Podiots - Podiots: Episode 82 - The Corridors Of Time

Episode Date: July 27, 2021

Peter has some classic Richard Madeley-isms, Mikey takes us on a cult-like journey, and Ben doesn't know what drones are. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99%

during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Miller Light. The light beer brewed for people who love the taste of beer and the perfect pairing for your game time. When Miller Light set out to brew a light beer, they had to choose great taste or 90 calories per can.

They chose both because they knew the best part of beer is the beer. Your game time, taste like Miller time. Learn more at millerlight.ca. Must be legal drinking age. That's a round-looking Benson on the timeline at the minute. BRB, Big round Benson. Yeah. Do I think he has any nicknames down the pub? Like when he rocks up, do you think like a table of friends, roar out? Baird, please.

Hey, up here comes drink Benson Phillips. Oh. Oh, there he is. He loves what this one he does. I love to, I love the idea of a local where everybody knows Dave's name. And he looks and he's like, oh, it's like, everyone's sort of, yeah, everyone's sort of like ribbing him in different but very sweet ways specific to him. Like, oh, here he is, here comes trouble. You're our mate.

It's just really wholesome. Dave Holsom, Philips. Yeah. I did any more DVDs to your DVD stack, Dave? You know me. We've got loads of them. We'll do handstands for pints. That's his, his, his, his, his, his, his equivalent for drinking.

Oh, no. Dave does show us for drink. Oh, sorry, Dave. I thought you're going to say, like, imagine a pub filled only with children's TV presenters. Yeah, I thought you were going to say that. I don't know if I'd like that. That sounds either really high energy or really depressing. I'm not sure which one.

Because they're all just sat around drinking, being sad. Yeah, it depends if it's a sort of drown your sorrows kind of pub or a knees up everyone that's have a great time kind of pub. I think that makes all the difference. God, the play area, the crash of that pub would be out of this world. We've got gunge on tap, baked beans. Just a pint of gunge, please. Yeah. Sorry, everybody.

The play area is closed. Neil Buchanan's done a big art attack in it. So please stay out of the next 24 hours. Neil, you've got to stop taking all the beer mats. and arranging them into something. The head has been misplaced in the ball pool. We're just listening out for a sort of brummy accent, a muffled brummy.

You've got to stop. Connie Hook nearly just flipping tripped over and killed herself there. You know he broke her neck. Jesus. Connie, please. I think I call her Connie Hook, like she was married to Captain Hook.

Hook, yeah. That's not right. I can't think of any of the children TV presenters. I think we've outfitted it. That was it just those three. I'm going to make that pause way longer. Okay. Than it was.

Just extend it. Stephen Mulhern serves people pints of vinegar as a prank. He still thinks prank patrol's going on. I thought Barney presented Prattrol, didn't he? Yeah, he did. Yeah, what was Stephen in? Just sort of see. TV things.

Yeah. I always think that Stephen was in Basel Brush, but that was just the name of the character, but it wasn't played by Stephen Mulhern. He was, Master Stephen was the man in Basel Brush, but it wasn't Stephen Mulhern.

Look at that. You've got that brush knowledge. Mm-hmm. It's all there. Yeah. Just found a different Master Stephen, who's like a master of a world pranic. Healing. Did he just Google Master Stephen?

Yeah, I just hoped Google would know be well enough at this point. There's a very rad picture of the Grandmaster Wizard. Oh, wow, look at this guy. Yeah, it's got like a psychedelic hand behind him. He's a nice little snake skin suit by the looks of it. Oh, yeah, it's kind of scaly. He looks like he's about to tell you that things are theoretically possible, I think. I like him.

I'm going to subscribe to whatever belief he. He has. Me too. For a drink down the pub after. We might be teetering, perhaps, at the precipice of, I don't know, bit exhaustion, if you know what I mean? We're rapidly approaching the end of the tracks here with this bit. Do you think we should just very artificially say, that's the end of the bit? And now here's the podcast.

Hello, everybody and welcome to Poddietz, the official viduets, podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Right, boys, are you little puddles on the floor? Yeah, yeah, I dripped my last drip. hours ago and now I'm just a voice.

You're like that bit off of the SpongeBob movie where they get dried out under the lamp and it's just a real sponge and dried out starfish. That's you. Probably. I mean, I've definitely seen that and know what you're talking about. Your basis of children's entertainment is lodgely, lodgely, help is lodged well and truly within sort of the 60s and 70s. Yeah. That was a horrifying moment in cinema. I don't think it's ever been anything more grotesque put to the big silver screen. Ever. Where we watched SpongeBob die? Yeah, and just went to graphic actual footage of a sponge. Just a real sponge. He's dead. This is what you're doing to the oceans, everyone.

But you know that you can blend a sponge up into nothing, like in water. You can put it in a blender, alive, like the living sponge. And then if you leave it, it would just go back together again eventually and it's still alive and it's the same sponge as before that's weird isn't it that is weird probably can't do it with the starfish but I don't know

I'd like a other maybe like a mammal of some kind that's how you work up you go straight from sponge to small monkey yeah try it yourself yeah why not you've got to put scientific theories to the test

and this is a good one I want to be able to be smushing at tiny bits putting a jiffy bag and post it the end of the country and then I can have a holiday for the price of a stamp. It's reassembled again. It's just like Willy Wonka. Just like William Wonka. There we are. Hey everyone, this is our comedy podcast.

Could you tell? No. No? Well, it's a podcast, so we ticked that box. Yes. Yeah, I was going to continue going. I thought Michael was about to say something. God, it's going well, isn't it?

What's the temperature? My computer says sunny. 22 degrees, it says here, but that's a lie. That's a flipping light. That's maybe outside, but I'm in a room with sunshine and computers in it. So, you know. Plural computers. What operation are you running there, Peter?

Well, I mean, the only one of them is turned on. The other ones just sitting in the corner. He's mining all the Bitcoin. Flipping little miner boy over here. This is our comedy podcast. Did you know that you can support us? Yes, you can. Not only by listening, but financially, by going to streamlabs.com forward slash

Hoddiet's donations if you donate £3 or more, you get a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the show, and you get to join Pod Squad. Mikey's going to kick us off with the first squad. The little ploppy platoon.

It changes every week. I should really get a thing going. Instead, we're going to begin with the powerful, the forceful, the incredible indeterminate amount of moniker. Vin Tristam. Windy Miller. Rumble, hamble, amble, Good, I like that

Ramble, Hamble, Amble Da? I did it, I did it right first time as well. Wow. Look at me, I'm on a roll. A succulent chegnees meal. An excellent massage. COVID meat product. Harrison Kalnan.

Pro trainer. Shreddy's shit. Shreddy shops at wicks. Flat arm wank. Spread cheeks, slap balls. Kez of Galifray. Massive pectorals. Nugget Fox, 42.

Motorboating and Widdickham, thanks. Alan Claw's big birthday. Maybe happy birthday, Alan Claw, potentially. Happy Mr Claw. Tiny Troop this fortnight is Ben's Big Bouncy Bensensens. Chegwin is dead. Sorry, Chegwin is Deadwin, RIP.

Mr Black. Specky Becky. Cheg Windwaker stole my took. Mr. Blobby's Spotty-Nobby. That sounds like a dessert you'd get like a Brewster's Fair Spotted knob It's the kind of thing that they made jokes about

in pantomimes and stuff But it's actually a long-standing British tradition As a dessert And we shouldn't be making fun of it The fart was a bit much for me Who was very generous And said, Thank you for all the entertainment boys or girls

I thought I should join Pod Squad finally After listening since the start Oh thank you very much Thank you Ben O-V-Ben-O-V-Bih What am I, what's that? Is that going to be like bend-over-bitch?

I think it might be, but it's spelled and capitalised very strangely. The only way we'll find out is if they donate again. No. It's Ben and then O-V-V-U-Kase and then Ur-Bich without a T in it. So I don't know what that is. What is that? Lord Brotovic. Labor Party

Sir Keir Chegwin Why isn't Freddie Weber Miscalis Linear the Magic Dragon Very good, I like that Donak 07 And the very generous

The very generous Axles are Live 95 Who says No joke message this time guys I heard about Mikey I want to try and help I hope that this will afford him and Claudia some comforts

I'm glad to hear he is starting to feel better hope he gets back to 100%. The Walrus clan loves its farty boy. I have no idea what that's referring to. No, no idea. We'll never find out. We'll never find out. Thank you very much, though.

