Podiots - Podiots: Episode 62 - Competitive Baby Birthers

Episode Date: October 6, 2020

Ben is coming back from the dead, Peter's brought along some waifu's and Mikey's making babies   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots   Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. Where's your playlist taking you? Down the highway, to the mountains, or just into daydream mode while you're stuck in traffic. With over 4,000 hotels worldwide, Best Western is there to help you make the most of your getaway. Wherever that is, because the only thing better than a great playlist

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Happy, happy day after your birthday at time of recording, my God. Oh, yeah, a magical day. How was the, anyone shown up to your house yet? Yeah, thankfully, no, I've had a lot of weird parcels through, all containing nothing but shreddies, but I think that might just be my usual shipment Shreddy's coming. Yeah. Possibly, yeah.

Yeah, that's a fun one. So if, in case you missed the stream, you missed out on my dad doxing me live on air, which is great fun. Twice in the space of about eight seconds. Yeah, I was terrified to call him because he doesn't understand what streaming is. So it's kind of hard to go in and say,

okay, dad, you're live on air in front of a lot of people. In my mind, I was like, oh, don't swear, don't say anything bad. didn't tell him not to say my address online because that's kind of, you know, you should hope that wouldn't happen. But, yeah. It was, unfortunately, he sent a birthday card out to me, and it didn't arrive. And so I made the silly mistake of asking, oh, did you send it to my new address? To which he responded, bleep, my new address.

Here's the address. One, two, three, fake street. Yeah, yep, yep. And then, so me and Claudia scream, I tell him to stop. There's a silence for a few seconds. And then he just repeats it again. I knew calling my dad would have been a bad idea but oh well happy birthday to me

so you called him did you well because he tried to call me at the beginning of the stream and I rejected the call and I felt really bad about that I was like oh okay no I'll just call my name it could be fun and it was fun because you know it's lovely to hear big northern joie man talk about going out to order a takeaway and being in his dressing gown all day yeah sit in my dressing goon all the morning

I've got a go for a curry What was the name of that curry place again? Oh, the Shaggarika. Yeah. It's a classic. That was the one we always went to back up north. That's Austin Powers' catchphrase, isn't it? Shagareka.

Shagareka, baby. Yeah. I just can't believe that entertainment was free. I was having a wonderful time sat at home watching that. You should have donated, Ben. No. Yeah. No.

Can't believe I'm not paying for this entertainment. This is the heist of the century. It really is. Good. Well, yeah, I don't think my dad understood at all what he did at any point in that. But that's fine. I want to shelter him from the harm of the internet. Yeah.

Bless him. Yeah, it was a lovely birthday stream. Thank you for everyone he came along. Well, I'm glad that, you know, you got away with that. Got away with it without anyone hopefully noting down your address. And never again will we say 33 West Wallaby Street, Bristol. Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

Oh. Right. Do we just scrap the podcast then and start again, or what are we doing? Delete. Delete the whole. Yeah, we can't edit that out. I can't edit that out. Hello, everybody and welcome to Podiat, the official Vidiates.

It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three ums, where everybody brings a thing a lot to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm 33 West Wallaby Street. Oh, God, I did it again. Oh, shit. Michael.

I'm Michael. Also, just a quick hello to the mystery person who works for the Insomnia Gaming Festival. Oh, yeah. For some reason, tweeted about Podiat's. the other day on International Podcasting Day, despite it not being a video game podcast. True. But they tweeted about us from the Insomnia Twitter account, and it was very surreal, very appreciated, but hello, mystery person.

Yeah. Hello. Thank you. Thank you, um, Poddiet's listener, who clearly works for, uh, for insomnia. That's an idea. If anyone, anyone who has a job at the minute, use your job as a vehicle to advertise Poddietz. If you work in a milk factory, replace, the labels with Pottiots, QR codes, you know, go out. Let's get guerrilla with this.

Thank you, Insomnia, for starting the Vidyat's Revolution. We've got a guy who works for whatever it's called, is it Merlin Entertainment? Oh, yeah, yeah. For the theme parks. We've got people who work at supermarkets who presumably have access to the Tannoy system, right? Get on it, yeah. That's just a locked-in audience there. That's easy. Yeah, they've got nowhere to go. Block the doors. Stream this episode of Poddiotes through the Tannoy, Barrackethe at the doors, don't let anyone in.

That's it. That's the audience we want. Yeah. One that can't escape. Well, beyond just thanking with words, I feel like we should also do some actual shouting of outs because did you know that you can support Podiat's financially? I know. Beyond listening and sharing it with friends, which obviously is extremely helpful and we really, really appreciate that,

you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations to donate three pounds or more and sign up slash enlist for Pod Squad and get your name read out at the beginning in the end of the show slash fight in a foreign war. And we have a whole laundry list here of amazing people who have chosen to donate and support us this week. Mikey will kick us off with the first portion of this episode's Pod Squad. Mikey's dad, DC Ari Bat, from Concoma Kevin. Freddie Weber. Well, you shut up, man.

Big Titty Jesus, 42. And the very generous, Arthur from Natural Nine, he says, back again to tell you that I love your and you. Sorry, that I, sorry, oh, I, hold on, sorry, let me try again. You're all right, Mike, you got this. Yeah, back again to tell you that I love you and you help keep me sane in an insane age. Also hope that D&D starter set I sent on a last post from Tatt went to a good home. That's actually in, it's in my house. I've been using the dice for several things.

It's in our little board games area. So thank you very much for sending that in. But he's got a question for you, Ben. What's your favorite WCPW moment to witness? I'll say it very quickly because it's very cheeky, Arthur. We don't answer questions here because otherwise it would go on forever if everybody did this. However, it would either be Adam Blompey or Adam Pachiti being thrown through a table. Yeah, that would be mine too. Good choice. The donations continue with course rough gets everywhere. Hashtag justice for bourbon's Sorry, Bourbons. You can't even say the name right, Michael. I'm too ashamed. I'm sorry. Oh, God. We've got the generous, a little bit of moniker.

My awesome husband, press X to Sean, planned a, she planned a wonderful, Jesus Christ, what's right? I need to wake up. Let me just give this on a quick slap. There we go. Oh, no, several. My awesome husband, press X to Sean, planned a wonderful road trip across the Pacific Northwest to celebrate my birthday last week, the 24th of September. You amazing podiot vidiots were fantastically hilarious travel companions.

I appreciate your boys. Thank you very much. I appreciate you too, Monica. Like a spooky skelly. Dildo on a nitro concept chair. Great. Thanks. Thanks. Got him.

Got him. Stephen Scodes. Tommy the Wank Engine, who says, very generous Tommy the Wank Engine, sorry. By the time the new podcast comes out, I will have finished

a 2,200, an 89 mile journey from Texas to Oregon. Jesus, that's meant, that's actually insane. I hope I don't die from on the way and survive to hear episode 62. Good news is the next four days will be filled with podiots for 10 hours a day.

You're going through hot, hot desert, listening nothing to this. You're going to go insane. Have fun. It sounds like a punishment or torture to me. And Windy Miller, and lastly, Trunter's Trunting daughter. Thank you all. Oh, God.

Okay. We've also got arse face. Golic pud-pud pudding Phillips, it says. Willem Bobbillum de Philom. Yeah. Disfunctional bullcock. Cameron Skelly. Definitely not a virgin, 69. Gernt. Emily Lemons. Lord Brotovich. Chav-chav Ramirez. Antichungus and Uncle Fat.

Dona C.O. 7. The very generous Megs on Toast, who says, Hey guys, could you please wish my partner Blake a happy birthday for the 13th of October on the podcast? He's a long-time poddiots fan and will be very excited for a shout-out, loving the podcast all the way from Australia. Thanks, Megan. Happy birthday to Blake, Blake. Don't let him listen to this early. No, that would be terrible. Kez of Galifrey, the generous, a succulent Chinese mayo, or Mao, I suppose, this is a mayo.

