Podiots - Podiots: Episode 95 - Bowl Cut?

Episode Date: February 15, 2022

Peter's started a cult, Mikey's stuck on an island, and Ben's securing sexy moon rocks. Donate £3 or more to get a shout out and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/vidiotsofficialdiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Mikey's Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/parrotboy Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency App for details. Happy Valentine's week. Oh, so it is. I should have brought like a lovy-dovey thing, but I didn't. Good, gross. Yeah, disgust. And it was yesterday anyway at the time of release, so.

It's all over. It's long. It might be, if the Pugby Farty Goodness on Valentine's. Yeah, yeah. It's a share of, you know, it's taking what's inside and outside and sharing it with the world. And if that's not love, I don't know what is. The good thing about Pottias is that whenever international fart slash poo day is,

we won't have to make any effort. We'll just do a normal episode and it will be the special. It's always international Pooey Fart Week with us. Yeah. Yeah. You ever tried Tooting Careless Whisper, Mikey? When you ask you, because it seems like something you might have tried. What's the tune to Calaisbius?

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I have a feeling that those aren't farts. Are those real farts? How day you, Ben. Those are 100% legitimate real life farts.

Have you lied to Parliament and public? Mr. Johnson would never lie to Parliament about his farts. That's a ludicrous allegation. I will not hear a order. I've just realised you're both Mr. Johnson's. That's wild. That's why I'm doing my very best to discredit the Johnson name so he comes down with me in a ball of fire.

I think he's doing a pretty good job of that, to be honest. All by himself. When I bleached my hair, I did kind of have Bonson. I guess it is Bonson. My name is Bonsus Bonson. Prime Minister Bonson. I had big Bonson energy when I had a bleached hair because my hair was all frisly and just kind of doing whatever it wanted.

So, yeah, there's a bright feature of me. is a Bonson impersonator. I hope, I really hope the last straw, the thing that brings him down and forces him to resign is some sort of fart-related. Yes, a fart scandal. The true Johnson scandal.

Oh, dear. I don't think he farts. I don't think he has any, like, basic human functions. Oh, he does it every time he opens his fucking mouth. He's full of shit, isn't he? He is, yeah, he is. Pick him off with a real, real, real. hard hit and political discourse. Yes, hello conservative listeners. I don't know that we have any of those. No, I don't think we're not doing well. I think we scared them all off

long ago. I hope you're doing well. Should we get to the um, uh, the um, uh, help me, the biting political satire podcast. Yes, so clever. Do that. Hmm. and welcome to Podiat's the official. Official. Vidiards. A podcast. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home

and obey the law of the three urs, where everybody brings... A thing. A long to talk about. I'm a pal, bonjum. I say Peter. My amo miguel. I'm really glad no one else chose Spanish

because that's the only one I know. Everyone was on it. I should have said Pater. You guys did yours in the language of choice. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter, do is very tall.

Dubist se grog. Gross. Gross. I wonder how she is, robot lady. We haven't changed in the world. German robot lady. She just stopped speaking to us, which is what I said. I might work on that while you boys tell me how you're both doing.

Ow, my elbow. Carry on. I'm fine, thanks. Yeah, doing pretty well. How are you, Mikey? I'm good. I'm good. I had a mad weekend last night. I went to see Party Boys 69 do a DJ set in London. Oh, nice. That's the weed number. Yeah, love it. Sweet. Big, weirdy times. Good fun. Very expensive though, but, you know, that's all part of the fun, I guess. Absolutely. How are you, Ben? Yeah, I'm good. Yeah. He's just saying, I'm digging around in the cupboard trying to find Robot Lady at the A little bit more filler while you're fine.

I'm nearly done. I'm just scrolling to German. Hang on. On your phone in ringing up robot lady, you mean. I've got her. She's here. If this is going to be robot man, I'm going to be very sad. Here goes, everybody.

Is she there? Peter, I miss you. You are a huge good house in the young. Oh. What for great feces? Yes, indeed. She said four, which I didn't think she would. Oh, you actually wrote that in, did you?

Yeah? What did she say, though, Peter? I have no idea. I was actually a bit concerned because my entire computer froze up while I was playing. My progress bar on my recording, stop. It required the entire computing power

of the greater Newcastle area. Just to receive it, yeah. What did she say? She said, Peter, I miss you. You're a massive handsome lad. Four wide big feet. Well, she wasn't so good at saying

Four what big feet Big feet Wow, I mean I don't know what to say I'm blushing Are you? Yes Okay

Are you full of accusations tonight Ben Jesus Where were you When you were blushing Yes or no No Well I don't know how to respond to that

He's so good He's so much media training He apologised Leave him alone Did you apologise that? I just sort of said I didn't use the word sorry So

An apology is an admittance to guilt So we don't do that here No There are no apologies here For the biting satire continues isn't it This is what people like This is really what people want And if you want more of this

And you want to support us in doing this You can go to streamlabs.com forward slash poddy, it's donations That's dot com by the way, not dot com which I think it may be what I said, but I'm not sure. Three pounds or more. Good. Well, I've, yeah, incriminated myself there, haven't I?

By virtue of correcting myself. Three pounds or more gets you a shout-out at the beginning and the end of the show, and you can join Pod Squad. Mikey has the first squad available. We start strong with Dave Benson Piss Lips. Cook, Newcomb, Microsoft acquired Caroline. Oh, no. No. No. No, we need to keep someone independent.

Damn it. We don't talk about Ben. No, no, no. Bob, oh, so, ho, ho, careful here. Babi, Bobaluni. Oh. Mr. Black. Pro trainer. Don Kiddick.

Oh, very, very, well, not very good, just good. Ben funged my token. Kermit the Pog. When life gives you nuggies, Armani. It sounds like a new tagline for the new Armani series. I'll give you your nuggies. Armani. Armani.

And the very generous Arthur, the kitten. And they say, having suffered with anxiety and depression, I find comfort listening to you boys and girls. You're like a group of friends I catch up with every two weeks. It makes life a little easier. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Arthur.

Cheers. Thanks, Arthur. Windy Miller. and Lord Brotovic Thank you everyone We've also got Pet Shop Man Bog Standard

Suki Tand May Kai Contact What is that I think that says Sucket and make contact Make eye

No make Kai contact Make eye contact But the camel case is all over the shop Suki Tand make eye contact Great, okay Cheap has chips Tristam That's a David Dickinson reference

Cheap is chip Caroline I change the locks There's a snake in my boot Lagatha Christie David Dick in my son Mr. Blobby becomes a radio DJ

14 across Apologize Princess Daisy's nuts Oh, God him. Mona Wanks. We don't talk about Kevin no, no. The very generous Stephen Skodes, who says,

Hi, boys. January, generally, is usually a rough month for me. But Podiat's, the content on Triple Jump and Mikey Streams, helped this past January be less awful than normal. Thank you, boys, so much. You guys are all the best. Lots of love to you all. Thank you, Steve.

Keys, Keith. Thank you, Stephen. And we also had an exceptionally generous, donation from Swedish fan number one who said just wanted to say thank you you boys are a pure joy to listen to please accept this donation to keep it the great work

love you all well thank you Swedish fan number one thank you Swedish fan number one I know who you are you DM'd me and we talked about Star Wars I know where you are I know where you live I know your mum I know what one of your favourite Star Wars films is oh I'm going to tell everyone

Blimey O'Reilly Finally we've got Shag Mike Kiss Peter marry Ben how do you feel about those I'm glad none of them was kill so I mean I'm happy yeah that's good actually

yeah I'll take that I like the use of the word mic there I think that no one ever calls him that Mike I'll only call Mike when I reach like 40 I'm still Mikey and youthful at the minute there's a hard cut off isn't there you're going to turn 40 and then everyone calls you

Mike yeah that's great okay the next one is Cora Jade skating into my heart, which I did read as Corrigade's scat into my heart. Oh no. Which is not correct. I'm sorry. Bummer dog. Hawkman 105. Mothman Wilson. The very generous I'm the real Mandalorian who says,

Hi lovely boys and all girls! Thanks for keeping us all sane and laughing. My fingers are crossed that your 50th slash 100th episode special is a Marvel slash DC style crossover combining the triple jump and vidiates universes. Ashton and Mikey must meet soon to heal the world. I don't think they've ever been in the same room together. How do you know we're not the same person? Yeah.

Well, we've seen compelling evidence that you might be the same person. Yeah. By compelling evidence, do you mean people on YouTube making unwarranted comparisons? Well, just sort of injuries and knife etiquette and spilling in stuff like that, you know. YouTube cannot be allowed in the same kitchen, that's all I said. She also can't read things out loud. we are the same person there's a balance there

and you've got the two straight men and you need like the wacky third one but having two straight men and two wackies that's a rest of the task you don't have two wackies that's too many it's ridiculous two straight men and one person who's not straight

if they so wish a linear a linear yeah two straight men and one linear yeah that's what we've just seen the next person in your list, Ben. I want to make sure I get this right. So one, two, three, four, five, six. We got cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. Thank you for your donation. I just want to say thanks to them. I'm the real Mandalorian. Yeah, thank you, the real Mandalorian.

