Podiots - Podiots: Episode 58 - Poober

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

Mikey's looking into serial killer's extra-curricular activities, Peter's entered the dark and twisted world of the Dick and Dom subreddit, and Ben's feeding animals to other animals to see what makes it out the other side.   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots   Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV

or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Maple Lane. Maybe it's Maple Lane. The world's top leaders have all just signed a new declaration, which will forever change the way we go about our day-to-day lives. We go live to the big government building for more. Ah, ha. We feel that this declaration is of vital importance to the people of the world, and we hope this will be a turning point for humanity.

We are glad to announce that it is now our declaration that if you do not own a Nitro Concepts S300 gaming chair, you are a stinky poo-poo person. With its superior comfort, breathable fabric, and a wide range of colors, it's simply inexorable. excusable to not have one, and anyone found to not own one will be forced to wear a hat in the shape of a poo emoji. Thank you. Wow, incredible scenes there. Our reporter is on the field getting reactions from the general public. Sir, sir, what are your thoughts on the new legislature? Well, I think it's a brilliant thing and bloody long overdue. Why do you think that? All I'm saying is that. I'm saying is that. when you sit down in one of these babies, with their incredible ergonomics, stylish design, and rock-solid construction, I just don't see how you could ever choose any other chair.

And it looks like you bring your chair out with you everywhere you go? Aye, it never leaves my sight. I just make sure all my destinations are at the bottom of a hill so I can roll on down in style and luxury. I've even customized my chair with some speakers. Have a listen to this. Thank you very much. Back over to you at the studio. Once again, an absolutely massive thank you to Overclocers UK for supporting the show.

And if you'd like to learn more about their wonderful selection of chairs, you can head over to overclockers.com.ukers.com.ukers.ukukukukukuk forward slash poddiots to learn more. That's Overclocers.com.ukukukukuk forward slash poddits. And now on with the show. What was that, Mikey? What was that? What were you just doing there? You know what?

I genuinely can't remember. Really? What is my memory? Like, I'm like a fishy sieve. It's astonishing that you can't remember the noises you just made. Sorry, a fishy sieve. A fishy sieve, you know? Like a really, really, really fishy sieve.

I don't know if it's a sievy fish or a fishy sieve. Oh, okay. Trying to picture that. I'm not sure. Like the brain of a fish? Is that what you mean in terms of memory? Oh, I understand. You mean because of goldfish and also.

your memory like a sieve i didn't make the connection with the fish thing yeah so yeah so that that's one is it makes made sense of my head and i said it and then it stuns the room for about 15 seconds that happens a lot i i think it's it's the the the intro jitters i was thinking about this before but the the start of the podcast is terrifying because you know after this bit of the structure you got you got the intro song you know ben does all these professional reedy bits we get some questions and a thing a question a thing but the intro or anything goes and you get fishy sieve as a result. I mean, I'm okay with...

How do you feel about fishy sieve, Peter? I'm all right with it. Yeah, I think so. To me, it sounds like you've sort of... You know that when you drain off your pasta or your rice through a sieve or a colander? It just sounds like you've been boiling some fish and then you've like poured the fishy fish water through the sieve

and you're left with a fishy sieve. It's a little bit goopy and weird and horrible. That's what Pollard. is it's the fishy, sievy goop water after you drain your fish. Great. Great. Lovely.

We're happy with that one, everyone? Yeah, that's good. We're going to go with that one? Take it to the wank. Getting a thumbs up from the wank at the back there. Cheers. Thanks, Wank. Hello, everybody and welcome. Hello, everybody, and welcome to

poddy, it's the official. Boom. Vidiots. Boom. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three. It's where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Hello. How we doing, boys? Oh, you got an additional hello in there. That's one. This guy can't be fucking stopped today. Look at him.

He's bad. What a madness. little bastards. Oh, you can't stop me. So what's going on? How are we doing? You're right? Yeah.

You're right, love. Yeah, I'm all right. You're all right. You're all right. Yeah, I'm all right. Oh, God. The fucking list of weird references we have at this point, we do need to have a document where we just chucked every little YouTube video we've ever referenced.

It would be never ending, just so some people can have a sense of reality of what's real when are listening to this. Yeah, we'll never gain any new followers at this point. the required reading is mammoth we have so many aspirations for poddiots and where we want to take it but I think you're right it's just

it's in it's literally impenetrable to new listeners we've got our audience and that you know what I'm happy we've even got an audience yeah please don't go please don't go maybe one day we'll get a podcast award maybe one day when you're up against titans of the industry and then you've got

fucking garlic and chips over here. I mean, yeah, no, no, I'm not going to put us down like that. Garlic and chips deserves an award. Yeah, come on. Garlic and chips does deserve an award and an extra 50s worth of garlic, yeah, absolutely. As we all know. Well, as we all know, but nobody else

because they aren't going to come and listen. Well, I don't know. I'll try and find a fishy-sivy fetish forum. Fuck, no, that's got to be one of the worst forums. Yeah, that's even more. the internet. Yeah, yeah, I don't want to think about that. But it worked for the fart video, so maybe it'll, maybe it'll do something. It's true.

Yeah. It fucking, it might. It fucking did. It fucking did and it fucking might again. Oh. Hey, well, speaking of people who are an established listener and aren't going to go anywhere ever again, are they? Are they?

Please don't. Are they? Yeah. Yeah. You can join the esteemed ranks of Pod Squad by. going to streamlabs.com for slash potty, it's donations and donating three pounds or more. You get a shout out at the start

and the end of the show. It financially supports us and allows us to keep doing this in our spare time and we very, very much appreciate it. We, of course, now turn to Mikey. For the first, I don't know, what's a subsection of a squad, Peter? A chunk? Is that it?

I didn't know you were going to finish with of a squad, but I thought you just wanted an English word from the dictionary, meaning small piece, but a subsection of squadlet. A squadlet. A squadlet. Oh, squadlet's good. Yeah.

Okay. Mikey's got the first squadlet. Get ready for your squadlet. We've got Thingam a jiggly. Give me a second with this one. I rehearsed this one for a minute before, but it's lost me. Willem de Fiddles Widdle-Diddle. Nice. It nailed it.

Help, the sporks are in my eyes. Wait, I didn't give that more energy. Help, the sporks are in my eyes. Jesus Christ. Just Monica. Fully baked cream pie. Tommy the wang. engine chav chav ramirez it is i j demure lean mean green teen shorn bean carry the worst

darius canning who's been very generous thank you and he says hello you lovely lads just a quick follow up from episode 72 baby number two is here oh my god oh my goodness episode 72 oh my god he's from the future holy shit he's a time traveller darius how does everything go let us No, give us some lottery numbers, Jesus. Yeah. Keep up the great work. All the best from Darius, Sophie, still married. Sam and baby Ellie.

Oh, that's wonderful. Congratulations. Oh, glad to hear. It doesn't stop there. We got happy birthday, Alec. Maybe it is someone's birthday. Happy birthday. And if it's not.

Happy birthday, Ellie. Alec. Well, Ellie, though. Ellie's the baby. Oh, yeah. Is it her birthday in this podcast? It's 2021. That birthday is going to come up.

So I'll put that in the calendar. Okay. Like a glovity, glibgobgibbin. Like a clit sucker. Oh, nice. Thanks for that. Katie Kin's solo. Very generous donation.

Thank you. Kevin from Conn. And known racist Mel Gibbon. Again, a very generous racist Mel Gibbon. It's worth it just to hear you guys have to praise a generous donation from me. Also, U-I-U-A-A-A-Ting-Tang Walla-Wallah Pod Squad. Very good.

And lastly, we've got a little Alan Clough. Ah, lovely. The squadlet continues, and this contains one of the worst swear words ever made. Oh, no, put your fingers in his ears. Lord Brotovic, thank you. I guess I'm Demons, who was very generous, and says,

Hey boys, if you could give my wife a shout out for horse, for whore, oh my God, for services to whore. If you give you a shout out for her soon to come birthday, I'd appreciate it. She goes by Montana when she's online. Keep up the podcast, my dudes. Well, happy almost birthday, Montana. Yes. The cunt basher, 3,000.

