Podiots - Podiots: Episode 90 - Gluteal Cleft

Episode Date: November 16, 2021

Ben is cutting onions, Mikey reads your future from behind, and Peter is bedbound. Donate £3 or more to get a shout out and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Mikey's Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/parrotboy Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Product availability may vary by Regency App for details. Winter's coming. Oh, it's a bit brass out there, isn't it? Yeah. That's just been spectacularly warm today. It's been quite nice. Is it? I feel like, I mean, I probably shouldn't be too happy about that.

That's the signs of the end times, isn't it? Oh, it's warm in winter. Oh, no. What global warming? Oh, yeah. That one, there it is. Yeah. Whoops, damn.

Well, it was suitably chilly up here. Of course. It was. Yeah, what global warming. It's cold in Newcastle. It's fine. We had Prince Charles in Newcastle the other day. Oh, I know.

And Boris Johnson. Wait, both of them? Oh, my God. I don't think they were on the same trick. But, yeah, Boris was, Boris has been in Newcastle for something recently. I don't know what it was. But then Prince Charles went on the metro.

because I don't know if it was the anniversary of or something but apparently the queen opened the metro back when it first was opened and he went on what was quoted as being the same carriage as the one she went on which sounds about right that they've still got the same trains from I don't know

40 years ago or whatever it is wouldn't be surprised yeah God imagine just some absolute radjys at like gateshead stadium seeing him roll in well there were a few um get off the metro memes that people made like the photo of charles on the train and then they just like put a thing against the window of get off the metro which will mean nothing to about 98% of our listeners but you need to oh if you it's it's like in parallel to michael juggson in kind of

northeastern internet law is uh just search get off the metro now. That's it. I've got a metro now. Yeah. It's urgent. You simply must. It's a quality bit of northern culture.

You really get to breathe it all in with that. Premium. Just seeing Prince Charles sitting on one of the horrible metro seats in the video footage, I thought, like, did they get any special, like, anti-piss chemical to prepare for his arrival? Or did they just let him, you know, know, live like the common people. I think legally they're not allowed to tamper with the seat that the queen sat on. So maybe it's the same one, just uncleaned for 30 years.

Yes. It's been. Have you ever been on like... Still got the queen's piss on it. Oh, lovely. Queen. Queen, come on. Do you ever go on like a school trip as a kid?

You get one of those like grotty old coaches with like the really horrible seats. And if you slap the seats... When you hit them and the dust comes out. Oh, is that what he meant to say? Yes. Yeah, you sleep on. slap them and all the skin like 20 years of

farts and skin just pillow out oh god and they've all got ash trays on the back of the sea in front of you as well they're filled with chewing gum oh for fuck sake Michael and I are just we had the same bus I think no yeah me too

I mean I'm not saying it but I also have been on that bus oh dear why are they all like that you don't get buses like that anymore unless you go for like a private hire No, you don't need seat butts Our buses have got USB ports and everything

I miss the good old days of dusty seats Sometimes you get a bus with a TV and a VHS player Oh yeah And you get to watch like a slightly grainy version of like A Bug's life or something Yeah Yeah and sometimes the cool kids would just stand up Yeah

Mid journey and just like be stood in the aisle Yeah And there's always that brave kid Who goes to to like the pop-up windows that pop up at the front and the back you know in the roof and they just stand up

mid-bus journey and they just go wham! And just like slam it open and you see the bus driver glaring in the mirror. Bus driver's not a job I think I could do. No.

I feel like one cry screaming Charles. No, fuck that job. Fuck it. Anyway, Prince Charles on the metro. Yes. It's quite funny watching him coming down

the escalator really slowly, though, isn't it? No, he walked, didn't he? Did he? Yeah, well, maybe he visited more than one station, but I saw him, I kind of remember thinking at the time, like, oh, look at that, he's setting an example or something, I don't know. He's probably been told, now, don't go down the escalator because that will look bad. You'll be memed. You'll be memed.

I thought he's going to do the Mr. Bean thing where he just gets to the top and just doesn't realize his end. He's done there for a while. Excellent. Well, shall we start the podcast? Yeah. Go on then. Yeah, let's do it. Hello, everybody and welcome to Podiot, the official videos, podcast.

It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three hours where everybody brings. A thing a long to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael. How you doing, guys? Do you great. Yeah, you do great.

You're doing great. You're doing great, I'm doing absolutely bloody fantastic. Wow, great. Absolutely fantastic. Actually, I'm in constant pain, but it's all good. What are you done? What have you done?

Silly boy, silly boy. As I do, as I do, rolling down the nearest hill on my skateboard They see him rolling They hate him Oh man People stop and they're like

Wow who's that rad man They're trying to catch you riding dirty Michael Well he did That's the problem Yes I did get caught riding dirty Yeah my wheels got caught riding dirty

I got flung like several feet into the air And I landed like With like I landed on my torso But with my like a clenched fist I got clenched fist That's not very good Dave impression Clenching your fists.

There we go, thank you. I landed with my clenched fist on my rib and just, oh, and then. You punched your own rib. Exactly. And then because I'm a silly boy, I kept skateboarding. I did the same fall two more times afterwards. Two more times. Had a great fall twice, three times.

I really want my ribs to be smashed as smithereens. It's just dust now. oh dear Mikey we live on we live on it's all part of the fun right not being able to sleep

yeah okay what do you say so yeah it's fun Ben it's fun is it I keep telling myself yes one day

if you say so are you both are you both are you both are you how are your ribs are you all intact welcome to rib talk

well what a fucking incredible beginning of this podcast what a high octane thrill ride the reason Mikey's asked that is because I've had bad ribs or a bad rib recently just from like moving furniture oh dear

your ribs are right then yeah how are your ribs would it be would it make the conversation a bit more interesting if I said I don't know put a little bit of mystery oh mystery ribs does that improve things

yeah that's yeah tune in next week to find out I don't know how my ribs are you can't see them how you're supposed to know exactly ask him go and ask go and ask if you don't believe us no my ribs

are fine nothing to report on the rib front but this is for some reason apparently a comedy podcast and we will get to the jokes really soon hey we've had some fun I'm just pulling everyone's leg we're all having a nice time just pulling your ribs if you

stop how if you would like to support this tom foolery financially you can do and we super duper appreciate it you're all wonderful people you will join pod squad if you donate three pounds or more and you get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show you must go to streamlabs dot com forward slash poddiots donations to do so mikey has the first set of names we begin with stucalicious mr black bar tech hung curtains naked stephen scourdes cheg

Unity, D-generation Cheggs. Tom, as, where, I assume that's a wrestling thing. That's wrestling. Degeneration X. Oh, there we go. Hey, well done. Tommy and Peter, the Wank Engines, Lord Brottovich, Dave memorabilia fund, specky-becky, Momo Beans,

Alan Claw, the head from art attack, and Mars Bar. Oh, also. Oh, yeah, here we go. Plop Time. An egg up Cheggers' nethers. Bot Squad. Caroline was Cheggers in drag. Oh no.

Decaffeinate in my mouth. Stroking Ben's hairy ball bag. Oh dear. I can't think of a name. Bethins is Robin Jane now. Oh, there we go. Bethen. Hi.

Hey, Rob. The very generous poo who says, that was the name all than one they called the very generous poo who says. Your Chris Real is beautiful. What? Oh Chris Ria.