World War II, the silliest war. Old stance. Mr. Macker, bloke on Trent, Don Akho 7, just keep swimming ash, and Cropoleonic Wars. We had a couple of words. Thank you so much to our pod squad for this. week that's streamlabs.com forward slash potty at stonations three pounds or more we love you we love you thank you right it is my turn once again to be question boy would you like a question no yes yes please okay all right well we'll just pack it in then i suppose you can go home this is from chloe elizabeth at old fruit cake i don't know why i paused on twitter who said i've listened to every episode of potty it's and i don't think we've ever had a question about Hair! Are you happy with your natural hair colour? Ever considered dying it? Is there a style you'd like to

try if you were brave enough? Love you, bye. Oh, here's a... There's a sore subject for me at the minute. I think the hair loss is finally kicking in. Oh no, is it? Yeah. I think it started kicking in alongside with the pandemics. I'm not sure if that exacerbated things, but it's, well, I'm not here to stay. That's the problem. So, hence why I now wear a lot of hats. I'm not. too bothered about it. I think it might be funny. You look bald. I'll ride the hematrain of it, I guess. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought this question. Yeah, really touched a nerve.

It's fine. Is your maternal grandfather bald, Mikey? Yes. Well, very, very light wispy hair, so I've inherited that from him. Cheers Ian. Nice one. They say, maternal grandfather, I don't know what, it was something to do with, like, you as a boy, you inherit a major baldness, or don't, if you don't, from your mother's side. So, yeah, I plan not to reproduce just to stop this gene in this tracks. I'm doing my bit. You could rock it, you know, like Andrew from Coltaholic. Yeah.

As soon as he started to bowl, just shaved it all off, and I can't remember what he looks like with hair anymore. Yeah, I think it's, it sells that thing like, oh, I look so different, but like majority of people who do meet there just only know you as a bald man. And plus, I get the added from, if they don't want to slap hands on my head. yes you can do that I have to wear sun cream though on your head remember Joel used to have that issue

sometimes you'd be like oh I need to watch what I'm doing it's the sunny day yeah sun cream your dome you could also cosplay as Jason Statham or Vin Diesel or the Brock or Wallace yeah oh yeah Wallace again I don't have to wear a swimming cap

this time just bam paint myself white and I'm done I've never been too adventurous of my hair bleached it a couple of times and the upkeep got a lot so I've just reverted to my natural brownie blondie I quite like it

I quite like it I used to be blonder than I am it doesn't bother me that I'm not but it kind of I think like when I stand next to other quite fair-haired people like Ben for example like when people do drawings of us

or make us in games or whatever Ben is naturally they make him decidedly blonde and I think on my own if people look at me they would say, yeah, you're quote, you're kind of blonde to an extent.

I would say you are blonde. But then when I stand next to a proper blonde person, they think that I've just sort of got mousy kind of middle ground hair. Sorry, Peter. That's okay. Yeah, it's all your fault specifically. Some people think that, I think again, they often draw you as ginger, which is not correct.

They often draw me as ginger. And I'm not sort of like defensive about that. Or like, I wouldn't mind if I was, but, no, I'm not ginger. Like, I'm not saying it like that, but I'm just not. Like, if you want to be factually correct, I'm not, I don't have ginger hair. But, like, I wouldn't mind if I did. But, yeah. I thought the word for, like, you know, people who don't like ginger,

this clemenophobia. I've just Googled it. And I think, is it? Well, I've just Googled it. Like, Clemen's fear of Clementines. Yeah, I think, yeah, it's a, I got told a lot years ago, and I've carried it with me this entire time. Oh, no.

Damn, that's a shame. That one about the fear of long words is a lie as well. You know, it's like hippo-gigantaflexic something foe. It's like got like 60 letters in it, and it's like an ironic thing, but it's a joke, I think. It's not real. Like the fear of words that spell the same forwards and backwards or whatever the hell those are those hippodromes?

What are those? Hallandromes? You said hippo and I was like I swear there's like a hippodrome thing That's a fear of cyclists That's a venue isn't it It's something like that Yeah that's a velo-drome

Oh yeah I can get that right Yeah there's like one of those But it's yeah it's this stupid word That's like phobia backwards It says phobia Yeah I don't know if that's real

Have you ever wanted to dye your hair Peter? No I've never wanted to dye it I mean if again I wouldn't necessarily mind But I just I've never never thought about it Maybe I would try it, dark, like quite dark, give that a go. I've never been dark-haired. Or maybe I'd go, you know, bleached, bleached tips, not frosty tips. Hell yeah.

Very cool. Maybe, maybe something like that. But no, I've never, like, done that much with my hair. And actually, when I don't put product in it and then I see myself on camera, I'm like, why didn't I just put a little bit of clay in the fringe? Like, I really don't actually like it that much when it's down. But I'm just, I've never been in the habit of doing it. So I quite often forget to do it.

But yeah, I'm not really bothered one way or the other about it. One thing I don't like about it is it's very sort of soft or like light and thin. It's not thin in the sense that it looks thin, but it is just kind of floppy and wispy. It's difficult to work with. Yeah, exactly. And if I, when I wash it for about 24 hours when it's freshly washed, it is just like, I don't know, it's like having ducked down.

on my head, which is not nice. It just doesn't do anything. It's just flopped flat on my head. I really hate it. So as soon as I wash it, if I'm ever going to put like clay in my hair, it's immediately after washing it, which is really counterintuitive.

So, yeah, that's a bit annoying. I reckon you could rock the Dick Marchinko, like short, spiky-uppy-haired hair. Yeah, I get a trim. Wacky hair full of wax. You're looking fresh, my friend. Fantastic. What about you, Ben?

You like your hair? Yeah, I like my hair fine. I've had my hair the same way for quite a while. And it's getting darker as I get older, which was the same for my dad. He's sort of got like a mousy, sandy blonde hair now. But his hair used to look like mine when he was my age. So it's only going to darken from here. But I've never disliked my hair.

I quite like the hair color. You know, it was easy pickings for bullies, Milky Bar Kid, etc. Even though. Right? There was another kid on my bus who was slightly younger than me and wore glasses and looked just like the fucking milky bag. I wore a cowboy hat every day. It wouldn't have really been becoming of me saying, look, that guy is a way easier bully target than me. Go bully him.

Leave me alone. Go bully this other kid. So there wasn't really bullying. It was just sort of like teasing. But that wasn't great. But I've never disliked my blonde hair, really. That used to be, when I was blonder, that used to be one of my go-to, you know, games where you have to, like, tell one lie and two truths or two lies and one truth. I used to say that I was the backup Milky Bar kid in, like, 2003 or something.

And if he'd ever been ill or something, I would have been, it would have been me, but I never got to do it. And some people used to believe it. But not anymore, I don't think. I went through my entire youth having a pretty strong ball cut I never once got any flack for that and I feel like that's an injustice that's such easy target

we could bully you now if you want yeah if you don't mind just to help me like miss out like you know fill in the missed opportunities well give me your worst which uh which monastery you're a member of

oh god um hang on it's gonna be a dozy just you wait yeah oh okay it's gonna be really good

uh hang on he's coming just think you think like a child like it doesn't have to make sense it just has to be mean standing in front of his bully in the in the playground

waiting for the bully to say something rude yeah come on then um um I can't do it It's quite hard actually I've been thrown off because one of you has just tweeted

the Milky Bar kid and he's just staring at me now he's just staring at me and I can't look away um bowl cut yeah actually that's it

I think you just have boll cut just pointing bowl cut bowl cut question mark that's it perfect you nailed it

I think that's you've kind of epitomised childhood insults wouldn't it would leave you wandering afterwards. What the fun did he mean? You just resign yourself and go, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I am a ball cut. Ball cut. Ball cut. Wow. I did want to dye my hair green briefly. Wow. Yeah, went through that stage, but that was a secondary school. And I ended up, fascinating, brilliant story.

