Podiots - Podiots: Episode 8 - The Whizzinator

Episode Date: June 12, 2018

Ben talks Thorpe Park, Michael writes a custom story about Thanksgiving, and Peter's learning how to safely wee on people for pleasure. We're proudly sponsored by Turtle Beach! Get the Turtle Beach Headsets we wear: http://bit.ly/vidiotsbeach Buy yourself some Vidiots merch: https://yogsca.st/VidiotsMerch YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/vidiotsofficial Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to Explorevolvo.com. Hey guys, I really like the t-shirts you're wearing today. Thanks. Thank you. You can buy them too on store.orgscast.com. Please buy the merch. Please buy the merch.

You're wearing a white one, Peter, with a yellow Vidiot's logo on. And Michael, you're wearing two t-shirts. One of them is a yellow t-shirt with a white Vidiotts logo on. And the other one is a limited edition, two-week only. run of the VS1, that's the PS1 logo but with the video's V instead. I've got like one t-shirt on my top half and you're the one on my butt my half like a pair of jeans. Yes, it looks ridiculous, but I appreciate your commitment.

I'm just got a t-shirt on. I mean, yeah. No head. Pleastation. Pleastation. Yeah, we've got merch now. Please go and buy them. They do them in men's or women's.

Or women's. And they are available at. Store. Yogcast.com forward slash collections, forward slash viduits. Really? Probably. Is that going to be the link? I don't know. Well, we don't know. Store.orgscast.com, you'll definitely find it.

Yeah, it'll be there. There'll be links on various bits of sock mats and video descriptions and things. Yeah, the Sokeal medias. Yes. So, where's Dave? Where the fuck is, Dave? Do you want to give him a blow? I'm sorry? What? Excuse me? On the blower, I mean.

Right. You've been spending too much time on weird capedia. Oral sex. Looking up, no, looking up strange things. I know he's in the office because I walked past him. Yeah, sorry I'm having a nice lavender and peppercorn cheesecracker for breakfast. With rashers on toast. Someone told us to stop doing the Dublin accent. And to you, I say, no.

No. We've got the Dublin pass. We can do what we want. Yeah. We can ask Dave if he answers. One of my best friends is Dublin-ish. Can't come to the phone right now. Oh, Dave, can't come to the phone right now.

Well, hopefully he'll see that he got a notification and he'll be hot-stepping it right on over here. But who knows? It could be in this pre-intro bit. It could be during the intro. It could be at the end of the episode. Any time, you never know. You might not turn up. Maybe.

He's around. He's like one of those sort of stamp. What's the term? No, not a bus. One of those things. I was going to say a standby fireman. What's the, what's the phrase? Is there a term for one of those?

A standby fireman. Yeah, one that's like, that's not full. time. Oh, I see. Yeah. He's like an off, not off duty. You know what I mean, though, right? Why do they might not turn up? Why do they might not turn up? You mean, just if there's not fire?

I don't, I don't mean that they might not turn up. I mean that Dave is like, he's always on standby. He's always ready to go. Right, except he isn't. He sometimes doesn't know if he's needed. I think he just poked his head around the court. Oh, you looked at the window, that we're really excited. Dave?

Hello, Dave. I swear I just saw a face poke around. It may have been someone checking if the studio is free. It's the Ogg's cast ghost we have in the office. Oh, Jeff. Jeff, the mongoose. Can I do a really quick anecdote, even though we're only doing the intro? Go on, Peter. You have green light for anecdotes.

It's about firemen. I was once staying... They're firefighters now, because they can be women and virgins too. They can be women. They could be anything. Yeah. There's something in between. It's about firefighters. I was once staying in, I think it was Austria or Germany.

We go there quite a lot, my family. And we were in this fairly rural village. And in the middle of the night, at like, 3 o'clock in the morning, we heard what was literally an air raid siren I was like, what is this? Is it World War III? It's such a haunting noise as well. I'm in the country that Hitler was born in.

Something is happening. It is a horrible noise. And it turns out that in rural areas like that, they don't always have even have a fire station or not a manned one. So the various firefighters around the. village are just in bed with their wives or husbands and if there's a fire they just need to wake all of the fire fighters around the village.

Everyone is just walking up with it. So they have to wake up the entire village essentially. Are you sure it's that or was it that Austria's favourite son Arnold Schwarzenegger was returning home and his arms were so big that they were confused for missiles because they are after all guns and they just had to warn everyone that there was some kind of attack The governor is on his way. Yeah, Arnie's landing. The governorator.

Yeah, very good. Have you ever seen a house burn down? No, Michael, I haven't. It's a weird one. Because like a few houses up in my old street. There was just one day, there's a whole group of people stand outside. I was like, oh, what's going on? Oh, there's a fire.

There's a lot of building out of windows. Woman crying on the streets. Her son is kind of laughing a bit. My baby's in there. My baby. I don't know why she's in London. Michael's laughing along. How many of those buildings did you set on fire, Michael?

is the question. Only three. Only three. There's two left on the street now. Right. What beautiful two they are. Amazing. Was that all you wanted to say? Just talk about. I saw a house burn down. That's pretty cool. It was quite funny.

We used to have like a proper chimney. Chim chim chim chim chim chim chim chim chim chim chibbler in our house, in our old house, my parents' house. And it turns out that burning wood or some, I may be getting this totally wrong. So please ignore. but I remember being surprised that the residue from burning a certain type of wood was actually quite flammable

and it was coating the chimney and the neighbours came knocking on our house knocking on our door because there were flames coming out of the chimney Oh no! Because the entire flu, whatever it's called. It was like a jet engine just pulled.

Yeah, it set on fire and we had no idea from the inside. So we called the fire jorines who came bundling round and it was relatively simple thing they just put down loads of tarpaul and in front of the fireplace they wouldn't leave like mudgy footprints and stuff

and then just did what they had to do gave a quick safety lesson but I was about nine and I got to sit in the fire engine and that was very exciting I sat in a fire engine at a country fate once of course you did, village fate of course you did yeah and it probably wasn't even to teach people

about fire safety it was just this is a fire engine look at this this is rad out in the fucking thickets so yeah just got fire buckets and that's it yeah just filled with sand So everyone just went and sat in it, like, oh, this is good in it. It goes forwards and backwards. Three-year-old children's like, oh, this is proper good.

And you don't need a horse to pull it. It's very novel. Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode eight of Pottietz. We've already been here for a few minutes, but thank you to it. Thank you for coming back. That's like the starter. Now welcome to the main event. The main event.

This is the... Oh, Jesus. For fuck. You might as well just turn off. Just turn off and go away. Michael's burped us out into space right up in here. That was a big one. This is the official podcast of the Vidiot's YouTube channel where we do stupid videos.

The different can drinks have different burps. Because I burp after drinking water. We should start documenting this, right? What are you normally bring to a podcast? It's kind of a mix between Dr. Pepper and Lilt. Right. So you don't mix them before the podcast. Oh yeah.

In a brown paper bag, everything in, so you can't tell. I think Diet Coke is definitely one of the gaseer drinks. Diet Coke, just, I am so frightened about what's in Diet Coke. It's definitely just rots you out from the inside. It's part of me? It's part of me now. It's part of you now, yeah. Vegetable extracts with sweeteners.

So normally it's Lilt or Dr. Pepper. Yeah, but today you're going for... I'm getting bored of Lutton, Dr. Pepper. So you want to go for the literal beige drink. Liltre? Yeah, yeah, the original beige. God. Okay. Well, we'll see how more flatulent you get is the podcast.

Yeah. So that's the thing I never fart. It's always out the mouth. That's good. I'd rather it be that to be honest. I remember when we... I remember when we first started, you know, talking about videots and stuff and spending more time together. And I was always amazed at how frequently you burped anyway just from... Just from day-to-day activities. I think I'd just like, maybe I breathe weird and instead of like going into my lungs, it goes into my stomach. Yeah, just...

Yeah, there's... If you eat too quickly, you end up without... even knowing that you swallow a lot more air and then you have to get rid of it, that's apparently a real thing. Yeah, but woken up with, like, crippling, like, stomach pains and chest pains because you've, like, you've drunk something really fast during the night, or, like, you've breathed weird and stuff, and you've just got trapped wind, but, which sounds hilarious because farts, lull, like, it's so painful. You're not, you're not in any sort of medical distress, but it's just really uncomfortable. As a kid once having a sleepover at my sister's house, I just, it, like, it was about 2 a.m. At your sister's house? Yeah, she's like,

Oh, because she's old. Yeah, she's like 80 years old. She's like, oh, that bitch old. Anyway, I woke up like 2 a.m. And I had like the worst stumbling pain. It's like, oh, God. So it's like, just like, going, uh, and she came in. She's like, oh, you're all right.

