go in a five-star hotel. Oh, wow. Oh, bless God. Amazing.

I've definitely talked about mine before on Podgets, but it's the only one I can think of is it was my, a couple of month long stint of being deathly afraid of dust mites. Oh. I don't know

if you remember Yeah, I don't know if I know this one. Oh, okay, good. I remember really vividly as a kid

going to a carpet shop my parents and they have this display Oh yeah. Yeah, have you got dust mites in your carpet

and like it was advertising a cleaning thing or something and it just had this like one metre long visual like picture of a dust mite

which obviously they're tiny in real life but to say this gross amplified creature and it was like oh they're all over your carpet so i had cemented in my mind that these were just horrible little monsters that lived in our carpet and so for a month i would make every effort not to stand on a rug stand on carpet i'd kind of like very quickly running around places until i was back to safety and i just i just like remember being in bed thinking oh god the dust mites are going to get me the dust mites are going to get me oh god i'm just going to

google dust mite to remind myself of what they look like oh no don't do that you won't sleep Mikey, why did you do that? Put it in the chat, Mikey. I want to see it now. No, okay. I do remember you talking about that on Pottie's before because it went some really weird place where like the Dismite was being like

Dom and you were sub and it was some kind of sex thing it turned into last time. Geez, I don't remember that at all. I feel so unwell. Look at it. It's like a head crab. It's like the shaved pig above.

Yes. Oh, God. I mean, the front is a little bit, it's a little bit vaginal looking as well, isn't it? Good, right. I'm going to scroll up, not to want to say that. Oh, why did you do that to yourself, Michael? I don't know. I just wanted to, I wanted to feel something. Oh, fucking hell.

Despite so anything that can do it. Okay, great. Well, now I know exactly why I was scared them. I was very right to be. That's awful. You were. You were very brave sharing that with us, Michael. Thank you. Thank you. Right. It's time for. my thing. Okay. And in a similar, what was that, what was that noise? I don't know. It was a tinkly noise. It was a tinkly noise, Michael. That's a ferret getting a ball, wasn't it? Oh, nice. No, no, no. I like it. I just want to know what it is. It's a fellow ball. That's the magic transition

sound. We're going into. Oh, right. Of course. Yes. Yeah. If they, yeah, I texted ferret. So they were aware. Okay. So, it's time for some weird fake news. Uh, in a similar vein to Mikey thing today. So we got double whammy of headlines. Some of them are real. Some of them are from satirical news website The Onion. The world's so strange that how can you tell the difference anymore? And I've sourced all of these from the subreddit, not The Onion. I have retooled some of them ever so slightly to help them blend in. And I believe one, two, three, five, six today. So I will read all of these for you. And then we'll go back through and you can decide which one is real and which one is fake

good, kukukuk, nice. You ready? Yes. Yeah. Main man, and that's a man from Maine, by the way, not as in my main man. My dude. Sores neighbor's garage in half amid boundary dispute.

Oh, God. Okay. Yeah. Parents of toddler pretending to be policemen abused online. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, Who's pretending to be the policeman?

A toddler, parents of toddler pretending to be policemen, abused online. Right. Oh my God. Man arrested in Washington State after taunting police with donut. Nice, good. Colombian cartels killing those who don't obey their COVID-19 lockdowns. Excuse me, lockdowns. Okay.

Fruit flies caught in honey are attempting. attempting to save fellow fruit flies, experts say. Oh, that's a tricky one. And people frustrated by lockdown in Iceland can release their screams over a loud speaker. Oh, good. I need that. Right. So, first one.

Main man soars neighbours' garage in half amid boundary dispute. This feels very true. Yeah, like I could absolutely see that. happening. It's real. Oh, nice. A man who cut his neighbour's garage in half with a saw was on friendly terms with the man who built the structure, just not with everyone who lived on the property after he died. Oh.

Oh. And he sawed it in half. Wow. So I guess he's like, oh well, I like this guy when he built it, but these new people are knobheads and technically this is on my land. So it seems that way. Sort it right up. Sort it right in half. Nice. Fair enough. Quick. swift solution to the problem. I admire that one. That's it.

Just sort of a, what's the, what's, was it Solomon? King Solomon, who just split everything in half as his solution. I don't know, but. I don't remember. I mean, none of us were there. That does sound about right. I don't think.

