Podiots - Podiots: Episode 70 - Sixty Ten

Episode Date: January 26, 2021

The boys have skipped Episode 69 for now as they aren't confident they can do it justice. Peter's Waspin', Mikey's rioting, and Ben's alan-in'! THERE IS A CONVERSATION ABOUT DEATH AND WHAT COMES AFTE...R IN THIS PODCAST. If you would like to skip it, please avoid the following timestamps: 1:00:35 - 1:10:27 xoxo   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:57 Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com 69, get it. No, no, no, no, no, before we, no. Before we go any further. I don't think, I don't think we can do this. It's a big number, isn't it? I don't think we can ever do it justice.
Starting point is 00:01:19 All we do is episode 69 with like, it's the best episode we've ever done. everything that happens is really funny and sexual and hilarious. Or sorry, weed-related. Weed-related, because it's the weed number, yeah. And it'll be great. I think you should have more faith. But that sounds like a real gamble.
Starting point is 00:01:41 What if we don't live up to the expectations of episode 69? You're right. It sounds like effort, to be honest. And we don't do effort here at Poddietz. It's the kind of thing we couldn't recover from is a bad 69er. I will never financially recover from this. So what I'm proposing is that maybe we just skip it and come back to it in the future when we're ready.
Starting point is 00:02:02 I mean, there is the risk that if we don't 69 our listeners properly, that they'll tell all of the listeners in our social circle that we don't know how to 69 properly and then we'll be the laughing stock. That would be really embarrassing, wouldn't it? That's what everyone says at schools. Oh, you can't 69, none, no, no.
Starting point is 00:02:21 Stop it. They'll be talking about us in the listeners' toilets. where all the listeners gossip to each other. Wow, all the cool kids smoke their cigarettes, laughing at us while 69ing. Yeah. Smoke their weed cigarettes. So what do we do then? Do we just go to episode 70?
Starting point is 00:02:38 I think it's best, isn't it? And we've already got one in the later base, haven't we? Episode 50. Yeah, episode 50 is also on the back burner for another time. So not long before Episode 100 doesn't happen. That one will also definitely just be skipped. Episode 100 will also be. delayed but to be fair episode 50's only been delayed because we want to do it in person and probably
Starting point is 00:03:00 the same for episode 100 if we're allowed at that time yeah but episode 69 i feel like that needs to be on more of a more of a permanent hiatus until we're really really sure we can do it right until we've got like dave benson to come in from cameo or something like that yes i wonder how much it would cost actually i'm thinking about that now could we can can we like charge him through cameo just like charge a cameo per question yeah one by one we could just slice it in the question that's a good idea how much was it to get him to do that video again was it 50 quid or was it 30 quid i think 50 yeah that was two minutes but that was with video oh that's true excellent pantomime acting as well uh-huh so maybe if it was just audio hippie i'd be just i'd be just i
Starting point is 00:03:50 Either way, this is a bridge we can cross another time, but that's for episode 69, and we're all agreed this is episode 70. Oh, no. 70, yes. It's a tangled mess. We're going to do it Frenchways. I did it one, Frenchwise. It was a hoot. It was a hoot. 6011, episode 6011. Yeah. No, 6010. 6010. But we can't, how do we write that? It can't be episode 610 or 60-10? Let me just write it out in letters, don't we? Yeah, 6010. 60-10.
Starting point is 00:04:25 Okay. Good. All right, well, it's agreed then. That's what it is. Episode 60-10. Yeah, welcome to episode 60-10, and then the next one will be 60-11, and it'll just be in the 60s forever. Fuck it. We can do whatever we want. We're in charge.
Starting point is 00:04:40 We are. Numbers are just a made of concept. Let's rock this numerical system. We should run the episode 6010 theme tune right now. I can't wait to hear how different it's going to be. Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. It's the official. Boom. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home.
Starting point is 00:05:15 and obey the law of the three urs where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Good evening gentlemen. Hello. Welcome, welcome, what and all. I've just realized that there will eventually be a year. That's not just 6,010, so it looks like 6010, but that's how people will actually say it out loud, like 2020. They'll say 6010, won't they? Go, weren't the 6010s, shit? Yeah. God, they'll all be able to listen to this episode. Wait, what were the 60-100s, I guess?
Starting point is 00:05:53 The 60,000. What a century would that be? Oh, God. I can't even do the math. No, I don't know. The 61st century? Yeah. I suppose it was pretty simple, actually.
Starting point is 00:06:03 You add one. Just go forward six thousand years. They'll forth that help. Anyway, yeah, it's bold of you to assume humankind is going to exist. I know, it is really bold, isn't it? I think possibly. there will be some sort of lizard people
Starting point is 00:06:17 listening to this by then. We've had a good run of 2,000 years so far, so I like to think we'll at least double that. Yeah, I'm really glad we got to have our turn when it all went to shit. Yeah. It's really fair, isn't it? Also, I've got a big news flash for you, Mikey,
Starting point is 00:06:33 that the human race isn't at 2,000 years old. It's the damn sight older than that. That was when Jesus was born. But that's when it's... Why doesn't it started... I'm very confused, Peter. Why would we in the year 2000 if it wasn't the actual year 2000? No, sorry, you're right.
Starting point is 00:06:48 It's amazing to think the world is 2,000 years old. I forgot my Bible studies. I don't know where I was going with that. You're absolutely correct, Michael. Yeah. God made the world. You're a sinner. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Good. Well, if you want to support these sinners, quick side note here, you can. Did you know you can do that? You actually can. If you go to streamlabs.com forward slash pottyets donations, donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and join the prestigious Pod Squad. We split them three ways.
Starting point is 00:07:21 I did it once, three ways. And we all read some names out. We're going to do that right now. Here's your pod squad. Here's your pod squad. We start with the majestic, chunky boy. Demo Dix twitching asshole. Kedui?
Starting point is 00:07:35 And the very just stupendously generous, Samuel de Barber, with... 6010, 6010. A 6010, 6010 donation. Almost 70 episodes in, well, almost 60, 10 episodes in, and you lot have lost none of your freaky freshness. Keep it up, and thank you for populating the walk to the shops or the bus into the city with tales of meat face, parrots, microwave drug evasion and the rest.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Hashtagued, please, no more fanfic. What the hell is microwave drug evasion? I don't even understand our own universe anymore. Honestly, I've got no idea. Which one is that? Hey, Samuel de Barber, donate 6010, 6010 again, and let us know. want, which one it was. Thank you very much, Samuel.
Starting point is 00:08:17 And we continue. Goey, Bug Spittoon. Lockdown three stupid Nazis. Who was very generous and says, Oh, for God's sake. You got me there. You got me there. That's right.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Nah, that's refunding that three quid. Take that back. We don't want your money. Barry Scott violets, pennies. Dabber the Christy. Dabber. Emily.
Starting point is 00:08:41 Dabber the Christy. Triggily Searide sister Dabber Dabbah Christi I just like dabber Like dabba D dabba die Anyway Emily Lemons Big Titty Justin
Starting point is 00:08:56 69 Oh 6010 60 10 60s sorry sorry Numbers New Year New Chegwin Rip
Starting point is 00:09:04 Oh yeah We ask for the Chegwin names now Yeah Oh yeah Bring out the Chegwins Those funny funny Chegwins Jericho's Mud
Starting point is 00:09:13 baby, he was very generous and says, hey guys, thanks for all the great content you produce. Can you please say happy birthday to my husband, Rick, at, that's a Twitter name, isn't it? Ellis Ensign, 2293 on Twitter, as we're both massive fans and it would make his birthday a bit brighter during lockdown. Much love and keep safe. Well, Rick, happy, happy birthday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Have a wonderful day. one of us lockdown birthday one of us oh god we're approaching the time where everyone's going have going to have had a lockdown birthday that's fun those january babies thought they were safe
Starting point is 00:09:53 but nope nobody nobody can behave and here we are hope you enjoy your zoom quiz oh i don't want zoom quizzes spread cheeks slap balls that's that's another donate a name that's not just a me saying that's sorry Instruction Happy Zoom quiz Spread cheeks slap balls I want that to be your new catchphrase or sign off
Starting point is 00:10:16 Okay at the end of episodes You'll get a lovely big old Well I'm not going to say it now You have to wait till the end for it Chav Chav Ramirez Kairs of Gallifrey And the uncannable Tom Hanks
Starting point is 00:10:29 Oh Tom, thank you The only Tom The list continues With artist formerly known as Chegg Lou Mum said dinner is ready Lou, Mum said dinner is ready
Starting point is 00:10:46 There we go Carry the worst Freddy Weber buys used pants Sad Keith Chad Wank Cold as a witch is tit Lord Brottovich Mr Black Make TP say cunting daughter
Starting point is 00:11:01 Stephen Scodes Donner C-O7 I come in the land down under. Can't shack it? Okay. Bean, with two E's, bean, as in went. 4 PGBP Mike E. And 4TP wedding.
Starting point is 00:11:28 There you go. You have to split that off into your wedding. The wedding party's accounts. It's like a numbers radio station. It is. And also, make America jugson again. We also have Ha ha ha me at tube
Starting point is 00:11:43 ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha who was very generous and said meat face pork cylinder Ah watch out And they've included a link Which I have opened And it's to the company that manufactures Billy Bearham Oh wow
Starting point is 00:11:57 And did you know that I've closed it It's gone now Did you know that there's also lots of different varieties of that I think I've seen one other kind Yeah, but I didn't know there were many varieties. I'm familiar with a football variety. I've got to open it now. It's like there's, you can get like a love heart.
Starting point is 00:12:16 It's all just massively, it just doesn't look right. There's Billy Bearham. I hate Billy Bearham. I never ate it because I did not trust it at all. Oh, I loved it as a kid. Yeah, I think I had it a couple of times as a quote unquote treat, but I remember it being crunchy. And I think that put me off in the end.
Starting point is 00:12:34 There you go. There's a link. So there's all their varieties. There's Billy, which is like a horrible clown boy, Billy Bear Ham, Happy Bear Ham, Happy Lion Ham, happy clown, happy monkey, happy Fox, happy Tractor, and Heart in Heart, which you all need to stock up on for Valentine's Day. Happy Tractor Ham, what on earth.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Hack off a big slice of that delicious-looking, artificial heart ham. Great. Also, I like that you said, the name as ha ha me at tube but i think it's meant to be meat oh yeah no you're right oh we ordered glid right pass that didn't we that's the problem with no camel case yeah use that camel case difficult to find out it does say the product advantages it lists on lists on this website is impressive design definition it is seasoned to suit children's taste without artificial flavor enhancers so with a shelf life of up to seven months fresh it should not last
Starting point is 00:13:36 That's not real meat, is it? That's not right. No. Don't like that at all. Anyway, moving on. Diffuse Trap McFacey Boy. Jinky Fizz Gog. God.
