Podiots - Podiots: Episode 7 - Craving McNuggies

Episode Date: May 29, 2018

Michael bought an embarrassing birthday cake, Peter talks monkey prostitution, and Ben brings some stupid deaths. We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. Welcome to Poddy. Jurassic Park. Where we going is that? I guess. I don't know.

That wasn't a very good intro. You might notice something a little bit different today. We're not animated. Oh. If you're watching on YouTube, that is. If you're listening anywhere else, you're fine. We're fine. Nothing's different.

probably hopefully it's okay we don't have our recorder of choice so we've had to forgo animation that's a shame but people will we'll get by as a society I'm sure we'll be fine I think when you say we're not animated

there's probably more than one meaning to that and it's true too I think we're all still or maybe how are you feeling same I'm hung over but that's fine you're hungover Ben still has the cold thing that we've all had

I think I don't know what I've got I think it's just dying Because I felt better for two days And now I feel like way worse than I did So I've either got something new Or it's just been having a rest Stop being unhealthy I'm just so tired of it

I just oh Christ You just want to frolic in a field And you can't do that Because you'll have stomach pains Yes And have to have a lie down So a complete lack of animation In every respect today

I think But we'll try and do our professional things This is our job Gonna be good You know what's not good there's no Dave Oh yeah I can't even call him

Because he's in a meeting God what a terrible podcast this is There's just one thing After another What numbers is this eight or seven? Seven I'm always one ahead Why do I always think

I'm lucky for some I don't know man Seven is Lucky for us though I would like to read this statement From the British Podcasting Awards website Yeah Entrance must have at least

Six episodes published During the Qualifying period This is because we want to inform listeners of great British podcast series rather than the short run or one-off works to qualify for the listener's choice award a podcast must have been available during April and May 2018 with at least

three proper episodes published by their own rules we do not qualify oh no everyone tried so hard and as a result and this is the only reason let's not give up unsuccessful no no

even though the competition's over if enough people vote for us maybe they'll consider us they can't say no the polls close you can't do it send a letter to them phone call them just do whatever you can make your voice heard stand up people this is a good fight yes podcast podcast podcast podcast podcast yeah basically we fucked it up in every conceivable way read the small print people yeah that's that's bullshit why why can you even search for our names and and vote for us if we're not eligible yes what's

that about it doesn't take much of a script to make the computer check are there three episodes from April and May. Yes. And have they been, have they had at least six episodes? Full stop, which we hadn't at the time. No. Fuck them. We don't need them. Yeah, we've got our own awards. We have got our own awards. Did you guys vote for us? Shit. Oh, fuck, no. Did you?

No, no, I didn't. Is that legal? Are we allowed to do that? I think so. I just didn't think about that. I mean, I did. Which I think means that we're still nominated, right? Nobant nominated. My nose just completely. I think we're still nominated for the award because we were nominated. We didn't win, but we were nominated. As long as one person vote for us, that's a nomination.

So we're nominated. We're award nominated. We're nominated for the British podcast awards, however it is. Listeners choice award. I made my ma'am vote for us, nominated, podiates. Nobinated. Nobinated. Let's begin the show.

Hello everybody and welcome to Poddiet's episode six, seven, eight, we've already talked about this. Do you know how to count along with me? I think I've covered that pretty well. Yeah. Seven. Episode seven. Seven. It's the official podcast as opposed to the unofficial podcast for the unofficial imiters out there.

Yeah, I don't listen to the YouTube channel. Yeah, I've listened to Poddietz our rad. And honestly, not impressed. Go on, guys. Step your game up really bad. It's not great. We're sponsored by Turtle Beach. Their headsets, they're delightful.

You can wear them while playing games and watching films. Listening to them right now. Mm-hmm. Listening with them, I guess, not to them. I'm not listening to my headphones. You should. It's Mental Health Awareness Week. Do take time to have a chat with your headphones and see how they're doing.

Right. Are they all right? It's lonely on Turtle Beach. There's no one else there, just a bunch of turtles. You need someone to talk to it. And they're going extinct. So... Yeah, God.

Damn. Well, make sure you go to Bitt.LY forward slash video speech to get your own Turtle Beach headsets that you can talk to. I don't know if that feature is available in all headsets, but it's certainly available

in the ones that we've got. Yes. And I'm sure you can find a full description of the various headsets if you go to there. You can. Guys. Yeah.

Hello. We start with a question. Oh, good. My favourite. Matt Fulton at MTTFLT. I recognize that name. He's a regular. Asks how much

How much did you have to pay ASDA to print that fucking monstrosity onto Ben's cake? Well that leads quite nicely into my thing today. Well done, Ben. What a segue? He's an expert. Excellent. Michael, you do the thing that you brought. What thing?

Everybody brings our thing along to talk about. About the three us. The three us. What did you bring today? The thing me and Peter brought in on Monday was an ass cake. Yeah. A.S. Ass.

But not just any ass. No. It is a... What's the guy called again? Grimmis. It's Grimmis for McDonald's with a big plump ass. If you ever forget what he's called, just think about the facial expression that you do when you see that image. Yes. Grimis.

It's a popular meme. Well, I say popular. It's a meme. It's an unpopular image that happens to be a meme. Before we get into the cake story, I think you should explain the origin of the cake, which comes from your Twitter account, Ben, a couple years ago at Christmas time. Yes, a couple of years ago I did sort of a wrong photo. sort of art, I suppose, Advent calendar at Christmas. So every day I'd upload a new piece of sort of slightly unnerving and disturbing fan art

from the internet, not of ourselves or of anyone in particular, but sort of cartoon characters. Various franchises. Yeah. It was mostly like borderline Rule 34 stuff. Exactly. It's safe for work, but shouldn't be. Sexual undertones and some sexual overtones. Yeah, like pregnant SpongeBob, expecting a baby.

be with knuckles from Sonic. Right. Yeah. I think the cast of Harry Potter as adults, sort of laying nude on top of each other. But with no bits out. No, no bits visible, but just sort of like a loving embrace, like all just sort of cuddling up together.

And that's like, okay, that's a bit weird. One of them was grimace, sort of with the biggest roundest purple ass presented front and center to camera. Yeah, pear-shaped. Yeah, pear-shaped, exactly. The apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur. Yeah.

The whole club was looking at grimmist. And it's got sort of the shine marks in the corner, sort of the cartoon. The grimmest picture will have been on screen for the entirety of this conversation. So that would be there as a visual reference point. You know what that is. Sorry you've had to look at that for so long. If you want to find it, just Google McNuggies. McNuggies, yeah, that'll do it.

But where does McNuggets come into it, Ben? Well, he's looking sheepishly over his shoulder, or her shoulder, at someone, the viewer, perhaps. And there's a bit of text next to it, and it says, it says sort of with a, it's implied that it's a trembling voice. Yeah. It says, Ronald Coon, are you craving my McNuggies? Craving spelled C-R-A-I-V-I-N-G. No, no eye in the second part. It's just craving.