Oh yeah, it's a capital I. I got mixed up. Yeah, your Chris Ria is beautiful. Prince Beefcakes. Sale! You know it's all about the Coombe and Adam Pachiti's racist father.

Oh, lovely. We've also got How X can I Y in this Z? The very generous Mr. Macca who said, Fallen a bit behind on the podcast, boys. So have a little extra this week. Thank you so much. Thank you, sir.

Clock expert David BP. Scrambled, confused duck. You have 30 minutes to move your cube. Your car has been crushed into a cube. Oh, no. Oh, it's all in the wrong order. No. It's five donations in the wrong.

We read these in reverse just so everyone knows. We copy them from the back end of stream lab, so they're in, yeah, they're in chronological order by most recent. So let me try from the start. You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube.

You have 30 minutes to move your cube. Wonderful. Well done. Brilliant. That's long-term storytelling right there. Brilliant stuff. Fin Tristam. Keith JPEG win.

Very good. I like that. And the very generous Use Code Lab 1, who said, good a gent, for context on my donation last fortnight. Game Purves was a segment on PSR UK episode 12, the live one. Not at all surprised Ben doesn't remember as it was in 2012. Keep up the stellar podcast, Big Love from Down Under, swar the underscore mofo, it says. I actually do remember that now. Okay.

There's a long, it's a long fucking time ago. 2012, nearly 10 years ago. Nearly 10 years ago. Oh, God. How does that make you feel? Old. Yeah. Old and sad.

Oh, dear. We're all getting older. Thank you, use code lab one. Much appreciated. And that is your pod squad for this week. Streamlabs.com forward slash poddiots donations to donate for the show. Nice. At the beginning of the show.

Yeah. £3. Perfect. Who's got questions? Peter's got questions. Yeah. Go on Peter, light him on us. I've got a question here from.

Alex is queer at Call Me Alex on Twitter. What is one thing you would tell yourself if you went back to just before the first vidiates video was released? It's a good question, Alex. Oh. Don't do memory cards, maybe. Oh, but memory cards, it's probably our longest living series in like the minds of people across the globe.

Yeah, people don't say bring back, you know, a piece of cake. Yeah. Yeah Maybe less of that Hmm I would either I think there's two paths to go You can either like

Give a piece of advice To perhaps Make the channel more successful Although I really don't know What specific bit of advice Could have been at all helpful I feel like we were kind of doing Other than be boring

And do lists You know So you could either try and give advice Or The other thing you could say is just, this is only going to last 12 months, so just enjoy yourself. Yeah, I think that's what I'm erring on the side of is like, I don't think you can do anything to make this viable within a year's time,

so fuck it, just have fun with it. Do some wild shit. Don't worry about it. It's all fine. Numbers are meaningless. I've got sort of a positive one and a negative one. The negative one would be, don't renew your lease. Yeah. And the positive one would be start cooking sooner. Yeah. Make more cooking videos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think Peter's right. This is well trodden ground. It is. Yeah. It is. But we did everything we could. We had a very limited amount of time to get something off the ground.

And we did extremely well. But it wasn't good enough, sadly. So there's not much. I could tell my purpose. our self, excuse me, or any of us could tell up ourselves to really course correct, I don't think. No, not with the time limit of 12 months, which no one knew at the time. It was nine months, wasn't it really. Well, yeah, you're right, no, but even from the outset, it's not like anyone knew that it would be that length of time, but equally, you know, I don't know,

it just became apparent that like, okay, then maybe this isn't going to work, but yeah, just enjoy it. We were on like reasonable wages except we were living in Bristol so you know you spend no to that on rent like it's we were on very a nice amount of money but not that we were living in luxury we were spending it all on the expensive property. Oh boy. To be clear I was worse off in Bristol than I was in. Oh absolutely yeah. Where I was going with that was three times Bristol wages is a lot of money you know and there were three of us. was on a Bristol wage and from that perspective it was sort of never really going to work. It was never going to start paying for itself in that kind of length of time.

No, absolutely not. That as a target, to break even purely on our wages alone. And that's not even considering the budget of like shows that we used to do. You know, like that's a wild amount of money to try and start scraping together. Did you see how expensive memory cards was? Yes. The budget. My God.

episode we did on Spiro where we dressed up as a fairy and in a onesy and we picked up eggs well that's what I mean as well like we had all these ideas of like big budget stuff that we would like to do but we just weren't able to do it because we thought well it's going to make the channel even less viable if we start speculating a hard sell is a grand on a video for months we wanted to buy an audio recorder for the podcast was like oh this is going to really set us back isn't it it was yeah hindsight, without pointing any fingers whatsoever, doomed to fail from the very beginning. So yes, I suppose, I suppose the only real advice we could give ourselves was this isn't going

to last. So just have the nicest year you possibly can under the circumstances. Because I don't think we ended up really having much fun. I think the content, I think, is very fun. Oh, yeah, the stuff we made was fun. What we actually did in the office. None of us were in a particularly brilliant spot that year. I don't want to speak for you, Mikey, but I know I didn't have a great time.

Oh, no, that's the difference. It would be like, have as much fun as you can, kind of on the job because, yeah, the content creation I thought was, you know, fantastic. It was a lot of fun. And then you go home and the void begins. Yeah. The ground swallows you up.

As soon as it turns 5pm or whatever it was. I look back, I know this wasn't the question, and we really have spiraled out, haven't we? I think the therapist could probably read into this where this conversation has gone. I think people find it interesting, though. Yeah, no, I think you're right. They do.

But, yeah, it's just. it was an interesting year where we got to do pretty much what we wanted, albeit, you know, with no real budget. Yeah. And it's just, yeah, it was always going to end that way, I think. And it's just, I look back on that year fondly as I put more time between then and now. Yes, yeah. Because I forget the, I start to forget the,

the less fun stuff. Yeah. And all I can look at is Michael nearly asphyxiation on his own laughter. Yeah, exactly. Like, Little Britain DVD game. Yeah. It's a bit like how things in history get erased because there's no record of it.

Like, you know, there's no record of like various pre-Roman countries because the people who live there didn't write anything down. And it's that kind of thing where like, yeah, vidiates. That's where we spent an entire. a year laughing, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it? Because there's no evidence to the contrary.

Apart from like a video where I say I'm going to be working remotely and a video where we say Peter's killed idiots. A video where the three of us say the channel will be, you know, winding down in three months' time. Those are the only two little bits of evidence, really, that things aren't going well. It's such a fascinating sort of year in. like it's all there on the internet there's just 12 months of videos that starts off slowly ramps up to a lot of really weird shit and then just slowly winds down and then it's just poddiots after that and anyone at any time in the future as long as YouTube exists can go and

just experience one year's worth of three idiots going kind of mad and then losing their jobs at the end of it people will tell us like yeah i discovered idiots and i've just watched the year's worth of content. I've been slowly worked my way through it. And, you know, now I'm at triple jump or now I'm watching Mikey's, you know, Twitter content and stuff, you know. And we literally are a TV show that got cancelled after the first season. Yeah, that's our legacy.

All of us went through growth and change. Yeah. And, you know, it really was, I know we say jokingly that it was sort of children's TV, but we can say cunt. Yeah. But, you know, ignoring the fact that it's lots of different shows and lots of separate videos, it really was just sort of a season one of a variety show that never went anywhere.

