Podiots - Podiots: Episode 59 - Ghost Skeleton
Episode Date: August 25, 2020Mikey explores dog fighting with a twist, Peter gives us all a drugs test and Ben has discovered a spooky, scary patent to send shivers down your spine. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and j...oin the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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forward slash potiates.
And now on with the podcast.
Let me just clear my throat.
There we go.
Oh, Jesus.
Blimey.
That was a big in.
Did anything just come out of your throat,
some sort of species or what was in there?
Oh, it was like a little tiny kind of shrimp,
was it that got pooed out,
peed out of Ben's animals last episode?
Oh, God, yeah.
Ultra cod?
No.
The ultra cod.
Something cod.
Micro-Haddock.
Yeah, something like that.
What the hell was it called?
A mega place.
I'll find it.
I'll find it.
That's what I've just coughed out onto my window.
It went out the other way.
Normally they're going through the mouth out of the bum.
Today decided to take the B-road.
Did it enter up your bomb?
Oh, yeah.
Without my permission as well, may I say.
Just kind of quite sneakily.
Snook its way.
Okay, I don't know where it's going to be honest.
Just padding for time.
And that's okay because it's ostracod.
Yeah.
There we go.
Ostra?
How are you, as in A-U-S-T?
O-O-S-T.
Oh, that's a shame.
Yeah, I just birthed a little ostracod.
Isn't he beautiful?
He's like a little bean with little legs.
So it was a suppository of some kind?
An ostra-pository.
Oh, brilliant.
I like it.
A suppostracod.
A suppostricod, yeah.
The world of the ostracod
There's an animal we never encountered before
But now I'm kind of fascinated with them
It'll be the next
The next sort of
Not product placement
The next deal we do
Where Ben gets in touch
With the manufacturers
Of the ostracospository
Whatever it was it
Ostrapository
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah
You're going to have to keep
Popping those up your butt
For 48 hours or whatever
And see what happens
I feel like a new man
Which forums will you
You'll go on this time.
Oh, I don't want to know.
The ostracod forums are weird places,
and then you get into the fetish ostracod forums.
Oh, my goodness.
Forget about it.
Sexy Geordie Man sticks an ostracod.
You could probably fit about 50 of them there in one go.
Yeah.
Even more bang for your buck.
God.
For your butt.
Yeah.
Can we roll the intro, please?
Can we stop this?
Sure.
Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy.
It's the official.
Official.
Bidiotz.
Podcast.
Podcast.
It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three ours,
where everybody brings a thing along to talk about.
I'm Ben.
I'm Peter.
And I'm Michael.
How are we doing guys?
excuse me
I fucking did
did you
oh we can swear on this
yeah got it yeah we can
yeah extra 50s worth Austrocod
Austrocod and ships
An extra 50s worth of
worth of new
flatmate
right? Oh yeah
so today
we welcomed
we embraced a fifth member to the
Ferret gang I guess
is what we're calling it now.
Little Django, he's eight years old
and through no fault of his own
he's had to be rehomed
because of a nasty landlord
said to the owner,
it's either you go or Django goes.
Django has a fortunate gone.
Does that, hang on,
that sort of ultimatum
makes it sound like either
they go and Django stays.
You can keep a ferret in this house,
but not with humans.
As long as the ferret can pick up the rent payments, it's fine.
My hands are tied.
It's Django's name on the lease.
Yeah, he's a little old man.
He's eight years old.
He's currently sleeping in the corner
after being bullied by the ferrets this afternoon.
If you hear any shrieks in the background,
don't worry, it's just ferrets showing dominance, I think.
Yeah.
Okay, yeah.
We'll go with that.
That's fine.
God, I feel sorry for Claudia,
because as well as shrieking ferrets,
she's also just got the occasional
to deal with.
She won't know what's happening.
Could be anyone shrieking of the six of you.
Oh, it is a hell.
Well, then she comes in, smell, smells.
Yeah, there's little poo on the floor.
Sorry, Chloe.
Who did that?
You know what it's like?
I'm in the other pottyets.
I can't exactly get up, can I?
Yeah.
No.
You need to get yourself a little pottyets.
Brilliant.
Yes, nice.
but how would you buy such a thing Michael
with with the lovely lovely money
that our donators have been kind of to grace us with
their funding are ferret care and pottyets
excellent link there guys I'm really
you're professionals yes yes thanks
we're really impressed by that let's let's catch the ball
and hey if you wanted to join pod squad
the elite listening force
you would just have to donate three pounds or more.
Do you know that?
What a deal?
Just three squiddles.
You don't have to, of course.
The fact you're listening means the world to us.
However, if you would like to join Pod Squad
and get a shout out at the beginning,
and the end of the show, you can do so
by going to Streamlabs.com
forward slash Podiot's donations
with an S on the end.
And if you go there, give us a little donation,
you get a cheeky shout out.
Oh, yeah.
And we've got an amazing new Pod Squad for this week.
Yeah.
And Mikey's going to kick us off.
start with the incredible Finn Tristum and the very generous cunning linguist,
thank you, who says, love all your work, guys, and we love you, Mr. Cun.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah.
Mr. Cuck.
Mr. Cun.
That's not, sorry.
Oh, that's not right.
Sorry.
Anyway, Lord Brotovitch, Tommy the Wank Engine, I never went to Poo Voo Yava.
Am I missing something?
I never went to Puvuvu Yava.
Is that right?
Poo V Java.
Java.
I don't know.
I feel like we are missing.
something, but I don't know what we're missing.
Well, it's got the word poo in it, so I love it.
Thank you, Poovoo.
We got Dobri Wecher, Pani Podiotov, says, very generous again, and he says, or they say,
hello, new Podiotic should drop just in time for the 1,000 mile return journey.
Jesus Christ, hurrah.
I wrote the name phonetically for you, bye.
Thank you very much, Dobri, Vecker.
Pani Podiottov.
Bam, look at that.
Awesome.
rolls off the tongue.
Stephen Scodes,
specky becky
and sexy,
uncuttuous little mudbath.
Oh,
goodness me.
It continues.
Unctuous little mud bath.
Not uncutuous.
Not uncuttuous.
That's a different thing entirely.
Trigly sir-eyed.
Trigley,
yes, exactly.
The list continues with
Call me Alex,
with no E in Alex,
who was very generous
and said,
I was the one
who kidnapped meat face.
Oh, Alex.
Also, The Jinkle, What Looked at TP, Kevin from Con.
What a wonderful Willem Willie.
Axles Alive, 95.
Long, crunchy carrot.
El Brottovich loves Louis J. Weber.
Freddy Weber's wallows come.
Got to be careful with that one.
Freddy Weber's wallows come.