It's incredibly generous of you. And now on to the fast crew, we've got King Kong's Flacid Schlong, Drew Peacock, Existential Crisis, Kevin from Con, bummed as a child. Come on.

Come on. Hacksaw, Jim. Duggan, who's very generous and said, Hey, boys and girls, thank you for being amazing. I've, sorry, amazing. I felt like I didn't do that with enough Gustav. I've been here since the very beginning. I thought it was about time I donated to you.

Also, hello from the future. You're on so many drugs right now. Thank you, Hansa, Haxor Jim Duggan, W.W.E. Hall of Famer. Great to hear from you. Dr. von Woff, the GP. The very generous Kimberly Edwards Yeeobb, who says, hi boys, I should have contributed to your podcast ages ago,

but life just gets in the way. Thank you for all of your content. My partner and I thoroughly enjoy it. I hope you're married. Keep safe and when you want to confuse someone, you ask them to spell IT. Oh, well, that's ruined. Thank you, Kimberly Edwards, Yee, Bob, for the effort there.

Thank you. Did I ruin it? Yeah, you just meant to say spell it. Spell it, no, like spell what? They say spell what? No. God, you... It's like, who invented the light bulb?

What? The light bulb. What? What? No, the light... What? The light bulb? Peter is too hot.

Isn't it just? Peter is too hot. You must stop. We've also got... Thank you very much. Kimberly Edwards Ewebubble. Sorry for ruining your thing. Katie...

Oh, for fuck's sake. Catch your boobsov. What? What? What? Right, there's got to be something clever. I see boob. I see that.

I see boob there, but... Cat your boob's on. Kate... Well, we'll come back to that one. Cheggers died on a... Yeah, go on, no, have to go. Yeah, that's it. I don't know.

Katie's your boobes. Boobes. Cat, your boobs. This feels like a fever dream. I don't know what that is. Help. Cheggers died on a mountain. Oh, lovely Carl Richardson.

Deccupel. jump, Mr Macca, wanking into Nana's knickers. Oh, God. I didn't come home, but I came. Just keep swimming ash, and Dick and Detol in Ben's bum bum. There we are. That is the Pod Squad for this week. Thank you to everyone.

What a rotten lot. And also less of a thanks to some people. That was a challenging weather situation to read those. But if you'd like to join Pod Squad for next time, streamlaves.com forward slash poddy, it's donations. Trying outdo yourselves next week. Also, camel case, please. Put a campus a letter at the beginning of words.

Fuck, let's move on. I don't like it when poddite is hot and sweaty. It's too stressful. There's too much shirt on me. I've got some questions here. The first one is in an email that I need to open, and it's from Christina. At Christie 0667-8-3-48.

There were many Christie's. usenames take and she ups presumably she apology fuck apologies for assuming they ask

how's Mikey I'm all right cool who'd like to do their thing no tell us what's going on Mikey tell us what's happening I have the proud accolade an achievement

of being the first vidiot to be infected with the COVID you're a co-vidia yeah I made it well done man proud of you We always knew you could do it. Thank you.

I'm doing my bit for the nation of helping boost those numbers up to the heights we want to see them. Oh, boy. You're one of those statistics where you got it but you didn't die, which is, you know, that's in the right direction, right? That's a good statistic, sort of. They'll mention me in at least one history book, won't they? I survive COVID, God. Yeah, it's been a wholly uneventful, God. When did I isolate it?

It's well over 10 days because I got it and then brought it home and gave it to Claudia as well. a lovely gift and so we had to isolate 10 days from her getting symptoms and it's we've been stuck indoors in what it feels like the hottest heat wave we've ever had and i've done nothing but sit on my ass and play tony hawks pro skater that's about the most exciting thing i've got up to oh you couldn't go outside and skate so you did the next best thing yeah you did it inside i did try pathetically in our back garden for like a couple of days but it just wasn't working out And I got embarrassed. I'm just turned into a couch potato.

But hey, I learned how to do all the special moves on Tony Hawk. Like, I know the buttons. That's good. You can't say it's not been productive. Oh, no, I never would. But you're feeling better now, right? Yeah. How, if you don't mind me asking, how was it?

Yeah, what were the symptoms like? Yeah. I had it quite mildly. I've had my first jab, which I guess took some of the effects, but it's mostly just sore throat, slightly dizzy, loss of smell, which still is gone. which is fun. Really?

Yeah, it was just like a mild cold in Claudia when you had a sore throat from it. Unfortunately for her, she didn't lose her sense of smell. She thought this is my one chance to get a break from Fartman. We'll save a lot of money on shreddies this week. There you go.

That's the counter sale. Have you not been washing your shreddies? Do you just replace them after every year? No, don't replace them. That's what the charcoal's for, right? It just absorbs it all and it makes it disappear. And when it's done, and you just buy a bag of charcoal for a barbecue.

You just set fire to them. Yeah, you just set fire to them. Or you slit it open and put new charcoal briquettes inside. Exactly. And you use the old ones on the barbecue and it leaves a lovely smoky aroma. It's the best way to barbecue. Oh, God. But yes, I'm better, thankfully.

And today marks my last day stuck indoors. So tomorrow it's going to be a wild point. I'm going to be outdoors so damn much. Oh, you're going to go get COVID again. Yeah, I can't wait. Let's do that. How fast can you get COVID again? I'm speed running it.

Yeah, you should do that. The clock starts at midnight. Your next viral video. How fast can I be, can I come down with the sickness? Very viral video. Peter, did you say you wanted to do your thing? Yeah, okay. I'll do my thing.

Enough about Michael. We talked about him now. He's fine. Now we know he's fine. He's okay. He's okay. Man of God. So not so long ago, a couple of weeks ago maybe you might have noticed that a beloved broadcaster of UK television, Richard Madeley, did another Alan Partridge, as he so often does.

So for context, for those who have no idea what either of those references are, hopefully a good proportion of you are aware of what Alan Partridge is and the kind of character that he, he gives off because that's kind of harder to quantify or to put into words. But there's a broadcaster, a TV presenter in the UK, who's been in the business for decades now, Richard Maidley, who quite often just comes out with just the most bizarre, strange, blunt, sometimes weirdly graphic, too much information remarks, just on live TV, and very often you'll then see the clip trending with, you know, accidental Partridge as the hashtag and things like that.

You guys are aware of this, aren't you, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah, Rich is in Richard and Judy. Yes. Yes. And very quickly, to summarize Alan Partridge, he's a fictional presenter. He is. And he has the hubris of a far more talented presenter.

I think that kind of explains him. and not so long ago Richard Mayle did another Alan Partridge he currently presents Good Morning Britain I don't know if he's doing it full time or not but he so that's a sort of magazine show it plays in the mornings on

I don't know ITV or something and they talk about current affairs and news stories and things like that and do various little bits and VTs and things and things and one of the things they were talking about a couple of weeks ago was vets bills and Richard Madeley in order to introduce the segment comes out with now vets bills how much is too much what's too expensive is there a point where you say

too expensive the dog has to die you know really blunt like straight to camera doesn't bet an eyelid he just says that on live TV so that's Richard Madeley I have come up with a classic Vidiat style game or Podiat style game where we have to guess what's real and what's fake

I give you Maidley or Made Up Oh Brilliant, well good Thank you very much So I've got some real quotes of Richard Maidley's here that were said on television

and some of them maybe all of them maybe none of them are fake and made up. There is, I've got sort of two different sections here. The first chunk are things that he may or may not have said to actual celebrities while interviewing them. And the second is more just things that were said on various morning breakfast shows with a whole range of topics.

So, madely or made up, I'll give you the first one, two, three, three, three, four, five. These are the celebrity ones. Okay. You can guess which ones you think are which. So, to Silla Black, this was. He was talking to Silla Black. The thing with you, above all,

it's determination, isn't it? Because you are, and I know you won't mind me saying this, my dear. You're well past your use-by day, aren't you? Oh, fucking hell. He said that. Okay, well, is that your... Do you want me to go through them all first? Sorry, I don't mean to disrupt your...

your flow. No, no, I'm saying if you want to place your, throw your hat in the ring right now, that we can go there. What do you think, Mikey? Go on, be brave. I say, we live a little, and I could just saw picture that. Yeah, that's got to be. I feel like I've seen that, because Alan Partridge has had a new show recently,

hasn't he, where he had to, where he's had to, like, step in on a similar magazine-style show too rigid, like the parallels here are. Yeah. They're thick. Yeah, he said this to Cilla Black, I think. He did not. That is made up. Oh, very convincing.

