Podiots - Podiots: Episode 77 - (NOT THE) Alcoholympics

Episode Date: May 4, 2021

Peter's midi-fying all the hits, Mikey's falling on vegetables, and Ben's conducting lipstick science. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. Okay, flights on air Canada. Oh, wow. Majorca, that's new. Oh, nice. But Vienna is a classic Mozart, palaces and schnitzel. Mm-mm, now you're cooking. If you're hungry, deli brings the heat.

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leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Oh, it's time. Hello, everyone. What is that time again?

It's so funny. It's our. Wowing. It's pod o'clock, everybody. Oh, yeah. Now this is podcasting. Ben isn't here this week. It's just me and Mikey.

Desperately trying to drum ups. The intro is always so difficult. It's how do you start from nothing? Ben is distancing himself from this intro. Oh, that's fair. It'd be the downfall of everyone, so we're proud of Ben for being responsible. Oh, here he is. Oh, Ben, hi. Oh, Ben. Oh, here he is.

Hello? Oh, oh, hi, Ben. Hello. Hi. Hello. Hi. That was fun, wasn't it? I just thought I would give that phenomenal intro just as much breathing room as possible because I didn't want to tread on anyone's toes. Socially distanced from that intro.

Maybe next time two of us can be quiet and just leave one person. Oh, God. Don't make that me. I'd crumble under the pressure. Well, it's decided. No, please. If we do that countdown and I fill my lungs with a ready go for us to sink and then you just leave me there dying.

That will be, that will mark the end of this podcast. I mark my words. Okay, well they're marked Here's a good Here's an idea though Something we've probably Actually never thought of Yeah

We could just go straight to the music now If you want Do you want to do that Oh steady Whoa whoa whoa Okay I'm getting into it Better take a deep breath beforehand

Just get warmed up a bit first Oh yeah Let's go Ready? Bring the music Here we go Hello everybody and welcome to The Official

Vididates Podcast It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three urs Where everybody brings Athing along to talk about I'm Ben

I'm Peter and I'm Michael Welcome boys It's potty it's time again It is God damn right Are you feeling

You're excited You got the little comedy juice flowing through your vein holes I miss my shipment of comedy juice This week So might be I'll try my best to run on my reserves I struggled to find a vein at first

But I've got one now And I'm full of comedy juice There's a real drought going on at the minute isn't it? Yeah. Just be grateful you don't live in the States because it would cost you like $300 for your comedy juice. It's the joy of living in Britain.

Cheap comedy juice provided you can find it. Yeah. It's called Bristol. Yeah. Oh God, just going on any street corner. Anybody got any of the funnies. I need a good laugh. You see the price of funnies.

30 p. Gram. Oh, you've, you're no longer living around that area are you so by coal alley sadly not i wonder if you should get in touch with the old tenants and see if you've just maybe make up a story like oh my uncle sometimes comes along and talks about cool have you've seen him recently and has the price gone up or down that's what i really want to know yeah got to keep an eye on the market information if uh if you happen to find out the price of coal then you would you would need find

financial support in order to buy it. Oh. Yeah, there we go. I'll see why you go. This fucking smooth operator over here. Did you know you can support the show financially? Well, you can. You actually can.

By going to streamlabs.com forward slash poddy at donations. If you donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast, and you'll join Pod Squad. You will either be assigned to join Pumpy Platoon, the tiny troop, or the fast crew. It's totally random. don't even try to get in one. It's just the way that the dice... What's the cards are dealt?

The dice fall off the floor. Look at the drawer. That's the one. Mikey. Hi. Do you want to kick us all? Oh, I'd love to. We start with a strong opener

with the very generous Chenogel... Immediately wrong. Chegg Nobel Nuclear Disaster. I'm not sure what was worse. disaster of Chegg Noble or me reading it out. I'm just going to carry on. Thank you very much, Chegg Nobill and they say, hi guys, I thought it's about time I gave back. I've just managed to start going back to work again after over a year off and being very lucky to avoid redundancy.

You three kept a smile on my face throughout a very stressed period and I wanted to say thanks. Oh, thank you. Very welcome. I feel very, very sorry for your colleagues who are going to return to like a year's worth of pent-up poddiet's references. Yeah. Bless you, thank you. We should continue with Buy Online. My...

Oh, God, this isn't... Go on, Mikey, you can do it. My phlegelum is beautiful. It is. Yeah. Is that it? I've seen it. It's great.

Yeah, there we could. Thank you. Thank you. I keep it in pristine condition. Pro trainer, Lord Janity Brotovich. Wanking for World Peace. God, you can do it. I believe in you.

Decipher, my Pfizer bum. Always an adventure podcast. Pick up in store. And the generous and very sadly still locked up in prison, Big Titty Jesus 42. Well, boys, it's looking like Twitch is not going to let me back in. I've emailed them four times and nothing. The absolute rat bastard fucks.

But please, no, I've not abandoned your streams, sirs. I'm still there. I just can't see a goddamn thing Oh, big titty Jesus 42 Is it just because the name is quote unquote offensive Is that why? Yeah It could be time for big flippy Jesus 42

Yeah I'm just saying you could there could be a name change And then you could be in the chat Tig bitty Jesus Yeah, why not We'll know what it means Yeah absolutely Thank you though

Thank you, thank you large breasted Christ Awesome Fox 42 who loves pottyets. Oh, God, why am I get... Sorry, I'm going to have to get right up close to my monitor here. Hager-Bagger to Gavar... I mean, I'd struggle with this. Hager-Bagger to Gavaga.

That's as good as you're going to get. Ben Plopper's Purple Wopper. Good, thank you. Jason Allen B., Mr. Black. Now do classical gas. and big baby pop. Big baby pop. Oh, it's, yeah, oh.

I used to love those. They were kind of sickly and horrible, but I love it. They were terrible. Yeah, we found the French advert for that on the charity stream the other weekend. Seton big baby boop. It's amazing.

Oh, wow. It's necessary viewing. Oh, God. Sounds wonderful. The tiny troupe this week is Stephen Scodes, Kevin from Con. Enjoy some check. Cheglet.

Enjoy some Cheglet. Ramesses, Niblick the third. Ice. Wallow cum. Extra 50s of Garlichtenstein. Prince Beefcakes. The very generous, Ben still owes me 20 pounds, who gave 20 pounds and said,

Oh, come on, Benjamin. It's been another fortnight, and I still haven't gotten my 20 pounds. This is outrageous. I can't believe you would do this, me, just write me a cheque for £20 and I'll be on my way. Or of course, you can bring back memory cards. No comment. The saga continues. Dick my Chechnya, case. Just keep swimming ash. Chega monkey.

Peter Seraph... Oh, what on earth is this? Peter Seraphonographowitz. Nice, there you go. Rules off the tongue. Dave Bautista Phillips The very, very generous Alex who was not very generous That's the name Who said got a new job So take some of my money

You mothers or fathers Oh there was a comma Take some of my money You mothers or fathers Thanks so much for all you guys have done Over die years Been watching since Metropolis Mania And the name

Are We Still Redunding It days Thanks so much lads Keep safe and ta-ta sauce It says. The Minges Karamazov, I think. What's a Karamazov? I have no idea.