Starting point is 00:13:48 Bobby Stream Fund. The Dilla in Manila. God. This is getting harder to say. I'm nearly falling over all of them. Hello, this is rules. Boys. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Potato Shack for Donald Tump. Dr. Donald Tump, for 2024. Fuck, mini-chedders. Trade Union Congress. Bickies, Jones-Skeed independent Vanch, a very generous Reggie Bronx who donated 6010 and said have been an avid fan since day one. A donation has been long overdue. After all, you've created an intricate universe of unrivaled wonder and silliness that easily outshines any Hollywood
Starting point is 00:14:26 guff is to 2021, which is already going great for humanity. Thank you, Reggie. Prince Beefcakes. Cheggers naked jinkle. Mr. Macca, and followed by who didn't get because they were last at the end. Thank you everyone. That's your
Starting point is 00:14:44 that's a horrible photo, Michael. Yeah, what on earth? They'll let you investigate in the website they'll let you print whatever design you want on the meat. I mean, I'm not printed them.
Starting point is 00:14:53 Can we? Can we get some some potty it to meat made? Can we get some Billy Ray Ham? We could get the exact, if we turned meat face into a black and white like binary image.
Starting point is 00:15:07 We could get Meatface made into mass-produced happy ham. The thing is, though, I think we'd have to order like thousands of kilograms of it. But it lasts for seven months, Ben. Yeah, we'd be sorted. If you refrigerate it, we could sell it to the audience. I could just picture the factory kicking into gear. We've got an order through. It's the first one we've had to years.
Starting point is 00:15:33 of meat face ham. Don't want it. Nobody wants it. However, if you would like to support us, Poddiet's donations, that's Streamlabs.com forward slash poddietz donations, three pounds or more. Thank you so much to all of your generous folk this week,
Starting point is 00:15:50 and we'll give you a shout-out at the end of the show as well. Right, are you boys ready for your first question? Yes. This is from Paul at Paul Zaremba 16 on Twitter. It finally happened. You boys have created a pill that, gives you incredible bravery. The bravery lasts for 24 hours, or for us Ameriorns, one day.
Starting point is 00:16:10 What would you use your pill for? Okay, love you by. P.S., you only get one pill, only one. Oh, so we've got to use our bravery wisely. Yeah, if you were immensely brave, what would you do? 24 hours. See, something that I wish I was a bit braver or more confident to do would be to like do travel do a lot more traveling and go to places out of my comfort zone
Starting point is 00:16:34 and you know places where you know there's there's not the kind of um lavish lifestyle that the three of us are used to as white cis male cracker boys um but i kind of feel like if the pill only worked for 24 hours i would find myself in you know um perhaps the goby desert or, you know, I don't know where I would go necessarily, but, you know, the Australian outback and then suddenly the pill would wear off after a day and I'd then be stuck there in the mindset that I've got now, which is I don't want to go out into the wilderness somewhere.
Starting point is 00:17:12 I'd be terrified. Like my grandparents, when they were, I think, well into their 60s, if not early 70s, when walking, hiking in Morocco, just through a desert with like one guide and for some of it they were like riding camels and they had to put tents up in the desert overnight and sleep in the desert and I'm like Jesus I wish I was like
Starting point is 00:17:35 you know I wish I was of the mindset where I would you know feel confident enough to go out and do that but I just don't I want to stay at home in Britain and sometimes go to Europe and America maybe if I can afford to but this is all pointless because the reason I brought this up is that
Starting point is 00:17:54 that's what I would do if I had like a bottle of these pills, but I don't. So I don't know. I'm thinking now. What would I do? You guys have had some thinking time now from that brain diarrhea that I just did. Is it like something you could do where like you go on the border of several countries and like the second you touch down that plane, you just slam a pill and just speedboat your
Starting point is 00:18:15 way around? I mean, that wouldn't work bordering between countries. Into a couple of countries, yeah. As many as I can. And then the second it wears off right back on that plane and home and you. you've had the best holiday of your life. Yeah. I also don't really like traveling very much,
Starting point is 00:18:31 as in, like, I don't like the process of flying somewhere and faffing around, like, with logistics, I guess is the word. So,
Starting point is 00:18:40 you know, I would also feel like I probably would want a tablet for the, for the, however long flight as well. So, gosh,
Starting point is 00:18:50 you're going to be on a cocktail of drugs for this holiday. I am. Yeah. It's an awful lot of effort to go to just to see the world, Peter. Well, this is the thing there. So when I see like travel documentaries and stuff and people are out there like seeing these amazing places and like other cultures and meeting people who they would never normally meet and doing things like incredible things, I look at them like, wow, that's great. I'd love to do that. And then I think about like, you know, even even just
Starting point is 00:19:17 planning an idea for a trip like that. And then I go, oh no, I can't do that. I'm not doing that. That's horrible. I don't want to, I don't want to worry about where I'm going. going and whether I can speak the language and whether I might not have the chase on the telly and I can't be about me chase whether I'm going to get sick you know it's not it's certainly not coming from a from an ignorant xenophobic standpoint it's it's like what I want I want to enjoy that like that cultural aspect of it it's just everything else that comes with that like worrying about how I'm going to get to places or what if I get ill out there or you know it's all that aspect to it so um but I don't know what would I use a 24 hour pill for?
Starting point is 00:19:56 I think I know what I'd do with it and I'm going big with this one so stand back boys buckle up okay I'm ready because I've got two contracts that are coming to an end this month my phone bill and my Adobe bill and they're both going to go up
Starting point is 00:20:13 well the Adobe's definitely going to go up and I want to be able to negotiate a better price without being too scared of upsetting the person on the other end of the phone I want to go into that call with bravery and go in there with a price and I will not settle for any less No, you won't.
Starting point is 00:20:27 No, I want my phone for no more than £30 a month. You listen to me, right? I've been a paying, I want to go full car and I just want to go hammer them. Adobe, I powered your software for years and several years ago, I made the jump. I'm now a legal customer. Do you want to lose me? Do you want to lose me, Michael Johnson? No, they don't.
Starting point is 00:20:45 They're not going to want to. They're going to be so impressed by your bravery. Yeah, they're going to think, shit. We need this guy around. He's propping up the rest of the product. Yeah. And I just, I think, I think, phone calls in general. I'd probably set aside a day just to do all the phone calls I've been
Starting point is 00:21:00 putting off for years because I just hit phones. I hit talking on the phone. Like if the phone rings, I never answer it. I just goes to voicemail. Well, if it was important, this will bring me back. And I give you some advice before you call them on your bravery pill. Oh, yes, please. Shop around and see what the other deals are available online because there's a good chance they offer a cheaper deal than the one you're on and you can just say, I want that and they'll do it. because I'm a coward who's backed by numbers you can't fight this
Starting point is 00:21:28 Carthorn warehouse does it for this much how are match it my friend you're going to lose me yeah I wonder if maybe I would use my 24 hours of bravery for sort of social
Starting point is 00:21:40 reasons you know sort of telling telling people things that I've needed to tell them for a long time or you're a fucking cunt I've always wanted to say that to you
Starting point is 00:21:52 I've always wanted to say it but I've been too scared to but now I'm not and when I wake up tomorrow and the pills worn off I'll feel terrible about it and you know stuff like I mean
Starting point is 00:22:02 not this not this but like this things like asking for a pay rise but I don't need a pay rise because we do we do alright at triple jump I would say but yeah that's a good shout I don't want to be on public record
Starting point is 00:22:14 saying hey I don't get paid enough by it and bechiti because we do but you know that sort of thing that's on that level yeah yeah that's the thing actually Sorry, it's just, yeah, Pearise is one of those scary things where it's scary to ask for them, because if you, if you just detach yourself from the situation, they're not going to fire you for asking for a pair eyes.
Starting point is 00:22:34 Yeah. No. You might get a pitiful pair eyes, which might make you feel worse, but, you know, it could work out. Just do it. Everyone out there, don't be like us. Go out there, message your boss, say, hey, fucker, give us, give us, give, I need, I need to buy some, some meat face tubes. Yeah, by the way, I've got the contact. form page open and once we finish
Starting point is 00:22:55 I am going to reach out and see what the minimum order is or if you can get like a sample I will explain that we are a comedy podcast and this would be great promotion for your international ham website. Failed Hoyers group where tradition meets innovation. Yes. Is there
Starting point is 00:23:11 anything more innovative than podcasts? Question mark. Allow me to introduce to you meet face ham. It's a face. I know you already do it but it's like it's kind of, it's an upsetting face. and we think the novelty alone will be well worth investing in
Starting point is 00:23:27 can we have one please so I've had an idea as well looking at this contact page on the contact page there is a photograph of Mr Bernard Fern Hoyers who is the founder or he's the owner and managing director
Starting point is 00:23:45 of the Feld Hoyers group how unnerved would they be if we sent the picture of Mr Bernard Feld Hughes. Yes. We would like one of these, please. We would like this on ham, please. Would they do it?
Starting point is 00:24:00 Would they maybe just like message him first and be like, we've had this really weird order. They want you on the ham. He would probably say how many are they going to buy? Yeah. And we'd say one and then he'd say no. Yeah. And that would probably be it.
Starting point is 00:24:16 But you never know. A spokesperson for this company, are they called the meat face? Surely, right? They have a phone number. I mean, if it wasn't so late, I would use my bravery pill to call them live now and see if I could talk to someone. Oh, the possibility is this pill. Go on. Send them to my way.
Starting point is 00:24:32 It sounds like you've got a supply. Whoever sent this question. Do it. He could make magic happen live on air. 100%. It could happen. I've added the managing director to the thread on Twitter. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:44 He might be on Twitter, you know. He might be. Can we at him? What's he called again? Don't we just at him in the picture of himself? Bernhard with an H Bernhard
Starting point is 00:24:54 B-E-R-N-Hard Yeah And then his middle initial is A And then he's Feld, Huers, Feld Hoyers
Starting point is 00:25:03 I don't know if it's Dutch or something or German F-E-L-D H-U-E-S I've found I've Googled his name correctly
Starting point is 00:25:10 I don't know that he's on Twitter you know Oh, that's a shame I don't know that he's Yeah it just
Starting point is 00:25:20 Oh you want to know what The A stands for in his name. Yeah. It's Adolf. No, it is. It is. That's why it's here.
Starting point is 00:25:29 There's only one tweet that, one Twitter response in it's someone, it's Paul Rose tweeting in 2020 saying it would seem that the character Billy, the smiling sausage, was created in the 1960s by Feld. Feldt, Feldt, what was it, Feld House? Feld Hoy's. Feld Hoy's. Who is? I don't know. Feldhoo's CEO, Mr. Bernard Adolf Feldhus. Wow. So there you go. Oh, in the 1960s. Maybe that's a previous managing director.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Maybe I think that might be an ancestor. Right, but he's also got the A middle name. Well, he has. That's true. What does this mean? Does this mean anything? I don't know. I don't know what this means.
