Podiots - Podiots: Episode 61 - How to get free Fortnite V-Bucks

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Peter's got a peculiar facsination, Mikey's making biscuits fight to the death and Ben is uncovering a historic mystery   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://str...eamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots   Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:28 during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories. Yeah, we're around either watching these commercials on TV
Starting point is 00:00:53 or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. Maybe it's Mabelene. Maybe it's Mabelene. Fuck it. We'll do it live. Whoa. Kicking off with the swear.
Starting point is 00:01:11 We'll do it live. So how we're doing it today. What if a child is going through the podcast options available to them on, you know, on the front page of podcast.com, because that's where we're being suggested right now, I'm sure. And they've just tried the most recent episode of this thing called Podiat's. And right at the start, someone said the word, fuck. Well, they should learn how to flippin read. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:01:38 It says explicit on it on the box. It does say explicit. And if a child wanders into our enclosure, it's not our fault if we're going to drag them around by their ankles screaming, you know? Yeah, rest and peace around, Bay. Yeah, exactly. I think, I'm just looking at episode titles at the minute. I think they're looking pretty appealing to children.
Starting point is 00:01:57 You've got horse dance, who doesn't love that? Yeah. Puba, pooh-pooh-pun's. Yeah, children love that. A quick dab. All the kids love dabs. I think we are definitely to blame if children are watching this, because we're just so damnitizing.
Starting point is 00:02:12 It's a new market. I know we usually come up with a title after the fact. Usually whoever's editing comes up with a title that they pick out of the episode at some point. What if we put on our marketing to children hats right now and brainstorm the perfect podcast title that will appeal to all of the children. How to get free Fortnite V-Books. Yeah. I mean, I'm happy with that, to be honest. If you can fit that on the thumbnail, then I'm happy with three Fortnite V-Bucs. Are we committing to that as the episode title? How to get free Fortnite V-Bucs. It's just an experiment and how we can
Starting point is 00:02:48 clickbait people into watching our podcast. Yeah, I think so. The V's done for idiots, of course. Yeah, yeah, exactly Vidyat's books Oh man Idiot's bucks Two week leave Vidyits books Right not the game
Starting point is 00:03:01 Fortnite Yeah Okay I'm yeah I'm happy with that Are you making a note Mikey Because it's your turn Yeah I'll just Open my notepad
Starting point is 00:03:08 How to get free Fortnight V-B bucks Yeah That's it perfect Okay well I think we did that Nailed that Well what we should do now Is run the intro
Starting point is 00:03:18 And then talk for about an hour or so about how to get free Fortnite V-Bucks, everyone. Yes. Do you reckon if we keep saying free Fortnite V-bux it'll be picked up in some sort of algorithm? Yeah, it's possible, yeah. It was like the YouTube auto-caption thing.
Starting point is 00:03:34 Everyone, like, was... I don't know if it was actually a thing, but everyone thought that, like, YouTube could actually listen to the words in the videos and it would use those words to decide whether or not it was advertiser-friendly. Oh, it does? Yeah, it actually does.
Starting point is 00:03:46 It does actually do that. And it will even listen out for a 1,000-hertz tone, which is the tone that you usually use typically to bleep swear words. You know the classic one. Oh, you've done it, Peter, now working again. Oh, that's a perfect imitation. It will listen for that exact. A thousand hertz tone.
Starting point is 00:04:05 I think you mean free Fortnite V-Bucks, Peter. Sorry, that's what I meant. Yeah, it'll listen for that, which is what you typically use to sense the swear words. The words, free Fortnite V-Bucks. Oh, man. I can't wait to get my free Fortnite V-Bucks, guys. Free Fortnite V-Bux for you and me. They're absolutely free.
Starting point is 00:04:22 Free Fortnite V-Bucks. Free Fortnite V-Bucks. Right. Free Fortnite V-Bee-Bugs. Now let's roll the free Fortnite V-Bee-Bucks. Free Fortnite V-Bee-Bugs. Free Fortnite V-Books, free Fortnite V-Bee-Bugs. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Podiots, the official.
Starting point is 00:04:41 Official. Vidiots. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where every. Everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm free Fortnite V-Bucs. I'm free Fortnite V-Bucs.
Starting point is 00:04:59 And I'm free Fortnite V-Bucs. How are we all freeling today, guys? V-B-B-B-B-X. Oh, I'm feeling very good. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty good, too. Oh, what the book, am I right? Am I right? Okay, I think we can stop now, right?
Starting point is 00:05:15 Yeah, we should have filled the quota that. How are we all? Great. A bit warm, but, fine. I'm a bit warm too. Is it warm? It's bloody boiling. I think it's mainly the positioning in my window. It means that every morning when I log on to do some work, I'm just blinded by sun for the first three hours of the day. That's, I mean, it ensures every day starts off the right way. It's not, it's not warm weather here, but I'm all, I'm all wrapped up in my felt fort
Starting point is 00:05:42 as I have to. What is your felt fort? You talked about this before the podcast. It's just because the new room that I'm using as an office has very high ceilings and very hard floors and it's very echoy. So I've got a little canopy above me of blankets, which is like, it's like being in a little den. And then I've sort of cascaded one down the back, which is, yeah, it's nice, but it's toasty in here. I probably isn't even making that much of a difference because they're only like blankets. They're not duvets. They're not duvays. So if you get some egg cartons, It's got 200 egg cartons and blast your walls in them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:06:22 Yeah. There you go. Let's get you a load of eggs. That's what the money's going for from this episode. Buy a piece of eggs. Yeah. Hey, what was that? Did you say money?
Starting point is 00:06:33 But how do we make money from this free podcast, Ben? Well, that's a very good. That's a very good question. Question. And I'll tell you the answer right now. And that's by our fantastic, wonderful, beautiful, handsome, attractive, funny, charismatic, listeners supporting us via joining Pod Squad. Of course, you don't have to support us financially. You can just spread the word. We appreciate that very much. However, if you would like a shout
Starting point is 00:06:57 out at the start and the end of each and every episode of Podiat's, or I should say, sorry, just the one that you donate to, you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash Poddiet's donations, donate three pounds or more, and you'll get that blam-in shout-out. You'll join Pod Squad. You'll be sent overseas to die for your country. And you'll also be. be memorialised here, one and honour. That's what every mother wants. Yeah, absolutely. Mikey's got the first chunk of this week's
Starting point is 00:07:26 pod squad. We start off with the incredible mother definitely loves them. Duck fuck, de fuck, duck fucker. It's been very generous and they say thanks chaps for bringing sunshine to a dark world. You are beautiful. As are you.
Starting point is 00:07:42 Wait, there's more. There's more than one. You'd be surprised to hear. We've got Prince Beefcakes. Haunted Clunge, thanks. Buy Art Pop on iTunes. Do it. Tommy the Wank Engine. Specky Becky Sparky Butter.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Mouthy hamster. Kevin from Con. Chav Chav Ramirez. Stephen Scodes. Emily Lemons. Road warrior Finn Tristam. The very, very generous. The lovable Kesey, who says,
Starting point is 00:08:10 love the podcast guys, always helps make a dull date work more enjoyable. And lemon licky, picky, sicky. Also, stucalicious, bum full of Cheerios. Cranjee's McSpanglewank. Katie Kin Solo, I will lie awake. Bick, Bick, Bik, Edward Jizzahans, Lord Bbbba Blazevich, Willem Willem Willey Wambles, Do Eat, Silica gel, Mercenary Prostitute, Trunters Tat, Trunters Tat, Fluffy Muffs, Goob.
Starting point is 00:08:47 the very generous Mr. Whittick, who says it was very surprised hearing you read out my name and question on the last episode. A while back, I decided to mostly watch slash listen to content that has a positive outlook, and therefore your stuff is something I look forward to. All the best to you, Chris. Thank you, Chris. And finally, Axles Alive, 95. We also have Dave Benson Pigeon,
Starting point is 00:09:13 two-meat, two-face. Dave Samma-Binson Phil Arden, which is a bit of a stretch, really, but I appreciate the effort. Mrs. Gibbons' Fischie Wap, and an unbelievable Dave Bacon Phillips, who has been astronomically generous and said, you guys are doing great. Thank you, Dave Bacon Phillips. Thank you, dear, thank you, dear, much appreciated. Like a Mr. Blobby, balloon, knobby, stupid Inari, Suk, Lukai Walker's blue tit milk. Oh, no. Freddie W. can't spell pharaohs.