And no, I ended up not doing it. Was that fun? Did you enjoy that ride? Was that a fun ride? Are you going to go for like, the franc ocean luminous lime green um let's see i've just put a picture of it in there for some reason he's holding a green baby i don't know i don't know what that's been a green baby like that no more sort of the sort of an uh i don't know what how to describe it sort of more toxic green

oh yeah that really green wow i don't know it was a very brief phase and i'm glad a billy isish hair yeah kinder but probably more damage done to my hair because it came out of a bottle yeah but never did it never died my hair and uh probably never will at this point unless you know i get get a role as um fucking superman or something that's in the works by the way gonna be superman soon you're auditioning as superman yeah yeah yeah big time i'm gonna be superman soon bowl cut bowl cut ball cut brilliant who would like to do a thing i've got a thing that i'm very excited to share with you. I think it's fascinating. Really, really

big in it up before we get going. This is a brand new venture into weird capitiatea territory. Things are about to get weird. I stumbled across this weeks and weeks ago and I've been meaning to bring it as a thing at some point. I don't know where I saw

it, but here it is. This is all about cargo cults. Okay. Okay. Okay. A cargo cult is an indigenous millinarian belief system. Don't ask me what millinarian means. I think it might mean that it's from Melanesia

because we're about to be talking about in. Yeah, probably. It's a really positive kind of cult, you know. It's a millenarian belief system in which adherents perform rituals which they believe will cause a more technologically advanced society to deliver goods.

These cults were first described in Melanesia in the wake of contact with Allied military forces during the Second World War. Isolated and pre-industrial island cultures that were lacking technology experienced soldiers and supplies arriving in large numbers, often by airdrop. The soldiers would then trade with the islanders. After the war, the soldiers departed, and cargo cults arose, attempting to imitate the behaviors of the soldiers, thinking that this would cause the soldiers and their cargo to return.

Some cult behaviours involved mimicking the day-to-day activities and dress styles of soldiers, such as performing parade ground drills with wooden or salvaged rifles. Oh my God. So that's just the introduction there. So here we go. Cargo cults, it's a bit dry this article.

I don't know who wrote it. Mr. Wikipedia man was really trying to, trying to bore people with this very interesting topic, but we'll see how it goes. Cargo cults are marked by a number of common characteristics, including a, quote, myth dream that is a synthesis of indigenous and foreign elements, also the expectation of help from the ancestors, charismatic leaders, and lastly, belief in the appearance of an abundance of goods.

The indigenous societies of Melanesia were typically characterized by a big man political system, in which individuals gained prestige through gifted. exchanges. The more wealth a man could distribute, the more people who were in his debt and the greater his renown. And he would then become big man. Big man. Yeah, that's actually a technical term. Big man. It's an anthropological term according to the hyperlink. Wow. But wait, there's more. Those who were unable to reciprocate the big man were identified as rubbish men. Oh no, that would be me. I would be the rubbish man. You'd be a rubbish man. faced via colonialism with foreigners

who had a seemingly unending supply of goods for exchange, indigenous Melanesians experienced value dominance. That is to say, they were dominated by others in terms of their own value system, not the foreign value system. An exchange with the foreigners left them feeling all like rubbish men.

Oh, no. Because all these soldiers appeared with like crazy amounts of supplies, seemingly unending cargo and stuff since the modern manufacturing process is unknown to them members leaders and prophets of the cults maintain that the manufactured goods of the non-native culture that's the soldiers have been created by spiritual means

such as through the ancestral sorry hang on what we're looking at the indigenous people's gods so these goods are intended for the local indigenous people but the foreigners have unfairly gained control of these objects through malice or mistake. Thus, a characteristic feature of cargo cults is the belief that spiritual agents will, at some point in the future time, give much valuable cargo and desirable manufactured products to the cult members instead of, say, the soldiers. So there are a couple of examples now of ones that actually existed. the main one was touched on in the intro,

the Pacific cults of World War II. Specific. Sorry, the specific cults of World War II. The most widely known period of cargo cult activity occurred among the Melanesian Islanders in the Pacific during and after World War II. A small population of indigenous people observed, often directly in front of their own dwellings,

the largest war ever fought by technologically advanced nations. The Japanese distributed goods and used the beliefs of the Melanesians to attempt to gain their compliance, and later the Allied forces arrived in the islands. The vast amounts of military equipment and supplies that both sides airdropped to their troops, or airlifted to the airstrips, on these islands, meant drastic changes to the lifestyle of the islanders, many of whom had never seen outsiders before. Manufactured clothing, medicine, canned foods, tents, weapons, and other goods arrived in vast,

quantities for the soldiers who often shared some of it with the islanders who were their guides and hosts. This was true of the Japanese army as well, at least initially, before relations deteriorated in most regions. That's got to be a hell of an introduction for those guys. You can see why it'd form a lot of religious beliefs around it. Like, oh, God's dropping gifts from the sky and it's filled with all this amazing technology you'd never seen before. I think, like, you would never have, I would never have predicted that this, you know, you would never think that this would be a thing, but when you just see it laid out like that, it makes total sense that, of course, these indigenous populations just saw all this stuff arrive, and they were like,

this is some kind of, you know, deity-related event. Like, what is going on here? So the John From cult, one of the most widely reported and longest-lived, formed on the island of Tana Vanautu. Tana Vanautu. This movement started before the world. War and became a cargo cult afterwards lasting decades. Cult members worshipped certain unspecified Americans having the name John From or Tom Navy, who they claimed had brought cargo to their island during World War II and whom they identified as being the spiritual entity who would provide cargo to them in the future. So that started during World War II, but it carried on into the 70s and I think perhaps later on.

They had this memory of these Americans coming in during the war and they thought, they'll be back. They'll bring that cargo. There's a segment called post-war developments here. With the end of the war, the military abandoned their air bases and stopped dropping cargo. In response, charismatic individuals developed the cults among remote Melanesian populations that promised to bestow on their followers deliveries of food, arms, jeeps, etc. The cult leaders explained that the cargo would be gifts from their...

their own ancestors or other sources, as had occurred with the outsider armies. In attempt to get cargo to fall by parachute or land in planes or ships again, islanders imitated the same practices they had seen the military personnel use. Cult behaviours usually involved, mimicking the day-to-day activities and dress styles of the US soldiers, such as performing parade ground drills with wooden or salvage rifles. The islanders carved headphones from wood and wore them while sitting in fabricated control towers. Oh my God, that's amazing.

Isn't it strange? They waved the landing signals while standing on the runways. They lit signal fires and torches to light up the runways and lighthouses. In a form of sympathetic magic, that's a kind of magic belief system that, I mean, it's cross-cultural.

It just means you sort of do one thing to make the same thing happen on a different scale. So it's like in a, I mean, it's quite a reductive example, but stabbing a voodoo doll, you're trying to make a real person feel pain in that place. That makes sense.

They see all these people, like, yeah, doing exactly what they're trying to replicate. Like, this work, this brought these things. Exactly, yeah. In a form of sympathetic magic, many built life-size replicas of aeroplanes out of straw and cut new military-style landing strips out of the jungle, hoping to attract more aeroplanes.

The cult members thought that the foreigners had some special connection to the deities and ancestors of the natives, who were the only beings powerful enough to produce such riches. Cargo cults were typically created by individual leaders, or big men, in the Melanesian culture, and it's not clear if these leaders were actually sincere or were simply running scams on gullible populations. The leaders typically held cult rituals well away from established towns and colonial authorities, thus making reliable information about these practices very difficult to acquire. And there's one last example here that you two will have heard of,

but I never thought of it as being a cargo cult. I mean, I never knew they existed. But you guys will be aware of the Prince Philip tribe, right? No. Oh, really? Are you not aware of this tribe that worships Prince Philip? No, I'm not. As a god.

No. That is spectacular. I'd heard of them. I'd read about it on the internet, but I didn't realize it was kind of for this reason. Okay, well, I'll tell you all about that then. According to ancient Yeo-Nanen tales, like folk tales, pre-long pre-Prince-Philip,

I know he was an old man, but this goes back, I think, centuries or millennia. They believed the son of a mountain spirit traveled over the seas to a distant land. There, he married a powerful woman, and in time would return to them. he was sometimes said to be a brother to John From

the aforementioned friend of Tom Navy the people of the Yawananan and Takel area believe in the divinity of Prince Philip Duke of Edinburgh the late consort to Queen Elizabeth II. They'd seen the

respect accorded to the Queen Elizabeth by colonial officials and therefore concluded that her husband, Prince Philip, must be the son, referred to in their legends. Because they had the legend of this son who went away, married a powerful woman and would come back. It's unclear just when this belief came about, but it was probably sometime in the 1950s or 1960s. It was strengthened by the royal couple's official visit to Van

Vanuatu in 1974. I'm probably butchering all of these place names. When a few villagers had the opportunity to actually see Prince Philip from a distance. The prince was not then aware of the sect, but it was brought to his attention several years later by John Champion, the British resident commissioner in the New Hebrides. It's probably just as well that Prince Philip didn't approach the

local people because we all know what he was like. Oh God. He would have brought that dream of theirs coming to, where it would crash down quite fast, wouldn't it? Well, I say that but there's one little bit left here.

Yeah, well you'd think so But Champion suggested Champion, that was the resident Commissioner, suggested that Prince Philip send them a portrait to himself. He agreed and sent a signed official photograph. The villagers responded by sending him a traditional

pig-killing club called a Nal-Nal. In compliance with their request, the prince sent them a photograph of himself posing with the club. Another photograph was sent in 2000 and all three photographs were kept by Chief Jack Nava, who died in 2009.