But for some reason, built an audience in that time. People who actually liked it, which was nice. I sometimes think that. When I see, like, a clip on Twitter of Dick and Dom in the Bungalow, which the algorithm shows me whenever there's a clip of Dick Domit, it shows it to me. I sometimes think like in that show in those recordings

they're in their like their mid-20s they're younger than we were and sometimes I watch that and like oh man imagine doing that in your 20s like just having that job and I do sort of think like

alright the budget was very much different but videos you know we kind of had something like that with vidiots and that's something to be proud of and something to like look back on fondly and think you know like we were in our 20s and we had 12 months of like

making genuinely entertaining content and I really like as well actually when you go back and watch a video to video, seeing the tell your friends clips at the beginning like seeing all these different people. So many of those. Yeah, we have so many we never used as well because we just ran out of

employment. Yeah. Ran out of time to make videos. Oops, no wage. But you're seeing all the people that, you know, the content touched as well is a nice thing. Yeah. Yeah. We did good. That was so long ago

now, three entire years. Oh God, it just keeps going further. and further away. I'm 29 now. Peter's 29. So we were, Peter and I were sort of in our mid-20s. I think Mikey was slap-bang in his mid-20s. Yes. Yes. Yeah. That was my first, yeah, my first time

actually, like, properly moving out as well. That was fun. Oh, boy. Yeah. Big, big thing, big thing. And he's still down there now? I'm still down, so I've still got ruined. You can't get rid of me. No. Peter and I ran away. Famously gave up

And now we're up here. Well, in hindsight, I'm sorry to have started our comedy podcast with that topic. I mean, I've got a thing that could bring us right back up. Not that that was a sad conversation. It wasn't, but it's not a comedy conversation. It was a more frank forthright. Oh, yeah, this is how things were. Francis conversation.

Yes. Go on there, Ben. Thing? Okay. Well, here's my thing. It's, is it The Onion or is it real time? I've got five news stories here. Some of them might be real.

Some of them might be from satirical news website The Onion. It's up to you guys to decide which is real and which is fake. Are you ready? Oh boy, am I. Going to go headline by headline. First headline, Daniel Craig says he goes to gay bars to avoid fights at straight, venues. Oh, I love just referring to places as straight venues.

What is and isn't a straight venue in the pantheon of places? Is Starbucks a straight venue? I don't know. I genuinely don't know. I've got, what I'll do is I'll go through all of them and then I'll cycle back through it and you can decide. Okay. Next one, man waves down officer just to slap him in the face. Okay.

Pizza Hut hits back after diners' complaint about its. sexualized tomato sauce bottle. Oh my gosh. City Repairs Curb reported damaged 28 years ago 16 years earlier than scheduled. What? My God. And finally, good Samaritan who helped stranger fix bicycle

realized it was his own stolen bike. Okay. Oh, okay. What a mix. Now, I should say, one of these five I know so Mikey you might want to go first on all of them

until we get to the one that I know which may be number one and number five I'm not saying okay okay okay so first up Daniel Craig says he goes to gay bars to avoid fights at straight venues I totally totally see that as being completely true I can just see someone

some drunked up corked up idiot locking eyes with Daniel Craig in a dark club and just going over. Oh, he James Bond, eh? Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's a scenario I can so entirely see.

So I'm going to say that's a really, a real one. Well, this is the one that I know. It's real. Hey, there we go. It is real. If you enjoyed straight venues, get ready for the subtitle. Bondstar says he dislikes the aggression of hetero spaces. And gay bars were a good place to meet women.

Oh, fantastic. I don't know any of the other. this from this point on just so you know so we can imagine if you marketed a bar as a hetero only space oh can you imagine the people in it good god oh my god yeah gay bar's fine like that all makes sense but as a heterospace is the funniest concept ever is just a bunch of gamins yeah where should we go tonight or could we go to the uh the hetero only space so that, oh, we're not going to run into any gay people. Yeah, all right, fine.

If that's what you want. Do us all a favour. Just corral yourself in the gammon bar. I'm going to take you to a gammon bar. Gammon bar. Would you like any mixer with your vodka? No, I like it straight. Oh, very good.

The actor revealed he liked to frequent gay bars to avoid the aggressive dick swinging of heterose paces. That doesn't sound very hetero That sounds a bit gay But you know, whatever I've been going to gay bars for as long as I can remember Craig said on the podcast Lunch with Bruce

Which is apparently a podcast One of the reasons Because I don't get into fights in gay bars That often Which implies that he still gets into fights in gay bars Oh, that's amazing Oh dear Yeah anyway

There's that one I'm just reading the article now Because there's some brilliant quotes in there It's just, yeah, ridiculous. Anyway, next one. Man waves down officer just to slap him in the face. I think it could be an edited onion one here. Oh, I don't know.

I'm going to say onion, but it's difficult. I can see a happening. I did read a news article earlier. There's a terminally ill man who mooned a speed camera and he was surprised when the police came to his house and arrested him for it. But this is a whole other cattle of fish. I'm going to say it's an onion.

It's real. A Uchita Parish man has been accused of slapping a Monroe police officer unprovoked. According to an arrest report, it happened in the 1800 block of Gramont Street on the night of October the 24th. A Monroe police officer said he was driving through when Troy Davis waved him down. The officer wrote that Davis approached the driver's side window, said, what's up, man, and then slapped the officer in the face. Davis followed that up with fuck the police as he began walking away.

The officer reported. Wowie. Davis was promptly arrested and booked on a felony charge. So there we go. Unsurprisingly, fuck around and find out, and he found out. He just walked away, though. What an idiot. Not great. Not great, no.

Next one, Pizza Hut hits back after diners' complaint about its sexualized tomato sauce bottle. I think this has got to be the onion and it's probably like almost like a meme that like that I'm unaware of that the the sauce bottle is a bit sexy and they've just written an article about it. I'm going to I'm going to go with truth and say that maybe there was like a limited time promotion where maybe there's a new film coming out and they had had a bottle in the shape of like I don't know, the main character or something.

Oh yeah. Came out a bit sexy or something. I want it to be real anyway. Just want to see a picture of this bowl. This is real. Yes! But it's far... It's not what you will expect at all.

Okay. Diner Adrian Shan complained last month about a tomato sauce bottle's wording he believed to be too sexual for the family-friendly restaurant. Oh. Here we go. Adrian Shan last month slammed Pizza Hut

following a dining experience at its Hull England outlet where he likened its tomato sauce label to an app for swingers. Mr. Shan was unhappy with the bottle sticker, which read, shake, squeeze and squirt. It's not innocent in my eyes. The barbecue sauce one said squeeze, but the ketchup one said that. It put me off using it.

It literally sounds like an app for swingers, the 31 year old said. 31 year old. The fuck is wrong with this guy. Let me send you a photo. Do you want to see the sexy ketchup? Yeah, please. Copy image address. I'm going to need one of you.

I'm going to heterodominos. They don't have this kind of nonsense there. A real hetero space. Doesn't that make you sick? Look at that tomato brothels. Oh, God. Squirt. That is disgusting.

I know squirt is a pornographic sexual term, but you really, you have to make a real logical leap of logic there to make that a bad thing. Yeah, that's a real leap. What an absolute. He slammed them on Twitter. I bet he did. All he did was, but he put a tweet up, didn't he? Oh, God.

