Podiots - Podiots: Episode 76 - Something To Do With Weed

Episode Date: April 20, 2021

Mikey's getting his Shags on, Peter's knocking on doors and running away, and Ben's training cats to be spies. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. Reading, playing, learning. Stellist lenses do more than just correct your child's vision. They slow down the progression of myopia. So your child can continue to discover all the world has to offer through their own eyes.

Light the path to a brighter future with stellar lenses for myopia control. Learn more at slur.com. and ask your family eye care professional for SELOR Stellis Lenses at your child's next visit. Peter, what have you just found? There's been a development. So we were just looking for some Dave Benson Phillips pictures to start a thread, as we not often do, as we always do, post little Dave picture on Twitter.

And one of you two said, oh, we should look for gifts. And at first you couldn't find any. but I've somehow stumbled upon GIFCAT.com slash GIFs slash search slash Dave plus Benson plus Phillips Google brought me here

and there are at least four or five Gifts of Dave Benson and it's, wow, it's something. Previously unseen ones really as well because I can't imagine each podcast starts with like a slight bit of stress for Ben because it's the worry of we've done so many now what's a new

Dave what's an old Dave what's an unseen Dave a new Dave for Twitter fresh Dave well we've certainly found that in GIF form no less it's impressive one two three four five six there's six and then the rest of Dave Bautista

and Dave Chappelle the other two divs but the best one is actually duplicated on this page but I mean to me he reminds me of the moon from the end of Bear in the Big Blue House. I don't know if you ever caught an episode of that.

Yeah, I think I did, yeah. It's just his head on a black background and he's got this glow around him. It's just this seffered head and he just falls a Dave face. It's very David Lynch. I like it. Is it weird that I want to see him? Because presumably he's in a green screen or a blue screen suit. I think I've got my answer to this question,

but is it weird that I do want to. to see Dave Benson Phillips in a skin tight blue morph suit. Definitely not. It's part of your job to want to see that, I think. Good. Okay, that does make me feel better. We've definitely used the one with the gun before. We have.

Where he points at the camera and kills you for some reason. I don't think I ever noticed the little, I mean, it's not quite a muzzle flare. It's just a sort of dusty. The little linear that comes out of the end. The little, yeah, exactly. But, yeah, he shoots you, shoots you good. then there's two of people just being gunged in the gunk-dunk

is he in the shot of either of those in one of them I think he's the one where the kid presses the button he's in a red shirt you can see him in the background of his own gif I love the other one as well the final gif of Dave

it's so short it loops in about five frames just this maddening face it just repeats and repeats and oh wow it captures everything about him though it does the house appears to be spinning behind him yes this is when he was on the on the disney channel i think i never saw him on the disney channel no i never had the disney channel oh i i do actually we used to have it it would be like a treat around christmas um we'd get we'd upgrade the sky for a month to get like

the movies and all the fancy channels that's clever oh it was good it was always like a highlight of the year. It was, oh, great. Now I get to watch all these crap films. Great. And I remember occasionally tuning into Disney. I think it was, I can't remember the name of it, like Playhouse Disney or Disney Clubhouse or something. And I remember watching it. It never sank in who it was, though. And now I get to look back on those memories with even greater fondness. In the presence of a hero. Well, we've got some fodder for the next few episodes at least. So get ready for that. By my count, one, three, one of which he is blurry in the back of, but he

is there. Yeah. Oh my God. I've just realized this is the 420 episode. Is it? This is the 420 episode. Oh, I was going out on 420. Oh, my God, is it?

It is. Shit, yeah, we had a very specific conversation when we took a little breakover Christmas that if we did an episode every fortnight, this one would line up on 420, and we've all forgotten. Well done, Michael. Well remembered.

I just, oh, because I was thinking, like, the other week I was like, I should find some funny weed stories or something, you know, live up to the holiday and I totally forgot. I guess it's always next year. We can always title this episode just something to do with weed. Maybe

that's the title. Something to do with weed. Yes. Okay, great. That was months, months in the making. It's typical us, isn't it? Where it's like, we have the forethought to think, or the, you know, the planning chops

to say if we, if we line this up right, we could do something really cool. And then all of us forget and then it never happens. We need a PA or something who can be more organized than any of the three of us. We do. Because, yeah, that's a landmark and we've missed it. I'm actually, that's ruined my idea that. Oh, no. We've just got to do it justice.

Well, we'll have to wait until we do 420 episodes, I guess. That's the next. And I'll skip that episode. Yeah, we will. We'll go straight to 421. Hello everybody and welcome to Pottie. It's the official vidiates podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home.

Oh my goodness. And obey the law of the three us where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben, I'm Peter and I'm Michael Talking of Peter I've just closed the tab and gone back to the Google results page

of Dave Ben's Phillips images and there's one of him just holding a pitter bread from when he was on Come Dime with me I'll just send it to you guys Oh, that's good I would put it in the thread but we should probably keep hold of that one as well

for a thread starter It's a really good one shrugging at a pitter bread Is that his kitchen because There's a lot of empty shelves next to him. Yeah. He's got at least one white good behind him, though, by the looks of it. Yes, yeah.

A bit of kitchen roll hidden behind the rice cooker? I wonder what he did for that stuff. Shows, clearly. Dave does come dine with me for pitter. Oh, that's great. I just love that. He went on come down to me and bought supermarket pitter bread. That's spectacular.

Did you guys watch it? No, I didn't. I didn't watch that one. and I've seen the odd episode but I missed the Dave one. I might have to find that and watch it because it's sound... I mean, just this one frame looks spectacular.

I think so. I think just for that pit is still alone but also one of us needs to do a thing on it. Yeah, true. I did see him unpointless the other day, just in the wild. Like it was a Saturday a few weeks ago. I turned the TV on

and whatever the previous channel it had been left on, it just came on a Dave Benson Phillips was on the screen. A rare Dave Sighton. It took me back to the 90s when I used to be able to do that after school. Brilliant. Incredible. Well, you know what? If you listening at home would like to support us in our sort of Dave Benson Safari,

where we not only conserve, but also spread the good word and occasionally hunt Dave Benson Phillips, then you can do by supporting us financially. I think I said that bit. I can't remember. Over at streamlads.com forward slash poddiet's donations. That's streamlabs.com forward slash poddust donations. Donate three pounds or more. You will join Pod Squad and get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. Mikey, would you like to kick off our Pod Squad for this week?

I would love to. Tommy the Wank Engine, who's right off the bat with a generous donation. And I'm sorry, this one's fallen in the hands of the man who can't do Brian Butterfield Justice, but I'll try my very best. For 24 hours, you can be attacked by literally any animal. lizard, black magpie, pint of sardine, pit bull terrier, feral pigs, crested penguin, vampire bat, you name it, great horned owl, hatched quail eggs, blue-footed booby, three-toed sloth. Got lost it at the end, but I think that was all right.

I do like hatched quail eggs. That's good. That's very good. I like how birthday pie is, black magpie. Thank you, Tommy. And another generous donation from the lovely pro-trainer. Hey boys, just want to say thanks for all the hilarity. I'm enjoying the new segment of letting us know what's coming up on videos three years ago. Oh, fuck. Yeah, me too. Yeah, it's good segment. It's so good. Can't wait for it. Big fan. Avogoodro Toast 11, eye full of Bobby's Babylonis, a very generous Arthur the kitten, wanted to say a huge thank you to you all for the last few years.

You boys have kept me saying on my journey and the ferrets are driving me insane. Stop playing, guys. I'm recording a podcast. Thank you. You boys have kept me saying on my journey to and from work and provide many laughs. Only fair, I repay you the only way I know how with some monies. Thank you, Arthur. Thank you.

Thanks, Arthur. We've got a double whammy two Toritons. I read it twice. Toriton and Toriton. Kermit the Pogs, Tom Campbell's Tom Campbell's Wet Man, Big Titty Jesus 42, The Catching the Minge,

Brooks Estentialistentialist, Stephen Scodes, Cheggie, Cheggy, Chog, Chog, that doesn't sound good. Onlyfans.com forward slash the names, bomb, bomb, bon, bon. That's two separate names. I thought I'd read them close to me. Make it be off.

Alfresco drinking and the generous Dr. Mundy's mean bean machine who says a long overdue donation for the vidiates. Oh, that's a word I've never seen before. Triumvirate. Triumvirate. Triumvirate. That I trust you. Triumvirate. You've provided me with a constant and important source of laughter over the past few years,

and I just noticed that it was Kermit the Pogs earlier. Oh, oh. it was. Oh, dear, I'm on a rule. Sorry, Kermit. Kermit, the Pogs. Thanks, Kermit. Also, I thank you to

Tori for the two donations. There was more information about medlars. I just want to point that out. That's why there were two there. Oh, wow. Okay. Wonderful.

The list continues now with the tiny troop. Ben owes me 20 pounds. Donated 20 pounds and said, Hi there, boys. I feel like enough is enough. Ben, you owe me 20 pounds.

