Podiots - Podiots: Episode 72 - Toilet Snake

Episode Date: February 23, 2021

Ben brings the fake news, Michael is invincible, and Peter has some award-nominated sex! Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Product availability may vary by Regency App for details. You both good? Yep, yep. It's, yeah. Are you better or worse than last time? The same it's been the last 12 months, the same. Yeah, it's hard to say, isn't it? Because two weeks ago was, I'm pretty sure it was yesterday, wasn't it?

The last time we recorded one of these? Yeah. It feels like it. Yeah, that sounds right. Yeah, this morning, probably. Comes around real quick. It does. Which is nice, to an extent, for like weekends that, you know,

seem to only be about two days apart from each other. That's true. But not so good when, you know, like work deadlines are suddenly, everything is due tomorrow all the time. It's time to start on another one of those edits. Yeah. Even though you've just finished one. Oh, that was all that was fun at what culture, just the relentless, just like pigs being fed slop.

It's just like, right, well, here's some more. Edit in, bugger. Yeah. I've had a fun week of sleeping. I don't know what happened, but I got into a habit of just sleeping for like 16 to 20 hours at a time. Wow. It's just like remarkable. How are you, how does that feel?

Honestly, it's the worst thing ever. It's just like, well, there goes a day. I think it's terrible Are you sleeping Over the course of the night At least You're not sort of nocturnal Are you?

It's like End of the work day I'm just going to pass out And then oh boy Work day again No that's awful So you get no down time At all

It happened a few times But I've bounced out By sleeping just one hour last night So it Oh and That sounds like a very healthy way Of resetting Yeah

It wasn't intentional You know, when, like, I've got, at night, I always listen to a podcast. I've kind of, I don't think it actually helps, but in my head, I'm like, this will help me sleep. And I, like, I've got a specific podcast called, um, stuff you should know. It's just, it's just like, two people talking about the most specific subjects. And it's always a gamble, which one you choose. It could either be like just the perfect, good night, boring, reeling of some information, or it could be the most exciting, tantalizing thing you've ever heard. And I had three whoppers in a row of great episodes. So I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to escape. I didn't want to pause. No, Mikey. Well, I hope you can stay awake for today's recording and then you can go off and sleep for 20 hours afterwards. I'll try my best. Are you hibernating? Is that what? I think so. Maybe that's it. Yeah, that would make sense. Yeah, I'm a bear. The winter. Have you eaten loads and loads of, like, vegan food? Nuts and berries and twigs. Yeah. And vegan food, yeah. Sorry, you've been eating twigs, Michael.

Yeah, that's classic hibernation food, right? It's what bears eat before they eat before they haven't just loads of twigs. It's like, you know, nature twiglets. Yeah, just twiglets and what were they all brand? What was it called? They looked like twigs. You could buy them, you probably still can as breakfast cereal. Oh, yeah.

And they were like bran flakes, but they were long. It just looks like a bird's nest. Breakfast twigs. What, what? No, it's not bringing them up. That's a shame. Oh, high fire. Oh, it looks just like a big ball of worms.

Well, I don't know this is the specific one, but this is high fiber twigs. Yeah, no, that's, that's it. it, I think. High fibre twigs. Yummy. Breakfast choice. Alexa, please add breakfast twigs to my shopping basket. That's the best breakfast you could possibly start your day, and it looks like rabbit food.

Yeah, I used to have them. I say used to have them. I remember them being in the house precisely, maybe twice. And it was when I was a child. And whenever you tackled a bowl of it, you were like, yeah, now I'm grown up. Now I'm ready to cove. This is the big time I'm going to poo really easily. And also I've had three mouthfuls and my jaw is so tired.

I just keep chewing and it won't end. It just screams like ma'am breakfast to me for some reason. So that's the cereal my man would choose. Yeah. To me it looks more like rather than twigs, I kind of think it looks like meal worms, which we sometimes buy for our garden birds, like a little tiny brown curly worms.

That's what it looks like, just like that. Nice. Oh, it really does. High fibre whirbs. There's no dressing up, is there? Sorry, I'm just rereading this box with more than six essential vitamins and minerals. So how many is it then? Seven then.

Seven, yeah. We should probably tell some jokes, shouldn't we, really? Maybe. We should probably crack on. But, hey, stick that in the thread. Thanks, everyone who'd done it's to keep this podcast alive. I hope it's worth it. Have you guys seen chia seed pudding?

No. Chea seed. Isn't that the least appetizing thing you've ever seen? Oh, God. Oh, it's all knobbly. Oh, God, it looks like... Oh, every layer is horrible for a different reason. God, it just looks like...

There's like snake skin in the middle, gravel on top, and some sort of viscera. It's like someone's trying to grow their own mushrooms in a jar. It's got that same kind of weird texture. Oh, God, no. Dreadful. What is this? Where did you get this from?

Where it's on the Google image results for Breakfast Twigs Fiber and the headline from Pop Sugar UK is, Cheerseed pudding isn't just for breakfast. Which implies that cheerseed pudding can strike at any moment. Horrifying.

When you least expect it. Hello everybody and welcome to Poddiots, the official. Twig. Vidiates. High fibre. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. My name's Ben.

And my name is Peter. And I am Michael. See, we changed it up a bit there. I went with My Name Is instead of I'm Ben. I am Ben. Keeping it fresh. The energy in the room right now. Can you feel that? Can you feel that? Not really. Oh, I can. I'm just buzzing off this slight shift.

Buzzing your tits off over there. I thought I was just having a stroke. It must be the energy in the room, I guess. Well, are you thinking stroke? Because I'm told that's an important part. Yeah. If you hit someone on a motorbike, think stroke. Think stroke. Because that's the excuse you can give to the police when they arrive. You say, oh, well, sorry. Sorry for hitting that cyclist. I had a stroke. My mind was preoccupied

Thinking stroke Yeah this is a comedy podcast Could you tell Could you tell by the joke About not only someone dying In an accident Getting hit by a car As they cycle down the road

But also the driver of that car Having had a stroke Yeah Did you enjoy it when we explained it For a second time as well Should I explain it one more time I think Mike should explain it this time Okay

Well you see Strokes are bad Right That's it That's all the explanation you need. Okay. Well, I feel like I've learned a lot. Yeah.

Anyway, we here like to talk about some things that we've brought along. We like to answer some listener questions, which are usually quite strange. And we can do that because some very, very generous, wonderful peach pool. Peach pits have decided to support us financially. That's another breakfast, isn't it? The peach pit. The peach pits, yes. And if you would like to support us, you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash potty.

It's donations. Donate three pounds or more. You get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. You help us do this. And you get a little shout out you get to join Pod Squad. First up is Mikey's Platoon. My little plumpy platoon. And we start off with dear rat boy. Donna C-O-7 and the very generous Redworth. Oh, got him. Step on me, Big Daddy Ben. And also Redworth, who is genuinely very very very, very generous this time, and they say, my work have paid me for getting the C virus vaccine. So please take some of my incentive monies. I will brook, no complaints.

Eat a dominoes if you feel you must punish yourself for this money. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We'll never ask a question. Emily Lemons. Chego Slovakia.