What a, what a gibbon. Well, he becomes more gibbon, like. Oh, no. So, in an email, raising his issue with the company, shared with whole daily mail, Mr. Shan asked for a full refund and demanded that Pizza Hut rebrand its sexualized tomato sauce. He requested a refund for the pizza, drinks, and chips he bought, claiming the site of the sauce bottle turns my stomach.

There was a spokesperson for Pizza Hut who replied and said this has been the labelling of all ketchup bottles in our restaurants for some time now and I can only apologise if this impacted the enjoyment of your meal. Mr Shan was not satisfied with the explanation however and has reportedly raised the matter with his local MP. Oh my God. The legs people go to get a free pizza. My God.

It's insane. Fucking madness. Next up, city repairs curb reported damage 28 years ago 16 years earlier than scheduled Oh The fact that it's scheduled in 16 years

is what makes me question whether this is real I'm going to say this has got to be the onion based on that I'm going to go onion as well I get a picture something slightly less extreme I could see happening

but that time frame is way off dude. It's another real one. What? We go to Canada now. I'm just going to read you the subheader because it explains everything. Target date had been set for 2037 to repair curb damaged by snow removal machine in 1993. What?

How has that happened? Is that a typo? I don't know. That's real. No, but I mean, have they typoed it? Oh, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe someone's last day and it's like, let's make like a big pile of work forever's here in 50 years time.

Yeah. Calvin Hawley successfully gets curb repaired, but it still took close to 28 years to complete the work. Wow. And it wasn't due for another 16. Look at that. Ridicrous. Getting shit done. Well, done, Manitoba.

Proud of you. If you set like a really, really far off deadline, you finish it early, it makes you look really good. That's true. Yeah, it's like maybe had like a. an objective that you're at work to deliver everything like 50 cent quicker than before. I was like, well, I've done it. I've delivered it with such a margin. My God.

And you've got a promotion. The current mayor can, when they're like running for a re-election, can say, I've done so much for this area. Yep. I made sure that this road was fixed 16 years. It's a way to really boost your campaign. Definitely The last one

Good Samaritan Who Helped Stranger Fixed Bicycle realized it was his own stolen bike That seems like it could be real Yeah, I'll say that's real Well, I'm going to say I'm going to go opposite and say onion Just because I feel like

When you get a bike stolen That bike's ingrained in your mind forever I feel like they didn't know But I could be wrong So I'm going to say onion It's a clean sweep of real Wowing, what a week It's a real one

Jordan Devlin 64 stopped to repair the handlebars of the bicycle that Paul Harty 46 had earlier taken from his shed in Glasgow's Drum Chapel on June 18th, 2021 He's like, do you need a hand? I've got one of these.

Mr Devlin was able to identify the bike as his own mid-repair due to distinctive stickers and helmet attached to it. He then remarked, that's mine before chasing the thief down the street. Oh, my God. Oh, that's amazing.

Hey, you got it back, though. That's been a good smartly pays off. The guy got charged as well, so there we are. He's been jailed for 15 months. Whoa. Apparently. So, don't go stealing bicycles. Don't do it.

Don't go Jason Waterfalls either. No. Don't go. And that's my thing. Oh, fantastic. What a week. All real. Unbelievable.

Thank you. What a thing. What a thing. It's time for a question. This is from Tommy the Wang Kenshin at Triggily Sur-Eyed Tea, who says, you get to have one item from fiction to display on your mantlepiece.

What do you choose? I think we might have done, you know, things like what, what would you, you know, like, oh, I'd like to have Bernard's watch so I could freeze time. But no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Look, but don't touch. Put up any mantelpiece. So what would you like just to own?

just to put out there. Oh, man. I really have to think about this one. It's a good one as well. From anywhere in fiction. What would you have, Peter? Oh, I mean, even I'm not entirely sure. There's so much.

There's so much scope. You know, if it was like video games, it would narrow it down or if it was, you know, from movies. Yeah. But maybe like a certain lightsaber or something. something you know like a Star Wars lightsaber but then knew it you know you can get replicas of those very easily and I don't think it would make much difference to me whether it was the real one or not so even then I don't know if that is actually my answer that's my concern as well is that anything

I could that comes quickly to mind you can quite easily buy replicas off anyway and I don't know if I want a functioning lightsaber or infinity gauntler yeah I thought you might say in Infinity Cornland. Yeah, yeah. Maybe something that is literally just as an art piece. Maybe I would have Mr. Bean's Whistler's mother that he has at the end of the film. Oh, that's a fantastic show. Yeah. He's taken home, the one that he's drawn the face on. Oh, that is dependous. I'm a big fan of that. Yeah. That's a good idea. Hmm. Oh, my God.

what about from it's always if i were to go the art route as well maybe the maybe the original hitler that was in it's always sunny in philadelphia of the german shepherd or whatever it was that they have okay the painting of the german shepherd is it yeah i think so yeah that's it but yeah i don't know i'm really stumped i don't know what i don't know what i'd want it is when you when i read the question i was like oh that's interesting question but you're right like when you suddenly when you think about it you realize well if I wanted that why don't I already have it I can I could buy one of those now yeah

um ash ketchum's poker ball from Pokemon the movie 2000 oh yeah I don't know again something I could buy it relatively inexpensively but maybe it's got a real Pokemon in it well yeah I was going to say maybe maybe the thing is it's like it's not the prop that was used or a replica of it, it's the one. And you can tell your friend, tell your friends, you can tell your friends, no, no. That's the real, it's been pulled out of fiction and it's there on my mantelpiece.

You can only view it from a certain angle because it's 2D. Yeah, yeah. No, it's like a video game, always facing the front one of those 2D assets. It follows you around the world. That's great. Mikey, what would you like?

I'm honestly, I am struggling here. I'm, like, scrolling through my film library as well, trying to figure out what I've got. My best so far, I would really like, this is going into just the prop territory, but the bit of the cricket bat from Sean the Dead, like in its, oh, yeah.

Conditioned. I'd really love to have that hanging above the mantelpiece. That would look fantastic. Mm-hmm. But, again, I have, in the past, made a replicate of that very prop. I don't know. Maybe, maybe, maybe just that. Don't have to be fancy.

I just want a nice little baseball cricket bat, above my fireplace you can have your infinity stones and all that i'm gonna have a weapon well you were playing with your infinity stone i was admiring my killing zombies with my cricket bear i would like the taxidemised remains of marley from marley and me oh no the power to make anyone cry within five seconds of entering your house i would like the untaxidimized remains of Miley from Miley and me. Jesus. Gross.

Well, I think we should have a thing with that image firmly in our minds. Yeah, think about that. You think about that. You'd be my love. Mikey, would you like to go first or second? I'm happy to go first. Okay.

If you go. If you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss will stare back at you. No. Or in this case, it'll fart back at you. Yay! Farts, we're back.

Have you ever considered what secrets your behind holds, your bot bot could even hold the key to your future? Welcome to the world of Rumpology, the art of bottom reading. Good. Good.

So I found out about this lovely art form the other week. So I'm going to give you a brief overview and just the art and the science behind Rumpology, if you don't mind. Fantastic. I would like that. Getting ready for lots of bum talk and bum pictures. Hey.

Oh boy. Oh boy. So Rumpology is the art of reading the lines, crevices, dimples, warts, mules and folds on a client's rump. Blimey. Think, that's a hell of a bum you've got there. There's a lot going on with that. It's a busy bum. With that bum there.