Yeah. I hate Freddie Weber's face, Stephen Scodes. I sent Mikey Trigley Searide Flobba-Dobber Wama deluxe man He was very generous and says Praise be to the might meat face And his prophet Jeff Emily Lemons

Bring back memory Oh that's the naughty word Lemons Oh that was it was the swear word there Jesus disgusting Emily Lemons Bring back memory cards Prince Beefcakes

A very generous Uncle Chuckle fucker Who gave Who said Thanks for all the quality chuckles over the years under all of the platforms, rad dudes. I don't really know what that means. Post-traumatic stress darre. I'm assuming Uncle Chuckle is talking about triple jump.

Oh, I see over the different platforms, yeah, channels and things. Vidiot's official cunt sucker. Oh, no, another one. I didn't see there were two. No, I didn't either. And finally, the very generous main man, maimed main man, who says, guys, I almost died listening to the last episode because when Peter said the 15-pound adult toy,

my mind temporarily forgot about British currency and immediately thought of an imperial weight causing me to picture a seven-kilogram sex toy. Thanks. You're getting your money's worth there. Yeah. Mikey dombed by a bed bug, Simon Miller, give us a sub-streem, obscure anecdotabics,

Knee deep in satisfiers Fingas MC Carl Lanzer who was very generous Am I doing this right? Bump is name deducted Samuel soon emigrate in barber with just an outrageously big donation

missed the last few so here you go you mad lads All things working out is planned I will be in Dublin for the foreseeable future Wish me luck. Best of luck Samuel Thank you so much Congrats for getting out of England God, jealous

I drink to Spaghetti I can't think of a funny name Berto, Queef Chis Lorraine and Wallyeji on a Crucifix Thank you so much everyone, that is your pod squad for this week, just a reminder Streamlabs.com forward slash podiots Donations, three pounds or more to get a shout out

at the beginning and the end of the show Thank you so much. Thank you very much. Oh, are you guys ready for a question? Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah. Richard Major, otherwise known as Major Dick. at R Major 86 on Twitter. Cinemas are opening, but there's no new films, so they're just showing older films.

What old, then in parentheses, er, film, would you love to see, again, on the big screen? Ignoring the chance of getting the vid, he says. Okay. How far back are we, can we just say any film? I think any film that's now on home, sort of you can watch at home. Okay.

I think that counts. You know, I honestly wouldn't mind, as sort of underwhelming as it was, ultimately, I wouldn't mind seeing Avatar in, like, on a big screen, maybe even at like a nice IMAX or something, because I watched that on, I think it was on Blu-ray, admittedly, rather than DVD, but I watched it on home media. Actually, my physics teacher lent it to me in sixth form. Oh, wow.

Because I was quite, we were like quite a small class. and we're all almost like quite paly with each other just as a group. And he was this young guy and he was like, oh, if you've not watched it, I'll bring it in, you can borrow it. So he lent me Avatar and I watched it at home and I thought, yeah, I mean, this is fine. It's not like an offensive film. It's not terrible.

But I could see that like the, on the letterboxing like black bars top and bottom for the widescreen, I could see that fish were sometimes in front of those black bars, like jumping over them and stuff. So they do stuff with the letterboxing and things like that. And I think in crappy 3D, in an IMAX, on a big screen, it might actually be quite in it. It would certainly be a better experience than what I got out of it, I think. You know, I don't, it's not my favorite film in the world.

You know, maybe I should have just picked my favorite film because that would be nice to see on a big screen. But yeah, I think it would at least be an experience. Yeah, you want to go with an experience. Do you remember the time around Avatar, the Avatar period in human history where, like, post-Avatar depression was a thing? Yes. There's people who came out of the film generally changed.

Like when they weren't in that world, they missed it and they wanted to be back. It was a recognized, like, psychological, I mean, it didn't make it into, like, diagnostic manuals because it takes years for stuff to get into those. But it was like this recognized phenomenon that, like, psychologists were discussing with each other academically and saying, this is a thing. It's like post-Avatar depression. Ah, that's insane. I did see it in the cinema.

but I don't remember much about it because me and my friends took really stinky chicken from the chicken shop across the road in and probably ruined it for everyone else in there is one of those

it was one of my few naughty teenage moments where you just cooked chicken into a cinema yes where if you were an adult in that cinema you'd be like oh for fuck sake

how selfish and rude and I did that I did that so I was just but I was just happily eating very smelly chicken for most of the film and not really paying much attention to all the beautiful blue people.

Yeah. And there's like three or like five films coming out all in very quick succession after a however long. I'm literally looking at that now. Four sequels. Oh my God. It was meant to be 2021, but it's been pushed. So it's now December of this year,

December of 2024, December 2026, and December 2028. Oh, wow. Does anyone give a shit? No, no, they don't. I don't even want one sequel, you know? No, no. They're doing loads.

And we had to wait that, not that, again, not that I've been waiting, but like, the weight between the first one and the second one has been, what, like, must be coming, it's always more than you think. It must be becoming, yeah, I was going to say, well, I was about to say, it must be nearly 10 years, but apparently more than 10 years. All the actors are going to be so much older now. Four in such quick succession.

Yeah, terrible. How old is James Cameron? I was going to say, he's 62. James Cameron is 65, very good. So he was in his 50s when he made this film. And Sam Worthington was in his early 30s, and now he's pushing 50. By the time the sequel comes out,

he will nearly be 50. That's insane. God, can't wait for them all to be going out in wheelchairs when the last one gets delayed by 20 years. Yeah. I just feel sorry for them because they must have felt like they just hit the jackpot. And like, yes, this is going to be a franchise that will endure.

And they've all had to find a decade's worth of work waiting for the fucking sequel. To be fair, I think they made enough bank that they didn't necessarily have to work this decade. But they did anyway. He auditioned for the role of James Bond. Apparently. Sorry, I'm just getting distracted now. All right.

Fun. I think I'm going to go, I feel like, part of me saying I should go for like a grand spectacle, but at the same time, I just want something fun. So I'm going to go with the first Mr. Bean movie. In the cinema. You really want that big screen bean experience. You want to see every bubble on Whistler's mother's face. Oh, man.

Oh, that scene actually did kind of terrify me as good. Yeah, me too. It's weirdly horrific, like this dull grey and blue museum and this very weird British man in a weird suit scrubbing relentlessly and drawing a horrific-looking face on a work of art. And the music is like horrible. I'm not going for the comedy, I'm going to be stressed out. It's like organ and like violin.

It's like this shrill. He turns around and he's like rubbed that paint thinner on her face. And when he turns around, she's just bubbling. and it definitely scares me. In fact, I think what scared me the most about it was just imagining being in his position and thinking, what have I just done? They're going to execute me for this.

They're going to give me the death penalty. My favourite part of that was when he was wheeling it down the corridor and had it under a sheet. Yeah. And he was coming up to the guy in the corridor he had to turn it 180 degrees. Or 90 degrees, sorry, I should say. Pretending he had a cart in.

the squeaky wheel noise. Yeah, he's just walking along going, I can't believe he is canonically an alien. That's what's most upsetting about it is this poor alien has been burdened with like human emotions and guilt. Oh, he had nothing to worry about that painting then. Imagine if an alien came to your museum and modified a work of art, surely that sends the value through the roof.

Definitely. You would have thought, yeah, but then he'd be, then we'd be watching what was that film with Anton Deck where they dissected Alien Autopsy but it would be

with Mr Bean That's what we want to see in the cinema Alien Autopsy with Anton Deck Yes I watched that film And it was really bad It's just shit

It's just really shit Yeah That's the only bit of acting Anten Deck have really done Well Biker Of course Yeah I gotta see man

I mean that wasn't them but that's the only line actually know from that. They were responsible for it. That was Ant. Oh, it was. For something I thought Big Jeff said it,

but yeah. No, they're talking to Jeff. They're going, Jeff, I can't he see, man. Yeah, okay, fair. Yeah,

the best actors. Brief stint on the children's television series, why don't you? Which was broadcast on the BBC. Never heard of that. Nope.