And she gave me an, like, a salsa, I just farted. Does that, well, does that fix it? Yeah. Because I've just, just suffered instead of actually doing something about it. You can I just release depression. Oh, wow. Thanks, sis. Perfect.

She just jumped on my stomach. And then she just jumped on my stomach. earlier to get away from me. Yeah, after smelling that, I bet she did. She went as physically as far as she could without leaving the planet. I'm so sorry, Turtle Beach, but you actually sponsor this podcast. It'll be indirectly. Bit.ly, forward slash viduets beach to get the wonderful headphones we're wearing right now.

Very crisp, very clear. And also once again, store.orgscast.com to buy some actual branded Vigiotts t-shirts. We'd like to take some suggestions from you guys about limited runs of t-shirts. You'd like to see, we know obviously you want a Billy one and you probably want a rules boss. one. So it all depends on how well these sells. So if you buy, if you buy out all the stock, which is impossible because of the printed on demand, but if you buy out all the stock. Yeah, if we've run out of T-shirts in the world. Then we know what we're doing well. Then we can do maybe a poddy at a specific one. Maybe one that just says took on it. Yeah.

With Dave's face. Yeah, in all seriousness, though, this is very much kind of testing the waters. So if you are interested in getting a shirt, it would actually be very helpful if you would, at least in this initial wave. The Vs1 shirt is very nice. It is actually very nice. Terps liked it. He did, and then said he's going to get sued. And I'm like, well, probably not. It's probably not. Well, hopefully not.

Maybe. Probably not. We should probably introduce ourselves. I'm Ben. You guys are so fucking shit. Michael. Michael. I'm Ben.

Mm-hmm. Peter. I'm Mike. I'm Peter. Wicked. Okay, so this is a podcast. It's a conversational podcast, as you might be able to tell. We take questions from you guys, and we all bring a thing along to talk about.

The three us. The three us. We're going to. going to start with a question. Yes. And it is from, I am prepared. Actually, no, we're going to start with a birthday shout out. Oh shit. This isn't even a question. I just thought, why not? Because it's probably Sam Collins's birthday when we're recording. Yeah. But even so. Who? Sam Collins. Come on, you don't know Sam Collins. At Ash Nick Slaw on Twitter. Shout out for my birthday. Happy birthday, Sam, for last week, I assume, because we're recording early.

Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Sam. Here he is. Here he is. Hi, Dave. Thank you for joining us. the podcast? Friends. It's been a while. I'm Ben. Hey. Hey. Fuck off. Nice shirt, Dave. Yeah, that's nice. What print? Do you want to come a bit closer to Yeah. Do you want to come a bit closer to a microphone so we can hear you a little bit? He says I'm really tiny in real life. Can we sound better now? Oh, you sound good. Oh, you sound always. Way better. I hate you and I hate your shirt. Why do I always have to call you? Why am I always

the one that has to do it? My phone was be hopping off of this. Has it? I said, what, Ben, leave me alone. I only called you once. You're a fucking liar, Dave. Do you have a special ring turn just for Ben? Yeah. Is it like the psycho? No, it's more like Ben's mom. Oh, no. My mom's dead, Dave.

So how do you feel about that? She's not. She's actually very alive. And she hates you as well. Oh, that's success. You must feel so bad for coming in here. We wanted you in here. Now Ben's just abusing you.

Yeah, I would like a drink, actually, Dave. What can I get you? I'm sorted for a drink. I've got water, but I'd like you to pour it out and get me. A point of acid. Better water. No, I don't want acid. I'd like better water. What's the plan? What are you guys? Did you just roll the intro yet?

Yeah, we've just done it. Yeah, you missed you both. Do you want to roll it again? Do you make sure we do another intro? Yeah. Roll that second time. Not yet. I need to pour Ben's water out first. Yes, thank you. And then come back in 40 minutes, then we'll do another intro there. Yeah, right. And that works for us as well.

You got a busy day today, Dave. Today, Dave, Dave? Yeah, a little bit busy. You always got stuff for you. Fake it. Fake it till you make it. Sure. Yeah. You have to look busy when you're sitting beside your boss. You've been watching so much porn. I can't believe what you get up to. It's porn and like Mind Sweeper over on Dave's death.

Oh, nice. Oh, nice. Yeah, it's pretty done. Ridiculous. What's the plan for today? I hope you guys all have your cool stories ready. Yeah, we do. We've already done some about fires and things.

Farts. Farts. Yeah, we've covered farts, stomach pains and house fires. You ever get wind, Dave? Yeah, I had it there. this morning. Really? Did it result in a house fire?

I had to leg it out, leg it out to the Jackson, you know. To the Jackson? Oh, the Jackson. Oh, right. Yeah, Jackson's a weird one. Is that Irish rhyming slang? What is that? The Jackson?

It's like, Michael calls his penis his William. It's my Johnson. Oh, nice. Okay, actually, we should have seen that one coming, shouldn't we? My will I am. Nice. Oh, God. I once got really drunk in a nightclub and I had to start screaming,

Will I am? did he hear I hope he did I like to think he did at one point Red Hot Chili peppers came on and I just started screaming My mom died to this song

Oh my gosh Michael She didn't I love the chili stuff I'd go to that song I'd be Well it depends on which one That's proper emotion

It's like my mom died Stadium Arcadium I love the whole album That's a pretty sexy album That's a pretty sexy album that Two discs I don't want to steal the show No you've already done it

Is sure he's done No And just make sure I'm on the thumbnail and in the title of course yeah yeah yeah no that's fine welcome to episode 8 at dave on twitter at dave follow at dave don't forget thanks Dave thank Dave cheers Dave it's a pleasure bring me back my water when you're done yeah oh yeah what you want he's already got a die coat just give me some gravy okay also gravy gravy grieve Peter I'm all good thanks Dave I've just necked symbol of mead

all right guys uh fuck off Dave thanks Dave bye Dave thank you bye Dave very much love you bye Dave bye Dave bye Dave what a piece of shit shit. At Dave on Twitter. You're putting your microphone sock back on. Oh, Mike. Jesus, it's not even been 10 minutes. Or maybe it has, I don't know. First question, this is from Adam Turpah. I got my Twitter account set up and have been

watching the rest of the Yogscast for the past few weeks. I should also quickly say no animation this week, which you've already clearly noticed on the YouTube video because we don't have our recorder again. We think it's an E3. Yeah, I think, yeah, Xboxxed game technique. It's gone to E3. Fair enough.

Yogscas bought it a plane ticket and a press pass. It had its own seat. We didn't get one, but our recorder has gone to e-3. The H-6, to be fair, is the hardest worker in this office. It's doing a meet in Greek. People are queuing up to see the actual recorder that does the Vidiates podcast. Sure. Adam would like to know if we're going to do any streaming soon.

I think potentially yes. Yes, I want to. Depends what you mean by soon. Yeah. Never? Yeah. In which case, yes. Me and Mikey were thinking of like streaming just individually because we kind of,

I think we don't have the confidence in. our own, like, solo streams that they would warrant being on an official channel. Plus it nice to get some practising, because streaming is a completely different beast to anything else we do. Like, you were tempted by, what, Half-Life? Yeah, let's do like an entire play-through of our Half-Life one night and just... Yeah, and I was thinking of maybe doing Spyro 1 to 3 before Reignited comes out, but obviously those are solo games and sticking them on the Vidiates stream or Yogscast,

Twitch. Twitch. It would be like, you know, there's a bit of an anticlimax. So we might do those solo in our own time. I'm going to get a webcam and get everything set up and just bam. But certainly in the long run,

we're definitely going to be doing actual streams as a trio. Yeah, definitely. Whereas I am not going to practice because I know I'm going to be amazing. Yeah. So I don't need to do it. Thank you. MLS.

MLS, definitely. Right, time for the first thing. to talk about, I hope you guys don't mind if I hop right in because I've taken the coward's way out here and I'm going to talk about our trip to Thorpe Park which we went to two weeks ago now at the time of release. It was a couple of Thursdays ago and again it all stemmed from a tweet

someone just tweeting and saying they'd dreamt that Peter had taken them to Thought Park for some reason Thorpe Park's magical senses suddenly picked up the mention of their name The air raid siren started going off in Thorpe Park. Yes, the air raid siren again, Peter. Must have scared the crap out of everyone there. James Fuller is actually a fan of what we do,

which is kind of ridiculous. And James Fuller happens to be the social media executive for Thought Park. So we were invited to go to Thought Park and try out a couple of their rides. Hopefully you've seen the videos that we made. We did one on the Walking Dead rides that they've got there, which are very spooky. And also just a general vlog from the day. A lot of the day.