Big Titty, lining McQueen, without a tea.
Flacid Wilson
Donna C. 07
Please love me
I'm so alone
and Puba Eats
At Porage Boy on Twitter
My Monsilla
Porridge
Porriots
Yes
Cal Jogo though
Hang on
Cal Jogo
The Hobo with a phono
Oh nice
The CG
Just have a tuck
Shreddy Murphy
Uncle Chuckle fucker
Quief Sweat
Mercenary Prostitute
extra 50s worth of monica
Superberto
Ami Dosange
BF Forum's gas provider
Drowning
Bandicoot fetish
There we go
Brilliant
What a squad
Oh but wait
Hang on
There's still more
Because some of you
naughty boys and girls
And others are still using
the old forward slash
Vidiots official link
Luckily we've caught it this time
But we don't usually do it
So please make sure you're donating
To Podiat's donations
We start with the very generous No Sam Divad, who says,
I've been a huge fan of you guys from the name redundant days,
and I love your content here on Vidyat's and at New Ventures.
Just wanted to finally put something forward to the things I love.
Although Vidyates has changed, I still love the podcast.
Thank you very much, Noah Sam.
Oh, thank you.
There's also Trunter's Turkey Twizzlers and someone's flipping daughter.
It's a very rude word that.
It's the worst word ever.
Go on, Peter.
coward.
Oh, you want me to...
All right, then.
You can do it.
Yeah, go on.
Could you see what your daughter's done?
Your cunting daughter?
For those who don't know, it's a reference to...
It's a line from, what was it, The Exorcist?
Yes, something.
I think so.
Ah, of course.
And also, very big thank you to...
Who was generous and said,
been listening in your various guises for years,
but not being able to donate so far
as been saving for a deposit for my first home.
I am now in and wanted to pass some cheer
on to you three wonderful chaps,
Memory cards is the best thing on YouTube, no doubt.
Thank you, Schnax.
Congratulations on your home ownership.
Yeah, congratulations.
Yeah, you've escaped the Eternal Hellhole that is rending.
Well done.
Absolutely.
And expect to hear this short recording in its entirety again at the end of the episode.
Yeah, just with their messages still included, me saying that word again.
Oh, boy.
Yeah.
Poddy at's donations.
Lovely.
Now back to the present tense.
We got there.
Thank you, everyone.
That's your Pod Squad for this week.
Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiast donations.
If you'd like to join and get a shout out at the beginning.
I like it.
Thank you.
I have brought some questions along from the Pod Squad and non-Pod Squad listeners.
Oh.
Got five for you.
In no particular order.
Not that Chris Hardwick at C underscore Hardwick on Twitter asks or says,
Vidiots is now a takeaway franchise.
What's on the menu?
in brackets it says
I'd be quite partial
to some Brian Butter Chicken
That's quite good
Okay
Which I like
So I guess
I mean not that this rule
Has been imposed by Chris Hardwick
But maybe we need to come up
With a few dishes
That are puns
On the family
The universe
Okay
I'm now saying
Ostrichod is a part
of the video to universe
It's got to be
Like ostracod and chips
Ostracod and chips
That's a knock that one
Out of the park straight away
If we're a fish and chip shop
we could do mad stunts on your pedal pike
Wow
You can get a nice
Is this going to be fish puns now
Is that what this is going to be?
I don't know
That just seemed like an easy one
He'd get a nice sangria
In a Michael Jugson
Oh yeah, you can, yeah
Not a pun
But I feel like
We do need to offer
Chill Grill's finest
Unmelted hard grated cheese
On Hot chips
Absolutely
We'd be nowhere about that
Yeah
A selection of Dick My
drinkos.
Nice.
Oh, very
nice.
Very, very good.
And when we make bread, we prove it.
Oh, dear.
Really.
We could do, if it's a chip shop, you could also do a battered sausage and could do
versed game ever.
Oh, very good.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
We've got a lovely selection of pieces of cake.
Oh, of course we have.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
And of course, rest in peace, memory cods.
Oh, man.
This is all just cods.
Just cods. Hey, hang on, we could have desserts as well. We've got a couple of, we've got pieces of cake, we've got posts some tart as well. Oh, very nice.
We have, yeah.
I'm desperately trying to think of one for Billy Ray Walrus, but I just can't.
That's what we call the large meal, the Philly Ray Walrus.
Yeah. It fills you up.
Or Philly cheese steak, Philly Ray Waris.
Yeah, yeah, that works.
Yeah, I like that.
Salmon Miller.
Salmon Miller is very good, yeah.
And we just sell the cake with their Ronald Kuhn on it.
Yeah.
And it costs £100.
That's what you get pieces of with your pieces of cake.
It's the Ronald Koon cake.
There you go.
I know it's Grimmis, isn't it?
It's grimace, yeah, sorry.
Well, yeah, he's saying Ronald Koon.
He's addressing.
Ronald Koon.
Sorry, my mistake.
Is there any, we got anything else?
I want one for Dick and Dom, but...
Oh, yeah, Dick and Dominoes?
Dick and Dominoes.
Dick and Domino. That's the name of the place.
There we go.
You get a Dick and Lick and Dominoes.
Brilliant.
I think we've...
That menu is second to Gordon Ramsey.
Oh, hang on.
Can't forget the steak on Trent.
Oh!
Delicious.
It tastes smoggy.
There's a trolley in mine.
Well, I think that's a veritable bounty.
There's loads there.
Yeah.
Sticking with food, though, I will just move on to question two
before we go to a thing.
John O'Deacon at John O'Deacon 20 says that Turkey Twisler's are back.
What?
Did you not, are you not aware of this?
It was trending on Twitter like two days ago, time of recording.
Turkey Twisler's, Bernard Matthews, they're back in pog form.
Why?
They're healthier, apparently.
They're like half the calories.
They're massive.
Oh my God.
Well, that's one for the thread.
Michael's found a very strange photo there.
I'll stick that in the thread now.
for everyone to go back to and look at.
That's incredibly specific.
Turkey Twislers are back.
Did you enjoy Turkey Twislers as a kid?
Was you gutted?
They were banned 15 years ago.
Are you happy they're back?
I was gutted when they got banned 15 years ago
and I have hated Jamie Oliver ever since.
Fair, fair.
Yeah.
I hated Jamie Oliver before he banned Turkey Twislers,
but that's just me.
What did you hate him for?
Being a naked chef or...
Yeah, you were in your early teens.
Why did you hate him?
My cousin worked at Jamie's Italian, and it was apparently a horrible place to work.
I think he was like publicly, I think the newspapers talked about how he was fairly dismissive of the frequent reports of poor working conditions at his own restaurants.
Oh, brilliant.
I think that's what did it.
I never really had a turkey to.