Oh, is it? Yeah, the eye's just in the wrong part. Oh, really? It's even worse. Yeah. Craving. Cryving my McNuggies. So I would then, when I used to do news videos with Mr. Blompier,

I would occasionally just put it on the screen when we were talking about the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film or the new Stephen Spielberg film. And we had a little TV between the two of us, sort of a fake TV that was added in the edit where we'd have a relevant picture. And occasionally we'd just go, and there's the McNuggies. and now they're gone

and the McNuggies would pop up in these very... He carried off for a while, he managed it a few times. Oh, we never got told off for it. Did you never get, wow! So we just kept doing it. We used to get told off for all sorts there, but not the McNuggies.

McNuggies, I think that's because our boss was maybe a fan. Yeah. Maybe he saw something of himself in the... Possibly. In the grimace, I don't know. Yeah, I think we all saw something of him in grimace.

Yeah. I've not stopped laughing for the entire of this thing. I'm just thinking about them McNuggies. So you decided, because it was my, at the time of recording, because we're recording a week in advance. Yeah. It was my birthday on Sunday a couple of days ago.

Yeah. And yesterday, Monday, you gentlemen, very kindly, brought me in a custom printed cake. I would like to point out it was Peter's idea to get. I was like asking him. Well, yeah, what do you think we should get?

Because you got weird. Because I had the Spiro, Rule 34. Yeah, you had a lot of stuff. Vore. Devant art. It was a bit. It means you uncomfortable, but it wasn't overtly sexual. So this was just one meme in the middle of this massive cake.

Michael said, what should we do? And I said, well, it should clearly be McNuggies. Right. If I had Spirovore, Ben is having McNuggies. I instantly agreed and said, yeah, that happened. But who was sent to go and do the dirty work? Well, Michael. Yeah.

Michael, right. Peter was off. There we go. I was away. Looking at rocks. Yeah. What were you looking at rocks for? It's just something to do with my Sunday, looking at some rocks.

Just like, in driveway? or mixed up all these of water? Yeah, I was just going around people's gravel driveways. That's a really good pebble. Examining, yeah. Well, this looks like it's maybe chipped off a pavement. Some premium peps. Yeah, chip off the old block.

And then did you take a little bag with you and take some home? Yeah. Well, no, no. You should leave nothing but footprints and take nothing but photos. If everyone took a piece of gravel, there'd be no gravel left. Yeah, apart from wherever the gravel ended up. I never understood that argument. Yeah, so I was definitely on Sunday just looking at gravel in driveways.

That's what you were doing. While I was doing that. we realized well we're going to have to get the cake and I did say to Michael I will be back this afternoon if you want me to come and get it with you but he's a good boy he's a brave boy I'm a very brave boy I'm gonna say I'm invading this now I'm the bravest man in this fucking room

no that's fair and he went in with that on what a USB stick you tell the story yeah okay so from here I walk in Asda a nice sunny day I've got my with the photo on a memory stick I took up the important the most important device in the world This was like, in my wallet, I had an SD card and the USB stick. I had two sources for the image, just in case one didn't work, because I wanted this cake.

I was going to get this cake. So it's like a bit from like an American war film where the commander-in-chief has to put the key into the nuclear device. This is it. This is the only copy of this meme left. The apocalypse key. That key had like a measurable value that did. Absolutely.

So I went to the machine. The best thing about the cake printing machine in ASDA is when you finish the design process is a printout a really low quality receipt version of the image so for a while

I was carrying about like a little shitty low-res version of McNuggies on a receipt which was nice that was already fun he WhatsApped it to me and I was like

oh for God's sake great at this point I realized there's no cakes for me to pick up I have to go and talk to a human now so I went into the bakery section

said excuse me is there any cakes because I need to get a cake printed and she said oh just handers your receipt love so I'm shaking you love, so she's the wrong age to appreciate it. I think she was in our

60s about. Good. Edith. Well, she was. Now she's dead. She was a shock. She went home and just died. At this point I had folded the receipt in about in half to kind of hide the arts. So like, if like, expecting glance would just look like a fat

cartoon character with some text below it. So it's fine. I handed off to her and she's all right, I'll just go into the back. And then she walked off to the back room with the receipt. Oh, no. And I was like, oh God, she's going to look at this. This is terrible. She was gone for about five minutes to start getting worried, because she called the police on me.

I wasn't sure what was going on. Then a couple of minutes later, she emerges, a couple of big boxes of cakes. Gives me back the receipt. She didn't mention it at that point, so I was like, okay, I've made it, this is fine. And I helped her, I assisted her in unloading cakes into the shelves. I thought, you know, if I'm going to suspect this woman

to horrible imagery, what's it? Oh, oh, fuck it now. Oh, God, you've confused me out. No, no, I know what I'm trying to say. Subject. Subject. There we go. God, every single letter that we needed left my head. If I'm going to subject this woman to horrible imagery, I may as well help her do a job.

Yeah, Michael stacked the shelves with her. Did you? Yeah. She was very thankful. Did you get a job at ASDA? She said, do you work at a supermarket? You got talent. Oh, for fuck.

Say, Gladys, come on. And then, so when I finished unloading the cakes, I picked up, we, she helped me pick the best looking cake. She said, well, you know what, if you've helped us, you can have the best one. What does that mean? they're white they're all the same this was the whitest white okay so I picked up my cake I said this is the one

I handed the receipt and she winked at me and said come come by in five minutes and I'll be ready for you oh my god come by five minutes for some sugar is she gonna be presenting her mcnuggies oh please no

I like how she complimented and she gave you a wink and said come by in five minutes you like this kind of stuff all right at this point I only went to I was to buy the cake but at this point I thought I need alcohol

you're in for life I went and bought several beers to just help nurse me through the rest of the day craft them open while you were there I really enjoy how she complimented you like have you worked in the supermarket before like no you know I just

I'm a human being and I have I've lifted things before naturally capable yes I have carried things before yeah about five ten minutes past I think at the five minute mark I thought okay I can feasibly go get and I will be done but I don't want to so I waited another five minutes like pacing

around the same aisle, just kind of hyping myself up. Yeah. And so it hits 10 minutes, like, you go, I have to do it. Now's the time. I walk towards it. Motion to her, hey, hey, can I pick up my cake? It's me, the guy, with all the talent. And then came the horrible words I never wanted to hear.

Can you explain the cake for me? Oh, no. It's because you let her into your life. Yeah. And she felt like you were close enough after your cake stacking for her to ask you about that. At this point, though, I knew the cake was already printed. So I was like, well, they're not going to not give me the cake. I've got to go through this horrible few minutes of trying.

How do you explain McNuggies? To a 60-year-old woman who doesn't use the internet probably. It's an internet joke. That's what I said. It's just an awful, awful joke. It was meant to embarrass a friend, but now I'm the one that's embarrassed. And then she carried on. Can you read out the text for me?

What does it say? Could she not read it? I think she was like just pushing me at this point saying, yeah, you fucking dirty dog. Yeah, come back in five minutes. Oh, I was looking at the text. I said, no, I can't read it out loud. I don't want to. At this point, she turned to her 80-year-old colleague.