So, how did you gentlemen find it? Oh, my God. I haven't been to a theme park in years, so it was really nice to finally go back to one and also not have to queue. Yeah, that was very nice. Because we were getting escorted around by, you know, big man James, who knew everyone.

He could just squeeze us past, get us on rides. Everyone knew James as well. Yeah, because he's, as well as just managing the social media, he also stars in it. I saw him either day in a tweet, just standing outside in costume, ready to go on like a Walking Dead ride or something. I didn't even...

Wow. I'm not even sure what it was, but yeah. He's a bigger celebrity than us. Yeah, he is. Someone recognized him while we were there and no one recognized us. Yeah, that kind of hurt a bit, but it's okay. I got over it pretty fast. I had a good time, though.

We were very lucky with the weather because we had it sort of in the works for weeks in advance really saying, oh, let's do this date, we'll do this date. And for like a fortnight beforehand, it was like, oh, it was going to be stormy that day. It's going to be stormy as soon as you arrive until the year. It's going to be pissing down. they'll probably close the rides because you know you can't go up do you want to change the day

to like 60 feet on a metal track when there's lightning being struck struck and stroked and even on the morning it was saying yep thunderstorms enjoy not even that on arrival it said in half an hour it's going to start

raining like pretty much all day it was oh it's going to rain and it's going to rain and it felt like it was going to rain but yeah we got sunburn so I went dressed in black boots black jeans black shirt, fucking black heavy code. I was prepared for the worst and then I just sweat it all day

and then I went and beat up a girl and I sweated even more there. You did, you beat the shit out of that woman. God, she deserved it for being a woman. Yeah, it was a bit hot and sticky day but we got to jump some queues, we got to go on like wet rides and I got like my pants and all my back just completely drenched me

which was nice. Yeah, that was good. You met an angry bird? I did, yeah. I got fucking 300 likes on that to me. I was surprised by that. That was just 300 likes. Twitter of me and Angry Bird. That's where social media's at. I'm going to become an Angry Bird fan Twitter.

Oh, for God. Yeah, I bet you are. Mascots are weird, especially when they don't have hands. Yeah, that was a bit odd. Yeah. But the best part of him not having hands was the thing we didn't get captured on camera, which was really annoying, because we looked over. There was like this Wild West Saloon-style building.

Yeah. And this Angry Birds mascot just fucking kicks these double doors open to get out. Just barrels through. But then they start closing on him again, so he's sort of like smashing into them to try and keep it open. And he's got two handlers with him that could have opened them. He had like, no, I'm going to fucking kick this door in. It's amazing.

Yeah. What an entrance. It was amazing. So, so good. The Walking Dead rides. Let's talk about the maze first. Yeah. Which, Michael, you went through first, right?

Yeah, because I need to test out the cameras, make sure everything would look oaky dokey, hunky dory in there. Okay, do okay. And I was just kind of like, tagging along with another group and I don't think any of the zombies knew that I wasn't I was just there to test things out and they kept touching me and they wouldn't stop and it really freaked me out so did you get the entire experience twice like you you had to sit through the talky bits and the yeah yeah it was like the second time right around was definitely

better because I think I didn't have anyone else there with me the first time round I had the manager of the ride and James was there too right he was yeah but like so like the yeah he was like poor enough flasher for me but like the manager of the ride was there so all the zombies were on the best like putting the best out of all the boss is here so I'm gonna be extra scary now so I was like I was like please stop yeah it's spooky it's good though it's what it's a nice it's got a nice bit of set design going on yeah oh yeah it's good the second time did they sort of had they twig that you were just camera James kept going let me alone but I just still got

grabbed a bit okay that's fair it was I think because we'd already been on a few rides at that point sort of you know big old rides and I was saying at the time that like sort of jumping the queue and missing the atmosphere of like I'm incredibly grateful for for skipping the queue it was awesome it was such an experience I mean that's so we could go on more than two things in the day yeah exactly but like it just goes to show how well designed queues are for rides in terms of like building up hype and anticipation like oh two more and I get to go and yeah waiting for the our turn to go into the walking dead experience maze like was working me up.

Like, I was getting, like, properly sort of, I just want to go in, just let me in. I want to get in there now. That was pretty much the only one we had to wait for, wasn't it? Like, everything else, we just jumped right there. Remember when we went on a kid's ride and they stopped everyone else from getting on? Just so we could get a video.

That was, and then we didn't have audio from it. Yeah, we forgot to turn the microphone. We just wanted to talk to the camera for a second because James offered to hold the camera for us. Yeah. And he ended up talking to the ride manager, so all of these children weren't allowed on the ride until we were, We were ready to...

Four adults and a pink doll sat there talking to a camera, looking really uncomfortable. Hey guys! We went and sat in a cart. All the other carts were empty and we just stared down the lens going, oh, Billy, yeah. And there's like 50 kids waiting behind us.

We very quickly wrapped that one up, didn't we? Yes, we did. Okay, they can all please come and get on now, God. Also, that's the scariest ride because it had a bit that was practically a right angle and it really hurt. Yeah, it was like, God. And a bit where it did look like you were going to bash your head on a camera

that was like, you sort of swept down underneath this crossbar that was pretty low, yeah. That's the thing, like the new rides are very well designed, very soft, everything's eased, but all kid rides, they're just fucking brutal, do you in. It was great, though, a lot of fun. It was awesome. Going back to the Walking Dead ride quickly, you seem genuinely very uncomfortable and a bit unsettled by the experience, Peter.

Excuse me? Help! No, please. I think I was finding it difficult to be to be as defensive as I wanted to be in so much as you couldn't fight back. I only had one arm that was like functional. Oh yeah, I was holding the other one up in front of me which was, yeah, it was masturbation.

That's exactly what it was. I was holding the bad arm up in front of me which was painful to do anyway. You know, I would have rather had it down by my side but like I was, I wasn't going to like not have my arms up in front of me so yeah yeah that was I felt very exposed really I really enjoyed it though like I thought it was fun but it was I don't know if it was because um because the the company that that I was with seemed quite upset by what was going on around us but suddenly I developed a sort of invulnerability shield to

everything around me yeah I high five that wall's on be like oh this is fine I hate scary films Yeah, you do, don't you? I hate scary games. Like, they stay with me. Like, it stayed with me for fucking weeks afterwards. Oh, really? Yeah, and like people, some people think that's a funny film. Well, the new one?

Yeah, the new one. Right. So that, just to set the level there. But that, I was like, totally okay with. I was like, do, do, do, do, do. Just sort of strolling around, like, oh, pardon me. Everyone else is screaming. It just made me feel stronger.

I don't know if that's some sort of sociopathic thing that I need to investigate. Yeah, I don't think I was. I think I was more, in a way, I was more uncomfortable on the second one with like the ghost train because that was like pitch black and I didn't know, you didn't know what was going to happen there.

That was a really cool one actually. I think all the sort of yelping and screaming that I'm doing is very much I'm just releasing that tension from the queuing up for ages outside. I'm sort of laughing and screaming. There's not just jump scares. Yeah, just jumps scares.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah, no, I enjoyed it. I thought it was really good. I wasn't, certainly wasn't spooked afterwards. You're very brave, Peter. Thanks. You're very brave. Well done. Speaking of that, that ghost train one, the Walking Dead Ghost Train one, because we didn't really know what to expect for that. And the park had closed at that point. And unfortunately, we were able to stay afterwards. And we were waiting for, like, the ride to be cleared and be ready to go. So you walk into the first area and there's like a presentation, like a guy comes up on a screen and says, right, are you infected? Oh, no, they're breaking through. Quick. You need. to come you need to come to us right now get there as fast as you can the doors open it's like a very dark corridor with emergency red lighting right yeah a really long corridor with sharp corners and places where things could hop out at you and it had like the zone numbers on the wall loads of doors on the sides yeah could have burst open and as you went the voiceover was saying like zone one has been contaminated and you'd like just get to zone two as a zone two has been

can't or breached and we're like and I was at the front of you bastards just just sort of creeping around these corners and there was nothing there but it was just so tension the entire way there and then we spent a considerable

amount of time fitting a GoPro to the front of our things that it took a while we were just listening to the sound of like all the horror sound effects just playing on loop quite loud just like a woman screaming just at the top of a Six ride technicians around us trying to work out cable ties.

