Podiots - Podiots: Episode 6 - A Tuc

Episode Date: May 15, 2018

Ben brings a future-proof DNA preservation investment opportunity, Michael makes animals fight, and Peter talks the world's loneliest whale. We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to Explorevolvo.com. Hello, are we going? We're going, but I'm still testing levels here. Peter, one more sentence than you knew. I also want to lie down and have a poo. No, I didn't say that.

You did say that. It wasn't on record, but you definitely said you want to lie down and have a poo. I said I wanted to lie down, and then I said, but actually I want to have a poo before. Wait, so you're telling me you didn't get him saying that recording. No, you did just get me repeating it. Yeah, so now I'm on record. Now you're the floppy.

Saying, I want to lie down. And what did you say? I want to lie down with somebody. I want to get into bed and do a shit, is what you're saying. There we go. That's, now we've got to be to saying it again. Yeah. Podcast time.

Oh, that's time. Why do you have to know? Podcasts noise. I feel a bit peckish. I wish it had a little pre-pod snack. Sorry, I don't understand you. No, cheese and bisks. Fine, my toes not important.

It's okay. I love cheese and bisks. I haven't had cheese and bisks forever. It's a Christmas thing for me. good crackers and I like good cheese. If Wallace likes good crackers and he likes good cheese, I think cheese is sort of everyone has their own opinion. It's subjective, isn't it?

Oh yeah, yeah. Everybody likes different cheese. Smoked applewood. I had that for lunch. Oh, did you actually? I did on my sandwich. Nice, good choice. I'm a big Emmental fan.

Yeah? Yeah, I like him. It's delicious. Not apple cheddar is the best. Actually, yeah, Emmetal's good. That's a good sandwich cheese. Yeah, I'm a big fan. But what about crackers?

They are essentially just biscuits. Yeah, they're just sort of, you put some mush into some water and then dry it out and just bake it. I'm just trying to think of other crackers. What is the other than the classic Jacob's cream crackers? Well, do you ever get the Jacobs selection pack? Yeah, but it's like, you get a fucking digestive in there. There's like a hoax. See, that's what I was going to say.

That is my, for me, that is good crackers. That's not good. That's not even a cracker. Because it's sweeter. I think it really offsets the cheese. It's good on its own. I love, no, I love it with cheese. I think it's from, breathe, forget about it.

You had... Don't try and undermine my opinion of foods with previous experiences. No, no. You had... You said that cheese with malted milk is a good thing. Yeah, exactly. That's a similar ballpark. Yeah, thank you, Peter. I thought you were going to attack me there, which you may have been intending to do. Every podcast, we learned something more and more horrifying. Are you eating? Stop him.

So cheese and the hovis biscuits, which are essentially digested biscuits. Yeah. Delicious milks, which are everyone's least favorite sweet confectionery business. biscuit also go very well like revolted milk yeah yeah very good thanks try it with cheese though my only prerequisite really for a good cracker I don't care if it's got

little bits of pepper in it or like dead flies or whatever as long as it's square or rectangular because it drives me insane that cheese slices are usually right angled you know they're oblongs and then you get given a bunch of

round Jacob's cream crackers and it's like what the hell is this? How do I, I need to cut some fucking... My cracker to cheese ratio is all off. You're on it? I once had a friend come over and ask for a cheese and jam sandwich. Oh no. See, which sounds

disgusting. Do you think about it? Like, you have cheese with fruit anywhere. It's just a different... See, I don't like cheese with fruit. I like cheese and something slightly sweeter, like a biscuit, but I don't like it. I couldn't have it with something with a completely different consistency. The thing is I would never choose that, but I've been

to slightly Ponzi restaurants before where you order some cheese at the end. You have a cheese board. Yeah, the cheese bob, which does have like grapes and stuff on it. Sometimes comes with little slices of apple. But also, like, sweet. Oh my God, they're my favourite snack.

Smoked, what was it, Applewood? Applewood cheddar. With a bit of apple. And, but, like, I've had cheese arrive with, you don't get to call me weird. Sweet chutneys and jams and stuff. And if you put just, like, a little dab of, like, a sweet... You both just dabbed right in front of me.

In perfect sink. You did the same arms. You shouldn't have said it. As I was doing that, I was thinking, no one's going to know about this. This is our own little thing. If you put a little dab, thank you, jents. No, a little dab. Obviously, like some kind of sweet preserve on cheese.

It can be very nice. Yeah, yeah, it's nice. I don't believe you. Well, you eat molded milks. You're a fucking liar. I don't even with cheese. It was my first year of university. I got sent a Tesco value biscuit selection pack and that was the last one I had.

What's that? We should ring someone to settle this, someone who's not currently. Hello, Rusbuss. No, not the Rolls boss. Go away, Rolls boss. Okay, goodbye, Roosevelt. Hello, goodbye. Sorry, yeah, that's going to sound terrible on the audio.

I know where he is today. It's unbelievable. Do you think your mouth's going to be opening in sync with the ring-rings? Should be. On the video. Do you want to know how stereotypes this guy is? Yeah. He's currently going around a Guinness factory tool.

Oh my God. Hey, Dave. How's it going? Not much. Are you still at the Guinness Factory? I'm in the Guinness Seahouse now, yeah. That's not real. The Gapy Bar on the 7th floor with Shinn and Terps and Ross.

Oh wow! Yeah, they're in Ireland, aren't they? Are you doing it without me? Are you going ahead without me? Again, yeah, because you're not here. You're flamsing around being a stereotype. You can have an input on the cheese debate. I hope you guys have the juices of topic for today.

We've got a question for you though, Dave. Okay. We're talking about it. cheese and biscuits and we're trying to discover the best kind of biscuit cracker you know we're asking people to nominate us for a podcast award at the moment anyway um we're just wondering if you could if you could weigh in and uh and give us your favorite cheese biscuit so it's my favorite cheese well both but cracker cracker mainly so cracker i like to want the rosemary cleanse you know Rosemary.

Oh, wow. With a rosemary kind of a... Yeah, good, good shout. That's nice. If you don't have access to some fancy crackers, I'd always recommend, you know, a took. Oh, a tuck. Yeah, that's a cheesy tuck. Yeah, pretty good.

Not what I expected. David, have you ever had one with a homest biscuit? David, have you ever had one with a homest biscuit? Just dip in some chopped of milk bread. Oh, my gosh. He goes from fucking... Hang on, Dave, they're having a meltdown. Dave, he goes from rosemary-infused crackers to...

But if you haven't got a rosemary cracker, a talk will do. Just have a talk. I can barely hear you guys. They're probably just as well. They're taking the piss out of you, Dave. We're not. No, I'm not a saw. They're being so rude.

Can I say, roll the initial? Can I do that? Before you do, though, can we get a couple of Rio... pecanas and a partridge and a pear tree cider please on the way on the way thanks Dave thanks Dave go for it thanks Dave

have a good one lad thanks Dave have a good one cheers good look bye he's not going to roll the intro he didn't even fucking say it oh for God's sake roll the intro if you haven't got that just have a tuck if you haven't got that just have a tuck

Rosemary what the fuck was that A rosemary-infused fucking biscuit If not just have like Just break off a corner of the fucking floorboards And have that instead Just have cheese on cheese

Just get a cheese And bake it And bake the cheese I recommend the talk Fuck sake Dave You asshole You asshole Hello everybody and welcome

and welcome back to Poddiots, the official podcast of the Vidiots YouTube channel. I'm Ben. I'm Michael. And I'm Peter. Nice to have you all back, gentlemen. Thanks. All of you, all two of you. Yeah, it's my birthday week.

It sure is. Are you doing anything fun this week? Absolutely not. Happy birth week. Thank you. Ben doesn't like necessarily to celebrate too hard. You don't like to be the center of attention, do you? It makes me so uncomfortable, like unbelievably uncomfortable.

I do feel, I always feel a bit uncomfortable. having literally like a dozen people sat around me singing a song about me at me while you'll stare at me but in terms of like the day itself I like being in centre of attention like people made a massive fuss of me this year

on my birthday because I was in the office everyone knew about it because we'd been asking for tat to be sent in you know I got sent a bunch of stuff from strangers all over the world people in the new office I'd barely been in for like two months were just being nice to me like for the first time

Yeah, invariably, I just get beaten to death every morning by Rich Keith. All right, new boy. To be fair, you do deserve it. Yeah, you're a bit of a spot. No, I hate it. My family's coming to say hello on Saturday. Hello. But my actual birthday on Sunday, they're just going to drive past Bristol and fire a flare.

Hi, but yeah, I'm going to sit inside all day and I'm going to have some me time. And that's the way it's going to go. Does that mean you're going to be masturbating all day? It's a betting all day. Oh, yeah. Nice. What do you guys think I meant? An endless supply of potato smileys and wanks.