Big fan of that. Goofy Bug Spittoon. Chegg. is Slovakia as well we got two a double whammy of Chegg the nation of the United Nation of Chegg two Cheggs Desi does meet face

Scooby Drewby Drew Drew the very generous Dowdian I'm going to say shout out to my friend John who introduced me to your podcast and Triple Jump used to be a fan of your past exploits and even met Ben and Peter at EGX 2017

loving what you guys are doing now keep up the great work everybody thank you you keep it up Stephen Scourdes No Kiki Skodes Steven Skodes

I think I'll be rammed in my head eventually We'll get there Kiki Chi Chi RIP Pro Trainer Specky Becky Insert Duff name here

The Clown With the dirty pubs Oh look A first time Donator Fall in Tiny Troop Stand in line Arthur the Kitten

Awesome Fox 42 Dyer like corn Yeah Do you like corn Don't you like corn? It's just J, J like corn Okay

Do you like corn Reggie Bronx Come at the Porg Mikey's merch shop fraud Lord Brotovitch Who the fuck is Freddy Weber Barry Scott's hot spotty Botti

Oh Katie Kin Solo Alan Claw Benny Harvey Rip Spread cheeks slap balls who was very generous and said

official catchphrase sign off for Mikey also a thrilling part of any good birthday Zoom quiz Also all the best wishes go to Truffle should get back

to her usual bouncy self Oh thank you Mr Black Tiny Peas Tiny D Big Titty Jesus 42 Finn Tristam P penis

examiner. Okay. Cares of Galifrey, Peter's Tory butthole beliefs. Oh, I see. Yeah, I get it. And clammy chicken balls takeout. Oh, God.

Lovely. We've also in the, what is this, the fast crew, we've got John's dinky didla dilladong. Nice. Moist meat dump, knock, knock cock sock.

An offended stinky alien. Honk. Honk if Thatcher's dead. Oh, it went the wrong way around. You can piece that punchline together. Prince Beefcakes, Moist Meat Dump, again. Chega's Slovakia and Chega Slovakia. Is that four Czechoslovakia?

What's happened? I don't know. This is an uprising. The people of Czechoslovakia, which no longer exists, have got together to memorialize Keith Chegwin four times. On the next episode, can we request that everyone, is Chega Slovakia. Yeah, see how many Chega Slovakies we can get for the next episode. You know there'll be several different spellings as well, which is the best part.

Yeah, it's going to be good. Anyway, I look forward to that. I look forward to forgetting about that and then thinking I've gone insane when I see it. Big jizzy tease us forky two. Big, yeah, I see it. I kind of get it. Big jizzy tease us forky two. Oh, I see.

Yeah. We there? Big Dizzy Jesus. Meat redundant. Adolf Meatler. Mr. Maca, Nando's Perry Perry meat product. Roy Hodgson is clearly an owl. Dave Wilson Pingers.

Will. Big Dick Trans-Communist G.F. Jean-Luc Placard, who is very generous and said, Hi, hi, boys. Long-time fan here. Love the consistently great content. Did you hear us talk about fiber twigs? Just have interest.

Never fails to make me love. Keep up the good work. Quick question. Who in the VCU is Allard's iPad and who is Jackie Weaver? Oh, man. I'll give you guys a second to think about that while I polish these off. There's also shit donation for Wankers who accidentally donated to the wrong donation link, but did let us know on Twitter, so we've corrected it. And finally, shut up Cheggers, you're dead. Oh, God. That's a quote. We said that at some point. Yeah, we did. We did. I'd be inclined to say that Alad's iPad is.

is Dick Machinko just because of the sort of aggressive shouting, but he's almost treated as a bit of a hero in the VCU. He's not, possibly an anti-hero, but Alad's iPad is a true villain of the meeting, I think. Yeah, and that's true.

Psycho Segal, maybe, actually. Oh, yeah, true chaos. Yeah. Who's like the true neutral of the VCU to be Jackie Weaver, to try and bring order to everything? Someone who brings order. Maybe Bobby.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Jeff is sort of keeps unfamiliar dogs away of the hat from the house. Thank you everyone. That's your pod squad for this week, your tiny troop. Your pumpy platoon. I definitely said plumpy platoon. You did say plumpy platoon. It's just a complete slip of the tongue, but we weren't with it anyway. We were old with it. And it's quite frankly, I forgot what it was. So I just, yeah, that sounds right. You're just like, yeah, that's the one. I remember saying that.

So yes, thank you everyone. That's your pod squad for this week. Streamlabs.com forward slash potty at Stoneations 3 pounds or more to join Streamlabs Fuck To join stream labs Help! Help! Join PodSquad We will do a shoutout At the end of the show as well

Peter just take the ball away from me I am questioned Boy or Girl this week So I brought some questions along From the patrons who have submitted them via Twitter Let's have one straight away from Oh so this is the first one

I got by one is We might have done this before, and if we have, I've got a backup question, which, thinking about it, we might have also done before, but anyway, have we done Dream Pancake. Ooh. Pancake toppings. I don't know. I feel like it might have been a conversation that we've had, but I can't remember it.

Me neither. So we could just do that. So AAA podcast with Alex and Sam at Podcast AAA on Twitter said, Dream Pancake, go. at time of recording it's only a couple of days since Pancake Day Shrove Tuesday that we celebrate here in the UK

I've got to be honest Did you guys do it? I didn't eat any pancakes on pancake day I never do it I always forget I see it on Twitter and it's like well I'm home and I can't Yeah and there's a lockdown on

So I'm not going to go out just for pancake mix And I don't have the constituent parts in my house Because we don't keep eggs here I'm not ordering it in either No So I didn't This time around We're the authority on pancakes now

But if and when I do have pancakes I've had savory pancakes before I had those in Germany I had like bacon and cheese I've seen a few people with that And it's like Yeah it's just essentially Like a floppy Yorkshire pudding isn't it

Yeah just whang a sausage in it right You could put whatever you like in it Because you kind of To me before I'd had it I thought Is it gonna taste sort of sweet though Like is it But you know

That's only because you tend to have sweet fillings on a sweet pancake. If you have it without any filling or topping, it really doesn't, it's not strongly sweet or savory, it's just batter. So you can definitely have it with savory stuff and it doesn't taste weird.

Gravy pancakes. Is that an idea? I do like gravy. That would be nice. I've had a savory crepe in France, but I don't remember enjoying it very much. But I, perhaps my palette was unrefined and I just

wanted sweets. I mean, I'd still rather, in terms of dream pancake, I wouldn't have the savory, but I'm just saying, while we're talking about it, I have had savory pancakes, and they are nice. But for me, my dream pancake, really, really basic bish pancake, I just put sugar on it or icing sugar. I don't put sugar and lemon on it. I just put sugar on, and then I put loads on so that it's almost not dissolving into the pancake anymore, and then eat it and enjoy it, and it's really nice.

then I die. Your delicious, gritty, crunchy. Yeah, maybe I don't put that much on because I don't like crunchy, crunchy sugar. But if you have icing sugar, you don't have the crunch. Oh, yeah. That's a decadent pancake. It is.

I mean, it's quite expensive stuff, icing sugar, I think, by the pound. But, you know, it's worth it. It's worth it for that. Taste delicious. I never got onto the sugar hype train for pancakes until literally like the last pancake day. That's when I first had it. I was like, oh, this is good.

Now I understand. Yeah, it's all makes sense now. My dream pancake is a nice, thick, fluffy. I can't, well, I always opt for the fluffy pancakes because I struggle to make crepes without just messing it up. American style, right? Yeah, big, big fluffy boys. So fill that with some chocky chips.

Yeah. Let them get all melty while they're cooking, nice, and then slather it with a bit of chunky peanut butter on top. Ooh. Wasn't expecting the PB. Oh, yeah, it's good. Oh, this Biscoff spread is another contender. Maybe I'd have like a two-partner, one with peanut butter, one with Biscoff spreading it.