Starting point is 00:26:13 There's no way to know. I mean, we're definitely not getting any meat from this company now, are we? Well, I'm still going to try and I'll report back next time I don't know if I will get a reply but we will see and we'll see what we get I'm very interesting
Starting point is 00:26:30 big fan of the usual Vidyitz menagerie of images and then just German businessman There he is Oh, here he is Oh no, someone's already done it Already done what? This is in the Google image results
Starting point is 00:26:44 Oh Who is? Is that? I don't know if that's him, but that's just, that's a man's face in a slice of ham and I don't know if it's his or someone else. But it shows up in his Google image results, so... What on earth is this? This is really interesting, and it's the same tweet from Paul Rose as well. I have no idea what any of this means.
Starting point is 00:27:12 No. I'm beyond lost. right now. I'm currently just looking at a wall of meat. A real rabbit hole here, haven't we? I reversed image searched it. It's now I've just got the same picture of beef and it's just tiled all across Google.
Starting point is 00:27:29 Just a wall of beef. The beef wall. The Feltoires group Beef Wall now available with your logo. For fuck sake. What? Oh man. I need to, I need. to email them.
Starting point is 00:27:46 Sorry, the one in the top right is called Moist Meat Dump. Oh, Moist Meat Dump, Album on Inger. I don't want to see the Moist Meat Dump. Nobody wants to see the moist meat dump. Hang on, I'm just adding... No, no one needs that. Just adding the meat wall to the Twitter thread.
Starting point is 00:28:01 Bear with me. And then... Anyway, what I'd use the pill for is probably, like, just some ambitious career decisions, you know? Is in, like, reaching out to people I would never bother reaching out to you
Starting point is 00:28:16 because I would think, oh, they don't have fucking time for us. You know, they're not interested in working with us and just actually fucking contacting them, finding a way and just being insistent and persevering and saying, hey, come make a video with us. We're great.
Starting point is 00:28:32 So bravely that they have to accept. That's the tricky thing. It's not, the first message isn't necessarily the hardest. It's the nudges after that. We're like, well, I didn't see the first one. Should I try again? Am I just annoying them now? Is there a bridge I'm going to burn forever?
Starting point is 00:28:45 No, I get that all the time with PR where you reach out and it takes the majors to respond and you're like, oh, great, so glad to hear from you. So can we, we're working together, yes? And then you don't hear anything. And it's like, at what point is it unprofessional for me to keep emailing them, even though we're a business and we need to be contacting them anyway?
Starting point is 00:29:02 And are they being rude? I don't understand. I've just realized how much there is to unpack in that tiled beef image. Oh, my God. The last three beefs have been photoshoped to look neater and tidier. But they've had a leak removed
Starting point is 00:29:17 and they've had the rind from the right-hand side horizontally flipped and added to the left-hand side. That is a sweet beef there. Also, the middle row, the far left one, the caption is
Starting point is 00:29:29 fillet me down on a bed of roses which is very good. Filet. God bless this fillet. This is a source of much inspiration. There's even much to think about. Very, very much.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Wow. Fuck's sake. I'm now looking at another Bernhard Feldhoes LinkedIn page. It's not him. It's a different guy. I think we should move on. Bernhard Hitler Feldhoys is his name.
Starting point is 00:29:57 Yes. Yes. Yes, it is. I'm sure a lot of people probably have the middle name Adolf or maybe are called Adolf, right? Oh, yeah. I think certainly people in the 60s who were born and named pre-World War II, definitely.
Starting point is 00:30:12 But I think Adolf is quite full. famously now, certainly in Europe, not a name. Not a good name to have. Or is it more, I think certainly Hitler doesn't exist anymore as a surname. But maybe Adolf still does actually. Maybe that's, yeah, maybe there are still a few Adolfs around. If you're an Adolf, get in touch. We're sorry for insinuating stuff about you. There's a lot of Adolfos, obviously, but that's different. And you get it in like other countries, like in South America, you get certain names that you wouldn't have ever here. But let's know, Adolf, if you're out there, get in touch. Searched on Facebook for Adolf, not seeing a lot.
Starting point is 00:30:48 I'm sure the accounts that you do find as well. You probably don't want to be friends with. Probably not real. They might have chosen that name and changed it via D-Pol. Yeah, there's one that this isn't going to go on the link dump, but I just wanted to send you this, this Adolf, who's popped up. Here you, boys, go. Who's got a thing that they would like to do?
Starting point is 00:31:09 Oh, God, no. Oh, the worst man. um he lives in well no i won't even identify him but uh that's that's just for us that's just for us you imagine at home what that looks like it's a real facebook page though because that's allowed on facebook because facebook is a good website i just like where it says he lives and i'm not talking about the nation of origin just those first three words that's where he lives i think he's done that intentionally. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:43 Oh, Jesus. Okay, it's a thing. Come on. Who's got a thing? Let's do it. I've got an anecdotal thing, not done one of those in a little while. We're half an hour into the podcast.
Starting point is 00:31:53 It's like we're talking about a thing. Ten minutes looking at a stick. Oh, Jesus. It's not even cooked properly. No. Well, I mean, that's all pink in the middle. That's raw. Terrible.
Starting point is 00:32:06 So instead of bringing along at Internet thing this week, I thought it's been a while since we've, done anecdotal stuff on this podcast, or certainly since I have. So here's the thing that happened to me in my actual life this week, I think, started this week. So Amy and I were sitting down on Monday night. We'd had our dindins and we were watching, I think we're watching Only Connect the game show. What is that? It's the one where, oh, it's like self-aware in how nerdy it is but it doesn't stop being as nerdy and embarrassing as it is and yet we can't stop watching it it's um you have to work out what the the connection is between like four clues so it's
Starting point is 00:32:54 not just between four things so it's not just like oh what connects tinky winky milo bob the builder and whatever you know it's like oh cbc characters it's like you know what connects purple triangle head purple skin boy yellow hat man and you know like that so there's kind of two layers to it anyway so that's the show it's completely irrelevant to the story but that's what we're watching um and as we're concentrating on the final round which is very intense and high speed um i hear like a phone going off near me just sort of like just gets a notification a little a little hum from a phone And I was like, I didn't even really think about it at all. And then I heard it again a couple of seconds later.
Starting point is 00:33:45 And at that point I started to think, well, I mean, that's not mine. Mine's in my pocket. And it was sort of to my right and behind me and coming from a sort of elevation that no phone should be there. It sounded like it was maybe on the back of the sofa or like someone was standing behind me, like holding a phone, five feet in the air, you know, it was coming from a certain altitude that it shouldn't have been. And I realized it was like not quite being consistent in the length, it was sort of like buzzing and then like not, and then, and then on and off. And then I was like, what is that noise? And it sounded just like a phone vibrating. And I just looked over my shoulder casually.
Starting point is 00:34:26 And fuck me, there was a huge was a huge was on the back of the sofa right by my head. It just landed there, and I'd been hearing it buzz. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? For context, for anyone listening to this podcast, you know, like a year after it's come out, it's January at the moment. It's really cold. It keeps snowing in England at the moment. So I looked over my shoulder. I actually had a hot, very, very almost brimming mug of tea in my hand sort of on my lap.
Starting point is 00:35:04 and as I tried to articulate I think I also had a mouth full of tea in my mouth and as I tried to articulate to Amy I sort of stood up not wanting to spill my tea on a rug that we've just bought which is sort of quite pale coloured
Starting point is 00:35:19 and I'm sort of moving and sort of jostling her because I'm trying to swallow my tea and move and there's a giant wasp over my shoulder and she looks at me and all she is aware or she doesn't know what is the cause
Starting point is 00:35:33 of my behaviour, she just knows that something scary is happening so she is on her feet and out of the door before I've even stood up and put my tea down so she goes up and then from outside of the lounge with the door shut she's going, what, what's happening?
Starting point is 00:35:52 Because she's very arachnophobic and I think she thought that I'd seen a big spider and I normally don't react to spiders I'm not too bad with them unless they are those absolute monster autumn spiders that sometimes come in in like horrible little things. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:08 So I think she thought that I'd seen a spider that was big enough for me to be scared of it. And I went there's a fucking massive wasp in here. What is going on? And she was like, what? And she was like, oh God, that's horrible. Can you get it? Can you get it? So I ran into the kitchen
Starting point is 00:36:24 which is adjoining to our living room and she's still out in the hallway to grab a glass to put over the wasp. And when I came back into the living room the wasp had vanished so we then spent a good five, ten minutes
Starting point is 00:36:42 looking around the room I think it had flown somewhere and landed but it was like underneath something so we couldn't hear it buzzing we couldn't see it anywhere and I was like I genuinely towards the end before we finally found it again I was starting to think did I just
Starting point is 00:36:58 have some sort of episode there where I completely imagined a really really big wasp because it was nowhere. We couldn't find it at all. Anyway, eventually I saw it sitting on a cushion on the floor. Oh, I was just sitting having a good time. It was just relaxing. It was trying to enjoy Only Connect, I think.
Starting point is 00:37:19 So I put the glass on it, put a card underneath, and it was super huge. And at the time, I didn't really think to take a photo to then share with podcast listeners. and I really hate that I didn't but I've done some Googling since and apparently wasps don't survive in the winter the only ones that do are queens that hibernate
Starting point is 00:37:41 so I think it was a queen wasp anyway I thought well it can't stay in here because it will sting someone so I threw it outside I don't like to squish bugs if it can help it but I put it outside and I thought I don't think it's going to do very well out here
Starting point is 00:37:57 and then normally if I'm I'm putting a spider out that I've got in a glass, I'll happily just sort of fling, I mean, keep hold of the glass, but sort of do a flinging motion so the spider flies out of the glass. But I didn't really want to do that with a wasp because I thought, you know, I don't want to agitate this thing and make it come back and sting me. So I just left the glass on its side on the doorstep for a little while and thought, I'll just come back in 10 minutes when the was hopefully left. And when I came back out, I'm very sorry to report that the wasp had
Starting point is 00:38:30 frozen to death and become a crispy wasp. Peter the wasp killer. Yeah, I'm a big old wasp killer. I mean, nature is the real wasp killer here. So apparently this is something that can happen. Wasps hibernate in like lofts and wall cavities and stuff, queen wasps do. And they can actually be confused by light levels. So if there's some light going in to say your loft or into the wall or something,
Starting point is 00:38:57 if you've got a little hole. and if the light just from your room light casts onto the wasp they can think that it's waking up time and they can wake up and emerge early so it probably would have died anyway if that's any consolation it's not I'm furious yeah so that's my giant wasp story I can't really emphasize how big it was it was not a normal wasp at all and it was just so
Starting point is 00:39:26 out of place and out of context and it's just not the right time of year and I'm just trying to watch a game show at like 8pm what are you doing in my house you know you should have tried to approach things more diplomatically you know get a little thimble fill it with very sugary tea put in front of it let it just enjoy the show and then politely
Starting point is 00:39:45 you know open the letterbox and shove out the way yeah if you're cold she's cold let her in that's right oh rest in peace Did you name the wasp or do you not want to go through that heartbreak? No, I couldn't bear to do that. I was then a bit paranoid for the rest of the day
Starting point is 00:40:04 that there might be more wasps, but having, as I say, I've since done some interneting and if it was a queen, which I think it must have been, then it's unlikely that there are any more. Peter, the other wasps are going to come for their queen now. Yeah, they are. They know what you've done. Regicide.