It was amazing. And by that point, I was so tired. It had a lovely day, but a long day. We've done a lot of travelling as well. And I was just standing there like, oh, I'm just listening to this woman. Yeah, it was a bit much. The best part about that, though, was when we got off the ride. Because we were told that they were going to be actors, as they referred to them, on the ride.

And it turns out that it was actually sort of a mini role. roller coaster inside in the dark. It stopped and like fake broke down a couple of times. We're like, okay, is this where they're going to come out? Yeah. But it was actually when we got off the ride and they always do this at horror rides. You sort of twig that something's wrong. It's like, is this the place that we left from?

Yeah. No, it's not. Okay, what's going to happen now? And then a ride attendant screamed at us to like, get out of here. Go, go, go. And there were two ladies zombies waiting in this amazing, like, abandoned place who just sort of jumped out of us. And then we had to run again through a ridiculous. corridor. But after we'd finished it, and we were sat there for a couple of minutes,

these two zombies in full makeup just walked past, and went, see ya. We were like, thanks. Thanks for staying for us. That's great. And also, I don't know if you know this, MJ, actually. When you went back in with James to get the GoPro off the car, me and Ben were looking through the footage that we had on the camera. We'd been carrying with us. Or, no, James had had it. When he was waiting for us to get off the ride, he'd been in the room with the two zombies. And they were both just like sat down on a bench just like looking at the camera kind of waving and stuff yeah it was amazing just sort of like yeah well they'll be a same kind of thing spending it just fixing a GoPro yeah um and that was

incredible and then we just got to we we left through a it's sort of really sad to see a theme park after closing time isn't it it's great it was weird like no one's just like it's one like the busiest places ever just like it's people everywhere noises and music and everything and then just at like 6 p.m everything goes off dark there's nothing going on it's quite spooky and then we had like a three-hour train journey back because they were having all sorts of signal issues and stuff. But it didn't dampen our spirits. No, we had a fun all time. We had an unbelievable time. So a huge thank you to both Thought Park and James for having us and making the day. Thank you, Tesco for supplying my egg and creche sandwich. Yeah, that was at the bottom of

my bag. Got a little bit smushed. Oh yeah, and we lost Billy as well. Yeah, by Billy. Billy disappeared off a ride. You just have to watch worst games ever, won't you? See what happens. So there we go. That was Thought Park. It was an incredible time. A lovely time was had by all. Would you guys like another question? Oh, go on then. This one comes all the way from Hades.

Whoa. At Hades Jones on Twitter. How did you come up with the idea of Rul's Boss? Oh, that's a good question. Rules Boss is a per... Firstly, Roles Boss is a real person. Yeah, it's not an idea. It's not a concept.

But if Roles Boss was a concept and was a just completely made-up idea, back in the times of name redundant Ben and I used to play pool maybe two or three games per lunch you know we would kind of take the piss at times just playing pool for ages and ages and for some reason we just sort of developed this voice

where if we whacked a ball and missed quite badly it must have just started with us going bollocks and then you know a few games later or a few days later we'd be going bollocks bollocks and then it's one day it just turned into

bollix beailleux and then it yeah just bits of bits of French got added in and it was like hello bollick's this is bollix yes this is bollis please old for bellics hello bollocks it's just a stupid sort of chittering thing we get back and forth hello bollocks in a French accent I don't know why

It just happened. Hello, Jezeewee boilex. Yes, that was it. Just sweet bollis. Justi bollis. Me, you have richa bollix. And I don't think it was deliberate necessarily the rules boss, but like at one point we were playing a piece of cake challenge.

It was Wallace and Gromit. It was actually the Turtle Beach headsets because they have a microphone on and we lost the face cam that we were recording. Yes, that's right. Because I folded down the microphone. I don't even think it was a French rules boss at that point, or European. Or European. Oh, European.

at that point. It was just, hello, you've reached rules boss. Yeah. And it just, these things just grow. Barreled out of proportion of money.

Now someone's got a rules boss tattoo. Yes, they have. Yes. That is a thing that is on a person. Forever and ever. Until it's removed or covered up. Yes,

one's our scramble. With a Billy Ray Woler's tattoo. Yes, an even bigger one of just our faces. Yeah, when it comes out what we did in the 1970s, someone's going to feel really bad about. Scandal pending.

Yeah. Very much scandal pending. Sorry, guys. I couldn't keep my hands. to myself oh my god not again you got a burp for us or uh disappointing can't force I mean I can I can burp on command but it's not really I can see if I could burp on command I wouldn't have oh that was a bad one one more I wouldn't have wind I would never get trapped wind if I could burp on command well just release people who can burp on command what they're doing is

they're forcing a bit of air into their stomach and burping it back back out again you can't like necessarily, if you can burp on command you can't just alleviate wind. Isn't a thing that like pigeons or seagulls can't release wind? So kind of like sometimes if you feed them a lot of bread they just kind of expand because there's no other gas to go. If you feed them aniseed balls they

blow up apparently. Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's what I'm told. My dog used to do that like just swell up to the size of a barrel when he ate something he shouldn't have done. And then he had just like just putrid smells. Dog's farts are the best farts. No they are not. They're dreadful. My little chihuahua has fucking amazing for us. Yeah, for a little chihuahua, that's fine. If you've got

a fucking cock a spaniel running around the size of shipping container, then you... That's a different thing entirely. Anyway, who'd like to go next, boys? Mikey? Okay, yeah. I don't have a thing, because I kind of woke up this morning, half hung over in bed. It's like, oh shit, I'm going to...

Hung over again. What did you do now? Can't stop drinking. I can't stop. So we're going to do some Madlibs. Madlibs. Do you know what a madlib is? No. You never had done a madlib? Yeah, why you have to be mad? Why you have to be madlib?

Hello? It's basically it's a story where you can customize it to your own thing. So you get given, like, give me a verb, boom, a noun, boom. And then I'm not going to know what any of these are. Okay, I'll help you through. I can help. Thank you. Because I know, if you give me an example, I'll be able to do it,

but I've forgotten all of the terminology in English lessons now. Right, so we're going to start. And we'll do two, depending on how long it takes. We're going to start with my amazing thanksgiving is our story today. Good, already totally relevant and relatable to us. Okay, give me an adjective, which I think. Peter. That is a descriptive word, such as large or large.

But be as wild and wacky as you want. Okay. Uncontainable. Uncontainable. Wow, good. A famous male. Pat. Pat.

Postman Pat. Pat. Just pat. A famous female. Mrs. Goggin. Mrs. Goggins. This is some strange fan fiction. Uncontainable, Mrs. Goggins.

Your name. Who's name do you want to use? Billy? Yeah, Billy. He's not with us, but... A food. Or something that could be food. Doesn't have to be food.

Arachnid. Silica gel is pretty good, actually. I'll put arachnid in silica gel. Okay. What about arachnid gel? They get the little hairs to spike up on their arms. Singular noun. noun so that's just a thing

how about a horse shoe horse shoe favourite band elastic good very well done that's good a sound

a sound a past tense verb kicked like sprang sprang sprung emasculated I think that's more of an adjective

isn't it it's fine doesn't it can be it you can have emasculated someone yeah a favourite singer Hannah Montana No it's going in

Can't undo these types Millie Adjective Embossed Embossed An exclamation Shit shit

help grommet sorry do help grommet a past tense verb um burped burped but good

it's on topic an exclamation did you manage to get help grommet or did you settle with shit oh I'll put help grommet then for this one help grommet it's gone wrong

it's gone wrong embossed help grommet do you want the full thing help grommet it's gone wrong if the space yeah Yeah, I think it's best. It's gone wrong.

That's definitely going to be contextually relevant. It's gone. Okay, we're in the last few now. Adjective. Sorry? Adjective. Uh, a description word. Thank you, Peter.

You're welcome. I remember all the terminology really vividly because it was the last lesson I did before I changed schools. Oh, really? Yeah. Sexily. Sexily? Sexy. Oh, yeah, just sexy, yeah.

Sexy. A singular. Animal. Orrus. Yeah. And a pet name. Fido. I think it actually means like darling, but, you know.

Get ready to see your wacky webb tail. Oh, buddy. My amazing Thanksgiving. This was the most uncontainable Thanksgiving ever. When I came into dinner, Postman Pat was sitting next to grandma, and Mrs. Goggins was carving the Thanksgiving arachnid and silica gel. Oh, no. Have a seat, Billy, said Mrs. Goggin. past the horseshoe pie

Postman Pat said Grandma You know It'd be really nice to start with a song Billy Would you sing the star-spangled banner for everybody Gosh Grandma I blurted out I can't sing in front of everybody I'm not a rock star like Elastic You know

For my sake At that point There was a At the door I emasculated to the hall And open the door There was Elastic Oh my God

Elastic have turned up to Thanksgiving dinner Come. Hey dude, are we in time for the Star Spangled Banner? Asked Hannah Montana, the lead singer of Elastic. Elastic, I can't believe it. Did you really come to my house for Thanksgiving dinner? I asked. I was really embossed.

