Podiots - Podiots Season 2 Highlights - VOLUME 4

Episode Date: June 29, 2021

We're all busy boys this week, so enjoy some of the very best of Podiots in one handy place, thanks to Tom Gallon for compiling these clips! Donate £3 or more to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/podiotsdonations/ New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord   Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Pickax During the Volvo Fall Experience event, discover exceptional offers and thoughtful design that leaves plenty of room for autumn adventures and see for yourself how Volvo's legendary safety brings peace of mind to every crisp morning commute. This September, lease a 2026 XC90 plug-in hybrid from $599 bi-weekly at 3.99%

during the Volvo Fall Experience event. Conditions apply, visit your local Volvo retailer or go to explorevolvo.com. Hi everybody, it's Mikey. We've all been super busy the last couple of weeks, so we haven't been able to record a new episode of Podiat's. So, enjoy this little highlights reel, edited together by the wonderful Tom Gallen,

and we will resume normal programming next fortnight. Thank you very much. Giz, keys, keys. three two one go oh shit sorry

I totally was just listening to numbers three two one go sick sick sick sick

for some reason in my head that was you starting the podcast and not you know just sinking it that would be weird wouldn't it just three

you must have been thinking hey he's never done this before I wonder where this is going I was literally that was my exact thought process like this is new go what's he up to the oh okay oops that was my cue

why are you stroking it he's uh he's settled down he's not asleep but I've stopped him he's not shaking around anymore that's good okay okay but I've been working since last week yeah or two weeks ago I've been working on training him

so that essentially as soon as we open the flaps the music will begin okay how to train your Kevin yeah we've got to talk about Kevin for those of you for those of you listening just on audio There's a video version of this podcast. Yeah, we're actually on camera.

On our channel, and we've got a box here with Kevin In It. Yeah. Kevin In It. Kevin In It. You ready? Yeah. Whoa. Oh.

Oh, it stopped. Wow, you've traded really well. He's really well. I'll start again from the beginning now. Okay. Okay. Oh, okay. Okay, should we, should be?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. There we go. That's nice. Hello everybody and welcome to Podits, the official. Mm, Vidiot, mm, podcast, mm, it's a conversational podcast where we take some questions from you at home and abate the look, are you okay, Peter, is Kevin alright? And you obey that, and you obey, you couldn't be making more of a meal out of that if you're,

what are you doing? What is what's doing? It's a globetrotter over there. God, damn it. I've completely lost the flow now. The official. I want to pay the laws of the three hours Where everybody brings a thing along to talk about

I'm Ben I'm Peter and I'm Michael Thank you Thank you for coming back and joining us here On the pretend radio Where we all gather around once a fortnight To talk silly things I mean I watched a lot of Tracy Beaker

I absolutely adored it as a kid They repeated it a lot But it never really got boring Yeah. You know, we all like Bouncer and Duke. Duke, yeah. Nathan. Oh, all your favorites.

Don't forget, don't forget, what was it? Ding, Diggle. Diggle. Don't forget Diggle. Everyone's favourite character, Diggle. I can't remember any of them. What about, you know, Mike, the care worker who I think was only in the first series and then eventually came back kind of after our time as the head,

care worker. Me and Amy were once out for a birthday meal at Turtle Bay in Newcastle with a load of our friends. There was a big table of us like 12 people. And we noticed that Mike from Tracy Beaker had walked in, he'd sat down at a table. Not only was it Mike, but it was all the kids who played the dumping ground kids at the time on the show. So we were sort of watching him and then what happened was uh someone had like brought a cake for us so that was nice and a cake came out because mine and amy's birthdays are like five days apart so it was a shared party so we blew out the candles and everyone was singing the song and mike clocked us he came over to me and amy came up to us and said would you like a photo with me oh mike and i have a

photo i do have a photo oh see if it's on my phone i'll find it for you how could you say no I mean, not only because Mike is a legend, but how could you say no to that? That's difficult. Imagine if you didn't know him at all. That'd be amazing. I don't know. I think it's a bit like, you know, when a homing pigeon just rests overnight sometimes, they do that. If they're doing a really long journey, you sometimes see homing pigeons just on street corners just huddled in, in doorways.

Have you seen that? No, I haven't. That sounds adorable. I've seen that twice. Oh my God. How do you know they're homing pigeons? Because they have rings on them. Is that it?

They're married. Yeah. Yeah, they're going home to their spouse. Oh, me ahead. Ritched for his pleasure, McCoys. Oh, my God. Please, nobody insert a McCoy's into themselves for their pleasure. Please, no.

Depends on the flavour, I suppose. No, I mean, that's worse. They're so heavily flavoured. If you're going to insert a crisp inside you, at least just put like a plain one. Salt and shake. No, salt and shake. Salt and shake. Salt and shake before it's been salted, but you don't want to put, like, a barbecue beef crisp inside you.

I think... But what about a Watsit, though? I think that would be okay. It would just kind of deteriorate with the moisture. You know, just be dust. But that's fine, then, because there's no harm, no foul. If you're going to put a crisp in you, like, like, bum-wise, then maybe Watsit is the one. Yeah, probably.

Well, that'll up you what's it. Oh, me head. Have I talked about the time I was told to stay behind after class for farting? No, but I don't think you need to. needed to. Yeah, well, I'm saying I'm saying, I probably could have guessed that. Yeah, I think it was in R-E and the teacher was Mr. Woff.

That is no joke. Mr. Wiff. That sounds like another slur. Yeah, oh God. Woff, you Woff. Oh, it does actually, God. And yeah, I just, I farted and disrupted the class for five minutes and I had to explain myself afterwards to him. Does he not know how it works?

Considering, you know, his name, Woff, you think you would be an expert in the mind. How do you spell Woff? W-A-U-G-H Oh wow That's a fancy one That's an English one Wach

Woh Yeah, he was a reverend as well actually So he's Reverend Woff Revereign Woff Wow Actually Reverend Ian Woff Reverend I-Woff So yeah

Oh no Layers upon layers Oh my head And we would like to thank Blue Yeti Blue Yeti The Provider of Great Microphones If Michael and I

Sound extra good It's because we're using A Blue Yetty And if Peter doesn't It's because he's not. I'm using a blue waffle, which is not as good. Oh, Jesus Christ. Sounds all muffled and horrible.

Yeah. Hang on. Wasn't your R.E. teacher in, was that Blue Waffle? Reverend I Waffle. Reverend B. Waffle. Yeah. You know, I'm quite scared now because people are going to Google his name and probably find information about him and fucking email him, aren't it?

That's a rookie error. See, I told an anecdote on a list video recently, and I name dropped one of my former classmates, but I changed his last name. See, but, like, I can't change the name. To change the name changes the story. It does. That's true.

Reverend B. Woften. But saying that he was... It's done now. It's done now. He might be dead. He was old. It's fine. He might have farted for the first time and just lost... What was that? And he just died.

He just had a heart attack. A fart attack. Nice. Now this... That was it. A heart attack. I wanted to be a vet for a time just because I really liked animals

but vets have a massive suicide rate because basically it's the people who live animals want to become vets and then they spend all day shooting horses. Yeah, that's what vets do. I don't know if that's quite right. It is. That's what's in the job description.

That's crucial skills. Good aim. That's why when you take your cat into the vets, They go into a locked room alone with a cat and, like, I don't know what to do with this. It's not a horse. I can't shoot in the face. And so they just kind of fumble around for five minutes

to come out and say, yeah, cat's fine, go home. I think what they do is they take the cat into the back room. They shoot a horse and then bring the cat back out again and then give the cat to you. Oh, that's it. The ailments all sorted. Yeah. They've got loads of horses just for that.

Not even sick. They just raise them. Yeah, they've got their own little horse farm just to shoot them. Oh, my God. Where do they shoot them, Peter? What? Why do they shoot them? No, where, where?

In the head. Just in the head every time. Yeah. Because I thought if you could shoot it like in the leg or something, you could get way more... Oh, yeah. Way more out of a horse. Knowledge would be a lot better. Well, that's the point, though, is that when a horse breaks a leg, did you know this?