My pal, fart, fart, and number one, Shags fan. Amazing. And finally, in the fast crew this week, we have Big Titty Stephen 42. Hot nuns on minimum wage, spread cheeks, slap, Chegg balls, Lord Alan Claw Sugar Glider

Drain the Rock Wilson Donak 07 Stinky Winky Shitty Titty Wow Billy Ray Woolrusha WoolRussia I suppose SpongeBob Cumpants Mr Macca

My pal foot foot fetish The very generous and extra 50s worth of Monica who said after listening to the good episode I realise that I am one of the people who has listened to every episode and just how happy they have made me. Ironically, the fact you don't charge for the podcast

is probably what has prompted me to donate. Tukes. Which I think it's me to thank. Tux. Kez of Galefrey, Shreddy Murphy, Katie Kin Solo, Ebenezer Goode, watch out for chickens,

and Theresa, may I have this dance. It's a good one. There we go. Thank you very much. That's your pod squad for this week. Some real tongue twisters in there. I've got a request for the next round of names I'm just in my head

I'm picturing for whatever reason someone's stumbling upon this podcast like deep in the depths of the top 1,000 comedy podcasts on iTunes and I want their like so let's just say this is going to happen next episode I want everyone's names to just be shining praise or how funny this podcast is everyone's individual names is a piece of praise

for the podcast yes so that when they come in the aunt aren't just showered with who's Chegwin and why is he in every

European country ever? Right. Okay. So can you give an example name then? I love

Podietz and Ben and Peter are great Mikey's okay too and thanks for all the laughs I've been listening for 10 years

it's been great I will never stop listening this podcast changed my life and that's one name. It just comes

into the character limit that one I think. Wow. Make sure you do camel case so we can read it. So basically it's the kind of stuff you would see on a sign

that someone would hold up outside a live television studio broadcast if they were standing outside the window. Like, hi, mum, and I love you, Michael, and stuff like that. I'm with stupid. I'm thinking more like, you know, there's weird online advertisements, like doctors won't believe this one weird fix. What did podiates fixed my marriage, etc. There we go.

There we go. Okay. Perfect. Nailed it. All podiots in your area. There we are. That's streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations, three pounds or more. Donations with an S on the end.

Three pounds or more to get a shout out and to leave a name praising us. Perhaps the most egotistical thing we've requested. There we are. I've got some questions here. Would you like one? Only if they're praise. Thomas Bundgard at Turtle with Ties says, You're planning a bank robbery.

What special skills to each of you have to complete it? and it says, i.e. Ben, as getaway driver, because he fast. I'd love to see you as like a baby driver type, you know, going around in your little car. Have you still got the same car? It's still at the office, a thing. Oh, oh, is in my car? I thought you were talking about the little Fisher Price car. Yeah, the big little car.

Yes, no, I still have my Chevrolet Matisse, the beast. Sick. The fabled car that ran over Peter. Put some flames on that bad boy, Vourn, you'll be away. The thing is, though, is Ben fast in his car or just on his feet? I mean, I'm sure both, actually, is the answer to that question. But, like, surely Ben is just a faster runner. So he might have to carry us away from that.

This was my concern. Like, is it sort of a rickshaw kind of arrangement where you just hop in the back and I run with holding onto the handles? It's like flintstones. We go in your car, but you just have your feet through the footwell running on the actual tarmac. I think that's how it works. Yeah, that sounds good. Well, I'm happy to do that. What are you boys doing inside while I'm waiting?

I think my only real ability is distraction. I guess I just enter the room, drop a big old stinker, not a poo, a fart. That'll clear out the place. And then just it's a cakewalk from there. Just walk in and take the money. No, I want to go back in there. For once, I didn't want to be like, well, obviously Michael would fart. But I sort of left that open to you, and you didn't disappoint.

and just said, well, my power is farts. That's all I'm good for, right? No, you're good for more than that, Michael. You're more than a fart boy. You're just very good at farting. I know what I'm good at, and I lean into it, all right? Well, rather than lean into me, I guess. Yeah, lean away from us, thank you.

I guess with me being so small, if Mikey distracts everyone, I can nip out the back and just slip under the crack under the door of the vault. Yeah. You could steal one bit of, at a time. I could, but maybe the biggest bill I can find, maybe a 50.

Oh. Oh, bloody hell. Someone's got to get out a little highlighter to make sure it's real. Yeah. Did you guys ever have that? Peter, you've worked in a charity shop. Mike, have you had a retail job before? You worked at McDonald's, right?

I worked McDonald's, but I was purely kept behind the line. I was a burger flipper, not a money counter. I was so stressed whenever a fucking 50-pound note came in, and you had to pull out the little pen, little pen and you forgot what color it was meant to go so i was like yeah that's fine it's a color so that must mean it's real it looks like a 50 we had um so that i worked in a couple of charity shops in my tenure and um the one was in well both were in yorkshire is the necessary information for this story and uh in one of them that i worked at there was just this note stuck to the underside or sort of

near the bottom of the till that said, there are fake 20s about, don't tech em. Nice. In that accent is how it was written. There are fake 20s about, don't take them. So you would know what it looks like if you were to go into the bank. You would know what kind of bills you want to tack? Tack, yeah.

You know, like other languages have oomlots and all that to signify the accent. I'm just imagining a Yorkshire sign's written in Bovril, and you just infer the sounds from the... Yeah. Just the phrase there are fake 20s about. That, I mean, that alone is quite a northern wording. Like they're coming in and trying to give you deceased relatives clothes or something. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I think we've sorted it. We're ready to rob a bang. Easy, easy. Yeah. So Mikey's macanum sit dune with his big smells. I'm Utside. And I'm tacking the...

Peter's tacking one note at a time. Ben's going to go geek fast on his, well, not pedal car, I guess. Are you using your feet? Yeah. Bipedal car. I don't know. Something like that. Let's leave it to the nerds in the writing department that we have here at Caudits and they'll work.

Well, fantastic. Who would like to go first with their thing? I'd quite like to get mine out of the way because I'm concerned about the technical aspects of it. so I'll be up to relax a bit more once it's been done. So Ben knows a little bit about what I'm doing today, Mikey, although only generally, only vaguely. I saw a video recently. You might have seen some of yourself, Michael Johnson,

where it's kind of a, I think it's a recent trend. I think the technology, well, I know the technology's been around for a long time, but I think it's a new trend where people are converting audio files, like MP3s and stuff, into MIDI. Now, for those listening at home who don't really know what MIDI is, we don't really need to understand exactly what MIDI is, but basically what they're doing is they're taking a regular sound file of a song and they run it through a system,

and what is spat out at the other end, at first glance, if your ears can indeed glance, sounds like someone slamming their hands all over a keyboard, like sort of in the tune of the song that it's supposed to be. But the point is, they're not trying to just play a beautiful rendition of the song on the piano. Instead, lots and lots of piano notes of different pitches and volumes combine in the same way that pixels are just tiny little colored squares, but altogether they make a picture. All of these notes on a midi piano, rubbish tinny keyboard with all their different pitches and volumes, replicate the actual sounds of people singing. and the instruments from the original sound file.

So I've got an example here of Bohemian Rhapsody just to get everyone so that everyone can understand exactly what we're dealing with here. It's going to sound at first like a bit of a mess, but if you listen really carefully, you'll start to actually sort of hear the voices of Queen despite the fact that it is all just being played via a really tinny piano sound effect.

That's the only sound that's in there, just lots of different times. So I'm going to share my screen with you guys. Ben will have to add this in post. Listen to the voices. Oh, God, there they are. Freddie Mercury drowning in the bathtub. Oh, my God, they're trapped in the bathtub.

computer wow oh it's horrid I'm a big currently we're looking at a video that's like a weird demonic Star Wars opening credit scroll yes it's guitar hero gone wrong

it is oh fuck that gives you an idea of what we're what we're going for there. No, it's like it's a future where we're all replaced by robots, but they don't quite know how to sound like us.