Oh, see, that would be nice. A potato smiley day. I have like a conveyor belt. It just kind of automatically loads new frozen smileys, have like an oven over the top. So you like donuts, eh? Something like that. Yeah, I could go for that. Now this, guys, this podcast...

Sorry, corporate is the wrong way. Is indirectly sponsored by Vidiot's Beach. Yeah. They didn't... specifically sign up to sponsor this podcast. This is what we've given them. The Vidyates Beach is sponsoring our podcast. If you go to Vidyat'sbeach.com, you can enter the code, Turtle Beach.

And get some, no, Turtle Beach is sponsoring us. Thank you. That's why I'll leave it left it to you, shouldn't I? I would have got it like 100% down the first time. We're wearing our delightful Turtle Beach headsets right now. So comfortable. Very comfortable. So good.

Bits.L.Y. forward slash. Vidietteat's Beach. Vidietz Beach. Go there. Go there. Go to look at their headsets. They're wonderful. we've had a few people actually tweet us saying hey got my Turtle Beach headsets which I think

they've actually bought because of us which is nice That's amazing You should go and support Turtle Beach They're great You'll be supporting us if you support them So 100% There's a podcast awards going on at the moment I don't know if you guys are heard of this

We've been going for What like two months And what two months it's been We do not deserve an award nomination Firstly I don't think we will win No we won't win But getting nominated would be funny. Yeah.

The entries close, I think, on the 17th. So you've got a couple of days once this is released. You need to go to Britishpodcastawards.com forward slash vote. And there's just a search box. You just need to type podiots. We'll be there. You click on it, enter your name and email address and submit. And that's all we're asking you to do.

And if enough people do that, like we said, we will not win. We've only done like six episodes. But we will be able to say that this podcast was nominated for a British podcast award. We put like a little laurel on our album art. We can. The whole thing should just be one laurel. Laurel and Hardy. Laurel?

Yeah. Yeah. It should just be one of those. So British Podcast Awards.com forward slash votes. Vote. Please. That will be so funny. Please do it.

I just want some random people who've never heard of us before to have to listen to this podcast. I think just like imagine like being an adjudicator for them. They just heard a whole conversation about shitting in a bed, didn't they? Tuck. Tuck? I'll leave that in. Oh, yeah. I recommend a Tuck.

Not that. The shitting in the bed. Oh, the shitting in where it's got to stay in that. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, I guess it has. It's been established. First question, guys. It comes from Ashley Thorpe at Ashley Thorpe.

She worked at Thorpe Park. She owned Thorpe Park? Maybe or he. 92. Good year. I think it's a he. Could be a boy, Ashley. Could be a girl, Ashley. Yeah.

Or here. Oh, it. Or yeah. Or something. I'd like to ask you guys, have you ever smashed a controller in a fit of rage? If so, what game slash moment was it? More like smashly Thorpe. Am I right?

I think. I hit pizza in his face. He did. Ouch. I've never, ever, ever smashed a controller or a telly or a console or anything like that in a fit of race. I've never punched a wall. I've never, I don't think I've even, yeah. Oh my God, I was such an angry child.

I can't believe that this happens to the frequency that it does. Really? So you've never just been so fucking angry that you just smash your controller off the No, no, no, I've been really, really angry before. You cave your cats sculling within control. Meetings! Yeah, I've never broken a thing that I own based off video game frustration. I've just sat there and got like really cross.

I've angry cried as a child playing techie. But you've restrained yourself. Jesus. I've never seen you truly mad. I've seen you, you just get like exhausted by it all. When you get really angry, you just sort of go, it's just. Well, they say Fear the wrath of a placid man or whatever

It's, the wrath Is that one of you up? Are you getting angry? Yes, Ben. Oh my gosh. If, like, the day that someone like me, who just never gets angry,

the day that they just snap. Oh, it's going to be one hell of an eruption. It's like when Ned Flanders just, like, checks himself into an asylum. Got a little bit, man. I was an incredibly angry child

when it came to video games. I think I was always like, just like, hitting controllers off the floor and stuff. I think one of the angriest, the angriest I ever got, I think, a game was Granth, St. Andreas.

I think it's kind of like 60, 70% into the way into the game. There's like a really hard race where you've got to go through countryside and stuff. I tried like 100 times and I was just beyond furious. I was like, I just want to finish the game. And I was like smash the control off the floor.

I don't think actually broke the controller, but it was pretty close to doing it. But it got to the point where I just had to go to my cousin's house and copy off his save. It's 100% saved. so I could play the game. So I've never finished San Andreas because I could never get past that mission as a kid.

So that's quite a sad. I think I remember... Kick his ass now. Midnight Club 2. There's always racing games. I think that's... Right. Rockstar racing games. Oh, yeah.

I remember I got really angry at Midnight Club 2. And I bashed my own head with my control. Oh, no. That's such a Michael reaction. And I hurt. I felt... That was stupid, wasn't it? Amazing.

Unrelate to video games, I've got a lot of stories of smashing. I don't know if you remember the Mr. Bean. I might not surprise. Yeah, what did it? I don't know if remember the Mr. Bean animated series you had for a while. I'm aware of it. I never watched it. What on earth?

Where is this going? I used to be like a little companion magazine. I used to go with it. It was like Mr. Bean's travels around the world. Yeah. How did you get angry at Mr. Bean's travel? No, no. Okay.

Was it a crossword or something? The magazine was good. It had like scratching sniff stickers and stuff. There's no, no issue with the magazine here. No, the magazine was fine, but at one point with the magazine, you got sent a Mr. Bean alarm clock, and in one day I got so angry. I can't remember why. I threw the alarm clock across the room.

It smashed its smithereens, and I hid it in a cupboard, and about three years later, my mom found it in the cupboard. This is broken Mr. Bean clock, and I was like, I don't know what happened. It's a mystery, isn't it? What could it happen? What kind of noise did it make when the alarm? fuck, why not off? It started just like,

d-de-l-l-l-l-l-le-le-le-le-k. It didn't sort of go like, oh, I've done. Just loads of weird ums and arts. Yeah. Oh, Oh, my Goddy. Ben?

Yeah, I have a long history of anger. You're a smash bro. A real smash bro. I've, um, I have thrown a controller on the floor and then being so angry. I've stood up. I've stood up. I've stood up.

Walked over to it and then stamped on it. Wow. Wearing shoes, I hope. Probably. Or slippers at the very least. I've kicked walls. I've, like, punched walls. I had an Assassin's Creed Unity special edition.

And it came in one of those big boxes with a quite sharp plastic sleeve around it. Oh, yeah, I remember that, yeah. Quite a thick plastic that's around. And I once kicked right through it and, like, cut my foot off off. Kicking through this Assassin's Creed unit. Some moist. saying that's the best use for that. Well, I think it's just a waste of money.

Smash Ascent's Freed. I still get angry with games, though. It's usually when I'm going for platinum trophies or doing a particular thing. I think I just got the platinum trophy and God of War. Oh, did you really? Well done. Including one, there's one bullshit realm called,

what's it? It's like Niflheim or something like that? Nippleheim. Nipelheim. And it's basically got a death mist in it, where you have a counter at the top of the screen, like a bar that goes down. And when you first get there,

you've got no armour to protect you from it, you've got no enchantments to slow it down. Player Unknown's Battlegrounds or Fortnite right now. No, no, it's just there's death mist everywhere. And as soon as you take a step into the arena to go and get a brand new currency that they introduced at this late stage in the game just for this area,

you get a counter that goes down. And once it goes down to zero, if you don't get out of the mist, you lose everything you've picked up in that area and I was getting so mad at that so I still get angry but I've now taken to throw my controller at the sofa next and sort of like a

and then I pick it up and I carry on I don't throw it at the wall or the window or like it's responsible yeah not anymore at the telly no no for me it used to always be fighting games but actually recently I have been having a little bit of video game rage with I've been trying to platinum all three crash games in the insane trilogy

and some of the fucking time trials on that slightly broken-ass game with like pill-shaped hitboxes on platforms and like slippery-ass feet, you know, I was falling off stuff that if I've been playing on the PS-1, I wouldn't have been doing that. And there's so much muscle memory that goes into it. You're just like going, oh, jump there and there and there. And then you get there and you fall.

And you're like, well, if this game had been not shit, then it would have been fine. No, it's a good game. It's because they change the jump slightly, right? Well, the thing is all three games had a slightly different jump in each of them. So they use Crash 3 in all of them. So that's part of the issue when you're playing Crash 1 and 2. But also, if you have like a platform that has a right angled edge on it,

or no, sorry, if it has a rounded edge, the old game used to treat it like it was a right angle. It wouldn't like render the curve. Right, right. But the new game renders the curve and you can slip on those curves right on the tips of like platforms. Yeah, like it's a lot more realistic in terms of polygon collision and stuff. I came very close to, like, just snapping my switch in half over Christmas. Oh, shit. Mario Odyssey, because I finished the main game.

