Podiots - Podiots: Episode 85 - McPodiots

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Peter splits sides, Ben holds on tight, and Mikey tucks in. Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ Get 20% OFF Manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code RULESBUSH at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax. Did you lock the front door? Check. Close the garage door? Yep. Installed window sensors, smoke sensors, and HD cameras with night vision? No. And you set up credit card transaction alerts, a secure VPN for a private connection, and continuous monitoring for our personal info on the dark web?

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experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. I think it's time I published a book. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I was out of curiosity. I did a little scan on my, uh, my poddy. It's Google Doc where everything gets thrown.

Now it's sitting at like 35,000 words, which I think that qualifies it to be a book. This is our minimum books, because kids' books are very light on words, but they're still classed as books. Some books don't have words in them at all. They're just pictures. Oh, I've done extra good then. I've got a lot of words. That makes it very good.

Did you write all of those words yourself? Yeah, they're your words, Michael. It's a combination of copy and pasting and tweaking and writing. So it's, I mean, if I just put at the bottom credit to all original authors, sorry, it's fine. Like people do on YouTube. That makes plagiarism okay. Copyright belongs to all respect of owners. And bam, you're free.

No copyrighting. infringement intended, I owe nothing. That'd be a sick day. What are you going to call this book? Oh, shit. Oh, man, sprung that on me. I'm ever sure thought of this. Welcome to the...

You really should, yeah. Is this the title that you're saying now? Oh, shit. Oh, man, you really... Oh, you sprung not on me. Yeah, that's it. Bam. That's good.

That's more words as well. That's like ten more words. Oh, true. Yeah, the titles count as words. Yeah, I'm making it count. Yeah, I think so This book is all about the word count Not the content of how good it is

It's just look at how many words are in it Wow Wow Can't wait to read it I'll get a copy to you soon How much is it 50 God's there he is

We got one into the intro That's it In the work Get out Jogson I know That was the worst she hoarse horning of Michael Jokes and I've ever heard and I'm sorry to be the proponent of that.

It's not in the right quote. Brilliant. Well, sorry. With that, we better... Go and ask. Yeah. Hello, everybody and welcome to Pottie. It's the official...

Official. Vidiates. Podcast. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben.

I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. Hooray. Hello. You right? Yep. Yep. Yep.

Good. You. Yeah. Doing all right. You. Mm-hmm. Good. Good to hear it.

Yeah, good. Good. Yeah. You're right, Peter? Great. Oh, great. You're not going to ask me how I am. No, no.

No. Michael, you're right? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you guys. Welcome to Pottie, it's everyone. This is a comedy podcast. Can you tell?

Have you laughed yet? Let us know. Have you, sides falling off. You laughing yet? Oh. I mean, I didn't even know what else to say other than hey do you want to give us some money for that? Oh Jesus price

cough up Come on was that not good enough for you Give some money were you Oh Jesus Streamlabs.com forward slash potty at Stonations If you donate three pounds or more You get to support us

To make this Whatever this is What a normal endeavour After a day's work And you'll also join Pod Squad You'll get a shout out at the beginning And the end of the show We're going to get into the rest of the show shortly

I promise you. But here is this week's pod squad starting with Mikey Johnson. Boris Johnson's son

John Morrison I hadn't read that one before that is fantastic big fan Peter's Parrot's POV porn Spingling

Ting Jing Pling Mr Black Hero in a half shirt Tiny Power Harrison Rathbone Mike Ox Small

Got him Donaco 7 Always a misadventure Lizania put Dave in Halfords In Halafords Lazzania put Dave in Halafords Beautiful RIP Harambe and Geronimo

Oh no He's Geronimo The Chihuahua The Alpaca Wait oh God no yeah you're right That was Gizmo Gizma. Oh, Jesus.

That's a recent cut. Yeah, Geronimo the Alpaca. Rest in peace. DBP and Lord B go to Red Square. The generous sniper, Gryphon, I think. Griffin. Oh, Jesus Christ. As in the mythological being.

Is that how you spell Griffin? I refuse to believe that's how you spell... You can spell it like that, or GRI, GRI. I just thought it was like a half rhyme with sniper. Sniper gripe. Anyway, they've been very generous and I've butchered the name. And they say, we were watching, oh dear, we were watching a dirty video with guy and girl in wrestling ring.

Just as my husband was finishing, he started laughing about Barbara Piss. I looked up to see that the guy had set up the girl for a jinkle jam. Anyway, happy 10th anniversary, Ryan. Wow. What a relationship. Amazing. International sex symbol, Barbara Piz, apparently. Incredible.

Happy anniversary, guys. Thank you. Oh, happy anniversary. That was a ride from start to finish. Couples who watch porn together, they donate to Polly at Sto. They do. Yeah. Yeah.

Cute. Pro trainer, Stookalicious, a monkey stole my tiny spoiler. And raindrop. joy. Thank you all. Also, this week we have Hawkman 105, who was very

generous and said, hi, lads. Wanted to say thanks for keeping me sane whilst doing 4 a.m. shifts since January, finally able to donate and thought I'd chuck some extra for back pay as I've been listening since my brother James introduced me to you a few years ago. Cheers. Thanks, Hawkman.

Thank you, Hawkins. Thank you. I can smell Freddie Weber. Chegwin Segwin Regwin Deadwin Get it up ye Markey Chegwin the Great Cheggers deluxe with cheese

Jenny Tillwart Dave's in York Oh I see Okay so I think this might be a Dave Jenny might be the Donator No no it's Jenny Tillworts Genital wart Oh okay very good

Very good got you Wowie Yeah Dave is in York Dave is in York Dave is in York Dave BDSM Phillips Richard Wilson's

Dick Willie That one bean that Ben lost More like Cockness Oh very good Just reference to last time Lou Sannas Put Dave in Aldi Am I saying that right

Is that one? Is that one? Oh, Lusainus Oh Jesus Christ Lusanneus Lusinth Hello Loose anus put Dave in Aldi

Sky the Grandpah Peter Peter Fanny Eater John Zina or China might be actually I like that one that's good Yeah that's good Yeah DBP is at the Creation Museum

He was very generous and said Dave Benson Phillips has visited the creation Museum in Kentucky It's a museum designed to quote Prove the Earth is 6,000 years old Dinosaurs lived with humans and that evolution is a lie. What fun.

Wow. So he's clearly been added there. I'd definitely go to that museum though. I need to see it, I think. That sounds a little. For those who haven't caught the last episode, number one, why are you not listening to them in order? And number two, these are in reference to the fact

that people have clearly added photos of Dave Benson Phillips to various landmarks and places on Google Maps. Yep. I've had 500 views on my photo of Dave in a board pit. Yeah, I've had like 100 on mine. of Mount Rushmore, but it still won't, I can't find it

if I saw it by newest. We are manifesting Dave's resurgence in popular culture purely through Google Maps. Dave continues, I mean, Dave, the list continues.

The list continues. I got bum worms, cunt Eastwood the stupidest one, and a little bit of Monaco. Oh, lovely. In my life. We also have

spready cheeks, sloppy boasts. Who you're going to call Nutbusters? The parent penis was a bit much. Had to look up what dogging is. Oh, no. Oliver Clause off. Nice.

Close off. Fist me at a pizza hut, plus. Che Guevaro. Gueverro. Like Aero the chocolate bar, I think. Che Gueverro. Yeah, because that's a follow one from the stuff from last time. The dictators and stuff.

Remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, there we go. Civero. Nice. Parents prehens our penis. Mr. Maca. Caroline, I have your UB40 CD.

Oh, no, Caroline. Oh, I can't get that back. The big breakup continues. Her Majesty's stink wrinkle. Janet, please move your car. Steve Osten is Peter's dad. True. Mikey's dogging partner.

Just keep swimming ash. Full monitor. Finn Tristam and Wendy Miller and there you go that's your pod squad for this week remember streamlabs.com forward slash potty at stonations

to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast thank you so much we love you, thank you thank you how else you can contribute to this podcast and future episodes

is by being quick off the mark when we put a post out saying questions please and asking questions for this podcast I've brought some along oh yeah yeah I've got all right here do you want one

yeah Question one comes from Addie Pramana, well, it's Adi and it's at 2 Addie underscore P. So I'm assuming it's Adi Pramana from our Twitch chat, who simply asks, have you seen this? Should add that I didn't do this myself, I just wanted to check if someone else did something silly. And well, and then that's where it ends. I'm going to send you guys a screenshot of the tweet. In fact, what I should have got is a hyperlink so that you can access. this directly, but now

there is a place on Google Maps called Feld Hoyers hyphen podiots meat facery. Oh, it's beautiful. Does that mean they've changed all of the information? I don't know if that's actually the

Feld Hoyers HQ or if they've just done it. Let's have a look. It's on Industrial Strasser 12, which is Industrial Street. Feld Hoyer's Poddiots I've found it Yeah it is

That's the one That's the one It's got all the reviews on it From Podiat's listeners Someone has renamed it Someone has now renamed Feld Hoyer's HQ To Feld Hoyer's

Hyphen Podiots Meet Facery Which is the best bit So you can You can suggest an edit And Google just says Yeah Yeah

You can also just ask that it be removed from the map. Wow, really? Oh, really? Which is bonkers. Like, that doesn't, surely not, right? I'm going to start ransacking small villages and they can look like you've got nothing going on by harassing the Google map entries.