E, Janice, it's a naughty cake. Oh, wow. It's a rude one. It's a naughty cake. It's a rude one. They have a little giggle to each other. She puts a safety sticker on it and hands me the cake. A safety sticker.

It's just like, it's not been tampered with. Oh, right. Tampered with my McNuggies. They don't just like put special stickers on the ones that have porn on them, do they? You can crave this one. But you cannot. Have you got any of those porn stickers? Put your hands on those McNuggies.

Yeah. She handed me the cake and I got the fuck out of there. I enjoyed a nice 10-minute walk home holding McNugies and beer. Wow, done. And then I put it in my fridge. And Peter was just picking up fucking stone little bits of gravel. Fill in these pockets. What a loser.

Are people going to think I'm a geologist, hobbyist now? Depends if you, do you want to say that you're not? No, I want to say that I am. Okay, well, there you go. Yeah, you are. It's established. But only driveways. Only driveways.

Wow, what a tale Thank you for the hoops you jumped through to At the time of recording the cake is still intact Mostly just but It's just the McNuggies to the left Everyone's cut around the McNuggies If you go on my Twitter There's a photo of what remains currently of the cake

Some of the text and just the ass So yeah, if anyone wants to come in and have the McNuggies There's some knuggies I'm going to, if they're still there at lunchtime I will eat the McNuggies Just go diving on that bad boy I don't think anyone wants to be the person to eat the ass Like they're just like I can't do it

It's going to be a bit stale now I just remember the saddest bit of this whole story actually As that when I got home I drank the beers And promptly fell asleep on the afternoon And I had tickets to go see my neighbour Toverro in the cinema And I just slept through the screening Oh fun Was that at the showcase?

Yeah yeah Because we went to see Deadpool and they showed that they were doing flashback cinema I was like oh yeah I've got tickets to go see 2000 on a space odyssey Oh cool Which I'm not going to sleep through Because that's a film I've been wanting to see for years I've been waiting for a cinema screen

Yeah, I've never seen it But I've never seen it I feel like I should I don't think I could sit at home and watch it It's like three hours long It's just dense as fuck I think I'd enjoy it there Like the imagery and stuff

I quite like Kubrick I'm gonna go see Hans Solo tomorrow night A midnight It's coming out It's like a day early preview You know some cinemas For some reason

It's allowed to show films Like two days early Yeah especially in the UK it seems You never know about that stuff from the States Yeah I went to go see Isle of Dogs like the day before release. And what's the point having a release date

if you're going to show it early? Just make the day before the release it. Because I kept not wanting to get it wrong because when you get a cinema ticket for midnight, it's always a little bit like, I know how midnight works. Midnight 0-000-0-0 is on the day of the day that's coming up for the rest of the day

after that midnight. That's the day. But some people are stupid and probably think that midnight is the last minute of the day. So if you have the date wrong on the ticket because people are thick, then you can get a midnight screening.

You're going to miss you. The day after the... Yeah, exactly. So I kept checking and being like, well, the film's coming out on the 25th, and my ticket says it's 24th. Have they just fucked up? But I think it is just one of those early screenings,

which is weird. Well, let's roll into another question quickly. Let's... Thank you, Michael, for that story. That's all right. This question is from Stephen Avia, I believe, at Nerd at Brunch on Twitter. Oh.

For Peter. Oh. Story-wise, yeah. What would you like to see happen in the final installment of the Star Wars trilogy we're currently on? Oh, well, that's a handy link there. Star Wars, we were just talking about it. Yeah. So remind us what's happening in the Star Wars world currently, Peter.

Spoilers, for anyone who's not up to date. I'm not up to date, actually. Are you ever going to be up to date? No, I don't give a shit. You're not up to date from fucking the original trilogy. I know. I had episode one on VHS tape as a kid, and I watched that probably 100 times. Me too. I loved it, yeah.

That's all I need to know. Incidentally, sorry, the last question, did you actually answer the... Was the question, how much did it cost? Oh, 12 quid. 12 pounds. Oh, did it? I still owe Mikey six pounds. I got his bank details last night and didn't send him the money.

My apologies. Do you still owe me money, Michael? Have you transferred your money to... I transferred the fucking money over there. That's fine. Oh, my God, what's that for? It's about to collect some debts up in here. Oh, is that for the previous cake?

No, no. No, we went to see Deadpool 2 at the week. Oh, of course, yeah. Star Worms. So, Ray was... Who's Ray? Ray is just a lady who we don't even know of her name. What's a lady?

Just a, all man. She might be a man. Right. You know, it's 2018. Yeah. She was dumped on a planet called Jacou by presumably her parents.

And she wanted to wait for them to come back. But then she got embroiled in a whole thing with Finn, who was a defector from the empire and BB8. And BB8's dad, Po Dameron. And she ended up getting wrapped up in the resistance and helping blow-up star killer base where Hans Sorboe died and his his trusty pet

his pet Capuchin shot Ben Swolow yeah Swalers Benny Swalers yeah I don't even need to see the film thanks Peter and the whole time Luke's Scarl Walter is

not there and they're like oh we really want Sark SkyWalter to come back because we love him and he would help us and in the next film they find out using a piece of map that was inside of Artu D2

the whole time unhelpfully he was just fucking asleep and then at the end he's like oh sorry did you want this

and then Ray and Maraca go and find Star Walter on the millionaire falcon on the millionaire falcon on a

he's in Ireland yeah he's in Ireland he's just in an island on an island on an island in Ireland yeah and Luke's like I'm not coming back

I hate Killoren watch me suck this big alien and titting. Yeah. I love that milk. It reminds me of Ambaru's

tasty breakfast beverage. Meanwhile, there's just a spaceship being chased by a spaceship for the entire fucking film. Yes, there is. Which eventually lands on Hoth 2. That's what it was called, I think. Hoth 2.

Salty Hoth. Yeah, Hoth 2, Electric Boogaloo. Yeah, and they're about to get blown up because Finn and Rose, that's not what her name was, but Rose. Rose Dameron. Rose Dameron. they went to try and stop them

being chased by the Empire and the First Order, but it didn't happen. They ended up in the Guardians of the Galaxy film. Yeah, they were in the Guardians of the Galaxy. They rode a horse and then they came back and nothing had been fixed. And so the salty base is being attacked and then a ghost hologram man

of Luke Starwalter appears and Lirk Stolwolder. Lirk Stolwolder. Lerke Stolwart and he saves the day and then he does a die and yeah he doesn't die in Ireland in Ireland he's still in Ireland it turns out he's just using one of those overhead projectors Skype

Skype yeah one of those and then Ray was rubbing his eyes Ray this is not I'm just I've got a sore eyes right now and Ray lifts the rock and then she's the new king of the Jedi's or queen or queen and then a boy lifts a broom remember yeah and that was meant to be the film right that was meant to be the film that like changed things and did daring stuff

and it was actually quite a bit tedious. I didn't like it that much. It wasn't amazing. Smithy hated it. Me and him have had two conversations in the kitchen. But that's more than one. Two. Yeah. It's more than one.

It warranted a second conversation. Anyway. So what happens next? We've got Ben Swolo, who's kind of good but not. Yeah. We've got Ray. Ray Canoby. She's not.

