Podiots - Podiots: Episode 70 - Sixty Ten
Episode Date: January 26, 2021The boys have skipped Episode 69 for now as they aren't confident they can do it justice. Peter's Waspin', Mikey's rioting, and Ben's alan-in'! THERE IS A CONVERSATION ABOUT DEATH AND WHAT COMES AFTE...R IN THIS PODCAST. If you would like to skip it, please avoid the following timestamps: 1:00:35 - 1:10:27 xoxo Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord: http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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69, get it.
No, no, no, no, no, before we, no.
Before we go any further.
I don't think, I don't think we can do this.
It's a big number, isn't it?
I don't think we can ever do it justice.
All we do is episode 69 with like,
it's the best episode we've ever done.
everything that happens is really funny and sexual and hilarious.
Or sorry, weed-related.
Weed-related, because it's the weed number, yeah.
And it'll be great.
I think you should have more faith.
But that sounds like a real gamble.
What if we don't live up to the expectations of episode 69?
You're right.
It sounds like effort, to be honest.
And we don't do effort here at Poddietz.
It's the kind of thing we couldn't recover from is a bad 69er.
I will never financially recover from this.
So what I'm proposing is that maybe we just skip it
and come back to it in the future when we're ready.
I mean, there is the risk that if we don't 69
our listeners properly,
that they'll tell all of the listeners in our social circle
that we don't know how to 69 properly
and then we'll be the laughing stock.
That would be really embarrassing, wouldn't it?
That's what everyone says at schools.
Oh, you can't 69, none, no, no.
Stop it.
They'll be talking about us in the listeners' toilets.
where all the listeners gossip to each other.
Wow, all the cool kids smoke their cigarettes, laughing at us while 69ing.
Yeah.
Smoke their weed cigarettes.
So what do we do then?
Do we just go to episode 70?
I think it's best, isn't it?
And we've already got one in the later base, haven't we?
Episode 50.
Yeah, episode 50 is also on the back burner for another time.
So not long before Episode 100 doesn't happen.
That one will also definitely just be skipped.
Episode 100 will also be.
delayed but to be fair episode 50's only been delayed because we want to do it in person and probably
the same for episode 100 if we're allowed at that time yeah but episode 69 i feel like that needs
to be on more of a more of a permanent hiatus until we're really really sure we can do it right
until we've got like dave benson to come in from cameo or something like that yes i wonder how
much it would cost actually i'm thinking about that now could we can can we like charge him through
cameo just like charge a cameo per question yeah one by one we could just slice it in the question
that's a good idea how much was it to get him to do that video again was it 50 quid or was it 30
quid i think 50 yeah that was two minutes but that was with video oh that's true excellent pantomime
acting as well uh-huh so maybe if it was just audio hippie i'd be just i'd be just i
Either way, this is a bridge we can cross another time, but that's for episode 69, and we're
all agreed this is episode 70. Oh, no. 70, yes. It's a tangled mess. We're going to do it
Frenchways. I did it one, Frenchwise. It was a hoot. It was a hoot. 6011, episode 6011.
Yeah. No, 6010. 6010. But we can't, how do we write that? It can't be episode
610 or 60-10?
Let me just write it out in letters, don't we?
Yeah, 6010.
60-10.
Okay.
Good. All right, well, it's agreed then.
That's what it is. Episode 60-10.
Yeah, welcome to episode 60-10, and then the next one will be 60-11, and it'll just
be in the 60s forever.
Fuck it.
We can do whatever we want.
We're in charge.
We are.
Numbers are just a made of concept.
Let's rock this numerical system.
We should run the episode 6010 theme tune right now.
I can't wait to hear how different it's going to be.
Hello everybody and welcome to Poddy. It's the official.
Boom.
It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home.
and obey the law of the three urs where everybody brings a thing along to talk about.
I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Good evening gentlemen. Hello. Welcome, welcome,
what and all. I've just realized that there will eventually be a year.
That's not just 6,010, so it looks like 6010, but that's how people will actually say it out loud, like 2020. They'll say 6010, won't they?
Go, weren't the 6010s, shit?
Yeah.
God, they'll all be able to listen to this episode.
Wait, what were the 60-100s, I guess?
The 60,000.
What a century would that be?
Oh, God.
I can't even do the math.
No, I don't know.
The 61st century?
Yeah.
I suppose it was pretty simple, actually.
You add one.
Just go forward six thousand years.
They'll forth that help.
Anyway, yeah, it's bold of you to assume
humankind is going to exist.
I know, it is really bold, isn't it?
I think possibly.
there will be some sort of lizard people
listening to this by then.
We've had a good run of 2,000 years so far,
so I like to think we'll at least double that.
Yeah, I'm really glad we got to have
our turn when it all went to shit.
Yeah.
It's really fair, isn't it?
Also, I've got a big news flash for you, Mikey,
that the human race isn't at 2,000 years old.
It's the damn sight older than that.
That was when Jesus was born.
But that's when it's...
Why doesn't it started...
I'm very confused, Peter.
Why would we in the year 2000 if it wasn't the actual year 2000?
No, sorry, you're right.
It's amazing to think the world is 2,000 years old.
I forgot my Bible studies.
I don't know where I was going with that.
You're absolutely correct, Michael.
Yeah.
God made the world.
You're a sinner.
Yeah.
Good.
Well, if you want to support these sinners, quick side note here, you can.
Did you know you can do that?
You actually can.
If you go to streamlabs.com forward slash pottyets donations, donate three pounds or more,
you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show
and join the prestigious Pod Squad.
We split them three ways.
I did it once, three ways.
And we all read some names out.
We're going to do that right now.
Here's your pod squad.
Here's your pod squad.
We start with the majestic, chunky boy.
Demo Dix twitching asshole.
Kedui?
And the very just stupendously generous, Samuel de Barber, with...
6010, 6010.
A 6010, 6010 donation.
Almost 70 episodes in, well, almost 60, 10 episodes in,
and you lot have lost none of your freaky freshness.
Keep it up, and thank you for populating the walk to the shops
or the bus into the city with tales of meat face, parrots,
microwave drug evasion and the rest.
Hashtagued, please, no more fanfic.
What the hell is microwave drug evasion?
I don't even understand our own universe anymore.
Honestly, I've got no idea.
Which one is that?
Hey, Samuel de Barber, donate 6010, 6010 again, and let us know.
want, which one it was.
Thank you very much, Samuel.
And we continue.
Goey, Bug Spittoon.
Lockdown three stupid Nazis.
Who was very generous and says,
Oh, for God's sake.
You got me there.
You got me there.
That's right.
Nah, that's refunding that three quid.
Take that back.
We don't want your money.
Barry Scott violets,
pennies.
Dabber the Christy.
Dabber.
Emily.
Dabber the Christy.
Triggily Searide sister
Dabber
Dabbah Christi
I just like dabber
Like dabba D dabba die
Anyway Emily Lemons
Big Titty Justin
69
Oh 6010
60 10
60s sorry sorry
Numbers
New Year
New Chegwin
Rip
Oh yeah
We ask for the Chegwin names now
Yeah
Oh yeah
Bring out the Chegwins
Those funny funny Chegwins
Jericho's
Mud
baby, he was very generous and says, hey guys, thanks for all the great content you produce.
Can you please say happy birthday to my husband, Rick, at, that's a Twitter name, isn't it?
Ellis Ensign, 2293 on Twitter, as we're both massive fans and it would make his birthday a bit brighter during lockdown.
Much love and keep safe.
Well, Rick, happy, happy birthday.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday. Have a wonderful day.
one of us lockdown birthday one of us oh god we're approaching the time where everyone's going
have going to have had a lockdown birthday that's fun those january babies thought they were safe
but nope nobody nobody can behave and here we are hope you enjoy your zoom quiz
oh i don't want zoom quizzes spread cheeks slap balls that's that's another
donate a name that's not just a me saying that's sorry
Instruction
Happy Zoom quiz
Spread cheeks slap balls
I want that to be your new catchphrase
or sign off
Okay at the end of episodes
You'll get a lovely big old
Well I'm not going to say it now
You have to wait till the end for it
Chav Chav Ramirez
Kairs of Gallifrey
And the uncannable
Tom Hanks
Oh
Tom, thank you
The only Tom
The list continues
With artist formerly known as Chegg
Lou
Mum said dinner is ready
Lou, Mum said dinner is ready
There we go
Carry the worst
Freddy Weber buys used pants
Sad Keith Chad Wank
Cold as a witch is tit
Lord Brottovich
Mr Black
Make TP say cunting daughter
Stephen Scodes
Donner C-O7
I come in the land down under.
Can't shack it?
Okay.
Bean, with two E's, bean, as in went.
4 PGBP Mike E.
And 4TP wedding.
There you go.
You have to split that off into your wedding.
The wedding party's accounts.
It's like a numbers radio station.
It is.
And also, make America jugson again.
We also have
Ha ha ha me at tube
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha who was very generous
and said meat face pork cylinder
Ah watch out
And they've included a link
Which I have opened
And it's to the company that manufactures
Billy Bearham
Oh wow
And did you know that I've closed it
It's gone now
Did you know that there's also lots of different varieties of that
I think I've seen one other kind
Yeah, but I didn't know there were many varieties.
I'm familiar with a football variety.
I've got to open it now.
It's like there's, you can get like a love heart.
It's all just massively, it just doesn't look right.
There's Billy Bearham.
I hate Billy Bearham.
I never ate it because I did not trust it at all.
Oh, I loved it as a kid.
Yeah, I think I had it a couple of times as a quote unquote treat,
but I remember it being crunchy.
And I think that put me off in the end.
There you go.
There's a link.
So there's all their varieties.
There's Billy, which is like a horrible clown boy,
Billy Bear Ham, Happy Bear Ham, Happy Lion Ham,
happy clown, happy monkey, happy Fox, happy Tractor,
and Heart in Heart, which you all need to stock up on for Valentine's Day.
Happy Tractor Ham, what on earth.
Hack off a big slice of that delicious-looking, artificial heart ham.
Great.