Starting point is 00:09:51 No? Yes? Yes. Yes. I think that's right. With a more generous donation, thank you for the donation. Sorry, Peter, with a very generous donation.
Starting point is 00:10:00 Sorry, Peter, but I just had to pop on because I think you've brought it up before. The horse from the never-ending story died. It was tied to a lowering platform that was meant to lift it back out of the muck after they yelled cut. It broke. It's horse snuff. No.
Starting point is 00:10:13 What? Where? No. What? I've not brought it up before. I talked about never-ending story last time, but I didn't know it actually died. I'm going to leave you guys to Google that
Starting point is 00:10:25 while I read the rest of it. The CG. Ben Potter fucked my dad in bum. Really good. Dickelberg, come in her snatch. Great. Donna C-07. The worst boy...
Starting point is 00:10:39 For either, I think. Not entirely sure. Thank you very much for the generous donation. And I'm assuming the worst boyfriend ever is what that says says oi nicola it's been 11 years together now here's your 20 20 anniversary present i'm not sure the tone i'm using is correct that sounds right yeah yeah i didn't get you flowers a meal out some fancy jewelry i had them internet dudes read a message out she's a big fan and we'll actually like this tar boys thank you the worst boy feather and finally
Starting point is 00:11:09 dave bones bone some willis thank you very much that's your pod squad for this week remember streamlabs.com forward slash potty its donation to join potty its donations with an s on the end to join pod squad and get a shout out three pounds or more at the beginning and the end of each share wonderful do you want to quickly hear about the horse before we jump in yeah i guess so i found an article on entertainment weekly i'm going to read a little bit of the surrounding words as well i feel like i send people to therapy over that scene with artax the horse they use was really wonderful and they spent a couple of months teaching her to be okay with being up to a neck with water.
Starting point is 00:11:45 That's something unfamiliar for them, surprisingly. So the way they did that scene was they had this little elevator under the water that slowly dropped the horse lower and lower. When it got to his chin area, we cut the scene, and that one took over two and a half weeks. It says the real horse never really died. They were more careful with that horse than they were with me. I got hurt a hell of a lot more.
Starting point is 00:12:08 Turns out the actor was in hospital with a broken back at some point during filming. So I'm going to say it the horse is fine. You lied to us. Sounds like an urban internet legend to me. Yeah, it does. I've read one article, one source, and I'm just going to discredit everything you say. But thanks for the very generous donation. Sorry, Peter. Thank you, anyway.
Starting point is 00:12:30 You liar. Scratch that. If you give us money, anything you say becomes true. That's the real. That's how it works in American politics, right? Oh, very satirical. Hey, come on, we'll lose Whittick. He wants the positivity. America's doing fine.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Well, let's say, do you want to segue into the first question? How? Is it American politics related? Well, the first line is related. Okay. This comes from Justin at drawn by Justin on the Twitters. He says, America is fucked. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Okay, yeah, I'll do. And your fan base is going to need somewhere to crash soon. Who, in the extended. Vidyts Universe has the best home so I can sleep on their couch before anyone else steals my idea. This is a territory who've never gone in with the Vidits Universe is that there are boards, their homes. Well, there's no room at Dave Benson's house because he's just got stacks of DVDs. I also wouldn't go to Bobby Babylonie's house because I imagine she's just got loads of that shit inflatable furniture off of the early 2000s used to buy from Woolworth.
Starting point is 00:13:39 She probably lives in a bouncy castle, doesn't she? Yeah, maybe, yeah. Everything she lives with is handmade by her in balloon form. Oh, God. She lives in a lie house. You have to eat like hot dogs that are made of balloons. You just have to fucking humour her as you pretend to eat her balloon food. It just pops when you bite it and then you go, yum, yum.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Please, Bobby. That sounds horrible. Dick Machinko's house is probably horrendous place to live. I think it's like just an empty run-down flat with some weights and that's it. Yeah, I think he's either squatting in a town where he's running a mission, just in an abandoned flat, or he just genuinely lives in a tent in the woods. Yeah, yeah, probably. Maybe, I wouldn't mind living in Jeff the Mungoose's house.
Starting point is 00:14:33 Oh, living in the walls. You're living in, well, I don't want to live in the walls. I want to live in the cottage that they lived in because, you know, he would scare away unfamiliar dogs. and whatever it was. He would, like, did he do, like, little bits of chores in the house, maybe? He used to put the fire out if they'd left it going and they went to bed. Oh, that's nice.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Sounds like a fairly decent place. If you just need to remember to, what, hang some carrots from the ceiling or something? It was all very weird. I could do that to appease an extra special mongues. Yeah. Speaking of Jeff, I'm going to quickly interject with, we had a Jeff moment in our house the other day. What? We were giving the ferrets a bath after.
Starting point is 00:15:11 There was an incident in the park where they got kicked. Yeah. We'll not go into this now, but a nasty man kicked the ferrets. And so when we got them home, they're all kind of covered in their own poop. And we thought, all right, well, we should give them a bath. And in the panic of giving them a bath, one of the ferrets got on like the bathroom floor and then crept behind the toilet and went in a hole in the wall. And for 10 minutes was in the wall.
Starting point is 00:15:35 No, no. As we desperately tried to get them out. We're living in the walls. Yeah, we actually had a genuine. and Jeff in our house and it was, it was horrifying. He could just hear a skis-sk-sk-s-k-s-k-s-k-s-k-s-k-sk-sk. I take it you're not living in a detached property at the moment. No, no.
Starting point is 00:15:53 So it feasibly could have crawled into someone else's, like, flat or wall, and you're presumably not supposed to have ferrets either right now in the place you're at. Yeah, so that would have been fun. It could have been, yeah, it could have been bad. Oh, Simon, there's a rat in the walls. Can you come help us get it out? Oh, it's not a rat. It's a lovely little ferret.
Starting point is 00:16:14 We'll take it in as our own. Oh, yeah. We'll look after it. Yeah. Anyway, Vidiot's Universe. Who else is there? I think the extended walrus family have got a sort of a sprawling home, excuse me, that you could stay in.
Starting point is 00:16:30 Plenty of bedrooms. Yeah, like a ranch. You know, they got that old town road money, presumably. That achy-breaky heart money. Plus, you don't even need a bed. You could just lie on Billy. Imagine the comfort, the warmth. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:43 Yeah. I'm sure. Did we generate that list of Vidiot's universe members? Or did someone do that? I forgot to bookmark it, and I always want to have a look at that, and I've, I didn't bookmark at the time. I think I might have a bookmark. I mean, it really should have that,
Starting point is 00:17:00 we should have that pinned on the Discord to reference at any time. Yeah, we should. There was also that full list of every episode we've ever done that, like, had everyone's thing. And, yeah, God, really, it's dedication. It's dedication. Oh, my God, I genuinely can't think of any other VCU people. Well, I think collectively, we've done some answers.
Starting point is 00:17:24 You know, the Walrus House, Jeff. Yeah. Bobby Babylonia, if you're feeling brave. Yeah. But it smells of latex all over the house. Oh, dear, yeah. Oh, God, let's not do that. No.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Shall we move on to a thing? sure. Who wants to go first? I don't mind going first. So I've brought along another strange news story from the Daily Mirror's weird news section because I just can't resist. The Daily Mirror has its own weird news section.
Starting point is 00:17:57 It does, yeah, yeah. But on top of that, it's kind of I'm going to quickly go through the story and then issue you guys with a question as well. So here we go I've got to read the entire article like this Just so you know Britain's dullest man
Starting point is 00:18:17 In quotes Unveils the International Roundabout of the Year Kevin Beresford has spent 17 years as Redditch's resident Roundabout Spotter And has travelled the country Lucking for Junction Perfection
Starting point is 00:18:31 and is now as Roundabout Appreciation Society has unveiled the number one for 2020 Can we just appreciate roundabout spotter? That's not really spotting, is it the static objects? Yeah, yeah. Now, of course, I'm not here to yuck anyone's yum, right? I'm perfectly happy for Kevin to enjoy his roundabout, but I'm kind of, this, as much as anything else is me mocking the mirror
Starting point is 00:18:57 for mocking this man for enjoying what he enjoys. But here we go. Britain's Dallas man has unveiled the international roundabout of the year after a heated discussion in a pub. Kevin Beresford is famous for travelling the length and breadth of the country in search for the best roundabouts the UK has to offer Birmingham Live reports. Hang on, so is this the international or national roundabout? International roundabout of the year.
