Podiots - Podiots: Episode 75 - The Good Episode

Episode Date: April 6, 2021

Peter's got us playing an international kids show guessing game, Mikey's diving into some space logs and Ben's snacking on a forgotten rotten bottom fruit Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump   Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Maybe it's Mabelaine is such an iconic piece of music. Hit the track. Everyone in the studio that I worked on this jingle with all had like childhood stories or memories around either watching these commercials on TV or sitting with our moms while they were doing their makeup and it became really personal for us. It's Maple Lane Maybe it's Maple Lane

Good Is it afternoon or evening? What is 6pm? Is it just like the weird twilight? Evening. It's evening, surely, right? But it might not be For the people listening to this podcast.

Oh! Just say good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Yeah. Have it good, everybody.

Good. Good. You boys are right. How are you doing? Yeah, good. Yeah. Good. Good. Good. How are you doing? Good. Good. Good to hear it. Mikey? Yeah. Good. Oh, good. Good. Good than good. I'm good. Good. Good. Good. It's great. Great. Oh, no. Oh, God. No, I shouldn't have said that. What? I said the other G word. I'm so sorry. What? Goat? Great. Oh, you dick. Now we've got to start again. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I tried. I'm going to be. sick I'm

gooding to be sick I'm going to be sick Hello everybody and welcome to poddiet's the official Vidyat's podcast It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us

where everybody brings a thing along to talk about I'm Ben I'm Peter and I'm I'm good. Oh. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm good. We'll stop this now. We don't want this to be the good episode. We don't do good episodes here, do we? No. How many members of Pod Squad will be called good next time? That's what I would like to know. Oh, no.

That's another tidal wave. Just, just a straight flush of goods. I can't remember if we sort of gave a call to arms for this week's one. I don't think we did. Okay. Good. Good. Yeah, exactly.

Good. We actually missed it, but this podcast is three years old now. Oh, wow. Oh, is it actually? Wow. Happy birthday, everyone. We're beginning of March. Oh, really? Oh, my God. That's a horrifying thought. Well done us. Well done the people listening. That's an impressive stint. Some people have listened to all of them. And some people more than once. Yeah, on like six-hour journeys across America and stuff, which is just irresponsible. I don't know why you would do. Don't go to America. even if you're in America. Get out. Irresponsible. Just stay indoors. Claim your home as not America.

It's your own land. You'll be safe there, we promise. Absolutely. If you'd like to support us, however, to keep doing this for another three... Can you imagine another three years? Another three years. Jesus.

Well, if you'd like to push us in that direction, you can actually support us financially. I don't know if you could do that. I don't know if you... Sorry, I don't know if you knew that you could do that. I don't know if you can do that. Well, you actually can. it turns out by going to streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations donate three pounds or more

and you'll join pod squad you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show mikey is kicking us off for the first group today hello stand to attention plumpy platoon plumpy i did it again the pumpy did it i'm oh god it just rolls off the tongue though doesn't it it does la plla we start with put the boat back please the generous the ghost of german robot lady who says, and get ready for some intense butchering, here is etoas, geld, Peter do bist sir gross. Thank you. Is that all right?

What does that mean? It's pretty good, yeah. I think here is some money. Peter, you are big, very big. Oh, very tall. Nice. I think that's the least German way words have ever been spoken. Here is et was.

Etwas. Etwas. Etwas. Etwas, geld. Kevin, from Con. Tiny Peter killed my horsey. Mr. Ratburn's bum bum R.G.W. Dick and Dominican Republic.

Dave Benson, Philippines. Always an adventure podcast. To kill a mocking minge. Good. Alan Claw. Lau. Dabadi. Chav Jav Mierrez.

Emily Lemons. Mr. Chegwin. Bring me a Cheg. RIP. pro-trainer Peter Peter penis-eater And lastly

Oh God No, never make those sounds again Oh God Mr Black Mr Blak Mr Blak Mr Blak The Tiny Troop

This Week this week Is or Fortnite Is filled with Cares of Galifrey Flouffer Roths Stephen Skoders Lord Brottovich Orgy fan

Bobby Grabababobie Dave does stuff for shows Chegg Specter Petronum Cheggas can't be boozers Chegg fried rice Chegg winner takes it all Cheggaddy Chegg yourself

Don a C-O-7 The absolute boy Hodgson Michael why won't you marry me Oh is that from Claudia Oh it's complicated I'm sorry we'll talk about this later Don 8 in Camel Case silly willy oh donate there's a number eight

very cool donate in camel case silly willie uh they're very generous crimson dragonfly thank you very much crimson dragonfly says thanks for the laughs boyos platonic exoXo oh thank you thank you

dick and dominoes that gives you dick and diarrhea in the morning and Neil Costa Rica we also have just keep swimming ash Jason Allen be the normal one Mr. Macca, Mikey's refreshing colon, cola.

Should we know what that is? I have absolutely no idea. I'll write, I don't, yeah, it just sounds like something I'd say, so we'll go with it. Sure, yeah. Oliver, the extant child, Chex-Mix, salt fart, ye whore, Billy Garibaldi, Cadbury's mini Cheggs. There's a lot of Chegs this week. Quintuple Jump.

The very generous Willie Ray Walrus, who says, just want to thank you once again for helping during tough times at time of writing I'm fresh out of hospital after having kidney stones and my appendix removed listening to the pod

is helping me get through this despite laughter being painful Willeth Willeth Thank you Will I hope you doing okay Yeah I feel better soon Queef Smegwin I am not reading that

is the next one Chegg Here's his Sackier Very esoteric Wow My goodness. Big Titty Jesus 42, who was very generous and said, lads, Twitch has indefinitely suspended me because my name has a titty in it. Are you fucking kidding me? What kind of horse shit is this? I have never had one person dislike it. Everyone always loves it. Those shits are cow fuckers. Have a good day, boys. Wow. Wow. Well, this is it. That's boycott Twitch. Titch. We've also got Bosnia Babylonie. T.P. Eats a Butterfinger

and Donkey Sexy Boy O'W. That is your Pod Squad for this week. Thank you everyone for being so generous. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations 3 pounds or more to join Pod Squad. Mikey. I come not with a question from the audience but with a thing from the audience.

We're changing format today. What? This is, everybody brings a thing, right? Everybody brings a thing along, right? Do we need to change the intro then? Because we've got to stop this from happening again. Where us three in particular, no one else brings a thing along. How dare you?

Where the three of us bring a thing. This is a little cheeky number that comes from Dan. At Dan Tribe Music on Twitter. And he says, What do you cool dudes think of my attempted Cheggislovakian national anthem? Oh, my God, it's happened. Oh, Jesus Christ. I've listened to it.

It's an absolute nightmare, which I think is appropriate. Would you like to hear it live? Yes. I really would. Okay, let's do it. I'm just going to press play it and hope this works. Okay. It's me, Cheggers.

Oh, God. What's sake. We have some great fun today. Why? horrifying. I'm not sure... My lord. I'm not sure how much

Discord let you hear there, but... It broke up a bit. Did it start off by... How did it start? Let's try again. Oh, fuck, it did... Menacing laughter in a higher. Higher!

He's a higher. That's what the enemies of Chega Slovakia here roaring over the hills of Chega Slovakia. So did we all have to be stood up and saluting during that? You weren't? But instead of putting your hand over your chest, over your heart,

you have to, like, hide your naked genitalia because you're in the jungle right now. Oh, wow, maybe naked jungle is actually Czechoslovakia then. That's the nation. That's the nation of Czechoslovakia. Oh, God. Cheggis' jungle. Hmm.

There was actually a question there, though, in that that person asked us what we think of their thing. So it was a question. There we go. Yeah. It's allowed. So it's okay this time, okay? And I thought it was perfectly horrifying.