It turned out her parents just sell junk. That was just a total misdirect. They set that up as a huge thing. And it was like, no, your parents were no one. It was like, right. Well, that was one of the biggest hooks about this series. They were junk traders, which I think is actually a street term for drugs. Nice.

They sell like Marituaner or something. Oh, that's awesome. Oh, and Snoke was no one either. See, this is what annoyed me. I know the question was what's going to happen in the next one, but I just want to say, the thing that really annoyed me the most is that there were two big questions to answer. And if you want to throw away one of them, that's fine. If you want to either make Snoke nobody or Ray have no parents or not significant parents, fine.

But don't do both, because those were the two. biggest questions people were thinking going in and they both literally fucking fucking right was it Ryan Johnson yeah he he got a camera turned it and put it flush against his McNuggies and did a shit on the lens is what he did

he certainly did Peter and then laughed at us all it was uncomfortable viewing but we all paid for it so anyway it more than once the next episode is going to be Jabrams again he's doing it yeah and with his lens flare an all right job of the first one of the new trilogy so I think it could be hopefully

another fun romp. Is he writing it? I think he might be. And given that he was clearly trying to set some stuff up with Ray and Snoke in the initial one, I'm hoping he's going to do just like, oh, what we told you in the previous episode was true from a certain point of view.

And it's actually going to turn out, yeah, your parents were just junk traders, but your granddad... But they sold drugs to Ben Kenobi. Your granddad was Obi-1 Kenobi, or Snoke was sort of nobody, or is dead, but he's not dead and gone from the... trilogy because he's now just some sort of monster ghost or something the

rancor yeah so I think I don't know what's going to happen but I think maybe swolo will come back from the bad side and like there'll probably be a ghost Luke in it I think he's going to come back and Princess Lee Lila is going to be dead at the end yeah like that was another stupid part of the film where she fucking Superman her way back into the shit. Yeah, it looked like she was going to die. That's the one bit of the film I've seen just because of gifts on the internet.

It's so comedic. People were laughing at the midnight showing we went to. What were you trying to achieve with that? What were you doing? It's just the way it was presented. I think as a concept, Leah getting blasted out into space

and using the force to make her way back would have been totally fine. Cool even. Cool even. Apart from the fact she Mary Poppinsed her way back. Yeah, she may as well have had a carpet bag an umbrella above her head but it was just the way it was presented

like the shot and the motion that she did that's what made it look silly dumb um allegedly I don't know if this is true but she's already shot all of her scenes for the last one like before she died but I can't I don't see why they would have done that yeah that seemed that's very

shooting very far in advance there that's a bit because no one else has done that as far as I'm aware maybe the new right come on Carrie got to get this done how much time left Jesus you're deaf clock So I don't know, in answer your question, but that's what happened in the previous two films.

Thanks, Peter. In a nutshell. I think there was a fun recap and everybody learned something today. Michael has practically seen the films. Yeah, I don't need to see it. No. I just have you explain it all to me. I feel fractionally better for doing that as well.

I think it's sort of roused me slightly. Roused or aroused, potentially. Well, let's... Michael. What? Playing footsie with me. Oh my gosh. I didn't even notice that.

You time and a place. You're the aroused ones. Goodness. Peter? Yeah. Have you got a thing? I've got a thing You want to do a thing

Yeah He's doing his thing Go on then I'll get it out right now Go on There it is Do you want to talk about No

Prostitution in animals Oh fuck yeah Oh Hang on Please be orangutans As in like animals Animals selling Sex to each other

Or human prostitution No no Of course not That would be cruel And zoophilic And we don't condone that No it's fine I just needed to

Make that distinction now Michael actually probably if he remembers his name redundant day as well oh we've got to stop saying that before that video comes out no one's going to understand the reference it comes out literally a month now name redundant he may remember a video he did for me once he edited a voiceover right in which I talked briefly about this subject but there is an entire Wikipedia page about it and I've looked up some further

information oh boy monkey sex so the first and foremost thing is that animals can use money knowingly. Right. Capuchin monkeys can learn to use money and demonstrate

and they demonstrate an understanding of market value and inflation as opposed to just exchanging a coin for some food which is

that's just you know, conditioning. But they will, there was a study by Keith Chen and Laurie Santos in 2005.

Is that Yanni or Laurie? It's Lorry. Lorry. Okay. Oh, it's always Lorry. Right.

Yeah, it's never been yally, it's not. They train some capuchins to use small silver discs with a hole in the middle as tokens that could be swapped for grapes and jelly cubes. And that's not particularly remarkable

in animals, but the monkeys would behave differently depending on the number of coins in circulation and the researcher's response to them, which is by definition, that's what an understanding of inflation and market value is. This is like the most adorable experiment ever.

Does little monkeys handing over coins and getting nice sweet and choosing whether or not it's worth their while to give a coin or give like 10 coins for a cube of jelly right because yeah you know it's easy to say well you just train them to swap it for food but i mean that's what we do money can be exchanged for goods and services yes but we won't just blindly give all our money away for a single you know uh capri son yeah right well i don't know why i went to that that's a strange example but i understand but if if you know if the price is too high or there aren't many of them out there,

you're not going to do it. So that was interesting. But once the money was sort of in circulation around the monkey colony, they were also very quick to take up gambling. What does monkey gambling look like? Do we have examples of that? I don't have the specific example,

but from my psychology studies in university, I'm aware that you can get animals to gamble based on, essentially, probably had to put a coin into a hole and the hole might pay out or it might not with like jelly cubes. Oh, okay, yeah. And they would start to like show the same kind of superstitions and irrational associations that humans show.

So like if it worked on a day when the sun's out or whatever, they would be like, oh, well, that's, it makes it, it's a lucky day if the sun's out kind of thing. Okay. And devolves them then being drunk at 4 a.m. in a casino crying. It does, yeah. Now, this is a direct quote from the Wikipedia article. During one chaotic incident though A researcher observed

What appeared to be a monkey exchanging a disc for sex The monkey that was paid for sex Immediately then traded the silver disc for a grape So the prostitute was a bit hungry She said look I'll I'll give you a hand job if you give me a coin And when she was done she went and got a grape Oh, how adorable Paid the bills

Now the researcher took steps to prevent any possibility of coins being traded for sex after his suspicions were aroused. I think it was being run by Ned Flanders. Outrageous. It's an immoral monkey experiment. In other experiments, male macaque monkeys have been observed paying to see females bottoms. Wow. Yeah.

They don't wear clothes, though, so how would that work otherwise? No, it's like presenting yourself there, right? So not only do monkeys pay for actual sex, but they just pay for a peep show as well, I think. How much would they pay to get a look at their mognom? That's the question. I don't know. Several silver discs. At least six, I think.

