Podiots - Podiots Season 1 Highlights - VOLUME 1

Episode Date: April 16, 2019

The very best of Podiots in one handy place, thanks to Tom Gallon for compiling these clips! New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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leased a 2026 X-E-90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99% during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Thomas was very excited. On the island of Sodom. Sodom.

On the island of Sodom. Sodom. Thomas and, was there a George? I feel like there was a George. Percy. Percy were buggering behind the train sheds. Just next to that, just next to that harrowing. a tunnel where they bricked a train in, so it's got to stay there forever.

And next to the little shed where the other train got taken off the rails and just turned into a generator for being nasty. The fat controller laughed, you are wrong. Do you remember that bit where the little coal cart was warned about going too fast? And then he went really fast and he flew off the tracks. and just disintegrated practically into a million pieces of the road.

The trade fucking dies. Jesus Christ, said Thomas. That's fucking lorded. That's fucking metal, said Percy. Nali dude, said Gordon. Over the top, Flew Harold, who kept an eye on the whole sticky situation. I swear sometimes they were carrying jam and stuff

and they did just want to do slow-mo train crashes where jam went everywhere. And why are the trains carrying jam? That's surely... How do you get jam from one end of Sodom to the other, Ben? That's the question. Well, in some kind of... Prophalactic, I think.

All the way through Sodom. Yeah. Okay, we're ready to start. Yeah. We are. Hello, everybody and welcome to Podiat's the official podcast of the Vidiates. Still. really say YouTube channels, no, it's just, just Vidiots.

It's the Vidiot's podcast, poddits. It still gets uploaded to the YouTube channel. I suppose, we can still say that, right? That'll just be an in-joke for people who are here at the before times. I'm getting a telephone call right now, that's good. Are you really? Is it your dad again? He called you last time.

Hello? Yep. Yep. How you doing, Peter? You're right? I'm all right. Okay, yeah, give me one second. Okay. Yep. We, it's the delivery driver.

Claudia accidentally use my account, so I'm in charge. You mean you've been charged? Yeah. But where's he gone to? Oh, you're just calling Claudia? Yeah, so sorry guys. No, it's fine. We'll let you do this first.

Yeah. It's important. Yeah, no, this is a burger and donuts. Oh, what a combination. Very good combination. Okay. Sorry, I'm really sorry, guys. No, no, it's fine.

It's all right. This happens sometimes. Peter's on his phone now as well. Yeah. I'll just look for it. thing, well. It's a conversational podcast. It's a podcast where we're actually doing this.

Where we obey the rules of the three us. I'm really sorry. Where everybody brings our thing. Claudia has to talk about. We've got some questions from you guys as well. Yeah. And this is now a weekly podcast, as you may have heard. I would like to start a podcast off by just saying that.

Claudia. That merchandise is now available. Yeah. It's really good stuff. We've got hoodies. We've got a new t-shirt. That's how you can support us by finding them at that. She's answered the first.

poor much, it's just sound of her walking. It just gets worse and worse. The VS1 shirt's back in stock as well. If you want the VS1 shirt, yeah, it used to be an exclusive t-shirt, but it's now for some money to come back all the time, so that also works.

The delivery guys here. Hello? Shout. Well, we're going to kick it off with a question. What the fuck? From Tom Carey at AFC 17. Man to the foot, but you're not talking. What's the most expensive item of clothing you've ever bought?

Now, I don't know about you guys, but for me personally, it's probably a suit. Right, yeah, me too. There's people talking in the back room. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hi, did you get your food okay?

Yeah, I think he's outside. Yeah, he is. Sorry, you're on the podcast right now. We're all. Bye, bye, bye. Why did she answer for a minute? That's strange. I think he's out.

side he is it's a conversational podcast yes well we basically obey the rules of the three us where everybody brings a thing along to talk about my name is ben my name's peter my name's michael yeah just there thank you Dave oh cheers Dave you're a star yeah drinks yes please oh I'm about a dr. peppers yeah racharoos on toast yeah yeah I have rashes on pig like still in a live one mm is that that's weird blanket that's a living pig in a blanket. Yeah, what about rashes in woolen blankets, is that? Rashes in woolen blankets, on

pigs? On pigs, yeah. Yeah. I'll just have a Portobella mushroom, please. A bit of salt and pepper on it. Just a single unchopped. Yep, uncooked, raw portabella mushroom. Thank you very much, Dave. Thank you, Dave. At Dave on Twitter. At Dave on Twitter, please. Cheers Dave. Dave. Dave. Peter, one more sentence than your new set. I also

want to lie down and have a poo. No, I didn't say that. You did say that. It wasn't on record. but you definitely said you want to lie down and I said, I said, I wanted to lie down. And then I said, but actually, I want to have a poo before. Wait, so you telling me you didn't get him saying that recording. No, totally not, no. Now you did just get me repeating it. Yeah, so now I'm on record.

Now you're the floor poo. Saying, I want to lie down. And what did you say? I want to lie down with somebody. I want to get into bed and do a shit is what you said. There we go. That's, now we've been to say it again. Yeah.

But I've been to slightly Ponzi restaurants before where you order some cheese at the end. Yeah, the cheese board. Yeah, the cheese board. but you just have like grapes and stuff on it. Sometimes comes with little slices of apple, but also like sweet, sweet chutney. Oh my God, thanks my favourite snack. Smoked, what was it, apple with apple with cheddar.

With a bit of apple. And, but like, I've had cheese arrive with like, you don't get to call me weird. Sweet chutneys and jams and stuff. And if you put just, like, a little dab of, like, a sweet. You both just dabbed right in front of me. In perfect sync. You did the same arms.

You shouldn't have said it. As I was doing that, I was thinking no one's going to know about. This is our own little thing. If you put a little dab, thank you, jents. No, little dab. Obviously, like some kind of sweet preserve on cheese, it can be very nice. Yeah, yeah, it's nice. I don't believe you.

Well, you eat molded milks. You're a fucking liar. I don't even with cheese. It was my first year of university. I got sent a Tesco value biscuit selection pack, and that was the last one I had. What's that? We should ring someone to settle this, someone who's not currently in the office. And there is bus?

No, not the rules boss. No, the rules boss. Go away, Rollsboss. Okay, goodbye, Roseboss. Hello, goodbye. Sorry, yeah, that's going to sound terrible on the audio. I know where he is today. It's unbelievable. Do you think your mouth's going to be opening in sync with the ring-rings?

Should be. On the video. Do you want to know how stereotypes this guy is? Yeah. He's currently going around a Guinness factory. Oh, my God. Hey, Dave. How's it going?

You're all right, man. What's happening? Not much. Are you still at the Guinness Factory? I'm in the Guinness. That's not real. The cupby bar on the 7-4 with shin and turps and Ross. Oh, wow. They're an island, aren't they? I'll fly you all together.

Oh. Are you doing it without me? Are you going ahead without me? Again, yeah, because you're not here. You're flamsing around being a stereotype. You can have an input on the cheese debate. I hope you guys have the juices of topic for today. We've got a question for you, though, Dave.

Okay. We're talking about cheese and biscuits, and we're trying to discovered the best kind of biscuit cracker. You know, we're asking people to nominate us for a podcast award at the moment. Anyway, we're just wondering if you could weigh in and give us your favorite cheese biscuit. Oh, my favorite cheese? Well, both, but cracker, cracker, mainly. So, crackers, I like the one with the rosemary clums, you know.