Hey! Yeah. I think if Chega Slovakia were real, that wouldn't be far off. Yeah. Oh yeah, no. I think this was slowly, I mean, at what point does a nation become real? I mean, probably owning land is one of the requisites. But I think once you've got like, what, we've got a nation of people with Chega Slovakian names, we've got an anthem.

We just need a man. manifesto next and then we're on the road. The interesting thing about that national anthem is that in our national anthem in Britain we specifically say like God save the queen, you know, essentially long may she live, I hope she doesn't

die and in that one, ironically, Keith Chegwin is already dead. Yeah. Well, he's a cult of personality now, isn't he? He's larger than life. Oh wow, yeah. Everyone salutes him. I am picturing it now an international

friendly in football between England and Cheg of Slovakia you've got all the players lined up on the pitch you start off from a boring national anthem you get that one done and then it just it pans across there are players with tears in their eyes

no clothes on hands over their bellics and remind us again Mikey what is it that's echoing around the arena the horrible scream just it's just higher it's me Shiggis! Fuck.

Yeah, it's good. Horrify. I think that's a sign of a successful war chant is when it instills fear in the opposition. You'd run. Yeah, absolutely. You would run away. You're not sticking around to see who's the source of that sound.

You're getting there. And it's hell out of there. It's very easy to learn as well, because it's just da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-over and over again. I don't think it did anything else, which is perfect. Peter, he did so much more than that. It moved a nation. Thank you.

Chegg Specto Petronum coming up the wing, crosses it into Cheggers can't be boozers. Chek Veroys. Oh, Chegwina takes it all with the amazing overhead kick. And that is liquid football. That is liquid football. That is liquid football.

Amazing. Would you like another question or would you like to strut straight into a thing? Hmm. How many questions we got? Oh. Oh, let's go thingy. Let's be thingy boys.

Anybody dying to go. first? I don't mind doing mine first. Yeah. Take the wheel, Pete's. Pete's, peeps. So this was harder to put together than I expected, but I have been thinking this week in particular that, you know, we're sort of, we're connoisseurs of British children's

television here at Podiat slash Vidiates. We talk about Dick and Dom, Mr. Blobby. I mean, Keith Cheggwin also counts. He did his fair stint in Kids TV. Talk about all sorts. things. Mone of the Vampire and Chuckel Brothers and so on and so forth. What we don't talk about very much or what worries me is that there are, we've got an international audience who are going to have no idea what we're talking about here with a lot of these things. So that made me

think, well, why don't I have a look on the internet at some of the weirder kids TV shows that the world and history has to offer us? And then I thought what I could do is bring along some real ones, some fake ones or all of one and not any of the other, as is often the rule in these games that we play, and you would have to guess which ones are real and fake. As it turns out,

it's actually quite difficult to find ones that are podcast-friendly. There are loads and loads that if we were still doing this in some sort of visual form on the video's YouTube channel, I know it obviously gets uploaded as a video, but if we were sitting in the studio

or something back in those days, We could show scary clips and stuff of horrifying puppets and all sorts of weird things. But in terms of ones that just work well as a description on a podcast, not so many. So I've got four here for you that may or may not be real. I make no guarantees as to how many of each there are. So I'm just going to read them to you. And I want you to have a guess which ones are real and which ones are fake. Yes, please.

Okay, dokey. Right. This one's from, allegedly, from the USA, if you believe me. Presented in stomach turning, or stomach churning, live action, a yoga expert called Yogi Okie Dokey is a man in his late 50s who invites children to come to his farm to perform yoga with him dressed in leotards. Ah, great. Yeah, he's joined by Rasta Rooster, a man in a very low-budget chicken costume who is almost certainly a white American going off the fact that he speaks

in the worst and most tasteless, vaguely Caribbean accent I've ever heard in my life. Oh, no. With its title derived from the children's song, Old MacDonald, head to eBay to be the next proud owner of a VHS copy of EIEI-E-I-Y-Y yoga. Oh, no. No. No. or no

I will assure you just in case you're trying to read into it in any way that all of these whether they're real or fake have been written up

by me so don't take any if you think well that's not been copied from the internet no it's not okay

right so that's the first one number two set in a nursery school after the children go home at the end of the day bad jelly the witch

bad jelly just being a single word bad and jelly mashed together, Bad Jelly the Witch features the titular character Bad Jelly, emerging from the broom cupboard and bringing to life various small toys including

coal sack, a plushy black cat, a family of different coloured bean bags, all with huge unblinking eyes, a wooden horse with wheels called Troy and a woollen monkey by the name of Spencer. In every episode, the gang spend the night

tidying up the nursery and learning new words as they go. The programme ends with the sunrise song, in which an absolutely horrifying sun, aka piece of yellow spandex stretched over a hula hoop with a human man's face poking through a tight hole,

asks about the words of the day, and everyone sings them back to him, even though the random assortment of vocab does not fit with the rhyming scheme of the first half of the song. Okay, that's the second one. That's beautiful.

And if real, I will tell you that one is from the UK, but from history. Okay. From history, which is why I brought it along. So this was supposed to be international weird shows, and then I found it difficult to find any good ones that are podcast-friendly. So if that one is real, it's because I picked a UK one, but it's just an old one that you might not have heard of, if you see what I mean.

Gotcha. Number three, in the show known as Crux, Friends, parents or teachers of a child in primary school would secretly approach the production company to tell them about rumours of a crush the kid has on a classmate. The crew then turn up at the school, call all the children into the assembly hall and make the chosen kid compete in challenges along with their friends and teachers to win a luxury date with their crush. Medics are presumably on hand at all time in case the kid literally passes out with the kids. embarrassment. That's a crush. Yeah, that's an absolute nightmare, isn't it?

You imagine. And the final one, this is from Japan. Shima Shima Tora no Shimajiro, roughly translating to striped island tiger Shimajiro, is an anime aimed at very young children. Shimajiro, a young anthropomorphic tiger, learns various life skills with the guidance of his parents and sister Hannah. One such episode revolves around him learning to poo in the toilet

all by himself. Good, good stuff to know. The whole family sing a song together with the toilet itself joining in, his smiling face seemingly at peace with the fact that he will be the receptacle of the Tiger Boys' first independent bowel movement. We then cut to Shimajiro's intestinal tract

where the poo itself is also singing along, smiling from poo ear to poo. Poohia before being deposited into the living, into the water of the living toilet. Shimajiro is unable to complete the entire exercise independently, though, as the whole sequence is punctuated by an unnecessary shot of his dad wiping his bottom for him. Oh, that's nice of his dad.

Yeah, it is nice of his dad, yeah. I should have said that the Crush one, again, if it is real, is an international format shown in more than one. nation. So there you go. That's the four. I'll go through them just by name again now.

EIEI Yoga, the barnyard very creepy yoga game show. Bad Jelly, the Witch, the witch who brings toys to life, learns words and sings them

to the sun. Crush, the international smash hit where kids get embarrassed in their school. And Shima Shima Matura no Shimajiro, or a kid learns various lessons, including how to poo. So, what do you think of EIEI yoga?

It seems almost so mundane in comparison to the others. That kind of inherently thrusts it into the world of reality, doesn't it? It's just like, I could see that it's weird, but it feels like classic filler TV that be on, like, kids TV at like, what, 11 a.m. Let's get this old guy and to do some yoga for the kids. What country did you say it was from America? America. It was, well, I mean, I shouldn't say,

because that might give away whether it's real or not. I don't know. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah. I don't know, using what limited logic I have here, I don't know if Peter Austin would feel particularly comfortable making up a fictitious, racially insensitive chicken mat. True.