Very good. I've been watching slash listening to you three boys since video started and I've been hooked ever since. You guys have given me so many laughs and my quality of life is infinitely better. Thank you so much for your loud, farty, small, big, medium lads or ladies or others. Thank you. And finally, T-Face, N-T-Furious Tokyo meat. Have I missed something there?

I don't know. Too fast. Nope, you've got it perfect. Yeah. That's all I nailed it. Talk you'll meet. The final platoon of this week's pod squad is Finn Tristam's TV burp, an unbelievably ridiculously generous Dave Bacon-Phillips.

He didn't actually include a message as far as I can tell, although now I'm feeling like there may have been a message, and I've fucked up. Hopefully not, though. The CG, meaty piss flaps may have donated twice, oh well. Wear masks properly, you twats. I didn't get any V-Bucks, why? Here, three vidiots bucks.

Bring back at Dave. I spoke to at Dave, actually, this morning. Really? Knee deep in Fortnite V-Bucks, yeah, he's days away from becoming Daddy Tuck. Oh, no way. Days away. He's still out there, though. He's alive. Biff jerky. Arnold Scharkenerger, Bojo's cheesy chode.

Oh, God. Terrence's chalky tangerine. Quief Wellington, the arse crack bandit, mercenary prostitute, Alan Claw, a very sorry boy who is generous and said, please don't actually drown a horse. Ben's cheese and digestive's things makes me worry what length you boys will actually go to. And also another generous donation from a very sorry boy.

I was raised believing the never-ending dead horse sorry. In a stupor, I forgot to validate that tale. Please take my apology and this money and drown a horse or just hit it with Peter's car. Thanks for fixing the lies with Peter's car. Thanks for fixing the lies of my parents. Keep up the good work. Those were read in the wrong order.

They actually came in. Obviously, that one came in first. But there we go. We will consider getting Peter a car and then hitting a horse with it. I'm getting a car in a few weeks, actually. Well, problem solves. We're already halfway there.

Fantastic. That is this week's pod squad. We'll shout you out again at the end of the show. Thank you so much, everybody. Remember, streamlabs.com forward slash potty. It's donations three pounds and more to get a shout out. Thank you so much, everybody. Thank you.

Oh, thank you very much. Would you boys like a question to kickstart things off? Yes, please. This one comes from Trawling Badger at Trawling Badger on Twitter. It's Sunday morning, and you're a bit worse for where. Maybe you were streaming Resi 6 for 10 hours last night Or at some sort of gaming slash PR event in Paris The only eatery in the vicinity

Is the local greasy spoon What's your fry-up combo Or breakfast roll filling of choice Oh man Because I could I don't know about you boys But I am there now I am in that mode

Ready for this I just want like some fucking beans Can we fill me up with beans Fucking beans Fucking beans Are they spicy beans? Are they baked beans? Just regule baked beans.

That's nothing better. It quells the stomach, fuels you for the day. Good bit of toast. Four, no, two slices of toast. You can have four? No, I feel like I'd be sick. That's too much toast. That's ridiculous.

Let's not get crazy about this fictional meal. I have two slices of toast, cut in half. So then I have kind of four bits of total. That's more responsible. That's responsible toasting. Some lovely, garlicky, oily, fried mushrooms. potato crookets and a little bit of kale for for nutrition. I think, I think that that would, yeah.

How much kale when you say a little? Like a solid leaf, just to make me feel slightly better about myself. A kale, yeah. And then just down that with a lovely milky coffee. This reminds me the idea of a hungover fry-up, which, you know, I don't, generally if I'm hungover, I stay in bed and, just feel unwell and feel sorry for myself. But this reminds me of like one time where,

do you remember Azeem's flute recital? Never went, sadly. Was this an event we were at or is this a video? Yeah, you could have been. You could have been. Azeem's flute recital was a meme that happened some years ago, maybe five or six years ago, where there was an event for Azeem's flute recital on Facebook.

And it was unfortunately, or fortunately for Azeem, It was an open event, and it just started going kind of a bit viral, as they say, to the point that millions upon millions of people said that they were going to attend his flute recital, to the point that it was on all these big websites. They were doing stories about it. So the flute recital was then live streamed around the world, and people were getting together and having parties watching the flute recital. So me and my friends at uni, we all dressed up in our best suits and dress.

I was in a dress, of course. Yeah, naturally. We went around to someone's house, and we all watched the flute recital together, and then we spent the rest of the evening drinking, and we got very, very drunk. And in the morning, we went out for a very hungover breakfast. But I'm surprised you guys aren't aware of that dynamic meme. I've never heard of a Zima's fruit.

No, that's one. I'm just a big fan of the mental image of you sat around all fancily drinking to oblivion watching a man's flute recital. We were. Was Zima Manor? a child? I think a sort of a young man or an old child. I think a sort of a late teenager.

Old child is not the phrase. No, it's not, is it? I'm just looking at an upload on YouTube. Has he seen your flute is out of full stream? The description is, smashed it. Is he even any good, or is he just a bit shit? He was, he was alright, he was fine, he was good.

He was probably a lot of pressure on him, because he must have known, you know, what was going on. I'm just looking at the Know Your meme page. I don't think it was quite as widespread as I thought. It must have been there must have just been local pockets

around the UK of people knowing about this because it was only I think 100,000 attendees but I don't know I guess it's hard to know how many people

watched it live but in any case that was that anyway my breakfast would be probably a double up on the usual amount of serving you get

for bacon and sausage because there's never enough of that no I'd then have, or with that, I'd have toast, and I don't really have a preference for eggs. Like, I would have an egg. I'd have one egg with it, but I don't know, I'd either have it fried or scrambled, I guess. But, yeah.

And actually, the sound of, I like the sound of the kale, to be honest. I really like crispy kale. Oh, yeah. So it's got a bit of crunch to it. I've never had kale with a full English before, but, you know, I would have that. Because I don't like the, I don't have tomato or mushroom with mine. I have no vegetable. with it at all, so I should have some kale, I think.

Oh, you don't need, that's, that's not a point of a greasy spoon breakfast, is it? I guess not. It's, I think it's just, well, mushrooms are barely a vegetable anyway. They're a mold, so they can go to hell. And all washed down with a cup of tea and some orange juice. Ooh. Look at you, two drinks at breakfast. Nice.

That you, Ben, what's your favourite? What would be your ideal? Walk on a beach meal Walk on a beach I'd hung over Walk on a beach You can The fact I'm at the beach

Is irrelevant It's just I'm hung over Yeah that's the main thing Okay I would have all of the hash browns Ever made Oh I forgot about hash browns All of the hash browns

All of the hash browns All of a monster I'd have a big pile of delicious Fluffy scrambled egg Mm-hmm All of the sausages That I could find

Mushrooms Maybe a little bit of beans some toast with butter, real butter on it, none of that margarine crap. Get it out of here. Now's not the time. Bacon, if it's cooked properly. Because Weather Spon's bacon is fucking awful.

Wait, what is the right way to do bacon? Do you like it crispy or? Well, I don't necessarily want it that crispy. I just want it to like have some sort of texture to it. I'm specifically filing a grievance with the bacon at Weather spoons. Because it's just floppy and anemic and it's always got every piece of bacon has the same identical sort of grill lines on it. Like they just stamp it down onto it. It's awful.

It's so horrible. So literally any bacon other than that. And that would be it. And then I just eat it all really fast and feel unwell. Maybe have some pineapple juice. Something like that. It's making me really hungry. Yeah, me too.

Thinking about it, if I was feeling sick in the morning, I think instead of, like English breakfast tea and have peppermint tea that's good for your tum-tum oh good good good I'm just being reminded of awful hotel like breakfast buffers in the past with weird eggs that don't resemble eggs at all

like this big trough of scrambled eggs yeah it's made out of powder yeah it's always a trough of something weird as well unexpected so you're going through like opening them like there's like oh there's the eggs there's the bacon there's the sausage there's the liver What?