Also, I like that you said,
the name as ha ha me at tube but i think it's meant to be meat oh yeah no you're right
oh we ordered glid right pass that didn't we that's the problem with no camel case
yeah use that camel case difficult to find out it does say the product advantages it lists on
lists on this website is impressive design definition it is seasoned to suit children's taste
without artificial flavor enhancers so with a shelf life of up to seven months fresh it should not last
That's not real meat, is it?
That's not right.
No.
Don't like that at all.
Anyway, moving on.
Diffuse Trap McFacey Boy.
Jinky Fizz Gog.
God.
Bobby Stream Fund.
The Dilla in Manila.
God.
This is getting harder to say.
I'm nearly falling over all of them.
Hello, this is rules.
Boys.
Fuck.
Potato Shack for Donald Tump.
Dr. Donald Tump,
for 2024.
Fuck, mini-chedders.
Trade Union Congress.
Bickies, Jones-Skeed independent Vanch, a very generous Reggie Bronx who donated 6010 and said
have been an avid fan since day one. A donation has been long overdue. After all, you've created
an intricate universe of unrivaled wonder and silliness that easily outshines any Hollywood
guff is to 2021, which is already going great for humanity. Thank you, Reggie.
Prince Beefcakes. Cheggers naked jinkle. Mr. Macca, and
followed by
who didn't get
because they were last
at the end.
Thank you everyone.
That's your
that's a horrible
photo, Michael.
Yeah, what on earth?
They'll let you
investigate in the website
they'll let you print
whatever design you want on the meat.
I mean, I'm not printed them.
Can we?
Can we get some
some potty it to meat made?
Can we get some Billy Ray Ham?
We could get the exact,
if we turned meat face
into a black and white
like binary image.
We could get Meatface made into mass-produced happy ham.
The thing is, though, I think we'd have to order like thousands of kilograms of it.
But it lasts for seven months, Ben.
Yeah, we'd be sorted.
If you refrigerate it, we could sell it to the audience.
I could just picture the factory kicking into gear.
We've got an order through.
It's the first one we've had to years.
of meat face ham.
Don't want it.
Nobody wants it.
However, if you would like to support us,
Poddiet's donations,
that's Streamlabs.com forward slash poddietz donations,
three pounds or more.
Thank you so much to all of your generous folk this week,
and we'll give you a shout-out at the end of the show as well.
Right, are you boys ready for your first question?
Yes.
This is from Paul at Paul Zaremba 16 on Twitter.
It finally happened.
You boys have created a pill that,
gives you incredible bravery.
The bravery lasts for 24 hours, or for us Ameriorns, one day.
What would you use your pill for?
Okay, love you by.
P.S., you only get one pill, only one.
Oh, so we've got to use our bravery wisely.
Yeah, if you were immensely brave, what would you do?
24 hours.
See, something that I wish I was a bit braver or more confident to do
would be to like do travel do a lot more traveling and go to places out of my comfort zone
and you know places where you know there's there's not the kind of um lavish lifestyle that
the three of us are used to as white cis male cracker boys um but i kind of feel like
if the pill only worked for 24 hours i would find myself in you know um perhaps the goby desert
or, you know, I don't know where I would go necessarily,
but, you know, the Australian outback
and then suddenly the pill would wear off after a day
and I'd then be stuck there in the mindset that I've got now,
which is I don't want to go out into the wilderness somewhere.
I'd be terrified.
Like my grandparents, when they were, I think, well into their 60s,
if not early 70s, when walking, hiking in Morocco,
just through a desert with like one guide
and for some of it they were like riding camels
and they had to put tents up in the desert
overnight and sleep in the desert
and I'm like Jesus I wish I was like
you know I wish I was of the mindset
where I would you know
feel confident enough to go out and do that
but I just don't I want to stay at home in Britain
and sometimes go to Europe and America
maybe if I can afford to
but this is all pointless
because the reason I brought this up is that
that's what I would do if I had like
a bottle of these pills, but I don't.
So I don't know.
I'm thinking now.
What would I do?
You guys have had some thinking time now from that brain diarrhea that I just did.
Is it like something you could do where like you go on the border of several countries
and like the second you touch down that plane, you just slam a pill and just speedboat your
way around?
I mean, that wouldn't work bordering between countries.
Into a couple of countries, yeah.
As many as I can.
And then the second it wears off right back on that plane and home and you.
you've had the best holiday of your life.
Yeah.
I also don't really like traveling very much,
as in,
like,
I don't like the process of flying somewhere
and faffing around,
like,
with logistics,
I guess is the word.
So,
you know,
I would also feel like
I probably would want a tablet
for the,
for the,
however long flight as well.
So,
gosh,
you're going to be on a cocktail of drugs for this holiday.
I am.
Yeah.
It's an awful lot of effort to go to just to see the world,
Peter. Well, this is the thing there. So when I see like travel documentaries and stuff and people
are out there like seeing these amazing places and like other cultures and meeting people who
they would never normally meet and doing things like incredible things, I look at them like,
wow, that's great. I'd love to do that. And then I think about like, you know, even even just
planning an idea for a trip like that. And then I go, oh no, I can't do that. I'm not doing that.
That's horrible. I don't want to, I don't want to worry about where I'm going.
going and whether I can speak the language and whether I might not have the chase on the
telly and I can't be about me chase whether I'm going to get sick you know it's not it's certainly
not coming from a from an ignorant xenophobic standpoint it's it's like what I want I want to
enjoy that like that cultural aspect of it it's just everything else that comes with that like
worrying about how I'm going to get to places or what if I get ill out there or you know it's
all that aspect to it so um but I don't know what would I use a 24 hour pill for?
I think I know what I'd do with it
and I'm going big with this one
so stand back boys buckle up
okay I'm ready
because I've got two contracts
that are coming to an end this month
my phone bill and my Adobe bill
and they're both going to go up
well the Adobe's definitely going to go up
and I want to be able to negotiate a better price
without being too scared of upsetting the person
on the other end of the phone
I want to go into that call with bravery
and go in there with a price
and I will not settle for any less
No, you won't.
No, I want my phone for no more than £30 a month.
You listen to me, right?
I've been a paying, I want to go full car and I just want to go hammer them.
Adobe, I powered your software for years and several years ago, I made the jump.
I'm now a legal customer.
Do you want to lose me?
Do you want to lose me, Michael Johnson?
No, they don't.
They're not going to want to.
They're going to be so impressed by your bravery.
Yeah, they're going to think, shit.
We need this guy around.
He's propping up the rest of the product.
Yeah.
And I just, I think, I think,
phone calls in general. I'd probably set aside a day just to do all the phone calls I've been
putting off for years because I just hit phones. I hit talking on the phone. Like if the phone
rings, I never answer it. I just goes to voicemail. Well, if it was important, this will bring
me back. And I give you some advice before you call them on your bravery pill. Oh, yes, please.
Shop around and see what the other deals are available online because there's a good chance they
offer a cheaper deal than the one you're on and you can just say, I want that and they'll do it.
because I'm a coward
who's backed by numbers
you can't fight this
Carthorn warehouse
does it for this much
how are match it my friend
you're going to lose me
yeah
I wonder if maybe I would use my
24 hours of bravery
for sort of social
reasons
you know
sort of telling
telling people
things that I've needed
to tell them for a long time
or you're a fucking cunt
I've always wanted to say that to you
I've always wanted to say it
but I've been too scared to
but now I'm not
and when I wake up tomorrow
and the pills worn off
I'll feel terrible about it
and you know
stuff like I mean
not this
not this but like this
things like asking for a pay rise
but I don't need a pay rise
because we do
we do alright at triple jump I would say
but yeah that's a good shout
I don't want to be on public record
saying hey I don't get paid enough
by it and bechiti
because we do
but you know that sort of thing
that's on that level
yeah yeah
that's the thing actually
Sorry, it's just, yeah, Pearise is one of those scary things where it's scary to ask for them, because if you, if you just detach yourself from the situation, they're not going to fire you for asking for a pair eyes.
Yeah.
No.
You might get a pitiful pair eyes, which might make you feel worse, but, you know, it could work out.
Just do it.
Everyone out there, don't be like us.
Go out there, message your boss, say, hey, fucker, give us, give us, give, I need, I need to buy some, some meat face tubes.
Yeah, by the way, I've got the contact.
form page open and once we finish
I am going to reach out and see what the minimum order is
or if you can get like a sample
I will explain that
we are a comedy podcast and this would be
great promotion for your international
ham website. Failed
Hoyers group where tradition meets
innovation. Yes. Is there
anything more innovative than
podcasts? Question mark.
Allow me to introduce to you
meet face ham.
It's a face. I know you already do it
but it's like it's kind of, it's an upsetting face.
and we think the novelty alone
will be well worth investing in
can we have one please
so I've had an idea as well
looking at this contact page
on the contact page there is a
photograph of Mr Bernard
Fern Hoyers
who is the founder
or he's the owner and managing director
of the Feld Hoyers group
how unnerved would they be
if we sent the picture of Mr Bernard
Feld Hughes.
Yes.
We would like one of these, please.
We would like this on ham, please.
Would they do it?
Would they maybe just like message him first and be like,
we've had this really weird order.
They want you on the ham.
He would probably say how many are they going to buy?
Yeah.
And we'd say one and then he'd say no.
Yeah.
And that would probably be it.
But you never know.
A spokesperson for this company, are they called the meat face?
Surely, right?
They have a phone number.
I mean, if it wasn't so late, I would use my bravery pill to call them live now and see if I could talk to someone.
Oh, the possibility is this pill.
Go on.
Send them to my way.
It sounds like you've got a supply.
Whoever sent this question.
Do it.
He could make magic happen live on air.
100%.
It could happen.
I've added the managing director to the thread on Twitter.
Okay.
He might be on Twitter, you know.
He might be.
Can we at him?
What's he called again?
Don't we just at him in the picture of himself?
Bernhard
with an H
Bernhard
B-E-R-N-Hard
Yeah
And then his middle initial
is A
And then he's
Feld,
Huers,
Feld Hoyers
I don't know if it's Dutch
or something
or German
F-E-L-D
H-U-E-S
I've found
I've Googled
his name correctly
I don't know
that he's on Twitter
you know
Oh, that's a shame
I don't know
that he's
Yeah
it just
Oh you want to know
what
The A stands for in his name.