I've probably had one once at like someone's house, but we never had turkey to us as a kid.
That's probably why you're so healthy now.
Oh, I'm really healthy.
They haven't been stained by the Twizzlers.
God.
They used to be a regular fixture in our school,
which always felt a bit weird because, yeah, they were horrendously unhealthy and not really meat,
but whenever they were on at school,
it was like a horde of people rushing to get the Twizzlers before they ran out.
Like, we went rabid for them.
Yeah.
I think they did serve them up at my primary school,
but I didn't have, I brought my own lunch in.
Like, about 50% of the kids would just bring lunch from home,
so I didn't have them.
We should probably say just for,
anyone outside of the UK who's got no idea what we're talking about
what a turkey twisler is. Do you guys want to try and describe that? It's a
flavoured meat corkscrew. Yeah. Have you ever seen a duck penis before? It's
exactly like that. I think that's what it's just a turkey's twizzler. There is
nothing natural like that in nature apart from duck dick. Yeah. Either that
or it's made from specifically the red jowly bit from a turkey.
it may that might be where they take the cuttings from i don't know oh man i did i used to love them
i did really used to like him a lot yeah they were they were lovely for lack of a better word
i suspect i would have liked them yeah it was it was just like meaty grease essentially
with a bit of a breadcrum bread bread breadcum sorry bread crum oh my god bread crum courting
uh is this it would if if it never got banned it probably would have been part of the vidiots
Worst games ever meal.
Yeah.
It kind of fits in right with beans and potato smileys.
It does.
It does.
Yeah.
So were you guys gutted when they were banned?
Did you think it was, that shouldn't have happened?
I was upset.
I mean, I was indifferent because I, you know, I can't say I had them too many times.
I thought they were tasty.
But when they were taking away, it was like, oh, that's a, I suppose that's a shame.
Time for me to move on with my life.
Yeah.
Time to cook up some potato smileys and chicken dizzies.
Think about them.
at all. But what's the story? Why are they back and how can I get them?
I think Mr. Matthews, Bernard. Bernard, to us, for Bernie.
He's the one in the photo, isn't he, that Mikey put there?
Yeah. Bernard has decided that, I guess, just enough time has passed. He's like a disgraced
YouTuber who's decided, okay, I can come back now, I think.
My apology video.
Yeah, exactly. Can we cancel Bernard Matthews, please?
Well, I think he got cancelled by Jamie Oliver. That's the point.
Bernard Matthews have just been making suspiciously shaped chicken nuggets ever since,
but haven't touched turkey twizzlers.
Gradually getting closer and closer to a spiral, but daring not go too close.
Turkey cones was their latest bold.
I'm just reading an article about it now.
Originally Turkey Twizzlers had, actually, do you want to guess what the turkey content was in percentage?
Oh, I don't want to know.
15%.
I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say
more, 23%.
You were both very, very under there, actually.
It was 34%, so it wasn't as bad as we thought.
Oh, good for them.
Excellent.
A third turkey.
But the new improved versions have a whopping 70% turkey meat.
Wow.
They can actually...
And only 30% horse.
And 1% twizzle.
Yes.
Yeah, I missed them when they were gone.
but I think I got over it as a kid
you kind of quickly move on from things, don't you?
It's like, ah.
Yeah, well.
Ooh, what's that?
They're a nice artificial flavour, I think.
That's what most people missed.
Yeah, it didn't taste anything particular.
Like, it tasted a turkey twizzler.
Yeah.
It was seasoning.
But what seasoning it was is up to you.
And then Mikey just moved on to Beiton at that point, I guess.
Beacon and Pirates on holidays, and I forgot all about the Twislers.
Lovely.
Who needs them?
It's a shame that me content's gone up,
because I probably could legally eat a 30% turkey twizzler
because that's pretty much vegan, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
That's how it works.
This is how it works if you just cut a third off.
Is that the turkey gone?
Exactly.
It's just like Little Britain.
If you cut it in half, you can eat twice as much.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Well, that's good.
Good news.
They're back.
Yay.
And better than ever.
I'm so thrilled.
Who would like to do a thing?
I'll do my thing
Go on
Sure
It's a very important topic
So I think it is good
We get it out of the way first
Right
Animals as weapons
Okay
Okay
Yeah it's about time
We talked about this
It's a pressing issue
In society right now
And I think we'll address it
And I think everyone be more knowledgeable for it
You never know
What are you going to
Sorry
I've just totally fluffed up my own script here
Never mind
You never know
When you're going to be going
About your daily life
And the challenger appears
and you've got to fight them off.
But what do you do?
If you've forgotten your trusty pocket knife,
as you carry about to stab people that come up to you,
yep.
You obviously reach for the nearest animal,
like these four people did.
Oh my God.
Not where I thought this was going.
I thought you're going to do like the dogs that they strapped bombs to
and made them run under tanks and stuff.
It's somehow more grim,
but also more lighthearted than bomb dogs.
Bomb dogs,
who were trained on.
on allied tanks
and then when they set them out in the field
to run at enemy tanks, they weren't familiar
with enemy tanks, so they ran their bombs
underneath their own team's
tanks and blew them up.
Excellent. That's what they deserve.
Yeah. We start with Florida
native, because of course where else would something like
this happen, Rodney Bolton,
who was a 38-year-old homeless man.
One day he decided to wander
into a pet store and he locked
eyes with a little ferret.
Oh no. He decided the ferret was
now his and proceeded to stuff it down his trousers and flee the pet store with his new
companion.
Right.
But as he got outside, he was confronted by a 17-year-old who had witnessed the act
of grand theft ferret and decided to step in.
And at this point, Rodney switched into fight mode, whipped the ferret out of his trousers and
slapped the 17-year-old in the face with it.
Oh, my God.
Is the 17-year-old alive?
Thankfully, yes.
In the panic state, the ferret bit the kids' face.
face, but luckily everyone got away on skith. The article was very brief considering the wacky
tale this is. I don't know what happened. I assume the ferret got back at some point if they caught
the man, or maybe the ferret just ran off to bite some more kids in the face. But Florida law
considered the ferret a special weapon. As such, Rodney was charged with dangerously wielding
and a battery charge. Wow. So I didn't realize that. Anything could become a
weapon. I mean, it kind of makes sense, but
ferret, cutness and pet, use it
as a weapon, bam, that's now a deadly weapon.
Yeah, I guess they don't want to have
like a list of what counts as a deadly
weapon and then someone decides, well, I'm
going to get away with it because I'm going to use, you know,
a comedy inflatable banana
or whatever. It's not on the list, so it's fine.
Yeah, it's fine.
