Podiots - Podiots: Episode 93 - Designated Piss Corner

Episode Date: January 18, 2022

Ben's having car trouble, Mikey's embarking on a new career path and Peter's being pestered by wildlife   Donate £3 or more to get a shout out and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/   New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Mikey's Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/parrotboy Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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event. Condition supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo. Something really weird happened to me

a couple of days ago. Happy New Year, by the way, everyone. Hello. Oh, yeah. How's it going? A really strange thing

happened to me the other day. So, we're all working from home now because of rules. But I... Rules.

Rules boss, yeah. Rules boss. I occasionally nip into the triple jump office just to do my voiceovers and stuff. So I was in the car, driving back from the office the other day. And I was quite near my house. I was just going along the little high street near where I live in the car.

And out of nowhere, the radio just cut out, right? And it was kind of white noise, but it wasn't quite white noise. It was like the sound of someone using a jet washer. outside, it was sort of going like Discord decided it doesn't want us to hear that. Yeah, Discord did. Oh, well, that's fine. Discord did not play that voice. No, probably not. I thought it was white noise, but everyone at home

will have heard me make that noise. But, you know, a real sort of swishy static sound. And I could just sort of barely hear the music underneath. I was like, okay, well, you know, I just need to tune the radio or something. But rather than tune it, I went to a different station and that was working. I was like, oh, that's a bit weird.

Why would it just cut out like that? It was fine. So I went back to that station again, and it was still doing the swissy noise. But then out of nowhere, I heard in quite a sort of northern accent, just this woman, say, music, and then there was this sort of bleep sound, you know, like from a police radio, just to kind of like, bloop. And then it carried on doing some swishies. I was like, what, wait, what the hell was that? And it carried on swishing for a bit, and then eventually it was music.

Bloop! again. I was like, this is really strange. And then I noticed that if I accelerated the car, I was in traffic. I was stationary when all this was happening. But then once the car started going again, I was speeding up. I was kind of gaining the music back again. The actual proper radio signal. So I was like, why is that linked to my speed and my movement?

What's going on? And then as I started to stop again in the traffic, it went back to white noise and just a woman saying music on occasion. I was really confused and then I this happened for like a couple of minutes in this traffic jam and eventually I just sort of pulled off

at my turning to go down to my street and as soon as I left the road the radio came back on perfectly and I feel like what might have caused it is someone joined the queue like two cars behind me and when I was like setting off

moving again I was getting away from them just temporarily and then they were moving along the queue as well, getting closer to me and then something in that car was interfering with my radio. So when they were getting closer again in the traffic jam, it was so strange though,

like, I don't know what, why was there a woman saying music? Why could you hear her? I don't know. It was like a, what are those radio stations called? Numbers station, it was like a number station, but just the word music. Shit secret agent radio station broadcast

Peter's just been assigned to his mission Get ready Yeah I didn't know what it was she was just And it was like a she wasn't saying it A different way every time It was just clearly a recording of this woman But she was going like music

And then just a bleep noise It's really strange So weird I googled it to see if it was like Maybe it maybe for like diagnostic purposes If like that model of car like plays that as some kind of placeholder if your radio breaks or something

but it's quite difficult to Google static radio music you know because Google doesn't understand what exactly you're asking but yeah really weird in fact I'd be very interested to know if anyone in the audience can explain not necessarily what was interfering with my car

because I don't that's not really relevant but what where was I getting the woman from That's what I want to know. I'm a big fan the fact that she was a northern woman because usually these kind of robotic voices it's all like the Queen's English like music.

That was really strange as well. Music. Sounds like some really dodgy Alan Barton shows. Static in music. As Mikey said, maybe you've now been activated. It's entirely possible.

You were a sleeper agent and now unknowing to you, you've got a thirst for blood. I've got to go and kill music no it's already dead

it's already dead it is it died a long time ago well talking of music you think maybe we should play the music oh good one man hello

hello everybody and welcome to poddiet's the official vidiates podcast It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter.

And I've got a hot take to kick off the new year. Oh, wow. Nice to meet you. I've got a hot take to kick off the new year. I'm dad. Oh, very good. I think 2022 is going to mark the year that the, three-pound Tesco meal deal is abolished.

I think this is it. It's had it right. Inflation. No more meal deals. Maybe I think I anticipate it's going to go up to three pound 50. And I think because of, you know, Brexit, rising, just inflation, rising food prices across the board. I don't see how it's sustainable, especially when he got buggers like me who go in there and

as part of the meal deal get like a two pound can of red bull with it, which has got be demolishing their profits single-handedly. so I'm sorry but that's going to happen I'm going to keep an eye on the news for this because this is going to happen I know it you might be right well Ben already knows this but before our Christmas party

at the end of last year before we started drinking I'd not eaten all day and I was like I just want to get something I don't care what it is I'm going to quickly nipped to the shop and I just grabbed I mean there wasn't much to go at

so I had I had to grab a basic ham sandwich it's literally called just ham It's not having any bread in it. No. And then I got like, I got some nice crisps, but it was like kettle chips or something. And then I was like, I probably just should have water as well because I've not drunk much water today. So I got a bottle of water.

And when I took it to the counter, it didn't give me the three-pound meal deal because the total as individual constituenters, was only £2.95. So I didn't even get a meal deal from it. It was that cheap. So it's still possible, Mikey. it's just everyone's going to have to live off just ham water and just ham just ham just ham just probably right though Mikey because even though tesco Terry Tesco can definitely afford to have a little less pocket money I think I mean fewer fewer pocket money

he is almost certainly absolutely not going to stand for making a loss you know taking a loss it's a broken institution but I think you're wrong last forever oh that that it's Mr. Terry Tesco. I think it's Ms. Tesco. I don't think it's... All right. I don't think Terry owns it anymore.

This is how we're going to start off 2022. Yeah, arguing about the pun name of the person who owns Tesco. Outstanding. Well, everybody, welcome. We hope you had a fantastic and safe Christmas and New Year.

We're back at it again on the Podiat's. There's no time for what happened this week. on vidiates four years ago just yet because we didn't actually launch until was it February yeah yeah yeah so we got this week on video it's four years ago we were just kind of painting a wall or something yeah yeah we were something like that being hyped up by the ogs cast and absolutely not being able to live up to that hype putting a single

of Izraffel, we're not. Sorry. Yeah, what was it? There was something to do with the, we were launching on, oh God, what was it, was it like 5, 501 or something.

Like the 5th of January was something. That wasn't the launch of the channel, but like, that was maybe the day we announced it. I think it was like the Yokescast put out a tweet and it was like, get ready at 501. We've got a very special announcement.

At 501, yeah. And people are going, 501, S-O-I, Shadow of Israfel. No. No, it's not. It's us. Thank you for having us.

We had a nice time. Yeah, there was no way we could live up to that hype. But Vidyat hasn't quite kicked off yet officially four years ago, so we'll get to that eventually. What we can do right now, though, is one through, we're going to run through the wonderful Pod Squad for this week. Do you know what Pod Squad is? Well, we'll flippin' tell you. If you go to Streamlabs.com forward slash Podiot's donations, give three pounds or more, you'll get a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the show, and you'll be part of Pod Squad for this week.

It really, really genuinely helps us and goes towards very important things, like buying Dave Benson Phillips thoroughly used toilet seat, or paying the pod bean subscription that's coming up probably pretty soon. Oh God, yeah. It allows us to put the podcast on the internet in the first place for you to download. So if you are in a position to do it, would very much appreciate it. If you're not, tell your flipping friends, will you? Tell your friends.

Do it. Tell your friends about poddiers. You didn't four years ago, so do it now. He's pretty well, didn't, did you? We're never going to get over this. Do it now. Fucking did. Mikey is going to kick off the first troop.

No, what is yours? The pumpy platoon. Platoon, the first platoon of 2022. We start strong with the generous Hawk Man 105. I went all Sean Conry there, the generous. Hawksman 105, been very generous, and they say, forgot to donate in time for the X-Miss episode. so I'm making up for it with a big one now.

Hope everyone's had a good festive season and let's hope 2022 isn't a steaming pile of plop like the last two years. Have a good one, lads. Thank you very much. Thank you. Specky Becky. Sprinkles McFart Stash.

Very nice. Your mum has a username. The generous Katie Kin Solo haven't been able to donate recently because life. I hope you boys are well. I hope you are too. Thank you.

