Podiots - Podiots: Episode 81 - Non-Stop Gold

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

Ben's brought along an extraordinary canine, Mikey teaches us about some historic funny people and Peter tells the tale of when he met Batman   Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax Calling all book lovers The Toronto International Festival of Authors brings you a world of stories all in one place Discover five days of readings, talks, workshops and more with over 100 authors from around the world including Rachel Maddow, Ketourou Isaku and Kieran Desai The Toronto International Festival of Authors

October 29th to November 2nd. Details and tickets at festivalofauthors.ca. During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures. And see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September,

leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 biweekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. You've always been up to anything fun in that two weeks off. No.

Not really now. Just sort of listen to some old episodes of poddiots. Oh, that's quite nice. That's what I did, yeah. Really? I don't think I've ever listened back to a full episode of poddiots. Oh, haven't you?

I listened to each one twice. It's pretty good. Yeah, are we actually entertaining? Is it a good podcast? I'd highly recommend it. In fact, anyone, if anyone's listening right now hasn't tried out the Poddiet's podcast, you should definitely give it go.

It's like, go to YouTube.com forward slash videos official. It's uploaded there. Why is the channel called Vidyots? If it's called Podiat, that's really confusing. There was like this whole thing

where they got, they got cancelled for some reason. One of them did something terrible. Really awful, I heard. If I may, if I may offer a counter, point. I think Pottietz is really bad. So if you've not listened to Pottietz, don't listen to Potties. Right. Well, fair enough. Yeah. Fuck me. It's just, it's hard work. Yeah.

Like, don't, don't listen to a bit of it and make you all mind up. Like, read a description and base your entire judgment off that, or even an episode title. Like, if it's got poo in it, you know, you're in for a real treat. That's good advice. Go off all of the episode titles and nothing else. Yeah. Yeah. Makes sense to me. Yeah. Cool. Well, check it out or do it. It's up to you. Okay. Hello everybody and welcome to poddiots, the official Vidiates podcast.

It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. All of you chaps, how's it going on not? I, uh, keep a... I eat like. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, um, we need to record two intros, actually.

I didn't mention this to you guys. This is the one where it's come home, and then we need to record another one where it's not come home. Okay. Yeah. So, um, we'll just, we'll just take it from you've introduced yourselves. Okay, you're ready? Just to save on, on recording space, you can.

can use my reaction for either, which is that I don't really care that much. Right, we'll clip that. Yeah. Mikey, that can go anywhere. Yeah, brilliant. I'm now going to ask you, Michael, a question. Yeah. This is for the It's Come Home version.

So how many burning police cars did you dodge over the past couple of days, Michael? Lining the streets, Ben, it's a lovely source of warmth and it's saving me on the heating bill, so I'm for it. I'm indifferent about burning the police cars you can see. burning police cars I really you know take them well even to be honest really you're not they don't make you feel anything no maybe a tiny bit of like national pride but I mean there's so much to be ashamed of in this country you know it doesn't do a great deal for me okay cool well that's one yeah second intro I don't know if anyone's got any ideas to kick us off for that one um this is where it's not come home actually Ben could you ask me how many

burning police cars i've seen again yeah sure that is relevant michael how many burning police cars have you seen over the past couple of days oh so many the country's in tatters there's grown men crying on the streets but hey at least it's keeping me warm brilliant uh peter how do you feel about burning police cars just for just don't really mind um not really asked have you have you guys uh it's an important public service announcement if any of you see it um anywhere uh could you please tell it that we're worried sick it's not been home for far longer than as usual for it's not what behavior is yeah and you know we just want it to know that we love it we care about it and we don't mind what's happened just please come home please your

mother's worried sick she is and if you know where it is if any of you're watching please get in contact with crime stoppers yeah thank you I think there's going to be a special watchdog about the matter, but due to, you know, the time difference in it leaving and it hopefully returning, about 60 years, you said, they've had to do some age progression images, so, right. Yeah, it's not quite accurate, but it should at least give you a basis of what it looks like. Okay. We mocked it, but like, is this, has this been a sort of 25-year viral glitch campaign? Like a guerrilla marketing for glitch? What is, what is this? What is It is it.

Will it come home? It's coming home. It's coming. Glitch, the gift that keeps on giving. I know. Eventually they'll do glitch and we'll have to stop talking about it. Maybe they'll invite us. I don't think they will.

We've given them more marketing than anyone else. We haven't stopped talking about them for three years. That's the way to do it, I suppose. To do it. To do it. Glitch, what is it? Not actually put the event on to the point that every. Everyone talks about how it never happened.

And then about 10 years later or 60 years later, whatever you like, suddenly, glitch. It's actually happening. The longer waited event. The best event to never happen. Yeah. Oh, brilliant. Fantastic. Well, yeah, welcome to the show, everyone.

God, that would have been a much better cold open. We really do take a minute to get warmed up, don't we? But you know what? We should deliver the gold, don't we, Michael? Oh, you're damn right. We should just do those cold open. but not actually include them. I think that would be a proper, proper way of doing things,

but no, we like to leave everything in. Like the fat and the gristle. And then once we're warmed up with the fake cold open, do the real one, right? It's very confusing. The problem is that we often have like really like just the funniest fucking chats as soon as we get in the Discord call. And then it's before we, only once in recent memory,

have we stopped ourselves and said, Should we just record and talk about this? Well, you know, that's on us. If you produce gold so regularly like we do, you can't always record all of it, can you? It's just too much. It overfloweth. It's hard to tell when you're producing gold sometimes

when it happens all the time. You just don't even realize. Oh, that was so used to it. Oh, well. Oh, God, did you see that gold? Look at it. Yeah. It's flipping gone. Yes, this is our, some people call it a comedy podcast.

It's called Podiots. we, as I said in the intro, we bring along some things each of us that we found, we answer some questions, but at the beginning and the end of the show, we always like to give a shout out to our fantastic, supportive pod squad. And you can join PodSquod by going to streamlabs.com forward slash poddiet's donations. If you donate three pounds or more, you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show, and you join that special Pod Squad. Mike, you got the first bunch there? You're damn right. And we're starting strong with the wonderful, the spectacular,

Hitler's Nazi Minge binge, thank you. Oh, there we go. Specky Becky. Cheggerel Nobbage. I think that says, thank you. Awesome, Fox 42. Katie Kins Solo. Release Mikey Cut Skyrim Zoo.

Maybe I'll just release the whole footage. Why not? An excellent massage. Stuccolycious. Oh, God. An excellent message. Massage. An excellent message.

There we go. Nailed it. Stukalicious. O.G. Lola Bunny porn. Donak 07. I was worried I mispronance that one, but no, we're just laughing at it. That's okay. We're fine. Yeah, that's fine. I like it that it's OG Lola Bunny porn. Not a new one. No. No. It's changed. Very quickly is a Looney Tunes, A, a Looney Tunes as relevant as they were in the 90s with kids. Because I, for starters, I have a feeling that that this film is only going to appeal to people who are 30. And secondly, is King James as popular and as well known as Michael Jordan? I mean, I know we're speaking from a UK perspective where basketball does not have the stranglehold on popular culture as it does in this States. I mean, to be fair, I don't think I would have known who Michael Jordan was, if not for Space Jam.

So it's kind of self-fulfilling thing. Like the fact that whoever was going to be in Space Jam 2 would have become. come the new Michael Jordan, effectively, just by virtue of being in a Looney Tunes film. Yeah. I watched the trailer at the cinema last night. It's the first time I've seen a trailer for the new Space Jam. And I was just so uninterested in it. The only reason I'm interested in it is purely to look at all the crowd in the background

because it's just full of Warner Brothers franchises. And they've got Tim Burton's Batman villains in there, like Danny DeVito. There's Penguin and stuff like that. Amazing. Stephen King's It is coming home. And, you know, they're all going to be there. The Iron Giant and stuff. That's all I care about.

So I might watch it just for that. The mystery machine is there and Delorean. Maybe DeLorean. So they've gone for like a ready player one. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I know that thing. Look at the thing. Yeah, do you recognize it?

I do recognize it. What's happening in this film? It doesn't matter. Look at the thing. Look, there's Fred Flintstone. I love Fred Flintstone. He's in this film. Not the best.

Brilliant. Anyway, I don't think it's going to be good. I just wanted to say that. And Lola Bunny was a sexual awakening moment for many people. For sure. Yeah. That impact can't be replicated, no matter how hard you try. I'm saying that.

The bunny from, oh, what was the sexy bunny called from the 3D1? I think he hops. I didn't want to say it because I thought I was just going to out myself there. With the wrong bunny. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's funny. Don't know about it myself. You did.