Oh, yeah. I've never had that, but I really like Biscoffs, so I think I'd like the spread. It's spectacular. It's, you can feel it clogging your arteries and it's glorious. Just get a straw. I think I once had some, someone once bought me a jar of custard cream filling, which was really nice, but also quite sickening. That sounds terrible. I don't remember what I ate it on, because I don't think, like, what would I have eaten it on?

I seem to remember enjoying it on something, but I don't know what it was. Maybe you took apart some custard creams. I just made my own with extra cream inside. I mean, that's the best part of a custard cream, to be honest, is the custard cream. So, yeah, maybe. Wow. I've never had a thick fluffy pancake. I only really have crepes, crepes, yeah.

I'd recommend trying them. Nice and easy to make. What about you, Ben? Ben, pancake filling. when you have them, even though you don't have them on the Tuesday? Yes. Well, I also like a lemon and sugar, but again, I very rarely have the constituent parts to make it.

I do, I think I've had it with golden syrup before, and that was delicious. Golden syrup's a tried and tested. That's a classic. Can't go wrong with that. You can't go wrong with that. In fact, I've still got the golden syrup that I think we used for an episode of main menu that's definitely out of date. And I did use it after the, after the,

the date that I should have thrown it away, but it's fine. It's just sugar, right? How can that go bad? Isn't golden syrup like honey in that it just never goes off? It'll last forever. Yeah, I think so. You can like mummify Egyptian pharaohs in it and it's still edible. Yes.

2,000 years later. You can still eat the pharaoh. All the amber find fossils and stuff in. It's actually just golden syrup. Yeah. The dinosaurs loved it. My God, this is a grand conspiracy. What kind of post-1950s world are we living?

living in where me and Ben and presumably Mikey do not have either the constituent parts of batter mix in our pantries or lemon juice or sugar in our houses. It's flour, milk and eggs, isn't it? Yeah, but I don't have those things. Yeah, I don't have it. I don't buy eggs. I don't really eat. I don't avoid eggs, but nor do I need eggs.

And I don't really need sugar either because I don't use it. People used to have everything all the time in their house. time in their houses unless they were obviously not very well off and just lived week to week. But, you know, like middle class British families in the 50s would have a pantry. They probably even had like plates of pastries just ready made, ready to go whenever you like one. But they couldn't call Casper's and get them to deliver six waffles and three different slices of different cakes. That's true.

They couldn't get Domi Bops when they wanted to. They just got diarrhea and died for different cakes. different reasons. Yeah, just from drinking the water, I think. Yeah. I think pancakes are good, though. Yeah. I've had them precisely once and they were very nice. I'll have to give them a go. I need to learn to make crapes. I do miss crapes. It's just every time I try to, just an exile in futility. It's just frustration and sadness and... I would find it quite entertaining watching you try and make crapes, I think. I want to see you flip one. oh man yeah

sink a dab drop it on a ferret sorry truffle back to the vetsy go on there oh god well brilliant there we go that's question one who's brought a thing along

to talk about I've got a thing yeah I think it's time to return to that I hope you've always brought your bucket it's time to return to that well it's time for not real but sometimes could be real news

Yes. Fantastic. Otherwise known as Not the Onion. Paperstack.m.p3. There's the wrong podcast there. There you go. Yeah, so there's the world's weird and oftentimes a lot of news stories sound like they could have been written

for satirical news website, The Onion. There's a subreddit dedicated to such news stories called Not the Onion. And so I have got five headlines. and you have to guess whether they are real stories or whether they're fake stories from the onion and I've disguised the headlines somewhat sometimes not very well they could be all real, could be all fake

could be a mixture, who knows, are you ready? Yes. I'm going to read you them one at a time and then we'll go through and you can choose yes or no wanted man hands himself into police after getting fed up with the people he lives with. That could be onion, but sounds real, which I guess is the entire point of the game.

He's got it. You've really captioned it there. After seven episodes of Not the Onion, this is it. I've worked it out. It's finally clicked. God, it makes sense now. Man 32 offered COVID jab because NHS thought he was morbidly obese. Okay.

I know that one. Woman finds a snake in the toilet. The police realize it's just a poo. Oh, wow. Please be true. God, that would be amazing. Four men get mouth ulcers after eating 30 kilograms of oranges at airport to avoid paying extra baggage fee. Oh my God.

Why not just bin them? You'd have to eat them. So where's Peter? And finally, teenagers offer free squirts of hand sanitiser, but it's super glue. Oh, pranksters. Right, are you ready? Yeah. So the first one, wanted man hands himself into police after getting fed up with the people he lives with.

I'm trying to think why you would do that. Surely he could just go elsewhere. Or maybe jail is his best bet. It's just that bad. I want to go back to Jill and be with you. Alan, who smacks his mouth every time he eats. As much as I can see this being true, I can almost imagine the wording of the Onion article.

So I think I'm going to have to say Onion. I'm going to go true. I'm going to say it's true. This is true. Yes. Oh, wow. It's from the West Sussex County Times. The original headline was Wanted Man hands himself into Sussex Police

for Peace and Peace and quiet after getting fed up with people he lives with. Wow. The article doesn't really go into a great deal or a great amount of detail. It just kind of repeats the headline over and over again, as local news tends to do. But yeah, wanted man rang up officers at Burgess Hill police station to hand himself in because he was so fed up of spending time with the people he lived with. Yeah, Brantney snapped off his tag. He had broken his tag off, apparently, then turned himself in.

Amazing. Brilliant. Next up, this is the one Peter has heard of, and some of you may well have done as well. A prominent fake story from the onion. Man, 32, offered COVID jab because NHS thought he was morbidly obese. I know this as well, and it is amazing. So they thought that he was, they'd accidentally put his height into the system at like six. centimeters and therefore based on his height and weight the computer had worked out that his BMI

put him in extremely morbidly obese because he was six centimeters tall and weighed as much as a six foot man wasn't like a BMI of like 280,000 or something so he was offered a COVID jab so the six centimeter man wouldn't die of COVID because he was so fat he's very high risk yeah because of the clerical mix-up, doctors thought he had a body mass index of 28,000. A BMI of 40 is considered morbidly obese. What a unit. I like the fact that he's still, even though 40 is morbidly obese, at 28,000, he's still classed as only morbidly obese. Not just a new shape that we couldn't imagine.

The fourth dimension. Yeah. Oh, God. It is brilliant. It's a good story. 6.2 centimetres. Just as I'm strutting into the doctor's office. For reference, a BMI of 40 or more is considered morbidly obese.

So I'm not sure what this would have made me. He says. If I had been less stunned, I would have asked why no one was more concerned that a man of these remarkable dimensions was slithering around South Liverpool. Remarkable dimensions is poetry. It's a great way to describe. Slythering around South Liverpool is my favourite part of that centre. Jesus.

What I like though is that he's been placed in Group 6. And again, you know, the shape that he would have been for a BMI of 28,000, and he's still not the highest risk person in the UK, even though his existence is impossible. two things number one how did they not like how is

the only time that this is like come up that there's a man on the system with a BMI of 28,000 is when it's jab time like at no point as like just the general nutritional team thought

maybe we should offer this person some help but also I quite like the idea that this guy turned up and they had a tiny little syringe for a six centimeter man ready for him Oh dear Tiny little needle

A little ramp to roll them out back Yeah Through the streets Incredible Anyway we ended up talking about that one A lot which I'm glad we did Because it is brilliant Next story

Is it real or fake Woman finds a snake in the toilet The police realise it's just a poo I'll say that Of these three remaining stories I know another one of them to be true so I'm going to let Mikey go before me on every occasion. Okay.