There is no information about this, is there? Every news
story has the same four
sentences. Yeah, it's mad.
because I mean
maybe no one wanted to talk about it
like if you're getting slapped in the face of a ferret
it's a bit embarrassing but
there must be one reporter out there
who's like no I'm going to get at the bottom of this story
who is Rodney Bolton
what happened to the ferret
what happened to the ferret
is he in a lockup somewhere
in evidence lockup
was it Django
maybe that's why he wasn't allowed to stay in his house
yeah that's it he's a deadly weapon
shit Django come on
but what if you've got an annoying child
on your hands
what can you what's the perfect
animal to use in retaliation.
Oh, man.
If you said a hedgehog as an impromptu sentient shuriken, you'd be right.
Oh, my, I mean, it is a weapon I would choose if I had to use an animal.
Like, that is the animal that is kind of a weapon in itself, so it makes sense.
So a per 15-year-old boy was returning home with two friends when he was confronted by four
men.
One of the men, William, asked, do you want to wear a hedgehog helmet?
the boy obviously indicated he'd rather not
but William persisted and threw the animal and hit the boy in his hip
leaving quite a mark and several quills stuck in his skin
and it gets wier
at this point the boy's mother intervened
and William responded by pulling down his trousers and exposing his ass to everyone
oh what
that's what you do right
once you've launched your hedgehog you've got no other weapons
bam use your ass
this is so vidiates
it just sounds fake
sounds like a stupid story
that we've just riffed on
out of nowhere
but it's allegedly true
it really does
like I found these in an article
and I was like
I'm not going to trust the saga
I'm going to Google all these separately
and yeah these are all
completely true report
on the BBC and everything
William was fined
for his for assault
and offensive behaviour
however the more serious charge
of assault with a weapon
was dropped thankfully
making him narrowly avoid a five-year prison sentence
and instead was handed a $500 fine.
Wow.
I think that's the price for using a hedgehog as a weapon.
That's what you get.
So far, neither of these people have been convicted of cruelty to animals.
No, which is really bizarre because it is definitely cruelty to animals.
In 2008, Korea criminal Fred Louis Irvin robbed a North Carolina gas station.
And after grabbing everything he could from the cash register, he hopped across the road to a nearby parking lot to steal a getaway car.
However, the car he targeted was accompanied by its owner.
Irene, he was just trying to get into it with a shopping, bless her.
But this didn't stop Fred.
He had his eyes set on that car.
So he wrestled to the ground and started attacking her.
And in a heroic moment, you know, all these people stood by flooded in to try and save her.
and one of the shoppers
managed to find
a frozen turkey
that had spilled from Eileen's groceries
and proceeded to whack Fred over the head with it.
Oh my goodness.
Good job, it wasn't a Twizzler.
Yes, I nearly said Twizzler. I got twizzlers on the brain.
God, he would kill them with E-Numbers.
And despite the head injury,
I don't really like to describe him,
I'll just maniac, Fred,
managed to escape in Irene's car,
albeit in a messy fashion,
and he hit five other cars on the way out of the parking lot
and was promptly apprehended by the police not long after.
Wow.
Sounds like a lovely chap.
This last one is the best story I've ever heard.
Oh God, okay, that's quite a claim.
It's amazing.
So, if you're on a mission to destroy the Hells Angels,
what could possibly be the most fitting weapon for the job?
Well, boy, do I have the story for you.
a German student had decided to stop taking his depression medication
and went on the journey of a lifetime
armed with only a puppy and a pair of shorts
he got into his car and drove to the nearest Hells Angels hideout
this all took place at Germany German student I did say good
I didn't think Hells Angels had that much of a hold on the world
but they got hideouts everywhere apparently
hideouts yeah a little hide that's cute
it's a clubhouse let's say that that's more fun
Yeah.
So he strode into the grounds, heroically, again, dropped his shorts and just displayed himself in front of everyone.
I don't understand the correlation between attacking with animals and showing her ass, but it's there.
Bikers obviously stunned, tried to figure out exactly who had just walked in.
And at this point, the student pulled out the puppy and hurled it at the nearest leather-clad man.
Just pause, take in the image.
Guy, shout shorts on the ground.
Puppies being flinged at big burly men in a motorcycle gang compound.
But that's not all.
At this point, the student must have realized what he'd just done and kind of come back to reality,
and he decided it was time to escape.
So the first phase of the escape involved running to a nearby building site
and commandeering a fully operational bulldozer.
Oh, my God.
Phase two had him realizing they aren't actually that fast,
and they're not really the best vehicles for a speedy getaway.
But he persisted, phase three, saw him causing a three-mile traffic jam on a highway
as he slowly drove away from the bikers, who surely could have just gone up next to him,
and knocked him out at this point.
I assume they'd just let him go, because you don't mess a man who throws puppies and drops his trousers.
And eventually on the highway, he gave up, he just ditched this bulldozer right in the middle of the highway
and hitchhiked the rest of the way home.
I'm assuming
Just in his shorts
Yeah I'm assuming so
But I don't know
Maybe if you see someone shortless on the side of the road
They need picking up more than anyone
Wow
And he got home safely
Well relatively safely
But he was quickly apprehended by the law
And the puppy was thankfully handed over to an animal shelter
That's the one story that actually tells you
What happened to the animal
So yeah
I'd be glad to hear
The puppy's all right
There's a hell of a story for it to tell his pups at some point
Yeah I've been in the hell's angels
next day I got flung at a bike or whatever.
You'll never believe what happened to me
when I was a puppy.
There you go. There's some ideas in case you
ever need some impromptu weapons.
What a tale.
Brilliant.
Keep that in mind next time I'm
in a fight, which is like
all the time.
Just work your ferret out.
Bam. Yeah. We'll move on to a question
here from Matthew Sivya,
I think, at Matty Sivya
on Twitter.
Matthew says
As Podiat's is kind of like
show and tell
What's the best thing you ever brought to
Or saw at show and tell?
I'm willing to expand the question
Into
Can you remember anything
Worth telling about show and tell
Because I remember a show and tell
That was really lame
But I thought it was like
You know
I put a lot of work into it
Oh bless I want to hear about it
Okay
so we were told that we would do everyone was going to do a presentation that was the word they used even though we were only in like year five or something so we would just do a talk for like three minutes about anything we wanted and you know people brought like their skateboard in or i think one or two people were fortunate enough to be able to bring their dog in or something like that or their rabbit you know in a box um and i didn't know what i was going to do mine on and i i visited my
my grandparents that weekend
who live out in the country
and we went out on a walk
with their dogs and we used
to walk up to these like old quarries
that were like way up on like
the moor side and when we were walking there
I was saying like I don't know what I'm going to do my show and tell on
and we just decided
as I was walking up there that I would just
do a presentation about the quarries
so...