Yeah, exactly. So, I decided to give the same treatment to some classic Vidyat's universe songs and others. So what I'm going to do is I'm actually going to tell you what they are. I thought at first we could play a game where you have to try and guess what has been converted. But it's that kind of thing where if you don't have your ear in tune for what you're supposed to be listening to, you're just not going to be able to pick it up. And so I'd rather tell you ahead of time and then we can all just enjoy it rather than you have to listen to a mess, then me tell you what it is. And then probably you'd have to listen again to pick it up. So we're starting where every album should start with by The Neighbors Cat, Stoke-on-Trent.

Oh my God. Okay, and you've made these yourself? I've converted these myself, yeah. Oh, amazing. The village cat lives on in just several art forms at this point. Yeah. Not dead here. This is it?

I can hear him. He's trapped in there, Peter. Get him out. This is just the sound of. stork, isn't it? Yeah. Okay. This is the uncanny valley of, like, fake humans in CGI, but in audio form. Wow.

He's there. You can reach out and touch him nearly if you don't, you know, if the threat wasn't posed that you would also turn into a mess of pixels and sounds. And again, keep in mind, everyone who's not. who before this podcast wasn't aware of this trend that's all just being played on essentially an electric keyboard so someone could sit down at a cassio keyboard or if they had enough of them you know an orchestra of keyboard players could make those sounds

if they had reams and reams of music with very specific examples do you think you could rescore Star Wars but like not just the music just all of it as an alternative like audio track that is where we're going for the rest of this demonstration. I decided if it works with music and there's loads of musical examples on the internet, I thought people have already done plenty of music. I don't see why I can't do the same thing with the spoken word. So I would like you to enjoy now democracy manifest

by an arrested Australian man. Now this one, I warn you, the first few seconds is very difficult to pick up. There's an initial very loud slam of the keyboard, which is him shutting the door of the police car. And then you should start to pick it up after a couple of seconds, but it is a bit of a cacophony to begin with, because there's also the background noise of an idling car. So, but we'll go with it and see what happens. Okay. I'm very excited. Oh, there it is. Here it comes. No.

He said it. I hate it. Is this what an NFT is? On the penis people. Nice headlocks up Your judo well There it is It's quite musical in places

Yeah Oh it got quite good for a second I never thought I'd hear a piano say My limp penis I know Yeah A succulent Chinese meal Oh god

I've got two more for you I'm saving the best to last but we move on to an edited down version of the Butterfield Diet Plan Oh God So I think if memory serves This starts from the beginning of the video So this was me Brian Butterfield

Just six months ago before starting my diet plan But just look at me now I feel like a new man And then there's a bit of a cut And we go to After dinner minutes It's time for a reward Saturday is treat day

And then we hear the wonderful list of everything you can eat on Saturday. So listen out for the cut for it's time for reward Saturday's Treat Day. Saturday is treat dead It's so weird It's so weird It's so distinctly hear the accent You can hear him

Yeah Anything goes. Oh my God. That's the alarm going off. That little ending motif. That's his alarm clock. That's his alarm clock. It's so weird.

And I'm wondering, like, Science-wise, what the percentages of that being accurate and what the percentages of our very, very clever brains making the connection and making it sound more like what it actually is. If you played that to someone with no previous knowledge of what it was, would they hear it the same way that we're hearing it? That's a good question. Well, it's time for a reward now.

After you've sat and listened through all that, I've brought the only bit of dialogue I could have. brought to this for a finale um two boys in a park somewhere in the northeast it's time for garlic and chips everyone oh my god now i think the funniest part of this actually occurs right at the start when the guy with the camera says are you comfortable there and michael jugsons reply of yeah is like just two notes on the piano there's just this tiny little press of the keyboard in reply oh God, okay. So listen now for that.

Right. Garlic and chips in three, two, one, go. This is actually just how people in the north-east talk. Yeah. You're going to get us Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You fucking bastard It's so

It's so clear Stunson that Wow That worked so well I think it helps that the accent is quite melodic anyway Yeah Oh Jesus Oh god

Can you send me that file later I just want to clip that last bit of a fucking dude Of course I will do yeah that was phenomenal oh god i'm all i'm like i'm sweating with laughter it's god that was amazing that's our little adventure i tried lots of others by the way and they worked to varying effects the dick and dom theme tune worked pretty well but i thought not so many babuers will actually know what that sounds like um the bobby babaluni song i tried but again it's hard to know

what to listen to if you don't know that super well, which I don't actually know it, that great. And what was the other thing I tried? Oh, I did Mikey's dog rap, but it was all quite bassy, so he couldn't really separate his voice from the beef. So, yeah. Yeah, that work. I've never heard, I've never seen anyone do that just a voice before. It's always just been entire songs.

And when you're trying to replicate an entire song with just one instrument, it's chaos. but you just bring in a voice and it starts to sing. Absolutely. There we go. That was a little foray into the MIDI VCU. Wow. Thank you, Peter.

I feel sick. You're welcome, me too. I'm going to be sick. Next question comes from Jack Squires at J Squires underscore comedy on Twitter. That's the website, yes. What sports do you guys think would be the funniest to add a mandatory amount of alcohol

too. Oh, wow. Golf would be pretty funny, I think. I mean, definitely there's lots of running and jumping kind of sports that would be hilarious to see people falling over in it. But I'd quite like to see, I mean, the mandatory amount of alcohol for drinking golf would have to be obscenely high. I want to see people who are absolutely, they can barely stand up anymore, trying to swing driving golf clubs right across the green. And then try and do the fine work on. the putting green as well towards the end it would all be entertaining I think driving golf carts too I think there's a lot to be a lot to be said for that I for some reason in my head I went straight to um dodgeball

I just when people when people leave the inhibitions at the door dodge ball can become a very interesting game of just primal aggression and ball throwing and I just think throwing some alcohol into the mix it make it so so intense

it's a bit like that That bit in Jackass, I can't know if it's the second or third, where they get loads of Coke and Mentos, and then they shake them all up, and then they're tossing those all around the room. Oh, no, actually, and I'm thinking of two different things here. They played dodge ball in the dark with, like, medicine balls, like really heavy. Oh, my God.

Yeah, and they can't see a thing, and they're just throwing them blindly around the room, which just seems brutal. It does seem brutal. Of course, Jackass has already done it, of course. I don't know if they were, well, let's face it, they were definitely drunk. Yeah, among other things. Yeah.