Yeah.
It's Adolf.
No, it is.
It is.
That's why it's here.
There's only one tweet that, one Twitter response in it's someone, it's Paul Rose tweeting in 2020 saying it would seem that the character Billy, the smiling sausage, was created in the 1960s by Feld. Feldt, Feldt, what was it, Feld House? Feld Hoy's.
Feld Hoy's. Who is?
I don't know.
Feldhoo's CEO, Mr. Bernard Adolf Feldhus.
Wow.
So there you go.
Oh, in the 1960s.
Maybe that's a previous managing director.
Maybe I think that might be an ancestor.
Right, but he's also got the A middle name.
Well, he has.
That's true.
What does this mean?
Does this mean anything?
I don't know.
I don't know what this means.
There's no way to know.
I mean, we're definitely not getting any meat from this company now, are we?
Well, I'm still going to try
and I'll report back next time
I don't know if I will get a reply
but we will see
and we'll see what we get
I'm very interesting
big fan of the usual
Vidyitz menagerie of images and then just
German businessman
There he is
Oh, here he is
Oh no, someone's already done it
Already done what?
This is in the Google image results
Oh
Who is? Is that?
I don't know if that's him, but that's just, that's a man's face in a slice of ham
and I don't know if it's his or someone else.
But it shows up in his Google image results, so...
What on earth is this?
This is really interesting, and it's the same tweet from Paul Rose as well.
I have no idea what any of this means.
No.
I'm beyond lost.
right now.
I'm currently just looking at a wall of meat.
A real rabbit hole here, haven't we?
I reversed image searched it.
It's now I've just got the same picture of beef
and it's just tiled all across Google.
Just a wall of beef.
The beef wall.
The Feltoires group Beef Wall
now available with your logo.
For fuck sake.
What? Oh man.
I need to, I need.
to email them.
Sorry, the one in the top right is called
Moist Meat Dump.
Oh, Moist Meat Dump, Album on Inger.
I don't want to see the Moist Meat Dump.
Nobody wants to see the moist meat dump.
Hang on, I'm just adding...
No, no one needs that.
Just adding the meat wall to the Twitter thread.
Bear with me.
And then...
Anyway, what I'd use the pill for
is probably, like, just
some ambitious career decisions,
you know?
Is in, like, reaching out to people
I would never bother reaching out to you
because I would think,
oh, they don't have fucking time for us.
You know, they're not interested in working with us
and just actually fucking contacting them,
finding a way and just being insistent
and persevering and saying,
hey, come make a video with us.
We're great.
So bravely that they have to accept.
That's the tricky thing.
It's not, the first message isn't necessarily the hardest.
It's the nudges after that.
We're like, well, I didn't see the first one.
Should I try again?
Am I just annoying them now?
Is there a bridge I'm going to burn forever?
No, I get that all the time with PR
where you reach out and it takes the majors to respond
and you're like, oh, great, so glad to hear from you.
So can we, we're working together, yes?
And then you don't hear anything.
And it's like, at what point is it unprofessional for me
to keep emailing them, even though we're a business
and we need to be contacting them anyway?
And are they being rude?
I don't understand.
I've just realized how much there is to unpack in that tiled beef image.
Oh, my God.
The last three beefs have been photoshoped to look neater
and tidier.
But they've had a
leak removed
and they've had the
rind from the right-hand side
horizontally flipped
and added to the left-hand side.
That is a sweet beef there.
Also, the middle row,
the far left one,
the caption is
fillet me down on a bed of roses
which is very good.
Filet.
God bless this fillet.
This is a source
of much inspiration.
There's even much to think about.
Very, very much.
Wow.
Fuck's sake.
I'm now looking at another Bernhard Feldhoes
LinkedIn page.
It's not him.
It's a different guy.
I think we should move on.
Bernhard Hitler Feldhoys is his name.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, it is.
I'm sure a lot of people probably have the middle name Adolf
or maybe are called Adolf, right?
Oh, yeah.
I think certainly people in the 60s who were born and named
pre-World War II, definitely.
But I think Adolf is quite full.
famously now, certainly in Europe, not a name. Not a good name to have. Or is it more, I think
certainly Hitler doesn't exist anymore as a surname. But maybe Adolf still does actually. Maybe
that's, yeah, maybe there are still a few Adolfs around. If you're an Adolf, get in touch.
We're sorry for insinuating stuff about you. There's a lot of Adolfos, obviously, but that's
different. And you get it in like other countries, like in South America, you get certain names that
you wouldn't have ever here. But let's know, Adolf, if you're out there, get in touch.
Searched on Facebook for Adolf, not seeing a lot.
I'm sure the accounts that you do find as well.
You probably don't want to be friends with.
Probably not real.
They might have chosen that name and changed it via D-Pol.
Yeah, there's one that this isn't going to go on the link dump,
but I just wanted to send you this, this Adolf, who's popped up.
Here you, boys, go.
Who's got a thing that they would like to do?
Oh, God, no.
Oh, the worst man.
um he lives in well no i won't even identify him but uh that's that's just for us that's just for us
you imagine at home what that looks like it's a real facebook page though because that's allowed on
facebook because facebook is a good website i just like where it says he lives and i'm not talking about
the nation of origin just those first three words that's where he lives i think he's done that
intentionally.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.
Okay, it's a thing.
Come on.
Who's got a thing?
Let's do it.
I've got an anecdotal thing,
not done one of those in a little while.
We're half an hour into the podcast.
It's like we're talking about a thing.
Ten minutes looking at a stick.
Oh, Jesus.
It's not even cooked properly.
No.
Well, I mean, that's all pink in the middle.
That's raw.
Terrible.
So instead of bringing along at Internet thing this week,
I thought it's been a while since we've,
done anecdotal stuff on this podcast, or certainly since I have. So here's the thing that
happened to me in my actual life this week, I think, started this week. So Amy and I were
sitting down on Monday night. We'd had our dindins and we were watching, I think we're watching
Only Connect the game show. What is that? It's the one where, oh, it's like self-aware in how
nerdy it is but it doesn't stop being as nerdy and embarrassing as it is and yet we can't stop
watching it it's um you have to work out what the the connection is between like four clues so it's
not just between four things so it's not just like oh what connects tinky winky milo bob the builder
and whatever you know it's like oh cbc characters it's like you know what connects purple triangle
head purple skin boy yellow hat man and you know like that so there's kind of two layers to it anyway
so that's the show it's completely irrelevant to the story but that's what we're watching um and
as we're concentrating on the final round which is very intense and high speed um i hear like a phone
going off near me just sort of like just gets a notification a little a little hum from a phone
And I was like, I didn't even really think about it at all.
And then I heard it again a couple of seconds later.
And at that point I started to think, well, I mean, that's not mine.
Mine's in my pocket.
And it was sort of to my right and behind me and coming from a sort of elevation that no phone should be there.
It sounded like it was maybe on the back of the sofa or like someone was standing behind me, like holding a phone,
five feet in the air, you know, it was coming from a certain altitude that it shouldn't have been.
And I realized it was like not quite being consistent in the length, it was sort of like buzzing
and then like not, and then, and then on and off. And then I was like, what is that noise?
And it sounded just like a phone vibrating. And I just looked over my shoulder casually.
And fuck me, there was a huge was a huge was on the back of the sofa right by my head.
It just landed there, and I'd been hearing it buzz.
And I was like, what the fuck is going on?
For context, for anyone listening to this podcast, you know, like a year after it's come out, it's January at the moment.
It's really cold.
It keeps snowing in England at the moment.
So I looked over my shoulder.
I actually had a hot, very, very almost brimming mug of tea in my hand sort of on my lap.
and as I tried to articulate
I think I also had a mouth full of tea
in my mouth
and as I tried to articulate to Amy
I sort of stood up
not wanting to spill my tea
on a rug that we've just bought
which is sort of quite pale coloured
and I'm sort of moving
and sort of jostling her
because I'm trying to swallow my tea
and move and there's a giant wasp
over my shoulder
and she looks at me
and all she is aware
or she doesn't know what is the cause
of my behaviour, she just knows
that something scary is happening
so she is
on her feet and out of the door
before I've even stood up and put my tea down
so she goes up and then from
outside of the lounge with the door shut
she's going, what, what's happening?
Because she's very arachnophobic
and I think she thought that I'd seen a big spider
and I normally don't react to spiders
I'm not too bad with them
unless they are those absolute
monster autumn spiders
that sometimes come in in like
horrible little things. Yeah.
So I think she thought that
I'd seen a spider that was big enough for me
to be scared of it. And I went
there's a fucking massive
wasp in here. What is going on?
And she was like, what? And she was
like, oh God, that's horrible. Can you get it? Can you
get it? So I ran into the kitchen
which is adjoining to our living room
and she's still out in the hallway
to grab a glass
to put over the wasp. And
when I came back into the living room
the wasp had vanished
so we then spent
a good five, ten minutes
looking around the room I think it had flown somewhere
and landed
but it was like underneath something so
we couldn't hear it buzzing we couldn't see
it anywhere and I was like
I genuinely
towards the end before we finally found
it again I was starting to think did I just
have some sort of episode there where I
completely imagined a really
really big wasp because it was nowhere.
We couldn't find it at all.
Anyway, eventually I saw it sitting on a cushion on the floor.
Oh, I was just sitting having a good time.
It was just relaxing.
It was trying to enjoy Only Connect, I think.
So I put the glass on it, put a card underneath, and it was super huge.
And at the time, I didn't really think to take a photo to then share with podcast listeners.
and I really hate that I didn't
but I've done some Googling since
and apparently
wasps don't survive in the winter
the only ones that do
are queens that hibernate
so I think it was a queen wasp
anyway I thought
well it can't stay in here
because it will sting someone
so I threw it outside
I don't like to squish bugs if it can help it
but I put it outside and I thought
I don't think it's going to do very well out here
and then
normally if I'm
I'm putting a spider out that I've got in a glass, I'll happily just sort of fling, I mean,
keep hold of the glass, but sort of do a flinging motion so the spider flies out of the glass.
