Podiots - Podiots: Episode 74 - Don't Call Me Crouton

Episode Date: March 23, 2021

Mikey's showcasing the finest Japanese mascots, Ben's discussing a 'chick' flick and Peter's brought some cursed knitwear   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, leased a 2026 XC-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience

event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo. com Get down.

Get down. What is that? What is that? What is that? Is that a Gator anthem? Take me on a trip I want to go somewhere.

Can we do that? Instead of the the fortnight kid singing American girl American boy, sorry. Can we have, can someone do like a vidiates cover, Podiots or a video, or a

northeast? What, change the lyrics? Yeah, yeah. Like, have you heard the, you've heard the Fortnite song, right? I think, was that the audio that you used, Mikey for the video that went out? Yeah, that, I've heard it there. The May May. It's the new Eye of the Spider. Did you guys ever hear Eye of the Spider? Oh, I of the Spider.

a classic yeah it's like the new fortnight version it's sort of like the when the when will you learn boy yeah took up a singing career oh i watched that the other week it's it's so good it's stayed good as well it's the little backpack is i know the backpack is so good was it mario yeah he's like having a sonic run with a little Mario backpack on you fricking fricks yeah when will you learn it's an important life lesson as well your actions have they do have consequences when will you learn that

you're freaking freaking you're really hitting them notes Ben I didn't realize you had the range I was waiting for that to crack and for you to lose it and you didn't you just kept it the whole time come kick it with you yeah you'll be my American boy I love the last line of that.

I can't remember exactly what it is, but it's like, he's did a pretty good job of like getting the lyrics to fit the original lyrics. But the last line of the chorus, instead of, which is like five syllables, it's like pro gamer, Fortnite player or something. That's like eight syllables. I can't remember exactly what it. I probably overdid it there, but I'm going to have to look it up now.

Yeah, I want to hear it. Can we play it? Can we put it in here, Mikey? just a bit. Of course, yeah. You're editing this week. I want to hear it. Yeah, I could play it live if you want.

Yeah, okay. If you have the power to do that, I would love to react. I mean, okay, this might be. I'm just going to give you the 17 second version, I think, okay? Okay. Okay, let me just, um, my chat mic. I want to output my system. This is very important.

Yeah. I'm excited. Okay, everyone, get ready. We got a number one victory royale. Yeah, Fortnite. Get down. 10 girls on the board right now. Just wiped out tomato town.

My friend has gone downed. I revived him. Now we're heading southbound. Now we're in the pleasant park streets. Look at the map. Go to the marksheet. Wow. That kid has flow, though.

He's got some serious flow. I'm a cool pro fortnight gamer. Cool pro fortnight gamer. Those are the words. I just found it. Oh, excellent. I love how he's his own backup singer. Oh, no.

And the kids, that kid's going places. He's got a voice of an angel. Oh, he's brilliant. And currently is looking at a still image of Dave Benson Phillips mid-sing song. If you've got no idea what I'm talking about, go to the video. It's Twitter. You'll find a video of Dave Benson-Philip singing. Oh, goodness.

Yeah, it's good. It's upsetting, but it's good. It's important. Well, that's an intro. Guess it is. I guess it is. Hello everybody and welcome to Pottietz, the official Vidiates, podcast.

It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Good evening, gentlemen. How are we feeling this week? BP. Oh, it's been a long day. Oh, a bit groggy.

It's been a real long day. Just, you know, just casually earning, like, earning, raising, like, two grand for charity. That's all. That's all we've been doing. No big deal. Forget about it. Usual Thursday, isn't it? Calm down. Yeah. Ain't nothing but a thing. Mikey, you good? I'm good. Nothing exciting to report. Just, yeah. Did you invent something? The cats are alive. Sorry, no. I believe you only got the water. and did we get another cat? No, I think we've only, it was just the one cat, actually. Sorry, Ben, what are you going to ask me there?

Could you invent something exciting? Oh, yeah, sure. We got another cat. Oh, shit. Yeah. We thought Karen needed, you know, like, you know those videos of Karen's online, like the actual angry middle-aged women chatting people for just doing their jobs. Yeah, yeah.

They're sometimes accompanied by an embarrassed-looking daughter. So I think we've got Karen a smaller version of herself who just looks upset and disappointed whenever Karen's being vocal and causing a nuisance. That's nice. It's good that she has that. Yeah. It helps. Just reminds you that this person's bad, but their sprog is okay. They understand just how bad their mother's being.

Have you noticed fewer mice now that you've got Karen? Yeah, yeah. I think on the whole, I think we're coming out of mouse season as well. I hope anyway. Did I tell you about the time she brought a rat? Brought in a rat? Was it dead? Did I not talk about this?

No. Oh my God. It was just like the middle of the night and I heard Claudia scream. Oh, God, what is going on? So I jumped out of bed, came downstairs and she was like, ah, what is it? And just looked down and there was like this rat the size of my forearm laying on the floor in front of Karen. Go Karen.

Yeah. I mean, impressive, but please, not inside. Was it dead? It was fully dead. I was slightly terrified, though, because I started Googling, and it turns out when cats bring you things, it's sometimes it's them trying to teach you how to hunt and, you know, like... So they bring it a bit alive.

Yeah, so, like, it starts with a dead cat, a dead rat. You know, it's like, here you go, you're stupid idiot. Here's some food. This will tide you over. And then, you know, they bring in a one that's slightly concussed at some point so you can finish off the job yourself or whatever. Thankfully, it's not progressed beyond that one dead rat, but I live in fear now.

I live in fear. It does happen. Our cats used to bring in massive, massive birds that we used to have to then drive to sanctuaries and hand over in a box. Really, fuck. I saw a rat the other day in the alley near our house, which was, you know, really nice.

And I'm just thinking, please don't come in. It's made me, like, not want to feed the birds because we've got, like, bird feeders. but I think, like, if they're dropping seeds, I don't want a rat in a garden, certainly not in the house. But, yeah, my, my, here's a, here's an anecdote. It's a short one, don't worry. We've not even done the intro yet.

My, uh, grandma was a nurse before she retired. And when her best, her and her best friend, like lifelong best friend were nurses training together, um, her friend, uh, had a guy come into her ward who'd cornered a rat and the rat had bitten him and he got Vyle's disease and he died. Holy shit. He died of a rat bite. So be careful with rats.

Not just the bites but the piss and where they've been and peed because that can give you, it can blind you at best it can blind you at worst it can kill you. So there you go. Fuck, awesome. Thanks Peter. You welcome, Mikey. Yeah.

Cheers. It could happen to you. That's what I'm scared. I don't mind mice and rats. I think they're okay. It's just the diseases, isn't it? Exactly, yeah. I think they're kind of cute, but you spread germs and diseases and therefore must be eradicated. Sure, sure. If you want to help pay for Michael's impending medical bills

and also support us in the process, you can go to streamlabs.com forward slash potty at Stonations. If you donate three pounds or more, you get a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the podcast. There is, of course, the pumpy platoon, the tiny troop, and the fast crew, Mikey's going to head up the Pumpy Platoon first off. I'm just going to do the Pumpy Platoon National Anthem, if that's okay. Hello, attention, the Pumpy Platoon.

Today we can see. Today we, is that good? Yeah. Just a quick question. Did Discord cut out, or did you just do? A single note. Did you do one note and then pause?

Wow, I did actually several notes. Oh, shit. Let me just hold it right up to the microphone at once moment, okay? Okay. It doesn't like it,

but it did a better job. Yeah. I'm really glad everyone got to hear that twice. Thanks, Michael. So the people responsible for that mess are Avogadro Toast 11.

Huey Lewis and the pub Yama sells Avon Cheggers whore whoa now slow down calm down

Cheggars fucker McGraw That's nice Put some respect on Yeah Cheggers sex worker Fuckers McGraw Thank you

Sure A little bit of moniker Who was more than just A little bit generous They say Hi boys I lost my father last month

And I played your podcasts On the long Drive's home To my parents' place And back Thank you for always making me laugh even when I just wanted to cry.

I am grateful for you silly, brilliant boys. Please keep it up. A little bit, Monica. I'm so sorry to hear that. And I really wish I read the messages before doing the... Hi, boys. Doing the musical intro. Really, really, really sorry for your loss.

A little bit of Monica. Really sorry to hear that. Thank you for your support. Thank you very much. The next person is Dick, my Checo. Spread cheeks, slap balls. Jason Allen. It's weird having a normal name amongst these.