Starting point is 00:19:24 The UK won it, apparently. Oh, wow, it's a surprise. Redditch's roundabout spotter has spent 17 years in pursuit of Junction Perfection. Oh, it's just repeating the little subheading that was read earlier, and even found it the Roundabout Appreciation Society. The 68-year-old, who's described himself as the dullest man in Britain, regularly creates calendars with pictures of his favourite roundabouts on it. Aw, that's quite cute. He's also branched out into other avenues over the years. His latest project is a calendar dedicated entirely to car parks. And there's a photo of Kevin. Yes, please.
Starting point is 00:20:06 his car parks of the year calendar. Here it is. Oh, there he is. Carparks of Britain. The graphic design on the calendar makes it look like it was made in about 1970, but it's a 2016 calendar. I like his jean button-up shirt.
Starting point is 00:20:27 I was going to say, he's fashionable. When you hear a 68-year-old car park and ran about a fictionalado, I pictured someone entirely different to this man I'm going to say he's looking good He's looking good for his age Yeah he is looking great I'll pop it on the on the thread
Starting point is 00:20:43 Yeah People can see it There's also A roundabouts of the world calendar here That he's also posing with Best of all Here it is, comic sands Whoa
Starting point is 00:20:57 Graphic design Oh my goodness of the world Look at all the different planets behind us Yeah. Behind the earth there. Yeah. That, actually, there's some pretty good roundabouts in there. I just, I expected, you know, like slough or something, which is great.
Starting point is 00:21:13 But no, there's trees, there's lights, there's buildings. This is amazing. Yeah, absolutely. Very impressed with that. So, uh, he's now a self-styled Lord of the Rings. Oh. Along with other members of the roundabout committee. And he's revealed that they've selected their international roundabout of the year after a heated discussion.
Starting point is 00:21:34 in a pub in the West Midlands town of Redditch. So that's a little slightly strange news story for you with some charming pictures attached. But what I want to know is if you had to be the dull aficionado for something niche and specific and give
Starting point is 00:21:50 an award, you know, give out an award for it, what do you think is your tedious anorak specialty? Oh man. That's a good way of putting it, a tedious anorac specialty. Yeah. What are you highly qualified to give out awards for
Starting point is 00:22:05 that no one else is going to be interested in. It's got to be funny enough to, well, it doesn't have to be funny enough, but it has to look good on a calendar as well. True, but, you know, all you need is that comic sands and... Some circles and bam, you've got it.
Starting point is 00:22:19 How about the 2020 calendar of the stairwells of Liverpool's high rises? Yeah, are you an expert on Liverpool high rises? I think I could be. Okay. I think I could spot a good stairwell if I saw one, you know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:40 I think I know mine, actually. Yeah. The Rambler's Guide to the Pissiest Alleyways in Bristol. Oh. I was thinking the other day about the alleyway where we filmed the ad for the merch that was just the pissiest alleyway. That would be number one. But it just feels like every time I go out in Bristol, eventually you'll whip piss. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:03 So I feel like my nose could lead me. I just have to close my eyes and walk in a direction and I'd lead myself to a whole world of pissy aloe is. What's the best month? Like what month does everybody want in a calendar? Like what would you, what would the best pissiest alley get assigned as to show that it had won calendars that year?
Starting point is 00:23:25 Well, I think it tends to be that it becomes the cover photo for the calendar. I think generally that's the coveted page is the cover. I'd put it as December, so it could be Merry Pismus. Oh, wonderful. That's good. That's very good.
Starting point is 00:23:42 It is. I would maybe do, like, best vandalized telephone boxes. Oh, that'd be good, yeah. Up and down the country. So, you know, unique vandalism. I don't just want to see all the glass broken and a little tag on it that someone's sprayed on. And I want to see, like, you know, people wrapping them up in toilet roll and kickling film. I want to see one upside down, but still hooked into the network somehow, you know.
Starting point is 00:24:14 A condom hanging off the receiver. Yeah, absolutely. I once saw, like, just a whole watermelon in a phone box. Oh, true. I want to know the story behind that. Someone's a bit for later, I guess. I like to think that someone got home from, you know, got into their, front door, put their keys on the side
Starting point is 00:24:34 and went, oh, shit. Fuck. God, not again. Mid-melet. Pats themselves down, checks their pockets. No, fuck. I've left it.
Starting point is 00:24:45 Oh, God. I'm just Google. Oh, outdoor toilets in Bristol. I was just, oh, wow. Hold on. Piss watch. What is Newcastle's best piss alley?
Starting point is 00:24:55 This is an, this is not. Here we go, boys. Okay, Pink Lanes. three out of five. What's number one? St. John Street Car Park, that's a good one. That's a good one. Is that, what's the criteria? Is it the best alley to go for a piss in? Or is it just... Or the best alley to find pissing? I think it's... Okay, so they've got three things on each one by a look of it. It's privacy, convenience, and atmosphere. Oh. Okay. It's sort of to go for a piss in, really, I think. Let's read about Big Market. As they've just said, you can piss in pretty much anywhere in Big Market.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Yeah, it's kind of true. So for privacy, no one cares. This is the infamous big market. Here, the drinks are cheap, social etiquette is meaningless, and the place is pretty much one big toilet anyway. If you put up with a night in illegitimate, I think it's only fair you should piss freely into the cold night air. There's January police presence,
Starting point is 00:25:49 so it's only for the most daring of public urinators. For convenience, it's in the middle of a bunch of clubs and pubs, so you're all right there. In the atmosphere, the last days of Rome. If you're expecting a quiet one, you're obviously not a local. Saturday Night Big Market makes an active war zone look tame in comparison. Oh, God. Wow.
Starting point is 00:26:08 Thank you very much to the tab for that. Wonderful stuff. That's a wonderful piss alley. Well, there we go. Everyone's got their own little niche and, you know, enjoy it. Make a Comic Sans calendar out of it and send it to post some tat, vidiates, fourth floor, etc. No, don't do that. It won't get opened on camera.
Starting point is 00:26:31 We stopped doing that two years ago. Quite a while. We did. All right. Would you like another question? Yes, please. This one comes from Kieran Marshall at Sher 1, KRN-229. Catchy.
Starting point is 00:26:47 You can turn anything you want into a magic vehicle. Think Aladdin knocking about on a carpet. What does the McDonald's drive-through see you pull up in? I like how it's not just. What vehicle do you choose? It's, what does the McDonald's drive-thru see you pull up in? Oh, it's a good one, actually. I would like just like a front door as a vehicle.
Starting point is 00:27:11 Yeah. But like maybe like a car mate, no, no, I'm thinking too in the box here. I think it could be anything and I'm trying to make something that already looks like a vehicle. It could be better than that. I would like to have a giant, a T-Cat, a giant, a T-Cat, cup from a teacups ride like a spinny teacups ride oh that would look like something out of um i don't know mary poppins or something just me flying around in a teacup giant a giant one would it rotate rapidly while you went oh i hope not see i don't actually go on the teacups
Starting point is 00:27:46 because it just makes me dizzy and sick which i guess is the point but you know i'd rather not paid like three quid just feel sick thank you very much um but uh yeah i'd maybe i'd maybe i'd maybe not have it, like, completely spinning wildly out of control. Maybe just a little bit of rotation so that it can look at all angles. Ah, I don't know. It'd be like a real-life flying saucer, wouldn't they? Ah, very good. Very good.
Starting point is 00:28:15 I think, yeah. A bed, actually. A bed would be a good shout. Yeah. So you could have the laziest day ever, especially if you're rocking up at McDonald's. I feel like that's, like, the perfect hungover thing. It's just drive over in your bed. Just have a little nap on the motorway.
Starting point is 00:28:29 pull up and like, oh, mcnogies, please, and off you go. That's perfect. Probably doesn't get a lot of stairs, and I consider my bed to be my refuge from the world, you know. I don't know if I'd want to be parading around with everybody looking at me in my bed. I wouldn't be comfortable in it. I also, I tend to sleep either with boxers on or nothing more than a drop of Chanel No. 5, so I think that could be bad if there was a gust of wind. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:28:58 Yeah. But you're halfway at McDonald's at this point, and you can't stop, so you just continue and carry on. It's too late. Show the world to McNuggies. Yeah. I would... I can't say. My big Mac. Stop it.
Starting point is 00:29:15 I would vehicleify my slippers. Oh, very good. And just sort of zoom along really fast. Comforts heelies, I guess. Yeah, but I don't want... I sort of want to hover slightly so that I can't fall off them or out of them, you know? Yeah. So you're just standing perfectly upright and they're just zooming along and you're in them.