Starting point is 00:40:21 Oh, no. If you do kill a wasp, though, doesn't it release some pherom? and attracts more wasps. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah, I've always assumed that that's true, but I guess citation needed. Dying from the cold will do that.
Starting point is 00:40:35 I think it's more of a case of squishing. Well, there's also no wasps around, I'm assuming. Hopefully. Hopefully. They might be at the door right now. Knock, knock. Well, Peter, thank you for your thing. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:40:51 Thank you. Yeah, what a tragic tale. Drew Burt at Ho underscore Bert on Twitter asks If you could take the place of one kid's show character Who would it be? Oh Now it's tempting to think
Starting point is 00:41:07 The Queen's nose Bernard's watch But then you think Would my life be normal? No, it wouldn't And in that sense I don't want that power on a daily basis
Starting point is 00:41:22 because I think due to how humans tend to be, after a while, I think you just start to do increasingly more fucked up stuff. That's true, actually, isn't it? You get, like, what's normal slowly starts changing, and you don't even realize you're becoming more and more messed up and doing these horrible things, and then it's the point where you're robbing banks and funding militias across the world,
Starting point is 00:41:45 all because of Bernard's little watch. Well, you know it, you've murdered a queen wasp, and then, you know. Well, yeah, yeah. And I kind of wonder whether it would be, be like having cheat codes enabled in a game where it's like, okay, so I can spawn all the weapons in and I can be invincible in a game, for example, but now it's not really fun anymore. So if you could click a watch, like, oh yeah, you know, you can go in and like get all
Starting point is 00:42:08 the money in the world and spend that money on stuff. But eventually you just be like, yeah, I mean, yeah, of course I can. Like, I've always been able to do that since I've been in this life. And that's just how, that's just my life. That's it. The novelty would wear off, I guess, is what I'm saying. saying it wouldn't be long before you're just praying for the sweet release you know because you've done you've done everything and with no rules and that's only in the case of bernard's watch but with
Starting point is 00:42:32 the queen's nose who for those who don't i mean on the off chance that listeners haven't yet up to date on their UK children's trivia having been with poddiots for this long bernard's watch was a pocket watch where he could click it and time would freeze for everyone but him uh the queen's nose was a 50 pence piece um where if you rubbed it you could make a wick and I think there were 10 wishes per Queen's Nose. However, Queen's Nose is one of those wishing shows or movies or pieces of fiction where the wishes were always corrupted by the object. So you would wish for like, oh, I wish I could be really popular
Starting point is 00:43:09 and you would be transformed into Donald Trump, for example, and you'd have like all these Donald Trump fans around you going, yay, Trump, and then you've got to be Donald Trump for the rest of your life. It was that kind of thing, you know? Yeah, you don't want that. you don't want that I don't care how many millions of people love him but then you think about the alternatives
Starting point is 00:43:28 and it's like you wouldn't want to be in the tweenies because you'd be a felt monstrosity and that would be like your whole deal forever and there was that time that Max dressed as Jimmy Saville was it called Max Jasper whatever his name was
Starting point is 00:43:41 he's got to dodge Milo in his dangerous ways his purge your friend Bella is going to die suit Bella's really unwell there's a talking dog called doodles. There's only so many times you can wake up
Starting point is 00:43:56 in Telitubby land and have that fucking baby laugh. Oh. Oh, what's this? Tubby toast again. Exactly. Every day is tubby custard and tubby toast. And those fucking clowns that you live with, they've got these stupid TVs on their tummies
Starting point is 00:44:12 and they just go again, again, you're like, fuck off. I don't know how many times you need to watch primary school or nursery school kids count. And the guy who lives in the disappearing house down the road is just a creepy puppet man who sings out of the window with a beret on his head. No one wants that.
Starting point is 00:44:29 Where would you go? I mean, maybe the bungalow. It's a mind that we've frequently gone to. But at least it would be kind of normal and you could be an adult in the bungalow with the other adults and joke around and do innuendos and stuff, you know? I imagine that would get tiring, though.
Starting point is 00:44:47 Like imagine it's just like after several months in the bungalow. Lois, I just want to sit down and have a regular meal. Yeah. Baby, baby races going on. The only thing on the TV is like watch my chops. You're Von of the Yukon. Yeah, Von of the Yukon. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:02 You sit down for like two minutes while they're playing a game in another room and the fucking moose head starts making jokes. Yeah. And all the cats here are seeing about Skunthorpe again. Did he dick and Dom? Like, I would just come out of the cupboards when you just want to make your dinner. Yeah. I want to lie in.
Starting point is 00:45:21 It's 9 a.m. It's a weekend. Do we have to do this again? Every time you go to the toilet, you get gunged as well. You just hear the, you just hear sort of the muffled intro music to the show every morning. And it just won't end. I like the idea that there's people trying to sleep in the bungalow. So like in the main room, there's kids screaming, sticking toast to each other's faces with Nutella.
Starting point is 00:45:45 And there's someone just on the other side of the wall like, fuck me, please. Do have neighbours and they're not happy about it at all. Yeah. I'm just trying to think if there is any children's TV character who I had like a crush on who maybe I could like be their partner. Oh, okay. I'm struggling to think of that many women. I can think of Bob the Builder's partner, Wendy,
Starting point is 00:46:13 only because I mentioned Bob the Builder earlier. Right. think of at the moment. That's the only one woman. The rest of, I think, mainly from cartoons and stuff, I don't know if I want to be a cartoon. I've sort of limited my thoughts to live action for that reason, you know. I think, well, I was thinking, like, before we got into the Dick and Dom Hellscape, that living in there would actually be, I was thinking, what about, you know, what was the TV?
Starting point is 00:46:46 It was, I think, called The Shoot. It was a BBC show. It was quite late in my childhood, but essentially the story was like someone's been trapped down in the basement of the BBC studios. Oh, we all the tapes. Yeah, literally, like, the story was that he just spends every day in this room where the floor is nothing but tapes. And just, he just, like, oh, here's a good one. Like, he just spends his life watching these tapes of blunders and bloopers and I feel like, compared to the insanity of the bungalow, I want to live in a little underground place where all I get to do is sit and watch tapes.
Starting point is 00:47:15 When I used to see that, and again, it was sort of the, at the end of our sense. CBBC tenure, but I do remember a couple of episodes. I thought it just looked like a really lonely existence. He was just stuck down a garbage suit on a mountain of VHS tapes. Like, it just seemed so sad and lonely. Get away some banging skinny purple jeans though. Yeah. Fuck it, I'd live in the Pokemon world. Oh, oh, wow, that's a really good show. I'm going to anime land. That's where I live. Yeah, why not? Oh, yeah. I forgot. there was such thing as anime. That opens up another. I mean, not that I watch any anime,
Starting point is 00:47:52 but if I knew any anime, I'm sure people would name a good one here. I have just remembered Ubos, the ultimate book of spells. I don't know if you remember that. That was a slightly obscure. Oh, there's the shoot. There he is. Oh, wow. Why does he look like Wario? Oh, the Chukle brothers are there. He's not on his own. Yeah, I think celebrities come by every once in a while. There you go. So, logistical question for that photo, because the Chukle brothers appear to be up to their waist in VHS tapes.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Do you reckon they just poured the VHS tapes over the Chuckle Brothers, or did the Chuckle Brothers just sort of have to shimmy down through the tapes? Yeah. How does that work? I don't know. That's a good question. I'm not sure. Wow.
Starting point is 00:48:35 It's a nightmare. I mean, that changes things. If you do have some kind of friends down there, that's, you know. Yeah. Is he wearing a noose? Oh, God. Oh, no. It's gotten a bit much.
Starting point is 00:48:47 It's a loose tie. I feel like Pokemon is actually the best answer you could have because it's an adventure, there's a bit of excitement into it. It's not just this locked location, there's an actual world to explore. It's not just stuck in a... It's mild peril. It's screaming children. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:03 And we've already played the game, so we know how it goes. So it's like, we already know what it would be like to inhabit that universe in a more involved fashion. It did look like a nice place. It was always quite... Well, it was usually sunny unless they needed it to not be... for episodic reasons, for narrative reasons. Yeah, I was going to say there was a show called
Starting point is 00:49:24 The Ultimate Book of Spells, which I think was imported from Canada into CBBC. It was animated show, and it was basically a Harry Potter rip-off. It was about these three kids who went to wizard school, and they had this book that would send them to different layers of the world. It was a bit like Middle Earth, I guess. It would send them into, like, deeper and deeper layers, and they would encounter all sorts of, you know,
Starting point is 00:49:50 whimsical, magical creatures and things. And I thought that was a... I loved that show. In fact, I think briefly, it might have actually been one of the cartoons they showed on the bungalow, possibly. I don't think it lasted long on there. That was normally...
Starting point is 00:50:05 It was like the likes of one of the Yukon, but, yeah. It was a good show. But it's a similar thing. It's like Pokemon. It's just, you know, an adventure world. Interesting. Well, I've committed to the shoot now.
Starting point is 00:50:17 I'm stuck in there. I see, you're going to be in the shoot. Okay, fair enough. Enjoy it. Oh, I will. I'll send the best bits. Yes, absolutely. See, if you can find some high-res decent copies of the bundle.