You can draw a lot from that ass. Think of it like. palmistry. It serves the same purpose. It's just using a different part of the body to draw the information from, if you will. The reader will tell the client a few things about themselves and then in return they'll be told what the future holds for them. Rampology as a term was coined by the one and only Jackie Stallone. Yes, mother of Sylvester Stallone. Right. This is coming from a pedigree. She purports that it was practically. practiced in the ancient times by the Babylonians, the Indians, the ancient Greeks, and the Romans.

This is quite clearly some serious, serious business. I think Jackie just wants an excuse to look at people's bombs. Oh, boy, you did get a look at some. Well, we'll get into that because, oh boy, there's a whole thing there. Supposedly, the act was mostly lost to the sands of time over the decades. But Jackie was one of the people who helped bring it back to the forefront. And now I'm doing the same as she did, and I'm helping spread the good word to a wider audience. So I'm going to read basically the entire homepage of her website, because it's fantastic.

It's, it's, oh, I couldn't, I couldn't make it better myself. Rumpology is sometimes called butt reading in modern parlance. It is the art of readings of lines, crevices, dimples, and folds of the buttocks to divine the individual's character and gain an understanding of what, has occurred in the past and to get a prediction of the future. And I'm just about to send over a very historical image for you all to enjoy. Excellent. Excellent. So that's...

Okay, look at that. I've just sent over an example of an ancient quote-unquote rum print, which is... Oh dear, we'll get into it. Ancient rumbreeding was done when the seeker covered his or her dairy with henna dye and sat on a medium such as papyrus to leave an impression. Much like a fingerprint palm or footprint, such prints are highly individualistic as no two people share the same markings. Did they teach that in forensics? Let's see you check into a police station. Can we get a rump print, please?

They get the rump books out, which are just pages and pages and pages of arse cheeks, comparing. Dear. There's a lovely illustration on the website of a, of a book. bum on a bit of Hennah, I mean, not Hennah, a bit of papyrus. Fantastic. Thanks for that, Jackie. Jackie is discovered that the left cheek reveals a person's past, and the right cheek reveals a person's future. The right buttox represents the left cerebral hemisphere of the brain, while the left buttox represents the right hemisphere, which is confusing, but apparently that's how it works.

Similar to palmistry, and where the left palm represents the past, the right palm represents the future. A rump report from Jackie can tell you whether you are going ass backwards or eyes into the future. But there's even more. The crack. The glutal cleft, as it's officially called. I didn't know that that was what was called. It's great.

I've been asked many times about the gluteal cleft. It is more than... It is more... Possibly the only person who has ever said that sincerely in the human history. fucking cakes down let's have a look at your glutele cleft my phone's off the hook everyone wants to know about their cleft it is more than an advertising sign for plumbers teens and nonconformists she writes it has real significance no

it is a natural part of the human body and a vital importance it represents the division between the yin and the yang the good and the bad the light and the darkness between your past and your future which is quite poetic i think You're past. Do you think she looks at the glutele cleft and says, ah, I see you've had a shit recently. I thought she could read from it whether you've shit recently. Oh, dear my.

Oh, God. I've noticed in my years of Rumpology reading that it often has characteristics of personality. This is, I think, my favourite bit of the whole thing. Many bankers' clefts are very short, while lawyers are very long. Oh. So lawyers have long arses apparently.

Drew Pum. Oh God. It can also vary in width with politicians seemingly extra wide and cops notoriously narrow. She is just, this is just such bullshit. It's amazing. She finishes the homepage with

Have you had a look in the mirror recently at yours? Oh my God. But wait, there is more. There is more. So sadly, Jackie did die a couple years ago. So this service is no longer on offer. But for a period of time, you two could have had your rump red. Well, you could have had, you could have short off your bum to a kind of famous lady for just a mere $600. Oh boy. And for that, that's a full reading of dollars. Yeah. Well, that's the deluxe package. If you, on a, on a budget, you can pay just to have one of the. the cheek's done or just the cleft done. So I feel like if you're going to get your bum red, you go all in on that. You don't half-ass it. Very good. Very good. You've got to read both sides, obviously.

Otherwise, what would be the point, huh? You've got an incomplete reading. Does Jackie have to, well, I mean, she doesn't offer it anymore. But when she's only doing one cheek, does she have to sort of shut her eyes a little bit? Make sure she doesn't look at the other one. Yeah, she's not, yeah. Maybe, like, she makes you go on to the office scanner, but when you do the left cheek, maybe. She claimed to predict the outcome of presidential elections and Oscar awards by reading the bottoms of her two pet Doberman pinches.

No. This isn't, this isn't a delegate just a human arses. She also reads the arces of dogs. No. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a good thought, isn't it? And those dog's arces had the result of the presidential election on it. I found an article from 2001 about the matter.

But Jackie also specialises in canine consultations. Just this week, in fact, Jackie told the New York Post that her two Dobermans apparently forecast the George W. Bush presidency, also predicting that chocolate, the film, will take the Oscar for Best Picture. newsflash, it didn't take best pictures. Oh, no. Weird.

But the poachers are also reportedly predicting that Stephen Soderberg, Julia Roberts, Kate Hudson, and Russell Crowe will all win Oscars this year. And she was right for everyone except for Kate Hudson. So it's like, that's kind of like a 50-50 success ratio, about the same as guessing. So why not? One cheek is better than the other, perhaps. That's clearly true. good. However, Mamma Stallone's dogs say a certain castaway is barking up the wrong tree.

If he thinks he's going to take home a hefty gold souvenir, Tom Hanks is not going to get it this year, Jackie predicts. And the dogs were right once again. Hanks didn't walk away with an Oscar that year. We get to the point where now I really just want to, I mean, I'm going to show you the website, in particular, the examples page. Get ready. I'm not going to put any of this on the Twitter thread, because for obvious reasons, but if you scroll down, you get, there's on a website, she's got a few example bums you at home to look at. Okay. And it's, it's harrowing, scrolling down, this gallery of arses. Whereabouts are you looking? If you go on, yeah.

I can't scroll. Oh, God. Yeah, I see him. Oh, you've got to scroll on the right. Okay, yeah, there it is. Yeah. And they just keep going. And so in here there's like six, seven different arses and they all have different captions of, you know, who they portray like a Hollywood jiggilal. Oh, you don't think a male action hero movie star is her son, do you? I really hope not because that's the worst one. That's like, that's an image you see before you die.

That's really not good. A Jewish princess, a Fortune 500 CEO. Just loads of bombs. Why? I am. I'm not going to reverse image search any of these arses for obvious reasons. But I have a sneaking suspicion that if I did, I would find it numerous places around the internet. Oh dear.

Imagine if you sent in your arse to Jackie and like a couple months later you go on the website and find it just displayed on the website for everyone to see it. Oh, that would be so humiliating, wouldn't it? My favourite bit of this is like mostly they're all just kind of naked bums. but there's one for a male gold digger, which has got like a dollar sign photoshopped onto it. Maybe it's like to pretend

that it's a tattoo or something. Yeah. It's quite clearly just been superimposed on. But yeah, there's a lot of hairy bot bots in there. So I highly recommend it. Sadly, the website's not up. But if you go to jacqueline stallone.com on the way back machine,

you'll get a lovely tour of this website. And it's a real treat. I highly recommend it. And you too can turn around feeling scared going, no, mom, it's a podcast thing I was listening to. Mom, she's at the door. Don't come in. No, mom, don't come in.