Rosemary. Wow. With a rosemary kind of a... Yeah, good, good shout. That's how to sleep. That's nice. If you don't have access to some fancy crackers, I'd always recommend, you know, a took.

Oh, a tuck. A tuck. Yeah, that's a pretty good. Not what they're expected. Dave, have you ever had one with a homest biscuit? Just dip in some chumpel of milk bread. He goes from fucking, hang on, Dave. They're having a meltdown. He goes from rosemary, rosemary-infused crackers.

But if you haven't got a Rosemary Cracker, a talk will do, just have a time. I can barely hear you guys. They're probably just as well. They're taking the piss out of you, Dave. We're not. Ah, no, I'm not a saw. They're being so rude. Can I say, roll the inshaw?

Can I do that? Before you do, though, can we get a couple of Rio Tropicana's and a partridge and a pear tree cider, please? On the way. On the way. Thanks, Dave. Thanks, Dave. Thank you, Dave. Have a good one, lad.

Thanks, Dave. Have a good one. Cheers. Good look. Bye. He's not going to roll the intro. He didn't even fucking say it. Oh, for God's sake.

Roll the intro. If you haven't got that, just have a tuck. What the what the fuck was that? A rosemary-infused fucking biscuit. If not just have like, just break off a corner of the fucking floorboards and have that. Just have cheese. On cheese. Just get a cheese and bake it and add cheese.

I recommend to talk. Fuck's sake, Dave. You asshole. This podcast, we sort of, it's a conversational podcast. We take questions from you guys at home as well as sort of obeying the rules. Do you have any homeless listeners? You say you at home. Some people don't have homes.

Well, you listening, then. How do you listen to a podcast if you don't have a home? Because you plug the phone into your house To listen You can have a phone Is it like Those people have phones Sort of Disney pie on the windowsill type situation

They hear pottyets and they float towards it Where'd you get the electricity from if you live on the street Batteries There's power banks They live in shelters and stuff Where do you get the data from? Money If you've got money

Why don't you have a house And maybe they've stolen a phone Is it serious? Well not quite Fuck's sake I mean I don't think it's If you have money for a phone How come you don't can't afford a mortgage?

Shut up. You're feeding your dog. Shut. What are you doing on the street? Just shut up. Shut up about it. There's a big homeless population here. What's that got to do with it?

Zombies. What? I'm sorry? Like infecting people who are out and about. They've got nowhere to go. I guess, but... They can't use their phones, can they, Peter? Don't turn this on me.

To Google the help. Don't you try and shield yourself from your own slightly problematic statement that there's a big problematic statement. It's a zombie invasion. We're in Bristol and there's a huge homeless population here. I don't think owning a home

is going to like stop it from going outside at some point. No, no, no, no. I just mean, as in there's likely to be more zombies because there are people on the streets already who can't get somewhere safe. Yeah.

The leading cause of a zombie invasion they're homeless. I mean, in Bristol, yes. Yeah. And don't get me started on the drug enthusiasts. Oh, geez. They already act like.

Let's get back. Let's get back. I'll tell you what, if they just got a job, then it'll be fine, wouldn't it? We're talking about bacterial zombies, not drug zombies. Okay, it's not spice or whatever it's called. Bath salts. Yeah, bath salts. Oh, is that where they come from Bath up the train tracks?

Yeah, they all come down on the train and they sit on the corner and they get infected. I distinctly remember a car ride with my parents where I was being a grumpy boy. Yeah. Which I know is difficult to imagine. Rather than a grumpy man. and I was saying I don't want to do it I don't like it

and I remember my mum turning to me and sort of snapping and saying look if you don't like make any effort to do anything interesting or like

creative you're gonna you're gonna be like a really boring person I was like shit that fucking hurt wow

I will not have a boring son you will learn an instrument it's okay I grew up really weird It's fine. It's just like, look, for years, you've been the most tedious child.

I've finally got you playing this guitar. You just sit there. You don't even do anything. You're like a dog with no brain. I've had a moment's respite while you've been playing this guitar. And now you want to give it up and be boring again. I will not have a boring son. I was always told you at this point.

I don't know. It was probably still primary school age or maybe very early secondary school. How much of your mom turning around to you and threatening you? You will be boring. I think it's just the kind of thing that parents sort of reach a breaking point and just like, oh, would you just shut the fuck up? Ben's ma'am turned to him in the car one day

when he's a little lad and said, Ben, you need to find a favourite serial killer else he'll be boring. You'll be boring. Find someone who murdered people and idolize him. Boring, boy. Otherwise, you'll be boring. Star Wars. So, Ray was dumped. Who's Ray?

Ray is just a lady who we don't even know his surname. What's a lady? Just, all man, she might be a man. Right. You know, it's 2018. Yeah. She was dumped on a planet called Jacou by presumably her parents and she wanted to wait for them to come back.

But then she got embroiled in a whole thing with Finn, who was a defector from the empire and BB8 and BB8's dad, Poe Dameron. And she ended up getting wrapped up in the resistance and helping blow up Star Killer Base where Hans Sorbo died. and his trusty Pet Maraccaputtian shot Ben Swalow Yeah Swalers Benny Swalers

Yeah I don't even need to see the film Thanks Peter And the whole time Luke Skarl, Scarl Walter is not there And they're like Oh we really want

Lerk Sky Walter Star Killer to come back Because we love him And he would help us And in the next film They find out Using a piece of map That was inside of R2D2

The whole time unhelpfully he was just fucking asleep and then at the end he's like oh sorry did you want this and then here you go Ray and Maraca go and find Star Walter on the millionaire falcon on the millionaire falcon

on a he's in Ireland yeah he's in Ireland he's just in an island on an island in Ireland yeah and Luke's like I'm not coming back I hate Killoran watch me suck this big alien titty yeah I love that

Milk. Reminds me of Amperu's tasty breakfast beverage. Meanwhile, there's just a spaceship being chased by a spaceship for the entire fucking film. Yes, there is. Which eventually lands on Hoth 2. That's what it was called, I think. Hoth 2.

Salty Hoth. Yeah, off 2, electric boo-galu. Yeah, and they're about to get blown up because Finn and Rose, that's not what her name was, but Rose. Rose Dameron. Rose Dameron. They went to try and stop them being chased by the Empire. resistance, no, the

first order, but it didn't happen. They ended up in the Guardians of the Galaxy film. Yeah, they were in the Guardians of the Galaxy. They rode a horse, and then they came back, and nothing had been fixed. And so the salty base is being attacked, and then a ghost hologram man of Luke Starwalter appears and Lirk Stolwolder. Lirk, Skywalter.

Lirk Storwart, and he saves the day, and then he does a die. Yeah, he does a die in Ireland. He's still in Ireland, it turns out. He's just using one of those. overhead projectors Skype yeah one of those and then Ray was rubbing his eyes this is not I'm just I've got a sore eyes right now and Ray lifts a rock and then she's the new king of the Jedi yes or queen or queen and then a boy lifts a broom remember yeah and that's what happened to be the film right that was meant to be the film that like

changed things and did daring stuff and it was actually quite a bit tedious I didn't like it that much it wasn't amazing Smithy hated it he me and him have had two conversations in the kitchen. That's more than one. It's more than one. It warranted a second conversation. Anyway. So what happens next?

We've got Ben Swolo, who's kind of good but not. Yeah. We've got Ray. Ray Canobey. She's not. It turned out her parents just sell junk. That was just a total misdirect. They set that up as a huge thing.

