Podiots - Podiots: Episode 99 - The Salt Goth

Episode Date: May 10, 2022

Peter's created the most impressive crossover event in history, Ben's opened Pandora's snuff box, and Mikey's gone full Butterfield   Donate £3 or more to get a shout out and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/vidiotsofficialdiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Mikey's Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/parrotboy Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hello everybody and welcome. Jesus. Calm down, boys. Hello, if you'll allow me. know everybody and welcome to pey oates yes oh dear been thinking about that all day yeah the worst thing about that was

I didn't even realize how badly I got it until I watched that video when it released yeah I thought I just you know v oit I thought well I thought I just messed up the O and the D but no the whole thing it was just a disaster yeah if you're not sure what we're talking about you need to stop listening to this right now

and go and watch the Vidyat's tour of Bristol, which we did when Peter and I were in town for work a couple of weeks ago now. Yeah, the time recording, yeah. Something like that. We also recorded episode 50 and episode 100 that will go out, respectively, next episode and the episode after. So we're recording this after those, which is going to present a bit of a confusing chronology,

but just know that as we record this, it is the week before this episode goes out, and I hope that makes sense. yeah perfect i i must admit mikey i thought you'd got it less wrong until you read it out because i read the middle letter as a d so i just thought it said vidits and you missed an o but no it was fairly o like and so v oates maybe is is what it was thanks um i did that wasn't a plan bit that was just me genuinely being incompetent dearie me what am i like Speaking of incompetency

Is this a good intro for it? No I was going to say Rather than speaking of incompetency I was going to say I tell you what was planned We had a bit of a A strategy last night

At time of recording I had I've got a worm On the inside of the Dick and Dom scene You can't call him that That's not very nice It's very

Apparently he listens as well Not a worm Yeah No maybe not a worm A mole. I'd much rather be... Would you rather be a mole or a worm? Definitely a mole.

Well, a mole, right? Both ugly, but I'd rather not be a worm. Weird, irless little freaks. Sorry. A rat, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I've got some kind of...

Disgusting, bubonic, Korean rat. Creature on the inside of the dick and dom scene. I don't know if he would want to be named because he was telling me stuff that he apparently shouldn't have been telling me. If he does want to be named, I can name him in the next episode. But we got the drop on the now officially announced Dick and Dom theater tour that is happening towards the end of the year and into 2023, apparently. Oh, my God, wow. And so Mikey was all ready to go at midnight to buy us some tickets.

Not that we expected it to be a mad rush, but at that point we thought there was one venue. We did. That was the thing. Only one venue had been speculatively confirmed. So we will be going to see the Dick and Dominda Bungalow theatre stage show, whatever you want to call it. Maybe we shouldn't say which one we're going to, because then a load of videos might turn up. I think that'd be pretty fun, actually.

I mean, it would be fun. It's just whether you... Yeah. I mean, I'm okay with that. Depends on what I'm going to run it by you guys. Yeah, that's what I mean. Stay in the city overnight or are we buggering off straight away because... I don't know. I didn't want to drop us in that without having consulted with you two, whether we want to make our presence known.

Maybe everyone listening who can go and see Dick and Dom Live should do it, and there's a chance that we will be at your show. It's not the obvious venue. We'll say that much. We didn't know. It was just when I admittedly I'd been out all night celebrating a friend's graduation, so I came home a bit tipsy like quarter of the midnight I was like all right Claudia get off the computer

I need to get on and buy Dick and Dom tickets right now get off the phone I need the dial up yeah near the time we'll say which show maybe on the night on the day we'll say which show we're at we don't want people to travel there just to see us and you know if they don't have tickets for the Dick and Dom thing like that would be a bit about us and we're way more famous than Dick and Dom as well

so we overshadow them hugely which would be embarrassing for them but it's super exciting we have we've got VIP P tickets, actually. We've got meet and greet tickets. Never had a meet and greet ticket for anything in my life. Me neither. Oh, it's going to be quite tense. What do you say in that situation? I don't know. You just stand there and like have a selfie and they're probably going to be across a desk, not even, well, they might be next to us, but I don't know. We copied your show, but we could say cunt. Yeah, that's what everyone said it was your show, but we could say cunt. I might take the signed photo of Dick and Dom that I've got from post-and-s.

still. Yeah, and get them to sign the back. Dear Peter, best wishes or dear idiots. What's another famous double act from children's television? I was going to take my newbie canon picture. Yeah.

Yeah, I was going to say just some other famous children's TV presenter and get them to sign it. Got enough Dave sitting around. We could probably take one of them in as well. Yeah, yeah, we've all got Dave somewhere. Yeah.

Well, I was saying the other day, well, yesterday I was saying, not to you, but we could have put the value of that toilet seat even higher if we've got Dick and Dom to sign it. It's a very big and dumb thing to sign as well, isn't it? God. Yeah, well, maybe we should.

Maybe we should bring, maybe before the show's in October, so we've got plenty of time. This is an official call to action to Poyett's listeners that we want your suggestions for something that can travel relatively easily, but is very strange that we could get Dick and Dom to sign and then we'll auction it off for charity. on the next reunion stream that we do.

Giant pair of white fronts. They would sign pants for sure. Oh, they would absolutely sign pants. Oh, that would be good. Yeah, I get like the proper pants dance ones as well. Yeah. A ladle. Yeah.

Something weird. Something really strange. Yeah. I'm just thinking now, I've got a weird stretch of celebrity meet and greets that I've done. Start with Chuckle brothers when I was a kid, met them a couple of times. I think I've still got signed programs from them as well up at home. And then it was...

Yeah, even the dead one. That's gone up in value, Mikey. I cherish those things. I'll never sell them, Peter. I'll never sell them. It was Tommy was a room screening. That was as bizarre and just bewildering as you'd expect. And then Fat Man Scoop, which was...

Yeah, I remember you talking about Fat Man's School. Yeah, that was just weird. Forced me to follow him on Instagram before getting a picture. Oh, this is weird. That is pretty desperate. I saw my first, risking doing the entire podcast before we even roll the music. I went to my first screening of the room, Michael. I knew there was a work trip to one, but I didn't know who had and hadn't gone.

10 or 12 of us went. It was incredible. Was that the first time you saw it as well? Yeah. And we had to watch Greg Sistero's shit horror film before we were allowed to see the room as well. And that was hysterical. It was so funny. God.

Oh, yeah, his non-room films are not good. God. What? That's a hell of a way to get introduced to the film where you've got no idea what's going around going on and everyone just screaming at the screen. I help. What? Throwing spoons. I think he knows like he probably, Greg Cistero was one of the stars of the room, Peter. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't aware. I don't know who any of these people are. And he clearly is, is hell bent on continuing to make films, even though they're all uniformly awful. And I think he knows that everyone laughs at them, but I don't think he finds it funny or does it intentionally. So as soon as his film started, the laughter was stifled to begin with. And then people just gave up and were just losing their shit at every other line.

But he wasn't in the room. And it was the same for when the room came on as well, although that's understandable because he's probably seen that hundreds of times at this point. But when people went to the toilet, because it was at the Tynside Cinema, he was apparently just having his dinner. they started rolling his film and he was just like right can't put up with the ritual humiliation

I know they're only here to see the room I'm going to go have my tea come back and take some photos and then fuck off fuck it get paid get a free tea good night but it must be hard though right

pouring your heart and soul into something that's just not good and then everyone laughs at it so pouring your heart and soul into something that you think is amazing for maybe nine months and then it gets cancelled in the summer and you have to just

sort of wait it out and watch it slowly crumble into perhaps just a podcast that is the only thing that's remaining. That's it. That'd be sad, wouldn't it? Yeah. It'd be really sad. Good thing we're not about to do one of those right now. God, I'd be awful, wouldn't it?

Hello, everybody, and welcome to Poddy. It's the official videos. Podcast. It's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and obey the law of the three us, where everybody brings a thing along to talk about. I'm Ben. I'm Peter. And I'm Michael.