You can't cast or like you can't do anything to a horse's leg to help them mend a broken bone. So they get pneumonia for some reason and they die, basically. Oh, God. as a general rule I'm sure like occasionally some of them pull through but as a general rule if a horse breaks a leg

it gets like an injection they put it out of its misery because you just can't deal with a broken leg I'm just imagining they shoot it at like a horse race track a horse falls over

it's in pain they bring up like the little curtain and then you just hear a gunshot just the loudest gun that's literally what they used to do oh my god at like old before they started in

I guess they inject them now they must do, but like, not so long ago, they used to bring the curtain up and then just shoot it. Maybe not with just, you know, a long-barreled rifle. They might have had like either, you know, a little handgun or they might have even used some sort of special device, like a nail gun or something. Oh, God.

That would be like a great puppet shadow show, wouldn't it? It's half-time entertainment. Oh, geez. Wikipedia says it's called the horse cannon. Oh, my God. No, it's not. It's not. It's not.

It's okay. Come on. They used to wheel out the horse cannon in the 19th century, and then they would take the horses out with that. You could take two or three out in a go. No, he's just line them up. So in answer to your question, I briefly wanted to be an archaeologist digging up horse bones, and then I decided I wanted to kill the horses instead for a time. Oh, you want to be the one putting the bones in the floor for the people to find.

It's a certain work. Now I edit videos together of horses being killed. It's a good thing you didn't chase your dream, to be honest. I don't often say that to people, Peter, but I think you should stay in your lane. Yeah. We did do that prove it where, or sorry, it was a piece of cake. Which prove it was there?

Oh, yes, you're right. A piece of cake where I had to run horses off a cliff, remember? Yeah. I do remember that, yeah. My mother was not pleased with that one. Oh. She was like, oh, Peter, we went to so much counseling. As we thought we were over this.

Yeah, she was disappointed. They're trying to murder those horses. It's okay, mum, they're not real. They're not real. Or are they? The real in Peter's head, though, and that's the worrying thing. You know how they got it so realistic? A Rockstar North, they've just got a...

They got access to the same horse farm that vets do. Yeah. Every single time you kill a horse. They kill one in real life. It's true. That's a true thing. I mean, if I was you, Peter, it would be interesting to see what the world looks like from down there.

Good, yeah, you're right. All the new understanding of the world. tiny car and go, because you live sort of like a Stuart Little life, don't you? You have a little, you've got lots of, you've got a fleet of little vehicles. I do. I pop out of bed in my shoebox. I climb down a skipping rope. That your fiancé keeps under her regular bed. Yeah. I climb down a skipping rope to get to the floor. And then I hop into my little plane and fly up to the kitchen counter to put some toast on. Oh, do you have toast? I imagine you had the little, um, the little, um, the little,

The little cereals, you know, the crumb tray. What's the crunchy salad bread called? Croutons. Crutons. Yeah, yeah. Crutons. Salad. Cuncher salad bread. I have a single slice of crouton and a drop of butter on it. Delicious. I've got here a copy of August the 24th, 2019, The Daily Star.

Boo. Yeah, that's all boo first. I don't normally buy the star but it was like the recommendation of about a dozen people on Twitter You can stop now everybody Thank you so much Dave Benson Culps is wrestling this weekend

No So people were trying to draw our attention to the front cover of The Daily Star I've brought it because it's very relevant to idiots Are you ready? Michelle Telly Sex Surprise Page 7 Woo! Tell me about Michelle! Yes! Oh she did a sex on the telly!

No, she didn't. Was Cheggers there? Probably. Saying it was the low light of his career. No, I jest. That is the bit where they try and sell you on the sex. But the main headline, they're at it again. Psycho Seagull mugs TV legend. Then dumps on his car when he fights back.

No! And there is a photo of said TV legend. It is none other than Dave Benson Phillips. Oh, my God. The Portal Goblin. Yeah, the Portal Goblin, of course. Beloved Portal Goblin. So Jerry Lawton.

We tried to leave you out of it, Dave. But you just keep getting involved. You can't say note of opportunities like this. Children's Tully Star, Dave Benson Phillips, has revealed a thieving psycho seagull, threw up, and showered his car with poo in a deliberate act of revenge. Wow. That's what it says.

I will now turn to page 11. So this is a personal vendetta with the Siegel and Div It sounds that way. I've read the full story and yeah there is There is a apparently an act of revenge here What did Dave do? Yeah, what did Dave do? Cheat on his wife? Can we all please agree that we're going to avoid the obvious getting your own back jokes Because I'm sure there are plenty in the article I don't know if they're only in the article but there is certainly a lot on Twitter

but uh gull attacked then crapped on my car is the the headline inside the paper they've put an asterisk in the word crapped because it's a real bad word oh yeah this is all just headlines now underneath that it says kids star loses fight with beast beast wow it kidnaps dogs to be fair yeah but to be fair our seagulls are close to beast ranking now true right now we get to the actual prose. There's not much of it, to be honest. Children's TV star Dave Benson Phillips has told how a psycho seagull threw up and pooped on his car in revenge after he tried to scare it off during a live show. The CBBC presenter, it doesn't say X CBBC presenter. Does he still do? What does he? I mean, I know he begs for stuff online, but is he on TV at all anymore? I don't think so. I don't know, right? There's got to be something that he's up to.

I think Jerry Lawton is just misinformed. I don't think he's a current presenter. He's got an hourly slot on like Freeview Channel 6, 7, 2. You'll find out what he's doing right now. The CBBC presenter first clashed with the bird when it tried to steal his sandwich before an outdoor gig. Oh, my God.

He probably did a show for that sandwich. I thought it was just taken away from him. Yeah. Dave managed to frighten the goal away. But it returned to swoop menacingly over the crowd during his show at a man-made town

center kids beach. We have one of those in Newcastle. Oh, we do. So apparently he knows it's the same seagull. I don't know how he knows this, but swooping menacingly. As he was packing his gear away at the end, the seagull flew in and projectile vomited

over his motor at the sand pit in Worthing West Sussex. The vile beast then did a poo on the car's roof. Dave, 54, who hosted Children's Game Show Get Your Own Back, tweeted, When performing my music set at the Worthing Sandpit, a pesky seagull tried to steal my sandwich. My car's been hit.

Oh, no. My Volvo's been hit. I scared it away, but it remained at Sandpit, annoying everyone. When packing my stuff away, the same seagull vomited and shot on my car, he put. Fucking hell. Are seagulls capable of revenge, question mark? How does he know it was that, okay, a lot of questions?

Yeah, yeah. A lot of questions, a lot of concerns raised here. How does he know it's the same seagull, to begin with? Maybe have like a distinct marking, like an anchor tattoo on its chest or something. It's a good question. I don't know. I had a dog's foot in its mouth. Every time it just had dog's feet.

So one fan replied They are the only creatures Who have truly mastered it Revenge Right Right Dave was unavailable for comment last night Can you believe

You had something on God the Seagard took him out Yeah But a pal A pal Not even his agent or a spokesman Big love to Dave Benson Phillips But a pal

said the attack had left him livid adding the goal made a right mess Oh poor Dave He never gets a break He finally gets a bit of stage time He's got his sandwiches all ready to go And then a seagull just comes And literally shits all over it

And vomits on his car What else can the seagull take from him His dignity's gone His sandwich was all he had left I mean together We've already paid Like the equivalent of a meal for Dave So I feel like we've done our bit

Yeah Yeah We didn't leave him out of it in the end but I mean he keeps doing shit like this so who's fault is it really what are we meant to do I'm just slowly sort of scrolling through Google

images oh god that last one's copying and pasting photos of Dave Benson Phillips into our chat Ben has been posting every Google image result of Dave and Benz and Phillips while we've been reading that story and it's been amusingly distracting I've tried not to giggle

there's all sorts of weird shit here Which one's your favourite? There's the one with the fidget spinner, that's really weird. That's a good one. There's a very squashed one. I think that's my favourite. My favourite is the Don't Fuck with Dave Benson, Philips, Tank Top.

It's apparently available for sale. Yeah. But the last one just has him lifting his shirt and showing the Dave, the Dave Belly Phillips. Oh, no. Yeah, Dave's Belly Phillips. Dave's belly, comma, Phillips. It's now canon that Dave Benson's stomach is called Phillips. Sorry.

I just tried to reverse image search. The last image of Dave pulling his top up. And Google suggested search was Senior Citizen. Oh, no. Dave. Dave's only in his mid-50s. Oh, poor man, bless him. What else can the Seagull take from him?

His dignity's gone. His sandwich was all he had left. Poor man. Is he wearing a thong? Sorry. No, I think that's just a fold, I think. In which? No, there's like a fabric that goes up over his hip.

No, that's a fold. That's a fold. Are you sure? Yeah, he's not wearing a thong. Oh, we need to stop. We need to put it. Should I just tweet that right now so people can just go and find it later on? You can do, yeah.