Thank you. For those who don't know who Richard Mayer, you're just starting to get a flavour now of the kind of things that he either does say or sound like they could have been said by him. So number two. Painting this man is a monster. I mean, he just puts his foot in his mouth constantly.

That's it, you know. He just comes out with the craziest stuff. They'll get an idea for exactly what he's like when we hear some maybe some real ones. So this was allegedly to John Leiden, or Johnny Rotten of the Sex Pistols. If we could throw a fishing rod into the corridors of time and reel you in, you'd throttle you, wouldn't you? Wow, there's a lot happening there.

That's quite a dense one, isn't it? Yeah. What do you think? Do you want to place a bat? That doesn't sound like the Maidly Ainu in love. Why isn't he talking about the Da Vinci Code, Michael? He put a little sticker on in his head with like the Richard and Judy Reading Club and give it the Sid Vicious and off-y-backed.

Yeah, that should be as simple as that. What do you think? I mean, I'm going to let Michael answer this one. I'm going to say no, that sounds, it sounds too complex for like an off-the-cuff slip of the tongue when he wasn't thinking. That one is apparently real. What? Jesus Christ.

He said that to John Leiden. Number three, to Bill Clinton. I know what it's like to be wronged by the press I was once accused of shoplifting unlike you though I knew I was innocent sorry can I just get the previous one was that did he say the corridor of time

he did the corridors of time if we could throw a fishing rod in a fishing rod as well if we could throw a fishing rod into the corridors of time and reel you in you'd throttle you wouldn't you okay fantastic he did say that Just making a note, because the corridors of time is definitely the title of this episode and also a straight-to-TV Doctor Who movie, I'm fairly sure. Isn't it? Yeah.

Excellent. I do not believe for a second that Richard Madele has ever had access to Bill Clinton. That was my thought as well. Yeah, that sounds too lofty. This is allegedly true. What's the fuck? You guys are nought for three so far. Fuck, we're not doing well, are we?

The next two have a common theme, so I'm going to give you both of the. these. I'm not saying that one is one and one's the other, or they're both the same or whatever, but I'll just give you both of them, because there's a common theme. To Kira Knightley, can we get some makeup, please? Get Kira looking like a crack whore. She'd make a good crack whore. Excuse me? And the next one. Is this just the one where he's bad to women? No, no. The common theme, well, you'll see. This is to Russell Brand. And so even if Well, even if I was to tell you right now, hey, I've got some cocaine in my dressing room, you wouldn't be the least bit tempted, would you?

What a dick. So, what do you think of both of those? The second one seems plausible. I could see him being a little Billy big bollocks and trying to tempt a celebrity into doing drugs. Yeah, the first one, if he called, I mean, we've, things are still terrible in a lot of ways. I feel like we've come a long way in the past 20 years. I feel like maybe he... Not that he...

To be clear, he never should have said that to Kiranightly if he did indeed say it. But if he said it 20 years ago, when she was like just starring in Pirates of the Caribbean, he might have gotten away with it. If he said it recently, that's it. That's game over for him. You can't call someone a crack whore.

You should never call someone a crack whore. No. Well, if that one is real, and I'm not saying whether it is, I don't have a date on it. I don't have dates on any of these, so I can't help you. So what are your thoughts?

That's the last two celebrity ones. So are you saying that Kieraniteley wasn't real? He didn't chlorocrat core? I want to believe that Richard is better than that. Yeah, I'm going to say she isn't real. And Russell Brands, did you say that sounds believable? I don't want to put words in your mouth. It does sound plausible to me, that one.

Yeah, let's go for real for that. one. I'm afraid all of your answers so far have been the inverse. Oh, what? We got none of them right. He told Kira Knightley, she'd make a good crack whore. Oh my God. I put bad words in his mouth and made him try to tempt Russell Brand back into a life of drugs, which he didn't do. I'd rather he did that, to be honest. Go on. That's a really bad. See if I can find out when that crack whore one was because I'm morbidly interested. Richard, mainly. Careful you don't see a list of quotes

because there's five left and you might see some real ones. Oh, there are more. There's two rounds, yeah. Richard doesn't stop. So those were the celebrity interviews. And now we're on to just little segments he's done for morning TV shows.

So here we go. To a man crying after meeting paramedics who saved his life. Stop crying. to make you happy. Anyway, after the break, the biggest dog in the UK, and he really is big. Don't miss it. That's going to be real, please. Oh, but I'm going to go with the inverse then, because I want that to be real, but we've been

wrong every time so far, so I'm going to flip side it and say fake, even though that is comedy gold if it's real. That is real. What the fuck. Even if it was just stop crying, it's supposed to make you happy, that would be a bit. A bit harsh, but anyway, after the break, the biggest dog in the UK, and it really is big, don't miss it. Oh, my God, I would miss that for the world, Richard.

I've not been able to find specific information about the Kiranightly one. It just brings up lots of listicles. Yeah. On the subject of soup, remember that soup I made last week? Absolutely horrible. Had to throw it in the garden. I guess he's talking to Judy here. He's just got nothing interesting to say, does he?

Quality British television. I could see that just being an offhand comment. Maybe last week he was like, oh, I'm going to get into making soups and he's just updating everyone who's super eager to hear about it. I think that's fake. I think that's a fake one. That one is real.

Yes. Got three left. This is Richard Maidley on Beauty Standards. I've never met a single woman who's happy with the way she looks. Except, sorry, let me start that again I've never met a single woman who's happy with the way she looks, except Jordan, although I've never met her.

That was a bad time for me to take a drink. Fuck sake. That one is not real. Yeah, I'm going to go not real as well, I think. That one's real. What? God, it's just full of them, isn't he? He is.

Two left. Richard Madele on politics. You sort of get a choice with Blair, really Either accept him for who he is And get on with it Or lie awake at night worrying about the Geneva Convention That's real

I want that to be real That's good That one's made up Oh you cracked yourself up Slippery Well I thought I'd try and sell it a bit You did You sold it

Huckline and Sinker Right into the corridor of time Yeah And I was just laughing At the thought of him Actually saying it Because I'd You can hear it

You can hear it. Yeah, yeah. Right, this is the last one now. So this is on the 2001 honours list. Now, you're going to think I'm joking here, and I'm not one... Sorry, I can't read. Now, you're going to think I'm joking here, and I'm not for one minute suggesting they should be knighted,

but I truly believe Rob Hull and Emu are long overdue of CBE for services to entertainment. Wait, Rob Hull and Emu? Rod hole. I may have said Rob, but it's well as well as Peter's Children's Entertainment Wheelhouse, that one. I am familiar with this nightmare puppet. Yeah, it was a man who in the 70s, I guess, maybe the 80s, he used to go around with an emu puppet where he had his hand up the emu's neck and he could do its beak with his mouth. And it would look like he was holding it.

his jacket will be like draped over the emu so it looked like he didn't have his arm up it and then he would just go at michael parkinson and anyone he would whatever show he was on he would attack them with this emu like you'd get an emu in the face around the neck and that was kind of all they did they just used to go on tv and assault people he's just wearing a free pass on his wrist to be to do assaults on television and that's his whole bit that's why he gets hard to do he's living the dream. Yeah. Literally living the dream.

I'm assuming you guys are familiar with the video of the guy who's walking his emu down the road. Yes. His name's Warras and he's an asshole. He's an asshole.

It's a fucking emu. Walking a fucking ostrich down the street, man. He's a fucking emu. His name's Watters. Let's have a look at her. He's a he. He's a he.

And he's an asshole. It's a very good video. It's great. Oh my God. that one is real sorry yeah i i like to believe that richard is just such a big fan that he wants wants these people to get recognition that they so sorely deserve um uh that one's fake oh my god out of ten we both got one right you got one each i think out of ten i really got you too challenging yeah very convincing my fake richards well that was fun fake dicks fake dicks

It was great to see your fake dicks, Peter. A lot of fun. Thank you for bringing them along, Pete. Faith. Let's have another question. This is from It's Gavin at It's Gavin Wood. Words. What?

Hang on, It's Gavin Words. That threw me on Twitter. Gavin says, a truly important question. You need to give up one for the rest of your life. Pizza or burgers. All variations of either. No cheating with calzone or bean burgers. If you have to ask for clarity, it's probably not allowed.

Sorry to be specific, but I know what you're like. Yeah, we are terrible. We do try and find little workarounds. Pizza or burgers, which is the shittest one? I would be interested in a vegan perspective on this conversation as well. That's my role on the show is the vegan perspective. Bring the vegan perspective. It was disgusting. I had to throw it in the garden.