It's been six years, and it's my birthday. So if I can please get that £20, Ben, that would be nice. Or you could bring back memory cards your choice. Okay, I wonder who that is. I have absolutely no idea who that is or what that's a reference to. But we can't bring back memory cards, so it looks like I'm indebted to someone. Yeah, for £20. And they paid £20 to say that, so you owe them £40, really.

Oh, fuck now. Okay. The good Lord Brotovic Waguan my G Big bouncy babloonies Confused parrot Austin Very good Who the cock is Freddie Weber

Katie Kinsolo Alan Klaw Happy birthday tea peeps Oh thank you very much Finn Cheggers party quiz What if Tiny Peter But Large That's the name

What if Tiny Peter But Large Candice De Beirut? Is that how you spell Beirut? I nearly said Beirut. And then I panicked and I was like, is that how Beirut is spelled? Barooie.

Beruitt. Candice de Beirut. Eanta Roberts. Goody Good MacGudderson. Hello, yes. This is rules Bosnia. Big fan. Mr. Black.

Chegaly-Syriidlovakia. Wow. Oh, nice he done. Shit, Neil for Wankers. I had to think about what channel we were on there. Shit Neil for Wankers. Thank you, who was very generous and said, thank you for making me feel a little bit better about myself.

I love all three of you daily, but that's not all. Please give me your best broiled, butterfield impressions. That's it. That's it. That's it. Good normal one. Jason Allenby. That was hard.

Heva gutt. Here, Bra, I'm so sorry, and spread bottom fruit slapball. Nice. Well done. We've also got Dick and Finn Dom, sex tipple jump, Donak 07, Mr. Gooder, the very generous Neil Buchaneda. He says, Hey, peeps, I've been liking slash loving you beautiful lot since the beginning of time itself. It's about damn time I said it. You're by far my favourite news journalists.

Much loved. Much love, Ben B, X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-X-O-P-S-O-P-S. A Laika To-Doer, the Char-Tha. Ben-Botter, has that from? Ben B'B. Ben Botta. It's probably Ben Botta, yeah. We've also got Good. Just Keep Swimming Ash, Tiny Peter for my bunghole.

Tom Hanks' pros catering. You enjoy that, Mikey. It's been a while since I've heard of Beavis and Buttheads reference. That's a terrible show. I don't really understand why people are. No, me neither. but still always welcome

Chegg for lumps regularly Oh God I mean do But geez Yeah Poddy oats A videotic cereal

Spread cheeks slap balls Dave's bent son Philip You can't say that You really can't Who's Cheggistan tourist board Specky Becky

Emily Lemons Ben Potter Who is very I feel like someone's got an agenda for me this week Ben Potter was very generous and said, guys, I have some bad news, Peter, I'm going to have to ask you to cease and desist

in the use of my patented nearer's catchphrase. And Mikey, your use of a thing in which people guess what's real and what's not clearly infringes upon my not-the-union copyright. Wow. Ben, if you've got something to say, say it yourself.

Don't just disguise it in a donation. Well, I'm just not brave enough to say it to your face. But you've called me on my bluff. Thank you, me. for that generous donation. Chega Slovakia Emergency, thank you for your generous donation. I've rediscovered something awful slash amazing

in your Cheggas party quiz video. At 1105, he says, I'm not wearing anything down there while pointing at his Wilson. I think he was sending a message from beyond the grave. Thanks for your great work. Oh, no. It's a secret naked jungle reference in the party quiz game.

Coincidentally, I was watching Adam Pachiti doing some live streaming, our boss, Peter, and Cheggers came up and he was like, oh no, Cheggers, he's dead, isn't he? And then he moved on. I was like, oh, well, he has a very different approach to that whole situation than we did. Yeah, shut up, Cheggers, you're dead. Shut up Cheggers, you're dead. Oh no, my Brexit suit and Prince Beefcakes. There we go, we did it. Thank you so much. That's an extremely generous amount of people there. That's lovely. So thank you. That's your pod squad for this week. Once again, streamlabs.com, forward slash potty it's donations three pounds or more to join pod squad you get a shout out at the

beginning and the end okay who's ready for question one yes yes please this comes from paul at paul zaremba 16 on twitter if you can have any animal as a well-trained pet slash friend that you could communicate with and it understands you what animal would it be would you give it a pun name. Mine would be an elephant called Elephant's Gerald. Kay, love you by. An elephant, hold on, no, an elephant seems like a pretty bad choice of pet. Seems unweildly, doesn't it? That's a lot of work. That's, oh, pooh's the size of a man. God, I mean, I respect your choice. If you're happy with it, go for it. I would go for an elephant. Can I have a semi-mythological being as my pet? I don't see why not.

I want just like a really, really big bird, like a rock. I think a ROC, it's like a Middle Eastern creature. It was in the Simbad movie, I remember, from my childhood. Just a really big bird, purely so I can just call it Keith Chegwing. And it can fly me around places. In fact, I'm so tiny. I don't have to have a rock. I can have just, you know, a condor or something, an eagle.

A finch. Yeah. Anyway, he's called Keith Chegwing. He takes me places fast and, you know, he sings. Looks like the rock has two heads in mythology, but in Simbad, it had one head. Oh, in Simbad it had... I thought it had two heads in Simbad.

What's that from that you've got there? I think that's Simbad. Oh, it's not the Simbad I know. Mine had Ray Harryhausen animation. That's a weird stop motion. You know that? Oh, okay. Yeah, I see it.

You know that that Cyclops meme image where it's just a kind of claymation cyclops? You might have, yeah, that's it there. That's the Seventh Voyage of Simbad. It was a good film. Oh, that's a good, that's a good one. I like that. But you'll know the Cyclops from that. Let me try and pull it up.

Track it down. Yeah. So that a lovely bit of Harry Housen's work? It is. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Icon. definitely big fan of that

here we go I'm sure you'll have seen this this dude would you ride the back of the beast or would you be carried in its mouth oh there he is cyclops I think I'd be carried by his legs I don't want to be carried in his mouth

he can grab me in his talons that's an everyday risk for you isn't it seagulls could come and just whisk you away well I'm like that dog what was he called that was eaten Oh, what was that dog called?

Oh, we can't forget it's a name. Rest in peace. Well, the dog in question is Gizmo, Gizmo the Chihuahua. Oh, yeah. Bless him. Fly high, fly high. Bless him.

What about you guys? I think. I wanted some kind of small monkey. I just think they're quite useful and the compact in size, which I think is great when you've got also careful. this animal. Yeah, true.

And I figured I'd go for a tamarin, which kind of like little small mustache, little monkeys, got fun hair, and I think I'd call him Tamaringo Star. Oh, that's good. I did originally want a marmoset, but I couldn't think of a pun name, so I guess I'm not allowed him. I just think, little monkey, go, like, send him off on little quests. I need some bread, but I don't want to get up and go at the shop. Go on, here's a fiver.

bring us back something nice Go get it Are you sure that it wouldn't get Nicked by someone who sees a monkey going into a shop and thinks I would like that monkey I want that monkey This monkey would of course be packing heat

You have a switch blade on them at all time Oh shit okay This monkey sounds rad Can I have it No he'll stab you Get away from him He's mine I'm pulled in two directions

Not by my animal But between the approach That you two have taken On the one hand I would like a bit big animal that I can either ride on the back of like our bird or our horse, you know, or a zeal. Imagine having a zebra that could talk. As long as it doesn't talk like Chris Rock, because I think that would be really tiring,

having Chris Rock the zebra be your friend, you know? Yeah. It just seems like a lot of work. I would have called my Rock Chris Rock. That's a missed opportunity. And I'd also quite like a smaller creature who I can just sort of hang with, this relatively low maintenance. So I don't know whether to go with something boring like a cat

I can just communicate with or like a rodent of some kind, maybe like a flying rodent, like a sugar glider, you know? Oh, that'd be great, yeah. A sugar glider. Oh, sugar glider's a great, Peter. What the hell is that? Like a flying squirrel thing.

Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah, I've seen these guys. They're just little, yeah. Little skin flap boys. The little possum things There they go, whoa, look at a fly Yeah, I've seen that GIF a lot But I didn't know they were called Sugar Glider

I've never heard them called a Sugar Glider before Look at his little tail go Yeah So maybe one of those But I don't know what Maybe you guys can help me come up with a pun name Sugar Glider Is there anything in that?

Just Lord Sugar Glider Yeah, that's good But how about Winona Glider Oh yeah, yeah, that's good Oh God, I can't improve on that That's amazing I like Alan Sugar Glider It's very good Lord Sir Alan Glider

Would you call him Lord or just Alan? Lord Alan Sugar Glider It depends Sentinent, sentient, right? I could just ask how it would prefer to be What are your pronouns By your title Given that you're a member of the peerage

Yeah, excellent Well, who's got a thing and who would like to go first? I've got a thing Yeah, go for Mikey it's quite a girthy thing it's something I've had in the backboneer for a while now but I thought fuck it it's time to explore

the the greatest band in the history of the world of all bands this is the shags oh okay have you heard of them before no I'm aware of the bird

do they make rugs oh if only they did that would be um that would be better um no they are acclaimed as well depending on who you ask one of the greatest bands of all time or one of just the absolute worst most miserable listening experiences you can possibly have i do have a few musical samples and i do apologize in advance it drags i've made them as short as i can to get the point across but oh boy is it a long 30 seconds okay so the shags frank zapper is said to have

proclaimed that they were better than the Beatles. And a more recent reviewer, who was in the fetal position writhing with pain, declared them as hauntingly bad. I would walk across the desert while eating charcoal rickets soaked in Tabasco for 40 days and 40 nights, not to ever have to listen to anything shag-related ever again. My God.