Brilliant. Very interesting.
We were staying the night so
that night we went and we bought like
one or two disposable cameras from the chemists
and the next day we walked
back to the quarries and I
took lots of photos of
like the bare rock
and stuff like that and
my granddad was telling me like
about the dry stone walls
that were there and I remember I actually remember
like stuff he told me he was like oh yeah
sometimes you'll see a dry stone wall that's like
two layers deep and there'll be
occasional stones that go all the way
through both layers that that's how it holds together and they're called keystones so i still
remember that now and then i was thinking like the whole time i was like oh this is this is not really
going to be like that exciting as a show and tell and then we got to uh this like old footprint in the
floor like a the footprint of a building and uh it was apparently where they'd like they used to
store the dynamite for the for the quarry and so i i really hammed that up in the uh in the present
I was like, oh yeah, these store dynamite in here and like, if anyone had ever got in here and got the dynamite, they would have been able to like blow up the whole village and oh, it would have been like, it would have been a catastrophe and I think it went down well with the teacher because it wasn't just a really tedious, this is my rabbit, he eats carrots and drinks water. So that was my very off the wall choice because I couldn't think of anything else. You know, that's what I ended up doing a show and tell on.
That's a monumental effort, to be fair.
Not only did you visit the place twice to do research, you also bought a camera.
That's amazing.
Well, I needed something to show, I guess.
I couldn't just tell.
You could bring a rock or two, I guess.
I think I did bring a rock or two, but I also...
Excellent.
Good.
We got all the pictures printed and stuck onto a big piece of cardboard, and then I did my presentation.
That's really nice.
Yeah.
I think my highlight, we didn't really do show and tell that often.
I think it must happen like once or twice my entire life, but...
One time we came into school and we were informed are that, oh, Hannah and Alex have brought in their ducklings.
Oh, what?
And so, like, I don't know how this happened, but they just brought them in.
And, like, we'd get escorted out of the room in, like, groups of three or four.
And we just go sit with the ducklings for ten minutes.
And it was the best day of my school life, because I just sat there with a duckling, sleeping in my arms, like, oh, this is great.
Oh, yeah.
This is education.
This is what I want to be doing every day at school.
God.
Yeah, I want more ducklings in schools.
do that. That's amazing.
Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.
God, they should do that. They should have, because they have, um, when I was at
uni, during exam period, uh, they would have dogs brought in, like puppies and have
like a puppy petting room for a day, uh, because they'd heard it was happening at another
uni and everyone was jealous about it and it never happened. Newcastle uni did it. I went to
it. I wasn't even a student. Oh, really?
Just, how about you, Ben? I can't say that I have ever experienced a show and
tell first-hand.
Oh, really?
I don't think I've ever done one, yeah.
I mean, we called it circle time
at our school, but it was the same
thing. No, we'd
never had anything like that, unfortunately.
Oh, no. Well, at least you're living
show and tell for like 60 episodes
now with poddiots. It's true.
That is what we do here. Or just tell.
Tell, yes. Well,
you go to Twitter for the shows and
you listen for the tells.
Yeah. Yeah. Show and tell really was
like everybody brings a thing
long to talk about.
Yeah.
It's kind of what it is, really.
Yeah.
Oh, well, sorry to hear you never had ducklings at school or learned about a sick quarry.
I know, I know, but I do have something I can show and tell now.
Ooh, okay.
I like that.
Go for it.
So imagine you've committed a crime, right?
Imagine.
Just imagine.
Imagine that big, juicy crime what you've done.
You've gone into an interrogation room.
you're awaiting some sort of professional
who's going to come and ask you difficult questions.
Do you have a lawyer present?
I don't know.
Apparently,
inventor Helene Adelaide Shelby
kind of hoped that you wouldn't
when she, in the 1920s,
filed a patent for this amazing confession extracting machine.
Oh, my God.
Without context, I'm going to send you a photo
of it right now so you're sat down and this is what's in front of you no what which one are you
sitting down uh no well actually it looks like you stood up for some reason in this situation
yeah oh my god wait what that i'm trying to decipher this this is bizarre looks horrible it's like
just judging from the picture it looks like you know there's someone behind a scary model they're
like the operator and you're going to be interrogated by some sort of demon. I think that's the
idea here. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, here's what it be.
Hmm. Courthrooms of the 1920s might have been a bit more exciting if law enforcement officials
had taken the advice of one Helene Adelaide Shelby of Oakland, California. Shelby's innovative
idea, what if someone besides an ordinary detective oversaw criminal justice-related interrogations?
What if, for instance, the questioner was a giant skeleton?
with glowing red eyes and a camera hidden in its skull.
Okay, now you say that that is literally what it looks like, yep.
Yeah.
Is that?
US patent 174909090, aka apparatus for obtaining criminal confessions
and photographically recording them, was filed by Shelby on August 16, 1927.
Her goal was to cut down on retracted confessions.
It is a well-known fact in criminal practices that confessions obtained initially
from those suspected of crimes through ordinary channels are almost,
invariably later retracted, she explains in her patent application.
I've got a front-facing photo of the Skelly Boy.
There, he or she is.
Oh, my God, it's horrifying.
Her invention is.
Yeah.
Oh, please do carry on.
No, no, no, no, no.
Go ahead.
Well, the weird thing is to me is that this might be intimidating if you were completely,
if you weren't expecting it at all,
and then you just got shoved into a room with a talking,
glowing skeleton, right? But surely, word would get around the circles of criminals within days
that, oh, just, by the way, if they interrogate you at the local, you know, the local Nick,
it'll be like some stupid model that they've got and like, don't worry about it. It's just,
there's a guy behind it. It's fine. Yeah, you would think so. But she was, she was quite
convinced her invention, which she describes as a new and useful apparatus.
It is designed to produce a state of mind calculated to cause a criminal, if guilty, to make confession thereof.
Straightforward enough, right?
The twist is, as always, in the execution.
Shelby's invention works like this.
First, the suspect is confined in a small dark chamber.
In the accompanying illustration, this ne'er-do-well is a bemused-looking man in cuffed pants standing upright, all very suspicious.
The examiner, who is in charge of eliciting information from the suspect,
sits in a second attached chamber and asks his questions through a megaphone.
The suspect cannot see his human questioner, though.
Instead, as soon as the examiner flicks a button, a curtain lifts within the chamber,
and the unlucky interrogate is suddenly faced with a figure in the form of a skeleton,
surrounded by a diaphanous veiling,
and illuminated from both above and below by a plurality of electric lights, it says.
Plurality.
That's a good word.
This light and curtain scheme is designed to make the skeleton seem like an apparition
as though it has spontaneously arisen inside the confession booth.