Rast a rooster. Yes, a rooster. A creepy 50-year-old who is helping children with their downward dog. Precisely. I don't know how. I mean, perhaps we're about to learn something about your capability to lie. But I'm going to say that this one is. is real. Yeah, I'm going to lean towards real as well.

Yogi Oki Dokey is my name. A healthy mind and body is my name. I live out on a farm. Do yoga in a barn. I'm looser than a goose out in the rain. Oh, wow. It's horrible. It's real. Oh, it is real. I thought it is real. And here's the fake theme song. That is the, that's the theme song there. Um, I think for legal reasons, we should say, that this man did not. Holy fucking, what is that? Have you found it? There he is. That's him.

I just searched it because I wanted to see this in action. So he doesn't even wear a costume. He's just wearing clothes. He's in a t-shirt and jeans. All the kids are in spandex. And Rasta rooster is just makes me uncomfortable. But this guy was actually, so this clip sort of came to light or resurfaced thanks to you.

Are you aware of everything is terrible? Oh, big fan. seen them live. I thought you might have done, Mikey. Ben, if you don't know, or for listeners who don't know, the YouTube content of everything is terrible. I didn't know they did live shows. Oh, it's spectacular.

Is the kind of unearth, I think typically VHS stuff, but maybe not necessarily VHS, just of stuff like this, just where you watch it and you're like, what on earth? It doesn't have to be creepy, but it just makes you think like, this is the stoke-on trend of visual media, you know?

It's just awful, should remain in the bottom of a bin kind of thing. So they brought this clip to light, and there was a bit of a legal issue in that there was sort of, you know, the discussion around the clip was that he was some sort of predator. So it should be said, this man is not a predator. I think we can say that it looks a bit weird, and it's not. not something that I don't think anyone would really approve nowadays as a concept. But hey, look, he's just a yoga instructor and he's got this really strange sidekick. And that's okay.

And that's okay. Yeah. Is it better or worse that he's wearing literally a blue polo shirt and jeans or would be worse if he was wearing the spandex? Yeah, maybe that would be worse, actually. I think it makes me more comfortable that he's in regular. person clothes. I'm going to stop posting pictures of him now.

Oh, yeah, no, that's a bad one. Yeah, that sort of tells you everything you need to know. It's pretty incriminating there. Hey, it's getting kids exercise, okay? It's fine. It is. Yeah. Yeah.

Right, let's move on to bad jelly the witch. Brings toys to life, cleans up the nursery, teaches them words. I like this one because it was like what the toys include beanbags, rocking horse, and sack of cool. well that was just the name of the cat sorry to disappoint oh i thought i also thought it was just a sack of coal oh yeah no toys including coal sack comma a plushy cat ah there we're not a horrible name for a cat yeah got me a call sack we call them sack for sure oh i i i'd some again that's something i could i could see that is it's like it's you know it's a good educational show and stills a good message

tidying up after a day of school. Yeah. What do you think, Ben? Hmm. I'm struggling with this one. Yeah, I'm trying to visualize it. Yeah, this one doesn't seem, this one seems a bit more or a bit less out there. Right.

Even though it's got a silly name. If they're not all real, I would wager that this one was fake. Okay. Yeah, I think I agree. Yeah. Right. This one is fake. For the most part.

I, uh... There is a cat called shitbag. Yeah. I, uh, I had a vague idea for the show just to, uh, as one of the fake ones, plural or not plural. Um, but I wasn't really sure what to call it. Because everything I came up with in my head sounded just like I'd made it up. there and then so there is a show or there was a show called Bad Jelly the Witch it was I think it was a handwritten story an illustrated story sorry by Spike

Milligan which was then turned into a TV adaptation but it had nothing to do with anything that I just said and everything else is made up so very good very good we go there's two left okay crush where kids Get dragged to the front of assembly and get told, you fancy, you know, gym. There were no gyms at my school. That's not a child's name, is it? That's the janitor, isn't it? Yeah, isn't it?

But yeah, you fancy Sarah. There were like six Sarah's in my primary school. Oh, God, Sarah's everyone. And then they have to compete in various challenges. and win a quote, luxury date, according to my write-up. This show sounds like it should be illegal. Right. I don't believe this should be allowed.

If it's real, it's not right. Yeah. It's not right. It's just not right. When you started describing it, I thought, he's describing 50-50. Yeah. And then it was, yeah, but then you have a very awkward date at the end. Instead of winning a computer for your school.

you, a child of under 11 years old, or under 10, I think it is, primary school, you have to go on a date. Oh, fuck. I think this is real, tragically. Yeah, I'm quite enjoying the mental picture of this. This is something I'd definitely like hunt down on YouTube to watch. I just, like, the dates at the end of the show must be great. Like, oh, you've won a day trip to the local theme park. And it's like a montage of them on the waltzer and the sit-down.

on a bench and there's like a pack of sweets there filled with love hearts and oh yeah you can just imagine it's all sickly so i think because of how vivid is in my head and how deeply i want to watch an episode of this i'm going to say it's real this is real yes oh no it's yeah i know it's um so the the version i described was the uk version of it um although it was also available in the States and I think elsewhere as well, whether it was completely consistent across all versions I don't know. But it's very hard to find on the internet this show. I could find references to it, but not many descriptions of it.

And it's actually sort of from our time. It was presented by Barney Harwood. Oh, him. Him. And it inexplicably is not on YouTube at all, apart from one clip of Barney getting pied in the face. Yes, gets custard pied on crush on CBBC. I've just found this still. And the only thing I could describe in terms of, find in terms of describing the dates,

was an article that said, Group of six local children win date to the theatre on CBBC's crush. So it wasn't even a date with just you and your crush. It was like, it was a group. Oh, wow. I think it would be a bit creepy. Oh, definitely. I'm not saying it should have been that, but like...

They lied. Yeah. Yeah, definitely. It's bizarre, because usually you can Google kids' TV shows, and there is some kind of archive of them, but with this, it's like one or two pictures, it's bizarre. It's a BBC one primetime kid show.

Yeah, if you Google it, the only real references you get to it are that one YouTube clip, the article that I mentioned on, like, page three of Google, and a bunch of old dead eyeplayer pages that say this program is no longer available. And when you search for it, the main thing that comes up is the Candy Crush TV show, which apparently ran from 2017 and was cancelled,

not long after, the host of which was Mario Colonel Sanders Lopez. Oh, no way. Oh, wow. Yeah. Look at that. God. He's everywhere.

That boy's got a future. He's going to do okay, I think. Yeah. Which brings us to the final show, which may or may not be real or partially or whatever. It's the anime tiger who does a poo into a toilet with a face. His poo has a face and his dad wipes his bottom. That's real. You didn't write that.

You wouldn't write that. that's yeah that's yeah gotta get into the mind of Peter Ross and I don't think you'd go into that much yeah yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna concur it and say it's real you're both absolutely right you're all you're both four for four well done team very proud I couldn't believe how difficult it was to to come up with results on weird shows or I guess all the ones that did come up would be ones that you were well aware of

as well like the demon headmaster came up which I guess is actually quite a weird show if you described that to someone who had never heard of it yeah so that was it was tricky to put together than I thought and we had like half an hour to go before we were recording so it's like well okay here we go what's the name of that Japanese show again shema she I'll copy it yes please I want to see the poo oh I'm oh no I found a thing on YouTube I just pump it in there this must be a party training cartoon this is it wait no I've seen this

what the fuck oh my god it ends in a live action segment what the fuck there's the poo a live action segment what the fuck oh Jesus oh wow okay

yeah oh it's it's an actual product you can buy oh it's got tie in merch that's why it's got the live action yeah there's the poo it's like a little peanut Yeah.