So he can work it out himself. The thing is with these, it's always like with me, it's just wishful thinking. I want this to be true more than anything. And I'm going to stand by that. I'm going to say this is true. Just, I just want to imagine being that woman, the police come in the house. Sorry, madam, that's your own droppings. Oh, no.

I can never call the police again. I don't know this one, and I hope that it's true. so I'm going to say true to The police hurried to her apartment thinking how big of a snake can fit in a toilet bowl and what would be the best technique to use for the capture when they arrived at the scene they found

the toilet lid covered by electronics the woman put there to prevent the animal from escaping to her flat electronics one of the police of I'm thinking like a microwave or something PS5 one of the police officers gathered up

gathered up courage it says and lifted the lid with the device on it as he didn't end up bitten and no creature managed to escape from under the lid the officers used a flashlight to investigate the insides of the toilet bowl what they found was by no means a venomous snake even though the shape

of the object did share some similarity disgusted by the brown finding they decided to eliminate it by flushing it to the place where such items belong wow oh my god do you know if this woman lived alone

I know I don't you forget you've done a poo My dear Where the mystery poo came from It was actually From the former Chega Slovakia Actually

Oh Oh was it Yeah Anyway I need to share with you guys The Photo of the poo Nearly put it in Slack Which wouldn't have been good

I don't think Adam wants to see that This is a These are the Shop related products That Amazon has provided Halfway through this post about poos and snakes. Oh, thank God.

Oh. Oh, God. Oh, that's a fancy toilet seat. So it's all toilet seat lids, except Titan over monster snake, which I guess is a movie about a giant snake, and then also the Tigger movie. Because it's Winnie the Pooh.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, of course. Wow. What on Amazon. And then like six pictures of toilet seats. Yeah.

One with a little remote control on the side. Look at that. What, the Brondel Swash SE 400? That one, yeah.

That's a premium seat. It fits elongated toilets. It fits elongated toilets. And it's only $279. Yeah, that's good,

isn't it? Oh, that's really good. See. Next up we have four men get mouth ulcers after eating 30 kilograms

of oranges at airport to avoid paying extra baggage fee. That's a lot of oranges. I think just physically, that surely 30...

No, I'm not going to Google it because I gave me the answer. I was trying to get a diagram of 30 kilograms of oranges, but I'm going to say true. I can imagine someone being so stubborn. I don't know why you take... This is an airport, right? Mm-hmm.

Why are you taking... You can get oranges anywhere. Okay. The logic in here is so unsound, but maybe that's what makes it so true. I'm going to say true. I'm going to say false, because although...

I think this is why it's an onion article, and I'd like to think maybe the wording has been changed, because in its current form, it's not that clever as a fake article, but you would maybe like neck your bottle of Coke before going through airport security if you knew it was going to be binned. But if you had loads of nose of oranges, I'm all for not wasting stuff, but I don't know if I'd eat that much,

just so I wasn't wasting it. So I think it must be false and has maybe been slightly tweaked. The incident occurred at an airport in Kunming, southwest China's Yunnan province. where four travellers ate 30 kilograms of oranges in a record 30 minutes. What? You speed around oranges.

It sounds like it's kind of bollocks because the article says, not wanting to pay the extra fee, which was much more than the price of their purchase, the four colleagues reached a census, reached a census, to eat the fruits there and then. It took them under 30 minutes to finish the box,

and then there's just a quote that says, we just stood there and ate the whole thing up. It took about 20 to 30 minutes? Like, right. So is it a record? Did the guy just jemmy? relies about the amount of time just gave an estimate

weird thing is they would then go through security and board the plane with exactly the same weight of what it would have been if they'd just carried it through yeah that's true so oh that's strange even though they try to stop them

the oranges still made it onto the plane that's beautiful they did and finally we've got teenagers offer free squirts of hand sanitizer but it's super glue. That, I'm going to lean towards onion because that just seems so, so cruel. This is true.

It is true. A man had to go to the doctors. I think, maybe I'm conflating two stories here, but I think a man turned up at the doctors with like a canvas bag stuck to one hand and like, you know, a shopping basket stuck to the other or something like that. I don't remember exactly how it went, but... Ooh. So the headline is teenagers offer free squirts of hand sanitizer

to shoppers in Bradford, but it's super glue. A group of teenagers put superglue in a hand sanitizer bottle and offered free squirts to shoppers in Bradford, it says there, again, claims a woman who narrowly avoided the trap. The boys were reportedly stood outside Morrison's supermarket at five lane ends yesterday evening. They were spotted approaching

different shoppers in turn, offering them free squirts from the branded hand sanitizer bottle. Kathy Smith said she almost accepted and has no doubts the boys with the bottle would have squirted it on her hands had she held them out but she stopped short when some from the group let out a laugh

the lad approached me showing me the bottle of sanitiser asking if I would like a free pump she said he was eagerly waiting for me to hold my hand out with a massive smile on his face they all started to laugh I asked what's in the bottle he said

sanitiser while laughing I heard one of the lads laughing and he said fucking super glue they all walked off laughing when I said I'll pass thanks Cathy was relieved

to avoid the trap adding I'd have been in Bradford Royal Infirmary all night all night wow yeah that's

someone who recently managed to stick not only their fingers together but also stick the hand to the glue container not long ago it's a nightmarish

experience yeah screw them screw them the hell however we now go live to Les Cadbury's Finn Grez who says, that's quite funny. That's quite funny.

Thank you, Les Cadbury's Fingres. That's quite funny. But that's my thing. There we go. Those are all real news stories. They're all true. Oh, what a bumper week. Jesus Christ.

It's the little man. It's the tiny, tiny fat man. I'm just, I'm looking up this story. All I can see is Kathy's, Kathy's report of what happened to her in the supermarket. Now go live to Kathy. I think the thing I'm talking about with the guy who got like his hands stuck to a bag or something

must be something else. But yeah, there you go. There's multiple fake sanitizers out there. This is a pandemic and it must be stopped. These children are unruly. The best thing is I was scrolling through an article really quickly about these kids like giving superglue to people. and I've gone down to the bottom of the article and it says Matt Hancock says he applauds the move

to Downing Street briefing which is talking about like the use of masks in shops and stuff but it's all part of the same article Wow, thank you very much Ben are you welcome question two yes

this is from Stephen Scodas at S Scodas Skoda's 8 on Twitter They say you should live life without regrets But what is your biggest regret? Oh, deep question Oh, Jesus Christ