So, I mean, I think that's a bit much, but I think it's already apparent that the shags are known to divide listeners. and when you actually put in the effort to listen to their album, the philosophy of the world, you'll probably be left even more confused than when you went in. It's this raggedy mess of a pop album, tempos are off, the melodies are squashed and bent, and the vocals are nasal and totally deadpan.

So are they musical geniuses? Are they just a bunch of kids playing badly on out-of-tune guitars? Let's have a little whirlwind guide through the history, of the shags. Oh, my goodness. So, who are the shags? They were three sisters, Helen, Betty, and Dorothy Wiggin. They are from Fremont, New Hampshire, and they were managed by their father, Austin.

They performed, they're not an Austin Shag. Austin Shag. Shagadelic, baby. They performed almost exclusively at the Fremont Town Hall and at a local nursing home, which maybe might have been a, conceded effort by the nursing homeowners to move on some members and make space for new inhabitants, but, oh dear. Many locals thought the band was just absolutely atrocious. Austin, however, did not. He firmly believed that his daughters were destined to be big stars, and in

1969 he spent most of his life savings to record an album of their music. One thousand pressings were made after recording, however, 900 of the mysteriously disappeared along with with the album's producer. Oh, what? I couldn't find any more information about that, so I'm just going to assume he was like, oh, God, I can't let us get out anyway, and he just took as much stock as he could in random Mexico.

However, even though only 100 albums remained afterwards, the album has endured quite strongly ever since. Thankfully, some music collectors managed to get a hold of the album and ensured its survival and growth. So, for a supposedly awful band from the 60s, that only produced a small number of physical records, what do they actually sound like? I'm going to play a 30-second excerpt from their song, My pal-foot-foot. Are you ready? My pal-foot-foot. Yeah, my pal-foot-foot. Don't ask what it

means. I don't know either. I'm just going to very quickly put the ferrets away, because can you hear that dingling? Are they having fun? Well, oh, now I feel like an asshole. Oh, Lily's playing football with a ball. Oh, come on. Give us some commentary then. Tell us what's going on. Right. Well, she's,

oh, she's guarding it around the room with a nose with expert precision. Oh my God. She's gone behind the cupboards. She's sprinting. She's jumping.

She's bounding. Oh, that's liquid football. Oh, she's got, she's picked up the ball in her hand. Oh, hang on. That's cheating. Come on. Send her out.

We've never seen a player like this before in the history of Ferret football. And she, wow, she's really rapidly going around the room. I don't know. Sorry, listeners. You're going to have to put up with A little bit of dingling.

I think she's ready. She's just a big fan of the shags. Oh, yeah. She's like, yeah, the shags, shags, shags. It's all going on off screen on not just your end, Mikey. I'm just looking at my window here. And there's two people, I think they're dealing with some sort of either very large spider or perhaps small rodent in their house.

Standing on the bed. One of them's got a handheld hoover. What's going on? That's, no. I always think that's the worst thing you could do is hoover up at an insect because they're going to come back with a vengeance. They're going to anger them. Thoughts and prayers with them.

It looks pretty chaotic over there. Jesus. Well, you're both just going to have to keep me post and the listeners' posters on what's going on in your personal vicinity because they've got nothing going on here. That sounds way more exciting. It'll be regular football scores on the hour. Right, my pal-foot, that's cool.

Yeah, back to that. My pal's name is foote-foot-foot-foot he always likes to the home. My pal's name is foot-foot-foot I never find him home. I go to this house, knock at his door, people come out and say, Oh my God. I'm fairly sure that's what you hear when you're... No, it's starting again. Oh, no, no, no, come on now. That's not fair. It's too much. I'm fairly sure that's what you hear when you're going cold turkey on drugs, right?

Yeah. That's, that's, yeah, it's straight from train spotting, isn't it? Jesus is the lift music from fucking hell. So how does... an album like this even possibly happen? What leads a father to spend everything he's got in an attempt to make his talentless daughters into stars? I feel a bit mean saying talentless daughters, but I'm... I'm not going to disagree. Yeah. It's got its merits, some would say. Fremont, New Hampshire is a town that is unremarkable in every way. Its biggest display of luxury

comes in the form of a few gravestones in the cemetery and its main point of fame comes from it being the first place a B-52 ever crashed without killing anyone. Oh, that's nice. That's good. In the 1960s, most inhabitants of the town raised dairy cows or made handkerchiefs at the local textile mill. And to quote Matthew Thomas and his book about the town, this is quite a skill, like if someone's going to write a book about your town

and you read this, you'd be absolutely distraught. there may have been some nice, pleasant times, but for the most part, death, sickness, disease, accidents, bad weather, loneliness, strenuous hard work, insect-infested foods, prowling predatory animals, and countless inconveniences marked day-to-day existence. And the shags. And the shags, just to add insult to injury. No, I think that's what he was talking about there. I think that was his description. That's, that's all. Each, each, each word there references the shags. Insect infested, The foods, shags. Strangers hard work, shags. The formation of the band was definitely not the sister's own idea. It instead came from

their father, Austin. But neither he nor his wife, Annie, were musically inclined. Austin wasn't a show-off by any measures. He wasn't dying to be noticed. And by all accounts, he was a very ordinary loner who had little to do with the others in town. He was a strict, an old-fashioned man, as you might expect. And yet, the shableness. bags were definitely his idea, or more exactly, his mother's idea. His mother liked to tell fortunes, and when Austin was young, she studied his palm and told him that in the future he would marry a strawberry blonde and would have two sons whom she would not live to see, and that his daughters would play in a band. I mean, that's got to fuck you off a bit as a kid

saying, you're going to have kids and I'm going to die before I get to see them. Didn't she just say that he would have sons? I guess I think specifically you'd have two sons after I'm gone I think but as if there's a final one here

oh wait no I already said it and that his daughters were playing a band yeah I think it just meant you have daughters as well but their important bit comes when it's like they'll play in a band okay and look would have it

these premonitions would play out oh that's sorry that's weird wording from me look would have it she died unfortunately she died Annie was a strawberry blonde and Austin had two sons

after his mother's death it was left to Austin to fulfill the last of his mother's predictions when his daughters were old enough he told them that they would be taking music and singing lessons and that they would be forming a band and that there was no debate in the matter

it's a matter of destiny how could you not do it while the daughters held a passing interest in music they themselves had no ambitions of becoming stars, but Austin pushed them to fulfill this destiny. So Austin got them into this new life, withdrew them completely from school, and had them practicing their new craft all day, every day in the garage.

Besides their Friday night family excursion to the grocery store and church visits on Sundays, they lived a small life in an already small town. Off to pick up some insect-infested food for dinner. Mmm, crunchy, delicious. It was 1965 and the Beatles had debuted on American TV. And while this new culture was bubbling away where rebellion was king, the Wiggin sisters were at home practicing in their garage

and writing tributes to their parents with songs like, Who are parents? This is the last bit of music, so we can get through this. I actually quite enjoy this one. I think this is a good one. Okay. I'm kids, and their parents are cruel just because they want them to obey certain rules. Then they start turning from the ones who really care.

Turning from the ones who will always be there. I'm just going to cut that clip off. They just need to sack that. I mean, they don't just need to, but they certainly need to sack the drummer. Like, the drum is so, it's like they're playing for a different song. They've got headphones on there listening to, like, some queen or something. It is quite something. It is impressive to have three people in the same room and have them so out of time.

There's, like, brief moments of synchronicity where they all kind of line up and then just instantly drips off. It's spectacular. So, 1968 rolled around and it was time for their first public appearance, a talent show in nearby Exeter. The girls could barely play their instruments and when they began playing on stage, they were greeted with Jias and soda cans were thrown in their direction. Oh, it's a bit sad. The girls were mortified, but their father told them just to keep practicing.

Their next gig, a nursing home, received a polite response from the resists. It's nice of them. And after this, they began playing at the local town hall semi-regularly. Even though one regular described them as painful and torturous, sometimes as many as 100 kids would show up at the dancers. Although I think this definitely speaks more about how dull the town is rather than the Shag's talents. The Beatles' rising popularity peaked the father because, well, purely because of their success, not because of their musical integrity. he thought, if the Beatles could make it, why couldn't, why can't my daughters? So they took to a recording studio and while the engineer insisted they weren't quite ready, Austin insisted

and said, I want to get them while they're hot. An interesting line. I mean, they're on fire. The frets of fire right now, you're about a witness. The Wiggins returned to the recording studio several years later, and now they were more proficient in their instruments. Even so, their playing inspired the engineer to write. As the day progressed, I overcame my disappointment, and started feeling sorry for this family, paying $60 an hour for a studio to record this. In 1990s money, actually, that's a hell amount of cash to drop. Yeah, that'll be a lot.