Starting point is 00:29:38 Brilliant. Yeah, that's brilliant. I like that. That's good. Okay. So you rock up to McDonald's, you just levitate and hover in front of the thing. I'm just picturing you like, you know, smoke jacket on, pipe in mouth, arms behind the back. I'd like the finest big back meal.
Starting point is 00:29:56 I think it'll work. Yeah. Imagine the convoy if all three of us turned up. Yeah. We definitely make it onto the Daily Mirror weird news segment, I think. We would. Weirdest McDonald's drive-thru vehicles 2020. All right.
Starting point is 00:30:13 Who wants to do their thing next? I'm happy to do mine unless Ben, you're itching to get your thing out. No, you go for it. Okay. Well, we've got a biggie today. It's another fight. Yes, some of the fights. Ding, ding. Ding, it's biscuit fight.
Starting point is 00:30:27 2020. Oh my goodness me. God, I'm surprised we've not done Biscuit fight. Yeah. Wow, okay. It seems like such an obvious one. And this is the biggest fight yet. It's got 16 contenders.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Because the universe of British Biscuits is quite a big one. And it turns out it's quite an important one. I think people will fight tooth and nail, which is the best biscuit. Let me just tell you right now, there's going to be some real hot takes here. Like, we are going to fall out more with this one than we ever have. I'm calling it. Everyone's got their own personal biscuit and if you say a shit about that of the person's
Starting point is 00:31:03 biscuit, you're going to have to be ready to fight. Yeah. There's one that I'm hoping, it might not even have made it into the runnings, but there's one that is famously, I think, people think it's a crap biscuit, but I think it gets a really bad rap and I'm going to, we'll see, we'll see if it's in there. I think there was a little bit of a personal bias in here, but I think I've definitely gone for like all areas of biscuits, so we should be covered. So please screen.
Starting point is 00:31:27 If you hear your biscuit. I will. Okay, we start with chocolate digestive versus rich tea. To me, this is an easy one. Rich teas are designed to be bland, I think. Yeah. A chocolate digestive is like the Rolls Royce of biscuits. It's, oh.
Starting point is 00:31:47 As a man who doesn't like chocolate, I still hate rich teas more, I think. And I appreciate that, you know, other people, at least, love the chocolate digestive. so I would definitely vote for that. Yeah, I think that's an easy one, right? I'm fairly sure the rich tea biscuit was just a coaster, someone accidentally ate once. Yeah, you know, like, oh, that's all right, I suppose.
Starting point is 00:32:08 The rich tea feels like a biscuit that was put in army ration boxes and somehow, I think, after the war, people are like, oh, I remember that, I kind of still want that, and that's the only reason we still have it to this day. I think the ones that we're getting, that are still getting packeted and sold are the ones from the war. Yeah, they're just made too many. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:25 It hasn't been a new biscuit. invented in 60 years. And I think just for clarity, a chocolate digestive in America. I didn't know this. Digestives are called gram crackers. Graham crackers. That's what those are.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Okay. Right. Yeah. Oh my God. Crackers. Also, we should say, I'm sure they already know this. You only have to be a member of the fast globalizing world that we live in,
Starting point is 00:32:55 but biscuit is not what. you call it in America it's like a cookie is what we're talking about delicious delicious cookies yeah and round two well round one still
Starting point is 00:33:07 but heat two it's Biscoff versus custard creams oh because see Biskof doesn't come round very often but I do really enjoy a Biscoff it's like when you go to a cafe
Starting point is 00:33:19 and you get yourself a coffee and it's like oh a biscuit yeah it's always a surprise and they're the cinnamony ones yeah I can't say I've ever really had those that many times.
Starting point is 00:33:31 I mean, I still, as much as I do like Biscoffs, I think Custid Cream is absolute biscuit royalty and like, yeah, it can't, it can't drop out until at least the semifinals, if that. Yeah, Custard Cream is an iconic, iconic biscuit. And I would like to say, I got out to get all the biscuits together. I browsed, there's a section in the Tesco Grocer's website called Everyday Biscuits. Yeah. And custard creams is very firmly in the everyday biscuit segment. And I think that kind of proves it's worth.
Starting point is 00:34:01 Yeah. Because of cream is just good, solid. It's not offensive. It's not loud. It's just a good, solid, slightly sweet, creamy, creamy biscuit. But interesting as well. You know, it's got three layers to it. It's not just a gram cracker.
Starting point is 00:34:18 All right. The next lot are Jaffa cakes and chocolate chip cookies. I'll have to leave this one up to you two, really. Oh, when you say chocolate for you? Chocolate chip cookies. Do you mean Maryland, or are you just talking generally? Generally, I was going to say Maryland, but other brands are available. But if you just picture like a little chocolate chip cookie, kind of a little crunchy, chippy little thing.
Starting point is 00:34:42 That's what we're going for. I'll go Jaffa Cake. I like Jaffa Cakes more than chocolate chips. I think Jaffa Cakes easier to binge as well. Chocolate chip cookies are after a few. you'd be like, I'm feeling a bit sick now, but Jaffa kicks,
Starting point is 00:34:57 the spongy, spongy texture. With white chocolate chip cookies, which I obviously do like, because I like white chocolate, I don't like crunchy, brittle cookies very much. I would much rather have, like, a proper, you know the, like,
Starting point is 00:35:12 supermarket bakery cookies that come in, like, a bag of five. And if they've been done right, they're soft enough that if you hold it out, like the half that you're not holding starts to sag under gravity, Like, that's how soft a cookie should be, in my opinion. I thought it was the gamble when you're buying a pack of cookies.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Is it going to be the good type or is it going to be the bad, hard type? My mum will, like, squeeze peaches and bananas before she buys them. I squeeze packets of cookies to see if they're ripe, you know? They need to just give a little bit. A child, after a long day at school, and I'm like, oh, you can get a bag of cookies, and they'll open it at home and find us fingerprints all in it from Peter Austin. No, if it can take fingerprints, I'll buy it.
Starting point is 00:35:54 it. I'm buying that sucker. Okay, well, I guess the child gets a bag of broken biscuits. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. So that's Jaffa Cakes for the win there. Fair. Bam. Next up, we've got fruit shortcake versus ginger nuts.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Fruit shortcake. Oh, let me just slam a quick picture. Because this is actually always, fruit shortcake's always been one of my favorites. Because it's just kind of like a nothing biscuit. It's like an upgraded rich tea. But it's got sugar in a bit. A bit of... Oh, fly biscuits.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Oh, is that what they called? Well, I don't know. That's what I've always called them. Got dead flies in them, yeah. I used to have this when I was younger. I didn't even realize... I'd kind of forgotten they existed, but I did like them when I used to have them.
Starting point is 00:36:37 Yeah. I like them too, but I mean, they're going to get murdered by ginger nut, right? Surely. I mean, I love a ginger nut. It's so dunkable. It's the best thing to dunk in your tea, I would say. Yeah, ginger nuts are just a good all-round biscuit.
Starting point is 00:36:53 Yeah, I think ginger nut is the person. The perfect tea biscuit. We'll get into hobnobbs later. That's it. People used to say hobnobs, but fuck hobnobs. I don't like them. I don't like them. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:02 But that's for later. That's for later. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry, fly biscuits. You're out. Ginger nuts are in. All right.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Next up is chocolate fingers, as in the Cadbury variety. Or just regular old plain digestives. So you've got both. I like plain digestives. I really like them. Plain digestives you can have with cheese, and they're really good. I've never had that.
Starting point is 00:37:26 I always got confused by that as a kid. We're like, for whatever reason, buy a cheese and biscuit package. What's this, what's this biscuit doing here? That's not right. Is it good? It's super good.
Starting point is 00:37:37 It's sort of like the sweet, savory combination. But it's not that sweet. Digestives aren't that sweet. They're quite salty anyway. Yeah. Yeah, they're a weird one. They just go incredibly well with cheese.
Starting point is 00:37:49 Yeah. I don't care as we've got versatile biscuit. I'd like to save digestive. personally. But again, I'm biased with chocolate fingers. Yeah, chocolate fingers are very good. You open a packet, you will eat them all. Oh, it is like cracking finger form. Yeah. They do melt on your hands, though, don't they really, if you hold them too long. They do. They don't last too long in my hands. Yeah, yeah, don't hold them that long anyway. I'm giving my vote to chocolate fingers, I think. Digestives, I think if I actually between the two digestives, I'd always go
Starting point is 00:38:20 for the chocolate one over the plain old one. I'm voting digestives personally. Sorry, Peter, I'm going chocolate finger. No worries. Chocofing. Chocophony. Chicoffiny. Ooh, next up we've got malted milk.