A daily or a day lie penguins normally are monogamous, right? They're supposed to be quite, it's like a one of nature's cute couples kind of thing. It's like the mate for life. OTP. I don't have anything necessarily you make for life, but for a season, once you've got your partner,

you stick with them and look after your baby. But these penguins apparently sometimes the ladies sneak off behind the men's backs and they go and have sex with other males and when they're done they take a nice pebble from the nest wow really yeah that's what penguins like I think it's part of the mating ritual

is that what you were doing at the weekend yeah I went and had sex with a penguin and then took a pebble for my troubles and you just yeah you spun this whole thing meanwhile Michael's off embarrassing himself at ASDA you're at fucking penguins again yeah it's alright what the fuck it was all consensual

there's a talking one. It's like Cocoa the gorilla. It was just a man in a penguin suit. You just relived happy feet, didn't you? Yeah. It's your favourite fucking film. Yeah. Favorite fucking film.

That's what it is. Yeah. We know that the penguins value these pebbles because that's how you get your mate to begin with. You present it a really nice pebble. But then once you've got a little bit of courtship going on, they're sneaking off and getting other pebbles and just trading their bodies for them.

What the fuck? God. And according to Christina Gomez, of the Max Planck Institute of Evolutionary Anthropology in Leipzig. Right. A study into chimpanzee behaviour, quote, strongly suggests that wild chimpanzees exchange meat for sex and do so on a long-term basis.

Oh. Meat for sex. Yeah. For, like, food. Food for sex. Sex, mate. Yeah. So, in a way, it mirrors prostitution in humans in that,

you know, it tends to be something that you only do when you're kind of down on your look there aren't many prostitutes that are doing it just for fun unless you're like one of those really upper class professional escorts who gets like 10,000 pound to get treats to a nice dinner

your partner goes off during the day whether they're a man or a woman to the office and while they're out you just have people over and you make them clean your house for you or whatever and whip their bottoms. That is how sex works. That is it? Yeah that's it. That's all the prostitution involves. That's how that's house

sex works. No need to go to sex ed. We got you, fam. So, I mean, it kind of draws into question whether, does that mean that those animals are doing human behaviours or are we just terrible, terrible animals? Well, we are more advanced, aren't we? So maybe those... Well, we've got opposable thumbs.

Well, I mean just like, intelligence-wise. Intelligence-wise. Come on, get your head in the game. Okay. Intelligence-wise. Yeah. If those characteristics are shown in animals, and we are the most advanced intellectually, animal-wise.

There's no reason why we can't share those abilities. There's probably a lot of things that we do and take for granted as human behavior that animals would probably do too have put in the right position, but they're just not clever or advanced enough to do it. Dolphins do bad things to humans. To humans and to seals and to other dolphins. They are aggressive as fuck. There's never been a record.

This was also actually from a name-redacted video that I'm. did. There's never been a recorded case of penetration, but dolphins have been known to push divers to the bottom of the ocean and mount them. God, that'd be fucking terrifying. With their big rocket willies. Thanks, Peter. Stop calling it a willie. We're not five. Some of the people who listen are five. Stop listening. Tell your friends who are adults. Yeah. Tell all of your adult friends. Yeah, if you've got kids who are your friends and they're five, what do you doing. I don't understand that. Weird. So that's just another little venture

into weird weird capetia. Weird capitia. That's perfect. Beautiful. Thank you, Peter. That was amazing. You're welcome. I hope I delivered it with the regular level of Vim that I normally do. Enthusiasm of me. Yes, absolutely. I was hooked. It was perfect. From start to finish.

Yeah, you were hooked. I was just mentally picturing monkeys, doing the naughty, exchanging coins, getting grapes and gel. I really like the sentence. Macacs have been seen exchanging coins to see females that's so innocent and playful I'll let's see your bottom

they're just doing what they think is right to get around disc for it what is a monkey sorry what is a monkey getting from that like having sex that's like the most innate drive in the animal kingdom that's the point of living that's the meaning of life when you're not human

yeah well monkeys masturbate too he's looking at the ass and saving it for later He's mine. God, they're so weird. He just wants something for the bank, I guess. Wait, what the monkey's called again? I want to look at a macaques. Macac arse. Macaque arse.

Oh my God. It's in the link dumped down below, a macaquex bottom. Macac underscore arse.jpig. But if you want to see it, you have to pay as a silver coin. Yes, one silver coin to our PayPal, which is PayPal.com. That's where you can send us to PayPal. Or, if you like, and you don't feel like you have to, you can go to Patreon. on. Whoa. And you can give us a little tip. Yes. We can

like have a beer on you or you can just imagine we're spending it on whatever you want us to spend it on. Equipment. Hospital bills. Hospital bills. Oh my god Pebbles. That'd be nice. Pebbles. Uh, internet. Pornography. Oxygen tanks. Look how fat there's macaque is. Oh no. That's a thick boy. That's like a city macaque, isn't it? That's an absolute unit. Just gets fed by tourists all the time. Talland's famous macaque, Uncle Fat, has been placed on a diet. That's so uninventing. You're right.

Uncle fat. Nice one. Nice one, Dave. That's a really good one. Do we have some questies? They've got a questie. I've got a questie for Mikey. This is from Ode to Sleep at Ode to Sleep 6498.

When is at Parrot Boy's birthday? And does he want anything other than more Hot Wheels? I guess sweets are off the table. Too many E numbers? Please, literally anything other than Hot Wheels. wheels. Yeah. He's tired of hot wheels.

Yeah. It's quite a long wait until my birthday. It's October 3rd. So it's the arse end of the year. We'll give plenty of time. I have a proper run-up. I don't know why I want. Did you send me a dog?

No, don't send Michael dogs. No, don't send a dog. Put holes in the box. It'll be fine. It'll make it through transit. Send, you can just send loads of postcards with dogs on. Yeah. There be goes.

Just send me pictures of dogs and I'll enjoy them. Yeah. There you go. Nothing with a monetary value because he doesn't understand inflation or bargaining. Yeah. He'll just take the postcards to women and ask to see their bottom.

I think that would work. Hello, can I see your bottom? I've got a picture of a dog. Six, seven, eight, eight. I'm not going any higher than ten dog postcards. Come on. You just don't understand inflation. That's what it is.

You just don't understand inflation. How many dog pictures would it take someone to like someone to give you to let them see your ass? That was a mess of words. Literally, I understand what you're saying. Literally. there is no amount of dog focus because they have no value to me

especially the more you get like actually having fewer dog focus is arguably better yeah if you came at me with 10,000 dog photos and said I will give I will make you take 10,000 dog photos if you don't show me your ass I'd probably be more likely to do it if it was a threat than some kind of bargain

yeah oh okay well but don't do that because I don't want to do that and there are things in place like the government and polis and I will call The age of concerns. There's a man trying to see my ass. He's giving me dog photos.

He's soliciting me with dog picks. I don't know. I just, it's so strange. I don't know what to do. I think he's really confused with the concept of a dick pick unless he just can't read properly or something. Just sending duck picks instead. I had a dog called Richard and he just took it from there. He doesn't understand.