Parents of toddler pretending to be policemen abused online. I, I'm struggling to see how this could be an onion. Like where the joke is, other than it just being weird. so I'm going to say it's true. Yeah, I'm thinking true as well. I can imagine that. Just like, oh, we dressed up little David as a policeman, and everyone on the line be like, oh, fuck off.

A-cab. Yeah, see, maybe the retooling has hidden some sort of punchline, but I'll still say true. I want to say true. It's onion. Oh. The original headline was, Toddler feels somewhat torn

about pretending to be policemen in current climate. Right. Very good. Expressing misgivings over perpetuating a system of oppression, local toddler Aaron Merchant reportedly felt somewhat torn Monday about pretending to be a policeman in the current climate. I have a lot of fun yelling at kids and putting them into jail, but I certainly don't want to contribute to a police state, said Merchant,

reflecting on why he... Sorry, this is a long sentence. Reflecting on why he derived joy from repeatedly crashing his tricycle into his siblings while making siren noises with his mouth. God. Okay, next one. have you seen that just reminded me have you seen that picture online or someone on Facebook posted like a picture of their very small child dressed as

Donald Trump it's just like it's like in a comment thread just like thanks everyone he enjoyed being Donald for a day and then this guy called Nicholas chimes in why would he enjoy being a dickhead I'm going to kick your son in the ribs God it's quite specific that's amazing I just assume I in my head I could so picture the police one bit like going carrying out in the exact same way. I wouldn't be surprised if it has somewhere. Man arrested in Washington State after taunting police with donut.

Could have happened, but could very easily be retooled into something funny. Into a clever bit of satire. But I feel like maybe a man was waving a donut in the police's face and being all. Hey, why don't you have a donut officer and got arrested? I think it's true. Yeah, I'm going to say true as well. It's true. It's true.

And speaking of police corruption, the subtitle for this news article is The 18-year-old is accused of fourth-degree assault. Video shows he didn't touch anyone. God, fourth-degree assault. He was just waving a donut on a stick, and that was it. Maybe it was assaulted caramel donut. Oh, God. Thanks for coming along, everyone.

We're going to end the show there. Can't get any better than that. Colombian cartels, killing those who don't obey their COVID-19 lockdowns. I think that's onion myself. I also kind of want to know, I want to believe at the heart of the cartel, they are safety conscious and they're not bad people.

But I do think onion. It's got to be onion. be conscious, so that if you're not wearing a mask, you're going to get shot. Well, that's the only way to make things work is with fear, right? It's real. Oh, God. Drug cartels and rebel groups are imposing their own bloody coronavirus lockdowns across Colombia and killing those who do not obey, according to a new report by Human Rights Watch.

At least eight civilians have been murdered by the armed groups. Some of them holdovers from Colombia's half-century civil war. war, which are using WhatsApp chats and pamphlets to warn citizens of the lockdowns in the rural areas where they operate. Wow, that's amazing. Jesus. I mean, amazing in not a good way. I should specify that.

Yeah, it's horrified. Wow, that's such a good idea. It's so good. Let's kill them. Well done cartels. Residents are banned by gangs from fishing, limiting their ability to earn money and food, and there's a 5pm curfew, apparently, far stricter than the measures imposed by the government.

You also have to leave your cocaine for 72 hours before you snort it Because otherwise the cats will take it Yeah That's how that goes Okay next one This is fruit flies caught in honey Are attempting to save fellow fruit flies experts say I don't know

This could be a scientific finding Or it could be There could just be a little hidden punchline I'm digging my mind back I can just totally see this as like a guardian article where like oh flies stuck in honey I'm just actually trying to save their friends they're just a bit stupid about it

The thing is fruit flies only live for 24 hours anyway Some species They literally their lifespan is a day They are born, they have sex and they die And we're all jealous of them So do they have time to save each other from honey? I think that's I think it's an onion article and there's some funny in there somewhere.

I don't, I mean, honey's not a fruit. So the fruit flies couldn't possibly have any interest in it. You've got me there, Mikey. Yeah, this has got to be onion. It's onion. Huh, that's kind of weird, thinks fruit fly diving into dish of honey containing corpses of 15 other fruit flies. Observing yet disregarding the bodies of 15 of his fellow flies

suspended in the tempting but viscous substance. A fruit fly reportedly found itself thinking, huh, that's kind of weird, Tuesday, as it plunged into a dish of honey containing the suffocated corpses. Nice. Observing but disregarding, was it? That's a really good sign.