Starting point is 00:38:36 Oh, no. Truly one of the most disgustingly named biscuits. Another good biscuit for cheese. Yeah, this is Ben's thing. He sometimes has cheddar with malted milk, and I still never tried it. I did it a couple of times 10 years ago when I was at university.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Do you not still do it? Oh man. And Malted milks are going up against hobnobs. Okay, well that kills that argument dead, doesn't it? I like hobnobbs. I think, why do you not like them, Mikey? What do you not like about them?
Starting point is 00:39:09 I don't know. I think I just, they just don't interest me. They're too crumbly. They're a messy biscuit and it's not a fan of the flavor. But saying that, Milt and milk's not great either, to be honest. I used to love Maltin milks as a kid, but I don't, I think if you put them in front of me,
Starting point is 00:39:30 I'd go for the hobnob first, for some reason. Just malted milks are so uninteresting and bland. We used to, when I went to, like, nursery, like, before you go into reception, you know, you're, like, three or four, I, uh, in the middle of the day, we would get, like, a treat, and in a plastic cup would either get some orange squash or blackcurrant squash and then there would be biscuits and every so often like once in a blue moon it was digestives right
Starting point is 00:40:00 so that was nice to get a digestive but normally it was either a rich tea or a malted milk and I just I used to just give my biscuits to other kids to be honest not even worth eating you no hobnobs they're basically digestives with sunglasses on right? They're just sort of cool digestives. Yeah, in a way. Yeah, they're oaty.
Starting point is 00:40:24 Yeah, they are kind of like a deluxe digestive with a thick, crunchy extra bit to it. I don't like, I don't dislike them. I like them more than digestives, but I don't, I personally don't understand all the excitement about hobnobs. Yeah, I think they're overrated, but doesn't necessarily mean the worst biscuit. I'm saying over, over molten milk, I'd have a note. knob. Yeah, I'd have a knob, too.
Starting point is 00:40:51 Okay. I'm going to go with malted milk. Oh, well, sorry, malted milk. You're out. Hobby knobs. Well done. Okay, next up, fig rules, which I'm counting as a biscuit. And Oreo. The Oreo is a recent arrival compared to most of these biscuits. Oreos are really good, and I like Oreos. Fig rules, I think, are pretty grim, to be honest.
Starting point is 00:41:16 Really? I don't like it that much. I'm a massive fan. of fig rolls, but I'm not going to argue against the mighty Oreo. They have the sad fruit jam in them, right? Yeah, yeah. They keep you very regular fig rolls. Shits skits.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Oh, lovely. Are we saying Oreo for that one then? I was, yeah. Okay, Oreo, congratulations you made it through. And this is the last, last of the first round. My biscuit's not been in yet. Let's see if it's made it. We've got party rings and jammy dodgers.
Starting point is 00:41:47 Oh, no, it's not here. One of my favourites is not there either. Wait, which ones do I've missed out? So I'm not saying this is like a contender for the top spot, but I think it's still underrated. The pink wafer. Oh, yeah, good show. You know the dry cardboard, key number pink wafer.
Starting point is 00:42:04 You could build a house out of those. Yeah, but I think they, I think they're very satisfying to bite through because you go through about 12 layers of cardboard and softer cardboard. Slightly wet cardboard. Yeah, I really like them. It's like recycling. at every stage. Yeah, I've not had them in years,
Starting point is 00:42:21 but, you know, if I saw one on a plate, I'd grab them straight away. Yeah, they're kind of like a tangy pink flavor. It's weird. I like Bourbon biscuits. They're branded as pink panther biscuits in some shops. Weird, did I not put Bourbons in? No, you've not.
Starting point is 00:42:37 This is a fundamental fuck-up on my part. Okay, shit. Oh, no. You got custard creams in there, but you didn't get his brother in. Oh, bourbons are, Like, one of the classics, Jesus. Michael Johnson, you've messed this up, haven't you?
Starting point is 00:42:53 Acknowledged. It's been acknowledged. It's okay. We can move ahead. He puts fig rules in, but not bourbon. What you might have to do is whoever wins this then has to defend their title against a new round of upstart. Has to fight a bourbon. In a future episode. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:43:11 Yeah, we'll have the other 16 biscuits. Yeah, take on the champ. So party rings and jammie dodgers. I'm a big fan of both Me too This is a hard one I recently had Jammie Dodgers for the first time in a while
Starting point is 00:43:25 because we wanted to buy a packet of biscuits during the move but we didn't want like a packet of 35 individual biscuits so the good thing with Jammie Dodgers is you only get eight and that can be manageable but they tell them in those double strip packets
Starting point is 00:43:40 so if you want 16 you can have 16 you can have 16 you know hmm I'm I had party rings this week, and I've got to say they were delicious. But I think my nostalgic memory of party rings is stronger than my current love of Jammy Dodgers, which I haven't had in a while, probably since what culture,
Starting point is 00:44:03 because they used to buy us biscuits sometimes. Yeah, they did, yeah. And Jammy Dodgers were often there. But I think Jammy Dodgers, for me, are better than party rings. Party rings are just sort of that. I don't know if maybe the e-numbers have changed. over the years as various things have been outlawed, but that hard icing on top
Starting point is 00:44:22 just seems to be a relic of the past that I don't think is particularly enjoyable anymore. Yeah, it's not like, it's not flavors to party rings, is it? It's just sweet. It's patterns. Pink and white, though, is still the best for some reason. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:44:38 Actually, I like the bluey one. Yeah. I think the thing with party rings is they're enjoyable, but only if you have about 10 in one go. They're quite moorish. Whereas a Jami Dodger, I can enjoy two of those and be very satisfied. Grammy Dodgers is like a pint of Guinness.
Starting point is 00:44:53 It's a meal. Yeah. I'd have to say the Dodgers. Okay, well, Dodgers are through. Congratulations. Round two, we can blitz through these now. We've kind of discussed the biscuits in detail, so now it's just raw brass tacks.
Starting point is 00:45:08 First up, chocolate digestives versus custard creams. I'd take custard creams, but I don't like chocolate digestive. I'm going chocolate digestive myself here. Fair enough. Sorry, creams. I concede that there are chocolate experts here that, you know, I, you know, I can't, I can't offer any insight there. So it's up to you. Next up is Jaffa cakes versus ginger nuts. Oh, no. I'd say ginger nuts, but. I, mm, I think I'm going to lean towards ginger nuts. But I do like it. I do like a Jaffer. Oh, God. Aren't Jaffer cakes cakes? Oh, I guess legally, if you want to go down that route, I think they were officially declared as cakes for tax purposes.
Starting point is 00:45:55 I don't think I mind that much, but I feel like we should at least address that in the podcast before the comment section fills up with people saying, I ran a roundabout of the year calendar, and I think you'll find that Jaffa Cakes are Cakes. I think form-wise, in terms of form, the biscuits. They're still from the same family of, you know, You serve them on next to my giant teacup that I'm flying around in.
Starting point is 00:46:21 They live there. I'm going Jaffa. Shit, okay, it's up to me. Yeah. Ginger nuts. Oh, okay. I feel it's not an exciting biscuit, but it's all reliable, you know. Ginger nuts are great.
Starting point is 00:46:37 It's that satisfying crunch, that kind of stingy feeling in your nose of the ginger. You know how else you missed out, Mikey? You missed out one of my genuine favourites that I think is like semi-final or final material. Fox's Crunch Creams. Oh, they are actually, like, they're my god tear biscuit, but I wasn't sure if that would be like too much of a niche biscuit.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Yeah, maybe. It's not, it's not, um, what was it? The basics biscuits, everyday biscuits. Yeah, it's not an everyday biscuit. It's a, it's a premium treat. Oh, it's Primo biscuit right there. Yeah, there's a lot of business.
Starting point is 00:47:11 That's the thing with these, you always forget some biscuits. and I've forgotten some corkers. Okay, the next up is chocolate fingers or hobnobs. Hobnobs. Oh, no, it's all going to be chocolate ones, isn't it? It's okay. I'm going to go chocolate fingers for me.
Starting point is 00:47:31 Yeah, I'll go the same. I just feels like more of an experience over hobnobs and plus hobnobnobs just sound gross. Hobnubs aren't great. What does the knob mean in hobnobnob? Nobility. A chocolate hobnobs are delicious. I really, really like chocolate hobnops, but you can put chocolate on most of these plain biscuits
Starting point is 00:47:52 and they'd probably be elevated for me. Yeah, I think I drew the line at chocolate digestives and regular digesters. Oreo versus Jammie Dodgers. Jammie Dodgers. Jammie Dodgers. Jammie Dodgers. Okay, let's go Jammie Dodgers.