You went straight. in there. Judy Hopps, yeah. Judy Hopps. Now, everyone knows that she's... She's an acclaimed sex icon. Anyway, let's get... Let's keep going. Let me just say, I've seen some horrible, horrible banner ads with Judy

hops in them. Yeah. There's a gif that frequently goes around on Imja, which is meant to sort of upset people where Judy hops is rubbing her toes together. Oh, God. And it's really weird. And well animated, probably. It's like upsettingly realistic.

The budget that goes into... animated pornography is absolutely appalling. There's a market. There's a market for it. People want it. Not me, but people want it. Sorry, Michael, you were saying? Pod Squad. The generous, sorry

for being, you've had this run-up, but Magic Thais was very generous and they've said, last night and night before, there was three women walking down the street that way. I saw him and I said, hey, you three women, why are you all walking down the street that way? There's nothing down.

there and they flew away. I said, ah, them were some birds. Have you seen this video? No? It's just a guy approaching someone else in a car park and he just says this out loud and then walks off. It's amazing. I have seen this. It's all in the delivery and I butchered that with my very well attempted clean delivery of it. It's a great video. You can just search then were some birds I can imagine that you can yeah thank you magic thighs

thank you teenage mutant bastard crabs chief chief kegwin rip cis het fuckboy cheggers good lord brottovich

pro trainer Fred Weber doves lick yep I did pronounce that right Stephen Scourdes big titty Jesus 42 the bus

what couldn't slow down and the generous Adi Pramana 7 Hi boys I wanted to let you know that I passed my thesis defence today and I could honestly say I wouldn't have been able to get here

without the help of three internet boys playing video games and messing around thank you for making the hard days easier congratulations Adam yeah well done well done man good good good job

dogging with Dick and Dom the buff's what couldn't slow down spread patchiti beans beans and Ben is my lover It's actually pronounced Beanie, My Lover Beenus, as in Beanus and Butthead. Yeah. Beanus, my lover.

Love it. An erotic tale. The tiny troupe, this fortnight, consists of Jason Allenby, Mr Macca, Prince Beefcakes, Always an Adventure,

Cherry got engaged, or... Hey! Is that Cherry? C-H-E-R-I. Kerry and Sherry? I think so. Cherie.

Cherie Blair. Congratulations. Axles Alive, 95. Shreddy Murphy's donkey. Laurie Wales. Yee-Laws. Okay. Deluxe man on Tweeter-Twater,

who was very generous and said, lads, all ladies, I had my first dominoes in three years a few weeks back. happy to report no bum piss however i did get stomach cramps the day after is domino's cramp a recognized condition anyway love you all praise be to the mighty meat face i think the stomach cramps are one rung down to the bum piss i think if you'd had too much more it would have i'd say one rung up you go one rung down you can't get much lower than that you're true well yeah i mean as

though you're climbing the ladder towards disaster that's what i mean those cramps of your body trying it's very best to keep in the bumpus and successfully it did it so congratulations you've got a stomach of stone. That line climbing the ladder towards disaster is fucking brilliant it sounds like something that Scott Steiner

would say in like a sweaty out of breath wrestling promo you go climbing the ladder towards disaster and then he just has a coronary and dies oh no damn don't do it

grumble wank boppis McGraw Swinging with the Crankies Cheeky Neil Buchanan Oh wow That's a good one Cheeky Neil Buchananos Nay, very good

Cheggas Peggers play pop Dave Bacon Phillips Who was stupidly generous That's a very big number there And said Everyone that listens And supports this podcast Is not only a great person

But proof that we as a species Are going to be just fine Okay. All right, Dave. Whatever you say. Thanks, Dave. Thank you very much. Thank you very much, Dave. It's so generous. Scott Chegg, which is very clever.

Cairs of Gallifrey. He's a like that one. I was waiting for you guys to react more to that. I was pretty impressed with Scott. It took me a second to get it. That's no, that is fantastic. Scott Chegg. Scott Chegg.

Cez of Gallifray. Chart track wrath of Dominoes. energetic cat or spunky pussy Living breathing poo factory Tiny Peter Big Bumpus Ben's oily bread Chegly cirrides Finchristum

and Rootin-Tutin Vladimir Putin Nice We've also got the very generous But wait, there's more Who said, hey lads You're all so sexy and lovely And I'm very proud of you all

Listening to episode 80 reminded me of the time my mum ordered a lawnmower from homemade and when it was delivered, the sealed box contained the mower and an actual poo. An actual poo. I thought it said pool, like a swimming pool. An actual poo. The sealed box. Wow. Really.

The lawnmower got scared. Missing up a cheat there by not reaching out to a local newspaper. You could have got yourself a voucher. He could have done it. Yeah. Amazing. Then we move on to the obscenely generous I love you, Miss Cornforth, who said, hello, lads.

Me and the fiancé have been big fans of yours since the redacted days. Just want to say thank you for all your content and also give a shout out to my almost wife. I have been away in Texas training for the last few months, and I miss her muchly. Oh, very cute. Communicating via poddiots, that's sweet. That's nice, even though we're a bit later on this one,

because we didn't do one the other week. But even so, thank you so much. And thank you for your support. and congratulations on the impending ceremony. Yeah, thank you very much. And we love you too, Ms. Cornfield. We do. Yeah, we do.

We all do. Mike OX-Mall or Mike Oxmole, Fryer Tuk. Michael, have we had that one before? Because that's really simple. Did you get that? Oh. Oh, okay, I see.

I got you. You had to say it. That's very good. You had to say it. That was it. That's a banger. That's a banger. Michael Schumacher, S.

S-X mod That's fucking dark That one A sub and Dom In de Bungalo Michael Juggson's Mum's Jugs Dave Benson nip slips

Mars Bar Cheggard doesn't Hang on Cheggers doesn't Do Camel case Thank you Just Jake Perfect

Hang on Perfect Melk Whoa What is happening here Perth Echt Melka

Perfect camel case I'm missing something Oh That's a cheap You bastard Completely through me Non-uple jump A well-trained bear

Just keep swimming ash Jobby Jabaloonie Mikey's Dettoll Twitch stream Mr Macca Laudabadi Da Barchinko I think

the very generous no witty name so nick gauge who said sorry t p i'll put it in camel case this time these podcasts are the highlight of my fortnight how you boys in brackets boys keep it fresh every time i just don't know also ben if anyone ever accuses you of owing them 20 pounds again use this stay funky bros thank you for context that was a 20 pound donation just thought it it was just in case people want it Kevin from con big titty jesus 42 you donated 420 very nice Neil Poo Cannon's fart attack Fuck my fuck you fuck And Connor rolls his ankles

And there you go That is the Pots squad for this week It's a hefty one Thank you so much everybody Once again streamlabs.com 4 slash polyest donations Three pounds or more To get a shout out at the beginning

And the end of the show I just did some googling And realized why Michael Schumack at SSX mod is as dark as it is It's not good is it I forgot that that's how it happened I thought it was in a driving accident But you know

Yeah. No. Yeah. No. Anyway, we don't need to talk. I just wanted to address that because I laughed at the time and, uh... Oh, that's the funniest one.

That's right. But just for the absurdity, that there would be a themed mod, but I've realized what it is. Anyway, Michael Johns. I, uh, always an adventure, a podcast with Sam and Alex on Twitter. I can't see your handle. Sorry, it's, it's cut off. But all I see is... I think it's always an adventure podcast if memory serves.

It's at AAA underscore a dot, dot, dot, dot. Well, that shows me, doesn't. it. Look at that. See, you could find it. You just wanted to make me sound stupid. I can only see the first four letters. Anyway, anyway. He says, ah, sorry, proper question. I think there was another question before this one. But football, it's the season after all. It's kind of crap. Oh, there's a lot of people disagree with you there. How would you change it to make things a bit

spicier? So, I mean, this is coming out the date, no, but two days after the, two days after the finale. So we've got a chance here to reinvigorate the sport depending on the outcome, regardless of the outcome. Like, well, how do we get a new audience thing? Because I feel like, well, football's kind of piqued in who it reaches. We need to go to the football haters.

There's a completely different, the two different directions for this question. Like, it was, how would you change it? I've got a lot of opinions on how I would change it, but to make it more spicy, that's a whole different thing. I was about to go off on one about diving and just how ridiculous. That's what would make you watch.

