Podiots - Podiots: Episode 71 - Meat Products

Episode Date: February 9, 2021

Mikey's touring Alien facilities, Peter's warning Texas about a homicidal doll, and Ben's staying in a plague village! Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. So do you remember your face in meat? Our company, Worldwide Logistics, get your face in meat. Of course. I sent them an email as promised. I was wondering if you'd actually do it.

I'm so glad. I did. I did email them. Here's what I said. Hello there. My name's Ben Potter, and I'm one of the editors for UK-based comedy podcast, Podiat's. Each show consists of three hosts bringing one thing to discuss.

And on a recent episode, we were all very excited by the idea of ham with a customizable design, particularly as we all grew up with Billy Bearham. I'm unsure what your policy is on meat samples or ordering single meat items, but we'd love to submit a meat design and see it proudly displayed in meat. Plus, I believe it would make for a great discussion. And then I give a little bit about our credentials. At the very least, we've gained a new fan, surely. How many downloads we get?

Adolf Ham Friend. What was this surname? Feldhoys. Feld, that's the same thing. It's German for Ham Friend, I think. Right. Certainly. Then I linked to our YouTube and Spotify,

and I said, let me know if this is at all possible, and please pass my thanks and admiration on to Mr. Bernhardt, A. Feldhoys. He has inspired a generation with his fun meets. Kind regards, Ben Potter. Now, I just wanted to give an update because I did follow through as promised. I am really sad to report that I didn't get a reply. Oh, for God's sake, Bernard. Come on, get on top of you still.

You would have thought, Burnhard, a man of Bernhard, Adolf Feldhoes, stature would want to deal with us, but apparently not. Have you tried emailing Bernhardt atfeldhoys.com. No, let me copy and paste this right now. so burn burn I'm going to have to copy and paste his name it's very complicated burn

burn hard just at Feldholmes surely surely that is his personal email address oh dear can we be careful I don't want to be banned from buying Billy Bear meat in the future

I like I don't want them to cut us down is it.com or DE? What do you think? Is it a German, Belgian? Oh, you know, that's a really good question. Failed Hoys, right? Flemish. They're in Germany.

They are in Germany. Yeah, they are closed currently, but they open 7am tomorrow for all your meat needs. Your meat needs. They only have a contact us form, obviously. I'm trying to guess what their internal email address would be. Given that their website is feldhoys hyphen group.de, it might be feldhoes hyphen group, is their email.

You try and do some snooping around LinkedIn as well. Yeah, I could definitely, definitely get someone, maybe Adolf himself, group. If we've got any listeners who are in the novelty ham trade, then let us know, because you might know someone who knows someone. Yes, they all know each other. It's just a big, it's a big, meaty boys club, isn't it? It's a big sausage fest, I think. Oh, very, very good. Yeah. Yeah, I did a typo in the original email.

It's fine. Okay, I'm going to send this. We'll see if I get a bounce back. Fingers crossed. No one wants their ham to bounce back. That's not a good thing at all. No, it's not a good thing. Okay.

Consult a physician. Oh, no bounce back. That doesn't mean that it's a monitored, used or real email address necessarily, but it does mean that that domain certainly exists, I think, right? I guess so. It might have gone to like just some sort of back-end admin thing that's never looked at. It's not a real inbox. It's just a...

Okay. Okay, I have had an auto-reply. I got very excited because it was in German. Yeah. But I don't know that it's real. It might be German for the email address you have selected is not real. Yeah, that could be it. Let's pop it in a Google.

translate and see error delivering message to the following recipient so vibes well dear fechler by the nachrich tunst well exactly a folgender and fanger older groupen you know so depending how desperate we get we could try and apply for a job there with a fake CV yes and go through the interview process I did notice if you Google them it does say own this business question mark which I'm now clicking on. Say yes. That's how you claim it, I think. I think you own it now. The listing has already

been claimed and it does say the listing has been verified by bf dot dot dot dot dot at dot dot dot dot. So Google knows who it is but they won't. We're getting close. Guys, we're getting closer. Dispute. Dispute. Could that be Bernhard Fadolf?

It could be it does say request access underneath. my tie yes I will yes please okay I do have to give a lot of personal information to request access and I don't think that will be good for me

no if the meat boys will come after you suggest an edit change name or other details I can suggest an edit category manufacturer can I search meat meat packer hey we've got

okay we can We can suggest an edit to the category. We've got meat dish restaurant, meat packer, meat processor, meat products, or meat wholesaler. Ooh. Juliet's in the realm of meaty product, isn't it? Yeah?

Meat products. Okay, send. That's my suggestion. Thanks for your feedback. You're welcome. It's my pleasure, honestly. We'll get there one day. I think at least we've made an impact with this.

Well done, Ben. Really tried, not getting any success. you know, if you know Adolf let us know. Please, we want to talk to him. We just want to talk about it. We just want to talk to Adolf.

We just want to talk to Adolf. We just want to talk to. It's not in trouble. We just want to talk. We're just disappointed. Hello, everybody, and welcome to Poddy. official videos, podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home

and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Mikey. How we doing, guys? What's going on? Very well, thank you.

Do I always say Mikey or Michael in my intro? I don't. I say Michael. He definitely said Michael a lot. I don't know if you... Why don't I suddenly just call myself? Mikey. Why have I not been calling myself Mikey before? I saw quite an old video the other day and we were calling you MJ, which really goes back. Yeah, that's a long one.

Until you eventually told us, please don't call me that. That was just a nickname that was chosen by someone else. It's not my. Well, it's nice to be known. It's nice to have people know who you are. You should be known by your name. I don't think he ever said, please don't call me that. I think he just said that people are really, like, going back to, you know, more of his childhood, people tended to call him Mikey. So then we just started to do the same. Oh, I remember it very differently. I thought like, like, chairs were thrown and.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was brutal. Stop calling me. MJ, that's not my name. Do you have any idea what those two letters mean? Some vicious swear words. I'm sorry about that. It was a pretty rough start of idiots, but we got through it.

What? MJ, guess what? Your edit to Feldhoist Fun Foods GMBH has been accepted What? They're officially meat products company now He's gone Who the hell approved that? This is Google vandalism

I didn't want to Yeah, look, it's just got a line through manufacturer And it says meat products underneath it now Oh no, I feel like I'm in trouble now they're going to track you down but at least if you get legally served you'll have a contact email yes that's the thing if they sue me

I have to meet Bernhard legally I have to meet him I think that's how it works should have replied to our email category crossed out manufacturer meat products

so sorry the category of their business is they are no longer a manufacturer they are our meat products is that what that means according to Google they are now meat products wow this is amazing

we did that I love that it's crossed out no we checked and they're not that oh wow that's a that's a meat products right there you look at that and tell me that's not a meat products yeah oh god

sorry Mikey you were saying I don't even I just talk about my angry tirade to the name MJ but I'd say It's been overhaul. It's been struck off and replaced for meat products. Just a line through it. They said MJ there was a line through it. And then it said, Mikey.

I submitted a request on Google to be called Mikey. And that's where we... Michael products. Michael. I believe you were saying, Ben, actually. You know, you're Ben. I'm Peter and he's Mikey. And then you go from there, typically.

Yes. The place we go to next is to suggest that if people have enjoyed the absolute cods wallop they've listened to over the last 10 minutes that they can support us financially by going to streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots

donations where for three pounds or more you can get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and join Pod Squad for this given week slash episode or the next episode I should say after you donate please be aware that we do

sometimes record episodes early you know we don't record it on the day it goes out. So if you miss out, you will be on the next one. I promise. That's just how time works. Okay? Yeah. Good. Mikey's got the first platoon. Platoon, isn't that right? Splatoon. Yeah. Yeah, it's the first platoon. Regiment. We start with Adolf, who says, please guys, leave me out of it. Leave my email alone. Sorry, Adolf. We'll leave you out of it. No crows here, cyber slum. A regretful one. Night Minge.