Starting point is 00:48:07 I'm getting a bit sick at Oreos as one of the few vegan biscuits. It's been, it's had far too many of them, recently. It's in everything as well. Oreo ice cream, milkshakes. Yeah. I just, actually, Oreo in something. Bam. Okay, I'm happy. I'm down with that. Oreo McFlurry. Yes, please. Yeah. Oh, good. Okay, we're on the
Starting point is 00:48:25 semifinals now. Can you have McFlurry, Mikey? No, I can't, but I can still think about them. You can, that's fine. Okay, semi-finals. Chocolate digestives versus ginger nuts. Ginger nuts. Well, I'm going to go chocky, chucky digestive. I'm going to go ginger nut.
Starting point is 00:48:45 Oh, really? Spicy. Wow, I do not agree, but I'll honour it. I'll honour it. I'm putting in the numbers. Okay. Chocolate fingers versus jammy dodgers. Jammy dodgers.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Jammy dodgers, surely. I think, yeah. I think as good as chocolate fingers are, I love a dodger. I love a dodger. Right, this is it. This is the Battle of the Titans. Ginger Nuts versus jammy dodgers.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Hmm. I'm That's actually quite difficult I think Oh really In some ways In some ways Because like
Starting point is 00:49:21 They're different kinds of biscuit Ginger No as I say It is so good to Dunkin' Tea Jammy Dodger is absolutely not good To Dunkin Tea I would say No But jammy Dodgers I think my love for Jammy Dodgers
Starting point is 00:49:33 Was cemented by a bakery in Newcastle That made Jammie Dodger Blondies Oh yeah The best fucking thing ever And I think that is what elevated jammie dodgers above the rest of me. It was just the fact they could be used in such an artful way.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Was it you who made your own and brought them into the office? I did. Yeah, yeah. Well, did I do that like my first week at Watt Culture to try and be liked by everyone? You definitely made them in Bristol. Yeah, I thought it was in Bristol. Maybe you also did it at a Watt Culture as well. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:50:02 It was definitely something. I learned to make them out during the Watt Culture days, but maybe I made something for what culture. I mean, I think I'd just made normal brownies. Right. Yeah. I'm not. Jammy Dodgers, I think, are probably better overall, but...
Starting point is 00:50:15 I'm not a tea guy or a hot drink person, so I don't have biscuits with hot beverages, so there's no dunking for me, but if I were ginger nuts available, I would eat several, and if there were jammy dodgers available, I'd quite happily have one, and it would feel like a treat.
Starting point is 00:50:37 And for that reason, I'm going jammy dodger. Yeah. As Jammy Dodgers have won then. They were unanimous, ultimately. Can we tweet Jammy Dodgers on Twitter and just say, hey, we're not yet, but when it goes out with the time code and say, you won our biscuit competition, congratulations, can we have some, please? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:59 And you can put on your packaging, if you like, voted number one biscuit. And then in brackets put, several high contenders were also missed out from the competition. Polly, it's approved. The Jammie Dodgers, there we go. It's the official post-Vidiot's meal tea business. Oh, yum, yum. That's my final meal on death row, I think. The Vidiots tea and then some jammie dodgers.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Oh, beautiful. That actually does sound nice. Well, thank you very much, boys. That's important research we're doing there. Would you like a question? Yes. This comes from James at Corrosion Audio. if you three boys were still working in the same place this year,
Starting point is 00:51:44 what birthday cakes would you have bought for each other? Are we going to stick to the rules of WAPER, so we're going to get ASDA picture cake, or do you want to go elegant with it? I mean, the ASDA picture cake was good, looking at those photos on Twitter. Yeah. I feel like, okay, let's just go for what would we get printed on the cake for each other?
Starting point is 00:52:07 Okay. Yeah, yeah. Well, Peter and I would maybe print a message on it that says, don't worry, Michael, this is just for a visual gag. We will get you a cake you're allowed to eat from somewhere else. Yeah, and just like a picture of sad me in the corner of holding the cake and able to eat it. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:52:27 I can't believe we did that. Without a hint of irony, got you a cake you couldn't eat. It was kind of, I just like, I nodded along for a while. I didn't want to say anything. I didn't want to be that person. It's like, he's not vegan. Oh, you could have, this guy went along with it. You could have absolutely just popped the boys if you'd waited until the end and said,
Starting point is 00:52:48 yeah, this is great. But is it vegan? But it was all for the visual tree. The cakes aren't for eating. It's for looking at and wanting to die when you have to go to the Astor ladies with the picture and say, can I have this on the floor? Yeah. I like the fact that we did realize.
Starting point is 00:53:08 You know, if we'd, like, not realize the entire time and Mikey had to remind us, that's arguably better than us going through the entire process and then about 30 seconds before he's due to eat it going, hang on, can you eat this? You can't eat this. Oh, whoops. I like when, was it the first one? Was it the one you did for me, I think? Oh, the spiral one. Where the lady came out and said to you guys, is this right? Or, yeah, tried to confirm if there'd been a printing error or something.
Starting point is 00:53:43 I think Mikey picked it up. Right. Yeah, I had the fun both times. Yeah, you did. I had to talk to the ladies. I felt bad going into that ASDA every time afterwards. They were very nice about it. It was just very, very deeply embarrassing.
Starting point is 00:53:58 Because there was some kind, I think I wanted to do like a sexy spiral kick for you, Peter. But I chickened out on actually doing that because it would mean looking another human in the eyes. it was still a little bit of sexy but it was yeah certainly there was probably a lot worse on deviant art I think they were all still clothed with what you went with in the end
Starting point is 00:54:16 which is you know definitely not as far as it goes I think Peter for you I'd get you a beyond good and evil kick but deliver it sometime in the next 10 years yeah I'll never have it arrived yeah
Starting point is 00:54:29 occasionally occasionally I just get sent a little piece of card with some sort of worrying news on it about whether the cake is ever going to arrive. The baker has decided to stop baking. Yeah. There's some concept art for the cake.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Would you like to contribute some ingredients to the cake? You won't be paid. You'll be paid a share that goes out to 25 other people. But don't worry, it's Joseph Gordon Levitt's company. You can trust him. Oh, wow. I would get Peter a cake with a very, very poorly stretched, but realistic looking.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Domino's pizza with cheese on it so that he could have that experience again. Oh, there we go. Well, in that case, I'd get Mikey one with a top-down bird's eye view of some chill grill, cheesy chips. Oh, no. Oh, yes. With just cold, hard cheese on top.
Starting point is 00:55:25 The worst thing about that was what, the styrofoam was melting, but the cheese wasn't. Do you reckon it was his first day and he just put the whole thing in the microwave? Oh, my God. How, though? Yeah, he just, you know,
Starting point is 00:55:36 I ordered cheesy chips. He put the chips in the styrofoam in the microwave, but forgot the cheese. Just lobbed that on last second. Cheers. Maybe he accidentally served you chips in a sort of cheese-based container and then sprinkled styrofoam on the top. You sure that's not what happened?
Starting point is 00:55:52 Oh, it tasted like it. Yeah. I should have eaten the box. Damn it. I fucked it. Ben, what will we get, Ben? Get for Ben. Goodness me.
Starting point is 00:56:04 Maybe, maybe a, a cake that's served on, instead of just the thin bit of cardboard that you normally get from Asda, it can be repurposed as a sign once you finish the cake that says, stay, keep out, it's my birthday. And you can then just stick that to your door so that no one will bother you. But then they'll know it's my birthday. Oh, true. Okay, keep out.
Starting point is 00:56:29 It's not my birthday. It's not my birthday. Yeah, I'd see that. All right, fine. Yeah, I'm not going to do that. Clearly, it's not his birthday, so we'll leave him alone. Yeah, I feel like we could, I want to do a redo of the McNuggy's cake, but inject jam into the buttox, so it kind of makes it 3D.
Starting point is 00:56:51 Like one of those mouse pads. Yeah. So you want me to eat Grimmis's ass, basically. Yeah. Actually, well, maybe not, maybe not strawberry jam then. Maybe like a nice chocolate, chocolate sauce. Okay. Oh, yum, yum.
Starting point is 00:57:03 All right. Just to make it a really traumatic. experience. This one with the sign, Peter, I'm assuming the rest of the cake, the cake's just, it's just blank, yeah? There's nothing on it. Yeah. It's just the sign.