That's spectacular. Wow, what a finish. Wow. So this is sort of like what we've seen in various, well, various depictions in media and popular culture, like in, for example, Fallout 3, where there's that cult that worships the nuclear bomb that's unexploid in that town. Yeah, Atom. Yeah, the cult of Atom or whatever.

flip they're called that's uh yeah i suppose that does make sense that such a thing would exist in real life it's usually depicted in a post-apocalyptic scenario though isn't it yeah um there's a little bit more here that i didn't copy into my document uh but from the there's a whole wikipedia page for the prince philip movement uh it says the sect celebrated the 2018 wedding of prince harry and megan markle by holding a party where they hoisted the union jack danced and ate pigs the villagers were initially unaware of the wedding until a travel agent for the island who was contacted by the Times

relayed the message. Do they know that Prince Philip is dead? What was their reaction to that? Oh no. There's a section here, reaction to Prince Philip's death. In April 2021, the sect mourned Prince Philip's death. Village Chief Albi said that he was terribly, terribly sorry that he died and tribal leader Chief Yappa

sent his condolences to the royal family and the people of the UK. The union flag was flown at high. half-mast on the grounds of the Nakamal, which is a traditional meeting place. A formal mourning period was declared, and many tribes people gathered on the 12th of April in a ceremony to remember the Duke, where men took turns to speak and pay tribute to him. That's spectacular. Wow. Isn't it bizarre?

Yeah. Why would they want to pay tribute to Duke? Yeah, it's of all the people. Well, it could have been Andrew. Could have been worse. Well, it could have been. Referring to the queen, Chief Jack Malaya said that though the Duke is dead, they still have a connection with the mother of the royal family.

Many of the tribesmen believe that while his body lies at rest, the Duke's soul will return to its spiritual home, the island of Tana. There you go. That's amazing. Wow. That is... That's amazing. It makes sense as well.

late years not like that's like that's straight i mean it's it's strange to what strange it's logical yeah exactly you can see where it's all coming see it from their point of view that just these planes arrive and they've never seen a plane probably not even seen you know any outsiders at all and it's just dropping stuff from the sky of course it is going to be seen as some kind of divine uh event so that's it's been quite heartbreaking for them to like build rebuild planes and runways so much effort any day now it's going to happen just keep building it'll happen yeah wow well thank you thank you Peter for your thing you're very welcome I hope you enjoyed it did it's time for

another question this comes from the vidiates stan account at you vidiots on Twitter if you meet Billy Ray Cyrus IRL in a lift or something would you tell him that you made two YouTube channels that centre around a character named after him stood in a lift and just he's like mind his own business on the way his performance or something and just this man turns to him hey Billy big fan look we've got this little pink walrus right and like there's a five-minute back story right does it so you like had sex relation to the duration of one one that's the thing right to explain it to it I would probably tell him if I was going to be trapped in a lift

with him but I don't think I'd if there was only like a minute if he can't possibly run away from you then yeah I just imagine that conversation. I mean, we know that Dave Benson-Philip is already sort of aware of us. Yeah. And he wants us to leave him out of it. And he's not even as an integral part of the whole multiverse, really.

No, Peter and I often talk about the fact that at some point, Billy Ray Cyrus will be caught or incriminated in something that causes him to be cancelled and sort of stripped of his popularity and goodwill and I know that that was sort of the entire fucking point of Billy Ray Woolrus was scandal pending very much for Billy Ray Cyrus but it hasn't happened yet but in the meantime we forged ahead and and you Yeah, we did vidiates and now we're doing triple jump and Billy Ray Waris is right there at the centre of it. We've legitimately had conversations about what we should do if Billy Ray Cyrus's name becomes dirt.

So it's like a little manila envelope label like DefCon 5. Yeah, smash glass in case of scandal. would you keep him he's so far strange from the actual character it'd just be Billy the Waris or Billy Waris or something yeah he's not we're not getting rid of him but yeah it's it's a very real possibility assuming he's not cancelled though

and we bump into him I wouldn't tell him because he'd probably want money for it right you've taken a likeness and built an empire on this there's a good chance that he might sue using that clip of him saying yeah I mean that's the closest I mean in a way it's a good thing what he says but he gets

he sort of tiptoes around scandal territory in that very phrase so he's asked by Larry King I think he says you think that you know you sort of struggle to raise your kids and he goes yeah I probably could have been a lot better parent

and he goes on to say I probably should have like taking a belt after my kids at some point, but I, you know, I never could whip my kids. Okay, well, that's something. And it's like, okay, well, I'm glad you're saying that you didn't and couldn't, but the fact that he says I probably should have beaten my kids is a bit of a statement to make. I didn't know that was the context to it. God. Yeah, he means he should have got his belt off and then whipped them with his belt.

I'm very glad you didn't, Billy. Yeah. I think the answer is, though, that I wouldn't tell him. No, I don't know. I don't know how. Good. Even like, I think at most, like, nod, big funny work, leave it at that. Wouldn't ask for a selfie. Yeah. Just love those town road. Brilliant.

So good. I don't know. I think I probably would ask for a selfie because just imagine any one of us posting a picture online of us with Billy. Really amazing. Hey, if Billy Ray Cyrus ever does a tour in the UK and you can buy a backstage. meeting group pack we need we need to do it yes we have to do it uh and bring the waris and just and just like whip it don't show it to him but like whip it out just as the photos taken so he doesn't have enough time to examine it like the fuck is that is that me is that me on a beanie baby not

beanie baby what is it yeah yeah oh what is it what is it what is it not a beanie baby is it no it's not a beanie baby but it's i know because it's got those big eyes it's like a different thing all my brain is just saying furby furby furby it's not fucking furby fur friends are they called what i don't know what they called what are they what is billy shit god um i have to go check now it's been so long i know what they look like because every time i see them in a shop i have a look and see if there's like a smaller version but there isn't there never is so close i've got oh it's a beanie boo of course yeah beanie boo Yeah, that makes total fucking sense.

Oh, so it is, I think it is by the same beanie, baby company. It's, I guess, the larger version. It's a, what's the name of the company again? Thai, T-Y. T-Y. T-Y. That's it. Yeah, you see. I know the letters.

Okay. Well, there we are. He's a beanie boo. I hate that. Mikey, do you have a thing? Yes, I do. But before I get to the thing, I've got a ferret who's rustling around in the background. I'm just going to sort them out, all right?

Okay. No problem. Back in a second. All right. Hey. Hey. Hey. Can you stop that back there?

Stop rustling. How did you even get that? Disgusting. What's he going to do to stop it from rustling? Is he going to strap it down or something? Yeah, they probably should have taken a belt off to the ferret, I think. Yeah, I think so. But you never could whip his ferrets.

He never could. No, me neither, actually. I couldn't even. No. I don't have to because one of them was trying to suffocate themselves with a plastic bag. Oh, my God. Good. Well, that probably could have.

been a lot better parent. Yeah, no, really, you could have done. I intervened. I come today with a tale of human triumph. Oh my God, all right, sorry. They found another bag. Guys, seriously, I'm about to tell them.

Why? Where are they getting these bags? I don't know. It's going to be some kind of human triumph soon, but... Yeah. Until then. Yeah. Nothing. We'll just have to wait and listen. Okay, we're sorted now. Good?

I've removed. all noisy objects from the vicinity. Brilliant. Well done. Okay. Anyway, as I was saying, I come today not with a tale of plops, poos, booms and farts, but with a tale of human triumph.

Today, I want to talk about the real life Lord the Fly story that happened back in the 60s. It's not, it's really, like, it's like, holy shit, this is actually kind of incredible. So with that, I'll get rolling. Okay.

This story starts with Peter. Yes. Not you, Peter, the Peter Warner and his youngest son of Arthur. One of the richest and most powerful men in Australia. Back in the 1930s, Arthur ruled over a vast empire called Electronic Industries, which dominated the country's radio market at the time. Peter was groomed to follow in his father's footsteps, but instead, at the age of 17, he ran away to the sea in search of adventure

and spent the next few years sailing all around the world. when he finally returned five years later the prodigal prodigal prodigal prodigal there's no it's just a the prodigal son proudly presented his father

with a Swedish captain certificate unimpressed Warner senior demanded his son learn a useful profession and he said what's easiest accountancy Arthur lied Peter went on to work

for his father's company yet the sea still beckoned and whenever he could he went to Tasmania, where he kept his own fishing fleet. It was this that brought him to Tonga in the winter of 1966. On the way home, he took a little detour, and that's when he saw it. A miniscule island in the azure sea, Atter. The island had been inhabited once, until one dark day in 1863 when a slave ship appeared on the horizon and sailed off with the natives. Since then, the island has been deserted, cursed, and forgotten. On this particular trip around the island,

He didn't know it was something odd. He peered through his binoculars and he saw burned patches on the green cliffs. In the tropics, it's unusual for fires to start spontaneously. And then he saw a boy naked, hair down to his shoulders. And the alarm bells are ringing. This is highly unusual, to say the least. Okay. This wild creature left from the cliffside and plunged into the water.