So you could go with something that would genuinely cause physical harm, like shot put or javelin or something like that, you know, where spectators or officials or even the athletes themselves could be killed, potentially. But I thought maybe speed skating from the Winter Olympics would be a really fun one because quite famously there was

that Australian guy who won and was not expecting to win after everybody else wiped out. Because ice is like, it's really slippy right? It is. Very slippy. And if you fall off in a sort of Olympic tier competition of who can skate round the circle

or the oval the fastest, you're not going to catch up to everyone else. So if everyone's pissed, then I think not only would it make for incredible viewing, but I also think we could get some real upset victories from nations that perhaps are not famously brilliant at the Winter Olympic Games. I think it would level the playing field. There'd be loads of, because then like someone would pull ahead, say the Australian, but then they might fall again and that gives the people behind them a chance to catch up. There'd be loads of people falling constantly and it would be a nail-biting experience. It's like marble

racing or something like you just have no idea who's going to win. It'd be like fall guys. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Total wipeout with drunk people. I mean it's already. That could also kill people. Definitely. People would die. It popped in my head gymnastics as well. It would be quite fun. That's a fuck. That's a very high constant land on my head. let's just hope it just a bit of floppiness when they land on the floor it says oh miss the bars you you plonker it rather than you get 10 points if you can just cross the beam without falling off it doesn't matter what tricks you do along the way

just get it to the end it's basically just a fancy sobriety test can you walk in a line please I Google drunk Olympics to see if this has happened before it seems like it's all it's Olympics involving alcohol like you do like a gauntlet of different drinks but now I want to see professional athletes getting slated and just

doing a run or a jump or whatever it is, sporty people do. There's got to be a good pun there. Yeah, see the triple jump would be good too. Well, shot put. There's something, there's a pun there for sure, as in like taking a shot. I was going to say we would have come up with something better than Olympics, like a drink picks or

a limp drinks. I don't know. Olympics, that's not, that's somewhat relevant. That's the infertility. That comes after the drinks, but. I don't know. There's got to be something, right? Olympus is what you do after all those drinks? Yeah. Yeah.

It doesn't quite capture the spirit of the event. It's not the pitch of oathlons. Oh. Or athletics. Is there something in there? None of these words lend themselves. They're all weird. I just googled Olympic sports just to help chug my memory.

We got this, come on. Come on, guys. We got one in this. We can, like, surely knock one out of the park. Help. Olympic Games. Is there something in games, maybe? I don't think there is.

Olympic. Oh, this is stressful. I want to say, I want to get liquor. to Olympics but I doesn't go like a lick a lick picks that's that's not right um come on this is what we're supposed to come on sporting competitions come on we're not going until we've got this right yeah the entire class of staying here until you find an answer Drunkathalon? Yeah.

Doesn't rhyme though. No. I mean, drinkathalon rhymes more than drunkathalon does. Yeah, it does. It does. The first result I've got is the 2021 World Short Track Speed Skating Championship. So my computer's listening to me, which is a bit weird. People also ask, what are three major sporting events?

The top three world sporting events are apparently the Olympic Games, the FIFA World Cup and the Rugby World Cup, apparently. That's what those are. Oh, breakdancing's in the Olympics now? Yeah? I just saw, I'm looking on the official Olympic website and it's just something called Breaking. I was like, what the hell is that? Can we bend the rules and just go with the vodka Red Bull Air Race World Championship? There we go. Why not?

I don't think I think we're going to be here forever otherwise we'll come back to it someone will tweet us like a devastatingly good one and it'll like completely knock us out of our socks what that's not the fucking phrase is it knock us out of us oh it'd be so powerful it'll take us out of our socks and then we'll just sit there and look at our screens like oh it's so stupid

why don't we think of that silly billies Mikey would you like to do your thing I'd absolutely bloody love too I've brought along a news article this week, which inspired me. I'm just, this isn't, there's no easy way of getting into this, so I'm just, we're just going to go into it, okay? Okay. This is a story reported on Friday, the 31st of October in 2008. The headline is a simple one.

It reads, Vicker, hospitalized with potato up his bum. Oh, no. Oh, no. I was putting up some curtains naked, Doctor, and I'd left my potato on the sideboard. It was a disaster waiting to happen. Peter, that's exactly what happened. Oh, what? I'm taking...

Well, is it, though, me? It's a running gag, isn't it? That if you accidentally stick a carrot up your ass and can't get it out again, what you say to the doctor is, oh, well, doctor, I was putting up curtains, and my carrot was on the table. That's what you say happened. I balanced it precariously.

It was my bad, I wasn't thinking. I was playing parlor games with my family at Christmas. Yeah. Someone swapped 50p for a potato and I didn't realize. Why are there loads of 20 pound notes with weird marker on them up your bum, Peter? The subtitle continues. A vicar claims a potato got stuck up his bottom after he fell onto the vegetable while hanging. hanging curtains in the nude.

Well, I'm sorry to take your entire thing there, Mike. I didn't realize that was a thing. I thought this man had a brilliant brainwave. No one will think this happened otherwise. Curtains, God. The clergyman in his 50s told medical staff at Sheffield's Northern General Hospital that the accident was definitely not due to a sex game. Is that what you said?

It is categorically not that. I know what you're thinking, but this is not a sex game. Can I ask you a personal question, Vicker? Is this because of a sex game? No, it's definitely not that. Definitely. I think he said that unprompted. He just walked in their hands up.

This was not a sex game. Oh dear. He had to undergo surgery to extract the spud from his backside. A&E nurse Trudy Watson said, He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards onto the kitchen table and onto a potato. A potato? A potato, yes.

I thought it was a carrot. No, no. When I was talking about it, I said carrot, but it was potato to start with. How did that... Hang on now, come on. What force... I mean, at least a carrot is ergonomically shaped. I've really struggled to believe...

For your pleasure. something the shape of a carrot is going up there unprompted. If God didn't want us to put vegetables up our bottoms, he wouldn't have given us the carrot. So why are you using a potato? It wouldn't have given us bottoms either. Yeah. It's just like cookies and cream,

bums and potatoes, right? The thing I've never understood about the I was hanging curtains in the nude thing is that's the last thing you want to do while nude because the implication is you currently don't have curtains up on that winter. It is. So what are you doing? Get down from there.

This was absolutely not voyeurism. Oh man, if I had to, if I had to stick a potato at my ass, that is definitely the one I would choose, Ben. That is a very round perfect potato. It's a pretty good shape. The thing is, it's not coming out if it goes in. No. It doesn't have a flared base.

It's not, it's not sex safe. No. Be responsible, choose you vegetable wisely. There's got to be the perfect potato out there that is made for the job. Probably is not a Yukon Gould. That'll just get lost up there forever. A good old big baking potato. That's...

A bit of root ginger, maybe. Oh, yeah. I can see if I can find a potato, like just a picture of a potato that I think. That I think... Yeah, you know what? That's probably not going to come out. Or actually, you know what? That may come out.

Hang on. Here we go. A sweet potato is more pointed, isn't it? Pick your fighter, boys. It's just sending them out. And there we go. Oh, wow. Oh, my God.

Some of those look like they've already been up, someone. I think it'd have to be the one in the far right. Yeah, that almost looks like a butt plug. I mean, not that I would. No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. Oh. But it does.

I saw one once while hanging up my curtains. I wouldn't know otherwise. Yeah. What you could do is get lots of those very small new potatoes and chain them together to make a few beads, perhaps. You could. Hey. Beads.

Beads. Bees. Beads. I'm digging this. Environmentally friendly sex toys. It's the future. Please don't put food in you. Please not put food in you. This is a reminder not to put food in you anywhere but your mouth.

Well, yeah, you can put it in your mouth. That's the one place it's destined to be. There's a little bit more to the article. The nurse said in response to his story, it's not for me to question his story. And she then went on to reveal other objects removed from people's dairy air. Unpromptive.

This nurse was cashing in, wasn't she? Her nurse just love this stuff. I mean, it's the kind of thing you only get to tell your partner. So when a national newspaper comes calling, asking about the potato up the bum incidents, oh, I've got, I've had some crackers in the past, just a few wait. She's found, I don't know if it's heard directly, or maybe she's heard from the grapevine, but cucumbers, a Russian doll and a carnation. She's cute.

The Russian doll had other Russian dolls inside it, or was that? Just the big one. Empty. Got her. Oh dear. So, hearing about this spud up the bottom, I got inspired to do some searching on some other, well, I guess just bum objects.