Starting point is 00:57:18 Yeah. And sadly, he never gets to the sign because he doesn't want to eat a blank cake. The thing with the grimace one as well, we could maybe do Ben a favor by making the design smaller than before, because do you remember last time, everyone had just cut round the cake because no one wanted to eat the grimace. So if you make the design small, you get more edible cake out of it rather than the inedible grimace design section. If you make it big a you get more grimace booty.
Starting point is 00:57:44 I don't know. I'm feeling like I want some more grimace booty. That's a good point. For you, Mikey, I would get the cake. It would be a blank cake and I would carve out a little tunnel through it and put toilet roll tubes in there so that there would be no incidents. And then I would feed one of your ferrets into it. Just like seconds before I gave it to you
Starting point is 00:58:06 And then you would have it You'd be like, why are there holes? Oh my God, oh, it's a ferret. Yay! And then the whole bus would clap. And then screaming horror as a little ratty creature Was unleashed in the bus. What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:58:22 Tired and covered in crumbs. Sticky ferret. Sticky ferret. Thank you very much, boys. That's some beautiful kicks we got there. and now, Ben, are you ready to present your thang? I am. Today we're going to talk about the disappearance of Louis Le Prince.
Starting point is 00:58:41 Oh, Louis Le Pronse. Le Prons. Not entirely sure. This is an article from 2008 from ScienceDirect.com. And I'm going to read it for you now. Here we go. A 118 or 128, I suppose, now pretty much, Your old mystery has resurfaced recently with new evidence that turned up in a New York Library archive regarding the sudden disappearance of Louis Le Prince.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Relatively unknown today, Louis LePrince is the inventor officially recognised as the first person to record motion images on film, giving birth to today's motion picture industry. In October of 1888, Le Prince recorded a series of moving images from Leeds Bridge in Leeds, England. Several years before either Thomas Edison or the Lumiere brothers, Le Prince had been granted patents on both a 16 lens device and a single lens type. And it goes into a little bit of his history there. He was very clever man, studied painting and chemistry in universities in Paris and Leipzig, did a marry, moved to Anglund, went to the United States, and then, on September the 16th, 1890, Louis Le Prince disappeared never to be seen again. Le Prince had promised he would rejoin his friends in Paris for a return journey to England. However, he failed to arrive at the appointed time and was never seen again by his family or friends. The last sighting of him was on board a train leaving the Dijon platform. Though both French police and Scotland Yard carried out an exhaustive search for his body and luggage, neither was ever found, and the case remained unsolved.
Starting point is 01:00:21 So, a little bit strange, the man who was the first person to not only capture film, but also patent devices that would allow him to do as such, vanished. Bearing in mind that one of the people he was competing against was Thomas Edison, a renowned, lovely man. So here we go. Enter Alexis Bedford, a graduate student at the University of New York. Bedford, sorry, who is studying chemistry and photography, had been doing research into the history of motion pictures for the past year and a half.
Starting point is 01:00:57 his searches often led him to the inner forgotten archives of the New York Library, which is where he made his discovery. I've always admired Louis Le Prince, stated Bedford, but really not much was known about him because of his sudden disappearance. As Bedford relates it, he was turning over some papers on Thomas Edison's work with lighting methods when he stumbled across a dilapidated leather-bound book. The book would turn out to be one of many notebooks in which Edison was fond of jotting down ideas and test data. Leafing through it, explained Bedford, I merely thought I'd find perhaps some interesting and as yet unknown processes that Edison had tried in the laboratory. I don't know how wild it is that you can just flip through Thomas Edison's notebook in a library.
Starting point is 01:01:38 That is amazing. It is bonkers, isn't it? I never thought I would stumble upon this. He had found a small entry dated September the 20th, 1890 by Edison's own hand, which read, Eric called me today from Dijon. It has been done. Prince is no more. This is good news, but I flinched when he told me.
Starting point is 01:01:56 Murder is not my thing. I'm an inventor, and my inventions for moving images can now move forward. Oh, my God. Bedford, excited and puzzled by the entry, immediately went to chat to the librarian curator Charlene Edmonds. Edmonds was unaware of the presence of the Edison Journal, but that's not surprising, she later stated. A library contains such a large amount of historical documents
Starting point is 01:02:16 and some of them have been forgotten through the ages. I wouldn't be surprised at anything anyone found here. With Mrs. Edmund's permission, Bedford took the journal back to New York University where he put it in the care of historian, Robert E. Meyer. After weeks of examining the journal to ascertain its authenticity, which included penmanship comparison with known Edison articles and a computed tomography scan, Meyer agreed that the journal was indeed authentic and that the note dated September of 1890 was
Starting point is 01:02:42 genuinely Edison's own. It is quite a different look at these amazing inventors in the time they lived in, says Bedford. Suddenly we're seeing Thomas Edison in a different light as a person who had a strong stake in dominating the trademark industry. And we're seeing how the patent wars affected these scientists as they thought to garner, as they sought, sorry, to garner attention for their inventions. This is very exciting, Echols Meyer. We are practically rewriting history with this evidence.
Starting point is 01:03:08 Spooky. So I found this after looking at a MME on Imja. And the MME was one of those cool, radical facts from history that you didn't know, that are usually bollocks. And it was talking about Louis LePrince and his disappearance just after, or while he was just about to patent some more devices and stuff and how Edison might have been involved. So I had a Google round.
Starting point is 01:03:32 This was one of the first things that popped up. And I thought, oh, it all looks fairly standard until I got to the last bit where there was that journal entry where he said that he'd done a murder where he bollocksed him. And this is the only place that mentions this. Really? Which leads me to believe that it is unsubstantiated, Cods Wallop. It's not on Wikipedia.
Starting point is 01:03:56 It's not on any other articles about the disappearance of Louis LePrinse. There's lots of articles listing suggestions of what might happen. There are some suggestions that he might have been gay and under extreme persecution and that he might have committed suicide. There are some that just genuinely might have been an accident. There are some where he just ran away and lived in obscurity. But nowhere else. Bearing in mind, this article was from 12.
Starting point is 01:04:19 12 years ago, there's nowhere else that mentions that Edison apparently wrote down that he murdered a man and left it in a library. Yeah, like, clever, admittedly not very niceman, but very clever man, Thomas Edison wrote in his journal, oh, the murder done happened today. Yeah, did the murder today. I don't know like murdering people, but the murder's happened, and that's great news. Anyway, can confirm the murder has happened. The murder of my rival.
Starting point is 01:04:50 So what did happen is that Louis LePrinse was an exceptionally clever man who doesn't get the attention he deserves. And he was the person who practically invented the entire film industry. And he disappeared shortly before several other big names patented very similar devices. And that has always been a bit of a mystery. But I thought the story was interesting that I would read it anyway. but I do want to just clamor citation needed, citation needed, citation very much needed. I can't find anyone else talking about this journal at all. And I think it's bollocks.
Starting point is 01:05:28 But I thought it was interesting anyway. Very interesting. You had me there. I wanted to believe that was true. It sounds so plausible. I feel like vicious man who's patent hunter wants to squash another man who could potentially make millions from a revolutionary invention. He disappears on a train Even if it is only one source
Starting point is 01:05:52 I'm going to say I believe it Because you believe it I believe it I believe he brought down The horse The horse was alive and well And Louis Le Prince was Was a victim of murder
Starting point is 01:06:03 Although I will say The other places that do Go into what may have led to his disappearance Do also talk about foul play And they cite the situation Regarding plenty of rivals In that space operating at the same time.
Starting point is 01:06:17 But nobody mentions this journal. And I feel like this journal would have been such a discovery that confirms Edison was a murderer. And to be fair. There's nobody's talking about it. So I think it's bollocks. There is a known Thomas Edison journal entry that says, just heard from John on the phone,
Starting point is 01:06:37 he has murdered that horse from the never-ending story. We sabotage the lift. And I'm really glad. It's good news that the horse is dead. So, you know, think of that what you will, but that is a known, confirmed, true thing that happened. Louis LePrinse doesn't show up at all in Thomas Edison's Wikipedia page. I just, I mean, I thought you were going to say in the never-endency.