But I didn't really want to do that with a wasp because I thought, you know, I don't want to
agitate this thing and make it come back and sting me. So I just left the glass on its side
on the doorstep for a little while and thought, I'll just come back in 10 minutes when the
was hopefully left. And when I came back out, I'm very sorry to report that the wasp had
frozen to death and become a crispy wasp.
Peter the wasp killer.
Yeah, I'm a big old wasp killer.
I mean, nature is the real wasp killer here.
So apparently this is something that can happen.
Wasps hibernate in like lofts and wall cavities and stuff, queen wasps do.
And they can actually be confused by light levels.
So if there's some light going in to say your loft or into the wall or something,
if you've got a little hole.
and if the light just from your room light casts onto the wasp
they can think that it's waking up time
and they can wake up and emerge early
so it probably would have died anyway if that's any consolation
it's not I'm furious yeah
so that's my giant wasp story I can't really emphasize how big it was
it was not a normal wasp at all and it was just so
out of place and out of context and
it's just not the right time of year
and I'm just trying to watch a game show
at like 8pm what are you doing in my house
you know you should have tried to approach things more
diplomatically you know get a little thimble fill it with very
sugary tea put in front of it
let it just enjoy the show and then politely
you know open the letterbox and shove out the way
yeah if you're cold she's cold
let her in
that's right
oh rest in peace
Did you name the wasp or do you not want to go through that heartbreak?
No, I couldn't bear to do that.
I was then a bit paranoid for the rest of the day
that there might be more wasps,
but having, as I say, I've since done some interneting
and if it was a queen, which I think it must have been,
then it's unlikely that there are any more.
Peter, the other wasps are going to come for their queen now.
Yeah, they are.
They know what you've done.
Regicide.
Oh, no.
If you do kill a wasp, though,
doesn't it release some pherom?
and attracts more wasps.
Yeah, I've heard that.
Yeah, I've always assumed that that's true,
but I guess citation needed.
Dying from the cold will do that.
I think it's more of a case of squishing.
Well, there's also no wasps around, I'm assuming.
Hopefully.
Hopefully.
They might be at the door right now.
Knock, knock.
Well, Peter, thank you for your thing.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah, what a tragic tale.
Drew Burt at Ho underscore Bert on Twitter
asks
If you could take the place of one kid's show character
Who would it be?
Oh
Now it's tempting to think
The Queen's nose
Bernard's watch
But then you think
Would my life be normal?
No, it wouldn't
And in that sense
I don't want that power
on a daily basis
because I think due to how humans tend to be, after a while,
I think you just start to do increasingly more fucked up stuff.
That's true, actually, isn't it?
You get, like, what's normal slowly starts changing,
and you don't even realize you're becoming more and more messed up
and doing these horrible things,
and then it's the point where you're robbing banks
and funding militias across the world,
all because of Bernard's little watch.
Well, you know it, you've murdered a queen wasp, and then, you know.
Well, yeah, yeah.
And I kind of wonder whether it would be,
be like having cheat codes enabled in a game where it's like,
okay, so I can spawn all the weapons in and I can be invincible in a game, for example,
but now it's not really fun anymore.
So if you could click a watch, like, oh yeah, you know, you can go in and like get all
the money in the world and spend that money on stuff.
But eventually you just be like, yeah, I mean, yeah, of course I can.
Like, I've always been able to do that since I've been in this life.
And that's just how, that's just my life.
That's it.
The novelty would wear off, I guess, is what I'm saying.
saying it wouldn't be long before you're just praying for the sweet release you know because you've
done you've done everything and with no rules and that's only in the case of bernard's watch but with
the queen's nose who for those who don't i mean on the off chance that listeners haven't yet up to
date on their UK children's trivia having been with poddiots for this long bernard's watch was a
pocket watch where he could click it and time would freeze for everyone but him uh the queen's nose
was a 50 pence piece um where if you rubbed it you could make a wick and
I think there were 10 wishes per Queen's Nose.
However, Queen's Nose is one of those wishing shows or movies or pieces of fiction
where the wishes were always corrupted by the object.
So you would wish for like, oh, I wish I could be really popular
and you would be transformed into Donald Trump, for example,
and you'd have like all these Donald Trump fans around you going,
yay, Trump, and then you've got to be Donald Trump for the rest of your life.
It was that kind of thing, you know?
Yeah, you don't want that.
you don't want that
I don't care how many millions of people love him
but then you think about the alternatives
and it's like you wouldn't want to be in the tweenies
because you'd be a felt monstrosity
and that would be like your whole
deal forever
and there was that time that Max dressed as
Jimmy Saville
was it called Max Jasper
whatever his name was
he's got to dodge Milo in his dangerous ways
his purge
your friend Bella is going to die
suit
Bella's really unwell
there's a talking dog
called doodles.
There's only so many times you can wake up
in Telitubby land and have that fucking baby laugh.
Oh.
Oh, what's this?
Tubby toast again.
Exactly.
Every day is tubby custard and tubby toast.
And those fucking clowns that you live with,
they've got these stupid TVs on their tummies
and they just go again, again, you're like,
fuck off.
I don't know how many times you need to watch
primary school or nursery school kids count.
And the guy who lives in the disappearing house down the road
is just a creepy puppet man who sings out of the window
with a beret on his head.
No one wants that.
Where would you go?
I mean, maybe the bungalow.
It's a mind that we've frequently gone to.
But at least it would be kind of normal
and you could be an adult in the bungalow
with the other adults and joke around
and do innuendos and stuff, you know?
I imagine that would get tiring, though.
Like imagine it's just like after several months in the bungalow.
Lois, I just want to sit down and have a regular meal.
Yeah.
Baby, baby races going on.
The only thing on the TV is like watch my chops.
You're Von of the Yukon.
Yeah, Von of the Yukon.
Yeah.
You sit down for like two minutes while they're playing a game in another room
and the fucking moose head starts making jokes.
Yeah.
And all the cats here are seeing about Skunthorpe again.
Did he dick and Dom?
Like, I would just come out of the cupboards when you just want to make your dinner.
Yeah.
I want to lie in.
It's 9 a.m.
It's a weekend.
Do we have to do this again?
Every time you go to the toilet, you get gunged as well.
You just hear the, you just hear sort of the muffled intro music to the show every morning.
And it just won't end.
I like the idea that there's people trying to sleep in the bungalow.
So like in the main room, there's kids screaming, sticking toast to each other's faces with Nutella.
And there's someone just on the other side of the wall like, fuck me, please.
Do have neighbours and they're not happy about it at all.
Yeah.
I'm just trying to think if there is any children's TV character
who I had like a crush on who maybe I could like be their partner.
Oh, okay.
I'm struggling to think of that many women.
I can think of Bob the Builder's partner, Wendy,
only because I mentioned Bob the Builder earlier.
Right.
think of at the moment.
That's the only one woman.
The rest of, I think, mainly from cartoons and stuff, I don't know if I want to be a cartoon.
I've sort of limited my thoughts to live action for that reason, you know.
I think, well, I was thinking, like, before we got into the Dick and Dom Hellscape,
that living in there would actually be, I was thinking, what about, you know, what was the TV?
It was, I think, called The Shoot.
It was a BBC show.
It was quite late in my childhood, but essentially the story was like someone's been trapped down in the basement of the BBC studios.
Oh, we all the tapes.
Yeah, literally, like, the story was that he just spends every day in this room where the floor is nothing but tapes.
And just, he just, like, oh, here's a good one.
Like, he just spends his life watching these tapes of blunders and bloopers and I feel like, compared to the insanity of the bungalow,
I want to live in a little underground place where all I get to do is sit and watch tapes.
When I used to see that, and again, it was sort of the, at the end of our sense.
CBBC tenure, but I do remember a couple of episodes. I thought it just looked like a really lonely
existence. He was just stuck down a garbage suit on a mountain of VHS tapes. Like, it just
seemed so sad and lonely. Get away some banging skinny purple jeans though. Yeah. Fuck it,
I'd live in the Pokemon world. Oh, oh, wow, that's a really good show. I'm going to anime land.
That's where I live. Yeah, why not?
Oh, yeah. I forgot.
there was such thing as anime. That opens up another. I mean, not that I watch any anime,
but if I knew any anime, I'm sure people would name a good one here.
I have just remembered Ubos, the ultimate book of spells. I don't know if you remember that.
That was a slightly obscure. Oh, there's the shoot. There he is.
Oh, wow. Why does he look like Wario?
Oh, the Chukle brothers are there. He's not on his own.
Yeah, I think celebrities come by every once in a while. There you go.
So, logistical question for that photo, because the Chukle brothers appear to be up to their waist
in VHS tapes.
Do you reckon they just poured the VHS tapes over the Chuckle Brothers,
or did the Chuckle Brothers just sort of have to shimmy down through the tapes?
Yeah.
How does that work?
I don't know.
That's a good question.
I'm not sure.
Wow.
It's a nightmare.
I mean, that changes things.
If you do have some kind of friends down there, that's, you know.
Yeah.
Is he wearing a noose?
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
It's gotten a bit much.
It's a loose tie.
I feel like Pokemon is actually the best answer you could have
because it's an adventure, there's a bit of excitement into it.
It's not just this locked location, there's an actual world to explore.
It's not just stuck in a...
It's mild peril.
It's screaming children.
Yeah.
And we've already played the game, so we know how it goes.
So it's like, we already know what it would be like to inhabit that universe
in a more involved fashion.
It did look like a nice place.
It was always quite...
Well, it was usually sunny unless they needed it to not be...
for episodic reasons, for narrative reasons.
Yeah, I was going to say there was a show called
The Ultimate Book of Spells, which I think was imported from Canada
into CBBC.
It was animated show, and it was basically a Harry Potter rip-off.
It was about these three kids who went to wizard school,
and they had this book that would send them to different layers of the world.
It was a bit like Middle Earth, I guess.
It would send them into, like, deeper and deeper layers,
and they would encounter all sorts of, you know,
whimsical, magical creatures and things.
And I thought that was a...
I loved that show.