No thanks. No, thank you. Not interested in black pudding, personally. Oh, I used to be a big fan of black pudding. I'd never order it, but if it came on my plate, I'd absolutely eat it. Like, I think it's nice enough. But I wouldn't... Never had it.

Demand it for my breakfast. Give it a try. Give delicious pigs blood a try. It's just one of those things that I just look at and think, you know what? I'm an adult, and I don't want to try it. I've decided I'm okay without that. All right, would you like to move on to a thing, boys? I'd like to move on to breakfast, to be honest, but let's get this one.

Just rush through this. Yeah, I'll do a thing, if we're doing a thing. Yeah, go on, go on. Okay, this is an article from the Washington Post. It comes from the hopeful year of February 2016. February's not a year, but that's in it somewhere. Can I just say, I love how horse both of you, because I know you both had nights last night

and I did it and it's... Oh dear, I'm a sound of it, it's stuffums. I'm just in an echo chamber because I've had to move all the soft stuff out of this room because we're painting it so now it's worse again, but... A real soundscape. Yes, is what listeners happened this week.

Okay, here we go. Noel Rekundo and... No, sorry, Noella, I believe Rekundo, sat in a car outside her home in Melbourne, Australia, watching as the last few mourners filed out, they were having a funeral. Her funeral! Oh, God.

Finally, she spotted the man she had been waiting for. She stepped out of the car, and her husband put his hands on his head in horror. Is it my eyes? She recalled him saying, is it a ghost? Surprise, I'm still alive, she replied. Far from being elated, the man looked terrified. Five days earlier he had ordered a team of hitmen to kill Rekundo, his partner of 10 years. And they did. Well, they told him they did. They even got him to pay an extra few thousand dollars for carrying out the crime. Now, here was his wife, standing before him. In an interview with the BBC on Thursday, Rekundo recalled how he touched her shoulder to find it unnervingly solid. He jumped. Then he started screaming.

I'm sorry for everything, he wailed. But it was far too late for apologies. Rekundo called the police. The husband, Belenga Kalala, ultimately pled guilty. Oh, is it pleaded? Is that the past tense of plead? I think you can say pled. Plead. Plead. Plead. Plod.

Plode guilty. Exploded guilty. And was sentenced to nine years in prison for incitement to murder, according to the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. The happy ending, or as happy as she can be expected, sorry, to a saga in which a man tries to have his wife killed,

was made possible by three unusually principled hit men, a helpful pastor and one incredibly gutsy woman. Rekundo. Here is how she pulled it off. And now I'm imagining this is like an Ocean's 11 kind of situation. So the headline of this article from the Washington Post is wife crashes her own funeral, horrifying her husband, who had paid to have her killed. God. That's incredible.

There's incredible. You want to know how it was done? Absolutely. Absolutely. Rekundo's ordeal began almost exactly a year ago when she flew from her home in Melbourne with her husband Kalala to attend a funeral in her native. Burundi. I believe that's how that's pronounced. Her stepmother had died and the service left her saddened and stressed. She retreated to her hotel room in Bunjumbura, I think, the capital, early in the evening. Dispondent after the events of the day, she lay down in bed.

Then her husband called. He told me to go outside for fresh air, she told the BBC. But the minute Rekundo stepped out of her hotel, a man charged forward pointing a gun right at her. Don't scream, she recalled him saying, if you start screaming, I will shoot you. They're going to catch me, but you, you will already be dead. It sounds like it was written by a teenager that sort of dialogue for this film, except it's real. Rukundo, terrified, did as she was told. She was ushered into a car and blindfolded so she couldn't see where she was being taken. After 30 or 40 minutes, the car came to a stop, and Rekundo was pushed into a building and tied to a chair. She could hear male voices, she told the ABC. One asked her,

you woman what did you do for this man to pay us to kill you what are you talking about recundo demanded belenga sent us to kill you they were lying she told them so and they laughed you're a fool they told her there was the sound of a dial tone and a male voice coming through a speakerphone it was her husband's voice kill her he said in fact peter can you can you say that line for me yeah kill her he said and recundo fainted recundo had met her husband 11 years earlier, right after she arrived in Australia from Burundi, and it goes on about sort of their past there. He was a recent refugee from the Congo. They had the same social worker. They fell in love, moved in together in the Melbourne suburb of Kings Park and had three children.

She learned more about her husband's past. He had fled a rebel army that had ransacked his village, killing his wife and young son. She also learned more about his character. I knew he was a violent man, Rekundo told the BBC, but I didn't believe he can kill me. But it appeared he could. Well, evidently, he can't get in someone else to his dirty work. Coward. Coward. Coward. Rekundo came to, sorry, in the strange building somewhere near Bunjambura. The kidnappers were still there. They weren't going to kill her, the men then explained.

They didn't believe in killing women, and they knew her brother. But they would keep her husband's money and tell him that she was dead. After two days, they set her free on the side of a road, but not before giving her a cell phone, recordings of their phone conversations with Kalala and receipts for the 7,000s in Australian dollars they allegedly received in payment, according to Australia's The Age newspaper. We just want you to go back

to tell other stupid women like you what happened. What? Rukundo said she was told before the gang members drove away. Really, um, lovable rogues, aren't they? Yeah, these guys. Just as they start to redeem themselves. Shaken, but alive, and doggedly determined, Rekundo began plotting her next move.

She sought help from the Kenyan and Belgian embassies to return to Australia. Then she called the pastor of her church in Melbourne. She told the BBC and then explained to him what had happened. Without alerting Kalala, the pastor helped get her back to her neighbourhood near Melbourne. Meanwhile, her husband had told everyone she had died in a tragic accident in the entire community mourned her at her funeral at the family home. On the 9th of February 22, 2015, just as the widower Kalala waved goodbye to neighbours who had come to comfort him, Rokundo approached him, the very man whose voice she had heard over the phone

five days earlier, ordering that she be killed. I felt like somebody who had risen again, she told the BBC. Though Kalala initially denied all involvement, Rokundo got him to confess to the crime during a phone conversation that was secretly recorded by police. Sometimes devil can come into someone to do something, but after they do it, they start thinking, why I did that thing? later. That's weirdly worded. He said, as he begged her to forgive him, Kalala eventually plowed guilty to the scheme. He was sentenced to nine years in prison by a judge in Melbourne. So there we go. It goes on a bit further after that. But that's basically it. That's amazing. That would be the best thing ever to turn up to you on funeral. I'll tell your

husband, fuck you. Surprise, bitch. It's just me. It's quite a brave thing to do as well there, because, like, did they say, did it say that she only emerged after the other mourners had left, or was it as they were leaving? Because if she came out when everyone else had gone and was like, ha, hope you enjoyed that funeral, but I'm actually alive, he could have very quickly thought, I need to get rid of this witness to my own attempt at killing her immediately. That's true. You know, he might have snapped and tried to kill her immediately, so scary.

It says here, just as the widow, a wave goodbye to neighbours. Yeah, that's right. If there were no witnesses, it could have been dodgy. I'd like to think that the pastor knew she was there and maybe police as well. But even so, like, man, how dramatic. That's a good business model, to be fair. Pretend to be an assassin. Take the money.

Oh, yeah, the dead. And then bam, get the person thrown in jail afterwards. And everyone's a winner there. Let's be honest. $7,000 Australian dollars isn't much to kill a person, is it? No, it's not. Is it? It's like three and a half grand in British pounds.

Shit. Okay. Well, I get, God, I think I'm overvaluing myself, I think. If people are doing it for that money, I need to push your rates up, man. That story is crazy. It's like, um, it's like fact or fiction. You know, it's one of those stories. So did a woman really turn out of her own funeral after escaping assassins?

Not this time. We got you. Yeah. It's false. The dialogue. The dialogue is beautiful in it. It is. There's so much.

It's a really good article and I feel bad because I had to click a button. when I accessed the Washington Post saying, will you support journalism by donating? No. And then they've obviously pulled this amazing article together from loads of different sources and accounts, you know, like a real journalist does.