Why don't you? Both in Biker Grove. That's it. No, there's nothing. Nothing really. 2006 was alien autopsy. God, what a, fucking wasteland the noughties were for media yeah it really was nothing good

really shit wasn't it the middle of it was just especially bad um i'd probably in a similar vein to mikey just want to watch one of my favorite films but a comedy just so because i already know all of it anyway hot rod yeah i just i already know how it all goes but i'd love to sit in the cinema with a load of like-minded people and watch it and just enjoy laughing at the various ridiculous moments in that film. I think it'll be a lot fun. It's lovely audiovisual junk food. Yeah, it's nice.

I really enjoyed Fury Road in the cinema. I'd like to do that again. Oh, yeah, I'd like to see that in the cinema. I haven't seen it still. I'm going to see what is on the Bristol Showcase Cinema. Is it open? It is, or at least it's starting to open. Shit.

Let's have a look. We've got unhinged, no idea. Oh, Nightmare on Elm Street. Oh, okay. Black Panther. Mr. Bean, the Ultimate Disaster Movie. it's literally just the same films that came out at the beginning of the year and a mix of old ones

Black Panther Joker I don't know what that is That's worth of risk isn't it God all the rings All the rings God I'm for this I'm all for cinemas showing old films

And I think this is a positive change Oh Jurassic Park Fuck yeah Oh nice Sonic the Hedgehog No I still need to see that and I need to see it on the big screen. Yeah, well, there you go.

Now's my chance. Okay, we've got another question here from Darby Edwards at Lady Helion on Twitter. You run YouTube. You can delete three videos from it forever, and by doing so, you delete all memory of the video's existence. Which three do you delete, and are any of them your content? Oh, oh, goodness. Oh, my God, that's a big question.

There's at least like 100 videos to choose from there. yeah um oh i'm just so i part of me's tempted just to rewrite internet history and get rid of rickroll to see what what would happen to fill that void because that like rickroll at his prime it went on for years like that was a hot spicy fresh beam for quite a while would would have that would the time spent being rickrulled being put into something else could we have found a cure for horrible diseases instead we were rickrolling ourselves into oblivion. Well, what else does Rick, what else has Rick Astley done? Nothing. Would he have not been as successful?

I mean, yeah, he probably wouldn't be a man. He wouldn't be never going to give you up was his first solo offering. Yeah, but I think he'd already, he'd already been successful. Like, that was a retroactive thing, wasn't it? Like, never going to give you up is from surely like before the turn of the millennium, right? Yes, but it did spend five weeks at the time. top of the British charts at the time. Yeah, that's true. It did give him a second. If he didn't have that first big outing as a solo artist, would we be whenever you need

somebody in each other, which was his next song? Nobody would be strangers to love. It would be amazing. The world would be a better place. Okay, so that's Mikey's pick. Do you have one, Peter, that you would banish forever? I can think of entire channels I'd quite like to just banish forever. Oh, yeah.

Go on, go on. Who are you going to bump off? Just certain, like, asshole vloggers. Blue Zephos. Blue Zephos, yeah. I wonder maybe what we could do. So, you know, Mikey's sort of saved the world by getting those cancer researchers

not distracted by Rick Astley. What we could also do is personally profit from deleting a very successful but easily recreatable video and making it ourselves instead. It's like that film yesterday, which I've also not seen. Where the guy sings all the Beatles songs.

So I don't think we could do Gangnam style because that is just, it's just its own thing. You don't have K-pop money. Yeah, exactly. But, you know, there must be something that has done exceptionally well that we could just remade. There's that video of a bit of toast falling over.

That's about three seconds. seconds long and that must have millions of views. Toast falling over. How many views do you have? Yeah, 2.4 million. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sorry, it's a waffle and it's 6.2 million views. What would the internet be like if Charlie never bit his finger?

Oh, yeah. Or Taylor Swift never shook it off, you know? Oh, God. Yeah, I don't know. What Charlie's up to. It's a little biting fingers. Probably just biting fingers. Yeah, I think he fights for the UFC now.

that must be quite formative as a kid to bite someone's finger and be propelled into internet fame for it you're the finger biting guy no I was the finger biting child please oh dear shit I don't know specifically what but I would probably

just pick I'd have to sort of go through the top you know 10 to 50 YouTube videos and find one that we could just recapture very easily some of them are lightning in a bottle and you couldn't just redo them but uh yeah yeah that's what i do i just cheat the system and try and profit from it i do like that with with this you know idea there's the potential here to make a shit ton of money but we're not going to put

any effort into it we're going to find the easy one to do yeah of course yeah that's not realistic naturally i would take down the last episode of memory cards oh why that's a really good one i watched that semi recently it's actually quite funny what what do you you're saying about the other ones, Peter. I mean, that's even funny than the rest. Thanks. There it is. I would take down the last one so we could forever be asked, hey, when's the next episode of memory cards?

Oh, it would be inundated, wouldn't we? When does it come? I love, I fucking love memory cards. When's the, when are you doing the next one? It's been, it's been 75 weeks. When is the next one? We could do a, we could do a special memory cards for, on this day, In 2018, memory cards was cancelled.

I think we should definitely do that. When was the last episode of memory cards? Oh, God. I'm making a note of that, because that is fucking brilliant. Idiots. What would it be called? Would it be memory, memory cards? Remembering memory cards.

Yeah, memory, memory cards, cards. God, we did too many episodes of that, didn't we? That's the music. Yes, we did. Yes, we did. Right, we did 19 of them. That's 19 weeks of these fucking things. Hang on, what order are these in?

Right, there we go. Okay, June the 25th. So we have passed the anniversary of memory cards now, unfortunately. Oh, that sucks. Next year then. Next year. That's going in the calendar. Hashtag where I'll be when I get that notification.

I'm watching this. Shame it's going, but I'm looking forward to seeing whatever you guys come up with next. Hashtag RIP memory cards. Thank you, Stephanie for that comment two years ago. Definitely. What we came up next was redundancy. I preferred this to Skyrim Zoo, but different strokes for different folks. Rip.

I preferred this to Skyrim Zoo? Who the fuck is that? That's Ben Croft there. Wow, Ben. Get some standards. Jesus Christ, Ben. I will miss memory cards. Oh, we do every day.

These comments are good. I like the short nature of this series. Honestly, I'm put off where there are 30-minute videos where I watched this. every week. Thank you, Philip. Well-worded. I understand completely. I like it when I get to spend as little time as possible watching the content you produce. Yeah, I like you and what you do. I just don't

like it enough to watch more of it. Yeah, I prefer it when you do videos that are too short to monetize with a mid-roll advert. That's what I prefer the most. Yeah, anyway, it's about me, the protagonist, the main character. Does anybody have a thing?

I've got a thing. Sure, go for it, Mikey. I thought I'd a hark, back to earlier poddi, it's when I was in the throes of serial killer fact fun times. Oh, yeah. Don't worry, we're not talking murder numbers. I saw that tweet. Yeah, I did jog me a bit.

I was like, maybe I could do a fun twist on, you know, murderous, horrible monsters, and I think I've got it. Okay, okay. So I think people tend to focus too much on the grisly, horrible, horrible details when it comes to these people. In reality, the time they spent doing the murders makes just a tiny, tiny fraction of their time spent on their time spent on earth. Are you about to glorify serial killers? Are you going to humanise monsters?

Of course. I'm just saying, serial killers are people too. Jeffrey Dahman was great at cross-stitching. I'm just saying we need to remember that these people had lives outside of their horrific, unspeakable crimes. Can I frame this for you? I've said that. Can I frame it for you slightly differently? Yeah, please.

It's important to remember the scariest thing about these monster people who were capable of heinous acts is that they were human and they had human hobbies and they did human things. They were just like us. So you could be a serial killer. You could be a serial killer too. Anyone you know could be a serial killer. So stay vigilant. We like to portray these people as monsters, but they were very much human.