It's for a video. It's Rumpology, Mom. And mom, it's Jackie Stallone, mom. It's fine. Son of Sylvester. She couldn't do any wrong, right? Son of Sylvester, did you just say. Sorry, wow, I really, wow, mother of Sylvester.

I did have a problem. a whoopsie there. Yeah. That's my little foray into the world of Rumpology. It's absolutely amazing. Thank you, Michael. I really wanted to like try and find like an actual guide on how to read a Rump, hoping there be some guides, but obviously much like palm reading is fucking, you make it up on the spot with what you know about the client.

Oh, actually, wait, no, we're not done yet. I'm just remembering one sentence, which actually does give a little bit of insight into the practice. Hold on. Yeah, so Jackie wasn't the only rumpologist. There was a German blind rumpologist named Ulf Buck. He said that an apple-shaped muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative, a person who enjoys life.

And a pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient, and down to earth. and yeah so that's I mean that's about as much as is publicly available on how to read an arse so do with that as you wish I wonder how you can train I mean you talk about reverse image search Benj you think there's a way I mean Dave Benson Phillips and I quote says a lot of famous arses have sat on this toilet seat do you think there's some kind of fingerprinting method we can do some carbon dating carbon dating and get the fortunes of some famous people. We don't know who, but we might be able to work it out.

Well, maybe I'll find, I think there's still a few rumpologists around. God, this is weird, but we do have that picture of Dave's ass from that time we'd it. Suncologists. Near me. Near me. There's a video of rumpologist reading Kim Kardashian's bottom. Oh, look at that. Oh, psychic Sam.

The UK's only rumpologist. The UK's only. Wow. Yeah, Psychic Sam. Claervoyant Psychic Sam has found nationwide fame as the UK's only rumpologist, which means she can take readings from people's rear ends. How much is it, do you think? Should we find out?

Yeah, I'm on a website right now trying to figure that out. I might email her and ask. Yeah, I think you should. If someone needs a bum reading, it's you, Michael. Yeah, absolutely. I really want to see, oh, God. All right, I'll send an email. and I'll let you know how I get on with that.

There's some real occupational hazards being a bum reader for certain people, you know. Mikey's bum reader really needs to take some precautions. There's going to be a lot of accidental farts in Rumpology. Yeah, so part of it, though, isn't it? Oh, dear. Wow. Thank you, Michael. That's all right.

Thank you, Michael. It was fascinating. Absolutely. For asinating. For ascentating. Fascinating. right we've got a question here from from darius owen canning at darius canning who says what dinner do you miss from living with your parents is there some recipe or dish they made you

that you just can't replicate just never quite as good as mama thank you darius nice I mean everyone I was saying today actually at the office that everyone's moms make the best roast potatoes Yes, they do. Don't they? You know, it doesn't matter. I've asked my mom how she makes roast potatoes, and it doesn't matter if I follow it to the letter. It's not the same.

No, he's that mother's touch. Yeah. Well, I would say roast dinner, if that wasn't so obvious, because I haven't had a roast dinner since Christmas dinner last year. Oh, really? Yeah, well, I don't make him for myself and didn't get to see family for most of this year and even now it's not that often.

That's true. I sometimes get to have a roast dinner when I do visit home and don't have to wait for Christmas. And actually, we have made roast dinner once or twice here, but, you know, I know from when I lived alone, you would not make a roast dinner for one person. Fucking millennials, am I right? Killing roast dinners, because they can't be asked.

With their avocado toast. Because we don't have three hours on a Sunday to prepare. We're too busy working 12 jobs. fucking dickheads and not being able to buy portions for one person that's always a pain in the ass isn't it? Yeah I mean I could walk into a

Toby Carvery tomorrow and have a roast dinner even so But it wouldn't be as good as mummers Would be as good as mummers I've got one actually It's a, my mum My mum used to make it quite a lot when I lived at home It was like a prawn

curry with spinach And it was really good, really nice. I used to have it quite often and it's making my mouth water just thinking about it. It's nice. My mum does a good prawn curry as well. It's like a Thai curry. Yeah, yeah, something like that. I mean, don't get me wrong. If my mum would you give me the recipe, I would never make it, but I do miss it. Yeah. And in a similar vein, I mean, this is something I could very, very easily make myself, but mince and dumplings, it's just not in my

repertoire of dishes I make, but it's, I mean, it's easy as hell to make. It's just mincing a sauce with dumpling dough, cook it up for a little while. Bam, that's it. That's all it is. But I've just never bothered to make it since moving out. And I think about it quite often as well. Nice. Sometimes it's just, I think it tastes nicer if someone's made it for you as well. I know some people say, oh, it tastes nicer if you make it yourself because, you know, you've got the satisfaction. But like, there's something, when I make a steak for my, when I cook a steak myself it's just like it's nice it's fine and that doesn't happen very often I hasten to I'm not buying steak every week when it's steak day every other day is steak day in this house

but you know on the odd occasion I might you know might be on offer or something I have a steak I don't think it's as good as how my mom does it but all she does is like put it in a pan the same as me and maybe puts a bit of pepper on it or whatever but sometimes it's nicer just to like you know be at home at your parents kitchen taste and, you know, says, here you go, made this for you. And oh, Mom, you don't have to do that. Thanks very much. And you eat that.

And it's just nicer than the one that I made at home the same way. No, I totally agree as someone who makes all of his own meals. It's nowhere near as exciting or enjoyable. I was recently at my grandparents' house and there was oven pizza made. And it was, you know, it was just oven pizza. It's so much nicer than any pizza I've had recently. best pizza I've ever had it was incredible

you just free of the worry of the clean up afterwards yeah it just arrives the food brought to you what a what a revelation I'm realizing now that my entire diet I've like tailored my diet so that there's as little washing up as possible afterwards so pretty much all my dishes are made in one pot of pan

and that's it so I just kind of dump everything in there make it work and bam there you go wow I'm really depriving myself of some wonderful things here because of my laziness. Well, we'll be doing that next year. Like, one of the things that Amy wants for Christmas is this book about, it's just like you get one of those big ceramic roasting tins,

and it's just a whole book of recipes of stuff where you just put everything in the tin and put it in the oven. And because we also don't want to wash up. So that's what we're going to do. Lovely. Yeah. I've never tried, like, a one roast, a one dish roast. That sounds so high.

I mean, it's not all like roast dinner, It's like roasted, you know, roasted veg and like, you know. Roasted everything is good. Yeah, just like sausages or... Oh, sausages, yeah. Fucking love those. A little chicken fillets. Chicken fillets.

Yeah, roast those too. Come on. Good. Is there a thing in there? Yeah, yeah. Got a thing. Nice roasting. Stick it all in the pan.

Roastered it out. Yeah, very nice. Minimal clean-up. I've got a book here that I've been wanting to read excerpts from for some time in that whenever Mikey tells us a story about a weird historical character, I'm like, oh yeah, I've got a book of some weird historical characters that I should really bring along to talk about at some point. This is a book called Queer Folk.

Yes. It was published in 1977. Okay. Wow. Right. Get an idea. of what it means by queer folk in that sense. It's a little subheading underneath

a comicality of Yorkshire characters. Oh my God, yes. So it's really just a book about the phrase there's nout so queer as folk, which I assume you guys have heard, but maybe our international audience may not have done. It's new to me. Oh, okay.