Shit, said Hannah Montana. We wouldn't pass up a chance to eat your grandma's horseshoe pie. Oh, no. Hannah, no. Scandal confirmed. So I led Elastic back to the dining room and we sang the Star Spangled Bail. Everyone clapped and embossed. Where was help, Grommet, it's gone wrong?

Don't worry, there's plenty left. Oh, good. You should come on our next tour with us, said Hannah Montana. Help, Gromit, it's gone wrong. I was going to be a rock star. Billy! Wake up, it's time to make pumpkin pie. It was my mom.

I was in bed. It was Thanksgiving morning. It was all a dream. For a moment, I felt really sexy because I wasn't going to get to be a rock star. Then I thought about it. Well, I decided I am thankful for my family, home, and for my pet walrus, Fidel. And I'm really thankful I wouldn't have to eat grandma's horse pie today.

Oh, God. Do they give any context to, like, the nature of the adjectives and the nouns? It's literally just, it's a list of stuff like that where you fill in the box. It's just meant to be a wacky adventure. So much of that just couldn't make sense a lot of the time because you just put any word in. That was something. wasn't it? That was definitely a wacky webb till. Oh my God. I had a great time. Did you have a good time, Peter?

Yeah, I feel well-wacked. Well and truly wax. Wackled. That really whacked me off that one. Did you guys enjoy that at home? Oh, good. Yeah. Right. Still singing their praises. Oh, that's nice. Okay. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry about that. Sorry to hear that. Oh, that's all right. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Brilliant. Well, thank you very much. Yeah. Yeah, all right, that's enough. Okay, seriously. Right, stop, it's getting, fucking leave us alone. Ben, can we have a question? Oh, sorry, that was just sort of taken by that.

I don't know, I've just... You've never done a Madlib before. I just feel very sexy now, you know? I'm very embossed. Oh, there goes my phone. Okay, next question. Thank you, Michael. It's all right.

That's my incredible thing. That's my panic, panic thing. A thing along. This is from Chloe, maybe, is what it says, at Fertzo N670. How many parcels have you received for Post some tat? Also, where do you store them? Whatever? How many parcels ever?

I don't know. Let's just go with... I'm going to say we receive 15 a week, maybe? Yeah. It's been going for, let's just say, four months. Yeah, we get a lot. So, times four and a half, times 15 is what? Oh God, now you're asking. Basically, we shoved them all in our little recording room.

Yeah, basically four times four and a half times 15. This is your reminder to call the vet. 270 parcels according to two series. Let's try and down to 250 to be safe. And then, yeah, so yeah, we've had quite a lot. And we don't have a big room or a big area of the room to put things in. So it's getting quite full. There's a lot of very generous people out there.

Yeah, the tat. We are at like critical mass. Critical mass. Yeah, tatacity. The tactical mass. Yeah, tapacity, absolutely. And we're kind of struggling. We don't really know what to do.

with it all anymore. No. We give away like sweets to the office. Yeah, sweets are shared around and food items and so on. But we've pretty much filled our game shelf now. So there's just a stack of games next to the shelf. Yeah, the game shelf is completely full and we do just have stacks of games on the floor now, which is an issue. We do actually, to be fair, we've got that little shelf that someone sent in, which we could put up. Yeah, we do need to put that somewhere. But that will only, you know, holds so many games. That'll just be a stack of games that's no longer on the floor and is now just on a shelf going all the way up to the wall. Yeah, just towering.

Yeah, it's unbelievable. Quite few, yeah. We've got a lot of Hot Wheels as well. Yeah. What the thing is, though, anything, well, not anything, if it's literally rubbish, we put it in the bin because it's rubbish. But if, you know, things are in good Nick, but there's just literally too much tap for us,

such as a box of Hot Wheels that we've slowly been collecting, it will be going to charity shops. Yes, it will go to those who someone else can benefit from. Who can enjoy them, yes. There is no wastage. We only been the actual litter. Yes, like letters and things like that. Straight in the fucking bit.

No, I'm joking. Of course, we keep all the letters in the geography folder. Yeah, Fogel's Geography folder. They're all kept down the side of the sofa, all safe and sound. Because we love it when you write to us. It's so good. Very thoughtful. You're all such a thoughtful bunch.

Buy a shirt. Buy a fucking shirt. Please buy a shirt. Also, if you buy a shirt, take a photo of yourself and send it to us. We will retweet it. and add it to a special album on Facebook of amazing people who've bought shirts. I mean, he's come up with a collective noun for them, a name for them. Do you like that?

I learned. Collective noun? Yeah, well done. I learned during that whole enterprise. There we go, see. Yes, we should come up with a name like some sort of like Black Squadron or something called on that. Shirt, shirt boys, all girls. Vid.

I like Mega 64's Internet Soldiers. Internet soldiers. Okay. Is there something that rhymes with a child? I can put soldiers after it and it wouldn't be. as bad. Child mild. Mild soldiers. Mild soldiers, yeah. Oh, God. Okay. You are mild soldiers. How do you feel about that?

Well, it just reminds me of like war-torn African countries where that's exactly what's going. What's our film? Toy soldiers? Toy soldiers. Okay, toy soldiers. Yeah. I was kind of freaked me out as a kid. It was kind of weird. It was sort of slightly realistic, wasn't it? Yeah, it was just, like, weird, I don't know, is what, like, a hellish?

Like, think films in the 90s had that kind of weird kind of dream-like hell thing going on sometimes. Like, it was falling asleep. Like, just like... Like a horrible nightmare. At one point near the end, there's like just the power lines start like like some other toys have ruined the power line

so everything goes dark there's just little toys running around the streets it's quite nightmares with real weapons I got the sticker book for that and I got all the stickers nice I think I had one

of like the toys from the film when you say toy soldiers do you mean small soldiers small soldiers yeah serge's heroes there was a few there were several video games

was there yeah and they were all probably quite bad we should play one on Sunday Sunday at some point well probably worst games ever I think that's how bad they are yeah you're probably right Right. We have another question we can do before we go into Peter's thing.

This is from Jonesy at Chris Jones, L-U-F-C. He asked... Lead United Football Club. There you go. He asks if you could... Well, it is. Sports, yeah, good. If you could be in a band, what instrument would you play and what genre of music would it be?

This is quite an open one. I thought maybe we could change it slightly and just sort of talk about... Because everyone's kind of forced to learn an instrument as a child. Yeah, yeah. I thought maybe we could talk about that instead. Okay. Michael, I'm sure you have some just haunting tales. Well, actually, I want to answer what instrument I play in a band.

Okay, go on. Because there's a guy called Bucket of Piss. Right. Of course there is. I really like him. He's basically, he's kind of hooked up a microphone to a metal pot, and he just screams into it and bashes it with a stick and bashes it on a table, and it sounds amazing.

Is there a name for this instrument? Yeah. Is there a name for it? No, because it's his own invention. Well, yeah. It's just his bucket of piss. There you go. Does he wee in it at any point?

Can you get a... Maybe he does, yeah. Can you please play us some? Is there any musical value to what I do? Honestly, there is. I mean, I'm into my esoteric noise, so it's probably a bit different. Peter, while he's doing that...

Bucket of piss. What would you play in a band if you could? What would I play in a band? Sorry, I've found it already. This is... This is a really good bit. This sounds like something that was found in... Dahmer's house

Oh my god look at him Oh he's topless yeah How many views does that have? That has One 16,000 views uploaded by Bikaki Machine That's him live at Cherry Park

Live Yeah He tours He goes around and plays his bucket Piss for everyone 16,000 views as well Of a topless overweight man I'm just going to talk about weird instruments now

The New Death Grips Al album, the collaborating with a guy who plays with a broken shard of glass in his mouth. So he basically hooks up a microphone to that and he just kind of screams into the glass and rubs it along his mouth. Just by the end, there's blood everywhere. Oh, God. It's a similar kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of kind of sound going on. That is horrible. And also, the guy who directed Shrek is collaborating on that album as well.