Lego, my Chego. Always an adventure podcast, very generous, and they said, You wonderful blokes are a big inspiration. As fledgling pretend radio people ourselves, it has really made us appreciate the dedication that actually goes into creating an hour-long show that is both engaging and fucking hilarious. Keep podgeting on. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Lord Brotovich, Biff and Chip Kink, Ben, your Chega is out, RIP. Stephen Scoredes. Katiekin's solo. Cheggers Stoke Vlacchia. Nice. Mikey's first fart.

Michael Fox hates dogs. The CG. Chegma. Oh, no. Specky Becky and Donna C-O-7. It's time for the tiny troupe. Nailed it, nailed it. Yeah, I don't need a flipping whatever digital sound processor.

I've got my mouth. Welcome to the tiny troupe. Dick Mayan Marchinko, gooey bug spittoon, chav-chav-ramerez, Michael Cheggson. Carrie is a tiny bitch cat. Oh, it says Kari. It says pronounced Kari next to it.

Kari is a tiny bitch cat. Brockett the goddamn cat, Emily Lemmonds. Danny DeVito has seen Ben nude. Awesome Fox 42. Royal Hodgson Oprah interview. Pro-trainer? N... Germit Teapog.

Chewy bollocks. Just keep swimming ash. The very generous, Kevin from Kahn. Thank you, Kevin. What a lovely amount of money there. Thank you. Hey, boys. I'd been meaning to donate since the Crisp.

episode, but PayPal was down then and I've missed the cutoff for every episode since. But here it is money. I'm very thankful for all that you do. Here's to a videotic 2021. Everybody sells. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Oh, oh God, I put it on the high one. Never mind. We'll forget about that. Thank you. Thank you, Kevin. Thank you, Kevin. Prince Beefcakes. Saturday night, Finn Tristam. Alan Claw. Michael, will you marry me? No. D.P. and Juxson walk into a bar.

And Ben's big blonde bum hairs. Oh. No. No. Rude. Neil Buchanada. Very good. Generous.

Very generous and said, Hey, peeps. I've been listening slash watching you wonderful lot since the beginning of time itself. It's about down time. I donated. You are by far my favorite comedians. So are you, Neil. Presenters, personalities, whatever you want to call it, never stop.

Much love. Ben B. Kisso, kisso, kisso. Oliver, a boy who surely exists. Nazi occupied Chega Slovakia. Cheg me harder, daddy. Barbatuna Babylonie. Stephen Sealand.

Plastic cheese has no rights. Quadruple jump. Mercenary Chega Stitute. Robocock 3. Thundercock Robococ 2 Cock Warriors Mr. Macca, check as a lap

danceria, piss tinnia, check your Sue Vlakia, Billy Ray Cyprus, Pantsalot, we Scots call hugs McSnuggies, the obscenely generous

Housenberg, Housenberg, Or Wauzenberg, or Wauzenberg. W. Hausenberg? Potentially. Thank you so much. It may just be the post-13-hour hospital shift with no-break delirium kicking in, but I just wanted to say how much you boys are loved and appreciated for all the work you do. Videos may have changed, but I hope you boys and or girls never do. Kis-kees-kees will. Thank you, Will. Thank you so much. And finally, name deducted from ur-paycheck. Thank you. That's your pod squad for this week.

Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations £3 or more to get a share. out. Thank you, everybody. Michael, over to you. We start with a question. And this one comes from Jonesy at C-Jonesy 90 on Twitter. What two things would you tell your potential future children about yourself that would, one, make them proud of you, and two, would make them ashamed of you. So this is you passing down your legacy of your life to your children. What stories are you going to tell them? I can tell them one story to cover both. Oh wow impressive

efficient I like it I was once invited onto a official BAFTA game awards discussion panel and I brought up the Nazi party live on the internet Are you proud and ashamed

Thank you You are my flesh and blood now That is Oh just a knockout Of a sentence Just great work here I mean I'll think of another Because that's just

The story that's always always told by me every time. Every time there's a question about anything. It's always that. But that's a placeholder for now. I think just I can see myself. It's Christmas morning and my son or daughter or whatever opens up a present and outfalls a silica gel packet. I pick it up and I go, ah, I remember.

And I have to regale the tale of me consuming silica gel. gel as they look on in just absolute disgust but then i'd make it okay by showing them the little knitted version of myself that swam made made from i think we all got one didn't we yeah i'd show that to say look i know i did weird things but the the ends justified the means okay i hate the silica gel to get a little knitted version of myself okay yeah i would maybe one of the things they should be ashamed of is that i wrapped myself up in bubble wrap and was slowly hit by my friend's car that's not anything to be proud of. That's silly behaviour,

especially given that I will have hopefully been teaching them the likes of the green cross code. You know, look both ways, stop, look and listen, or just wrap yourself in bubble wrap. You'll be fine. You'll be okay. Be absolutely fine.

What will make them proud? I don't know. Just generally, I think just vidiates in general is, I'm looking forward to just telling people that in years to come when it's finally dead and buried yeah that's not something I'm looking forward to

the end of vidiates if and when it comes but yeah telling children and grandchildren about it and seeing if they understand nice I'm sure that will they understand because it's about six months of M prep work to understand the full context of everything so it's like go on an open university course of vidiates

well because it's like grandparents don't understand video it's because they're too old to kind of understand the technological aspect to it and why people would enjoy it and then I feel like in maybe a couple of generations' time will things have changed like dramatically to the point that it's kind of difficult to see

how a YouTube channel could ever have been an interesting thing like to think it will just transcend video based entertainment maybe we won't maybe in 50 years time we'll still just be you know there'll be like gaming channels and silly dick and dom but you can say cunt channels as it was once so well described by a viewer um maybe i don't know but we'll have to see whether it still makes any sense to future generations we need to start um

etching some pictures of billy and caves yeah future archaeologists can find them and we can give Idiot's a great sense of importance. Yeah. That's important. How about you, Ben? In terms of something to be proud of, I have, I am a two-time donator to Wikipedia. Whoa. Where?

You've not told us this before. You know those banners that you always ignore. You didn't click the X. What the hell? I fucking clicked on them and I have given Wikipedia money on two occasions. Thank you very much. I thought you meant you were a contributor in the sense that you have written two Wikipedia articles that you've just never thought to bring up on poddietz before.

I did something far more noble than that. I gave them my money. So that's something to be proud of. Something to be ashamed of is that I unironically wore a Bird is the Word t-shirt for probably about two years. Oh, Ben. Did I have Peter Griffin on it? Probably. It's long since been disposed of.

But yes, that was me. This is who I am, except me. I think I've still got a Bazinga t-shirt somewhere. Oh, wow. See, is that worse? I don't know. Oh, I would argue Basinger's worse. I don't know.

I was young, dumb. Let me have my fun. Right. I'm going to jump into my thing, I think, unless someone is itching to do theirs. No, I want to go first. By all means. Do you want to call, Ben?

No, no, you do. Do you think, Michael. Okay, okay. I want to talk, I don't want to talk a little bit about Japanese mascots. Finally, someone is brave enough to talk about Japanese mascots. Bring in the truth, the facts, and the fun things you never knew. Oh, boy. Mr. Sparkle.

or was he Korean? I can't remember. I think he was Japanese. Yeah, they went to Japan in that episode, didn't they? Yeah, that was, yeah. Fish, no, no, fish doesn't go in. No, that's a different episode. That's, uh, they went to ask Akira, the guy who, I can't remember where he's from, doesn't

really, he's only in, like, three episodes, so I don't know. But anyway, Mr. Sparkle, we all get the reference. Yeah, yeah, we know, we know. Before I preface this, um, I don't, I don't know. reason, like, I've had, like, for some reason, like, I've been on the outskirts of Japanese mascots for a while. That's a weird sentence. I just mean that, like, I've been admiring them for a while, but I never put any thought to them. I follow a Twitter account called Mondo mascots. And just every day, actually, wow, every couple hours, they'll post a

picture of a Japanese mascot. And if you just scroll through, you'll see just how much of a epidemic it is that they're everywhere. You're suggesting we need to do something about it. Mascots must be stopped. That's what I'm here today to tell you about. Join my initiative. End the mascots. No, I love them. I think they're great.

So I thought we'd have a little look into some, well, the story behind mascots and we play a little game involving mascots. Does that sound good? Yeah. Is this sort of off the back of the fact that in the last stream we were saying, is there an official mascot for strawberries? That's, I guess. It was someone commented on YouTube on the last episodes about mascots. I was like, oh, that gives me an idea. I didn't realize it was mentioned in the actual episode.