Oh, shit, I need to think about this I thought you're about to say something So I was just paused I've got Actually, I came up with a better one than this But this is the first one I came up with Which is only sort of half true I wish that I'd

like learn a trade maybe or something like a practical skill and I mean on balance I don't because I'm not saying I'd rather be doing that than what I'm doing now like I'm glad that I'm here and doing this but I think if I'd not fallen into this job um I don't know exactly what I'd be doing I feel like I'd probably have ended up in some sort of depressing office job and so I always thought like I almost wish that like I just actually left school and instead of going to uni gone and like just just learned how to be like an electrician or something like that because those people make a lot of money they they can quite often if they're successful they can work for themselves there's always going to be a need for them you know it's

quite a good bit of work to be in if you you know if you're a plumber or you know painter and decorator um plasterer I kind of think like hey that's in some ways that's the way to go I think it's you know it depends depends if you find it fulfilling and a lot people do. And if you do, then, hey, perfect. Electrician's always been like, in, like, literally like forever in the back of my head, like, yeah, if it all goes tits up, I'll probably learn to be an electrician because it does seem kind of fun. Yeah. Like I say, it was kind of a, it's not quite my real answer, because it's not a regret as such, but it's something, yeah, it's something I wish I'd maybe done or certainly something I would have done if things hadn't gone a different way. But the,

the one I was thinking of actually was I wish at school I'd maybe taken things actually not quite as seriously as I did like I'm glad that I did enough to kind of get grades that I'm pleased with and like I got into a uni that I enjoyed and because I got into that uni it's probably indirectly how I ended up at what culture and therefore how I ended up here and all those sorts of things. So, you know, it's all butterfly effect. But at the same time, I think I was a bit of a, a bit of a, I wasn't a teacher's pet at school, but I was like a bit of a dweeb, like a kind of thought that it really, really mattered. Like everything, every day was like quite important. And I feel like I could have had just a bit more fun and just, you know, taking it a bit less seriously and still

come out with grades they I was happy with, but without being such a swat, possibly. I don't even remember how many GCSEs I've got now. It's so irrelevant now. Have you lost some? Probably, I mean, they've all fallen out my brain at this point, haven't they? Yeah, I don't remember how to solve equations anymore. No, maths is scary. But that's kind of the point.

I feel like I could have had a lot more fun at school. Yeah. Well, for what it's worth, I don't think anybody looks back on school thinking, man, I had fun there. I did it right. I did school correct. Yeah. No, that's true.

But I definitely, if I could go back, or, you know, if I woke up as a 13-year-old with all of my memories, then I'd be like, right, I'm not taking this crap seriously. See you later. It'd be the fucking coolest 13-year-old ever. Yeah. Fuck you teach. We don't want your comments here more like. Yay! Yeah.

Might be my biggest regret, but it's hard to think of them, really, sometimes. Yeah. I think I know my biggest regret, and it's a strong one. Oh. One night, I think it was been like my 20th birthday or something. I mean, a friend was walking around Newcastle at night, and we were approaching the monument, the big old monument in the center of town. And there was a bunch of skateboarders there,

doing some mad stunts off their pedal boards. Pedal boards. And I mean, it could have been more regretful, but as a fun little birthday treat, we went up and asked them if they could ollie over me. No So it almost ended with me losing my head But it was fun

So I didn't realize that when we asked them to do this They'd both do it one after the other Like directly afterwards I was mentally prepared for just Oh one Ollie Bob's your uncle Get out of there, good So there's a video of this But there's me lying down on the steps

The first guy just Ollie's over me And then the moment he clears me I start to pick up my head As just this other skateboard is careering towards me. Thank God he's got control of the board and he stops in time. He looks like he's like,

Jesus Christ, what are you doing? I just wish I'd stay the fuck down and I got the sickest video ever of two people doing Ollie's over me rather than just the lousy one Ollie I got. If your biggest regret is there only one person ollied over you, that's a pretty good life you've lived. Fuck.

God. Well, I don't know if I can necessarily pinpoint the one biggest regret of my entire life because I'm still living it and making mistakes every day. But I've certainly, as a lot of people have, I would imagine, stupid boys, right? Just don't pick up on cues from women sometimes. That's happened on a number of occasions where I've just not. not picked up the signals at all, and then years after the fact you sit up in bed at night

and you're like, oh, fuck, oh, okay. Oh, what an idiot. What an idiot. I can see very clear points in my life where it would have, like, there would have been a very different path for me based on missed signals and misunderstood signals. But it's not something I dwell on because I don't give a fuck, yo. but if I was to just pick one random thing

as I think I mentioned it on here before it would be when I was in primary school and somehow through various connections we had a tiny walking with dinosaurs music at my primary school and they wanted to take a photo for the local newspaper and because my mum was quite involved in making it happen I was someone came to the school canteen

and said oh could you come to the tiny walking with dinosaurs room please to take a photo and was it wait was it a room or was it outdoors it was a little room inside there was because there was a there was a dinosaur there was some dinosaur footprints found at a local quarry oh and so we we had like a mold of that and then we had like a walking with dinosaurs prop and so remember this story mike it ends in tragedy yeah it does end in tragedy i'm getting i'm getting vague memories but i'm excited for the thrilling end well the thrilling end is that i sprint I sprinted my little heart out from the canteen which was like a big porter cabin thing

through the playground and then into the building where the room was only to be told oh it's okay it's too late we've taken the photo now and it stuck with me and kept me up at night for weeks like I would cry and I'd feel really sad because I missed out. It's my biggest regret in life that is a biggie. It's not being in that local newspaper

with the dead dog. dinosaur, the fake dead dinosaur. Fair enough, I'm with you. That's my biggest regret is that you didn't make it to that photo. Thank you, Peter. That does actually make me feel better a little bit. Does this still have the display at the school? I hope so.

No, it's long gone. That building has since been turned into housing and it became a music room for a bit. I don't really know how long they thought they could keep a fake half-eaten dinosaur in a room and justify that space existing while the students needed a place to study. That's amazing. There we are. I regret not going to a school with a sick dinosaur room now. What the hell?

It's pretty cool. It wasn't there for long and I didn't get a photo in it, so I've got no evidence. Yeah, that's true. You could be making this up. Yeah, I call bullshit. That's not, I didn't know. If I can find anything on Google while we continue. Right, well, it's time for a thing.

Mikey, would you like to go next or should I? I would love to dive in with my thing. Oh, go. So I've got a fun little story of insurance fraud and attempted murder. Oh, lovely. I love bringing along lighthearted lovely stories to just entertain and make the children smile. This is, well, I mean, it's the thing. We're talking about anything in the past.

It's inevitably going to have death in it somewhere, but this is a fun one, I promise. Killing a man who spends his days completely out of his mind drunk in order to claim a life, insurance payout doesn't sound that hard, surely. Turns out, when that man is Michael Malloy, it can prove to be a tricky endeavor. Oh, Michael Malloy. Mikey. Mikey Maloy. Mr. Malloy had many nicknames, and you'll soon understand how they came about. The names included Mike the durable, which I like. Iron Mike, the Irish Rasputin, and the juggernaut. Oh, I like that one. And bear in mind, this is like in the 1930s. It's like these are some, this is like some badass names for the time as well.

So this plot was conceived over a round of drinks one afternoon in July 1932 in the Bronx. Francis Pasquhar, Daniel Kreisberg and Tony Marino sat in Marino's eponymous speak easy and raised their glasses sealing their commitment to the job, figuring it was already half-finished. Every morning, the old man showed up at Marino's place in the Bronx and requested, another morning's morning if you don't mind what was that accent Michael I'm just gonna say he's Irish

Pretty good Irish originally I can't I'll channel my inner Dave Oh okay I'm not I'm not gonna do the accent You're just gonna leave that there Tucks

That's There we go And hours later He would pass out on the floor For a while Marino had let Molloy drink on credit But he no longer paid his tabs Business

The Saloon Keeper confided to his who accomplices is bad. No one knew much about Malloy, and it seemed he didn't have much grasp on himself either. No friends, no family, no definitive date of birth, and no job beyond occasionally sweeping floors or collecting garbage. And even when he did have a job, he was usually happy just to be paid in booze. This is a strong man, strong man. Why don't you take out insurance on Malloy?