And it paints quite the picture, but then I read it for free on a podcast. But it is from four years ago. So, you know, it's still pretty bad. I'm sorry. You are forgiven. Oh, lovely. Thank you very much sharing,

Badass. Badass. Badass. I was just trying to think of another word and all I can think it was badass, which I think was badass twice. Let me give you the lady's name. Hang on. To do. Do you. Noella. Noella. Noella Edmonds. That's her. No. No. Thank you very much, Ben.

Would you like another question? Yes, please. We've got one from Ewan at Gargant Ewan on the Twitters. and he wants to know who's in our dream lineup for Big Brother, Vidyat's Universe members and niche D-list celebrities, very welcome. So what is it? How many people are in that? Oh, loads.

How many people in Big Brother? I mean, we could probably just set an arbitrary number ourselves, can't be about? I think it varies every year. I've never really watched Big Brother. I've caught like an occasional bit of an episode, you know, a decade ago. But it's not on anymore, I don't think. Is it not? Is it not?

Oh dear. So let's go for like, well, 10 people roughly we have in the house. I just like, Big Brother is, it is definite trash TV, but we are the gods of this series and we can, we can put whoever we want in the same room. We are. Like the first, the very first series of Big Brother sounded like an interesting kind of social experiment and then it just turned into this let's make people hate each other on camera for, you know, 12 weeks or whatever. So, they're having sex in the bed and we're watching on night vision cameras. Let's watch them. And they know we're watching, but they're doing it anyway

because we've found trash people. We should try and cause some problem. So, for example, I think we should put both Dave Benson Phillips and Psycho Seagull together in the house. You literally took the words out of my mouth. I was just waiting to say that. I think that would be a great combination. Yeah.

Oh, God. Yep. I want to see the Seagull in the diary room. The Diarreree room. Oh, nice. Nice, very good. And maybe also we could put Stephen Seagull in there just to kind of cause a bit of identity tension

between the two Seagulls. There can only be one seagull kind of thing. Oh, true. And Steven Seagull, like he's going to raise hell. He's going to make this place a mess. Can we get Dick and Dom in? So it kind of becomes just like an extended version of Dick and Dom the bungalow? Only if it's only a single story, Big Brother House, I think.

Otherwise, they wouldn't really know what to do with themselves. Yeah, we've got to be confused by stairs. What if, instead of Dick and Dom, what if we got regular Dick and Diddy Dom? Oh my God. Oh, so he can carry him around, stick him in the cupboard when he's annoyed with him. Yeah, that'd be good.

Meanwhile, like, Dom and Diddy Dick are sitting at home in the outside world watching the show together, being supportive of their counterparts. Their spouses. Spouses, yeah, of course. I mean, we need a big name to attract people in, so it's got to be Hannah Montana herself. Yeah, Hannah Montana.

Yeah, that's the one that gets everyone watching and she's just, I want this to be a very British big brother where we throw in Hannah Montana. A completely out of their depth, American celebrity who has no idea who anyone is or what's going on, but they really needed the work. If we're having Hannah Montana, can we also have Miley Cyrus in there as well? Oh, yeah, that's it.

That's the pairing that needs to go in together. So that's six. We're up to six, right? Seven, including Stephen Seagull, we're on seven. Oh, shit, okay, we're getting there. Yeah. Hmm. I mean, there's obviously there's some really obvious answers we haven't put in there yet.

But maybe we should, maybe we should shake it up and not go with Billy or Dick or. Yeah, I'm trying to think more left field now. I want to put in a celebrity animal, I think. The man inside the Coco, the gorilla costume. Yeah, there we go. So is it the man who is inside? Are they dressed as Cocoa or not? Is it just the man?

Well, the man's died, so maybe it's just a crumpled Coco the guerrilla outfit. Just sits in the corner for 12 weeks. But it has the legal rights of a human, and so they all have to address it by name. No, they have to sign at it, I think. Yes, yeah. Someone has to put it to bed and try and feed it. Oh, damn. Dragging this floppy, fluffy, essentially duvet behind them around.

That's cute. And every week, they remain voted in. We're the nation's favorite. Yeah. What about, maybe we should get an inspiring person in there, though, as well. You know, like someone who you genuinely want to know more about. So perhaps the woman who had to make herself vomit 40 times because she was stuck under her bed. Flat arm.

Flat arm lady. Oh, I forgot about that. Got thirsty, so she made herself sick because that's how it works. And let's go. That's one, that. For some reason, I keep thinking Mr. Motivator. Mr. Motivator would be a hell of a shout. What on earth would?

Would he bring to the chaotic energy of Mr. Motivator? An excellent wardrobe. Yeah. Very excellent. I used to have a signed photo of Mr. Motivator. Did you? Really? Yeah, yeah, as a kid.

I think I may have gone to one, like, summer activities thing where he was there briefly. Really? Wow. That's amazing. Yeah. when I was um when I turned 10 I think I had a cowboy themed party at my house and all the all the kids from school came around we had this great party it was cool and uh one of their i think one of their moms came around and she had a camcorder and she was filming uh filming the day and then she eventually like sent that video around to us to watch afterwards like oh

here's a video of your own party you might want to watch it and we did and then when it gets to the end, it just goes back to what it's been taping over, and it was just a Mr. Motivator workout video. That's what I always think of when I think of that. Is that the full house then? Mr. Motivator, does he? Yeah, he finishes it off. The D-List Celebrity.

Yeah, I'd love to know more about Mr. Motivator, the up-and-comer from the 90s. I guess everyone who remembers him now is slowly dying off, so we need to, this will present them to a new generation what's he up to these days Mr Motivator there you are Derek Evans it wouldn't surprise me if he was doing workout videos for people in lockdown

Derek Errol Evans better known as Mr Motivator is a Jamaican-born British fitness instructor he rose to fame in 1993 through appearances on the UK breakfast television show GM TV where he performed live fitness sessions and offered tips and advice to viewers

Mr Motivator would often perform these workout sessions live before Power Rangers would air says he Mr Motivator mostly wore tight-fitting and very colourful spandex outfits for his fitness sessions as we all know what's he up to now Return to Television

In 2020 he joined BBC Television's Health Check UK live To keep Britain fit in lockdown You're right There you go I honestly have not seen that story I just knew that that's what he would be doing right now. It's like two sides of the coin here. On one side you've got Mr. Motivator,

who's come back to national TV, you know, prominence. Everyone loves them. And you've got Dave does things for stuff. Yeah, Dave, eating a free hot dog he got for doing a children's show. It's like it's the two. They want to see him together. Like I really, like more than anything, I want to see Mr. Motivator and Dave Benson Phillips in the same room.

I really, really need that. Apparently, since May 2020, it says in May 2020, he is set to join Ideal World Live every day at 12 p.m. for a workout routine, which means, unfortunately, unless he's still ongoing, at the time of recording, we've missed. We've missed Mr. Motivator's workout routine for today. Oh, you can hire him for personal appearances.

Watch his email. I wonder how much he costs. Mr. Motivator. Yeah, can we hire Mr. Motivator? He's got a website, surely, Mr. Motivator. Yeah, it's a lovely website. Oh yeah, Mr.Motivator.com. Is it better than Brian Butterfield's website?

Oh, yeah, it is. Look at him. He still looks great. I know he's a fitness instructor, but he looks to be in phenomenal shape still. How old is he now? He must be getting on a bit. He's born in the 50s, so yeah.

He old. Let's have a look. He old. 67. Wow. He looks great. Need motivation? Mr. Motivator is here to help.

All the motivation I need is knowing that if I do what he did, I will look like that when I'm 70. Yeah, that's... He's on Twitter. He's on Twitter. Don't let others blow out your candles so that they may shine brightly. Is his caption.

I feel motivated now. Yeah, don't you? His last tweet was on October the 2nd, which was two days ago. Just posted a video, and there's a link to his Instagram. But yeah, he's out there. He's alive and kicking.