Suddenly, more boys followed, screaming at the top of their lungs. it didn't take long for the first boy to reach the boat my name's stephen he cried we've been here 15 months what the hell yeah it's it's absolutely insane it's like yeah we'll get into it but well yeah i'll go into how they prep for it and how they actually survived it's like mind-boggling i don't think i could do any like 10% of what what these guys did so the boys once aboard claimed they were students at boarding school in Nuku alofa, the Tongan capital. Sick of school meals, they decided to take a fishing boat out one day, only to get caught on a storm. A likely story, Peter thought. Using his two-way radio, he called in to Nuku alofa.

He said, I've got six kids here. He told the operator, stand by, came the response. Twenty minutes ticked by. Finally, a very tearful operator came on the radio and said, You found them! These boys have been given. up for dead. Funerals have been held. If it's them, this is a miracle. And now we get into the actual story. So the protagonists were six boys. Sion, Stephen, Kolo, David, Luke and Marno. All pupils at a strict Catholic boarding school in Nuku al-Opha. The oldest boy was 16, the youngest, 13. And they had one main thing in common. They were bored witless. So they came up with a plan to escape to Fiji, some 500 miles away

or even all the way to New Zealand there was only one obstacle that's a pretty big obstacle I guess none of them owned a boat so they decided to quote and quote borrow one from Mr. Tanya O'hila a fisherman they all disliked

it's a good way for there fuck you're going to take your boat we're going to get away from this place the boys took little time to prepare for the voyage and I'm going to read this the following few sentences bear in mind they survived 15 months. They had two sacks of bananas, a few coconuts and a small gas burner, and that was all the

surprise they packed with them. Didn't occur to any of them to bring a map, let alone a compass? So it's a miracle. They survived so well. No one noticed the small craft leaving the harbor that evening. Skies were fair. Only a mild breeze ruffled the calm sea. But that boys, that boys, but that night, the boys made a grave error. They fell asleep. Which, to me seems absolutely terrifying as a man who's a pretty reckless yes as a man who's got a deep fear of open big seas i don't think i could even like on a nice cruise liner want to sleep it's screw that they fell asleep and a few hours later they awoke to water crashing down over their heads it was dark they hoisted the sail which the wind promptly tore to shreds next to break was the rudder

we drifted for eight days mano said without food without water the boys tried catching fish and they managed to collect some rainwater in hollowed out coconut shells and shared it equally between them, each taking a sip in the morning and another in the evening. So already the resourcefulness is showing off, you know, to ration and be careful of what resources they do have. Yeah. Now, eight days out at sea, they spied a miracle on the horizon. Not a tropical paradise with waving palm trees and sandy beaches, but a hulking matter rock jutting up more than a thousand feet out of the ocean. These days, Atta is considered uninhabitable.

But by the time we arrived, Captain Warner wrote in his memoirs, the boys had set up a small commune with a food garden, hollowed out tree trunks to store rainwater, a makeshift gymnasium with weights, a badminton court, chicken pens and a permanent fire, all from handiwork and an old knife blade and much determination. Absolutely insane to build, I mean. A badminton court. I mean, they've got time to kill now, these boys. Yeah, the first few months must be pretty stressful,

but by the time you're building a badminton court, I feel like you've got to max level, night you can just enjoy. Did you say a chicken coop? Yeah, chicken pens. Where have they got the chickens from? Oh, we'll get to that. We'll get to that.

The kids agreed to work in teams of two, drawing up a strict roster for garden, kitchen and guard duty. Sometimes they quarreled, but whenever that happened, they solved it by imposing a, time out. The days began and ended with a song and prayer. Kolo fashioned a makeshift

guitar from a piece of driftwood, half a coconut shell, and six steel wires salvage from their wrecked boat. Again, what? That's bonkers. Absolutely insane. And this is an instrument Peter has kept all these years and played it to help lift their spirits

and their spirits needed lifting. All summer long it hardly rained, driving the boys frantic with thirst. They tried constructing a raft in order to leave the island but fell apart in the crashing surf. Worst of all, Stephen slipped one day, fell off a cliff and broke his leg. The other boys picked their way down after him and then helped him back up to the top. They set his leg using sticks and leaves and Sion joked, don't worry.

We'll do your work while you lie there like king, Tauffa Ahau, Topu himself. That was the king of Tonga at the time. And onto the diet. They survived initially on fish, coconuts, tame birds. And when water supplies were scarce, they drank the blood of the birds. It's pretty gnarly. I'm reading this. Even if my life depended on it, I don't think I could do half of this stuff.

I just reside myself. I'll just drift off to sea, whatever. Screw it. Guess I'll die. Yeah, why not? And they also sucked seaburg eggs. Oh. Tasty.

It's quite a miracle, actually, that they went this long without dying of some deathly, like, just bacteria. disease. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. That's the important thing. Later, when they got to the top of the island, they found an ancient volcanic crater where people had lived a century before. There, the boys discovered wild taro, bananas and chickens. That's the story of how they got there, which had been reproducing on the island for 100 years since the Tongans left. So yeah, these chickens essentially had roost of the whole island and just bread like wildfire, leaving a delicious supply just waiting to be found.

The boys come and decimate the local ecology. They were finally rescued on Sunday 11th of September, 1966. The local physician later expressed astonishment at their muscled physiques and Stephen's perfectly healed leg. But it wasn't the end of the boys' little adventure, because when they arrived back in their hometown, police boarded Peter's boat, arrested the boys and threw them all in jail. For stealing the boat? Yep, yep.

This has got to be the most. Come on. The most petty thing I've ever heard. So, I'm just going to crown him. King Dickhead, Mr. Tanya O'Hila, who's sailing boat the boys had, quote-un-called, borrowed, 15 months earlier, was still furious, and he decided to press charges. So this is a relatively small island, like where they came from. It was like 600 people.

Obviously, the whole place was in mourning. They had these funerals for the boys. And this guy's like, nah, you boys, you boys owe me. Fuck them kids. That's insane. Thankfully, the boys managed to wrangle their way out of any serious legal repercussions. The mood when the boys returned to their families in Tonga was jubilant. Almost the entire island, population 900, had turned out to welcome them home, except for Mr.

Tanyella, who's like, nah, I'm not getting part of this. Peter was proclaimed a national hero. Soon he received a message from the king himself, inviting captain for an audience. Thank you for rescuing six of my subjects, his royal house. Anna said, now, is there anything I can do for you? The captain didn't have to think long. Yes, I would like to trap lobstre in these waters and start a business here. And the king consented.

I think that's quite nice. That's nice. Peter returned to Sydney, resigned from his father's company and commissioned a new ship. Then he had the six boys brought over and granted them the thing that started all. An opportunity to see the world beyond Tonga. He hired them as the crew of his new fishing boat. It's like a Disney movie at the end. The last sentence here is, it made me tear up a little bit.

It's quite nice. While the boys of Atta have been consigned to obscurity, Lord the Flies are still widely read to the stay, but the real Lord the Flies is a tale of friendship and loyalty, one that illustrates how much stronger we are if we can lean on each other. And after my wife took Peter's picture, he turned to a cabinet, rummaged around for a bit, and drew out a heavy stack of papers that laid in my hands.

His memoirs, he explained, written for his children and grandchildren. I look down at this first page, and the quote reads, Life has taught me a great deal, including the lesson that you should always look for what is good and what is positive in people. And that's the story of the real life. Lord the flies, I'm going to quickly give credit.

This is a Guardian article written by Rutger Bregman. It's really, essentially, this guy, like this whole story just kind of got blasted into obscurity. You know one really heard for it for a while, and this guy stumbled across like some. a little newspaper clipping about it and decide to go to the island like interview all the people who took part of it made like a proper writer for the whole thing

and it's absolutely insane I think it's very lovely despite despite the bird blood drinking the bird blood drinking was a bit too much that was fascinating thank you Michael very awesome don't worry your regular farty nonsense

will resume next week that was good I liked it yeah you do realize now Ben that your thing also has to be about some sort of island population. An amazing, unbelievable story. I'll do my best. It's an amazing and an unbelievable story,

but we'll get to it in a minute. First, though, a question. From Krista Beninck at Beninck Krista on Twitter, who asks, if you could have a food or dish named after you, what would it be easy for me? Burger. I want a burger named after me.