I thought, oh, you know what? I've got plenty of time over Christmas. I'm going to try and get all the stars. Fuck that. And there's some really fucking hard ones in there. And I was, like, just like, oh, like, bending the switch in between my hands. Like, I'm going to stop now. I've done that with controllers where you just try.

I just want to see if I can snap it. I want to see if I can snap it. Dainton, don't smash the equipment. Take a breather. Five minutes. Your parents worked hard to pay for that for you. Don't be a little shit. Don't smoke. Don't be a little fucking asshole.

He probably doesn't listen to the podcast. No, probably not. Now, if you do listen to the podcast, you'll know that we each bring a thing, thank you, along to talk about the three us. Would you guys mind if I go first? Please do. Do it. Send your DNA to the future to live again. What?

This is a prime investment opportunity that I have brought to you today. Is this another. This is a kickstart. Oh, it's a Kickstarter corner. Send your DNA to the future to live again with It Goes On Time Capsules. I'm going to play you a video. Now, I already have an issue with this as a concept, which I will talk about shortly. Just you wait until you hear some of the description of this Kickstarter.

Right. Because it will not. This is the kind of thing where if you have to phone it on Kickstarter, it's probably not going to work out, is it? I think the government would be interested if you could send your DNA to you. As it turns out, what this basically is, boils down to. He just jizz into a baggie. No, it's not even that. It's not even that exciting. It'll be a tongue and a

mouth swab thing with it. Well, kind of. We'll get to it. Yes, sorry, we're interrupting a lot. In the future, human cloning will be a reality. Legal, regulated, safe. There's no way you can know that. A sort of human immortality will exist. Unfortunately,

it'll be too late for you. Wow. All right. But what if you could live again? Come back for a second round with your soulmate. Ding, ding. I can see your mind racing, Peter. Hold on.

I'm so cross. There are so many flaws, I know. All that's needed is a tiny sample of your DNA, the building blocks of life that made you. Enough to grow another you and anybody with you. Just collect a few hairs, some nail clippings, or a tooth or bone fragment, and insert them into a glass vial. Bone fragment. Store the vials inside your capsule. as soon as you've collected all the samples you need from anybody you want to take on this journey with you it depends how committed you are you want to take it on a journey with you

seal your castle and deposit it anywhere at sea buried in the backyard at sea tribute to your life and the lives of those you love nothing is lost forever and someday an archaeologist a scuba diver yeah a backyard explorer what so it's not even if we're building an archive no just dump it in the fucking atlantic What the fuck don't it? Shug your tooth down the Mariana Trench. Give us money to chip off your own bones. So this is, it goes on. And what they're basically saying, there,

shut up video. Send your DNA to the future to live again. What they're saying is give us a bit of your DNA. No, take a bit of your DNA. Put it in the ground and it'll get to the future as time passes and you die. Wow. It's not even like a big library of DNA.

Right. Can I please now say the thing that makes me really fucking mad about people who talk about cloning themselves and coming back in the future. Your brain doesn't go with you. Your brain doesn't go with... It's not you. It's your DNA.

Do you know who else has your DNA? A fucking identical twin, but you're not two people, are you? If you're one of identical twins, there's you and somebody else who fucking just looks like you. Right? I once went to dinner

with a clone. With a clone. It was a piece of shit. It wasn't even the same guy. It was my lovely girlfriend and a couple who are several decades older than us who are just friends of the family. And they're very well read, both of them, quite educated people. And we were talking about this and like cloning yourself or like uploading your mind into a computer and stuff. And it's like, and my girlfriend and the guy of this couple both seem convinced that if you either clone yourself, or build a simulation of your own brain inside a computer,

that that's like you living forever. No. It's not. Because you could do that while you're still alive. And you don't become both of them, do you? No, you want to transfer your consciousness. Yeah, that's not what they're different. If there's some sort of way to literally take the consciousness out of your brain

and put it in a computer, that's fine. That's interesting and cool. And I don't know if that's possible. And that's okay. And that's okay. But in terms of just simulating a brain based on your genetic code, that's not fucking you inside a computer no it's not someone has mine hacked you

it's like the age old debate of if if like you killed a clone of hitler doesn't matter because it's not actually Hitler just his clothes yeah doesn't make any difference until now there hasn't been a personal and private use for our DNA it starts off away from reproducing well now there is

you can dig it in your back garden this campaign focuses on the science fiction use time travelling DNA immortality D-Mortality Immortality Michael you can live forever by putting a tooth in a hole

See I'm like literally I can't get past the stage of chipping off a bit of tooth Imagine just past It's the bone fragment That gets me where's You don't have an exposed bones What the fuck are you doing?

I really want to see someone doing this now Like just digging a little hall In the back garden Oh my back garden in Warwickshire Some future civilisation will come here And dig me back up So how does the Kickstarter work Ben Are there any reward tears?

There are but they're not that interesting. They're basically more expensive pots to put your DNA in. Because that's what this is. It's a DNA pot that you can put in the floor. If you give us 250 grand, you get your own street party in the year 3,500.

And naming rights to one of many pots. Pots. Like I get to say 1,000 years from now, they can regenerate people using DNA, but you're not able to live forever or time travel or space travel. It's like, well, shit, I can't.

came back at the shit time, didn't I? Well, even so, if you were, if someone found your jism and then was like, let's clone a Michael. I've got him jizz pockets all of my gardens. Just exactly, just in case. A bone with some spunk all over it. They clone a Michael. That Michael's going to wake up and be told, you're from 50,000 years ago and you're going to be like, no, I've just been born.

I've just been born. I don't know who this guy is. I may have his DNA, but I've got no idea who he is. That's the thing. If you did clone Hitler, that guy who was born of Hitler's DNA, might be a fucking lovely chap He might be really like philanthropic Yeah

It's all about social conditioning That Hitler would have stood in art school Yeah Would have drawn lots of lovely German shepherds And not done a genocide Smog or and not mocks me Yeah But this goes on

This is obviously this is a safe bet They say it's predictable Because it's based on the most logical And clearly foreseeable End result of the current DNA research into the ways of protecting endangered animals from extinction and ways other researchers are trying to resurrect already extinct species using recovered DNA

such as the Wally Mammoth. Hello, I'm Wally Mammoth. It's the Holy Mammoth because they've spelt it W-H-O-L-L-Y, the Holy Mammoth and the Tasmanian tiger. Monty Python and the quest for the Holy Mammoth. The Holy Mammoth.

Therefore, don't allow your never to be repeated in all of time, D.N. That's hyphenated and in quote marks. There's such a condescending post. It's just demoralising. What the fuck. That has taken evolution millions of years to perfect to perish with you after only one lifetime

when it could with a little help from you now one day be regenerated to live and love again and again in the future. Right. Good. Then they give examples of seed banks which obviously aren't for people. Right.

They're for seeds. Yeah. Yeah, there's like a hidden location in Scandinavia. Yeah, it's like deep in like icy mountains and stuff. No one knows, like very few people are told where it is. It's just got seeds. Like a doomsday bank and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

There's a few of them. Unfortunately, this campaign cannot offer you your family or friends. I wonder if there's any of those places, like just films and stuff on them. Like, what, what, what would you save? What can we not be? Sorry, Ben, what can we not be offered? Sorry. No, I'm desperate to know.

An official storage space for you. Oh, God. Your family or your friends, DM. such as an official gene bank or on board the space station. Derek Shed. On board the space station. But they can offer you a small ceramic pot that you can put in the dirt and hope a kind traveler revives you with no memories of your former life.

Who came up with this idea? It's a very good one. Coming up with such a radical futuristic concept was the inspiration of dual international gold medal winning inventor. He got a gold medal in the inventing Olympics. Brain Anson Smith His name is Brian They spelled it Brain

Brain Anson Smith From Queensland Australia Who's so passionate about offering his latest invention To the world that he's used his own money Stop calling it invention He literally just selling pots All of the patenting trademarking development product prototyping And startup costs

So I looked up Brain I couldn't find much about him But according to patented Just a few mokshops Justia.com He only has three Three, active patents, which is a bit low for a gold medal winning inventor. It's just every time 100% gold strike.

Yeah. Well, one of them's for a fishing lure in the 80s. Nice, nice. And two of them are for the permanently sealable, non-reusable time capsule container or vessel. There's no guarantee that it will ever happen properly in the sense that they're talking about. We'll probably mess around with embryos or stem cells quite a lot. But like... You're not bringing the same person back.