Wait, the law behind this is immense. It's not going to look at this anymore. I'm just going to go back to the safe cartoon. Oh, wow. So I'll just describe this for people at home. It is a bunch of very cutesy-looking family of tigers, cheaters, something like that. Tigers, I think they're supposed to be, yeah. Yeah, and wow, a very, very anime-looking toilet seat.

And, yeah, a dancing poo, which looks adequately like a peanut. Good, it's got it all. It's the full package. I love it. Yeah. Oh, God, the baby at the end, he's clenching and he's making noises. Oh, stop it. Yeah. For the benefit of those at home, and it's not really a benefit, there is, after the cartoon, it cuts to live action child,

really, really clenching on the toilet, and there's some sort of tie-in, what's the tiger called again, Shimajiro a wall-mounted toy thing that I'm assuming says great job pooping or something Do a squeeze

Don't forget to flush Yeah You've given yourself a hernia Call dad I want it now I want to see if these are on eBay I'll do that afterwards No you don't

Oh I'm doing it It will only be second-hand ones available Oh yeah that's Yeah And out Yeah Oh, it's not good. Poo particles everywhere.

Great. Jesus Christ. Thank you, Peter. You're welcome. And if anyone has a weird show at home from their nation of origin, please do let me know on social media because, God, it's hard to Google. Yes, please.

I'd love to see some clips from other weird kids TV shows. Yeah. The visual ones, there's plenty more of those with horrifying masks and stuff. But, yeah, wonderful. Lovely, would you boys like another question? Yeah, yeah, good, good. This one is from Tommy the Whank Engine at Trigleyceride Tea. And he says, here's the deal.

You are given a million dollars every year. However, at the end of every month, an animal randomly appears and tries to kill you. It could be a rabbit, could be a bear. Do you accept this deal? No. Really? Yeah, just no. Why would I want that?

It's a lot of money, though. The knowing that there's going to be some wild animal that wants to kill me, bearing in mind that I don't venture into the wild, I don't step to their neighborhood very often, right? I know, it's going to appear in your lounge, for sure. Yeah, well, that's it. Like, I just sort of want to exist, stay in my lane, moisturized, flourish. You know, I don't, I don't, I'm not going into the woods and throwing, you know, throwing rocks at deer or whatever. The idea of knowing every month, something could just be in my flat trying to hurt me.

It's not, it's not a way I want to live. No, yeah, I was blinded by the money, I guess. That's the other side of it. I mean, I guess what, I guess, I guess it's all about the terms of this, because Triggily Sarat has said, at the end, end of every month. So is it a specific day, like, this day is animal day, get ready, or is it just like, at some point towards the end of month, get ready,

it's going to happen? And like, do you have to do you have to defeat that animal and like, will they gradually stack if you don't, or are they just there for like 24 hours? Is it like, if you survive a day you're fine, or you know, if there's like, say it's like not super dangerous, but hard to kill.

So there's like a really, really big pig in your in your house and you can't kill it and it's constantly just biting you and being annoying or you've shut it in your bathroom and then a month rolls round and not only do you now have a pig in your bathroom that you can't bring yourself to execute but then you know a horse turns up uh or a tiger I'm picturing like when the animal appears it's got a look in its eyes that it won't stop until you're dead or it's dead so yeah you could lock it away but that's not going to fix

the problem you have as far as I'm concerned to you have excuse me three options one you slowly over the course of several years open the most violent petting zoo ever you use some of that money to train yourself in self-defense and just kill these things as they come but you will die young because you're going to get old

and you're going to get less capable of defending yourself so you will not live a full life alternatively well this might be what you're about to say You could, with a million, what is it, a million pounds a month? A million dollars a month. A year. Oh, a year.

Okay. Well, that's not, I mean, you could still do what I'm going to say, but it would eat into your thing quite badly. But you could hire a team of like, expert marksman. Number three, hire some, hire a defense force. But they will have to be with you every hour of every day. You will have no privacy. And you will just have to, you will just have to exist surrounding. by bodyguards

that are very good at killing big very big pigs and that would be terrible only if it comes randomly on a random day I know it said randomly I assumed it just meant random animal It's the 30th of the month

What's going to show up today? You could just go and hide in your cell for 24 hours and let the team execute the animal but yeah if it could be any day of the month then you're right that's no way to live. I wouldn't do it. And that's assuming, of course, that it doesn't just teleport into your immediate vicinity. Yeah. Whatever room you're in. If you live in a block of flats and you just look out the window and there's like a deer pouring at the front door and it's like, okay, I know what I'm, I know what I'm dealing with today.

I can deal with this, yeah. Yeah. That just reminded me of an old meme that went around a little while ago, like 30, 50 feral hogs and now I'm thinking maybe this person, maybe this person is actually. accepted this deal and now they've just been racking of hogs for context the tweet reads legit question for rural Americans how do I kill the 30 to 50 feral hogs that run into my yard within three to five minutes while my small kids play I just I remember I've completely forgotten about that tweet but I remember it at the time and just the image of the kids go out into the yard and within five minutes potentially even three minutes up to 50 feral hogs arrive Where are they? Are they just waiting in the wings?

I can smell the children and yeah. Yeah. Maybe this guy's getting a million a year. Okay, I'm through thinking it now. Yeah, I think I'd rather live a life of peace and not much money rather than money. But my God, I just, I think my nightmares would be filled with pictures of gibbons running towards me. Yeah. You don't want the monkeys coming after you.

I just googled animals to get like. a gauge of what I'd be up against and monkeys that freak me out, they're scary. They're really bad. Have you heard that? I mean, this is pretty dark, but have you heard that 9-1-1 call of the woman who's phoned because like her chimp, I think,

has pulled her friend's face off. No, no, I have not listened to that. Yeah. Oh, it's horrible. I heard it on a world, it wasn't world's most amazing videos, but it was something, it was like when something goes bad.

Channel 5 at the middle of the night. It would be Channel 5, wouldn't it? Yeah. Shit, we can't air during the day. Yeah. Yeah, okay, I think that's unanimous, isn't it? Is it a no from everyone? Definitely.

It's going to be a no from me. Yeah, fair. I'm going to say no, then. Yeah. Sorry, you can keep you a million. Yeah. I'm happy to present my thing, if you would like. Do it.

Please do. So usually when I'm looking for a thing for potty, it's I'll just Google whatever weird terms come up or like trying to think about weird things I've read about in the past to see what comes up. And I came across an audio transcript from the Apollo 10 space mission, which I found extremely inspiring. So this is a legitimate transcript of an actual recording of what astronauts were saying while they were literally in space. I'm going to read it out for you, line for line. Okay. Oh, who did it? Who did what?

What? Who did it? Laughter. Where did that come from? Give me a napkin quick. There's a turd floating through the air. Oh, God's sake. I didn't do it.

It ain't one of mine. I don't think it's one of mine either. Mine was a little more sticky than that. Throw it away. And the last line, which I think sums up perfectly is God Almighty. You still have a problem. How does that happen? How does that happen?

Well, here's the thing. Well, I mean, there's more lines to this. So this was the first encounter than just 10 minutes later. So this interrupts a casual conversation between the astronauts. They said on 1-35, they told us that, oh, here's another goddamn turd. What's the matter with you guys? Here, give me a, and everyone else breaks out and laughter.

Well, babe, if it was me, I sure would know. I was shitting on the floor. floor. It was just floating around. Yes. Laughter. Mine was stickier than that. Oh, stop saying that. Jesus. It sounds like that episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, where someone's pooed in the bed and they're trying to work out who it is. Yeah. It's exactly like that, except in space. In space, and it floats around. Absolutely horrifying. So yeah, this happened 1969, and to this day, not a single, nice, very nice, not a single astronaut aboard that show.

owned up to the log. You wouldn't, would you? Imagine going into space and you'd be remembered for the guy who, as the guy who's shit in space. I mean, they all shit in space, but someone missed the toilet. Oh, it's impressive.