Hope you are well. That's very generous. Meg wrote this in the bath. Something witty. Serene is a giant birch bitch. Oh, Serene. Oh, coming for you there. Noel Edmonds from Oasis.

Molly stopped meowing at me. Mikey McMikington. The very generous sniper Griffin. I began last year worried about money, but now I'm feeling better about things. Here is some money, love, for you boys who bring me so much joy. I wish I had something.

funny to add, like Bucker Bucker or Woosel Wuzzle, if anyone needs me, I'll be in my room. Well, you got laughs from all three of us there. Yeah, very well done. Stephen Scores, Mr. Blobby becomes a tour guide. Mr. Black, arse face. My sister caught me wanking. Good, good. It's all about de New Year Coom and Lossie Kins.

Thank you all very much. Thank you guys. First Tiny Troop of 2022 begins with Bill and Ben the Bot Bot Bot Man The People's Republic of Chega Lord B

and TP's Pumukril fan club Pro Trainer Freddie W sent Laker to space Oh that's the dog that never came back I mean it did It was It was fine

It never came back I am Bartek From Name Redundit And here are the top 10 hottest. Podiot's Donators of 2022. The very

generous RIP Mr. Chegwin, who said Hi, lads, it's your boy, Andrew. The time has come to put the final nail in Chegwin's coffin and lay him to rest. New name suggestions, please. As obscure as you like, happy new

year and looking forward to all the new content. Okay, love you, bye. So I think Andrew maybe started the Cheggwin's win name trend of 2021 and now he wants new a new suggestion. Hmm. Well, we should just choose your... We should. I've always had an affinity for David Dickinson, I think, his name.

Okay, David Dickinson is a strong show. Cheapest, chips. Cheapest, exactly. Yeah. I was going to say a commander Richard Marsinko, who we should, I don't know if it's too soon. I forgot he died. We lost him.

We lost him over the Christmas break. We lost him, yeah. Demo Dick is gone. Known, not very nice man. He was problematic, that's for sure. Legally different from Dick Michinko, who lives on in all of our hearts. Yeah. Anyway, the list continues.

Good luck, Andrew, by the way. Choosing someone. Thank you for their donation. New Year, New Dave. New Year, New Meatface. Donak O'7 Rip Dick My Chinko

That asshole's not twitching Oh God Oh God, Jesus There we are Rangrop Joy New Year New Start Heise Tart A New Start

A New Start Aanus Tart Hermits a Hermit The Pog The very generous Happy Halloween From Rules Boss Hello, this is Uzbos, hello, happy Halloween, hello,

yes, this is Uzbos, not really, it's deluxe underscore man. Ha ha, got him. Fun fact, fun fact, everyone at my work now does Simon Miller impressions, but have no idea who he is. My work here is done by, kiss-guise. I see, there we go. Told their friends there. Indeed, and they don't understand what they're doing.

What did you say to them? Did you just start seeing words like him when they caught on? That's okay. It's okay. It's easily quite contagious, really. That's true. It's all fall into it quite easily if you don't pay attention. It's not like day one.

You need to know who he is. You've got to learn how to do the voice first. The list continues with Jules Far Dead and Shidded, non-cheggable tokens, and Ben is getting booed. Fine, boo-me. Oh, okay. I can give a shit.

Jeez. The fast crew, the first fast crew I should say of 2020 is as follows Bop it, twist it, pull it, cheg it Uh, ooh Backwards Backwoods joke There we are, but it was backwards So it was Echdrork cab

Thank you The very generous at Crapoleon Who said, I fucking love this podcast, here's some money, Leon Oh, Crapo Leon Crapo Leon. Ivana Shave You. Very nice. Thank you for your donation.

Ross Snowball, the very generous Prince Beefcakes, who said, I'd like to personally thank Peter for the deadpan reading of my previous holiday message about being briefly stranded in a blizzard. 10 out of 10 stars, absolutely correct vibes, wishing you all and the whole pod squad, bountiful luck in the new year, Kiskees. I'm glad you made it, Prince Beefcakes. Absolutely. Mr. Macker, the very generous surfaced.

for Dog O'3, Gil Esp, I think. Happy fucking New Year, my dudes. Thanks for the awesome content across the board. I wanted to say thank you for answering my question months ago about the Would You Rather question? It felt like I hit the lottery. Have a wonderful 2022. Cheerio.

Cheers. Thank you. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers. Pingu's dad killed Pingu's mum. Oh, no. We're getting a bit closer to Christmas now as we get to the end of these.

because we get them in the wrong order. Rudolf Schittler. Oh, nice. Not done. Right. The very generous stroke off Trent. He says, Hello, boys.

Or girls, this is a small token of my gratitude. 2021 was the hardest year of my life. I dealt with depression. And even though I have a support system, it's been tough. Thanks for making me laugh on the sad days and every other day too. Cheers. Thank you. Stroke off Trent.

All the best. We'll be doing better. Yeah. All right now, yeah. You ever played my. Mind goblins? Mind goblin dees nuts. Got him! Two separate donations there. Very well done.

Nice. It worked. Love you boys or girls. 15 quid is what it says. They donated three pounds. This cost 12 quid, Caroline. Three pounds. Outright may have fucked it.

Thing right so that you read this trying to get reverse donation. Wow. Right. So you still got it wrong It's supposed to say Trying to get reverse donation thing right So that you read this outright May have fucked it

Yeah, you did Start with the last message first I think that may be It's probably intentional I think that's part of the joke Star for effort All done Dave and Ben's son Philip

And finally Epileptic Fridge Boy Thank you For all of you For joining Pod Squad this week the first Pod Squad of 2020, you will of course get a shout out at the end of the show as well. Stringlabs.com forward slash

potty at Stonations, three pounds or more. I love doing Pod Squad so much. You love a treat. I love doing Pod Squad. It's just my favourite part of the podcast. Yeah. Every time. Never know what you're going to get. Mikey.

Hello. Do you want some questions? Oh, I've got some questions here right in front of me. Would you like one? Yes, me. Yeah. We start with the veritable Tommy the Wank Engine at Trigley Cerride T on Twitter.

He says, all right, folks, let's take a look back. Oh, Michael, you can read better than this. Good start to the year. Yes, getting out early. It would be smooth sailing from here. Let's take a look back at the goals you set for your 2021 selves back in episode 68 of podcasts. Oh, no.

Did you all accomplish your goals? Peter, yours was, to get married. Had that go? Oh, it didn't. It didn't happen. Failed. Damn. Mission failed, boys.

We'll get him next time. We will hopefully get them next time. This should be the year. Yeah. It's getting it ever closer. It's less than a year away now. It's never been less than a year away up to this point because by the time we got 10 or 11 months away to the original date, I think at that point we knew it wasn't going to happen. So we are now, we're now ready to go.

Yeah. Yeah, this is it. It's going to happen. Is that all I said, get married? Yeah, apparently. That seemed like a shoe in at the time, probably. The one thing. This can't continue, can it?

Whoops. Yeah, I'll fingers crossed. Yes, looking forward to it. Mine was apparently to shower every day. Oh, right. Okay. I probably should have made a note how often I showered. I can guarantee it wasn't every day, but it was at least more days than not.

So I'm counting that as a victory if you round it up. So I'm, I'm giving myself a big old. Pat on the back for that. That's because you were working from home, isn't it, partly, I think. Yes. You're trying to just motivate yourself to get up, shower, get dressed. You get your desk and you're like, ah, no one can smell me. It's fine.

Yeah, I've fallen into old pyjama habits already. I don't know about you, Ben. Yeah, I'm wearing my work outfit right now. I've had a shower and then got back into my work outfit, which is joggers in a hoodie. Yeah, I wear joggers a lot. I'm doing, at least one area I'm improving in is I'm getting up at a good time, consistently every day, so I'm, that's, I'm hopefully that street continues. I'm like, congratulations.

Oh, man, proud of you? Yeah. Yeah. You don't, you want to know my secret? Going to bed earlier. No, I probably should do that, but not that. I've set an, I've found an alarm where you have to take a picture to, um, I take a picture of a certain object to turn it off.

And so I've just took a picture of something on the fridge. So I have to go all the way downstairs, turn it off. And at that point, I'm in front of the coffee machine. Bam, I'm awake. I bet Claudia loves that. Yes. Historically, I used to have about 10 alarms in the morning. Yes, it's an aggressive alarm as well.

She's just dropped off to sleep at 7 in the morning and off you go. Is it a threat of violence that motivates you as much as making the phone stop? And Ben, your goal was to get back to human levels of speed. How's that going? Well, I did, I injured my IT band. like four, five months ago. They sing songs about computers. Yes.