Right. I think you mean the 22nd. Dystrechted. Wow. Okay. Sorry, back to your question. No, that was exactly what I had expected and hoped for, really. Peter, were you ever sort of learning instruments as a chiddle?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, we all probably had to play recorder in the first. Oh, did you not? I never played recorder either. Oh, really? Oh, well, we had to, we have recorder lessons as part of our, like, the whole class would go together until, like, year two or three, I think. but also my brother

started to learn the cornet which is a trumpet but just shorter it's a small corneto you want anything from the shop cornet cornet

it plays literally the same as a trumpet in that you do the valves the same way like if you can play one you can play the other it's just a different sound

is that what like Squidward plays I don't know I don't know what Squidwood plays That's a shame. I don't really watch. You should.

What the fuck? It's just like a horn. What? Can I have a look? Let's see. Oh, okay. No, that's not what. Cornets?

No, that's absolutely not right. But like brass. Brass cornet or something. I don't know. That was just like a cow's horn. Oh, that makes, yeah. That's the one. Yeah.

Just a small trumpet. Short. I just got like just a horn. I was like, wow. That must have been fun to listen to a lot in the house just coming from. Yeah. Well, yeah. So my, my.

My brother learned that and then about a year later I also thought, oh yeah, I'd like to do that. That's really cool. I want to do that. Regretted it within about six months. But then I was committed because someone had bought me like a cornet for 200 pounds or whatever. I was getting lessons at school. I was told that by the end I was like theoretically grade two standard, but I never took any grades in it. It's just that's what my teacher told me I would be.

but yeah like you know I I don't have particularly horrible memories of doing it it's just I didn't like having to practice it when I could have been playing you know time splitters or whatever yeah yeah if I if I could just magically know any instrument I'd like to be able to sit down either a piano or a guitar and just just do that I'd like to be able to play something without having to use my mouth on it so that I could write like stupid songs and play stupid songs at parties and crack wise and crack wise yeah exactly so i'd like to be able to play something that i could sing with as well i do have a guitar and i can i can do some chords but i can't like pick out an actual melody i can just strum chords so yeah i don't know okay

what about you ben did you have to play anything um i i classical guitar for a bit oh yeah in primary school. Play classical gas. What a brilliant song with such a terrible name. Yeah. Classical gas. That's awful. I have classical gas.

Play classical gas. You do have, no, you don't have classical anything, Michael. Oh, I've got Neo-Gus. You subvert all expectations. Yeah, exactly. I've got a bucket of piss gas. You really do. If that was a thing, you'd have that.

I distinctly remember a car ride with my parents where I was being a grumpy boy, which I know is difficult to imagine. rather than a grumpy man and I was saying I don't want to do it I don't like it and I remember my mum turning to me and sort of snapping and saying

look if you don't make any effort to do anything interesting or like creative you're going to be like a really boring person shit that fucking hurt I will not

have a boring son you will learn an instrument It's okay, I grew up really weird It's fine She's like Look for years You've been the most tedious child I've finally got you playing this guitar

You just sit there You don't even do anything You're like a dog with no brain I've had a moment's respite While you've been playing this guitar And now you want to give it up And be boring again I will not have a boring son

I was always told How old are you at this point? I don't know It was probably still primary school age Or maybe very early secondary school How much of your mom Turning around to you And threatening you

You will be boring. Yeah, I think it's just the kind of thing that parents sort of reach a breaking point and just like, oh, would you just shut the fuck up and just stop being so difficult? Well, they feel like they're like nurturing either talent or at least desire to do something because you do want it, when it's all novel

and it's like, oh, I'd get my own instrument, I'd be able to play it and do like cool, cool songs and stuff to my friends. That sounds exciting. And then about a week into it, you're like, fuck, I have to like sit and play the caterpillar every single fucking day. It was not something that I was interested in.

I remember in one of my first guitar lessons, I learned the theme to Doctor Who. Oh, wow. Oh, okay, yeah. Slide your finger up and down. Everybody knows smoke on the water, though, don't they? At least the tabs for it. Right.

I can't play a single chord. I don't know a damn thing from it apart from Smoke on the Water, which was just something that every child knew how to play because it's like four notes. Yeah. I then, in secondary school, took up bass guitar. Oh. And I tried bass.

for a bit and I had a number of lessons every so often but it was just something I grew to dread going to every time as you do yeah and you're like oh god it's saturday and I've got to go to the admittedly very cool base teacher's house who plays video games sure talks to me about them sometimes and I've got to I've got to do a base lesson and try and try not to let him notice that I have not practiced really do a really good job and you just spend your entire childhood in fear of being told off, basically. You don't want to be threatened with being boring. Exactly.

I don't want to be boring. And the teacher's like, it's difficult for the teacher because you turn up, you've not practiced. And like, I think in a way, they don't really give a shit whether you've practiced or not.

Yeah, they understand that you'd, yeah. But equally, they can't really move on to anything new if you've not yet mastered what you were doing last time. So you turn up there and they're like, okay, show me what you've learned. And you clearly haven't practiced. And they're like, right. Well,

well okay we can't go any further we'll just do that again then we'll just keep doing that until you learn it yeah I could I remember how to play the cornet there if someone just gave me one now don't send us a cornet please no don't they're very expensive and heavy and I wouldn't want to play something that I don't know how clean it is you know I wouldn't want to put my mouth on another man's organ on another man's ombashore yeah But I remember the tune that I had to play for a GCSE musical performance. Because I took GCSE music. Oh, wow.

You could, as part of your coursework, you could play your instrument. No, I didn't actually want to do that because I didn't feel like I was very good at it. But before the actual assessment day, they did just like an evening where everyone like played an instrument for the parents. Oh, cute. And most people did what they were going to play for their assessment. But I just, like, I played my corner and I remember, like, I still remember the piece off by heart. I can do it now. Just, like, move my fingers and remember how to do it.

Right. What was the tune? Sing it for us. Sing it. I'm not singing it. No way. Bring up that bucket of this video again. It sounds like that.

Little Peter goes on stage with his metal bucket. Rips his top off. Yeah. So, that was that. I'd probably play the piano as well if I could just play something. Yeah, imagine. The same is my instrument of choice. Yeah.

And you did. guitar as well, did you? I did guitar yeah, yeah, for a couple of years. I think like four years, kind of played around with it and just kind of lost interest and then I bought one a couple years ago and lost interest within it. Yeah, it always happens, isn't it? I'm going to learn a thick, no, I'm not. A really nice black

acoustic yama. I was like, oh this is sexy and I still occasionally play mine. I've got ukulele as well, they're really easy to play. I got a ukulele free with a magazine subscription. What the fuck? Remember when they were desperately, desperately trying. Print media's dying. Here's how a ukulele. Like the fucking thing

as you could get with magazine subscriptions it was like the cheapest thing and the only reason I got the magazine subscription was for the ukulele that was then never played yeah I got mine a friend gave me mine and she got it for free in something I think there was a time when they were very trendy because all the like vlogger

YouTubers were playing them they were just like mass produced by some company like for super cheap and then they were flogged everywhere for free or for very yeah wow well that's our much for that question. Yeah, that's our band. It went off a bit there, but I hope you

enjoy a very, a boring son. Yeah, I'm a boring son. Am I, am I boring? Why can't you be like the other kids, Ben? Just be normal. My sister tried to, well, I say try, that's not very nice. My sister learned violin and that was fun to listen to every day. My sister learned violin and is now very good at violin. Wow. See, my sister is not. And you're just boring. Yeah, my sister's boring. Oh, we're a family of bores. Dull. Boring, boring people. Is it time to go to Weird Capitia? Yes, it is actually.

Welcome back to Weird Capitia. Cool. I'm just loading up Weird Capitia now. And then I'm going to... Right, right, fellas. Ben, you know how you've given us some investment opportunities? Oh my goodness, have I? I hope you're all millionaires now.

Yeah. Oh, definitely. I've got something that is no longer an investment opportunity. It's a real product that exists. No. And it's on Wikipedia. That's a good sign. Can I interest you, boys, in the original Wizzinator.

I'm sorry? The original Wizzinator. One more time. The original Wizzinator. Is this for when you want to put your DNA in the ground to keep it later on? You're peeing it. Is that how you get, like, a normal bucket and turn it into a piss bucket? Yeah, a Wizzinator.

Using a Wizzinator. You guys, I don't know if you guys think you're being clever, but it is actually to do with weeing. Yeah. Yeah. Is it like a she-wee kind of thing? It is, in a way. So tell us what a shi-wee is. It's the thing the girls put on the bits to make it into a penis

so they can pee while standing up. Yeah, it's like a funnel, but the top of the funnel, rather than just being a circle is like shaped more to suit a lady's lady. A lady, I'm sorry? A lady. Yeah? It's built more to suit a lady. Right.

And they wee into it. Yes. And there's a little bit at the bottom. Yes. That's angled forwards. And it's like they've got a willy. But no bellies. No bellies.