Anyway, listen to the cool things they like to do. We prefaced it, the monsters, but it's nice to say what they did outside of killing. Yeah, of course. I'm excited to learn. You got, you know, people, I think the most famous, well, extracurricular murder activity was John Wayne Gacy. Yeah, of course. His famous clown paintings. And before, I did have a quick search.

And there's auction sites. There's actually an auction site that's dedicated entirely to murder memorabilia, which is a bit much. But yeah, you can purchase a sad clown painting. by an actual horrible monster murderer for a couple of grand. So if you ever feel like definitely haunting your house, have at it.

Insays. What did some other murder boys get up to in their free time? So I've found three murderers and some fun little extra activities. Would you like to hear? Yeah. Love to hear.

Right. Have you ever considered that the audiobook you plan to listen to you on a nice hot summer day was in fact being read to you by none other than Edward Kemper notorious for the murder of 10 people

in the 60s and 70s he was dubbed the Coed Killer that's the murder facts out of the way now the rest of it's fun okay he kept oh it wasn't quite done

he kept murdering and killing until he eventually turned himself in in 1973 which I think actually makes him the good guy in all this right he got tired of murders

he caught the killer yeah exactly yeah did he claim the bounty he was sentenced to spend the rest of his days in a Californian prison, but he was so well behaved that he was put in charge of a prison program

that recorded audio books. Quite a few inmates had a stab at the job, but none... Steady. But none were quite as dedicated as all Eddie, who was credited with over 5,000 hours of audio across

hundreds of books, including including flowers in the attic, June, and this is a fun one, Star Wars. Really? He recorded Star Wars audiobooks, which I had to hunt around and they're really hard to come by.

Apparently they don't exist online and at the minute it's just kind of guessed that there's a few cassette tapes lying in basement somewhere and please I want to find those. I want to hear this. Luke looked at Leah and thought, oh, maybe I could turn her skin into a jacket. If you're not aware, Ed is like an absolute giant of a man.

He comes in at six feet, nine inches tall. What a unit. Absolute unit. Let's have a look. He's got this deep lumbering tone. And I found like, there's like one snippet online that's easily to find. And he's got an interesting voice. It's quite monotone, relax.

It's quite sincere. So I can't remember what he said. so I just said noises. What do they always have glasses and a moustache? Why do they all look like that? I said it's just at birth you're assigned the glasses and mustache and you're obliged to fulfill your destiny, isn't it? Oh no. But yeah, he's got a good voice for it, I will admit.

But, I mean, it would be nice if it went for his past. Yeah, instead of all this. At least he's seemingly rehabilitated to a certain extent. I mean, I'm not saying he should be let out now because he's recorded Star Wars, but, you know, He's doing stuff. Yeah, there's actually the Netflix series Mind Hunter. Focuses quite a lot on, I forgot on his name already, Ed Kemper, because he would help a lot of FBI investigators and stuff

to solve murders and kind of create these profiles. Oh, wow. He repented for his sins. He did a lot of good, but he did a lot of bad as well. Like Hannibal Lecter. Yeah, pretty much, exactly. Sadly, he did retire from his voiceover gig in 2015. after suffering a stroke.

But he's still kicking around, so maybe there might be a reunion tour in time. On the other side of the murder spectrum, we go from serial killer to mass murderer. Oh, fun. What's the difference? Well... Is mass murder just a lot in one go kind of thing?

What's the difference? Yeah, actually, I would like to know. Serial killers. They have to kill three or more people, serial killers. And mass murderers. I think serial killers is like there's a mythology to it in a kind of like a theme

if you will but I think mass murder is just like fuck it you're all getting in the bin Okay mass murderers differ from spree killers who kill at two or more locations

with almost no time but no time break between murders and are not defined by the number of victims and serial killers who may kill people over long periods of time

wow that's no break between killings that's rapid just bam babbap bam Well, I think, yeah, that's a very accurate description. Anyway, in the 1950s, Jim Jones was a young preacher in Indiana, but members of his church refused to let African Americans join their congregation.

So he did the right thing. He left to form his own more inclusive, more loving church. It became known as the People's Temple Agricultural Project, or as everyone knows it today, Jones Town. Oh, no. It sounds nice. you know, he's creating a space that's more inclusive and more welcoming until you remember

it was a death cult that led to the death of 900 people, but whatever. Free Kool-Aid on the door. Oh boy. Oh, it's tasty, tasty Kool-Aid. But starting a new church isn't cheap and he had to find work to fund it. So he did what any normal person

would do. And I think this is my favorite job I've ever heard. I never considered it before this. He took up work as a door-to-door monkey salesman. In what country? Not what I expected. He'd bike around Indianapolis

with a cage of spider monkeys. In the US, he was allowed to sell monkeys. In the US. Yep, you just do whatever you want. Strap some monkeys to your back and just knock on people's doors and say, hey, do you want a monkey? Jesus.

What the hell? It's just absolutely insane. I think it does kind of fit. For someone who'd end up killing 900 people, of course he sold monkeys. There could be yours for the low, low price of $29. dollars. That's nothing. What year was that? That was in the

50s, so in today's money that's about $300. Oh, is it? Okay. Still, for a monkey, $300, $300, bargain. Where was he getting them? Just out of interest. Where was he finding these monkeys? I don't know those specifics, but he was shipping them from overseas via

plane. So, like, I guess back then it wasn't that regulated. It's just like, yeah, stick some monkeys in the cargo of plane and sell them in America, whatever. Give us the money. So in terms, some of his customers, his monkey customers,

not monkey customers, his monkey buying customers actually start attending Jim's church services and in true monkey salesman fashion anyone who brought in the most new recruits

to the church was treated with yet another monkey no good because that's what you want when you've got one monkey the moment you get that you're thinking oh do you know what I could

I like my new spider monkey but what I really want is a second monkey well you know you're at work from nine to five He's a friend. He's lonely. Yeah.

Unfortunately, after, I am not going to go into details here, but after some shipping complications, it's pretty gruesome, the gig became more hassle than it was worth, and he gave it up. But Jim did have his own pet chimpanzee named Mr Muggs, which is quite cute. And he was the mascot of Jonestown until everything went a bit wonky. Just a bit, yeah? Just a little bit, wonkums.

Imagine being the mascot. of Jones' time. That's a shit one. Bunky didn't know what he was doing. No. And lastly, we've got Randall Woodfield, who is admittedly a lesser-known contestant in the ring of shitheads, but he's better known as the I-5 killer.

Personally, I've never heard of him, so... No, I haven't. Whatever. But he had two talents that shone above the rest. First was football, and second was showing his penis to strangers. Oh. Extracurricular activities.

Lovely. Got a scouts badge and everything. He played football all through high school. And at one point... With his dick out. With his dick out, yeah. They'd know how dead go near him. It was his end of goals.

And he played all through high school. And his coach even helped bail him out of jail after he was arrested for exposing himself in front of a group of women because he had to get back on the field. Wow. Football comes first. At college, he just...

joined a Christian student group, and he was remembered as polite and quiet when he's not got his dick out. But during this time, he continued to be convicted for waggling his Wilson. No. No. But in 1974, he had a stroke of luck. Oh, no, that was an intentional point. No, God. No. In 1974, he had a bit of luck. Yeah. The NFL draft came around, and Woodfield was actually picked by the Green Bear Packers to be part of their team. which is actually kind of insane. When he joined up with him, he had to sign a contract in which he was held

to a high standard of behaviour. Going well already. Closed 1.2, stopped getting your dick out. It's included the requirement to always wear a jacket and tie in public. But, you know, they never said anything about pants and unfortunately the arrests continued

and he was cut from the team not long after joining. And this For a minute I thought you were going to say And then when he became a killer He would go around And strangle people with his tie

Like Oh God, yeah That was in the contract You did that Yeah Damn And getting kicked out the NFL Acted as a wake-up call for him

And he put an end to his rude hobby And instead took up robbery Home Invasion and murder instead Brilliant Okay And as a last tidbit He somehow had a nude Self-Portrait of himself

Published in Playgirl what? How did he do that? When did you do that? How? How did he do that? I don't know. Because it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's self-portrait. He must have took it himself and send it in, and I thought, yeah, that's all right. Yeah. Stuck it in the pages. That's great. God. Yeah. So there you go. Next time you, you, for whatever reason, looking at serial killers, just remember, they had hobbies in past times, too.