Guys, it's episode 99. We are, if we hadn't already recorded episode 100, this would feel a bit more monumental. But it is a big occasion. Yeah. It's huge. We're nearly at episode 50, which we promised to loop back to, which we're. will come first and then episode 100 both of which were recorded together in where everybody records together tin bristol uh in front of to camera and uh that's that's very exciting so you're

probably going to want to watch those ones when they go out yeah on youtube but we will still put the audio up of course uh how we how are you all doing you good you're all right thanks yeah how are you yeah i'm good i was just about to have a drink michael how are you i'm doing good I'm doing good. Nothing exciting to report. Just all gravy, baby. Mm-hmm. It's Star Wars Day when we're recording this.

It is. What's your favourite Star Wars announcement, Peter? Well, they did a new Canobi trailer, so that's... That was good, wasn't it? That was all right, yeah. They're clearly doing the same thing they always do, which is probably just show clips that are almost exclusively from the first episode. But anyway, that's a good thing,

because otherwise, we've seen it all by the time the show actually comes out. So, yeah, that's been good. Who's playing Big Boat Kidobi? It's not Liam Neeson, is it? U.N. McGregor, you mean? Wait, I don't know. Where? Who? What?

Wait, I don't know Star Wars. Liam Neeson played Quigon. Quigon Jin. Oh, right. He was Obi-Wan Kenobi's master. But they have got Ewan McGregor back to play old, slightly older than in the prequels, Obi-Won-Kinobi,

because he's sort of aged appropriately for when this is set. and Liam Neeson has recently done an interview where he said I'm too snobby to do TV shows so I would only come back if they asked me to do a movie except he's done TV shows before so people think that he is actually going to be in it like as a ghost and that he's just deflecting but we'll have to just wait and see well well well that sure is my knowledge I'm never going to talk about Star Wars again it just it never ends well for me that's good isn't it it's a good thing that we don't do a gaming podcast or some kind of pop culture podcast.

Yeah. Silly little stories, I can do that. Mm-hmm. And if you enjoy those weird little stories, maybe you'd consider donating and supporting us financially. You don't have to, of course. And just as I explained several times during the recordings of episode 50 and 100, we're obviously recording these all out of whack. So, these Pod Squad members are most recent, and do bear in mind that if you donate after this episode. It won't be read until episode 101, which will be at least four weeks away after those two episodes we've already recorded going out. So just be aware that it may be a little while before you hear your pod squad, but it will happen, I promise. It will happen. But if you

want to do that, then you go to streamlabs.com forward slash potty. It's donations and donate three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the podcast. Mikey, who's in the pub people are to this week, please? We start with the, um, the vidiates, Dick and Dom field trip supporters association and we start with yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah thank you thank you thank you a lot of yours yeah pro trainer discount four gras nice we have to do it in the voice don't they oh god it's it's it's it's french as well i can't i can't i stumble over that my own accent fucking french isn't it discount four guas oh my god how is that worse Discord.

F-U-U-G-U-U. It's F-A-H. F-A-H. F-A. F-A. Discount, F-W-A-H. Jesus Christ. Come on.

Discount foie-G-G-W-G-A. Discount foie-Gua. Discount W-Guan. It's not, no, it's gras. F-A-R-Gra. F-Gra. Excellent. Well, that's it.

There you go. It's the back. Oh, dear. Hold on. I need to look. Get right on it. this one. Adolf Clitler the sex toy. Beautiful. Lovely.

Love it. Absolutely demonstrably horrible. Spunkle fuck chin. Mr. Black. I like that one. That was a good one. Spunkle Fuck Chin. Yeah, I really enjoyed Spunkle Fuck Chin. That works for me. Thank you. Sounds a bit like a Dragon Ball Z character, doesn't it? It does. It does. Mr. Black. Oh, God. I'm my accent to all over the face. Mr. Black and can't shack it. Thank you all. That was Brian Butterfield from the Simpsons.

also we've got the tiny troupe Keep forgetting to donate Saz That's alright Don't apologize Freddy loves Derek Lyons Or Leons Stokely on Trent

Steven Skodes Vidyitz is a cult No No Sorry Vioits is a cult David Popinson Ozark's Wendy

Bride is a cunt, okay? That's fair, yeah. Is that right? I don't know who that is, but. Wendy, Wendy Bird from the hit Netflix show. Ozark. Bird?

Bird, yeah. They've put bride, but... Oh, well. It could be a different Wendy. Yeah, could be a different Wendy. Yeah. Lord Krancovich and Don Acoe 7. Thank you.

in the fast crew we've got specky becky hugh jam mount from tom hugh jam mount from tom yeah you donated three pounds yeah lady who took shit by the offy again for context you're going to need to go watch the video's tour of bristol wow No, she was a listener. It's me. Here I am. Powerful orkish labia.

That's a really nerdy, disgusting one. Well, it's not disgusting necessarily. It's a bit crude, but that's fine. The very generous garlic jugs and fill chips. He said, having removed myself from Twitter and Instagram after their awful addiction tactics were just too damn good. Is there a way I can keep up to date with big pod? Tings. Also, are there any Pod Squad names that have stuck with you? Big Love, Harold Bobbett Hawking.

Well, Spunkle Fuckchin is really, that's one that I've enjoyed today. So that's a good one. We have talked for so long about having a website. We basically just tweet. That's kind of it. We post on Facebook and Twitter when new episodes go out. But yeah, I suppose, you know, we've had a couple of rain checks this year so far, because we've had. had had a lot on so we haven't always been able to record in a timely fashion and that that will be difficult to keep up with if you're not on the social medias we're not sure what the solution is there maybe we should have some kind of mailing list but then that's a whole load of extra admin isn't it oh video's newsletter might be a good shout though yeah newsletters are the way

can it be a physical one when we post it out to people we could do a blog we could write articles Well, then that's just a website. Yeah. We need that first. Oh, dear. No, it's just, sorry. No solution there's literally no solution. Stay off Twitter though and Instagram.

Good for you. Yes, well. Unplug from those places if you can afford to. Sadly, we need them for our jobs. Otherwise, I think I would. But no, there is no answer. Sorry, really sorry. The youthful, the youthful,

Ian Jasper 57. Thank you. Thanks. Youthful Ian Jasper. And finally, slap my Sally and call me ass. Thank you very much for your donation as well. Thank you to all of PodSquod. Once again, streamlabs.com forward slash poddiet's donations.

Three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. And any Poddietz donations received after today will be featured in episode 101. So please be excited. Michael. Yes. You got some questions, friends. I've got some questions. Would you like a really hard-hitting, difficult question?

Of course. Yeah. This one comes from James at Corrosion Audio on Twitter, and they ask, what's the best pasta shape? Oh, a little bow tie, because you can put it on, like, rodents and that, and they look well smart. Yeah, that's a good answer. That's a wonderful answer, right?

I've got a better answer. Yeah. Alphabet spaghetti spaghetti. Oh, yeah. But do you have a favorite letter? It's the alphabet a shape? There's two questions there. Is the alphabet a shape and does alphabetti spaghetti even count as spaghetti slash pasta?

Or is it just flour and tomato? The alphabet is a shape, yeah. Yes, yes. Okay. Yes, that's the definitive answer. Wikipedia says yes, it is a shape. I'm a big fan of Fusili. A little spirally twisty pasta

That's really good I'll have you silly Whoa Fucking hell It's you know It's a big day Nice to know that Good information to have

Have fun with that fan artists I think the fusili The sort of twists and turns It really helps with the Tuna pastas The pasta pastas and bacon and basically anything. It's good.

I think it's pretty shit with Bolognais. Yes, yes, yes. And Penae is also good for those two things, but not so good for Bolognais. You can't beat the Spagute for Bolognais. No, Spigut is king. Spagut is good for Bolognais. In a way, it's actually a real faftoe.

And, you know, in terms of functionality, Spagute is kind of terrible in some, by some definitions. but it is also the only thing you would ever eat Bolognese with, really. Yeah, it's the pasta that demands respect and your time. You can't just shove it down like a penny. You've got to really focus on that, really get in there. And also, when you're cooking it, when you're cooking it and you want to know if it's done, you can throw it at the wall.

It's the only foods you're allowed to throw at the wall. But, and this is really important, don't drain the water first, because otherwise it won't stick to the wall. You need the water still in the pan And you fling the whole The entire contents out of the wall Yeah, with boiling water Yeah, yeah

All at the wall Exactly Hey, you know a test if your passers done it And it cleans the wall, perfect And it cleans the wall Yeah Disinfects simple You know what pisses me off

About eating fusilion penny And all those little pastas As much as I like them They don't stay on forks Slippery little buggers They're slippery little bastards They always fall off And spoons, I don't feel like I can fit enough of them.