I mean, glad they did it, because we got to play some beautiful clips there. How much was it again, sorry? $60 an hour Let's see Let's have a look Inflation calculator 1960 So $60 roughly

Today would be $537 an hour An hour Wow For that For my friend's name is Footfoot Yeah

I mean money money well spent what does that even mean do we who are parents who are parents what are frogs what was it my friend's name uh my pal foot foot my pal foot foot are you are you googling it i want to look at the lyrics like this is oh i recommend looking at the album art as well it's wonderfully 60s my pal's name is foot foot and then in parentheses foot he always likes to roam my my pal's name is foot foot foot foot i never find him home i go to his house, not at his door. People come out and say, Footfoot, Foot, don't live here no more. My pal, Footfoot,

Foot Foot, always likes to write. It goes on. Where will Footfoot go? What will Footfoot do? Oh, Footfoot, I wish I could find you. What is Futt, Futt? Wow, the album art really is something, isn't it? It's beautiful. It's like they weren't quite ready for the photo. We spent all the money on recording the album, so we've only got one bit of film to take the photo. Yeah.

It's on Spotify. Oh, it started autoplaying. Yeah, it's on Spotify. Oh, hell yeah. There was a 2016 release of the Shag's philosophy of the world. Yeah, they did, in fact, do a little reunion several years ago, so they're still alive and kicking. Oh, yeah. They're quite popular, in all honesty.

There's a 2020 release. What's this? Really? That recent. I don't know. We'll have to check it out. It's called Shagg's own thing. Oh, boy.

I'll be honest, this is an article. I pulled most of this from an article. call from 1999, so I'm a bit blind to some of the newer developments other than just the fact they're still culturally relevant in some weird way. Wow. Anyway, it's now 1973, and this entire time, so from what, like the mid-60s to 1973, the girls had been playing in the town hall pretty much every Saturday night before the supervisors of the building put them to a stop.

Sorry, Fence just sent a picture. It's a tongue, a song titled Shag's One Thing in brackets, musical version. I have no earth the idea what the original is. It's an abstract concept. I do not want to hear the non-musical version of Shag's own thing. Oh, fuck me. Oh, my God. So the Shags continued to play at local fairs and at the nursing home

after being kicked out of the town hall. Austin still fully holding the belief that they would make it and the band never broke up it just shut down in 1975 on the day Austin he was only 47 years old died of a heart attack the same day his daughters had finally played a version of philosophy of the world that he had praised

Wow Maybe there's something kind of sweet in that Maybe it's a sign from God that they should stop Oh my God, I've found the most creepy pastor image of them ever. It's like an SCP or something. Holy fuck.

Look at them. The Outfit. It's a new killbill sequel. Oh. The Shags isn't dead. It's just changing. But we really wish it was. They're going to take 30 years off.

We don't know how to bring it down. It was quite some time before the Shaggs work received any praise. It just kind of blurred into obscurity in the local town. until the band NRBQ heard their album and were thrilled by its strange innocence and got permission to compile an album of their old unreleased studio recordings. Afterwards, philosophy of the world was reviewed in the Rolling Stone in 1980 and was described as priceless and timeless. Okay.

I don't lie to us. I think there's a way of looking to it. I'll get into this a little bit at the end, but I think they do have some credit to them, despite how air-bleedingly bad it can be at times. And this article pretty much helped introduce the Shags to the wider world. There were a handful of reunion shows, interviews, and articles to accompany this. So at the very least, they gained some recognition for their work.

So while it didn't hit the starry heights that Austin had envisioned, at least they had some kind of success. And that's it. That's the story of the Shags. So quite a tumultuous one Quite a sad story But I think it's quite sweet In a way

Very few bands have ever been Featured on the Podiat's best-selling podcast So they've certainly done pretty well I would say Yeah I think I just saw a star glimmer in the sky And I think that's Austin looking down Oh, that's nice

He's proud But this So if you ever heard of outsider music before Or outsider art You've shown some outside music to us before, I think, that was just kind of people hitting sores with hammers

or something. No, that my friend is just noise. Outside of art is something completely different. Outsider art, yeah. It's done by people in like psychiatric institutions and prisons and stuff, isn't it? It can be. I think it refers mostly to the fact, it's

done without external influence. So it's, so obviously for the shags, they spent most of their childhood isolated. So what happens when you put someone who hasn't, you know, got any other grounding or experiences in music, what do they make? I see. It's a really interesting genre and I'm just going to throw out two suggestions. I mean, if the shags have generated some kind of interest in you, Daniel Johnston is one of the

most renowned outsider artists. I do love his stuff. It's not, it's better produced than shags and it's definitely more in tune, but it comes from that very much, that very, it's just him expressing himself in his own way. And it's beautiful, I recommend it. I think Kirk Cabin was a fan. There you go. And another icon of the genre was Wesley Willis with his hit song, well, he's got many songs, but one of my favorites is rock and roll McDonald's. I highly recommend it. There's a little foray into outsider art. I recommend broadening your horizons and giving some truly batch.

shit clanging a try. Yeah, okay. Fantastic. Well, thank you, Mikey. Thank you. Let's move on to a question from Callum James Straw at C.J. Straw 93 on Twitter. Welcome to Butterfield Industries. You have joined a company full of successful people such as Brian Butterfield and many more.

Now, you must pitch your new Butterfield product. What will it be? Both day party cloud? Hot air balloon rides? Juggler man. It's up to you. This is a Butterfield heavy episode. Are we doing one as a collective, or are we all pitching a product?

We can collectively come up with a brand new Butterfield Industries company. One of it fleshed out. Okay, so it needs to be something that Brian is not qualified to do, but can have a very good go at. It's got to be something that he can manage from start to finish. He's got to have total control of this new product. Yeah, I'm just having a look at what he's done before. Butterfield Cosmetic Surgery Oh

Let's see Obviously there's diet plan Sleep therapy Detective Agency Martial arts karaoke Sports warehouse Sporting lookalikes

Yeah Shit sports restaurant There's a lot of sports Seems like he just got in a warehouse And just tried to do as many as possible There was the butter tendo of course Brian Butterfield There's some of these I haven't seen

The Brian Butterfield Ultra Pill And the thumbnail is him holding a pill That's the size of a toaster Wow That is a unit of a pill You have to chew on that Yeah shit okay

So we want We want something that conceivably Brian could let's say be at a car boot sale Or walk into a charity shop And just find and think I can base a whole business around this yeah yeah um what about a laundry service maybe he could find like a trouser press or something

yeah it's all all-timey washing instruments yeah he's got the funding yeah he's got one of those washboards yeah he just washes it in a big metal tub with a big wooden stick you know like charlie's mom in that old version of willie wonka just makes it with the washing board stew

yeah and he only resorts to that after he actually finds a washing machine but he finds it and like it's been fly tipped and it doesn't work I do have a washing machine

but I don't think it works at the moment we can't apologize enough the man is coming on Wednesday and then we will see what can happen at the moon time and then he pulls out his big metal tub and

Does it by hand. I'm picturing as well that he can't afford, like, detergent, so he just grates soap and uses that. Yes. Yeah. But that's another one that you can also buy, in limited quantities, Brian Butterfield soap as well. Detergent, yes.

It's just grated soap. It may arrive clumpy. Don't worry, this is normal. I had a very important business meeting coming up, and I tried to use the Butterfield Laundromat. And he got white stains all over my shirt. And the suit several times too small. That's true.

We did drink it, doll. I don't even know what he would say after that. No, that's it. I could only apologize. For the spillage of pint who cream. We have literally no recourse. The Butterfield soap does leave white suds on your undergarbans. I sent my black suit to the Brian Butterfield Laundery

service so that I could wear it to my mother's funeral. And when I arrived, the only thing he had available was a novelty lobster costume. Yes. We thought we would try to brighten up the day with an alternative uniform. It's the Butterfield Promise, a replacement for your worn clothes in 24 hours. For any occasion. I like it. I think he'd do a great job. Me too. I think we just wrote a Butterfield sketch. Someone needs to put it together properly and then we'll read it loud. Yeah. Fantastic.

Go on, Peter. I know you're listening. Not Peter Osson, the Peter Seraphonowitz. Oh, yeah, Peter Seraphonowitz. How do you pronounce it? Serafinovich. Sarah Finnawitch, thank you.

There we are. Peter, would you like to do your thing? I'd love to do my thing. This involves perhaps a little bit of, well, not perhaps, in fact, I insist it involves a bit of audience participation. And when I say audience, I mean you two. You are my audience.