In fact, I think briefly,
it might have actually been one of the cartoons
they showed on the bungalow, possibly.
I don't think it lasted long on there.
That was normally...
It was like the likes of one of the Yukon,
but, yeah.
It was a good show.
But it's a similar thing.
It's like Pokemon.
It's just, you know, an adventure world.
Interesting.
Well, I've committed to the shoot now.
I'm stuck in there.
I see, you're going to be in the shoot.
Okay, fair enough.
Enjoy it.
Oh, I will.
I'll send the best bits.
Yes, absolutely.
See, if you can find some high-res decent copies of the bundle.
I've just realised being, meaning that I'm in the basement of the BBC studios means I've got access to the entire Dick and Don back catalogue.
So I get to watch it for the rest of my life.
You'll be the envy of everyone.
You do have to find the VHS tapes in that big C of Al.
You've got a lot of time on your hands.
And also, the BBC has.
moved since then.
So, you know, there might not be
any tapes left. You'll just be in
a basement
with nothing else in it.
I'll spend the rest of my days hunting for those
tapes labeled D&D.
Please. D&D tapes.
Bit of a gamble. It could be anything
really, D&D, but
one day, we'll get there.
Mikey? Yes. Do you have a
thing? Oh, I've got a thing. I've got a few
little things, actually. Well, it's
a few little things with one overarching
themey theme, theme, theme, thing, thing.
Okay.
We've been in a fun political climate
for the last, God knows how long.
So I thought I'd shine some light
on the fun protests of history,
not protest, riots.
Oh, okay, you corrected yourself immediately.
Yeah, because these aren't protests.
These are just people fighting in the streets.
But sometimes for good reason,
sometimes not, sometimes it's utterly amazing.
So I've had a little whirlwind tour around history
and I found the most ridiculous reasons
for riots to begin.
So I brought three of my favorites along today.
Okay.
So we're going way back in time for the first one,
which is the Jerusalem mooning riot.
Okay.
I think you might be able to see where this one's going.
In his famous work, the Jewish War,
the ancient chronicler Josephus recounts
a particularly unusual disturbance
that occurred between Jews and occupying Roman soldiers
in the first century AD.
The incident began during Passover
when scores of Jews gathered for a celebration at a temple in Jerusalem,
Roman troops stood guard over the ceremonies from atop battlements,
and according to Josephus, one of the soldiers, raising his robe,
stooped in an indecent attitude so as to turn his backside to the Jews
and made a noise in keeping with his posture.
Oh, no!
That's probably the most poetic way I've ever seen anyone say,
you've showed his ass made a fart noise.
I made a fart noise, yeah.
I love the way all books talk about farts.
It's so dignified and beautiful.
They refuse to say the word fart.
I'd like to see Benjamin Franklin's take on this story, to be honest.
I should go into the Franklin archives and see what other stuff I can dig out,
because I'm sure he's got more farty literature out there.
This ancient instance of mooning sent the crowd into an outrage,
and many began yelling insults and lobbing stones at the Roman soldiers.
A terrified Roman government.
Commander, sorry, just picturing, he's like, oh, Steve, you've done it again.
Now I've got to deal with this mess.
Keep your ass in your pants.
A terrified Roman commander called in reinforcements to quell the riot,
and the troops attack the Jewish worshippers in force and trying to drive them from the temple.
According to Josephus, the ensuing rush to escape the building was so great
that they trod upon each other and squeezed one another till 10,000 of them were killed.
Oh my God.
The moon that killed 10,000 people.
10,000 people were killed
Not even 10,000 people were there
10,000 people were killed
How big is this temple?
How many people were there
With a no survivors
Surely at the size of this crowd
If you're at the back of the crowd
You barely even saw that arse
So you've got no idea what's going on
You're joining in for the fun
Chinese whispers
It's sort of passed along the line
It was probably not allowed to say that anymore actually
I think they've changed the name of that game
In school to something else
But it'll start as like
oh he just showed his ass
oh what he just showed his arms
oh what bike a mice from Mars
yeah exactly
I am not playing that again
riot and shoes
I like that as a historic one
that's a nice that's a good start
this one's a more modern day one well I say modern day
it's modern day in comparison
this is the straw hat riot
in 1922 fashion rules
were taken a little bit more seriously than they are today
somewhere along the line
become fashion for par to wear straw hats after September 15th.
For some reason, that was the cut off.
I think it's like one of those, it's like a weird thing where it's like, oh, we don't, like,
in America and Labor Day, like, oh, you don't wear white after a certain date.
It kind of shows like the end of summer and you kind of look down upon if you wear white after
those days.
Right.
Back in the olden days, that's not quite true today.
But it's one of those things we're like, come on, come on, mate.
It's September 16th.
We're not wearing hats anymore.
It's not summer.
And young, young delinquents would enforce this unwritten code by knocking.
the straw hats from the heads of men
who wore them past the stated date
and would proceed to stomp the hats flat
in the road afterward.
It's just armies of people going around.
It's like, you're wearing your hat, dickhead,
knock it off and stomp it to the ground.
This rowdy act was so prevalent
that newspapers began to print warning stories
each year as September 15th approached.
But, undeterred by these stories,
the hat smashes still enforced the ban.
This time, a few days before the stated deadline,
so they're getting in early.
just to surprise you, I guess.
What's that?
September 13th now, buy hat.
And on September 13th, 1922,
the troublemakers began knocking off
and stomping the straw hats
of factory workers
in the Mulberry Bend area of Manhattan
before moving on to torment the local dock workers.
Big mistake, don't fuck with dock workers' hats.
Oh, yeah, steady on.
Unlike the factory workers, however,
the dock workers were quick to fight back.
A brawl between the young pranksters.
It's not really a prankster.
it is it. It's just destruction of property. It's rude.
They're getting off lightly would be in pranks.
It's just a prank, bro.
Someone there
carrying around like a massive film camera, like
for a video.
A brawl
between the young pranksters and the dock workers soon
erupted, spilling out
onto the Manhattan Bridge, where eventually
stopped traffic. Though police arrived to
break things up, this was
not the end of the debaulkel.
The next night, the hat smashes arrived
in even greater numbers, now armed with
large sticks some even had a nail hammered through the top oh god this is just assault at this point
this isn't a funny prank they roamed the streets of new york looking for men wearing straw hats
beating anyone who resisted or fought back even though several off-duty police officers were among
the victims active police were slow to react and by the time things were brought to an end
several men were hospitalized with injuries they sustained during the beatings i think at this point
a riot's justified i'm going to rise up against your hat fascist overlord
I'll wear my straw out if I want to.
This last one, this is the main reason why I brought these along.
I found this one.
I was like, well, I've got to find some more things to supplement this.
But this is the Toronto Clown and Firefighter Riot.
Excellent.
It's a hell of a hell of a title.
Yeah.
In July 1855, a travelling show called SB Howes, Spie Howes, let's go with that.
S.B. House, Star Troop, Menagerie and Circus.
stopped in Toronto, Ontario.
For shows over a couple of days,
on the night of July 12th,
several clowns went to a tavern
that was rumoured to be a brothel.
Clowns going to a brothel, why not?
Were they in full makeup?
I hope so. I'm picturing it,
and they got little honky horns on the nose.
The tavern was also a hangout
for a volunteer firefighter brigade,
the hook and ladder,
firefighting company.
Both groups were full of rough and tumble men,
Mr. Tumbles here.
The clowns with the show were the men who set up and took down the circus tents.
These were beef clowns.
These were big boys.
And while the firefighters had a reputation for brawling, I misread that.
And while the firefighters also had a reputation for brawling, there we go.
At some point in the night, there was a disagreement between the two groups.
The clowns and the firefighters weren't getting along.
One version of the story says that a clown cut in line,
How dare he?
Another story says that hat was accidentally knocked off of the head of the boss clown.
No, not the boss clown.
The boss clown.
Boss clown.
So I imagine just this towering seven-foot clown.
How did you even reach up here to get my hat off?
This is the boss clown.
You're wearing your straw hat after September 15th.
Got him.
Got him.
Regardless of how it started, a brawl broke out and two firefighters were badly injured.
The fire brigade retreated and the clowns were victorious on that day.
At that time, in Toronto, a fraternal organization called
the Orange Order was made up a prototence.
The organisation ensured that orange men received jobs
so a lot of firefighters and police officers were orange men.
Word of the fight spread through the ranks of the Orange Order
in the next day. Several showed up to confront the clowns.
When members of the hook and ladder showed up,
mayhem broke out. All the tents, including the big top,
were pulled down and set on fire.
wagons were overturned and destroyed.
The clowns were mercilessly beaten.
Oh, my gosh.
What scenes.
The chief of police, who was also an orange man,
took his time sending out officers to help,
and when they did arrive on scene,
the officers didn't do much to help the circus.
They simply watched the destruction and the beatings.
The riot only stopped when the mayor showed up.
He personally pulled out an axe out of the hands of a firefighter
who planned on killing a clown with it.
Oh my God.
Like what the hell?
The militia had to be called in
and the circus folk
were allowed to grab their belongings
that weren't destroyed.
And then they all got into one big car
12 people squeezed in
and off it went.
I just that picture of the mayor
grabbing an axe
from a firefighter who's trying to kill a clown.
That's an actual thing from history.
It's amazing.
That was the boss clown in all this.
That's what I want to know.
What was the boss clown up to?
He was practicing his little cycling,
so he was off in the field cycling around
while there's mayhem to play it.
I'm going to Google, what's the boss clown?
Yeah, what is a boss clown?
Oh, that's just scary looking.
If you search a boss clown,
he just get nothing but scary pictures of clown.
Oh, good.
Clowns.
Oh, wait, no.
Do you remember when he brought along the man who wore a clown,
brought a clown along to his
into a meeting.
He's showing up there.
Because he knew he was about to get fired
or made redundant.
He showed up.
Anyway, that's my little trip through
history of riots.
Incredible.
Thank you, Michael.
It was quite something.
Thank you very much indeed.
Are you guys ready to
take a complete right turn
into Sad Town?
Oh, no.
Yes, please.