No, no. Before it was to make it spicy, I was going to say, for God's sake, like, it's just so embarrassing the fact that people dive on football. I think that might be half the reason I don't watch it is that I just can't bear the people who play it or the tasks that they employ. Kind of amusing, though, when they're on the floor for like 10 seconds and then like the ball starts going in the right direction and they spring up. And that's kind of amusing, but it is embarrassing. It's amusing in that sense. But yeah. But to make it more spicy, I'm like, I'm sorry. I don't know. I think following on from the dives thing, I say if someone takes a dive and it's revealed that it is in fact a false dive and they're not actually injured, there's a designated ankle

snapper in the stadium to give them a bloody reason to dive. They do, they commit the attack or the injury on them that they were pretending that they had. Yeah. Oh my God. There'd be no one left at the end of the tournament, just a bunch of limping weak men. I've always been kind of partial to the thought of like sudden death so that like it hits a certain time

so let's say rather than going into extra time well you still do extra time but it's just first want to score a goal wins so it's like it's a game of speed and attack and just people throwing themselves at it and just going all out just to get that goalie. We used to play that at school we called it golden goal

which is just that like if kind of time was up or something it would be first like next goal wins kind of thing yeah i i want to see that i want to see professionals doing that sounds like a hoot yeah a hoot i would like um similar to how i think there should be a separate olympics for people who have doped i feel like there should be a football league where everyone's on drugs just to see how how far the human body can go in that sport when altered uh with substances would you have like two separate leagues one for stimulants and one for depressants or

throw them all in the same same pitch I think you can you can do whatever you want there's a clean league and there's a dirty league is what we'll call it the dirty league

and it's just mayhem it's just like people die super young who play in it because their hearts get poorly and but they're so quick while they're so fast

while they're there you know like brain just so fucking fast yeah that's that's it fast football speed football speed ball

everyone's on speed best game ever how how fast can we make football that's what we really need to ask um and i think pretty fast i think there's a lot of room for improvement with narcotics and uh blood doping and all sorts of other things like that get get it done make it happen i would like to see um a football pitch uh like a like one of those really really horrible uh food farms um where you can barely move there's that many people there. So, you know, like when you see a turkey shed or something and it's just

shoulder to shoulder turkeys, I want there to be 200 people, a team, and one ball and maybe a goal that stretches the width of the, you know, the of the end of the field. And it's just absolute chaos. It's just a swarm. It's like something from Dead Rising or something like that. Everyone trying to swarm this ball and kick in each other. Because there's no way that a referee can even see what's going on. So people will be kicking each other in the shins. And even as a spectator, you won't really see the ball, but you'll see where the mass of people is like moving around the field. And you can assume the ball is in the middle of that. That's what I want to see. Yeah, no, I'm a fan. Right, get on at you, AFA. This is it.

This is how you make your, well, they're already making billions, but your trillions. Yeah, this is how you get everyone. This is how you kill every professional football. in your ranks. Absolutely. I will say, I am glad, well, it's not being every match, but the football car, they've definitely spiced up football with that. Have you seen that? The football car?

It's a little toy car that they put a football in and they drive it into the pitch to deliver the football to the players. Oh, wow. Oh, that's brilliant. What does it look like? I think it's got like a verified Twitter account as well. Of course it does. Thinking about driving on the pitch tonight.

Oh, wait. You here for football car Tiny football cars Where it's colloquially Tiny football car It's adorable Look at it Is it like branded

Is it like a Mercedes It's a box or something Audi Oh wait I'm putting it in the wrong fucking chat Just sending it to your mum Sent that to my mum Oh there is It's very much branded isn't it

It's got VW all over it All over it I love it What does it say on the back On the light Because it's got a little license plate as well. Oh,

is that? Is that just the model of car? Yeah, something got to get that extra branding in there. This image isn't big

enough for me to zoom in on. It looks like it's just model of car but yeah, that's, I am a big fan of that. For that and a dump.

Yeah. Amazing. Stick that in a dump for everyone to see. That's a look at our dumps. There we go. Who would like

to do their thing? Guys, can I please do my thing? I have so much to make up for after I told a story about a man who died on a man to list. Yeah, so cool for it, Ben. I really need to pull this back.

I've turned to Twitter where I saw a fun thread a few weeks ago from Jack Stents at Muse Jack. And this is about a radical wolf. Would you like to see it? Yes, please. Sounds like the coolest wolf ever.

Just opened Slack. That's not where I want to send that. Nearly made the same mistake like he did. There we go. That wolf. right there is called Yellowstone Wolf 21. Cool. Cool. So let's learn about it. So this is a combination of Jack's tweets and also screenshots of various articles. So I'm just going to read all of it. I've gone down a rabbit hole of reading

about the life of Yellow Stone Wolf 21, who seems to have been the wolf equivalent of the Buddha crossed with Batman. In his entire life, he never lost a fight and never killed a defeated enemy. What a legend. So here's the first little excerpt here. 21 was remarkably gentle with the members of his back, says Rick. I don't know who Rick is. Immediately after making a kill, he would often walk away to urinate or lie down and nap, allowing family members who'd had nothing to do with the hunt, eat their fill. One of 21's favorite things was to wrestle with little pups.

And what he really loved to do, Rick adds, was to pretend to lose. He'd just got a huge kick out of it. he was this great big male wolf and he'd let some little wolf jump on him and bite his fur he'd just fall on his back with his paws in the air Rick half mimes and the triumphant looking little ones would be standing over him

with his tail wagging Oh, that's cute The ability to pretend, Rick adds shows that you understand how your actions are perceived by others it indicates high intelligence I'm sure the pups knew what was going on but it was a way for them to learn

how it feels to conquer something much bigger than you And that kind of confidence is what wolves need every day of their hunting lives. So that's one that they're sparring. Zach, Zach says, he shared his kills and was a gentle and nurturing dad and uncle. 21 was the male role model we all need. He continues. 21 was even merciful towards the sexy bad boy of the wolf world. He knew what he was doing.

So here's the next little bit. In 21's life, there was a particular male, a sort of roving Casanova, a continued. annoyance. He was strikingly good looking, had a big personality and was always doing something interesting. I don't know he just wrote this. Maybe the wolf wrote this. The best single word is charisma, says Rick. Female wolves were happy to mate with him. People loved him. His irresponsibility and infidelity, it didn't matter. One day, 21 discovered this Casanova among his daughters. 21 ran in, caught him, and began biting and pinning him to the ground. Various pack members piled in, beating Casanova up. Cassanova was also big, Rick says, but he was a bad

fighter. Now he was totally overwhelmed and the pack was finally killing him. Suddenly, 21 steps back. Everything stops. The pack members are looking at 21 as if saying, why has dad stopped? The Casanova wolf jumped up and, as always in such situations, ran away. But Casanova kept causing problems for 21. Why didn't 21 just kill him, so he wouldn't have to deal with him anymore. It didn't make sense until years later. Fast forward to after 21's death, he does die in Rossi. Cassanova briefly became the Druid pack's alpha male. I'm assuming the druid pack is the pack that 21 was in charge of. But he wasn't effective, Rick recalls. He didn't know what to do, just not a leader personality. And although it's very rare for a younger brother

to depose an older one, that's what happened to him. Cassanova didn't mind. It meant he was free to wonder and meet other females. Eventually, Cassanova, along with several, several young druid males met some females and they all formed another pack. With them, Rick remembers, he finally became the model of a responsible alpha male and a great father. Meanwhile, the mighty druids were ravaged and weakened by mange and diminished by inter-pack fighting. The last druid was shot near Butte, or Butte, Montana in 2010. Kassanova, though he'd been adverse to fighting, died in a fight with a rival pack. But everyone in his pack remained uninjured, including grandchildren and great-grandchildren of 21.

Wolves can't foresee such plot twists any more than people can, but evolution does. Its calculus integrates long averages. By sparing the Casanova wolf, 21 actually helped assure himself more surviving descendants, and, in evolution, surviving descendants are the only currency that matters. So this 21 is just a fucking... Baller.

Just the bad-est-ass. He's so good. Even in the midst of a harsh struggle for survival, 21 looked out for the underdog, is the next tweet. So, in strictly survivalist terms, should a wolf let his rival go free? Is restraint an effective strategy for accumulating benefits? I think the answer is yes. If you can afford it, because sometimes your enemy today becomes tomorrow a vehicle for your legacy. What Rick saw play out over those years might be just the kinds of events that are the basis for magnam—magnamin— hang on.

anonymity in wolves and at the heart of mercy and men. Early on when 21 was young and still living with his mother, an adoptive father, one of their new pups was not acting normal. The other pups were a bit afraid of him and wouldn't play with him. One day 21 brought back some food for the small pups and after feeding them he just stood there looking around for something. Soon he started wagging his tail. He'd been looking for the sickly little pup, Rick says, and finding him, he just went over to hang out with him for a while. Rick suddenly seems to be searching inside himself for something deeper he wants to express. Then he looks at me, saying simply, of all the stories I have about 21, that's my favourite. Strength impresses us, but what we

remember is kindness. What a gentleman. And finally, it's time to learn about how 21 went out. Oh no, I don't want him, Ben. And when it was time for 21 to die, he went out on his own terms, like the noble soul he was. We should all be so lucky. Here we go. The majority of wolves die violently, which is a good start. Despite a violent, eventful life, even by wolf standards, 21 distinguished himself to the very end. He was a black wolf who grayed with the years and became one of the few Yellowstone wolves to die of old age. One June day when 21 was nine years old, his family was lying bedded down when an elk came by. Everyone jumped up to give chase. He jumped up too, but just stood watching the action and then lay down again. Later, when the pack headed

towards the den site, 21 crossed the valley in the opposite direction, travelling purposefully somewhere alone. Sometime later a visitor who'd been way up high in the backcountry reported having seen something very unusual, a dead wolf. Rick got a horse and rode up to investigate. That last day, it seems, 21 knew his time had come. He used the last of his energy to go up to the top of a high mountain, in a favourite family rendezvous site where he'd been with his pups year after year, amid summer grass and mountain wildflowers, 21 curled up in the shade of a big tree. And on his own terms, he went to sleep for the last time. Oh, that's very sweet. Oh, God. It's so sad. They're all good boys, Michael. They're all good boys. They're all good boys.