I googled into it a little bit more. I think back then, it was thinking about going to space in the quote-unquote oldy days sounds horrifying, because the best thing they had for a bathroom at that point was just taping a bag

to you behind. It's not unreasonable for a log to sleep. but still, what a nightmare. So this led me down a rabbit hole of other space mission oddities. And we're going to start with, I think, someone who is my new favorite person to have ever existed. His name is John Young.

He was an astronaut that was part of the Apollo 16 mission. And he, oh, sorry, I'm rereading words I've already said, hold on. And he was my favorite person to have ever graced the moon. It was 1972, and while having a cheerful plod around the moon's surface, Young announced loudly to Mission Control, I have the farts again. I got them again, Charlie. This is broadcasted to everyone its mission control and as a result had to be logged down and recorded for the history books. I'm sorry, it's pooing farts, but it's me what to expect. Young was justifiably upset because I can only imagine the horror of being trapped in a suit like that with your own creation.

Sadly, the microphone wasn't sensitive enough to actually pick them up, but it definitely captured his reaction. I know that spacefarts is that's, that's an MP3 you could sell for a lot of money. I always think about these people that go to space that even if you weren't the first man on the moon, almost anything that you do, if it's specific enough, you are the first person to do that on the moon. so you could be the first person to dab on the moon first person to you know walk backwards on the moon or to make yourself dizzy by spinning around on the moon

you would know that no other human has ever done that before I wonder if that man he almost certainly was the first person to say farts on the moon apparently while he was like leaping around on the moon he just muttering fuck fuck fuck to himself he needed a pair of shreddies I think space shreddies yeah

And it's funny you should say space firsts because the next one is actually an intentional space first. It went with the idea of doing it first. But the fart story doesn't end there. I mean, it mostly does end there. The fun bit ends there. But basically, over the radio he announced like, oh, it must be these bloody oranges we're eating causing all these problems. But this message obviously made its way to Florida governor, Rubin Askew. He was pretty upset that his state's signature crop was being blamed.

and he quickly took to the press and reassured he quickly reassured the American public that Florida oranges do not cause such outbursts and they were instead just caused by the increased potassium

in the astronauts diet to help, you know, just in general, keep them healthy, potassium's good for that. So yeah, it was actually a very dangerous thing to happen.

Obviously, if you mix methane and like a pretty clean oxygen environment, it can cause some problems, it can potentially cause explosions. So after this, they tailored the dye even more to reduce the amount of bum-bum emissions. So you just can't go to space, can you, Michael? Yeah, I know, that's it. I'm screwed. That's my one pleasure in life. You can't take that away from me. I'm not going on a long mission without that. Imagine if there was like footage from,

you know, the camera that's like mounted on the lander and it's like filming them in the distance bouncing around and you just hear a small far over the radio and then one of the spacesuits just explodes from within violently. You lose all contact with the shuttle. Oh, God Almighty. But this is not John Young's only famous escapade. Okay. He's a good boy and I love him dearly.

The Gemini program was an important episode in America's Race to the Moon and saw a number of firsts, including the first American Spacewalk, the first time two spacecraft docked, and the first corned beef sandwich to orbit the Earth. Oh, okay. During Gemini 3, Young had smuggled a sandwich aboard the rocket in his spacesuit. What? That doesn't sound sensible. It's just like the most Homer Simpson thing I've ever heard.

Yeah. Like that genuinely, if he told me that Homer did that in the episode where he went to space, I'd think, oh, yeah, that sounds right, yeah. So while they were in orbit in the spacecraft, Young whipped out a sandwich for a quote-unquote taste test and kindly shared some with his surprised co-pilot Gus Grism. Grism took a bite, but quickly stuffed it in a suit when crumbs started flying around the capsule. Oh, no. I don't think I'd trust someone's space sandwich, to be honest. has been in a stinky suit for a while. Yeah.

Especially him. He's got the farts normally. He's the worst man to take a sandwich from. So again, there's a transcript to accompany this. It's not quite as exciting, but I do enjoy it. It starts with just three words,

corned beef sandwich. Where did that come from? I brought it with me. Let's see how it tastes. Smells, doesn't it? Yes. It's. breaking up, I'm going to stick it in my pocket. Is it? It was a thought anyway. Yep. Not a very

good one. Pretty good, though, if it would just hold together. Want some chicken leg? No, you can handle that. Do you bring a chicken leg as well? No, I think he was just joking. I'm not having it's a dehydrated chicken leg. Chicken leg might be a safer thing to bring up, though. It's less likely to crumble and get dust everywhere. Any future astronauts, stick a chicken leg in your pockets. I love the idea that, you know, they did that for a laugh, but down at Mission Control they were probably really panicking. Like, oh my God, you might get beef crumbs in the machines. It'll clog the instruments.

Yeah, that's a genuine problem. You've got to be super delicate with what you bring on a spacecraft and dust and debris can cause absolutely havoc. Careful. They're ruffled. Nature Valley bars absolutely outlawed. Then you can't have those. just opening it and leashes are just space dust everywhere

just a cloud a lovely a lovely card made by your five year old child that says good looking space daddy covered in glitter glitter should be illegal that would be funny send a glitter bomb in right

it's an actual glitter bomb it would fill it would fill that entire ship so fast with nothing to stop it God, I want to see someone do that now like just glitter bomb in space

maybe in like a more controlled environment but I want to see how that spread go on that's it get on it so upon returning to Earth Young and his co-pilot stated in an interview that they were really enjoying the opportunity to carry out some real firsts while in space

so took that to you went to space and you had the chance to do something for the first time in unknown lands I think I agree I'd stick a sandwich in my suit why not? Absolutely I love they're just sitting next to each other

one of them turns to the other and goes Corned Beef Sandwich you know it goes where did that come from and then it's not just like he didn't laugh he actually takes it and bites it Yeah smells terrible Yeah It really smells

God Oh no there's beef everywhere Yeah corned beefs Not one of the better meat either No NASA sadly weren't amused and under pressure from Congress, a NASA administrator assured the public that we have taken stops to prevent the recurrence of corned beef sandwiches in future flights.

Oh, buzz kills. And that is, again, a direct quote that is not made up. Someone just thought, fuck me, I spent my whole career getting to this point, and I've got to tell astronauts to stop putting sandwiches in their suits. And lastly, while American astronauts were enjoying their sandwiches and tooting around the moon, The Russians were packing something entirely different. Sword-off shotguns. Oh, okay.

Yeah. But this wasn't any old gun. These were weapons specifically designed for cosmonauts. It's essentially a cross between a pistol and a double-barreled shotgun. So it's sort-off shotgun in visual appearance, but a wholly new creation just for these astronauts. And the weapons packed enough punch to deter a 1,000 pound bear. So in space, obviously you never know what you're going to encounter. It could be a floating corned beef sandwich, could be an alien, it could be anything.

But these weapons weren't designed for use in outer space. You might probably are relieved to hear. It actually comes from the fact that while American astronauts generally land in like the Pacific oceans, like big, vast land safe, you get out there, they go out and fetch you, you go around on your little dingy for a while waiting for rescue, it's all good. in Russia, at least in the earlier times, they would just get the spacecraft to land somewhere in... I forgot the name of it, where is it? Siberia. So, yeah, the ship would just crash land in Siberia.

Usually they'd find, like, a good spot for it, but it wasn't uncommon for things just go a bit wrong in the final few moments and the ship would just be massively off track, leaving people stranded. So in one such instance, two cosomers, Ended up stranded in the middle of the woods in Ural's, 600 miles from their intended landing site. And I'm kind of amazed they even had this with them, with only a 9mm pistol to deal with the bears and wolves that lurked in the woods around them. I can't believe they're bringing weapons onto space.