It's not possible. It might well be that it is never deemed ethical to grow a proper human who you are going to like nurture as you would a baby and set them out into the world. Like that might never ever happen. And also, we've not had any look so far really in terms of cloning extinct animals. I think they once managed to bring back some kind of very recently deceased bird with a bit of gene stuff cloning. And it died almost immediately. Oh, what a good few seconds are heard. Some scientific abomination.

Yeah. Well, if you want to get a glimpse inside Brain's head, in an interview with DNA about the DNA pod with Fraser Coast Chronicle, Brain said, when my dad died... Are they still saying Brain? No, I'm just calling him Brain now. When my dad died, he gave me his watch and other things, but I would give anything to have a hair from his head

or something from his essence. On his dad's death bed, oh, Dad, just chip at your toothplace on. Yeah, can I be... can have a bone fragment. Yeah, I thought he left me his wrist watch, a book, and a ceramic pot filled with jizz. Son, go to my safe. There's something in there you should see.

It had eight backers in the end. Nice. Guess how much they wanted for the ceramic pots to be made a reality? 35 grand. Wait, we're going to US dollars here? It's Australian. Oh, shit. Okay, well, 50, 50 grand. 10,000.

Only wanted 10,000 Australian dollars. reasonable. But how much did they raise from eight backers? It's a surprising amount. Some people clearly went for the expensive pot. Clearly, he put some of his own money into the Kickstarter. Yeah. Brain may have put some in. Four grand.

$4,000. I would say $1,200. Michael wins. It's $1,317 Australian dollars. Send your DNA to the future to live again. Would you guys ever consider that? Putting a hair in the floor. I wouldn't spend money for it.

If someone gave you a Tupperware pot and said, this will last forever and you might be closed. You know, I mean, because it's no lot. Well, no, I'm saying it's no loss to me. I'm literally going to lose a bit of bone or tooth. Yeah. What if this has already come out?

Yeah, I've already got like a bit of bone fragment lying around in my house. Yeah. Fuck it. I don't, yeah, I'll do it. I wouldn't not do it. Like, if someone just said, hey, I've got a time capsule here, do you understand some DNA in the future? But like, yeah, regardless of what happens in the future, you're not going to be aware of what happens.

Yeah. So if I die at the ripole age, of 60. Yeah. I'm not then going to wake up in the year 3000 not much has changed but they live underwater. Yeah, it's not going to happen. Great, great granddaughter. She's pretty fine. She's pretty fine. Yeah. I know. I've seen her. I hate the term time capsule as well, just the whole thing around it because it gives it, it's like the delusions of grandeur for inanimate objects. It's not time capsule. It's literally a box you put in the floor and are hoping someone finds it. It's a capsule of a period of time, Ben. I just, I don't,

I don't like it. They used to do them on Blue Peter, didn't they? Yeah. Occasionally promy school. Yeah, I think we did one as well. Like a millennium. I imagine it probably was like, by the time we've had like a few head teachers coming in out, everyone's forgotten about it.

Yeah. So I just going to stay there forever for some future people to find. Oh, yeah. I don't think my school had money for a plaque. They just put a box in the floor. Are people going to dig those up though? Now that we've reached a point where we have such thorough records of everything. Yeah.

It's like people, when all the stories, Star Wars merch launched for episode 7 and everyone was like okay got to buy all the Star Wars merch because it's going to be worth loads it's not though because it's been so mass produced because they know now they want supply and demand things that are valuable to the people

because you'll never recreate it's like personal letters from students it's like that film knowing with Nick Cage which is really weird where some kids put a time capsule in the earth in like the 50s and then it gets dug out in I guess the Millennium or something and each kid from the 2000 gets a letter given to them

that was written by a student back in the 50s and oh no it was meant to be a picture of what they think the future is going to be like but Nick Cage's daughter or son son gets given just a piece of paper that's covered in numbers and then it turns out that all those numbers correspond to like horrible

like huge death toll events that have happened oh that sounds fun oh wow and there's like four of them left on the page and he has to like avert the crisis it's a good film Oh, I feel like I've seen a bit of this year. Right up until the end. And it's got the weirdest. It's fucking, it is aliens.

Oh, of course it is. Spoilers, it's aliens. God's sake. Yeah. I don't know what to now. Well, there we go. That's a shitty Kickstarter. It failed last year, so you don't need to worry about it.

This is from Luke Smith. He wants to know what future guest stars, if any, do you have planned? Oh, my God. We'd love to see Jules slash Simon Miller. Oh, I want Simon Miller's voice in here. I'm sure. we would like to have Simon Miller if, not that we wouldn't have Jules.

Jules just visited. Jules yesterday. Yesterday at time of recording. No, what I mean is we've already mentioned numerous times with Simon Miller that we would love to do crossovers with him when geography allows us to. Whereas in Jules' case, I guess with him still being at name redacted, it's probably less straightforward for him right now.

Name redundant. You'll get that in a few weeks. Yes. it's probably just like not as easy for him to do that when he's like technically working for another company so it's not yeah we'd love to have jewels too who else I enjoy doing the hat film stuff yeah definitely we need to do more stuff with the rest of the

yogs casp we do guys and gals as well yeah be our friends coltaholic obviously that's happening we've got MMA on point coming soon we do yeah they're popping over go check out their channel if you like Mamma mama very good but there's loads of stuff

Loads of stuff in the pipeline, eventually. Eventually, yes. At some point. Another question for you. This is from 13 Inc. In Roman numerals. Ink. Ink.

Inc. Inc. Inc. Inc. Inc. So, I just did two births there. You're okay, Michael. I don't know. What is everyone's most favorite video game of all time? Also, why did Ben never end up getting the plumpy tattoo?

Have we not done favorite video game? Yeah. Well, we've done something like... I'm not going to say binding of Isaac, though, because it's getting all. now. Yeah. Maybe we didn't do it specifically

what is your favorite. It may have done like, what did you play the most? Yeah, when did you get started? What would you do

on a desert island? Yeah, what names would you have? Okay, I need to think. Roller of course of tycoon two. There we go. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Pleasant. It's nice. Um, I'm genuinely torn between two. It would have to be either Spy of the Dragon one.

Yeah. For like 80% nostalgia factor. Yeah. 20%. What a beautiful. beautiful world and soundtrack. Yes.

And Beyond Good and Evil one. Oh. Which, I mean, predictable answers. I need to play Beyond Good and Evil. So good. Just really good narrative experience. Like, especially for the time, when you account for the fact it came out about 2002 or three or something.

Just really good. Yeah. Yeah. Lots of like sort of cinematic moments. Interesting story. Yeah. They just didn't quite have the budget to do exactly what they. wanting to do

and now they're doing it in the sequel they are they're doing it how they wanted to do it with planets and shit

the spreequel yeah Ben the squeakle uh it's an easy one I'll just say Final Fantasy seven

because it is the game that got me into games properly like real grown up games with stories and things yeah

so but there's much like both of you there are plenty of games that I love and that are on my favorite games ever list but if it was just one that one

probably as for the plumpy tattoo um Peter, do you want to recount the tale that led up to that? Because we very nearly got matching tattoos. We did. When we were written and redacted, they were doing a, was it 24-hour live stream?

Yeah. Mind. Yeah. And they did a lot of just watching wrestling, I guess, and maybe they played a few wrestling games. I don't remember exactly what they did. But one of the incentives was that you claimed if so much was raised during your session. you would get Plumpy tattooed on your wrist.

Did we specify? On my right thigh. On your right thigh. Yeah, can he hide that, yeah. Plumpe. What is Plumpy? Plumpy is, it was like a punishment name that was going to be given as a forfeit

to the loser of one of the Adam versus Adam episodes. Yes. And it ended up going to Adam Blompier. Who became Plumpy. To this day, it still gets called Plumpy. He does, yeah. That is like one hell of a punishment. He had like six months worth of being called Plumpy in everything.

Even his Slack name on the office was Plumpy. And he had to introduce himself in videos. Hi, I'm Plumpy from Nameda. It was weird when he stopped being Plumpy. I was like, who are you? Plumples. Plumpy A. Plumple Stiltskin.

Plumple Stiltskin. Yeah, Plumple Stiltskin. Yeah. So the total was reached. Ben said, sure, I said I'd do it. I was going to do it. I suggested it, so. Yeah.

And I was actually sat right towards the end in the final hour. I was sat there with you and a bunch of other people. and someone was trying to get the total up to like the last thousand or two I think like the last thousand yeah and uh I said if we can get up to that I will also I will have your yeah we were going to get each other's names tattooed on us oh that was it because it hadn't been established yet that it was going to be plumpy for you yeah we needed to know because the guy who yeah got donated like an obscene about money it was like 500 quid yeah it was crazy it was that you were going to get someone's name tattooed and it was I

either going to be plumpy or Peter. Yeah. But if it was Peter, you were going to get Ben tattooed. Yeah, I was. Yeah. Anyway, the guy said he wanted it to be plumpy. Yes. And we were like, okay, well, that's going ahead.