And it was like, no, your parents were no one. It was like, right. Well, that was one of the biggest hooks about this series. They were junk traders, which I think is actually a street term for drugs. Nice. like Maritianna or something. Oh, and Snoke was no one either. This is what annoyed me.

I know the question was what's going to happen in the next one, but I just want to say the thing that really annoyed me the most is that there were two big questions to answer. And if you want to throw away one of them, that's fine. If you want to either make Snoke nobody or Ray have no parents or not significant parents, fine. But don't do both, because those were the two biggest questions people were thinking going in.

And they both literally... Shut all of your dreams. Was it Ryan Johnson? Yeah, he got a camera, turned it and put it flush against his McNuggies, and did a shit on the lens is what he did. He certainly did, Peter. And then laughed at us all. It was uncomfortable viewing, but we all paid for it.

Anyway, he slipped it up. The next episode is going to be Jabrams again. He's doing it. Yeah. And he did an all right job of the first one of the new trilogy. So I think it could be, hopefully, another fun romp. Is he writing it? I think he might be.

And given that he was clearly trying to set some stuff up with Ray and Snoke in the initial one. I'm hoping he's going to do just like, oh, what we told you in the previous episode was true from a certain point of view. And it's actually going to turn out, yeah, your parents were just junk traders, but your granddad...

But they sold drugs to Ben Kenobi. Whoa! Your granddad was Obi-1 Kenobi, or Snoke was sort of nobody, or is dead, but he's not dead and gone from the trilogy because he's now just some sort of monster ghost or something.

The rancor. Yeah. So I think, I don't know what's going to happen, but I think maybe Swolo will come back from the bad side. Like, there'll probably be a ghost Luke in it. I think he's going to come back. And Princess Lee Lough is going to be dead at the end. Yeah, like, that was another stupid part of the film

where she fucking supermaned her way back into the shit. Yeah, it looked like she was going to die. That's the one bit of the film I've seen just because of gifts on the internet. It's so comedic Like, it's, uh, Mary Poppins. People were laughing at the midnight showing we went to. Oh, no. What were you trying to achieve with that?

What were you doing? It's just the way it was presented. I think as a concept, Leah getting blasted out into space and using the force to make her way back, would have been totally fine. Um, cool even, cool even. Apart from the fact she Mary Poppins to her way back. Yeah, she may as well have had a carpet bag and an umbrella above her head.

But it was just the way it was presented, like the shot and the motion that she did. that's what made it look silly, dumb. Allegedly, I don't know if this is true, but she's already shot all of her scenes for the last one before she died. Oh, really? I don't see why they would have done that. Yeah, that's very, shooting very far in advance there.

That's a bit. Because no one else has done that, as far as I'm aware. Maybe the new. Right. Come on. Carrie, got to get this done. Yeah, you've not got. Jesus.

Your death clock's ticking. So I don't know, in answer your question, but that's what happened in the previous two films. Thanks, Peter. In a nutshell. Well, first we go to Ryan with a W. Oh, W're Ryan, who we drew? Yeah, at Satyatron on Twitter.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Or so, would you be a hero or a villain? I'd first like to apologise to Wariyan for being so confused and ambiguous about Wariyan's gender. All the comments thought he was a girl as well. Yeah. Is it, is Wariyan? I still don't know. No, Wurion is a boy.

Yeah. We're iron as a boy. Right. I thought he was a boy. Now, everyone in the comments is like so adamant, that's a girl, guys. That's a girl. Have you confirmed this?

Yeah, I'm like 99% sure. I scroll through the Twitter fan, some other pictures of him as a boy. Not to, you know, people don't have to conform to gender boundaries, but he did look quite boyish. Right. I feel like...

We might have gone wrong again here, and she might actually be a lady, but... There, there we go. Thanks, Rvayin. So in apologising for the mistakes of it. You've made it massively worse. You made it so much worse.

I was hoping that Michael wouldn't fall to either. side of the fence. He could have just said, yeah, sorry were Ryan about your gender. I fully fell on their boy side. He is committed to the fact that you are a boy. Yeah. I really hope you are now, but we're carrying on. Ryan. I'm going to reply to his tweet. Ryan.

And hopefully by the end of the air. Ryan, Ryan, I would have the power of flight. I would have the power of not digging terrible social holes in podcasts. I think you'd still find a way to do it. I would.

While you were talking, I did tweet Ryan there. Ryan and we have confirmation I am a man Okay, good That makes me feel a lot better Because if it was I am a lady We should have got it Because of the breasts and the lipstick

We don't You're still that hole Yeah there's a bit's a dangerous We've got an answer now You don't need to go back into it But fortunately What are you doing man? It's a man, get out of a company

She wasn't in the kitchen Whoa Michael Come on now I would like the power of flight My point is could fly fast. Just away from this conversation. My point is, it was a man who had...

Oh my God. He'd stuffed his top and he'd put lipstick on. Yes. So it was okay that we thought he might be a woman. Fine. Whereas if it was a woman, dressed as a woman, and we thought, oh, is that a man? And she's just got breasts and lipstick. And we're going, no, that's a man.

Can we please move on? That would be really bad. Do you feel better now, Peter? I do feel so much better. Okay, good, fine. I usually one that steers us into bad territory, but Peters is going all out there. Oh, I'm done. I know how you guys feel on.

I can sleep now. I'm not slept since that video went out. That's like two months. Oh, my God. Look how fat this macaque is. Oh, no. That's a thick boy. That's like a city macaque, isn't it?

That's an absolute unit. Just gets fed by tourists all the time. Thailand's famous macaque, Uncle fat, has been placed on a diet. That's so uninvented. You're right? Uncle fat. Uncle fat. Nice one.

Nice one, Dave. That's a really good one. That's one word I miss from Sunderland is Whopper For someone who's just an idiot Well, an absolute whopper Yeah, fucking Wop Oh What?

That sounds like a slur Isn't it? That is a slur Is it? Is it? What does it mean? Um, oh shit It's...

Well, it's... It's... It's... Oh my God's a thing now. Oh, it's... It's without papers. It used to be referring to Italian immigrants. Oh, no!

Oh! Well, because that's... Maybe I've heard that, and that's... Because you said it's like a derogatory term for an idiot and I just said wop thinking that sounds worse than Wopper. I'd call someone a Wop if it was me

Yeah, that's a genuine term for an idiot If that's a derogatory one, what's a good term for an idiot? A Michael Johnson. Paffoon. And Michael Johnson. That's pretty good. My apologies for using an Italian slur. Anti-Italian.

Well, yes. Not a pro-Italian slur. God. Well, we all learned something today. This episode will be called Wop. No. Well, Home of the Wopper.

Oh, God, home of the Wob No, we can't do that Oh, Jesus Christ We love all of our listeners We do, equally Especially the Wops Especially, no, stop I'm glad you guys are saying this shit now

Because, I think that was the worst I've done the worst there That was the worst one Can the bar go any lower? I'll give you guys Down with Italy, maybe Mussolina was right Yeah

Um It's a No, I'm not going to do it Right Good Okay Well that's it The 10 seconds are up now

We didn't Michael Officially scored lowest On the on the poll there Yeah I'm going to jail Nog What

Don't say it on its own Eggnog What kind of country would invent Eggnog Well that's Yeah you might actually Find yourself With the correct answer

If you ask yourself What Who invented Nog I want to say Germany But No It's a strange

word, isn't it? Yeah. If we're talking about history, think, yeah. Think of, you know, the famous noggs. What are you talking about? What am I going to think of here?