That's just, but I think it's a fold. It's because Phillips is a large, is a large belly. Right. That's what it's. called. Otherwise, it'd be a flathead, wouldn't it?

Yeah. I really want to tweet that real quick. That tiny squashed image says, but there's no larger version of it. There are no large

pictures of Dave Benson and Billet. They're all about 300. They're all just tiny. They're like 240 by 180. They're all tiny pictures. Dave, we tried to leave you out of it.

We really, we did, but then you made headline news. You've just got to stop doing this shit, Dave. Stop getting hand, foot and mouth.

Stop. Stop contracting hilarious diseases, Dave. He's getting fomited on, getting pooed on, getting sandwiches stall, and it's really, oh, poor man. We promise we'll try and leave you out of it in future, but, God. Just stop. You must have known that this was a bad one for your PR, right? Please hold larger instruments in photos

that are proportional to your body. Stop wearing thongs. Oh, God. Okay, I've tweeted that. photo now. If you saw this last week and thought, what the fuck is that? There's your context.

Are you? No context. It's just the photo. Let's see. We've got to reply. Nobody needed or wanted this. Oh, Jesus. Someone submitted a Podiat's question. It was like, what things do you wish you could

unsee? I guess without even asking the question, I've got an answer. Oh, it's so Rose. It's been stretched up. It's really horrible. You click the magnifying glass and it's smaller when you get a full screen of it. I'm just going to keep an eye on that. We'll revisit that at the end of the show and see what the reaction's been to it. Yeah, we'll see how Dave's Phillips is doing. Peter, that was fantastic. And thank you to everybody as well who let us know. Yeah, you can stop telling us now. Yes, we know that happened. We know that Billy Ray Cyrus has a

lot to think about and yes we have left what culture yes we have oh hang on hang on important oh no what is it now there's another photo of him with a small instrument I wouldn't inflate the one it's a little guitar little ukule oh it's an actual ukule wow a little ukule oh it's also very small it is a really tiny image again tubist yeah tubis air klein do bis oh there we go fucking hell do bist that fantastic See, I just, it's so hard not to go down Dave halls because there's always some gold at the bottom of that, that hole. If Dave stopped posting photos of his holes, then it would be fine, wouldn't it?

Thank you very much, Peter. Thank you. Thank you, Dave. Oh, yes. It's not even number one, Dave. It's not even our favorite Dave. Oh, me head. We have, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-dha. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. So much, not just, so there's the thing that Mikey needs to, he shared it in our personal WhatsApp group and I deliberately didn't look at it because I wanted to react to it on the podcast. And since then, there's been even more Dave news. He keeps scandaling himself. Well, I think the latter, I'm convinced now, after what happened last night with Dave on Twitter, with Dave on Twitter. Dave on Twitter underscore 2. Yeah, I swear to God he's doing on purpose and he's pretending that it's not, but he is. I think he's trying to be this slightly awkward.

He's trying to be the character out of get back with Dave Benson Phillips or whatever it was called. He knows how to go viral now. It's basically by having absolutely no shame whatsoever. That's all he's got left is his lack of shame. I'm going to see what numbers that tweet's pulling in actually before we get on. I'm looking at it right now. It's 28.2,000 likes, 7.3,000 retweets at the time of recording. Thank you to everybody.

everybody who tagged us in this including Booth who brought it to our attention yeah Dave Benson Phillips at Dave Benson Phil have a good night whatever you're doing

and don't forget to put your cocks back classic and then the follow-up tweet have you seen that yeah yes and I love the amount of context that's in there where he was when he sent it

made that mistake that's partly why I'm convinced that it's an act is there the fact that he included that little detail at the end he apologised and I don't have to tweet

in front of me, but he basically says, sorry everyone, it was a typo. I was queuing for my takeaway dinner. Awesome. My sincerest apologies to those who were shocked or offended by my previous message, which was meant to be helpful. I was in a queue waiting for my takeaway meal. Takeaway meal. My takeaway meal. Also, his Twitter is amazing. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I've now followed him. As we approach the winter, it is time for me to break out the sauce pan I use for making soup. Yeah. Oh, this is the Dave Renaissance right here. This is high-quality stuff. There are Davesons. We're in Davesons, yeah. That's great.

Speaking of which, actually, I do need to obviously post a quick photo of Dave Benson Phillips to let everyone know that we're recording. I wonder if there's a spooky version of Dave out there. Ooh, there might be. Mikey, while Ben is doing that, can you hit me with a major Dave Benson Phillips?

This is news article. It's a light article, but what it lacks in length, that more than makes up for on just Dave Benson Phillips. Okay. So the headline reads, Children's TV star says sorry for scaring shoppers. Okay. So this is spooky Dave that we're about to hear from.

Oh, my. What did he do? I'm just going to send the picture from the article into chat if you want a spooky Dave. Right, okay, so it reads, A children's TV presenter has apologized to Worthing shoppers for scaring them at the weekend. Dave Benson Phillips took to his Twitter. account say sorry for causing a quote-unquote terror scare in BHS in Montague Street. Oh no, that's not what I expected at all from this story.

Yeah. The former CBBC star of Get Your Own Back tweeted, My apologies to the shoppers and staff at BHS Worthing for my son's balloon dog going bang in the store. We are all very jumpy at the moor. Fans of the star, however, found humor in the tweet and were quick to respond saying gunge him and I'm sure they'll get her own back. So Dave, Dave Benson Phillips accident, well his son, caused a bomb scare in a BHS. God.

Because his balloon popped, his dog balloon popped. That's the entire article. It's not a big one, but my God, imagine just Dave in that shopping centre, innocently walking around and then bang. His son just, his Dave bomb son, Phillips explodes. Very good. You can't escape Dave, can we? He's just a fixture now.

There's really not that many scary pictures of Dave. is there, like not even a Halloween costume. No, well, he is a children's entertainer. Telling people to put their cocks back, so yeah. Yeah. Causing terror scares. Dave, what are you doing? We've spoken about this, Dave.

We'll leave you out of it when you stop doing things for us to be involved with. Yeah. Oh, me head. Oh, I've got the Dave Benson Phillips photo lined up, so I'm just going to tweet that. Oh, my God. Right. I don't know how comfortable I am with this new tradition. I feel like you think, when he thrusts.

himself into um you know the news by doing another silly thing you know that's his own lookout but when it's it's it's up to us and we're we're deliberately choosing not to leave him out of it i feel i feel sort of responsible well by the the sheer existence of these photos i think that is you know dave benson phillips thrusting himself back into it so really for him to be left out of it he has to leave the internet all traces must be removed before we will stop Yes. I do have, following on actually from what Peter mentioned last week about thinking he was probably self-aware in terms of the stuff he was doing, I'm faced with something of a dilemma Benson Phillips, which is his daughter. Oh. And I agree with Peter. I think it's getting pretty transparent that a lot of his Twitter game is big, fat, fakyness. And I don't like it. I like the intentional nonsense, the unintentional nonsense, I should say.

What's it got to do with his daughter? No, I just, I just was joking because it sounds like a name. Dilemma Benton Phillips. Oh, I see. I understand. Are we okay? What's happening? There was two field recordings before this one.

Just things went wrong. Give us a minute. Give us a minute. Things are weird in here. The point I'm trying to get to is that I don't know if we should so much leave Dave out of it because he's a very easy target. Or if we should leave him out of it because he's manufacturing his own scandals for the sake of going viral, which I don't think it's as fun as someone accidentally tweeting about setting their cocks back. It's far less funny if he's thought, that'll be funny, I'll do that.

And he's done it and it's done well. On the other hand, though, if he is clearly trying to get social media attention, then that's almost, does that undo the request to leave him out of it? he's sort of implicitly saying please don't leave me out of it please please make me part of it bring me into it yeah well yeah I suppose so like I feel like the real leaving him out of it now

would be to ignore his his cries for attention yeah because he's gone our boys gone viral with a couple of tweets recently and now I feel like he's not ours anymore and it's not as fun he's not hours yeah I feel as that everyone else has

rediscovered him and yeah we're not getting any of the credit I don't know if you're familiar with the Hunger Games but at the very least I'm sure you're familiar with the concept where there are at least in this game that we're doing right now which is called the Vidyat's Games there are 12 districts and each district's off each district sorry offers two tributes so there are 24 people in this Hunger Games

and its last person standing wins and it's because it's about like food or something right When they win, they win food. They've had to go to Burger King or something. Yeah. I don't know. It's weird. So I've seen the first film.