That's like, I think once you spend enough time cooped up in one room with someone, that's, and there's a gun nearby. That might end dangerously. Yeah, that's probably not a good idea. so in this instance luckily they didn't actually encounter any any you know any foes while out in nature but it definitely put the seed in their mind that we need to be prepared because this is going to happen again and god knows what we'll face so they quickly sprang into action and develop this this unique little weapon for them imagine successfully blasting off from earth going into actual space having you know doing whatever research they're doing up there i don't think the russians ever went

to the moon but you know doing some orbital stuff uh landing successfully without burning up in the atmosphere and then you get killed by a bear on earth that'd be awful what a finish uh and that that's it that's my little collection of of space fun how cute amazing thank you michael thank you michael that's much that was much more exciting than uh what i thought it was going to be uh we watched a video in our physics lesson at school where um in order to prove that it doesn't matter how heavy something is is it will still fall at the same speed as another thing other than air resistance.

They had a hammer and a feather and they dropped them both on the moon and they fell at the same speed and we all took great, great amusement because there was nothing else to be amused by in the fact

that the astronaut who was there on camera holding a hammer and a feather when we got a hammer here and an eagle's feather from a eagle and that was that was it that was what we got

from that video is that he said an eagle's feather from an eagle brilliant that peer teacher sat they're like oh this will get them

interested from the moon falling at the same speed he said eagle feather from an eagle oh fantastic I could never be a teacher I couldn't put up

with kids not listening yeah break me little shits well I guess to fight off unruly children, I've got another question for you, boys. This one comes from Nile Gray at Lord of the Great on Twitter, and he says, Swiss army hands, you've lost all the fingers and the thumb of one of your hands.

Good news, though. You can choose five tools or utensils to replace them. What do you choose and why? I think we can all just come together with five together rather than 15 individual tools. Okay, yeah. I mean, definitely, depending on which hand this is on, I would personally quite like to have either the knife or fork, depending on which hand. You know, if it's my left hand, I would want a fork.

Oh, true, yeah. Oh, imagine, I'm just like, I'm doing the action now of like trying to cut something with my fingers. I mean, that would be some hell of strength training. It would, but, I mean, it's better than not being able to have a knife in that hand, surely. That's true. That's true. So we just don't have fingers anymore. Is that right?

Yeah, I think I'm just, yeah, I'm picturing the main hand bit still there except for the extremities. Right. And it's just on one hand. Yes, yes. Okay. So, yeah, I think that's one thing to bear mind is once you've got this on you, that's it. It's stuck on there. So it's got to be useful, but also not a massive inconvenience when it comes to just playing with your children and, you know, being a loving father.

Yeah. Well, hopefully you can sheath everything like a Swiss Army knife. not all just it's not five spiky things sticking out like Edward Cisorhands The little finger

should be a flash drive Oh A little USB stick What you have to just have your hand plugged into your computer

It shouldn't be your go-to But it will be handy in a pinch It will be I think That's potentially a nice way To keep safe It's a lot of

steal your data. They've got to steal you as well. I don't have a bath or a shower or wash your hands ever. But, uh, you know, maybe the tech, if there's a technology to embed a USB stick in my little finger, I'd like to think that maybe they can make it waterproof. Maybe. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we hope so. We hope so. Oh, I want a tape measure in my finger. I want like a really long, extendable finger. Because I'm forever looking for our tape measures. We've got three in the house. And it usually becomes this 10 minute thing of me forgetting where I last put it. I measure stuff not that often, but often enough where it's just an issue and a pain. I just mainly quite like the idea of having a finger that I can just launch off into the distance and retract back in. That

seems like quite a fun little pastime. I quite like the idea of the index finger, just being a constant water pistol. You could just finger gun people at will. Just squirt them. Handy drink dispense So whenever you need it. Yeah. Yeah. I think the middle finger should be a prosthetic middle finger. Oh, of course. Yeah, that's a powerful finger.

You don't want to change that. Let's keep that one. Yeah, we should do. And then you could even use it for biometrics. If it's got like a fingerprint on it, if it's a really, really good one, you could still log in with your fingerprint on that hand. Even though you've got five perfectly good fingers on the other hand you could use.

No, I'm going to use my fake one. What about the thumb? Oh, that's a good one, yeah Go on the thumb I'm looking around A little torch A little torch Yeah

There you go I mean it makes it really positive Whenever you're in a dark room Might be a bit scared But you've got your trusty old little thumbs up Giving your guidance That's true But we do

I mean mostly carry around torches on our phones Oh that's true actually Yeah I've not been without a light Since the dawn of the iPhone Yeah I saw a like a, it was like a five second, like silly video on YouTube the other day where someone asked someone else for the time, because that was the joke. They said, have you got the time on

you? And I thought, man, I've not heard anyone ask anyone else that for the longest time, because everyone's got the time on them and they just check it themselves. But there was once a period of history where some people had watches and others didn't. And he had to ask strangers. So strange now that that just doesn't get used anymore. That was like a legit job you could have, wasn't it? It was telling other people the time. It was like when clocks were super early, like there'd be only a couple of people with them.

Yeah. No, I think actually a lot of people had clocks, but only a couple of people had like super accurate ones and all the other ones would kind of fall out over the day. So like every morning they come around. It's now 724, great, set the clock back. Bam, done. Jobs are good.

Yeah. What if the thumb was like, well, we didn't, we didn't decide on one for the thumb in the end. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like untorched the thumb. What if it was like a little phone and it had a retractable antenna that you could like pull out and you had a little keypad on it and you could put and then you'd hold it up and you could do the, you know, you know when you mime holding a phone, hello? You extend your little finger or your USB stick in this case and then you could talk on the phone to people that way. That's what Inspector Gadget does.

Yeah, an antenna comes out of his thumb. Yeah. Don, no, no, no. I remember that. I just inspect a gadget hand phone. I remember it being really awful where like he'd take off the tip of his thumb and then out would come the antenna or something like that. It's just really a gross thought.

Hopefully our handphone is a little, it's just there. We don't have to take off our thumb tip for it. It would really suck having to replace our fingers with the actual standard tools that you get in a Swiss army knife because most of them aren't that good. The knife is good. But if I had a corkscrew on my thumb for the rest of my life,

I'd be pretty disappointed. Oh, and this is, this hand. thing on my index finger. That's for stripping insulation off wires. Always need it. Yeah. God, I have it. It's there. God, I'm just looking at Swiss Army tools and yeah, they are kind of useless, aren't

they? I guess it's for a certain kind of person who needs to open cans and whatnot. Swiss soldiers, I guess. Yes, there we go. We're not the target audience. There we go. That's our fantastic array of finger devices. Thank you very much, boys. What a future. Ben.

Time for Ben's thing. Yeah, bring it, bring it. So we talked about a TV show that involved an anthropomorphized poo. We talked about farts in space. Now, it's time to talk about the bottom fruit. The bottom fruit. The bottom fruit. So I'm reading.