Because you have to register as, like, the owner of a business on Google so that you can get it to appear in the first place. How are they not notified or asked about any of these checks? It just asks to supply a picture of you at work and they just supply a picture of the original sausage meat face in a suit and they're like, well, I can't say no with that. All the photos that are uploaded are from 2003. You know what's not on here?

A Dave. Oh, there's no Dave yet. There's no Dave on here. There are some later ones, some logos from 2017. Some really fake clown ham renders from 2015. We've had an extra a review from a day ago

Simon Duff says would tell a friend five stars that's a quality meat fissary also from a week ago George Mather or George Mather

has said meat resurgence and rated it five stars that's very good is it one of these guys are they the ones who have done this

someone listed as the CEO of Fell Hughes Polly it's meat fiercery because it shows which things I've edited on my profile, so I'm wondering if any of these naughty boys of other culprits here. Do we dub them in? No, we can't do it. No, no. I will though. I might.

It's very good. I mean... Don't watch your attitude. I'm not suggesting that people continue to do this and just sabotage Google Maps, but also can't stop you from doing it, you know? No. Maybe, though. Maybe we leave Feld Hoyer's body at's meat face. alone before they get us into legal hot water yeah because we've literally left our fingerprints all over it now like it's it there's a difference between

changing it to like a meat factory meat products yeah description compared to actually putting our name in the title to be fair we've done nothing bad all we did was a semi-legitimate change to meat products and then other people have reviewed well not review bombed it but you know

giving it strange reviews and now changed it to Feld Hoyer's poddy, it's meat face. In case people aren't familiar with this, this is the German custom ham company that print meat logs

with patterns in them. Your Billy Bear ham, your... Football ham. Clown, football. Your spooky ham for Halloween that's got sort of like a pumpkin face in it. So you slice into the cross-section of this giant ham sausage and get yourself a slice of sandwich ham and it's got the face

in it that you've requested in various shades of sickening pink yeah i've emailed them before asking if we could get like a little sample of meat face made up in it but it didn't get any replies so consider this payback felt huge consider this yeah for you not taking our nonsense email seriously yeah well legally we should be on record saying at no point have we encouraged that people change the name of the business and we continue to not encourage you to do that but I mean there's nothing to stop me leaving reviews that's all I'll say make a nice ones at least no no no zero five stars so far I think maybe go for some bigger businesses like find your local McDonald's or Amazon Depot

and just call it McDonald's poddits In fact, I'm going to try that. Yeah, why not? Why not? Oh, God. Can we just edit, like, Times Square to say Poddietz, and everyone in the world will see that until it's definitely changed back? Suggest an edit.

Suggest an edit. I'm going to change the McDonald's I used to work at. That was McPodiotts. Oh, McPoddietz is great. I'm changing it to a McDonald's... I'm changing McDonald's local to Feld Hoyers, just so it looks like the Podiat's is sort of taking over the region. Right, okay.

send I'm I'm suggesting this edit you'll get an email when your suggestion is reviewed so someone someone did this and then Google looked at it and said yeah yeah yeah you know what yeah that is that surely that won't work for the McDonald's

though because they've got to know that McPodiat's isn't real surely but the request is in in Steinfoot Germany that's crazy I guess it must be that, like, maybe an English-speaking person reviewed the suggested change for Feld Hoyer's poddy its meat facery. And because it's just a series of words that maybe they didn't recognize, they just thought, well, you know, no one's changed it to, I hate Republicans, or do you know what I mean? Like, no one's deliberately being a dick.

So I guess it's probably some legitimate business change that I'm not aware of. The Feld Hoyer's family must have married into the Podiat's dynasty. And opened a new meat facery on Industrial Strasser. I mean, I don't mind targeting bigger companies like McDonald's. I don't want to target little family businesses or whatever. The clown ham company. The shelves are already bare. We can't do ourselves out of the Billy Bear Ham as well.

We need this relationship to last. I mean there's international relations to think of now that we're no longer in the EU we could cause a diplomatic disaster here Michael Johnson's son of Boris Johnson was found defacing Google Maps I'm going to edit an Amazon hub locker in Levin

or Marl, Germany let's see I'm going to call this one Podiat's Presents Amazon Hub Locker Oh, I like that This doesn't feel legal

I don't know why I'm allowed to do this. Why is it letting me do Why do I have this power? I'm going to search the world for anything that might be called pottyets. Oh, this is great. I'm enjoying this. No, it looks like there's only

I mean, it takes you straight to the meat facery when you do that. If you search Vidyates as well, it takes you to several American video videos shops and stuff yeah the ones who people

constantly tweet us about and say they stole your name no they didn't no they did they definitely they very much didn't do you reckon we can find a big chain of podiatrists

and just change the name of one so it's a poddiotrist well yeah as I was typing in podiotists it did suggest podiatrist yeah that's the best business name Jesus Christ

I will continue to refresh my emails hopefully it pops up during the podcast like it did before when we first took action against Feld Hoyer's meat meat facery I can't wait for the day our Google accounts just get shut down we're not allowed to act as anything on the internet I should be doing this

on a burner email really but you should yeah do it on your triple jump email and then you have to explain to Adam why because we're served by Gmail as well so that would be pretty bad Felt Hoyers Group.de. Sorry, Feldhoyers. Your meat does look ghastly, though.

If it's legal for us to rename your business, it certainly shouldn't be legal for you to make ham that looks like that. How do they get different shades of ham? Like, is it different meats? This is what I want to know. Can we interview the man? I want to interview Mr. Feldhoyers. I think they just blend the entire thing

into a single meat paste, and then they probably add food colouring to different amounts and then they reconstitute it into a shape. I imagine that's how they do it. That sounds about right, but I want to think there's some meaty dark magic going on. Yeah, like extra-aged ham. I think they just grow the pig like that.

It's just one long tube and it's got that face as well. Like a stick of rock. It just looks like a clown at the front. Yeah, instead of a face. And then its asshole is the same as well, just at both ends. It's a clown face. All they do is cut off their legs. That is cursed.

Oh, that's awful. Oh, Jesus. Well, we need to move on from this because we could do this all night. Genuinely. Can you add that screenshot to the thread for people on Twitter? Again, if you're not familiar, we kick off every episode. on Twitter with a picture of our Lord and Saviard Dave Benson Phillips and then we reply to that image in a thread with various things that we talk about

and reference so go check out of that thread. I've been thinking we should what we should do and I'm not saying we will ever be asked to do this but is like make some sort of mass document with hyperlinks to each episode so people can go to the relevant threads. Well this is why we need a website as well so we can embed them Yeah. Per episode, but you know. And maybe even host the images ourselves before they go offline and stuff.

Who's got time, eh? Yeah, not me. I've got a thing. Thank you to the many people who sent this to me. I'd already sorted it myself as well, but lots of people knew that I would want to cover this. It's time, ladies and gentlemen. It was promised a few episodes ago.

The top 10 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe, 2021. Oh, trying to judge comedians without their delivery. Yep. So here I've got an article according to comedy.com.com. Oh, I trust them. It's going to be really funny then. And I'm going to read the 10 funniest jokes from the Edinburgh Fringe, 2021.

Just, you know, in however I choose to deliver them, I guess. And you guys will laugh. Okay. Can you present one in the style of? Dave Benson Phillips please. I don't know what that means but I want that. Okay, I'll do one at random as Dave Benson. I'll give you no warning. Okay.

Number one, I don't think these are in any particular order. Or this might be the best one, actually. I'll go from the bottom up because they're numbered one to ten. So I'll go from ten. Here we go. People say zoos are inhumane, but that's

because they're for animals. It's pronounced Zeus, actually. Zeus. That's from Samia Katz. Thank you for that. Good name. Good name. That was fine.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Number nine. I don't know what you call a small spillage from a pen, but I have an inkling. Okay. Right? Richard Palsford.

Thank you for that one. Samia Katz in at number eight as well. He's got two entries. I think Chewbacca is French, because he understands English, but refuses. uses to speak it. Is that a thing? I like, well, yeah, that's what French people do, I think. Number seven, from Will Mars.

More grandparents were married for 40 years, but everything took longer back then. Whoa, these aren't good, are they? They're not, are they? These are the 10 best jokes. Yeah, God, it's been a hard. Hardier for inspiration, but still. Very quick McPotty's update.

I have official confirmation that it is in review. Okay. Fantastic. This is the first of more than one joke about Caesarians in this top 10 list, which I believe. Dear. Big theme this year. Number six, from Ben Clover. Not Ben Dover, Ben Clover.

Ben says, Getting a Caesarian is dangerous in Russia If they open you up and find a little girl They open her up to see if there's another That one's all right Yeah A little nesting doll joke It is

It sounds like it's going in a really horrible direction And then it's like Oh no, it's just a Russian dolls gag And Yeah All right Best of the bunch so far Well done Ben

Thank you Leo Curse says Marvin Gay Used to keep a sheep in my vineyard. He'd heard it through the grapevine. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A bit of a groaner, but I still appreciate that one, Leo. Thank you. I'm trying to muster respond, like, any response to these that isn't just, yeah. This definitely seems the worst we've done ever. So this, for those who haven't been listening for a long time, I do this every year.