Starting point is 00:50:29 I've just realised being, meaning that I'm in the basement of the BBC studios means I've got access to the entire Dick and Don back catalogue. So I get to watch it for the rest of my life. You'll be the envy of everyone. You do have to find the VHS tapes in that big C of Al. You've got a lot of time on your hands. And also, the BBC has. moved since then. So, you know, there might not be
Starting point is 00:50:50 any tapes left. You'll just be in a basement with nothing else in it. I'll spend the rest of my days hunting for those tapes labeled D&D. Please. D&D tapes. Bit of a gamble. It could be anything really, D&D, but
Starting point is 00:51:05 one day, we'll get there. Mikey? Yes. Do you have a thing? Oh, I've got a thing. I've got a few little things, actually. Well, it's a few little things with one overarching themey theme, theme, theme, thing, thing. Okay. We've been in a fun political climate
Starting point is 00:51:22 for the last, God knows how long. So I thought I'd shine some light on the fun protests of history, not protest, riots. Oh, okay, you corrected yourself immediately. Yeah, because these aren't protests. These are just people fighting in the streets. But sometimes for good reason,
Starting point is 00:51:38 sometimes not, sometimes it's utterly amazing. So I've had a little whirlwind tour around history and I found the most ridiculous reasons for riots to begin. So I brought three of my favorites along today. Okay. So we're going way back in time for the first one, which is the Jerusalem mooning riot.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Okay. I think you might be able to see where this one's going. In his famous work, the Jewish War, the ancient chronicler Josephus recounts a particularly unusual disturbance that occurred between Jews and occupying Roman soldiers in the first century AD. The incident began during Passover
Starting point is 00:52:14 when scores of Jews gathered for a celebration at a temple in Jerusalem, Roman troops stood guard over the ceremonies from atop battlements, and according to Josephus, one of the soldiers, raising his robe, stooped in an indecent attitude so as to turn his backside to the Jews and made a noise in keeping with his posture. Oh, no! That's probably the most poetic way I've ever seen anyone say, you've showed his ass made a fart noise.
Starting point is 00:52:42 I made a fart noise, yeah. I love the way all books talk about farts. It's so dignified and beautiful. They refuse to say the word fart. I'd like to see Benjamin Franklin's take on this story, to be honest. I should go into the Franklin archives and see what other stuff I can dig out, because I'm sure he's got more farty literature out there. This ancient instance of mooning sent the crowd into an outrage,
Starting point is 00:53:08 and many began yelling insults and lobbing stones at the Roman soldiers. A terrified Roman government. Commander, sorry, just picturing, he's like, oh, Steve, you've done it again. Now I've got to deal with this mess. Keep your ass in your pants. A terrified Roman commander called in reinforcements to quell the riot, and the troops attack the Jewish worshippers in force and trying to drive them from the temple. According to Josephus, the ensuing rush to escape the building was so great
Starting point is 00:53:34 that they trod upon each other and squeezed one another till 10,000 of them were killed. Oh my God. The moon that killed 10,000 people. 10,000 people were killed Not even 10,000 people were there 10,000 people were killed How big is this temple? How many people were there
Starting point is 00:53:52 With a no survivors Surely at the size of this crowd If you're at the back of the crowd You barely even saw that arse So you've got no idea what's going on You're joining in for the fun Chinese whispers It's sort of passed along the line
Starting point is 00:54:05 It was probably not allowed to say that anymore actually I think they've changed the name of that game In school to something else But it'll start as like oh he just showed his ass oh what he just showed his arms oh what bike a mice from Mars yeah exactly
Starting point is 00:54:21 I am not playing that again riot and shoes I like that as a historic one that's a nice that's a good start this one's a more modern day one well I say modern day it's modern day in comparison this is the straw hat riot in 1922 fashion rules
Starting point is 00:54:39 were taken a little bit more seriously than they are today somewhere along the line become fashion for par to wear straw hats after September 15th. For some reason, that was the cut off. I think it's like one of those, it's like a weird thing where it's like, oh, we don't, like, in America and Labor Day, like, oh, you don't wear white after a certain date. It kind of shows like the end of summer and you kind of look down upon if you wear white after those days.
Starting point is 00:55:01 Right. Back in the olden days, that's not quite true today. But it's one of those things we're like, come on, come on, mate. It's September 16th. We're not wearing hats anymore. It's not summer. And young, young delinquents would enforce this unwritten code by knocking. the straw hats from the heads of men
Starting point is 00:55:14 who wore them past the stated date and would proceed to stomp the hats flat in the road afterward. It's just armies of people going around. It's like, you're wearing your hat, dickhead, knock it off and stomp it to the ground. This rowdy act was so prevalent that newspapers began to print warning stories
Starting point is 00:55:31 each year as September 15th approached. But, undeterred by these stories, the hat smashes still enforced the ban. This time, a few days before the stated deadline, so they're getting in early. just to surprise you, I guess. What's that? September 13th now, buy hat.
Starting point is 00:55:49 And on September 13th, 1922, the troublemakers began knocking off and stomping the straw hats of factory workers in the Mulberry Bend area of Manhattan before moving on to torment the local dock workers. Big mistake, don't fuck with dock workers' hats. Oh, yeah, steady on.
Starting point is 00:56:04 Unlike the factory workers, however, the dock workers were quick to fight back. A brawl between the young pranksters. It's not really a prankster. it is it. It's just destruction of property. It's rude. They're getting off lightly would be in pranks. It's just a prank, bro. Someone there
Starting point is 00:56:19 carrying around like a massive film camera, like for a video. A brawl between the young pranksters and the dock workers soon erupted, spilling out onto the Manhattan Bridge, where eventually stopped traffic. Though police arrived to break things up, this was
Starting point is 00:56:36 not the end of the debaulkel. The next night, the hat smashes arrived in even greater numbers, now armed with large sticks some even had a nail hammered through the top oh god this is just assault at this point this isn't a funny prank they roamed the streets of new york looking for men wearing straw hats beating anyone who resisted or fought back even though several off-duty police officers were among the victims active police were slow to react and by the time things were brought to an end several men were hospitalized with injuries they sustained during the beatings i think at this point
Starting point is 00:57:07 a riot's justified i'm going to rise up against your hat fascist overlord I'll wear my straw out if I want to. This last one, this is the main reason why I brought these along. I found this one. I was like, well, I've got to find some more things to supplement this. But this is the Toronto Clown and Firefighter Riot. Excellent. It's a hell of a hell of a title.
Starting point is 00:57:29 Yeah. In July 1855, a travelling show called SB Howes, Spie Howes, let's go with that. S.B. House, Star Troop, Menagerie and Circus. stopped in Toronto, Ontario. For shows over a couple of days, on the night of July 12th, several clowns went to a tavern that was rumoured to be a brothel.
Starting point is 00:57:52 Clowns going to a brothel, why not? Were they in full makeup? I hope so. I'm picturing it, and they got little honky horns on the nose. The tavern was also a hangout for a volunteer firefighter brigade, the hook and ladder, firefighting company.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Both groups were full of rough and tumble men, Mr. Tumbles here. The clowns with the show were the men who set up and took down the circus tents. These were beef clowns. These were big boys. And while the firefighters had a reputation for brawling, I misread that. And while the firefighters also had a reputation for brawling, there we go. At some point in the night, there was a disagreement between the two groups.
Starting point is 00:58:36 The clowns and the firefighters weren't getting along. One version of the story says that a clown cut in line, How dare he? Another story says that hat was accidentally knocked off of the head of the boss clown. No, not the boss clown. The boss clown. Boss clown. So I imagine just this towering seven-foot clown.
Starting point is 00:58:54 How did you even reach up here to get my hat off? This is the boss clown. You're wearing your straw hat after September 15th. Got him. Got him. Regardless of how it started, a brawl broke out and two firefighters were badly injured. The fire brigade retreated and the clowns were victorious on that day. At that time, in Toronto, a fraternal organization called
Starting point is 00:59:14 the Orange Order was made up a prototence. The organisation ensured that orange men received jobs so a lot of firefighters and police officers were orange men. Word of the fight spread through the ranks of the Orange Order in the next day. Several showed up to confront the clowns. When members of the hook and ladder showed up, mayhem broke out. All the tents, including the big top, were pulled down and set on fire.
Starting point is 00:59:37 wagons were overturned and destroyed. The clowns were mercilessly beaten. Oh, my gosh. What scenes. The chief of police, who was also an orange man, took his time sending out officers to help, and when they did arrive on scene, the officers didn't do much to help the circus.
Starting point is 00:59:57 They simply watched the destruction and the beatings. The riot only stopped when the mayor showed up. He personally pulled out an axe out of the hands of a firefighter who planned on killing a clown with it. Oh my God. Like what the hell? The militia had to be called in and the circus folk
Starting point is 01:00:14 were allowed to grab their belongings that weren't destroyed. And then they all got into one big car 12 people squeezed in and off it went. I just that picture of the mayor grabbing an axe from a firefighter who's trying to kill a clown.
Starting point is 01:00:34 That's an actual thing from history. It's amazing. That was the boss clown in all this. That's what I want to know. What was the boss clown up to? He was practicing his little cycling, so he was off in the field cycling around while there's mayhem to play it.
Starting point is 01:00:49 I'm going to Google, what's the boss clown? Yeah, what is a boss clown? Oh, that's just scary looking. If you search a boss clown, he just get nothing but scary pictures of clown. Oh, good. Clowns. Oh, wait, no.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Do you remember when he brought along the man who wore a clown, brought a clown along to his into a meeting. He's showing up there. Because he knew he was about to get fired or made redundant. He showed up. Anyway, that's my little trip through
Starting point is 01:01:17 history of riots. Incredible. Thank you, Michael. It was quite something. Thank you very much indeed. Are you guys ready to take a complete right turn into Sad Town?
Starting point is 01:01:33 Oh, no. Yes, please. Yeah, from clowns to this question It doesn't have to be sad It can be pretty positive Depending on how we want to tackle this I think we should tackle it in a positive way And have a nice conversation about it potentially
Starting point is 01:01:45 But we'll see where it'll see where it takes us It's from XX Aston X Villa XX At Charlie Funnel 9 Who asks What do you guys believe happens after you die Oh wow, what a question One, yeah I've heard by people talk about
Starting point is 01:02:04 it being like you get to replay your life. And I feel like if that was it, I'd be so upset. That's how I see my life again. Come on, don't show me the best bits. I spent my entire life down the shoot watching old thing. Don't want to do that all over again after life. I was the very best. Oh.
Starting point is 01:02:22 I don't think you go to heaven as such. I don't believe in like a place where all your souls go. and hang out. But I do wonder, I just heard this interesting theory once. It's almost kind of from a scientific angle that says, you know,
Starting point is 01:02:45 like you can have dreams where you know, like you wake up in the morning and it's maybe like 7 o'clock or something and you sort of nod off again and go back to sleep. And then you'll have this really long, elaborate dream that seems to last like an hour or whatever. Then you wake up and it's only like 10 past 7. And, you know,
Starting point is 01:03:02 the whole experience of time can be completely warped by when you're effectively hallucinating or dreaming. And I just saw this theory that's like because like if when you're dying, if there's like a little, if your brain activity is like fizzling out, if you can imagine that maybe it might theoretically generate a bit of a delusional, scene like a dream or something. So you have maybe a little dream as you're dying. But then because there's no conscious end to that dream, because you don't have that moment where you wake up and go,
Starting point is 01:03:42 oh, that was a dream and it's over. It's almost like you can, because you have no experience of what time is, it's effectively infinite only because you don't have a perception of the end of it. So it's only, there's no reason to believe it. But, you know, it's an interesting idea to think that like you could then, in your dying minutes, experience an entire life or very, very long, strange dream that seems to go on for hours and hours or days or goodness knows how long.