So I saw this article while looking for a weird news to talk about. I often take to the Daily Mirror, partly because they're not so sickeningly right-wing and depressing to read, but also because they have a weird news section, which makes it easy. Oh, wow. I didn't find a weird news in the end particularly, but I found an interesting topic that I thought, oh, I'd like to kind of discuss this.

So Brits divided over name of game where you knock on someone's door and run away. Oh, man. Okay, interesting. The classic game which many of us fondly remember taking part in as a child sparked a debate on social media recently as people shared various names for it

up and down the country. Do you remember when you were a small child and it was, yeah, okay, so it's a padded out article, as you might expect, but we all know the game. You knock on the door, you leg it, or you hide in the bushes and wait for them to come to the door

and then you laugh. What a fun game. Yeah, really fun game. It's not stressful at all. I think that was the way of many people realizing they had some form of social anxiety. Yeah, seeing like the other kids in the group do it

and then when it was their turn, they'd be like, no, I don't, I don't want to. I'm going to be sick. Yeah, I had that with prank calling. We used to do that on the school bus. And, oh, I, you know, it was all fun in games watching other people do it. It was hilarious.

But then when it was my turn, oh, God. In fact, to immediately go off on the tangent, I've got a story about our school bus used to drive past a hair salon. Oh, I think you've spoken about this, I think. Oh, have I? Oh, that's fine. You need to tell the punchline, though, because it's very good. Okay. So I've not spoken about it on the poddi-y yet.

I've just told you guys about it. I think you have spoken about it. I think it was on poddits. Right. Well, I'll do it again anyway. but essentially the long and short of it is it was my turn to do the prank call the number was emblazoned on the outside of this salon

so I rang up and said as instructed actually by the kids who I was with hello can I have a perm and she was like what I was like can you do a perm on me and she was like yeah do you want an appointment and I said yeah a perm on my balls and she said I don't think you've got enough hair

and then hung up on me. Yeah. The fantastic fucking destroyed. She told that 12-year-old boy who, you know, deserved it, frankly. You fucked around and you found out. Yeah, I found out. You must have just like eating a lemon just, clenched up in yourself.

Yeah, I probably didn't tell them what she said. I probably just said, oh, she hung up. She was really, really embarrassed, but I wanted to sit to it. so you knock on the door you leg it it turns out that when someone named at 55 underscore titles

on Twitter tweeted when you were younger what did you call it when you knock on someone's door and run away everyone had a different answer seemingly giving the most common answer one person said

well maybe I should not tell you guys actually maybe you should tell me now what you called it Okay So, Mikey, what would you call that? We had two names for it There was definitely one primary name There was definitely another name

That was brought in by other kids Right So the primary name was Nicky-knocky nine doors Right, okay Shut the fuck up, Michael No, it isn't It was not called that

Well, Ben Yeah, Nicky-knocky-9-Dohs I mean, I would hold your horses, Ben because I'm not saying that appears the article but I'm also not not saying it so what was the other one it sounds like a dick and dom game it sounds like you're taking the piss nanny knob knobs nanny knob knobs niki knocky nine doors yeah um and the other name was knock down ginger okay wow ben um far less interesting i believe i i was kind of hoping you'd read some of them so i could remember but

i'm fairly sure it was knock knock run right yeah ours was either knock knock either knock run or possibly knocker door run but they get very weird so giving the most common answer one person said knock down ginger while others said they always called it knock a door run but some people however had very

different names for it including chickenelli that's all one word like chicken and nelly but only with one n joining them like it which apparently is used in some parts of Scotland One person, rather menacingly, claimed they called it Knock Granny out of bed. Holy fuck.

Ding-dom punch. Another, interestingly, it says from Sunderland, I've just noticed, said we called it Knocky Nine Doors. Very cool. There it is. Sunderland represent. Sunderland. One well-travelled Brit added,

Growing up initially in the north, we called it Knock a Door Run. Pretty much does what it says on the tin. Then spent the latter part of my childhood in the South, and for reasons which continued to bewilder me, it was called Knock Down Ginger. Makes absolutely no sense. Well, we can all agree on the last sentence for sure, says the article. Meanwhile, overseas, a lot of people in America seem to call it ding-dong ditch.

Which, yeah, it makes sense. Oh, I see. I've just realized, yeah, that does make sense when you think about it. In South Africa, one person explained that they called it Tok-Toki, which originates from a local beetle that taps the ground. However, others fancied a joke at the expense of delivery services. One person joked, not sure, but Hermes created a business model around it. So that was basically the end of the article, but then it got me thinking, there's all kinds of interesting playground dialect.

I've actually got a book on my shelf, which I don't know why I didn't consult it beforehand, And actually, maybe I can look in it for next time and update you. But I've got a book called Law of the Playground, Law as in L-O-R-E. That sounds great. Yeah, and it has all kinds of, it describes the different names for things regionally, and it talks about games that kids played and songs, like, chants that they would do. I saw a YouTube video recently about the change in lyrics around the country and around the world to the song that begins jingle bells Batman Smals

because that goes in all kinds of directions in different parts of the country which is really weird that was a Tom Scott video I think a man who did the very disappointing skeleton yeah you're right actually I just remind you remembered that's it was citation given

so I've quickly got a couple of other things I want to ask you guys in terms of what you called them so what was the game it was also actually in the Tom Scott video what was the game in which you run around and you have to tap each other to say whose turn it is to then run around and tap the other person

is a chasing game where you take turns being the chaser I've got two in my head I can't remember which one was the main one I'm going to say well I think tag it was just tag and TIGI I think was the secondary option you're talking about the one where you have to crawl through their legs

to unfreeze them or just the regular Oh well that's a difference that's a very but yeah then just tag right you say we had TIG not TIG or Tag which is kind of strange

but I've got a map here that says TIG for a large part of England and southern Scotland to the kind of the northeast there's TIGI and Tuggy Oh do you want to play a game of Tuggy

as you move further south there's TIC T-I-C-K Northern Wales has tip South Western Wales just calls it catch chase Somewhere in the Midlands Dobby

Oh A strange one Tag around the south Kind of around Plymouth I think if my British geography is good It's tap And then around London And kind of the Thames

Had he hit Oh what? which I've never heard of in my life. Wow. And then typically in America it's called tag. But I think a lot of people in the UK call it that now. But yeah, we had all kinds of variants for it as well, Ben, like where if you got ticked or tagged, you would have to start kind of waving your arms left and right like one of those things

outside of a petrol station with like the wind blowing through it and slowly descend downwards and downwards, and that was called Stuck in the Mud. Yes, that's what I remember. A friend had to come and, like, tap you to save you from being stuck in the mud. We called it Tiggie Scarecrow. Tiggie Scarecrow? Yeah. Is that where you had to go through the legs?

I think, yes. Isn't that a David Bowie character? We also had off-ground TIG where... Sorry, I'm saying Tiggie Scarecrow just brought back one of the most vivid memories of my life, but during breaks, we'd usually start, like, a couple of us would be like, what do you want to play? What do you want to play? Oh, let's do, take a scarecrow. So to rally together people to join in the game, we'd form a line, like arms over each other's shoulders and just parade around the playground saying, who wants to play? Takey scarecrow. And just march around and

slowly more and more people will get added to this line until we had, like, enough people to play. We used to do that, but it wasn't to get people to join our game. We just went around doing that, and the game was that we were doing that, and everyone would chant, join our train, join our train. And you'd just see if you could get, like, the entire playground on a train chanting. Your guys' skills are just fucking terrifying. Harry Potter bullshit, God. But we had off-ground TIG, where if you weren't touching the floor, you couldn't be TIG.

tagged tug so you would like jump on a bench that people would sort of cheat and if you ran over to try and tick them they'd just jump in the air which seems a bit cheap and then the other thing we would have with TIG is sometimes we'd have like bass where if you were touching the base like the wall

or something you couldn't be you couldn't be ticked and if we were playing a game of TIG with bass before we started and we were establishing the rules there would always be a kid who went is it electricity and if it was electricity that meant that if you were touching the base with one hand you could reach out and touch someone else

and the base would like flow through all of you and you were all on base so you could make a really long chain of kids and as long as the kid at the end was touching base you were all safe that was a really weird rule spectacular yeah

so then the final thing I've got here that wanted to ask you guys I was about, which we didn't really have. I don't remember the word that we had for this, but there are various words in this study of, like, children's dialect for, they're called truce terms. I think we maybe just said truce, which is, you know, if you're playing like a competitive game and you need to, like, talk to the other team about a rule or, you know, say, oh, let's move to the other playground or whatever. you would like go truce truce uh i think we just did time out we would just shout time

out um but there's all kinds of really weird ones i don't know if you guys remember a specific one that you had for that kind of rule um no we never i don't think we ever really did that i think yeah time out would be about as far as we'd go yeah we maybe just shout time out but uh yeah there's there's all kinds of weird regional ones um you would shout feignites or feignities barley keys

skinch these are all just words that kids are shouting in the middle of like a competitive game we had skinch no yeah skinch skinch did you never heard that crosses or kings in the UK in New Zealand they shout pegs or nibs for truce in Australia they say Bali or variants of that

and typically in the US they say time out but it's just another example of oh and packs is the big one I think that's a more old-fashioned one but in the UK I think a lot of people say packs I remember peace used to say peace a lot oh peace yeah we would say peace as well especially in like arm wrestling

or like if you're trying to you know you're trying to basically you know I can't remember what it was called but you'd like hold one another's hands in like a high five sort of motion and then just try and like twist it round and hurt the other person and if you wanted them to stop you just say ah peace peace peace peace and then and then they we had a name for that game that was called mercy oh that's it yeah that was it mercy you would it wasn't peace you'd say mercy that's it's in the fucking name well

peace was certainly in some playground game we did do peace as well yeah mercy mercy mercy so there you go little adventure into our childhood playgrounds there. I thought that was quite a fun article. God, I'm so glad that's in the past. Horrible nightmares, dystopian games we play involving hurting each other and connecting lines.