Yeah. Granted, it's a little disturbing, but it's probably not anything to worry about, said the Drosophila melanogaster. Jesus. There we go, that was onion. And finally, We turn to Iceland. People frustrated by lockdown in Iceland

can release their screams over a loud speaker. That's got... It's one of those countries... One of those countries. The cold ones where it is a thing where people scream, but... I'm sorry, Michael. It's one of those cold countries where people scream.

Please talk us through that. You mean like Skyrim? There's genuinely a thing and I can't remember what country it is might be this one but where people like at a set time like maybe like once a week or something will pop their heads out and everyone

just have like a good scream it's like the daily de-stress sounds good I really hope that's a real thing that's why mums go to Iceland what was the headline again was it they're getting an electronic people frustrated by lockdown

in Iceland can release their screams over a loud speaker Yeah, you might have it there, Mikey, with a bit of inside knowledge. You know, maybe it's that they're not allowed to now stick their head outside so they can scream through some sort of megathode. Are you talking about yodeling, Mikey? No, no, literally, this is... Wow, have you not heard of this before?

No. I love the idea that he was talking about yodling. He's like, oh, there's this cold country somewhere where people scream to release a bit of stress. I've just This is the most useless Google I've ever done I've googled Scream Time in Europe Right Yeah I just carry on

I'll dig I'll make sure I'm not going and see Okay all right Here we go This is amazing It's real Here we go There's no denying that having a good old scream

Can help release some tension When you're feeling a little worked up Well This is the basis for a new initiative designed to help those stressed out by the pandemic. People in Iceland are being invited to play their screams over a loudspeaker in remote parts of the country. It's been set up by the Scandinavian Nation's Tourist Board, who have even created a website, which I'll send you shortly, so people can record themselves letting off steam.

These screams are then played through one of seven speakers dotted around quieter areas of the country. So you could be out walking. And then you could just hear someone scream. And do you want to know what the best thing about this is? Yeah. The website looks like you need Iceland.com, which I'm going to send you now, seemingly will let each of us record a scream right now. Oh, wow.

It says tap to scream. Okay, it's asking for permission to use my microphone. Click and hold to record your scream. Please scream responsibly. The world is listening. And it looks like mine is going to be pleasant. played in somewhere in West Fjord, Iceland. This is insane. What on earth is happening?

I love this. I'm going to do it. Oh man, I'm so furious about being locked down. It's playing back for me. Send your scream to Rao Dasandur, Westfjord, Iceland. Your scream will be blasted from speakers. What on earth? This is a miserable.

The screen name is Ben, I'm in... My screen name. Newcastle and I'm in United Kingdom. I agree. Finish. Sending. I really hope we've got one listener in wherever the fuck. And they're going to hear Ben Potter.

Oh my God. It gets better. If you put your email address in, they will email you a video of your scream. Oh my God. Wow. this is it Iceland's going to hear you echo through the hills

whose idea was this this could be so badly abused think of all the you know like when they say oh vote on the name of our new hospital wing and like Hitler wins by 85% Hospital McHospital face

yeah what this is madness yeah it's gone it's been sent out into the world apparently my scream out there. Would you guys like to do your screams too?

Yeah, let me... Okay. Let me... All right, here we go. Ah! I'm getting very tired of being indoors! There we go. Amazing. I'm just... I could have done a whole thing on that. I didn't even pay much attention to it when I was getting it.

Oh my God, I unmuted. You can... You can hear this. It's playing a long... feed of different screams right now as well. Oh, is it? Yeah, I unmuted it and I could hear a guy going, hi, hi, hi, hi. I think he's not got the idea. Oh no, I haven't had my video through yet, but I'll tweet it from the video's account when it comes through. Oh, mine didn't go through. I'm going to do that again after the end of the podcast. Oh, this is beautiful. I'm going to spend the night just listening to screams now. Okay, I'm going to do one now. Okay. Bearing in mind, I've got family in the house.

So I've got to do a limit. They might come rushing in if I over scream. I might do a Mikey one because they... Do you complain about going to the caravan? Okay, okay. Okay, here we go. I don't want a caravan. Okay, send your...