Oh, no. Oh, God. Does asparagus make cum smell? Oh. Stephen Scourdes. Skodes. Skodes. Skodes.

Stephen Scourdes. There we go. Just put a strike through that previous attempt. We're in trouble, tubs. Is that good? Do I do it right? We're in trouble tabs. Oh, that's it.

It's a bit more jazzy. Yeah. I'm butchering everything here. I do apologize. You're doing great. Crab walking. jingle slap, Benji noise to end discussions

and very generous one vowel from Shira, he says, Hi all, an overdue payment to support this continually excellent podcast. Hope you and the rest of the Walrus Clant are keeping safe and well. Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you. Tickle my platypus.

Donner C.07. Osama bin watching horse dance. Big fan of that. Keith Shagwin, R.I.P. Ben Potter is daddy Your lovely voices have kept me saying Sorry, there was a very generous Ben Potter as daddy And they say, your lovely voices have kept me saying for years now

This lockdown, I've gone back and listened to every episode of Podiotts again And it has massively helped my mental health I hope you're all okay And Mikey, I hope that the ferrets are all good Thank you very much And we had a wobbly with one of them, but they're fine now All good The diet lot

Oh, God, Diet Love, Past, Truther, and Mr. Black. Thank you. Thank you. We move on to the Tiny Regiment featuring. Dead Kevin's Massive Knob, Chav-Ramirez, Peter's Frosty Wasp Queen, Specky Becky, the very generous Samuel de Quizmaster Barber, who was very generous, and said, to answer last week's question, Microwave Drug Test Evasion, Water Sports Williams used to pass drug tests,

Episode 8, The Wizard-Nator, which is a deep cut into Poddiots. We saw this message before we started recording, and that goes back a long way. It took 10 minutes of research to get... The message continues. This week's puzzle, disappointing clammy balls. By the way, Ben, more kickstaters, question mark?

Your second most frequent series after Not the Onion. We've got an expert here on poddiers Yeah, I think Samuel de Barber is the keeper of the spreadsheet, right? Of course. I'm not personally aware of disappointing clammy balls or not by memory, anyway. The regiment

continues. Lord Brothovich, regular prostate exam, Awesome Fox 6011, gooey bug spittoon, Freddie Weber deuce moosex, weird one, Prince Beefcakes,

brother voodoo, Meatface 420 Reggae, Reggae horse It was very generous And said A horse walks into a bar The bartender says Hey, the horse says

You read my mind Very good Also Beng is Peng And That's a noble impression Yeah, that's what it says We've got one final

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There is camel case there To be fair But the eye is tricky to read In this phone Confusing because it looks like an owl Yeah Finn Chegwin Dilla killer

Good luck reading this boys Roy Hodgson Is not an owl Alan Claw Mr Macca I come in the land down under 50 P shaped

rectum wound Enubine or Ennubin Emily Lemons Big Titty Jesus 42 Joey Jojo Jr. Shabbardoo Big Titi Jesus 42 again We didn't start the Pod Squad with an extremely generous

6010 6010 donation Well boys we made it I'm sure this is what we were all aiming for all the way back in episode one and although things have changed since then We all made it to the Holy episode together Well done guys Thank you

And finally Finn Dillamand. Thank you, everyone. That is your PodSquad for this week. A reminder, streamlabs.com forward slash Podiatstow donations. Three pounds or more

and you can join the Pod Squad. Enjoy it. Have we done a Dave? Yeah, the Dave's gone. Okay, just checking. We've got a Dave. We've got an Alamy stock photo of Dave this week on Twitter. Oh, wow, look at that with the watermarks.

Yes, good, isn't it? Big fan. It's a good one. Looks like an older photo of Dave. Well, I'm immediately going to add to the thread, the crossed-out meat product image. This is potentially incriminating, but let's do it. Let's lean into it.

It has to go. I mean, there's all episodes incriminating. Nobody go to their website and use their contact form and dob on us, okay? Oh, God, please. Don't tell the teacher. Don't be like that. Is it fraud? Did you commit fraud just then?

No, they did not ask me to, like, I didn't have to click any boxes saying that I legally confirmed. It was a suggestion. You can suggest an edit, and immediately Google said, yes, that is true. They are a meat product. Yeah, thanks for pointing it out to us, because we thought they were just a manufacturer. They're clearly not a manufacturer, are they? No.

It's been averting taxes all this time with incorrect categorization. Can you imagine if we sunk Feldhoys, the Feldhoys group? Serves them right for not replying. Yeah, really. All they had to do was send us our meat face. That's all we wanted. One slice. That's all we wanted.

Just in a bag. Pottiots will be a named Feared in the meat manufacturing world if you get an email from them from us. You better reply. We will destroy you. We will sink your business into the ground. No mercy. Question one this week comes from Robert Mansell

at underscore Rob underscore Mansell underscore on Twitter. Okay, lads, I'm paying for a dream holiday for you and a plus one each fantasy post-pandemic world, it says in parentheses. Where are you going? Keep up the good, hard. Sweaty Work, Lots of Love. Rob Mansell slash Titanium 91990. Great.

I don't want to think about too much because I get sad about the fact that I've not left this out West in so long. Shenzhen. Oh God, Jesus Christ, Michael, learned to speak. Shenzhen, China, I think it would be absolutely amazing. What's there? It's basically like the electronics manufacturer, well, not manufacturing, but like the electronics capital of the world. And it's just like this, it's kind of like, it's, it's just like a mecca of just all the weird stuff you find, like literal malls filled with one particular kind of item and just, sell is selling nothing but like very specific little items. It just sounds so cool.

It looks, it's very futuristic and weird, very much like a, like a real-life cyberpunkky place. Nice. It sounds quite fun. Is that the one from viral YouTube videos where the man goes and builds his own iPhone? Absolutely. That's where I learned. about it. I've seen that place. I've seen that place. Yeah. It looks so fun. I want to build an iPhone and I would also love for you to build an iPhone.

I'll come out on the video. It's channel in a couple of months when I rip my hair out in the process. Real footage. I exploded an iPhone and lost a finger with like a crying, smiling face emoji. Not clickbait. Not click bait. Gone sexual. What about you, Pisa? Where would you go? I think it's a bit of a cliche but I would really like to do a huge road trip around

the States somewhere like either in a really nice car and maybe just stopping at like hotels and motels and stuff or in some kind of you know RV motor home kind of thing the really

sort of motor home porn ones you see on like Reddit or Imja or whatever where someone's completely ripped out, you know, an old, like, RV or like an old ambulance or an old fire engine or something, and they've turned it into this amazing bespoke thing. And they've got a PS2 in the headrest. Yeah, exactly, like all the amenities. A chocolate fountain. Yeah, with, like a cheese fountain.

Have you seen that video of the guy who, like... Yeah, with the wrong cheese in it? Yeah. Well, the first one goes wrong, and then I think there's another video where he makes it work. But, yeah, the first one is not good. So yeah, I think that's what I do. I mean, to be more specific, I guess. There's places in America that I've done, I've been fortunate enough to do two trips to America

once when I was about 13 and then one bit more recently. And there's places I'd love to go back to. I'd love to do more of New York City. Like I've been to Manhattan, but there's like other parts of New York that I'd like to see. I went to New Orleans, which was amazing, like a really cool. place with very much its own identity and I'd like to maybe do

more of the West Coast as well so yeah I could drive around the whole country to be honest and enjoy all of its all of its gifts America is a little bit like a gift basket filled with 52 individual countries isn't it? Yeah it is a little

bit and I like I do like holidaying to go to places that are culturally very different to the UK. But equally, I think it's nice sometimes to go to a place where everyone speaks English and you can go around and just meet lots and lots of people and actually be able to have a conversation with them

about, like, you know, what they do and, you know, like the differences between you and them. So what is it that you do? So what do you do then? Yeah. I remember going to San Diego and I was just in the queue in a supermarket

and an American just started a conversation with me and I was terrified. Oh, fuck off. Leave me alone. Do you don't know how this works? He's sitting silence facing your head. How about you, Ben? I think I know.