Sam, driver from name redacted.com. Now cultaholic. Now cultaholic. New tattoo artist. And we were going to get it sorted out. And actually, he spoke to me a couple of times about it without telling you because he kind of wanted it to be a surprise. Right.

just about... I did ask every so often. Is there any update on this? Because, like, people are asking. Yeah. He needs to get it done. And he was just sort of saying, oh yeah,

we're just waiting for X, Y, Z or whatever. And in the end, it just never really happened. I think it was actually meant to happen in, like, the July or the August. And then Coultholic left. Oh, yeah. In, like, maybe September or something.

Mm-hmm. So... And then we left, and it all just sort of... I think it probably got to the point where, rather than planning your tattoo, they may have been planning their business. Yeah, I know. Maybe slightly more important.

Yeah. So that's why that happened. That's the tail. Ben didn't chicken out. No, I was going to go through with it. I mean, I was going to get it covered up immediately with something else. But I was going to... For a week at least you'd have...

I was going to have plumpy tattooed. Yeah, let's do it for the video. Let's have a big old laugh about it. It's all in the name of charity. But either way, the money was still raised. Yeah, well done. Well done the man. Yeah, not me, because I didn't do anything.

but I basically lied to get this guy to donate money, which I don't think is illegal. The guy has never kicked up any fuss about it. Yeah, imagine if he sued you. That might be him, 13 Inc. Maybe that's it. Oh, maybe if it is, you let me know. I'm not going to do it because the whole reason I was going to get it done

is because I didn't want to have to pay to get plumpy tattooed on me. Donate another $500 and we'll use that money. If someone wants to transfer £500 into my bank account, I'll get a word tattooed on me. I think I'd do that. the fire in a quote. Yeah, yeah. Within reason.

Yeah. Would you let them choose the word or would he give them like a bank of words that could choose from? Well, that was the whole thing with this originally is that I said I will get a word tattooed on me, but I'll let you guys decide what it is. And then it was decided that it would either be plumpy or Peter with the two words. Anyway, that didn't happen. The money was raised and is gratefully received by mind who do great work.

They do. So that's the story of that. Who would like to do a thing? I'll do my thing. Mikey. Today, ladies and gentlemen, we have animal fight 2018. In front of me, I have 16 animals,

and we are going to decide. Hello? Hello? That might be me. Today, we are going to fight to see which animal is the best animal. So I've got like a little roster going on, good. Okay. Is this backed by science or opinion?

This is purely just what we think. Okay. And when I say best animal, that's just by any metric. It's just not best fighter. And we have to decide the winners. Yeah, pretty much. So you two are kind of going to be arguing it out. And if you can't decide, I'll step in to choose a favourite out of the two.

The decider. Okay, the first fight is between cats and bears. Bears. What is the best animal? A bear is like the apex land predator. It is, but cats are funnier. Cats are funnier. Cats have a bigger following.

They can also do like crazy flips. Wait, yeah. So is this like a Miss Universe pageon where it also has to get talent? It's not just It's just ranking out of everything Well, they're also worshipped as gods Oh, it's not a physical fight No, no, it's just a metaphorical fight

Yeah Oh, okay Cats were worshipped as Yeah, it's got to be cats Okay, cats make a throat I thought we were having Some sort of amazing blood sport Oh no, this is purely

This is a nice, light-hearted You know, glass of pimms in the park Kind of fight, animal fight, 2018 Well, you gotta get people interested Respectful, they shake hands and everything The next round Dogs versus Axelotles Versus what, sorry?

Axolotl. It's like a salamander with legs. Oh, yeah. You know, like, mud kips. Yeah, yeah, there's like little pretty, yeah. Versus dogs? Yes. It's dogs. I mean, dogs are just, there's no arguing.

Which is very fair. I do like axolotles, but yeah, when you compare them to dogs, it's kind of a... A little magical lizard thing, aren't they? It's going to be dogs versus cats in a final way. Well, it might not. Well, you say that, it can't be because it's cats versus dogs. Oh, shit. For this next round.

Oh, shit. Well, this is where we're going to fall out. Parrots versus foxes. Oh, Michael. Don't. Don't do this. Don't break my fucking heart, Peter. See, Michael.

Parrot boy. Michael Parra boy Johnson, one of his favorite things. Or is it literally your favorite animal? Yeah, I would say so. Over dogs. You had a parrot, right? I've had many, I've had probably like 12 parrots in my ears. I'm really sorry to say, Michael.

But foxes are nice. My favorite animal in the world is a fox. Do you agree, Ben? I think foxes are pretty cool but parrots are hilarious and Peter hates them. Every video I share with Peter of parrots just sort of acting out

like more parakeets really just sort of messing around and being rude boys Peter's like I kill it with fire I've got a little weird headhold Chill the fuck out Michael Johnson's a piece of shit That's a direct quote This is not representative of the final product

Right I think it's funny Watching parrots do stupid shit I get comedically exasperated with them being dicks and like knocking piles of cups down. It's all in jest. That's fine. I bet a cockatiel is like screaming into a cup.

Yeah, I love that one. It's throwing the stuff everywhere. I love it all. And they're very clever and it's cool that they can speak. And a parrot is the only animal known to ask an existential question. When a very clever parrot once asked what color am I. It's been taught to like talk about colors of shapes. Was that Alex the parrot, the African gray?

I don't know if it was. I used to have an African grey The key screamed a lot The thing that I hate about some of the pictures that Ben and Michael has sent me in the past It's not hairless birds, is it? Hairless birds. Yeah, hairless birds. They're funny though.

Weird earholes. The little baby chick, yeah, the earholes It took me some getting used to to bird earhulls. If you send me... All birds have those, though. Baby birds are so good. Baby birds are fine, but like bald, full grown parrots with giant earholes, right? I swear to God, if in response

to this podcast, someone tweets a picture. Everyone tweet Peter Austin. If you do it, naked birds. You're welcome to do it, but I will literally block you. It's worth it. Make a burner account. I'm going to block you forever. Just make a burner account. It'll be funny. If I do it, will you block me forever? Yeah, I'm going to tweet Peter.

Yeah, fuck it. Okay. I might do, yeah. So are we going Foxes, Ben? I don't know. I don't know. I'm Foxes are great, but like I think parrots are funny. Parents serve a great purpose. Parents are pretty good. Does this mean I have to weigh in? Well, I would choose foxes, but I will consider.

seed parrots. With that argument in mind, I'm happy to consider. But it's your favourite animal ever? Well, dogs are in, so dogs are still in. Okay, so parrots are through the next round. Yes. Secretly very, very pleased about that. Next round, chickens versus monkeys. Oh, chickens are funny. For me, it is chickens all the way. Yeah. Chickens, 100%. Chickens taste great. Monkeys don't taste great. That's potentially where the AIDS virus comes from. Oh, gosh.

Bush meat. from people in the jungle eating monkeys. I think I've seen that poem. Yeah, bushmeat. Monkeys are important because, you know, very similar. We came from the same ancestor, but chickens. When you say monkeys,

you're including apes there or literally just monkeys? I don't know. We all know Ben's thoughts about Coco, the gorilla, that can actually speak. Actual scam. It can really actually speak to people. Just a person in a suit. Yeah.

It's not real. So are chickens, though, aren't they? That's just about little people in silver. A tiny person. No, I can say chickens on this quite happily. Yeah, I'm going to go, I'm team chicken. We've got one hell of a lineup already. I'm excited.

Okay. Oh, my pen. Oh, no, the whole toilet's ruined. Shit. Is that a promotional pen? Yeah, it's Dead Rising 2, Zombrex. Did we get a needle pen? Yes, it was in Pawsome Tat.

So I'm using it. Oh. I've just realized I've got the same animal twice. I'm going to quickly substitute. It was going to be snakes versus bears again. Put an oscelot Yeah, fuck it Ocelot

About planes Ossolot Snakes versus Ocelot You could have put anything In their place of that oscelot And I would have said Fuck snakes

Oh really Fuck them Fuck them Fuck them Fuck snakes Take a snake And stick it in its own Arsoor

Does it have an asshole Yeah Snakes Snakes poop Have you ever seen a snake poop Before It's quite weird Yeah it's very long

And stringy Is it like a goldfish Kind of Yeah It's bigger Could it go Inside itself Like that

Yeah Probably if you forced it Yeah Oh my God I like snakes. Snakes are cool. If you shoved your head up your ass far enough, your head would come out of your own mouth. Yeah.