I have the worst memory. It was your thing as well. Oh, my. Yeah, of course. That's right. Well, we're going to dive into some non-fruit-based mascots. Wonderful. Jacouji is a human jacuzzi forcet who represents the Osaka Waterworks Bureau.

A boxing rabbit named Super Hakuto O'Koon is the face of an express train service. There's Melanchuma, a terrifying tourism promoting fruit bear. hybrid and colon Chan, a character with hot pink intestine-shaped hair who encourages colon, col, uh, cult, um, cult, yeah, colon, come on, you take a run up. Coal, oh my God, cool. Spell it. I think the word you're looking for is trigly cirrhides. Thank you. Colostomy. Colonnaoscopies. Hey. Okay, well done, Michael.

Wait, really? Is that how it said colonoscopies? Yeah, that's it. Fuck, sorry, I'm butchering. It's okay, just don't tell your partner who is literally in the medical profession. Didn't you even get two letters in there, Jesus. Anyway, in most of the world, mascots are designed to appeal to children and are typically associated with sports and consumer brands. But this is not true in Japan, where almost every brand, prefecture, and local government is represented by a mascot promoting everything from local produce to Pachinko parlors

and generating billions of dollars in the process. And unlike most mascots that exist to stand out, Japanese mascots are made to blend in. I don't know what that means. I left that in from an article I read. They don't know, do they? No, they absolutely don't. I think it's just there's so many of them, you just, you just used to them?

Yeah, if you don't have one, you'll stick out. There we go. There we go. There we go. Good. You cracked the Da Vinci code. Yeah. Welcome.

I'm also going to apologize for my pronunciation throughout this. I'm going to try my best. Welcome to the world of Eurocara, the championing of mascots as part of everyday life.

Japanese artist June Mura is widely credited with coining the term in 2009, and they outlined three fundamental components of a good mascot. Firstly,

it must convey a strong message of love for one's hometown. Its movements should be unique and unstable or awkward, which I think just lends itself to being in a costume most the time. And it should be unsophisticated or laid back and lovable.

There's been a recent proliferation of Eurukara, which began about 2007 with Hiko Nayan, a samurai cat created by the Hikon city government to mark the 400th anniversary of the castle, located in the area. The mascot wasn't just popular, it was a phenomenon. People flocked to see the mascot and generated upwards of $200 million in tourism spending. So mascots are big business.

Other cities took note, hoping to replicate Hikon's success with mascots of their own. Brands and businesses followed suit, and so there's just been a swath of these beautiful, felty, feltie creatures. While that spirit defines Japanese mascot culture, an existential threat hangs over the long-term future of Eurukara, the weight of its own popularity. There are so many mascots in Japan, government officials have pushed for a culling of less popular mascots to keep the Euracara system alive. They're going to pay hunters, you know, like 20 yen per head. 20 yen is insultingly low. I know, it is, isn't it? conversion to yen to dollars.

Well, that's how many there are. You need to go and kill literally thousands to make any kind of living. Wow, there are a dime a dozen. Yeah, bring us behind. So there is actually, in fact, a Grand Prix of these mascots. It's an annual contest where fans vote

for their favorite mascots and also helps keep tabs on the popularity of government-sponsored characters. And it helps just, certain mascots and others it helps to justify the ending of them so that's a little bit of backstory just the world we're jumping into here so much like um ben's not the onion game i'm gonna i've got a couple of mascots in front of me i'm going to read out a name and a very very brief um just line summing them up i'm going to go through them all and then we'll go through them once more and you tell me

whether or not you think they're real or if i've just made them up oh brilliant okay we start with To Kihashi Watturu, a humanoid white blob with a railing on his back. Okay. So we're starting strong. Okay.

Ipe Kuhn, the existential frog, who mostly tweets about how anxious they are. Jimmy Hattori, the ninja with a condom on his head created to promote safe sex in Japan. Kanshan.

Sorry, Kan Shan. the mascot for a pharmaceutical company that is part penguin and part m enema part enema sorry yes part enema yeah which part of the enema is it oh we'll find out won't we okay caruma tango sorry caruma tango a mascot for a car dealership who has two tire sons which it rolls around everywhere it goes i'm sorry ma dori coon a mascot with the body of a wrestler and the face of an apartment floor plan.

And we've got a couple more left. Kanashi Kuiku, a bicycle riding man in a cape who gives hugs to people that look upset. Can Pachiro, a dancing fish-headed businessman, who is a, sorry, a dance, the, I love reading, don't you? Canachiro, the dancing fish-headed business mascot of Kenoya City. And lastly, Momoichi Chan, a cute pink deer that lives by one. unphilosophy, hunt or be hunted? Oh, oh. Very cute.

Very cute indeed. Those are all real, all of them. Oh, damn it, you got me already. I didn't even get to explain. Oh, no, there is a handful of fake ones in here, so be on your tippy toes, everybody. So we start with, oh, God, Sukihashi Watu, a humanoid white blob with a railing on its back. What do you think? Could you see that?

I want this to be real just so I can see Tony Hawk do a mad grind down his spine What's it The mascot for? It is a mascot of a local town

Not a local town Just a town Okay I'm gonna say that's real Yeah I'm saying real too You would be 100% right That is 100% real There you go

I've just sent a picture of it Oh wow That's not a good one is it area than I thought it would be. It is a humanoid white blob. Like, if you picture that, it's that. It's got some writing on its chest, and it's got kind of like a ghosty face

and a hand railing from a bridge on its back. So let's learn a little bit more about our friend here. So they are the official Yurokara of Arashiyama, shopping district. Arashiyama is one of Kyoto's most popular tourist destinations and is known for its bamboo line path, fall colors and monkey park. So it's a mystery why Wataru's body is simply a humanoid white blob.

His only connection to the area he represents is the railing on his back, which represents to Getsuyuku Bridge, another of Arashiyama's iconic landmarks. Luckily, Wataru's chest is conveniently labelled with his name, though he still looks as confused as the rest of us as to what he's supposed to be doing. So they just took a bit of the bridge and then put it on the generic white blob man. And I think it's beautiful. He's perfect. He's absolutely perfect.

Are you going to send us photos of all of the real ones? Oh, absolutely. What I'll do is I'll group them together in groups of four and tweet them out all at once so we don't put like a massive thread of them. Yeah, good, good. Ipe Kuhn, the existential frog who mostly tweets about how anxious they are. That, again, it sounds like it could be real, but I'm more inclined to believe that this is not. real because surely a mascot needs to do more than tweeting, right?

I based on the fact that I think I want to say other ones are real yeah I am going to say statistically this one might be one of the fakes. Well, feast your eyes on Ipe Kuhn. Oh, hi Ipe Kuhn. He does look pretty anxious to be

fair. Why does that have a rope around its neck, Michael? Oh God, I didn't notice that. Oh no, Ipeer Please, cheer up. So Ipe Kuhn rose to fame during the 2018 World Cup, thanks to their tweets throughout all of their time in Russia. So obviously, Japan was competing in the World Cup, and the frog came along for the journey. But the frog is not the official mascot of the team.

I think it's just like a mascot of an area nearby where the team's based. It's just the mascot of Japanese anxiety. Pretty much. So I've found a few of the tweets here, and this could be a case of bad translation, but I think the vibe is still in time. So here is the translation for the first tweet at the bottom. So this is a picture of a giant frog

in what looks like a bus with the caption also moved. Movement was too long and a headache started. Alive, I can return home. Also, Ipe's username is Epe 69. Oh, nice. Nice. Nice.

Here's a shot of Epe looking quite sad going up a very long escalator kind of, you know, curled in on himself. and the caption is move, move and also move what is alive is it alive?

I don't know, I do not know. I wish I could help you. Really, Efe, you're killing us and this is the last one. This is a picture from the outside of a crowded train and the frog mascot is partly obscured

just looking directly towards the camera with the caption, I am worried and worried because I am anxious. Oh, I am 12, and what is this? The Russians are doing a very good job of ignoring the frog person. Yeah.

Yeah, it's just a flies in Japan, but in Russia, it's a whole different world that's doing well. I'm a big fan of Ipe. I hope he's doing all right. No, Jimmy Hattori, the ninja with a condom on his head, created to promote safe sex in Japan.

Well, they clearly should have called this guy Johnny. Am I right? Nice. Nice one. That's really good. This one's got to be real. I'm going to say this one's fake. Oh, this is, in fact, a real mascot.