Hey, good for him. I'm proud of him. Good for him. You go, Mr. Motivator. He's awesome. I really like Mr. Motivator, knowing nothing about what he's been doing for the past 20 years.

I think he's amazing. Big fan of him. I like that. There was a brief stint. I don't have it so popular, but, like, you know, health personalities on TV. You had your Jillian McKeiths

who is kind of gross. She did gross things, whatever she looks like. She certainly behaved in a gross way. Oh, did she? And she definitely, she would like, you know, would fondle people's poo and go,

You need more fibre, you die. Oh, her. Okay. Yeah. The best thing was she would go through someone's poo and then like the next day when she was telling him about him, she'd be like, right, number one, your poo stinks. It's like, yeah, probably would do. I think even if I eat like beans and salad for the rest of my life, it's probably going

to be even worse, to be honest. I should stick to the Big Macs. What's going to work, having Scottish ladies scream about your stinky poo or man in bright spandex, dancing and being happy. Give me spandex. I want spandex, man. We should clarify, of course, that there are different levels of healthy

for different people who have different body types. Of course, of course. So, yeah, but anyway, Mr. Motivator all the way. Look at him. 67. Ridiculous. We're just going to spend this entire season of Big Brother just staring at Mr. Motivator.

I think I just want to rig the system, and I want Mr. Motivator to win the whole thing, to be honest. We don't, no one has to aspire to have the body of Mr. Motivator, but you should aspire to have poo that does not stink, apparently. That's the target goal. It needs to smell of roses and things. Maybe that's the next video, making my poo smell differently. Oh, look forward to that.

I think we should do a fitness DVD, to be honest. Everyone's done one. I don't know why we can't do one. Can we have a cowboy party first and then do that after? Yes, yes, we can. Great. Lovely. Thank you very much, boys. Peter, would you like to do a thing or do you want me to do mine?

I'd love to do a thing. The first thing we're going to do is move in my chair and it's going to go creak. There we go. Just thought I'd address that. There's a little creak. There we go, right. So this is something that me and Amy discovered yesterday on the internet. But it apparently is like a year old. I've only realized that just before the podcast started.

So this isn't recent. But in any case, still interesting. You might have even seen this. But let me scroll back to the top, read the headline. 30 country flags reimagined as anime characters for 2020 Tokyo Olympics. Oh, my God. That sounds amazing. So this was published one year ago on demilked.com.

But it was published various places as well. By now, you've probably already heard that Tokyo will be hosting the 2020 Summer Olympics. Such an optimistic opening sentence there published. a year ago, not knowing the hell that was to come, really, wasn't it? But here we go. To celebrate this upcoming event, a handful of Japanese artists decided to team up and reimagine some of the participating countries as badass warriors. The artists took inspiration from each other's country's flags and history, while giving them

all a unique twist. Oh, no. What's ours? Is it bad? From Japan itself to South Africa, check out the country's reimagined. as anime warriors in the gallery below. So I have a few highlights that I'm going to send to you. Of course, if anyone wants to look at these themselves,

who's listing right now, you can either just Google this story and you'll be able to find it, or we will... Do our very best to describe them. Yeah, and some of them may end up in the thread, possibly on the Twitter, but... I don't know. So we'll start with Mexico, which is majestic as heck. Um, there we go.

Oh, that's cool. Wow. It looks like a Pokemon trainer. Yeah, he's got like an eagle. Um, you can kind of imagine where some of these are going to go just in terms of really, you know, really going for it. South Africa, very multicolored flag. Um, and, you know, a pretty, pretty exciting outfit there. Yeah, it's badass.

Okay, yeah. So if you're not Googling this at home, these are like, if you think like, it was badass anime characters ever. It's not like a kid who's got the How to Draw manga book. This is legit. This is actually really cool. Yeah, they are pretty awesome. Sweden is almost has a kind of, that is a sword they're holding, but it almost looks like a crucifix at the same time.

They're like some sort of religious missionary, I think. That's cool. The long hair as well. Malaysia is incredible. I think this is Malaysia. Look at that. Whoa. Spikey boy.

Got a big star thing on their head. Loses points for the shoes, though. I don't like those shoes. The toes were... The tow shoes. Yeah, they're two shoes. I'm sure there's a reason for it, but I don't like it. Germany.

Very cool. Nice. They avoided certain parts of the German's history. Well, you know, the unified German history isn't that long. No, not to be celebrated. Yeah. Some of it. And of course, well, in fact, let's first do the US of A.

Oh, this is really good. Which is, you know, kind of, it's fine. Yeah, there's nothing that special about that. No, it's not super exciting. Weak jawline, though, pretty small face. Yeah, the American one looks like two children stood on top of each other inside of a costume. I feel like that's a slight against America. Very effeminate features, or very delicate features.

There's... Oh, Canada's awesome. Canada. Pretty fantastic. I like the furry bottom dress. Yeah, the fluffy ruffs, yeah. Boots with the fur. And I will now reveal,

arguably, I think, one of the best, which is Great Britain. I think we look pretty fantastic. Look at this. Oh, wow. Oh, wow, were you? That's very cool. So that's one.

I will stick that on the Twitter thread. That's awesome. I'm a big fan of that. It looks almost Napoleonic. It does, doesn't it? I guess it does look a little bit colonial, doesn't it? It's a little bit, will you speak our language and can we have your tea? He's going to sell around the world and stick that flag in someone's land somewhere and say, this is Britain now.

This is ours, now this belongs to the king. Imperialism, but made anime. Now it's cool. Yeah. It's done in nice art, so I feel comfortable with it. Yeah, can't work for us for free, but look good, doing it. Yeah. I'd like to dress up like that.

That'd be awesome. Oh, you got, like, what, 30 gold medals on them or something? that's a different country each one a different country it's like skulls on someone's belt or something in a fantasy setting what that character there is done is subscribe to one of those magazines that starts off at 199

and then the next issues it's like 10 pounds and each one you get a little collectible medallion yeah you get a small nation you get a small island nation primitive savages oh my goodness yes how they're advertising absolutely just like the Jackie Chan magazine did you guys used to get the talismans in the Jackie Chan magazine I'm aware of it I didn't get the magazine but I was a I was a lucky boy because my

I think the Jackie Chan magazine had ended but I still kind of interested in it I had like a passing interest in it when it was out um but I after his out my dad somehow wrangled he contact the publisher and got like a box of every single issue Jackie Chan all the talismans every like box and everything. It was like, holy fucking shit. That's the best thing ever. It's a great magazine. It was so good.

The talism. Jackie. Jackie. Uncle. Yeah, I like that show. Anyway, that's all his Jackie Chan talismans there on his necklace. Yeah.

Just look a bit like me, actually, blonde. It does. It does. Very, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Propensity for wielding sharp things. Yeah. Cape billowing behind him, probably in a gust of wind.

I'm always wearing. Yeah, you've got that union flag flying proudly from, is it hanging from the spear or like, what's the... That doesn't seem like it's attached to the spear. That doesn't feel like it's going to be particularly ergonomic. No, it's not going to be aerodynamic. You can't throw that spear, it will go anywhere it wants. Oh, but think how beautiful it will be while it does fly. Just rule Britannia plays softly on the wind.

Yeah. So as well as showing you that, sharing that with you boys and the wider world, who haven't yet heard about it. I did wonder what the vidiates anime character would look like. Oh, no. Obviously bright yellow, of course. So, you know, I just wanted to brainstorm it with you. I'm going to attempt to draw it while we go.

Well, what I was going to say was, yeah, I was going to say for next time, but we could do it now to draw it as we go. Oh, okay. As we go. And I'd bring it to the next day. episode or if we could do it now we could just do it now yeah i'm all having a drawing competition okay but let's let's keep talking as well yeah we need to plan this out okay well the sausage

needs to make an appearance somewhere i'm mandating that okay um right let's get this thing started then i need a need a new layer on here and there we go get rid of that oh using photoshop fancy well yeah you know no i'm not i've just opened paint oh oh no oh no why is it all in grey scale guys what's going on with my Photoshop? That's that can happen if you like open a certain image or something God damn it how do I change that

going to image yeah at the top colour yeah hang on there's no colour option adjustments okay well maybe not image I can't troubleshoot without having it open help me Michael what am I doing shit

it's some okay let me open Photoshop there's definitely a way to do this okay this welcome to Photoshop tutorials live on podium. We're doing a colour settings. Oh, is it there?