It's a, I guess, a northern phrase, given that the word noutism. there, which means nothing. It just means it takes all sorts, you know. It just means people are weird, I suppose. Yeah, gotcha. This book is by Maurice Colbeck. As I say, it was published in 1977.

One character here I'm going to read to you about is under the little subtitle, a dropout for love. Okay. Okay. I'm going to learn all about an eccentric character. One of the most eccentric individuals that ever lived. So wrote 19th century Pamphleteer of William Sharp, who lived, if indeed lived is the word, on a farm in the parish of Keithley until his death in 1856 at the age of 79.

He had spent the preceding 50 years in bed after a disappointment in love. Oh my God. Wow. During much of his self-imposed incarceration, he rarely said a sensible word or spoke a coherent in sentence, but just before his death, he uttered five words, which surely summarised his pathetic story. Poor Bill, poor Bill sharp. And then he died. Oh my God. Jesus, Bill. Fucking else. I guess maybe the saying plenty more fish in the sea wasn't invented back then, so you just... Maybe not in 18. You just thought, fuck it, that's it. That's it. He was the son of a

small farmer apparently and worsted manufacturer who was himself a singular character it's a bit as I say written in the 70s a bit hard to read sometimes he lived at the strangely named Worlds one of two farms the other one

was called sheepholes bought from the profits of his business Worlds was set on a hill a mile and a half above Keithley with a view of Rombald's Moor rising beyond an avenue of trees shadowed the lane, which was the only approach to this house, that must have struck a chill in the heart of anyone curious enough to approach it, as indeed many were to be.

William's father, perhaps, because he was miserly, was far from poor, and so fair game for those less affluent. Old three laps, they called him, because when his tailor complained that the cloth sharp had given him to make a suit, would not run the usual four coat tails, he stammered, characteristically, well, mark it with three laps or anyway. I don't know what, I don't know what that means. And poor Bill, his son, though he may have done nothing to deserve it, inherited the nickname along with some of his father's other strange habits, which included peeping from behind walls at visitors to the house while out shooting over his grounds, as if he feared to be seen and involved in the expense of entertaining. But here we go. This is where we learn.

the love story, young Bill too was fond of shooting until he found an even greater pleasure in the person of Mary Smith, who lived at Bottoms Farm in the neighbouring valley of News Home Dean. I wonder if you could read the fortune with a bit of Rumpology of Botton's

farm, possibly. Mary and Bill were soon courting strong, and when the result of their attachment arrived in the form of a son, it was decided that the sooner they married the better. In fact, they would have been married long before. If only, old three laps had made up his mind to give Bill what Mary's father considered a decent marriage

settlement. As it was, the two men met again and again to discuss the arrangements, and always the girl's father found himself frustrated by the stinginess of three laps, as the latter's tailor had been. Perhaps the baby was meant by the couple to force Bill's father's hand. If so, they were disappointed. Nothing, not even the arrival of a grandchild, it seemed, could soften the heart of three laps. But perhaps Mary's father deserves some share of the blame. He could be stubborn too, and at last his patience wore out.

And he vowed that Mary should never marry the son of such a skin flint. Poor Mary, it says. Somehow she could not bring herself to break the news to Bill, or perhaps she did, and he just couldn't accept it. At any rate,

at Keithley Parish Church, on the day appointed, he waited for his bride in vain. Oh, no. Oh, Bill. When he at last realized that Mary would never come to marry him, he returned home, and soon after, went to bed for good. In a ground floor room at the back of the

house, a mere nine feet square and paved with damp flags, he was to lie for almost 50 years. The fire smoked so badly that it could hardly ever be lit. And here, with a useless clock for company, Bill passed his days, never speaking, and hiding beneath the bedclothes from those who intruded on his misery. I'm sorry But what a wet wife Get over it Howie

Nah Not having that Get out there Bill Is he Yorkshire Great man I know Howe Place over Yorkshire

Howie No doubt his father Thought that a few days Of self-imposed Solitude would cure him It didn't Bill had gone to bed And there he would stay

A quote Dropout for love If ever a man earned fame The Easy Way It was Bill Sharp Courting couples out for a walk would visit World's

farm just for a peep at him and if they were well behaved and civil the woman appointed as his keeper would persuade Bill by coaxing him and patting him on the back as if he were a pet dog to emerge from beneath the sheets and show himself to his admirers

I see he was a curiosity he was yeah it's not the only person in this book who ends up like that yeah it's strange visitors not favoured enough to be admitted would quietly walk to the rear of the house and peer cautiously through the tiny square window, which was his only source of light, and which was never opened in nearly 40 years. Unless he saw them and darted immediately beneath the bedclothes, they might catch

him at his favourite occupation, shooting with an imaginary gun as the pee-wit circling above the moor. Oh my God! He's not well, is he? He's not. I mean, really, yeah, really, if you just consider it like that. He's just a mentally ill man, which is unfortunate, because back then they just thought, well, we'll let the courting couples come and have a look at him, I suppose. Let's have a peep at the

man who does not have to stay in bed. Isn't that interesting? Yeah. People must have to really go out the way to see this as well. It's like four people came from like, walk a half an hour. Let's go, this is a big Sunday walk. Let's see the bed man. Yeah, it's go see the sad, sad man. Shooting the birds with his ghost gun.

Oh, God. Years passed, the couples who had peeped at him while outcourting eventually married themselves. Their children grew up, and they too, while taking the air, would visit worlds for a glimpse of three laps, now white-headed and white-bearded, and with a leg permanently bent through his habit of lying with one knee raised. Otherwise, he appeared to be as healthy as his appetite, for though unrequited love may have sent Bill to bed, it never made him pine. As an earlier writer said, his mind, manners, and feelings

seemed to disappear altogether, while his stomach seemed to acquire additional strength. Not until five days before Bill's death did his appetite fail. A certain numbness appeared in his limbs, but even then, though he was now 79 years old, those closest to him could not believe that the end was near,

and their confidence increased when Bill, almost as if he could think of something to live for, rallied. Then, suddenly, the night before his death, he weakened. At four in the morning on March 3, 1856, sorry, he said, Poor Bill, poor Bill sharp, and died. Did he, in these last moments, regret the waste of nearly 50 years in bed, or was the utterance simply provoked by the same self-pity that had kept him there,

says the author. Oh, dearie me. They buried Bill four days later at Keithley before a crowd which thronged both church and graveyard. Because of his size and his bent leg, his coffin was an oak chest two feet four inches deep. With Bill inside, it weighed about 480 pounds and eight men were needed to lower it with ropes into the grave. Poor Bill indeed. A comic figure to his contemporaries, he would no doubt be seen today as a victim of reactive depression. Oh, so the book does say, what did he think of,

what did he think of as he lay in his Morland prison, listening to the wind and the rain, beating on his little window, and what did his lost love, Mary, think of him? That we shall never know. So he went into self-imposed exile when he was 29. He was mad. And lived there until he was 79.

He never came out, apart from to shoot the invisible beasties. Well, he did that from his bed. Oh, okay, so he didn't even do that. No, he just would get his invisible gun and point it out the window by his bed and say bang, or not say bang, because he didn't speak. We laugh, but what else are you going to do in the 1800s and your bed bound? Like, at some point you're going to make up some games to play yourself, why not shoot some invisible things? Yeah. Oh, dear.