It always gets some kind of lackluster reaction. But this is the most cricket, filled one I think we've had thus far the Roman emperor's wife hates playing hide and seek

because wherever she goes Julius sees her oh Adele Cliff well done it's not bad it's not bad number three

from Tom Mayhew me and my ex were into role play I'd pretend to be James Bond and she'd pretend she still loves me Oh

I get it Boo Okay Number two This is top three material Oh god there's only two left My therapist told me A problem shared

Is a hundred quid That's all right I like that Yeah that's okay Yeah Iva Dembina That one was And number one is our other

Caesarian-related joke I thought the word Caesarian began with the letter S but when I looked it up in the dictionary it was in the C section Okay I don't like that one that was number one That was the funniest joke That's the funniest joke

Pack it up guys The Edinburgh Fringe is done That was from Masai Graham Good God Worst jokes Fringe I bet these are really good I bet the worst jokes are actually really funny

They were like one of the The other times we did it but I've just Googled it. I didn't even think to check it beforehand, but I can't find... It doesn't look like there's a 10 worst. No, there's not yet. There have been some worst jokes, articles,

but it's not there yet. So that's, I mean, you know, true to the astounding intro that we did about how, you know, this is the comedy podcast that makes you laugh. That's what you get from me this week. Just some really funny jokes. Thank you, Peter.

That you didn't laugh at. I feel so enriched. Yeah. I'm watching a video of them handing like a gold plate to the joke of the Edinburgh Fringe 2021. It's like it's an actual physical award they give out. I didn't know that. Oh, there you go. I'll keep trying.

Maybe one day you too. Take it back. He doesn't deserve it. Take it back. Oh, he looks very happy with it, though. I'm not going to take that away from him. Well, there you go. That's my thing.

That's your lot from me today. Thank you. that was truly, truly wonderful. I've got some questions here, some more questions. So here we go. What's the best, this is from Crisp at Level 1 Crisp on Twitter.

What's the best way to make friends, wrong answers only? Thank you, Crisp. Thank you, Crisp. Oh, goodness me, the best way to make friends. I think the best way to make friends is to go on to public transport on a quiet time of the day

so you know you're on the metro the carriage is nearly empty and you just look for you know perhaps a perhaps a guy just sitting by himself just go sit next to him just ask him how his day is

that's the best way to make friends I think strike up conversation yeah smell his hair smell his knees if he's got a little stain on his trousers from his lunch give you a lick your finger and get it off for him You saved some for me.

Thank you, friend. Oh, thank you, delicious. You can be sharing it. Maybe a healthy stalk of someone's social media page and then bringing up intimate details about their life that you shouldn't know. Oh, God. Yes.

Oh, man. Is this more fun than that time you went to Marbeyer in 2017? Yeah, I saw that you went to see such and such band at the O2 Academy in 2008. I love that band. I love that venue. Yeah. My usual go-to is.

just etching in public bathroom walls if you're looking for a good time and my number beneath it and yeah I've had lots of interesting people no one no one's no one's been friendship material yet but one day I'll get there okay oh I'm sorry to hear that

one of my greatest like actual real life instances of being like oh I'm a bit scared of you as a person was when we were looking for new flatmates a couple of years ago we interviewed one person who said you got any interest or anything you like and they just replied insects

what no verb just insects we just insects we just kind of stood around like okay we didn't bother expanding on that much sad to say they didn't get chosen for the room

but I know I've always really struggled with like people who try really really really hard and like really really want to be like seemingly they have almost an agenda to like i am going to be your friend and sometimes i've had a few times in my life where i've found that inherently incredibly irritating and i've been put in a very very difficult position by this person's overwhelming kindness and

friendliness where it's like a really what do i do because i feel like a dick because i don't i don't want i don't want to be your friend what do you do though what do you do in that situation. It's true. You just smile along for years and years. No, I don't have time for that Michael. I'm going to die one day. I don't have time for that shit. How do you deal with that? I don't know. It's difficult. Apart from making you feel uncomfortable and unwelcome and you feel horrible inside. Because they've done nothing wrong. All they've ever done is really nice things to you. And you just, it's just a little bit of unkindness will prevent far more unpleasantness down the line if that makes sense right like if you're not you're not a dick to them but if you're if

you're just sort of not very friendly to them that that initial nastiness is far preferable probably for both parties than almost lying to them by as you said mickey just smiling and you know just accepting their friendship unwitting unwillingly and then it potentially coming to an end horribly at some later point when you get so fast that you murder them. Stop being so nice. I don't want to be your friend. Stop it. I know I'm really cool.

There was an unfortunate thing that happened when I was in primary school. I was in year five and there was a lady who was she was just a lunchtime playground monitor. I think she was just, she lived in the village and she wasn't a quote unquote dinner lady. She would just come to the playground on a roter at lunchtime and would just be there,

I guess, because the teachers were having lunch and stuff. So she'd only be there for like an hour a day. And one day, she just came over to me and a couple of my friends who were just in the playground. And rather awkwardly, she said that her son, they'd just moved into the village. I think she'd been living nearby, but now they'd moved house into the actual village.

And she said, her son wanted to, make some new friends in the village and would we be his friends basically and we didn't know who this boy was and you know we didn't want to be unkind and say no so we were like oh yeah yeah we'll uh sure we'll will uh hang out with him roughly how old were you at this point uh 23 yeah year five so what is that like nine or 10 okay so that's like old enough way you've can you've established you're friends and you've got your people you're like it's not like if you're a five-year-old and you're just thrown in a room with an child, you'll get on, probably.

Yeah. It's slightly different. I feel for the guy that, you know, he'd just moved into a new place and didn't have friends in the village and wanted to make new friends. But it's just a bit strict. Like, he could have just potentially made friends organically. Like, there was a park in that village that loads of the kids used to go to. And I kind of feel like if he just sort of turned up there and just, you know, if people

have been playing football or whatever and if he just said, you know, can I play? people would have welcomed him in but because his mom came and said will you be my son's friend I think he then had that in the back of his mind all the time after that and so we didn't hang out with him that often but when we did

he always just seemed to have a bit of a guilt about him or a discomfort because he just thought my mom set me up with you I think he was he might have even asked her to do that I think he was just embarrassed about it so that's definitely a wrong answer to that question.

Best way to make friends. Don't let your mom approach kids from another school. Yeah. It defends, though. Invite them over and you've got like party sausages and cake. You're all right, yeah? Yeah. This is fine.

I'll use you for your parents' food. I think everyone's been in that situation though. Billy Bearham. Oh, big table just of nothing but Billy Bearham. Everyone's been through that. I think that awkward. Time to be friends. That's one of the things I do relish about being a grown-up, so to speak,

is that you can always, you always have excuses, always, you know? And usually most people get the hint that if you just say no enough times, that they just stop asking you to do stuff, right? Yeah. And that's kind of a godsend. My favourite excuse I've heard to someone getting out of like after work pints was like, oh, sorry, it's been day tomorrow. I can't do today

I would respect that so much Yeah That's fantastic We just got looks Yeah we're just stunned look And I'm not going to push on that I'm not going to I don't want to know how in depth

Your bin routine is Even if it exists He could have been telling the truth And he's just Just a bin fetishist Just an avid sort of recycling Sorry, it's insect day tomorrow To go home and prepare

I think you mean insect day That's what I said Did you? Yeah He said Inset Day No So I was going to make a joke about that Oh fucking hell

Discord Jesus Who's got a thing No just let the stink hang Let the stink hang Okay Hang on Let's go back to that

For a minute I thought you said Inset Day I was gonna make a joke about it Do you want to just kind of cover the stink With the thing Yes I've got a better idea

than a thing. What? Yeah. How about an ad break? Oh, that's a good idea. Ooh! Support for Poddiots is brought to you by Manscaped. Who is the best in men's below-the-waist grooming,

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free worldwide shipping. Your balls will thank you. I've got a thing. Yeah? Yeah. Did you hear about the British Airways pilot who was dangling out of the plane? No. What? Okay, I'm hoping this is a story neither of you are aware of, but we'll see.

Here we go. It's a write-up from admiral cloudberg.m.medium.com. All right, okay. Who the hell is he? On the 10th of June 1990, a mid-air drama unfolded in the skies over England And after an explosive decompression rocked British Airways Flight 5390. As the plane climbed towards cruising altitude on a flight to Malaga, the cockpit windscreen suddenly blew out,

sucking the captain partially out of the plane. While the flight attendants held onto his legs for dear life, the sole remaining pilot lined up for a harrowing emergency landing in Southampton, working alone under enormous pressure to save the lives of his 81 passengers. Jesus! Jesus wept! Dun, dun, dun, have you heard about this? No, I think I've, no, I'm aware of some British air disasters

because, relatively speaking, they don't happen very often in the UK, but I'm not heard of this one, I don't think. Well, good, this is slightly before our time in 1990, ever so slightly before our time, but it sort of did the rounds again last year because some photos were shared from a recreation, sort of doc hue series. And people are like, oh my God, is that real?