Basically, what I'm asking scientists to create is some sort of pasta shovel. Yes. You could just use a real shovel. I can't put that in my mouth hole, Michael. Oh, true. So I want the most efficient way to shovel the small pastas into my mouth. So I don't want to use, it's disappointing I have to use a fork and just sort of stabbing it blindly in and hoping you get a few pieces on, you know? Yeah.

Scoop it falls off. Imagine being out of dinner with like family and you're there eating your pasta. You try and stab some pasta with your fork and you lift the fork up and there's none on it. You look a fool in front of your girlfriends or your boyfriends or just your partners, parents for the first time. Italian parents for the first time. Italian parents, they see you stab away at that bowl. It comes up clean as a whistle and they slap you across the face and they leave.

Yeah. That's it. Relationship over. I'm going to go wild I'm not a few silly man I think it's a weak pasta not good I'm all about

something that can like hold on to sauce it's like penny is good the tube can fill with sauce and also it lones itself to a fun eating technique where you get your fork and you put the penny

on like the prongs of the fork macaroni works for that too like how you eat hula hoops with your hands yeah the correct way to eat hula hoops That and the little shell ones for the same purposes It becomes like a little mini ball

Within your ball for the sauce Yeah, shells are good too Yeah shells for a while I'm an adult man I have adult tastes I'm an innocent man Do they sell all those mini ones together in a mixture Like a little bit of fusili

A little bit of Pena Oh my God Like those weird crisp A little bit of vanilla Wackets you can get Yeah Yeah I'm like waxes french fries and square

This unholy combination of pasta shopes. That's what I want. A little variety pack, yeah, that'll be good. Yeah, a little variety pack. Excellent. Did we answer that question? I'm not even sure.

Definitively, yes. Yes. Okay, good, good, good. Who would like to present their thing first? I've got a little thing. It is what you do with it, but it is very small. It's small. Um, it involves me playing a bit of audio to you guys, uh, in, uh, discord and hopefully Michael Johnson, editor extraordinaire of this episode will be able to, um, uh, put it, put it in post. So people at home can also have a listen. I thought I'd downloaded it, but, oh yeah, I have supposedly. Hang on. Let me see.

And Michael Johnson, Supreme and I can also edit out of this fumble. Not a fumble, Peter. It's just building anticipation. I was in the wrong folder. I was on desktop instead of downloads. He was on desktop instead of downloads, Michael. Okay, get off his back.

So I'm debating how much, yeah, I think I will give you a bit of preamble to this rather than just drop you in it and potentially melting your brains. Mikey, I know you're familiar with this to a certain extent because you used the exact thing that I wanted to use for my a thing this week only the other day. Ben, you may be only partially familiar with this.

Deep fakes are now really easy to do, or relatively speaking, compared to, you know, once upon a time, it would have been very tricky to get someone's face to move in a convincing way. But you also now get audio deep fakes. Given that it is Star Wars Day, you may or may not know, Ben, that when Lirk Skywalter appeared in The Mandalorian, that wasn't a real human being speaking. They loaded in all of Luke's dialogue from everything he's ever done, as played by Mark Hamill, and then they got a computer to speak and just recreate his voice. Oh, interesting. Is this, hang on. is this website is this website

have you used a website for something I have yeah okay this it's good that you're is it Uber duck yeah it is yeah okay that's good because I've when I don't want to spoil episode 100 but when everything fell apart

I was very tempted to use it and I didn't so that's good to get like fake celebrities yes so it's Uber done I actually ended up using a different service because Uber Doug was like timing me out for the number of lines of dialogue I wanted to include. But how much did you want them to record?

Well, here is a one and a half minute conversation. Oh my God. Hopefully you will enjoy. If we all hit play it, it's only one minute, but that's fine. If we all hit play at the same time, then we'll get in time reactions. So shall I pass it? I've pressed play and then paused it right at zero. Okay.

Three, two, one, play. Hey, pop your head further closer. Are you comfortable there? What's your name? Wallace Dugson. You're fucking mad at it. Yeah, you're proper off your teeth, out of your teeth. Grom it and cheese.

You can fucking smell it. Too right-eyed at all, I got right. Two quicks worth of grommet. Yeah. Yeah, like 150 is the grommet and cheese. And I got an extra 50s worth of grommet. Fucked. Yeah.

Did you fuck? I fucking did. Did you fuck? I fucking did. I fucking did. Did you fucking lying back? I fucking did. Go and ask you.

You don't believe us. I believe your body winding up, son. Yeah, I've been told you all the fucking best on a fucking pedal bike had done stunts in there. I fucking... fucking do. Oh, you're the best I fucking pulling stunts and in the pedalby.

Where at? I'm being doing stunts. Your daddy said to me that you know the That's beautiful. That's almost uncanny. So I learned that there's a Wallace voice months ago and I've been saying

oh that's an easy thing. I should just do Wallace like saying some kind of vidiates, potty it's thing. And then it came to me a few weeks back. I thought, that's the way to do it. The temptation was to obviously switch out the other guy as well. But then I thought, I don't know, in some ways,

then you've just got two weird inflections speaking back and forth to each other. I thought it was better that he's, you know, you've got one real human there. But there's all sorts, all sorts available. And everyone listening, if you want to have a play, you should go to Uber Duck. but they've got like Simpsons characters

what I really wanted I wanted to bring like maybe three different ones just to kind of like pad out the thing and one of the ones I was going to do but was just taken too long because it was like saying you're doing too many requests we're going to time you out for the next however long

and it was just taking ages and ages I wanted to invert steamed hams because they've got Skinner and Superintendent Chalmers and I wanted to have them say each other's dialogue and it got like about eight lines in and it was just timing me out all the time and I was like ah fuck this I'm not so annoying

it's just going to take me so long so but yeah I thought there's a there's a Wallace voice that's amazing and then I had this all ready to go and then about two days ago at time of recording have you seen what Mikey posted

for his um no stream like live soon alert it was the the scene from a grand day out right at the beginning where they're looking at travel brochures and Gromit just

Wallace just turns to Gromit and says like these bank holidays yeah what should do on these bank holidays and he says oh well Michael Johnson is going to be live

at 6pm or whatever it was very good that's poggers that's boggars yeah that's sake so if you want to hear

another one of those dear listener, then you can head to Mikey's Twitter account as well. Yeah, I really want to try and do like a video for that, but like make it look really horrible and messed up just like the original video and see how to ment it. Yeah, I thought about doing that, but I was like,

I don't know how I would even get the kind of the fading in and out of dark. I'd have to maybe use after effects and like set up some lighting and stuff and I was like, oh man. And then do you need to maybe try and get the mouth to move and I don't know. I think I, that's going to be something

like these ideas pop in my head once while and it's always like I'm very bad at doing important things when something really stupid and small comes along like yes that's it and I don't do anything else for six hours I've got a feeling that's going to be the case tonight Michael I absolutely welcome you to recreate garlic and chips with Wallace's face looming out of the darkness

I'm going to try and do it justice please do it's so good though like I just in my head I close my eyes for the entire thing and it felt so real I really enjoyed it He's got the same eyes as well. He has. He has.

He says a couple of the things with a kind of startlingly similar inflection. The way he says, where at near the end? Where at? It's like, oh, God. It's him. It is him. What's Wallace's his last name? Did you call him Wallace Johnson in this?

Wallace Juggson, I called it. Jogson, okay. Juxon. But I don't know if his surname is. ever been revealed, actually. His last name is never given. Oh. Interesting.

Wallace, Wallace. So there you go. This is a quick thing from me. Brilliant. Thank you, Peter. That's so good. That's a gift. You're welcome.

Would you boys like another question? Yeah. Yes, please. This one comes from Orange Joe, actual name redacted at, I guess I'm demons on Twitter. They ask, what's the most unbelievable thing? you've ever seen in person. I saw a kid, oh God,

I forgot about the last part of this tweet. I saw a kid wipe out and his ball sack split open from impact. Oh, no. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Sorry. You could have left that out, Mikey. Oh. Um, there's, okay, it goes on a bit more. It's a happy ending. His pants tore.