Okay. We don't need those. No, well, we don't need them either. What are they for? Ridiculous. Yeah. Stupid things. The original Wizzanator is a product advertised as a, quote, wet sex simulator.

Oh, interesting. Intended to simulate male urination as a safer alternative to using real urine for the sexual fetish activity. Oh, but water sports. However, it's almost kind of a ruse that that's what it's for. Because really, most consumers purchase the device to fraudulently defeat drugs. test. Hang on. Right.

There's a lot to process here. I will describe the product. So you can... So it's like a fake. So it's a fake penis. It is designed to look, I think, there isn't actually a picture of it on Wikipedia. Maybe we can pull on a of the original Wizzinator.

But it does say that it comes in various skin tones. So I imagine it's meant to be anatomically correct. Green. It's green an option. Green, yeah. So it comes with a kit. complete with dried urine. Oh, God.

I guess so you can sort of mix that into the world. Wow, yeah, that is a kind of realistic looking whizzies. Is it a phallus? Kind of, yeah. It looks like a novelty bottle opener you get on holiday somewhere. Yeah, it comes with dried urine and a syringe. Like sea monkeys, it comes dry and you have water. Sea monkeys and heater packs to keep it at like a warm temperature.

Cool. And then a false penis available in several skin tones, including white, tan, Latino, brown and black and an instruction manual. Wow. This is, I know people like love, people get fucking swings and stuff. Fucking swings, literally.

And that's a whole, that's a lot. Like, that's a lot of money. You wouldn't dedicate a room. But this seems like a lot of effort to get pissed on. Yeah, well, I think it, I think the idea is that you can either

have someone get their penis out and pee all over your face, if that's what you're into. Just, if you donate enough money on Patreon, we'll do it. Yeah, I'd do it for pretty cheap, to be honest. Five quid, I'll do it. Yeah.

For a tuck. For a tuck. Yeah. A single ration. Am I boring now, mum? But the issue is, of course, that urine is not particularly hygienic. I mean, this comes with dried urine,

so maybe it's some kind of special, like, clean. I assume it's just, like, a mixture of things that kind of resembles the look and smell of... But it defeats drug tests, though, right? Well, do they test it for being real urine? I assume you can, like, refill the pouch with actual urine from someone else. Maybe. This is a sex toy intended to be used as sex toy, which defeats.

Terrible, terrible drug users have... Yeah, exactly. So if you're going to use it as a sex toy, I think the idea is it comes with maybe some sort of clean, like, either urine alternative that seems like urine, or it's like... Gregs. Would you like Gregs or would you like Dave's, or would you... Oh, we've even got Samantha's. Yeah. Would you like some powdered urine?

or it's stuff that has been extracted. Do you think anyone's ever snorted the powdered urine? I think you might have. Yeah, I want to now. Why would you go there? And it just like as it goes down your throat, it liquefies into piss. Oh, no. What I want to do is get a load of sachets of dried urine powder.

Yeah. And then go into some army barracks and replace all of their rations. And they're like, oh, what have we got today? Just loads of sachets of dried urine. God, you're a horrible man. I just think that would be a really funny situation to find yourself in. They're still on the barracks, it's okay. So I think it either comes with fake urine that's like just like urine.

Or it possibly comes with stuff that's been extracted from urine but doesn't contain any of the bad ones in it. I assume what it comes with is just a urine alternative because it'd be weird to have actual urine. Yeah. I mean, so. The flavor pack, it looks more like a sweet. Like it's that red thing. Oh, it does look delicious. Yeah.

It kind of looks like. Oh, my God, it does. Oh, maybe they flavor it so that it's not sticky, but you can actually. like not be totally filthy disgusting someone can like piss all over in your mouth and you can be like hmm strawberry delicious

see I would kind of be more open to that I still think it's disgusting there's a YouTube video called the Wizzinator 101 okay well we're watching this then aren't we okay it features him filling up the bag with a syringe to a you know insert are we actually watching this

it's got more facts for us Peter yeah I think we'll go back to the 80 in 2006 a Pittsburgh area woman and her friend were charged with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief after they asked

a convenience store Clark to microwave one of the devices so the woman could pass a drugs test Oh my God The Clark thinking it was a real penis

Oh no Fucking idiot Called the police So I just call him Clark Yeah Is it not clerk? In America it's clerk Yeah

We say Clark Do we? Yeah Why don't you ask The mayor Major The Vot The tomato

The Miss Chief Charge was dropped. Is it a Clark? Yeah. What the fuck? God, Michael's learned something today. The Clark thought that she'd arrived with an actual knob... Severed penis.

And said, please can you warm this in your store, my toy? The Miss Chief Charge was dropped after the friend agreed to replace the oven. Did they break the oven? Well, no, but OSHA regulations do not allow an oven to be used when bodily fluids are placed in it. So they weren't allowed to then cook any... Let's be honest, it's not the worst. thing that's been in a convenience store. No, I don't think so.

Yeah, the thought of using a convenience store oven just makes me feel slightly unwell. Those hot dogs have been there since before you were born. The Wizardator continues to appear occasionally in news stories. In August 2015, for example, a Chicago man on probation in Indiana was probably caught, using this, says, probably. That sounds like some Wikipedia signs. It was probably caught using a device to cheat on a mandatory drug test. He had gone to the probation office for Cook County, Illinois, to take the test,

and according to a police report, repeatedly looked over his shoulder while urinating for the test, which drew the suspicion of a probation officer. Did he sneak in there like a Scooby-Doo character? Yeah. Isn't that slander to say that he probably used it? I don't know, yeah. Because maybe he probably used the Wizzinator. Yeah, it might be that he was clearly using a device.

He pulls out his William. Yeah, his Wilson He's painted a cucumber A bit flesh-coloured I think it's like the police report Probably said he was using some kind of fake penis Non-branded Like you know other fake penises are available

Yes of course But Wikipedia is saying it was probably a Wisenator Right I see The future is now ladies and gentlemen Wow So Wikipedia I mean that's a bit of free advertising really For WISNAW on the Wikipedia page and on Podiat's Amazing Peter that was weird

Yeah thank you for that It sure was Final question comes from Big Nick, oh, sorry, phone, big, at Nick RLC. Also, I'd like to say a couple of people asked us about our E3 predictions and hype, but this goes out pretty much after E3's day. Oh, yeah, that's true. Sorry, never mind. Sorry about that.

How long have you had the ideas for your brilliantly surreal vidiates shows, piece of cake, prove it, Skyrim Zoo, etc? And was there any discussion about them being made during your time at name redundantly dacted? Love you guys. I think a lot of the ideas kind of spawned when the job offer came up. Yeah, we thought, we had to think of. some show ideas that would

to prove our worth to be handled to prove it yeah I think there wasn't much no inclination to think outside the box at war culture nor was the option to do so because if it wasn't actually actively punished really to be creative and I think

Jules is now able to be a bit more creative it's such a shame that that came in the wake of basically yeah it's because he's like one of the one of the last like old well he is the last kind of old guard presenter there so he you know

they probably don't want him to leave and therefore he's been given a lot of freedom and good for him. Yeah, I'm so glad he's able to actually do some stuff because for us for so long it was so soul-destroying not being given those opportunities. But yeah, he's doing fantastic stuff with it. So yeah, you're right.

I think a lot of it was once we knew that this job was on the table and we had to come up with some kind of brief for ideas. We came or just like just basic formats that we could kind of slot anything into so that's a piece of cake where it came from. Skyrim Zoo was a Peter Pet Project. yeah yeah it was um because it was gonna be a stream originally right that was what we were thinking maybe

oh was it i didn't remember that but i thought maybe i got the wrong end of the stick but i think uh we came up with the general idea of doing like a narrative let's play we didn't want to just like do let's plays of like oh let's play skyrim and just play it seriously like oh we're the dragon born oh we better go to fucking dragon mountain and kill the dragon play mass effect too and then do like 700 episodes yeah exactly um so instead we said well why don't we like use sandbox games probably I mean maybe we could do without sandbox games but and come up with our own character our own storyline I'm a big fan of a blog called if I'm not checked it for ages I don't know if it's still

going but it was called no wrong way to play yeah and it was just this guy who compiled blog posts about people playing games in interesting ways I remember the example I kept giving to you guys when I was trying to sort of sell Skyrim Zoo as an idea was that a guy played Dishonered One but tried to make all of the murders look like accidents. So there is the option in dishonoured to send someone away, like to a mine or whatever, like where they're never going to be seen again, but they won't be killed. But he decided, no, I am going to kill them all, but I still want people to not know it was me.