It's not. The photos aren't real. No one was snapping photos of it. Yes, from like 20 feet above, yeah. Taken by the pilot as he flew out. His phone was found six days later in Scotland. Nobody died, just to be clear, so you can make jokes. It's all fine.

Yeah, I should probably should check that. Yeah, everybody was fine. Nobody fell off a mountain. We're all okay. I've done my due diligence on this one. The unbelievable story of Flight 5390 began a couple of days before the flight in a British Airways Maintenance Facility in Birmingham at 3 a.m. in the morning. Thank you. One of the planes in for service that night was a British Aerospace BAC Triple One, pictured below.

It's a plane. I'm not going to send you a picture. That's a good plan. Among the items on the long list of work orders for this aircraft was a new captain's side windscreen. The shift maintenance manager who was responsible for overseeing and inspecting all the work done on the aircraft decided that he would replace the windscreen himself. He hadn't replaced a windscreen in several years, but he figured he knew how to do it well enough and never looked up the procedure in the BAC Triple One Maintenance Manual. Oh, Jesus Christ.

The shift manager used a lift to reach the cockpit and began removing the bolts securing the captain's side windscreen. Noticing that many of them showed signs of corrosion, he decided that he would need to replace the bolts as well as the windscreen. windscreen. After removing all 90 bolts, he correctly identified them as type 8211 slash 7d. Of course. However, if he had read the manual, he actually would have known that the windscreen was normally secured with the similar type A218b bolts, which had the same diameter but were about a quarter of a centimetre long. Whoever replaced the windscreen last time had used the wrong kind. Oh. The shift manager then went to the on-site storeroom to find more A217d bolts. The store supervisor commented that they normally use actually A218D bolts on BAC

triple one windscreens, but the shift manager apparently disregarded this. However, when he found the correct container, he discovered that there were only four bolts inside, far less than the required minimum stock of 50. If he wanted A217d bolts, it'd have to look elsewhere. Scroll down. So we took them off a different window and used them on the left side. That's it. In search of a match for the bolts, the shift manager went to a self-service parts carousel in another part of the facility. But the labels on the containers were badly worn. The light was dim and he didn't have his glasses.

Oh, for God's sake. How many things have gone wrong here? He figured he could find some 8 to 1170 bolts by visually comparing them with the old ones. Until he found the match. After searching for some minutes, he found what he thought was the right kind of bolt and took 84 of them, keeping six of the originals that were in decent condition. Unfortunately, the shift manager's eye was not as good as he thought it was. The bolts he grabbed were actually 8-211-8C bolts, which were the correct length but

were 0.066 centimeters too narrow, which is pretty close to be fair. Without realizing his mistake, he took these bolts back to the plane and again installing them on the captain's side's windshield screen. thank you website the thread spacing was the same as the correct bolts so they fit into the holes although the bolts occasionally slipped

he was working at an awkward angle from which he couldn't distinguish this slipping from the normal slipping of the clutch of the electric screwdriver do you want to see a side by side of the bolts this is now now we're really getting to the cool stuff here you go

here's a side by side of those sexy bolts wow they look the same yeah they do They're bolts. After screwing in all 90 bolts, he climbed back down and called it a day. He didn't notice that the new bolts descended too far into the holes,

exactly the sort of thing that a second set of eyes might have noticed. But as the shift manager, he normally was that second set of eyes. Oh, God. Nor did anyone else need to inspect the work, because the windscreen was not considered a vital point that needed additional oversight. The shift manager went home later that morning, and the next shift was left none the wiser. The following day, the shift manager had one last chance to realise his mistake

when he witnessed another mechanic replace a different windscreen using A218D bolts. But still believing he had put in A211-7D bolts, he assumed this was just the natural variance between different BAC triple-11s, triple-1s made it different times. After all, the bolts he took off had held the windscreen in place for four years, still unaware of his potentially catastrophic error, he took no action. and the BAC Triple One was returned to service for its next journey, Flight 5390 from Birmingham to Malaga, Spain. The pilot was two days from retirement and had a...

We'll find out. Had his fiancé waiting at home. Oh, no. 81 passengers and six crew boarded the flight on the morning of the 10th of June 1990, including the two captains, the two pilots, Captain Tim Lancaster, Lancaster, that's how you would say it, Peter. Tim Lancaster and the first officer

Alistair Atchison As flight 5390 climbed out of Birmingham At first all was normal Approaching 17,000 feet The flight attendants began drink service The pilots undid their seatbelt And ordered breakfast It would never arrive

It's not good Moments later as the plane climbed Through 17,300 feet The pressure differential between the cockpit And the outside air grew to the point that the improperly installed captain's side windscreen could no longer hold. The air pressure blasted the captain's windscreen, bolt and all, bolts and all, straight off the plane and out into space.

An explosive decompression immediately rocked the plane. It doesn't say that. What's that? And out into space. Hang on. Hang on. The air pressure blasted the captain's windscreen, bolts and all straight off the plane and out into space. How high was his plane going?

It's gone into the cosmos. They're still up there. Maybe. Still going. Um, an explosive decompression immediately rocked the plane, the violent pressure equalization ripping away every loose object and sending the debris hurtling into the cockpit. The decompression sucked Captain Lancaster upward and outward,

pulling him halfway out of the cockpit before his feet became entangled in the control column. The explosion also ripped the cockpit door off its hinges, and slammed it forwards into the centre console blocking the throttle levers. Oh, Jesus. It's all going wrong. With Captain Lancaster's feat pushing against the yoke, the autopilot disconnected, and the plane pitched down into a dive.

Oh, my God. Within seconds of the explosion, flight attendant Nigel Ogden caught sight of the situation in the cockpit and ran to Atchison's aid. He rushed in and grabbed back to Lancaster's weight. Sorry, he caught sight of this catastrophe. That was unfolding right next to him. He somehow noticed that.

it, grabbed Captain Lancaster's waist just in time to stop him going all the way out, holding on for dear life as the air continued to rush out of the plane. Moments later, the pressure equalised and the wind came roaring back in the other way, pinning Captain Lancaster backwards across the top of the fuselage

and creating a tornado of loose debris inside the cockpit. The plane was rapidly losing altitude and Atchison couldn't reach the throttle levers. He frantically issued a Mayday call, but over the sound of the wind, he couldn't tell if the controllers heard him. As Flight 539 plunged out of control through some of the busiest airspace in Britain,

two more flight attendants, Simon Rogers and John Heward, fought their way into the cockpit. Heward stamped on the cockpit door, breaking it in half and freeing the throttles. Then stepped in alongside Ogden and grasped Captain Lancaster's legs. By now Ogden was suffering from frostbite, and his arms felt as though they would pop out of their sockets, according to this author. Unable to hold on any longer, he stepped back and let Rogers and Hugh. would take over the two men untangled Lancaster's legs from the control column and placed them over the back of the captain's chair, holding him more firmly in place and helping Atchison

recover control of the plane. Still making desperate Mayday calls, he continued the descent in a more controlled manner in order to reach breathable air and steer clear of other planes. Would you like a photo from the recreation? Yes, please. The dramatic scenes unfolding inside the aircraft. That's apparently what was going on. Oh, look at that. A bit much, isn't it? He's just dangling outside, isn't he? Discord, don't let me down.

Oh, there it's. Oh, wow. Oh, wow! That's a good reconstruction. He's doing a blast. They can feel the stress. Upon reaching a lower altitude, Atchison started to slow down and level out. As he did so, Captain Lancaster's body slid down around the left side of the cockpit,

leaving his bloodied and battered face plastered against the window. Roger sat in the jump seat still holding onto his legs, but one look through the window at Lancaster told him he was probably already gone. His eyes were wide open, totally unblinking, and his skin was going grey. Someone suggested that they let go of his body. Ogden shot down the suggestion on principle, and Atchison agreed, pointing out that his body could strike the wings or the engines damaging the plane. Yeah, that's the only reason. Yeah, probably. They want to crash the plane. Yeah.

And so they continued to hold on for dear life. Ogden left the cockpit to recover from his encounter with the freezing 560 kilometre per hour winds and sat down with flight attendant Sue Prince, who had been tending to the terrified passengers. I think the captain's dead, he told her, which is always good to hear. With the plane slowed to a reasonable speed, the wind noise reduced enough for First Officer Atchison to talk to air traffic control. The controller suggested an emergency landing in Southampton, the closest available airport.

This put Atchison in a tough position. He wasn't familiar with Southampton. He was flying a two-pilot jet by himself, in an emergency, and all his charts and checklists had been sucked out of the plane. Oh, gosh. Oh, no. It says that he requested to land at Gatwick instead, but quickly settled on Southampton,

a decision he felt compelled to make by the severity of the situation. Relying on the guidance of the controller with no charts and no captain to help him, Alistair Atchison guided Flight 5390 down to a safe and controlled landing at Southampton, much to the relief of the passengers whose lives had flashed before their eyes only minutes earlier. All 81 passengers disembarked without a single injury while ambulances rushed to the aid of the beleaguered crew. Paramedics found Ogden, Rogers, Heward and Atchison

suffering from minor injuries ranging from frostbite to shock to a dislocated shoulder. There was little hope for Captain Lancaster who had been pinned to the outside of a plane amid 600 kilometre per hour winds and temperatures as low as minus 17 degrees. that's got to be like getting smacked in the face repeatedly, winds like that, jeez.