It was England. What? Really? Where does NOGS come from in England? Well, just because, you know, we're imperialist, slaveers and terrible people who, anyone who's different to us,

they come out with words like that. Oh, fair, fair. I don't think that's why they call it Eggnog though. Right, I was going to say, just slam on Britain there for a second. I don't, I don't know that don't know that we really continued the strong tradition of the NOG, did we? No, sadly, God. It's more, sadly, Nog. It's more mild wine than NOG, isn't it? Yeah, Mudd one Mug one too rich. Yeah. What do you think, Peter? Do you like NOG? I don't want to involve myself in any more. You're not a NOG fan? No. Oh, Jesus. Number one NOG fan. Absolutely not. Welcome to the

Nogs cast That does sound like a slur Yeah, okay As a wee nip That's a racial term Is it? Is it?

Is it? Nip is, yeah Oh God How is Nip a racial? Which one are Who we offending now? Nipper is okay Yeah

A nip is short for nipple Yeah, we're offending people with nipples As we nippers I was going to say we nipples As we nipples As we nipples The we nipples.

The weirdest bit of my childhood At the time a group of kids Were playing with a brick And by the garages near my house They essentially tied a piece of rope around a brick And we're just swinging it around Having fun We've got a brick on a string

Yeah, it's fun And I think I was like Eight, nine years old I just ran in the path of the brick And it knocked me out Oh my God And I just ran home like vision blurred Like wheeh

That explains everything And my mom just put me in the bath With a bit of a what's it called I think the disinfectant stuff. Oh, uh, detol. Detol, yeah, putting a bath of that, are you fine? Didn't go to hospital, I just had a bath of that, and it sorted me out. But I don't think the issue was germs.

Like, why did she still have a concussion now, do you? Probably, I does explain a lot. Does she give you a detour? I think it was just so, like, the wound wasn't, yeah. The most British thing about your childhood slash life that no one else would understand. Well, I got a hit. I had putted a brick when I was a wean. and I had a bath in chemicals.

You know I told you about the one Christmas when the priest at church asked what we'd all got for Christmas. Yeah. The first boy that he asked, he wandered over to me with the microphone and he said, Oh, have you opened a present yet?

And he said, yeah, I'm allowed to open one present before I come to church in the morning. And said, oh, and what did you get? And he just went, with no explanation, he just went, I got some twizzle sticks. And that was it. And then he just moved on to the next kid. Thanks, son.

And since then, me and, my siblings have frequently said to each other Twizzle-thick Twizzles. It's an in-joke. I think I've surely received something weird as a birthday present from a friend but I just can't think of one. A very nearly spent like 200 quid on a puppet

of Ellen DeGeneres. Wow. Yeah, and then... 200 quid? It was a really scary looking puppet. It's quite funny. But then like before I had, I decided to commit to buying it, Ellen bought it herself and it featured on the show. So yeah, I missed that.

I could have owned a famous puppet. Could have sold it to Ellen for profit. Oh, damn it. Ben, are you googling Twizzle sticks? Yeah, Urban Dictionary defines Twizzle stick

as a dope pipe. Nice. Another word for Twizzle sticks. For a glass dick. Yo, man, load up the Twizzle stick and let's start tweaking.

Well, that's definitely what the nine-year-old boy was... I got two grams, let's load up the Twizzle stick. What did you get for Christmas this morning? I got, I'm only allowed to open one present

I've got a dope pipe and I got a glass My heroin's coming later tonight. A glass penis. Just bought some headphones from vidiots. And I'm going to get a glass dick.

Wait, three-olds dix. Plural. He got two glass dicks. I mean, nobody needs more than one. It's selfish and greedy, really. Merry Christmas, everyone. Merry Crimbles. The worst telling off I've ever had.

I don't think he even got told off. It's just me and a friend stole a cigarette and we smoked it behind the back of our shed. Did you really smoke it though? Did you just sort of get it in your mouth and then exhale it? Don't really remember, but it was probably like very childlike. Nauty. Very naughty. Dainton. No, you don't do that.

You don't do that. The later in the day, one of the kids who were with knocked on my house. Yeah. And, like, my dad answered the door. I was like, I want to let you know, Michael, I smoked a cigarette earlier today. Wow. And I was upstairs like, ah! What an asshole.

screaming like, no, it's an inconsolable men. Fuck. I was like, what the fuck are you doing, James? You fucking prick. James, you asshole. James McPrick. Yeah. And then, like, my dad went to, because it was like, me and my friend, Jono, he went to cross over, like, his house and to confer, like, confer story, see what had actually happened.

Because I said, oh, he forced me to do it. Bullshit. Oh, no. So then you were the bad guy. Yeah. But it's just, I was like, I just remember, like, the heart-sinking feeling of him, the door-knocking, seeing him, the door-knocking, seeing his, he's going, oh, he's going to taddle. Why would he do that, that? It was just, like, goody, he two-shoes prick.

So did he not smoke it? He just knew that you'd smoke. Yeah, yeah. I thought, well, let's get some fucking turnout. What a bad boy. It's known to many as just the soup incident. Oh, okay. I wasn't in that day.

Oh, you missed out. But I saw the aftermath. It was the anniversary of the soup incident. Time of recording. Several people have asked for the story to be told on potty it. So, I guess it works quite nicely. So, yeah, I think, one year ago, about a week ago now, well, one year and one week now for this podcast's air date.

But I was walking into the kitchen at what culture, with a pot of soup in one hand and an empty belly in the other and a jaunty skipping your step skipping along yeah I'm ready to eat my soup

and as I was walking in I saw Adam Nicholas just just nice quiet sitting at the air table on his phone just having a nice relax you know as you do as lunchtime as much he's a well dressed lad

yeah yeah that plays into the story as I approached him I was like ohie Nicholas and I lifted up my soup pot and I leaned up my soup pot and I leaned back and I pretended

to throw it. Like I did a slow You mimed I was going to throw at him as you know a funny joke That is funny. You thought I was going to throw the soup at you But in the upper arc I accidentally squeezed the part And the lid flew off and I carried on the motion And essentially flung 600 milleties of soup Carrot and coriander

Directly orange Hey Adam Nicholas, what? What? The fuck is wrong with you? Why would you do that? Why would you even think? I just remember, like, because it was like at the point of the motion where I couldn't really stop,

it was going through, and I felt it just get lighter. And then it... Slow motion, was it? Genuinely, it felt like slow motion. The soup just rained from the sky and just the sound of... I don't know.

So he got fucking drenched in soup. And the carpet surrounding him was stained yellow. Still stained. You then went and got a mop and mopped the carpet. Well, it's not even... there's another bit in between where the whole office came... Oh, everyone came around.

We both stood there, like, five seconds. Like, fuck. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And they're like, I think I went back into the main area to get, like, something to clean it up. And then people are like, oh, what are you getting that for? Just throwing out soup all over, Adam. So, what? And at this point, the whole office comes, stands in a line and watches as I fruitlessly attempt to mop up the soup.

Yeah, there's, yeah, like, everyone tweeted about it that day. Yeah. So, yeah. Did you think you might get fired for dirtying the carpet? No. People have been fired for less. I'd say that much. Yeah, that's true.

I didn't think I'd get fired. I was just like, fuck sick. Oh, really wanted that soup. Yeah. Did you lick it off the floor? Did you lick it off? Adam. Yeah.

That was my next guy. Should have done. I shouldn't. That should have a handsome man. Yeah. I've, I fucked out that day. Yeah. And now, like, that's genuinely changed me as a human.