I haven't seen any of the other ones. I don't really know what's going on. But I could just about follow along with this. I'm sure you will be able to, too. Would you like to know who the participants are from each district? Oh, yes, please. From District 1. And I'm assuming this sort of means that they will kind of maybe work together in some occasions

because they're from the same district. From District 1, you have Peter Austin and Rules Boss. Oh, what a combo. Oh my God, how am I supposed to work with him? From District 2 is Ben Potter and Richard Michinko. Oh, you've got a good one there. Oh, you gave... It's a bit...

I gave myself the good boy. Yeah. Now, I took screenshots of all of these, by the way, all of these different days. I just simulated it all in one go. And I know who wins, but I did my best to avoid looking at the details. So this is an adventure for me too.

And so I'll finish running through these people. District 3 is Michael Johnson and Kevin. Yes. Oh, that's not good. You'll hear us coming from a mile away. You will, yeah. You'll have to keep him quiet. Both the loudest boys.

But he's probably... Too loudest people, yeah. Kevin's just sat there you've got all kinds of attachments, like Swiss Army knife. Swiss Army Kev. Yeah, yeah. District 4, we've got Dave on Twitter and Jeff. Oh, nice.

Oh, okay, yeah. District 5, Billy Ray Walrus and Miley Walrus. Oh, that's cute. Fair enough. District 6, Milo and Bobby Babyloni, podcast legends. Oh, yes. District 7, fellow podcast legends, Meatface and Uncle Fatty. No, Uncle Fatty will eat Meatface.

Oh, God. I don't even think of that. Oh, this is terrible. District 8 is Barbara Piss and Mr. Blobby. Nice. Okay. District 9, TV Legends, Cheggers and Dave Benson Phillips. Oh, fantastic. District 10 is Dick and Dom. Oh, very good.

Excellent. District 11 and I've credit where it's due again to Adam here I don't think that's his real name because Adam Warlock is a superhero a lot of these names were lifted from his original things it was a huge I can't remember half of these people half the time District 11 is Stephen Seagull and Stoke-on-Trent yes the entire town the iconic town on the River Trent Historic town historic historic and finally District 12 is

beloved politicians Theresa May and Bumpis Johnson Oh no delightful from District 12 I know who I want to lose So I would like to wage a friendly I would like to wage a friendly

waiver no friendly Wager There we go What am I trying to say Peter Can you smell toast? Are you alright? Yeah I can A friendly wager then For this first part

Because the second part should be Who do you think is going to win This part Who do you pick as dying in this first half. Dave Benson Phillips. I hope the cards play out that way. I'm going to go Milo, actually.

As you ask that question, I glanced down at my desk and just saw him looking back at me with his tiny saxophone on the cover of Daily Star. I was like, you're dying. With his shirt covering him up now because of Michael's Photoshop.

Okay, here we go. You ready? We're ready. The blood bar. As the tributes stand on their podiums, the horn sounds. Theresa May runs away from the cornucopia. Rules Boss runs away from the cornucopia. As does Bobby Babluni, Dom.

Richard Michinko finds a canteen full of water. Dick, Jeff, Milo all run away. Uncle Fatty finds a canteen of water. Michael Johnson runs away. Miley Warris snatches a pair of says? Is that a thing? S-A-I-S. Is that some kind of weapon?

I don't know what that is. have a look. What's his say is? I have no idea. I like how Dick Machinko has found useful provisions and so has... Immediately, right? So has Uncle Fatti. Like, Ninja Swords. Oh, good. Well, Miley's got those. What I'd like the most about this is that it's kind of like a horoscope in that it's very easy to sort of attribute the behavior of these characters to them, even though it's completely random. You find meaning in it. It's fun. Stoke-on-Trent, Bumpus Johnson, Billy Ray Waris, Dave on Twitter, Ben Potter, all runaway. Stephen Seagull takes a handful of throwing knives.

Nice he does. Peter Austin runs away. Barbara Piss finds a bag full of explosives. Wow. Meat Face finds a backpack full of camping equipment. Dave Benton Phillips runs away. Mr. Blobby and Cheggers find a backpack full of camping equipment and Kevin runs away.

Wow. Day one. Dom searches for firewood. Milo tends to Bobby Babylonie's wounds. Miley Walrus diverts Meatface's attention and runs away. Michael Johnson and Richard Michinko split up to search for resources A new team up there

Wow, I'm doing all right Stoke-on-Trent runs away from Ben Potter Dave on Twitter discovers a river Billy Ray Rouris and Dick from Dick and Dom threaten a double suicide It fails

And they die Do they? Apparently, that's what it says Wow, that's a dramatic opening Billy Ray and Richard McCourt That's a sad loss They've died Rules boss dies of dysentry

Of course No, my team mate Mr Blobby and Jeff Hunt for other tributes Dave Benson Phillips picks flowers Oh he's having a nice time Cheggers stabs Uncle Fatty with a tree branch No, that's just He's just recovered

He's a fellow jungle resident What are you doing? It's pretty horrible Peter Austin thinks about home That's true Constantly I'm just waiting for the dear Benson Phillips car gets shathing by a Seagull. He's his picking flowers. He's living his best life.

Theresa May kills Kevin with a hatchet. Nice. Stephen Seagull dies from an infection. Barbara Piss receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor. And Bumpiss Johnson collects fruit from a tree. Fallen Tributes 1. Six cannon shots can be heard in the distance. Today we've lost Billy Ray Warris, Dick, rules boss,

Uncle Fatty, Kevin, and Stephen Seagull. Jesus, the dropping like flies. They are. Rest and peace, Fatty. Here is the current active players. Just sending them to you now. You can see the deceased there. Oh my God.

They've got in the running. God, there are quite a lot of died. Yeah, we lost a lot. We lost a lot of good men and women. All women? Vidiates games night one. Richard Maichinko receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor. Mr. Blobby climbs a tree to rest.

Dom climbs a tree to rest. That would be amazing to see. Cheggers starts a fire. Jeff receives clean water from an unknown sponsor. Meatface destroys Michael Johnson's supplies while he is asleep. That motherfucker. Barbara Piss and Peter Austin run into each other and decide to truce for the night. Hell yeah, Babs.

Stoke-on-Trent tends to her wounds. That's right. Stoke-on-Trent is a woman. Good. Miley Warris and Bumpiss-Johnson, talk about the tribute. Still alive. I'm just gossiping on it. Theresa May poisons Bobby Babylonie's drink.

She drinks it and dies. Oh, Bobby, Theresa Mayer. How could you? Milo fends Ben Potter, Dave on Twitter, and Dave Benson Phillips away from his fire. We now move on to day two. Milo's got purge experience. I think he's going to be... Milo's a strong contender, I think. Barbara Piss severely injures Stoke-on-Trent and leaves her to die. Oh my God.

Peter Austin discovers a cave. Oh This might be my favourite one so far Just because of the sheer amount of people involved Cheggers Michael Johnson Jeff Bumpiss Johnson

and Dave Benson Phillips Trackdown and kill Mr. Blobby Oh my God Jesus Like a hit squad Why Blobby? What did he do? Was he still in his tree?

I don't know. Climmed the wrong tree Oh I guess, yeah Dave on Twitter searches for a water source Milo stabs Theresa May while her back is turned Yeah, come on Good. I don't think she's dead yet, though. Oh, shit.

Ben Potter explores the area. Meatface receives clean water from an unknown sponsor. Richard Michinko receives an explosive from an unknown sponsor. You are these sponsors? Miley Walrus steals from Dom while he isn't looking. Wow. Here are the fallen tributes for today. Bobby Babylonie.

Stoke-on-Trent. Mr. Blobby. Theresa Mills! Yes! Excellent. Vidius Games Night 2. Dom screams for help. Barbara Piss fends Dave Benson, Philips, Milo and Michael Johnson away from her fire.

Oh, God. Cheggers passes out from exhaustion. Not Cheggers. Jeff receives medical supplies from an unknown sponsor. God. Richard Michinko tends to Bumpiss Johnson's wounds. Miley Warwurst receives fresh food from an unknown sponsor. Who is this? Unknown sponsor.

I don't know. They're doing a lot, though, aren't they? They are. They're keeping everyone afloat. Peter Austin starts a fire. Dave on Twitter, Meatface, and Ben Potter discuss the games and what might happen in the morning. Day three, Michael Johnson strangles Bumpiss Johnson with a rope. Ah, no better way to start the deer.