I don't know. I'd have to think about what's in. it, but I wanted to be a burger, a benga. A benga. Or a fucking, what's it called? Like a greasy spoon. The side of the road, you know, you see them set up at the side of motorways and stuff in lay by, it's not motorways, but dual carriageways and stuff.

Yeah. One of those. Maybe they're fried bread. Oh, yeah. But, you know, like my greasy bread that I made that time. Yeah. The oily bread. Yeah.

Ben's oil bread. And I like that. It's actually quite nice. It's not as bad as the inspiration. I'm picturing that on the menu. You know, like in McDonald's, you can supersize things. I can have the fried bread? But can I potter it, please? Yeah, can I potter my oil and bread, please?

Really? You're going to be laid up feeling sick for two days. Yep, that's what I want. Need an excuse to get off work. Oh, this is tricky. I'm not sure what I would want. Do you know, Mikey? What's my favorite food?

I feel like I'm always a big fan of tacos. But it feels like if I'm going to have something named after myself, it's got to reflect me and my cultural heritage, not just stealing the best of another one and slapping my name on it. Oh, oh, oh, I know, the Johnson. Bread, chips, bread, chips, bread, squish it down with a rolling pin. You got your cell of Johnson.

Dry as hell. Delicious. That sounds unpalatable, Michael. That's the point. And you get like a little bowl of ketchup to dip in it. And yeah, that'd be nice. Wow. Have you ever made like a triple deck of sandwich at home?

It's, it's, it's like a really enthralling, exciting process. Then you start eating and it's just regret. Like a Scooby-Doo. It's probably quite difficult to eat. Yeah. Yeah. I never had a triple dish sandwich. I used to do it as a kid.

I, like whenever I had a sandwich, I insisted on it being as flat as humanly possible. So that's, that's where the Johnson helmet comes in, rolling pin it down. Like every, every sandwich. ever had just like put my put it on a table, use my full force and get it down to like the size of a bit of paper and it makes it taste so much better. That would be good. What about blondies? You're also pretty known

for your blondies. Oh, the jammy dodger blondies. Oh, the jammy dodger. Blondies. Yeah, that'd be good. I'm going to stick with my disgusting pile of carbs. The disgusting dry chip mass. It's what I deserve. I

would have a it's like a pizza. right but none of the middle is there it's just a ring of pizza crust then in the middle of the plate in the middle of the circle of crust is a nice big dish of garlic and herb dip whoa you know you're not having it as a main but you can have it as like a little starter or a snack it's not a whole pizza that you have to you know think about am I going to have diarrhea tomorrow you probably will still have diarrhea from just

eating loads and loads of garlic dip, but it's just a ring of crust and then you tear it and you share it and you dip it in. It wouldn't really have to be a circular ring of pizza crust. It could just be like a piece of bread, couldn't it? What have they done with the rest of the pizza? They never made it, I don't think. Oh my God. I think that should make a whole pizza and just bin the entire

movie. Yeah, probably. Just cut that out. Any toppings? Doesn't fucking matter. Throw it away. Yeah. There's probably some other recipe that you could use that. I mean, some people don't like their crusts, so maybe you can serve those pizzas in the restaurant to people who are crustless. Crossedless.

I get very angry of people who don't eat the crust. Yeah, me too. I don't get it. When I was really hung over on New Year's Day, I ordered a pizza, and I felt quite unwell, and I just couldn't handle the crust. I was just, like, eating the cheese bits, and then just, like, casually tossing the crust back in.

I forgot to get stuffed crust as well, It was a total write-off anyway. Oh, bless. I was like, oh, it's just more bread. It's just bread. It's so good. I mean, I hate when people leave their crusts, except for the fact that I then get those crusts

and dip them in my dip and enjoy even more. You want to bring in little doggy bags of crusts for you, Peter. Yeah, just with like your chew marks on it. Yeah, no, absolutely. That'd be nice. Greasy brown bag. Yeah, here you go. You enjoy that.

You've been saving them for a couple of, months. Little dog, man. Here's your crust. I always keep the crusts for dessert. I generally, whenever I'm eating, I always section it up. I'm not the person to kind of like dip around and I have a bit of everything like all over the place.

I'll always like like segment it. So I've like start with one ingredient to the next, the next. I think my most egregious food division crime is a chit cat. Wow, Kit cat chunkies. I used to eat them. I'd nibble off all the chocolate and just the wafer and to be honest it was always like

it's better when you have them together but for some reason I couldn't help myself from creating this tedious and satisfying lump of wafer I just do that with Twixas as well bite the caramel out of the vixises leave the excavate the biscuit and it's like okay no she's biscuit

some of them I think it was Kit Katz or maybe club biscuits or something when you bite the chocolate off them the biscuit has like holes in it it looks like a flute or something like a record that's fun yeah you're right and double deckers are another good one get the nugget off

the nugget it's so good is it nugget a Nougar I was getting Mugars yeah I I was I had a quick second there because I remember as a kid saying Newgar and everyone made fun of me oh bless you

they're all saying it wrong yeah ball boy oh Mikey sick hair stupid pronunciation of Nougar though Peter you could call yours pizza Or, if you wanted to go adjacent, similar concept, you could go pit at Austin.

Oh, yeah, yeah, could you pitch, Austin. I was going to say it would be called the pizza Austin or something like that. Yeah, that's good. That's good stuff. Are you ready for my thing? Oh, yes, please. Yes. This is a thing that I have stolen from times now news.com.

I think it's relatively a relatively recent writer, but it's about a story from 2002. This was written by the website's not formatting properly, so I've just got loads of lines of text. Thad Roberts. Thad? No, it's not. Samia Agrawal, maybe. Where did Thad Roberts come?

Thad Roberts is the subject of the article. There's a tiny failed to load JPEG image, and next to it it says Thad Roberts. So that's what I'm going to be. This is a really, this website is not loaded at all. Here we are. Thad Roberts, the NASA intern who stole lunar rocks to have sex on the moon. Oh, hell yeah.

Wow, here we go. Buckle up. The moon rocks collected by Apollo astronauts are among the most valuable substances locked up in NASA facility. Back in July 2002, a NASA intern decided to steal some moon rocks to have sex on the moon. Thad Roberts, a promising intern at NASA, once hoped to be the first. man on Mars. However, that dream was put aside after he noticed a sizable quantity of moon rocks being kept at NASA's Lunar Lab in Houston, Texas, under somewhat insecure conditions. Roberts came up with a plan to steal 101 grams of moon rocks, valued

at some, how much do you think they were worth? How many? 101 grams. 101 grams? I'm going to say, I'm going to go a grander gram, so about 100 grand. Yeah, I was going to say about hundreds. I'll I'll go higher in that case. I'll say half a million dollars. How much, sorry?

Half a million. Sorry, not half a million. Yeah, half a million dollars. $500,000. You're both very wrong. Valued at some $21 million. So that he could literally give his girlfriend the moon. Oh, that's a lot.

He wanted to lay the lunar samples out on a bed and have sex on the moon. That was his goal. Okay. He even managed to get in touch with a Belgian amateur mineralogist who expressed interest. in buying some of the rocks. Sexy, sexy rocks. Roberts, his girlfriend, Tiffany Fowler, and their accomplice, Shea Sauer,

all of whom were NASA interns, used their official IDs to enter the building on the night of the crime. When they reached the safe, Roberts realized that the rocks were as insecure as he thought. I think maybe it's meant to say weren't as insecure as he thought. He believed that the combination to the safe

was written on a tag tied to its handle. However, on the night of one of the most audacious heists in history, Roberts and his friend... No, I thought that was a bit much as well. Roberts and his friends found... I don't think it's that odd day. That's got to be like one of the biggest heist ever undertaken.

Like 21 million. What, this 22-year-old going to get his fuck rocks. The most audacious heist in history. I mean, yeah, if you just talk about the value, if you say he's trying to nick $21 million worth of rocks and then sell them, then yeah, that sounds more fair as a statement. But he wants to do it so he can fuck. on the rocks.

Yeah, he wants to fuck on the moon. I'd let him off for that. It's sort of, it's quite a flowery write-up, I think. That bit was a bit. It's a bit much for me. And I've lost my place now. So there we are. I hope you're both fucking happy.

Hope you're both happy. I'm pretty pleased. I'm wasting time now while I try and find... However, on the night of one of the most audacious heists in history, Roberts and his friends found out that the tag contained a cryptic reminder of the code. The Nazare interns, who couldn't back off after coming. this far, decided to carry the whole safe out of the building, and drove to a motel where they managed to open the safe with a power saw. Roberts and his girlfriend scattered the moon rocks on a bed

and had sex on them. He did it. They fucked on the moon. They fucked on the moon. They fucked on the moon. They didn't though, did they? I mean, that's so stupid. Come on. Peter, believe. No. No, I refuse. Believe. They fucked on the moon. Fuck on a fallen asteroid of which there are several on Earth, like large ones in museums, and say, I'm the first person to have had sex in space. It's basically the same logic you're applying. Well, that would, because there is definitely still people who've done that. Yeah.