But as paramedics removed his body from the plane, he started to show signs of life. Within a few minutes, he had opened his eyes, regained consciousness, and appeared to be recovering. Reportedly, the first thing he said after coming round was, I want to eat. Which I do relate to. Someone ordered me a McPoddy is.

No emails from Google yet, by the way. In what can only be considered a medical miracle, Tim Lancaster suffered little more than frostbite, bruising, and a few relatively minor bone fractures. After being released from the hospital and taking time to recuperate from his ordeal, Captain Lancaster returned to flying jets for British airways only five months after the accident. Wow. That's the one situation where I would forgive the entire plane clapping when the plane took us down on the runway. He did it. That probably deserves a bit of applause i think um this is an actual photo of the outside of the plane after they landed there

is we won't tweet this one out oh wow okay you can see some blood blood yeah from the captain serious serious shiz was there yeah how is the window at the very front of the plane not considered like a key element of the plane i've no idea it's absolutely mad i mean i'm sure it is now i think this probably has changed a lot of things for the aviation industry but Jesus, I can't believe anyone got on the plane before the 90s. It might be that the issue that was listed, like, oh, the bolts need replace, or the pain needs replacing. Maybe it was just a routine replacement, like at that point.

Like, if it wasn't replaced immediately, it doesn't matter as long as it's replaced within the next six months kind of thing. So maybe that's why it's not considered. I think in that sense it means it wasn't considered, like, important rather than no one needs to check that the right bolts have gone in on this new pain but yeah i bet they've changed all sorts of like checking and double checking other people's work and stuff like that it goes in some more detail at the end about um what what could have gone wrong and why it went wrong but um yeah sounds like everything went wrong that could have went wrong every little mistake oh geez

there weren't enough bolts the wrong ones had gone in the first place It was dark in the storeroom and the man didn't have his glasses. That's the most penis thing. Jesus. So there's the photo that was doing the rounds if someone wants to add that to the thread. But there he is dangling out of the frame. And people were asking if that was real. Yeah, people thought that might have been real. It doesn't even, he looks 2D.

I don't think he actually is. They probably did it with like a dummy or a person. But it doesn't even look like an actual real photo of anything. It just happened to be a paparazzi plane flying right next to the entire journey. Oh dear. There we go. That's my thing. Wow.

Thank you very much, Ben. Wow. Thank you very much indeed. Spooky plane adventure. Absolutely incredible. Yeah. Well, it's time for a question. Gentlemen, I'm going to ask you, where is it?

One moment, please. This is from Heron. at Book Salamander on Twitter who says It's bedtime but you can't sleep What embarrassing memory is keeping you up? Oh no I mean all of my answers

For the previous one about friends Oh Right yeah Oh man I've got a recent thing That was bothering me It's definitely not my most embarrassing memory, but it's just the most recent one, is that one of Amy's friends came over

not a few weeks ago. And one night, we'd opened a bottle of wine, and we're all sitting there, like, slightly inebriated. And we're having, like, a bit of a philosophical conversation about, oh, no, that's it. It wasn't that philosophical. She'd asked, Amy's friend had asked, what three languages would you learn if you could just learn them overnight? Like, if you wake up in the morning and you're fluent in three foreign languages, what would you do? choose. So we were just talking about like, oh, you know, maybe Japanese because it's somewhere I want to go or, you know, Spanish because it's spoken in loads of countries, things like that.

And then we got onto which languages sound nice versus which ones don't sound as nice to the British ear potentially. I guess it varies nation to nation. And I was talking about Mediterranean languages. and I referred to them as the romantic languages and then one minute later Amy's friend who's very clever was like yeah yeah I totally agree with what you're saying Peter

yeah that's the thing about the romance languages and I went oh no in my head I was like oh I just called them the romantic languages oh that's close enough and now she thinks But that's what she was thinking that noise, Mikey. Oh, didn't he do great? Clothesly.

Oh, he knows that it's sort of vaguely rom something, the rom-com languages. How's your video game job going by? No, she's not like that at all. I hasten to add. But, you know, I just, I went to bed that night thinking. She made a point of correcting you, though. Yeah. I don't think she was.

I don't think she was. I don't think she was correcting me as such, but she was just, she was genuinely just agreeing, but I... I could have called them like the sexy languages or something. I could, yeah. Yeah, it's,

it means like the ones that are derived from Roman, like they're the romance languages. Um, it's not even to do with the word romance or romantic in that sense. It's just where they're derived from, I think, but that's where I got the confusion from though is because romance also means the sexy love languages so i said romantic and i was like oh no so you know that's that doesn't

still keep me up but it's the most recent one that did i think i'm trying to think of one of the worst ones bit cringy yeah i think i'm i'm i'm i'm well i wouldn't say i'm predisposed to it it's because of my own actions but i'm very much um one of those people who gets post night out drinking anxiety you know like the the theater i think it's called where you wake up the next saying like, oh, God, what did I do? What did I do? I know I've done something wrong. I can't remember it.

Yeah. At my brother's wedding, it was a very nice affair, like a grand British country manner. It was all very posh and very nice and all of like the lady, not my brother's side, not our side of the family, but the other family. All very, you know, well to do, quite middle class. A lovely bunch of people. And me being, me, decided to have quite a lot to drink on the night.

It was all going fine, playing with the dogs, playing massive. anger with people. I was like, great, I'm having fun. And then, obviously, my memory conged out at some point, and I walk up the next day in bed. Like, all right, cool. I made it through. And we go downstairs to get breakfast and just, like, several people turned to me and say, oh, you were quite drunk and I last night, weren't you? And I was in she like, oh, God, what have I done? What have I done? I know I was, but I can't remember what I did. I think I was doing all right, but I was like starting to stumble a little bit after playing Jenga. So I was like, all right, Michael, let's get you to bed. But before we went to bed, like, I was.

there was these two handles on the wall God knows what they did but it was just kind of like a circular handle that you can rotate and it does something. We thought, oh, it'll be fun. Let's have a go of these before we go to bed. I put my hand on it, twist and it just comes off the wall completely.

Breaks. And everyone's like, right, Michael, time for you to get a bed, go to bed. I don't remember a happening, so I was pretty unaware until the memory is forced upon me at breakfast time. And I think that kept me away for a couple of days. It's like, oh God, around all this nice new family. I'm the drunk one who played Big Jenga and broke a handle off the wall and had to be

hurried off to bed. Well, if it isn't Big Jenga himself. Big Jenga Johnson. Here he is. Yeah, I think I just need to stop being such an idiot when I'm drinking, but never. Never. Well, we wouldn't have videos of you lap dancing on Dave. Oh, God, that's another one that's kept me up. Jesus Christ, Michael. Get it together. Yeah. Most of the things that. keep me up at night are just traumatic social experiences that I'd rather not get into. Yeah, I mean, I've thought of a few that I just don't want to actually say out loud.

Yeah, I've got one that I can say after. But I definitely have like a few just little encounters with people where I've said maybe something a bit stupid or misinterpreted what they've said. And I'm like, oh, leave that interaction feeling like a weird person. But yeah, it's nearly always social stuff. Yeah. Like awkward moments or, you know. I like to think of the person's completely forgotten about it, but I'm here and I'm stuck thinking about it.

Happened to me recently, actually, but I ended up setting a reminder on my phone to just email this person again because I feel like there were, I was really worried that there were some crossed wires and maybe I'd come across as a bit too curt in an email. Yeah. And I was really worrying like, oh no, that person didn't reply to that email after I sent that. and now I'm worried and I know I'm overthinking it probably but I then did send it it did keep me up

and I did set a reminder on my phone the next day to email them and just say hey just want to like I'm probably overthinking this but just want to say like I'm sorry if that came across as a bit Kurt you know how emails are didn't mean it like that anyway there we go and it was fine but yeah hadn't even crossed

that person's mind apparently so yeah yeah that's so often the way it's usually all in your own head yeah well like in my case I definitely think that no one was actually saying, Peter, you got that word wrong. But I just realized, oh, that's not the word I just said. I said a similar word that was wrong, you know,

and everyone was laughing at me, but they weren't. But I've thought of one where some people did laugh at me because they knew why it was funny. And others didn't, because it was at a certain age where some of us were privy to certain things in life and others weren't. So I was, I don't know, 11. or 12 or something like that.

And there was this girl in our group who was talking about horoscopes and I didn't really know much about them. I knew my own star sign, but, you know, I've never really gone in for like Zodiac stuff. But so I didn't know what like different signs were supposed to be.

You know, people say like, oh, I'm a typical Gemini me, typical Gemini. An asparagus, what can I say? Exactly, yeah. So this girl was just talking. about what all of our signs were and what that ought to mean about our personalities.

And one of us was a Taurus and she was saying, oh yeah, well, and he's a Taurus and that's the bull. And, you know, she said, like, and you can probably guess what kind of associations there are with the bull. And I said,

oh, you know, that sort of makes sense that, like, I suppose that he would be the bull because, and then I was trying to think of the right word. And, you know, I was at an age where my lexicon wasn't quite there. And you know when you just sort of make up a word just because you know everyone else will get the gist of what you're saying. Like you might just say, oh, that's a bit, oh, that's a bit potty-ish.