We've got a full hat trick in this episode. We've got a more. So this comes from the BBC, this article that I have trimmed down ever so slightly. medieval Europeans were fanatical about a strange fruit that could only be eaten rotten then it was forgotten altogether why did they love it so much and why did it disappear oh the forgotten rotten bottom fruit yes thank you that's a step song isn't it there's a six seven eight in 2011 archaeologists found something unusual in a roman toilet that's what the subtitle says the team were excavating the ancient village of tasketium

Now, Eschens, Switzerland, I've probably butchered those pronunciations, ruled by a Celtic king who was personally given the land by Julius Caesar. It was built on the banks of the river Rhine, along what was then an important trade route, and as a result, its remains have been steeped in water ever since. What should have rotted away centuries ago was uncovered in a remarkable state of preservation, protected by the lack of oxygen in the boggy conditions. It was here that nestled among the remains of familiar foods, such as plums, cherries, peaches, and walnuts,

in an ancient cesspit, the archaeologists found 19 curiously large seeds. Though they were, let's say, deposited there nearly 2,000 years ago, they almost looked fresh enough to have been found yesterday, except that the fruit that they belonged to is now so obscure, it can baffle even professional botanists. Bot-botomists. The polite, socially acceptable name,

by which it's currently known, is the medlar, or meddler, I'm not really sure. But for the best part of 900 years, the fruit was called the open arse. Thoughts to be a reference to the appearance of its own large calyx or bottom, would you like to see the open arse fruit? I was just about to Google it quietly in the background. So yes, please. Here we go. I've already got it saved. There's the open ass fruit.

There's something wrong with these historians arses. Yes. Well, that's what they called it at the time. They called it the open ass fruit at the time. Right. It just looks slightly figgy, doesn't it? The Medlar's aliases abroad were hardly more flattering. In France, it was variously known as monkeys' bottom, donkey's bottom, and dogs' bottom.

And yet, medieval Europe was crazy about this fruit. The fruit even made regular appearances in artworks, such as a tapestry, pictured in the article, from around the year 1500. The first record of the Medlar's existence is a fragment of Greek poetry from the 7th century BC. Eventually, the fruit is thought to have fallen into the hands of the Romans, who brought it to southern France and Britain. In 1800 AD, Charlemagne included it on a list of plants that were mandatory in the King's many gardens, and nearly 200 years later, the English abbot and writer Elfrick of Ensham

first committed its rather rude name to the public record. From there, the fruit's popularity steadily increased. It became a staple of medieval monasteries and royal court yards as well as public spaces such as village greens. It's featured in the Canterbury Tales, Shakespeare's, Romeo and Juliet, and the two-time Queen consort, Anne of Brittany's Book of Hours, a kind of illustrated religious manuscript popular in the Middle Ages. Henry VIII had the medlar planted at Hampton Court and gifted his French counterpart with large quantities. The fruit reached its peak in the 1600s when it was widely grown

across England, as ordinary as apples, pears and mulberries. From this lofty pinnacle, it underwent a steady decline. It was still widely known until the early 20th century, though less celebrated. Then in the 1950s, it abruptly vanished from the public consciousness altogether. Once a household name, described by one Roman commentator as amounting, almost to a craze, now the medlar is primarily grown as a romantic relic from the past, a niche plant for eccentric gardeners and a historical curiosity at palaces and museums. Just a few decades after it disappeared, it was already mysterious to many greengrocers. In 1989, one American academic wrote that,

probably not one in a hundred botanists had seen a medlar. Today it's not sold at a British, at a single British supermarket. Where there are still plants growing in public spaces, they often go and recognise in a left of rot on the ground. What was it about this strange fruit that gripped medieval Europe and why did it disappear? The article goes on, but I thought maybe, as part of my thing, I could find out about this strange fruit and a sort of work out for myself. Why? It gripped medieval Europe. Well, I think it's pretty obvious. It looks

like an ass, allegedly. So it looks like an ass. But what does it taste like, was my thought. How can I try this thing if it only grows in the woods and nobody knows what it is and it's rotting on the floor? I went to Tesco groceries and sure enough, you search medly, you're not going to get any results. And most internet outlets will not sell you a single piece of fruit, weirdly. But they will sell you the tree. So, I have here the next best thing. Oh. I went to Amazon and I bought, sending you a photo now, this.

It is Medlar jelly. Oh my God. Wilkin and Sons. Tiptree, Essex, England, fruit growers and preserver since 1885, Medlar, jelly. So this is the closest thing I have to a medlar that I could find, and I'm going to bust into it and try it and see what the fuck this ass fruit tastes like. God, this is exciting.

For the benefit of the audience, although it's, well, there you go, that's kind of what I was about to say, that pop sound, it comes in a jar, so it's called jelly, but it looks to be more of a preserve. Yeah, jam, if you were. No, a jam, if you will. Typically, the word jelly in the UK tends to mean more like the sweet gelatinous dessert. Yes. Jello.

Jello. So I'm going to crack off the lid and give it a sniff. Okay, it really doesn't have much of a smell at all. Oh, interesting. It smells really subdued. There's not a great scent. I'm trying to, what is this? You know, like, um,

you can get special bars for pack lunches and stuff and they're like it looks like leather yeah it looks like leather and it's it's got dates and prunes and all that kind of stuff yeah yeah but process it smells a bit like that uh the consistency is like worryingly spongy so much so that when i push down with the spoon it actually can you hang on do you oh you probably won't hear that on discord It's an unpleasant squelching sound, but it comes away from the side of the glass jar intact and then springs back to the side of it. Oh, that's not what I expect from my jam. So I'm having, I've had to, actually, you know what?

This is more like a jelly in the, in the British sense. Right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Is it a time? You just go and plain spoon? Yeah. I don't have anything to put it on.

Not a talk. What is that flavor? again it's really subtle and this is processed and has a lot of sugar in it because it's jelly but I just tried to take it off the spoon

and it's stuck to the spoon oh no just ran the top of my mouth along it that's why it gripped the medieval ages because once people touched it they just couldn't get rid of it so I thought when I saw this

I thought this has either got a taste absolutely disgusting or it's got to be the the greatest tasting thing I've ever had. That tastes like nothing. It tastes like beige pack lunch leather that we just talked about,

whatever the hell that stuff is called. It tastes like that, but not as intense. So there we are. A somewhat disappointing end to tip tree, tickle your taste buds, it says, to what I thought

would be quite an explosive taste test, but there's nothing. I'm really disappointed. There's a reason it died out. Long may it stay dead. Fuck you. I think you have to literally tickle your taste buds physically because it's the only stimulation they're going to get

if you're eating medlar jelly. They're not going to get any taste whatsoever. It just doesn't taste of anything, really. Like, it's really surprising how little that tastes of anything. Oh, that's quite upsetting. Eat more. Just keep eating it. Yes, I just, yeah.

There's a huge spoonful. It does say on the back, there is 67 grams of sugar per 100 grams. Wow. So I might die. Good God, that is amazing. So maybe regular medlar. I don't know if that's high for jam or not. Maybe regular medlar does not take.

I mean, presumably it tastes nothing like this, but it's got to taste something like this. And the sugar is, I don't know what the sugar does in this instance. make it taste better? Does it dull the flavor? I think it's almost purely just like a preservative at that point, isn't it? According to Google, the amount of sugar in jam, it doesn't specify what flavor or anything, is 49 grams per 100 grams. So that definitely has more sugar than... This is a lot of sugar. You would expect. Yeah.

Shit. Well, there we are. That's my thing. Medlar, I can now officially weigh in in case people because it was doing the rounds last week this article. I saw it on a few like sharing websites. If you're curious about what a medlar tastes like, it's not that impressive. It's not that impressive. If it was featured in Mikey's battle that we did the other week, the fruit battle, it wouldn't pass the first round, quite frankly. Unimpressed. I'm quite upset. Yeah. You could have been the person to reinvigorate medlar for the modern age. You could have been like, no, this stuff's great. Let's all. get on it, let's grow some medlar plants.