Yeah, I beat the shit out of them. Yeah. And so I've had to stop running or ease all the way back off it and do alternative exercise instead. So I would say that I am back at relatively normal levels in that I don't run faster than light anymore. So otherwise I'd hurt myself. So injury forced.

me to slow down. Nice. So maybe this year... I think we've already set goals for this year, haven't we? I think one of the... I think the last poddiots before... Did we? I think it was a question or we asked each other about resolutions, didn't we?

Or maybe not. I don't know that we did, you know? Maybe I'm thinking of it. Or if we did, I cannot remember. I literally have no idea. It may just been a conversation I had on New Year's Eve, sort of half, well, not really very sober, and I'm just remembering it as a podiot, but... You're on such autopilot now with all aspects of your life that it's...

I was just drinking with my family going, Erthing, a lot to talk about. Were you playing the 50P game? Is that why it felt like it was poddy at the time? It's entirely possible. I thought it was a donation from Stream Labs, the 50pence. Shout out to Mum. Thanks, mum.

Cheers for the Lego. Yeah. Rudolph Chitler, thank you, everyone. Just, you know, the most heinous pod squad names. Oh, no. I've always got any conversation with someone. You just have to show them a picture of Dave to mark the beginning. Yes, yeah, absolutely.

Maybe we didn't then. Well, perhaps we'll have to set some fresh goals. Oh, God, do we have any ideas? I don't know. I've just lost all hope. I just want to keep going because it would be nice, but I want to know. I mean, it's, you know, there's like rules of goal setting and how to do it properly. I'm going to just, this doesn't take any of the boxes as to how you're supposed to set goals.

but I, vaguely speaking, want to take more photos this year. That's a good one, yeah. Yeah, I don't take enough photos. Well, if you get married, hopefully that... Well, yeah. That's a whole book of photos. True.

And I also, I want to buy, like, a nice little photo printer or something. Yeah. And, like, get an album, because I think having physical photos is a good idea, because I don't look at them otherwise. I don't know where they are. No, that just goes into the full one void,

which you never check and you never... It does, yeah. They need the Freud. The Freud. All right, you guys. Taking pictures is a good one. I might steal that because I'm just scrolling through my phone at the minute. It's all those pictures of Karen and the ferrets, and that doesn't...

I don't think that represents my life. Yeah, I don't think I document enough moments, like social events and stuff. Yeah, exactly. I'll take, like, a photo of, oh, I'm having a drink. So I'd take a photo of the drink and send it to someone who's asking, like, oh, how's I'm going. I'm having this drink. So, yeah. It'd be nice. It'd be nice to take more photos.

Other than that, I can't really think of anything that's not, like, immensely depressing to, like, say aloud. Yeah, well, yeah, I avoided that sort of stuff. I want to fix deep-rooted issues I have identified in myself. Oh, boy. You know? Yeah. Besides that, though, I don't really know. I'm doing a month without takeaway currently.

Oh, okay. Because I'm a bit of a takeaway fiend. I do enjoy it very much And so I'm trying to do a month And I am I am hating it You know Like it's my vice

And my vice is gone now And so what do I do Do I just start Doing heroin instead What do we replace it with? Yeah I guess Do heroin this month And then next month

Try and do a month Without heroin And see how well that goes I'll just work through All the Class A drugs Throughout this year Like a terrible Life Shortening Advent calendar

That'll be brilliant Yeah God speed Ben Good looking Bad event calendar. There you know. Yeah. I'll let you know how I get on.

Or I won't, in which case I've died. Well, then the Pollyett's money only goes two ways. So I'm all in favor of that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. For a short while, it'll fund Ben's drug habits and then it'll fund his funeral. And then it'll just go straight to a year for an expensive one month. And then you guys can have all of it afterwards.

Sweet. Just make sure you sign Dave's toilet seat before you die. Yes. Yeah, we need to sell that, don't we? We do. need to sell that. He's just forgetting about that. We do genuinely have it. We promise. It's in the Trouble Jump Office right now. Yeah. I have to walk. It's behind Peter and I have to squeeze between Peter and Dave's thoroughly used toilet seat every time I want to get to

my desk. Very few people in the world have ever squeezed between me and Dave Benson Phillips's thoroughly used. Considerably used. Considerably. That's, I forget what the word is. Considerably. What about you, Mikey? What's your, what's your thingy? I don't know. I feel like I always say the same thing. I just want to make more stuff. I feel like I've been in a rut for a couple of years in terms of making things and just push myself to do something,

regardless what it is, even if it feels like a stupid little worthless idea. At least you've done something. That'd be nice. So I don't know what that entails. You always single-handedly start-up videots again if you wanted. Yeah. Just play all the roles.

I recreate every idiot's video, but it's just me alone on the couch seeing all the lines and waiting to empty silence and then responding. Oh, that would be such an art piece. It would. You should take up stop motion or something and animate the whole thing.

Oh, that'd be cute. Oh, like a little Christmas special, idiots, like horrible, horrible little clear figures of you both. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a good thing, though, Mikey. Get creative.

Yeah, do stuff. Do stuff, do stuff. Want to do some stuff. Speaking of stuff, who wants to present their thing? Hmm I could go It's an anecdotal thing

Oh Double tummy Gonna start off with an actual story About what happened to me Over the Christmas break In my car Yes Gather around the fire

In your car story In my car The car what struck Peter Was it someone saying music On the radio No it wasn't sadly I wish It would have been far simpler

So there were two occasions within the space of a few days where I was, I went on an adventure with my car and was stuck with it for some time. So the first one was I'd just been to Milton Keynes to go and watch a 4DX screening of Spider-Man No Way Home. Milton Keynes. It's the kind of place that the neighbour's cat would go, I think. Oh yes, big time.

He must have. I'm here, Milton Keynes. Roundabout Central Well, the roundabouts are on the outside In the centre It's all just a grid system It's like America I hate it

So many lanes and lights You drive for like Five seconds And then you stop at another set of lights It's rubbish Rubbish Rubbish trash city Fuck you if you're from Milton Keynes

How day I don't think anyone's gonna argue against that though Milton Keynes Newtown More like Milton Keynes Poo Town Am I right? Yeah, that's it

They'll never recover from that Have you guys ever watched 4DX? No, no. So, I've watched it a few times, but this time was particularly violent. If you've never done it, it's basically like those motion rides you get at theme parks. But someone does it for an entire movie. So you sat in a row of four seats, and there's a cinema full of them. And they sort of vibrate and tilt and move around, and there's strobe effects and fog and wind.

And it sprays like bits of water at you if you want to. You can turn that off if you want. But while I've seen, I saw a couple of Star Wars movies in it when those were going on. And then Spider-Man was just, it was so, so violent. Like I was being thrown all over the place. It was like being in a car crash for two hours. It was awful. Such an unpleasant way to experience that film.

So don't do that. But if you get the chance to do 40X, it's quite an experience. Even though it's pretty expensive. I saw a headline the other day that technology is being developed at like a lickable screen that can do flavors. It's like

Willy Wonka, isn't it? The snobsberries taste like snazberries. The tamako tastes like grandma.

Yeah. So that would be 5DX soon to be able to just lick stuff. Oh, looking one can taste

Tom Holland. Yeah. Lovely. So I'd I'm not spoiling things here. Let's say

I've already been in a car crash when I leave Milton Keynes. Oh God. And I'd say I'm a confident driver

but I'm not hugely thrilled about driving in the dark on roads I'm not massively familiar with especially if there's not many lights and people in significantly bigger and more powerful cars are more than happy to like drive right up my asshole with their lights on

not a fan of that so someone was doing that as I was making my way back from Milton Keynes back to my parents' house and I thought what I'll do as I'll do a tactical on one of these roundabouts I'll indicate right go all the way round while they pass and then just carry on the same direction

just so that they can get ahead you know little tactical snoop and poop you know and I got onto this roundabout that was in the middle of nowhere and as I was going round there's just a guy parked like horizontally blocking both of the lanes and he's just stood next to his car

and I was completely taken aback because it's like 1130pm at this point now rolled down my window and just said is everything okay and he said can you help me push my car and i was like uh sure okay so i put my hazards on and i got out and i tried to help him push his car and it was just sort of not really going anywhere it was sort of rocking backwards and then just rolling back forwards again and i was like oh shit uh and then a lorry pulled over fortunately and he got out and tried we all tried to push it but we got it a bit further but same thing and then i spotted his wheel and his front right wheel

was at a right angle and almost completely separate from the car. Jesus. So it like completely torn out. So I looked at the lorry driver and I just said, I'll call someone, I suppose. And so the lorry driver went off. I called the police and asked them to come out because, you know, there's a car blocking two lanes of this roundabout. And I got talking to the guy who was just waiting by his car on a roundabout. And it turns out that a fox ran out in front of his car, and he swerved to avoid it, hit the sort of raised bit as you come up to the roundabout that separates the two lanes, which is sort of like a raised curb pavement bit, then flew over it and smashed into the roundabout.