Yeah, from clowns to this question
It doesn't have to be sad
It can be pretty positive
Depending on how we want to tackle this
I think we should tackle it in a positive way
And have a nice conversation about it potentially
But we'll see where it'll see where it takes us
It's from XX Aston X Villa XX
At Charlie Funnel 9
Who asks
What do you guys believe happens after you die
Oh wow, what a question
One, yeah
I've heard by people talk about
it being like you get to replay your life.
And I feel like if that was it, I'd be so upset.
That's how I see my life again.
Come on, don't show me the best bits.
I spent my entire life down the shoot watching old thing.
Don't want to do that all over again after life.
I was the very best.
Oh.
I don't think you go to heaven as such.
I don't believe in like a place where all your souls go.
and hang out.
But I do wonder,
I just heard this interesting theory once.
It's almost kind of from a scientific angle
that says,
you know,
like you can have dreams where you know,
like you wake up in the morning
and it's maybe like 7 o'clock or something
and you sort of nod off again and go back to sleep.
And then you'll have this really long,
elaborate dream that seems to last like an hour or whatever.
Then you wake up and it's only like 10 past 7.
And, you know,
the whole experience of time can be completely warped by when you're effectively hallucinating or dreaming.
And I just saw this theory that's like because like if when you're dying,
if there's like a little, if your brain activity is like fizzling out,
if you can imagine that maybe it might theoretically generate a bit of a delusional,
scene like a dream or something.
So you have maybe a little dream as you're dying.
But then because there's no conscious end to that dream,
because you don't have that moment where you wake up and go,
oh, that was a dream and it's over.
It's almost like you can, because you have no experience of what time is,
it's effectively infinite only because you don't have a perception of the end of it.
So it's only, there's no reason to believe it.
But, you know, it's an interesting idea to think that like you could then,
in your dying minutes,
experience an entire life or very, very long, strange dream that seems to go on for hours
and hours or days or goodness knows how long.
You know, it's just an interesting theory that, you know, has some kind of scientific basis
that you can relate to.
I could be talking out my ass here, but I feel like I remember years ago reading that, like,
in, like, your final few minutes, like, basically the brain is just flushed with activity.
Like, it just lights up like nothing else.
I think I've heard that.
So, like, maybe, like, when that flush of activity happens, like, great,
we're just throwing everything we got.
It's going to dream world now.
Bye, bye, bye.
Yeah.
If you lose all concept of time, then it could feel like it doesn't end.
Maybe.
Interesting.
I mean, the bit of me that wants to not be stuck in eternal darkness, wants to think
there's something.
Yeah, I'd like to think there is.
But in a crushingly down-to-earth capacity, there's nothing.
there's nothing going on at that point
there's literally nothing to spawn from
but I'd love to be reincarnated as something
I'd love to be an animal
yeah reincarnation should be fun wouldn't it
it would depending on what you get re-encarated
you could be Billy Bear Ham
yeah you could be free carnet
is a pig that gets turned into some Billy Bear Ham
oh the indignity of it all
if I die next in like the next week by chance
may take that as a sign to buy Billy Bear Ham
as there's a chance that I
could be made into, you could buy the meat face ham and the time it takes to produce it,
I could be raised into that very meat and you could have me for at least seven months longer.
We could request your face on it if you like, Mikey, then you'll get your face back.
Buy stocks in Billy, in fact, buy stocks in Billy Bear Ham.
Let me see if I can actually do that right now.
Actually, can we, we could request a different slice with a slightly different mouth position,
an eye position and face position.
so we can make a Billy Bear Mikey Ham flip book
and reanimate Michael's face
so that he can speak again.
I don't want to, I don't want that.
I don't want to do that.
Hammamated.
No, stop it.
Okay, unfortunately I can't buy stocks in Feldhoes group.
Just chuck that on the end of the email, PS.
I can't buy some stocks?
Yeah, because I thought it would add extra weight
to my request for a personalized Billy Bearham.
If I was like, I own one stock.
As a shareholder.
As a shareholder, I request one, one meatface ham, please.
One.
I'm not a very active dreamer in that I very rarely have dreams that I remember.
I definitely dream because I've been informed that I have woken up shouting about all sorts of weird stuff in the past.
I have shouted about bees.
All right, Nicky.
No, it has happened.
Like, no, the bees.
The bees.
And that's it.
And I have no recollection of what the dream was.
I very rarely dream.
Usually I go to sleep and then I wake up and that's it.
So as comforting as some kind of afterlife would be,
I imagine it's going to be like that,
where I just go to sleep and have no absolutely no concept of being asleep.
And that's it.
It's just like turning off a light switch.
It's pretty grim, but I suppose that's reality, isn't it?
Have you guys had general anaesthetic before for any...
Yes. Oh, God, it's weird, isn't it?
Yeah, that's really strange, because at least with normal sleep, as a general rule,
you'll sort of drift off very gradually, you know, over five, ten minutes or whatever as you're lying in bed.
I mean, you may even wake up quite gradually as well.
Maybe not, if an alarm goes off.
But with general anaesthetic, I found that super weird,
because not only do they have you out like a light,
but they almost want you to try and see if you can stay awake
because they're trying to see that you can't
and that you have fallen asleep sort of thing.
So I don't know about you, Ben,
but they asked me to count down from 20.
And I was like 20, 19, 18,
and then I sort of got to 17,
and I didn't really know what number to say.
So I went, sorry, sorry.
And I was like apologising because I couldn't do it.
Oh, how embarrassing.
And I was like, sorry,
20-90
And then
I was just waking up
And I didn't
That's spooky
It was just so
It's really difficult to describe
Until you've had it
Like you're there doing something
And then I didn't have any
Awareness of a dream that I had
I guess people maybe can dream
During an aesthetic
I don't know what the rules are
But I didn't have a dream in that gap
To fill it in in my mind
So I was just counting down
And then I was awake in bed
like hours later and that kind of gave me a vague understanding of what it might be like to be
dead because there was just nothing in that time there wasn't like you know blackness and
silence there was just nothing at all it was it was nothing it's like the windows XP shutting down
meme yeah it's just like that you've i i i could feel it when they when they sort of did whatever
it is they do to make it go through the IV. It felt almost like a warm adrenaline rush
sensation. Yeah, I think I could feel it too. And then just out. Just gone. It was very strange.
But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. That's the honest answer, isn't it? Yeah, that's definitely
the honest answer. People have been clinically dead before and then come back and lots of people have all
sorts of profound
Yeah, like, it's a genuine thing that people do like genuinely see the light and it feels
like they're going towards something.
It's, it's not, it's not, maybe that's, you know, people being conditioned into that
because that's, like, that's what you hear.
So on your last moment, it's like, all right, let's just put on that tape and it could be
what you guys said.
It could just be about the brain just suddenly.
Having a dream that we all have.
Yeah.
All at once and it being overwhelming.
But I believe that like near death experiences, they're called like that.
or yeah where people see the light and they have quite shared experiences I think it's not
actually completely being explained by science like obviously there are theories where it's like
oh people are just predisposed they've heard about other people's near-death experiences
and as they are dying maybe their brain generates it or maybe you know it's something that
happens when if there's like low brain activity as you're clinically dead then an inactive brain
just fills your eyes with light or, you know, whatever.
There's, like, various theories.
But I don't think that there's, like, anything where they're like,
okay, we know what's happening here.
Like, so even just that question mark does make you think,
hmm, kind of strange that, like,
even in, I think, different cultures
who wouldn't necessarily be aware of what you might say
is the Western idea or the Christian idea of a near-death experience.
Like, it seems to be, I think, quite a common thing,
no matter where you are in the world
and no matter what your religion is.
So, I mean, that alone is just an interesting aspect to it, I guess.
Much to think about.
Thanks for the sense of existential dread.
That's now making my tummy go all butterfly.
Oh, no.
Thanks.
What's a way that we can come back from this?
Oh, I'd love to hear your thing, Ben.
That would hear me right up.
Okay.
Well, let's talk about it.
So I've just heard that Mikey's going to die soon from his doctor.
My thing is grave plots.
What can they do for you?
No, my thing is about UFOs.
Oh, okay.
And hopefully it can spur some sort of discussion,
perhaps similar to that one,
because I thought this would be really exciting
and there's not as much to go on as I had hoped.
But you'll see why I had those thoughts to begin with in a second.
So this is an article from Vice.
You can now easily download all CIA UFO documents
to date.
Ah, yeah.
The Black Vault has released hundreds of public PDFs containing CIA information on UFO.
So immediately they thought, this is just like Bin Laden's hard drive.
There's going to be some sort of UFO horse dance.mkb that we can download and watch
the aliens ride a horse and dance with it.
Yeah.
It's not like that at all.
It's a lot of PDFs that have been redundant quite heavily.
Yeah.
And you can't really read much of it.
But anyway, here we go.
In anticipation of the government's official UFO report coming in less than six months
thanks to the COVID-19 omnibus bill, you can now download all of the publicly available
CIA documentation on UFOs. The Black Vault, a clearinghouse for declassified document,
has released a downloadable document archive filled with PDFs containing CIA files on
unidentified aerial phenomena, or UAP, the government's preferred term. Some of the reports
state all the way back to the 1980s, and according to the site's founder, John Greenwald Jr., the
spy agency claims this is all of its documents on UAPs. According to Greenwald, around 10,000
Freedom of Information Act reports were required to obtain the PDFs and the process was an
excruciatingly long one. He scanned the documents by hand. Oh, that's right. Yeah, like to make it
difficult. You've got to work for this. If you want this secret information, you've got to
get all these prints out and put it together in a good format for everyone else.
to read them. It didn't work for it.
Yeah, they really did.
So you can go to, you can Google this Vice article and find it.
It's got links in it.
But there's, yes, this website is, there's also NSA.gov,
forward slash news features, forward slash declassified documents,
forward slash UFO.