I believe they're called alien objects or alien artifacts. There's actually a whole Wikipedia dedicated to this. Let's see if I can find it. Rectal foreign bodies. Yeah, yeah, not aliens. Yeah. Which is quite handy when there's a whole Wikipedia dedicated to this. PDF article dedicated to this kind of thing, although I did go farther a field to find a few

things. So I'm going to list out five things, and it's up to you to decide whether or not they were actually found up someone's backside. The thing is, we can almost without knowing any of them say yes, but it's probably not documented. So this is from what I could find searching on the internet. I tried many combinations of many words, and my advertising is now messed up forever. So we start with, well, I'll go through them all and then you guess. Cement mix is option one. Whoa.

That's, yeah, as in the stuff you used to build buildings with and whatnot. That seems really dangerous. An oven mitt. A boom microphone. Spectacles, a suitcase key, a tobacco pouch and a magazine all at the same time. and a bottle of Newcastle brown eel. Oh no, don't make the obvious joke. Oh, there we go.

I didn't even think of that at the time, Ben, you dirty boy. So, cement mix, what do you think? You think someone put some mixture up the bum bum? I am inclined to say yes to that one. It sounds, in some ways, it sounds the least likely and the most stupid, but I don't know if you would have kind of come up with that yourself. So I think it has to be, it has to be true. Yeah, I'm going to say that's true.

Congratulations, you are correct. And this, I mean, it's spectacular, because most of the time you search things up bum. Oh, God, I need to wipe my internet history. But I search things. Usually there's not a whole lot of write-up about it. It's just here's a picture of the x-ray and blah, blah, blah, they came in, they fell on the cement makes whoopsie daisy.

But this one had like a little write-up in a medical journal surrounding it. So I get to give you some medical. insight into this one. Incidentally, Jackass also did this first, didn't they? They put a toy car up someone's bomb. I can't remember who it was. They did indeed. He had to get an x-ray.

Stivo's got a little car up his bum. Oh dear. A 20-year-old man presented to the emergency room complaining of rectal pain. A well-nourished, well-developed man without signs of intoxication was admitted in no apparent distress. Digital examination of the rectum revealed a stony hard mass. So, yeah, while

it got poured in there, and it just set. No, no. A spherical radial lucency was noted in the upper pole of the mass. This is all medical speech. I should have translated this to layman speak.

A blood alcohol level was negative and no other drug testing was performed. So it seems at the time, he was of well mental state. Upon further questioning, the patient said that approximately four hours early, he and his boyfriend had been quote and quote

fooling around yeah okay I mean the words fooling around and the next sentence did not go up to a I was building a window after stirring

a batch of concrete mix the patient laid on his back feet against the wall and at a 45 degree angle while his boyfriend pour his boyfriend his boyfriend his boyfriend

poured the mixture poured the mixture through a funnel and into his bot bot. Obviously, it hardened. I don't know what the... I really... I just don't know what they expected.

It's concrete. It goes hard. That's the point of it. Oh, God. He was fixed up, sent on his way, and it was all fine. I don't know how they got it out. That's quite a fun one.

But when doctors later analysed the concrete mass, they chipped an upper part of the specimen and revealed a white plastic ping pong ball in there as well. Oh, good, okay. He failed to mention it. mention that. Yeah, there's, that was a little cheeky one, cheeky line at the end of it, just a, oops, forgot about that. That's the most graphic one, I do apologize.

It's okay. An oven mitt. Yes. I think all of these are real. Yeah, did you, you didn't say how many of these were and weren't real, did you? No, it's a complete mystery. Okay, yeah, I will say this is also true then. Yeah, absolutely right. This was real as well. I get as the rest of these

is not a whole lot of writing to come with them but a fun little anecdote on this one the oven mitt got up there totally fine didn't do any damage it was just the device used to get it up there caused the damage a wooden stick so the nice soft oven mitt totally fine

don't use you put your oven mitts in a responsible tool I can't imagine an oven mitt would be even that kind of interesting for a foreign body up the bum lover like I kind of feel like you're going to do that. You'd want something with a bit more substance.

Somewhere between oven mitt and concrete, I think. Yeah, that's where potatoes fall in the spectrum. Yeah, maybe potatoes are the exact thing you should be. What's the name of this spectrum, Peter? The Ostonomita. Okay. Nice. Yeah.

Oh, brilliant. A boom microphone. This is a trick one because we talked about putting a boom microphone up. Peter's Bottom in the pilot episode of this podcast. You nailed it, absolutely nailed it. Was that it? Was it really a trick? Oh, look at that. I searched. I searched High and Low couldn't find any, any instances of this being recorded online. So this is a cheeky callback to... This is an original Podiot's idea. Yeah. If you know this, you're an OG, an original gangster. Guy, yeah. I mean, even I'd forgotten

that about the boom mic that we did put up my anus I listened to the pilot a couple of weeks ago it just auto played how helpful can't believe our pilot was titled rectal recordings I can't

I'm glad that that's some people's first impression of us you know their friends will say hey there's this great podcast go give it a listen they'll start from episode one or zero or whatever we called that and that they're away they know exactly what to expect yeah we set the set the field right okay this is the big

one spectacles a suitcase key a tobacco pouch and a magazine all at the same time yeah i think this was probably maybe this got out of hand and he he or she accidentally put one of those items up there and was then using the others to try and retrieve the initial item like the old lady who swallowed a fly yeah i don't know why she put a horse up her backside. Perhaps she'll die. I think that's true. Like a game of butteroo or something. See how many things you can get in there. Yeah. It's got to be true, hasn't it? Yeah, that's a true one as well. Booker poo. Bucker poo. Bam, nailed it. Thanks. It was it. I couldn't find any like concrete evidence of this existing, but it had like a whole line on the Wikipedia article. And to me,

that's good enough proof. And lastly, a bottle of Newcastle brown ale. The Newcastle's throwing me off here, but I think actually it is true. Yeah, I can't imagine there's any variety of alcohol that came in a glass bottle that's not been up a bot at some point. Well, at least from my findings, no one's put one up the bum and owned up to it yet, so you could be the first. If you put pale ale up there, it comes out as brown.

Oh, Peter. God, Jesus. Yeah, I mean, obviously, many instances of, oh, God, I don't know why I'm talking so much about bum objects. But, yeah, there's many instances of glasses in general going up and there. But it's very rare to find specific brands of beers. Maybe they silence that. They get wind of it. Oh, someone's put a bottle of brown hair up the bum again.

Get in there. Pay them off. So don't mention the brand. Let's just obviously make it very clear here. We're not kink shaming. No. Not king shaming. We are foolish behavior shaming.

I mean, we're not even shaming as such, but we're just saying, look, if you want to put things up your bum, that's absolutely fine. Like, literally it actually is, of course. But just be safe. Be smart. Be safe. Do the right things. Follow the kind of advice that I'm sure is out there if you want to explore. Yeah, the oestometer.

At the very least, tie a bit of rope to whatever it is you putting up there. That's my medical advice. Deep Sea mining mission. Yeah. If you feel three tugs, pull me out. Oh, God. Oh, dear. Well, that's that.

I deeply regret this. Thanks, Michael. You honestly could have ended on the potato priest, and that would have been fine. Yeah. I mean, that alone was... I just felt like... It's the most nothing article ever...