I won't go any further than that, but the thread you should be able to find it is really good. It goes on to talk about 21's mate, 42, who had a life at least as dramatic as his. She was nicknamed the Cinderella wolf for how she was brutalized and dominated by a cruel older sister before coming into her own. 42 was 21's equal and more. It's all kicking off in Yellowstone, the wolf situation. So there we are. A fun story. Well, I suppose it's not fun. A cool story about a rad wolf. I just thought that was interesting because we don't have wolves here. And God, that's amazing. I just thought it was intriguing to see that sort of behavior documented in such a fashion. She was seeing that video of the massive black wolf

that a dog is barking at. Hang on, let me... Sounds like a bad idea. Giant wolf chases dog. The dog is fine, by the way. Okay, good. So it's a bit of a slow start. You can just see in the distance

a wolf lying in the grass. Well, you can barely see it really, but it's like somebody is sticking up. And then right towards the end as the dog gets close to this wolf, the wolf stands up. And when you get the sense of scale, you suddenly realize that this wolf is like twice as big as a dog. It's insanely big. Jesus Christ! It's like a...

Wow, that's a big boy. Yeah, it's like a horse. Oh, my God. Yeah, literally double the size. Wow. Flipping. It's the trees look tiny. I love how the owner was just filming it until things predictively went bad.

Now, what are you doing? You idiot. What can you do in that situation when there's like a horse-sized wolf in front of you? Do you even dare go any of that thing? I'd like to think that we all would imagine ourselves doing what that Australian bloke did in that video where he punches. That's what I was thinking of. Kangaroo in the face. Just go up and thump the wolf.

No. Sure that'll work. Roll up a newspaper. Nottie. Boop him. Bad dog. So yeah, I've gone from a story about a man dying on a mountain. to a dog dying on a mountain.

And I hope you enjoyed that one more. Lovely. I love that. Who dies on a mountain next time? I know. I love that one of the takeaways from that is let your enemies live because someday they may become cannon fodder to protect your family. Yeah, to protect your own progeny.

True lesson for life there. Yeah. Oh, very cute. Wow. I'm going to read more into that because that sounds really interesting. Wolves, you just think of as being big, scary, cool things. but not like the actual genuine badasses. Yeah, the social.

There's the threat in case you want to go down there. Thank you. Thank you, Potter. Would you boys like? Another question? Yes, please. This one comes from Stephen Norrie, agent of G-I-R-L at Stephen underscore Norrie on Twitter.

You are given free reign to perform an experiment on a child. Don't worry, it's a good experiment. Don't worry. Okay. whereby you teach them one wrong or inaccurate fact and try to see whose child will get the oldest before finding out the truth. What do you choose?

For example, teach them that the name of the colour brown is actually yellow. Oh, wow. This is a good one. So you're going to gaslight a child? Yes, that's that. For a bit of fun, for a bet. So all three of us are competing.

We've all got our own child and we're all telling our respective child one lie and the winner for us three is whoever convinces their child for the longest, right? Yeah. Okay. So it's got to be something that can slip under the radar for long enough, but not be so obscure. Oh, I've got one, which I don't know if I should name names, but someone I know thought that this was true for the longest time. I don't think they were told this

but they just assumed it from context that Timbuk 2 was a fictional place because people talk about how oh you know well I can't think of an example From here to Timbuk 2 Or yeah Where's he come from?

Timbuk 2 You know it just sounds like a kind of made up It's not real Fictional place like a Dr. Seuss location or something So maybe I'd go with that that Timbuktu is not a real place I like that that's good

because yeah that's like yeah you hear that and it does sound ridiculous there's no issue there and you never really read about Timbuktu that's going to dawn on the yeah an ignorant sheltered white person then you might believe it for a long time wow I mean it's not wrong

what about and this isn't something that would necessarily go beyond childhood because I think people would think it was cute to begin with and then it just takes one embarrassing incident for it to never happen again but a plane can only take off if you salute the staff when you get aboard okay like when you're climbing up the stairs to get on a plane you've got to salute their the what do they call the crew what are they called the cabin crew the cabin crew yeah exactly the that could be more than the hostess and hosts more than an embarrassing situation like

imagine if you got on the plane and for some reason you forgot maybe you've had like a beer or something in the bar before you get on, then you sit down in your chair, everyone's strapped their seatbelts on, and as it's taxiing out to the runway, you're sitting like, oh God, oh God, I forgot to salute. Everyone, stop the plane. Stop the plane, I've got to salute.

I was thinking it would be more obvious because you would see other people get on the plane and not salute, which is probably something that a child wouldn't necessarily notice, or they just think, well, I've got to do it because it's my duty, because, you know, children don't think about themselves that much.

they're people of the world children and yeah when they got older they would notice kind of like a Santa Claus Father Christmas situation they would notice that hang on hang on a minute something doesn't feel right

but yeah at least for a while there'd be a glorious few years where every time they get on a plane they salute the staff because I think this plane's not going to take off if I don't do it I'm torn between like

in terms of keeping it secret the longest like giving them like a different meaning for like a common phrase or something like it's raining cats and dogs oh yeah like say it came from a natural of like a freak disaster where cats and dogs rained for like a couple of minutes in 1713 or something like that i think i sort of did though didn't it it was it's the fact that i don't know if this is true but i've heard that an origin of that phrase is that back in the olden days whenever that was um if you had absolutely horrendous torrential rain i.e it's

raining cats and dogs. Occasionally you would get dead strays in the street because they like drowned or or like froze to death or whatever. They get swept in and oh wow. Or swept, yeah, or like they get caught in the gutters or whatever. And so you would come out in the morning and it looks like it's rained cats and dogs because there's a couple of dead dogs and cats in the street. That might be one of those made up explanations of things.

So, yeah. That sounds believable, but okay, well, maybe not that. because my fake ones is maybe actually true. I think I'd go down the route, riffing off when my teacher told a student that don't eat the bottom of the banana because that's where the spider's lay their eggs. I think I'll just go.

Oh, God. Don't eat the apple pips because they are poisonous. Like, they will kill you if you eat one. And if you do eat one, you've got to go to the doctors. I mean, that's also believable, because they've got cyanide in there. They are a little bit, but just want, just tell them the little fib.

That just won't kill you. Keep them on their toes every time. I'm buying that apple. That's good. Based on facts. Maybe that's the best way to go. Take it to the extreme. Although you have a good point as well, Ben,

the difficult thing with all of these lies is that the world isn't complicit in your lie, right? You know, so someone from the world, the big wide world, is going to blow your cover. However, maybe the way to win this bet would just be to tell them that Father Christmas is real. Because that is one lie where people are kind of complicit in it. and they won't really spoil it for someone who's, you know, around the kind of borderline age where they might know and they might not, you know, you can be like

eight or nine or ten and people still don't want to bring themselves to say, oh yeah, well, of course, you know, it's your mum and dad who does it, you know? Yeah. Tell them not to believe those lies. Those are the lies. He is actually real.

What about you're not allowed off the plane to you, unless you, And unless you clap. Well, not the salute. You have to clap when you land. Yeah. Otherwise.

And again, as a child, that's fine. And it's the kind of thing that some people actually do is clap. So the stars might align. You're like, oh, score. They've only flown once this year. They're 14 and they've clapped and someone else has clapped as well. And that's only going to reinforce their world. Yeah.

Yeah. Someone has to clap before you're allowed to get off the plane. Yeah. So if it's just them, fine, because, yeah, I've done it. I've taken care of it. Thank me later, everyone. Yes. People under 18 have to clap, or they're not allowed on another plane again.