Or like, oh, that's very, you know, I can't even think of an example. But you just sort of make up the right idea. And I wanted to say that this guy was, I don't know, that he stands his ground or he'll like charge in headfirst and I said yeah it's interesting that he's he's the bull sign because he's he's kind of you know he's quite horny isn't he and like half the group laughed at me and the other half didn't because they didn't know that word like I say we're about 11 or something and then it was sort of explained to me what I just said and I was like oh oh well that's not what I meant I just meant that he you know he goes in he goes in all

all guns blazing and he yeah oh that's embarrassing and that definitely kept me awake for many nights after that just thinking oh i said the sexy word and i'm only a child a child they laughed at me a child a child oh dear oh i wouldn't know how to feel if i was that child but it got called horny yes yeah oh dear he was one of the ones who didn't know the word fortunately so that wasn't so he just heard everyone laughing he's like what what would you he probably understood what I was trying to say he was like oh yeah I suppose I am

I'm pretty horny you're right yeah that's me if only no one had laughed he could have gone home to his parents that night and said my horny I'm a tourist and they say that means I'm horny I think they could be right yeah

um mighty I could you give us a thing please I'd love to get your thing. Pop your thing further closer. Oh, it's coming. Oh, Jesus Christ, that didn't sound good. Ouch.

I have in front of me a list, a list of things, and it's time to make them fight. Because it's been... Yeah, I thought it was time we had a tournament. I was thinking that on the way home today. It was time for a tournament. We're overdue. I'm quite excited for this one,

because it's close to my heart. Today, we're going to be making 16. Great British Dishes fight to find the ultimate champion of British cuisine. Hell, yeah. I'm looking, this list is things we should all be at least be relatively familiar with, I think. And I'll explain as we go along for the non-UK viewers, because some of these are quite frankly ridiculous meals to anyone who wasn't born on these aisles. I shouldn't even be allowed to listen as far as I'm concerned.

Yes, you don't know these. Switch off. We voted to leave. the world. Leave us on our island with our brown food, please. Leave us on our grey, sad rock. Yeah. Right.

But please keep sending your Billy Bear Hand. Yes. Yes, please. Or we'll continue to commit acts of Google terrorism. We'll change your business to a muckpotty at St, don't you dare? Oh, I have a feeling. I have a feeling it's not going to work, but we'll see. I hope so

I'm going to keep checking in on my McDonald's and see if it gets updated but for now are you ready for the first fight and I think this is an interesting one at least a good proper full English breakfast so full English breakfast

is like the ultimate dream breakfast consists of like toast mushrooms tomato bacon sausages black pudding mushrooms all sorts of things it's like it's a big lot of things for a breakfast and it's a thing of beauty Egg of your choosing. Eggs, of course, as well.

So, uh, full English versus a chicken teakin masala, which I am claiming is a British dish because I think it is like the national dish of England even though it's got into origin. Yeah, it's a thing, isn't it? That like curry is one of our national dishes now. A number of them were, a number of those dishes were invented in the UK. I'm not sure if this isala was specifically,

but certainly some of them have been. Yeah. Yeah. That's really tough because a masala's great. Massala is good. And the thing is as well, as much as I really appreciate, you know, on the right day where you need something to pep you up in the morning, a bit of bacon, sausage, egg, toast, that'll really get me going.

It's holidays. But, yeah, holidays, early drives, going to the airport and stuff, which I may never do after today's episode. That's fine. But there's a whole load of stuff in a quote-unquote full English breakfast That I would always ask for it without I would say I don't want any mushroom tomato I won't even have the beans thanks I'm fine

I don't mind black mad I don't mind black pudding but I wouldn't sort of miss it if it wasn't there For black pudding for people who don't know what that is Black pudding is cooked pig's blood Yeah yeah pretty much Yeah that's it Leave us on our rock It's delicious, though.

And even like hash browns. I mean, I don't, again, I don't dislike them, but if they weren't on the menu, I wouldn't mind. One of the best hearts. I just think it's a bit strange having potato for breakfast. It just seems a bit odd. A bit strange for breakfast. Yeah. Yeah, well, I know, that's true.

I'm erring on the side of a full English because I think in the pantheon of curries, we can do better than a chicken teeka, and I think I'd much rather have a full English. Like more stairs. Yeah, that's the thing. Even though I'd get rid of half of the ingredients, I'd still rather have a full English more often than just the odd Tika masala. It's the beauty of a full English. You can customize it to your liking. Yeah.

It's an everyman's dish. So are you going for Ticca Massela, Peter? No, no, I'm going for full English because I'd have that more often. I'm definitely also going for full English here. Yeah. Nice, nice, nice. I think we have a strong contender for winner already. Next up is Tordon the Hall.

Which is... Toad? Yeah, Todd just put in a hole and you pour some gravy in the hall and then... You know wind in the willows? Hmm. It's that, but edible.

It's that. Yeah. Toad in the hall is... It's a mass of Yorkshire pudding with sausages embedded within the pudding itself. What's a Yorkshire pudding? Yeah, for those who don't know what Yorkshire pudding is. I do you describe Yorkshire pudding?

It's just batter mix, but in like a deep pan. Yeah. Like little battered. Cupcakes, I guess, but not cupcakes. You have it with meat. You have it with a Sunday lunch. Oh, it's good. They kind of nothing on the room, but use them as like vehicles for gravy,

and that's where they shine. So Tordon the Hall versus good old Bog Standard beans on toast. It's not even a competition, this one. Oh, really? Are you not a... I mean, I agree, because I don't even like beans, but I was well expecting you two to say beans on toast. I don't dislike beans, but I always have associated it with my childhood as the disappointing tea.

Right. Whereas I, oh, what's for dinner? Beans on toast? Oh, okay. Oh, I wanted to turn in the hole. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I guess. You're right, but I just fucking love beans on toast.

Fucking love beans, me. I'm a big beanie boy, and I don't know, it's a simple meal, which is really satisfying. You can spice it up a little bit if you want to. I thought he can have as straight as. A bit of cheese. Cheese. I, although I know that I think, if you did a poll, I think beans on toast would win. But because I don't like it, I'm also going to go with Toad in the Hole, which if made right is very good.

If made wrong, is actually really bad. And can just be, you can have like, an oily bottom. Soggy, it's all. Yeah, it can be really actually quite horrible. But a good Toad in the Hole is actually very nice. Okay, okay. I'm not too upset about that. I love beans, but at full in the hall gets my respect as well. Shepherds pie, which is, oh, it's like beef mince in a gravy with some vegetables topped with like a layer of mashed potato. Usually made like a casserole dish or something. Very nice. And fish and chips.

Oh, man, I love Shepard's Pie, but fish and chips, though. Yeah. I don't love Shepard's Pie personally. I think it's good. but fish and chips it's just got to be so bad for you you feel so bad with every mouthful like what am I consuming

how can a food be this golden yeah yeah it's oh you just look at it like I've consumed like a kilogram of nothing but potatoes and you just feel like they battered the batter before they even put it around the fish

somehow I've still got that super high res close up photo of fish and chips if it's safe A few, wow. I've got to saved on my PC for like four years now, maybe longer. That's like, goes back to what culture? We used to just send each other the fish and chips image. You can zoom in on it and it's like, oh, man, look at that.

That looks delicious. You can see little tiny salt crystals on it. Yeah, it's so shiny. It's just this giant like 10,000 by 10,000. It's ridiculous. The fish and chip photo. I'll send it to you tomorrow, Peter, if I remember. I'm going to check Google for it now so we can go on the thread, but please do send

it tomorrow to send Peter the fish and chip photo. We'll put it on the thread tomorrow. It's got to be fish and chips. That's my vote. Fish and chips? That's what I'm going for as well. Yeah, that's fair.

I agree fully. Shepherds pie is nice, but fishing chips is like so interlinked with happy memories and it's just a pleasant dish. You usually had on pleasant days, like a bank holiday or a sunny evening. Go on, get the chip. Get your lots of fishing chips.

Go on, get your chips and doom you. It's a threat ready bit. Bring back the Change. Change. Change. Right, next, these next two are kind of rehashes of ingredients we've already seen, but I think that's going to be recurring theme after this,

because we're not very adventurous with our ingredients. But a bacon sandwich versus bangers and mash, which is sausages and mashed potato. I'm going with bacon sandwich because I find, again, as much as I always loved my dad's cooking growing up, he would make sausages and mashed potato and there would always be a huge sausage deficit and you would end up with just a mountain of mashed potato

when really you're there for the you're there for the sausages yeah yeah got to get your ratios right can't have all slop no no meat products yeah i agree i think bacon sandwich yeah well i'm i'm going to say a bit of bangers and mash myself i'm a big mashed potato man but i guess we've loved lost today to the humble vegan sandwich. Yeah, you've gone against mine and Ben's votes a couple of times now, Mikey.

That's what's your game, Johnson? Big Jenga, as we will call you from now on. What's your game, Big Jenga? Handel boy. Get back to my room and have my shepherds, not Shepherds pie, fish and chips and bang is a mash. I can confirm that the fish and chips image is not obviously on Google images, even when you saw it by large images.