Yeah, they're not all bad, you know. Sometimes they do things like getting their dick out in public. Or turn themselves in or sell monkeys, which is really fun and lighthearted. Hashtag not all serial killers, am I right? There we go. Yeah. Nice. Well, thank you so much, Michael.

Oh, thank you. Informative and scarring as always. Ah, smart. It's me specialies. Lovely. David Lever asks the next question at Dalek Platypus on Twitter. You get abducted by Allens. That's not what it says.

It says aliens. They want two things. To find someone to probe and to be taken to the leader of Earth. Who do you tell them to probe, sorry? And who do you tell them is the leader? The fate of the world is in your hands, idiots. They can probe me if they're like, I don't mind. You don't mind?

No, I'm into that. They can, you know. Okay. Yeah. I was thinking that because I couldn't in all good conscience say, oh, that guy over there, stick something up his bum. I wouldn't be able to live myself after that. So I'd probably surrender myself for the probing just to save myself.

any bad feelings. I mean, I wouldn't. And I'll tell you for why. Yeah. Because I, there are two ways to think about this, right? Obviously, we're not going to suggest a leader of Earth who is a current political leader because mostly they're shit and also by their very nature, divisive because they're politicians. And equally, when you pick someone to be probed, you could choose, you know, a wanker who you just want to see

get probed because fuck Pierce Morgan, right? That's true, actually, yeah. Or you could suggest perhaps the, you know, the prime example of current human development, like an athlete or someone really good at being human. So they can probe them and go, wow, this is what humans can be, you know? Instead of them probing me and just finding, oh, he's 50% hummus. He's mostly hummus. That's a good point.

So I, my picks would be for Leader of Earth, um, forgotten his name. So David Attenborough. Okay. So they could have a frank conversation about how our planet works with a reasonable person who knows a lot about it. And in terms of probing someone, I don't know, Christiana Ronaldo or someone of his ill. Really plucked out. Yeah. What conjured up Christiana?

What's he done? I don't know. I just, I think I saw a gift of him earlier jumping really. And I thought, there's your guy. Well, in terms of picking, you know, some sort of twat, you know, just to sort of punish them, not only would I pick, so, you know, you say Pierce Morgan, for example, or, you know, some other, what's her name, Katie Hopkins. Yes. What you could do is specifically pick someone who's very homophobic because, and I'm being facetious here, having something up your butt is gay, right? It's immediately is a gay thing.

Right. which it isn't necessarily because women might have things up their butts from men or women. It's not a gay thing necessarily. But someone who's very homophobic would instantly associate having a probe up their bot bot as a super gay, gay thing. And I think they deserve that as a punishment for being ignorant. So you think homophobes should be sodomized to make them not homophobic? Yeah, because they associate, no, not to make them not homophobic necessarily, just to punish them for being homophobic.

Oh, okay. Because they associate sodomy specifically with homosexuality. Right. Or male on male. So that's what they deserve. Some kind of ironic punishment, you know. Do you think the aliens would understand irony?

The aliens don't need to know. If they just said, take me to your specimen, I would say, sure. How about this? So we need to find the worst homophobe on Earth. Yeah, we do. Yeah. that's a teacher a lesson

there you go that I'll teach you you okay and the best thing is if it turns out that David Attenborough is the most homophobic man in the world you can kill two birds

with one stone that would be really sad yeah it would wouldn't it yeah he has been awfully quiet on the gear penguin front he has

he hasn't munching them once so yeah I think where were you David he refuses to admit that dolphins have gay sex with other dolphins he doesn't want

it out there that it's a natural thing Yeah. Not moral. My mind went to kids' TV presenters as world leaders, at least four, you know, aliens to meet. And so I thought, you know what, Mr. Tumble. Oh, my goodness. That's good. He's a fun one. I don't know why. Honestly, I don't know much about Mr. Tumble, but I think he's very good at explaining things. He can speak sign language. Yeah, he can.

Oh, there you go. I think, yeah, he needs someone who can not talk down, but, you know, explain things in simple terms. So you don't know what, I mean, presumably if the aliens have come to our planet, they're pretty advanced. but there's going to be a barrier there and I think Mr. Tumble's the one to overcome it. I can just imagine him walking into the alien meeting room, the alien conference room on the UFO and there's like a slide whistle sound effect and he goes,

whoa! I just googled Mr. Tumble to remind myself of his face and it's as lovely as I remember. Yeah. But apparently some people think it's so lovely that according to Families UK, the children's TV presenters which mums are most likely to have a crush on.

There's a list of 10 here. Mr. Tumble is number four on the list. Oh, wow. He's number one. Dr. Ranj Singh. I've got no idea who that is to be. I thought you're going to say Dave. Oh, he is.

Get our boy DBP in there. Oh, okay. No, he's not from my era. He's from 2012, 2015. Yeah, so I guess moms are watching CBC and thirsting over presenters right now. I don't recognize any. the other people. It's just Mr. Tumble, which I think...

They fancy a bit of rough and tumble, I guess. Wow. Well, there we go. Peter. Yes. Do you have a thing? I've got a thing right here. And actually, it's on the topic of Jordan's TV presenters, so it's just as well. There's been a new, or I don't know how new, but

Dubungalow clips has recently started linking to some YouTube videos that I wasn't aware of, and I think they've only just become aware of, where someone's uploaded a whole load of extra new episodes of Dick and Dom that have been salvaged from the archives of people's VHS libraries. So there's even more material now to go and reminisce over. So I watched one of those the other day.

I thought it was genuinely really good, like I often do. They had some good writers on that team. And then it made me think, I wonder how in-depth and, you know, serious the wider community is. about Dick and Dom, you know, in terms of archiving things and how they're getting hold of this stuff. Maybe someone's got like an inn at the BBC or whatever. So I did a bit of Googling just to find out about the wider community. And I stumbled across R slash Dick and Dom on Reddit. So don't go typing into it right now. I don't want you to have the moment spoiled for you. But

I was like, okay, this is good. I'll go and have a look at it. I didn't expect it to be a big community. It's not. It's only got 11 members and it's not particularly active although the most recent posts were both a month ago, the last two posts were a month ago. So I had a quick scroll

and it quickly became apparent that it's possible that the people involved in this subreddit are being a bit silly and they're not really debungalow clips style serious fans so it begins the oldest post that was posted a year ago and it's a ain't nobody got time for that meme

like with the proper white impact font you know a really old style meme nice and it says dick and domen de bungalow ain't nobody got time for that it's incredibly pixelated so I'm gonna send it to you now it's the lowest quality meme I've maybe ever seen here it comes wow oh wow that is that is about seven pixels there that is yeah so so that was that i thought okay this this is um this is where it where it begins um and i can't remember if i said but the the title of that post was kill this non-believer so it didn't bode well um i continued to look through all the posts and i've got a selection for for you right now um post number Two. How many times day do you watch in da bungalow with your penis out? Yeah.