That's it. There we go. Ruining children's lives, one lie at a time. Thank you very much, boys. I can go first, and that's Peter. You're itching to get your thing out. By all means. Go ahead, if you wish. So I, I was just Googling around for things to look at, and I came across a wonderful,

wonderful story of a historic court jester, but the story itself wasn't quite enough to flesh out an entire thing. So I went a little bit more digging. I found some other key historic court jesters because it's not something I ever really knew much about other than a person in silly hat dances and makes jokes. It turns out there's actually some real badasses out there and some really good stories.

So I thought I'm going to share the story of three jesters with you, if that's all right. Okay. I've picked a difficult one to start with because it's a French person and French name. are difficult. Tribulee? I'm going to put it in chat so maybe someone can help me. Yeah, I mean, that sounds about it. Tribulee, yeah. Tribulee. Yeah, there we go. That sounds good. Thank you. We're workshopping pronunciations. I love it. The history and literature of European

Royal Courts is littered with comically gifted jesters, but no court entertainer was as quick-witted as Tribule. He served in French courts. He inspired the works of Victor Hugo, and he even saved own life with a particularly cunning display of his talents. Display of his talents. He was actually a chicken. Expecting the applause of courtiers, Trouillet once struck the king on his backside. Oh, how dare he. Francis I was about to have the jester executed but offered mercy.

Only if Tribune could come up with an apology more offensive than the act of the spanking. And in response, he said, I'm so sorry, your majesty, that I didn't recognize you. I'm a stuckey for the queen. I mean, he lived up. I think, yeah, that's a good way to one up it. Unfortunately, the king's wife was the one person in the court who was strictly off limits from being a poked fun of. Oh, no. The king was so furious that he ordered Tribulay's death.

However, as a reward for the jest. as long years of servitude, he permitted his jester to choose the manner of his death. And Tribule's response marked the most memorable act of his life. And he said, good sir, St. Natush and St. Pan, for, sorry, oh, reading's hard, isn't it? Really hard. You're doing great, man. We believe in you. Maybe one day I'll get through a thing without flubbing it.

Good sir, for St. Natush's and St. Pansard's sake, patrons of insanity, I choose to die from old age. Remarkably, the king found this so humorous that he granted tribulated banishment instead of death. That cheeky little boy, managed to get out of it by choosing his own fate. So, yeah, I mean, it wasn't great. He got banished from his lovely, probably quite lavish lifestyle. But, hey, at least he left with his life.

Good for him. Good for him. Well done. Next one is Lord Minimus, also known as the Queen's Dux. Dwarf. This is a, this is Lord Minimus. This is one I found like a little sentence which I thought was funny. And then I started reading more like, wow, this, this person's led our life. So by the age of 25, Sir Geoffrey Hudson, also known as Lord Minimus, but referred to it as Jeffrey from herein, reached just three foot nine inches. And at the time, his size was

attributed to his mother choking on a gurkin while pregnant. Oh, of course. Yeah, that's sad. Yeah, that happens. At age seven, Geoffrey's five, Geoffrey's father decided to present his son to the Duchess Catherine Villas at age seven. At the time, he stood just one and a half feet in height, but he was perfectly proportioned. So he was essentially just like a shrunk down human. And from this thing, which I mean most kids are kind of, but you get what I mean. And from this encounter, she decided to take him in and make a part of the royal family. But essentially in these times, dwarfs weren't seen as people, but more as pets and player things, kind of oddities to look at and gawk at. But, however,

this life is a jester did at least grant him his own servants, like endless amounts of food to keep him full and anything he could wish for. So, well, a bit demeaning. It was slightly better than scraping by as a commoner. At least he was living in a sense of luxury. It doesn't excuse the terrible, terrible treatment of these people. A common practice of the day was to impress guests via having obscenely large food items made and have random things burst out, like living birds, frogs. and even in one case an entire 28-member orchestra which that baffles the mind.

What did they... What did they cook? A big pie? A gingerbread house, I imagine. That's the only way I can picture it. Don't let Peter do, I love that. I'll eat the band as well. In this particular case, the Duchess decided to surprise the king and queen

with a rather small pie that Geoffrey was scrunched up in. And at the appropriate moment, Jeffrey burst out of the pie wearing a small suit of armour, brandishing a little sword that he swung around wildly to the amusement of all. And from this moment, the Queen became like instantly enamoured with Geoffrey and his remarkable smallness, it's quotes here. And so she asked the Duchess if the Queen could take Geoffrey home and add her to his own, add him to her own little collection. And she was happy to

oblige and the Duchess handed Geoffrey over to the Queen in 1626. He was one of the several curiosities and pets, among whom were a giant Welsh porter named William Evans, two dwarfs and a monkey called pug, which I enjoy. And through this relationship with the other people, he later developed a routine with Evans, the very tall man, in which he'd pull Hudson out of his pocket, along with an entire loaf of bread, and make a sandwich out of him. Quite impressive. So the queen was enamoured with Geoffrey and saw to it that he became well-educated, taught him the ways of being a gentleman, and in 1630, the queen sent the then 10-year-old to France as part of a delegation to retrieve her midwife, Madame Peron.

Jeffrey reportedly wowed the court in France with his dancing abilities, and in the process he collected quite a lot of rather expensive gifts and impressed members of the court. So he was doing well. He was going out, touring the world, wowing the people, and raking in the gifts and the big loaves of bread. And unfortunately for Jeff, this journey ended in disaster When the ship he was on while headed back home Was captured by pirates The midwife, Jeff, all these newfound valuables

Were taken away by the pirates And when the Queen found out what happened She was distraught mainly for Geoffrey And she was concerned with how she'd get him back So luckily the details are sparse here But eventually Geoffrey did manage to make his way back to the Queen And so did everyone else on the ship it's assumed just by paying a massive ransom to get the boy back.

He came back, and in 1644 in France, when he was about 25 years old, a gentleman of the court evidently decided to ignore Jeffrey's insistence that he was no longer some court pet to be teased. At this point, he was a member of society. He'd earned his stripes, and everyone accepted him for who he was. Instead, this man insulted Jeffrey, and in some way, and this enraged Jeffrey and so he challenged him

to a duel. Yes, Jeff. Yeah, go get him, go get him. And this challenge was accepted and it was going to be fought with pistols on horseback. So they're going big starly on it. Wow.

But the person who angered Jeffrey kind of took the whole thing as a joke and so while Jeffrey prepped a natural real pistol the opponent chose to brandish a water gun in the fight. Oh, no.

They had water guns back then. Yeah, it's just kind of fun, isn't it? Yeah, and it's funny, so. That's cool. And, yeah, for some reason, it was here on the Royal Court next to all the other weapons. So, yeah, Jeffrey got up on his horse, so as the other guy, and Jeffrey being

the keen marksman, he was, just bam, fired the opponent right in the middle of eyes, blowing a hole in his head. Wow. So, badass, pretty badass. But, sadly, at the the time in France, murder and jewels were actually heavily illegal. So he'd actually just committed

a terrible crime, even though all the royals in the presence were quite amused by this gruesome display that had taken place in front of them. So at this point, he was threatened with execution, but the queen was able to barter, get him spared. And he was again exiled, much like our friend Tribune. And again, this doesn't end here. He was yet again captured by pirates on a ship. Unfortunately, he was sold into slavery, and he was kind of lost for 25 years. Eventually, I think after that time, there was big efforts in getting, you know, English natives back to the land, out of slavery, and he finally returned back to home to England.

But unfortunately, he had grown considerably in this time, so he's no longer the short man he once was, and so he wasn't allowed back into his old job at the court. Oh. And sadly, the queen. I know he could have just gone around. on his knees to at least get back in there, get on the payroll again. And sadly at the time,

the queen that I'd looked after him so much and recently died, so he didn't really have much of a leg to stand on. But at least, thankfully, they decided to give him like a little small settlement to help him set up with his new life. And it was all going quite well, quite, you know, he'd got settled, he was living quite comfortably,

until one fateful day when he travelled to London in 1676, just to request his pension, And sadly, this was at the peak of anti-Catholic sentiment in the country, and this saw Geoffrey promptly arrested upon arriving in London for the sole crime of daring to be Catholic. What a bastard. How could he?

And this was a faith that he'd only taken up as a youth because of the Queen. Very, very sad. And so he spent the next four years or so in prison. He was released in 1680, and what he got up to after then, he kind of faded into obscurity and sadly died two years later with an unmarked grave despite officially being a knight and a captain of the horse. Wow. Lived a life, but sadly.

Good grief. Yeah. It's an incredible life. But yeah, sadly, he didn't get the recognition he deserved. That's why we'll mention you now here on Poddy. It's Jeffrey. Big respect. Big love.