I think visually he's one of my favorites. Shall I send a picture of me? He's excellent. He's really, really good. Why has he got the me, why has he got the me face? He does, it's put it as a proper me. Peering through the condom. I mean, that's not going to hold back any semen.

That's, like, that's got a big, big hole in it. Not ideal. I'll read out his little synopsis, and then we'll describe him if everyone you can't see him right now. He was created to promote safe sex in Japan, and he is actually not the only one of his kind, as there is another mascot called Chomu Chan, who promotes. quote, save sex in Yokohama, that is a condom with a heart shape on the top. However, our friend Jimmy made this list because he's a far sillier-looking mascot. You might be not surprised to hear that.

Sometimes there's not a lot of backstory information around the mascots. They're just mascots. He looks like he's going to rob a bank. So you ever heard of the band Pussy Riot? Yes. Yeah. They're famous for wearing the pink, well, all the multicolored balaclavas. He kind of looks like a Japanese.

Japanese version of that. So it's a man in kind of like a robe with a purple little belt, like bowtie thing around his, around his torso, and he's got a massive pink, what looks like a bell on his head. Yeah. Big wide eyes, a little nose and a little, little, little nodule on top for collecting the liquids. Hmm. Lovely.

Kanchan, the mascot for a pharmaceutical company that is part penguin and part enema. I really want this one to be true But I don't think it is Yeah You don't think You don't think you know You put an enema in a suit Fine, I'll say it's real

I only want it to be true If it's not just part enema Like the device that you would use To have an enema I want it to be half Like top half penguin And bottom half Just like a billowing mass of liquid

That's like coming out Of the penguin Well Peter you were You were pretty much there except you flip that round and then you get Kanchan. Huh. So the tip of Kanchan is the enema

and the bottom bit is the little round penguin body. Right. I did want, I mean, really I was thinking the kind of, you know, the water splash emoji? Kind of, that's what I wanted, the enema liquid. But, yeah, wow, that's quite something. I think it's quite cute, to be honest. I like it.

What do you reckon it's going to look in his little bag? That actually looks more phallic than the condom one. Oh, I know exactly what he's got in his bag, actually. No. So I couldn't find much information about this one, so I found a blog post about this mascot. So I'm just going to read it in its info. Earlier this month, I managed to catch a rare appearance by Kanchan,

the notorious Enema Penguin mascot of Ichiku Pharmaceuticals. Ichiku manufacture fig-based laxatives and enemas, so Kanchan was not only designed to resemble an enema, but also made in the shape and colour of a fig. The addition of eyes, a beak and feet gave Kanchan the cute factor required of all mascots. I had been hoping to encounter Kanchan for months, and I previously planned to track the strange creature down at a pharmaceuticals expo late last year. Why?

I don't, well, you find that the payoff is worth it. but that event was cancelled due to rain. God, I... Why were the meeting outside? What kind of expo was it? That's, I guess, nature's enema, isn't it? Rain. I was delighted when I discovered that Kanchan

would be appearing once again at a special Ichiku event held at the foot of the famous towering structure, the Tokyo Skytree. So I hurried along before work. In addition to meeting the bizarre mascot videos, videos, visitors were also able to get free gifts in plastic capsules dispensed from a vending machine designed to look like an intense intestine. I won an exclusive Kanshan key ring, which I will treasure. So I assume in the little bag that it's carrying, there's some more goodies

in there. Oh, good. Karuma Tanjo, a mascot for a car dealership who has two tire sons, which it rolls around everywhere it goes one of these has got to be fake at some point right it's just because

they're coming they're coming not a fake one yet this one sounds plausible though maybe it's

just not wacky enough no I'm going to say this one's real because I want to see a photo of two tire

suns yeah I'll also say it's real oh I got you that's a fake one I did I did like the mental image

of it though and I agree I want to see that okay Madori Kuhn, a mascot with the body of a wrestler and the face of an apartment floor plan. Real. What's he the mascot of? He is the mascot of a real estate agency.

Okay. Yeah, I'm going to say that's real. Yeah, 100% real. And here's a photo. He's a masterpiece. Oh, wow, he is a masterpiece. You say the body of a wrestler, it's just a man. No, look at his.

Come on. Everyone's got a wrestler body, Ben. Look at his eight pack. It's definitely not just the way that the one piece is sort of rippled around his belly. That's like loads of very, like, well-defined, thin packs, as they say. Yeah. Yeah. There he is.

It's essentially just a silver spandex shoots, some speedos, and a diagram of a floor plan with a smiley face on it on their head. It's beautiful. Can Pachiro, the dancing, fish-headed businessman mascot of Kenoya City. Oh, now I might say this is fake, but only because, do you remember that? I don't know if you will, this might be a strange reference. Do you remember business fish, businessman fish? Like the sticker set on Facebook Messenger.

Yeah, no. So I'm wondering if that's where you've sort of lifted this from, a fish-headed businessman. I just don't think it sounds like a very cute mascot. So I'm also going to say it's not real. That is 100% real. Oh, no. Let me see. Oh, hey, hold on.

Let me see if I can find it. Campe Ciro, come on. Is it the news presenter from SpongeBob? Actually, that's a pretty good way of putting it. Oh, wait, let's get this radical photo in. Oh, God, there's so many good photos. Okay, there we go. It's coming in soon.

This is exactly, is it sounds, it's manning a suit with a fish head. business fishman from Facebook yeah I wonder if that's who he's based on yeah I think they might be connected well done good but yeah 100% real I think

he was created by the Kenoya City Fisherman's Cooperative Association in 2015 they did a terrible job he's doing business Kanashi Kuiku a bicycle riding man in a cape who gives hugs to people

that look upset not real I'm going to say real. It's not real, sadly. I think that would be a fun one, but no, that doesn't exist at all. There was one bike riding mascot I found, but they weren't giving hugs to anyone. Peter just sent the Facebook sticker, and there is a striking resemblance. And lastly, Mumoji Chan, a cute pink deer that lives by one.

One philosophy, hunt or be hunted? This can't be real. I've not got a good track record with this game, but I feel pretty strongly about this one. Yeah? Do you think, Ben? I'm going to say it's real. Right, well, feast your eyes on.

Moji Chow. Holy shit. Oh, wow. It's got a gun. So this is a large, ping, fluffy, very cute, round-looking, preacher, rosy cheeks, slightly angry-looking eyes and a frowny face, big ears. They're actually, in fact, a deer themselves, but they're holding a gun in their hands.

The gun-wielding Seeker Deer mascot comes from Hokka, comes from Hokkaido. It hunts hunters, and it's pretty new to the Japanese mascot world, and it was revealed in 2016. However, Momiji Chan has been warmly received due to being cute and feisty. It having a gun is also sort of interesting, since guns are very rare in Japan, this says. During its reveal at the World Character Summit, which is a whole other kettle of fish, not getting to that,

it apparently would jokingly point its gun at other mascots. Just a joke. It's just a joke. God, it's not a prank, it's just a prank, man. That's, I have got no idea what this mascot is specifically for. There's no way that that mascot would be able to pull the trigger on that gun. Look at its big, hidden hands.

Terrible. Terrible. Boo. There we go. That's the last of them. That's our tour around the real and fake mascots of the world.

Wow. One adventure. Thank you, Michael. Thank you. Would you like a question? Hmm. Please. Let me see.

Let me see. This one's from Aidan Dunn at Don Corses on Twitter. You each get to decide a tattoo for the other two videos.

What are you picking? And where's it going to go? I quite like the idea of tiny Peter, not actually being Peter himself, and it actually is being like a small man that's tattooed or maybe like just the upper part of your arm, Peter. So, oh, you tiny Peter? No, no, but he is. And pull up your sleeve and reveal a very tiny little man.

Yeah, maybe it's on your bicep and when you tense it, he dances. He'll move around, yeah. Because then I'm not the smallest person in the room ever. Exactly. There you go, yeah. Or a tattoo on your, just below your belly button that says Big Peter and then an arrow pointing down. Nice. Nice. What makes you think I haven't already got that, eh?

Fantastic. I would like to see a tattoo just below Mikey's belly button pointing down that says Big Peter. Beautiful. I'm going to get that booked in now. what about a tattoo on Mikey's bot bot that that just says toxic waste oh hey stand back you just give me I'm just writing all these down these are some good ideas

fall back to how many more do you need get away Westwood God I think my body's going to be filled this is great fire in the hole Ben I want you to have like speed blur lines tattooed on every injury of your body so you permanently look like you're in a state of fast. What about flames on my

calves? Oh, fuck. Oh my God, that would actually be sick. Go faster stripes. Yeah. Yes. I want a, like a badge on your sort of left kind of like where your breast pocket

would be but just in your flesh Ben that says instead of like, hello my name is Ben it says, I should have learned guitar and now I am boring. Yes. On my flesh pocket. Yes.