Starting point is 01:04:14 You know, it's just an interesting theory that, you know, has some kind of scientific basis that you can relate to. I could be talking out my ass here, but I feel like I remember years ago reading that, like, in, like, your final few minutes, like, basically the brain is just flushed with activity. Like, it just lights up like nothing else. I think I've heard that. So, like, maybe, like, when that flush of activity happens, like, great, we're just throwing everything we got.
Starting point is 01:04:38 It's going to dream world now. Bye, bye, bye. Yeah. If you lose all concept of time, then it could feel like it doesn't end. Maybe. Interesting. I mean, the bit of me that wants to not be stuck in eternal darkness, wants to think there's something.
Starting point is 01:04:54 Yeah, I'd like to think there is. But in a crushingly down-to-earth capacity, there's nothing. there's nothing going on at that point there's literally nothing to spawn from but I'd love to be reincarnated as something I'd love to be an animal yeah reincarnation should be fun wouldn't it it would depending on what you get re-encarated
Starting point is 01:05:14 you could be Billy Bear Ham yeah you could be free carnet is a pig that gets turned into some Billy Bear Ham oh the indignity of it all if I die next in like the next week by chance may take that as a sign to buy Billy Bear Ham as there's a chance that I could be made into, you could buy the meat face ham and the time it takes to produce it,
Starting point is 01:05:35 I could be raised into that very meat and you could have me for at least seven months longer. We could request your face on it if you like, Mikey, then you'll get your face back. Buy stocks in Billy, in fact, buy stocks in Billy Bear Ham. Let me see if I can actually do that right now. Actually, can we, we could request a different slice with a slightly different mouth position, an eye position and face position. so we can make a Billy Bear Mikey Ham flip book and reanimate Michael's face
Starting point is 01:06:03 so that he can speak again. I don't want to, I don't want that. I don't want to do that. Hammamated. No, stop it. Okay, unfortunately I can't buy stocks in Feldhoes group. Just chuck that on the end of the email, PS. I can't buy some stocks?
Starting point is 01:06:20 Yeah, because I thought it would add extra weight to my request for a personalized Billy Bearham. If I was like, I own one stock. As a shareholder. As a shareholder, I request one, one meatface ham, please. One. I'm not a very active dreamer in that I very rarely have dreams that I remember. I definitely dream because I've been informed that I have woken up shouting about all sorts of weird stuff in the past.
Starting point is 01:06:48 I have shouted about bees. All right, Nicky. No, it has happened. Like, no, the bees. The bees. And that's it. And I have no recollection of what the dream was. I very rarely dream.
Starting point is 01:07:02 Usually I go to sleep and then I wake up and that's it. So as comforting as some kind of afterlife would be, I imagine it's going to be like that, where I just go to sleep and have no absolutely no concept of being asleep. And that's it. It's just like turning off a light switch. It's pretty grim, but I suppose that's reality, isn't it? Have you guys had general anaesthetic before for any...
Starting point is 01:07:28 Yes. Oh, God, it's weird, isn't it? Yeah, that's really strange, because at least with normal sleep, as a general rule, you'll sort of drift off very gradually, you know, over five, ten minutes or whatever as you're lying in bed. I mean, you may even wake up quite gradually as well. Maybe not, if an alarm goes off. But with general anaesthetic, I found that super weird, because not only do they have you out like a light, but they almost want you to try and see if you can stay awake
Starting point is 01:07:58 because they're trying to see that you can't and that you have fallen asleep sort of thing. So I don't know about you, Ben, but they asked me to count down from 20. And I was like 20, 19, 18, and then I sort of got to 17, and I didn't really know what number to say. So I went, sorry, sorry.
Starting point is 01:08:18 And I was like apologising because I couldn't do it. Oh, how embarrassing. And I was like, sorry, 20-90 And then I was just waking up And I didn't That's spooky
Starting point is 01:08:30 It was just so It's really difficult to describe Until you've had it Like you're there doing something And then I didn't have any Awareness of a dream that I had I guess people maybe can dream During an aesthetic
Starting point is 01:08:43 I don't know what the rules are But I didn't have a dream in that gap To fill it in in my mind So I was just counting down And then I was awake in bed like hours later and that kind of gave me a vague understanding of what it might be like to be dead because there was just nothing in that time there wasn't like you know blackness and silence there was just nothing at all it was it was nothing it's like the windows XP shutting down
Starting point is 01:09:11 meme yeah it's just like that you've i i i could feel it when they when they sort of did whatever it is they do to make it go through the IV. It felt almost like a warm adrenaline rush sensation. Yeah, I think I could feel it too. And then just out. Just gone. It was very strange. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. That's the honest answer, isn't it? Yeah, that's definitely the honest answer. People have been clinically dead before and then come back and lots of people have all sorts of profound Yeah, like, it's a genuine thing that people do like genuinely see the light and it feels like they're going towards something.
Starting point is 01:09:50 It's, it's not, it's not, maybe that's, you know, people being conditioned into that because that's, like, that's what you hear. So on your last moment, it's like, all right, let's just put on that tape and it could be what you guys said. It could just be about the brain just suddenly. Having a dream that we all have. Yeah. All at once and it being overwhelming.
Starting point is 01:10:08 But I believe that like near death experiences, they're called like that. or yeah where people see the light and they have quite shared experiences I think it's not actually completely being explained by science like obviously there are theories where it's like oh people are just predisposed they've heard about other people's near-death experiences and as they are dying maybe their brain generates it or maybe you know it's something that happens when if there's like low brain activity as you're clinically dead then an inactive brain just fills your eyes with light or, you know, whatever. There's, like, various theories.
Starting point is 01:10:47 But I don't think that there's, like, anything where they're like, okay, we know what's happening here. Like, so even just that question mark does make you think, hmm, kind of strange that, like, even in, I think, different cultures who wouldn't necessarily be aware of what you might say is the Western idea or the Christian idea of a near-death experience. Like, it seems to be, I think, quite a common thing,
Starting point is 01:11:10 no matter where you are in the world and no matter what your religion is. So, I mean, that alone is just an interesting aspect to it, I guess. Much to think about. Thanks for the sense of existential dread. That's now making my tummy go all butterfly. Oh, no. Thanks.
Starting point is 01:11:27 What's a way that we can come back from this? Oh, I'd love to hear your thing, Ben. That would hear me right up. Okay. Well, let's talk about it. So I've just heard that Mikey's going to die soon from his doctor. My thing is grave plots. What can they do for you?
Starting point is 01:11:44 No, my thing is about UFOs. Oh, okay. And hopefully it can spur some sort of discussion, perhaps similar to that one, because I thought this would be really exciting and there's not as much to go on as I had hoped. But you'll see why I had those thoughts to begin with in a second. So this is an article from Vice.
Starting point is 01:12:04 You can now easily download all CIA UFO documents to date. Ah, yeah. The Black Vault has released hundreds of public PDFs containing CIA information on UFO. So immediately they thought, this is just like Bin Laden's hard drive. There's going to be some sort of UFO horse dance.mkb that we can download and watch the aliens ride a horse and dance with it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:28 It's not like that at all. It's a lot of PDFs that have been redundant quite heavily. Yeah. And you can't really read much of it. But anyway, here we go. In anticipation of the government's official UFO report coming in less than six months thanks to the COVID-19 omnibus bill, you can now download all of the publicly available CIA documentation on UFOs. The Black Vault, a clearinghouse for declassified document,
Starting point is 01:12:52 has released a downloadable document archive filled with PDFs containing CIA files on unidentified aerial phenomena, or UAP, the government's preferred term. Some of the reports state all the way back to the 1980s, and according to the site's founder, John Greenwald Jr., the spy agency claims this is all of its documents on UAPs. According to Greenwald, around 10,000 Freedom of Information Act reports were required to obtain the PDFs and the process was an excruciatingly long one. He scanned the documents by hand. Oh, that's right. Yeah, like to make it difficult. You've got to work for this. If you want this secret information, you've got to get all these prints out and put it together in a good format for everyone else.
Starting point is 01:13:34 to read them. It didn't work for it. Yeah, they really did. So you can go to, you can Google this Vice article and find it. It's got links in it. But there's, yes, this website is, there's also NSA.gov, forward slash news features, forward slash declassified documents, forward slash UFO. And that's got some stuff in it that you can click through,
Starting point is 01:13:54 including, they've written here about an article in a Russian magazine in 1968 about from a science editor about sort of debunking flying sources completely apparently and it's all in there all scanned you can read the whole document none of it is redundant but it looks like they were just collating all information
Starting point is 01:14:16 anything that falls under the UFO tag essentially is all filed under the same thing even if it's not like found an alien today, lol so there's lots of lots in there's set up a Google alert for the word UFO and just and just kept it all
Starting point is 01:14:31 yeah there's a whole thing in here there's a report from 1994 summarizing the Roswell incident or the purported Roswell incident when supposedly there was a crashed UFO and alien remains. Yeah, they said it was a weather balloon and stuff. It's like pages and pages and pages long. There's loads of stuff in there. A report that came in from Argentina about an unidentified celestial body that flew over in 1965 apparently. So lots of interesting stuff there, and I've just closed that tab, and now I'm looking at Billy Bear meat again. Just get rid of that real quick. But one of the apparently most interesting pieces to come from this, according to the Blackfault themselves, the people who scanned all these
Starting point is 01:15:17 PDFs and requested them in the first place, is that in this CIA UFO document, the assistant deputy director for science and technology was shown something related to a UFO that was hand-carried to him. He decided he would personally look into it. after, he gave advice on moving forward. That advice is classified. So here is the image. There's a lot of redundant going on, which makes it difficult. But it does clearly state that this important person was brought information about UFOs.
Starting point is 01:15:48 They said they would look into it personally. They offered advice that was redundant. So it's pretty intriguing. That was from 16th of April 1976. After a short examination of its content, buys us he would personally look into the matter and get back to us. Interesting. Very strange.
Starting point is 01:16:09 I mean, even, this doesn't prove anything, but it's at least slightly interesting that they were even doing that sort of, quote unquote, Google alert for any article about UFOs. Like, you know, it's kind of strange that they would just, they would be interested in archiving a Russian magazine. article about UFOs. Like, why should they care about someone who's just saying, UFOs aren't real, and here's my magazine article about it? Like, as I say, it doesn't prove anything at all. It's not any kind of evidence, but it's just like, okay. They're very interested in the topic.
Starting point is 01:16:49 Yeah, absolutely. So all these files are available to look at now if people are interested, and it sounds like we're going to get a load more information in about six months' time when they have to publish this stuff because of that omnibus bill that went through, but I suppose the wider discussion I wanted to have with you guys was thoughts on UFOs and, uh, are they, are they real? Have aliens been here? What do you think? Oh, that's a fun question. Have they been here? I mean, they've got to exist. I, I feel no shame in saying that there's got to be other, other life out there. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that.