Yeah, it's a bit of a... Oh, it's like a never-ending internal loop of head-ass spaghetti junctionness going on. There'd just be a... You'd be a donut person, wouldn't you? You would have a little hole in a minute. I call him a bit of a big... Yeah, fuck snakes. Yeah, fuck snakes.

Oh, I like snakes, but all right. Fuck snakes. Fuck snakes. Oh my God. This pen is shit. Do not. Do not fuck snakes. Snakes.

No. Please don't. It's really unethical and you have to have a really small really small. Stop saying

Willie. Were you Wilkins? Your John Wilkes Booth. Next up. Rabbits versus Eagles. Rabbids or rabbits?

Rabbit. Oh, okay. The lapar carty. Very good. That's what it is. Yeah, it is. Raving rabbits. Yeah.

I've got a few raven rabbits. So they do just call them, they do just call them rabbits then in France in Canada. because we call them rabbits Lapin is French for rabbit Yeah yeah

They don't call They call rabid rabbits There's no Oh Oh Yeah yeah I mean Eagles are pretty cool I guess

God bless America Yeah Eagles are great Well they're against rabbits Rabbits yeah Rabbits are pretty dumb I know a lot of rabbits It's pets But they're just like

They're stupid bites of things They're aggressive Yeah They fuck each other all the time Yeah I don't get it You ever seen like A head on picture of an eagle

It's really funny, goofiest looking things ever. Well, for that reason alone, sign me up for Team Eagle. Also, I hate, I still resent what the Rabbit King from Skyrim is doing. Very true. It is madness. It's got to be Eagles. Pigeon boys. We've got up next.

The mouse versus the mighty lion. Oh, what is the best animal? The true. It's like some kind of Aesop's fable, isn't it? I read that. That does kind of sound like it could be a fable, couldn't it? The mouse versus the lion. He outwits the lion using his mouse in brain.

lion or lioness or both DJ Khalid's lion statue that he has in his house that features like it's a cis lion

a cis lion what does that mean or no it's a genderless it's a gender fluid lion what the fuck does that mean that line is not going to be anything you want it to pass on its genes at all yes it is

how it still has it still has genitalia but what kind it doesn't matter it does matter that's why I'm asking you that's the point

is don't don't let it genitalia determine your opinions of it. You cuck. You cuck. You fucking cuck. Is it? Yeah. Is it alive, were you going to say? No, it's a lion with a knob. Okay.

And a male. Is it somehow a male or a female lion better or worse than the other? I think lionesses are awesome. I think lionesses are so cool. They do all the hunting and shit. They're wicked. They're badass. What are you thinking the worst of me for wanting to know what gender it was?

I'm not. It doesn't matter. It's a fucking. I'm putting down lying. We're not talking about this anymore. Mouse didn't even get a look at it. No, we didn't even discuss the mouse. Okay, the last one of, the last one of all the animals. Yeah.

Before we go on to the next round. Cow versus frog. What gender is the cow? It's a fucking man, all right? Is it? Yeah. Oh, it's not a lady cow. Lady cow's a great.

I like mit, no. What the fuck's a bull? Letty cows are shit. Why? They can't fight. They're, like, they're bad at maths. They make milk. They can't dry.

You can eat them, right? They're terrible of digesting grass. They need two stomachs. Demand cows. Dishol stones to grind it up. Do man cows make milk as well? I don't know. No.

It's like a different kind of milk. No. I'm sure I probably lactate at some point in my life. Actually, I think it's physically possible for a man to lactate. I think that's actually true. You just do not have the hormones to do it. Yeah. Uh, it's got a, if it's a, if it's a lady cow, yeah, in the same way, like chickens.

A very sexy lady cow with big eyelashes. And a nice pair of udders. You know, a pair of udders. What monstrous animal is this? It's just, it's, it's high production value for the dairy industry, right? Oh, McDonald is just having a whale of a time over here with this fucking two uddered cow. Yeah. Uh, I saw a, this is totally unrelated, I saw an image on BBC News this morning.

of a cow wearing a bra Oh, like a natural? No, a farmer had put a bra, a small bra on a cow's udder to cover two of its teats because its calf was only drinking out of two of them And the other two were getting sore Were getting really full?

You could just put like a rubber glove on them, couldn't you? You could. Oh, is that how it works? It doesn't all go into the same tank. Apparently not, yeah. So he covered up the ones that it kept using to encourage it to drink out the other two. Oh, look at that.

It says he could have milked it. Nature is beautiful. it's sometimes it's better just to let a calf do it just let that calf get all fat yeah uh cow we're doing cows produced cheese products yes which is yeah I like that's a good crackers and I like a cheese yeah you agree with that

frogs don't make cheese do they no what gender's the frog you can't have a frog you can't have a frog tuck cracker can you hey there we go no it's not Wednesday my dude sadly no it's not oh oh okay semi finals yeah cats versus dogs quarterfinals is it or semis semi semi so this is semi yeah we started

stuff in the quarters. Right. It's the men's semi. Frogs versus dogs? Cats versus dogs. This is a tricky one. This is the big two. I mean, I'm a dogman.

I'm a catman. Yeah. Oh. See, I know Michael Johnson's a dogman. I know cats are pretty chill. I think I was going to choose from the two. Yeah, dogs. Yeah.

I'm okay to be overruled on this. I just want people to know that I prefer cats. Oh, fucker. You would like cats, wouldn't you? Yeah, I would. I like that dogs, as well as being companions, which cats can do, and I understand that. Do you think the doctor will ever get a dog companion? Oh, he sure.

He had one. He had a canine, didn't he? Oh, but like a real dog, like a Labrador. What are you saying about it? You're saying he's not a real dog? He's like Rosie the gorilla, whatever she was called. She's still alive, but it is a man in the suit. So dogs and cats are both companions and loving family friends in the house.

Loving families. But dogs can also sniff out drugs and bombs. They can catch people running away from the, The dogs are just going to sniff out my drugs. I know where they are. I don't need the dogs for that. No, it's true. Buried in my time capsule.

No one can find it. Dogs help people who can't see and can't hear. Yes, they are very good animals. I'm not saying dogs are bad. The guide cat would not be very good, would you? No, a guide cat would do whatever it wanted. Just like you should. You ever seen someone walking a cat on a leash before?

It's great. Yes, I have. Those cats are fun. Yeah. I like cats because they're aloof and they don't really want anything to do with. They're very low maintenance pets aren't there. I'd love a more interesting life. I'd like to be a fly on the wall

in a cat's life more than a dog. Oh, there was a BBC documentary a while ago where they tracked like 40 cats across a neighbourhood. It was cool, that was really good. I enjoyed that. I'm not a cat person at all and I really enjoyed that program. Yeah, no, I want to watch that now because I never saw the adverts.

I never heard of it. I'd like to see it. Yeah, I'm going to try and track that down tonight. Watch it now on eye player. So dogs win. Dogs do win. Parrot. Sorry, Ben. Versus chicken.

I'm over it. What is the ultimate little raptor? Chicken. I mean, it's probably. We're going chicken I would say chicken She's too delicious Parrot had one win before

So I'm happy to just I'm not I'm gonna yeah it's fine It's fine chicken Yeah yeah chickens are good Chicken are amazing I couldn't live without chicken I've also just realised I haven't drawn out my diagram properly

There's another round I didn't expect Oh oh the whoops Okay wow Ocelot versus Eagle Where did the Ocelot come from We just threw it in I wrote bear twice Oh we haven't got to that yet

Okay No we did get it It was Ocelot versus snake snake oh yeah he didn't even need to talk about osolots so at this point you could still change the animal and it wouldn't affect the outcome do you want to pick a more interesting animal

slug slug versus eagle slug slug would beat snake still in my opinion okay that's fair so slug versus what eagle eagle eagle well there's really no competition this is just a fucking buying for the eagle the eagle's just going straight through yeah I've misspelled eagle

I forgot to do the air So it's now an eggle. That's what it is when it's born, isn't it? It's just a little eggle. Lion versus cow. What gender is the lion? Are they both female? Yes.

That's tough. Yeah, yeah, because that's the best. Lioness and milky cows. That's the best gender. The ones that make you all delicious milker. Oh my God, you wouldn't have milker without cows. I've got enough milk. Unless you're, you could use lion milk, maybe.

Yeah, you can. It's a lady lion. It's a lady lion. I wonder what lime milk tastes like. Oh, pretty bad, I imagine. That's the more feasible one of the two to obtain. You've had some. Have I?

Was I breastfed probably? Yeah, I mean, yeah, you kind of are. You strike me as someone who was not breastfed. Oh, gross fed for way too long. I think you're probably still breastfed. Fitty. Lion v. cow, what we're saying, gentlemen? Lion bars are delicious.