I just don't want to live through all of this life again to get back to here, you know? I'm just glad that that's done in the past. Yeah. Thank you very much, Peter. That was great. Thanks, Peter. Welcome.

You're very welcome. And let us know in the comments and on social media and stuff, if everyone who's listening, what you called these things. Yes, absolutely, please do. Question three comes from Richard Major at R Major 86. Mikey, I know obviously you are vegan, but you're also famously, or at least you were,

a big fan of parrots, holidays and bacon. Vegan. So, Richard asks, sorry, lads, we're having to get rid of one of the big three meat animals, cow, chicken, or pig, which is disappearing forever. I thought this was some sort of Mikey-specific ultimatum, and we're having to get rid of either parents, holidays, or baking. Of course, other big three meets.

Yeah. Which one could you live without? Lived without. I feel like, to me, that's a blatantly obvious choice. Yeah? Which one? Get rid of the piggies. What was it, cows, pigs or what? Chicken.

Okay. Chicken, wonderfully versatile. chicken nuggets, big fan of them, beef, like steaks, yeah, why not? Big fan of that, well, not at the minute, but, you know, big fan. But pigs, I never liked pork chops. Bacon was fine, take it or leave it. But you love it. Well, oh my God, you're right.

I guess at some point I hate... You used to. Oh my God, yeah, I've just betrayed my youth. Fuck. Yeah. Honestly, I'm thinking back at that video, I don't know why I said bacon. I was never like an adoring fan of it. A niki-knacky door-nocky run away.

He wants to play niki-nacky-nacky-nobie run away, Nicky-Nacky-Pigy-Wiky Bacon. Who wants to play? Nicky-norky-nog-nines. Oh, God. Sorry, bacon, but I guess I've, I can't, I don't know, I've just betrayed myself. I would definitely keep chicken, because I've,

I mean, we don't eat a lot of meat anymore. We tend to eat a lot of corn if we're having some kind of meat substitute. But if we do, we have fish or chicken. And then, yeah, out of beef and pork and the other pork products, I mean, I do really like a well-done roast pork, but it's quite hard to do. It can end up really dry or, like, crackling is almost impossible to get right. so you know

it's very rare that you actually have a nice roast pork and again bacon I think can be really hit and miss I'm I'm someone who actually likes bacon done kind of not not too crispy I like it when it's just still a little bit pink you know edible obviously but I don't overdo my bacon I don't like it crispy

or it gets leathery you know it gets kind of dehydrated and weird and horrible so i quite liked it i think i was going to eat bacon it was all it had to be like you know ridiculously curled about the corners for me to enjoy it people really like that i get i get it but um yeah so i think pork can it can be really nice if it's done like amazingly well you know like hog roast and stuff but it it can also just be not that good whereas at least with beef and steak and burgers you kind of know what you're expecting and and it is invariably quite nice I would say, so I'd probably get rid of pig stuff. On the other hand, get rid of cows would probably be better for the planet, right?

I mean, getting rid of all of them would be better for the planet. Well, definitely, but if you could only get rid of one. Yeah, probably. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's an easy answer for all three of us, then I would also get rid of pigs. Bacon, delicious, really nice stuff. However, you're both right.

The amount of food products that come from, or the variety of food products that come from the other two animals, Sort of just completely makes the case. Bacon is, I think, placed on a pedestal that it doesn't necessarily deserve to be on. It's delicious and it's a great accoutrement. Sorry, acoutrement. How do you pronounce it, Peter? Acutrement. Thank you. See, I feel silly now.

Acute tremant. To emphasize the ment. Accoutrement. Acutremant to burgers and other such things. but invariably it's often paired as an accoutrement to one of the other two big meat boys. Yeah, true. Chicken wrapped in bacon. Yeah, is that true?

I can't say I really go for pork chops. Sausages obviously are a big one that will be missing. Oh, I forgot about sausages. But equally, I don't have sausages that often. So, unless you haven't fried breakfasts every week, I don't think you'd be missing out, really. I'm a big fan of sausages. Again, with sausages, we've just moved over to, like, vegan sausages because I kind of think, like, if pigs are so, Pigs are so clever

If pigs are so clever I mean if pigs are so like delicious and wonderful and stuff Where's it all going Because you don't see I mean maybe it's just because I don't buy Pork chops and like roast pork and stuff But I kind of think

Why are sausages so infamously Full of just like Pig anus and stuff You know fur I mean they're really not But they're not good for you If they're so stereotypically full of rubbish

Where's the rest of the pig? going like surely sausages should be like really good meat because I don't know I feel there's a lot to go out with the pig I don't know why they have to make them out of this all the worst bits I guess it's just cheap what is made of pig what is made of pig I'm just remembered gammon that was always a favorite of mine oh yeah gammon's very salty though this is a very weird headline food which contains pig that's it. Geloton is obviously used in a lot of stuff.

Oh, you're right. Oh, my God, Harry Bulls. Jesus, yeah. But you can probably, surely you can get that from some other animal. Yeah, it doesn't, this is a terrible website. It does just sort of say gelatin. Yeah, you can get beef gelatin and stuff. I think beef gelatin is a thing, yeah.

Yeah, there's products made from pig. What is this? Yeah, I should have just searched pork, shouldn't I? Pork belly. I mean, ultimately, if you're a big fan of barbecue, you'll be missing out, I suppose. but I think largely, you know, the other animals have a lot more to offer. Don't want to get rid of the pig, don't get us wrong. But I think in the scenario presented to us, and we have to get rid of one, then there we go.

The UK is not even on Wikipedia's list of the top worldwide pork consumers. Really? From what I can see. I suppose quite a significant part of our population is made up of people who wouldn't eat pork for perhaps cultural. cultural reasons. So maybe that sort of brings us down on the... This doesn't contain a lot of countries, so I take that back. Oh, okay.

Yeah. United States eats a lot, though. There might not be too surprising. I bet the Germans eat a lot. Oh, actually, we're just in EU. We're bundled in there. Oh, I see. Just all of the EU.

Yeah, we're still way under what China eats. Of pork? I suppose to, yeah. United States, nine thousand. units of measurement. Oh, metric tons. Okay. 9,000 metric tons.

EU, 20,000 metric tons. China, 54,000 metric tons. That was in 2016. Damn. Anyway, there we are. I think we've exhausted that question. Bye pigs. Bye pigs.

See you later, pigs. If pigs are so clever, why are they sausages? Is where I thought you were going on. With that. Yeah, pigs are supposed to be clever than dogs. So how come they're not sleeping by the fire? What's idiot pigs? What are they doing? Come on.

Silly, babe. Why can't they afford a house? I don't get it. They've got phones. Come on, guys. Okay, I've got a thing. This is an article from history.com. Wow.

The official home of history on the internet. Absolutely. I think it's the history channeling. That's just what they call themselves. Oh, I see. But yes, this is an article from 2018 written by Becky Little, sister of Stuart and the headline is

When the CIA learned cats make bad spies Oh wow The most famous kitty in spy history is probably the white Persian of James Bond Flicks The image of a faceless villain stroking the cat in the early 1960s films

is now a meme it says Lesser known is the cat whom during the same decade the CIA attempted to turn into a spy Operation Acoustic Kitty was a secret plan to turn cats into portable spying devices. However, the CIA only ever produced one acoustic kitty, or AK, because it abandoned the project after a test with this cat, went horribly wrong.

The acoustic kitty was a sort of feline android hybrid, a cyborg cat. A surgeon implanted a microphone in its ear and a radio transmitter at the base of its skull. The surgeon also woven antennae into the cat's fur, writes science journalists Emily Anthez in Frankenstein's cat cuddling up to biotech's brave new beasts. Wow. What a few words. It's a lot.

It's a big sentence. The CIA operatives hoped they could train the cat to sit near foreign officials. That way, the cat could secretly transmit their private conversations to CIA operatives. For its first official tests, CIA staffers drove acoustic kitty, or AK, to the park and tasked it with capturing the conversation of two men sitting on a bench. Anthez writes. Instead, the cat. Dot, dot, dot, dot. What happened to the cat? Oh, did it get run over? Oh, God. Mikey.