Oh, Jesus, it plays it back. That's horrible. Send your scream to Skogarfos, South Iceland. Oh, wow. We've all gone to different parts. of Iceland. Oh, it's magic. For everyone at home, I just want to reiterate the URL

because this is really good fun. Looks like you need Iceland.com. Wow. That's amazing. United Kingdom. I agree. The terms and conditions finish. Sending.

Beautiful. That's weird to know that that is now playing somewhere in Iceland as we speak. Yeah, probably at roughly 10pm local time. Which is amazing. Okay. Final question. That was my thing. Final question.

Caleb Smitherum at Dr. Calibo on Twitter. As the summer holidays approach, I was wondering what would be your ideal holiday location and what new and unusual things you would like to do there. Can you just read the first half of that question again? Because as I sent my email off, it played it back to me again. And you were drowned out by me saying I didn't want to go in a caravan. Of course.

as the summer holidays approach I was wondering whether you'd like to go to the caravan What's your ideal holiday location And what do you want to do there basically Oh okay Simple one to finish on I do actually want to go to Iceland at some point

But maybe not to the quieter areas Because they're no longer quiet If you get there quick enough You might hear your own scream Yeah that would be weird I This is the boring answers This won't be my real one

But I do kind of actually Want to explore more the UK Because like recently It's kind of been like everyone's been like I want to go on holiday And obviously Selections are far limited So a lot of people

Have been going to places in the UK It's like oh that sounds nice You know Go down to like the South Coast Never been there before There's lots of areas to the UK That are all very special And unique to themselves

Yeah Well one of the other places I was going to say Was Orkney That's pretty rad up there They've got some, they've got some of the only surviving prehistoric, like, dwellings, because obviously they used to be built out of wood and, you know, thatch and stuff. Well, not even fatch, just wood and plants.

So they've rotted away. But in Orkney, there's no trees. So all the houses are made out of stone, and they're still there. And it's like the flintstones. It's like someone just made a house, but out of slabs of rock. it's amazing it looks fake amazing

wow there's uh they've all got like two beds and then like like a dresser like shelves and stuff it's like so strange oh they're just like us aren't they

yeah I've seen it on documentaries and stuff I'd like to go there nice I think maybe maybe not I don't want to go in the summer but Japan would be amazing at some point

I think that's like my ultimate like got to go before I I play this because it just sounds so fucking mental. But it sounds very hot in summer. I don't want to be sweaty, sweaty man, cruising around little town you talk to. I'd also love to go to Japan. I've actually been saving and planning to go to Japan for a very long time. And I was going to go next year, but I don't think that's going to happen now.

So at some point, I have the money put to one side, and I will go to Japan. But in terms of like a summer holiday, I have very full. fond memories of going to France with my family and I'd like to go somewhere warm in France that's out of the way and have like my own swimming pool in the back garden and just sort of live there for a week with Wi-Fi and just sort of live in the pool in the in the warm that's what I would like sounds nice yeah especially in if you're in deep France you probably I buy jugs of wine for like three euros each

and it's the best thing you'll ever taste. I saw in a magazine the other day that there's an entire, well, I don't think there's even just the one, I think there's plenty of French hamlets, like an entire hamlet for sale and it'll cost you like a ridiculously little amount because there's loads and loads and loads of property in France

that is just going cheap because it's not in the tourist areas and people are moving out of these villages and you can just you can buy you can buy little houses in France for like nothing but they're like they're no good as as proper tourist houses because they're not near the cities or anything

so that's why they're so cheap and now we're leaving the EU so have fun buying one yeah they're saving all the cheap houses for themselves well I mean if you strike quick enough If we're all working from home now, you could just buy the cheap house and work remotely in your little tiny house in the distant areas of France. Yeah, you could.

Or what you could do is go and listen to our back catalogue of podcasts because we're at the end now. This is it. But keep you awake when you're doing a thousand mile drive across Europe. Absolutely well. That's a guarantee. It's not a guarantee. Please don't hold us to that.

And there's no way we could prove that that is the case. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We really appreciate you coming along with us on this. journey this week. If you go to store.orgscast.com, you can find some merchandise, I think. Michael, is that right, Michael? Help me, Michael. Yes, you are absolutely correct. There is a beautiful, beautiful host of kind of new Vidyat's merch. It's been up there for a little while now, but maybe you haven't seen it yet. And if you want to see it, I highly recommend going on the Oxcast store, typing in Vidyots and you'll see some lovely, lovely merch. And the best thing is,

right? If you enter code Vidyat's at checkout, you will get 10% of absolutely everything on the store. Everything! You could be buying your TTT Jigsaw or a hoodie or other things or you could be buying a lot

of Vidyat's merch as quite a few people I've been doing. Thank you very much for sending in all your lovely pictures. You look dashing. Keep in mind though, it does not come in discrete packaging. No. The postman will know. Oh, we've got the point.