Whenever I'm shaking soup, I have, like, fingers on top of the carton to make sure nothing comes out. I don't pretend to throw soup at. No, no more pretending to throw. He doesn't throw anything anymore. No, at all. He's never raised his arms above his head since. It's just too scary. And yeah, that's, probably one.

Yeah, that was just bad. That was just bad. It was the baddest. Boppest Johnson. Bobpice Johnson. So we might accidentally start saying boppis a lot. And I don't know that there's ever going to be any context given for it. If you want to Google just boppis meme, there was.

Every time I hear it Does it actually come up If you Google Poppice meme I think Yeah There's a photo of some American supermarket Where they've written Buy Online Pick up in store

And they've abbreviated it to Boppis And we just think it's a really funny word It's such a Brian Butterfield word It is We spent three days Just seeing it to each other back in Newcastle We've just started inserting it into like Conversations and Pons

Boppis Johnson at Elvis Boppis Presley And all sorts of other stuff Mary Boppins. Yeah, exactly. Mary Boppis. It's the worst thing to ever happen to us.

It's awful. So if you hear it, like, we won't explain it again, but if you hear it, you know why, and it's involuntary. We can't help it.

We've got a serious problem. It's just part of who we are now. I didn't take it out and play with it. It sounds like this. It sounds like this. It's going somewhere else. Sorry.

But I also peaked. Yeah. Two years ago. Two years ago. Oh, no way. You should know better. I should know better. I should know better.

asked for Pokemon Sun on 3DS and I really wanted to play it and I really wanted to play it on Christmas Day. Right. So I hunted around the present pile. Yeah. And I found what felt like a 3DS box. So it was wrapped?

Oh yeah. But I wanted to make sure that it was like one of the next presents. Because we go around like one of the time. I just wanted to ensure that like I got that sooner rather than later just so I could start playing it. Oh my gosh. So this was on Christmas Day. This is on Christmas Day.

You peaked so that you knew that you would get it soon. But there's a fully grown adult. Right. Yeah, it's like, who pays tech. Yeah, I want my Pokemon soon, please.

So I can say, I can play it in the same room. I don't have to go anywhere. Yeah. I just want it soon. See, I was only 11, I think. Yeah,

see, mine's more inexcusable. Yeah. Yeah. You're just awful. I just, I wanted to make you feel better. Thank you.

Do you feel better? I feel much better. Good. I feel worse. My parents now hate you, not me. That's okay. But on the one hand, you've got KFC

And on the other hand, you've got Churchill, the insurance dog Oh, fuck, yeah I don't say KFC, but the K stands for Korea. What? The dogs have a lot. Yeah, but it's still be fried chicken. Yeah, Korean fried chicken is probably dog meat. Are we leaving? Are we leaving?

I don't know, well, they do. It's not racist to see that they eat dogs. To be fair, my Korean housemate did say he did ones eat dogs, yeah, yeah. I think Korean... I just don't understand where the FC would go. If you have fried chicken, in Korea, it's probably not chicken. Right, okay. That's the bit that's...

Right, okay, there's the missing link. Sometimes. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it's not because it's cheaper to just use a stray dog. Okay. But it's... Okay. What I'm saying is... How the fuck is it cheaper to get a dog than a chicken? Strays. You can just... The chickens are...

There's little farmed of chickens. Look at them. They're rubbish. They're tiny little dinosaur things. They're everywhere. They've beat monkeys, so they're not that shit. My point is, in terms of being able to eat something, Yeah. You can eat dog. It's from a different culture to you and doesn't make it bad. It does, doesn't it?

It's a little bit. I'd rather eat comfortably than... Like I said, rather eat cum. I'd rather eat com. Your mind's all over the place today, Peter Austin. Quickly go back to Ecky Thump. I grew up in a village that didn't have a supermarket. Oh, same.

Or like a town. I'm not even saying I was in a little village. I was like a reasonably large settlement in Yorkshire, but there just didn't happen to be a supermarket. and you would have to go to the butchers, and then the bakers, and then the candlestick makers, the green grocers. The green grocers. But look out, here come the horse and carriages.

Yeah. You might get hit by those. Yeah, steady. Just don't let your hoop roll into the road there. Exactly. You get in trouble. It's really dangerous. Yeah.

And here comes the Yorkshire police. A-o. A-up. A-up. Hey-up. Now then, we'll have none of this. No, stop that. Go on.

Off you go. Listen, I know your dad. Everyone knows everyone's dad. I am your dad. People in this village. That's the first pizza shop in space. So the Dalai Lama goes into a pizza shop. It's twice a day,

how many more times can you do this? Probably every time. No, finish it, go on. And he says, can you make me one with everything? Theoretically possible. You're laughing now at your accent. It's the effort you put into it. I admire it.

The pause as well. I have a fun anecdote a fun anecdote for you I was recently speaking to a very near and dear person to me who works in sort of the heart field of hospitals Is that where Theresa Mayer ran through the heart field? No, she didn't go through that That's where she left her heart behind She never had one

And they, when they have people in Who have had palpitations And Emperor palpitations I was waiting for you, fucking say that I will not tell this story if you don't pipe down. Right. Back to Winnipeg. Piper Austin. Piper down, Austin. When they get

palpitations and they come in, they have to fill out a form and explain what it was they were doing when they had the palpitations. And they've had various different things. One of the entries was yes. To the activity. What activity were you doing when you had palpitations?

Yes. Well, maybe it just says activity during palpitations and they said yes, because there was some activity. Yes. There was active. But what was it? yes yes yes but the best one see if you can work out what this is what this means this is from a sort of a mid-20s male can i make a prediction that it might be a sex thing it's it's potentially a sex thing okay um and they said what what activity what activity did you do furiously grating carrots okay furiously grating carrots furiously grating those carrots

the adjective in there as well wasn't just grating carrots and then he was like my heart's going to explode help fuck he's having a great time that's very good was that intentional yeah yeah yeah well I was disgusted myself I suppose the problem he was having is all all the blood had rushed into his carrot yeah exactly and he was busy

furiously grating it yeah fuck this is Michael Kerwin at Infinite Skittles oh on Twitter I think that's the name's the best cereal oh see I really like Conflicts.

I didn't realize I think I was heard on a podcast or something the other day. Conflicts were originally invented to like Yeah like toned down

hysteria and madness and people No, it was to lower people sex drive? It was in worst games ever. Was it? Yeah. Oh. It's to stop boys

munking off. Sorry, that's a horrible phrase. I've never heard that term in my entire life. Yeah. What's that? Munking. Mastubating.

Right, thank you. Mr. Kellogg And that's not even a joke like the actual Mr. Kellogg. Was he friends with Colonel? Yeah, Colonel Kellogg. He was a big fan of people not masturbating. Right.

Because I think he was like a very, he was like Puritan or something. Oh, some bullshit. Yes. And I don't really understand the logic. I think he thought that if you had a nutritious, well-fed mind, then you wouldn't feel the need to flagellate yourself. Because I heard it was something about like spice and stuff like that was bad, like, entice your brain.

into bad things so I think as plain as possible would help distract the mind from such weird endeavours which worst games are this because I had this somewhere else It was Was this?

It may have been Dick Nightingo Yeah A piece of shit Oh I think I was listening to The Super Mega podcast last night When I was going to sleep And it came up I mean it's classic podcast material

It is yeah If we've not already talked about it On worst games ever I may have even brought it To weird Capetia one day It's that kind of Of having a podcast Cut from the same cloth as Jerusalem syndrome, isn't it?