What? Wait, what? Really, really badly typed. And that is a common theme on this subreddit. It's a deliberate method of communication. They put random spaces and letters into their sentences on purpose. The replies to that are Tree Fiddy Times a day I guess And someone else has put That's a hard one

Depends on if I have work or not About five to seven times a day I guess What is this Then there's a post entitled They Like Animals And the photo enclosed Is Dick

Holding an otter on Dom's head looking stoned as fuck that otto looks pretty stoned as well to be fair before we go on tax are dermied before we go on if you couldn't tell from the previous post

I mentioned about having your dick out this subreddit is very very not safe for work and also generally quite offensive as well some of the words that are used on this subreddit so I if if anyone listening is curious enough to be checking this out you may find some choice language that is not appropriate

so I'm warning you now there's another post here it's just called he come and it is a picture of Diddy Dom with what I'm assuming is just shaving cream on his face but you know that's the peak of comedy I'm all for that that's good okay so Diddy Dick and Dom

for people unfamiliar was a sort of punch and Judy style cutaway gag they did from time to time where it was just their faces poked through a black curtain and puppet a puppet torso and legs

and they would speak as if they were on helium with their voices modified and it was usually just sort of prop slapstick comedy yeah clearly one of them involved

dick rubbing sun cream or whipped cream or something into yeah into Dom's face and someone's taken that still and it's thoroughly enjoying it

there's one comment on that post it just says more in bold and italics we move on they win award says the post it's a photo of them holding their BAFTAs

and underneath it says they are best they win award dick for lift and the reason I included this one is there's three comments

mostly just about talking how they've won an award but the third one says want Dak and Tom Vaugh which is very troubling What's the bet that this is Dick and or Dom doing this Well

It really goes downhill from here There's a post entitled This isn't Dick and Dom And the post reads Why does this come up when I search for Dick and Dom And it's two gay men engaging in pornographic acts. Oh, wow.

Because it's Dick and Dom, see. You get it? Of course. Creamy muck, yeah. We then move on to a screenshot of a genuine news article. I found the equivalent article, so this is real. Children's TV presenter Richard McCourt admits taking drugs. Oh, what?

Yeah. Nauty. Children's television presenter Richard McCourt has admitted taking drugs until a doctor ordered him to stop. Wait, isn't that what? That's like antibiotics, isn't it? Well, so I thought it was a parody. Yeah, I thought it was going to be an onion article

where it's like, oh yeah, he took some antibiotics and then the doctor said, okay, you can stop now. But no, it is like, he apparently did take recreational drugs, and then his doctor said, you're going to die if you keep taking those. So he's got a heart condition, apparently. Oh, wow. So it wasn't like he was carehalling every day and just flying with the birds.

he just, he probably just did a little bit of something. He's like, oh, that's not good for you. I think that's what, yeah, that's what I read into it. The one thing that the uploader has used, though, or has done to this screenshot. So it's a perfectly legit screenshot of a news article. And there's a photo enclosed with the caption, A witness described the TV stars Frank outbursts as appalling.

The photo I imagine used to be a photo of Dick's head, but it is now a man who has put a an air suction cup dildo onto a train rail and is completely bottomless and is sitting on the dildo Oh my god It's really this

It's very graphic this What your beef with Harry Hill Is a post I don't understand why there is beef with Harry Hill and Dick and Dom why can we not have sausage time in Dubunga and then there's four line

breaks and then at the bottom it just says low fucking hell I've got a question are like are these posts all coming from the same person or is like actually a couple of people who are actually like this? There are there's a group of several different people it's mostly

the same names coming up but yeah of course it is yeah wow someone's put hello friends I recently had my picture taken with Dick and Dome please say nice things in comment it's a photo of a guy standing next to Kanye West

to which the comments underneath say that's Richard Hammond and someone says oh fuck I forgot it continues sort of to this quality someone I think a new

a newcomer did actually do a post saying this sub is an absolute gem and the usual names who've been posting all the crap underneath have put boge and boog so they had their own little game of bogees in the comments and really where I decided to stop reading

because apparently I carried on reading up to this point but there was a post that said Dick found paying respects on the Barry Chuckle grave and then it's just a photo of a small child peeing against the Porterloo. Oh wow. Oh no. That ruined it.

You had to go too far. Exactly. It really... So that's what I'm saying. I thought this was... I couldn't not bring this to idiots because it's so... Not only is it just a weird thing, and we talk about weird things here, but it's Dick and Dom related, you know? So I had to bring it, but yeah, but definitely anyone who's going to seek this out,

there is a massive content warning, I would say, on the quality of what gets posted on here. But there you go. That's the official slash unofficial Dick and Dom subreddit. Wow. Slashash-Dick and Dom. Astonishing. I hope somebody posts this episode in there.

Yeah, they should do. Yeah. Oh, what? See what happens. Because it's like a very small but kind of committed group of shit posters, which kind of makes sense if you spent your childhood watching Dick and Dom

that this would happen. Yeah, it's like, it is shit posting, but it's like the shittest shit posting. Like it's just on another level. Yeah, it gets, it gets dark at times, you know. It blew me away in the worst possible way when I discovered this. I did not, it's not what I expected. When I realized that R slash dick and dom existed, I thought, fabulous, this will be interesting. You got slapped with he come.

Yeah, he come. It was interesting, though, to be fair. Yeah, that was an adventure. Really lighthearted episode this week. Yeah, it really is. Don't worry. My thing's not sad. It's okay.

Okay, good. It'll be all right. Thank you, Peter. That was informative. And I do hope we get some more news from that subreddit soon. Yeah. Big Nick asks the next question at Nick RLC on Twitter. What is the largest animal you as individuals could single-handedly cling film to a lamp post?

Hmm 100ly the largest I guess it's not just size here because some big animals can be quite docile but some small ones can be quite intense it's the balance See that's what I think right Surely if a giraffe

If you can just get a giraffe to stand there And you can get a ladder You can probably cling film that sucker with ease Right as long as it stays still Well I think that's the thing there I think I don't think a giraffe I think you'd struggle to cling film a giraffe to a lamppost.

I think, sort of from a logistical aspect, if it was standing still or if you could sedate it, then yeah, you wouldn't struggle, or not too much. But if you get kicked by a giraffe, it can kill you, you know. I think I could cling film a horse. Oh, I'm going in a very similar vein and saying cow. Which is bigger, horse or cow? I don't know.

It depends if they're far away, right? Yeah. Oh, good. me. I reckon I could cling film a very large whale with ease to a lamp post. If someone just dumped it there for me to cling film it, what's it going to do? No, that's not how it works, Peter. You have to take the lamp post to its territory. You've got to swim down there with a lamp post. I mean, that could probably be pretty easy, but, you know, if it's moving, you're fucked. Yeah. If it's sleeping, though, easy, peasy. Easy.

Yeah, just wrap up, wakes up a nice surprise. Although you might have issues, right? Because you're probably not going to get the same level of cling underwater. So you're going to have to balance the lamp post on its back and then pull off a huge reel of cling film and just dangle it over the edge. Fling it over the top so it, you know, gravity drags it down and then meet it in the middle and do that first initial. I think the first wrap, that first revolution is going to be a challenge, you know?

Once you get that friction and it touches, then you're set. You just have to keep on going. I'm not sure that cling film works underwater. I'm going to go out on a limb and say, it's not possible, actually. Shit, well, there's a myth busters for you. Yeah, I think you're right there. I think it's got to be some sort of large farm animal that's going to be relatively docile when, you know, confronted by a human. but yeah

yeah that's extra mean as well clink filming a whale because they need water I mean it's mean to cling film any animal let's get that right but especially whales

what if you were to cling film the water to the whale though oh that's not what was asked that's true you can't you can't stray from the objective here we've got to cling to them I think it's got to be a horse

a cow. That's it really. Which is bigger, cow or horse. Although I can attest to the fact that it's very difficult to move a cow that doesn't want to be moved, and I guess a horse as well. Right, who? I've tried to move a cow before. Move a cow. There it is. Wait, what? Sorry.

I've talked before about when the cow destroyed our picnic, haven't I? I think so. I certainly tweeted about it. It does ring bells. Yeah. Yeah. Like, a cow came and, like, trashed the picnic that was about, I don't know, 20 yards down from where we were

and we were watching going, God, why don't they just move it on? If you just, you know, if you're sort of loud and and slightly intimidating towards an animal, it'll generally just sort of, you know, pass you by. And then it came and tried to do it to us too. And yeah, it just, there were, I think six, no, probably more than that. I think there were eight or ten of us.