Oh, do you? I have a feeling you might say Japan. Oh, well, see, that's the thing. I was about to say, there's lots of places I would love to go on holiday. But in the in the fantasy post-pandemic world that is suggested and pitched by

by Rob here, part of me just wants to sit on a beach and drink beer. Oh, for sure. That sounds really nice too. And not really do anything, you know? I kind of want to do this, but where it's not here, you know? Just be away from here for a bit. I have never really considered myself the kind of person that really likes that sort of holiday. but then I went on a very brief holiday in 2019 over my birthday for like three or four days with my friend Ben

and we went to a place, a island, one of them Spanish ones. I don't remember which one it was, but it was in the same time zone as here. So it was probably off the coast of Africa somewhere, one of those ones? One of them ones? Anyway, it was sunny and beautiful and there was a really cheap bar, right next to the beach where you could get you know, pints of mystery Spanish lager

and just sit there and drink it in the sun and it was amazing and the hotel was super comfortable and it was all inclusive as well so you could just eat from a buffet. It was really nice. I want to do that. That's what I want to do. And then go to Japan when I'm, you know, when I'm ready.

Just have a recovery like period. Yeah. We've been watching Benadorm, the TV series. Yeah. And I'm sure that's supposed to, you know, make fun of the British holiday goes and kind of show how dire it is, what the British have done to it. And we're just sat there watching going, this actually seems like a lot of fun. That's absolutely got a Benadorm. Just to go, like, by a swimming pool in an all-inclusive hotel.

Yeah. Imagine the luxury of being able to get a sunburn, you know. Yeah. God, what a treat. Spending more than an hour outside a week. Unimaginable. It is kind of unimaginable. But yeah, that's where we'd all go.

If we could. Let's move on to a thing. Who has one? Who wants to do it? Well, we've all got one, Ben. That's the point of the podcast. I'll go. Go on, then. So, last episode, when we were in the depths of the UFO alien talk,

I briefly mentioned an underground alien base, like the Dulce Underground Alien Base and I thought it'd be fun to do a little bit more of digging a dive on that because it is quite a fun little story. Fantastic. I want, my boys,

this is all serious, factual information. Okay. I want you to treat that as such. Should we take notes? We take notes, yes. It's all very important. This is undeniable proof of aliens on Earth.

Is it off of the internet? Is that why it's true? Yes, it's off I'll The source I had It turns out I think the government are wiping the internet

of this because there's very little writing about it No God Luckily I did find a website called The Burlington News.com Which is peak conspiracy theorist web design Encapsulated And you know you can trust the website

Because the person who runs it Also has a YouTube channel That features videos titled Why Can't I See Big foot and an 80 minute video titled Learning How to Be Psychic. Oh, so this sounds like a person I can trust. Yeah, if it's from, I mean, anything on the internet, I believe anyway, but especially a news, if it says news in the website, I'm all aboard.

So go for it. Tell us all this truth. So this is, the man at the heart of this tale is Phil Schneider. Finding information about this is bloody difficult because it's either in Buksy wrote or it's in talks he did. I'm not going to look through hours and hours and hours of an alien man talk about definitely true alien things. So I did the best of what I could find. I think I've put together a good little summary.

It's either. Books he wrote, talks he did, or smearting shit on the wall of his cell. Essentially, yes. So for context, Phil Schneider was an engineer who worked as a geological and structural engineer. So he was actually very highly educated and trained. add more credence to this point. He says his father was originally a German U-Boat captain who was captured by the US military

and was put to work on several highly secret US military projects. And these are secrets he held until the very last moments at his deathbed where he spilled the truth to his son. Among the secrets was the claim that he invented a high-speed camera that took pictures of the first atomic bomb tests in Bikini Island in 1946. Sounds plausible. And Phil himself elaborates, and this is a direct quote,

I have original photos of that test. The photos show UFOs fleeing the bomb site at a high rate of speed. Bikini Island at the time was infested with them. Whoa, infested like a parasite. Yeah. Ridden. Bikini Island. Maybe that's like Benadon for aliens.

Yeah. Maybe. They love it. There's three aliens somewhere right now going. Oh, I know it's a bit of a comedy program, but wouldn't you love to go back to Bikini Island? Like, you know, it would actually be really nice post-lockdown. Post-Aliant COVID.

Yeah. Oh, hopefully we'll see them again soon. Later in life, Phil became known as a whistleblower on deep, deep underground military bases, or D-U-M-Bs as the name. known. That's not just thinking I'm made up. That is, that's genuinely what they're called.

Okay. Or known as at least. Phil explains that the US military has a quote-unquote black budget, which consumes about $1.25 trillion per year. And this is in 1990s money as well. So that's, you can only imagine how much they spend now. And part of that money is used to build interconnected deep underground military bases and states that they are, as of 1990,

129 of these bases in the United States, some of which have been in use since the 1940s. There's a better truth to this. There is definitely underground bases. I mean, the one at the centre of this, Dulce is, in fact, a genuine real military base. There's definitely aliens in them. I'm just stop thinking there's not aliens, okay? Yeah. I'm sure there are loads of them.

In 1954, the federal government formed a treaty with alien entities. the 1954 Griada Treaty, which essentially meant that aliens could take a few cows and test their implanting techniques on a handful of humans, if they wished. This is backed up by cases of mutilated cows

in the surrounding area of Dulce. But slowly, the aliens started altering the bargain until they decided they wouldn't abide by the restrictions at all. And they just kind of went crazy and started abducting and implanting people left right and center, which is very naughty. Phil was involved in building an addition to a deep underground military base at Dulce. The base itself does indeed exist, as I said earlier,

and his work was to test rock samples and advise on what explosives to use to clear out the rock. And as the team started drilling, a terrible smell that was similar to burning garbage emerged from one of the holes. The smell was in fact coming from an artificial cavern that they had accidentally drilled into. Oh, my God. Oh, spooky. As Phil was lowered down into the hall to investigate and found himself inside a large cavern he was greeted by, in his words,

a seven-foot-tall, stinky grey alien. Which is rude, quite frankly. Yeah. None of it, like, brandish words like that. So in response, Phil did the responsible thing and he heroically whipped out his pistol because engineers carry pistols, yeah, yep. And his shot.

Everyone, everyone, the mum's packing around here. And so he unleashed fire on the stinky grey alien. No. And in retaliation to this, more aliens appeared. Well, yeah, right. Obviously, yeah, got to get back up. I'll defend my boy. My boy.

What's the done? Steve, Jesus. So more aliens appeared, and an alien blew off some of Phil's fingers with a kind of laser blaster. And Phil was indeed actually missing a few fingers. A kind of laser blast. I would love to know the true story behind how he lost those fingers and why he needed to make up a story about aliens shooting them off that was somehow better.

He lost them in a sex game with a prostitute and he had to tell his wife, oh, well, what happened was? Aliens. You know, they all was out alien blasting. Phil was saved by a green bury who allegedly gave his life to protect him. This relatively small scuffle evolved into an all-out battle which led to the death of 60 soldiers and scientists.