We go to our vegan correspondent, Michael Johnson. I've eaten six heads of lettuce today. there, lads. I'm feeling great. I've had so much stuffing. I just lie in Richard Madele's garden with my mouth open, hoping for some delicious veggie dregs. I am not. I'm not crazy about burgers. I just feel like even good burgers are usually sometimes a bit air. Like, I don't think, like, as part of me, that would be remissed if I never had a burger again. But pizza, my God, that's the essence of life. There's nothing better. And you fold it over, make a calzone. Bam. It's multifunctional. It's great fun. You can make it

yourself. You can try it yourself. Go on. Do it. Yeah, I think I totally agree. Like, pizza is wonderful. It's delicious. It can be varied. You know, you get dips with it and stuff. It's very universal as well. Like, if you have someone around, you can just say, should we get pizza? If you can't be bothered, saying, do you like Chinese? And, oh, well, I know an okay Indian. around here, but they don't do very good popadoms or whatever, you know, pizza. You can just get pizza. And burgers can be

really nice, but sometimes they can just be a bit, a bit naff. They can be like, a bit like, if you're talking meat burgers, they can be a bit onion heavy. They put too much, like, filler in there, or they can be a bit too drippy and juicy. Like, I'm all for

a slightly sloppy burger, but not too sloppy, you know? Yeah. Burgers, burgers these days tend to be too complex for their own goods. They do. Why are they getting taller and not wider? Yeah. How am I supposed to get my jaw around that?

Blade it ridiculous. Cut it up for me like I'm six. What was the Weather Spoons burger? Empire State. The Empire State burger. I had one of those this year. Bacon cheese. It's just bad.

Like it's not good, full stop. The idea of it, I'm in love with. Yeah. The execution is pristine weather spoons. It's very well microwaved. Raw and too big. Not great.

And it comes with, not only does it come with the, again, microwaved or reheated chips, but also like six massive onion rings, I think, if memory serves. It does indeed. You can share a pizza, although hashtag everyone deserves their own pizza. Yeah, I'm sure.

You can't share a burger. However, Five Guys is one of my favorites, and I do love a really good burger. But the thing is, especially with Five Guys, if we're going to make a lot of people hungry with this conversation, I think. And by the way, the rest of the questions are all about food because I was in charge. But if you get like a really greasy burger, like from Five Guys, that's the only way they can be really good, in my opinion, is if they're like dripping in grease and cheese. And at that point, they're like a solid puck, you know? Like they're just this compact The bread goes into the patty.

Yeah, it's like this spherical object that you can see the space it's going to take up in your stomach before you even consume it. Whereas pizza is, you know, a little more free-flowing. You can get some compact action going on there. It's difficult,

and I am going to make life more challenging here for Gavin, is a sandwich not technically a burger? Because I love calzone's and they're amazing, but equally burgers, You know, there's a lot you can do with burgers. Lots of different types of burgers. All you need to do is just put two slices of bread the either side of anything.

And is that not a burger or is it a sandwich? I think it at least has to be in a bun rather than if you did slice bread, that's not a burger. Yeah, I feel like a burger is like it's a puck-shaped object in a bun. Yeah. Like, it doesn't matter what it's made up of. You can flour it and garnish it, have you please. But as long as you've got that puck in between two bits of bread,

Yeah, I think you're right. Like if you, you know, you could put like slices, like you could put pulled pork into a sandwich and I would say that's not a burger, but you can get pulled pork burgers which are forced into a puck shape and I think that becomes a burger at that point. What if you put like fried chicken in between two pieces of bread? Would that still be a sandwich? Possibly. I mean, obviously you get chicken burgers as well, which are a bit more kind of over.

full or puck shaped and they're clearly burgers. But yeah, if you just shoved some fried chicken in a sandwich, I don't know. What are you going to do? I honestly don't know. I'm team pizza all the way, by the way. How do you expect us to answer these hypothetical questions about every little bit of the mind you should have thought about? Yeah.

How are we supposed to answer these questions without someone providing us with all of the burgers and all of the pizzas in the world? Yeah, I mean, like Ben just said, the answer is still pizza. Yeah. You know, we're just being awkward. Yeah. Another point for pizza as well. I think whenever I'm drunk, my go to, like, if I've got the space and the money for it is a pizza at the end of the night, it's great.

It helps absorb all the stuff. And it's kind of hard to go wrong with the takeaway pizza. Like, even though... You have approximately five minutes to eat it before it goes horrible, but yeah. Yes, but what a five minutes that is. But I think we're like take away burgers. They're a lot more dicey. I just feel like a big hunk of meat that needs to be cooked at the right temperature has more chance of making you do big bum piss the next.

day. Yeah, and they've all got like grisolin every, every Tim. Oh, there's that evening, look. There he is. Yeah, I'm adding it to the thread. It's a good evening. Mikey, I want to know what the, where we are at with the technology of vegan pizza, because I know vegan burgers have been around for a long time, and those are probably pretty good now. But how's it, what's the vegan pizza sitch? It's pretty good. So there's lots of variety. Yeah, I mean, I'm enjoying, especially in Bristol, there's all sorts. I think the main, the main sticking point is the cheese, though. They haven't quite managed to match the

mozzarella style and flavor. It's all got a certain twang to it, which kind of tarnishes the whole experience. But I just, I just don't have much. It's not bad, though. I was pleasantly surprised. I went, in fact, I think I might have been with you at the time, Mikey, when I was on a Bristol trip post-vidiots. And we went to that one, that, like, cellar place.

You know, you go underground to have your pizza in, like, the vaulted, I can't remember what it's called, but we went there. They have vegan mozzarella. I had that on my pizza because I don't want the dairy and I thought it was all right. You don't get stringiness, which is a shame because that's one of the best things. But, you know, if the choice is that or no cheese,

which I have to get at certain outlets that don't offer an alternative, then I'd certainly rather have that. Yeah, still got worse to go, but they're getting there. They're edible, at least. At the very least, they're very edible. That's good. Glad to hear it.

Well, that's the argument conclusively coming down in favour of pizza suck it burgers but what is pizza if not a burger where the cheese

and the base are the buns and the tomato sauce is the insidey bit the insidey bit I mean it's a big circular shape

the tomato if you were able to just see it with x-ray vision that's what it would be a big thin patty Gavin you've sent us into a tailspin here

you are band from poddiots forever. Mikey, would you like to do your thing? I would love to do my thing. And in the theme of being the vegan resident, I thought I'd introduce you to Father Yod, who was the father of organic health food,

at least the fad of it, in America. He also became a stinky cult leader later in life. Oh, of course he did. They always end up going that way, don't they? He's a big old hippies. It's only a matter of time before Michael starts to present religion. I'll join your religion, Michael.

Yeah, I think it'd be fun. I have to think of some, like a manifesto or something. Do we even need a manifesto? Can I just be the cool guy club and we sit inside and do cool guy things? Boy! I'll keep an eye up for an invite in the post, you too, after my commune. Okay.

So if you ask a crappy comedian what they think of Los Angeles, it'll probably take about 10 seconds to start mocking the city's obsession with organic food, but cliché is about cruelty-free, Avocado toast and raw kombucha have to start somewhere. And some of the credit for LA's transformation into a city perpetually searching for the next hip vegetable belongs to the sauce. Which is the name of a restaurant. That's sauce is in S-O-U-R-C-E, not sauces in ketchup.

The restaurant was opened in 1969, nice, by James Edward Baker. The sauce introduced celebrities like John Lennon and Marlon Brando to the trendy George. of chugging beet juice and forcing cilantro onto everything in sight. Salancho, sorry, cilantro is something different in the UK, right? Yeah, what's it called? Salantro is part and, oh, what is cilantro? Corrianda, that's it. I like coriander, that's nice.

Yeah. Oh, coriander's got its timeless place. It's often too much of it. Stay out of it in coriander. Yeah, a little bit, fine, but I was thinking of Pratt. They all load on the fucking cilantro and ruined my avocado and tomato sandwich anyway. Bastard. Much of our modern obsession with vegetarian cuisine traces back to this very restaurant,

and its profits funded a horny jujitsu-loving killers culty commune. Wow. What a man. That's a lot of interesting words in one sentence. It is. He's a very interesting man, I guess. I hope one day I can be summed up in a manner similar to that. A sweaty, farty, skateboard-loving vegan.