Fortunately, he was fine, but his car was absolutely fucked. So I then had to just wait for the police to arrive and it took them about 45 minutes. and then they just told me I could go and they were giving the guy a breathalyzer and I was like cool well that was exciting and it was fucking freezing and I got mud all over my shoes

because I was just clomping around on top of this roundabout so I was out of the traffic You got a smear of fox all over your shoes just blood and fur I think the fox was fine there was no sign of the fox

I was going to say you didn't mention a fox sounds like a bullshit story to me yeah well I think that's why he was breathalized but maybe he just fucked up and said, oh, it was a fox. Sure. So then I went on my merry way

and I thought, well, I can't possibly have any more car-related adventures, can I, over this Christmas break? But wait. As I was driving back north, I went via Sam.

You know Sam, right? We all know Sam. Sam from Coltonolic? Sam Driver. Sam Driver. His partner, Steph, who Peter, you've met. Yes.

I'm not sure you have Mikey. No, I've not had the pleasure yet. She's very nice. Yes, lovely person. So I picked up Steph from where she lives because she was going north anyway and it was on route. So I thought, I'll pick up Steph. That will be a nice thing to do and we can share a car ride and I can talk to a human being and that will be lovely. So I picked her up and then half an hour into the drive back north, all the traffic came to a standstill and people started getting out of their cars and, you know, the middle age dad thing where it's only the middle age.

dad's initially, and they're just going from car to car, just going, oh, what do you think is happening then? Yeah. Hands on hips and ho. Yeah. Just sort of peering down the line of traffic. And I've been in, you know, we've all been in traffic jams before. I thought, whatever it is, it'll pass and we'll be on the way, on our way in like 20 minutes or whatever.

We were there for four hours. Oh, my God. Because someone had driven the wrong way down the A1. Oh, I heard about this. I actually heard about this. Yeah. Wow. They caused a big crash.

There was an air ambulance. Everybody was like, all the emergency vehicles were, like, flying down the hard shoulder. Because I drove that day, but we were going south and we didn't actually... Oh, you may have gone past us. Well, maybe. Well, I don't know if it depends how far south you were. But we, I think just as we got to my parents' place, we heard that that had happened and that they'd close the road. so yeah we didn't see it but i think we only just missed it i mean not i mean we're going the other way

so it wouldn't have affected us but yeah i've never been in traffic like like it eventually we did give up just waiting in the car and we got out and we went for a walk or fortunately we were pretty close to the front so when things did open again we were just funneled into the you know one lane and we're able to get passed but they kept all the lanes shut because there was just wreckage all over the road and i'm not honestly i'm not sure of the outcome. I think the last I heard someone was in critical condition. Hopefully they're okay. I genuinely don't know what happened there. But we walked down to the front and then we walked as far as we could be bothered in the other direction. But people were walking their

dogs. Obviously people had babies and they were like taking them for a walk and trying to keep them satisfied. There was like a designated piss corner. I saw several people go to the same like square patch of lands to clearly go for a wee That'd be my nightmare God, I'd know for a fact I'd be sat there needing the biggest poo in my life after like half a hour

I think some people did go for poos I saw one man sort of desperately trying to shield his wife from hundreds of cars with a towel but it was very obvious what was going on fortunately though I was coming back from my parents

and I had a car It wasn't full of, you know, the kind of food you would want to eat for dinner, but I had, like, miniature dime bars and Pringles and Jaffa cakes and stuff in my boot. So snacks were okay, but I think we watched, like, two episodes of Futurama on my laptop before it died. I was very grateful to have Steph there because otherwise I was going mental, but I just couldn't believe that so much excitement could happen to me in, like, the span of a week in my shit little car. All of it car related. And Steph being the partner of Sam Driver, of all that.

Oh, look at that. Perfect. You would have thought she would have some sort of psychic clairvoyance. Immunity. Like, turn off now. Yeah. Turn off now. Something bad is going to happen.

But there we are. That's my thing. Anecdochle car adventures, just sort of waiting in my car. I was going to say, that must have felt like the longest period of time ever. At least it was alleviated by having Steph there. So that's one benefit. Yeah, forever grateful for that. But that is my thing.

How exciting. Wow. Boys, would you like another question? I would love one. This one's coming at you from Billy Big Bowers. I can't do a good Scottish. Bores? Big Bores, yeah, big bores.

What does Scottish people say? Ockai, big bores. No, you can't do that. That's bad. Sorry, I can't say that one. At Kermit the Pog on Twitter. They ask, would you rather always be hungry or always need a joby? Okay.

So I'll be being Scottish for plops. Yes. Picked it purely because I love that word. It depends on the severity of them both because they both got their ups and downs. Yeah. And are we saying just the sensation of always needing a plops or like how debilitating is that's true actually always needing a plops

like do you just constant if you're not sitting on the toilet at any point are you just going to shit yourself or yeah because if it's just the feeling then how do you know when you actually need to go plop that sounds like a nightmare you'd have to make sure you are very regular

it's on the hour time from I regularly sit down I don't like the idea of always needing a plop and as someone who is always hungry I feel again you're right It depends on the severity of the hunger. If you are so hungry all the time that you have no energy,

because you're going to, you know, it doesn't say you can't eat in this hypothetical situation. So let's say you're still getting the nutrients and you have the energy that you need. You're just hungry all the time. I'd much rather be hungry than sort of be debilitated by constantly needing the toilet. Yeah. Because again, even if you don't physically have to go, you would never know. you might be a regular person like once a day

either first thing in the morning or in the evening when you get home or whatever it is that you like to do but on those odd occasions where you have an irregular motion

you might be the middle of the day at the office or might be in the middle of the night you wake up I don't think that's ever happened to me but you never know it might do you wouldn't know

would you because you would like well I always feel like this so you would potentially shit yourself. Yeah. Just every day is fraught with fear. You'd never be able to identify the signal as being a genuine need. It's like immune to pain, right?

And not knowing when you're actual genuine injury or not. Yeah. Yeah, I think maybe always hungry. And again, you would sort of have the same issue, but I guess that you would at least know whether you've eaten enough. You're not going to like accidentally starve to death, I don't think. I think there'd be a nuisance to never feel satiated. Like, everyone would be a bit disappointing.

Yeah, that's not done the trick. It would suck. And you'd probably snack all the time as well, or you'd have to learn not to. But yeah, I think, yeah, just toilet business is a risky business. So keep me hungry, my friend. There it is. We solved it. Thanks.

Thanks for that one. Do you want another question, or do you want to roll into a thing? Oh, another question. Well, because I just figured with that one, I figured I may as well have an extra one because I didn't know how long that one could go on for. Sure, why not? Very well both of you.

This one comes from Dave Cooper at Deluxe Man on Twitter. He says, In a parallel universe, you do shows for stuff. What's on your list? So, were the Dave in this situation? What would you do? What would you take in exchange for doing things? Just the same.

I want enough juggling balls to teach a class of 20. We all want that. Deluxe Mell is one of our pod squatters as well today. Hey, there you go. Wow, double whammy. Look at you. Hmm. I haven't eaten food.

I mean, why not? Just, yeah, I'll come do something if you just give me a meal. Feed me. You know, feed me. It's time for lunch. Yeah, give me somewhere at sleep, somewhere to eat. I'll go anywhere and I'll do whatever you want. I'll do anything.

I've got sausages and mash I'm hungry all the time Please I'm jumping around the country In pursuit of a nice meal Please someone fix me I'm constantly hungry Because I'm constantly shitting

Just emptying myself Might have having both Some people might Yeah We were talking before we started recording The podcast about what we got for Christmas And one of my more Well less

less practical and more childhood wonder presence this year was a Lego set. I would probably do shows for Lego, I think. Yeah, that's pretty good. It's so expensive. Yeah, I don't want to have to pay for it myself.