It can only be one Johnson. Give me your Prime Minister's jacket. I love my Prime Minister. Barbara Piss goes hunting. Miley Waurus attacks Milo, but he manages to escape. Richard Mijinco travels to higher ground. Dave Benson Phillips, stalks Ben Potter. Jeff and Meatface fight Peter Austin and Cheggers.

Peter Austin and Cheggers survived. Oh, thank God. Dave on Twitter thinks about home, and Dom explores the area. Three cannon shots can be heard. Today we lost Bumpiss Johnson, Jeff and Meatface. What a loss. Those who remain standing are Peter Austin with two kills. Yes.

Ben Potter and Richard Mycinko Michael Jack He's the unknown sponsor He's the unknown sponsor He's shoving medical supplies And everyone's fierce Michael Johnson with two kills Dave on Twitter

Miley Warrus Milo with one kill Disappointment Barbara Piss with one kill The only district with both members are alive Cheggers with four kills Whoa

Dave Benson Phillips with one kill and the last person alive from District 10 is Dom Oh, he's dickless So Dave Benson Phillips Still alive It's been the DBP episode today Hasn't it really has

I'm so sorry Dave if you're listening Why have you kept listening this far? Can we just call this one Just leave me out of it? Yeah, we have to Yeah Night 3 Richard Michenko Dave Benson Phillips

Barbara Piss and Milo Track down and kill Dave on Twitter No! The bastards! The tocks Dave is dead The tucks They've tuckin me life Dom receives fresh food from an unknown sponsor Michael Johnson goes to sleep

Cheggers stays awake all night Thinking about the lives he's slaughtered In the trials so far Thinking about the time he did Naked Jungle The worst career move of his life Miley Worris kills Ben Potter with his own weapon Oh my God I'm dead

Which means I'm gone I can't even read the same Shit Oh well we'll never know who survived That's it end of everything. That's it. Anyway, that was my thing.

Good. We'll never know what happens next. Peter Austin thinks about winning. All the time. It's the end of night three. The feast. The cornucopia is replenished with food, supplies, weapons and memoirs from the tributes families.

Dom decides not to go to the feast. Miley Woolrus, Barbara Pierce, and Richard Mijchenko get into a fight. Richard Mijchenko triumphantly kills them both. Wow. Richard with a double kill there. Peter Austin decides not to go to the feast. Milo bashes Chega's head in with a mace.

Nice. Now that's the Milo he wanted to see. Michael Johnson stabs Dave Benson Phillips in the back with a trident. Oh my God, Dave. I'm so sorry. Oh, no! My back's been hit. Milo, oh, we're on day four now. Milo forces Peter Austin to kill Dave, sorry, to kill Richard Michincoe or Michael Johnson. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Peter Austin decides to kill Michael Johnson. You know, no! Why? Why? Mikey. They can be only one. So I win out of the vidiates. Yeah, well done. Yeah, you're the last vidiates standing currently. Maybe that's why I did it.

Dom searches for a water source. Here are the fallen tributes for day four. Seven horse cannon shots can be heard in the distance. Dave on Twitter, Ben Potter, Miley Woolrus, Barbara Piss, Cheggers, Dave Benson Phillips, and Michael Johnson. Heroes, the lot of them. The last villains standing are Peter Austin with three kills. Dick Michinko with three kills.

Milo with three kills. Oh my God. And Dom, who is still alive. I'm not scared of Dom, but Dick Mycinko has military experience and Milo has purge experience, so I'm in trouble here. I'm in trouble, tab. Night four. Milo sees a fire but stays hidden

Dom thinks about home Dick Mungalow Bungalow Poor Dick is dead Oh no But the other dick Demo Dick Dick Mijinko is unable

to convince Peter Austin to not kill him Oh my God, no way So you got Demo Dick to beg for his life And you killed him That's right But asshole still twitching.

I hope you quoted his own words at him as you killed him. That's right, no-d-nody-night. Day five. Milo tries to sleep through the entire day. Same. Peter Austin thinks about home. Dom injures himself. How is he still alive?

He's done nothing. Slipped on homemade creamy mug-muck. Arena event. A cloud of poisonous smoke. starts to fill the arena. Dom survives. No. Peter Austin and Milo agree to die in the cloud together. Has Dom won? But Peter Austin pushes Milo in without warning. Really? What? You killed Milo. Oh my God. What a turn. Oh no, Peter, don't do it. You can't kill him. I think Dom's going to win. I'm convinced there's going to be a come from behind victory. Two horse.

cannon shots can be heard in the distance. Dick Michinko and Milo are today's fallen tributes. Wow. As we go into the final evening, the last two left alive are Peter Austin with five kills and Dom. Who's there?

Who's thinking about da bungalow? Night five, Dom cannot handle this circumstances and commit suicide. The winner is Peter Austin from District 1. To me fair, I think that's the best ending we could have had. I wouldn't want Peter to kill him.

Oh my God. I have literally never laughed while saying committing suicide before, and I do apologize if that was in poor taste, but I hope the context makes it make sense. Oh, my God. There are places you can go if you need some help, but in this context, that was somewhat amusing. That was amazing.

God, what a good ending. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and we should point out that the one that was run on Twitter, Mikey won. Yeah. Mikey won the one on Twitter, so you can go check that out if you want. Here are the final placements. Would you like to hear where everybody finished?

Yes. I didn't do very well. Peter Austin, winner, five kills. Dom, second place. Milo, third place, three kills. Dick Michinko, fourth place, three kills. Michael Johnson, fifth place, three kills. Dave Benton Phillips, sixth place, two kills.

Cheggers. Third place. Four kills. Barbara Piss. Hang on, it says third. Oh, there's a lot of people in third place. This is confusing. Oh. Was it done by kill count rather than by... No, it's actually not. That actually makes zero fucking sense. Is it just the order they died in? Don't think so. Maybe you get points for how long you survived and also points for... No, I think this is... It's the order in which they died. You've been reading them in the order that they died, but you've suddenly got to Barbara Piss over. wherever it was, and now it's saying third place for her.

Oh, Jesus. It's weird. That's a mess. I'm not entirely sure what that is. But anyway, Peter Austin is the winner. It's all that matters. You did it. Wow. You did it, man. What are you going to do, Peter?

Now you've won. I'm going to eat all the bodies. I don't think that's how it works. I think you get your freedom. No, that's why it's called the Hunger Games, isn't it? Oh, no, you're right. You eat all of the fallen tributes. Well, you would know. You won.

Yeah, delicious. Congratulations, Peter. Thanks. king of the video it's games I don't know how to feel about what I've got today I've been laughing a lot of it but I think that makes me a terrible person so you've probably heard of this recent news story

about Gizmo the Chihuahua who was stolen by a seagull yeah have have you got any news I've got related news I've got updates I've got some investigation I've gone all out on this one fantastic I'm in

So for everybody who hasn't heard of this breaking news story, here's the rundown. The little dog called Gizmo was out playing in the garden when a seagull swooped down and grabbed Gizmo by the scruff of his neck. The owner's partner tried to grab the dog's legs to stop him being taken away, but it was in vain. How strong was this seagull? Well, yeah, there's a lot to unpack here. I'm going to give the downlow first, and we're going to analyze it. We're going to see what the fuck happened here. here. Okay.

So the owner wrote in a desperate Facebook post, It carried Gizmo far away until we couldn't see him anymore. Oh my God. Oh, God. It's very sad because someone's lost a pet, but oh my God, what an image. Just a little tiny chihuahua getting taken off into the distance. God. She went on to say, I had no idea if he was dropped or where he is now.

Please, please, please. If anyone finds a chihuahua, he's mine. A seagull has took him from my garden So yeah When I first heard this I was like oh surely that's bullshit That's got to be a lie Yeah

Made up by like maybe the boyfriend To cover up losing the dog or something But like this This story persisted through every news website Like Twitter, Facebook Everyone was talking about it So I thought Okay maybe there's some truth to it

Because this is a big lie to keep on going Has the Seagull given a candid sit-down interview yet? That's it. We need to hear from the seagull. I want to hear all sides of the story. Making a dog napper. Coming to Netflix. The seagull wished to remain anonymous. This is an actor seagull who's talking on behalf of the seagull.