The skeleton's eye sockets contain red light bulbs
for the purpose of importing an unnatural ghastly glow
and the megaphone is positioned in such a manner that the voice of the operator
appears to come from the mouth of the skeleton
and then it says in parentheses it also blinks.
Oh my God!
Effective?
you bet, these illusory effects of a supernatural character, Shelby writes, will work upon the
suspect's imagination, convinced that he is speaking to a true ghost skeleton. The bandit in the chamber
will spontaneously confess his most secret crimes. A ghost skeleton? Oh yeah, apparently so.
It's not just like an undead thing. It's the ghost of a skeleton. It was a skeleton in its previous life.
While the suspect is spilling his guts to the skeleton,
the skeleton is recording the suspect via a film camera installed in its skull.
Said camera is a nifty machine that, as Shelby explains,
can photographically and simultaneously record both scenes and words.
Whoa!
Yeah.
Later, if the criminal attempts to retract his testimony,
the pictures and audio which depict his every expression and emotion
can be marshaled as evidence.
Who was the woman behind this twisted piece of genius?
A search for Shelby's name in newspaper archives reveals only a few hints about her life.
She was a bit of a real estate maven, selling and leasing properties in Oakland, Santa Cruz and San Francisco.
She occasionally bet on horse races, and she died in 1947, leaving behind her husband, Edgar.
Invention-wise, she was a one-hit wonder.
She has no other patents on file.
It doesn't seem as though anyone ever built her skeleton-based interrogator either.
Which is probably for the best,
Because apparently in 1961, the Supreme Court ruled that coerced confessions are not admissible in court.
Oh, there could have been a good 30 years there of coerced skeleton confessions.
That would be an obvious period of crime.
What I love is, yes, as Peter pointed out, somehow word wouldn't spread.
And people just wouldn't want to do crimes anymore unless they see the ghost skeleton.
And they don't want to hang out with the ghost skeleton.
Yeah.
And then the ghost skeleton is only really there to,
spook them, but also the camera
is there to make sure, it seems like
the whole point of this invention, as listed
in her patent, was to stop people from
retracting their testimonies, right?
Yeah. Yeah. It's somehow ignoring the
fact that a camera could
be installed in the room anywhere
at any time
during regular confessions.
Yeah, she's saying that the skeleton
will get them to confess,
which is not the problem that she's identified.
She's identified that the problem is
if you get them to confess by normal means.
they retract it.
So she's saying,
but to solve the retraction,
there will be a camera in the room.
So surely you don't need the skeleton.
You just need the camera.
Exactly.
I think,
I think you're thinking about this too boringly.
I mean,
if you were in a room,
a curtain rises,
and you're face-to-face
with a glowing red-eyed skeleton
with...
Ghost of a skeleton.
Ghost of a skeleton.
Sorry,
with the sound of a camera rolling
because they weren't quiet back then.
It would be like,
and like this megaphone.
What did you do?
Where did you commit the crime?
That would be the most authentic, believable confession ever.
And it blinks.
Yeah, that's the weird thing.
Skeletons can't blink.
They don't have eyelids.
But yeah, I wish someone made this.
I really want to see a real-life version of this.
I think we can do it.
This would have taken me in until I saw a skull blink.
And then I would have been like, hang on a minute.
That's not right.
I don't know any skeletons that can blink.
Ghost skeletons.
Ghosts, sorry, ghost skeletons.
Yeah, no, that's the important line.
This article comes from atlasobscura.com, by the way.
It was written a few years ago.
This is a real patent.
It exists online, and hopefully someone makes it at some point.
There's still time.
It's coming up on the 100-year anniversary of this patent.
Oh, well, let's celebrate it in style.
Yeah, I agree.
Does this mean it's still patented, or do you have to keep paying for those to roll around?
I don't know.
You know what?
I'll give it a Google.
now it's uh oh i can click on it i can click on it takes me to the google patent yeah there it is
um oh it says it says it has expired but i think it still is assigned that number
quick get in someone quick repatent this do it is that how that works can we do that yeah
i'm not sure i'll adapt the design a little bit so it doesn't have our lids there's a whole new
invention yeah uh sounds great and this we'll use it in our in our restaurants
The glowing red-eyed skeleton will take your orders.
And if you complain that what you got wasn't actually what you ordered,
we'll have recording proof of you ordering the Brian Butterfield Chicken.
Yeah, that's what you wanted.
Also, this was her only patent.
It's a hell of an impact to make in the world, isn't it?
Yeah, you can't just fucking drop the ghost skeleton and then leave it.
Like, she had so much more to give the miss, surely.
What did it say about her death?
died in
1947 I believe
which also
appears to be
the same year
that this
oh my God
it expired
I think the
ghost
skeleton got out
and I think
it killed her
oh no
she died in
1947
leaving behind
her husband
Eric and
the ghost
of her own
skeleton
yes
maybe Edgar
her surviving
husband
no Edgar
is the
ghost skeleton
well maybe
she's now
oh my
there's so many
questions
oh my
we need someone
we need to get
someone to look
to this. Let's contact the estate for Helene, see what we can work out.
God, well, that was an incredible story. Thank you.
Thank you. I'm in love with it. I'm going to get a picture printed out of my wall now and attach
red LEDs to his eyes, so it feels like I'm actually being interrogated. Yeah.
Well, talking of ghost skeletons, we've got a question here from Ghost McGoanads.
Nice. Brilliant.
Who says, it's so weird seeing the word Fortnite used now.
Sorry?
It's so weird seeing the word Fortnite used now.
Why?
What?
What?
What a scream of a question?
That was it.
No, I've realized what that was actually.
So I selected that question just because it sounded like, what have you put that for?
I think actually my original tweet said, this fortnight's podcast or this fortnight's.
So Ghost McGoanaz really thrown off by the word Fortnite.
Fortunately, I did bring a backup question.
Hey!
Also, different spelling of Fortnite.
I think I get it because Fortnite the video game and Fortnite, the measurement of time.
Absolutely.
Different spelling.
And also, I think the term Fortnite as in two weeks is far less common in North America,
perhaps just the US than it is in the UK.
Anyway, that was just an observation made by Ghost McGoanus.
Thank you very much for that.
Thank you.
Thanks, Ghost.
Fortunately, Luke Tromens is here at Blue Boy Sfeel, 232 on Twitter, who asks,
when is episode 50 coming?
Oh, that's a very good question, actually.
A fairly simple answer for this, which is just whenever the three of us can get together, really.
We wanted to hold off on 50 until we were ready.
Until we could all get together and do an in-person episode.
because it was like pretty much just around the time of the peak of the problem we were planning on doing it
and I was like yeah travel's not really a thing at the minute is it no so we'll just skip episode 50
yeah it'll happen at some point no immediate plans but I think things are starting to loosen up a bit now
and travel is actually a thing so yeah watch out open your ears and eyes it'll be out there someday
It'll be here soon.