One of them works for the police. He's like a, he's an actual on-the-beat policeman. And, yeah, we just, all of the big burly blokes that we were, we're trying to move it. And we just couldn't, like, literally were pushing this cow just to get it to move away and it just wouldn't go. Oh, my God. I did Google, well, I got the results in on, which is heavier cow or horse.

Looks like horses are nearly double the weight of a cow. There's a lot of muscle on a horse. There's a lot of muscle. I think this is quite tall, aren't they? well. Yeah, the big boys. They do kick, though. It's a bit scary.

But this is a very weird website. It's purely facts.com. I scroll down, and there's a page called, is a horse heavy than a ferret? What's the answer? I can say with absolutely certainty that horse is heavier. Okay, good to know. Fake news.

I think what we can guarantee that we could do is Klingfielm a Great Dane or whatever the biggest dog in the world is to a Lampus. Because I think if you, as long as you've got a friend, enough dog. It would just let you do it. Oh, that poor dog, it trusts you and you go and betray it. I think we need to cling film it a couple of feet off the ground as well.

Oh, no. That would be fun. Yeah, it would be fun. Do you think if you're up to enough cling film around me, you could hit me with Ben's car and I would be okay. I think we're going to have to test it. Yeah. There's only one way to find out. Peter struggles to breathe.

Peter fucking asphyxiate. It's a limited series Okay, I've got my thing here So I was browsing the internet And I found this news article And it got me thinking So I'm going to read you the headline And then a bit of the article

Here we go This is from the New York Times There are two ways out of a frog This beetle chose the back door So immediately I was like Well this is premium and potty at stuff right here. It's a familiar story.

Predator hunts prey. Predator catches prey. Predator gulps down prey. Usually, that's it. But the water scavenger beetle says, not today. After getting swallowed by a frog, this plucky little insect

can scuttle down the amphibian's gut and force it to poop, emerging slightly soiled, but very much alive. Slightly soil. The bugs transit through the digestive tract can last as briefly as six minutes, a measly fraction of the two or more

days it typically takes for a frog to fully digest and defecate its dinner. After noticing the beetles and frogs frequent the same paddy fields in Japan, Dr. Sugira, I think, brought together one specimen of each in a lab, expecting the insect would be spit out. Instead, it rocketed out the other end of the digestive tract, a fecal feat that Dr. Suggera managed to capture on film. What? Eager to test the behavior's limits, Dr. Sugierre repeated his experiments with five specimens of insect munching frogs in the lab. A whopping 90% of the beetles they swallowed made it out the other end alive, all within six hours of being gulped down. So, this got me thinking, surely there are other creatures on God's big beautiful marble that can make it through to the

glorious goal of exiting through a bottom or otherwise, right? Still alive. Yep. Okay. So I found an article on ranker.com and here are just a few of the animals that can survive being pooped out of a bottom right that exists does it this is a real thing yeah absolutely so let's start with a newt everybody loves a newt back me up everyone loves a new yeah yeah i love newt thank you big big fan especially when they come out of bums yeah there we go michael sorry what was that you big you're newt fan You're a big newt fan? Oh, yeah, I'm the neatiest boy there is, Newt, mutter fucker.

That's it, thank you. The rough-skinned newt looks like easy prey, but any animal who eats it is in for an unfortunate surprise. Frogs often swallow them for dinner, and once inside, the newt quickly blows that popsicle stand. Their skins contain a toxin which they secrete when a predator consumes them. In the case of many frogs, they lack any resistance to this toxin, and it kills them from the inside out.

Nice, cute. What about... And then you have to crawl out of the frog. Yeah, they do have to crawl out the frog, yeah. Next, we've got a snake. Considering the fact it's already blind, the Brahmini, I think, blind snake lives... Oh my God, seagulls, shut up.

I wasn't sure if that was me. It's so fucking loud, and it's nearly 9 p.m. Go to bed. It's ridiculous. The Brominee blind snake lives a pretty difficult existence. Its lack of eyes makes it easy pickings for predators, including birds and toes. Luckily, getting eaten isn't always a problem for these little hardy beasts.

Researchers discovered this snake can be eaten by specific frogs and manage to survive the process. They have the ability to do this because, specifically for the frogs, the snake is often mistaken for a worm. They're more common prey. The frog's stomach cannot digest a scaled vertebrate, so the snake is able to get out, likely traumatized, but otherwise unscathed. God, imagine going through a digestive tract and coming out alive. I mean, there's definitely porn of that, I'm sure. There is. It happened in Ace Ventura, didn't it?

Oh, yeah, of course. No, no, that was a robot. Oh, was it? No, rubbish. Do you think it's scarier to go through a digestive track, blind or not blind? Because if you're blind, it just feels a bit warm and nice, I guess. But, I mean, Bernie, yeah.

I'm guessing you probably know what's happening, though. Yeah, I guess. I'd rather, if I knew that, I was inside a digestive tract. I'd probably at least prefer to be able to see in case that could help me in any way survive. The frog does a fart. There's the opening at the end of the tunnel.

Go for that. Although I guess it's too dark to see inside a digestive tract. Yeah, that's the thing. It's always portrayed in media as like being bright in there. You know, there's a dim light. But it would be pitch black, wouldn't it? Presumably, yeah. Do you know that for sure?

Have you ever been inside a digestive tract? No, but there's still time, Michael. I'm young. Oh, boy. We could do this. Next up is a snail. Some aquatic snails made the godly decision to never die, even when consumed by birds. Scientists tested the snail's resilience by selecting four species and feeding them to mallard ducks.

The hydrobia ulve, ultimately, passed right through the digestive tract a five-hour journey and came through the other side intact and alive. This might be possible, not just because the snail itself is hardy, but also because the snail itself is hardy, but also because birds push food through their body quickly in order to get energy as fast as possible. This lower digestive efficiency means snails can hitch a ride and be transported all over by these birds, safely waiting in their gut.

Once out of the duck, they still grow as fully functional animals. Once out, I did expect today in today's podcast for the phrase once out of the duck to be used. I've never heard them being described as hardy before. Surely they're actually quite softy. What, the snails? Yeah, snails. I mean, underneath the shell.

Yeah. They're quite like just little, I think these are small ones. These are small aquatic snails, so they're not very big, which is why ducks eat them. Silly ducks. Do you know if it's shell and all?

Is like the shell still? I assume so if they continue to grow as fully functional animals. I also assume that they hide inside the shell. They're not just sort of slugging around in them. right? Leaving trails all over there. Exactly, yeah. The final one I've got is a shrimp, well, a specific kind of shrimp. You may know of the seed shrimp by another name, the ostracod, which is a cool name, but I absolutely don't know that name. These itty-bitty crustaceans measure in at about a millimeter long, but they're able to survive even the harshest conditions

and circumstances. Case in point is what happens if a predator consumes a seed shrimp. Seed shrimp make common prey for the white sucker fish. However, once eaten, the shrimp can pass through the fish without dying. Even more impressive is the fact females, who came out the other side unharmed, remained in good enough shape to reproduce as if nothing

ever happened. This means that the seed shrimp can utilize the guts of fish as a means of transportation to new regions. Wow. I think you're the ostracod. Sorry, the ostracod. Yeah. So yeah, a fish is just a fish and a duck for, what is it, which snail was it? The Hydrobia Ulve and the

ostracod. It's just public transport, isn't it? Yeah. I thought you're going to say, rather than the ostracod using these as vehicles or the destinations, that they use them as bedrooms. Oh, see, that's also a good option. It's a safe place to have a baby. It's just a place to sleep for six hours and then plop. Oh, look at me. I'm off the coast of India. This is great. It's like the Overnight Express to Scotland It's a sleeper train for shrimp Do you guys remember that picture that was going around I don't know around maybe 2010 or something on the internet

Of a really big python that had eaten a sort of adolescent crocodile And then it had kind of exploded and There's a fuck I'm going to have to find that now Okay anyway that's my thing so there we go Oh it's amazing I'm actually the main thing got out of that was the tiny shrimp boys, ostracods. They're adorable. Are you looking at them now?