Custom. Probably, I've got... Oh, no. Image mode. Oh, okay. Hang on. Image mode. And then change that to RGB.

Oh, there it is. It was on great scale. We got there. We got there. We got there. We got there. Thank you, Mikey. I mean, maybe we just,

maybe we just cut to when we're done or something rather than on an audio-based medium to sit here drawing together. I was going to say let's do it for next time, but here we are. No, it's happening. It's actually happening. Yeah. Okay, so the outfit's going to be yellow, yeah?

Yeah, a big yellow outfit. Okay, right. Is any kind of style, are we going to have any medallions, or is it? I'm kind of picturing actually head wear, which is kind of like a walrus head. That's worn, like, you know, like people wear animal skins on their heads. Oh, wow, yeah. Billy's head that kind of covers the face

a bit like a bit of a hoodie like drips down He's wearing the lion Yeah Oh yeah that's a good point Like this pink fur falls down Like a cape That's kind of like the dramatic

The grand opener Gotcha A little bit of Billy Yeah In my life A little bit of Billy In my life Beautiful

Oh this is looking horrible Yeah That's great That's what we wanted Just horrible Horrible yeah That's what you're expecting Peter?

Yeah, something really, really horrible is what I want. And what color of tusks? They're white, aren't they? Wire, good white. If it's not been cleaning them, could be Vidyits yellow. Oh, they could be. True. They could well be.

What sort of weapon are we wielding? The squeaky hammer? Is that a good weapon? Oh, yeah, that's the perfect weapon. Okay. Welcome to draw along with Fodiettes. I'm sort of trying to do like big anime eyes, but I don't really know how to.

I've just sort of made an alien instead. That's good. I mean, yeah, anime alien. They kind of spelled similarly, so it's okay. Yeah. I've finished mine, so. Are you? Yeah, mine's done.

I'm just going to send it to you now. Are you ready? Oh, yeah. Yeah, please do. Send it that way. Save it real quick. Here we go. Open up the chat.

So there we've got, you know, we've got the anime Canada, anime Britain, God's sake Yours is just a walrus wearing the costume No it's not Is it not? No, that's the sausage

Oh I see there's two sets of up Well the tusks looked like eyes to me I was really thrown off by the whole With the walrus hat Oh wow it's transparent as well This is amazing Okay that's great There he is

It is it's quite It's really quite incredible Incredible How are you guys getting on I don't think I can compete with that I'll send I'll send mine so far oh dear

the dead empty eyes oh wow that's a that's a dark souls enemy it is there we go have I finished that off and I'll share it at another time I feel I will

get caught up myself and spend an hour just dueling away okay I'm almost done I do like that you made the sausage the person though that's very good very good okay i've added it to the link dump so people can see captain vidiard oh yeah okay there we go that's on there that's on there nice i'm excited to see peter's yeah uh just just just color in some tusks and then i'm done tusks um tusks son color in some tusks what you son no there's no legs on this but it's fine

I mean you can see it's unfinished but here it is here it comes paste upload oh wow that's super anime that's amazing the hair you've nailed it

yeah the hair is really good just a big scribble yeah you got big shiny eyes yeah that's it that's perfect get those suckers on the link dump not the link dump absolutely yeah yeah thread pop them on on the thread

I'll pop mine on later I don't want to share mine and then finish it Oh no you've got to share it That's what we've been reacting to Okay hold on Let me let me just do a quick Actually no fuck it

Yeah just share it as it is I think it's pretty I don't believe there's anything wrong with that Everyone has smashed it No you can see what it's due to be Yeah It's the empty eyes that I love the most though What's that sorry

The empty eyes I love those Oh yeah That's the Michael Johnson stare. I'll wait until yours is there, and then I'll put mine after. So they're in order of... Oh, there it is. Yeah, so they're in order of when we saw them each.

There we go. So it's Ben, Mikey, me, if you're watching at home in the thread. There we are. But of course, I mean, not to reveal the secret question early, because then it's not a secret question, but clearly the secret question should be everyone should draw one of their own and submit it to us. Amazing. Yeah. Let's do that.

Well, there we go. Don't know how that will add it together in an audio form, but that was us drawing anime characters on a podcast. Thank you, everyone. Thank you very much, Peter. You're welcome. Would you boys like a question? Yes, of course. Yeah, yeah. This is from Nile Gray at Lord of the Grey.

On Twitter, and he wants to know, the world has ended, and each of you find yourself completely alone on a deserted planet. What do you do to occupy yourselves? So in the space of absolutely nothing, what do you do to keep yourself sitting? I personally just want to do some backflips. If I'm on a deserted planet, I think now's the time to practice my flips. But what if you injured yourself? Sorry? What if you injured yourself alone on a planet? I'm not, Ben, I'm not going to injure I said out right, go on. He's done lots of backflips before. Yeah, you can talk to Mr. Flipper here, do this stuff every day.

Big flip boy. I think that would be my goal would be to, to cut, like, backflip my way all around the planet. Oh, my God. And every time I fall, I have to run back to that sorting spot. And I just keep doing it. I'm hoping the desert planet has a little bit low gravity. Otherwise, this might be trickier. I'm going to assume it's just an Earth-like planet.

So maybe backflips are hard. I shouldn't have done backflips. Oh, well, I've committed now. Well, we can just decide that it's low gravity, but I don't know. Based on, I mean, we've got nothing and we have to occupy ourselves on a dead planet. Do I have a 50 pence piece in my pocket is my question. Oh, good point. And when I say my pocket, I mean, in my trousers.

I'm thinking maybe you learn to make a 50 pence piece from the materials on Earth. You start almost like a caveman, then that's your mission is to build. the 50 pence piece. The first 50 pence piece and receptacle. That's what, yeah, that's what I do to occupy myself. I start digging in the ground trying to find, like, I don't know what ore is, like, aluminium ore or whatever it is used for a silver coin. And then bake a little cup from clay.

That's what I do. Oh, that's quite cute, actually. Oh, you could open your pottery shopping centre. Yeah. Oh, I could. My God, the long game. everything's 50p I would

if I was to keep myself saying I'd probably have to settle into some kind of routine if assuming there are rules to this world in that I have to eat and have to you know survive and sleep and drink and so on and so forth

I'll probably spend most of my time just surviving right and then if I get some size you know if I reach the point where I'm able to farm then that presumably I will have some free time, in which case I can focus on other things. Maybe my flips. Yeah, see, I made the rookie mistake of putting flips first.

You just want to do that. Yeah, you should eat and then flip. But never mind. I guess there's a tactical advantage there. If I don't wear as much, then it's easy for me to do flips. True. Every week without eating, the flips get easy. And there's no saying what the gravity situation is either.

It could be lower gravity and you could do so many flips. Oh, my God, imagine the flips. Maybe you could flip back to Earth. Oh, yeah. Just take a big deep breath. Do a massive flip and float your way back. Flip back to reality. Oh, there goes gravity.

Mm, mom spaghetti. Spaghetti. Yes. Perfect. What, that's storage. There we go. That's it. We're all locked on our own independent planets.

I'm flipping. Peter's pottering and Ben's surviving. Ben's doing the sensible thing. I want to hear you thing, Peter. Help. What's the other one called? Peter, what's the other one called? Juxson, Juxon, Juxon, tell me your thing.

I've got a thing! Oh, I've lost it, I've lost it. It's all gone wrong. My brain just melted into a puddle. What's the other one called? Right. Have you boys ever considered being competitive baby birthers? Oh my God, no, I've not.