I could have been the sexy spokesperson, bringing medlars back and, you know, relating to the youths of today. Hey kids, why don't you TikTok into a medlar tree, my dude? We could have contacted the Billy Bear Ham Company and got our faces in medlar. You can still have your face in medlar. I'm reading the website that says this compliments cold meats and cheese. Oh, no. What does it?

so yeah get yourself some billy bear ham slap it slap it on there and there you got yourself a luxury meal to be clear legally i don't think billy bear ham is meat no no it's not is it reconstituted floor screen i think there's 67 grams of sugar per 100 grams of ham of billy bear meat oh spectacular thank you very much for doing actual scientific research what a waste though i am going to throw this in the bin now like I don't I reckon you could find a local medlar enthusiast

it's like well apart from someone else like me who just wants to try it because it's meant to be this ancient super fruit and it's shit Edlar buy and sell UK Facebook group that's yeah yeah I in fact do not have any more questions

so on on the fizzling bombshell that was the taste of arse fruit we come to the end wow thank you my Michael, for the questions today. Thank you for tasting that beautiful fruit. Well done to all three of us for independently bringing bums, poos and farts. Yeah.

It's been a real arsey episode, hasn't it? It's a landmark episode, yeah. Would you guys like to know what's coming out on Vidiates three years ago over the next two weeks? I'd love to know. Yes, please. So we got quite, we had a very, very busy fortnight. So between this episode and the next episode, starting from yesterday when this releases on Monday.

You can expect the worst games ever game selection video. Oh, remember those. Prove it. The Sims 3, the let's play part two. An episode of Worst Games ever regarding Nauty Bear. A Way Out is in the spotlight. Skyrim Zoo Chapter 6. Of course.

Oh, wait. We already got that far into Chapter Zoo at that point. Chapter Zoo, yeah. Chapter Zoo. Chapter Zoo, yeah, that's it. An episode of Memory Cards, Rip. concerning Spider-Man Mario Carton Postal The Man of Milan part one

The Man from Milan, sorry, part one What a classic Post some tat episode 8 Happy birthday tiny Peter That's coming up Oh my God Prove it The Sims 3 Live Action Challenge part one

Where Peter and I build Our Sims house Out of recycling To be judged by Hat Films Yeah that's in the next episode That's in the second part. And that's where the famous phrase was first uttered by Peter that your vagina is beautiful.

Is it? Is that where I first said it? I edited that one. I remember that. I remember that. The man from Milan part two is also out. There's a piece of cake episode regarding a crash team racing spinning chair challenge. We almost, we ran out of ideas really fast, didn't we?

He felt very sick that day. The live action challenge part two of the Sims 3, prove it. Cap Films did indeed judge our houses. Skyrimsou Chapter 7. The Man from Milan Part 3. Milanois was then in the spotlight. Another episode of Memory Cards featuring Game Boy,

featuring Game Boy Injustice and a Persona Game, I think it's Persona 3. And finally, you can expect Podiat's episode 4, Wix. Oh my God, that was a landmark period, Jesus. What a fortnight. God, we used to... I mean, I guess that was still at a time where we'd had a month to get ahead on content. Yeah.

You know, we worked through January and launched in February. So we were still probably ahead of the game a little bit, just starting to run out of things, perhaps. Yeah. I should have really started this whole thing in February so we could have gone through the whole year because it's going to get pretty depressing towards the end of the year when nothing is going up on the channel. And then, of course, we won't be able to repeat this section next year because we'll just be retreading the same ground. With one episode of Poddiots, you'll have to say this week on the Vidyets history, there's a video called Vidyits is changing. That will come up.

We don't speak those words out loud. That will. It upsets people. That will come up. We also need to find out which game selection video is the farting one. The fight was a bit much fun. That's quite easily. I think if you actually just Google or search our channel for, like, farting,

it actually comes up because people in the comments are talking about it. That's it. And so, yeah, plenty to watch on the channel three years ago. But still available to watch now if you want to go back and watch it. Thank you if you are. I know some people do, which is very strange. But anyway, thank you for listening to Poddi. That is still going.

That's not changing. If you'd like to buy some merch, wait, sorry. I think I've found. And 19th of April What? Is the legendary The farting was a bit much for me Oh, really?

Wait, no, no, it's not, I'm sorry, no. Oh, it's going to ignore me. Ignore me, I'll find it later. Okay, well, we'll get to it. We'll get to it on this section eventually. But Mikey, where can people buy merch if they want to? Oh, well, they can mosey on over to store.orgscast.com

where there's a bunch of lovely things as a new card game on there that looks like good fun, do that, buy that. But if you want something with that certain vidiates touch, you can head on over to the vidiates section

where we've got a lovely selection of stuff and things and mugs and huddies and shirts. And here's a little secret. Check out, if you use code vidiates, you'll get 10% Fuck off.

Don't lie to us. Every single goddam thing on that website. What a treat. What an absolute treat. So head on over. Have a look. And if you're in the need of a new way to drink your coffee, I highly recommend getting a t-shirt. What?

Yeah. Put the coffee in your t-shirt. Okay. Cup it. Okay. Just suck it out of a sodden ground. Yeah. Just dip it in a tea bath and coffee bath and you're aware.

No, don't do that. illegal YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiates official. We are there.

We're also on Twitch. Dot TV forward slash Vidiots official. Let's see what else we got here. Oh yeah,

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and the end of the show. Thank you so much to this week's pod squad. at streamlabs.com forward slash poddy. It's donations. Mikey, kick us off. Put the boat back, please. The generous, the ghost of German robot lady, Kevin from Con, Tiny Peter killed my horsey, Mr. Ratburn's bum bum-bum RGW. Dick and Dominican Republic, Dave Benson, Philippines, always an adventure podcast, to kill a mocking minge, Alan Claw. La Dabaddi Bab dabadai. That's always a challenge.

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And Neil Costa Rica. We've also got Just Keep Swimming Ash. Jason Allen B. the normal one. Mr. Macca. Mikey's refreshing colon, cola. Still don't know what that means. Oliver, the extant child. Chex-Mix salt fart, ye whore, Billy Gary Boldie, Cadbury's Mini Cheggs, Quintuple Jump, the very generous

Willie Ray Woolrus, quefe Smegwin, I am not reading that, Chegg, here's his sackier, Big Titty Jesus 42, who's very generous justice for Big Titty Jesus 42, Bosnia Babyloni, Tee Eats a Butterfinger, and Donkey Sexy Boy Ooo. Thank you very much, everybody, that's your pod squad, streamlabs.com forward slash potty at Stone Nations to sign up for one of the crew. What we got? Mikey, where you at? I live at Parrot Boy on Twitter. That's the best place to find me. And if you happen to be in the mood for a video of a man kind of quite hurriedly buying a Tesco meal deal, that's the place to go to watch it. Enjoy. Excellent. And Peter, where can people find us?

We are individually at that Peter Austin and at Confused underscore dude on Twitter. But together, we are Team Triple Jump. Also, we're on Twitter at Team Triple Jump, YouTube and Twitch, where we do some familiar formats that if you're a vidiots fan of old, back when we used to eat spaghetti and make houses out of Sims, houses out of Sims, out of Tardsford, you will find something familiar over on Triple Jump.

So go check it out. If you haven't already, two years after the move, three years even. We've got a big Hannah Montana video out now on Triple Jump that you're probably going to want to check out if you enjoyed our antics on videos, so go subscribe if you haven't already. I think logically, everyone who listens to this probably has by now subscribed. We will keep shouting it from the rooftops just in case.

Just in case. Finally, leave us an iTunes review or a review slash radio. on your platform of choice it helps something to do with

Al Gore's rhythms and I would like to know from you guys if you've got a question

who wants to take the jar of arse fruit next we'll send it around everyone

soon DM me if you want who did the poo on the space shuttle it's fucking one he is

disgusting all right we'll catch you next time everybody look after yourself Bye.

Bye-bye. Bye.