Starting point is 01:07:01 Sorry, that is factually false. I can't confirm Thomas Edison was not involved in that production. No, I just thought it was just such a bold-faced lie that this article has done that I just couldn't quite believe how they just went with it because I then Googled Louis Le Prince death
Starting point is 01:07:23 and as you start to type it if you type J afterwards it says journal and Edison yeah Edison Journal it all auto fills like other people that have seen this
Starting point is 01:07:34 and be like what that can't be true but this is the only place that mentions it nobody else is talking about it there's an article from 2017 was Thomas Edison a murderer but doesn't mention the journal
Starting point is 01:07:44 it's all, I just couldn't believe that this 2008 article was like, yeah, there was the murder journal that this guy found in the library and no one else is talking about. I feel like as well with Thomas Edison, who's famous for supposedly inventing a whole lot of things, very famous figure from history, I feel like his journals would have all been scrutinized over repeatedly throughout history. We just, the pages that involved the murder, would just happen to be stuck. together and they missed them. Yes. So there we go. Louis LePrince, very clever man. You may have not have heard of him.
Starting point is 01:08:23 Now you have. May have been murdered by Edison, but probably not. There you go. Probably not. What a roller coaster. And if he was, Edison probably did not write it in his journal. It did a murder today. Lovely.
Starting point is 01:08:35 Thank you very much, Ben, for a haunting murder mystery. That's okay. Yeah. And you've got one last question. And this one comes from. from Nathaniel Barlam at Barlam Nathaniel on Twitter. He wants to know. If you were a Pokemon,
Starting point is 01:08:52 what would your types, type or types be, and what would your final evolution be? For reference, I'm going to paste in all the types. I didn't realize there was this many types. I think there's new types now. I'm going to stick with the ones I know for mine at least. They're usually at least two. Okay, really?
Starting point is 01:09:13 Yeah. Yeah, okay, that's... Yeah. Normal type. What does that mean? You're looking at your ratiters there. Ah, all right, just little, like, creatures, woodland critters. Shit, yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:27 Yeah, fair enough. I'm going to go grass and fire, am I right, boys? Yeah. I feel like I have to go towards poison just for the fart element of it. That has to be done. Definitely. And I actually know. Yeah, just, just poison ghost.
Starting point is 01:09:45 I'm a flying fart cloud. That's my final evolution. Spooky flatulents. Yeah. Spookums, poopums. Something like that. Spook and poop. How do Pokemon characters get named?
Starting point is 01:09:59 There's one just called like Ice Dream or something, isn't there? Yeah, they're increasingly getting less inventive, so you can just go with whatever you want, really. FartMist. Yeah. FartMist works. No, fart misty. There we go.
Starting point is 01:10:12 Yes. That's a Pokemon pun relating to a character, which is... It's good enough. It's still a Pokemon plan. You could be flagellisting. Ah, very... Okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:24 I think, yeah, so I think I start off as me as a Pokemon. Just imagine there's a Pokemon version of me. And if you feed me enough sweeties or whatever the hell it is, you do in Pokemon, I eventually turn into just gas and I float around poisoning the world. Okay. What about flatulant? flatchelan tar and flatchelan ton as your evolution names
Starting point is 01:10:47 oh wow I'm glad we got a Pokemon expert here that sounds that sounds brilliant I could see that um Shigerramiimoto the man who definitely made her Pokemon yes yep sure that was him
Starting point is 01:10:59 yeah it's him put me in the game we've got all the evolutions there and how does how do I transform from from man to farts like what was the middle steps there I guess I guess I
Starting point is 01:11:12 At the middle between solid and gas is liquid, isn't it? So I've actually become a cup of farts. Oh, no. Liquid farts. Liquid farts. There we go. Perfect. Being so tiny, I'm probably bug and fairy, I think.
Starting point is 01:11:32 That's quite a good combo, though. I like that. Yeah. So. What did you knit? I'm trying, I don't, I'm trying. I'm trying to think of a name. I just can't end up going like Latin.
Starting point is 01:11:44 Tiny peters. Tiny peters. Oh, no, you'd be tinkly peter or something because you're a fairy as well. Yeah, I was going to say, if there's like some sort of tinkerbell, maybe, um, uh,
Starting point is 01:11:59 uh, oh man, it's tricky. There's a whole world to choose from. It's hard to start with tinkly peeps. Tinkly peeps. Tinkly peeps. Um,
Starting point is 01:12:09 and then, uh, maybe in like the same way that jigs. tiggly-puff, jiggly-puff and wiggly tough, just sort of rhymes. Maybe I start as like tinkly peeps, then I become winkly peeps. And then my final form is jinkly-chinkly peeps. You could be shrinkly peeps. Shrinkly peeps, yeah, okay.
Starting point is 01:12:28 Oh, your final form is like, I'm man, you can transform to the size of a little tiny thing. Yeah, shrinkly peeps is my final form. Oh, man. I don't know. The tiniest fairy. I don't know what physical stereotypes I, I, I, I, uh, I can assign myself based on these. You can just close your eyes and pick one.
Starting point is 01:12:50 Okay. I mean, ignoring the Pokemon types, what do you think are your defining features? Well, my ability to channel electricity. Behavious, yeah. Fair, yep. What about an electric flying type? Oh, good.
Starting point is 01:13:06 Yeah. That sounds fun. It sounds terrifying. Yeah. It does. It does. so what would you be How could you channel your energy
Starting point is 01:13:17 Where would where in life would you use your flying Or your electrifying nature To go to Tesco probably Yeah That's it Yeah You can self-scan and pay it as you go Without waiting to the end
Starting point is 01:13:31 Yeah About test going Test going and then test gone I've had to test go to Burger King oh i don't know i honestly don't know i don't know what i do yeah tesco test go test going and test gone i think that works perfect congratulations ben wow i ended up with the worst one so that's two emails we're sending today one to the jammy dodgers people in one to
Starting point is 01:13:56 tesco so you can get some sponsor ships through yeah yeah brilliant well thank you very much boys for indulging in a lovely hour and a half hour and 15 of poddiettes Yeah, delightful. Thank you for getting the questions, Michael. That's right. Well, I want to thank you as well, everyone listening, for coming along and having a listen, Utt home or earn your car or Outside, wherever it is that you are. And I want to thank again the Pod Squad for this week.
Starting point is 01:14:25 Remember, you can join Pod Squad for as little as three pounds to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. You just need to go to Streamlabs.com forward slash Poddy at Stone Nations. Check us three quid, although we'll give your shout-out on the next pod. after that one while you've done the donation and that's how it was. Mikey. We'll start with the very generous
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Starting point is 01:16:29 thank you very much everybody streamlabs.com forward slash Podiot's donation Mikey, I believe there is some merchandise, is that right? Oh my God, you best believe there's some merch out there. If you navigate over to store.orgscast.com and click on that there, Vidyat's bit under the creators, you'll see a lovely selection of beautifully designed merch.
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Starting point is 01:17:18 That usually comes before Pod Squad, which means I fucked that up. So now I'm, instead of going back to Mikey to talk about where he can find him, I'm going to change it up and go to Peter first and then go back to Mikey after that. Sure. Peter.
Starting point is 01:17:31 Yeah. we are available at is that what you want me to say yeah that's it no you're smashing it man you do yeah because then mike you need to say where he is available but later uh so we ben and i are very available doing uh sort of things that you might remember from the video it's days over on team triple jump on youtube and also on twitch um as well as streaming and doing lists we're still doing worst games ever we're still doing uh video game challenges with rules boss we're cooking well not right now because of coronavirus, but, you know, ordinarily we would be, and there's a whole back catalogue for you if you've still not checked us out. So, Team Triple Jump on YouTube and
Starting point is 01:18:10 Twitch, please. Yes, please. Thank you very much. Mikey, where can people find you. At Parrot Boy on the Twitters, where you can keep up to date with all my shenanigans. I've been a busy boy recently, but I'm still streaming when I can, so keep an eye on the video Twitter for that. And if you navigate over to my Twitter, you'll see a picture of a screaming ferret pooping. Does that not sound like the best thing ever? Of course it does. Go over now if you haven't already. Fantastic. Thank you so much for listening everybody. Please leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms or something. I don't really know. But we'd appreciate it. Thank you very much.
Starting point is 01:18:49 Do we have a final question to send people off to the rest of their day? Yeah. Maybe people should tell us their favourite biscuits out of the 16 that made it into the tournament. Yes. Yeah. Are you angry about it? Come on. Vend, call us assholes. Call us biscuit cooks.
Starting point is 01:19:06 Whoa. You know what you want to. Come on now. There's no need for that. I think you mean biscuit bakes rather than biscuit cooks, surely. You bake a biscuit. You don't go cooking anything. Okay, brilliant.
Starting point is 01:19:19 Well, with that top level energy, we will wish you a goodbye farewell. Bye, everybody. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next time. You have two doors. Bye-bye.

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