Podiots - Podiots: Episode TEST - Rectal Recordings

Episode Date: March 5, 2018

THIS IS A TEST. DON'T LISTEN TO THIS. CURSEDFILE.MP3 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99%

during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions supply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explore Volvo.com. Have a nice chat, everybody. Welcome to the first video. It's podcast. This probably sounds like shit on the microphone. Oh, maybe.

I don't know. Did you find these in the corridor? Yes, they were all the ones that were stream about on the floor. Oh, delicious corridor microphones. My favorite. Neglect. lick of them. My favourite kind of microphone is one that you'd shove up your ass.

Right. Right. What does that mean, Peter? Well, you open your anal cavity. No. Insert a microphone therein. Right. And then get someone else to talk into your cavernous rectum.

What's your favorite kind of microphone to put up your ass? Is it a boom mic? Or is it more of like a lav mic? Shotgun. Lavalier. I like those enormous deep sea ocean weather microphones that are used for recording whales and stuff because they're like the size of you.

It's in a huge blimp, whatever blimp. I guess, yeah, that'll stop from getting broken when it's in your eyes. Why? Yeah. Why? Why? Just, really just to provide some levels for Michael Johnson. That's the only reason I want to talk about. So it's purely for getting levels.

But are the levels in your cavernous rectum the same as your talky levels? You've got to adjust by about minus 12 dB. But you know, it gets there. A little bit of noise is fine. People understand, you know, you're filming rectum's under water. It's going to happen. I mean, you'll have to explain it to me. Forgive me because I am a layman in the sense of, you know, rectum recordings.

R&R, as we call it in the, yeah, rectal ordings, as we call it in the industry. But I still, I asked why, and you told me why. Yeah. But I don't know why. And I feel like you could do a better job. Does the need to be a why can a man not just put a microphone up his ass for a bit full? If it's for levels, I find that a dissatisfactory response because you just said that you have to then adjust them when it comes back up to the mouth area. Is it, forgive me for being so bold, because you like having microphones in your ass?

Well, it's not that I don't like having them of my ass. There's definitely an element of, I very much enjoy. having it up my ass. But the reason I put it up my ass is not for the enjoyment. It's almost the side effects, you see. It's like with food. You don't eat food purely for its nutritional value, eat it because you like the taste. It's like that extra flare that comes with it. But you don't even need to put, like there is no, in that analogy, there's no nutritional value to be gained from the microphone in the rectum. Like the levels you're getting- Are you saying joy is not valuable to a person's life? No, no, no, no, no, hang on. You said that there was,

in the analogy that you just gave me there, you said that you, you eat food because it's fun and you like it, but also it gives you nutritional value. Here, you put the microphone up your ass because it's fun and you like it. But that's it. There's no other reason. No, that was Michael said that. I disagree. Right, for you, it's pretty recreational. Right, we're putting microphones for

different reasons. Yeah. We're on different wavelengths. So, you eat food. For me, I eat food for nutrition. I'd like to see the wavelength, actually. For sustenance, right? Yeah. But I also happen to enjoy chowing down on a pizza, right? Right. And with a microphone, I shove up my ass to give Michael Johnson some levels.

But I also enjoy it. Right. I get sexual gratification out. Okay. I think that's what I had assumed all along. Right. But I just wanted to check. Okay.

Out of interest, final question for you, Peter, before I let you go and get around your day. Yeah. Thank you for joining me today on Prime Minister's question time in the House of Commons here. Yeah. Have you ever eaten a pizza for masticatory gratification and put a microphone deep, deep, up your lower intestines. For masturbatory gratification.

For masturbatory gratification. At the same time? Yeah, sort of a masturbatory, masticatification and masturbation. Right, yeah. And then you hit record on audacity. Yeah. And you can hear the pizza coming through your digestive system. That's really quick.

Yeah. Your metabolism must be off the chance. It's straight through. Little bricks come out within minutes. You can call me Mastertabolism. Mastatabalism. Peter, thank you for joining me. You're welcome.

Thank you for having me. That's all, my pleasure. Thank you, Michael. on Ars Talk.