And Phil, of course, was one of the three people to survive. Yes, real. There's not much other information about the other two people. He states that they had been sent into hiding and weren't allowed to discuss the matters. I'm not sure why Phil got the honour of... No, it's real, it's real. This is all real.

All real. After the incident, Phil began sharing his story in print and at various UFO conventions until his death in 1996. The mythology had developed. into an incredibly complex degree during this time involving a war between gray and reptilian alien races, tales of thousands of aliens being held in this underground base. Basically, this was the seed for more truth to be unearthed.

Thomas Costello was one of the people who helped develop this true story. He was a security guard at the base at the time, and he himself had direct contact. with the alien and human captives that were held in this underground base. He told stories of underground caves occupied for centuries by reptoids, caves that were taken over by the Rand Corporation for use by the New World Order to create biological weapons, fleets of alien ships stored at Los Alamos, human alien hybrid cloning, and his arguments with a cranky reptoid leader named Karshfashed.

I'm going to send that. that in text. I think I did it justice. Oh, yeah, cash-fashed. It's a powerful name. That's what a child says when a car goes past. Yeah. Cash-fash-fash.

It's what the snacks child said. It might be the same one, yeah. So I'm about to share something very top secret, and we can't share out of this room. And if it somehow ends up on Twitter, well, on your head be it. But this is a highly accurate map of the underground base. so you can see it's I'll describe it

done using clip art oh it's beautiful so it starts at the top the ground level which is you know agricultural premises and just general outdoorsy stuff

it's all the front for the dark dark depths beneath and at the top there's a big tunnel and it's labelled UFO entrance and there's a handy little

diagram of a spaceship floating down into the depths and so it's all connected by this middle shaft which is essentially an elevator to help people get around this top secret base so the top floor there's seven floors in total the top few floors are pretty uninteresting it's stuff like security communications

human staff housing executives and labs it's just you know the the administration side of running a secret centuries old underground base yeah then we go down to level four this is where it starts getting interesting level four is home to the mind control experiments wow I don't know what else to say about that to be honest

that's just where they have yeah that's that's where the mind control experiments live it's going to happen somewhere I mean level four is as good as any and you know that deep underground that's where you get less interference makes it easier right right um beneath that level five you've got alien housing so that's obviously where all the aliens are living

causing major interference to the floor above doing the mind controlling experiment. They also had a treaty agreeing not to interfere. Not to think while there's an experiment going on. I just did a reverse Google image search for that schematic slash map. Yeah. And it's taken me to a GoFundMe page by Ryan 4 Prime Minister, just with an R on the end.

Ryan for Prime Minister, close underground military bases. And he's... Is that his campaign? Yeah, and he types in all caps. We all know human cloning is, and then lower caps, fictional does not. Exhist. I will close down all underground military bases. Send your donation to, and then there's an email address.

Guess how much he wants? He's going to need at least 10 grand for that. No, a bit more than that. I mean, it's a trillion a year goes into keeping it going, right? So... He wants 90 million US slash maybe Canadian dollars. Right, okay. And then there's just a photo of this in here.

It's just, there's no context at all. So that alien map is in there. Oh, wow. That's how he gets past the artificial intelligence that scours the internet for anyone saying that it's true. Oh, wow, there's a video in there. No sign of intelligence here. What's this?

This is Ryan. This is him talking about, hold on, what is he talking about? Yeah, he's got several videos. one of them is donate to his campaign. He addresses Washington. Ben, have you considered sending him an email asking for a slice of customized hand? I don't want to interact with this man very much. No, probably not.

He streamed it live on the 30th September. It's got two views. I think that's us. Well, sorry. Sorry about that. No, that's what I'm going to save this video Ryan for later. It sounds very interesting. I don't dare, Ryan, with you very quickly.

So we've got alien housing on Level 5. I wish there's more details about what these levels look like. I imagine in his speeches he goes into great detail about it, but I don't feel like bashing my head against a table for 10 hours. But let's just imagine it's a lovely hotel resort, much like Benadorn. It's all inclusive. The Ayan's having a great time just to help keep them happy. Swimming pools. Yeah, little fake palm trees.

Yeah. It's lovely. Beneath that, we start then to the genetic. Experiment Realm on floor six. The most deprived things happen. Ooh, spooky. And the last lowest level is the cryogenic storage level, where I think, from what I could gather is where they store like old, like hybrids of aliens and humans and like decades old aliens.

And it's basically like a living library of aliens, hoping to emerge again someday. And of course, this is off to the side. We've got an underground shuttle to Los Alamos. because I think yeah the fact is that all of these bases are connected

by like magnetic rail trains like it just speeds across the country so you can transport your aliens around without ever having to take them above air except for when they enter the big tube that's why they call it Kajfashed nay very good so that's

that's pretty much all I've got well that I mean that's more than I ever expected. You know, that's a lot of evidence there. It's stunning. I mean, this schematic, not a drawing, is just evidence in itself.

If you Google schematic, dulcie base, you'll see what we're talking about. I'm sure it's in the year. You're sure it's not a photo, because it looks very real. Yeah. It is like those mountains.

I feel like I've seen those mountains before in real life. Yeah. Can't fake those, can't draw that. No. Yeah, there you go. That is a brief over view of the Dulce War and

the Dulce base. I hope one day we can all take a trip out there when it's safe. No, I would track my Shenzhen thing. I'm going to go to Dulce. Yeah, that's our holiday. We'll all go together. I'm going to jump down the UFO entrance. Amazing. Well, I'll see you there. We'll go together. Thank you, Mikey. That's all right.

Let's all Naruto run our way to alien happiness. I can't stop all of us. Maybe Dick Machenko will be there again. Oh, fingers crossed, yeah, we'll get him on our team. He'd be the But there, he won't get any fingers blown off by no damn aliens. No.

He can kill aliens with his mind, probably. It can. Absolutely. This next question comes from The Overthinker at Spector Zero One on Twitter. Mundane, shitty design, an inconvenient truth. What salts your apples the most? Offenders may include flimsy paper lids, misaligned furniture screws, and paper straws that turn to mush after one sip.

Ooh. So this is about badly designed products or household items or just do-to-do things. Yeah, essentially, things that are just crap and cheap and rubbish. I do hate with flat-packed furniture when the pilot holes for the screws are either in the wrong place or they don't fit properly. Yeah, yeah. That happens more often than it should. And you just end up kind of bashing it in there and it works, but you slightly have less faith in the structure of the furniture. put together.

It's terrible. It's always the naughtiest wood as well. And it just squeak. You know that squeak that it does? The wood squeak. The wood squeak when you try and get a screw into one of those stupid holes that they've drilled in it in a factory. It's not a squeaker to scream in pain.

Yeah. It's a very sad piece of wood. Additionally, how hard and why have we not reached the point yet where if I buy a cheeseburger that's wrapped in paper. Why does all the cheese stick to it? Yeah, what the hell, McDonald's, invest in some hydrophobic paper? What is that about?

You know, but it even happens at like five guys and they wrap it up in the special aluminium foil stuff. Yeah. You open it and all the chitch is just like, most of it stays on the packaging. Do you lick the cheese off the packaging or you leave it there out of just horror? Depends how upset I am, really.