And that's got some stuff in it that you can click through,
including, they've written here about an article in a Russian magazine in 1968 about
from a science editor about
sort of debunking flying sources
completely apparently
and it's all in there all scanned
you can read the whole document
none of it is redundant
but it looks like they were just collating all information
anything that falls under
the UFO tag
essentially is all filed under
the same thing even if it's not like
found an alien today, lol
so there's lots of lots in there's set up a
Google alert for the word UFO and just
and just kept it all
yeah there's a whole thing in here there's a report from
1994 summarizing the Roswell incident or the purported Roswell incident when supposedly there was
a crashed UFO and alien remains. Yeah, they said it was a weather balloon and stuff. It's like
pages and pages and pages long. There's loads of stuff in there. A report that came in from
Argentina about an unidentified celestial body that flew over in 1965 apparently. So lots of
interesting stuff there, and I've just closed that tab, and now I'm looking at Billy Bear
meat again. Just get rid of that real quick. But one of the apparently most interesting pieces
to come from this, according to the Blackfault themselves, the people who scanned all these
PDFs and requested them in the first place, is that in this CIA UFO document, the assistant
deputy director for science and technology was shown something related to a UFO that was hand-carried
to him. He decided he would personally look into it.
after, he gave advice on moving forward.
That advice is classified.
So here is the image.
There's a lot of redundant going on, which makes it difficult.
But it does clearly state that this important person was brought information about UFOs.
They said they would look into it personally.
They offered advice that was redundant.
So it's pretty intriguing.
That was from 16th of April 1976.
After a short examination of its content,
buys us he would personally look into the matter and get back to us.
Interesting.
Very strange.
I mean, even, this doesn't prove anything, but it's at least slightly interesting that they were even doing that sort of, quote unquote, Google alert for any article about UFOs.
Like, you know, it's kind of strange that they would just, they would be interested in archiving a Russian magazine.
article about UFOs.
Like, why should they care about someone who's just saying,
UFOs aren't real, and here's my magazine article about it?
Like, as I say, it doesn't prove anything at all.
It's not any kind of evidence, but it's just like, okay.
They're very interested in the topic.
Yeah, absolutely.
So all these files are available to look at now if people are interested,
and it sounds like we're going to get a load more information in about six months' time
when they have to publish this stuff because of that omnibus bill that went
through, but I suppose the wider discussion I wanted to have with you guys was thoughts on
UFOs and, uh, are they, are they real? Have aliens been here? What do you think?
Oh, that's a fun question. Have they been here? I mean, they've got to exist. I, I feel no shame
in saying that there's got to be other, other life out there. Yeah. Yeah, I agree with that.
Just statistically, it's just, it just seems so unlikely that we're just the, we're the
stupid little meatbags who happen to survive. I mean, that's a, yeah.
That's the fun thing, actually.
Think about what, because when you think of UFOs and aliens,
you kind of tend to think, oh, they're going to be like us.
They're going to have limbs and things.
But it could be anything.
It could be like gaseous life forms I've just thought around.
I like this name.
Could be silicon-based instead of carbon, you know, really weird.
All sorts of options.
Have you ever seen a UFO?
Um, my answer's been redundant by the CIA.
Oh, no.
I remember seeing something when I was younger that at the time,
really confused me but I it was just it was probably just like a helicopter or something well the thing is
I would see it regularly so it was around winter time and when we drove back from school at night it would
be dark on the school bus I'm talking about here and it was through this a very rural area it was just flat
land and fields and fields and fields and the occasional farm and way off on the horizon at the same
sort of time every day as we pass this area in the distance this really really really bright light
would go like slowly up into the sky and then it would start to descend again and then it would fade out
and I didn't know what it was and we used to like more than one of us like had seen it and we're like
what is that why is that like vanishing and so obviously at the time when I was a kid I thought
oh it could be a UFO but I mean it's just it's a UFO and
a sense that it's an unidentified flying object as far as I'm concerned but if someone who might
know better and know the area would just say oh yeah that's they do like an aircraft that like
they they they test helicopters over there or you know like something there'll be an explanation for
it but yeah that's the closest I've come is seeing a thing that at the time I thought was you know
potentially supernatural but I don't think really was yeah I'd I largely fall into the same
camp in that I think
I think there's
alien life
there's life
on other planets
out there somewhere
I don't think
it's nearby
and if it is
it's going to be
microscopic
microbes, organisms
that kind of stuff
however
I believe
UFOs are real
in the strictest
possible definition
of what a UFO is
being an
unidentified flying object
I believe people
have seen things
that they can't
explain
but I do believe
that those things
are rationally
explainable you know they have a reason for for being i don't think they're aliens i think if if people
i believe that people have seen lights in the sky and and seen things like oh my god that's a ufo
because it's unidentified and it's flying and it's an object but i don't believe it's a it's an alien
flying around uh it's probably it's probably as you say a helicopter or something or satellite
passing by that kind of stuff um so yeah i think that
They're real, but not aliens.
Have you been keeping up with Tom DeLong of Blink 182 for him?
No, I haven't.
I'm aware he's a big UFOologist.
I think Robbie Williams is as well.
He is, yeah, Robbie Williams is.
Oh, nice.
In 2015, I think, Tom left Blink 182 to pursue UFOology full-time.
Like, it's his thing now.
And I've just kind of Googled to kind of gather what information I could.
And this is a headline that reads,
Tom DeLong claims aliens may have been present at the birth of Jesus.
Was that a star or a craft?
Oh, for God's sake.
See, stuff like that where it's like, yeah, there's a big light in the sky.
What is it?
Is it unidentified?
Maybe at the time, yes, but I'd like to think they knew what stars were.
Yeah.
But I'm a big fan of Tom doing this because he's putting money into it.
Like in UFOology, historically, it's not something people put money into.
Yeah.
And I'm very curious to see where this goes.
Because, I mean, I think they released a couple of videos a couple of years ago of, like, it was some army's footage of, like, a genuinely incredible, like, a proper UFO and that you look at it.
You're like, what the hell is that?
It's like the way, like, you can hear them talking.
It's legit footage as well, it's, like, backed up.
It's like this just craft hovering at a perfect speed.
It's in there.
There's, like, losing the minds over it.
I'm sure if I read into it more, like, it's actually just a duck.
It's several ducks.
Let's carry on Mikey, sorry.
I just wanted to quickly talk about one of my favorite conspiracy theories
regarding aliens.
Alien conspiracy is just the best things to listen to.
There's one about a base in a place called Dulce in New Mexico.
And the theory is that underground is like an underground network of tunnels and layers
and levels where they store alien life.
And like at the top levels, it's all kind of like you're still.
standard aliens, you know, like you're ones that walk around and, like, they've kind of been
able to tame into a certain level or are you able to communicate with. And as you go further
and further down, these aliens just get more, more messed up and more dangerous and
more bizarre. And, like, genuinely there's, like, books written about this stuff. It's so
amazing. It's such good storytelling. That's what I was about to say, yeah. I was going to say
whatever you think of, like, the idea, you know, whether you're a little bit crazy and
think maybe that like all the presidential families in America are aliens or you know the royal
family are reptiles or you know if you're not like that at all and you don't think that there's
any life outside of earth I don't think there's any denying that some alien conspiracy theories
are cool stories like as as works of fiction as much as anything else like I really like the
idea of um there are there are certain cave paintings
I think particularly in Australia maybe
or it might be South America
where these paintings have been done
of things that look like
your traditional aliens with big bug eyes
and sometimes there are paintings that like
or hieroglyphs as well
there's like a hieroglyph that looks like a helicopter
because like two
I think the explanation is that
two layers of hieroglyphics have been like
carved over each other and when they combine together
they look a bit like a helicopter
and I really transformer yeah exactly yeah and I really love stuff like that like I find it so as I as I say like as a work of fiction or science fiction I think it's a really cool kind of creepy it's a bit like 2001 a space odyssey with the monolith and the ape men at the beginning I don't if you've seen that film but like this monolith turns up in prehistoric times and they're all like sort of worshipping it and the music is terrifying and I kind of like the idea of ancient aliens visiting
people before they even, you know, understood what, like, they barely even understood
metals and things and, you know, how would you even react to that?
And what would you think of those people?
They would just be like gods to you, you know?
It's a...
It's a very interesting.
It's a fun story.
It is.
Sorry, I've just found it a worldly of a quote regarding Tom's, Tom's M discoveries.
The Navy went on record stating the phenomena depicted in those videos is, quote,
court unidentified that really made me surprised intrigued and excited and motivated to push further for
the truth they confirmed that it's unidentified that they couldn't identify it yes that means it's a
UFO evidence that's amazing also the cave drawings and stuff i mean as recently as the as the
fucking middle ages do you see how fucking bad they were at draw it like painting cats and stuff i mean
there's no way that anyone would have been
able to accurately draw
an alien at that time. People couldn't
even get cats or horses right
until
the last two or three hundred years.
It's all looked wrong.
So there's a very good chance they were just
painting, I don't know, fucking
crocodile or something.
Oh yeah, like the I think
the conventional explanation
is, well I think it varies from
thing to thing, but most experts say, oh no, this
is like the traditional way that they would depict
say you know the shaman of the tribe or oh my god that that's a shaman of the tribe there it is
look at that it's a long boy that's one for the thread certainly that cat's a really long
medieval cat there i'm open to not even that they're being um conventional uh well understood
explanations for everything even though we just can't always put connect one thing with another like
I'm even open to the fact that, yes, there are UFOs, and, you know, they might be something
that is unidentified because most people don't even know about it in that it might be like
a secret aircraft that's being tested by the military, or it might be, you know, something
like that.
Like, I think you can still enjoy UFOs and kind of think, well, you know, there's some
mystery here that is slightly easier to believe versus interstellar travel.
Like, you know, maybe it's a strange biological phenomenon or, you know, some kind of chemical reaction that's happening in the atmosphere because of exact conditions that very, very rarely happen.
Or like ball lightning, for example, there's something that's very much accepted by science, but we don't really understand it at all.
And like literally, I think there are stories of it, like a ball of energy floating in through people's windows and like burning people and then leaving.
like it goes in and out
and it's understood to be ball lightning
but we don't really get how it works
but that's not an alien
that's just a very strange
and rare natural occurrence
and you know
so you can have UFOs
and you can even have them
being weird and unusual and interesting
without them having to be
alien travellers
yeah absolutely
I think in the strictest possible definition of UFO
they definitely exist
but I don't think they're aliens
and I think they all have rational explanations,
but it's still really interesting and pretty fun.