Yes. Big love. On to the main event. Jeff. Big love. Big love. The main event. This is what really got me interested.

Roland the farta. Oh, God. Okay, good stuff. Yeah, on brand. Sadly, there's a distinct lack of information surrounding the delightfully tilted jester, but there are a few things that we do know. Roland was a medieval flatulist

who lived in 12th century England. Caught jester to King Henry II, Roland was best known for one thing and one thing alone. Breaking wind, of course. Good. While little is written about Roland, one thing that we do know is that, his particular skill set was reserved for only one performance a year.

He only performed at the King Henry's rip-roaringly riotist Christmas celebrations. So it'd be like a big old Christmas treat to get Roland out. Come on, get him to do his routine. Yeah, the fart man, yeah. He's been eating beans all year. He's going to be rip-roaring for sure. Roland was recorded as culminating his foolery with, and this is Latin, unum saltum et stifultum at unum bumbleum

and as he did this a simultaneous no say no I think that is a Latin description of what he did but the actual act was a simultaneous jump whistle and a fart which is that is it that's his big moment for the whole year only to be seen once a year it's the show to watch

how do you practice something like that without just shitting yourself I guess that's why he does it once a year It keeps the failure rate down. Yeah. I think if he did that every week, you'd pretty quickly get tired of it. So I think once he made the right move with it.

Imagine if on the day you just didn't feel like you could fart. Like you just, you know, sometimes if you sort of went in the morning and now you're kind of fine. And then the moment arrives. What do you do? Yeah, God, that must be terrifying. Yeah, King Henry, he'd have your head off if he couldn't before Bonn Q. But then I suppose it'd be scary enough that it may probably make you want to fart so you're probably fine. Oh man. That's that's that's that's my little rom through

jess is in history with the delightful jump whistling fart. What a true. Incredible. Thank you, Mikey. That's all right. I kind of want to try and emulate that and see if it's possible because you can do it. It sounds a bit tricky. It sounds a bit tricky. Oh, there we go. Yeah. Yeah. I'll call it the Rooland. Kick flip. There we go. That's my new goal for 2021. on. I heard you the best at doing

mad pumps on your pumps I fucking did do it in your shredies like

got an extra 50 with her beans you're comfortable they're like yeah it already does sound a bit

like a fart doesn't it oh fantastic well would you like another question yes please yeah

I'm sure know which one it is. I can't find it. There we go. This one comes from Jared G at Like a Glove 90. Mike, Benji, Petey. You get to choose one Vidyits video that's beamed to the entire world's TV sets and media devices for an entire day. What do you choose?

God, please, not Wallace. We would start so many wars with any of them. Yeah. Someone would take real issue with pretty much everything. we've done, I think. I guess it's what kind of route do you want to go down? Do you want to try and pacify people

or do you want to be that instigator? Some of our best videos are the shortest ones. Like, you know, for example, Peter gets hit by car, is quite funny. The Margaret video is very funny. But the shorter the video, the more times

they're going to see it in one day. Whereas if you pick, you know, if we pick post some tat, the final tat, that I'd only go around like five times. True, true. Yeah. but that's that again that would be a just a kind of a pacifist approach that would just be the the most merciful thing whereas just you know for example maybe the the game selection

with the fart in it would be great just on loop all day I'm looking on the back end now just in preparation for what came out this week and what if we just played um let's see Yeah, well, I was going to say there's, there's an unlisted video here we recorded for someone's anniversary. Yeah. It's just called happy anniversary and the thumbnail isn't, like there's no thumbnail, it's just a clip of the video and we're just sat there next to each other on the sofa. Yeah. That, it's two minutes long, that for 24 hours. She does, wishing happy anniversary to.

Happy anniversary. I wonder if that's the video we did to people where the electricity went out midway through you recording it. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah, it was fun. It just suddenly went dark in the middle. There we are. Just sat there.

Oh, no, this isn't it? But, yeah. There was like a behind-the-scenes clip that we put on Twitter at the time, I think, saying, you know, all the power's gone out. We just did a little fly-in-the-wall candid clip, didn't we? Yeah, yeah, we did. I impromptu. Did you leave me in there? I seem to remember you guys just walked out on camera, and I just stayed in the dark.

I don't know if that's, that's right. We have to go watch it afterwards, Stever, look. Yeah, it's been a minute. Yeah, because you're like, like, it seems there's no perfect video because even, like, with the worst games ever, even with the games that are just so, so awful,

there's always at least one Commodore who's like, actually, this game's great and you're wrong, totally and ironically. So I say we just go for Tiny Peter dancing doing the hand solo dance. Yeah, that's a good one. Just the green screen. Yeah, just the green screen.

bring the world together. There you go. By the end of the day, the whole world be dancing with Peter and it'll be beautiful. I'd like to think that would... I would choose what's in the case

because then we can get Dave Benson Phillips back on national TV. Oh my God, it's a brilliant idea. On television all over the world. It's his dream. I bet it feels stupid because I really fucking phoned that in.

I should have tried hard. I should have put in at least a little bit of effort. Yeah, I like that. I like, oh yeah, You're doing the world good. Or you're doing Dave good with that one, Peter. Peter, would you like to roll into your thing.

I'd love to roll into my thing a ding. So my parents are currently moving house, and they've been going through some stuff that's like in the attic and, you know, little sort of keepsakes and stuff. And they found a book of mine that was a present for my, let's see fifth birthday and you guys must be aware of this you might have forgotten that this is a concept

but when I remind you you'll remember it's one of those books where there was a selection of like maybe eight on the advert in like a magazine or something and what you do is you submit you fill out probably on paper rather than on the internet in those days you get like a little form and you write the name of the person who the book is for and a little bit more

information like where they come from who their two best friends are and what their favorite food is or whatever yeah and those words then get put into an actual bound storybook all about that person going on an adventure and things happening to them and they've got you know the information is in there as though it's like a special book just about you yeah my brother had one of those i remember like finding it in the attic like wow this is weird it's got his name like in it is mad it's a christmas story one Well, I'm going to show you the cover of the book that I'm in and I'm going to read it to you. Oh, story time, yeah.

Yeah, story time. Let me just, uh, hang on, pull up the, uh, do to do, do to, I've got it. I've got it, I've got it, it's got a picture. Hang on, it's coming. Yep, he's doing it. Yep. It's uploading It's uploading

It's there Flipping egg It's a Batman book Hold of shit Oh my God What So that's the front cover I'm just going to add that

To the thread For those You know Bruce I know Bruce Me and Bruce Go way back Yeah Shit

Oh my God That's sick It's pretty It's pretty sick So Here's the book And what I'm going to do As well

Because I don't want Tox either myself or people who are named in this book. So I'm going to replace... It talks about my siblings. It names my siblings. And I'm going to replace it with Ben and Mikey

instead of the names of my... So we're going to be in this story. So you're going to be mentioned in this story. This is the best day ever. I hope Batman beats me up. Well, he might do. Just you wait to see. So here we go.

Peter and Batman solved the case of the stolen robot, with love from Granny and Grandpa 1997. That was very sweet. Peter, aged five, looked out of the taxi window. He was very excited, all around him with the skyscrapers of Gotham City. Gotham was even big than he had imagined when he was at home in Bristol with Ben and Michael. It's us. It says the name of my village in here.

That's in there. Peter still couldn't believe he had won a competition on the radio. The prize was a free visit to Toy Tower, the world's largest toy shop. It was closing for the night, and Peter was going to have the whole shop to play in. And there's a picture as like POV of me sitting in the back of a Gotham taxi on my own as a five-year-old. Perfect. As Peter was getting out of the taxi, he noticed a delivery van speeding away from the department store. Written on the side of the van were the words,

felini movers or filine movers Peter caught a glimpse of the driver as the van passed by the driver was wearing a dark mask with pointy ears that's strange Peter thought maybe the driver was going to a fancy dress party after work Peter shrugged Gotham City was a peculiar place and just for context

I'm going to send you the picture of the Felini Movers van Okay do you want this adding to the thread If you would yeah that would be great Does it have any information on the other screen No, no, that's fine. It's just got my name in it. But you can see who's driving the van there if you use your powers of detective work.

Yeah, okay. Peter wanted to play with the world famous Cat 2000. That's K-A-T 2000. A cat-shaped robot made just for children. It could play games, help around the house, even make milkshakes. Toy Tower had the only one in the whole world. When Peter went inside, he found out that the Cat 2000 had been stolen. The police were looking for clues, but the thief had left no trace.

The shop manager sighed, we may never get the Cat 2000 back, she said. Don't be so sure of that, said a deep voice. Everyone turned round to look. Peter couldn't believe it. Batman was there. Wow. What? Just then.