With like a weird, filtered voice. Yeah. I was actually given the wrong kind of dog. Oh, God. So yeah, surely a seagull can't possibly snatch a dog, can it? Turns out it's possible. Oh, my God. Ornithologist Peter Rock told the Today program on BBC Radio 4

Seagulls were capable of picking up small animals If you have a very tiny little dog I suggest you don't let it run around in your back garden It may well become a meal Jesus, what do the seagulls do to it? Can they just extend their beaks or something? How would they eat that? Oh, I don't even want to think about the gruesome details to be honest I like to think it just flew it off somewhere and kept it as a pet

That's what happened, right? it whole then i think what they would do to it if they were going to eat it is take bites out of it but how they don't have knives and folks could eat the soft bits could eat his eyes let's get back to gizmo the chihuahua this was a headline that went up yesterday leg found in search for chihuahua oh christ so natalie williams 29 found the leg on a roof of a popular with on a roof popular with seagulls in Totner's Devon. She faced the devil in the eyes and retrieved the potential leg of a chihuahua.

So sadly, there's no concrete end to the story. They're doing DNA testing on the leg right now to see if it did actually come from the dog. Well, how do they know what the dog's DNA is, though? Oh, yeah, I guess there'll be some kind of hair or something in the flat. Oh, true, yeah. Or I guess they could just see if it's from a chihuahua, then that would at least narrow it down. There's been a spree of chihuahua thefts in the area. hope the seagull gets prosecuted. Yeah, we need to find it, hunt it down. Everybody, if you're in the

Devon area, keep an eye out for a seagull with a chihuahua in his beaks. Justice for Gizmo. Justice for Gizmo. God, that's crazy. I wish I had a proper ending for that, but I like the suspense of a leg was found. Yeah. I mean, there's not much suspense. I doubt that, I doubt he escaped. There's not a lot of dog's legs lying around in the south, the southwest, I think. That's true. That's true. Oh, God. But there's still three more out. out there somewhere. And like, yeah, they all line up to the corner of an X and in the middle is why you'll find the rest of the dog.

Oh, God. On a similar tangent as a kid, we lost one of our parrots when I was like a little kid and I was like distraught over it. And then just like the day after my uncle came around and my parents were talking about it and he just candidly said, ah, don't worry, the seagulls have probably killed it by now. Thanks, uncle So our resident bird expert Peter Rock said he wasn't surprised

to hear of the instant of Gizmo the Chihuahua Because gulls are quote Very Large Which is For a scientist That's some fucking insight Yeah, that's really cutting edge there Thanks Peter

Peter. Peter Rock means rock rock The name Peter means rock. Well no wonder we can't trust him He's got two first... They're very big. I am rock, rock. Seagull's very large.

Of course you happen. Seagulls are big, in it. So after this, I was like, okay, I'm going to investigate. What are the Seagull-on-dog incidents that happened? In May 2015, another Devon pet owner watched into horror as her beloved Chihuahua puppy was killed by a flock of seagulls after the puppy pushed open the door and got out. Heartbreaking. In August 20,

2015, a seagull attempted to steal a Jack Russell named Charlie, but was unsuccessful. Jack Russell seems too big. Yeah, they said like it's like a 14 pound dog and it's just silly, but I guess the seagull wanted to have a go. They are very large. Yeah, not like a little baby chihuahua. No, I meant the seagulls. Oh God, Peter Rocks says they're very large.

That's all we know about them. Describe a seagull ornithologist Peter Rock. Boog. Very large. I did Google ornithologist and yes, that is a bird expert. So it turns out you can just be an ornithologist. Yeah. I think you probably have to do some kind of degree, but yes.

No, you can't just be one. So, like, there's an absolute wealth of stories like this about dogs being either attacked or, like, attempting to steal them. But I think this is the first one where a dog, Siegel has successfully stolen a dog. God. But there's one interesting link that unified all these stories together, or at least the majority of them.

They all happened in the southwest. Oh. So maybe like the Southwest Seagulls are the most vicious, angry, strongest seagulls out there. And a few days ago, there was another headline in the Bristol Live news website read, Horrified Man describes Pigeon Massacre and latest Bristol Seagull attack. Oh my God, pigeon massacre? I love that band. Fuck yeah, that'd be a good band name.

It's just latest Bristol Seagull attack as if there's been a string of these. Well, they took your sandwich. They didn't fucking, they deserve everything and they get. The pricks. You were the first. I hate seagulls. The first of the Bristol attacks. It was on you.

Oh, my, and it's just been a crime wave since then. What do seagulls actually do? Like, where do they fit in the food chain, apart from stealing other people's food and pets? The scavengers, I think, seagulls. Well, fuck them then. Get them out. We don't need them.

I can give a shit about seagulls. Yeah. So the pig pigeon attack, I think my favorite line from the story is a horrified. Bristol Man has described how a pigeon was dragged off to its doom by a seagull. Oh God. Jesus Christ. And then within the article it links to three other

similar incidents that happened recently, so it is a definite spree of something going on. Local ornithologist Rock Rock says the reason the seagull was able to take the pigeon is that it was very small. Oh, nice. That's the qualifying factor for all birds. Are they big or all they small?

Yeah. It's only to know. Is it a notorious gang of... What I want to know as if it's a repeat offender. Oh, the same seagull, yeah. Yeah. Like a motorcycle gang. Oh, my God. I have seagulls.

Next attack that happens, needs some spray paint at hand, spray it, and just track that seagull, see what it does next. Do we have a name for the gang, the seagull gang? The Gulliver's Travels, that's it. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's good for that loop. So what is causing the Southwest Seagull? to be so aggressive.

Well, a clue might lie in this headline from a Devon newspaper. They can read? Stop it. Jesus. The headline reads, Seagulls are getting drunk on leftover booze

and throwing up on firefighters. What? Specifically. Just firefighters, yeah. There's another one, boys. Blah. So maybe all these seagulls are hopped up on alcohol 24-7 and committing violent acts as a result.

God, they need Asbos. Yeah, oh, God. Imagine if we had electronic tagging or bracelets for seagulls. That has to exist. No, no, no, no, you're not going anywhere. Blow into this, son. It's 7pm, you should be at home.

You've been vomiting on any firefighters tonight, son. God. The answer is, it probably is not them being alcoholics. In another, a more sciencey article, they said it's probably the number of attacks are increasing just because the population of seagulls is increasing. so we're just seeing more and more of this kind of thing they're inherently violent animals

God, well fuck seagulls that's a t-shirt design fuck seagulls oh yeah definitely I'd buy one of those but enough about the goals actually on the seagull topic there was an update regarding gizmo

oh I've derailed already I'm sorry that's okay I needed to get this out of the way it wasn't gizmo's leg that was found oh thank God it was just another dog that's my Oh, my gosh. So, yeah, it was just a rabbit's leg that was found. So I guess it was just a sweetly, an innocent wild rabbit that, I see, oh, something had killed and ripped apart.

So the hunt for Gizmo continues, I guess. It could still be out there alive somewhere. It's like Homeward Bound. It's been dropped on top of a very high hill, and he's scared to come down. I can't wait for the National Treasure movie about Gizmo. Starring Nicholas Cage, trying to track down different parts of Gizmo across Rome. He is a national treasure, Gizmo. dog, just like Stephen Fry.

Yeah. I hope Stephen Fry doesn't end up with a leg on a roof somewhere. That would be horrible. Stephen Fry, stolen by Seagull. This is a heart attack. Nah, nah, na, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

Art attack, feel free to keep going quietly in the background. Art attack, feel free to keep going quietly in the background. though. Art Attack is a British children's television series revolving around art currently hosted by Lloyd Warby on Disney Jr. and originally airing on CITVE hosted by friend of vidiates, Neil Buchanan.

Neil Buchanan. In 1990 to 2007. What was that, sorry? Did you say 2007? I did. I got completely thrown by what I thought I heard as I was speaking. What did you say? I said Neil Buchanan. Okay, right. 2007s really thrown me.

2007. Right. That's how the call. kids are saying it these days. What's going down this, Seby? It's not my fault you guys aren't following the popular culture. The original series aired on CITV between the 15th of June 1990 and the 26th of May 2007 and was presented by one of its creators Neil Buken, what was it Peter? Bukhinen. Bukhinen. Neil Bukhannan throughout. Bukhannan also wrote and produced the series and came up with a majority of the creative ideas. Oh, that's good. I didn't know that. Silly feet. A new series launched on Disney Jr., UK and

Ireland on the 6th of June 2011 and was presented by Yasser Alualia, I think. Okay. Bjukanan. Each show involved Alualia, I hope I'm getting that right, voicing over footage of an artist producing three works of art, taking the viewer through various stages of production step by step. He was later replaced by Lloyd Warby at the start of the British Second Revived series. But I don't know about all of that shit, you guys.