Also, I feel like I should say fruit loops as well. I like fruit loops. Fruit loops and corn flakes? Together. Yeah. Oh, together at last. I don't really eat cereal, so I would probably just have a bowl full of marshmallows without milk on it and just eat those.

That sounds good. Yeah. That is a hearty breakfast. Or infinite skittles in a bowl. Oh, God. You'd be so sick. Yeah, you would. How many infinite skittles could you eat before getting sick?

Because I feel like a packet of skittles kind of like my barrier for like, I've had enough now. I could eat most, if not all, of one of one of those. of those share bags. Fuck. They just get very sickly. Oh yeah, it is just sugar. And then at the end, you're like, oh, my, what did I just do? What's my hard doing?

Your mouth becomes syrup. You just have a film. Spit syrup. What were you doing when you felt the palpitations? I ate three quarters of a bag of skiffers. And I didn't stop and had an existential crisis. Stop it. I had a lot of cereal when I was growing up, but it was very, very rarely.

Why? What's the problem you got with that? It's a bit of a weird thing to say. I had a lot of cereal when I was growing up. And, you know, I've travelled up and down the classroom. I used to eat breakfast when I was a boy. I used to fucking love cocoa pops. They were like my supper thing.

Before going to bed, I had a ball of cocoa pops. Right. We were running in the Coco jungle race and Crock was using steroids. Oh, yeah. That's right. Remember that one? Yeah. Ben continue.

Thank you. Now he's on that Russian Association of Russian Athletes team instead of of Russia. He's not allowed to compete anymore. Crock. Right. Anyway, continue. Fucking hell. Croc was on Crocadile. Jesus Christ.

The reason I said that in such a weird way is because Peter just came from saying that he doesn't eat cereal, which is why I was saying. It doesn't matter. Ridicule me if you must and then just go off on the weirdest fucking tangent I've ever heard. Dope scandals in the Cocoa Pops jungle. Yeah. Yeah. I bet if there's any, oh my God.

Is there any jungle animan, an animum? Animal that would use performance-enhancing drugs, it'd be the cheater. Oh, that was worth it, actually. That was worth it. Ben, please. That was a genuine bit of anger from Ben. He's genuinely clenching his fists. I wish Dave was here.

Stop punching your fists. Punch him in his face. Not me. Yeah, we never had treaty cereal. The treaty of Versailles. Oh, my, fucking God. What are you doing? Oh, my God.

We only ever had quite. boring cereals. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, really? Yes. Like brand flakes. I like bran flakes.

I ate wheatabics for a long time when I moved out. I just ate wheatibics every day. That was boring. But I do love sugar puffs. Oh, they're not called sugar puffs anymore. They're called like Honey Monsters. Honey puffs. Oh, is that the problem?

No, it's the sugar bit is the problem. Oh, right. Sugar daddy said. Puffed rice goods. No, no, it's not the puff bit that's the bad. You didn't listen to a word, I said. It's the sugar. Okay, so sugar mother.

No. Honey puffs? Yes. I don't know what they called now. They're not called sugar puffs anymore. Puffyrofts. I'm so fucking sick of this podcast. This is the worst it's ever been.

It's really bad. I'm trying my hardest. I blame the tang. Do you remember that Wheatabix? Probably not. Spin off. Was it just in Yorkshire? Yeah, it may have been.

Where the advert was, a really, really, really long glory pulls up to this lay by where there's a couple who've just like, stop their car and along the lorry it says not made from wheat made from oats

instead of Bix and the guy goes what's that then and the driver goes oh it's a new cereal from Wheatabix

and then his wife goes they should have called it Oatabix I do remember that was yeah was the reaction about the same

as that one yeah it was everyone just went well I kind of went off on the wrong the anecdote was going to be yes please

explain the anecdotes. I ended up having to just describe the whole advert, which wasn't relevant. But the anecdote, this is just wait for this. Fuck sake, I'm just going to check my emails. I go for it. I remember the lorry pulling up with not made from wheat, made from oaks instead a bit, it's written on it. And I remember

being about like 10 years old and being like, I don't know why I thought this, but I was like, I bet the man is going to say, what's that then? He did. And I was like, no way. What's that then? What's looking Yorkshire thing?

What's that then? I was like, I bet that guy says, What's that then? And he goes, what's that then? I was like, no way. I'm a psychic. Anyway, that was, that's my anecdote about. What is that the poster that was on your wall as a child?

Yeah, it was a still from the Outerbix advert. Your dad made it for you when he heard you cry. in the living room. Yeah. Because you were so fucking excited about this goddamn Otabix advert. What's that then? I knew he was going to say it and he said it.

Just knew. I knew it. Do you think that anyone ever dresses as the kooky monster? Not the cookie monster, the honey monster. Definitely. He's a sexy, sexy boy. And he's got to the point now where sugar puffs have been named after him.

Oh, yeah. You can't say the word puff. No, that's the reason. Is that why? No, we covered this before. You said that last time. Do you not remember? I don't remember.

Yeah, it's the show. sugar stuff, thanks European Union. Boo. Why don't we get... I want to go back to the 90s where kids were fat. Yeah. And we were allowed to sell rice poofs and sugar queers.

God. I'm being facetious. Frosted gays. Community is a big part of the furry fat. They can't even not having that in. We're cutting that out. I'm just going to clap.

We're not having that in. We cannot use that. that word. We can't put the word that is a slur. We'll bleep it. It is a slur, but I'm saying it's ironic. Frosted in that. Why? That's a way better.

Jesus. He snorted his own joke there. It was good though. What are we going to do? Now I'm confused about which parts we cut out and which parts we leave in. You have to bleep. And f***. Yeah. Yeah. Basically, we say

a lot of really horrible things that we know aren't going to get in. But we say it because we know they're not going to get in. It's not because we genuinely believe in what we're saying. Oh, I genuinely feel fucking... I mean, I would like to say it though kind of. It's fine. Yeah. It's all right. You've got to cut your badge. You're a card carrying member. Yes. Okay.

Anyway, what will we say? Community is a big part of the furry... And we're back in the room. Cocoa Pops drops approved by mum's slogan after complaints from fathers. The news comes after campaign group, Justice for Fathers. staged a protest and a branch of ASDA in Peterborough

over what they described as serial discrimination, but spout like actual cereal, not as in several repeat offenses of discrimination, against dads on packaging. Were they dressed as Batman, like when they climbed Buckingham Palace? Coco Pop's has changed, it's approved by Mum's slogan after fathers complained it was sexist. Kellogg's, which makes Coco Pop, said it would swap the word Mums to parents instead in order to be more inclusive of fathers.

But that doesn't include the family budgie. I'm sorry? I'm sorry? Carers. Or carers? Improved recipe, loved by kids. Approved by mums is where it went. Well, I think fathers for justice should change their name to parents for justice.

Yeah, that's very true. What if mums won justice too? Yeah. So there you go. There's the new box. They have actually changed it. There he is, Coco. It says parents for, parents for, oh sorry, parents for justice.

No, it says love by kids, parents for justice. It does say love by kids. approved by parents. So yes. And then it just goes on to talk about how much sugar they've cut out of the cereal to make it less fun. Hated by grown-ups. Father of three Matt O'Connor said, my son Archie

is a fan of Cocoa Pops, but we were horrified when we brought a pack. Horrified. Horrified. Absolutely horrified. When we brought a pack recently, only to see it said it was approved by mums. Why are fathers like me excluded from brands like this? This is serial discrimination

by Kellogg's who have dumped dads. Now we're going to dump Cocoa Pops. It's like an ultimatum. It's like, fucking hell, man, just don't read the box. That's not that deep. This father-free cereal sends a sexist, dangerous, and father-phobic message. Father-phobia. Wasn't that a TV show, Father-phobia?