Yeah.
So I'll do my thing now.
Okay.
So I've moved back to Newcastle.
I've been at my family home for like five months.
God.
And in fact, I don't know if I've been experimenting with hanging up duvets and stuff
when I've been recording things for Triple Jump.
I've not actually got a duvet hanging up now.
So apologies if I sound a little bit echoey today in the podcast.
But that aside,
I was welcomed back with open arms to Newcastle.
The second night that I slept in this flat, I think it was.
I had the window open because it's been quite warm.
And Ben and Mikey, you'll both know that outside of the sort of back window from my flat,
there's a kind of pathway that goes between two buildings.
It's like an alleyway, but it's sort of raised up.
Yeah.
And you do get a few ne'er-do-wells.
there at sort of three o'clock in the morning.
Oh my God.
And so I had the window open,
it was dark and hot.
And we heard from the spooky pathway,
You've seen the price of cools,
40 quid a gram.
And then just silence.
And we sort of glanced at each other.
And whoever this was, wasn't getting a response.
And then there was a bit more silence.
And then it was,
you're seeing the price of cools, 40 quid a gram.
Just a second time.
So I thought, what is this?
Is there a man on the phone complaining about the price of whatever coals are?
I looked out of the window.
There's only one thing that's a certain price per gram.
Yeah, no, I know.
So I looked out of the window and he was just standing there by himself.
He didn't have his phone.
He was just sort of standing around.
Oh.
And all he had in one hand, he had like a pull-along wheelie case, like a little one.
And in the other hand, he had a very large bin bag that was tied in a knot.
and had something sort of big and heavy in it.
It was a very saggy bag.
So he said that and then just complete silence
and I was watching him through a little crack in the curtains for a while.
And after a good minute or two,
he sort of kind of went, wait, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
And then just walked away.
That was it.
Sort of did a weird, oh, oh, oh, oh, thing.
Wow.
So...
That's a very good impression.
Thanks.
I sort of laughed at the end, but yeah, that was it.
We didn't know what was going on, but it was, you know, it was welcome back to Newcastle.
Yeah, Jesus. It sounds like he learned firsthand why something is however much a gram.
Yeah, well, I think that's what he's been on. I hope he got his money's worth.
So I immediately took to the internet to find out specifically what Coles refer to.
I guess I probably would have thought, like, crack or something.
but I saw one reference I think to black cocaine which is apparently something
I don't know what they do to it to make it black I think I saw one reference on the internet
to that sometimes being called coals but really if you went to all the like main websites
where they give like drug health and safety advice and say you know don't do it they tend
to list like street names for drugs and couldn't find coals anywhere so it must be quite a local
northeast
you know
mining city
sort of thing
so I immediately
decided
well this week
on the podcast
I want to do
a quiz
for you lads
on street names
for recreational substances
okay
so I found an article
from the Guardian
dot com
was written in
2018
and they said
the drug enforcement
administration
DEA has published
its annual
report on slang terms for drugs
then there's a bit more stuff
and now a quiz
multiple choice
which of these does the DEA
list as a slang term for cocaine
skinny Levi's
flea market jeans
or stonewashed
denim
what I've never heard any
of those before me neither
keep in mind obviously this
it's the DEA
American if it's administration it sounds
So, you know, it's not British terms, despite my accent that I'm doing,
but either way, which of those are cocaine?
Do you want the answers again?
Yes, please.
Skinny Levi's, flea market jeans, or stonewashed denim?
I'm going to, I'm going to guess, was it skinny Levi's?
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to guess skinny Levi's.
Okay.
I'm thinking stone-washed denim.
Okay.
the answer is
flea market jeans
apparently
flea market jean what
I mean that's a good way
to disguise
your buying of drugs
I'm getting some flea market jeans
no one would batten eyelid at that
yeah
this quiz is great
and I love that it's all been taken
directly from a DEA
like published article
because these don't sound real
it sounds like the cake thing
from brass eye
Added to the list in 2018, which drug does the slang term God's flesh refer to?
God's flesh.
God's flesh.
Magic mushrooms, cannabis or steroids.
That's got to be mushrooms.
I'm going to say steroids.
It's magic mushrooms.
There we go.
Nice.
Question three.
If someone asked you for, there's a picture of Bernie Sanders here and it says,
if someone asked you for Bernie's gold dust, what would they want?
MDMA, cocaine, or a tuition-free college education, it says.
Well done, Guardian.
Oh, damn.
It was one of them MDMA?
Yeah.
That one?
Yeah, I'm going to say MDMA as well.
Cocaine.
Oh.
What?
Yeah.
Oh, we've got a choice of five here.
Which of these is not listed as a term for MDMA or ecstasy?
Dancing shoes, disco biscuits, hug, drug, very jolly.
Rancher and Scooby Snacks.
Oh, those are great.
I can't believe Fawtham are real.
Yeah.
Very Jolly Rancher.
I think that's too wordy.
Yeah, you want some Jolly Rancho.
It's very jolly.
You're correct.
It's very jolly rancher.
Well done.
Nice.
Go get some Scooby snacks.
Imagine if the guy behind your flat,
you see how much Scooby snacks are now.
40 quid a gram.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
There's five questions left.
Which of these FM radio favourites is also a slang term from GHB?
I don't even know what that question means.
Or for GHB, I guess it means.
Bruno Mars, Maroon 5 or Sam Smith.
Maroon 5?
I'm going to say Bruno Mars. He seems like the kind.
Who's got my Bruno Mars CD?
You're correct.
Yes.
It says the DEA doesn't provide any further information about the terms,
but a post on the crowdsource website Urban Dictionary claims
a Bruno Mars is a 4-milled dose of GHB in a shot glass with citrus juice.
Wow!
Orange or tropical are preferred.
That's amazing.
Broccoli, cabbage, shrimp and blue cheese are all names for cannabis, cat or synthetic cannabinoids.
Oh, that's a tricky one
Read out the answers again
Cannabis, cat or synthetic cannabinoids
Broccoli cabbage, shrimp and blue cheese
Because everything sounds right except for shrimp
What the fuck shrimp?
I'm going to go synthetic cannabinoids
Doodoo do do do do
I'm going to go regular
Weidi-Weedy
Oh, you're doing well Mikey, yeah
It's regular weedy-weedy
Shrimp
The article adds
Chinese buffet, meanwhile, is slang for white heroin.
Oh, thanks, Guardian.
Great.
Hey, there we go.
Yeah, shrimp, seemingly.
Question seven.
Another term added in 2018,
What is a love flip?