Well, it's not a nothing article. There's a lot to it. It's just a paragraph, and that's it. And for some reason, it seems to resurge every couple of years online. I hadn't heard of it before, but like at the bottom of the article on the internet, originally published in 2008. And like at the bottom, they put a note on that said,

oh, in 2012, this article seems to be getting a lot more attention. And there was like a hashtag on Twitter about it and everything. There's this per man. I'm glad he wasn't named because he's never going to be able to leave that behind. Oh, dear. Thank you, boys, for that. Thank you, Michael. Thank you very much.

Yeah, thanks. Let's move on to this question from Calcifer at Calcifer underscore Dress. on Twitter. If someone discovered something that would be named after yourself, what would you want the thing to be? Oh, good question. I've gone with an element, like a periodic element, because in a very... Benium. Well, no, but that's the thing. Like, I don't have to get too involved in the element naming process. I could just be the chemical symbol for it. It could just be BP, and that will be it. I don't have to, it doesn't have to be called benium. It could be called something completely different and then and then it's just the symbol be BP and that would

work. I like that. I like that because you want something that'll outlive you. Elements never go away. That's it. That's your name carved in the periodic table forever. Kids will learn about BP for years to come. Why is Unoptanium's chemical symbol BP? It's because of this silly man who did a podcast in 2021. purely for the japes i would quite like them to name an ostrich after me so that it's called the peter ostrich yeah okay that's good no one would find it funny like learning about that because they wouldn't know that the guy who discovered it was called peter austin only me and the people who know me would find it funny for a day and then it would be lost to to well zoology will remember you, Peter.

They will. Well, hopefully they already remember me. They've stopped calling there. I want something lasting, but my first thought was, if I name my child, Michael John,

and then they have a son, that person becomes Michael John's son. And that's, like, a temporary way to keep my name going for a little bit longer. I need something more substantial than that. Oh, I know. I know, I'll be the, I want, I want the cement mix to be named after me that went up that person's bum and have the hardened stuff put in a museum forever and, John, the, the, yeah, the, let's see,

where can, where I've dug myself a hole here now and I'm desperately clawing to find a pun to get me out of here. Like, Michael John's bum. Sure, sure. Good. That's the bare minimum. God almighty, help me. What about the ball?

Is the ball included? Michael Pongson or something like that? Oh, even better. There we go. It's a full package. Yeah, that gets displayed off to the side. There's a lovely little notice beneath it. I chose the full story.

I was going to say, what is the plaque read? What's the headline of that exhibit? What does it say? What part of the museum is it in as well? What museum is it in? It's probably in a Ripley's believer or not, isn't it? I think it's just purely Michael Johnson, in an attempt to be remembered, put concrete in himself, and named it after himself.

And then he gave it to us to put it in the museum. And we kind of didn't want to do it, but he was really persistent. There's got to be some outsider art somewhere out there that is something that's just been inside a person and has come out and been put on a plinth somewhere. That must exist already. Absolutely. Not necessarily up the bum, but possibly. I would not be surprised. What you should do, Michael, the plaque should.

shouldn't read Michael put this in in him and then took it out and here it is on display. It should be Michael Johnson paid an exorbitant fee for the naming rights to another man's concrete that was inside him from the original story. And that's why it wasn't even, this is how Michael Johnson wanted to be remembered. Not as the man who put concrete in him, but as the man who paid enough money to name someone else's concrete that was in them. yeah that's that's my legacy cherish that children and grandchildren your father was a truly special man and that's why we can't afford clothes you spent our life savings on the bum concrete you don't have a

house to inherit but you do get have a free annual pass to ripley's believe it or not so enjoy that it's time for my thing and this thing was actually done by a child and I'm stealing their thing but it was reported on by the nerdist and Lindsay Romaine to be specific how often do cat buttholes touch the surfaces in our houses

This is a bum-heavy episode isn't it? When isn't it though? Really? Yeah, that's true, that's true. I'll be honest, I never spent a lot of time thinking about cat butt holes until that devastating butthole cut of the cat's musical trailer. Now I'm just going to stop right there.

because there is a hyperlink and I did go down a bit of a rabbit hole. Yes, it was, if you missed it, this time last year, it was heavily implied that at some point there was a butthole cut and people were lobbying, were lobbying. Release the butt hole cut. Yeah, literally were lobbying for the release of the butthole cut of cats. And it turned out that actually it was,

someone had some insider information that, and I can't believe we didn't see this at the time because it would have made for prime thing reporting. But someone knew someone who worked as a visual effect artist and it was their job to apparently scrub out every butthole from every cat in the film, implying that there was a version where they all had buttholes. Oh my God.

And what actually came to light was that they didn't all have buttholes. But in a couple of instances, there was like weird folding and like fur sort of arrangement and shadows that made it occasionally look like there might be ladycat genitalia or a butthole. So there were several meetings during the production where someone had to timidly ask, does that look like a vagina? Do we need to airbrush that a bit so we can. keep our cat monstrosities in place. I do not want to see Dame Judy Dench's cat, but a whole. Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, so let me get further than one senses. Now, unfortunately, I think about them a little too often, especially as the owner of a cat who spends a lot of time rubbing his rear end against anything and everything. He also enjoys shoving said rear end in my face in the morning, which, as any cat owner knows,

is the most nauseating alarm clock. Yep. If you've also got cat buttholes on the mind, and if you do, I'm sorry, you're not alone. In fact, Caden Griffin, a sixth grader in Tennessee, did a whole science project about cat bottoms. He wondered how often cat butt holes actually touch surfaces in our homes. I'll be honest, I never wondered that exact question,

so I'm glad Caden had the good fortune of getting to the bottom of this giant mystery. Very good. So there's a few photos here, and it's weird because I click on them, it takes me directly to his mum's Facebook page, where seemingly all of her photos are just publicly available because I was scrolling through them and then it was just a photo of them on a day out and I was like, I don't think I should be seeing this.

This is weird. According to WRAT, the site that originally reported it, Caden used his science fair as an opportunity to figure out the butthole question. He ran an experiment by putting, you ready, by putting non-toxic lipstick on cat anuses. Oh my God. He then noted where the lipstick popped up around the house.

That is so much worse. So I thought, is this experiment going to entail somehow marking the cat butt with, you know, some sort of safe paint? But the fact that it's lipstick is so much worse because it means the cat is doing little butt kisses all over the house. Yeah, kiss, geez. It's really bad. And also just the visual of him applying the lipstick is something that I find really, really upsetting.

Now go like this. Would you like to see a photo of one of the cats? As long as it's the front end of it. Yeah, it is, it is, don't worry. And also, can one of you add this, please, to the photo dump? I'm already on it. There's the cat. Oh, it looks worried.

That looks a cat that's had lipstick put on its heart. It looks really upset, doesn't it? It does not look happy about this. So, anyway, the article continues. That sounds like a mess. but luckily his findings proved that cat butt holes don't touch as much as you might fear. Caden learned that cats with long and medium hair didn't make any butthole contact with hard or soft surfaces in the house.

Cats with short hair also didn't make much contact with hard surface, or didn't, sorry, make contact at all with hard surfaces. But they did make smears on soft surfaces like beds. This is good news. It means houses with cats aren't quite as filthy as I initially thought. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Talking about their cat. However, cats are still fairly gross.