A idiot. Vegan. Yeah, you've got to have more of the alliteration in there, though. That's the challenge. You've got to do many things that start with the word V. I'll go back to the drawing board on that one. Baker was born in 1922 and served as a Marine in the Second World War, where Baker says he won the Silver Star,

but official government records tend to disagree. Oh, he's a demo dick, isn't he? He's one of those. He's a big man. He likes to talk the talk, but he can't walk the walk. He moved from Cincinnati to L.A. with dreams of becoming a stunt man, but instead ended up over. opening the Aware Inn with his wife Elaine in 1958. It's quite a fall from hopes and dreams. I mean, not that starting a restaurant isn't fun,

but you want to be a stuntman, you're going to be a stuntman, right? Right? Yeah. Maybe do like little dinner time performances in the restaurant where he jumped through a table and go around with his little crash hat and get tips. Eat loads of coriander all in one go. Whoa. Mad.

The organic stuntman. I like it. There you go. That's a new variety show. Take to the streets. and at this time baker had also fallen in with the nature boys which i love um just that's a gang of beatnicks who purported purported raw veganism and sadly weren't like a wrestling troupe or whatever what do you call a group of wrestlers um i think it's a cool cool boys a grapple the the nature boys

were not a cool boy grapple group that's what to say that sounds right to me yeah thanks Aware's organic menu created well, well ahead of the organic food trend, reflected their influence. And in pictures from these early days, Baker actually looked just like a regular dude and not the rock star guru he'd transform into later in life. I'm just going to get a picture of Father Yod up now because it is important to get a glimpse of this man and all his majesty. Okay.

He's an absolute titan. Oh, there he is. That's a good one. I like that one. I'm going to see. He's like, hippie Santa Claus. That's a small picture as well. It got smaller when it clicked on.

You can't even zip. That Rolls-Royce hood ornament is precariously placed very particularly, isn't it? Right in the crotch. But for those at home, just picture like a metal hippie Santa Claus, big long flowing head. Yes, he's got a long flowing head and hair to match. He's an absolute rock. Star. So what changed that led him down the cult path?

I'm going to go from a hippie restaurant to a cult. It was quite the shift. But we should first mention that in 195, Baker kicked his neighbor so hard that he died. Oh, my God. So he's got some jiu-jitsu skills to back him up, sadly used in force, which I think probably goes against the morals of the art, but oh well. Yeah, you use your opponent's weight in order to kill them, right? Is that how it works?

yeah not just go ballistic on them but to be fair the man did pull a knife on on baker so i guess i guess it's self-defense the self-proclaimed jiu-jitsu expert wasn't prosecuted for this encounter or the man he'd killed a few years earlier in cell defense again in an unrelated altercation with an angry neighbor over a pit bull so he's got a pedigree at this point jesus not the man you want to be stay heading your conscious cafe but his luck was up in in 1963, when an irate man turned up at the inn and accused Baker of kissing his wife. And Baker said they only had a, quote, spiritual attraction, fueled by their mutual interest in philosophy and healthy eating.

The husband somehow, and the murder. A husband somehow didn't buy that. And in the ensuing scuffle, Baker turned the man's own gun on him, which is absolutely insane. He's unstoppable. He's a naughty boy. I shouldn't be glorifying this man. This is all very naughty. At the end of this, he was convicted of manslaughter.

And while he only served five months, his marriage ended with Elaine. And so did his tenure at the end. They got given over to his wife. Five months for shooting someone. That's actually kind of mad. Wow. Wow. So from this point, Baker went full hippie upon his release.

He threw himself into the 60s counterculture, studied esoterrorism. And that's like being esoteric, not esoterrorism. I stumbled up my words a bit. And he started his journey into yoga at this point. He was feeling the itch to open another restaurant, which he funded by charming $35,000 out of a random dude he met while hiking, which I think, fair play, that's a good hustle. If he can just meet someone while on a trail and get that much money out of them,

maybe you are a keen businessman, or maybe he was just intimidated. Baker told his benefactor that his new establishment would be inspired by the diet, wisdom found in the teachings of Jesus Christ, as revealed through the Essene Gospels of Peace. And if you don't recall the part of the Bible where our Lord Christ gets really into sharing hummus, that's because these Gospels were a forgery by philosophy and psychology professor Edmund Bordeaux-Elkie. I was going to say, there's a lot of coriander in the Bible. No, sadly, this was all.

Stab thy neighbor and turn thy neighbor's gun on themselves, and he who cast the first shot shall be, I don't know. Too hot to think of biblical quotes. He claimed he, the Edmund Bordeaux-Sessky, claimed he stumbled across these ancient untranslated texts in the Vatican archives where Jesus preached vegetarianism, but they were hilariously obvious fakes. But that didn't stop these translations from finding their own little audience. And so Baker, soon after opening the source, began calling himself Father Yod, I guess, just to really hammer home the earthliness, the oneness that he has.

But the Source became a massive hit. It received rave newspaper reviews and reams of celebrity guests. It started with Sunday morning meditation and philosophy classes at his restaurant and then naturally he bought a White Rules Royce and an L.A. Mansion that eventually housed 150 members of the Source family. So he's turning his good money into naughty money. He's spending it unwisely and making communes. Nauty.

Baker transformed himself into. a guru at this stage, not just a business owner, but instead, you know, actual fully-fledged guru with the garb and everything and really commit into the lifestyle. But at this time, he was also a hard-working restaurateur, and that split personality was reflected in how the source family walked a fine line between cooperative commune and skeezy sex cult. While Yod was a... It's just never going to get used to reading the word Yod. While Yod was a revered leader, people were free to come and go as they're pleased, and sometimes they're left for ugly reasons.

One man departed because the family's teachings frowned on him frowned on him giving medicine to his infant son which is fair, good on you,

getting out of there while that shit's going around. Hell yeah. But mostly the family did yoga, made art and smoked a ton

of the sacred herb and made music, which is kind of cute. They even had their own little psychedelic rock band and released nine albums I think it was.

Wow. But it's all just kind of like psychedelic drivel. Is it on Spotify? Actually, it might be I was going to bring up an example but I think we had enough of musical examples

after the shags What's the band called? Source family Yodd's band Did you mean Todd's band? No, I didn't know Todd's band, yes Wait, oh what's it?

Todd's band, 2018 Yahoo, wow I think it's yeah, no, they are on Spotify There we go Wow, they've only got a couple of thousand players on each song as well. So what, how do you spell it? Yeah. I'm just going to copy the image.

Yeah. Y-A-H-O-W-H-A-13. That's what the band became known as. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, they've got the old pyramid eye thing. There you go. Sonic Portation, 2008.

God, they're still releasing. In a mad move, they've released the album 2013 in the U.S. You're 20, 2010. Just shaking stuff up. Cute. That's the band. That's terrible. Yeah, is it just kind of like drone?

Yeah, it's like 11.5. I'm listening to E.A.O. Shin. It's 11.5 minutes long and it just sounds like, it sounds like someone's dropped their guitar, and they've put a load of reverb on it, and it's just slowly fading out. Oh. Well, it's, it's, it's, maybe it'll change your life. Who knows?

I might actually have to listen to some after this. I just skin through it. While you're telling the story, I'm going to get a bit of ambient background music on. Which one he listened to, E.R.O. shit. Yeah, I just skipped halfway through it and just going, whoa, whoa, whoa. There we go, building a proper ambience. So, back to Father Yod, who by 1973, was facing police interest because of his commune's underage members, naughty, and pressure from neighbours who hadn't bought mansions just to live next to a company of hippies.

So Yod, in a move, sold his restaurant, moved their place of wards. worship and a few of his most devoted followers to Hawaii, changed his name to Yahuahua and began wondering if he was God. I think he kind of is. He's got, he's got the swag, he's got the moves. He may as well be gone. He's got the gun. A commune meter, a commune leader, taking his hardcore believers to a remote location while entertaining ideas of divinity isn't a move with a great track record. Any potential problems were abruptly dodged in 1975. when Yahuah decided to teach himself how to hang glide. I think you can probably guess where this is going.

All right. The 53-year-old leapt off a 1,300 foot cliff crashed and died nine hours later, and as a result, the family disbanded. Was that him teaching himself? Was that his first time? He just was like, the best way to learn is at 13,000 feet. Oh, God, you're right.

He can't not do it. Yeah, exactly. You can't feel. Yeah. Probably. To our puny mortal eyes, he's dead. but he's actually living on in the skies. Yeah.

Scooting forever. I'm looking now, though. There's no indication of if he was someone with someone at the time. But yeah, he did just, he just jumped to his death. Brilliant. Press and peace, odd. Wow. Yeah.