And who want to do that. You've nailed it, Ben, though. You've got the perfect Valentine's story for us all here. Yeah. Yeah, we have. Yeah, we've got it. You're fucking welcome. One of us planned ahead.

according to the FBI's report on the moon rock caper the young thieves did more than just try to sell off a collection of lunar samples worth as much as $21 million in the process they also contaminated them making them virtually useless to the scientific community not completely though which I think is interesting not sure what the research would be do studies on how semen reacts with moon dust

how do they go with the moon rocks they also destroyed three decades worth of handwritten research notes by a NASA scientist that had been locked in the safe that's not good God Meanwhile Roberts using the alias Orb Robinson had negotiated the sale of the rocks

with the Belgian mineralogists for prices ranging up to £5,000 per gram So you weren't that far off Yeah Whichever one of you thought it was about 10,000 That was Peter, bang on that most He was going to meet the Belgian's American relative at an Italian restaurant in Orlando, Florida

on the 33rd anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing July the 20th, 2002. It turned out that the Belgian mineralogist contacted the FBI, who took over his end of the deal as American relatives and trapped Roberts in a sting operation. There, Orb and two partners were arrested and the Moon Rock successfully recovered

in their nearby hotel room, according to the FBI report. The three NASA interns entered guilty, please. Roberts was sentenced to more than eight years in prison for his role in the Moon Rock caper as well as a separate offence of stealing and it doesn't go, we might have to cover this in the future as well as stealing dinosaur bones

from a museum in Utah. I would be the first man to fuck on a dinosaur. You would though, right? You definitely would. While in jail... For some reason that's way cooler to me having sex on dinosaur bones than Moon Rocks. I don't know why, but that is way cooler.

Probably because they're not, they're not real, Peter, the dinosaurs. Yeah, maybe, yeah. Jesus put them there to test our face. Exactly, bingo. While in jail. Perfect lead up. Sorry, Michael. Perfect lead up for that.

Like, your partner gets home, a little card waiting there on the doorstep and open it up. How about you have, we have some T-sex. Bam. Want to get boned. Oh, that's bib. Oh, that's better. Damn it. And then what I'd like to imagine is that the FBI bust in, weapons drawn.

They're like, get down on the ground. You're under arrest for stealing something extremely valuable. And the guy's like, uh, is it the dinosaur bone thing or the moon rock thing? Two amazing crimes to pull off, really. They've not yet found out that he's once had sex on the ruins of Atlantis, but one day. Is this the Atlantis, Mona Lisa, moon rock or dinosaur bone thing? While in jail, Robert studied for degrees in physics, anthropology and philosophy. Now 44, he's become a leading authority on the large-scale structure of the universe.

He told the Daily Star that he's tired of talking about his youthful misdemeanors and instead wants to focus on his interpretation of an 11-dimensional geometric theory encompassing dark matter, dark energy, wave particle duality, quantum tunneling, gravity, early universe inflation, and Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. me too he will forever be known to all of us though as the legend who fucked on the moon god that's incredible

i googled his name and i found a reddit asked me anything he did about his so what is it like him stealing the rocks you know when he went to space and fucked on the moon oh dear the questions are all like it's just actual people asking sciencey questions of one person saying would you be a guest on the Joe Rogan podcast

Well, there we are. That's my thing. Thad Roberts, lunar legend. What an absolute legend. What a stud. What a stud. What fucking stud. We have a final question here. Are you ready for it? This comes courtesy of John Stewart at Jay Stewart film on Twitter. Congratulations. People told their friends. Oh, God. I just had to burp because I couldn't believe what was coming next. People told their friends. And you're moving into video.

it's year two. What kind of new and exciting content are we getting? Michael gets hit by a tank. Memory flash drives? Oh, that's a good question. I don't think anyone's really asked that before. What would you want to do? I think, like, our aspiration from the beginning

was to take, prove it, like, to the nth degree and do some really, really good stuff with that. Like, that was always like, that as the beginning. It's like, this, this is the potential to be like a huge series.

Yeah. It would have been nice to see that rock it off and like do just some bonkers stuff with it. Yeah, that was always the hope. More worst games ever. Would have been nice to do some like live appearances at conventions and stuff.

Glitch. What is it? Is it? Yeah. No. Because, yeah, I mean,

yeah, lots of things. But the thing with Vidates is a lot of it was a bit kind of Mad hoc in a good way, I think. Like, yeah, we had running series, but, you know, things depended on what we got sent on post some tat and, you know, what was going on around the office and stuff. So, yeah, it was, it's kind of anyone's guess what we'd be doing, really, but we'd still be doing worse games ever, no question.

And, yeah, perhaps some more, some wild prove-its with a bigger budget and stuff. No, those plodding around in a river making sandcastles. Going out, ow, ow. You've played Call of Duty. Now watch a shoot Nerf darts at each other in Dunster. I think, uh, I, maybe though, maybe that's like getting away from the point of, like, the vidiots point at least, like, a well-produced, like, expensive, amazing prove it wouldn't have the same charm as, as that, those low-budget hijinks.

I think maybe a well-produced expensive prove it, but. With us still being shit, like, you know, if we could invest in like really good camera equipment and maybe like some extra hands to help us shoot and edit, but the actual challenges could still be a little bit like we're wearing, yeah, just throwing eggs and running around. There's like an entire film crew catching eggs in a basket in a country lane because we're desperate for a third act to this video. We can't just do two We need to do a third thing Yeah I agree I would love to do just way more live action stuff That's what I'd like

And that would have been lovely What would you classify The worst meal ever video has Because whatever that is more than that I watched it the other week And like I had tears streaming down my face I genuinely think that is the best thing That went out on that channel

It's so good I was just thinking about the intro you made with the chicken nugget faces. It is beam time is still one of my favorite moments. I'd say it's more of a sketch than anything else, isn't it? Because it's just, it was totally, we had a rough idea, but it was totally ad-libbed as we went. It was very awkward.

Did we do that because, I don't think, was it out of necessity? Were we short of an episode? Or did we, I think we just did it because we wanted to, didn't we? I don't know why we did anything. I don't know why we did anything that we did. It replaced worst games ever that week, but I think it's just because we wanted to. I think it was a grand substitute. Yeah, just more live action, I think, more silliness.

You know, if we had an unlimited budget and we could just do, well, the thing is we didn't have a budget anyway, apart from our wages, which is, which was our downfall, us being paid. But like, if we could have continued into a second year, as we were, we would have come up with some really stupid shit, I'm sure. I would have liked to have gone to other places, you know? Yeah. It's gone to a random town. The lingering doom of losing our jobs. The big neighbour's cat energy. Just rock up.

Hey, we're in Sheffield this week, just shooting something really stupid. Come say hello. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be great. Like a road trip of all the worst places in the UK. That'd be a big series. It's just, it's, it's the channel that never was, right? Can you, like, we will just never know what could have happened.

We built, we know. we know we built something very special in like eight or nine months and that was it and then it was done and no blame being thrown around here at all but what could have happened if there was a second year you know what could have happened if we if we continued as we were and continued to attract because we managed to find close enough to you know near enough to 50,000 strange people who liked the strange things that we were doing if we had another year and all the people, pretty much everyone in the office would say to us like, you know, it's interesting, it's unique, it's funny content, you know, certainly interesting in some way. But you know,

it's like unique and it's funny and people, we were constantly being told by the guys we were working around and girls that it was, we were doing the right thing in that sense. It's just that I guess it was just a bit niche and a bit hard to, it wasn't YouTube algorithm friendly. We've had this conversation many times, but yeah, you know, you can have all these people telling you, you're doing a great, you know,

you're doing great content, but if YouTube isn't saying that, then you're in trouble. Yeah, we need to get our Patreon set up properly for a start. Yeah, things like that as well. But, yeah, hey, we'll never know. One thing we are, we have had a brief chat about and I'm sure we'll talk about once we finish recording

is that we'd like to get into the diary some sort of big joint stream of the three of us at some point this year. Yeah, definitely. It's been too long. We haven't done anything together on camera for a long old time, so we will look into that. Well, thank you so much for listening, everybody.

We really appreciate it. I believe there's some sort of sharp question mark. Oh, I think you're right. Oh, what, sorry? Bowl cut. Boul cut. Boul cut. Boul cut.

It doesn't hurt any less. Store. Wait, hold down, just quickly checking the Yorke's Twitter in case there's a discount going around at the minute. Nope, you're stuck paying full price, but my God, what value you get from paying full price. If you head over to store.orgscast.com, you'll find a wonderful bounty of prints, pillows, shirts, hoodies, just absolutely anything you can imagine and the best, the best bit of all. as you can get some silly vidiots and podiots related stuff

printed on them, their products and you can wear and use them in day-to-day life we've got t-shirts, we got hoodie, we got mugs, it's a veritable bounty. Yeah, go check out the video section of that on store.orgscast.com and treat yourself to some goodies.