They hack up hairballs, vomit in weird places and sometimes miss the litter box. But that's the price you pay for constant companionships and fluffy cuddles. Just be sure to watch where they shake their ears going forward. Yeah, I mean, I admire this kid's tenacity and ingenuity, if you can call it that. But I am more inclined to believe a slightly more academic and scientific study. Is this not scientific enough for you, Peter? scientific enough for me. I don't want to live my life going forward, assuming that a cat's butthole is not touching my hard surfaces because a kid in America put lipstick on his cats

a hole. Well, I mean, this begs to differ. Does your cat's butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home? Materials. Cats. One short head. One dense medium head. Cat treats. They're favorite. Two sheets white paper. One flat white sheet. One bid, a bed and one pillow, soft surface, one nightstand, flat and hard surface, carpeted floor, soft surface, tile floor, hard surface, baby wipes. And soap. Soap and water for cleaner. For cleaner. Oh, he had to get the lipstick.

Oh, Jesus, that poor cat. Unfortunately, the photos are, they're not good enough to really do a proper zoom and read the fine print of everything that goes on. But this guy's done, he's done the work. what a hero and we now know it genuinely I was wondering about this the other day because Karen has a weird obsession

with sitting on my backpack in particular so I'll stick it on the floor when I get in and she'll go straight to it park a bumhole on it and it's nice to know that she's not doing any damage to it unless I put lipstick on her and then it becomes damage

yeah although that is starting to get towards a soft furnishing I think so true true Need a harder backpack, I think. On this child's mum's Facebook account, yeah. How, in the photos of her, is her lipstick alright? Or is it, does it look?

Hang on, let me just as I find a photo. A bit off colour. I, it looks alright. Okay. Can't say that there's anything. Are you suggesting she applied it herself to the cat? I'm suggesting that maybe the child used her lipstick without her consent and just put it back.

when he was done. Right, okay. She wasn't aware that her lipstick was used for that. No, that's entirely possible. One thing that you may just about see on his presentation there is that it's got the test sheet in the top right. And I'm struggling to read it. I swear there was a higher quality version of it that I saw.

It says something like, no marks, no smudges. So he just pressed his cat's butt onto that piece of paper. I think so, yeah. And look, no tears. No more tears. No more tears, just like that. So there we are. There's some science for you.

And that's all I've got. That's my thing. I have nothing but respect for this child. That is important science. Go in places, isn't he? What an exhausting episode. We're still not dumb. It's still got a question left.

One more question. And this comes courtesy of Addie at 2 Addie underscore P on Twitter. If you could go back in time to go up to any person, in any point in history and pull their pants down, who would that person be and when? Neil Armstrong, perhaps. You would kill Neil Armstrong on the moon. Yeah, just for the Japes, caught on camera,

you know, one of the most viewed clips in human history. As he whizzes off into space, like a balloon that you'd let the air out of. Yeah, yeah. What was it, this is a small step for man, I'm just imagining in the middle of that just pants, poof, and he's gone, he's away.

It's quite an untasteful, quite a tasteless thing to say, actually given that a time of recording, Michael Collins died only hours ago. Oh no, rip. Went around the moon in the orbiter. But, hey, I'm not, I wouldn't pull his pants down. No, no, no. Just kneel.

Smug past it. All the corned beef sandwiches that he smuggled. to ship out into orbit. Oh dear. God, I've got one. You know that, Peter and I were talking about this the other week, actually. You know that moment where George W. Bush is talking about terrorists? And then he says, now watch this drive.

He's playing golf. That's the moment that I would pance him, just to make a legendary moment that much more memorable. We must stop the terror. and we'll do everything in our power to find these terrorist killers. Thank you. Now watch this drive.

George, please. Fantastic. I think when Guy Fawkes was planning to blow up them houses of parliament, just in the middle of his like escape to flee, just pull down them pants. He's like shuffling. Everything's going wrong. The guards are coming in and him

and they just enter this room. find a man pants around his ankles surrounded by T&T and bombs that's the only reason he was caught is because he pulled his pants down he would have got away otherwise it's just waddling away damn it if only he could have run this i just just paintings i just imagine these grand paintings of a guy folks final moments pants around his ankles shocked look in his eyes much like the cat in that picture yeah the horrified far away look Damn these britches. Oh dear.

I mean, never mind Jack Astor in it first, but with Ben's, Simpsons did it first, with George Bush Senior. They put that wig on his head and then pull his pants down, don't they, I think? Wow. Wow. They got in there first a long time ago. A long time ago, yeah. Oh, dear. Wow. There we go. That's everyone thoroughly pantsed.

We've done it. We've done it, everybody. And now it's time for everyone's favorite section and mine as well that I am just. remembering what's coming out on vidiots this week three years ago what's the dates that this goes out it's Tuesday the 4th of May hang on a minute oh this is a Star Wars episode oh for fuck say we've done it again guys what it'll be a Star Wars episode won't it may the fourth oh for Jesus we're going out on the 4th we missed we missed the weed day and now we've fucked up the goddamn Star Wars day as well I'm watching bad bats

as we speak. Fuck, what a bunch of silly billies, eh? Well, we can't call this one something about Star Wars because we've done that. Can't do that twice in a row. Nearly there. Hang on, April the 5th. Here we go.

Here we go. We're getting there. Is it on this page? No, next page. What are you doing? May the 4th. Worst games ever, Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, good one.

Big, big Miller episode. Very big. Didn't we get, did we get Miller on that one? Or was it just the Twini's one? We got him a couple of times I think and then we decided we should probably stop

calling Simon Miller at his house because one time we called him and he was like boiling the kettle in the background trying to make a cup of tea He's so nice

He deserves better than us bothering him Next we've got Skyrim Zoo Chapter 10 The Irresponsible Zoo owner Sunday Funde Def Jam icon Oh wow

That was a corker of a game Memory cards May the 7th GTA Vice City, Grand Turismo and something else. Writ memory cards. Postum tat number 12, Pikachu, we choose you. We're coming back to Newcastle.

Glitch, 2018. What is it? Have we ever explained that? We can probably explain it now, right? We definitely talked about it. We explained it at the time, I think, didn't we? Well, I mean, we have said it ironically a lot. Sort of mockingly.

So we were invited to go to Glitch, which was a sort of convention expo thing that was going to be held in the Northeast. We were invited with Hat Films, actually. We're going to do a panel. It was going to be great. We're going to play games, do Q&A, signings maybe, even. You know, the delusions of grandeur were at an all-time high. We were promised a lot, to be fair. We were promised a lot.

And then it was sort of postponed first, wasn't it? And then it was, it was, I think at the time, we joking, I don't think we knew straight away, we jokingly said at the time, God, it's like it's being run by students. Yes. And then it later turned out it was being run by students. It was moved a couple of times and then it was cancelled. And their ad began glitch, what is it? Yeah, I think.

And then it explained what glitch was. Which is why we kept saying, glitch, will it happen? When is it? Is it real? Is it cancelled? Glitch, it's cancelled. When you search Glitch, Newcastle, we're in the top results on Google. I think that says a lot. Our video with six and a half thousand views is one of the first results. Hap films know their self-worth. They didn't make a video about it.

No, they waited until it was confirmed, which it never was. We just did as we were told. I've just remembered where, like, Glitch, what is it? I think I know where it comes from. there's the they put up like a trailer video called glitch dot dot dot it's coming and it's just several cuts of people going glitch what is it what is it what is glitch though it's coming glitch what is it and yeah they never told us what it was that was the problem no it's quite clearly just back-to-back uni students they didn't roped into the shit no we were asked we were

asked to do it and to be fair we did say no I think our standards were high enough to say, no, we don't want to be in their strange video, saying glitch, what is it? Oh, we were asked to be in the video, were we? I think so, yes. We were asked to do it, and we decided not to because it felt like a bit much. We were right, so we were right. We made the right call.