And the family disbanded. They had a relative cultural impact. Not quite the Manson family, but not that the Manson family had a good societal impact. But, you know what I mean? They didn't leave behind much of a record other than just the ongoing juicing trend and organic food trend which was snuck into the LA scene by God.

By himself. Holy shit. By God himself. And that's a fun little tale of why you shouldn't hang glide and join communes. No, never. Thank you, Michael,

for taking us on that spiritual journey. All these sort of, you know, I don't quite want to go as far as badass, but like all these badass characters you keep finding who have amazing stories. but are quite often assholes.

Yeah, I keep accidentally finding monsters or I find someone cool who died at the end of the story. I need to switch things up to be a bit happier, don't I? Grizzly Tales for gruesome vidiots. Oh, I like it. There we're cool.

There we are. Here's another question. This is from Harrison Kalman at Goey Bug Spatoon who says, sorry, Al Fons, who runs the local takeaway has passed away. and has left you three deeds to his place

and his dying wish as he choked on a bone is that you continue his legacy in the takeaway business. Oh, hell, yeah. What are you selling? Something traditional? Or are you making something completely new? Okay. Was that, he's left you three deeds,

or he's left us three deeds? It is not made clear by the structure of the sentence. I like to believe that we each have a deed. We have a deed. And we must pitch. our idea and the best one gets to do it and the other two get killed maybe those are the stakes maybe

yeah I think we become the stakes whoever loses get those cheap cheese burgers you get at the takeaway yeah I think mainly after the one historic encounter with an awful serving of cheesy chips at the shill grill and gruel

I was just thinking about the chill grill, yeah, carry it. I want to bring cheesy chips to the forefront of the British High Street outside of Sunderland. Because so far, Sullen's the only place I've had like a really dirty, really good cheesy chips. Like, I'm going to use like pizza cheese. What is it actually called? It's not just pizza cheese. I've said it earlier.

Motsarola. Yeah, he's like a good blend with mozzarella, good thick, chunky chips seasoned, lovely, maybe some extra sides. It's like bringing a touch of class to cheesy chips, but not forgetting its working class roots. Yeah, that's a good idea. Make it, make it, making it achievable to people outside the North to try this delicious delicacy. You'd have a cheesy chip emporium. That's what you'd have. Yep, nothing but cheesy chips.

I don't think I need anything else. That's a, that's all you need. What would you call it? Cheese pies chips. Cheese chips. Yeah. Cheap, cheese, cheese. Cheese and chips.

Come back to me with the name. I'll have one surely by the end of the show. I don't even have a restaurant yet in my head. Cheesy does it. Oh, that's good. Cheesy does it? Cheesy lover. So many good ones.

Although the implications are that I think you would fuck the chips in that instance and that's not necessarily. Cheesy lover, yeah. That gives them the flavour. No one wants a cheesy lover. No, nobody does. Shower, please. Phil Collins.

Shower. I'm a huge fan of Calzone's. would like a calzone place. I don't know if Alfon's the man who choked on a bone and left us the place, you know, what he had before. But I would like to make some sort of kick-ass calzone place where you could design your own. Choose your own fillings. Maybe in multiple sizes where you could get them. There's a place around the corner from where Peter and I work called, I've forgotten the name, gingerinos. They do amazing calzones and they're the size of a pasty. And they're like £2.50 and they're perfect. Maybe

from that size all the way up to like a full size pizza folded in half. Because there is an art to a calzone, right? It isn't just a pizza folded in half, it kind of is. But it has to be prepared in like a slightly different way. And there is, I've had very good calzones and I've had very bad calzones. And I suppose the needle I'm trying to thread here is for them not to be bad. And if I can do that, then we're off to the races. Yeah, I've had calzones that.

I just had too much sauce in them and you bite into it. It becomes a sloppy mess. And I hope you're going to be the man to come fix that. I'll try. I've got a name. Have you got a name? Yeah. I am the one calzone.

Wow. Does that work? I like that. No, you don't. Listen to that tone of voice. I like that. I like that. I think it's great.

Come on, help me. I'm the one calzoney. It's good. There's got to be something with honing it. Calzones are actually Now I'm thinking about They're underrepresented In the food world I think

You can get them But I think that's like a perfect Like you say making it a smaller form You don't need a big hall pizza Sometimes I just want like a little lunch calzone You often have to go out of your way To find a calzone Yeah

I still can't think of a better name Than I am the one cows only Which isn't good Because there isn't one There isn't one There's no better name Nobody I'd rather be Yeah yeah

That was it. Chesney Hawks and his one son. We worked together too long. I have come up with an idea very much on the fly. I think it's absolutely flawless and nothing could possibly go wrong. I think in our kind of generation that fish and chips are a bit underrated.

I think broadly across the nation, it's a staple of British culture. But I kind of feel like it's more of a, you know, your mum and dad, might get fish and chips, or possibly your younger sibling or cousin after they've been to swimming practice on a Friday night. But like, our kind of group don't think of fish and chips straight away. And I want to bring it back to the masses.

So I have come up with a, it's a bit like a fusion restaurant, but instead of fusing types of food, like, you know, interesting cultures and combining them, it is. in fact a fusion of it's like a fish and chip shop but it's also like a sushi place in that there's a conveyor belt of different things going around and you pick your own and then what you

do with the thing that you pick off the conveyor belt is that you, it's like a fondue restaurant but you've just got a deep fat friar there just in front of you everyone's got their own and you stick things on a stick and you stick it into the friar

and you can have whatever you like. You just just dip, you know, either fish or sausage or Mars bars or, you know, an entire pig or anything you want and you batter it and then you take it with your chip, with your chips. No, it's more than one chip. With your chip. That's the other interesting thing. You get a single chip. I like it.

I do that. It's called fish. Dips. Yeah. It's called Please don't sue us. Yeah, it's please, for the love of God,

sign this waiver before you went to the restaurant. It's called Claims Direct, but Direct is about DIE and then wrecked. Right. Yeah. I mean, it's an accident.

I mean, worse than an accident. It's a horrible, painful death waiting to happen. But, you know, it's not really my responsibility. No, it's not. If the dead guy, is fronting up the cash, then I don't have to worry so much if it folds. Well, great news.

I think maybe we could run all three outfits out of this business. Yes. Yeah. Good ideas all around. The main thing that's exciting me about fishing dips is getting like five Mars bars on the same stick. Oh my God. The mega, mega deep fried Mars bar. You could do smores, you know, stick marshmallows in there.

You could, oh, whatever you want. Whatever you want. You could pay just like a rent. fee, like bring your own, bring your own bits and you could, you could pay like three quid for the honour of getting to do it yourself. If you want to bring some weird external stuff in, that's on you. You just have like the mafia walking in with dead bodies saying, oh yeah, I've brought this for my dinner, definitely. We'll get the vat. The big vat, yeah. Sounds like a flawless, flawless system. It does. We need a combined name though. Maybe we just piggyback off

another existing very successful franchise maybe like this is a weird choice because they're arguably not that successful but what about just we call it Argos and just see if

is it OUR Argos yeah there we are Ourgos Argos with two S's or two G's or McDonald's but

with no apostrophe right you mean just to pull people in Yeah, exactly. Okay. Like, the sign doesn't look the same, but it's got the same business name. So if people search Argos or McDonald's, they might accidentally come to us. Okay, here for a new mattress, but I left with a calzone.

I consider that a win, and I even deep-fried the calzone myself. Yeah. I wonder if we all legally changed our names by Deep Pole to McDonald's, our surname, could you either call it, because there's three of us, McDonald's, plural, without the S or could you like legally get around trademarks because it's your actual name and just call it McDonald's restaurant

do you think? Like I don't know how these things work. I'm not sure. Can they trademark something if it's your name? Yeah, if it was McDonald we might have to go like a law firm McDonald, McDonald, and McDonald. Yeah.

Or three guys. And son. Three guys. That's good. It's not good. We've got an impenetral defense here. They can't come after us. You can't touch us, we said, as we launched double jump at the beginning of 2019.

Yeah. I think we could have a picture of the Colonel, Colonel Sanders. But instead of KFC, it just says BPM instead. I would not eat. I would never eat a fast-been place called B-PM. B-PM. It sounds like a petrol station. Yeah, isn't it?

Oh, dear. What about M-BP? A bit more like... MVP, isn't it? Yeah, that is. Yeah. That's much better. Sounds premium.

It won't be premium though, will it? I'm here for it. It'll be shut down immediately. It's time for my thing. I was going to do another Not the Onion quiz, but then I found an onion story, or not the onion story, that was so good that I thought we should just focus in on it.