He just lived, he was just a very scared priest who lived... Father-phobia. That's when you're scared of things that are far-away, father-phobia. Yeah, father-phobeys. Dads are irrelevant in the lives of their children. Now, to play devil's advocate, Yes, of course, that is an absurd and ridiculous thing to get upset about. But at the same time, I kind of get it.

Yeah, I mean, I sort of see... It is a quality, isn't it? You may as well make everything gender neutral. I agree with that. But it is horrifying. I'm horrified. It's so stupid. Daddy, Daddy, why have you bought mummy cereal?

Yeah, Yorkies only says only for small boys. Why are all the men buying it? It's very easy to be, you know, maybe slightly, well, not ridicule, but, you know, to go, oh, that's a bit silly when it's like the men. male being victimized, but it's a lot of these things, you kind of think, like, well, if it's flipped the way around, and it was, or if it always said, approved, like, some, some, stereotypically, like some car grease or something, like approved by dads. It's like male suicide rates are the highest because co-ckel pops packets.

Because they were all so horrified. Oh, my God. No, yeah, but I get it. Yes, it's a ridiculous, silly, stupid thing to get upset. To be horrified. Yeah. But at the same time, you know, whatever. yeah let's just approved by parents that's fair that's a fair thing great

it's time for serial fight 2018 okay which bracket has the pissy puffs in it i'm sorry the the the pissy linears the lineas see i was in this in this process i couldn't feasibly get every cereal no and sugar sugar lineas are one that i couldn't get honey let's say sugar anymore deep or honey lineers they're sadly did not make the cup no but i think you'll agree the the 16 that are in here are they're the best of the top 16. Corn flakes versus Cocoa Pops. I'm sorry a lot of these are going to be UK brands as well, but we'll

try and describe them in other words. So yeah, corn flakes or chocolate rice puffs? I think they might have cocoa pops. So you can't say that. Shit, rice lineers. Yeah, chocolate rice lineers. I don't know, because I think Cocoa Pops are incredible

and there is no other cereal that makes the leftover milk quite as delicious as cocoa pops. However, corn flakes are good. They're an institution. And I have grown to like them more as an adult. Just like a little bit of sugar on them as well. It makes them so good.

And they stop young boys touching themselves. They do, Mr. Kellogg's. Is that a total win for corn flakes in this? I will side with you on this one, Peter. Yeah? Because obviously you have no other option. No other, yeah, no other bobs here. Cornflakes, it is.

Frosties versus special care. Frosties. Fair, that was a nice, resounding yes. Yeah, I'm not a bloated woman in a red swimming suit who wants to lose weight for the summer. I like, oh God. You can have three bowls of this. Yeah, it doesn't fill you up, and that's why it's better for you. Yeah, you'll be hungry forever.

I used to like the summer fruits version of special care. I never heard it. Like, with dried, like raspberries and stuff, it's really nice, but... They're not great. But frosties, yeah, do leave a nice sugary taste in the milk, which is ultimately the best way. Well, they're not great, then. So, okay. Yeah, okay.

They're special okay. Wheatabix versus Rice Krispies. Wheatabix. Oh, I think. Rice Krispies. You've got to. There's snap crackle pop. I just,

the branding. At this point, I don't think I can step in. I think it's for you two to resolve. No, you have to. What's that then? What's that then? Oh, you've got me.

You've got me that advert. The long lorry. The really comically long lorry. Yeah, it's wheatobics. There we go. What's that then? Theoretically possible. Semi-final now. Corn Flakes versus Wheatabix.

Cornflakes versus Wheatabix? Oh my God. What do we value more? The long lorry with what's that then? Or stopping good Christian boys from touching their sausage? That's what comes down to. Those are pretty much the two serials we had in our house growing up. Yeah.

It's the good Christian boy cereal and the, what's that then? Serial. Also, Corn Flakes has to get some sort of special prize for being the forerunner of all cereals. You know, it's the Adam and Eve. Is it the time to take it out to pasture, though, and shoot it in the head? Possibly. Is it long past it. Is it a wheatibix as time to shine become the cereal?

Yeah. What's that then? Sweetabix. Give birth to Otabix, the prodigscials. Yes, Otabix, the one we're still eating to this day. Frosties versus Golden Nuggets. Oh, that's a difficult one. I think I'm going to have to go with Frosties.

Tony the Tiger, you just can't say no. The swimming badges used to get as a kid. Oh my God, of course. Yeah. Why was that allowed? A tiger taught us to swim. That's lobbying, folks. Yeah, yeah, it is actually, isn't it?

It's the sugar cereal man. Go do some exercise so you can eat more of my sugar cereal. Look at me, jump as you got on the towel. I'm jumping off a diving board in the advert to sort of loosely tie me to the swimming batches. Me, Tony the tiger, the land mammal. He emerges from the water holding a ball of cereal. Yeah, perfect. Also, how have we not mentioned?

They're going to taste great. They're going to taste great. I can hear it. Hear the sound of Frosty's hitting my plate. Ben's just looking at as bewildered. You don't know this one. No. But the South African kid,

he's supposed to kill himself. He allegedly killed him. What the fuck? He didn't know. He didn't. What a roller coaster ride. It was an internet lie. Do you not know about this boy

who enthusiastically sang a song in the advert about... Like, very much, they're gonna taste great. It's an advert for a year. Doing like gang signs at the end, like waving his arms around. No, I don't think I saw this.

It just had all the words that rhyme with great. He was saying like, if you live in Oz, mate. Or the Empire State. There's a good advert. Yeah, like... The production value was good. The transitions were pretty clever.

But I think for some reason, everyone hounded on the star kid. Like, oh, this is the worst ever, you're so annoying. Yeah, you're a gay lord. Yeah. Whoa. Lord of the gays. Lord of them. You have to fight pretty hard for that.

For some reason, it was a schoolyard rumor that the kid killed himself after all the online abuse. But I think, like, for years ago, someone tracked him down to live in South Africa quite happily, doing his own thing. No. idea. Frosties. It's got to be Frosties. Wheatabix versus Frosties. I mean, I at this point

I think I have to say Frosties. Oh, really? Because as much as I like, what's that Ben's like, oh shit. As much as I enjoyed the What's That Then advert. What's That Then? I've also enjoyed the Tony the Tiger adverts over the years. I do think Wheatibics has the better adverts. It's just that is a good advert. Also, you couldn't get a toy in Wheatabics

because it wasn't aimed at children, but I'm sure Frosties must have done. And they really fucking filled that package you could build houses out of those. Oh, that's true actually, yeah. Like you... Well, until it rains. Make sure you eat it quickly. Oh, God, a lumpy mess. Oh, I bet you could build it out of

Otabix, though. I bet that doesn't get soggy. Yeah, I bet Otabix gives you some really solid bowel movements. You could be building a house out of Otabix, and if a man walked past, he would say, what's that then? What's that then? You'd say, wow, building a house. Is that possibly? Is that possibly? Theoretically possible?