What a beautiful. We're all going to be walking works of art. I have one more for Peter. Oh yeah. It's going to be on his right outer arm or maybe actually over his heart. And it's going to be a little cartoon heart and it's going to say allura and then a little arrow through it. Oh. And then on the other side, a really illicit.

graphic, horrible, deviant art. Illicit would be something awful. It would be way worse than explicit, but... Yeah, just the worst deviant art you can find of Allora from Spiro, the Dragon. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Thank you very much. We're going to look great.

See you all next time with me up. We'll all be endowed with these arts. Fucking hell. He would like to go next and present this. thing. I, uh, I have a recipe for you. Oh, a recipe for seduction. Oh. Oh. Dun, done, done. A recipe for seduction is an original lifetime mini movie sponsored by KFC, starring Mario Lopez as Colonel Sanders, citation. The movie premiered on December the 13th, 2020, citation. It tells the story of a young heiress who struggles to choose between a wealthy suitor chosen by her mother and the new house

chef, Harland Saunders. I sat down to watch it last week with some KFC of my own, and the following is my recap of the film. It is 15 minutes long. I also didn't catch any of the character's names, so many of them are described by personality traits until I picked them up. Are you ready? I can't wait. Yes. A group has sat around a very expensive looking table with fried chicken on it. Some have salads and it is Christmas. The chicken is delicious, says one guest. Thanks, it's my new chef, replies our woman. A particularly wealthy looking guy proposes after consuming his amazing and delicious meal. The lady he proposes to says she needs time to think. Everyone is shocked and appalled. He's a Garibaldi, a lady I'm assuming as her mother later

exclaims. Do you know what this would mean for us? Then... He's the lead singer of Take That, isn't he? Gary Bonding. Isn't it also a biscuit? Yes, it is. Then there's lots of exposition as we learn the girl's father left lots of debt and they're weeks away from banks moving in. Jessica, the woman being proposed to whose name I've just learned, is not happy as that

shouldn't dictate who she marries. In walks, the sexiest interpretation of Colonel Sanders you've ever seen. neatly quaffed grey hair and trademark beard frames his face as his neckerchief teases his pectorals while his biceps are barely covered by his white shirt would you like to see him? Yeah, so I was just going to say, I wish we had a real photo.

Here go. Here is Mario Sexy Sanders and for comparison This is... Oh my Lord. This is what a hunk. This is what Mario looks like under the shirt because I know you're wondering.

Good. Ness gracious me Wow, that's only the kind of body you can get by eating KFC three times a day every day Oh yes Oh yes Jessica is smitten

His name is Harlan Sanders He lives in the guest house And the tension is palpable The posh proposing Garibaldi man From the start is called Billy We see that he's calling Jessica But she declines the call Vegetables and ingredients

So fresh you might confuse this For a gigantic fast food chain's promotional film are unloaded from a van out the front of their massive house. Jessica offers Harland a tour. Harland Sanders talks about wanting his secret recipe to change the world. They're interrupted by Billy Garibaldi dressed in what I can charitably call posh twat casual. He looks like he fucks yachts.

He's mad because Jessica humiliated him and is now dodging his calls. He grabs her arm forcefully and Sanders steps in. Billy dismisses him by calling him a crouton. After telling her to be careful and not to make a... a mistake, Jessica storms off. Sanders slowly turns to Billy, pauses for dramatic effect and says, don't call me Crouton. We're now at Whittendale Country Club, where Jessica's gay best friend is about to go on a date. Jessica's in her bedroom, and they talk on the phone about how she thinks she might be falling for Harlan Sanders. She and Sanders have known each other for three

minutes of runtime. Her bed is the biggest bed I've ever seen. She texts Billy, saying they need to talk before going to take a shower. Her mum sneaks into the room and takes her phone which is apparently unlocked or lacking in any security features. The mum then texts Billy saying she'll meet him at the country club. The country club bar. MP3 sounds like a lively place, but the limited camera angles reveal a maximum of three residents, likely due to ongoing coronavirus pandemic restrictions. The mum text tells Billy, Jessica is falling for the chef, and Billy laughs so loudly you might think he just hit a poor person with his car. He calls the mum Bunster, and that's weird.

Buster? What even is that word? In walks, Jessica's gay BFF with whom I can only assume is his date. A couple of background extras disappear, and there are still only three people in the bar. Bunster tells Billy of Harlan's secret recipe that will change the world.

I don't know how she knows this. She alludes to a romantic weekend she and Billy once spent together. He appears to remember it fondly. Jessica's gay BFF listens in subtly. If you marry my daughter, Bunster says, I promise there'll be more long weekends in your future. Later on, Billy shows up in a kitchen. Presumably, it's where Jessica and Bunster live, and not the same building they're shooting

all of this film in. He goes through several conspicuously empty drawers before pulling a slip of paper out of a backpack, clearly labelled secret recipe, upon which is written a different number of herbs and spices with various quantities crossed out. he laughs to him I hope it's not all revealed on camera I don't know if you knew but you can actually find out

the KFC secret recipe online is available can you is it wow yes there's a secret then is it he laughs to himself as only someone who has never experienced hardship would laugh and says secrets out chicken man Sanders walks in

and Billy says he's here to make him an offer he asks how much money it would take for Sanders to leave Jessica alone and leave town Billy then bluffs and tells Harland that Jessica has already said yes to the proposal and writes him a check for $500,000. Harland has known Jessica for six minutes of runtime and is visibly devastated. Do yourself a favor, pal, take the check and get lost. Merry Christmas, Billy grins.

Gay BFF, who I'm now learning is called Lee, barges into the house and passed Buster asking to see Jessica. Bunster says Jessica is out getting a new phone because the mum held on to it after texting Billy from it, apparently, which is just as well, because Lee could have texted Jessica about what happened at the country club bar, but cared so much, he decided to come all the way out anyway. Lee calls Bunster out about what he saw and walks past her. Bunster responds by knocking him out with a broom and begins to drag him away. Oh, Jessica is sat outside trying to call Lee from the biggest piece of lawn furniture I've ever seen. Sanders approaches, wishing her and Billy well, but asking why she told Billy about

the secret recipe and saying that he cannot be bought off. Jessica is confused and stops him. yes. I don't want Billy. I want you. They have known each other for 11 minutes, and they kiss. From one angle, you can see the glue on Harland Sanders' prosthetic mustache. Bonsta watches from a window and calls Billy. We have a problem. Next day, Jessica goes to her mother to confess her love for Harland, but Bunster nefariously explains that Harland left last night in a hurry. Jessica has then seen glancing around the kitchen in an effort to find him. He could have just been in the toilet, but she clearly takes this to mean he's gone forever. Walking through the gardens reflectively, Jessica hears muffled screams.

She opens a barely closed basement door to discover Harlan Sanders tied to a chair. There's duct tape over his mouth. Billy emerges menacingly from the shadows. He's ruining everything, Billy spits as he waves a knife in Sanders' face. Bunster runs in exclaiming that Lee has escaped and that Billy should just kill him already. Realizing her mother's betrayal, Jessica watches on in horror. Lee pokes his head up from around a corner and gestures to keep quiet, as Sander's headbutts Billy in his stupid posh face.

When Billy stands back up, Lee knocks him out from behind, with what I am now realizing is not a broom, but that stick they use in polo. This is your fault, buster screams, walking towards Harland. Jessica pushes her into a shelf, and she collapses. Is she dead? Who knows? Jessica kneels down and carefully removes the tape covering Harlan's mouth so as not to also peel off his moustache and beard. The pair have known each other for 13 minutes of runtime, and they kiss in slow motion.

One year later. What? The two are married at an outside ceremony with Leah officiating. Sanders is dressed as we would recognize him best with a white suit and a red ribbon. Only two members of the audience are shown, the aisle seats of the front row. Bumster is not dead and is then shown in the gardens of a wellness centre. You have a visitor today, says an orderly. Billy approaches and sits next to her, saying,

found them before, and I'm not making this up, taking a massive bite of a KFC drumstick. Whether he carried it unconcealed through reception only to bite into it at this specific moment for dramatic effect is not revealed. The two turn to one another and share an ominous smile. The end. Wow. And that... That is amazing. That's a recipe for seduction. It's real and you can watch it. It got 70% on rotten tomatoes and is therefore critically better received than the most recent SpongeBob movie.