What sucker 3,000 here. How embarrassing. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash Vidiates. Vidiots is official. There's stuff there. That's where we post the new episodes. We post a post on Twitter posting for your post questions, for your questions for the podcast.

So if you follow us on Twitter, that's a great way to get your question answered on the show. And Twitch.com. forward slash Vidiot's official is relatively active. We stream there from time to time. Again, social media is where we will announce that kind of stuff. Hey, streamlabs.com forward slash poddyats donations is where you can donate to the show, help us out and get a shout out for as little as three pounds. That's it. Three pounds. And your name gets shouted out. That's amazing. And you can find out a bit more by going to streamlabs.com forward slash poddiet's donations to join PodSquod. is your pod squad once more for this week.

Fliberti gibbets. Trunter's exosuit has been hit. Katie Kin's solo. I will lie awake. Mr. Black. Taking blobby, two eyes and guard. At the generous Tommy the Wank Engine. Oh God, oh please, God, no.

Clumps, dumps, spumps and quumps. Scooby, Drew, Drew, who was very generous. Thank you again. Emily Lemons. bring back memory cards Awesome Fox 42 and the very generous known racist

Mel Gibbon The very generous and known racist Also Steven Scodes Ross and Helen are engaged 91P pack of Feet Mace Freddie Weber

licks rashes Barry B Benson Phillips Bill Willis Big Will William's Wet Willem, Bumpus Johnson 351, the very generous Jam Ferguson, Alan Claw Big Boy 30 birthday, Kim Kim, who was also very generous, like a glovelessaride, doing a pod squat, who was also very generous, and the very generous Rudy Ruta Bargar, Lord Rotovic, Kevin from Con, and Lightning McQueen. Thank you very much, guys. Also, there's Hi Evelyn.

It's Bobbett Babylonie. Axel's Alive. Alan Claw, a very generous donation, which is extremely generous. The donator is called a very generous donation, by the way. Thank you so much. Also, an incredible donation from semi-retired mercenary Prazer. Thank you so much. Also, thank you for the very generous donation from Bim, bam, wiggy-wam, deluxe man.

And then we've also got Rounding Out Pod Squad for this week, General Mo Lester. I dislike Matthew Jeffrey, knee-deep in Trigley, Saride, mouth fart fetishist, Krigley Terride, a succulent Chinese Ian Beal, Saturday is FAPDay, Furries for Vidiats, Prince Beefcakes,

epileptic fridge boy and Finn Tristam. Wow. Thank you so much, everybody, for your incredible generosity. Remember, streamlabs.com forward slash poddiet's dough nations. Very, very much appreciated. Mikey, where can people find you? If you go on that there,

Twitter and type in at Pariboy, you'll find me in some probably hilarious tweets. I've been a busy boy the last few weeks with moving and work, so I've been a bit quiet online, but I think things are starting to get back to normal, and I'm hoping to set up a semi-regular

kind of streaming schedule. Now I've got the space and the internet to do so, so keep your eyes peeled. Fantastic. And Peter, where can people find us? We're at Team Triple Jump everywhere that's worth looking. Social media, Facebook and Twitter, and also Twitch and YouTube, where we're

We're doing content. We're streaming. We're doing videos. Some of them. Like old video stuff from back in the day. Rules boss is still over there. And worst games ever and cooking, etc. Yeah. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Make sure you leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. That's all. Does anybody have a question for the end? Secret question. What scream have you recorded for, to let it, it looks like you need to let it out? What have you done on the, it looks like you need Iceland.com? Yeah. Good question.

Wonderful. Thanks so much everybody. Oh, what was that? I was just like, give us a scream. Yeah, give us a scream, will you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, blithy. Right, well, take care of yourself, your stinkers. We'll see you in a couple of weeks' time and enjoy your, while the rest of your time indoors, I suppose. we're all going to be shunted outside soon. Yeah. God. All right.

Well, take care, everyone. Bye. Bye, everybody. Bye, bye. Bye. Bye.