King of the jungle. Cow bars aren't. So, lion. Probably lion, I think. Okay. We're getting there. Jesus Christ, we're getting there. Dogs versus chickens.

Oh, chickens. Oh, shit. Man, this is hard. Because I'm kind of tempted to say chickens. But on the one hand, you've got KFC, and on the other hand, you've got Churchill, the insurance dog. Oh, fuck, yeah. I don't know you say KFC, but the K stands for Korea.

What? The dogs are that. Yeah, but it's still be fried chicken. What the fuck? Yeah, Korean fried chicken. We're leaving that in? Are we leaving? Are we leaving? Well, they do. It's not racist to see that they.

To be fair, my Korean housemate did say did ones eat dogs, so, yeah. I just don't understand where the FC would go. If you have fried chicken in Korea, it's probably not chicken. Right, okay, that's the bit there's... Right, okay, there's the missing link. Sometimes.

Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not because it's cheaper to just use a stray dog. Okay, but it's... What I'm saying is... How that fuck is it cheaper to get a dog than a chicken? Strays. You can just, fuck, the chickens are...

There's literally farmed the chickens. Look at them. They're rubbish. They're tiny little dinosaurs. I don't know. They're everywhere. They've beat monkeys, so they're not that shit. My point is, in terms of being able to eat something,

you can eat dog. It's from a different culture to you and doesn't make it bad. It does, doesn't eat it. It's a little bit tomorrow. I'd rather eat comfortably than, like I said, rather eat com. I'd rather eat com. Your mind's all over the place today, Peter Austin. I'd rather eat happily than have a pet, personally.

Okay. Do you agree? Yeah, but I think they add too much to society It's not just about me having a pet I don't have one right now But like I still Like sniffed dogs and guide dogs Have you ever had a dog Ben?

Yes Okay I was just curious if you're coming from like a place of no dogs No, no I have had plenty of dog time You appreciate KFC more than all the loving companionship Oh 100% My dog was a right pain in the ass Eggs and omelets and cakes are great

but like, I don't know. You could just, I'd just use a turkey egg or a duck egg. Are you going dogs? Yeah. I'm going to say dogs as well. Such a shame. What a waste.

I've got no animals in this fight anymore. This is bullshit. Dogs make it into the final round. Who do you want to win out of the end of the full six? As soon as chicken was in it. Yeah, that's it. It's the god fruit. It is.

Yeah. Eagle versus lion. Lion. Lion. I'm just picturing an eagle picking up a line with his talons and just carrying it across the spanner. Like the rock of Arabian legend Are you aware of that?

No, the rock. There's no K, it's not Dwayne the rock. It's just a giant eagle bird. It like picks up elephants and takes into its hands. Oh, that'd be amazing. Imagine seeing that. That'd be terrifying, got a wingspan, like a Boeing 7-4-7. Literally, yeah, like as big as a plane. Sorry, did we decide one there?

I'm going to go Lady Lion. Lion. Dogs versus Lion. Oh. The king of the jungle versus the king of man's best friend. The king of nothing. You're the king of nothing. Wow.

Lady Lion. Dogs. Dogs add too much to the world. Well, I'm not going to step in here. You two have to fight this out. Well, Ben's just going to say Lady Lion, and I'm just going to say dog. I've already given all of my argument for Lion. Well, give more.

Wait, hang on, what are your actual reasons other than the fact that Lady Lions are pretty cool and they do the hunting? Well, they've got a delicious chocolate bar. Right. But they didn't. That's Nestle, not the lion. Yeah, but I'm sure a lion was consulted. Yeah, I guess. Use your lion's name without signing something like that would be illegal.

Lankness. I think dogs have bad reputation with... What? Insurance with Churchill. He's a dick. Wolves are pretty bad sometimes. Yeah, but that's a different animal. That's like saying, oh, lions are great, but oh, remember with that time when that leopard killed a child in a village once.

Yeah, what the child was asking for. Yeah, it was. well defend dogs dogs are way harder to defend how the fucking dogs are they really you can't stroke a lion for very long yeah you can

just you just have to have a death wish yeah yeah I mean it has to be dead but you can't stroke it as much as you want unless you're some crazy guy who lives in South Africa and he's like I don't care you can't have a lion in your house on your sofa

to be fair I've seen documentaries of people who have just like hip holes and shit that's what I'm talking yeah there are some crazy people who do it, who live on the serengetti. But it always kind of ends in a grizzly man kind of fashion where they get eaten by the animal. Yeah. But... Oh, if I ever bring Paco to this office, you are not going

anywhere near him. You don't deserve that dog. What? Why? Because you fucking voting lions, you piece of shit. Peter said he'd eat him. I did not say I would eat him. No, he said Koreans, yes, but morally better. Not racist. I had no point if I said dogs are bad. I've just said that I prefer... You're implying the worst than another animal. Well, he's implying that lions are bad.

Yeah, the fucking... Lions are great. Especially lady lions. At Dave on Twitter. He's on holiday and fucking Ireland. Right, Dave, put the Guinness down. He's eating a tuck. We've got a question for you.

16 animals. It comes down to this, a phone call with Dave, Dave, at Dave on Twitter. Follow him now. Dave, settle a bet for us. We only need a one word answer. You ready? I'm fucking ready. Lions or dogs

Dogs? Yeah, thanks Dave. Thank you Dave. You've stabbed me in the back. Fuck you, man. Dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, we have it. There be eagles, bears, axolotles. I'm really sorry, Ben. Chicken.

It's fine. I have, I am, like, the cats went out and the chickens went out. They both lost these fucking furry idiots. I lost fox in round one. Yeah. Parrots. Fucking earhole, bird,

Monsters So he didn't give him grief about his parrot revulsion We get into it Okay, it's fun Yeah It's all right

I'm okay with it I can still go and buy chicken Luckily that was all alive The fox can't tell you to fuck off But a parrot can That's off Fox trot Oscar Get the fox out of here

Yeah Well thank you Michael That was good That was enlightening WeirdCopedia Weirdcomia We'll have a double whammy of questions At the end

Wikipedia Wikipedia Yes WeirdCpita Welcome back Are either of you boys familiar With the 52 Hertz whale I feel like I am maybe

Is it like the Hertz donut? No, it's hurts as in frequency Okay That's my 52 Hertz impression Now Very good It's actually probably just as well We're not ending the podcast on this

Because it's a bit of a sad story Oh don't make us cry about a whale It's okay I didn't even put whale in the ranking thing Whale Well maybe you'll wish you had done that Oh no The 52 Hertz whale

Is an individual whale is an individual whale of unidentified species which calls at the very unusual frequency of 52 hertz Oh, does no one answer? Now, this whale follows roughly the migration pattern and frequency of either a blue whale or a thin whale but not quite either of them

But its call at 52 hertz is a much higher frequency than that of any other whale species With those migration patterns March into the beat of his own drum So a blue whale calls between 10 and 39 hertz, and a thin whale calls at about 20 hertz. And this whale has been detected regularly in many locations since the late 1980s, but it appears to be the only individual emitting a whale call at this frequency and has been described as the world's loneliest whale.

Jesus Christ. Imagine being the world's loneliest something. That's a hell of a title. Would you like to hear the tragic sound of the 52 hertz whale calling and getting no response in that? swear to gone if it's like Rickroll or something It's not

It's not So this has been sped up to 10 times the speed Otherwise you won't be able to hear it properly So this is technically 520 hertz But this is just so you can actually

hear what it sounds like Okay Okay here he is Sounds like he's crying Yeah So is he never physically Bumped into another whale Seems unlikely

Right But no one that sings at 52 hertz But no one speaks his language They say he's the most lonely whale in the world But I like to think that he bumped into another whale That he couldn't quite communicate with But he still got whales around You know, they just can't communicate with each other

So at 52 hertz that's just higher than the lowest note on a tuba Oh, go look that Now There's been a couple of explanations or theories as to what's going on here some people think that potentially it's like a malformed whale and so it makes a different noise

or her or her diswale built it could possibly it could be like five seconds you realise what that even meant I was like what it could possibly be a hybrid whale between a blue whale and a fin whale which would explain it's like weird migration patterns

that were like sort of in between the two or a few people from charities have contacted researchers suggesting that it might be deaf, might be a deaf way. So it's like not learn to speak in the same way, in the same way that like people who are born deaf, human beings who are born deaf, can learn to speak pretty convincingly,

but like sometimes... You can see through the facade. A mark of difference, yeah. Like Cocoa the gorilla. Exactly like Cocoa the gorilla, who speaks almost... like a human, but just a little bit. She could if she wanted to, because it is a man in a suit.