Next question. This one, because we've all had a question, I picked one out for me as well. Oh, good. This is from Reese. at Reese 2098 on Twitter the 2098th Reese

2098th of his name he asks have you guys ever gotten into the From Software games I know you've dabbled gentlemen right from software Dark souls

I know that because on your desk you have that Dark Souls toy Bloodborn Blops same thing On the back it says From software I just pictured that

The games are from From Software Yes It's software from from software I ain't ever properly dabbled In a dark or demon souls or blood game So shame Soon though

When it comes out on Switch I'll probably give it another goo I think I downloaded Dark Souls 3 for the PC Just to give it a world And I got 10 minutes and got bored Because I was a terrible person I've never owned any of them But I've played a couple

I've played Dark Souls 1 and just the beginning of it and Bloodbourne as well yeah I really like Bloodborn like the world seemed really interesting I love all the Gothic stuff but yeah I've not properly invested the time and I'm sure

it takes probably a lot of time to get through those because you die all the time famously die a lot they are one of amongst my favourite games I love those games I have the Platinum and Demon Souls on the PlayStation 3 I've played and finished

Dark Souls 1 Dark Souls 2 on both PS3 and PS4 I've got the platinum in Dark Souls 3 I have the platinum in Bloodbourne and they're all incredible the law is so intricate and you just want to look up YouTube videos and theories

and people connecting the dots because it is there but it's just like really subtle and it's always fascinating and morbid we cut it out of the piece of cake video we did about Dark Souls but I said a little fact in that that Hidataka Miyazaki, who's like Mr. Souls game,

yeah, was read a lot of European fantasy, choose your own adventure books when he was a young and because he didn't speak perfect English, a lot of it was quite vague and he didn't quite understand a lot of it. And he said that is a huge influence for how he designs the games. Because he's frequently game designer. I don't think he was in Dark Souls 2, but he certainly was for the other ones. The music's always incredible, it's always horrible and scary. and I love a lot of people look down on it

but I love playing it in co-op just because while it's still a challenge it's like a bonding exercise like I don't just summon in randoms like for example this this weekend coming up I've booked Thursday afternoon off and Friday off

and I'm going to my friend's house where another friend is also coming and we're going to sit there and play Dark Souls remastered all weekend together in co-op and it's going to be wicked and yeah I love to come out is it Thursday

It is this week at the time of recording I can't remember exactly when But very, very soon Very excited for that I very much appreciate them from afar And I have every intention of playing them Whether I actually will or not, I don't know

But I... We should do a play-through If someone said, sit down and play this Then I would... Depends which one we play. I've seen like I watched someone play through Dark Souls 1

And did it quite quickly As a guy who'd like to play that one You can just smash through it The problem is with Dark Souls 1 it's a little open-ended and they are fixing it with the remaster but honestly one of the hardest things about playing it in co-op

is just waiting for the like because it's a very clever online system in the form you know you summoning phantoms and so on and getting faded and that sort of stuff but it's a flawed system at the same time because you just put your sign down on the floor and wait for it to show up in someone else's game in the newer ones they've added password support

so you add a password and it'll only show up for someone with a matching password but in the early games it was like it's just a fucking Russian roulette Yeah, whether or not you just get picked up by random. So it's a lot easier now. Depends which one we play. Dark Souls 3 might be good fun, but it will be a long, long old haul. When does the Ensign trilogy remaster come out for the Switch?

Ensign trilogy, oh, for the switch. Oh, soon, right? Yeah, it's the next couple of months. I think it's, yeah, it's probably soon of that, I think. Why are you up for playing that? I don't know. It's the thing I'm like, it's been on my Amazon homepage for so long. Like, do you want it, go on, get it, you know you want it.

Go on. Yeah, I think it is soon. I've been playing that a lot more recently. I think I mentioned the last podcast. actually and yeah I want to give it a go still slightly broken but you know it's fine you love it anyway right you ready for my thing yes please

so can I have a guess yeah is it an investment opportunity it's not oh my god say what yeah take that internet yeah Wikipedia defines Charles Darwin as a man or a woman born on the 12th of February 1809

and who was an English naturalist geologist and biologist best known for his contributions to the science of evolution yeah Wikipedia also defines award as something given to a person, a group of people like a sports team or an organisation in recognition of their excellence in a certain field. Have the Darwin Awards just happened? The Darwin Awards are always happening, Peter. That's why they're amazing.

True, but they do literally give out a series of them in posthumously. There is a website. I have been to the website. It is a horrible website in terms of navigation. It's just like a really old, archaic looking thing. And a lot of the stories are written in a sort of, bearing in mind the subject matter of the Darwin Award, which is essentially someone who proves that natural selection exists by dying in a really stupid way. And like, well, you know, evolution fucking, you know, natural selection took care of them.

Getting rid of the stupid people out of the gene pool. Exactly, yeah, because they can't survive because they're too stupid. For a website that's based entirely around that, a lot of them are written with very little mirth and humor. Oh, really? Bearing in mind that a lot of the ways that they die are quite entertaining and really stupid. Put forward in a very straightforward way. It is just really straightforward and factual and it's sometimes a bit sad to read them. Luckily, there are websites like PopCrunch, which is one of those darned top 10 websites.

Oh, boy. Down with them, am I right? Who just sort of minimizes the human pain from the story and maximizes the lull they fell out of a window aspect. which of course is the best bit. I have a number here, a number of them, a number of them from this article, including verbatim what the description was for each one. I'm going to read you the titles.

I want you to choose a few of them for me to read you. So, stop me when you want me to begin. The Enema Within. Well, I mean, no, I can kind of see what's going to happen. We can loop background. Okay, yeah, let's hear them all first. The mentalist. homegrown shoot

musket mishap these all sound like luny tunes yeah luny tunes of crash bandicoot levels Russian roulette fail that's not quite as inventive right

and unbreakable glass oh god I want to go for unbreakable glass I think I think we should do unbreakable glass we should do the enema one and I think musket mishap

sounds good because it's going to be someone cleaning the barrel and looking down it and pressing the trigger Okay, you ready? Where would you like to start? Start the top one. Okay, the enema within.

We've all heard the stories about frat boy morons giving themselves alcoholic enemas to get completely wasted in a fraction of the time it takes when actually drinking liquor. But Michael Warner took this ridiculous practice to a whole new level. Warner was a 58-year-old machine shop owner who had a throat injury

that made it nearly impossible for him to drink alcohol. So, being a logical, mature fellow, he had his wife's assistant as he self-administered enemers of his favourite spirits. The problem is, taking booze rectally will cause the alcohol to absorb several times faster and by more volume than simply drinking the stuff. Warner's last enema consisted of two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry. He died in his sleep with a blood alcohol content of 0.47%

and his wife was brought up on charges of negligent homicide for not calling him an idiot and taking away his home. Imagine pumping your husband full of sherry up the ass Two bottles of sherry And sherry's strong Nearly 1% of his body was sherry That's got a burn Like that's got to be really stingy

You'd just pass out almost immediately Well he did And then he never woke up again What an idiot I actually put that one at the top Because it was one of the slightly more Sad ones Yeah it's a bit

But fortunately he had an injury And he was just trying to get a drink But God Like even if Even if it didn't magnify the effect, two bottles of sherry still a lot to fucking drink, so don't shove it up your ass.