Wow, that's quite harrowing, actually. It is. I mean, this book is usually these kind of wild eccentrics who a lot of them were very wealthy they had like stately homes and they had like cheaters on their land

and there was like a guy who went out to India and wrestled a python and stuff but that was like one of the shorter ones and I'm only thinking I might have to like come up with a slightly abridged version of some future ones if I bring any more of these people like there's some really interesting characters in here

that are probably slightly less depressing stories but um yeah they're just uh some of them are quite quite beefy and i didn't want to go on for too long so that was uh i'm a big fan i absolutely adore this this is this is good fun really interesting thank you peter you're welcome um poor bill poor bill poor bill that's it we did it we did it we did it we did the poddiots thank you for the questions peter you're welcome thank you for answers very much And thank you to everybody else as well for submitting the questions. Would you guys like to know what happened on Vidyat's three years ago this next fortnight?

Yes, please. Well, I'm not ready. So why don't we talk about Pod Squad? If you go to Streamlabs.com forward slash Podiot's donations and donate three pounds or more, you can get a shout out at the beginning. And the end of the show will super duper appreciate it. Mikey is going to kick us off right now. Stookalicious, Mr Black

Bartek hung curtains naked Stephen Scodes Cheg Munity D-Generation Cheggs Tommy and Peter The Wank Engines Lord Brotovitch Dave memorabilia fund

Specky Becky Mo Moeans Alan Claw The Head from Art Attack and Mars Bar Also Oh yeah, here we go Plop Time

An egg up Cheggers' nether's bot squad. Caroline was Cheggers in drag. Decaffeinate in my mouth. Stroking Ben's hairy ball bag. Ah, I can't think of a name. Bethins is Robin Jane now. A very generous poo who says. Your Chris Ria is beautiful.

Prince Beefcakes. Sale. You know it's all about the Coombe. And Adam Pachiti is racist father. And we also have how X can I Y in this Z, the very generous Mr. Maca, thank you so much. Clock expert David Beepie, scrambled, confused duck. You have, oh God, here we go again. You have 30 minutes to move your car.

You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube. Finn Tristam, Keith J. Pegwin, and the equally very generous. Use Code Lab 1. Thank you very much. to all of you.

That's your pod squad for this week. Once again, three pounds or more for a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show, streamlabs.com forward slash

potty at's donations. I'm ready now. Stay, what came out. Of course, we've got the same day this episode releases Worst games ever

Miami Vice. I'm in trouble, Tubbs. Poddy, it's episode 21, honey lineers. Remember that? Oh.

I do. I'm talking about the honey linnias. We split the sausage. Oh, Wow, yeah. We didn't split the sausage that quick, did we? This is, we're in November, bud. Oh, we are, aren't we?

Yeah, I was shocked by that. I was like, oh, yeah, it's... I moved out of Bristol at the end of November. Yeah, this is the end times. When did we, when did we publish the video saying Vidiotis is changing? I thought that was like... That was a little bit before. We've already had the penultimate tat.

Vidiots is changing was November the 3rd. God, we didn't even really get a full year out of it, did we? Because January, we didn't do anything. I always imagine videos is changing coming out like late summer or like well kind of mid-autom maybe not late summer but I always forget it's that late I think we knew. Yeah that's the thing we knew a lot sooner

Yeah we knew like how to communicate it We tried our best to spin it In like the most positive light possible Which didn't work So there we are Worse games ever the legend of Spiro the Eternal Night

the infamous vidiates live Twitch stream Fallout 76 disaster where we streamed the main menu and we were for quite a while

the most viewed Fallout 76 stream on Twitch because the servers were down and everyone else was trying to get in and we were

apparently streaming it yeah that's at the time I didn't really know much about Twitch and like someone in the office came over like yeah you had like thousands of views

It was like, oh, cool. It was really weird. I didn't realize how big a deal that was at the time. You were just drinking and answering questions, weren't we? That was it. The Red Dead Redemption 2 Horse Cliff Diving Challenge for a piece of cake. That was a pretty brutal one, wasn't it? It was.

My mum didn't like that one. Did you not? Oh, no. How weird. Pokemon Let's Go, Evie. We did a video about that. Evie seems interested in your mom. You remember the name?

meme. Yeah. That was fun, wasn't it? Didn't we all enjoy that? And, but, but,

but, finally, worst games ever, Biker Mice from Mars. That was the final,

that was where we, probably the worst emulator issues we've ever had in a worse game. Oh, yeah, with the weird, like,

kind of imprinted shapes. Yeah. It was odd. It wasn't good. I'll tell you what, the next couple of episodes are going to be really sad

because it's just going to be, it's just going to be like three videos. Just occasional worst game. ever yeah that's it we're really winding down now i mean it's tweet us at vidiots official which i will promote properly in a second if you would like us to from february or whenever we started just do it again just go through the year i think we should just go around again forever uh because i don't think we started right at the beginning of the year last time yeah when did you start even if we did we should just always do this okay we'll make it a habit i should really just print out a screenshot or

something and just that'll be way easier anyway there we go um you store dot yoxcast.com there's a store isn't there michael there's a store there is a store and in that store is some lovely lovely vidi it's merch we've got we've got hoodie we've got mug we've got two mugs and we've got shirts what an absolute bounty and uh that's it because we don't have a discount cord anymore well discount cords don't exist anymore on the website oh they got Yeah, so it's a blanket new thing. So if you want to get some money off, you've got to keep your R on the Yog's Twitter now, where occasionally they'll do big special discounts across the site,

like free shipping internationally and all that good stuff. So it probably works out a bit better if you find it the right time, but sadly, no longer do we have a code. So cool. It feels weird ending this about saying, I use code, videota checkout. I mean, you can probably try it. Might still work.

Yeah, would surprise me. Yeah, to be honest. It probably will work. You never know. Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, all.com forward slash Vidiates official. We also have Twitch.com

forward slash vidiates official. We've done stream labs. We've done what's on videos this week. Mikey, where are you on the internet? At Paraboy on Twitter is the best way to find me. That's where I put all of my gubbins. and at Parraboy on Twitch I haven't streamed in months

but as the winter night start getting dark and the weather starts getting worse I anticipate I will be streaming again some point soon sorry for the hiatus everybody Ting's happen Ting's do happen and Peter where are we

We are over at Team Triple Jump on YouTube and Twitch where we're putting out all kinds of content Rules boss is over there I remember that guy he's still hanging out Remember him. We're also individually on social media at Confused underscore Dude

and at that Peter, I nearly forgot, that Peter Austin on Twitter. Fantastic. Why not leave us an iTunes review or a mouth, what is happening? Or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with algorithms. If you give us five stars, I mean, that's really the only rating that matters. So do that. Thanks.

Yeah, don't give us a rating if you're not going to give us five. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. even though there's five options it's a pass or a fail essentially if you don't get five and what's the point of it you either hate it or you love it so come on

love us love us do we have a final question before we disappear for the audience to answer they might know what piece of fictional

prop or real item should be on our mantel pieces they might have a much better answer than we did Yeah. Let us know. Let us know. Well, wonderful. Thanks so much for listening, everybody. We will catch you again next time. We are closing in on Crimble Timbles, as we call it, in the industry.

Let me have a look. So we got next fortnight's episode will be the 30th, no, the 30th. And then we've got the 14th. So likely our final episode will be on the 14th out of thought, and then we'll take a little break. So you've got two more episodes before the end of the year, and then we'll be back in January. but we'll let you know next episode what's going on right look after yourself everyone we'll take care

well bye bye then bye bye