And I don't even... You could just say, well, why don't you do shows for money and then spend the money on Lego? But I would feel like I'm wasting this money on Lego. Whereas if it was always just going to be for Lego, I would feel a lot better about it.

You can never think, I should have put this towards rent instead it's just lovely bricks. Yeah, I just blow myself a house. Lovely bushy bricks. I think I want to play garden games.

Because that's like, being a kid, used to always play like rounders and stuff and the opportunity doesn't really arrive anymore. So I think I'd like, get me in your bad garden with a game around us.

I'll be pleased as punch. I do a tour of all the British games. A bit of cricket. Rounders and cricket are the only two I can think of right now. Boole. Yeah, boo. Okay.

Oh, I thought you just said, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you would go, you would have to do a show first or after, but you would turn up and play a lawn game at someone's house and then do a show. Yeah. Is that the business model?

Okay. Yeah, I think it sounds like a bit of fun. Yeah. Yeah, why not? It's just not at all what I expected you to say. I just got a sudden angering to play rounders. No, I don't know who asked. like set that up now and you

have been lovely see it oh it'd be lovely yeah never had pimms have you not oh pins lemonade lovely that's quite nice okay yeah when I eventually get my ass up to to Newcastle again and we actually do some of those podcasts

we'd be mean to do like two years now yeah we'll have a nice and a hundred to do this week god yeah we'll have a nice game around us and we'll give you a PIMS and we'll have some Legos off to the side for Peter and everyone will be happy doing shows for stuff

I'll bring a vegan KFC Oh yeah Oh my God, yes, yes Okay A non-vegan Asda cake Yeah For old times sake

Would you like me to do my thing? Yes Yes My answer was no I just don't do it this week It's 2022 And a new year Means new opportunities

New beginnings So in the spirit of things, I'm on the hunt for a new job, and I think I've found the best one going. Welcome to the thrilling world of garden hermits. Okay. Oh, see, I know a bit about garden hermits, Mikey. This is exciting. I'm ready to learn more. Exciting is certainly a word for it.

So this is a genuine old job that used to exist and still exist to a certain degree. Are you ready to learn about that? know that. Yeah, yes. You'll find out at the end. Oh, spoilers. Okay.

While some gardeners might now throw a gnome statue among their flowers and shrubberies back in the 18th century, wealthy estate owners were hiring real people to dress as druids,

grow their hair long and not wash for years. So I'm already taking one of those boxes pretty big. These hired hermits would lodge in shacks, caves and other hermitages constructed in a rustic manner

in rambling gardens. And they, garden, I can play my garden games. I don't think hermits are actually allowed to do that. Point of hermits is you just sit and ponder and that's it. That's your existence. True hermits, those who shun society and live in isolation to pursue higher spiritual enlightenment, had been a part of the religious landscape of Britain for centuries. The trend of adding hermits to estate grounds for aesthetic purposes arose in the 18th century

out of a naturalistic influence in British gardens. famed landscape gardener Lancelot Capability Brown. That's a hell of a middle name. Wow. Capability Brown, yeah. Lancelot Brown. He's quite a famous garden guy. You go to these National Trust properties in a life.

Yeah, this garden is a Capability Brown. It's like, oh, is it? Oh, okay. Just done one of those in the toilets around the corner. Oh, dear. Good. He was a leading proponent of this naturalistic approach, which shunned the French style of four. normal gardens of old. Think neatly trimmed lawns, elaborately shaped box hedges, and

geometric gravel paths. Gross. And a dish those in favour of serpentine paths that meandered past romantic-looking lakes, rustic clumps of trees, and artfully crumbling follies. Just does sound quite nice, very British, like derelict, overgrown. Lovely. This new style of garden frequently also featured a picturesque hermitage constructed of brick or stone or even gnarled tree roots and branches. Many were decorated inside with shells or bones to create a suitably atmospheric retreat.

Give me five minutes, darling. I'm going to sit with my bones. Finally a use for the KFC leftovers. Yeah. There's one not so far from us, Ben. There's a stately home that's got a shell grotto in it. Yeah. It's got all these

just regular kind of seashells all stuck all over the wall. Oh, cute. I want to see one now. This has piqued my interest in them because I imagine it's just being like a small little hovel but fun. And then imagine sitting in there for like seven years. Well, yeah, it's a lot less fun.

Yeah, yes. Gordon Campbell of the University of Leicester published The Hermit in the Garden from Imperial Rome to ornamental gnome. Very good title. That's brilliant. And it was the third. first book on the subject, and he wrote, Recruiting a hermit wasn't always easy.

Sometimes they were agricultural workers and they were dressed in a costume, often in a druid's costume. There was no agreement on how druids dressed, but in some cases they wore what we would call a dunce's cap. Oh, that feels mean. Just check out this dunce at the end of the garden. I've managed to trick him into singing for years. As Campbell cites from an advertisement referenced in Sir William Gells,

a tour in the lakes, made in 1797, the hermit is never to leave the place or hold a conversation with anyone for seven years during which he is neither to wash himself or cleanse himself in any way whatever but is to let his hair

and nails both on hands and feet grow as long as nature will permit them. What a lovely little stinky man at the end of the garden. You want to mean my stink boy? Don't try to talk to him though. He's not allowed. He's got a hat.

Look at my stink boy surrounded by bones. I did this to him. Others ask that their hermits not wear shoes or even to entertain party guests with personal... Oh, I've run on the sentence there. There's supposed to be a little pause. Others asked that their hermit's not wear shoes

or even entertain party guests. Where, does that mean that they're not supposed to entertain party guests with personalized poetry? No, I think that they... Yeah, they asked them to do that. Okay, that makes sense. To not wear shoes and to entertain party guests. Thank you.

personalised poetry or the serving of wine. Yeah, that makes sense. It seems like a whimsical garden feature, does it? It sounds like abuse. Yeah. It's not whimsical. That's a man's life. Exploitative.

But in fact, it was all about that most celebrated of Georgian England emotions. Melancholy. Introspection and somberness of spirit were prized among the elite and the roles they asked their hermits to play and bodied this. In 1784,

in the 1784, or guide to the Hawks' Hork Stone Estate in Shropshire, belonging to Sir Richard Hill, describes its resident hermit. You pull a bell and gain admittance. The hermit is generally in a sitting posture with a table in front of him, on which is a skull,

the emblem of mortality, an hourglass, a book, and a pair of spectacles. Nice to get books. That's nice. That's nice. The venerable barefooted father, that's a good wrestler name, whose name is Francis, if awake, always rises up at the approach of strangers. I thought he meant his name was only Francis when he was awake. When he's a sleepy call him dunce.

Oh dear. He always rises up at the approach of strangers. He seemed about 90 years of age, yet has all his sense to admiration. He is tolerably conversant and far from being unpolite. At other hours, the Hawkestone Hermit was replaced with a mannequin. Oh. Do you do that all the time.

Does he just send him home at night time? Is it like a day job then? To his house. Part-time hermit. Yeah. Some estate owners who couldn't afford or did not want a real-life hermit, sometimes set up the hermitage as if it, as if its resident had just left. They create like a little diaphragm of like, oh, he spilled his juice and what's he like?

Others used the hermitages themselves. Some took to this, some took this to even greater extremes. putting a dummy or automation in the hermit's place. One such example was found at the Woodhouse in Womburn. Womburn, is that I pronounce it? That's how it's spelled. Not sure. In Stapfordshire.

Wombard. England. Well, Womb, where the Wimbles Wombon. The Wimbles, what? The Wombles. Yeah, the Wimbles. What did the Wombles do? The Wombles Wombles Wombled?

No, they don't. No, the Wimbled. Yeah. The Wombles of Wimbledon. Wombled. Wobbling. Wobbling Wombles in. England

Where in the... Oh God, I've lost myself. One such example was found at the Woodhouse in Wombard and Staffordshire, England, where in the mid-18th century, Samuel Hellier added a mechanical hermit that was said to move and give a life-like impression. Very good.

With the new fashion for building hermatures in country estates, the next logical step was to populate them with an actual hermit. It's not clear who first started the trend, but at some point in the early 18th, century, having a resident hermit quietly contemplating existence, and occasionally sharing some golden nugget of wisdom with visitors, came to be seen as a must-have accessory for the perfect

garden ideal. Real hermits were hard to find, though, so wealthy landowners had to get creative. Some put advertisements in the press, offering food, lodging, and a stipend for those willing to adopt a life of solitude. The Honourable Charles Hamilton placed one such ad after buying Pains Hill Park and extensively remodeling the grounds. Hamilton created a lake, grottos, a Chinese bridge, temple and a hermitage on its estate, then placed an ad for a hermit to live there for seven years in exchange for 700 pound. In today's money, that's $77,000, which is not bad, not great. That's like, what, seven grand a year?