I'm going to say it just got distracted by some birds. Instead, the cat wandered into the street where it was promptly squashed by a taxi. Oh, Peter. Not the outcome they were expecting, it says. And then there is a detail of the report. It's largely redacted, but here is a photo of the report. The problem was... Here's a photo of the cats.

No, the problem was that cats are not especially trainable, she writes. In a heavily redacted memo, the CIA concluded, our final examination of trained cats convinced us that the program would not lend itself in a practical sense to our highly specialized needs. Still, this does not mean the US government's days of animal engineering were over. In 2006, the Pentagon's Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, or DARPA, asked scientists to create cyborg insects. Oh, God.

With DARPA support, researchers at the University of California, Berkeley slash Berkeley, successfully created a cyborg beetle whose movements they could remotely control. They reported their results in frontiers in integrative neuroscience in October 2009. Berkeley slash Berkeley scientists appeared to have demonstrated an improvement. impressive degree of control over their insect's flight. They report being able to use an implant for neural stimulation of the beetle's brain to start, stop and control the insect in flight. They could even command turns by stimulating the basilar basilar muscles. That's quite impressive. There we are. If you've seen the Pickle Rick episode, you know exactly how that works because of your high IQ. I like to think that they then sent the robo beetle out to spy on

to men or women who were sitting on a bench and it was promptly eaten by a feral cat which was then promptly squashed by attacks there we are so that's the the sad story of AK the acoustic kitty that could have been on the front line of the CIA's War on Terror and yet and yet the cat did a cat thing

and got run over top fucking run over The typical cat thing That's how top cat ended isn't it He just got run over at the end Yeah I think so Imagine being The people who spent probably months Maybe even years

Developing this technology First day in the field Oh come on Come on AK It's time to go And just it just runs in front of a car Imagine imagine how many the headphones on When that happened

Just listening to the competition That'd be awful Oh terrible Terrible. Well, there we are. That's my thing. It's time for our final question. This is from Vidyat's Stan account at You Vidyots, who says, are you athletic boys? Tell us your sports history. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm, oh God, I just remember the only main sporting memories I have from childhood is just immense stress while playing football.

Did you play for a team or play? part of PE? Just PE and just just that never-ending feeling of I'm the worst one here. I'm not doing anything to help the team. The PE teachers just like just do what you can. Go in defence or something. That's exactly how I feel, how I felt about PE, just being the worst in the class at football and just saying, can I go in defence, please?

And then even when they were, you know, attacking and the defence was needed, I just kind of try and make myself, I mean, I wouldn't just run away from the ball, but I would, you know, go and mark someone who was on the opposite side of the box or something and just, yeah, look busy, but don't do any, any ball kicking. The worst was when I'm like, oh, Michael, go in goal. It's like, no, I don't want to be the last line of defence. I don't want it all to fall on me. Yeah.

Beyond that, I think my, I was a relatively active child in that I used to skateboard and BMX and scooter and do mad stunts on my pedal bike. Yeah. But I mean, never very well. It took me like three years to learn to Ollie, and I never really progressed beyond that. But I had fun. That's all matters. That is all that matters.

I was out for a run yesterday or the day before, and I ran past there's a hospital near my house, and it's got this big car park that was just empty. And as I was running past it, there were these two skaters in there. It was the most wholesome skating I'd ever seen. There was no one there. They weren't grinding on anything or jumping over anything. They were just using the empty space to learn how to Ollie. And one of them was like just teaching the other going,

yeah, yeah, you're doing really well. Just lean, try and try and focus a bit more of your weight on the back. And it was, I saw these skaters. So it was like running up to them. I thought, oh, what are these good for nothings doing in the hospital car park? I bet they've tagged the place up. And when I got closer, I could just hear them going, oh, you're doing really well.

That's much better than last time. It really touched me. It was all of a sard. The second you ran past, they went back to smoking their drug. Yeah, yeah. Outstanding. I played on the school football team in primary and secondary school on one occasion each time when I think everyone else was unavailable or ill.

And I did used to go to the park with my friends and like kick a ball about. So I wasn't hopeless, but I wasn't up to the standards that anyone would require me to be on. to be at sorry to be on the school team i remember in primary school when i played for the school team um i was i was a defender of course the position for the brilliantly talented and uh i was i was in the corner and i had the ball and like one of their one of their strikers was like hounding me and it's i could have kicked it into touch right for a throw in what i did use of terminology ben that's impressive you sound like i'm not hopeless sports time and uh and and and But I fucking hoofed it right out of touch.

So it went out for a corner instead. Oh, no. So there was no tactical decision making made there at all. And I remember, I vividly remember the crowd of parents going, oh. He could have just kicked it out for a throw, but no, he's giving them a fucking corner, hasn't he? This 10-year-old bell end.

And when I was in secondary school and we were sort of warming up before the match they we would just like take it in turns to have a shot a goal and I again just fucking smacked it and went sailing over the bar

and they immediately said right you're going in defence and they all had a laugh and I was like I don't care I'll play in defence but secretly I was so proud that I'd kicked it that far I was like that's one of the biggest kicks I've ever done that was brilliant my biggest kick ever

Yeah, wow. Absolutely. I remember in year seven or year eight, so like early secondary school, we were doing some indoor stuff in PE and we were doing, I can't remember what they called it, but they basically set up these like various different stations around the sports hall and you had to go and like do just press ups on the mat and then like we'd cycle around and then you'd be like on. like a bench you have to like do steps up and down on the bench what was that called you know all like different ones and everyone be like rotating around each station and different different times and um in that class a kid from the sixth form who was like studying for sports science he wanted to be like a PE teacher or a trainer or something he was he'd come in to the class um just you know to kind of get some experience and stuff and there was an odd number of

of people in uh no that's it wasn't that we were paired off but then my friend had to like leave early so i was then left without a partner um and the teacher said to me oh well you can this this sixth form or like just go with you and like because we were like taking turns in our pairs on each station and so for the last two or three uh this kid was obviously that way better than me because he was like this fitness guy who wanted to be a PE teacher and when we got to the very very last one I can't remember if it was like push-ups or sit-ups or something. I was like, I really want to beat him on one thing. I'll be really proud of myself, or the teacher will be really proud of me if I beat him.

Anyway, I did by like one sit-up or whatever it was. And then it was the end of the lesson, and we went into the changing rooms to get changed. And I had to sit down, and I got really lightheaded. And I essentially passed out. I didn't actually pass out, but I was just seeing. stars, I couldn't see. Wow. The PE teacher came in, he'd like seen me.

And I just remember him, I remember not being able to see anything and just him sitting next to me going, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. He was just going, whoa, whoa, whoa. He was really nice guy, but he was just saying, whoa. And then they gave me a really horrible toffee-flavored lolly that I had to eat to get some sugar back. Fortunately, it was the end of the day. So I went home in my PE kit with a toffee lulley.

lolly in my mouth. Oh man. That sounds great. At least you got rewarded with a sweet treat. I know. I'd pretend to pass out more often now, maybe. Man, I used to play rugby from when I was, I think, seven until 12. And the only reason I would do it was for the free hot dog on match day. Because they used to give everyone a free hot dog. Yeah. God. No, that just reminded me. I used to go rock climbing with a friend. And I genuinely, really used to enjoy rock climbing it was great at fun but the main highlight of it was the tuck shop that they had at the place it was a fucking bounty and oh man i um one time um i i i've did a very naughty thing and i stole a pound from my parents uh i think from my mom's purse to buy some sweets

and i got i got ratted on for doing it and that was a very awkward conversation to say i really wanted some fizzy blue bottles, sorry. You just don't treat me right, mum and dad. I just wanted it. I remember we went, you guys might have done this as well, we went on a residential trip

at the end of primary school where we stayed for like two nights at one of those outward bound places. We go and like build rafts and stuff. Pilvrew in Wales. Right. Yenworthy. A few people were known those.

We went to, I can't remember what it was called, actually. But when we got there, there were these three people who were going to lead like three groups of us. But there was also this one extra guy who was kind of just a porter. He was there just to like do heavy lifting and like show people to their rooms and stuff. And I got there and I just had like this bag of stuff that I brought that like my parents had packed for me. And when I got, when we were walking in there, he was taking people's bags and putting them on this trolley. And he took my bag off me, which was just like a family bag. And he was like,

hey this boy's got a girl's bag I was like what what do you mean it's just like the family bag it's just like my mom's or something it's not mine these are places with like usually the express intent of building confidence and all that and children here it is it's got a wee lassie's bag

you got bullied by an adult I did and he was also on patrol at nights to make sure the kids were asleep and we were not sleeping, of course. It was the first time that, like, you know, a bunch of lads have been in a dormitory together. That makes it sound like we're all having sex, but we weren't.

And he kept just kicking the door open really hard to, like, shock us back into bed. And, like, the fourth time that he came in and was, like, shouting us to get into bed in his thick Scottish accent, no word of a lie, his phone started ringing in the middle of it, and his ringtone was Scotland the Brave. Oh, my God.