All those documents out there for people to look at.
I mean, much like life after death,
it's just fun to have some kind of hope beyond harsh facts.
Yes, absolutely.
Right, time for our final question.
Are you boys ready?
Yes.
This is from Udi Monkey at Udi Monkey on Twitter.
You boys are lovely boys.
All girls, but what thing really, really, really,
really pisses you off
people
taking up space in
supermarket aisles
being oblivious to the amount
of space they're taking up on pavements
where there's a group of three people walking
at you side by side forcing
you onto the road
people in town walking extremely
slowly and sort of meandering
across in front of you
all of these issues have been exacerbated
by COVID but they have long
being just irrational anger induces in me.
It's like, you know how toddlers and children walk around as if the world bends to their will?
If they want to go somewhere, they will just go in that direction and assume whatever's in their way will move out the way.
Like, if a toddler comes for you, you've got to move out that way and that thing will not stop.
There's adults out there who still do the same thing.
It's just like, fuck off.
If you're going to stop in the middle of this alleyway and turn around sharply, like do it slowly.
Look behind you before you do so.
fucking stop right in front of me, let me bump into you.
Wonder across. It's the same with
when people are holding shopping baskets
or if you're at the airport and they've got
their luggage behind them.
They treat it as an extension
of themselves rather than something they can
actively move out of your way
to be polite. So they'll walk at
you with a basket at their side so they're like
three feet
wide and you have to get out of
their way rather than moving the basket
in front of them so that they take
up less room and they're just
a polite functioning member of society.
They're just totally oblivious to the fact that they can do something about the space
they're taking up.
Yeah, I was going to say, even before you started, just like ignorant people who don't think
about how their actions are going to affect others, like in terms of noisy neighbours who's
like play music, stamp around, people who drive with music like booming and they're sitting
at like traffic lights in front of someone's house
or something like that.
I really, really fucking hate litter
so much. I really hate it.
I was walking to Sainsbury's yesterday
and there's a car parked in a layby
and just as I were past they just threw
like several McDonald's boxes out.
I can't believe people do. I don't get it.
Yeah.
I already just shout out cunts to them
but I was too scared to go over
and chuck them back in the car.
It kept on bravery.
And like fly tippers and stuff.
You drive past a layby in the country
and people have just dumped like three fridges there
because they've been paid to take it away
because they're like waste disposal
and then all they do is chuck it there
you know I sometimes like I'll
I'll get really pissed off about it
and I'll like vocalize it to myself
like me and Amy might be walking along
and I'll say fuck why do people do this
why what the fuck and she'll say
they've just not been taught the way you have
that like don't drop litter you know
and not that she's excusing it
she's not saying oh it's okay leave him alone
and she's just saying, yeah, it's a shame, isn't it?
That, like, not everyone has been told,
hey, maybe this is, like, a really dick thing to do
and you shouldn't do it.
Yeah.
Like, if I was a dictator of the country
and I was able to just tell everyone to do what I want them to do,
I would make them teach in schools don't fucking drop litter,
or I would put a massive, massive fine or prison sentence.
You're a dictator, but your action to stop littering
is better education.
Yeah, not like death squads.
Not like shooting people for doing it.
Just like, no, tell them in the schools not to do it.
No, I would.
I'd get death squads for people who drop McDonald's.
You're right.
That's fair.
That's the only rational response to it.
Yeah.
I hate that my building only has one recycling bin outside.
Because it fills up immediately.
Immediately, as soon as it's emptied, it immediately fills back up.
and then people just stack it higher and higher
until the lid won't close.
It's practically open.
So then when it's wheeled out onto the street by the caretaker,
it blows all over the road.
Yeah.
And there's just, why aren't there two recycling bins?
And then everything else just has to go into landfill
because there's no room for more recycling.
How hard is it to get too recycling?
Without somehow doxing yourself,
roughly how many people share that bin?
I would guess about maybe, oh,
goodness maybe 80 people
80 households
80 flats perhaps
in my little corner of the
of the flat
area where I live
fuck that is an oversight
it's just nothing so much so that they've got these little
regular size wheelie bins next to the
big recycling bin but they're
like in little metal
prisons where they've got a
flap at the top where you can post stuff
into it like a bottle bank but you know tiny
and I've
taken to just freeing those wheelie bins from their metal prisons, opening the lid and just
pouring all my recycling into those instead, which is not what they're for, and it's not what
you're meant to do, but when the big bin's already full, come on. That's nobody's fault,
but the people who look after the building, obviously, but it's, that really annoys me.
I'm not going to, not going to kill anyone, though. No, well, I will.
This is a hyper-specific aggravation. It's not even, it's not even a, it's not even a
bad one. It's just, it's an inconvenience
every time I go shopping.
In our local Tesco, right by, like, there's a security
guard who always stands by the door. And it just so happens that where he stands is right
in front of the bananas. And I get bananas every time I go shopping.
It's like, I'll go in there, like, all right, he's in front of the bananas again.
I'll go get the other stuff and I'll loop around and hope he's moved from bananas.
And every time he hasn't, he's still there. So I start
looking around at the things next to the bananas.
Examining bananas.
I'm like, oh, yes,
hmm, peppers, they're looking good today,
and eventually he kind of looks over and he moves away,
and then I go and pounce on the bananas.
That's what you need your bravery pill for, Mikey.
To ask a man.
Oh, sorry, man, could you just move a little bit to the right, please?
Thanks.
Such the lowest stakes I've ever heard.
You'd think that he must get told to move on the regular
by braver people than us.
Like, why is he still stand there?
Is there room for him to stand there?
somewhere else?
Well, that's the thing.
It's such a small shop
that that is the only place
by the door that he can stand.
Otherwise, he's got,
he's congesting up lanes.
So I can see why he's doing it.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, don't get me started.
And I swear to God,
if he drops a banana,
a banana wrapper on the floor.
Yeah, you're fucking killing.
The plastic bag,
the banana comes in.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I think that's the best I can think.
I think that's it, boys.
an eclectic collection of conversations this week on Poddietz.
That's good.
Thank you everybody for listening.
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Yeah, it was just the one hoodie, actually.
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Oh, sorry, I've zoned.
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Well done.
Yeah, nailed it.
We're also on Twitch.
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We stream there from time to time.
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So even if we're not streaming on videos,
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We're recording this ahead of time,
and I'm assuming it goes ahead,
but I want to thank everybody who hopefully came along
to the charity stream I did on.
videos on Saturday, last Saturday, and I'm sure we raised some money for a good cause. So thank you.
Can we record a different take where we say, Jesus Christ, Ben, what a shit sure. You somehow
managed to lose charity money. Just then we can edit in however. Okay, are you ready?
Yeah, yeah. I would like to thank people for responding on social media and saying that they
would come to the stream, but I was kind of disappointed that nobody did.
and hopefully we'll get them next time, right?
In fact, I don't know if I'll do it again, really.
Thanks to Ben's mum for 10P donation.
It's going to go a long way.
I refunded it.
Ben, have you got that 10P that you owe me?
No.
That's all gone wrong.
See, that's the sad timeline.
Hopefully we live in the nice timeline
where we raised a lot of money for Cancer Research UK,
and I'm sure we did.
So thank you everyone for coming,
and I bet we had a lot of,
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on Poddiots, you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash pottyets donations. Donate three pounds or
more and you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. So once more, here is Pod Squad
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Also, artist formerly known as Chegg
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Cold as a witch's tit
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Make TP say cunting daughter
Stephen Scodes
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Base window
I come in the land down under
Can't Shack it
Bean
4 PGBP
Mikey
And 4 TP Wedding
make America
Juxon again
and I've done an inflection
that means that it's now Ben's turn
Excellent, thank you
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thank you again
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I mean what better way to do it
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And followed by, who is in fact the final.
member of Pod Squad. Thank you again. Streamlabs.com forward slash
potty its donations if you'd like to join. Thank you. Mikey, where can people find you?
At Paraboy on everything pretty much. I mean, there's two websites mainly. So everything at
Paraboy on Twitter where you can keep up to date with the happenings in my life. But at the
minute it's mainly just me saying I'm going to be streaming on app at Paraboy on Twitch where
I'm streaming semi regularly. Come join in. It's good fun. It is. And Peter, where can people
fund us? I am at That Peter Austin on Twitter and Instagram. Ben is at Confused underscore Dude on
just Twitter, but together we are Jedward and we are at Team Triple Jump over at Team Triple Jump
where we're available on Twitter and Facebook, but more importantly, YouTube and Twitch, all Team
Triple Jump, where we put out lots of content. It's all gaming related and Rules Boss is still
over there hanging out with us. He moved over from Vidiates and he's having a great
old time.
Not very often at the moment, though, but he's probably the only character we...
Oh, and Billy.
Billy's there.
Billy's there.
Billy's there.
Is Jedwood still alive?
I guess so.
They weren't that old.
No, but they got old, didn't they?
Everyone gets old.
Yeah.
Is the hair still...
Oh, the hair's slightly less fantastic now.
It's got to be exhausting being them.
Yeah, it must be.
Yeah.
They are beautiful people.
for your life. Anyway, thank you everyone for listening.
Leave us an iTunes review or a
review slash rating on your platform of choice.
It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms.
Do we have a final question for people?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Oh, what the fuck is that, Michael?
Jedwood.
Come on, you know, everyone's favourite duo.
Everyone's fucking favorite duo in my heart.
Klingy leotards.
Not nice.
Oh, sorry, I disrupted the question.
Yeah, with a final horrible image.
Yeah.
Maybe just tell us why Mikey posted that.
Why did he do it?
Why is he done?
I'm posting it now on Twitter.
Why has he done that?
Why did he do that?
What did he do that for?
Why is he done that for?
Yeah, why?
How has he done that?
Why?
All right.
We'll see you next time, everybody.
Look after yourselves.
And it'll be episode 71 next time in keeping with the new numbering system
that we have unanimously adopted and makes perfect sense.
Yep.
Yep. All right. Great. Bye, everyone. Bye-bye.