It's obscene. That's amazing. What a silly bill. What a man. We move on now to musket mishap. Yeah. Muzzle loaders, like any gun, can be dangerous if not handled properly,

but common sense plays a big part. 19-year-old Gregory Pryor was cleaning a 0.54 caliber. I think either is acceptable, but in America, I think we'd just say the numbers. Okay. Let's go with 54-caliber muzzle loader in an attempt to return it to working order. The gun hadn't been firing properly, so he assumed that there was some residue, sorry, lingering in the barrel. So, thinking on his feet, he went to look inside with a lighter.

Oh my God. Turns out Mr. Pryor was correct in his hypothesis, and there was some leftover gunpowder residue. His lighter ignited, whatever was left, and his face was blown on. Oh, my God. Jesus, what an idiot. I heard about someone who actually survived a terrible, terrible accident where they came back at night, their power was off, and they could smell gas.

I think they could hear gas. And rather than just go off the smell and maybe even the sound of it hissing, they thought, oh, if it's super gassy in here, I'll be able to see that it's all wavy, you know, because gas is wavy. when you look through it. So they, I don't know if they struck a match or lit a lighter,

but they massively like burned their face and stuff, but I think they survived. Fuck's sake. But Jesus Christ. People. Darwin Award winners, these guys. Yeah. Unbreakable glass.

Before we get that, though, I'm just going to give you a quick synopsis of the other ones. Okay. So the mentalist is a man who thought, a man from Russia who thought he had like sort of a psychonetic, telepathic. Oh, yeah. And he tried to stop a train And he couldn't

Oh God Amazing Homegrown shoot is a man Who wanted to do a James Bond Style plane robbery Managed to This was before 9-11 Managed to smuggle like shotguns

And grenades onto a plane How the fuck? Robbed 25 grand Had a homemade parachute And was found like With his arms sticking out of mud Like Fucking hell

Because he just went straight down Oh god Russian roulette fail is a man who tried to play Russian roulette with a handgun Which of course just loads a bullet Every time you cock it So he just shot himself in the head He put a bullet in it

And then he just fired it Yeah cool Russian roulette obviously is meant to be played with a revolver Yeah Which has many chambers that could be empty And you spin it in its random A semi-automatic gun just literally loads the next round It doesn't just randomly not fire sometimes

Exactly And he just shot himself in the head Good well done buddy Unbreakable Glass Sometimes people take for granted how fragile glass can be especially when entire buildings are sided with it Gary Hoy was one of the

best and brightest lawyers at his firm in Toronto where he often joked about how the window glass was unbreakable he'd been seen by his colleagues testing his theory by running into the window and simply bouncing back off but his luck didn't last

one day while showing some new colleagues the same old trick the glass simply broke sending Gary to his death after a 24-story fall. No matter what your windows are made out of, running into them to prove unbreakability is just absurd. I wouldn't not have the confidence to do that. No, I wouldn't. But even if he did, imagine that moment of realization

as he hits the glass, he hits it cracked through it. It's your first day in the office. All right, let me show you the unbreakable glass. Hey, guys, check this out. It's one of our best features. Gary, no! And then you've got 24 stories worth of four. full time to be like, oh my God, why did I do this?

Oh, Gary, you really fucked this up, didn't you? I told, they said I should have just switched to a different window instead of running into the same one every time. Christ. What an idiot. Amazing. There's a bonus one for you. It's a short one.

1995, Poland, confirmed true by Darwin, is what it says at the time. By Darwin? It's clearly not because he would have been long dead. Yeah. Some men will go to... It says some men will got to extraordinary lengths to prove how macho they are. Polish farmer, Christoph Azinsky, staked a strong claim to being Europe's most macho men, macho man, sorry. So manly, he's men.

He's plural, he is more than one man, by redacted. You'll find out in a second. Azinsky, 30, had been drinking with friends when it was suggested they stripped naked and play some men's games. Right. Initially, this is manly already. Initially, they hit each other over the head with frozen turnips. Right. But then, that's also man man up to the ante by seizing a chainsaw

and cutting off the end of his foot. What? That's pretty manly. What? Not to be outdone, Asinsky grabbed the saw and shouting, Watch this then, he swung at his own head and chopped it off. What? Okay.

Cool. The how. Because I'm, he's a man. That's what real men do, is they die. It's funny, said one companion. when he was young he put on his sister's underwear but he died like a man which I think is a quote that anyone would like to have

on their tombstone he died like a man he used to wear women's underwear when he was a child yeah maybe that's why he did it he was like maybe they used to just yeah make fun of him all the time oh well you're the sister panty boy oh yeah watch this right

would a sister panty boy do this fucking hell so there's some real special people out there there's also plenty of top 10 lists of these so I might raid some more in the future and tell you guys some tales of woe something I definitely want to bring to the podcast in a few months' time

I think it's in September or October is they do a sort of an anti-Nobel prize for science where it's people who've just done the weirdest experiments right it's not people like blowing themselves up it's just like guys proving that that nits

masturbate or whatever right I mean just like what Is that guy an award? Why have you added that to the world? Like, you deserve an anti-Nobal Prize for Science. That's wonderful. We'll have that in the autumn. I would like that.

We can watch it live maybe. I don't think they're will be, by the most. For God's saying. I don't think they do. Will you put your Wilkins away? We end with another question. One more question. This is from Zach Belshore at British Cookie 21, 21st.

British cooking. Yeah. When will we see a guest star on the podcast? I think star maybe is a bit optimistic, but guest certainly is something that we can do. We've had Dave. He's a star. Yeah.

Dave's all the need. Dave is a star, but we haven't had Dave for a little while, like in person. It's a busy man. He is way too busy. I think we're going to, at some point, maybe not for an entire episode,

because it's difficult if we're going to, like, for example, when we're going to Newcastle and we're going to see the Carltonic Boys. We're probably going to bump into jewels, I'm sure, as well. we don't have a recording setup that we can bring with us but we certainly have telephones with recording technology within them that we can sit down and have a chat and insert into a podcast so maybe something like that

yeah like that'd be low-fired but it'll be nice to be homely be comfortable, be like having you a chat I want to get Miller on here at some point yeah me too I'd love to Miller I don't think we'll ever get him to Bristol but like we can certainly have a chat with him and then insert the MP3 into this podcast Cast.

Caste. Caste. Got to put it in this cast. And it'll be good, unless it won't. But it probably will be. You just got to remain positive about it. Try and be optimistic. Because life is good.

Did you say that some people, was it you that said some people think that we don't like Miller? On the worst games ever, was it? Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah, yeah. The one that's starring Simon Miller. There's a lot of people seem to think you're just taking the piss out of him

in an unfriendly mean way. But we rang him. Yeah. So people, I think people are kind of the fact that we love Miller and it's very endearing that we do impressions of him all the time. We called him up and he was on the other end of the phone

going, yeah, well, when it was in Beverly Hills Cop, it was great and I didn't need a script and I can't wait for him to do another one. Why would he do that if we were taking the piss in a horrible way? We're taking the piss, but in a hashtag it's just a prank, bro. This is why I get for reading YouTube

comments, I guess. Yeah, fuck them. Fuck you all. They're just looking for drama. Yeah. I'm looking at our group chat with Simon Miller right now. Oh,

he's just, he's so affectionate, isn't he? He's really, he's really, he's lovely. Like, we were,

we were doing Miller impressions in the chat. Yeah. And that's okay, unless it's not. Um, and then,

and then we said, you know, if we, if we do get, let us know if we get too much Miller, I'd hate us. And he said,

ha, ha, ha, ha, this is the best thing to return to. That's it. Yeah. He loves it. He comes back to chat.