I never got myself the Pottietz legend t-shirt and I'm really upset about that. I don't have any Pottietz match. I don't think. I can probably hook you up if you wanted to. No, I'm all right. Yeah, I don't have the latest stuff that's on there. I've only got the old ones.

I don't want it. The old Vidiots. Don't want any of it. I don't know. It's fine. I'll check on eBay. Yeah, there's probably a few floating around. Is there anything on there at the minute? Oh, God. No, sadly not.

No. Thank you. That's a shame. Hey, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com, forward slash vidiots official. Bit.ly, forward slash vidiots official Discord. Go see our Discord. Go say hello. There's a poddiots thread. Now there's like five people in it

As people slowly start to remember That they joined the Vidyat's Discord Four years ago I'm like oh shit Yeah this is still a thing So go check it out What have you sent what have you put there Michael What's that there Mike in the chat

This is some bootleg Idiot's merch It's not boot I am a Vidyits girl That's not Vidyat's merch is it surely It's video I like it though It is video's yellow

It is actually I like that I think we should release that Rip it off Yeah I'd yeah Yeah, but don't sell it in boy variety. No, I am a video. Can we use that exact photo on the list?

Yeah, can we get that printed on a cake and then take a photo of the cake and put it on a shirt? Oh, I've got sad news, actually. The ASDA cake printing station is no more. That is devastating news. Yeah, they've had a big rejig around the ASDA and it's no longer there, which is actually, I was quite upset by that. I just stand there for a minute and just, oh. Oh, man. All the, all the, all the, all the, never more will a little.

lady come out. Is this right? Show us the picture and say, is this right? Yeah, that's it. That photo of our phone being scanned with a photo on the phone is what we wanted on the cake. It's perfect.

So many memories of the ASDA, the pizza station, the cake station. I went there with Mikey when he lived just around the corner from me and we'd like, I bought a bin and microwave, I think, and carried it. back. It was played quite loud, obnoxious music in that. Yeah. I remember going in, it was Starlight. Starlight.

Oh, yeah. And it had UV, had like purple light in the bathroom so that you can't find a vein to inject a cell. Yes, yes. It always annoys me. Yeah. It was annoyed.

My last two visits to that, Asda, they've played Phil Collins in the air tonight, which like, when you think of it, you just think of the drum solo, You forget about the six minutes of just ethereal like That leads up to it It's the weirdest shopping experience you could ever have It's so good

And on the way back that time That old lady crashed into my car As spoken about on an episode of Podiers Didn't know how the lanes worked I was like you're in the wrong lane He's like, no, you are You are And then her, I'm assuming daughter said

Well no one's hurt so shall we go I'm like yes I suppose so Fine It sounded really really like a bad crash but when we got out and looked there was like it didn't seem to be a single mark no damage invincible vehicle over here yeah you with no dent you were wrapped in bubble wrap though to be fair

yeah true uh finally twitch dot tv forward slash vidyats official occasional charity live streams on there we'll try and get something penciled in for all three of us soon streamlabs dot com forward slash potty it's donations three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show and join pod squad mikey kick us off again. Dave Benson Pisslips. Cook Newcomb. Microsoft acquired Caroline.

We don't talk about Ben. No, no, no. Babi, Bobber Looney. Mr. Black. Pro trainer. Don Key Dick. Ben funged my token. Kermit the Pog.

When life gives you Nuggies. Armani. The generous Arthur the kitten. Windy Miller and Lord. Is it Brotovic or Brotovitch? I think I always say different things. I think they're interchangible. Lord's Brotter Victoria.

Brilliant. Brought a victory. Yeah, great. Also, pet shop man, Bog Standard, suck it and make eye contact. Chief as chips, Tristam.

Caroline, I change the locks. There's a snake in my boot. Lagatha Christie. David Dick in my son. Mr. Blobby becomes a radio DJ. 14 across Apologise. Praise.

Sorry, Princess Daisies Nuts, Mona wanks. We don't talk about Kevin No, No, the very generous Stephen Skodes and the very, very generous Swedish fan number one. Thank you. We've also got Shag Mike, Kiss Peter, Mary Ben, Cora Jade, scatting into my heart, bummer dog, Hawkman 105, Mothman Wilson, the very generous, I'm the Real Mandalorian.

Cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt, cunt. World War II, the silliest war, Mr Macca, bloc on Trent, Don Aco 7, Just Keep Swimming Ash, and Crapolionic Wars. And that right there is your pod squad for this week. Thank you so much, all of you. Once again, streamlaps.com forward slash potty at stonations. Three pounds or more.

I'm going to shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast. Peter Austin. Yes. What came out on Vidiots four years ago, this fortnight years ago 2018 everybody uh i mean one video that we i don't think we mentioned at the time but on the 12th of january we had the vidiots announcement we are the vidiots um but uh leading us up until uh from the start of the year up to the 15th when this episode comes out we had worst games ever prison break the conspiracy welcome to vidiots the true launch video yes uh in the spotlight

Crossing Souls I don't remember what that is I remember that because I ended up playing it and I'm trying to remember in the timeline of things that happened did we go to Paris really early Yeah it was pretty early Yeah I think it was around that time

That we did be in the spotlight maybe Were we in Paris when the channel launched Or was it like it was like super close I think we went immediately afterwards yeah It's coming up in this run of videos We then had the Vidyat's Welcome and Q&A extravaganza Post some tap

Episode 1 Prove it Cooking Mama 3 Part 1 Then it was the Paris Flog Le What's Next DeFocus

2018 Where we sort of got in trouble And we drank too much And had a great time We had a fantastic time Memory Cards February the 12th State of Emergency

aliens something or other and it's dot dot dot after that probably Colonial Marines I don't know Prove It Cooking Number 3 Part 2 That's gameplay as well In the Spotlight Vampire That was at Paris wasn't it Yes it was yes

Post some tap number two We've got stickers In the spotlight Greed Fall Nintendo Labo is brilliant creative fun for all ages and the most professional video we've ever made I think it was pretty good that video

it was you know it was professional in the sense that it was a mutual arrangement as well brand down fantastic it's so funny being sat at the table with like someone who's like a dad with kids has like a family friendly

YouTube channel and then three grownups who joke about I can build it faster than you yeah and that brings us up to the 15th of February. So, there you go. That's everything that happened in not just this fortnight,

but from the start of the year until now. There's that amazing photo of the three of us in front of the Labo booth holding our little cardboard creations. I've still got my little wallet. You know, when you get the certificate, did you get your certificate? It's like, yeah. This is to certify that Peter finished his Nintendo Labo course.

And then the photo of the three of us. Oh, brilliant. Good deal. Thanks, Nintendo, for giving us a switch after that. Yeah, they did give us a switch. Madness. Still got it. It lets us do coverage for triple jump now.

Excellent. So, you know. Wonderful. Mikey, where can people find you on the internet? At Parrot Boy on the Twitter and also on Twitch. I stream every once in a while. And on my Twitter, you'll find some lovely meatface stickers that I got printed. So anyone who's in Bristol, keep an eye up for those. over the coming months.

I'll be slapping them around in whatever fun places I can find. If you find one, do send me a picture. That'd be a lot of fun to see. Incredible. And Peter, where can people find us on the internet? Ben and I are still doing silly things on YouTube over at Team Triple Jump,

just like we did at Vidyots four years ago. But we're also on social media, Twitter, at That Peter Austin, and at Confused underscore Dude, where we say and do silly things as well that are non-triple-jump-affiliated. We were... Thoughts are my own.

Thoughts are my own, not necessarily representative of... Who? Triple jump, I suppose. You know, Peter, we were 25 when we started idiots. And we're going to be 30 this year. We are. Oh, babies.

Yeah. Dear. It's come really fast. That is troubling. It's gone so fast. I don't like it. God. Well, there we are.

That's the podcast. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Why not leave us an iTunes review or a five-star rating on your platform of choice? It helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms and we'd really appreciate it. Spotify lets you do ratings now as well. Five stars, please. Five stars. Any five stars.

Thank you. No room for anything else. Is there a final question before we ride off into the sunset? What would people like? like us to have done in year two of videos. Yes, that's ideal. Make yourself sad and think about what could have been. Yeah, what could have been.

You can still tell your friends, though. You may have seen we've made minimal effort over the past couple of weeks. There's a relevant pinned tweet now on our profile. There's a relevant pinned post on Facebook. We're now labelling each poddiots thread so you can find them. So it's not just, you know, a picture of Dave. We don't have a website yet and at this rate it'll never happen

but hey tell your friends I appreciate it right look after yourselves everybody we'll catch you next time bye bye bye Thank you.