Alexandria del Rosario of Deadline said that the film had an unusual casting for an even-odder title, whereas Christine DeZerilla of the Los Angeles Times gave the movie a more favourable review, calling it a tongue-in-cheek take on the Lifetime Romance movie genre and a movie aimed at women who love men who love chicken.

right how do you quantify that don't know who is that don't know but uh there we are that's my thing a recipe for seduction well worth a watch that is spectacular i just looked it up on wikipedia as i was curious when it was filmed um it was shot in october 2020 so in the midst of a pandemic my god it actually was because of the pandemic that's why there were so few extras in it Yeah, and so a cast and crew potentially risked their lives in the midst of a virus to bring you this. Well, maybe they did a sort of little Kentucky fried bubble throughout the whole filming process, in which case. Yeah, a KFP. They can do whatever they like in a KFB. There was just a shockingly low amount of chicken in it, which is, I know he was still working on his recipe, but there was chicken in the intro, and then there was that big chicken munch at the end.

but that was it like it did very little I know it's a joke and honestly the level of acting was porn that was it that's the level of acting you can expect I mean it sounds like a porn movie without any pornography in it yeah pretty much that

yeah but there was just it was almost nothing promoting KFC in it they're on a weird kick lately KFC with their marketing with the games the KFC console the KFC console it's strange I don't know what's going on over there

but I hope they're okay just having fun if you're listening KFC then get in touch yeah again get in touch again again in touch again in fact

yeah wow thank you very much Ben that was beautiful would you like a question this please this one comes from Calcifer at Calcifer

underscore dragon on Twitter if you could make any dumb thing an instant school fad to collect trade and brag about, what would you pick? Oh, that's a good question.

I'm sure most people in their time at school have experienced fads where it was like diabolos, these weird spinny things that we play with, or various trading cards. If you had the chance

to put an object in children's hands and make them go wild over it, what would you choose? I, for me personally, I want to go bricks. Brits. Yeah, just because there must be like a lot of different kinds of bricks out there

like lots of materials different manufacturers different stamps on them I think we just start children raiding building sites and dilapidated houses finding the best shiniest bricks the rarest bricks they can find can you battle them sorry can you battle them with each other bricks let it rip I hadn't considered the battling element but yeah I mean they lend themselves to battles you just You battle bricks from Bandai

You can use the build of fences You can hurl them at each other And I just like the mental image of children Looking along, suitcases full of bricks to school We all know though, Michael You're in the pocket of big brick already Because you've played with bricks as a child quite famously Well, he ended up in a death hole bath

As a result I think of all that Are you, is this secretly a death hole conspiracy? Are you trying to get death hole sales through the room? What's happening here? go on right it's fine just go along with it

all right there's a hefty payout in it for both you right I'll cut this out the podcast and on here

is they're just just you know it's fine it's fine yeah oh man fads I would quite

like to see children at school sort of trading and collecting different kinds of just like completely illegal things that they should not have

so you know it doesn't matter what it knives drugs like blood diamonds um you know ivory just you can have the most illegal thing that's who wins

USB drives filled with login information it does yeah and horse dance dot MP4 That's what I want You got that horse dance, yeah Oh man You got it in MP4

No, I've only got MKV mate No, fuck Oh no Get back to me When you got a real file format Yeah What else did Am I right in thinking

Osama bin Laden Had episodes of Mr Bean On his hard driver Have I made that up? Yeah, I think it was Mr Bean I can't remember which show It was that

Most of the episodes of were on there Was it like the Lanny Tunes Or something? Yeah, Tom and Jerry Yeah, it might have been Tom and Jerry yeah that was the one I might still have it bookmarked

I'll double check for you I've been meaning to go back through that list for so long and just spend like a couple hours just enjoying it's a treasure trove isn't it really is I love that they have to make it available so whoever you know the rights holders whether it's Tom and Jerry or whatever

they're being screwed over by the late Osama bin Laden the late Osama bin Laden yeah oh dear there we go yeah it was tom and jerry you can still download 121 tom and jerry episodes for free

from the CIA 2017 release of the Sam of bin Laden's hard drive that's getting bookmarked do you want me to resend you the link to the hard drive as well Michael would that be helpful oh god yeah just give me it all I want to spend an ungodly amount of time looking through this

I'll send those your way if you find horse dance too let us know oh god we're not ready for that the world isn't ready for horse dance too I'm not going to watch horse dance again to be honest I think I've still got it downloaded I mean you know what do you want to watch do you guys want to watch horse dance

I probably have it in my downloads folder somewhere yeah I don't know I think I might have cleared out my downloads horse dance I haven't got horse dance anymore oh it's all right do you want to listen to the sweet sounds of horse dance I would love I've downloaded it like there it goes

it's so loud oh dearie me it's brilliant I mean it's also I think I said this last time a bit troubling I managed to get the horse

to do that by hitting it a lot which is not nice but let's not let's not think about that right now it's okay let's maybe not play it then it's an incredible dance it's an incredible dance

so yeah you're now I've sort of lost my way here but what I'm remembering is that Peter wants children to exchange and trade files from Asama bin Laden's hard drive yeah amongst other things yeah

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Okay. I think it would be fun for children to get really into capes. Ooh, I like it. And people can trade capes. And it might encourage them to, you know, make their own. I don't know if, if Hasbro is going to start manufacturing capes or something, but maybe that could be a really cool trend.

Everyone starts making their own capes by going to charity shops and buying, clothes from there. Turn them into capes. Oh. Plus, I think it's a confidence booster because who doesn't feel more of a hero than when they're wearing a cape?

Not all heroes wear capes, Mikey, but sure. But I think, come on. You feel pretty fucking good when you got that bit of fabric flapping around on your back. That's true. Actually, not all heroes wear capes, but all people who wear capes are here. Exactly, exactly. Objectively.

I remember going out shopping and coming across a child who was dressed, I think, is Mr. Incredible or something. Not wearing a kid, but I think it gives a similar effect. Like, he was there holding doors for people, you know, doing poses. He was living his best life. So let's give that gift to the children. I agree.

I'm incredible boy. Incredible. Incredible. Incredible. Peter, would you like to do your thing? Thanks, boys, for sharing the latest childhood fans. I can't wait for our future children who are disappointed in us for talking about Nazis to be trading drugs on the same.

school yeah yeah great um we return to weird capetea today and i can't believe that this article has passed me by all this time because there's actually a list of weird Wikipedia articles on Wikipedia there's like a page called like unusual articles and it lists loads of strange ones and i don't think this is on there because i feel like i would have seen it if it was maybe i don't know maybe it is but uh this this blew my mind i saw it on just on my twitter feed no one sent it it to me. It was being shared by someone I follow or something. And it might have been James Jenkins partner, Ben. Oh, Beth. Beth, yeah. It may have been. It might not have been Beth, but it could have been. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. In any case, are you ready to learn

about the sweater curse? Yes, please. The sweater curse or curse of the love sweater is a used by knitters to describe the belief that if a knitter gives a hand-knit sweater to a significant other, it will lead to the recipient breaking up with the knitter. This is like a recognised enough phenomenon that it's got a Wikipedia page. Wow. So here we go. In an alternative formulation, the relationship will end before the sweater is even completed. Oh, what?

Oh my God. The belief is widely discussed in knitting public. and some knitters claim to have experienced it. There were then three citations after that sentence. Of a sample size of three? Yeah. In a 2005 poll, 15% of active knitters

said that they had experienced the sweater curse firsthand, and 41% considered it a possibility that it should be taken seriously. Wait, what? Yeah, apparently. What does it take seriously? Like, what, do the government get in? involved at that point?

Well, I think they mean that, like, I'm a knitter. I've not yet experienced the sweater curse, but I have no intention of knitting a sweater for my significant other because I believe that it could happen. Hello, science. We're going to need you to look into this. Okay. Despite its name, the sweater curse is treated in knitting literature,

not as a superstition governed by paranormal forces, but rather as a real-world pitfall of knitting that has a rational explanation. Several plausible mechanisms for this sweater curse have been proposed, but it has not been studied systematically. I wonder why. Oh, Niterature. Well done, Ben, just posting, quietly posting that excellent pun in our Discord chat one. No, no, thank you.