They saw everything. Emtys confirmed it. He was fine after surgery, but it was insane to witness. What crazy things have you witnessed. I've never seen that. So I think we've already got the topper. Oh, my God.

I need some, like, mind bleach now for that. That was horrid. Sorry, I completely forgot that was in there. Fuck. Once when I was in Bristol, I saw a man trying to chisel a street sign off the wall. Yeah. That's one of my biggest regrets is not actually filming that. I just felt so uncomfortable at the time.

I was like, if he clocks me with a camera, he's going to ruin me with that. Yeah, he might not be best pleased. Having you get wiped out by a bus as he sprints across the street. I don't know. what the craziest thing is that I've ever seen. I'm going to have to think about that. I think I know one of, like,

either my craziest thing or something that's well up there, but I have talked about it a long time ago on Podiat's, which is when I like shadowed a brain surgeon and watched an operation. I don't know if you remember this story.

Yes. I remember saying this. Yeah. And I saw like several different operations that they did, but one of the ones that I saw, I was just like standing at the back there was this big crowd of like medical students watching and so I was like I'll obviously

let them get in and have a proper look and I'll just kind of stand back and I was looking and I was like what what that looks so much like no I if I say something I'm going to look so stupid and then eventually the surgeon looked down well he was looking down but I guess he was just

focusing so much elsewhere on the brain and he suddenly goes shits what is this and there's just a giant blue bottle on the brain like just walking along. They just had to like pour, he had to ring a senior surgeon because he was like,

I have no idea what to do about that. And then they got like the disinfectant that they normally, it has like a stem on it, like a wash bottle and they squirt out of the stem. They just unscrewed the lid and poured it all over this brain.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I mean, that's just the weird, maybe that is the weirdest thing I've ever seen. That's just, I'm one of the only people in the entire world who's ever seen that.

I think mine's not like world-shatteringly weird, but it's just stuck with me just how bizarre it is. Have I ever talked about the salt goth? The salt goth? No. Does it ring any bells? Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. But we were, we had some friends visiting,

like an old uni friend visiting Bristol, and some of cordial's friends came along as well. And they invited just a random, random man to our house. Like, all right, cool, more than merry or whatever. But he was a bit weird. And at some point in the night, we're all stand around talking. Oh, yeah. No, you've talked about this very recently, actually.

Did I? God, don't it? I've only just remembered, though. Oh, yeah. I don't think you've talked about it on content, though. I think you might have just told us, like, off camera or something. Carry on. Well, I don't know.

The blur between content and life is it? Yeah. It's indistinguishable. Yeah, it's just standing around talking. And he piped up to me. He's like, oh, mate, you got any salt? I was like, yeah, sure. What do you need it for?

I'm just going to go in the bathroom and rub some salt on me wound. Oh, God. Yeah, you did. I remember you saying this. What the fuck. Yeah. I just did not get it. I did. I gave him the salt. I gave him like a handful of salt. There you go. Have fun, mate. I'm not going to say no. And yeah, he spent like five minutes in the bathroom. Is that, that's not a medical thing, is it? You don't put salt in the wound. That's the whole point of the phrase salt in the wound is that you don't want that. That sucks. That doesn't do anything. Yeah. I mean, I guess, I don't if it would maybe disinfect it, but it is not the best way to disinfect it.

You certainly wouldn't do it. That'll last the way forward, not salt. Yeah. Deering me. Yeah. That's stuck with me. It was just weird. Not fun.

You got anything yet, Ben. Well, there was that time that we went to Paris and for a romantic getaway for the three of us. Yeah. And there was that dog. How did you, what is, how would you even describe it? Dog. dog parade yeah

the wheelbarrow of dogs and several dogs on leads and it was it was one of the weirdest I think you got photos of it Michael or maybe video there's like some phone footage of it yeah on the actual Paris flog I think that was insane it's like filmed in portrait because we had to just

quickly get a camera out yeah before you even had time to acknowledge what it was it zoomed past I was I just see what yeah very good I think it was like 10 Like you in the background just sort of go, oh, okay. Inside he's freaking out. Man, I'm not, I'm really, I'm really not sure.

I've definitely had some encounters, but maybe they're all just suppressed. Yeah. There was that guy, I talked about it on Poddy. It's when I was walking home from work and he asked me to tie him up in his jacket. You remember that? Yeah. He had his, he wanted to put his arms back. down by his side, not in the sleeves, and then his jacket to be zipped up, and then the arms

to be tied behind his back. So he was just sort of in like a weird straight jacket. Maybe he was actually a viduets fan. He just wanted to recreate his look from the worst cooking ever video. It could be. It is beans time after all. It is beans time. Yeah. God. I don't know. I've seen some weird stuff, but not many sort of, I don't know, just, I mean, there's, seeing a fly on a brain is kind of like, I don't know that I can compete with that. No, but I don't think, maybe, I don't know if anything else in my life can compete with that. I think I'm, that's a very, that's a huge outlier there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm struggling.

Well, well done, well done, Peter, I'm winning the weird thing. Thanks, yeah, you did it, you won the weird off. Yeah, but I did have to just retell a story that I've already done on, like, a very early poddiots. So, you know, at least you guys. gave some fresh stuff even so fly on the brain yeah

crabodil Crabiddle Ben I'm going to be honest I'm very curious about your thing would you do me the honour or do you want me to go first Yeah no I gladly do my thing This is not going to be funny

Like Wallace is But we're going to learn something today Okay Have you guys ever heard of snuff Now Peter I know you probably have Because you did it in the 60s Right But Michael have you heard of snuff

Is that like a tobacco thing? Yes, it is. Sorry. I thought you were talking about snuff as in like snuff films. Yeah, yeah. And then you said, Peter, you probably have because you did snuff in the 60s. Imagine my trepidation at Googling snuff to try and locate more information. But I was completely unaware of snuff until I saw a video pop up that I will share with you guys momentarily.

For the benefit of providing some backstory, I am going to read from the Wikipedia page for snuff. We're going to learn a little bit about it before we learn... Sorry, Carrie, I thought you were finished. No, no, no, go ahead. So before the video in question popped up, were you not aware of snuff at all? You're not heard reference to it ever. No. Oh, wow, okay.

I'd heard of a snuff box, but not really the context for what it was used for. Certainly not in... It's a British, is it, Pathet, Path? Yeah, Pathay, I think. Pathay, Phil. Yeah. Sort of public information film, kind of thing. Oh, nice.

We're all going to watch together like we're in history class. But before I'd seen that, I'd never really heard it explored in that context before. So, here is what Snuff is. Snuff is a smokeless tobacco made from finely ground or pulverized tobacco leaves. It is inhaled or sniffed, alternatively sometimes written as snuffed, into the nasal cavity, delivering a swift hit of nicotine and a lasting, flavoured scent, especially if flavouring has been blended with the tobacco. Traditionally, it is sniffed or inhaled lightly after a pinch of snuff is either placed onto the back surface of the hand,

held pinched between the thumb and index finger, or held by a specifically made snuffing device, it says. I think a bird just landed on my window, so. What, inside or outside? Outside, it just got really loudest bird noise I've ever heard. Snuff originated in the Americas and was in common use in Europe by the 17th century. Traditional snuff production consists of a lengthy multi-step process in tobacco snuff mills. The indigenous populations of Brazil, I'm really having struggling, fuck, difficulty speaking, were the first people known to have used ground tobacco as snuff.

They would grind the tobacco leaves using a mortar and pestle made of rosewood, where the tobacco would also acquire a delicate aroma of the wood. The resulting snuff was then stored airtight in ornate bone bottle. or tubes to preserve its flavour for later consumption. I've got some more information here about well-known users of snuff. Sherlock Holmes, right? Well, I mean, fictional, but... Fictional, yeah.

By the 18th century, snuff had become the tobacco product of choice among the elite. Snuff use, sorry, reached a peak in England during the reign of Queen Anne, 1702 to 14. It was during this time that England's own production of ready-made snuff blend started. Home-made blending was common. Prominent snuff users included Pope Benedict the 13th, who repealed the smoking ban set by Pope Urban the 8th. Is it Urban? I'm not really sure. No idea.