Still made a video about it, but there we go. Oh, guys, I've done it. I've just thought, I've just thought of the Olympics. Oh. The Alka-Olympic games. Oh, there it is. It was staring us in the face. Well done.

If I make that the episode title, do you reckon it would really confuse people while they're listening to our conversation? That we hadn't thought of one? Yeah. Until the very end. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't put, maybe, because we'll look even stupider

if there's a very, a perfectly serviceable one right there in front of them and us. Definitely don't put that as the title. Okay, I'll call it not the Alcohol in Pick Games. Right, okay. Nice, smooth. Perfect. Then we had Skyrim Grinch Challenge piece of cake

where I had to steal loads of stuff without getting caught or something. That was a vague challenge idea. The Worst Games Ever, official worst games ever meal. Oh, brilliant. Fantastic video. Good.

One of the best. It was fantastic. It is bean time. One of my favorite friends from that video. We get a bit hysterical in that video. Skyrim Zoo chapter. 11, The Rabbit Apocalypse cometh. Sunday,

Fun Day, PlayStation All-Stars, Battle Royale, memory cards, May the 14th, Crazy Taxi, Metro Last Light, and some Final Fantasy game. Pottie hits episode six, a took. Oh, oh, a landmark episode. Dave, where are you? He's raising a little, Dave.

I think that's why he's so busy. Yes, it's time to come talk to us silly boys about tucks. Mini and whatnot. Mini Dave. Have I, yeah, I've still got to go up to the 7th. did so many videos. Why did we make so many videos? Postum Tatt, episode 13, the music man cometh and, well, two videos on this day, worst games ever, game selection video for the 17th

and May, and prove it, Spyro 2 Ripto's Rage Part 1, the let's play. Oh yeah. So there we go. That is what's coming out on Pottietz over the next two weeks three years ago. Yes, I think. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay, cool. Anyway, Mikey, I think there's some merch. You bet your bottom dollar that there's merch. If you head over to store.orgscast and dot com and you just have a little mosey on over to the bit with our name on it, our logo, I'm not really sure they've changed the website design.

But if you search videos, you'll find a lovely selection of mugs, t-shirts, and hoodie, all emblazoned with the most beautiful designs you'll ever see that will just, oh, you'll go out in the streets, and people will start just worshipping you at your feet. Wow, that's a funky-looking PS1 logo. I know right. And if you want to look as cool as me, this is the person talking to the people at the feet now,

you can head to store.orgsess.com and if you use code vidiates at checkout, you will get 10 whole percent of everything on this holy website. Oh. That could be the new card game or, um, um, a hoodie with someone's name on it. Oh, you could just spend it all on the video section where, let's be honest, that's the best stuff on the site, right?

Waste your money there. Don't waste your money everywhere else. Oh, actually, that's a fun thing that came out recently. I don't think it's actually a veal. Oh, no, nope, it's sold out, but there's a diggy-dig-dig-hole vinyl out. Oh, wow. I was going to try and nab one for free, but I guess they're all gone now, so never mind. Damn it.

Don't it. I need to pay for it like everyone. Oh no. Anyway, called Vidiot to check out. Thank you. Absolutely. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiates official. Twitch.com. We stream there very regularly. Thank you everyone who came along to the charity stream the other week. Raise some money for St. John Ambulance. Did you know it was St. John Ambulance and not St. John's Ambulance? What? I think I did know that now that you're telling me, but I would always have called it St. John's Ambulance. Yeah. No idea. It felt really weird to say.

Yeah, St. John Ambulance is what it's called. Raise some money for them. Very worthy cause. Thank you, everybody. But apart from the occasional charity stream, you're going to want to find us on our individual platforms. We'll get to those very shortly. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddy.

It's donations to donate and get a shout-out, three pounds or more to join the pod squad. Mikey, run us through your poopy platoon there. You plot boys. They're generous. The plip-plot plot platoon. That's the sound they make when they march. Plit-plot-plot.

The generous, Chegg, oh God, what, I did, I did this last time I can do it again. Wait, I think I'm getting, anyway, I'm just going to read it. Chegg Nobile nuclear disaster. No, I was right. They spelled it right. It wasn't, anyway. Thank you for being generous. Please make things easy to say.

Bye online. Oh, this one again. My flagellum is beautiful. Pro trainer. Lord Janity Brotovich, Wanking for World Peace Decipher my Pfizer bum Always an adventure podcast

Pick up in store The generous and incarcerated Big Titty Jesus 42 Thank you Awesome Fox 42 Loves Poddiots Haggum Hager

Bagger to Gavaga Perfect nailed it Ben Ploppers Purple Wopper Jason Alombi Mr Black Now do classical gas And big baby pop

Thank you all. As well as Stephen Skodes, Kevin from Con, enjoy some Cheglut. Ramesses Niblick the Third. Ice, wallow, come. Extra 50s of Garlichtenstein. Prince Beefcakes. The very generous Ben Still owes me 20 pounds.

Dick My Chechnya. Keep Swimming Ash. Chega Monkey. Peter Seraphonographowitz. Dave Bautista Phillips. The very, very generous. who was not very generous. The Minge Karamazov.

My pal, fart, fart, and number one Shags fan. Big Titty Stephen 42. Hot nuns on minimum wage. Slap, so hang on, spread cheeks slap check balls, Lord Alan Claw Sugar Glider, Drain the Rock Wilson, Donak 07, Stinky Winky Shitty Billy Ray Woolrusia,

SpongeBob Cumb pants, pants, Mr Macca, my pal, my pal foot foot fetish, the very generous and extra 50s worth of Monica, Kez of Galifrey, Shreddy Murphy, Katie Kinz Solo, Ebenezer good, good, good, watch out for chickens, and Teresa, may I have this dance? That is your pod squad. Thank you again to everybody. Once more, streamlabs.com forward slash poddius donations, three pounds or more. Let's get a shout out at the beginning. How they had? Oh, the podcast. Mikey, where you at some at parrot boy on the twitters and on twitch i occasionally do things on the internet go check it out um i just retweeted ed balls happy ed balls day everybody as of as of as of recording

everyone i hope he got you you yeah i'm just you're right michael i forget to put your balls oh oh it's been a long day we're nearly done now but peter where can people find us uh i am at that Peter Austin on Twitter and Instagram. Ben is at Confused underscore dude on Twitter, but collectively we are at Team Triple Jump on YouTube, Twitch, Facebook, Twitter and other places too. We are doing videos over on YouTube that will be familiar to long-time fans and we're doing other stuff as well that's new and maybe even better than videos. Could it even, could it possibly be? I don't know. But go check it out and we stream as well on Twitch and YouTube. We do. We definitely do. Finally, please.

please leave a review on iTunes or your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms, and it really does help us out. Tell you friends, spread the word. Do that. Do that too. Right. Do that.

Do that. Do that. Do we have a final question before we disappear. Who would you pants from history? I'm curious now. There's got to be like a perfect prime candidate out there, where if he pants them at the perfect opportunity, it could totally shift the course of his.

history forever. Yeah, at the right moment. Don't just say, you know, I would pants, well, whoever. Don't just say who you would do it. We want to know what historical moment you would add a pantsing to. Yeah. Alternatively, whose butthole would you apply non-toxic lipstick to to see where they get to in your house?

But you're going to say concrete mix. Concrete mix is also an option. Maybe it's the same person that you would pants Oh my god Right we'll pull the pants down shove some concrete in And add a bit of lipstick

All right We're going now Have a good week everybody We'll see you soon Bye Bye Bye Bye

Thank you.