There's in a small subsection just called Existence, which says the existence of the... Existence. The existence of the phenomenon is anecdotal, and may be related to confirmation bias, i.e. knitters may remember breakups more clearly after giving a hand-knit sweater, which represents a significant investment of money,

typically over $100,000, and effort, 100,000 stitches, as well as time, as much as a year, and romantic imagination, it says it requires to make a sweater. I guess knowing what your partner would like, That's what romantic imagination is. Or not like is the case maybe. Well, yeah, it seems to be. There's then, buckle in, a section called

proposed mechanisms. Oh, okay. And there are one, two, three, four, five, six, seven theories as to how this might happen. Don't worry, they're all one line long. Wow. Although the existence of this effect remains uncertain, it's a common belief amongst the knitting population

and several plausible non-exclu- It's a common belief among the knitting population and several plausible non-exclusive mechanisms for the sweater curse have, oh, I see, that's kind of a weirdly, okay, let's just, I'll read that again. Although the existence of this effect

remains uncertain, it is a common belief amongst the knitting population, and several plausible and non-exclusive mechanisms for the sweater curse have been suggested within knitting periodicals and books. Number one. Unlucky timing. Knitting a sweater takes a long time

and the relationship dies of natural causes during its making. Okay. Number two. Rescue mission. The knitter senses subconsciously that the relationship is about to end and knits a sweater as a dramatic gesture to save it. Oh, I like that. Number three, catalyst for analyzing the relationship.

giving or receiving a significant gift such as a sweater may cause either the giver or receiver to evaluate the relationship for example the gift may seem too intimate, too domestic or too binding to the significant other the word significant other

is hyperlinked there if I want to find out what one of those is what is that? It can be seen as a signal that makes them realise the relationship is not reciprocal prompting them to end the relationship before it involves obligations.

It's too intense. Getting a sweater from someone. You want to get out of there, seemingly. Theory number four. Aversion. The significant other may simply not want to wear anything hand-knit, it says in italics. What?

Imagine that. A hand-knit sweater can also subject them to ridicule, either because the sweater looks bad, i.e. poorly made or unfashionable. or it conveys overly domestic connotations. Oh, no. That's just, no, that's just people being assholes. If I see someone in what looks like a homemade sweatshirt,

I'm like, no, that looks brilliant, I'm glad. Hopefully you're not going to break up soon because of the amount of time and love they poured into that sweater. Your partner made it for you. I'm not going to go, well, that's poorly made or unfashionable or conveys overly domestic connotations. You should break up with your partner. You should.

Theory number five. misdirected attention. The knitter loves their sweater a little too much and pesters the significant other about the sweater, citation. Alternatively, the knitter loves to knit too much and spends too much time with their knitting instead of with the significant other. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Right, number six of seven. Insufficient gratitude. Oh, well, that's it. Okay, that's a killer. The knitter sees the sweater as a significant thing, having chosen the pattern and colour carefully, and having invested hours of labour.

The recipient sees it as just another sweater, and the resulting lack of gratitude leads to tension in the relationship. And finally, theory number seven as to how the sweater curse actually exists and is not paranormal, but is real. New interests, the knitter may have discovered a new aspect of their personality,

previously unexplored, to be of greater interest than the receiver understands. having joined a knitting community, spending all their time reading about and thinking about knitting, potentially being secretive about their new interest in hopes of surprising the recipient, which may manifest itself as reminiscent of adulterous behaviour

or loss of interest in the relationship, thus alienating the soon-to-be recipient. In other words, you're having an affair with your knitting. Wow. This is amazing. It's wild. The article ends with a small section called Avoiding the Curse.

Don't. Don't do it. For many kniters, making a hand-knit gift is an emotional experience, an extended affectionate meditation on the person receiving the gift. A metaphor commonly used by knitters is I knit my love into every stitch

since giving too significant a gift too early in a relationship can evoke apprehension knitters have been advised to match the knitted gift to the stage in the relationship beginning with hats, mittens, scarves or socks before graduating to sweaters. Many knitters also wait until marriage before making a sweater for a significant other.

I can't believe the way this article is written. This is an actual, like, Wikipedia is pretty strict about the way it presents information. And I am so happy that this has been allowed on the website. That surely means this is all 100% verifiable, great writing. It's absolutely packed with citations, this thing. I'm missing out loads of them. There's loads of like two and three citations like next to each other.

The final thought here. Common sense advice to knitters is that they should determine whether the recipient would ever wear a hand knitted sweater citation. knitters have also been advised to involve the significant other in designing the sweater which is hyperlinked to the article sweater design and follow their suggestions even if the knitter objects several books offer practical design advice for avoiding the sweater curse wow I mean in defence of that theory

I've never had a partner knit a sweater for me and well actually I've still experienced a significant deal of heartbreak so maybe that's not there's actually no truth to that at all well also in defense of that theory I had a partner knit a sweater for me and I broke up with them because of the sweater

that's not true this this sweater is a sign of a big commitment that I'm not ready to come in to you goodbye I don't want these overly domestic connotations my friends are going to think that I'm in every stitch disgusting

wash it wash it before you give it to me please so that's that's it that's a real article there I do you know what

I can kind of understand it like definitely there's some points there it's very ridiculous but I can see it's written with such detail and all the different ideas as to how it has like a real you know, like reasoning to it.

It's baffling. If you throw enough spaghetti at the wall, some little stick. So I guess that's what that is, throw enough sweaters at the wall and eventually a partner will leave you. Yeah, exactly. So heed this warning.

Heard this warning. Never knit. Oh, if your partner starts knitting, no, no, don't let. Oh, God, do you stay to. What, do you leave or do you wait? Yeah, what? Oh, do you leave to get away from the impending curse?

Or do you stay to prove it wrong. Let us know if you've had any Sweeter Curse experience in your life. Please, I'd actually love to hear some real, real people. It's got to be real. It's got to be real. Got to be. All right, thank you very much, Peter.

And now we'll never look at knitwear the same ever again. And we have one last question from Freddie and the Fabs at Fab's Band on Twitter. as a child I once saw Dave Benson Phillips during his prime live on stage can't remember much but I remember that voice and something about a Paraganger doll who would you have wanted to see live in their prime oh my God I mean this question mainly drew me in because it's a real life

encounter with Dave Benson Phillips which is magical wait what Yeah, I went to go see, I'm fairly sure I went to go and see Fun Song Factory as a kid with my sister. Oh, my God. I can't remember anything about it, though. I'm not seen Dave Benson Phillips live. I have seen Mark Spate live. No way.

Who sadly is no longer with us. But I went to a Panto and he was the villain in it. And I remember being, I was only like, I don't know, six or seven. And I was really sort of confused that like, The guy who is on the TV is, like, real, and he's on stage. It looks just like that guy off the telly, and I think it is him, but he's, but he's there. How is that possible? He's not in the box.

How's that happened? I don't understand. He's big. Oh, man. But I remember really vividly, actually, seeing that show, and there was, like, this 3D glasses bit where you put on the blue and red 3D glasses, and, like, they had this, like, shadow. It was really well done. I don't really know how they did it, but, uh,

I remember Mark Spate going, please put on your 3D glasses, audience, and then he sort of crept away like an evil baddie. That's great. I've also seen The Chuckle Brothers, too. Yeah. But that was in like a stage show thing. I don't know.

Yeah, I've seen them perform several times. I think I've got back home several signatures as well. Cherish forever. That's so good. Oh, I've never seen them. but who haven't we seen that we would like to see would you have been a bungalow head

oh I would have loved to be a bungalow head oh to be there in the prior god that like that is like if I could go back in time and bend will however I wanted that honestly I think it would be that yeah oh dear but in terms of

who I can't see anymore I really always want like even from being relatively young I want to go see daft punk live that one that's like that's like that's punk wow yeah fucking love daft punk man I just don't expect daft punk to be your answer no I thought we were talking children's entertainers

it's got to be daft punk for me you know I like I like oaky doke I like postman pat but daft punk on balance it's got to be lead zepplin isn't it as good as Dave Benton Phillips is it's got to be Led Zeppelin.

Oh, God, me. Oh, Mikey, I'm sorry about Daph Punk. Yeah, I'm sorry for your loss. It's okay. I just suck. I thought maybe one point in my life

I'll get that chance, but no, they've split up. There'll be a reunion at all. I'll do it. Yeah, they'll need money in about 10 years. Yes, it will happen. I don't know if I've said before

on the podcast, but a girl who I went to school with, her younger brother was in the last ever episode of Dick and Dom in the bungalow. Oh, wow. Whoa! He was one of the first.

the bungalow heads and they all got given the first place prize every kid is like a special special treat what was it if i've said that before uh like a i don't know probably like a a CRT telly with like a VHS slot on it oh god those were so cool i always wanted one oh yes two or something yeah i don't know exactly what it was but those were normally the i think when they got to the end of the show after a few series the prizes did start to get really quite good like a DVD player or something. Game Boy Advance SP. Whoa.