There are loads and loads and loads of giant pictures of fish and chips, but nothing like the fish and chips photo. Not the image. Too powerful for the internet. Scrubbed. Yeah. We are halfway through the first round. We continue with Sunday roast.

Again, much like the full English, this is quite an interchangeable meal. You can't do with it what you want. But the main constituent part is roast vegetables, some potatoes, some meat. It's lovely, lovely. Like maybe some roasted carrots and some parsnips. Gravy. Yeah.

A lot of gravy. I absolutely slathered it, onion gravy. Perhaps a Yorkshire pudding or two. Big pudd. Oh, yes. Big bit of pudd put on the side of that plate. That versus, I'm going to start this one off with a fact, which I found, which I don't think is true. But I don't have any information to denounce it.

By the age of 16, the average British child will have eaten this dish 4,160 times. Do you want to guess what that dish is? And it's not a roast dinner. Garlic and chips. Garlic and chips. I hope that's number 16. Oh man, I would have thought it would be one of the others that we've had. Spaghetti Bolognese.

Nope. Oh, damn. Pizza. It's fish fingers, chips and beans. Oh, no, I was going to say fish fingers. I was thinking that. Really? The bag ball is a go-to.

It's a go-to. Yeah, it's like a nice easy, chuck it all in a thing and... I don't know why I said pizza. This is British food. Pizza? Pizza. Show us your pizza.

Which, I mean, I can understand because it's an easy-cooked meal and it's quite satisfying. So, like, if your parents are like, I can't bother to make actual food, let's just have a plate of brown. Places of brown.

So Sunday roast versus the, the under 16's favourite of fish fingers, chips and beans. For me, it's got to be Sunday roast. Partly because I just love the roast. And also because I would say the king or queen of all meals, well, that's actually a strong statement. But certainly one of the best meal events of the year for me,

and some people hate it, is Christmas dinner. And that's just a giant roast. Yeah. How can you hate Christmas dinner? What's wrong with you? I know. People get really pissed off with Christmas dinner and like... Imagine being cross at a dinner.

Oh, you? Oh, it's too much bloody stuffing. Oh, could you? It can't not be... I love Fish Fingers, but it can't not be roast dinner. It's a different calibre, isn't it? Like, Fish Fingers, Chips and Beans. It's like, it's a comfort food, but it's not good.

Roast dinner is the meal. Like, it is the meal. It's the family meal. you can have proper food and proper gravy. We used to have Sunday roast every single week when I was growing up and we all sat around the table and ate it which we did most of most days for the rest of the week as well but sometimes like on weekdays

me and my siblings would eat something earlier in the day when we got home from school and my parents would eat separately later in the evening but Sunday we all like just sat down as a family together and ate a roast dinner and actually spoke to each other in this household we drink from the hose pipe and we come home when the lights go on and we carry 50 peas in our assholes we do yeah that was the thing that my parents tried in vain to do at various times as well there's always at least one meal a week where we all sit at the table together and that's yeah roasted dindins it's a it's an institution

so I'm glad it made it through now we're getting into the last few where you're tell I ran out of dishes to make up this list, so it's all a little bit more strange. He's garlic and chips in there. No, it's not, sadly. Just because it would be a ringer, it would win the whole thing. It's only two quid. Unless you get the extra 50s and it's two pound 50s.

250 for a big meal. You just go to the Austin household and you got your 50. Yeah. That's why we carry the 50p withers at all times up the bar. Just in case you fancy an extra 50 worth of garlic. Take it from the 50 jar. Not that one. Afternoon tea.

Okay. So usually consisting of, you know, tea, the drink, little cakes, little sandwich fingers, all very small and quaint and posh. Delic. Versus a good old sausage rule. Yeah, that's a meal. Sausage roll, I can't say that I've ever had afternoon tea. Really? It's fine. It's mainly made for the facade of it. looking like, oh, look at me, I'm fancy.

You could have gone for a cream tea. See, yeah, I was just about to say that. I would much rather have a cream tea, a scorn with jam and clotted cream and a cup of tea than faff around with like cucumber sandwiches. What the hell is going on there? Are we still rationing? Is it a fifth?

Oh, I didn't know cream tea had a name. That does look good, but it's not on the list. It's not on the list, so it doesn't exist. It's a close runner-up, though. I'm going to preemptively get in here and just. say for the final question. I want people to reply or tweet us and just list all of the famous British dishes that weren't included steak and chips. I try to do my research. I always seem to forget big things. Mikey, you've done an incredible job. I'm not saying I could

do better, but I'm certain that there'll be more that we haven't thought of. And I would like them to be made known to me as much. And don't say a jelly deal or anything. No one actually Come on, I was eating cockles out of the back of a van. Are we going sausage roll then for that one? I agree. Yeah, good. Good, good. Entering the dessert reign of things now.

Okay. Really running out of things. Apple crumble versus sticky toffee pud pud. Oh, apple crumble for this boy. Oh, I like a stiffy to-stiff. Oh, a stiffy toffy. Oh, I'm all right, horny. A bit horny over here.

I do like a stiffy toffee pudd put me. Yeah, I bet you do. Yeah. I mean, or sticky. Whatever you're, stiffy or sticky, I'll take anything. Spotted dick, can you feel about that one? Yeah. There you go, hey.

I'm going to err towards the apple crumble side of things. Fair enough. It's a good, it's a good dessert, to be fair. Yeah. I mean, they're both heavy puds, but sticky toffee pudding in particular can be quite dense and, like, oh, leave you feeling quite worn out after eating it. large puff. Apple Crumble,

congratulations. Right, this is the last two. And what a final two it is, trifle. Is that prettyish? That feels French now looking at it. Triple with like, you know, you soaked the sandwich fingers.

Sponged fingers, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's, I forgot about that. I always thought there's one bit that I really didn't like. It was always the spongy little lady fingers. Lady fingers, that's what they called. Lady fingers. I like them on their own. They're really nice.

When you're making a trifle, like we had to make one at school in food tech. And we just ate a load of those fingers, really. Wow, I didn't realize they came like, wow, unsoggy. It's just sponge cake. Yeah, unsoggy, they're really nice. It's just like a stick of sponge. It's really good. Oh, nice.

To describe an English trifle to the viewers at home, it's like a layered dessert built up from jelly with little bits of cake and fruits in it with a layer of. thick custard, a layer of thick cream and topped usually with strawberries. Oh, it's usually served in like a giant dish as well. Jelly being gelatin, the wobbly thing, not jam. That's what we call jelly. What do Americans call jelly? Gelton, I think.

Jellot is it? Jello is a brown. Jello, yeah. Yeah, sort of the consistency of jello, if that helps. Well, there's that bit in The Simpsons where everyone brings gelatin dessert to Mr. Burns. It's like season two when they're still drawn a bit like wonky

and everyone brings gelatin dessert to Mr Burns' birthday. Have you seen the world of savory gelatin desserts? Oh, it's just being a lawless 60s world of peas and fish in it and stuff now.

God, what the fuck is this? I'm trying to find the worst one but they're all awful. Oh, this one's got prones in it. God almighty. It's sticking the thread. Absolutely lawless. Oh, that is...

Oh, no. look at that. No. Oh, it's got Apple on the side, does. That's fine. Why is it green, though? Mum, why is it green? Mom, get the camera.

Mum, get the bucket. Mum. Delia is not always right, Mum. No, definitely not in this instance. So, nice trifle, not the prawn trifle we're currently looking at, versus scones. Or scones. Okay.

Oh, I'm going to go trifle. Try. I'm going scons. I love a scone. If it's got clotted cream and jam. jam. I'll have a scone. Scone or scone? I'm scorn. I feel like I forget my answer and I just

choose the other one each time. You're scone, like I did you say. I'm going to go scone because I would never in my life pronounce like a soft oar, like a schoon. Scoon. I suppose schoon is quite posh, isn't it? Well, if you say scone, you can't do the joke, which is what's the fastest cake in the world? Scone. Scone. Here today, scone tomorrow

That cannot work I'm gonna err on the side of scones here Okay, Trifle's dead, all right Fuck you guys Yeah I just, it can be disappointing The best bit for me is just the cold Custid

I like that I like the custard Shut up Trifle, you're dead You're dead All right, we move on to the next stage I'm not sure if it's the quarter of semifinals I don't know it doesn't matter It's all just written down in a little notepad.

It's not official. First heat. Full English versus Toad in the hole. Full English? Yeah, I'm going to go full English as well. Toad the whole nice, but just not. Yes, tunnel's too niche. Fish and chips versus a bacon sandwich.

Fish and chips for me, surely. Fish and chips, yeah. Yeah, I think so, I suppose. Bacon's nice, but yeah, I don't know. It's not as quite as satisfying. or anything. A Sunday roast versus a sausage roll.

Sausage rot and a Sunday roast? Sunday roast. Yeah, Sunday roast. I'd love to see sausage rolls incorporated as part of a Sunday roast. That's kind of like a beef welding, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, beef Wellington. I've only ever had that like three times, and I wish it was more common as a thing, but I guess it's a bit of a faff to make. Yeah. Wellington's in general,

very tasty, very tasty. Usually find them at like, pubs in the middle of the countryside. Wellington's for those who don't know. I don't know how British they are, if they're more global. But a beef Wellington, for example, is like a huge joint of beef, usually like slightly pink and moist in the middle. And then the whole thing is wrapped in a giant pastry.