A lot of times I'll go after it, you know. I'll like, when no one's looking in private, I'll just take a bite of it and sort of rip it off. But I'm not happy about it, you know? No, not the, well, again, depends how mad I am. How hungry you are. Yeah. You know, if my nutritional needs haven't been met for the day,

perhaps I do take a chump of some nice shiny, shiny packaging. This isn't an issue with fridges on the hall, but it's an issue I face quite often. And I'm, well, it's an issue that could probably be fixed with an expensive fridge, but can you please have a fridge that closes the door automatically after it's been open for half an hour? Just earlier today, I accidentally left the freezer open. Now there's water dripping all over the floor. Oh no. Why did that have to happen? That's terrible. I'm going to look into fringes. How, I'm going to guess how much it'll

cost? Maybe you could make your own with one of those, you know, those automatic door closes, the massive things that are above the doors, like schools and stuff. And you can just screw it it'd be really hard to open your fridge then oh it turns out there's an easier way um i found a reddit post that just says tilt your fridge slightly back so that what a genius solution yeah or your food will fall to them you can get fridges with alarms on them so they will go off if the door's been open for too long yeah i've had fringes that have beeped at me before oh we went for the cheapest fridge we could find on facebook market clear, so we're...

Oh yeah, I mean, I don't have one, but, you know, they exist. I've been dealing with the sealant falling out of my fridge for about seven, eight months now. So lining the ceiling. Yeah, it's like, I'm struggling to describe it. It's like a rubber strip that runs along the inside. When you open the door, it's on like the far right. And it peeled off, like it just wilted like a terrible flower. And every time, like I've had that happen a few times now where I've tried to shut the fridge door

and it's just hit that, and I didn't know. And then sometimes you'll open it, and it will, like, unfold like a cheese string and slap you in the face when you open the door. I've got a life hack for that, Ben. Just lay the fridge on its back. Oh, God, you're right. Gravity won't affect it anymore.

Just don't have a fridge. Have you tried not having a fridge? Yeah. Have you considered never having been born in the first place? Oh, man, I think a lot of us would have taken that option. I'm joking. I am joking. Yeah.

I mean, not to, I hate to just use one that was in the question, but I hate paper straws that just sog on you. I mean, I don't, I really hate plastic straws because I've seen videos of them like inside turtles and nostrils and stuff, which is not nice. So I don't use either. But like, I would rather not have a straw at all than have one of those stripy paper ones

because they do not last. I remember once getting a milk. from McDonald's a while back, and I had a paper straw, and just beyond the usual floppiness of a paper straw, it was just functionally useless. I literally could not suck up the milkshake no matter how hard I tried. So I ended up having to just pour it into my mouth, like some kind of monster. I'm trying to, I feel like there's something, like on the tip of my tongue, like an item that I hate because it's always crap and they've not perfected it, but I can't think what it is. And I know it's like the kind of thing I'll remember when I, you know, when we stop

recording but when you go downstairs and you go out there you off yeah i'll use the thing and i'll be like fuck that's the one oh oh cafe tiers are the bane of my existence i know there's like easier better ways of making coffee but cleaning cafetiers is the bane of my life because you've got all these coffee grounds and if you put them down the sink it's gonna it's gonna clog up your drain and you put them in the bins effort i mean should be put them in the compost bin but that's outside and then just little bits of coffee stick to the inside and you've got to spend like three minutes cleaning it just i'm on a self-cleaning coffee coffee cafeteria yeah that's that's very very nice i can't relate at all but it sounds like a real problem it's it's it's it's

it's it's kind of a self-inflicted problem because i'll make coffee and then i'll be like i can't me bother to clean that i'll leave that and then i come back later in the day for another cup of coffee I'm like, oh, bloody hell. Fuck sake. It's dirty. Well, how's this happen? Now I've got to clean it. Who did this?

Tell me, which one have you? I'm the same, Peter. I came up with an idea earlier when I was getting these questions and I thought that's perfect. That's like, that's one that really annoys me. And then it came time to do it. And all I could think of was, what is the cheese not? Come up on paper. Yeah.

I don't really like, I find that most salt grinders are crap. Like you just get giant salt crystals on your chips and you bite your chip and then it just, it's like chewing sand, you know? I don't want to crunch salt. I want to just taste it. So they're normally pretty rubber. I've never really had a good one.

I'd rather just buy table salt and get a pinch of it out of the top and sprinkle it on my chips than use a grinder. I feel like we got more and more sort of picky. Yeah. As that conversation went on, you know, doors, they squeaks sometimes, don't they fucking doors?

I hate that my bed isn't downstairs in the living room all the time, you know? Why is that? Yeah. I hate that I've got to go to the bathroom when I want to do a poo. God, someone should get on that. You've got those special pants, though. Shretty's. Oh, that's true.

Yeah, you can't put in there. That's how it works. I'll send them an email just to clarify, make sure. You should send them a really angry. email as though like, whoa, what the fuck? Yeah. I was just in a really important business meeting. Now the carbon's all clogged. I want to refund. This is ridiculous. You should. Let us know how you get on with that. I have a contact email there if you want it. Okay, let's move on. Peter, what is your thing for this week? I've got a thing that was actually sent to me and it was sent

privately to me, which was the right, it's the right way to do it, really, so that the guys, you know, whichever the other two of us is, they have not heard it. So that's good. Although you may have just read it just by chance. But here we go. It's according to the Guardian and it was sent by David at Dalek Platypus, who is an active member of the Triple Jump community. We know that one. We do. We know that one. Texas, sorry after mistakenly sending emergency alert for cursed Chucky Doll Okay

Officials apologize for test malfunction After message asking citizens to keep an eye out For film villain was sent three times So this is one of those mobile alert things That they do, I think a bit more in America than in the UK I think they do do them here as well but here we go. The Texas Public Safety Department

raised a few eyebrows in the Lone Star State by reportedly sending out an emergency alert asking its citizens to keep an eye out for Chucky, the evil-possessed doll

from the horror movie series Child's play, whom it said was a suspect in a kidnapping. The message went out all over the state's Amber Alert system, which has blasted

to people's mobile phones usually to help find a missing child. It was sent three times. Oh. It described the suspect as being called

Chucky and listed him as a 28-year-old with red hair, blue eyes, standing at three foot one inches tall and weighing 16 pounds. He was said to be wearing

blue denim overalls with a multicolored striped long-sleeve shirt and carrying a large knife. Wow. His race His race was listed as other, colon, doll. Oh, for God's sake.

In the movies, which debuted in 1988, Chucky is a child's toy possessed by the spirit of a dead serial killer who murders numerous people. Faced with numerous media inquiries as to why an alert was being sent hunting for a cartoonish villain from a slasher movie series, the department issued a statement saying, this alert is a result of a test malfunction we apologize for the confusion this may have caused

and are diligently working to ensure this does not happen again so that's it it's short and sweet but I love the idea that they sent out three alerts saying hey guys Chuckie's out there Chuckie's coming keep an eye out I'm incredibly glad that the test alert

which accidentally went out was for such a ridiculous thing because if it was an act, like, a believable thing, that would heighten concern. But instead, no one's going to look out for a little doll. Maybe that's the plant to get away with it. Presumably, like, you know, they were doing some back-end testing or something and someone was like, oh, let's just, like, put some filler information in there. What should we do?

Oh, we'll do Chucky. It's just as well that they didn't, like, do something really, like, tasteless. You know, like, something really sick. Like, I mean, I can't even think of any, or I don't want to think of it. anything, but, like, thinking that it was only going to be internal, you know, you're right that either it could have been really terrifying if they'd just done a generic thing, like, serial killer on the loose, you know, his name's John Smith, and he looks like this, and he's in your area, that alone would be scary, but they definitely could have, like, you can imagine them doing

something that they thought was funny that's really not actually funny at all, and it accidentally getting out there that, you know, I don't know what, but I think you can kind of get my, get the idea. It could have been really, really a bad PR move. It feels like these automated systems, I'm not going to say fail, because it is human error. Like, this happens quite often. I can't remember what exactly it was, but there was that story. I think it was like some, like maybe it was Hawaii sent out a message to everyone in the country, like saying something like a meteor was coming towards the island. Was it like a nuclear strike or something? Yeah. Oh yeah, there's been nuclear ones before saying yeah

you need to find shelter immediately because missiles are coming yeah there's like a 10 minute period where everyone just got this text and was like oh my god this is the end this is it yeah it's great when it works though oh yeah it's good it's good to have it but

please in turn please be careful when you're testing if chucky does ever go on the loose in Texas now no one's gonna believe it you know it's just them knobbeds playing around with the alert system again Yeah. Oh, God.