It's a new house. Frosties. Peter Frosties There we go The official ranking of the serials First place Frosties

Second place Wheatabix Third Place corn flakes Oh my god Silly games The 50P game Let me tell you about that Oh what

What So this is something that My family actually do All literally play together Okay You have teams And everyone has a go Where you have a little pot

On the floor Tiny little bowl And what you have to do is you get a 50p and you're racing against someone against the other team, on the other team, and you both, with your trousers on, right? With your trousers on, you pinch a 50 pence piece

between your bottom. Oh my God. And you then have to shuffle from one end to the room to the other. Jesus Christ, Peter. Let's play a stinky penny. Yeah, and drop the stinky penny into the 50p. Because you need a big old coin. Yeah, I know, but that's one of the better coins.

Well, it could be, maybe we should do The tuppence game. You should do a tuppence, I think. The two poops game. The poop-ins. And because you're racing, it's like watching a pair of penguins, like, because you're waddling, but super quick. And we've got really good at it. And the other one

is, um, is what a fucking brag. Yeah, well, the other one is also kind of borderline a little bit weird, where um, you get a carrot, right? Oh, don't put it up your ass. No, you don't put it up your ass. It's called bum carrot. Yeah. You shove it up your ass.

And then at the end of the day, you take it out again. Oh, and then you serve it. Yeah. No, you take a carrot. You tie it on a string. And then you tie the string around your waist, so you've got a carrot dangling between your legs. And then you have to squat over a tea light

and put the tea light out with the carrot by squat. Who fucking invented it? Are you sure you're not? When you say family, are you in a fraternity? I mean, yeah, it's all just like, it's like that film society, where at the end they all just turn into one big blood. blob and it's just like a big, it's a big sort of blob orgy thing.

What a strange game. The more you described the carrot game, I thought, this is surely a joke. This is a joke. It's not a joke. No, it's real. Guys, I've been honest with you. One of my traditions is a fake. Which one was it?

And this year, my parents have said, we found some more parlour games. I hope you're looking forward to those. God. I think one of them, actually, that's been described to me, you get a lady's stocking. And in the end of it, I think there's like a, like there's a tennis baller or your Christmas orange or something and then you put that in the very toe of the stocking and then you put the stocking over your head

so you've got this giant dangling like head trunk and then you have to swing it and I can't remember what you have to do when you swing it Oh Peter this is stupid You have to like knock something off for These are real! This is amazing You need to combine all these games I think Yeah

It's one super game You tie a highly flammable material around your head Swing it around and try it into a tea line Yeah, yeah. Just a quick question. You do have the curtains closed when you're doing this stuff, right? Oh, we live in, like, the remote countryside. I think that's why we do it.

It's always weird out there in the deep country, isn't it? You just do it have the wrong problems. If you did it outside, people might legitimately think there's some sort of pagan festival going on. Absolutely, yeah. My mom said she described the 50P game to someone recently, and she was like, oh, yeah, so you get this 50p, you put it between your butt and you drop it into a thing. So is it a shared 50p between, like, all members of those? a family

on multiple members I think there's a 50p along to put in their cheeks yeah no I think there's several 50Ps but she was describing this to an old man she knows

and she was like yeah and then you like drop it into this pot and he just sort of paused and he looked at and he went no no I don't think we'll be playing that

on on our Christmas day and she said why not it's a lot of fun and he said well I mean I've got my grandchildren there and people from all generations

I don't we're not going to be walking around with our bums out and she's like no yeah have your trousers on you do have your trousers on but to be fair I don't think it makes that much of a difference.

Well, we've got this great family tradition. It's called the Christmas Day Fuckfest. You should really try it. Everyone gets their knobs out. Oh, no, I don't. And puts out a tea light with it. You know, because we're related and it's just, it's obscene and stupid, isn't it really? We're not from Yorkshire.

What are you talking about? It's absurd. I'm just thinking of saggy granddad bum. Oh, wrapping around. He wouldn't have to clench. He could just walk normally. Peter, I'd like to start off. by offering an apology to you.

What? Because in the wake of the episode we did last week about your weird parlour games, we've been inundated with people who said that they do the same thing. That's okay. They all play stinky 50P. Oh, I thought you were apologising for putting me in the firing line of abuse, but you're apologising for saying that I'm wrong. You're apologising for the rest of Britain who play these awful messed up games.

but I was actually hoping that you would right so here's how this was going to go in my head okay right you gotta forgive me because I'm coming off the back of an illness I was going to say I can do this stuff

sounding a bit sniffly a bit sniffly yeah yeah that's actually a lie that's not true at all nobody nobody said that

some people some people message me that's why I did get it they did sure was the messages I got like because I was what I was hoping you were going to say was

oh really and then I'd say no you madman because you're weird games but you went oh that's okay and that immediately sort of ruined what I was going for I'm not saying loads of people but I think like two people have messaged me saying oh we play the same game was that you're a little grandma yeah are they relative

yeah no yeah I saw like two I think one was like a comment on the video and one was someone someone tweeted me so that I didn't I wasn't able to play into your excellent... My web of lies. Your excellent web of lies there. I'm sorry to sort of stop your excellent humour in its tracks there.

That's fine. Should we go again? Do you want to just do it all again? Yeah, well, we start. Would you mind? Yeah. Because I thought of that earlier, and I thought, oh, that would be so fucking good.

Yeah, it will be. And it just didn't work. Everyone just forget that. Okay. Okay. Right. Peter, I'd like to start by offering you an apology. Why, Ben Potter?

Because in the wake of the last podcast where you spoke about those oh so funny and fanciful parlour games that you and your family play at Christmas, we've been inundated with people who've said that they do the same thing. What? Really? Of course not, you crazy man. The thing that you said last week is still too far-fetched for most people. Oh, you've got me there. Oh, Ben, what a card you are. played right into your hands oh geez thanks guys I needed this

played right into your ass like that stinky 50 pence Jungle Cog I'm sorry Jungle Cug Jungle Cuck Jungle Cuck The Jungle Cuck

Welcome to Jungle Cuck Yeah where everybody has to cook a dish As fast as they can Jungle Cuck Yes Jungle Cuck Where Mowgli just He watches his girlfriend

Have Sex with Ballou You've got a cook-old A dish of food That's a whole other level That's not just Cuck-holding That's bestiality cooked Imagine getting cooked

Not even by a human being You're that That's not You're that bad as a lover Come on Come on That your wife chooses someone else Something else

No stop it A fridge Podcuck Podcuck yeah That's my new podcast service Podcook What services does Podcuck What services does Podcuck offer

Just with, like, you get five minutes into a podcast, just takes it away from you. Oh, okay. It says you like that, don't you? Yeah, you bitch. You come home from work, and your wife is listening to a much bigger, better podcast than you. Oh, good. Okay. Straight again into like just laying it, just laying it right on there.

The literal sense, yeah. Punmanship and actual definition of cuckoldry. Yeah. Thank you, Peter. There's something, I don't do it with anything else, but whenever someone says cuck, I say, Yeah, yeah, someone's going to have sex with our wives. I don't know why. It's worth saying, isn't it?

Yeah. I think it's secretly something that you might want. Yeah, it's a thing. I don't think it's a secret at this point, isn't it? No, it can't be right. I watch cook porn, but only if everyone involved is actually dressed as a cuckoo as well at the same time. God, that's another layer. Yeah.

What a kink that you got there. Hmm, a cook kink. Stop. Stop talking about cucks. Too many cucks. Too many cucks. It takes a lot to make a stew, especially when someone's fucking your wife. No, you can stop.

That's enough. Stop, stop. That's the end. Yeah, I think it finishes with a boo cake, right? Yeah, a big old cake of books. Just massive buck.