Yeah. Now, I don't know how you feel about this. Is there any pictures of the whale? No, but have you aware of Cropsey, the documentary about... Oh, yes. The guy who made that has been doing a documentary coming out in 2018 about the loneliest whale and I'm presuming they probably track it at some point and go and find it, but maybe not. It was just two hours of listening to it crying.

Yeah. I guess there's not been a picture of it, otherwise they would be able to identify its species. Oh, I guess, yeah. But maybe it's better off, you know? Maybe. Either the whales are bastards. It's not got a friend or a partner.

I mean, love. It's like Rudolph. He just needs to find a special feature. Love is overrated sometimes. Love breaks and love divides. But lonely whales are forever. Love laughs and love can make you cry. I can't believe the way that love can give and love can take away.

What's that from? That's the cause. there that just sort of came out. I said love breaks and then I just couldn't stop. I'm getting a limo in here. God. So you trying to suggest that this whale has a better life than us? Because it's lonely. Because it's all on its own. Yeah.

Because it's potentially deaf and malformed and God, I wish that would be. This poor stunted whale. And you sit there and you say to us that is something we should aspire to her. Well, this is a line boy over here. It's a tragic tale of a whale and I'm really sorry. Fote against chickens.

I don't even understand. guy so that's just the story of another little sad whale the world's anomalies the 52 hertz whale the 52 hertz whale oh no I tell you what hurts we give him a better name than that what kind of rams of 52 sounds like 52 uh shifty poo

shifty poo yeah shifty poo whale cool thank you Peter for the sad whale stuff sad whale's story you welcome can we have some happy questions now too yeah first of our happy questions this is from tommy williamson at heart of gold 137 on Twitter what do you what did

you think of TTT for the first time? Oh, it's confusing. Oh, boy, there's a lot going on. It wasn't my first time on TTT, but it was the first time in a while. It's been a while. I'd never played TTT. I was bad at it. I don't play PC games anyway, so I was especially bad at it. Trying to reach for the control king. Didn't really know what was going on. Couldn't run and move at the same time. It's way too difficult. In the wrong chat room with Craig for the first 10 minutes. Didn't know where Craig was. It was a bit wrong. It was very challenging. I assume I'm only going to get really, really good at it.

Oh, yeah. Next time you'll be... Because I'm really good at everything I do. Yeah, yeah. So it's just going to click. Click and then I'll be ready to go. I do enjoy it, though. It's fun.

I like just mainly the maps and stuff in Gmail. It's kind of fun to explore them. Michael Sadewater. Oh. At Michael L. Waste Erday. L. on Twitter. Can someone order a pizza?

Now, I don't know if he's offering to order a pizza or if he's just asking generally, can someone order a pizza? No, I don't want to order him a pizza either. Sorry, Michael, I just don't know you. This is really weird. I heard the word Michael now. Oh, God, someone should order a pizza to the post some tat address one day. Well, that's the thing.

And we keep it for two weeks to film it. God, this is my genuine concern is that someone's going to order food. Like, most places don't let you do this anymore. Yeah. But someone's going to order the food and it's going to be cash on delivery. Oh, I see.

And it's just going to be a whole thing where we say we didn't order anything and it's going to be a massive fucking mess. So in a perfect world, that will be incredible. But at the same time, it's probably best to avoid that because people will take the best. But now we've mentioned it. I had never even considered the possibility of being sent like real-life food. It'd be great.

One of our first days here, Terps got sent a load of stuff on a live stream. And someone just posted pizza to him from like a local delivery shop. Yeah, nice. I mean, if someone wants to do it, that would be wonderful. We'd love you forever. We're usually here Monday to Friday, 9 to 5.30-ish sort of time. I like pepperoni.

Michael likes veggie. Ben likes meat. I like cat on pizza. A bit of dog. Yeah. And some whale. Nice bit of blobs. Yes.

Delicious. But don't feel like you have to do that because that's ridiculously generous. And also, please for the love of God, don't prank us. It's not funny. Someone sent us an envelope with a load of glitter in it. We do check the parcels we get seven.

If you get anything that looks a bit dodgy, we're going to open it up. We open it and we threw that straight away because we don't want to encourage that stuff. They're going to find ways to buy pass off. Just don't just don't be it. Also, it's Ben's birthday on Sunday. Send him, send him birthday presents. Send them birthday presents.

We'll have retweeted. At time recording, we're retweeting this after we're retweeting it after this recording session, Ben. Oh, thank you. Don't tweet anything. But also, when this goes out, it's Tuesday. And time is running out. Ah! When are we doing your?

birthday opening next week. Think next week. Do you like Tuesday or something? Because you're off Monday. Yeah. I'm not off Monday. Oh, I thought you were taking a day off. No, that's the following week. Oh!

And that's a bank holiday Monday. Yeah. We're all taking the day off. Whoa, really? For free? I'm afraid so. Yay! W.W.W.

British PodcastaWords.com. Forward slash vote. You have two days to get us nominated for an award because that's funny. That'll be amazing. What a right laugh it'll be. We don't want to win it necessarily. We don't care. We just want to be...

Did they have like a physical award ceremony? Yes, I do. It's on the 19th. It's really soon. Oh my God. So I don't know how that would work. But I think if we got nominated, that would just be funny. We are sponsored by Turtle Beach.

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Patrons. Patrons. I knew I was saying it wrong. That's why I slowed down. Patreon. Thank you so much to our patrons. You're very generous. If you want to visit.

our Patreon. It's patreon.com forward slash video it's official yes. Yay. How do you know that? You follow our family as well as us which I'm sure you probably follow anyway. There's also at this is rules boss. He's ready to answer your questions.

This is rules boss. And at Billy Ray Botris. Yeah. Who's also there. Make sure you leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice and this week on the schedule guys it's worst games ever week. What? It's a Skyrim Zoo. We're reaching the climax of our

series with the responsible zoo owner it's only ramping up from here fever pitch yeah I think we got the first prove it this week as well of a new prove it series oh shit we need a fun we need to shoot a live action bit it being a worst games ever week make sure you go to the shop at some point between now and Thursday chicken dippers get yourself some dips smiles and some beanies yeah the worst games ever cooking video one of the stupidest things we've ever done it's out there on our channel now you can go watch that follow that guy very closely. If you get it wrong, we will punish you. We will. And it's very difficult to mess up

to be fair. It's an intricate thing. Usually, the chicken dippers and the potato smileys are actually sold right next to each other. Beans in an oven. Yeah. I think that'll just dry out. Yeah. Yeah. I'll probably dry out. I just have like a nice thick layer of skin on them after like 20 minutes.

You don't want that. One final thing is we need to give a secret word or phrase. I like question and answer. And a secret piece of information. Yes. Secret piece of information. I've got an idea. guys we are planning something that you people out there you people will like if you can get us to 50,000 subscribers oh my lord what yeah we are planning to make something you enjoy a little more

accessible and I'll leave it at that for now for now but that's 50k subs we're not that far away it's like 15,000 subs away it's very doable and as soon as you do that well tell you what we're going to get a lot more fun around here yeah they really are We might even reveal it closer to the, you know, if we get to like 40 or 45, we might then say what the incentive is, right? Mm-hmm, yeah. Good doing.

Just tell your friends, please. Just tell your friends. Tell your friends. Tell your friends. What's the secret question this week, boys? Maybe favorite accompaniment to cheese. Okay, yeah, yeah. I mean, people might be commenting that anyway based on the intro.

Maybe it should be something. What about an animal that wasn't in the 16 lineup? No, it doesn't matter. It wasn't in my 16. It's an animal that has no point in existing. What would you leave in your... Best Animal is my question. Okay, yeah.

What should have been in there? It was so close, but just didn't make it. It's not an axolot. After the world's loneliest whale, who is the second loneliest creature in the world? It's me, I think. Would you leave in your DNA receptacle in the ground? There's all sorts of things you could comment below. It's just going to be a confusing mess.

Just put like hashtag secret topic. and answer any kind of information based on... We'll guess which one you're answering. We'll fill in the blanks. Yeah, we'll work out what you're talking about. Hashtag secret topic and then just give your idea on something we've talked about today. Perfect. That sounds good.

I hope Dave comes back soon. Yeah, I miss him. I hope he's safe. I've got the drink since he left. That's very true. I don't know how to open the fridge. You guys want some toast? You mean just a general drink?

I don't mean like an alcoholic drink because I haven't had an alcoholic drink since he was last here. No, I'm absolutely spitting feathers. Well, let's go get you some water, shall we? I'll show you how. Dave? It only wants it from Dave. Well, then you can call Dave. Just FaceTime Dave. Rashes.

Rashes. Talk. Thank you very much for listening, everybody. We'll be back in a couple of weeks' time. Thanks, boys. Thanks, boys. Ready for the best outro music ever? Let's go.

Go! Thank you.