I like urban. Urban. Urban Pope. That's it, Urban Pope. King George III's wife, Queen Charlotte, referred to as Snuffy Charlotte, who had an entire room at Winter Castle devoted to her snuff stock, and King George the 4th, who had his own special blends and hoarded a stockpile of snuff.

Napoleon, Lord Nelson, the Duke of Wellington, Marie Antoinette, Alexander Pope, Samuel Johnson and Benjamin Disraeli all used snuff, as well as numerous other notable persons. The taking of snuff helped to distinguish the elite members of society from the common people who generally smoked their tobacco. PLEBS! Fucking plebs! It was also during the 18th century that an English author and botanist, John Hill, concluded nasal cancer could develop with the use of snuff.

Under the guise of a doctor, he reported five case of polyps, a swelling in the nostril adherent with the symptoms of open cancer. In Victorian era Britain, a few miracle snake oil claims on the health or curative benefits of certain snuff types surfaced in publications. For instance, a London weekly journal called The Gentlewoman advised readers with ailing sight to use the correct type of Portuguese snuff. And then, here's a quote for you, whereby many eminent people had cured themselves so that they could read without spectacles after having used them for many years. Wow.

Just lies, presumably. Just lies, absolute lies. So, it regained popularity at so-called snuff parties in the 60s, in Britain, as this British PATH film explains. So I'm going to send you guys a link. This is like, it's three minutes long, but it's really eye-opening, and I think it would be interesting to watch it. So let me know when you've got it queued up, and we can give it a view.

Absolutely. is so good 1964 this video is from wow that opening frame is quite something there's a really good Twitter account called BBC Archive

I think it's called and they just post stuff that's similar to this obviously it's not British Pathet stuff it's just old BBC clips obviously but typically they'll post stuff like no later than like the 80s

so it's like 60s 70s like man on the street kind of thing or like just interesting people they interviewed on the news like a there was a woman who had two cats that had bank accounts and check books like really interesting so if you like this kind of thing

check that Twitter account go check out that Twitter account you boys ready yes three two one go pinch of snuff certainly you'd be in fashion for the habit which recalls an era regency elegance and courtesy is becoming the fashion fad of the 60s

so good oh wow a big old horn A cornucopia of snuff. We'll post a link in the dump on Twitter. Sniff it with precision by both nostrils and without any grimace. Without any grimace? Remase. Perhaps we've forgotten some of the elaborate etiquette of Victorian days,

but the snuff blender has not lost any of his skill. And don't think snuff is some exotic eastern herb. It's simply tobacco, specially selected tobacco. Just a bunch of dudes in record snorting soil. This man is specially selecting some tobacco He's got his cheese gracer there Some lingering traditions of the 18th century still remain The snuff blender, the connoisseur who adds those tantalizing

and alluring perfume Why is he just doing it onto a desk? Half of it's gone on the floor Sometimes only the head of a snuff firm knows the secret She's just scooping that stuff with reckless events Oh, the lower the place But there's one man who can prize information from unwilling lips The customs officer who keeps a check on the tobacco and oil

The customs officer I'm absolutely bemused at what's going on. I know. See, I saw this clip and that's what... I was like, this is fascinating. My parents used to have a jug like this. I didn't realize. Like a chemical thing, yeah.

I'm going to get your whole nose in memory. Got snuff granny right now. Snuff, got a snuff. Look at that fine snuff. She's putting it through its fine. Snuff shop. The snuff center. turn.

Cornish pewter snuff boxes? Today's youth haven't turned their nose up for this strange ritual of yesterday's dandel. It's like Willy Wonka. The strange ritual of yesterday's dandies. Boom for the quaint snuff shops which still offer a dignified service to the discerning customer. This is probably an Iceland now. Fancy a snuff handkerchief, sir. Or perhaps one of these ornate snuff boxes.

Oh. Wow, there's such good designs. Yeah. What a snuff box. I put my mintz in. there's a good trade in snuff boxes there's still loads of them about but they're silver

they're probably quite expensive just put breath mints in them yeah these relics belong to an age which lies buried in a history book but don't think those dandies were the only people to appreciate the mysterious concoctions of the

sand is it's a four million pound industry in Britain alone it's not now which certainly can't miss knees that there's a coffin one don't slip too much mind snuff use kills

but in Some rare instances does cure poor eyesight. It's no good sniffing at the snuffing habits of past generations. For today's partygoers enjoy a pinch of Jasmine or Bordeaux instead of a pink. Yes, organized snuff parties have become the fashion. Everywhere, nostrils are revitalized and noses tickled pink. It causes cancer. We're just watching people give themselves cancer effectively here or risk.

Just next to the gherkins of snuff. The snuff sneezes are, of course, to be reckoned with. Also, that was, I think, a very early example of ADR. That was the guy doing the voiceover doing a sneeze over footage of a real, a different person doing a sneeze. Yeah. So there we are. That's British Pathes.

So this is what set me on this path. So I've given you a bit of a backstory. On this Parthay. We've heard from the Parthay, the BP about it. This then sent me down something of a rabbit hole. Are you guys familiar with the Parliamentary Snuff Box? Oh, no? No, I don't think so.

The Parliamentary Snuff Box is a wooden snuff box at the door of the House of Commons of the United Kingdom, where snuff is stored for use by members of Parliament. It originated after 1694 when smoking was banned in the House of Commons. It is the responsibility of the principal doorkeeper to ensure it is kept stocked. Wow. There's, yeah. In 1694, the Parliament of Commons. of England passed a resolution banning smoking in the House of Commons Chamber and in committee

rooms. Following this, members still wished to take tobacco, so snuff was used as a tolerated alternative to smoking as attributed to Erskine-May parliamentary practice, which I'm assuming is a book. In 1941, the House of Commons Chamber was destroyed by a German bomb. Boo! On the Palace of Westminster! Yay! The current parliamentary snuff box was created using timber from the destroyed chamber's doorframe, with a silver plate listing all the names of the principal doorkeepers since 1943 screwed onto the lid. The responsibility for maintaining the parliamentary snuff box lies with the principal doorkeeper who stocks the box with snuff paid for with his own money. Or her own money? Until the 2010s, the rights of MPs to have free snuff was a little-known

tradition of the House of Commons. A Freedom of Information request in 2010 confirmed the existence of the tradition and that it was filled with snuff chosen by the principal doorkeeper which he selected from a local tobacconist. The request did not reveal which members took advantage of the free snuff privileged, as the last recorded instance of an MP taking snuff was in 1989, when 1.5 ounces, or 43 grams, was taken at a cost of 99P. Nice. Wow. This sounds like a fresh snuff in there, or is it just been there since 1980s? I don't know how strict it is. It sounds like the set up to like some kind of spy film. We're going to spike the snuff box. We'll kill them all with snuff. In 2012, the parliamentary snuff

box was mentioned in a debate by the Green Party MP for Brighton Pavilion, Caroline Lucas, who criticised the Parliamentary Snuffbox for being outdated. The Conservative Party MP for Gillingham and Raynham, Ramon Christie, I think, also wrote a written question about how much had been used in the previous decade. The response was that there were no known users of the Parliamentary Snuffbox. It was also noted that while under the Health Act 2006, it is illegal to give out free tobacco in the United Kingdom, Parliament is exempt from this as the Palace of Westminster is a royal palace and therefore legally exempt from the legislation. Wow.

There we are. That's fascinating. I love that. I had no idea that Snuff existed and then I learned that there was a 400-year-old box filled with tobacco attached to the House of Commons. Filled with 40-year-old tobacco. You reckon it still costs 99p? Oh, I don't know.

It's probably harder to get now because people. And fewer and fewer people will be making it. Although I suspect it's probably still in common use in like certain countries. Possibly. Yeah. There are people who still do snuff, but I can't imagine how unpleasant that would be. I know. I feel like it wouldn't be very nice.

Yeah, it's just gritty and hot. I feel like it's make you sneeze. Well, that's it. The snuff sniffs. They're a real menace. Well, I remember seeing once, I mean, this is one of the most peter things I've said in a while, on an episode of the Antiques Road Show Of course, appointment of viewing for you.