What? Peter remembered something important. He told Batman about the strange van he had seen. Hmm The driver was wearing a dog mask With pointy ears Hmm Asked Batman

There's something else Peter said I saw on the television That the cat 2000 runs on a special kind of battery Weren't the thief need A supply of those

Yes Batman looked at Peter Thank you Peter Would you recognise that Ben again If you saw it Peter nodded Batman smiled Would you like to go for a ride

Oh yes Yes please Batman This is wildly a response It is. There's a double-page spread of Batman jumping into the Batmobile without a child in shot, because I guess you might be buying this book for a boy or girl with different coloured hair. It's just Batman in the Batmobile on his own. Peter followed Batman to the Batmobile. He could hardly believe what was happening. Where are we going? he asked.

To the Super Vault Battery Factory. Batman said, That's where the Cat 2000s Battery Pack is made. I have a feeling you're right. The thief will have to stock upon the special batteries, or the robot will be useless. The Batmobile zoomed through the streets of Gotham City. In no time at all, Batman and Peter arrived at the factory. There it is, Peter cried. The Felini Mover's delivery ban was parked outside the factory. A dark figure was loading crates into the van.

In the Glover streetlight, Peter saw the pointy ears of a mask. That's the driver I saw, he told Batman. Just as I suspected, said Batman. It's Catwoman. He pointed to something shiny in the back of the van. There's the Cat 2000. And there's a picture of a cat in the back of the van. It's a robotic cat.

I'll spare you many, many pictures of the illustrations, but it's there. Catwoman, it's all over. Batman announced as he leapt from the Batmobile. That's what you think, Catwoman replied. She grabbed the Cat 2000 and ran. Batman threw his baturang white, through his batterang comma, winding a row.

around her legs. Look out, Peter yelled. The Cat 2000's going to fall! And she's dropping it in the picture. Peter jumped out of the Batmobile and caught the Cat 2,000 just before he hit the ground. The robot was safe.

Catwoman breaks several of Peter's fingers and picks up the cat and leaves. Blinds him with her whip for the rest of his life. Nice work, Peter, said Batman. Drat, cried Catwoman. I really wanted that robot. It's perfect for me. Nice.

I know, Peter said, you're a cat, spelled with a K, A-T, you're a cat burglar. Nice one, Peter. Good quip there. Does Batman laugh?

Does it say if Batman laughed? No, Batman didn't laugh. Batman knows the joke. Hey, but I was going to say that, you piece of shit. Back home in Bristol, Peter told Ben and Michael all about his exciting adventure.

The police had arrived and arrested Catwoman. Batman had slipped away into the shadows. The manager of Toy Tower was thrilled to get the Cat 2000 back. Peter finally went on his tour of the toy shop with the amazing robot as his guide. Best of all, Peter received a postcard. Dear Peter, it said, thanks for your help in solving the Cat 2000 robbery.

I couldn't have done it without you. Batman. And then at the end, it says, Peter, enjoy this book, a special gift from Granny and Grandpa. Lovely. Thank you very much. So that was made by the Personalised Book Company in Norfolk. They're still going.

Let's have a look. There's a landline number for them. I'm going to Google the number. You Google the Personalised Book Company. Personalised book company. They're at the Disbus Business Centre. Diss with two S's. Oh, I don't know if they, there's lots of personalised book.

book option websites many of them paid ads on google but none of them have that specific name what's the number peter i will actually call it if you want to put it in the chat oh it comes up on if you google it does say the personalized book company but it might be in a really old like phone book uh uh like archive web page or something here's the number right if you want to ring it oh my god this is exciting the landline I'll be very surprised if this still works Okay, here we go

I'm nervous No, call failed Let me just double check I got the right number Yeah It looks like it's gone Oh that's a shame Boop boop boop

You can still see it The top two results If you Google the number It does say The Personalised Book Company in this But they must just be From old phone book

like archived stuff there you go that's the story of how me and batman rescued the k-a-t 2000 robot is incredible thank you peter absolutely riveting yeah love it thanks right time for one last question we're going sporty themed tonight I think that's the theme today this one's from

shana at strange penny 12 on Twitter what events would be included in the Vidyat's Olympic Games. Oh, God. This is, I guess, an expansion on the Alcohol Olympics. Now we're making the Vid Olympics. Olympiates?

Yeah, that works. Yeah, I like that. Olympiates. Yeah. Why not? I still feel really bad. I think it was the first worst games ever we recorded for Vidiots. I threw Billy

and I broke his little wooden guitar. It's still broken, isn't it? Still broken to this day. Oh, man. I feel bad. I think actually in my room somewhere, I've got a wooden guitar that's someone, like, laser cut for us.

People sent us super glue to fix him, and we never did. Just didn't. Sorry, just to finish your train of thought, were you going to suggest lobbing Billy? Yeah, as a big of that. Yeah, why not? He's already fucked, isn't he?

So I've just ruined him. I'm trying to think of a pun based on discus. A... Piskus? Walrus. Tuskis. Walrus. Tuskis.

Yeah. It's all good. Maybe part of the challenge is you get like a bonus point if you don't break the guitar. It's like a special thing. Wow, you really got control that. But I just like, I don't want to see a little pink toy fly through the air. That's how I once did to that purr, little walrus. Like a shot put.

Yeah, like that. Oh, shot putt. That. That's fucking turret. it. Well, it's, no,

I'm thinking a clay pigeon shooting. Not clay pigeon shooting. That's too hiring to wash. No,

not that one. I'm not doing that one. Really clay walrus. Clay pigeon shooting. That'd be horrible. What about a car dodging? Yeah. The car hurdles.

The 100 metre car hurdles. I'd actually like to see how quickly people can wrap someone else up in two rolls of bubble wrap because that took ages and it made me feel really sick because I kept having to spin

And I was like, I'm stopping. Can you keep running around? You can go around me. Yeah. God. Yeah, that'd be a good team effort. Maybe something to do with cooking chicken dippers. I was thinking, well, challenge.

Like an eating competition. Whoever can eat the most smiley faces, chicken dippers and beans wins. Yeah. I'm going to win that one. What about the fastest person to run around the car park near Mikey's flat, holding two sticks out in front of them as though they are mopeds, handle bars

but to add insult to injury all footage of that event is never shown and they just do it and they feel stupid doing it and they feel even more stupid afterwards yeah why did we not even why do we just had a very good reason for not using that because we put a lot of work into it

I thought we used like five seconds of it I thought we used a little tiny bit of that maybe we didn't think we used any aerial footage and because there was no you can get away with anything if you got a camera on you obviously in public but Mikey was up on a We've spoken about this before.

It's on the balcony of his flat. So everyone was just looking. There's two guys in wigs and a moustache running around with sticks. And it's just... With no one filming them seemingly. Humiliating, yeah. Yeah. I just want an Olympic version of you're in the movies.

You can make the best one. All the countries pit against each other. But it's just the same shitty software every time. God, what would a gold medal performance be in that? What we did. Yeah, I think, yeah, we're Oscar winners. We set the bar and try and beat that. You're not going to, but you can try.

You're not fucking going to, mate. There should be a sport or an Olympic event for who can do the most controlled splat. And then Neil walks out and says this. Yeah. You tried it yourself. This is the controlled splat. Gold medal. Nice.

Brilliant. I think I'd say I'm spent. I'm spent beyond just the gold medal for getting 50,000 subscribers. But we didn't get that one. We never got there. We're falling further and further away from it every week. Sadly, yeah, we lose like 100 people a week, I think, is the average. Yeah, and that's been going on for years.

We need a viral video. Can we just release a video called viral video? See what happens. See what happens. I think that's how it works on Google. Yeah, yeah. Who fucking knows. Mikey, thank you so much for organising the questions this week.

I did see it, I was just going to say, before we move away from that point, I did see a recommended YouTube video the other day that was called YouTube. Please do not recommend this video. And it was like two weeks old. And I'm pretty sure I had like two million views or something, which was just infuriating to see. I might be exaggerating the numbers there, but I'm pretty sure it was something along those lines. Bonkers.

What a stupid, stupid platform? have been every video title at videos. Please don't watch this video. Please don't recommend this video. Yeah. That's how it would work. That would change everything. Whatever mind.

There we are, everybody. That is the end of Pody. It's not forever just this time. If you go to store.orgscast.com, there's actually some physical merchandise you can buy, and I believe there's a US store as well. Isn't that right, Mikey? Yeah, you're right, indeed.

So if you head over to store.orgscast.com, there's a little link at the top there. if you're in them United States of America where you can see some of the things, but with slightly cheaper shipping, you can find a whole host of lovely things. Like, ooh, Booth's got a new shirt. It's got cats and metal robot cats on it.