Doing cocaine while on opiates,
doing ketamine while on acid or LSD,
or doing peatote while on MDMA,
or is it, it's peyote?
Pioti, yeah.
Is those flowers from GTA?
Yeah, the little cactus
that make you transform into a bird
I think it's like peyote
or something
What was the first one?
Cocaine on opiates
I'll go for that one
I'm going to say
Or was it LSD and MDMA
Ketamine on LSD
Ketamine on LSD
Yeah
It was the third one
Doing Pioti or Piot
Well on MDMA
Piot
Really?
Piot
Piot
Question 8.
If you asked a dealer for white girls, what would you get?
Arrested.
Yeah, definitely.
Xanax, Molly or Chardonnay?
Shardonnay, sorry.
Yeah, I don't know if that means literal chardonnay, or if that's a double-layered street.
Is that another euphemism?
Zanax, Molly or Chardonnay, white girls.
Molly.
I'm thinking Xanax.
It's Xanax.
Oh, wow.
Why are they called girls?
They don't look like women.
Not sure.
I did Google
Shrimpweed.
It looks like it's a certain strain
called Jumbo Shrimp and it looks horrified.
Oh, wow, look at that.
That's like something from...
God.
Pacific Rim.
It looks like it should have eyes.
I don't like it.
That'll send you to the moon.
It would, yeah.
Which of these is not a type
of synthetic cannabinoid?
I hope I'm saying that right,
but you try reading it.
Poparee, Froyo or hipster.
I'm going to say the
middle one. I could see Popperie being
something, and hipster just sounds right.
Froyo.
Froyo. Ben? You got...
I'll go throw you.
It is. It's Froyo.
Nice. Nice.
Last question.
Which of these is dealer slang for one kilogram?
Is it a can of paint,
a bottle of soda,
or a pint of bitter?
A bottle of soda.
yeah it must be a bottle of soda that makes sense
it was a can of paint
what kind of paint
I guess it depends on the size of the can
yeah
extra kilos worth a paint
there we go so we all learnt something
except what coals means
so if there's anyone from the north-east
who's big into drugs
listening right now
please let me know on social media
either what
coals means or if you're aware
of the going rate of something being
40 quid a gram.
Yeah, why are they so expensive now?
What's that about?
Thatcher, isn't it?
Yeah, bloody thatcher.
Wow, thank you.
We're all professional drug boys now.
We could go to any dealer in the world
and get whatever we want.
Yeah, I'll have a can of paintsworth
of a very jolly rancher, please.
Well, that brings us
on to the final question.
This is from Addy.
Addie underscore P on Twitter
you're given a super important suitcase
that you need to hide for a year
because some powerful bad people are looking for it
where do you hide it so that no one can ever
find it but you still have to check on it
and get back to it so you can't just
like chuck it in the sea he says
Fair enough
I'd probably stick it in the quarries
Yeah
And where they used to keep the dynamite
Yeah
Where would I keep my big suitcase of cool
Yeah
I'd probably leave it at my parents
just put it in the loft
Yeah
Could you trust them not to look in it
Yeah
I mean I guess
Yeah
Yeah
I think my parents would get
Get too interested
So
Would you not worry about
The big bads
Maybe coming and
And tearing your parents' house apart
To find
True
Well I mean
Would they
Would they know where it is
Maybe not
But they might
Surely they would come to me
Well they might come to you
And when you've not got it
They might try your family and friends
I don't know
But I guess they'd try that anyway, whether it was there or not.
Yeah, it sounds like a lot of hard work on their part, to be honest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to put my suitcase under the cheese heater at the chill grill,
because they apparently never fucking use the thing.
Well, they don't anymore.
Not anymore, no, rest and peace chill grill.
Oh, yeah, so that's out of the question.
Shit.
Hmm.
Well, that's a really good question.
Where would you hide something if you want to be out of sight?
But you still have to access it.
Idiot's room at the Oggsker.
Yeah?
Actually, yeah.
Yeah.
I could probably just, like, go in the office, into the basement,
shook it in a corner, and it would probably never be disturbed again.
Yeah.
It would just be in the background of the occasional, like, hat film sketch or something.
What's in the body, Addy?
I mean, what's in the bag?
I think I've kind of finished a sentence there.
You answered your question, then.
Yeah.
Addie, please, don't just get help.
Don't be hiding suitcases in family houses or whatnot.
Yeah, stop it.
Get some help, stop it.
Get some help.
Yeah, I guess we need more information in future.
Let us know what's in the case, and maybe that'll change everything, you know.
But there we go.
That's that for now.
I guess the idea was that you've been handed this case.
You don't know anything about it.
You've been told to hide it.
Yeah.
But, yeah, well, actually, there's a little, there's a, in one of the rooms in the office.
There is an entrance to the ceiling.
I can probably bung it up there.
Although apparently people do go up there every once a while, so maybe that's not the best place.
Didn't they get squirrels up there once or something?
Or rats.
Yeah, you could definitely hear rats in the ceiling, which is great fun.
depending fear of a rat falling on you.
It's good.
Yeah, perfect.
Well, thank you.
Lovely.
Lovely.
To the two of you and to the five or six questioners.
Yeah.
Thank you all.
Absolutely.
Thank you so much for listening, everybody.
Hey, did you know that if you went to store.orgscast.com, you could find some vidiates slash potty.
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Isn't that right, Michael?
Oh, boy, you are absolutely right.
What an array of wondrous merch we've got.
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If you use code vidiates at checkout, that is called Vidiates,
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Uh-huh.
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And if you, if you're very, very polite and that's nicely in the order notes for,
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Oh, you want me to...
All right, then.
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Thank you very much.
Mikey, where can people find you?
I'm at Parra Boy on the tweeters where I do things like post pictures of the new ferrets we get,
because apparently that just happens every week.
And I will be streaming again soon at some point.
I think I've said that for last month, haven't I?
But it will be kicking up again soon.
It's just been a busy few weekends with family visiting and whatnot.
So maybe, maybe, well, actually, you know, by the time this episode,
goes out. This will be outdated, but perhaps Friday the 21st, you might have seen a stream
from me. You never know. Ooh, spooky. He's been a busy boy. He's got a new dangerous weapon
to look after. He has. Come on us. Rip him out my trousers and fling him at someone. Peter, where can
people find us? They can find us at that Peter Austin and at Confused underscore dude on Twitter,
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Nice. Absolutely. Finally, leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform
of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Do we have a final question for the show?
Oh.
If you had to invent a new street name for a drug, which drug and what would you name it?
Yeah.
Okay.
I like it.
Very good.
Very good.
Well, thanks so much for listening, everybody.
We'll see you next time.
Take care.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Thank you.