It makes me happy. He says that we've been doing that stuff and he goes, I love it. It's great. It's wonderful. It's really good. Every time we call Miller or speak to Miller after we've done a Miller impression, he always says, oh no, it's great, I love it. It's really funny. It's really funny.

I mean, maybe he's just being really nice because he is a nice guy. Deep inside he's burning. Yeah, but I don't think so. See, I've spoken to frustrated and annoyed Miller before, and I don't think he'd be able to hide it very well. Oh, yeah. He doesn't mess around if you fuck him off. Oh, really?

No, you don't walk him off and not in a good way. No, no, no. Stop fucking off Simon Miller. Don't him feel fucked off with other people. It's very difficult to get a man as lovely as Simon Miller to that point. Yeah. I think we've still got, if we're going to get him there, we've got a lot of work to do. Fear the rough, the wrath. The wrath.

The nice man. It's not like day one. He gets really angry. Exactly. You've got to learn the controls first. Yeah, you've got to learn how to push his buttons first. So, yeah, no, there's no problem there. Don't worry about it, guys.

It's all fine. It's absolutely fine. Hey, do you want to know what's coming up this week on videos? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We've got a worst games ever. Oh shit.

What? Yeah. Oh, shit. It seems like that. Yeah, okay. No. We've got a worst games ever. Skyrim Zoo is taking a brief hiatus this week, but we'll be returning next week.

And it's pretty much the finale. There's two episodes left. It's a two-part finale. And it's really, it's building up. So make sure you get excited for that. But instead, on this Saturday, because we've been to Thorpe Park. Oh, my God. We will have been.

to Thorpe Park, sorry? Yeah, we've not been yet. We're going in two days time, aren't we? At time of publishing. Exactly. We should hopefully have one of two videos going out on the Saturday about one ride in particular that we were invited to come and try out. It's going to be a lot of fun.

Yes, it's going to be loads of fun. I've been to a theme park in years. I'm really excited. Me either. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be a great deal of fun. Now, if you want to keep up to date on everything we're doing, you can follow us on YouTube or subscribe on YouTube,

follow on Twitter and like on Facebook forward slash Vidiot's official Big thank you to our patrons Thanks boys and girls Over there on patreon.com forward slash Vidiot's official You can follow at this is rules boss

To have a conversation about You know things and stuff Rules And at Billy Ray Botteris to talk to Well he won't reply But he does do daily tweets We'll talk about you Yeah he's chowts

He used to reply and say Probably couldn't be a lot bit apparent But people kept tweeting him And it was really annoying Seeing that on our feed tag us as well, yeah, all the time. That was very frustrating. Make sure you leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your

platform of choice. It all helps. Yeah, everything helps. And tell your fucking friends. Tell your friends. Tell them, we still want to get out of this goddamn 30K zone. We've been here for six years. It's terrible.

It's like being hat films. Oh! If we combined our mit, they'd be into 900,000 subs by now. Oh, my God. But anyway, if you want to help us get to 50K, as we said before, we're going to announce, there's sort of a slight change of tact at the beginning of July that we'll be talking more about soon. But, you know, it would be great if we get to 50K before then. Please.

Yeah. It would be very lovely. Guys, we need a secret word or a phrase or a question. Let's ask a question. We've done two vaguely monkey slash anthropology things today. How many silver, how many pebbles would it take for you to show? A monkey, your bottom. There we go.

Imagine if a little monkey came over to you, which is just like a little pebble. Like really nice smooth ones. And a picture of nuggies. You know when you're walking along a pebble beach and there's just a fuck ton of pebbles but there's like that one pebble that catches your eye. Yeah, it's a really nice pebble.

Pure white. This monkey spent all day. Object black. Just looking for those delicious pebbles. How many of those perfect pebbles would it take for you to just get your ass out for a monkey? And it's not going to sort of bite it off or anything like a monkey might do

but it is going to look at you and later on it will probably masturbate it'll think about that laugh at yes just put hashtag secret question and just a number yeah and pebbles

and pebbles as well and pebbles number and pebbles because if it's just loads of numbers in the in the YouTube might shut us down might think we're trying something possibly let us know

or tweet us tweet us the pebbles too everything forward slash vidiats official come and subscribe come and say hello come and hang out we're your best mates hope you're enjoying this sunshine Headphones are good. Bit.L.Y. 4 slash, Viddius Beach. Fiddius Beach. Turtle Beach. They're good guys. Thank you.

Talk to them as well. They're wonderful people. Guys, thank you for coming and playing Pretender Radio today. Thank you. Lots of fun. We'll be back in a couple of weeks. We love you. Bye, bye. Hope we feel better by then. Oh, God. I think this is just it now. We're old and we're dying. There's a good chance by the time this episode actually goes out that we will all feel better. Yeah, I hope so. Because we're a week in advance. I'm at home right now. I'm probably just getting a nice bit of R&R. I'm playing Dark Souls. Oh yeah. You'll be great.

Oh, I'm reading in the office Oh, Michael Peter and I have booked off leave You'll have some peace and quiet though It won't be just me and Ben talking in weird languages at you Oh my God It's exhausting because we've gone our entire I know we've just wrapped up

But we're still going Both of us have gone our entire lives Without bumping into too many people That talk in the same weird garbled language Than each other do But somehow we came together in 2016 You came together We came together, and like, the world at the same time.

The world just doesn't know what to do with this. No. When my parents visited over the weekend, my mum does it? Really? Yeah, she's like just weird pronunciations of words that you just, you would not get unless you're on the same wavelength. It's like, oh, crap, that's where that comes from. Yeah.

That's where I got that from. My mum knows that we do it because she watches our stuff, and she says it's really funny and she doesn't, she's, like, impressed that we can think of, like, we can make the connections and stuff. Oh, my Pete is such a clever boy. It does take, you know, it takes a little bit of a... It's context sensitive.

Yeah, you have to break down the word and stuff. It's got to be like within a second. And she's like, oh, it's very good. It's very good that you do that. Also, I forgot to say in your unwrapping present, by the way, Ben, my mother wanted to send you her happy birthday regards. Oh, thank you, Mrs. Austin. And she said that if she'd sent like a card or a present,

it might have been weird. So she just wanted me to tell you. My mum also sent her birthday regards for April. She did. She did. I think you told me that. Yeah. Yeah, she didn't.

My mom doesn't know. She doesn't say anything. She's looking after a dog. She's really busy. Yeah, she's looking it up. She's very busy. Right, let's end this thing, show. Yeah.

Goodbye. Bye. Bye.