No, 10 grand a year? 11 grand a year? You could do worse for sitting around doing nothing. day. The hermit was not allowed to speak to anyone, cut their hair or leave the estate. Unfortunately, the successful applicant was discovered in the local pub just three weeks after being appointed. Oh, bastard. Little get. What's he like? He was relieved of his role and not replaced, perhaps demonstrating the difficulty of attracting a serious hermit. Today, the fascination with hermit still exists. Sorry, we need a serious hermit. Please, no time wasteers.

No time. What makes a serious hermit? I guess one that doesn't go to the pub. I don't blame them though. I think after three weeks I'd be dying for a pint as well. It's kind of strange to be putting a job ad out saying, we're looking for someone who isn't going to do anything. They're just going to sit around, you know, not really,

just do nothing, please. And they really struggled. Whereas, you know, nowadays, it's almost the opposite effect. Oh, dear. Well, speaking of nowadays, today the fascination with hermits still exists, albeit in far smaller, smaller communities. At the end of April 2017, a new hermit, 58-year-old Stan Voyatrecht, moved into a hermitage in Salfeld in Austria, high up in the mountains.

50 people applied for this position, despite the lack of internet, running water, or heating. Not to mention the fact that the hermit is not compensated monetarily at all for the time during this period. The hermitage, which has been continuously inhabited for the last 350 years, which is quite impressive, Jesus, welcomes visitors to come and enjoy a spiritual conversation with their resident hermit and expects plenty of guests. That sounds a bit more tolerable, tolerable. You know, you're in Austria, it's a nice little wooden cabin as well, it's quite nice. You've got good views. You can get milk there. Yeah.

Yeah, this is, yeah, at the bottom. It sounds pretty grim to not have any heating, I think. Sounds not high up in the mountains. Yeah. Yeah. He seems to be quite happy about it, though. This is a quote from him. I thought I had no chance,

Voyetrek, who comes from near Brussels, told the Austria Press Agency, when I read about this Salfeldon Hermitage, I thought to myself, that's the place for me. He said he had long dreamed of becoming a hermit, but the opportunity had never arisen. And now he's living his dream.

Damn, is there a photo of him? Yes, there is. let me let me get at Google surely anyone can become a what does it mean the opportunity never arose paid perhaps I don't know yeah so he did this one for free he could have just built a little shed for himself

oh man yeah it's not they weren't paid for any I guess they just get maybe they get sent food and stuff whereas you know if you did it yourself you wouldn't be provided with that he's doing hermit for food isn't he for stuff that's a good hermit

he looks like he's a good modern hermit him Hermity already, yeah. Yeah. It's got the, I mean, he just got a sink and a tip. Is it got a sink? No, what the hell is that? That's like a wood fire oven. God, yeah, this building's old, so it's all just, well, that's cozy.

I'll give it that. Well, he's happy. He's living his dream. He is. I'd like to go visit him one day and ask him how it's going on. Hey, you've got to have something. Look at this, hey, look at this man. He's achieved it.

What have you done, Ben? That felt weird. Sorry, Ben. You've achieved a lot in your life, Ben. I'm sorry, I feel bad. Not enough. This guy was definitely partly hired because he's got a great big, big, bushy, white theaters.

If he didn't have that, I bet he wouldn't have got the job. Did you say he's in his 50s? Yes, I think he's like 58. Yeah, 58. Man, that dude has aged fast, hasn't he? He's 50 years. Well, yeah. He looks like he's in his late 60s, maybe, early 70s.

I'd say mid-60s, but yeah, he doesn't look as in his 50s at all, you're right. No. But we wish him all the best up there in his Austrian cabin. It's that harsh hermit living, I think, maybe. Yeah. And I'll be applying for his position when he decides to move on. Good. So you should.

Fantastic. That's a summary of hermits. Love it. Lovely. Thank you, Michael. Thanks, Michael. Right. Question time.

Let's see what we've got. I've got so many in front of me I didn't whittle them down now oh no oh god let's go for a nice one John Gomez at John John's 8 on Twitter

as favorite bit of media last year movie, show, album, game, book I guess since we'll carry on the theme of contemplating the year that's past any highlights for you boys I think we might talk a little bit about this recently but there weren't many films last year

I think I went to the cinema twice yeah I didn't go off Spider-Man was very good that was right I did enjoy Spider-Man some recency bias there but Spider-Man was great I enjoyed I think it was

season three of what we do in the shadows I thought that was fantastic comedy television I really enjoyed it I've yet to delve into that TV show I think I watched 10 minutes the first episode and got put off because it wasn't exactly like the film

but I need to I need to stop that mindset and enjoy it for its own thing. It does the film justice, I promise you. Obviously, the first episode of anything, especially with such a high concept of, what about a mockumentary about vampires, but they're idiots? Yeah. You know, it's really good, really, really funny.

I've heard good things about it. It doesn't replace the film at all. It just, it's in the same, it runs parallel, or not parallel, but it's sort of set after the events of the film. So it's not like they're pretending it doesn't, exist or recconning it or anything like that. There is crossover. I'll say that much.

I will stick it on the docket to watch. It's good. It's good. I think favorite film I watched last year was last night in Soho, the Egerite horror. It's a bit spooky for me. Oh, it's, it's good. It's fun spooky, though. It's psychological, weird fuckery spooky, not jump scary spooks.

It sounds even worse for me. It's good. It's like a thrill ride. It's very, like some really mind-bending kind of visuals in it. very, very fun. And for something that wasn't released in 2021, I finally got into Line of Duty and the five of the view watched it. No, I haven't.

No, but again, I know it was very popular, particularly last year. Yeah, I hadn't, like, for some reason, I just don't remember every hearing about it, maybe except for like a clip or two on Harry Hills TV, perp years ago. And, yeah, like, after all the hype the last season got, we and Claudia recently got into it, and Jesus Christ, it's so good. God, like very good police procedural drama, but not like CSI, like actually good, I recommend it.

People were a bit disappointed, but the, like, when it was being talked about last year, it was because like the finale happened, I think the very last episode and wasn't it a little bit controversial? I think some people were a bit, you know, they thought, oh, all that for nothing or I don't know. Yeah, yeah. I guess you've not seen it yet, so. No, I'm midway through it at the minute. So I might report back with my feelings on it.

Yeah, I hope you like it. I think a lot of people did, but I know it was, well, like I say, it was controversial. I kind of split the crowd, I think. So I have to see how it goes down with you. I'm generally very easily pleased. It's terrible. If you put something in front of me and it managed just to grab my attention for like five minutes, I'm like, oh, this is great.

I'm loving it. Like just flashing lights and lights and colors. I'm great. Oh, wow, this is great. Wow. That's usually how I rate something. So I just fail to comprehend anything remotely. like context like um like sub subtext like little little bits it all goes over my head i'm just like yeah

i had fun watching that things moved about in front of me great i'm like a baby give me baby sensory videos jingle jingle oh yeah great 10 out of 10 um for me i didn't i only went to the cinema once last year and that was to see the the 20th anniversary of um the philosopher stone um and that was right at the end of the year as well so i only saw one new film last year i think which is mad when I think about it. I don't know how I went 12 months without... Maybe I'm thinking of... Maybe I'm forgetting something earlier.

Oh, I saw Godzilla versus Kong. Oh, yeah. Not at the cinema, but that was a new film that I saw. But, yeah, so I don't know about films, but... I mean, again, this is kind of a recency thing, but, like, a couple of things I watched at the tail end of the year on streaming services. I really liked the second series of Tiger King. Oh, really?

Yeah. Oh, I hate it. I thought it was really good. Oh, you hated it? I absolutely despised it. I thought it was rubbish. Really? Yeah.

It just felt, I don't know, it just felt very empty and vapid. I mean, the first season was anyway, but the second one was just like, oh, man, this is nothing of substance here. Well, I should say I watched that and at the same, well, not at the same time, but immediately after I watched the Doc Antle spin-off documentary that they did. And so I'm kind of, I might be conflating the two in my head, But that combined viewing experience of those two series I really enjoyed. So I'd recommend that as well.