Imagine if it was true, though. What would have happened? Yeah, someone found out, oh my God, we don't know how it's happened, but he's real and he's coming for you. Quick, everyone, send an alert out on the mobile messaging system. That would have been... That would have been... I mean, it would make for an interesting next Chucky film, I suppose, and that he's not just in one house or whatever. Everyone in Texas knows he's coming.

but nobody knows where Yeah Wait sorry Did the article start Texas apologises Yeah Texas Apologises The state of Texas

The state of Texas Has apologized to all Texans For saying that Chuckie is going to come With a knife And that his race is dull Brilliant Oh dear God damn

Well thank you Peter You're welcome Thank you David You're willing Yes no that's fine This is your alert everyone at home, keep an eye out. Next question comes from Ethan Stewart

at Ethan underscore Stewie 98 on Twitter who asks a bit of a basic question here, boys, but what was your favourite video you ever worked on at what, I mean, name redundant, minus the worst games ever, of course. Love you guys. Oh, that is a fun one.

Do you have a favourite video you worked on there, boys? I think either I thought the ad that we did for What Culture Gaming was pretty good. Oh, yeah, that was great. It was quite fun. Just, you know, a silly script with silly visual gags and stuff. But if it was, I mean, I even have a couple of favorite lists, like, that I've embedded on my, like, on my website just to show, you know, I've got stuff from, like, every company I've worked at.

And in the tail end of what culture, Mikey got assigned to edit a bunch of my voiceovers, which, you know, I think you're about to say the exact same videos I was about to say. Yeah, and there were some really good ones. Like he, well, I mean, they were all really good, but like there was like a two part one where we did like even more later, which was like horrible facts you wish you didn't know or something like that. And it was stuff like how much percentage fecal matter is in office coffee mugs and, you know, like bull sharks can adapt to fresh water and swim up rivers. and, you know, things like that. And it was, it was very fun, very well animated. Yeah, you're right.

That was like in the final month or so, like month or two, when it was like, yeah, things are, we're leaving soon. So I didn't shy away from spending days animating, you know, like cats eating off human faces and going off in a rocket and stuff like that. So I just went hog wild on it. Yeah. Yeah, I've still got like a playlist of every what culture video I worked on. Oh, have you? Wow.

Maybe he's one or two missing, but it's total's 105. videos and yeah they're and those like offbeat kind of weird weird fact ones are up there yeah a lot of fun geez i think i did a similar thing actually saving all the i think i stopped after a while i'm looking at the i've still got the folder favorite i've saved the actual files like the the render files um for a time and then again i sort of stopped after a while i only saved the good ones after that when is it i'm still scrolling it's been scrolling for a long time we're chatting about Destiny 2. It's just,

it's, yeah, there's a lot. Seven most insane attempts to create a super soldier was the last one I bookmarked. I think I stopped after a while because it was just kind of pointless, really. There's a weird thing with, when What Culture Gaming got a quarter of a million subscribers,

you'd only just started there, but I think you'd only been like... Yeah, hadn't been there that long. Yeah. We did a, a, like a live action skit video where we were trying to think of new show formats and stuff and it opens with you sitting in the glass office

and I burst in. I was going to mention this. You're talking about the GIF? In the meeting room. Yeah. So there's a GIF of me bursting into a room and saying, Ben, great news.

And for some reason, well, I know the initial reason this happened. There was someone, and I don't know his name, and I don't know if he's an actual fan of us or if it was like by chance. I think he thinks he looks like me and I suppose he probably does and he for some reason recreated

the Ben Great News like where from the same angle he bursts in through a door so there was a GIF made of me doing it then there was a GIF of him doing the same thing now I've found a third GIF of someone who has just copied me coming into a room saying great news

it's really weird I have to try and maybe I'll put them in the thread but yeah it's a strange one i do remember that video though and i remember i remember that gif doing the rounds it's a good it's a bloody good gift it's a good gift but yeah the gift that keeps on giving when people are recreating it like that is it was a strange discovery i just found what was absolutely my most um at least from the audience most hated edit i did oh the title is what Game of Thrones characters

look like in the books. So for this, I had to reconstruct representations of the characters using royalty-free images from the internet, which is bloody hard. That's bullshit. What a terrible edit to be put on. So I'll send an example of one of them.

I just kind of took the piss with it. And you're about to see an example there. Oh my God. That video has 2 million views, 11,000 likes and 10,000 dislikes. That's brilliant, because they clicked on it thinking that, I bet the thumbnail was that image that someone made of Tyrion with his nose cut off. Yeah, absolutely that.

So they were expecting, like, fully accurate representation. They got the Rainbow Man with Blue Hair. Oh, okay, the comments actually seemed to kind of be in on the joke. When I saw the title, I was pissed as I thought what culture have now really run out of original content but now as I'm watching I cannot stop laughing at how much of a piss take this is there we go what culture running out of original content was that like four years ago yeah oh dear the 250k video was my 27th video according to the order I saved things and this this folder I have has 567 videos in it wow which is more than one probably of each day I worked

there um impressive the The video I think I'm most proud of that I did there was it was the review I did for Persona 5 when that came out. I wrote and recorded and edited that one and I thought it was a really good video and it explained what the game was and people really liked it and I thought it was a great piece of reviewing content and I was very proud of that one. I like that a lot. Some actual journalism from what culture? Yeah, and then it got shut down because reviews took too long to make. Remember that, Peter? Reviews were taking too much time away from recording, you know, lists.

So we had to stop them, and then they just became discussions, and then I don't know what they eventually went on to do. I'm sure I think they got a lot more leeway now than we did. But, yeah, we were told to stop. We had to fight to do them, and then we were told to stop. Stop putting this much work into our content. Yeah, pretty much. That's great. What is that? What have you sent there?

Wait, let me see who that actually is. I've gone off the video now. We have to guess who that is. That's just... Can you explain the constituent parts of that? I don't... What's the name of the character at the top? Dumbledore. That's it. I'm about to say I don't want to Lord the Rings, but that's not right. So Dumbledore with chainmail armor,

some gold rings around their arms holding an Ormack right. jean shorts and short little stumpy legs. At what point in Game of Thrones was there ever an automatic rifle? I took some liberties with the script, all right, Peter? Yeah, I guess so. You did. Very good stuff. Oh, wow, look at it.

There are all the GIFs. Yeah, look at them all. Well, yeah, that guy does look a bit like you. He does. The second guy does look a bit like me, especially with low GIF quality. That's so bizarre. The third guy looks nothing like me, but for some. some reason has also done his own version.

That is amazing. Isn't it weird? It's like early TikTok. Yeah. Everyone's just doing the same thing that you're doing. How weird. It's so strange. They're all in the Twitter thread for those who want to see.

Oh. I like the middle guy. He's not walking through the door because it's his closet by looks of things. Yeah. It is. It is a closet. Oh, dear. Very weird.

It's time for my thing. Okay. Do you boys know about Eam? No? You'll have to be more specific. The village of Eam. I do. Too well, I know a bit about it.