Yeah, someone came in with a snuff box and they kept snuffing it as well and I don't think they were a snuff user as such or maybe they've got some fresh snuff just to take to show it on TV. You know, I've got a snuff box and I've bought some snuff for it. And what's her name? The lady, whose name I'll have to look up now

but she's also a newsreader. she tried a little bit of snuff she put a little bit on the back of her hand snorted it and I think she said it wasn't particularly exciting but yeah what's her name oh it's yeah

it's gross I've never done snuff but once I did do snooose did you just snap it wrong again or is that a real thing it's yeah SNUS snooose So it's similar to snuff, but it comes in like a little pouch and you stick it under your gums. Oh. And it does it like that.

I only did it once. It was when people from Mojang were visiting. Right. I think it's popular over in their country as an alternative to smoking. I did it. It just made your lightheaded and feel a bit sick. I was like, all right, this is, I'm not interested in this. I think it's similar.

But, yeah, it's not good for you. It just makes your skin rot. after a certain amount of time, so don't do any kind of tobacco kids. It's not good. Fiona Bruce, I think it was Fiona Bruce. Right, yeah, I think she does both, doesn't she? She does the news and the old stuff.

Yeah. Well, she is the one who does the Antiques Roadshow. I'm just trying to remember whether she was the one who actually took the snuff. Or maybe it was one of the experts, like the value was. But I think it was her. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it was.

It was her. Snuff is still very cheap. Was that? Snuff. A snuff is very cheap. For £1.72, you two can own 10 grams of Gawth original snuff. Wow. Do you reckon there's some hack there where you could technically roll it up and smoke it as a cigarette?

Probably. I don't know if you can... Well, yeah. It's just compressed. Not compressed like pulverized tobacco. Yeah. Maybe it would burn quicker because it's all powdery. Maybe it would be bad to set fire to it because it's perfume.

I don't know. but equally it's still going in your body the same way kind of you're inhaling it I don't know I don't know I would just feel like you take one like lean forward all the snuff just falls out of the cigarette as I it's just weird because they are taking it like it's cocaine it's very bizarre yeah it's weird yeah it makes it look like a harder drug than than just tobacco you know yeah yeah well that's it there we are that's my thing wow that was great I love British Pathet and I'm glad that they're going to just look after clips like that forever.

Yes. They'll outlive us. The discerning dandy. Yeah. Oh, dandy talk. Love it. Really good. Absolutely beautiful.

Thank you very much. Ben. You're welcome. There's a very good video by Greg Johnson called it's a, it's like a parody, is the word I'm looking for, of British Pathay talking about Christmas, but. He's just, he's like using all English words, but you can barely, like, it doesn't make any sense. He's using like half, half of one phrase, like one turn of phrase and half of another and, you know, really outdated stuff. And I can't, I can't describe it, but I will send it to you guys after the podcast. And you guys should look up as well.

Greg Johnson, but Greg with with an eye in it, I think, Greig Jonson. Gray egg. E-I-G-R-E-I-G. Greg. Okay. That reminds me another. I don't know if it's a British path here, but it's a similar kind of genus where it's a, it's just, like, I think it must be in 70s, but it's just got this guy in just a

regular supermarket car park, he set up like a little stunt display and, like, had a small crowd. He was just doing little jumps on his BMX bike. It's so funny because it's like this grandiose present, like that, the classic, you know, R-P-V-over, just this dude in it. grimy look in car park doing really crap jumps and pretending it's really hot shit very good.

Would you all like a question? Yes. Yes. This one's coming out of you from Brian at Because I'm Brian Sugar, spice and everything nice were the ingredients chosen to make the perfect little girls in the Power Puff Girl show. Admittedly, that dastardly Chemical X also played its part

what three ingredients would make the perfect vidiot and what possible side effects would could result we just want to boost some videts with some snuff get that in there yeah uh what what what is the essence of videt stupidity stupid yeah a big big heap teaspoon of stupidity yeah i feel like you can't have vidiots without yellow i think yellow needs to be an ingredient well we'll take some yellow paint from that original paint yeah just paint the room actual paint

so are we making this perfect idiot in a lab yes I think so what would you put into it to you know conjure up a vidiate what even is a vidiates it's like it's the amalgamation of all the characters I guess a video is that's three

that's true that's true um there could be a little bit let's be an element of childishness, immaturity in there. Yeah, yeah. And then we've got our standards, but equally, we still laugh at, you know, poo jokes. Of course, phoos and bums.

Of course, phozing bums are hilarious. Yeah, absolutely. I forgot you could go a bit more hypothetical with this and not have hard, cooled facts, ingredients. Like, I was thinking, oh, a freshly squeezed, snappy tomato pizza box. Yeah, the grease from that. Yeah.

yeah um and the god it's it's really showing that we can't identify anything about ourselves isn't it i'm trying to think of things like the snappy's pizza box like sort of yeah like physical things that you would put into a potion but i i don't know can we go back in time so it was born in the early 90s oh yeah yeah yeah that's probably important um I feel like we've already got, like, a stew going here. Like, if you left that on the stovetop for a couple of days,

you'd just inside would be a little baby. Something would come out of it. Yeah. We would, it said only three ingredients, and we've done more than that. But, yeah, it feels like we're maybe missing the key ingredient, but I don't know. I think it's kind of an X factor. I think it's, you know, it can't be,

it can't be pinned down. Yeah. Idiot is a feeling. Make it work in a bad place and then have it work in a place with unlimited creative freedom but with a gun held to its head. Yeah, with a clock ticking.

Oh God. That might give it a little bit of humour, you know, the stress and then mild trauma. Or de doom. Yeah. That could do it. and some snuff, as you say, Mikey. A little bit of snuff, just a little bit of snuff.

A little bit of snuff. A friendly little bit of snuff. There you go. If you can somehow track down all them three, well, all them several ingredients and put it into a pot, you're onto a winning combination there. Yeah. Would you boys like a thing? I would love one. So in front of me, I've got an article from York Vision, which is the unit, this is how they describe themselves. The University of York's tabloid student newspaper. And there's an article on this website.

It was written in 2014 by a Jack Weston. And the headline reads, My Week on the Butterfield Diet Plan. Oh, my God. Is he still alive? I tried to track him down. He stopped doing articles seven years ago. So he did die.

He fucking died. I tried to track him down on Twitter. I thought I'm going to do the new belt because you're a skeleton, bud. Oh dear. Yes, this is a brave soul who actually went and did it and ate a criminally

a criminally small amount of food for six days or five days and then binged on the last day. Would you boys like to hear his tale of just sadness and misery? Oh, dear. In late 2007, a fad diet was sweeping the nation.

Its name, the Brian Butterfield diet. The only difference between this diet and other equally bizarre get slim quick crazes was that this one was an intentionally ridiculous sketch created by the comedian Peter Serafinovitz. With an intake of around 800 calories in five days, so that's not 800 calories a day. That's like two Tesco sandwiches. That's a starvation diet nearly. Yes, yes. I hope he drank all the water he possibly could. It advocates almost a week of near starvation, followed by a treat day where you are encouraged to gourd yourself. Now, in 2014, Jack Weston decides to tread where no man has tread before and actually test the legacy of the Brian Butterfield diet.

Read on, if you dare. Oh boy. What's involved? Days 1 to 5, we're all quite familiar with this. Breakfast, one cornflake toasted with low fat spread. drink hot water lunch small raw potato peeled salad brackets mini lettuce leaf drink room temperature water you have to read it in a voice michael can you can you do it ben you do it way more justice than i do i'm reading the article as well so yeah i can if you want yes please i i'll just trip over myself okay uh dinner turkey square broccoli shavings baked bean in low fat

tomato sauce drink cold water pudding ice cubes and artificial sweetener Perfect. Nailed. It smashed it. And then, obviously, day six is the big day. It's treat day. And for 24 hours, you can eat literally anything. That's my best call. And the... By the pie. Bites of crew. There you go. It's your turn.

All the classics. Your turn, Peter. Oh, have you sent the link? Is it... Are they listed? Do I have to read them? Day City, you're all there. Okay. Well, they've missed out birthday pie at the beginning. Rubin's four pints of cream. Maybe he didn't want to eat a whole bag.