It's kind of, it's a different thing, but it's similar just kind of asshole animal keepers in America being weird. Yeah, yeah. It's fun for that bit. I think the first season was like a proper landmark cultural moment in terms of like just the shed, what the fuck is going on here. Like, God, I don't think any piece of media will ever have that impact again than Joe Exotic Abusing Tigers. Yeah, and it just came at the start of lockdown and everyone watched it. I'm sad I missed it. I feel like I really missed a moment there.

Oh, you did. I watched like half of one episode in maybe a few months after it was super popular and I just, I just didn't get it. And maybe it's just because I didn't ride the same wave as everyone else. And there was no way it could live up to the expectations that people had set. I don't know. I think the hook is like, if you make it to the end of the first episode, I can't remember exactly what the basically each episode is really well kind of written and directed where there is a big kind of cliffhanger at the end of each episode and I remember sitting through the first one thinking

oh people are talking about this show what is it and then right at the end I was like oh okay yeah and then from that point on I was just addicted we were watching two or three episodes in one go in like evening to evening and they're like an hour each but we just couldn't stop watching it Yeah, really recommend. Stick with it for the entire episode because it just barrels out of control. Like it's absolutely insane. Okay. I like the memes. I enjoyed the memes. Yeah, the memes were good. Yeah. Other than that, though. Getting a, trying to get a pardon from Trump with his limousine outside of jail. Jesus Christ.

Waiting for him. He's not even had a pardon yet and he had a limo waiting outside. It was madness. One for, perhaps one for you and Claudia, Mikey, if you've not watched it already. We sat on this for ages. We'd just seen it was on Netflix and we kept kind of thinking, oh, I'll watch that at some point. It's called Sophie,

a murder in West Cork, right? As in Ireland. And it's about this woman, this French lady who goes to live in Cork just because she likes the countryside and it's in this really remote village and she gets murdered

and the story around, I don't know why this series, this series didn't make more, you know, not quite Tiger King levels, but why it didn't hit that kind of popularity because it's, I just could not stop watching it. I found it so fascinating.

The guy who they think did it is just super odd and he's sort of like denying that he did it and they've got him on the show, they're interviewing him and stuff. And then they're talking to all these other people and they're saying, why do you think that he did it? Like he was

investigated by the police and at first they they dropped it they didn't think it was him and these people are like because he said he did it he was going around the village telling everyone that he'd done it and then he just gets wier and weirder

and they're saying like yeah he used to walk around and he had like this stick that it was like his like magic stick that he used to have and one guy saw him in the middle of the night howling at the moon oh what a legend okay

yeah it's just this really odd man who very clear well I mean he's innocent until proven guilty but, you know, it really seems like he had something to do with this. Yeah, it paints a picture and he's a very unusual character. And they've just got him on the show and he's like doing talking heads and defending himself and trying to explain some of these really weird things where he's just outright admitted to like 11-year-old children that like, oh yeah, I murdered her in that house and stuff.

It's like really strange. Interesting. Okay, my interest is piqued. Yeah, I couldn't start watching. watching it. It was, it was fascinating. Thank you. Sick? Yeah. Nice. Peter, would you like to present your thing to the class? Sure. So, I have a new story. And this was written, I found it in my list of Podiat's

things that I intend to bring along to episodes. And it's a recent addition to the list because it's an article from the telegraph from the tail end of December so it's a recent story but I don't remember despite it being added to the list so recently I don't remember whether I saw it and just added it to my list or if someone sent it to me

on Twitter or something so apologies if someone did indeed send this to me I have forgotten so if you maybe just tell me again online I will maybe give you a shout out next time or something. Anyway, here we go. This is according to the Daily Telegraph.

It was written by Max Stevens and Hannah Furness. Oh, it's a double... Double effort. 28th of December 2021. Psycho squirrel that went nuts, biting residence, is caught. Wow. Guys, it's spreading. It went nuts.

That's a title. It went nuts. Very clever there. Bit of wordplay. The Psycho Seagull has an ally, I think. So, it has all the makings of a horror film, albeit a fairly low budget one. Residents in a small Welsh community were left housebound after being terrorised by a rampaging squirrel which injured at least 21 people. God, wow.

The squirrel, condemned as a psycho by at least one of its victims, had attacked pensioners, children and pets in Buckley. Flintshire, North Wales. I don't know why I said Shire like an American, but anyway, with 18 injured within 48 hours over the weekend. 8,000 men. It is. It's madness. Locals reported gruesome injuries,

with one young man being chased down a road and parents keeping their young children and pets inside to protect them. He's not a friendly-natured squirrel, I'm afraid, one grandmother said He is a rogue one One neighbor wrote on social media Dare not go out If in my house

As it's lurking That is one gangster squirrel Said another With grudging admiration Dozens of local Dozens of locals reported Bleeding from cuts Cuts to their hands and heads

After being bitten With some requiring tetanus shots. At least 21 people have been hurt since Thursday, December 23rd, with 18 presenting with injuries within 48 hours over the Christmas weekend. On Monday, December 27th, Corinne Reynolds, 65, took matters into her own hands and laid a humane trap to curtail the reign of terror. However, the RSPCA confirmed at the Telegraph on Tuesday that it had removed the grey squirrel from Mrs. Reynolds' care and had been bound by law,

which the charity said it did not agree with to put the animal to sleep. Current wildlife and environmental legislation makes it an offence to release a trapped grey squirrel into the wild or keep one in captivity.

So if you catch one, you have to kill it, is the law. Jesus. Kind of crazy. Any grey squirrel must be humanely destroyed according to the British Association for Shooting and Conservation. A spokesman for the RSPCA said...

Sorry, those are two words which shouldn't go together. Yeah, shooting and conservation. A spokesman for the RSPCA said, we were incredibly sad to have to put this squirrel to sleep, but were left with no choice due to legislation changes in 2019, making it illegal to release grey squirrels back into the wild. We do not agree with this law and opposed it, but legally we have to comply.

There are numerous ways to humanely deter gray squirrels, and we would urge people not to trap them, as it's now illegal to release them into the wild, and the only option is to put them to sleep. What a job's worth? Like, while you've caught that squirrel, I have to call this in and report, it just let it out the box and let it go.

You don't tell anything the other way. That's all he got to. Yeah. So as I got to this point in the article, I thought, sounds like they're going to, they're winding down now. They're padding for time, or for word count. But it continues.

Mrs. Reynolds, that's the lady who caught the squirrel, had been feeding the animal since the summer and it made regular trips to her garden ever since looking for food and shelter. But after being bitten on the hand herself, she read multiple reports of squirrel attacks on her local Facebook group. Mrs. Reynolds, who has seven children, nine grandchildren

and works as a home carer, had said, he started attacking people who are just taking their recycling bags to the bin and they're quite gruesome injuries. I'm starting to wonder if he's got something going on inside his head, like a tumour. Oh, not a squirrel tumour. A squirrel tumour, making them mad, you know? Sorry, Mrs. Reynolds, for the impression that I'm continuing to do here.

The speed of it is frightening. He dashes from the roof of my garden shed to me, but when he does it to everyone else, he bites them. It's been, he's even bit an elderly person in the... the area. No, none of the area. Oh my God, not the area. Boys in my area.

It sounds worse than it is. I think she just means an elderly person in the area. Oh. Yeah, I know. But the first time I read it, I was like, oh, goodness me. Stead he hung. On one occasion, it chased a lad down the road, and then dad was left with a bloody cut on his head.

I guess that boy's dad. She added, he's now attacking. people for no reason whatsoever. The front tooth breaks the skin in breaks the skin in quite a lethal way. I still have a scar on my finger. Mrs. Reynolds said she initially tried to contact the RSPCA but had no response from them

before calling a local out-of-hours vet to take it away for 110 pounds with neighbours chipping in. Couldn't wait to get rid of this squirrel. Sheree Robinson, 42, who was bitten on her finger by the squirrel, Thursday morning, said, this squirrel is not very nice at all. It's a nutty squirrel. He's a bit of a psycho. He's had five or six of my neighbours. He had me when collecting my recycling bags. He

jumped out from behind my green bin, so maybe he was trying to get food and thought I was going to take it away. Let's just say, it had me good and proper. I've got a five-year-old, and she usually plays out back with her friends, but I've had to say, sorry, babe. You can't go out until something's happened with it. Sorry, babe. Sorry, babe. Scott Felton, granite technician, 34. Jeez, what a job.