Pasquare asked Marino. I can take care of the rest. Pasquard had pulled off a scheme like this the year before without incident and Marino nodded and a chain of events were set into motion that would earn Maloy his title of The Man Who Wouldn't Die It's like a James Bond film title The Man Who Wouldn't die, the bus that wouldn't slow down

A life insurance policy was set up which would pay out $3,576 to be split between the men and today's money that's about $54,000 That's a pretty hefty chunk of change. Yeah. So to Lul Molloy Inn, Marino offered him an open bar, an open-ended bar tap, which Maloy indulged in with glee. Even after several days of excessive drinking, each morning, Maloy would stumble back into

the bar as he ever would, exclaiming, boy in, I got a thirst. He's great. I love this guy. He's got a little quote, so he sounds like a right character. I love him. It was clear that this extra alcohol intake wouldn't. wasn't having an impact. They began to grow impatient.

I guess the plan here was to let him drink himself to death, but I think he's got an eye in stomach at this point, and nothing can penetrate that. One of the men suggested shooting him in their head instead, but Murphy suggested something more subtle. They'd replace his usual drinks with wood alcohol, which is essentially, like it's like super high percentage, pure, unfiltered as alcohol. Jesus.

So drinks containing 4% of water alcohol were capable of causing blindness in the normal human. So surely serving shot after shot of this pure alcohol would do the trick. And so the gang watched. I like the gang watch. See it sounds like an all of a sunny episode. The gang watched fascinated as Malloy downed several shots and just kept asking for more and more and more, displaying no physical symptoms other than those typical of inebriation. He'd drink every last drop that he was given and would return for more night after night.

Unbelievable. For days, this went on. One night, he passed out in the middle of the bar and laid unconscious for several hours. They waited with bated breath before he awoke, exclaiming, Give me some more the old regular me, lad. Some of that poison. You got any more of that poison? Oh, it's good, yeah.

at this point the plan was becoming cost prohibitive with the bar tab and all the money they were spending on this alcohol it may as well

you know just cash out of this point yeah next they tried putting oysters in denatured alcohol this is a weird one the idea apparently

coming from Pasquois who claimed he saw a man die after eating oysters with whiskey which I for God's sake it's a far-fetched one but they tried it but he washed down

oyster after oyster with yet more wood alcohol, and he licked his fingers clean after the meal was done. He must have thought, like, oh, these guys are great. I don't know why they're giving me so much stuff, but I'm really enjoying it. Oysters shot after shot, yeah. I mean, what a tree. Free bar time. Oh, yeah, and it's slightly warm, stingy alcohol, but it makes me feel good. The next plan, this is probably the most brutal one, the next plan was to let a tin of sardines go rotten and make a sandwich out of them. But for good measure, they added some metal shrapnel into the sandwich for good measure.

He buffed down the sandwich and merrily asked for another. This guy. The gang were getting distressed. It is amazing. I just don't know how he can eat a sandwich with metal in it and not notice. Probably is all that wood alcohol. He's drinking. Yeah, he must have been pissed again.

The gang were getting even more distressed and held an emergency conference. conference. They decided upon leaving him outside during a frosty night covered in water so that he'd freeze. They dragged him out to a local park and throughout the entire process of dragging him to this park, he didn't stir once. He was just unconscious. The next morning, they returned to the bar to find Malloy, half frozen in the basement. He'd managed to trek the half mile back to the bar and persuaded someone to let him in. And when he finally came to, he complained of a wee chill. And now they were getting really desperate and decided to take drastic measure. Running him over with a car would be the best bet. Been there. They shoved Malloy. It's like, you ramp it up and he's, well, you'll see what happens. Malloy gets hit by a car.

Oh, break next speed as well. They shoved him into a cab who they've just basically found a random cab driver, paid him $150 and just said, here, do this with us. Okay, so they shoved him into this car, found a road, propped him up in the middle of the street, and they gunned the engine. And Malloy managed to jump out of the way of the vehicle, not once, but twice. Who is this guy? It's completely, it's a Jason born, Jesus Christ. Twice he managed to evade a car in this, in a state where you can barely walk, to be honest. I hope after this point he realizes, they're trying to kill him, because surely by now.

Yeah, I mean he just doesn't see faces. Everything's just a blur to him at this point. Yeah. So on the third attempt, they really gunned it. They raced towards him at 50 miles an hour, and this time they hit him. But for good measure, they backed the car over the man, once again, just to make sure the car was done.

But before they could check the body, another car spooked them, and so they sped off and fled the scene. But they were pretty confident at this point, that he's got to be dead right right so the next day they started calling around hospitals and morgues for confirmation of a job well done but there was nothing no sign of him anywhere and after five days of checking and no news they just started a whole new plot to just kill a random man and pass them off as malo and it was at this time the door to marino's bar swung

open and there was a limping, battered and bandaged Malloy. With a tire mark across his face. I mean, he must have gone through he looked rough. He'd been in the hospital. He was bandaged. He was like a Looney Tunes

cartoon. He was a hero. Yeah. And his first words were, I sure am dying for a drink. Oh, Malloy. Classic Malloy. What's he like? He's incredible, Ben. He's the ultimate man.

You reckon he's still going? Oh, yeah. Absolutely, he's still going to this day. I mean, well, he's not. There's a sad final chapter. Oh, no. We can just end it there. We can end it there.

Should we just end it pretending that he's still alive? And he's still in that bar today. And he's joining the Discord call right now. Oh. Here he is. Anybody like a tuck? No, that's him. It's a good ending stinger, I think.

He just marches in. I'm dying for a drink. Classic. No, nah, nah, nah. Hey. Brilliant. Michael Malloy, a legend. I'm going to leave it there. No, no. If you want to find out what actually happened, then you can Google it. I'm here to spread joy in happiness, and Michael Malloy dying is not part of that, damn it.

No, he's still alive to us. Yeah. He's got little Malloyites, his little children who also exist on meals existing solely of oysters and metaly sandwiches. I love that they started out by trying to do it subtly like make him drink himself to death and by the end they were like fuck it just run him over twice

you know back the car over him three times it's impressive the perfect crime very impressive time for a question from the audience this is from

which one should we do I've got two here okay it's from Ianto Roberts who says What subject or subjects did you hate the most in school and why? Any particular reason? Question mark. It's quite a school-heavy episode today, actually.

Ooh, I like it. Man, what did you hate at school? I mean, a P.E. goes without saying, surely. Cross-country, hated that. Oh, I think I had that as a lesson. Yeah, no, screw that. That's just torture. P.E.

Yeah, I did P.E., but I don't think cross-country is a lesson. No, just specifying cross-country itself. But, yeah, P.E. broadly. Ben doesn't have a G. I'm not even qualified for cross country. No one taught me how. I didn't hate P.E. I hated maths. Hated maths. Did not enjoy that at all. I don't think I had a single inspiring or friendly or just pleasant in any way teacher working in the mathematics department at my school. Not that that would have helped because I find maths inherently very off-putting. And I got my B and I got out of there and that was it. Thank you very much.

But yeah, I didn't like maths. And I can't really think of any other subject that inspired such hatred or this is going to be a bad day because I have maths today. Yeah. I mean, I didn't like maths. But actually the teachers who taught it in my school were actually, they were quite nice. like in secondary school they were. Yeah, I wish I'd done more, well, paid more attention to history in school. It just wasn't drawing me in.