I mean, you can't admit, if it wasn't his birthday on that week, then you can't eat that. Birthday pie, pints of cream, potato grids, large macks, chocolate quails eggs, fluffy roughs, pasta pillows, McFortune cookies, egg and hand slabs, pork cylinders, artificial bacon, sandwich casserole, garlic pudding, hoisted crispy owl, or bo-bo-bo-bonz, discount foie gras, during dinner measurements. Cushes Lorraine. Beautiful, fantastic. And on day seven is rest day. I suck at the accent.

I gave my own on the art. It's a rest day. And so this begins the actual diary of the week. Okay. Day one, the first day started and I was full of hope, mainly due to the fact that it was New Year's Eve the night before, and I was still full of pizza and whatever else I ate the night before. It almost seemed to join.

joke when I ate the cornflake and drank my cup of coffee and duly tweeted my progress. Coffee? I know that's not in the diet plan. He's cheated here already on the get-go. And look at the size of that. Piece of ham. Turkey breast. Oh, that's a sad plate.

Sorry, I'm jumping the gun, but geez, he's cheating already. Yeah, come on, guy. I think he keep, well, yeah, you'll see, you'll see, you'll see. This optimism continued all day as I ate my lunch with no ill effects, becoming apparent. as the afternoon progressed, I started to feel hunger and realised that I couldn't eat until much later. When I finally consumed my meagre meal, it was unbelievably delicious and I felt full for a brief time.

By the time I got tired, I was hungry and had to sleep on an empty stomach. Already, it's looking dire. Day two, my idiotic promise still hadn't quite settled in my mind as I had, quote, quote, breakfast in the morning. Luckily for me, I've never been a breakfast purpose. so I can usually muscle through and have a big lunch instead. Physically and mentally, I mean, in this case, you're not going to have that big lunch to look forward to.

Big lunch instead. Physically and mentally, I was still feeling pretty sharp as I had lunch and was able to function and get work done in the library. By the late afternoon, though, the lack of energy going into my body started to become apparent as I suffered a relatively large crash and I practically fell asleep. By the time I had dinner, I was getting a special. hungry, but it made no difference to how I felt, and I went to bed soon after.

Day three, by the third day, I had begun to realize how foolish I had been to volunteer myself for this ordeal. You could stop at any time, mate. Yeah, you can just, you know, eat, maybe. Oh, dear. I'm trusting this man. This is a truthful account of what happened. The morning was uneventful, though, as I think that getting enough sleep drastically

improved the first part of the day. Lunch was a welcome break from the constant hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach. Again, I managed to get some work done before suffering my daily crash in the late afternoon due to having no energy. Dinner was so good and by this point I was starting to constantly feel genuinely unwell. He's nearly a treat day. If you get there, buddy, you can do it. Come on. It's dire when you look at that plate for dinner and you think, yes, this is it.

day four on day four it finally struck me quite how bad this quote unquote diet is surprise whoa it's not good who thought i was already hungry when i woke up and the cornflake was foul despite it only being the tiniest amount of food the only thing that pushed me through the morning was coffee okay in brackets i cheated a bit um um lunch came through actually to be fair like yeah caffeine's a an appetite suppressant. I'll give them this one. It just helps them go through with it. It's basically water.

Lunch came around and never have I been so happy to eat such a bland meal. In comparison to the other daily meals, lunch is the only one with any real carbohydrates and any energy locked into it. To quote one of my frequent status updates, I would literally do anything to have another potato for dinner tonight. Going back through my notes, I also noticed arguably the moment. most terrifying note scribbled at the bottom of the page where the words took my first shit

in four days. I don't know if that was relief from being able to perform a normal bodily function or the fact that I didn't miss it. What does that mean? Day five. The final day rolled around and by this point I didn't really care. I didn't feel hungry or full. I just had a constant ache in my stomach that was never stopped by anything.

Breakfast and lunch passed with a happy tear in my eye, knowing that I was nearly done. I achieved nothing, only leaving bed somewhere around midday. Even then, I got relatively little done, sitting in the vision office as I began to crunch through my notes. I decided to have my final meal in the office, partly to celebrate the end of the diets, partly to show the sadistic bastards what they'd put me through.

You're the sadistic bastard here. You did this to yourself. Yeah, Brian didn't you? Yeah, that's a kiss. by this point I was exhausted I could barely stand and I was having difficulty speaking

the last meal passed my lips and with a sigh of relief I knew that I was free in a little over six hours I could have my treat day and eat anything I wanted again that's the thing because Brian says you have 24 hours

so at one minute past midnight or the stroke of midnight he can start I would definitely at this point be staying up or I'd set an alarm I'd probably go to sleep because I just feel so ill. We'll have like a whole tray of flapjacks there

just to get some fuel yourself. And we move on to Treat Day. That magical day finally rolled around. I had to concede that there was no way I was going to get through everything on a list including birthday pie, pork cylinders, mystery meat, sandwich casserole, bon-bo-bo-bons, etc. I couldn't really afford it either.

Oh, bless him. I think mystery meat was in the list. It was not a comprehensive list at the beginning. I've just checked. No mystery meat there. Oh, boo, boo. It's all on the website as well. It's copy and paste it.

Eventually, I settled for a nice slab or cow. Slab o cow, there we go. A.k.a. sirlone steak with chips and peppercorn sauce. That's not on there. I know you could have even gone for an analog, a similar thing. He went, he went free-stiled it. He could have had an egg and ham slab. Yeah.

this man drinking coffee eating a slab of cows you can't eat literally other thing there to be fair yes true true but if you're going to do it stick the list i hadn't realized that during the week my stomach and appetite had shrunk drastically meaning that while i only bought a six-round steak i even struggled to finish what should have been an easy job after being so hungry however it was real food and i still relished the fact that i could eat proper meals again.

That's the downside of the diet is when it's time to treat yourself, you physically are unable to eat. Yeah, I bet. I can imagine. I am a little bit disappointed with his treat day, though. It was steak and chips. Like, come on, come on, dude. Try and force some more stuff down there.

Yeah. He finishes on thoughts. While it was amusing to complete the diet, it was definitely the worst idea of hadn't some time. In the space of five days, I consumed less food than I had. normally eat in a single day, lost a lot of sleep and achieved relatively little work. It was certainly made harder by the fact that I had started immediately after a time when

overeating is rampant, so it was a double shock to my system. Even worse was the effect on my body. In the space of five days, I lost an unbelievable 12 pounds. I feel like a new bag. I've added a new belt. That's unhealthy. That's to say the least. technically yeah oh dear technically my body was starving and it was on the point of becoming atrophic I think what does that mean atrophic atrophic yeah like atrophy like yeah like muscle atrophy and stuff where it would start to keep back fat reserves and go for my muscle mass instead unfortunately it was only for five days sorry fortunately it was only for five days so I managed to avoid that stage while that is a crazy amount of weight loss and vaguely

satisfying being able to start the new year without the Christmas pounds, God, and then some more. The amount of weight I lost and the time I lost it in was definitely not worth the pain and suffering. I endured for it. And that's a young student journalists dive into the horrible world of just starving yourself for the sake of comics. Do not. Article was published in Jack Weston's memory. Yeah. He died the next day after he ate a meal that was too big and his stomach exploded. died. Needless to say, do not do that at home even for the quote-unquote

japes. I think we've talked about doing it, didn't we, for content at some point? Did we? Yeah, but when we were at videos, we can't afford to do it now because we have actual, you know, real jobs to do. But when we were there, I think we had a conversation about one of us doing the Butterfield Diet Plan

for a week. Right. Yeah, definitely. Oh, wow, I just realized this isn't just a website is that this is actually printed in a magazine. Yeah, yeah, I think he's, yeah. Yeah, I've just found a scan of the page with a beautifully Photoshop Brian Butterfield

there in the corner. Wow, that's good. There are some comments underneath the digital version of the article. Comment number 14, Gary, says, is there's a square of low fat turkey breast? You seem to have eaten a rounded edge cube of regular ham.

It says, follow this diet to the letter every day. Therefore, you didn't complete the diet plan. You must try again. Yeah, it's only fair. Oh, dear. The comments are just filled them with references and quotes. It's a sight to behold. Yeah.

Hope you're doing all right out there, Jack. Oh, but I hope you haven't suffered too much after that. You've bounced back. Absolutely. Thank you, Michael. That's all right. Thank you, Mikey. You're very welcome.