Yeah. Oh, my God. You guys need to slow down. I would have liked to have been in the audience of the late 90s children's television show, SMTV Live. Oh, okay. Did they have an audience? I feel like there was an audience. I think SMTV live did.

I didn't watch much of that, but I think they might have done. Live and kicking did. Let's have a look. Uh, so they used to show episodes of Pokemon and Digimon. Oh, yeah. So, yes, there's kids all over that shot that I'm looking at now of a young Anton Dek. And it had Cat Dili in it. And I remember it being weird and comedic.

They had wonky donkey. And whenever they used to watch episodes of Pokemon, both Ant and deck would wear Pikachu jumpers and they would rub the front. And they would say, Pikachu. Pikachu Like that And that was always very exciting And I would have liked to have been there

Oh my God, that's great So I'm just scrolling through pictures of young Dick and Domna That's good isn't it? The boy band hair Yeah Crossed tips Outside of going on Dick and Domina Bungalow Which would also actually be my answer

But in terms of an original answer I think I would have really liked to go on Get Your Own Back And not just because it's Dave Like, even if it wasn't Dave for some reason that day I just, you know, even as a show, it looked great. I'll tell you what was crap, 50-50.

Oh, 50-50 was shit. Like, the things, like, the inflatable assault courses that they used to have looked pretty good. But, like, first off, you had to hope that your number got called a one in 50 chance that you would get to go. And then you would,

you'd get to do, like, one lap. And then it was like a relay and, like, someone else had to go on it. And you, you know, I bet you had to sit around for ages as well while they inflated every single one, like, round after round. And then there was like the trivia bit where they asked you questions and you let your school down by getting it wrong. And, oh, my God.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of pressure, to be honest, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, not interested. Terrible. Screw 50-50. 50. 50 was so disappointing when that was on it. It looked like it should be fun to watch.

And then it wasn't every time. Yeah. It's awful. Oh, there they are with their Pikachu's. Yeah, and the hats. Petachoo. Bucket hats. Oh, what a time.

There was a show that I used to have this, like, memory in my head that I thought was a bit of a false memory. So you guys remember Fun House, right? Or you're aware of it. Yeah. Like Pat Sharp used to present it. But I had this memory in my head of these kids, like, in a sort of... It was like a Doll's House stage. Like, it was a house with, like, the front...

off it and there was a studio audience watching this house and they would like run around the house they have to like tear the room apart like make a real mess and like you know throw stuff off the shelves and stuff to like find stuff and it's a real program it was presented by Neil Buchanan

when he wasn't doing art attack it was called I think it was called finders keepers and he would like ask you a little question you'd be in like the bedroom or whatever and you'd have to get the answer to the question and then like you know pull the duvet off the bed and like pull all the

books out of the bookshelf and try and find like the answer to the question you know and uh that was the game basically just you've got like a whole house to just completely trash wow i'd love that yeah it's super fun i would have loved to go on that yeah and you'd meet neel bcanon yes so yes it's a greatest treat well i think have we done it is that the questions we've done it that's all the questions for those questions for those questions Thank you, Michael. And thank you everyone at home for listening. I hope you enjoyed it. We're available. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiates official.

Or also Church.tv.tv.tv. TV, forward slash vidiot's official. I'm not streaming there so much these days. Mikey, I believe there's some merch, question mark. Oh, you're absolutely right. If you head over to store.jogscast.com, you'll find a lovely selection of merch from all different kinds of YouTubers. but if you dig a little deeper and you find a section labeled Vidiots, you'll find a wonderful bounty of Vidiots-themed merch.

We got T-shirts, we got mugs, we got everything you ever need right in one place. And the best bit, if you use code Vidiots at checkout, you will get 10% of absolutely everything. Everything. Fuck off, really? On everything on that goddamn website. So go have a look and if anything tickles your fancy

get 10% off with code videos if you'd like to support us directly directly you can also go to streamlabs.com forward slash potty it's donations donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning

and the end of the show here excuse me is your pod squad for this week Avogadro toast 11 Huey Lewis and the Pubes Yamar sells Avon

Cheggers-Haw-Fuckers-Magrall A little bit of Monika who was very generous, thank you Dick My Checo Spread Cheeks slap balls Jason Alombi Lego My Chego Always an Adventure podcast

Who's generous, thank you very much Lord Brottovich Biff and Chip Kink Ben Your Cheggers out RIP Stephen Skodes Katie Kinsolo Cheggis Stoke Vakia

Mikey's first fart Michael Fox hates dogs the CG Chegma Specky Becky and Donna C.O.7 Also, Dick Mayan Marchinko

Goey Bug Spittoon Chav Chavramarez Michael Cheggson Kari is a tiny bitch cat Sprocket the goddamn cat Emily Lemmons Danny DeVito has seen

Ben Nude Awesome Fox 42 Royal Hodgson Oprah interview, pro-trainer, NAD, Kermit Teapog, Chewy Bollocks, Just Keep Swimming Ash, the very generous Kevin from Con, Prince Beefcakes, Saturday Night Finn Tristam, Alan Claw, Michael Will You Marry me, DBP and Jugson Walk into a bar, and Ben's big blonde bum hairs. Neil Bue, Canada, thank you for the generous donation, Oliver, a boy who surely exists,

Nazi-occupied Chega Slovakia, check me harder, dad, Barbatuna, Babylonie. Yes. Stephen Sealand. Plastic cheese has no rights. Quadruple jump. Mercenary. Mercenary Cheggastitute.

Robococ 3 Beyond Thundercock. Robococ 2. Cock Warriors. Mr. Macca. Chegas elap dancia. Pistonia. Check your souvlakia. Billy Ray Cypress.

Pantsalot. We Scots Cool Hugs. McSnuggies. The extremely obsessively. Thirdly generous, Huelsonberg slash will. And finally, name deducted from your paycheck. Thank you, everyone. That's your pod squad. Thank you.

Thank you. Streamlabs.com, forward slash polyates donation. Three pound. Donations, sorry, with an S on the end, donate three pounds or more to get a shout out. Now, I had a little idea for something we can do here at the end. Oh, what? It's been six days. It's been three years since Vidyat's happened.

And I thought each poddiots, it might be nice to have a look at what came out on the channel this week. Oh, that's a good idea. I like that. I love that. So, I know it's Fortnite. It's a Fortnite between shows, but we're just going to look at, I've now realized that, but we're just going to look at what's coming out this week, this seven-day period, on the channel. So, you can expect Skyrim Zoo Chapter 4 horsing around. Oh. Worst games ever, London Racer. memory cards for March the 26th

Five irrefutable ways Microtransactions will get your parents back together That's a list And post some tap episode six What Have You Done? Only episode six Wow A lot of episodes to go

There we are if you want to watch along with Vidyat's sort of live Every week We will now, when we remember run down what the featured videos are in that particular week. Go to those videos and put in the comments. Poddiet sent me.

Yes. Peter Ben and Mikey sent me. This channel send me. Oh, God. Excellent. Oh, that's good. I like that. Mikey, where can people find you?

At Paraboy on Twitter and on Twitch. I stream on occasion, but best place to follow me is on Twitter where I pose gubbins and fun things. Go have a look. And Peter, where can people find us? We are also on Twitter. Ben is confused underscore dude.

And I am that Peter Austin. I'm also on Instagram at that handle too. But together we are at Team Triple Jump, not just on Twitter and Facebook, but more importantly, over on YouTube and Twitch, where we do streams and we do videos. And, you know, worst games ever is still happening over there. It's been a long time since London Racer.

But we're still going strong and maybe one day we'll play Autobahn Racer 2 or whatever There were a lot of games I don't know which ones we have and haven't played Maybe we will

Who knows Finally leave us an iTunes review Or a review Jesus Christ Or a review slash rating of new on We're nearly there We're nearly there This is the last level

You can do it Leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating On your platform of choice It helps something to do With Al Gore's rhythms Thank you boys Do we have a final question

before we fuck off Can I go to sleep now? Yes Oh We're in a pickle The audience will have to decide Thanks so much for listening everybody

We'll see you again in a couple of weeks' time Look after yourselves Bye Bye Thank you.