I don't know about that shit. Andrew Lloyd Warby? Yes, I want to talk about the Disney Channel art attack, in particular, the Spanish art attack. Oh, okay. Because, as some of you may have known, I went on holiday last week to Magica, which is a Spanish island. And I was there for three days. Yeah, yeah. Well, go on, what's up?

It sounds a bit like a card game. Magica. Magica, the gathering. Yeah. Majorca. I was there for three days, and the food did not agree with me at all, guys. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

You did a new old Neil Poucanon, didn't you? I did, exactly. It sort of became Ben Potter in the three days of non-stop Darre. Right. And by the end of my time there, I sort of looked like, I kind of, I looked a bit like a vagrant beach ball full of wind. Oh my God. Just sort of been granted asylum on the island, just sort of allowed to stay.

Oh, no. That is brilliant. Wow. Sorry to hear that. So as I nursed my rear one morning, I turned on the Disney Channel, to see the Spanish interpretation of art attack and I've got a little clip here of my initial reaction to it that I'm going to play through the microphone for you.

I hope there's no diarrhoea sounds in the background. This is the control splat. What have you done with Neil? So there we go, that was me just yelling in a hotel. Oh, what have they done with Neil? About 11 in the morning. And there was Spanish Neil there, just taking us through an art attack.

But it's time for a quiz. Right. Are you guys ready? Yeah. I've not done my revision. No, it's fine. This is a pop quiz. Okay.

A popular quiz. Right. It's a very popular quiz. All about what I learned about Spanish Art Attack while watching Spanish Art Attack. Right. I thought you would enjoy it because we could all go through it together and learn. Maybe. That sounds great.

Maybe it'll be a bit silly as well. I don't know. Whatever. You guys let me know what you think. We'll give it a try. You're up for it. You're okay. One, two, three, four, five, six.

There's six questions. Okay, great. Multiple choice Otherwise that would be a bit difficult Here we go Quiz time The classic theme tune appears to be unchanged

But what instrument Has been added Any early guesses before I list your options Surely electric guitar I want to say saxophone Is it A The Maracas B

B the Bongos Or is it C It's just been covered by Neil's bad band Oh If only It's got the Maracas Surely

I'm going to say Bongos then Oh. It's B for Bongoes. Pater's Wondolop. Borgos. Borgos. The host of Spanish art attack is called

A, Guillermo Martinez, B, Antonio Banderas or C, Keith Chegwin. Gonna take a wild pun to A, I think. Yeah, that's the most responsible answer out there. You guys got it right? Hey! It's Guillermo Martinez.

2-1. The host's iconic red uniform returns, but the jumper is not quite as you remember. How dare they? How's it different? A, it still has nil in it, and he and Guillermo are sort of fused together like in the movie The Fly. B, it's just a long-sleeved shirt because Spain is too hot for jumpers. C, it's a tank top because Spain is really hot. Oh, I think tank top's a bit too sexy for the children. Yeah, me too.

I'm hoping for their sake, not ours, that it's been. Too sexy for the children. I think A sounds too sexy for the children as well. Me too. The flies. Still got a bit of Neal in it. Yeah. It's got to be B. Yeah. We're going for B? Yep.

It is B. Yay, thank God. Question four. Big art attacks were a large part of the original series, wherein Neal would lay out various items on the floor to reveal a large work of art when viewed from an aerial camera. These are still in, but how are. were they done now? I've got an idea before you threw out any answers.

Okay, go on. Is there a drone involved? Oh, I can't, I don't know. That's my answer. It's not about direction of the photography. Right. A, Guillermo gets right in there and makes a nice big face out of salt packets and dirty linen. B, a mute man who's never referenced or seen elsewhere in the show takes it upon himself to get on with it.

Or C, it just cuts to footage of Neal's 90s efforts. Oh, imagine. I don't think so. No, I think the Spanish remake won't have the same budget as the original, so they don't have the money for these big pots of salt. So they've had to reuse footage. It's so expensive. Yeah, salt's expensive.

It's a rare commodity. I'm hoping, C, it just cuts to the old... I'd love that, but I'm going to say B, whatever that was. Oh, yeah, the extra man. The extra man It is B It's just an extra man So we've got Giamo in the studio

And then every so often It'll just cut to a man Who doesn't say any words Presumably because they just use them In all of the European language Adaptations of Art Attack We called him Noel Because he wasn't quite

He looked a bit like Neil But not quite like Neil Norby Canon And he used to just sort of Yes He used to just like completely He kind of mimed and like massively overacted as he was gathering his

his bric-a-brac to build his big art attacks and I watched a couple of episodes and he was in both of them and never referenced at all and he never spoke here's the man he enters no one says anything I've got a question for you Ben yes it might be something it might be one that you're about to ask but is there a Spanish version of the head question five perhaps one of the harder parts to translate was the wise cracking the head, a sentient bust that would critique and otherwise irritate poor Neil as he

went on his art journey. His head made it in, sorry, has head made it into the Spanish version of art attack. A, of course he has. B, of course he hasn't. It's a fucking abstract concept at best and the show is better without him. Or C, he has, but he's not quite the same. Oh. I feel, no, I feel like the guys watched the UK version of the show and kind of kind of got the rough essence of the head, but mistranslated it completely. So I'm going to go C. Hello. Yeah, I can't get like someone from Rotherham or something to do the voice.

I'm thinking C as well. I think he's there. But he's something else. It is, it is C. Oh, no. Final question. Wait, hang on. You have to tell us how he's different. Come on. Final question. Oh, I see.

What has head been replaced with on Spanish art attack? A. A. A. Why's cracking pineapple? B, a wisecracking palm tree C, it's just Neil again He does it for the love of the sport Oh God, so it's got to be either a pineapple or a palm tree, surely But which could it be? I think it's easy to put a pair of sunglasses on a pineapple

But I guess a palm tree as well, they could work as well Do you create a mechanism to make it flap its mouth? I'm going to go pineapple, pineapple seems cheaper. I was going to say I think it would be harder to articulate a mouth in a... How do you put a face on it? Well, I guess it could be quite a broad. I'll say the palm tree, so we're different.

Oh, Peter takes it. It's a wise-cracking palm tree. No way, I didn't even think it would be. Head used to be on a plinth, just in the corner of a room. Yeah. The palm tree, they have to just completely cut away to it because it's on its own set, and it sits, it's this massive, compared to what it's on,

it's this huge palm tree on a little island with water all around it and it's just got a mouth in the middle and the whole thing just sort goes mw maw maw maw maw maw mah and uh and that's the equivalent of head on spanish art attack oh hello jesus ola ola me gusta el gatum well i i don't know much spanish but i did learn a lot of spanish from that um by which i mean one phrase because they say it a lot and i think Neil used to say it a lot as well you know how i'd always go and now we do this and now we do this. Right.

So I learned Aura, which means and now in Spanish. Because even Guillermo had to say that all the time. Well, Neil used to, when he was finished, he would look down the lens and go, try it yourself. I didn't pay attention enough to see if that was that. But I would love to know if you're from another country that has art attack and what it's like. Because it was really difficult to research, actually. It was hard to find out about it because the Wikipedia page doesn't really. mention many adaptations. It doesn't mention the Spanish one. Oh, God. So it could be a pirate.

Yeah. It could be a pirate. Yeah. Was it called, was it just called Art Attack in English or they translated it? Oh, wow. Yeah, called Art Attack, you know, same jumper, logo on it. Not a jumper, though, shirt, sexy tank top. I'm curious to learn more about the wide, wide world of art attack adaptations and remasterings. It's like the cinematic universe. I was just about to say, yeah, the Expanded Universe. The Buchanan Cinematic Universe. Yeah. Ah, but is it Canon or is it Buchanan?