Starting point is 01:17:24 Just statistically, it's just, it just seems so unlikely that we're just the, we're the stupid little meatbags who happen to survive. I mean, that's a, yeah. That's the fun thing, actually. Think about what, because when you think of UFOs and aliens, you kind of tend to think, oh, they're going to be like us. They're going to have limbs and things. But it could be anything. It could be like gaseous life forms I've just thought around.
Starting point is 01:17:43 I like this name. Could be silicon-based instead of carbon, you know, really weird. All sorts of options. Have you ever seen a UFO? Um, my answer's been redundant by the CIA. Oh, no. I remember seeing something when I was younger that at the time, really confused me but I it was just it was probably just like a helicopter or something well the thing is
Starting point is 01:18:10 I would see it regularly so it was around winter time and when we drove back from school at night it would be dark on the school bus I'm talking about here and it was through this a very rural area it was just flat land and fields and fields and fields and the occasional farm and way off on the horizon at the same sort of time every day as we pass this area in the distance this really really really bright light would go like slowly up into the sky and then it would start to descend again and then it would fade out and I didn't know what it was and we used to like more than one of us like had seen it and we're like what is that why is that like vanishing and so obviously at the time when I was a kid I thought oh it could be a UFO but I mean it's just it's a UFO and
Starting point is 01:19:02 a sense that it's an unidentified flying object as far as I'm concerned but if someone who might know better and know the area would just say oh yeah that's they do like an aircraft that like they they they test helicopters over there or you know like something there'll be an explanation for it but yeah that's the closest I've come is seeing a thing that at the time I thought was you know potentially supernatural but I don't think really was yeah I'd I largely fall into the same camp in that I think I think there's alien life
Starting point is 01:19:36 there's life on other planets out there somewhere I don't think it's nearby and if it is it's going to be microscopic
Starting point is 01:19:41 microbes, organisms that kind of stuff however I believe UFOs are real in the strictest possible definition of what a UFO is
Starting point is 01:19:52 being an unidentified flying object I believe people have seen things that they can't explain but I do believe that those things
Starting point is 01:20:00 are rationally explainable you know they have a reason for for being i don't think they're aliens i think if if people i believe that people have seen lights in the sky and and seen things like oh my god that's a ufo because it's unidentified and it's flying and it's an object but i don't believe it's a it's an alien flying around uh it's probably it's probably as you say a helicopter or something or satellite passing by that kind of stuff um so yeah i think that They're real, but not aliens. Have you been keeping up with Tom DeLong of Blink 182 for him?
Starting point is 01:20:38 No, I haven't. I'm aware he's a big UFOologist. I think Robbie Williams is as well. He is, yeah, Robbie Williams is. Oh, nice. In 2015, I think, Tom left Blink 182 to pursue UFOology full-time. Like, it's his thing now. And I've just kind of Googled to kind of gather what information I could.
Starting point is 01:20:58 And this is a headline that reads, Tom DeLong claims aliens may have been present at the birth of Jesus. Was that a star or a craft? Oh, for God's sake. See, stuff like that where it's like, yeah, there's a big light in the sky. What is it? Is it unidentified? Maybe at the time, yes, but I'd like to think they knew what stars were.
Starting point is 01:21:17 Yeah. But I'm a big fan of Tom doing this because he's putting money into it. Like in UFOology, historically, it's not something people put money into. Yeah. And I'm very curious to see where this goes. Because, I mean, I think they released a couple of videos a couple of years ago of, like, it was some army's footage of, like, a genuinely incredible, like, a proper UFO and that you look at it. You're like, what the hell is that? It's like the way, like, you can hear them talking.
Starting point is 01:21:44 It's legit footage as well, it's, like, backed up. It's like this just craft hovering at a perfect speed. It's in there. There's, like, losing the minds over it. I'm sure if I read into it more, like, it's actually just a duck. It's several ducks. Let's carry on Mikey, sorry. I just wanted to quickly talk about one of my favorite conspiracy theories
Starting point is 01:22:04 regarding aliens. Alien conspiracy is just the best things to listen to. There's one about a base in a place called Dulce in New Mexico. And the theory is that underground is like an underground network of tunnels and layers and levels where they store alien life. And like at the top levels, it's all kind of like you're still. standard aliens, you know, like you're ones that walk around and, like, they've kind of been able to tame into a certain level or are you able to communicate with. And as you go further
Starting point is 01:22:34 and further down, these aliens just get more, more messed up and more dangerous and more bizarre. And, like, genuinely there's, like, books written about this stuff. It's so amazing. It's such good storytelling. That's what I was about to say, yeah. I was going to say whatever you think of, like, the idea, you know, whether you're a little bit crazy and think maybe that like all the presidential families in America are aliens or you know the royal family are reptiles or you know if you're not like that at all and you don't think that there's any life outside of earth I don't think there's any denying that some alien conspiracy theories are cool stories like as as works of fiction as much as anything else like I really like the
Starting point is 01:23:20 idea of um there are there are certain cave paintings I think particularly in Australia maybe or it might be South America where these paintings have been done of things that look like your traditional aliens with big bug eyes and sometimes there are paintings that like or hieroglyphs as well
Starting point is 01:23:41 there's like a hieroglyph that looks like a helicopter because like two I think the explanation is that two layers of hieroglyphics have been like carved over each other and when they combine together they look a bit like a helicopter and I really transformer yeah exactly yeah and I really love stuff like that like I find it so as I as I say like as a work of fiction or science fiction I think it's a really cool kind of creepy it's a bit like 2001 a space odyssey with the monolith and the ape men at the beginning I don't if you've seen that film but like this monolith turns up in prehistoric times and they're all like sort of worshipping it and the music is terrifying and I kind of like the idea of ancient aliens visiting people before they even, you know, understood what, like, they barely even understood
Starting point is 01:24:31 metals and things and, you know, how would you even react to that? And what would you think of those people? They would just be like gods to you, you know? It's a... It's a very interesting. It's a fun story. It is. Sorry, I've just found it a worldly of a quote regarding Tom's, Tom's M discoveries.
Starting point is 01:24:49 The Navy went on record stating the phenomena depicted in those videos is, quote, court unidentified that really made me surprised intrigued and excited and motivated to push further for the truth they confirmed that it's unidentified that they couldn't identify it yes that means it's a UFO evidence that's amazing also the cave drawings and stuff i mean as recently as the as the fucking middle ages do you see how fucking bad they were at draw it like painting cats and stuff i mean there's no way that anyone would have been able to accurately draw an alien at that time. People couldn't
Starting point is 01:25:28 even get cats or horses right until the last two or three hundred years. It's all looked wrong. So there's a very good chance they were just painting, I don't know, fucking crocodile or something. Oh yeah, like the I think
Starting point is 01:25:44 the conventional explanation is, well I think it varies from thing to thing, but most experts say, oh no, this is like the traditional way that they would depict say you know the shaman of the tribe or oh my god that that's a shaman of the tribe there it is look at that it's a long boy that's one for the thread certainly that cat's a really long medieval cat there i'm open to not even that they're being um conventional uh well understood explanations for everything even though we just can't always put connect one thing with another like
Starting point is 01:26:23 I'm even open to the fact that, yes, there are UFOs, and, you know, they might be something that is unidentified because most people don't even know about it in that it might be like a secret aircraft that's being tested by the military, or it might be, you know, something like that. Like, I think you can still enjoy UFOs and kind of think, well, you know, there's some mystery here that is slightly easier to believe versus interstellar travel. Like, you know, maybe it's a strange biological phenomenon or, you know, some kind of chemical reaction that's happening in the atmosphere because of exact conditions that very, very rarely happen. Or like ball lightning, for example, there's something that's very much accepted by science, but we don't really understand it at all.
Starting point is 01:27:14 And like literally, I think there are stories of it, like a ball of energy floating in through people's windows and like burning people and then leaving. like it goes in and out and it's understood to be ball lightning but we don't really get how it works but that's not an alien that's just a very strange and rare natural occurrence and you know
Starting point is 01:27:36 so you can have UFOs and you can even have them being weird and unusual and interesting without them having to be alien travellers yeah absolutely I think in the strictest possible definition of UFO they definitely exist
Starting point is 01:27:51 but I don't think they're aliens and I think they all have rational explanations, but it's still really interesting and pretty fun. All those documents out there for people to look at. I mean, much like life after death, it's just fun to have some kind of hope beyond harsh facts. Yes, absolutely. Right, time for our final question.
Starting point is 01:28:14 Are you boys ready? Yes. This is from Udi Monkey at Udi Monkey on Twitter. You boys are lovely boys. All girls, but what thing really, really, really, really pisses you off people taking up space in
Starting point is 01:28:30 supermarket aisles being oblivious to the amount of space they're taking up on pavements where there's a group of three people walking at you side by side forcing you onto the road people in town walking extremely slowly and sort of meandering
Starting point is 01:28:47 across in front of you all of these issues have been exacerbated by COVID but they have long being just irrational anger induces in me. It's like, you know how toddlers and children walk around as if the world bends to their will? If they want to go somewhere, they will just go in that direction and assume whatever's in their way will move out the way. Like, if a toddler comes for you, you've got to move out that way and that thing will not stop. There's adults out there who still do the same thing.
Starting point is 01:29:14 It's just like, fuck off. If you're going to stop in the middle of this alleyway and turn around sharply, like do it slowly. Look behind you before you do so. fucking stop right in front of me, let me bump into you. Wonder across. It's the same with when people are holding shopping baskets or if you're at the airport and they've got their luggage behind them.
Starting point is 01:29:32 They treat it as an extension of themselves rather than something they can actively move out of your way to be polite. So they'll walk at you with a basket at their side so they're like three feet wide and you have to get out of their way rather than moving the basket
Starting point is 01:29:49 in front of them so that they take up less room and they're just a polite functioning member of society. They're just totally oblivious to the fact that they can do something about the space they're taking up. Yeah, I was going to say, even before you started, just like ignorant people who don't think about how their actions are going to affect others, like in terms of noisy neighbours who's like play music, stamp around, people who drive with music like booming and they're sitting
Starting point is 01:30:22 at like traffic lights in front of someone's house or something like that. I really, really fucking hate litter so much. I really hate it. I was walking to Sainsbury's yesterday and there's a car parked in a layby and just as I were past they just threw like several McDonald's boxes out.