What? I have a... Question. Question? What? No, no, I've got... No, I have a question. Question.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Are you going to tell us what a competitive baby birther is, or do we have to live in suspense? That's my whole thing. I just want to know, have you ever considered being competitive birthers? No, I don't know what it is, but I think I know what it is. Well, luckily, you don't have to live it yourself, because people in the past have done it for you. Okay.

In the late 1920s, a baby race was brewing in Toronto, and it came to be known as the Great Stork Derby. Charles Vance Miller was born on June 28th, 1854 in Ilma, Ontario. He became a... He was okay, yeah. He became a prominent lawyer and worked out of his downtown Toronto-based firm. He was a notorious jokester. I love this next sentence because it's not really a joke. He was a notorious jokester and delighted in playing with people's love of money.

Miller would drop dollar bills. on the sidewalk and hide in the bushes to watch people's faces as they quickly stuffed the money into their pockets when they thought no one was looking. What a joke-star. That's fucking hilarious. You got some free money there. I waited a long time for the punchline to that joke.

And it never came. Now they're a little wealthier. Yeah, it's good for him. He's having fun and he's bush. That's fine. In 1926, after a successful career, as a lawyer, racing stable owner, and president of a brewery, he died suddenly at his desk while in a meeting with a few associates. He was 73 and a bachelor with no immediate family

to inherit his massive estate. I was such a mental image of being in a meeting and someone just dies. It wasn't that boring. Jesus. Do you think they had to take it down in the minutes or? Miller died. The millionaire's last will and testament were dripping in irony. For one thing, he left his stock in a brewery and an entire racetrack

to a group of prohibitionist, T-Total, Protestant ministers. And he left $500 to a housekeeper who was already dead. Brilliant jokes. It's just the funniest. I mean, human was different in the 30s, in the 20s, right?

You watch old comedies, like, I don't get it. This man, people were crying with laughter. They were. Ooh, hello, future editing Mikey here. Just a heads up that at this point in the podcast, I accidentally wake Claudia up from her sleep ahead of her night shift that night, so I get a little bit quieter from here on out, but you can still hear me. Sorry. He even bequeathed a holiday state in Jamaica to three lawyers that hated each other on the condition that they all live together. But the most notable clause of the eccentric will would go on to transform the lives of all Toronto families causing a decade-long media frenzy and purposely give. endless trouble to the very legal system that Miller had been part of.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The bulk of Miller's estate, the millionaire wrote, would be given to the mother who had since my death given birth in Toronto to the greatest number of children. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. And so the great Toronto Stoke Derby begins. That is the time limit on this? So within 10 years of after his death. So Miller, Miller's will stipulated that specifically that 10 years after his death, his fortune, which turned out to equate to more than $10 million by today's standards,

would be given to the Toronto mother who had given birth to the most children, according to the Canadian birth date of this. And if there was a tie, the money would be divided among the mothers. Now, this is a hell of a competition to enter, because if you don't win, you've brought up children.

Oh, God. Like, over 10 years, even if you get three children in, it might not necessarily been children you want. And when you get the third one, like, I can't keep this up. Great. And I'm stuck with three children. Especially if you get, you know, it gets like year nine and you've got maybe seven or eight children. And the person you're

competing with most closely suddenly gives birth to triplets. Like you're out of the running. And then you've got nine kids to deal with. That's a very good point, yeah. At first, the media called Miller's now public will a freak document. Nobody could believe it. But soon, newspapers around the

country began to follow the story. The Toronto Daily Star even assigned a special reporter to the Great Stoke Derby. He was responsible for chasing pregnant women around the city for exclusivity agreements. Oh my Christ. Soon, all of Canada and the neighbouring United States was watching. Countless mothers with growing broods began to claim their place as contenders. When Miller died, he had no idea that his investments would pay off so well. He also had no idea that the Great Depression would hit in the 30s, making his estate a shining beast. of hope to overcrowded families fighting to survive. Oh,

God, they're more and more overcrowded, though. Has this been turned into a film yet? I think there was a TV thing about it, actually. Okay. It sounds like it would be a terrible comedy with Adam Sandler in it. I think Miller, in his old age, would be played by Bill Murray, who they wheel out to do, like, bit parts in loads of comedy films now. And, yeah, awful.

It would be terrible. Oh, great, we've got all these children. But hey, we might win some money, so... The media went nuts in the days leading up to the 10-year deadline. New contenders were introduced until the very end and the world watched in suspense. On October 31st, 1936 at 4.30 p.m. Exactly 10 years after Miller's death, their contest was closed. Some women tried to claim births that weren't officially registered,

as well as babies fathered by men that weren't their husbands. That's a good stipulation. Wow, so I hope he married. There you go. Oh, yeah. He's a idiot before his time. In the end, Judge William Edward Middleton, a man sympathetic to large families,

being himself, the elders of nine, made the final decision on a winner. He declared a tie between Annie Catherine Smith, Kathleen Ellen Nagel, Lucy Alice Timlick, and Isabel Mary McLean, each of who gave birth to nine children

during the qualifying decade. For their efforts, they got $125,000 each, which is about $2 million in today's standards. Oh, wow, okay. So they did all right. The lucky four did all right, but God knows how many people didn't make it. I think towards the end there was like 10 families in the running for it. That's insane. That's just insane.

And they used that money to, you know, pay for the children. All the children's education and homes. Just paid for the children. And that's it. Just pay for the children. And that's, yeah, there you go, and that's how they win. It's all right if you win, because, you know, $2 million and eight or nine children is, yeah, that's okay. You can, you could probably be quite comfortable for the rest of your life on that.

But if you come a close second, that is just catastrophic, isn't it? Yeah. Oh, God, awful. Yeah, imagine having eight children. In the Great Depression. What a joke to this guy was. Yeah, good jokes. Such a funny guy.

I was kind of curious after this to find. out who had like the most babies in their entire lifetime in history. Do you want to guess how many babies it was? 25. I think more. I think I bet it was like 30. 69. No.

Oh nice. That's the weed number. There's a peasant in Russia in the 1700s whose wife gave birth to 16 pairs of twins, seven sets of triplets and four sets of quadruiter. If he was in the competition, he'd be flying. Isn't that like statistically impossible that has happened? And there you go. That's the baby race.

Would you have children for money? No. Absolutely not. The first thing that happened to me this morning is I opened my eyes. I grabbed my phone and I opened up Reddit just to see. I was to see what's trending on Twitter and see what's on Reddit just to, you know, to what the day is going to bring me. And the first thing I saw on Reddit was like,

not what I wanted to see first thing in the morning. It's a screenshot from 4chan, and hopefully this isn't even true, but Anonymous said, I once pretended to have a psychotic episode and smashed a MacBook with a bat to keep my brother and his fiancé from stumbling across pictures I'd photoshopped

of her giving birth to me, which is just the most horrendous thing I've ever heard. in my life. And that's how my Saturday, my Sunday began. Good. Wow, what a mental image. Yeah. Good grief. Also, the guy hiding in bushes watching people pick up money reminds me of, I don't have ever told this story. I went to San Francisco when I was 13. And San Francisco is a great place, but it's got a bit of a problem with, like, homelessness and drug abuse and mental illness, unfortunately, and I think to this day, they've still got issues with it. We were walking through Golden Gate Park, and this guy walked out in front of us very briskly. Like, he was

walking, but super quickly. And he was in a lab coat, but had slippers on. So he looked like someone who'd like escaped from somewhere, you know, by using a disguise. And as he walked past us, he went into his top pocket, pulled out a huge wodge of dollar bills and threw them in the air and and then sort of dashed away. And it was like, okay, so we sort of, we picked up some of these bills. And I was like, stop that guy, he's just dropped some money. And my parents were like, I'm pretty sure he, like, threw it. I think he didn't drop it.

And we were wondering, is this, like, laced with something? Like, should we be even touching these? And then we went and got, like, Japanese tea, which was nice. Oh, wow. Oh, that's cute. On his money. That's so bizarre. Mm, really weird.