I don't know the full story. Well, you're not going to get it here, Peter. Okay. Because while I did try to find a more credible article, the more credible articles, understandingly, and yeah, understandably, were really long and very long. detailed and I couldn't be asked. So we turn to the next best citation very much needed source

that is Tumblr. Okay. Yes. Who's going to teach us all about the village of EIM spelled EYAM if people want to look it up. So here we go. I keep, and this is written like someone who's on Tumblr, so bear with me. I keep hate reading plague literature from the medieval era, but as depressed as it makes me, there is always one historical tidbit that makes me feel a little bitters and I like to revisit it. That's the story of the village of Eam. Would you like to see the village of Eam's church? Yes.

Absolutely. Then you can imagine that you're there. There's the church. It looks like a church. It's a lovely church. Graves. It's got toopuri. It's a church.

I'm going to say topiary. It's got two bushes. It's got two bushes. Eam today is a teeny tiny town of less than a thousand people. It has barely grown since 1665 when it has been. His population was around 800. Where the story starts with Eam is that in August 1665, the village Taylor and his assistant discovered that a bolt of cloth

that they had bought from London was infested with rat fleas. A few days later on the 7th of September, the Taylor's assistant George Vickers died from the plague. Back then, people didn't fully understand how disease spread, but they knew in a basic sense that it did spread and that the spread had something to do with the movement of people. So, two religious leaders in the town, Thomas Stanley and William Momperson, got together and came up with a... You think something's funny?

No, sorry, sorry, no, not at all. William Mompbell's in, Michael, that's his name. His name is William Momperson. Mr. Momperson. Mr. Momperson. And of course... Son of William Mompah. His male child would be William Momperson's son.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, sorry, sorry, I'll not interject. Okay. Thomas Stanley and William Momperson got together and came up with a plan. They would put the entire village of Eam under quarantine, and they did. For over a year, nobody went in and nobody went out. They put up signs on the edge of town as warning and left money in vinegar-filled basins

that people from out of town would leave food and supplies buy. I'm scrolling past some photos. Over the 14 months that Eam was in quarantine 260 out of the 8th, 100 residents died of plague. The death toll was high. The cost was great. However, they did successfully prevent the disease from spreading to the nearby town of Sheffield, even then a much bigger town, and likely saved the lives of thousands of people in the north of England through their sacrifice. So, I really like this story, because it's a sad story, but it's also a beautiful story. Instead of fleeing everyone, instead of fleeing, there should be a comma, everyone in this one

place agreed that they would stay, and they saved thousands of people. They stayed just to save others and I guess it's one of those good stories about how people have always been people for better or worse. Thanks, Tumblr. Thank you, Tumblr. It gets better. Here's the thing.

One third of the residents of Eam died during their quarantine, but the Black Plague was known to have a 90% death rate. As high as the toll was, it wasn't as high as it should have been. And a few hundred years later, some historians and doctors got to wondering, Why?

Here's why. Fortunately, Eam is one of those wonderful places that really hasn't changed much in hundreds of years. Researchers going to visit found that many of the current residents were direct descendants of the plague survivors from the 1600s. So maybe William Momperson's son, son, son, son, son, son, son, son, son, son, son, son, and his sons.

By doing genetic testing, well done, Michael. They learned that a high number of Eam residents carried a gene that made them immune to the plague and still do. And it gets even better than that. Because the gene that blocks the Black Plague question mark also turns out to block AIDS and was instrumental in helping to find effective medication for people who have HIV and AIDS in the 21st century.

Well, I did not know that. That's amazing. And then it links to a documentary and it says it's a little under an hour and here's a lovely well-produced documentary about Eam and its disease resistance. But there we go. I did know that there was like, weird cases seemingly

like weird cases of resistance to the plague in Eam because I think like the local undertaker was handling all these bodies and he never even, I don't know if he never got plague but he certainly didn't die of it and

there's another woman as well who her partner and I think she had like five children or something who all died of plague in the space of like two weeks and she didn't get slash die of plague and basically I think researchers say that it's very unlikely that it's improbable that that that would happen so yeah absolutely insane yeah like 1600s the disinfecting

coins isolating could you imagine or you think this lockdown's boring being stuck in the english village back then the hell do you do the only entertainment is just people dying of the plague Put bets on who goes first. There probably was some kind of Deadpool, wasn't there, in that village? Although if you think there's an like an anti-masking movement, anti-quarantine movement now,

can you imagine being stuck in that village with people who didn't want to be there who this concept was, you know, for them, totally alien. Yeah, they wouldn't even know the reasoning behind it, like not other than some kind of movement of people makes the plague spread.

Like they wouldn't really. understand why quarantine would help and all they know is they're locked in there with the plague yeah that would be difficult to enforce i would imagine but they did it good people being good people and they saved sheffield my uh sacrifice my family went to visit eam about a month or so ago i think just just went for a little a little walk and uh showed some sent some photos to the family WhatsApp so is that where you you take your 50 peas every christmas yeah we put them in the Yeah. We actually quarantine. Before COVID was a thing, we've been like doing periodical, periodic quarantines because if you're putting coins up your butthole, there's a real germ problem with that. And you have to, you have to watch out with what you're doing there. You don't want a pound coin in your lower intestine. No. No, you don't. I don't want that at all. Well, there we are. That's my thing. And it bears remembering as this lockdown

continues to drag on. Yeah, it could be worse. We could be we could be vinegaring our coins. We could. The only person who has to do that is your family, a person. What was literacy levels like back then? Because I'd love to read diaries. It would like an insight into what Facebook would have been like back then.

yeah there's got to be some amazing graffiti somewhere I might look into this more I'm going to watch that documentary that sounds like a great time you should I'll send you a link thank you that thing about the AIDS like resistance AIDS treatment is amazing I had no idea that that was sort of linked to him

that's why I say citation needed is that really true I don't know but the Tumblr said it right final question are you ready yeah This comes from Callum's story. If you had to build a house entirely of cheese,

which cheeses would work best as building materials. Oh, um, probably a hard, waxy cheese. Let's talk about Gouda, right? Yeah, the Gouda times. I think that'd make for good windows. It's already got holes in it? Gouders, no, which one is the holy cheese?

Oh, God, wait, have I fucked it. Edam? Edam. I'm Googling now, Edam. I'm looking at Edam without holes in. Emmental? Emmental. Emental.

Definitely has holes in. Emmental cheese, that, that's a fun house. If we can get a big emmental and we can just live in the holes, and maybe that will be a great start. And maybe eat our way through to make some corridors. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I like it. See, that's a good start.

It usually comes with some sort of wax or rind on it, which I suspect is probably quite waterproof. That's probably the whole point of the rind. So, yeah, if we could just get a real, big emmental with holes the size of small rooms then we'll live like ants yeah so we've got this giant emmental that we live in is this going to be a problem for you mike you're okay to live in the cheese house with us uh i'll i'll first for science and for you know just the thrill of living in a cheese house i'm willing to put aside my my ethical beliefs i can put aside my my butthole belief

Lactose intolerance. The thing is, we don't have to eat it. We just have to be present in it. Well, no, but what I'm saying is I can eat Emmetile because it's very lacto-free because it's very hard and mature. Essentially, almost all of the lactose is broken down by the culture. Brilliant.

No vinegar for this guy's coins. No. Emmental House, Peter, has what he wants. Yeah. Do as he pleases. He's as he cheeses. So we've got the giant Emmental house. I like to imagine that if we are consuming bits of it,

we can sort of chew it into the shape. And this will require maybe bespoke wax work, but chew it into the shape of like a castle that we can all live in. And then because people, I think, only pretend to like it because it's the only explanation. You've got some really stinky blue cheese out the front. to sort of ward off potential cheese invaders. When I was little, we used to go to the local market on like a Wednesday

and buy, you know, green grocery and cheese and biscuits and things. And the cheese man used to tell me at age seven that blue cheese was blue because it had dead flies in it. Oh, I didn't want to eat the dead fly cheese. That's one way to make sure, like, The customer never bothers buying your product, isn't it? Yeah, I know. Sounds true, though, doesn't it? Yeah, looked like it.