It's a shame because I'm quite interested in it now. And I had it served me on a plateau all those years ago. Yeah, yeah, I'm the same. But they don't, in my opinion, like some of the stuff they teach you in school is not as interesting as, you know, if they told us about, like, the Irish Rasputin, I'd be up for that. I think, is this a class? anyone else had, but thinking studies.

We had to do critical thinking. Yeah, I think it's a similar kind of thing. Thinking studies. Yeah, it's it's, it's, I, it was in secretary school and I think we had it from like year 7 till 9, so it was a pretty large part

of school life, or saying that, it was like an hour every two weeks. It wasn't, it wasn't like a GCSE with an exam or anything. It was just like a little extra booster class. It was essentially a class So it was like, here's different ways that you can learn and different ways. Are you a kinetic learner? Oh, right. Are you an auditory learner?

Or you visual learner? And it was just the same stuff retread week after week after week. Yeah, I can imagine you probably can't fill a year on that. I hated all that stuff. Like, oh, we've taken a test. You're more of like a visual learner. You're more of a practical learner. And it's like, well, that's fucking great to know, I suppose.

Back to book studying. Yeah. You teach everyone the same. This does not inform how you're teaching me at all. Look at this is how you'd best learn things. We're going to ignore this. Yeah. Why dedicate a whole lesson to just highlighting that every fortnight?

There was one particular lesson. That was pretty good where we designed our own deep sea creature. Wow. That sounds pretty cool, actually. That was some sick thinking skills. Yeah. For the first, like, I think three years of our school, we had to, for like, a period of like six,

or eight weeks or something, we had to do dance, it was like a compulsory subject. You would like rotate around different arts. So you would like do eight weeks of drama, eight weeks of dance, eight weeks of something else. Like, well, not music,

because that was all year round. But like, there were different things. And I remember despising dance with everything, you know, just because like most of us were rubbish at it. We weren't athletic enough or flexible enough, I guess, or graceful enough.

You know, irrespective of whether you enjoy, it or you know it's nothing to do with i'm a boy it's just i just wasn't good at it and neither was almost anyone in my entire class so we all just had to sort of like we did something to saturday night fever which was just just the best can you imagine that pay any amount of money to see that i know well i think i would to be honest i'd love to see a video of me doing it but it doesn't exist um fortunately you've just awoke with the dance thing you've awoken one of my deeply deeply pushed back memories for some reason at some point our primary school brought in like this it wasn't like an official school thing it was like an external body who I guess they paid to come in and teach us how to do

hip-hop dancing wow culminated in like an orchestrated dance of an entire class in front of the whole school and I was in that oh brilliant wearing a red Yankees cap being the best hip hopper bit bopper that you've ever seen oh that was good i wish there was photos of that it was actually genuinely good fun but embarrassing is all hell to look back on but we're in it together so that's what made it fine fantastic well lots of happy memories revisited yay yay um now time for a strange news story that I don't think this one was sent to me. Sometimes people DM stuff to me,

but this goes back to the 23rd of January. So it's a few weeks old. And I've had a quick look through my, like, Twitter DMs. It doesn't seem to be in there. It might have been something someone added me in, but I, you know, I have to go through all my mentions and stuff. So sorry if someone sent this to me. It might be something I just saw in, like, trending or whatever.

But in any case, here it is. This is according to The Polk. this bad sex award nominee went viral and it's truly the best bad sex we've ever read Wow So this is not real sex It's literary sex This is someone's sex scene from a book that they've written

And it was a nominee for an award This is by John Plunkett Oh I don't know if they're related to Luke Plunkett Or not, but he's to say So, the literary reviews Bad Sex Award has been going for some time now and was founded to draw attention to the poorly written, redundant, or downright cringeworthy passages of sexual description in modern fiction.

We only mention this because a nominee from 2014 has suddenly gone viral all over again and it really is the best bad sex we've ever read. The worst thing about it might be that it didn't actually win that year, which is even better. So it went viral after it was shared by at F.E. May on Twitter, and, well, have a read of this. So they then enclosed the snippet that was nominated. I'm just going to read the next paragraph, though, in the article, because author Jonathan Grimwood wasn't happy about being nominated, however, and the good news about his extraordinary prose is it did give rise to the greatest headline ever.

So the headline, according to the Independent, was, Bad Sex Award is idiotic says angry author nominated for scene where food critic sucks brie off wet nurse's nipple spectacular wow

it says underneath that headline was a wild adventure from start to finish really paints a very vivid picture I don't think it paints a vivid enough picture of what we're about to hear now this is very this is like explicit

it's not just about nipples like it gets really, it gets a bit kinky. Is it about bot-bots as well? Proceed with caution and hide your kids, hide your wife's or husbands. So this is from The Last Banquet by Jonathan Grimwood. Reaching behind me, I found debris and broke off a fragment, sucking her nipple through it.

She tasted almost as she had the day I took the drop of milk on my finger. Manon smiled when she realized what I was. doing. Do you know the peasant saying, if you can't imagine how neighbouring vineyards can produce such different wines, put one finger in your woman's quim and another up her ass and then taste both and stop asking stupid questions. Jesus Christ. What? My fingers found both vineyards. At the front, she tasted salt as anchovy and as delicious. At the rear, bitter like chocolate and smelling strangely be of tobacco. No.

No. Thank you, Jonathan, for that. What a lovely description of your sex. The best thing is, though, in the article it says, just a few of the things people were saying about it on Twitter are below. And one of my favourites is the second one by Daniel Nolan at Dan J. Nolan, who says, What's always made me about this is not the vineyards or even Quim,

but the notion that it's possible to break off a fragment of breaking. I was thinking that We spoke all about cheese at the end of the last episode Not a crumbly cheese It's not It's the kind you can You can suck a nipple through But not a fragment

You can't break off a fray You can't snap off a bit of brie You just sort of like mush it Yeah The other Twitter comments are What a terrible day to know how to read That's a tweet all the way from

Sao Paulo Brazil Oh wow very much this I don't think the author has ever had Brie or sex for that matter or wine author Ali Rose on Twitter says well I can never enjoy

brie milk chocolate or tobacco ever again which is true three favourite things yeah and language didn't spend all those years evolving so he could do this it is a real desecration

of every word of the English language But there you go Just a quick bit of weird sex for you there God knows what won that year Oh my God, yeah What could be worse than that I'm now trying to rattle Like to rattle my brain

Trying to think of the sexiest cheese Oh God Is it Like a cheese string Maybe Yeah I suppose so It's just

It's versatile It's versatile No cheese is sexy But there's definitely one cheese That's sexy than all the rest Must be, yeah, by definition What's the least sexy cheese? Oh, that probably that one with like worms in it,

living worms. Oh, we've seen that one. No, I went straight to stilton. Oh, yeah, wormy cheese. Yeah, God. Horrible. Wonderful. Well, it's time for a question to wrap us up.