But it's already too much of a food-heavy episode, so it's just as well, you're not doing onions. Yeah, no more onions here. Can't have any onions. This is from the Daily Record.com.com.uk. And the headline reads, and it's one of those headlines where they've just abbreviated loads of words and made it sound stupid.

I hate that they do that. Scott's cop called officers for help after being pursued by drone. But dot in sky was actually Jupiter. Okay. So here we go. There's just a big, old photo of Jupiter with the caption,

The officer must took the planet for a drone. As though he could actually see the entire planet Jupiter as depicted in the photo which I can picture in my head. Exactly. I'm just going to tweet the photo out now. The subtitle for this is, it was only after a drawn-out pursuit, it says in quote marks, that she sought help from senior officers who told her it was Jupiter some 365 million miles away.

So here we go. A rookie Scots police officer feared she was being pursued for miles by a drone, but the bright light in the sky was actually a planet. It was only after a drawn-out pursuit that she blah, blah, blah. There we go, it's the subtitle again. The, here we go, the dozy PC, had left a Glasgow police station at about midnight on Tuesday and noticed the object in the sky following her.

She tried to lose the drone as she drove towards the shopping complex at the fort just off the M8. She called the General Police Scotland complaints number on 101 and told the call handler she was being followed by a drone along the M8 and couldn't lose it. The officer, who was in her first two years of service, was told to return to her station where she would be met by a senior officer. She was found standing in the police yard with her hood up,

trying to hide from the drone, and pointed out the bright white dot in the sky. They told her it was Jupiter, which is often visible on a clear night. A police source said, the story is the talk of the steamy at her station nobody can quite believe it she was very alarmed and spooked that she was being followed by a drone

everyone was quite concerned so you can imagine the red face and embarrassment felt when it was pointed out that the bright light following her was a planet millions of miles away this is going to haunt her for years

it says next Tom Wood's in prose is that just the writer I had to scroll down a big big image stock image of the back of a policewoman to read,

this is going to haunt her for years. It is in quote marks, though. Tom Wood, a retired deputy chief constable of the former Lothian and Borders police, said the story reminded him of a similar incident years ago. He said, a young officer discovered an old vase wrapped in a rag

and reported it as being a Ming Dynasty vase, which is worth thousands. It wasn't, of course, and from that day on, he was known as Ming. This young lady will probably find herself with a nickname for the rest of her career. The story will be told in years to come.

The real test is how she handles it. Wow. Is what Tom had to say. This writer really wants his person to be vilified for it. No. I mean, it's some suggestions what you can mistake to make, but even so. It concludes here with a Police Scotland spokesman said, officers quickly established there was no criminality and were able to reassure the woman

involved. So, there we are. You could say, if you'll allow me, gentlemen, you could say she was duped. Oh, I will allow it. I will allow it. Thank you. Yes, very good. So if you've had a bad sort of rookie few years at your job, I don't think it's quite on the scale of trying to outrun Jupiter.

I like the idea of this happening to someone in another job. At least if you're the police, you know, there is an element of like safety and, you know, You know, could someone be trying to, you know, persecute me as a police officer? You know, I want to go into the office on Friday and tell Adam Pachiti, Adam, I was followed here by a drone, and I think you should do something about it. Look, it's out there, you know, it's a strange, what a strange thing to... And it's a streetlight. You can see it clearly from the window.

I don't want to be harsh, but... No, no. You just think that she would know. I mean, Jupiter just looks like a big star When you know what a star is Don't you? Yeah, it's basically a star All right, it's actually a planet But in the sky, it's just like a star

Chill It's quite big as well I mean, not big but like far away I don't know Drones make noise Like this is You would have thought a police officer would know What a drone is

And we don't have the full story here Obviously we haven't heard from her perspective She may not be in a good place There may be some other stuff going on so yeah we don't want to have been threats or previous exactly don't want to take the piss out of her too much but the line that here we are

let me just find it again she was found standing in the police yard with a hood up trying to hide from the drone and pointed out the bright white dot in the sky they told her it was Jupiter which is often visible on a clear night is I think one of my most favorite sentences that I've ever read it's very good

I mean I like this is what was it this is going to haunt her. This is going to, let me take a, take a screenshot of that. You will never recover from this. Yeah, I will never financially recover from this. This is going to haunt her for years. Let me just pop it in the thread. Here we are. God, I hope she's okay. This could come back to bite us in the ass, but there we are. This is going to haunt her for years. She could be, it could be worse. She could be called Ming forever. Yeah, she could. She misidentified of ours. What do you reckon they'd call her though? Drone, Jupiter? Because both names. are pretty cool.

Jupiter's a pretty cool name. Yeah. It's a god, presumably, right? It's like the god of war or something. They could just, you know, use your line there, Peter, say, just call a duped. Dup. Yeah.

What's up, dupe? It's a shame this didn't happen to you, Peter, because you could have been Jupiter. Jupiter, that's great. Yeah. So one day, Peter, please mistake a planet for a drone and we'll never let you live it down. Is the Jupiter dog a cat?

Wait, what? Oh, Jupiter. Wow, I didn't even notice the second layer to that. God, wow. Did I thought that's what you were going for? Did I just leapfrog the conversation? Just Jupiter and Peter. Oh, okay.

Wow, I didn't even make that connection. I was like, well, that's clearly a Blue Peter reference. I like it, though. There you go. God, we're operating on another level of just delirium today, aren't we? This is going to haunt us for years. I will never recover from this. Okay, let's move on to the final question.

This is from Harvey Latham at Mr. Latham 97 on Twitter. I have the biggest 50s worth of question of all time. Whoa. I was hoping this question, by the way, when I picked it, would prompt us to go back to that slice of fried gold we didn't manage to capture on the podcast, so I hope you pick up on it in a second. Okay.

What do you think happens, straight after the end of the garlic and chips video. My theory is Juggson and his cameraman got Thanos snapped, hence the video abruptly stopping. What's your theories? Yeah, well, we were talking about this at the start of the last... Well, before the start of the last podcast, I mean, as we often do,

I think it's easy to slip into Jugson because if anyone just sort of says, yeah, in a very... You know, everyone else starts going, and then you start talking about it. And the question that I think I raised it or certainly collectively we got there was

did the person holding the camera go and ask as soon as they turn the camera off did they go back to the chip shop and say yeah this guy says he got an extra 50s worth of garlic

on his chips he fucking did did you fuck your lying bastard Go and ask If you fucking don't believe us Don't believe us And then he He's proper class doing stunts

On his pedal bike as well and all Plodds straight back down the hill To Michael Juxon Here this guy off in the In the restaurant Said you got an extra 50s worth of garlic I fucking did And it just

He gets stuck in a time loop For yeah They're still there to this day Yeah We also like the idea of A completely different video Of being taken on a similarly Low Quality Mobile phone

During the day at the local skate park of sober Michael Jugsson just doing mad stunts on his pedal bike having a great time he's not on drugs he's not on his garlic and chips he's just on his bike

he's living life to the best this has made me really sad now that there's not an extended Michael Jugson I know didn't they like track him down or someone tried to anyway I think I think there's been efforts

but nothing nothing substantial's come through I think I want sir a comment where someone corrected on what his surname is I can't remember what it is though it's not Juxon and it's not Johnson but I don't remember it's something else oh wait wow I've just

wow in the description of the video there's he got like a tea spring store or something Michael Juson of Hartley Cool Talking garlic Talking garlic Michael Jusen

I can't hear it doesn't work. No, doesn't. I refuse to believe his name isn't Juxson. Yeah, how could it not be? They just misspelled the name in the description. Clearly. Yeah, definitely.

Michael. I hope he's living is best life. I'm heartily called Talking garlic. Wow, the way that's, I did not expect it to be, they've spelled Michael wrong. Oh, yeah, they spell of wrong. So that really draws and, like, throws into question whether Juicin is even accurate, because they can't spell Michael. They've put Mikey L, Jusen, and they've spelled of Hartleypool, OV, space H-slash-Poole, talking garlic.

So, I mean, that's, and every letter's capitalised. It's great, every word, sorry, big fan of that. Well, then, I think that just proves that our head canon is just as if not more viable than whatever the truth is. I'd say so. There we are. That's it. We've made it to the end of the podcast. Thank you so much for listening everybody. Who would like to know what's coming out on Vidiots? Everyone would.

This next fortnight. Yes, please. I'd love nothing more. Well, I can tell you we've lost, hang on, what was that? What time period was that? We've lost 57 subscribers in the last 28 days. So thank you very much, everyone. Oh, okay. That's just thought. That's less than usual, I feel. That's kept better. Yeah, it's usually way worse.