What else could we have? We've got a castle made of Emmenthal. Mozrella beanbags. Mozilla beanbags is a great idea. Could we have a nice raclette moat, like a liquid cheese moat. Can we contact the cheese fountain guy? Yeah. To maybe put that together for us.

We need a draw. bridge as well, I guess just more emmental or just whatever's heart, really structurally sound. Maybe a piece of mature cheddar, but the mature cheddar is quite crumbly, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. So maybe some juvenile cheddar. Yes, and you could lower it. So if it came down from like the portcullis over the moat, you could use two cheese strings to dangle it down. Oh, cheese strings, of course.

Yes, yes, absolutely. and we could have baths and basins filled with the cheese that comes with derely dunkers. We could, we could become ourselves, dunkers. We could. I want a Hulumi trampoline out back. Yeah, Hulimi trampoline is good. Squeaky. Yeah.

I like the idea of that. He's on the trampoline again, Jesus Christ. What if we also, I mean, I know we're doubling down here, but we get the derely triangles. I feel like that would make great. Roof tiles. roof tiles yes i was going to say if we take it out of its you know foil prison we could quite easily use that to as a sort of mortar yeah to construct to construct some sort of outside play area maybe i had a baby bells yeah mini baby bells we could yeah have um a baby bell car

like so it's got baby bell wheels what's the rest of the car made of michael cheese string axles Cheese string. Oh my God. Cheese string axle. That floppy. Yeah. You could fuel it with the strong, powerful gases released by Parmesan. Oh. Feet cheese. Parmesan's another one I don't think I'd want near by the house. No. Smelly cheese. Smalley cheese indeed.

For some reason my head went straight to feta cheese for the body of the car. Because, no, that's not. I was thinking in car crashes, you want the car car car. crumble. I've just realized, no, you definitely don't want the cart crumble. Yeah, you want you to crumple, but not crumble, I guess. Do we have any cheeses that would crumple? I'd probably be emmental, again.

It's very versatile cheese. It is good, isn't it? Because it's got air pockets in it. And it has, yeah, a little slot where if you did crash and your head went, oh, straight forward. It could just go thunk straight into a little hole in the cheese. Yeah. Oh, we could wear, yeah, little

cheese hats out of it, couldn't we? carves them out, bam, there you go. Yeah. I'm going to email Ford next and see if they're, in fact, let me see where the local Ford is and if I can update their Google listing. CC Dairy Lee into that email

please. Yeah, I feel like that's two companies that need to talk to each other. Unfortunately, it doesn't give me any options to claim this business for

own unsurprisingly here. Yeah, I'm not allowed. I mean the next thing really is to come up with the ideal ham house. Oh man. Well we need to get the meat products. We'll see what are they called. I can't even remember what they're called now. No, I can't. I keep forgetting. It's here we go. It's, well, GMBH is what it's is, yeah. Feldhoys, Fun Foods, GMBH. we need to get them on the line brand new task for you guys can we make a house out of your ham

and is it possible to mass produce it because we could solve world hunger and the sort of homelessness crisis at the same time you could get them to print onto the ham like blueprinted like bits of

bits of ham so like it's like a self-assembly house thing so you get like all these different slices with different shapes printed on that you have to cut out and then make your own house out of all the different bits it's like a Nintendo Labo

but with Ham yeah yeah it is that's exactly what it is the future is really opening up before us isn't it I could pretend I could pause as a producer of grand designs and say I've got

someone who wants to go on the shore or to make a meathouse and try and, you know, talk them into it. It's great, great, you know, promotion for your brand. We'll settle on a ham shed if a house is not possible. We can make this happen. You think Kevin McLeod would be up for it? I think so.

I mean, it'd be the most grand design of them all, wouldn't it? It would. It would. Hammed designs. Terrible. Well, I think we've, I think we've cured it. Yes. Yes, we have.

That's it. We've done it, everyone. Well done us. Welcome to the end of the podcast. Thank you so much, everybody, for listening. We hope you enjoyed it. There are all manner of ways that you can find us and get in touch with us and support us and all that kind of malarkey. One such way is by going to store.orgscast.com, isn't it, Michael? You are absolutely bloody right.

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you join Pod Squad, you support us and you're wonderful and we love you and as I said you get a shout out we're going to run through them again now here is Mikey's what do you want to call your regiment Michael I'm thinking

it would be easy to just say Fart Squad but I don't think that's Fart Squad Would people want to be in that Fart Squad? Yeah let's go The pumpy platoon. Pumpy platoon is good.

Yeah? Yeah, we got there. No crows here. Cyber Slum. A regretful one-night minge. Does asparagus make cum smell? Stephen Scourdes. Is that right?

Yes. Oh, did it. Eventually it'll sink in my brain. I'm very sorry, Stephen. We're in trouble tubs. Crab walking jingle slap. Benji noise to end discussions. One vowel from.

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massive knob. Chav Chav Chav Ramirez, Peter's Frosty Wasp Queen, Specky Becky. Very generous Samuel de Quizmaster Barber. Lord Brothovich. regular prostate exam, Awesome Fox, 6011, gooey book spittoon, Freddie Weber do's moose sex, Prince Beefcakes,

brother voodoo, the, sorry, meat phase 420, the very, very generous reggae, reggae horse. Thank you for such a generous donation. Beng is Peng and... We've also got Cheggars-Ickle-chiklet. Yes, yes. Finn Chegwin, Dilla Killer Thriller. Good luck reading this, boys. Roy Hodgson is not an owl.

Alan Claw, Mr. Maca, I come in the land down under. 50p-shaped rectum wound, Nnubin, or Enubine, Emily Lemons, Big Titty Jesus 42, Joey Jojo Jr. Shabbardoo, Big Titty Jesus 42, very generous 6010 donating. We Didn't Start the Pod Squad. And Finn Dillamand, that's your pod squad. That was your pumpy platoon? Is that what you called it? Yeah, and the Pumpy Platoon. Pumpy Platoon, your tiny squad? Yeah, tiny troop.

Tiny troop. And you're... Fast. A fast platoon, wasn't it? Or fast squad? I just said, I've written down fast crew. Yeah, nice, that's it. We'll just go with that.

So thank you again, everybody who has supported us this episode. Streamlabs.com, forward slash potty, it's donations, £3 or more. Thank you. Mike, I, where can you be found, son? You can go over to that there, Twitter, at Pariboy, and you'll find loads of lovely stuff to do with me. Great, isn't it? And that's the best place to keep up with all my activities and happenings,

and I'm also streaming somewhat regularly on Twitch at Pariboy. It's a delight, I promise, come join the fun. Wonderful. And Peter, where can people find us? We are at Team Triple Jump doing stuff together like Rules Boss sometimes and worst games ever and streaming and other things that you remember from the video today's

and individually we are available on Twitter at That Peter Austin and at Confused underscore Dude Absolutely Thank you so much everybody once again for listening We'll be back in a couple of weeks' time in the meantime why not leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms

we do appreciate it as does Al Gore does anybody have a final question before we say goodbye what would you do with you know like the thin American cheese and your cheese house I feel almost a shit like I was trying to think of what we could do with it

find a use for that yeah the answer is quite clearly curtains but we'll see what people come back Carpet. I suppose. Oh.

Actually, I haven't thought about walking on cheese and instantly I don't want to live in this house now. Awful. Well, we're going to go now with thoughts of cheese cheese dreams

and cheesy floors. Don't have nightmares. Sweet dreams, everybody. Sweet cheese, everyone. No, night. Bye. Bye. You know,

and a lot of Oh, and the MOYA NADON. Thank you.