I say adorable. They are giving me dust mite vibes a big. Right, yeah. But they're kind of more blobby and fun, so they get a pass. They're allowed, and that's okay. They can be a bit gross. You found it, Peter.

Snake eats crocodile and explodes. Here it is, this horrific picture. I mean, it's not horrific in the sense of, there's not loads of blood and stuff. It's just the back end of a crocodile sticking out of an open snake. Okay. I imagine we won't be tweeting this one, right?

Probably not. But it's, yeah, here you go. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. That snake bit off a bit more than it could chew, right? It's pretty wild. So anyone who wants to see that, we're not going to put it on our Twitter thing.

But you don't just search for snake eats crocodile because there's lots of pictures of snakes successfully eating crocodiles, apparently. you have to type in snake eats crocodile and explodes and you will find it. Those are the keywords. You need those keywords in there. But yes, there are a number of animals that can make it through the digestive track of animals, tracked sorry of animals and then be plopped out successfully.

Oh, cute. Now we know. Just a taxi service at the end of the day. Exactly. Puba. Puba. There it is. Puba.

We did it. Final question this week comes from Kieran Marshall at Shur-Wern-Kurd. 229 on Twitter If you could choose what substance would you bleed instead of blood Uh

Sorry If you could choose What substance Would you bleed Instead of blood Sorry Peter Do you say ostracods Can you

Is ostracod a substance? I mean It's kind of So pathetic It's barely an animal Whoa Come on Well the animal

police. They shouldn't have to fucking put up with that. Right, right now, animal fight. Newt versus Ostracod, who wins? Ostracod fucking loses. Ostracod fucking wins it all. It's the best one to be pooped out alive. The Newt kills the guy who ate him. I mean, that's pretty metal, really. That's true. But will an Ostracod, which, how many of these animals can we fit

inside of each other alive at the same time? It's like the old woman who swallowed a fly, isn't it? We could definitely do a thing. I think we can, the new. Newt's the biggest one, then it's the snake, then it's the snail, and then it is the ostracod. How small is this snack? The snack is, can be confused for a worm, so it's not that big. It would struggle to eat the snail, honestly.

But the snail could definitely not eat the snake. No. I'm trying to think functionally, because blood's not, it's not a fun thing. It's not like, oh, a bit of blood, that's nice. It's very much supposed to be inside of you and it serves a purpose. How could I enhance myself? WD 40

Oh, everything just No more achy joints Oh my heart would just be like Slipping and sliding all little players Beating so fish fishing Yeah Gravy would be a fun one I mean you are northern so

Yeah I mean at this point I'm 50% hummus 50% gravy But the thing is like I don't get to enjoy the gravy really It's inside of me And if it comes out That's not a good thing

that's a bad thing. Probably be put off, right? What if there's some sort of, you know how creosote protects your fences and wooden structures? What if you had creosote in you? Do you think it would slow aging or make it, you make yourself age really fast in that you would die almost immediately? It has to, surely. Yeah, I think it might kill you. But I think we sort of have to do away with that aspect of it for this question. Because if you had anything other than blood in your veins it would probably kill you I think

I mean again there's a chance to make money here you know what's some very expensive liquids printer ink maybe oh yeah yeah yeah some very expensive oil

olive oil yeah I did forget the fact that you don't have you know a limited supply blood it does keep you know you get more blood over time

like you lose blood and you get more so like it's not you milk yourself yeah exactly you can go to the needle station that's what they call

and get milked. I'm assuming it would still be uncomfortable to have done. But vanilla extract is quite expensive, isn't it? Yeah. I'm just looking up the most expensive liquids in the world. Number one, this definitely would be bad to have in your veins. Scorpion venom.

Oh, you would be so cool. Is apparently worth $39 million per gallon. Wow. What? Yeah. That makes sense. As is King Cobra Venom, because I guess, you know, they're both for making,

anti-venom so they're super expensive because you only need like a couple of drops to make anti-venom so yeah that's cool though that would be cool to have you'd be really cool actually no there's no reason to this I want to say porridge you want to be full of porridge

yeah I want to be a thick and goopy inside okay so Mikey's gonna be just a big sack of porridge I want to sit and watch Mr Bean in the cinema with that goopy sloppy's inside The worst thing is you'd need some quite large gashes to properly bleed and if there was a cut in you

that was not so small that the porridge can't escape but not quite big enough that the porridge flows out it would sort of if you moved that joint or if you put any pressure it would sort of blob out in a horrible lovely way. See I'm not picturing that I'm picturing because it's so blobby

if it was a small cut you'd you'd presumably need extremely high porridge pressure and it would just spray out like a velocity unseen breakfast machine exactly yeah how much porridge would you have to

lose before you die do you think I'm not sure two balls two bowls of porridge that's not much he's lost two bowls of porridge what would a porridge what would a porridge IV

look like does it have to be warm I mean, it inherently would be body temperature, wouldn't it? Oh, I suppose. Yes, that's edible, isn't it? Do you think in a pinch, if you were running, if you were very low on porridge and you were starting to pass out, that they could give you an infusion of granola instead? Or is that not a close enough match?

It's too nobly. Oh, man. Cut up my insides used to the soft, slimy porridge. The number 10 most valuable liquid in the world is, surprisingly, human blood. So there you go. Oh, well. There it is. There we go.

Fantastic. That's the answer there. I would, I just, I think I'd go with WD40, I think. Yeah. I like the, the benefits that I've invented. What? Yeah, yeah. The benefit.

Oh, I've just thought of one, though. If you had, if you had like a non-Newtonian fluid flowing through your veins, would that make you really like, if someone punched you really hard, would it, like, resist it super, super well? Maybe. You know, you know, there's, like, you know, there's, like, like cornflower paddling pools that you'd still have muscle and bone presumably right well yeah when you punch a person it's not the blood that gives i don't think no but i'm saying if you had special blood maybe the blood would give you protection oh shit yeah like a crustacean

yeah i feel like falling over with non-neutonian fluid inside you isn't a fun experience it's just a brick wall hitting another brick wall just go rigid the moment you hit the floor My veins would be all black Mykeys would be all beige and lumpy Mine would be multi-coloured Yeah Wow we well there we go

We put the world to right there I think Thank you so much everybody for listening To the show Very much appreciated Hey why don't you go tell your friends That would be really good Spread the news if they can You know get over the hurdle of understanding

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that I have started this sentence in and it's going to win now thanks Ben over to me we got Thingam a Jiggly Willem de oh Jesus I fucked it up again

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the insanely generous donation from Samuel Soon Emigrate in Barber. Thank you so much. I drink to Spaghetti. I can't think of a funny name. Berto, quifches Lorraine and Waluigi on a crucifix. Thank you so much. Everybody. That is your pod squad for this week. Once more. Streamlabs.com forward slash potty. It's donations three pounds or more to get a shout out. Thank you, everybody. Mikey, where can people find you? Best place to find me is at Parrot Boy on the tweeters, where you can see some ferrets. And there's a lovely picture of a name plaque.

I found at a car dealership with my name on it. And apparently I'm a used car sales advisor. Isn't that nice? I do. I will resume streaming at some point. It's been a stressful few months. But things are finally ticking down. And I'm kind of getting my shit together and my room all set up for it.

So I just keep, I promise I'll do it soon. And Peter, where can people find us? We're at Team Triple Jump Everywhere that's worth being at YouTube, Twitch Facebook and Twitter all Team Triple Jump where we're doing some video style content

still We're doing Rules Boss Which is a piece of cake basically We're doing worst games ever We're doing prove it Doing cooking And all kinds of other things It's a video game based platform

Fantastic Finally leave us in iTunes review Or a review slash rating on your platform of choice, it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Does anybody have a final question to go home with? What's the estimated arrival time about Puba? Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We will be back in two weeks' time.

Look after yourselves. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye. Calling all Book Lovers The Toronto International Festival of Authors brings you a world of stories all in one place. Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more

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