That's a wedding thing, isn't it? where people throw money from their car. Oh, really? Is it? I think there's something to do it, because I remember being a kid walking around our village, and like this wedding carriage came past,

and they threw just, like, coins at us? Coins. Literally, like, send pences and stuff. Not bills, coins. Wait, wedding throwing money. Is it a thick? Yeah. Children would gather around the wedding cars,

the bride left for church, and her father would throw the money out as they drove off. God. And if a wedding's not expensive enough, you also have to throw money away. Literally. When you leave the church.

God. I was lucky there. I went and bought myself some sweets with the floor pennies that I picked up. Nice. All right. Thank you very much, boys. Would you like?

Thank you. That was great. Yeah. Thank you. Would you like one last question? Yeah. Let's do it. It's from Darius Owen Canning.

At Darius Canning on Twitter. Congratulations. You've just been made chief egg designer at Kinda. What surprise do you put in this chair's chocolate pods? Razor blades. That is a surprise to be fair. Yeah, surprise. One of those special life jackets they have on planes,

where you pull it and it expands. But actually, maybe the slide that they have. The entire slide. So you eat, there's the little pod, you open it up, and then you pull the little rip cord. You're like, well, what's this? and then just your entire living room explodes because a huge inflatable slide

has expanded rapidly to help you escape from a plane. To help you escape from the slide that's coming at you about to suffocate you in your own house. Yeah, big time. I think I'm going to include an invitation to join Michael Johnson's 2020 baby loss.

What's like Willie Wonka? What's the prize money? some pennies from a wedding I speed past it in my car and throw coins and that's it and that's what you get or maybe I'll fill the pod with coins oh okay it'll be heavy

feel valuable yeah yeah wouldn't it how about a little just a stone or a little ball of concrete or something I'll maybe just a series of slightly smaller pods inside the pot

until the very end that'd be magical there's just nothing a chickpe just crying children oh a chickpe you could if you bought enough

Kinder eggs you can make your own hummus Oh collect them all All of the chickpeas My I must have told this story before It's an anecdote city

From Peter Austin today Isn't it? Geez My German Some of my German family came over once And we were having lunch And someone whipped out

The hummus Because you know Welcome to England And she was saying, oh, what's this that you've got? And we're like, oh, it's hummus. And she may well have, they may well have hummus in Germany, but maybe they'd call it something else. But I don't know.

Anyway, so she said, oh, I don't know what, I'm not sure what this is. And we said, oh, it's chickpea. And she went, oh, oh, no, no, I don't think I want any of that. Oh, no, no, thank you. And we later, we didn't realize at the time, but we later realized she thought it was hens urine. It was made from like the piss of a chicken because it's chickpea. but we put her straight fortunately

otherwise she'll never have hummus for the rest of her life imagine being her sat in that room watching everyone everyone took into the chick piss this is madness what are you guys doing she was polite about it she was like oh no no I don't think I'll have any of that thank you very much

oh dear oh lovely thank you very much boys I think that's all the questions that's it wow we did it we did it Wonderful. Well, thank you so much everybody for coming along to this episode of Podiot. Did you know that there's some merchandise you might consider possibly looking at, potentially, Michael?

Oh, you might possibly consider buying it as well. Yeah, they'll just look at it. You can look at it after you buy it. That's the best thing. It's two in one. If you head over to store.orgscast.com, you can find some of the most beautiful merchandise you've ever seen. we've got a Vidyat's mug, a Vidyat's t-shirt, several Vidyts t-shirt, and even a hoodie.

Oh, hoody. If you want to stay nice and warm and drink liquids and you want to save a bit of money, you can use code Vidiots at checkout for 10% of everything on the Yogscast store. Everything, not just our stuff. So if you can buy your t-shirts, your mugs,

and let's see, some new socks. Wow. You'll have the pleasure of getting 10% percent off with Code Vidiots. Thank you. Wonderful. Amazing. Hey, we're on YouTube, Twitter, Facebook.com forward slash vidiots official. We're also on Twitch.com.

TV forward slash Vidiats official. We stream every so often. Mikey just streamed and got doxed by his dad. The Vod should be up on the YouTube channel soon, if not already. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations to donate and get a shout out and join PodSquod. Three pounds or more. We'll give you a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and you will be in listed to fight in a foreign war.

So please be excited for that. Mikey, who's in Pod Squad this week? We've got Mikey's dad, DC, Harry Bat, from con, comma, Kevin. Ah, Freddie Weber, will you shut up, man? Big Titty Jesus 42. Arthur, from Natural Nine,

is very generous. Thank you very much. Coarse, rough, gets everywhere. Hashtag, justice for bourbons. Bourbons? Oh, man. I'm sorry. I'm just, just, just, just,

rubbing it in now, as a salt in the wound. A little bit of Monica, who's very generous. Like a spooky Skelly, dildo on a nitro concept chair, Stephen Scodes, Tommy the Wank Engine, Wendy Miller, ooh, they're generous Tommy the Wank Engine, sorry, Wendy Miller, and Trunter's trunting daughter. Also, arse face, garlic pud-bud pudding Phillips, Willembubbillum, dysfunctional bullcock, Cameron Skelly. Definitely not a virgin, six, Gerned, Emily Lemons, Lord Rottovich, Chav-Chav-Rammeres, Antichungus and Uncle Fat, Donna C-O-7, Meggs on Toast, who was very generous, thank you Meg's. Kez of Galifrey, a succulent Chinese Mao, who was also very generous, thank you Mao,

and T-Face, N-T-Furious Tokyo meat. Finn Tristom's TV burp, Dave Bacon-Phillips, who was outrageously generous and didn't leave a message, but thank you very much. The CG, meaty piss flaps, may have done. Oh, well. Wear masks properly, you twat. I didn't get any V-Bucks. Why? Here, three idiots, bucks. Bring back at Dave, knee-deep in Fortnite V-Beebucks, Biff jerky, Arnold Scharkneger, Bojo's Cheesy Chode, Terrence's Chucky Tangerine, Quief Wellington, the arscrack bandit, mercenary prostitute, Alan Claw, the very generous, a very sorry boy, the very

generous, a very sorry boy. Thank you very much, everybody. That is your pod squad for this episode. Thank you so much. Reminder, streamlabs.com, forward slash potty, it's donations, three pounds or more to get a shout out. Thank you, everybody. Mikey, where can people find you? At Paraboy on the Twitters, where if you go over there, you will in fact see my dad doxing

me, so I'll enjoy that. Nice. Yeah, it's why I do all my things nowadays as where I'll announce streams if not on the video, it's Twitch. So, not on the video, it's Twitter, sorry. Thank you very much and go follow. Fantastic. Peter, where are we? We're at Team Triple Jump.

everywhere that's worth being. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, Twitch. We're doing videos and streams and things all about video games. This is not, remember everyone, this is not a video game podcast. We always get asked video game questions here on Polly. It's the wrong place for it. Don't bring that stuff here. Go away.

Go away. Go to triple jump. Yeah, triple jump's great. Rules bosses over there, as is worst games ever. Go check it out if you haven't already. You lunatics. Absolutely. Bastards.

Leave us an iTunes to review or a review slash relating you on your platform of course. Do we have a final question? Yes, we do. What was it again, Peter? Draw your own

anime vidiates thing. If you go to the thread on Twitter, you can see the British one to get an idea of what you're supposed to be doing and our fantastic attempts as well. Yeah, outstanding. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. We hope you enjoyed the show.

show. We'll be back in a couple of weeks time, where it will be officially our Halloween episode, because the episode after that will be in November. So it will be slightly before Halloween, but yeah, Halloween time next episode, probably. Okay, all right. Anybody got anything they want to say? No. Michael? No. Okay. All right. He's been told off now. He's kind of. Ben, you go. I want to be quiet. Ben, would you go? Do you go?

I think it's there. Yes, I'd like to say plops. Good, good words. Yeah, fantastic. Thank you. All right. Bye everybody.

Bye, bye, bye, bye. Bye. Thank you.