Hey, thank you, Peter, for sharing. Kieran Marshall says, At Shurikam, 299, but the I is a one. I know it's not an M Yeah, it's Shuriken I thought it was like Shurikam because I misread it

But anyway, whatever It doesn't matter Kieran Marshall Says Oh no You've got an infinity gauntlet What powers do your six Infinity stones have

And or what happens When you snap your fingers So I think we have to design The Vidiots Literally the VCU Infinity Gauntlet It's about time I mean surely

somewhere in there there's got to be like the Fart Stone right? Yes Of course Of course That'll be the green one

The green one A bit much for me There's a bit much In It might be I can't remember if it's the first one Or the second one It might be

Infinity War I think it might be That one Maybe his end game Either way He uses the reality gem And he turns I think he turns

Like their gunfire into bubbles and like he turned he like makes them go all stringy and like collapse on the floor and it's weird maybe we could have like a Babylonie stone

where you just you can just inflate anyone or anything in a balloon type fashion and then it will twist into a humorous shape as well Sponge man or whatever

Spider guy yeah the bubble stone perfect maybe the Margaret stone just that will you can just make the Margaret sound that's all it does

it's like a cracked stone it only says Mark yeah it never quite completes the word that's what the snap is you finally get the full Margaret and that's when some astonishing event unfolds I like the idea of just being able to

deploy cars from your fist to run Peter over with oh god okay yeah that could work Chevrolet Matiz stone Oh, very good Yeah In deploying a car

Do I also instantly get covered in bubble wrap It's all one power Wherever you are in the world You are summoned In the path of that car God not again Every time How many stones have we got

So we've got Fart Stone We've got Babylonie stone We've got Marg stone We've got Car Stone So we need two more how about the lot better parent stone where anyone that you direct it at regardless of their circumstances

they could have been a lot better parent and they feel but it just rewrites their entire history you know yeah like it like it suddenly a parent and they could have been better at it yeah despite the happy relationship they actually had growing up with their child suddenly they have all these memories in their head

of like not being that good yeah yeah I think with all these exciting activities we're going to get hungry so I want one of the stones to just summon the worst games ever meal

oh perfect yeah why not the nugget stone oh the smiley stone summons a barrage of lovely fluffy roughy potatoes I think when you click your fingers

and it says the full margaret as the accompanying sound effect instantly Dick and Dominda Bungalow and Get Your Own Back are reslated for national viewing

they're brought back from the dead exclusive to Dave yeah because I feel like that's where they would be now yeah that's a good point actually why haven't Dave done that

why haven't Dave done that yeah I don't know got Dave Benson on there yeah the Crystal Maze and Robot Wars have come back bring back Dick and Dom just first three and memory cards as well

while you're ready yeah right right memory cards wow well thank you everyone for listening and thank you to

YouTube boys for answering my questions four four five for thank you for bringing those questions Peter

you're welcome much appreciated and thank you of course to all of you for listening you know you could find in places

other than this podcast well you can and you can you can you know Maybe go over to store.orgscast.com and have a little browse of the fine selection there, right, Mikey? Oh, yeah, now you're talking my language. If you head over to store.orgscast.com, you'll find a lovely array of stuff,

like some socks with a shark on them and a bee plushy. But best of all, come close. If you head over to the vidiates section. What? Sorry, no, a little bit louder, what? If you head over to the vidiates section, you'll find a beautiful array of t-shirts, mugs,

and hoodie that you can and hoodie, and hoodie just the one hoodie which you can buy, you can put on your

body, you may struggle to put the mug on your body but you can try and you can have a look and if it takes

your fancy I've got something for you no. If you use cord vidiots at checkout

you're not going to believe this this is fucking unbelievable I don't know how we swung this

we'll get you 10% off everything no lie to me. That's more than nine. It's incredible. And, and it's...

I lost much of the other thought a ferret. Ferretts, I'm doing advertising right now. Ferrets, please. I'm sorry, Truffle. Come on. You can get 10% of everything on the store. Not just the stuff that says, viduits on it. Amazing.

And by doing that, you'll be indirectly supporting the ferrets. That's true. Yeah, it's very true. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com, forward slash Idiot's official. We're also on Twitch.tv. We're not regularly streaming on there. However, we are streaming on our own independent channels.

Mikey over at Parrot Boy, Peter and I over at Triple Jump. It is automatically hosted on the Vidiates Official Twitch. But if you'd like to go right to the source, then you can work it out. It's pretty simple. If you want to see us, we are live sometimes. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddy. It's donations. Donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning.

And the end of the show. just like these amazing people have. Here is the pumpy platoon. Yes, the pumpy platoon. We start with the elegant, the beautiful. Dear Ratboy, Donna C.O.7 and the very generous Redweth. Step on me, Big Ben Daddy,

and the actually very generous and also Redweth. Thank you very much. We'll never ask a question. The noises won't include. That was me trying to find my place again. Emily Lemons. Okay. Chego, Slovakia.

Okay, that's one. Gouy Bug Spittoon and Cheggers, Lovaccia. Yes, we're nailing it. Desi Does Meatface. Scooby-Druby, Drew, the generous Dowdian, Stephen Scourdes, Kiki-Chi-Chi-R-I-Pi,

pro-trainer, Specky Becky, insert Daph name here, The Clown with the Dirty Pubes and, oh look, a first-time donator. In the Tiny Troop this week, is Arthur the kitten. Awesome Fox, 42. Jalike Corn. Reggie Bronx. Come at the Porg. Mikey's merch shop fraud. Lord Rottovich. Who the fuck is Freddie Weber? Barry Scott's Hot Spotty Bot.

Caterkin Solo. Alan Claw. Benny Harvey, RIP. Spread cheeks, slap balls. Mr. Black. Tiny Peas, Tiny Peas, Tiny D. Big Titty Jesus 42. Fintrist and Penis Examiner. Cairs of Gallifera. Peter's Tory butthole beliefs It actually says belifes I've just noticed But And clammy chicken balls takeout Shut up Cheggers

You're dead Shit donation for wankers The very generous Jean-Luc placard Thank you Big Dick Trans-Communist Guff Girlfriend

Will Dave Wilson Pingers Roy Hodgson is clearly an owl Nando's Perry Perry Peri meat product Mr Macca Adolf Meat La

Meat Redunded Big Jizzy Tise Us Forky Chega's Slovakia and Chega Slovakia Moist Meat Dump Prince Beef Cakes Honk if Thatcher's dead Honk

Nice An offensive stinky alien Knock knock cock sock Moist meat dump and John's Dinky Diddler Dillie Dilladong Dittley Doddidley Dong There we are

Excellent Thank you all of you That's your pod squad For this week Once again streamlabs.com 4 slash Pottiest donation 3 pounds or more And if we want as many Chegg as Slovakia's as we can get next time.

Yeah, remember. Go to Slovakia. Get your Chegg as if we can all do that one. Thank you, everyone. Mikey, where can people find you? At Paraboy on Twitter is the best place to find me. That's where I do all my internet business. And you can also find me on Twitch at Paraboy again there.

I stream somewhat regularly. I don't have a schedule because life is chaotic. But if you keep an eye on there, you're usually in the loop of what's happening. Come join the fun. Fantastic. And Peter, where can people find us? We are individually on Twitter at that Peter Austin

and confused underscore dude but we're together not in that way but hey not there's anything wrong with that over on Twitter and YouTube and Twitch at Team Triple Jump doing videos and streams video game stuff

so if you want video game action from two thirds of the Vidiates team you can get that Team Triple Jump and you can get the other third Power Up Boy Hey! Absolutely two thirds of the video team, but 100% of the

triple jump team. Yeah. Of course. Finally, please leave us a review on iTunes or your platform of choice. It helps. Something to do with Al Gore's rhythm. Thank you to those of you who have left reviews. And now, we bid you farewell with one final question that you can answer

on Twitter or the YouTube comments or what have you. What's your biggest regret? Yeah, go on. personal. Pull your heart out. Yeah, okay. I like that. Go on. We dare you. Well, that's all.

That's all. Thanks so much, everybody. Thank you. And we'll see you next time. We will. Bye. Bye-bye. Goodbye.

Thank you.