Are you sure this man is real? You're not misremembering. For this man I'd only just met, who was the most Scottish man ever. Fucking hell. Jesus Christ. Well, there we are. That's it. I think we've made it to the end.

I'm sure we have plenty more sports stories to share. Many of them repressed. All of them, for me, are involving food, I'm realizing. Almost all of my motivation to do any exercise, up, especially with, like, swimming or rugby was the promise of food at the end of it. Sam. There we are. We used to get fish and chips after swimming, and that's probably the only reason I went swimming.

Oh, yeah. Fish and chips after swimming seems to be just the perfect pairing, right? After you've had all that chlorine up your nose. Yeah. Got to have that vinegar to balance it out. Who would like to know what's coming out on Vidyats over the next two weeks three years ago? One of our patrons would like to know. Patrons?

Well, I suppose in the technical sense. Well, the stream labs, yeah. Not in the actual official Patreon sense. No, we don't have any. But the supporters. Absolutely. Okay, are you ready? The video that came out on 420 in 2018,

which I don't think we actually put any... There was no planning at all. It's worst games ever featuring Sabrana the Teenage Witch. Oh, a Twitch in Time. A Twitch in Time. Yeah. For some reason, not called a witch in time. No.

that one. What a waste. We also had Skyrim Zoo Chapter 8, Furious George. Must be coming to the end of Skyrim Zoo now. I think we are, yeah. George was the giant fish,

wasn't they? I forgot about George. Sunday, Fun Day, Injustice 2, legendary edition. That came out. Memory cards for April the 23rd, GTA 4, don't starve, Majora's mask.

That's ineligible due to a copyright claim, apparently. No. that's good post some tat episode 10 we've been legoed oh i i turn around and i see i still got those legos on my shelf there we go in the spotlight god of war we've got a piece of cake spiral blindfold challenge oh that was a gauntlet of an episode oh wait no i'm thinking of the other piece of cake the the prove it where you were hunter that's it that's it that was another one, the five best-selling video games of the pre-industrial era.

Oh yeah. Remember that one? Esoteric, that one. I had fun, though. I like that video. Skyrim Zoo Chapter 9, Cocker-Doodle Zoo. Okay. What, two in one week? Oh, in a fortnight. They're a week apart. They're a week apart. We're doing a Fortnite here. Skyrim Zoo Chapter 9, Cocker, no, we've done that one. Sunday, Fun day, Incredible Crisis. I think we, after recording that, we went to go and get a, a carvery, I think. Is that when we got the carvery?

I think it was, yeah. I think it was. There was at the beef eater by, um, what's it called? God, I can't remember the name in Bristol, by the bear pit. Lovely. Memory cards, again, Mega Man Zero, two, Far Cry 3, Blood Dragon, and something else. Potty, it's episode 5, Bristol, was the name of that. one. Oh, that was, what was that? Was like military chord names or something? Oh, yeah. B-R-I-S-T-O-L. It's like,

you know, thinking of your knickers wanting to kiss your neck. Because that's what those letters spell, Bristol. We also played Star Wars Episode 1 Racer. That's a video we did. There was also Post-S-M-Tat episode 11. The Waris of Love was the name of that one. I think that was a custom album that we had. Oh, wow. Made for us. And that is what came out. Oh, no, there's also a worst games ever game selection video. That is what came out three years ago over the next,

well, between this episode and the next one. You're right about the carvery, because that's the one where we're, not only we're saying we're off to get a carvery at time of recording, but at time of publishing, we're saying, I remember for some reason it sticks on my mind, we're saying, have a good Easter weekend. So it must have been a slightly later Easter that year.

Ah, maybe. If memories. I mean, that's what I remember. that it came out on Easter weekend of 20, what, 19, 18, 18, 18, 18, 18, 2018, 2018, 2018, 2018. Time, hey, fucking hell, unreal. Right, what have I got to say? I'm just looking now, Mikey, there's a shop. Oh, you are damn right.

Store.orgscaster.com is a wonderful place where you'll find a wonderful bounty of different merchant products from a wide range of creators. but there's a special little section of the store just just for us and it's it's home to a beautiful selection of shirts, mugs and hoodie and if you're a little bit interested but you're thinking a little bit too pricey or I show you they're all quality garments you can you can get yourself 10% off at checkout using code vidiates and better yet that doesn't just work for our stuff that works on everything on the Oakscastle so you can I don't know get as a fucking Sips poster or what or something like that yeah and a video shirt yeah

he's called Vidiots Brilliant what what yeah yeah yes yeah yes yeah sweet okay you can also go to YouTube Twitter Facebook all dot com forward slash Vidiates official to keep up to date thank you keep up to date on everything there's also twitch dot TV forward slash video it's official at the time of recording I am actually planning a stream this weekend. So I don't know if it happened

and when this releases it would have been weekend just gone. So if you came, thank you for coming along. I hope you enjoyed it and gave money to charity, whichever one was chosen. Streamlapse.com

forward slash potty's donations three pounds for a shout-out and you can join Pod Squad. Here we go. Let's do a Pod Squad. We've got the generous Tommy the Wanken engine, equally generous pro-trainer, Avo Good Row Toast 11,

eye full of Bobby's Babylonis, Arthur the kitten, who was very generous, thank you, Torit Ton and Torit Togg, Tom Campbell's Wet Man, Big Tissy Jesus 42, The Catcher in the Minge, Bruxistentialist, Stephen Skodez, Cheggie Cheggie Chog, Chog. That's another name for Nicky-Nocky-N-Dohs, isn't it? Onlyfans.com forward slash the names bonbon, bonbon, bon bon, alfresco drinking and the generous Dr Mundy's Mean Bean Machine. Also, Ben owes me 20 pounds.

The good Lord Brotovic, Waguan my G, big bouncy babaloonies, confused parrot Austin, who the cock is Freddy Weber, Katie Kinsolo, Alan Claw, happy birthday tea peeps, Finn Cheggers, I should have said, by the way, Beno's me 20 pounds was very generous. Happy birthday tea peeps. Finn Cheggers party quiz. What if Tiny Peter but large? Candice de Beirut,

Eante Roberts. Goody Good McGooderson. Hello yes, this is rules Bosnia. Mr. Black. Chegler Cheglesiridlovakia. The very generous shit kneel for wankers.

Good normal one, Jason. Jason Allen. B and Havergut Heyer bra I'm sorry and speed bottom

fruit slap ball that's a really hard ending that list Dick and Finn Dom sex tuffle jump Donak 07 Mr Gooda

the very generous Neil Buchaneda Good Just Keep Swimming Ash Tiny Peter for my bunghole Tom Hanks Pros Catering Yes

Cheg four lumps regularly Could have also had Chegularly But that's fine Hoddy oats a vidiotic cereal Spread cheek slap balls Dave's bent son Philip

Who's Cheggistan Tourist board Specky Becky Emily Lemons The very generous me Ben Potter The also very generous Chega Slovakia emergency Oh no, my Brexit suit

And Prince Beefcakes That's your pod squad for this week Thank you so much everyone and once again, streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots do donations. Mikey, where can people find you? At Parrot Boy on the Twitter

best place to find me. Nothing much going on there at the minute. Oh, I did do a nice fun stream at the weekend. I highly recommend just watching the Vod. It'll be right there. There's something going on on Twitter, Mikey, which is that someone's done a write-up of your new speed run category.

Oh, God. There's like, yeah, someone did I guess a scholarly essay on the Tesco speed running scene as it stands. And I'll be honest, they were pretty rude about my run. They call it pretty dismal, but it was written up with headings. And it's several pages long, so I can't quite be angry. I'll make it into one of those like deep speed run history videos one day on YouTube. I love those videos.

Oh, one day, this will be referenced. Yeah, if you want to see a fun mystery, important stream, and a scholarly essay about Tesco speed runs I guess our paraboys the place to go absolutely Peter where can people find us

We're on Twitter too at That Peter Austin and at Confused underscore Dude But we're working together Over a team triple jump That's also on Twitter and Facebook But more importantly on YouTube and Twitch

Where we do streams And we do videos In formats that will be familiar To those of you who watched us Back when we used to do Skyrim Zoo about George and Cockadoodle Zoo, etc. Well, don't do Skyrim Zoo though.

That's the one thing we don't do. But, you know, go and look at the rest. It's not dead. It's just changing, so we'll get to it eventually. Finally, leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms. Do we have a final question? Maybe something to do with your thing, Peter?

Yeah, I guess just let us know your names for Nicky-knocky Nine Doors Whatever it's called Sorry, it's just Sunderland, isn't it? Tag slash TIG And if you had some kind of truce, peace What was yours, Mikey? Skinch.

Skinchies. Skinchies. I think that was, I don't know if it was using that sense But it's very much like, oh, I'm doing skin cheese. You can't, like, I can't be blah, blah, blah. I can't be tug off for some reason. Yeah, give us your answers for those three categories. Excellent. Well, thanks so much for listening, everybody. Take care of yourselves and we'll see you next time. Bye.

Bye-bye. Merry Christmas, everybody. Goodbye.