What's not to love? I want that. But you know what's better than that? Is all the cool, swaggy video stuff that's on there? We got T-shirts, hoodie, mug. God, they're so-fly and so cool. And if you want to be so-fly, so-swag, so-cool. You can buy them for yourself, but if you want to save a little bit of money, you can use code vidiates at checkout for 10% of absolutely everything on the Yogscastle.

That's right, Ben, everything using it called Vidiates. Brilliant. Look at that. Go do it. Yeah, do it. Please. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiots official. Also, twitch.tv.tv.com slash vidiots official at auto hosts both triple jump and parrot boys. Never miss any of our streams if you're not coming to us directly. But you can go give us a follow on there if you like. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddy.

It's donations, three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. Once more. Here is this week's Pod Squad. Hitler's Nazi, minge, binge, Specky Beckers. Sorry. Ah, Jesus, I've got Cheggers and Becky mixed up there. Specky Becky. Cheggerel Knobbage.

Awesome Fox 42. Katie Kin Solo. Release Mikey Cut, Skyrim Zoo. An excellent message. Stukalicious. O.G. Lolly bunny-porn. Donak 07. The generous magic thighs.

Teenage mutant bastard crabs. Chief Kegwin, RIP. Sisshet foot boy. Oh, Jesus, Michael. Sisshet fuck boy. Cheggers. There we go. Just got to put some oomph into it.

Lord Brotovich. Pro trainer. Fred Weber Doves lick. Stephen Scores. Big Titty Jesus 42. The bus, what couldn't slow down. The generous, Adi Pramana, 7. Dogging with Dick and Dom.

The bus, what couldn't slow down. Spread, patiti, beans, beans, benes, benes, benes, benes, be, whiz, blah, blah, da, bea-da, bea-da-beenis, we're going for. Beinis, my lover. Um, smooth. Jason Allenby, Mr. Macca, Prince Beefcakes. Always an adventure. Cherry got engaged

Axel's Alive 95 Shreddy Murphy's donkey Laurie Wales Yee laws The very generous Deluxe man on Twitter Grumblewank Boppis McGraw Swinging with the Crankies

Cheeky Neil Buchanandos Cheggers, Peggers play pop The incredibly generous Dave Bacon Phillips Scott Chegg Still love that Cairz of Galifrey

Shart Trek, Wrath of Dominoes Energetic cat or Spunky Pussy Living Breathing Pooh Factory Tiny Peter Big Bumpus Ben's oily bread Chegely serides Fin Tristam and Rootin Tutin Vladimir Putin

We also have the very generous But wait there's more The obscenely generous I love you Miss Cornforth Then we've got Mike Oxmole Friar took

Michael Schumacher, going to skip the rest of that one. Sub and Dom in de Bungalow. Michael Juggson's Mum's Jugs. Dave Benson nipslips. Mars Bar. Cheggers doesn't do camel case. Just Jake. Perfect camel case. Non-uple jump. A well-trained bear.

Just keep swimming, Ash. Jobby Jabaluni. Mikey's Detol Twitch stream. Mr. Maca. Laudabab... Come on, man. Lord Dababadi da Bacinco What are you playing ass Perfect

Very generous No witty name So Nick Gage Kevin from Con Big Titty Jesus 42 Neil Poo Cannon's fart attack Fuck my fuck you fuck And Connor rolls his ankles

And there we are That is your pod squad Once again Streamlabs.com Forward slash poddius donations Three pounds or more To get a shout at the beginning In the end of the show

Thank you so much everybody For your generosity Thank you Thank you Fantastic. Would you guys like to know what came out on Vidyat's Slash is coming out on Vidyat's this week? I'd love to know. Yes.

We've actually got four weeks to get through because we didn't do last episode, did we? So what does this go up to? This is the next episode. This episode is 13, so the 27th of July is what we're going up to. Here we go. Vidyat's channel update, which wasn't, it's changing. It's Worst games ever is weekly. And I think we said Podys.

Yeah, it's a good one. Warrior Wear on steroids, Bishi Bashy Special. A troubling start. Vanilla Minecraft episode one. Remember that? Oh, that's good. Yeah, a few dams. Post some tat number 20, Billy Ray Ballress. Newb versus pro. Quake 3 Arena Challenge. Remember when you were pro, Mikey? Yeah, and I played it a couple of times in the past and then got trounced. Yeah, that's fun, wasn't it? Good times. Worst games ever, London Police Racer. London Racer, sorry, police madness. Marrying Chickens, Vanilla Minecraft. Episode 2. The world's most derangerous hunter hunting unleashed or something. I watched that recently.

It's a good video. It's a terrible game, isn't it? Yes. My God. Ben goes to KFC, Vanilla Minecraft episode 3. Podiat's episode 10. Boppis, featuring Culturolic. I think Sam and Ross were in that episode.

Yeah. Post some tat number 21. Stab-proof Mikey. That's where you got your not-very-proof vest. And we stabbed it. Didn't have a bulletproof slab inside it. It was just the empty vest. Let's stab my key.

I came out in one piece. It's fine. You were fine. I was wearing my glasses in that. No one else was. Worst games ever. Smarties meltdown. Oh, classic.

Oh, no. My exos suits. We're getting a divorce, Vanilla Minecraft episode four. Wrestling with Friends, the Simpsons Wrestling, featuring cultaholic. Ben makes a sense.

Sex Worker, Vanilla Minecraft episode 5. That was limited ad suitability because we said sex worker. But if we'd have said ho, we'd have probably been completely removed of that. So, yeah. We did a piece of cake, WW2K-18 one-handed challenge featuring Adam Pachiti and his very sunburned legs. Remember that? Oh, good times. Postum tat number 22, filling our nappies.

It's when someone sent us some napi sample. That was nice. The first episode of the let's play of the Fallout New Vegas prove it. Oh. Which led to a very good live action one. Worst games ever, Tweeney's Game Time. I think we called Simon Miller for that one. We're really there now, guys.

We've got a few more videos to go. We were so busy making great content. But only people fucking watched it. Too busy to notice that the channel was failing. I think we were very aware. That's what made it harder. Becoming Building Gods, Vanilla Minecraft, episode six. The Thousand Yard Stair, WC.

W. Backstage Assault featuring cultaholic Worshipping False Idols Finola Minecraft Episode 7 the second

let's play episode of the Prove It for Fall Out New Vegas Pottie, it's episode 11 dog rap featuring

cultaholic Excellent I've really got our money's worth out of Carlterholing happy anniversary

the two minute unlisted video that 10 people watched there we go Poston Tatt number 23 Fishi Burger

Boys I've no I think maybe we got the burger pillows. Oh, that sounds right, yeah. The pillow that's supposed to smell of burgers, but just smelt of factory. Solvents.

The, in my opinion, one of the best videos we've ever made, Fallout New Vegas in real life, live action finale. A Ruevitt. Big fan of that one. And finally, the first ever draw the fans. And that is everything that has come out over slash, yeah, over the last slash next. Two weeks? Yes, that makes sense.

That's four weeks worth of course. A four week period, yeah. Oh, the fucking fallout live action video. Are you kicking the baby down the road? It goes into like the... With the... On the menu music. Everybody's just like that.

Football was coming home that summer as well. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's all kicking off. Anyway, there we are. I need a lie down now. Mikey, where are you on the internet? At Paraboy on Twitter and also on the Twitch.

I stream on occasion, but busy boys, so it's a bit ad hoc but keep your eyes peeled, I do fun stuff sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Peter Rourourri. I am that Peter Austin on Twitter and Instagram. Ben is confused underscore dude on just Twitter. But together,

we are Team Triple Jump on Twitter, Facebook, more importantly, on YouTube and Twitch. So we do live streams on the reg and we do lots of different video formats, including lists, but lists that we want to do that don't make us feel creatively stifled. And also, worst games ever, and occasional fun little bits of shows, which will be

resuming, probably, in the next few weeks and months, because we're actually returning to the office. Oh, my God, it's happening. Silly cooking and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Also, as mentioned, at the end of the Triple Jump podcast last week, Triple Jump is changing.

It is. It's happening towards the end of this week. something's going on it's very exciting so yeah come over chuck us heart finally why not leave us an iTunes

oh I fucking hate this sentence even though I wrote it why don't leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice but it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms do we have a final question

before we go no no or have we already done that we've already done that gag I think where you've said Do we have a final question? I went, no.

So, can't do that again. We can ask what it is. What is it? I'm always tempted to ask. Could you just give us some final questions to use for future audience? Yeah. That's the question this week. What final questions should we ask in future episodes?

Yeah, that's a good one. We can ask that one every week, technically. Right, look after yourselves, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. And we'll, I was going to say, get you next time this week. We'll get you next time, Captain Hook. What? Yeah, we'll see you next time.

Bye, everybody. Bye. Goodbye.