Starting point is 01:30:39 I can't believe people do. I don't get it. Yeah. I already just shout out cunts to them but I was too scared to go over and chuck them back in the car. It kept on bravery. And like fly tippers and stuff. You drive past a layby in the country
Starting point is 01:30:51 and people have just dumped like three fridges there because they've been paid to take it away because they're like waste disposal and then all they do is chuck it there you know I sometimes like I'll I'll get really pissed off about it and I'll like vocalize it to myself like me and Amy might be walking along
Starting point is 01:31:07 and I'll say fuck why do people do this why what the fuck and she'll say they've just not been taught the way you have that like don't drop litter you know and not that she's excusing it she's not saying oh it's okay leave him alone and she's just saying, yeah, it's a shame, isn't it? That, like, not everyone has been told,
Starting point is 01:31:25 hey, maybe this is, like, a really dick thing to do and you shouldn't do it. Yeah. Like, if I was a dictator of the country and I was able to just tell everyone to do what I want them to do, I would make them teach in schools don't fucking drop litter, or I would put a massive, massive fine or prison sentence. You're a dictator, but your action to stop littering
Starting point is 01:31:49 is better education. Yeah, not like death squads. Not like shooting people for doing it. Just like, no, tell them in the schools not to do it. No, I would. I'd get death squads for people who drop McDonald's. You're right. That's fair.
Starting point is 01:32:02 That's the only rational response to it. Yeah. I hate that my building only has one recycling bin outside. Because it fills up immediately. Immediately, as soon as it's emptied, it immediately fills back up. and then people just stack it higher and higher until the lid won't close. It's practically open.
Starting point is 01:32:23 So then when it's wheeled out onto the street by the caretaker, it blows all over the road. Yeah. And there's just, why aren't there two recycling bins? And then everything else just has to go into landfill because there's no room for more recycling. How hard is it to get too recycling? Without somehow doxing yourself,
Starting point is 01:32:40 roughly how many people share that bin? I would guess about maybe, oh, goodness maybe 80 people 80 households 80 flats perhaps in my little corner of the of the flat area where I live
Starting point is 01:32:58 fuck that is an oversight it's just nothing so much so that they've got these little regular size wheelie bins next to the big recycling bin but they're like in little metal prisons where they've got a flap at the top where you can post stuff into it like a bottle bank but you know tiny
Starting point is 01:33:15 and I've taken to just freeing those wheelie bins from their metal prisons, opening the lid and just pouring all my recycling into those instead, which is not what they're for, and it's not what you're meant to do, but when the big bin's already full, come on. That's nobody's fault, but the people who look after the building, obviously, but it's, that really annoys me. I'm not going to, not going to kill anyone, though. No, well, I will. This is a hyper-specific aggravation. It's not even, it's not even a, it's not even a bad one. It's just, it's an inconvenience
Starting point is 01:33:50 every time I go shopping. In our local Tesco, right by, like, there's a security guard who always stands by the door. And it just so happens that where he stands is right in front of the bananas. And I get bananas every time I go shopping. It's like, I'll go in there, like, all right, he's in front of the bananas again. I'll go get the other stuff and I'll loop around and hope he's moved from bananas. And every time he hasn't, he's still there. So I start looking around at the things next to the bananas.
Starting point is 01:34:15 Examining bananas. I'm like, oh, yes, hmm, peppers, they're looking good today, and eventually he kind of looks over and he moves away, and then I go and pounce on the bananas. That's what you need your bravery pill for, Mikey. To ask a man. Oh, sorry, man, could you just move a little bit to the right, please?
Starting point is 01:34:29 Thanks. Such the lowest stakes I've ever heard. You'd think that he must get told to move on the regular by braver people than us. Like, why is he still stand there? Is there room for him to stand there? somewhere else? Well, that's the thing.
Starting point is 01:34:47 It's such a small shop that that is the only place by the door that he can stand. Otherwise, he's got, he's congesting up lanes. So I can see why he's doing it. Oh, my God. Yeah, don't get me started.
Starting point is 01:35:00 And I swear to God, if he drops a banana, a banana wrapper on the floor. Yeah, you're fucking killing. The plastic bag, the banana comes in. Oh, yeah. Well, I think that's the best I can think.
Starting point is 01:35:14 I think that's it, boys. an eclectic collection of conversations this week on Poddietz. That's good. Thank you everybody for listening. Thank you for supporting us. We very much appreciate it. Did you know that if you go to store.orgscast.com, there is merchandise available. Oh, you're absolutely right, Ben Potter.
Starting point is 01:35:33 We got a beautiful selection of t-shirts, hoodie with an S maybe. I can't remember. We've got mugs, definitely with an S. Yeah, it was just the one hoodie, actually. but we've got some lovely designs there and if you feel tempted or maybe you're just like a bit too pricey for me
Starting point is 01:35:50 guess what if you use code vidiots that's the name of the channel vidiots at checkout you'll get 10% off everything no
Starting point is 01:36:02 everything not just vidiot stuff everything on that gosh darn for sake and website so you can come home with some fresh new clobber That's, oh, that felt wrong saying that, some fresh club. And you can do it while making a saving.
Starting point is 01:36:18 That's Vidyat's checkout. Nice. Incredible. We are available on a variety of platforms. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiots official. Oh, sorry, I've zoned. Vidiots official. com forward slash.
Starting point is 01:36:35 Vidiates official. Well done. Yeah, nailed it. We're also on Twitch. com slash vidiots official. We stream there from time to time. We auto host what Mikey's doing over on Twitch.tv, forward slash parrot boy,
Starting point is 01:36:50 and what Peter and I are up to over on Twitch.tv. TV, or Twitch.com. TTV forward slash team triple jump. So even if we're not streaming on videos, there's plenty of us around online doing regular streams. We're recording this ahead of time, and I'm assuming it goes ahead, but I want to thank everybody who hopefully came along
Starting point is 01:37:10 to the charity stream I did on. videos on Saturday, last Saturday, and I'm sure we raised some money for a good cause. So thank you. Can we record a different take where we say, Jesus Christ, Ben, what a shit sure. You somehow managed to lose charity money. Just then we can edit in however. Okay, are you ready? Yeah, yeah. I would like to thank people for responding on social media and saying that they would come to the stream, but I was kind of disappointed that nobody did. and hopefully we'll get them next time, right? In fact, I don't know if I'll do it again, really.
Starting point is 01:37:51 Thanks to Ben's mum for 10P donation. It's going to go a long way. I refunded it. Ben, have you got that 10P that you owe me? No. That's all gone wrong. See, that's the sad timeline. Hopefully we live in the nice timeline
Starting point is 01:38:05 where we raised a lot of money for Cancer Research UK, and I'm sure we did. So thank you everyone for coming, and I bet we had a lot of, lovely time, a lovely, lovely time. If you would like to support us here and what we do on Poddiots, you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash pottyets donations. Donate three pounds or more and you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. So once more, here is Pod Squad for this week. Chunky boy. Demo Dick's twitching asshole. Kier Dewee, the very generous Samuel
Starting point is 01:38:36 de Barber, gooey, bugs, bitoon, lockdown three stupid Nazis. Who was very generous. generous in Sears, Barry Scott, Violet, pennies, Dabitha Christi, got it that time, Emily Lemons, Big Titty Justin 69, New Year, sorry, Big Titty Justin 6010. Yes, that's it. New Year, New Chegwin, RIP, very generous, Jericho's Mud Baby, spread cheeks, slap balls, my age old saying, Chav Chav Chav Ramirez, Kez of Gallifray,
Starting point is 01:39:08 and the uncancelable Tom Hanks. Also, artist formerly known as Chegg Lou, Mum said dinner's ready Carry the worst Freddy Weber buys used pants Sad Keith Chedwank Cold as a witch's tit Lord Brotovich
Starting point is 01:39:24 Mr Black Make TP say cunting daughter Stephen Scodes Donna C07 Base window I come in the land down under Can't Shack it Bean
Starting point is 01:39:35 4 PGBP Mikey And 4 TP Wedding make America Juxon again and I've done an inflection that means that it's now Ben's turn Excellent, thank you
Starting point is 01:39:49 Ha ha ha meat tube ha ha ha ha ha ha who was very generous thank you again and if you also want to consider potentially influencing the entire direction of a podcast I mean what better way to do it than by donating enough to leave a message
Starting point is 01:40:04 who knows you never know what's going to happen defuse trap McFacey boy Jinky Fizg, Bobby Stream Fund, The Dilla in Manila. Oh, God, I struggled again. The Diller in Manila. Hello, this is Rules, Boys. Potato Shack for Dronald Tump.
Starting point is 01:40:22 Dronald Tump, 2024. Fuck Minnie Chedd's. Trade Union Congress Bickies. Jones-Skeed Independent Fadge. Reggie Bronx, who is extremely generous. Thank you again. Prince Beefcakes. Cheggers Naked Jinkle.
Starting point is 01:40:36 Mr. Macker. And followed by, who is in fact the final. member of Pod Squad. Thank you again. Streamlabs.com forward slash potty its donations if you'd like to join. Thank you. Mikey, where can people find you? At Paraboy on everything pretty much. I mean, there's two websites mainly. So everything at Paraboy on Twitter where you can keep up to date with the happenings in my life. But at the minute it's mainly just me saying I'm going to be streaming on app at Paraboy on Twitch where I'm streaming semi regularly. Come join in. It's good fun. It is. And Peter, where can people
Starting point is 01:41:08 fund us? I am at That Peter Austin on Twitter and Instagram. Ben is at Confused underscore Dude on just Twitter, but together we are Jedward and we are at Team Triple Jump over at Team Triple Jump where we're available on Twitter and Facebook, but more importantly, YouTube and Twitch, all Team Triple Jump, where we put out lots of content. It's all gaming related and Rules Boss is still over there hanging out with us. He moved over from Vidiates and he's having a great old time. Not very often at the moment, though, but he's probably the only character we... Oh, and Billy.
Starting point is 01:41:44 Billy's there. Billy's there. Billy's there. Is Jedwood still alive? I guess so. They weren't that old. No, but they got old, didn't they? Everyone gets old.
Starting point is 01:41:57 Yeah. Is the hair still... Oh, the hair's slightly less fantastic now. It's got to be exhausting being them. Yeah, it must be. Yeah. They are beautiful people. for your life. Anyway, thank you everyone for listening.
Starting point is 01:42:10 Leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Do we have a final question for people? Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, what the fuck is that, Michael? Jedwood. Come on, you know, everyone's favourite duo.
Starting point is 01:42:26 Everyone's fucking favorite duo in my heart. Klingy leotards. Not nice. Oh, sorry, I disrupted the question. Yeah, with a final horrible image. Yeah. Maybe just tell us why Mikey posted that. Why did he do it?
Starting point is 01:42:46 Why is he done? I'm posting it now on Twitter. Why has he done that? Why did he do that? What did he do that for? Why is he done that for? Yeah, why? How has he done that?
Starting point is 01:42:54 Why? All right. We'll see you next time, everybody. Look after yourselves. And it'll be episode 71 next time in keeping with the new numbering system that we have unanimously adopted and makes perfect sense. Yep. Yep. All right. Great. Bye, everyone. Bye-bye.

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