Said he'd been unaware of the squirrel's reputation until he was having a cigarette outside his door on Boxing Day. I crouched down and this squirrel came out of nowhere and jumped onto my garden table, he said. After that, he jumped onto my arm and bit me on my hand before you even had a chance to get it off. It all happens so quick. And then the article abruptly ends with grey squirrels

were first released into the UK from North America in 1876, and now the Wildlife Trust estimates there are 2.5 million of them in Britain. Damn, dang. Boo, grey squirrels. Look out, Dave Benson. Yeah, indeed. That would be terrifying. That's the thing with, like, small mammals, like squirrels, rats and mice,

is that they're erratic. They're not scary just in presence. It's just the way they are, like they're just, they just dart around with no control, no senses. They could pounce at any moment. Yeah, that does sound terrifying. When you see them in the park or, you know, upper tree a ways away, you just look and you're like, okay, it's just a squirrel. That's nice, a bit of wildlife. But if a squirrel was on you, just dashing all over your body, you know, that's pretty grim.

Yeah. That's how zombies happen. It is. Yeah. Psycho squirrel started a zombie apocalypse. So, I mean, just got to look out now for more and more psycho wildlife. I think it's spreading. It is.

Maybe the seagull bit the squirrel, and that's how it caught the psycho. Maybe. Imagine if that became like a pandemic, a pandemic of rabid animals, that would be the end time, surely. Like, I wouldn't go out if it was like 10 squirrels there. That would be terrified. Wasn't there like an 80s horror movie about that? I can't remember what it was called, but it was like all the animals were attacking people. I can only think of the one with the giant rabbits.

Have you seen clips from that one? No, giant rabbits. There's that New Zealand zombie one. Where the sheep? Black sheep. Yeah, that's it. Oh, yeah. I had that on DVD as a kid, as a teen.

I was told that it, oh, you love Sean of the Dead. You'll love this. And I didn't enjoy it as much as I. No, it wasn't that good. Someone bought it for me for my birthday. Oh, it's found the film. It's a Knight of the Leapus. It's great.

It's just miniature sets with bunny rabbits running around them. It looks like great fun. Oh, wow. I love that. I also had a VHS of a Thunderbirds episode where they had giant alligators, which was done in exactly the same way. They used baby alligators on miniature sets, and they were just like trashing houses and stuff.

Did they ever rip apart a puppet? I guess you can't have that on a kid's TV show. What am I talking about? I think they killed a couple of people, but I don't think you already saw it, like, happening that much. But, yeah. Thank you. What's this? I'm trying to remember the name of this Animal Attack movie, but by all means, move on to the final question or the ending of the podcast, the outro.

I do have one last question coming from Stephen Norrie, Agent of G-I-R-L at Stephen Norrie. on Twitter, despite of it being one of the shittiest tourist places ever, Madam Two Swords have given you the keys to the Waxy Castle and are allowing you to render any given celebrity in any given scenario you desire for the poor paying public to forever see. Who and what you go for? Dave Benson-Fillowell is getting shit on by a seagull. Wow. Yes, okay, yeah.

I want that, the horror, the fear, and the sort of the psychotic look of the sea really it's the seagull who's getting the wax work here you can have just anyone portrayed Dave I think or like basically I want all the budget I want 90% of the budget to go into the seagull and 10% into Dave so it just bears a passing resemblance to Dave Benson Phillips this is

a mural celebrating the seagull not Dave but I want this scenario you can amp that up as well you could have like the seagull rigged up to wires so it like actually flies around having speakers in there she get like the car car so good that'll be good yeah could you have as part of the sort of the set

dressing in the background could you have Dave's car with shit and vomit on it yeah that was the cause of the the hole for a car it it shut on his on his car no that was on the show wasn't it

and then he shooed it away and then it like threw up on his car I think there's DVDs in there and juggling balls on the taxi we haven't left him out of it at all have we it'll never change here he is yeah

this idea popped in my head and now my brain refuses to think of anything else so I'm sorry but I want known foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino to be documented just just looking at some feet just there's a famous photo of him

whereas like as an actor like with the feet like resting like in a car with a feet poking out the window and Quentin's there like a little view find are like right up in the feet I think that

let me see if I can find that yeah I just I just think that's eternally funny and gross and I want that I want to see that in person and just to shudder at the thought of it maybe he's laying prone on his stomach

with a pair of binoculars pointed at basically anyone who walks past feet so he's just oh that'd be brilliant yeah so you become the one he's just staring at your feet Anyone who comes by.

Oh, look at that. Every time you walk past, oh, wow, look at that picture there, Mikey. That's great. Cheeseblocking the telescope. The telescopic lens. Getting a good look at them, Tutsies. Oh, man. Quentin. Every time you walk past him prone on the floor,

it activates a little motion sensor, and it just goes, I'm shutting your butt down over and over again. Yeah. Oh. man i i would like um oh i've the sky's the limit the sky is the limit that's the problem i would like a wax work of um otis the ardvark and the neighbor's cat because by all accounts they are rotting in kirsten o'brien's attic right now no uh well otis is and the neighbor's cat I mean, we saw that he's not in good Nick at all, but he's not quite degraded just yet.

But there were two or three Otis the Ardvarc puppets sort of in use. And Kirsten O'Brien has one. She was one of the CBBC presenters, for those who don't know. And she presented smart as well, the art program. And she got to keep one. And apparently it's just a kind of pile of degraded felt now in her loft. so I want him to be preserved in wax form

That's a good idea I'm just looking I don't think I've ever encountered Otis the Arvark before I'm just looking at a picture of it He was my hero He was a kid He was my favourite

He was certainly my favourite He was certainly my favourite You wanted to be like Otis when you grew up I did, yeah I was really sad when they retired him And he was puppeteered unvoiced by the same guy by the neighbor's cat oh there he is in the photo that's him so cool he is so cool

is that how you sort of modern modeled your fashion sense on I've seen you wear that shirt Otis yeah it's entirely possible yeah I think maybe so you did I mean I don't wear the cap no you don't wear the cap no you don't wear the big fluffy ears though I do yeah and I eat ants as well delicious very weird thin long tongue

I don't do it. It's magic. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's just in the back of my mind somewhere. To be fair, I'd love to see that rendered in wax because that's a feat of artistic skill to do fuzz with wax. Yeah. Actually, I guess they just use actual fur because they don't make the hair out of wax, do they?

They just use actual hair. Yeah, I guess just better fur that's not going to degrade. I think the fur on puppets is like attached to foam, and it's the foam that breaks down. and then the whole puppet just loses its structural integrity. I think the neighbor's cat degrading kind of fits his aesthetic, though, so I'm not, I'm not talking. Yeah, I think he just looked like he'd aged like a fine wine, I think. Yeah. So here's a picture of Thunderbird's attack of the alligators.

Oh, I remember this episode. Yeah. Looks great, actually. Wow. It was pretty cool. Yeah, those puppies did not stand a chance. No, to be fair. Absolutely not. Well.

There we are, everybody. That's the first episode of 2022. Thank you for the questions, Mikey, and thank you for your things, boys. It's quite all right. Thank you. There is, as I said, at the start of the podcast, know what happened four years ago in Vidyat's Land just yet, but we'll get to that in February. Soon enough. Mikey, is there some sort of shop? Oh, you're absolutely right. If you're on the hunt for wares of the Vidyots Variety, you can head over to eBay.com where someone was selling a used videot shirt

and we were planning to spend our pod squad money wisely and buy it for ourselves but someone else got in there before us and so some lucky listener I hope you're listening

has just paid through the ass for an old shirt actually it was new in wrapper as well so someone had bought it never even bothered to wear it yeah thank you for the sale

but if you don't yeah cheers but if you If you don't want to resort to eBay, you can head to store.orgscast.com. While you can find an array of Yogscast related goodies, such as a sharky plushy, or a briny bunny seen pillow, or even best, better yet, the vidiates section where we've got t-shirts, mug and hoodie. Let lots of stuff for you to wear and or use.

It's a great time, but you're stuck paying full price because discount codes be no more. So keep an eye on the Yogscast Twitter. for discount codes usually come, you know, like shopping times, like boxing day and all that stuff. So keep your eyes peeled at store.orgscast.com. Absolutely. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiots official. Twitch.tv.T.V.T.V.T.V.T.Fivis official as well. We stream there occasionally. I did a stream a couple of weeks ago. And you generous boogers raised over £1,000 for Cancer Research UK.

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