Yay. I'm now going to scroll for six years because I was not prepared. Where did we get up to? What date does this episode release? Can someone help me out? It releases on 27th of July. 27th of July and then two weeks from there would take us up to when? The 10th of August. Thank you very much. 27th of July. We've got Draw the Fans. Then we've got Redstone Disaster Vanilla Minecraft Episode 8.

Instant jiblets Where we played Quake Champions Hanging from the Gallows Vanilla Minecraft episode 9 PostM tat Number 24 Fruity Loopers Oh that's where we got

The assorted fruity loopy things Yeah, we did Nice I enjoyed those Gmod car building challenge That was fun I think Peter put wheels on a bathtub With a bathtub

With wheels on That was it Worst games ever Oh no We've even We've misspelled their name We put Mary Kate and Ashley Winner's circle

Not Mary hyphen Kate and Ashley Which is her real name Terrible awful It's really bad Pompey craft is here Vanilla Minecraft episode 10 I think that was the finale We just said everything else on fire

And blew up No we didn't actually We kept going Overeooked 2 Breaks up the Vidiats Was the next episode was the next video Stress Who lives in a pineapple

Vanilla Minecraft episode 11 Poddiots episode 12, Milo's Purge. Oh, that's a good. Historic. Postum tat number 25. We've been Woolified, which is when we got those amazing woolen versions of ourselves. Fantastic.

Oh, I've got mine right here next to me. I've got mine in the other room. Mine's in my little vidy shrine in a cupboard. Shrine. Time for your pills. We happy few time capsule unboxing. It's a special edition we got.

Oh yeah. And finally, worst games ever. Crazy Frog Racer, which is extremely relevant, Peter, isn't it? Yeah, it is, because the episode that's just gone out on the triple jump of worst games ever was Crazy Frog Racer 2. So how about that? How does the sequel compare to the original?

It's almost the same game. Surprise! Practically indistinguish. Weird mini games in it there, which are good, bad. So it's worth watching. Don't get me wrong, everyone. Go and check it out now. on Triple Jump, Team Triple Jump on YouTube.

We talk extensively about a Crazy Frog album, which is, that just sounds horrible. Yeah, we do. So horrible. With like 24 tracks on it or something. What? I totally forgot that the Crazy Frog had more than one. Well, so did we.

We thought there were only maybe two Max. But no, they did a cover of We Are the Champions, which is we are the champions, but interspersed with Badum, Bum, bum, bum, pump, bring ding ding ding it's uh yeah which sounds bad but is arguably worse uh what's arguably worse is that there were various other songs that didn't have lyrics changed at all such as hey baby by dj oxy you know who are i want to know just a crazy proper remix absolutely disgraceful mikey i believe there's a shop right oh you're gosh darn right if you navigate over to store dot yogscast

dot com you'll find a lovely array of goodies which are up for you to purchase but if you want to be an extra cool swaggy dude or dudette or other you can go to a little vidy section and peruse our selection of mug, hoodie

shirt and other and you can use called vidiots at checkout for 10% off everything on the Yogscast store every single thing on that website you can get 10% off it but please

If you're going to use it, use it on our stuff. So you can look. Super duper. Super duper. Do you reckon your Oxcast would, like, be really concerned if suddenly, like, a thousand people used the Vidyat's discount code at once? Not necessarily on our merch, but just like, what the hell is going on with this Vidiot's code?

What's happened? Do you think they're going to be interested in that? I don't know. I think they probably sent me a message like, hey, what happened here? Why are you guys suddenly... You've been posting on weird forums again? Yeah, that's the only way to do it. I will say once I was used, you know, the web thing, honey, that gives you discount codes.

Yeah. I once did go on the Ogg's website and the code it presented was Vidyots. Was it? Oh, nice. Amazing. It must know that other people use it, I guess. It's out there circulating. That's great.

Good stuff. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiots official. We're also on Twitch. TV forward slash video it's official Streamlabs.com forward slash podiats donations donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast

you will join either the pumpy platoon the tiny troop or the fast crew and Mikey is once again going to run through the Stink Squad for this week we start with indeterminate amount of monica Finn Tristam

Windy Miller ramble bambble dangle Oh so close you nearly got it He nearly got it again. He said dangle. Damn it! Ramble, hamble, amble, damble, thank you. I do kind of like the dangle, though, so I'm going to give myself a pass.

A succulent Chegnees meal. An excellent massage. COVID meat product. Harrison Kalnan. Pro trainer. Shreddy shops at wicks. Flat arm wank. Spread cheeks.

Slap balls. Kez of Galifray. Massive pectorals. Nuggets. Fox 42, motor boarding Anne Widdickham and Alan Claw's

big birthday. Woo. Thank you all. The tiny troop is Ben's Big Bouncy Bensensens. Chegwin is Deadwin,

RIP, Mr. Black. Specky Becky. Cheg Wind Waker stole my tuk. Mr. Blobby's spotty knobby. The fart was a bit much for me,

he was very generous, thank you. Ben O.V. Erbich. Lord Brotovitch. Labour Party Sir Keir Chegwin I may have said Sir Keith Chegwin last time I've just realised, I don't know

I think I heard you say Keir Chegwin I'm not sure Yeah, yeah Why isn't Freddie Weber Misk Linear the Magic Dragon Donak 07 And the very very generous

Axles Alive 95 And finally in the fast crew We have King Kong's Flaccid Schlong Drew Peacock Existential Crisis Kevin from Con, bummed as a child, the very generous Haxel Jim Duggan, Dr. von Von Woff, the GP,

the very generous Kimberley Edwards Yee Bob, Katie Aboobsov, there's got to be... There's something there, am I pronouncing it wrong? I just can't see it. I don't know. Catch your boobs of?

Oh, it might be... Oh, is that it? I don't know what catch your boobs of really means. Cut your boobs off. potentially, which is just... Just write that out if that's what you want. It won't be the worst thing in this list, to be honest. It won't.

I really... I'll tell you what, from next time I will actually start vetting some of these. Cheggers died on a mountain. That's the worst one we've ever had. How disrespectful. Lovely Carl Richardson, de couple jump, Mr. Macca, wanking into Nana's knickers. It didn't come home, but I came...

I think I said I didn't come home earlier. I'm so sorry. Just keep swimming ash, dick and detol in Ben's bum bum, bum. There we are. That is the Pod Squad. So sorry if we butchered it slash I butchered it a little bit. It's just so hot. And by the time this comes out, we'll have probably had like six days of rain

and it won't make any sense. But trust us, this was recorded at peak warmth. It's bad. Mikey, where are you on the internet? Paraboy on Twitter. That's the best place to see me and stay up to date with me and the seagulls that are currently screaming outside. So for more Seagull News at Pariboy and Twitter, I stream on occasion on Twitch at Pariboy,

but not too often, especially not when I'm a thickly boy and sweating a lot, so I will try to get back into the streaming game soon. But there's not as pet photos on my Twitter, so that's fun. Nice. They're very good. And Peter, where are we? We are Team Triple Jump as a pairing. You can also follow Ben and I on Twitter at That Peter Austin and at Confused underscore Dude.

but Team Triple Jump on YouTube and Twitch for live streams and video content and we're finally, by the time this Pollyas goes out, back in the office filming stuff together, live action. How exciting! That means things like Rules Boss and cooking and potentially prove it's eventually, we'll be back. Worst games ever has always been there over lockdown

but won't be filmed in person. So it's all very exciting. It is. It is indeed. Finally, why not leave us an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms It's also free

It doesn't cost you anything You can tell a friend You can leave a like if you're watching on YouTube You can leave a nice comment as well That always helps the algorithm Just do the You know if you're enjoying what we do And you know if you've donated to Pod Squad

You can do whatever you want But if you haven't and you're looking for a way to give back Just share it. It's free It's flipping free Go and ask Or go and tell, I suppose. Vinyl question for people to answer in the wherever space. What do you reckon?

Best, I don't know. Best takeaway restaurant idea of three. Yeah, yeah, sure. Yeah, actually, yeah, you tell us what. Divide the fans. Cheesy chips. Calzone's are us. This is democracy manifest.

deep fry your forearm. Fish and dips, yeah. Let us know. Right, we're going to bugger off now. Stay cool out there and be hydrated. Be sensible as well. Don't take any unnecessary risks because the UK is now apparently fine and COVID is gone. Be safe and be well.

And we will see you next time. Goodbye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Thank you.