So like for one example, he possessed one of the twins at the black cat debauchery club. And when you possess someone, when you leave their body, they throw up. So he, like, possessed this guy, walked in front of a guard, left the body so that the guard saw this guy throwing up in the corridor. He then possessed him again, marched into the bathroom, and left the guy dead, face down in the water, and put loads of empty bottles around him. So it looked like he'd been drinking. A guard had witnessed him feeling unwell, going into the bathroom, and then he'd just, like, been found face down in the bath with loads of alcohol. So, you know, it was all, it was very fun to watch. And, yeah, I just fancied sort of an unorthodox version of a game that everyone knows, really.

Yeah, quite fondly remember it. It was, I think our first or second week here, we were getting, like, stuff together to start recording. And it was like, crunch time. I was, like, quite nervous. Like, new in the office, got a show, we're doing lots of work. Yeah. And we spent, like, two hours making a walrus pink in Skyrim. Yeah.

All we knew about Skyrim Zoo is that we wanted to build a zoo of some kind. We wanted it to kind of happen narrative. and that we wanted Billy to be in it because Hawkers are in the game and as you might be able to tell from watching the series it is like almost 100% ad-libbed from there the amount of cutting out Michael has to do when Peter and I are just discussing like right

so should we do this? What if we put this here and then we stumble upon it? Cutting out consoles and all that. Yeah, console commands and things like that. There's a lot of like prep that goes into it. It's just a ridiculous ad-lib show and we thank you so much for watching it, those of you that did.

It is actually the finale this week. weekend, the last episode. And we actually got an email last week from after we decided to do a finale, yeah. Yeah, from the, from like the head of influencers, I think, at Bethesda, who said he was a big fan of Skyrim Zoo, which is just like, for God's sake, but so sorry. So instead, rather than being the end of the series, it's the end of season one of Skyrim Zoo. Sky, this isn't, this isn't it. Like, it'll come back, but it won't be for a while. We're going to have replace something into the schedule for July and move forward with that for a bit. But responsible zoo owner will come back at some point.

Oh, spoilers. How do we know that he lives there at the end of the finale? Well, we don't. It might even be him, might be his son. Might be his son, might be the ghost of draft. It might be, it could be anything. Who knows? Who tune in?

Who actually knows this Sunday? Speaking of what's coming up, we've got this week's schedule. It's a worst games ever week, as it always is whenever we do. One of these, we're kickstarts. the next prove it as well. It starts this week. Oh goodness. We've also got Sunday Funday, the finale of Skyrim Zoo.

Please go and watch that and tell your friends, because it will then, that'll be it. I think a lot of people will have seen Skyrim Zoo part 11 and think, oh God, is it too late to jump on this? But it's going to be a self-contained sort of 15 or so episode season that you can all just go and watch from start to finish. Yeah, that'd be nice, weren't it? They're all like 10 to 20 minutes long. So they're, you know, it's very watchable. I think it's funny. People who do watch it.

It seems to really. like it. It's just like you say, I think if anyone's missed like the first three or four, they're like, well, I'm not, I'm not coming in now to like halfway through this thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sunday, of course, what are going to play? Who knows? Who knows? You'll have to tune in. I know. We have no idea. We are sponsored by Turtle bit, bitch. Not anymore. They've just cancelled. I've just had an email. Oh, no, from the Turtle. Yeah. Hello, Peter. It's the Turtle. It's the Turtle. I heard what you said about me. Stop calling me that.

I've warned you. Turtle Beach, bit.ly, forward slash... Vidiot Beach. You can find us on YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook, forward slash... Vididates official. There we go. And a huge thank you to our patrons. We don't talk about it very much

because we don't want it to interrupt our content. It's more of a tip jar. If you like what we're doing, we want to throw us a couple of dollars. You can do that. Patreon.com forward slash vidiates official. Again, store.orgscast.com. Buy our shirts. buy it

The VS1 is only available for limited run beginning this week so it's never going to return never

ever it might it's not this is it this is your one chance it's never coming back so go to your dad's wallet

steal a 20 yeah and order that shit up and be an interesting child not a boring child he's get the bill pay his permission if you buy a VS1 shirt

you'll be a certified interesting child if I see anyone wearing a video shirt in the street I will I will talk to you. Wow, that's a big commitment.

Yeah, feel free to stop me in the street if you're wearing a vidiot shirt. If you're not wearing one, though, just don't fucking love you. Don't even look at us. I'm going to bite your head off. Yeah. Oh yeah, come and have a selfie.

If I see anyone wearing a video shirt, I'll have a selfie and post it on my Twitter and say how great you are. That sounds like something we could all commit to. Yeah, let's do that. That sounds fine. And again, tweet us a picture of you wearing your Vidyat's merchandise

and we'll add you to a folder on Facebook Have we decided what we're going to call that folder? What about the cool boys? And then in parentheses, or girls and girls. Or boys. Yes. It's a long title, but I think it's fine. I like it.

Cool. Awesome. At this is rules boss. If you need any advice on rules of any kind, he is standing by. At Billy Ray Botris, daily automated tweets. I say Botrus. I'm just not doing the glott. Is it glottal?

stop that we don't really do in the UK. Botrus. Bottress. Yeah. Bot. Bot. Bot. Leave us a review or a rating on your platform of choice. A good one would be nice. We're still walking. Actually, someone left a one star review on Apple. Did they? What did they say? They didn't do a text review, so it's just like all five stars and one little blip on the one star.

You coward. Cheeky beggar. At me, you coward. I bet it was Dave. Probably that son of a gun. If he were here, oh, I'd bonk his head. Oh, where's that water? I'd give him a good old. I'm a good old bonk. Yeah, the water's still not here. I'm actually so parched, I might die.

Yeah. Fortunately, we're wrapping this up. For those of you asking, we are still working on Spotify. We're under review. We've been under review for ages. It just takes them fucking ages. I don't know what they're doing over there. They're making money hand over a fist.

They're too busy counting there, millions, I think. Or arguing with Taylor Swift or whatever it is that they do. I'm not really sure. Finally, we need a secret question slash word. What is your favorite pancake topping? What is your favourite pancake topping? Secret fact for you is that from July, things are changing slightly. Oh yeah.

Not scarily. We'll do a little video to announce that kind of stuff anyway, but we'd really, really love it if we could get to 40K by July. We've got a few weeks left of June. We're on like 37 and a half thousand. Remember we said if we get a 50K? No, I don't remember that. I don't remember that. Next week, it'll be 38K.

I do not remember that. Our content is good. People like us. We just need people to find us. People don't share us. us please share us and support us in any way you can if you're a fan

you know we you get free you get free entertainment from us daily almost daily almost daily and you know we've got we need to eat foods we've got families we've got family's got seven children now yeah he had another one

earlier this week yeah I'm one right now the reason Michael birth so much is he's just so empty there's no food inside him he's just air it's all air so please do what you can Love of God. We're very grateful for all the support we get.

And if you can do anything to support us, that's what? My children go to school wearing bread on their feet and everyone else laughs at them and it's really, really bad. They wear bread on their feet. I thought you've got no food. That's why we've got no food. That's exactly it. They're just wearing bacon and they've got bread on their feet. Here's an idea.

I think I've heard of this website called Reddit. Yes. I think it's quite popular. And I hear there are things called subredits, which are like specific to certain. certain topics and interests. Right. I feel like if you're a member of maybe this website, we can't really go in there ourselves

and say, hey, look at this cool thing we do. But if you know that there might be like-minded people who would enjoy things, maybe just try and spread the word. On like Skyrim Reddit or on Yogstass Reddit or on Vidyat's official Reddit. No one goes on there. Well, there's no point on there because people know about us. Also, going back to the pancake point,

if you say lemon and sugar, you can fuck off. Lemon and sugar is disgusting. The worst pancake topping. Oh, Ben's getting up when leaving. Oh, well, he told him to fuck off. Fuck you. You useless, boring, piece of shit. I'm halfway there, Michael.

I don't understand. I just have sugar. I just have sugar. Oh, my God. You're even worse. Yeah, that's lovely. Oh, sugar or icing sugar on pancakes. My God.

I'm a blueberry man myself. Oh. Bluebelly pancakes. Right. Well, Ben's gone. Ben has literally just left. Maybe he wanted to go for a drink. Hey, Siri.

Call mum. Oh, Ben's turned off. Siri on his phone wise man gosh Michael's gonna call Ben's mom okay thank you very much

for listening Only an interesting person gets to have Siri Oh he made it He made it back Right Thank you very much for listening

Sorry we didn't have any animations this week But E3 E3 Bye Bye Bye

Bye Bye Thank you. I know. I'm not. Thank you.