It is like a just a huge sausage roll, but with, you know, you can have salmon Wellington. That's quite nice. Whoa, that sounds good. They put a whole side of salmon. inside pastry. Really good. What about the other side?

They just go and spare. They leave that in the... They let that go. It swims away. It seems they put it back in the sea. Yeah. Apple crumble versus scones? Apple crumble.

I'd say scorn, personally, but... I'm going to lean towards a scorn. Oh my goodness. Really? Scon has that much staying power. I just think they're bloody nice. I don't know, just big, creamy scorn, hint of jam. I love a scorn.

Maybe I'm just, I've just had bad scones. Maybe it's a sugary, dread. Dry, slightly sweet, a bit stale because they're on offer scones. Yeah, you've got to have the, if you don't have something with them, they are really actually quite dry. Yeah. But, yeah, I think I love a scorn, and I also don't have strong opinions, don't have strong love for Apple Cumble. So that's why I'm team scorn. Whoa, I've just realized something

A British scone And an American biscuit Are both the same thing Or very similar? They're similar I don't know if they're actually Exactly the same They're like flaky pastry

Right, they're sort of a bit closer To maybe sausage roll pastry I might be wrong And I think they have them in more of a savory context I think they have like biscuits and gravy Whereas you wouldn't have a scone with gravy Gravy Properer gravy

Well are quite similar Grevy Right we're on to the semi-final Full English versus fish and chips Oh now that Oh that's a toughy isn't it?

That's a true semi-final for British dish Why did you do this? I don't know I'm looking at these I don't want to choose one I don't I am going to put my foot down I'm going to draw a line in the sand

and I'm going to say having voted for both of these dishes to reach this point fish and chips I'm not upset by that I don't know I don't know how to feel right now this is very difficult if we allow for the fact that

I can also order like maybe something else at the chippy if I fancy it on occasion like a jumbo sausage or maybe even some nuggets sometimes they do decent nuggets at chippies then sure yeah I'll go fish and chips the chips are just so good they're unlike any other chips

yeah that's true no chip shop chips are a magical fluffy beast oh so have you both gone fish and chips then I think so yeah wow I was erring on the side of full English but let's get that out of here sorry full English we love you we will be back

Sunday roast versus a scone Sunday roast come on you guys are going to stop this bullshit now man yeah yeah I agree Sunday roast right this is it this is the final fish and chips versus versus a Sunday roast

It's close If it's my grandma's Sunday roast Then that wins If it's any other Sunday roast Fish and Chips My mum does the best roast potatoes I think everyone's mom does the best roast potatoes My mom also

My mom does the best roast potatoes Yeah I think Sunday roast has to take it Just because I forgot about roast potatoes man Good God What a mean When done right Yeah They're just

Not to get that Aunt Bessie's shit out of here Homemade only My grandma Sunday roast Whenever I go Whenever we go to her house Whatever we're having Well not whatever we're having

But quite often if it's like If she's got some like salmon or something And she's made new potatoes with it In a big bowl in the middle She's always got a little extra dish With like five roast potatoes in it Just for me She just does it for me

I get spoiled So good Yeah cannot I just yeah It's the many ways in which potatoes can be used in her full A Sunday roast. It's, oh, grandma's specialist boy. Yeah.

If you do a Sunday roast properly, it should be like a mini Christmas dinner, I feel. Mm-hmm. Don't go for, like, soggy, steamed things. Everything's got to be bloody roasted to a crisp slathered in, maybe a little apple sauce on the side. The only time I ever have parsnips as well. I've never have those with anything else. Parsnips are good.

Roast pastin. Yeah. Yeah. Big fan of pros. I'm really hungry now. And you've got crackling. You've got pigs in blanket. You've got stuffing balls.

Oh. Oh, it's magical. Yeah, no, I think that's a firm winner. It deserves its place at the top. Oh, also, fucking lamb and mint sauce, underrated. Mint sauce is amazing. I am disgusted by the idea of mint sauce. Right, see, this is the thing.

I've never had. Yeah. Amy's like this as well. We had lamb once. It was like on offer. And I said, oh, we should get some mint sauce for it. And she was like, what? And she'd, like, barely even heard of it.

Like she'd sort of, was aware of it and had always just discounted it immediately because it sounds horrible. And I didn't even try it until I was about 13, but, oh, God, mint sauce on lamb is just absolutely fantastic. God, I'm actually so hungry. Me too. Thank you very much, you too, for help for me to sign that very important battle. Thanks, Mikey. That was great. Cheers.

And there we are. Those are all of our questions and all of our things. It is time. Thank you, Peter, by the way. You're welcome. It is time to check in on what happened, what is slash will be happening on Vidiots, the YouTube channel three years ago, three years ago, yes, three years ago this week, this fortnight. Quick subscriber update. We've lost 63 in the last 28 days.

Thanks, everyone. Woohoo. Super appreciating. Coming out today at the time of release, which is Tuesday the 7th, I think, which we talked about last time. Worst games ever, Fight Club. Then we've got Draw the Fans 2. You Wanna Blow Job? Prop Hunt Part 2.

That's the name of the video, by the way. Yeah. Postum tat number 30, This is a heart attack. What was that one? It says in the description, Consider us now fully stocked for the biggest children's party you've ever seen.

So I assume we got a lot of treats. I think that's when we got all the Hannah Montana like hats. Oh, yes. And also we got the art attack. PC game as well. Right. Oh, nice. It's in the thumbnail.

So there we are. We also had Heroes in Training Marvel's Spider-Man Part 1 for Prove It. Worst Games Ever, 50 Cent bulletproof an episode that went down really, really well. People loved that being featured on Worst Games Ever, even though it's objectively shit. Fight us. It's not good. Do it. Boundless stream highlights.

Hashtag ad. Remember that game? Remember how good Boundless was? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was great. Well, you play as that weird alien with like a house. for a head. They let us loose in the public servers

and the first thing we did was we built a wall to block off people's access to some vital area. Yeah, I just built up really high and jumped off it and that was... That's fine. Great time, thanks guys. That's how that works.

Get out of the way. Overcooked 2. Did a video on Overcooked 2 apparently. Dunster vlog. Arcades, Fish and chips and castles. Fish and chips. Fishing chips Here's in training

Sorry say that again No it's just that was an adventure That was it really was That was a fun time Heroes in Training Marvel's Spider-Man Part 2 of the previous Let's play We should really only do one episode of those

Yeah Puttie it's episode 15 Get the Flump Get the Flump Postum Tats number 31 Poop Is the name of that one Oh

Good Marvel's Spider-Man in real life live action finale. I'm a big fan of this live action finale for it. I think it was a good one. Also deeply embarrassing for you, Ben, wasn't it? Yeah, it also has fewer views than the first let's play, which is bullshit.

So go and watch that. Do you know what I like about that, that live action challenge is the bit where Ben is dressed up and he's like fighting, he's either fighting Mikey or fighting PNGs that are like being thrown at him? Yes. And he's giving verbal instructions as to what the editor needs to, like, include.

And he's going like, bang, bang, and ready, and swing away. And the audio has been left in. Just to make me look as stupid as possible. Oh, dear. And I do. I look really silly. Remember when people thought it was you under the suit, Peter? Yeah, they just thought that you weren't involved in that video.

Peter's playing Peter Parker, so Ben just was. clearly wasn't there at all. Finally, we had one of the worst games ever, ever, Hulk Hogan's main event. Oh, dreadful. Oh, God, that was just abysmal here. Next episode, it's the birth of an icon, by the way, the next video that went out on the channel. We'll get to that on the next episode of Podius, though. Mikey, I believe there's some sort of store.

Dot yogscast.com, I think you'll find. If you head over to store.orgscast.com, you'll find a lovely little corner of the site featuring some lovely vidiates-themed merch, including mugs, t-shirts, and hoodie. All available in an array of beautiful dazzling designs. And if you feel tempted, how about this? Suck on this one. If you use called Vidiates at checkout, you'll get 10% off absolutely everything on the Oggscast store.

Everything. If you use called Vidyat's at checkout so you could buy yourself some lovely, lovely new clothes, some mugs or whatever the hell takes your fancy. Ooh. Sounds irresponsible, quite frankly, to give such savings away,

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forward slash potty at its donations. Three pounds or more. You know, shout out at the beginning. The end of the end of the show. Mikey, where are you on the internet? At Paraboy on the Twitters is the best place to find me. That's where I put anything I do, as well as Paraboy on Twitch,

where I stream from time to time. Oohie. And Peter, where are we? We are at That Peter Austin and at Confused underscore Dude on Twitter. And together we are at Team Triple Jump on Twitter and Facebook, but more importantly, perhaps, on YouTube and Twitch, where we do live streams and we do videos. We have been, well, I won't be out yet,

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Which British dishes Have we forgotten? Let us know in the comments And tweet us and that sort of thing Right Enjoy the rest of your weeks And look after yourselves I'm back in a fortnight

And until there Take care All right Bye, see you Bye-bye Thank you.