Would you like a final question to send us out on? Yes, please. This one comes from Always an Adventure podcast at AAA underscore Alex Sam. they ask Vidyit's merch when I don't want to don't want to jump the gun but we are working on something

soonish it's coming but we're not it's coming it's what is it's coming glitch you'll find out you'll find out

yes we've we've been wanting to do wanting to do a new little bit of merch for some time yeah we've got to design together we're just sorting out the printing at the minute. It's looking hopeful, but don't get your hopes up until you see it on that store. Yes. All right.

We won't be able to promote it on Poddy. It's until at least June. Oh shit, yeah, because we've got two in the bank already, haven't we? Yeah. Oh, dear. Keep your eyes peeled. It's coming at you. I still really want to do a Vidiot's Brick at some point. That's been my grail bit of merch. A Vidiot's Brick. Have you spoken to us about this? Maybe not. Maybe I just had it in my head.

What is the Vidiot's Brick, Michael? it's it's just a brick that's painted yellow with like the video's logo embossed on the side the cost of postage would be so expensive it would be so expensive yeah oh god we'd have to limit it to like

25 or something make it a real collector's edition I actually like earlier today I was googling how do you make bricks see if I could possibly do it myself I think we would have to do it ourselves we'd have to paint each of them sign each of them, write

V-O-Eats on it, and then put it up as a limited yeah, limited item. Brick-Eats. Yes. Bricky it's. There we go. The brick appeal. Maybe that's the next charity thing. Sure.

I'm all aboard. It's a once in a lifetime idea, Ben. No, it is. I agree. I think we should do it. That's right up our alley. Like you say, like half, if it was for charity as well, half the money would just go on the postage. People would have to pay like 50 quid and only about 20 quid of it would go to the charity. Oh dear.

Worth it. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Wow. Well, is that all? I think we might have done it. That's all. That's all.

Fantastic. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. Michael, I think there's some kind of shop available. Is that right? You're absolutely right. Store. Dot yogscast.com. type that into your web browser of choice,

you'll find a wonderful array of goodies and goods. Goodies and goods, you know, your favorite things. Goodies and goods. No bricks. No bricks yet, sadly, soon. But if you head on over to the Vidiot section at the website, you'll find our classic, classic range of merch, including mugs, shirts, and hoodie,

and soon hopefully featuring a new design. But if you just can't wait and you want, that much now. It's on there and it's waiting for you. It's beckoning you in. Do it. Don't let it down. That's store.orgscast.com. Brilliant. Still no discount codes. That's not a thing anymore. So check on the Yorkscast Twitter for special shipping deals and other things. Yay. Absolutely. YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, all.com forward slash vidiots official. Join on LY forward slash vidiates official Discord. That's camel cased, by the way, if you know what that is.

Some of you don't. And then you can join our Discord and hang out with like-minded poddits and vidiots or vioites or poy-oids. And go say hello and talk about things and so on. Go hang out. Twitch.tv.4 slash vidiots official as well. Sometimes we stream on there. I believe I have a, I'm going to say this now because it will probably, it will likely happen before we're back to recording our next episode

which will be episode 101 I believe the week because my birthday's on the 20th the weekend after there may well be a charity stream going on there with Ben so do come along we'll post about it though

when we get closer to the time well as we go here well about streamlabs.com forward slash poddy it's donations three pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show join pod squad support the thing that you enjoy we really appreciate it. It helps an awful lot.

Just a reminder that any pod squad's received after the recording of this episode will be read in episode 101. So if it's not read in episode 50 or 100, don't worry, it'll be coming very soon. Mikey, start us off. We start with, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, pro trainer. Discount foie gras. Is that better? Excellent.

Yes, nailed it. Yes. Adolf Clitler the sex toy Spunkle fuck chin Mr Black And Can't Shack it Also We have

Keep Forgetting to donate Soz Freddy loves Derek Leons Stokely on Trent Stephen Skodes Vioits is a cult David Pupinson Ozark's Wendy Bride is a cunt

Lord Krancovic and Don Aco 7 We also have Specky Becky Hugh Jam Mount from Tom Lady Who took shit by the Offie Powerful Orkish Labia The very generous garlic jugs and Phil Chilett Fuckin'allick Garlic Jugs and Phil Chips

The youthful Ian Jasper 57 And slap my Sally and call me ass Thank you very much For your support, we really appreciate it That's your Pod Squad for this week Remember streamlabs.com forward slash potty, it's donations 3 pounds or more to get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. Peter, what's on vidiates this week?

Well, a lot, because we've not done a what's on videos this week since we released episode 98. Yes, boy. And that was a while ago. So here we go. Since April 13th, Prove It, The Sims 3, live action challenge, part 2. Nice. That's the hat film.

stuff. Sky Room Zoo Chapter 7, Road Trip. The Man from Milan part 3. Revenge. That was the finale of that too. In the spotlight, Milanois. Memory cards for April the 16th. Polly It's episode 4. Wicks.

Wicks. Worse games ever selection for the 19th of April 2018. I think that might have been the first selection we did. I think that's when we started it. Oh, really? Yeah. Post on tap number nine, we have a theme tune. Worst games ever, Sabrina the Teenage Witch

A Twitch in Time Skyrim Zoo A Chapter 8, Furious George Sunday, Sunday, Injustice 2 Legendary Edition Memory Cards for April 23rd Postum tab number 10 We've been Legoed

That's when someone made that little diorama Diorama I've got Diorama I've got Dioraba In the spotlight god of war Wow Geez, God of War

Spiro Blindfold Challenge Piece of Cake Five best-selling video games of the pre-industrial era That was a silly list Skyrim Zoo Chapter 9 Cocker-Doodle Zoo

That's a good title Sunday Fun Day Incredible Crisis Memory cards April 30th Pollyets episode 5 B.R. Dot S.T.O. dot L

and just a couple more to bring us up to the 4th of May now this is Pod Racing Star Wars Episode 1 Racer that was when good old games did a re-release Post some Tart episode 11 The Walrus of Love

Worst Games ever Game Selection for the 3rd of May Worst games ever Beverly Hills Corp was the game that was selected Simon Miller Yeah Simon Simon Miller Skyrim Zoo chapter 10

The Irresponsible Zoo owner and that actually brings us up to, in fact, no, I've done the classic thing of overshooting by one, so we'll hear about that next time. But yeah, well, oh no, sorry, because I need to do it up to when this episode goes out, don't I? Yes. Rather than to today. So actually, there's loads more.

So the Scorium Zoo Chapter 10, Irresponsible Zoo owner. Sunday, Fun day, Def Jam, Icon. Memory cards for May the 7th. Post from tap number 12, Pikachu, We Choose You. we're coming back to Newcastle hyphen glitch 2018 what is it what is it

and finally because this episode goes out on the 10th of May Skyrim Grinch Challenge piece of cake that's where we had to steal presents from people yeah as the Grinch what a great channel

there we go excellent channel so there was an awful lot there thank you for bearing with me through that because as I say it's been a little while since we did an episode. So there you go. Absolutely.

Thank you, Peter. Mikey, where are you on the internet? At Paraboy on Twitter is the best place to keep up to date with all me hip-hop happenings. And I stream occasionally on Twitch as well. Same thing. At Paraboy, go check it out.

It's a lot of fun. Thank you, kiss, kiss. Brilliant. And where are we, Peter? We are at Team Triple Jump on YouTube and Twitch, also on social media as well, Twitter and Facebook where we're doing all kinds of videos including worst games ever and rules bosses over there

and we do cooking and things like that and we do lists as well but we're also separately on social media at Confused underscore Dude and at that Peter Austin on Twitter brilliant nice why not leave an iTunes review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice

five stars please it helps something to do with Al Gore's rhythms thank you so much for listening everybody Is there a final question that we can send people away with? Do you think maybe the audience can come up with a better answer for the How to Create a Vidiot question? I think we were struggling with that a little bit. What's the secret ingredient?

Yeah. That's all we want to know. That sounds good. Perfect. Well, look after yourselves, everybody. We will see you on the other side of episodes 50 and 100 coming next. But until then, stay vidiates. Keep potting.

Okay. Pioi. Bye. Bye. Bye. Tell your fiends. Bye bye. brings you a world of stories all in one place.

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