Oh, very good, very good. Do you think, what's his name, Gilmero? What's the host called? Guillermo. Guillermo. Do you think he's gone, hello, I'm Gilmero. Do you think he's gone on to be in a band now? Well, part of my research trying to find out what he was called was by just searching

Spanish host Art Attack Art Attack Disney Channel Spain Spain Art Attack host Help Spanish Art Attack host Young And it was I eventually found him On Instagram

Oh wow And he's He just posts Photos of various things He's working on But he's not in a band yet One day One day

It's like a midlife crisis When that comes Like time to reimagine my image Fuck the kids I'm gonna sing in a punk band Or whatever I've never listened to Neil's music Actually neither of I

no how have you gone this far without listening to any of it it's fun to take the mick out of it though isn't just because you imagine it's shit yeah when it becomes real it loses its fun autographs and stuff you know some people don't they don't acknowledge their old their old work and they're sort of like no I'm here you know if you've come to my concert I want you to listen to my music and I want you to give me a photo of myself dressed in my band gear I don't want you to Walk over to me with a picture from the 1980s when I had a mullet and a red jumper on. Fuck yeah. I'd be interested to know whether he owns it or not.

Play your old stuff, Neil. Make a big art attack. Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you tonight with two simple words. Two words that will transform your perception of history forever. Big plop. God, that's like my little trigger. Like, that just sets me off. It's got you, hasn't it?

Mikey really likes that one. I'm a big fan, the big plop. But no, no. Let me compose myself. The two words. Fart proudly. Oh, okay. Is this the new bonfire night?

Yeah. Fart proudly night. Proud plops. No, this is not a grassroots movement that I'm spearheading. This is in fact the name of an essay written by politician, inventor, scientist, founding father, Benjamin Franklin. No. Discoverer of electricity. And an essay writer of farts. Okay. So that's right. The man who helped draft the Declaration of Independence also wrote an

essay about farting. Fart proudly, also called A Letter to the Royal Academy about farting to the Royal Academy of Farting. Hang, was there a Royal Academy of Farting? I think that was his own little jockey title that you threw in there. So they did call it Farts back then. Yeah, I guess like Farts are eternal. God, yeah, I wouldn't have thought. Oh, actually, yeah, I never even thought about that.

What's the history of the word fart? Are you pulling it up? Verb, emit wind from the anus. The farting chat is a bit much for me, guys. Oh, it's delightful. Does it have, wait, there's like a date, when was... Oh, okay, I've got it. I've got it already, actually, because there was just, people, people also ask, why is fart called fart?

And when you click on it, it says, why do we fart? Ten facts about flatulence, and it immediately says, in the byline, I didn't even have to go to the article. The word fart comes from the old English word, Fiorten, which means to break wind. Theortem. Fjortan. That's not his own slick as fart, is it? I'm glad we evolved. Oh, we did great.

Sorry, everyone. I've just fjorted. But he's some sort of windbreaker. My favourite Zelda game, that one. Oh, good. Okay, I'll try and rattle through this. No, no, please take your time. Oh, I guess there's going to be certain points where we're going to want to stop.

I'm letting you know now because it's bloody good. Okay. Fart proudly was an essay written by Franklin Surveld. 1381. It was composed in response to a call for scientific papers from the Royal Academy of Brussels. Franklin believed that the various academic societies in Europe were increasingly pretentious and concerned with the impractical. So this is a bit of like, I guess, um, satire? Satire, yeah. I was going to say the Royal Society of Brussels is a fart joke in itself. Yeah, it's waiting to, it's just waiting to happen, isn't it? Nice. Amazing. So revealing his

Mikey side, Franklin responded with an essay suggesting that research and practical reasoning be undertaken into methods of improving the order of human flatulence. So I'm going to read pretty much the entire essay here. It's not that long, but I've trimmed

and reworded it in places to make it more succinct and to the point. Coming soon, Benjamin Franklin's Shreddies. Oh my God, maybe that's like, we're going to pitch that to Shreddies. We're going to make some money off that. This is where the Shreddys.

his journey started. Back in this essay. Oh my god, yeah. It's all traces back to Franklin. It's universal. Oh, so it begins. It is universally well known that in digesting our common food there is created or produced in the bowels of human creatures a great quantity of wind. Permitting this air to escape and mix with the atmosphere is usually offensive to the company due to the fetid smell that accompanies it. All well-bred people, therefore, to avoid giving such offence, forcibly restrain the efforts of nature to discharge that wind. Sorry, what were they described as? Well bred.

Well bred. Well bred. So I guess I'm not well bred. I suppose not. I mean, I don't think many people are, if that's what it takes. It's certainly not brown bread people, because that you can't hold back a brown bread, a brown bread trump. Peter, that's disgusting. Retaining such act of nature not only causes frequently great pain, but occasionally future diseases, such as habitual collics, ruptures, timpennies, etc. Often destructive of the constitution and sometimes of life itself. Oh my God, do not hold your farts back or you will die, says Benjamin Franklin.

Is that a scientific finding, or was he talking about the effects of the flagellence on others? Can you murder with a fart? I think maybe he's experienced a loss in the family when someone contained a fart too long, and so now he's out here spreading the good word. Mrs Franklin Rest in peace Rip I'm very glad I brought this along

There's so much that stems from this We've just been waiting for this for how many episodes now 41 Episode 1st episode 40 We should have in episode 40 Oh for God's sake Oh was that the Shreddy's episode

Yeah it was I think I should rename it Were it not for the old offensive smell accompanying such escapes, polite people would prefer probably be under no more restraint in discharging such wind in company than they are in spitting or in blowing their noses. Mmm. Mmm. Delicious.

My prize question therefore should be, to discover some drug, wholesome and not disagreeable, to be mixed with our common food or sources that shall render the natural discharges of wind from our bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreeable as perfumes. I cannot imagine what they would consider a solution in the 18th century. I guess perfumes or the toilet. There we go. We already have some knowledge of means capable of varying that smell.

He that dines on stale flesh, especially with much addition of onions, shall be able to afford a stink that no company can tolerate. While he that has lived for some time on vegetables only shall have this. that breath so pure as to be insensible to the most delicate of noses. Well, that's not true. Yeah, that's total bullshit, Ben. Mr. Ben Franklin. What?

What did I... Sorry, you're the Ben. Right. Vegetables are really bad for farts, apparently. Yeah, well, my vegetarian farts were bad, and then it was round two with the vegan farts. It never ends. Yeah.

And if he can manage so as to avoid the report, report, report, he may anywhere give vent to his griefs. Unnoticed. There's so many good, like, words for farting here. Give vent to his grief, so is that... Yeah. Oh, God, it's so good. You could have read that line to me out of context and told me it was from a reading at

someone's wake. Yeah. And it would have fit perfectly. Why is he, why is he being, if I may quote the children? Why is he being so extra with his fart essay? I think, I'll try and summarize it at the end. I think I kind of understand what he was getting out here, but, you know, it's the full effect. expands

Who knows but that A little powder of Quicklime Or some other thing equivalent Taken in our food Note Quicklime was once used to sanitise And kill orders So he's suggesting here

That we put Quicklime in something To help the farts not smell I'm pretty sure that is really not a good idea I think Quick Lime is not good at all for you We don't do that anymore for a good reason Have you not put links on your spaghetti bolognese before Oh, a little bit of Africa Oh yeah, give a bit of spice

That's nice Quicklime causes severe irritation When inhaled or placed in contact With moist skin or eyes That's why I keep my skin nice and dry Or perhaps a glass of lime water Drink at dinner May have the same effect

On the air produced in and issuing from our bowels This is worth the experiment A few stems of asparagus eaten Shall give our urine a disagreeable order And a pill of turpentine no bigger than a pee will give it the pleasing smell of violets and why should it be thought more impossible than nature defines means of making a perfume of our wind than of our water?

So he's saying that if we can change the smell of our piss why can't we do it with our farts? Just calm down Ben, you're crazy. Sorry. Yeah. I keep slightly, I keep sort of just looking at the wall briefly and not tuning out but sort of starting to daydream about farts and then...

Ben, you bring... bring me right back into it. What comfort can science give to a man who has whirlwinds in his bowels? Can scientific discoveries such as Newton's mutual attraction of the particles of matter be compared with the ease and comfort every man living might feel seven times a day by discharging freely the wind from his bowels? Especially if it be converted into a perfume. So he's saying, you know, if we can make farting more comfortable and pleasurable for everyone,

And that's of vast scientific importance. Surely such a liberty of expressing one's sentiment. Oh, there's a pun there. Surely such a liberty of expressing ones sent immense. Very good, Benjamin Franklin. And pleasing one another is of infinitely more importance to human happiness than that liberty of the press, or abusing one another. Sorry.

Which the English are so ready to fight and die for. In short, this invention, if completed, would be, as Bacon expresses it, bringing philosophy home to men's business and bosoms. We're inting the last sentence here. And I cannot but conclude that your wealth of previous work altogether is scarcely worth a farthing, but he spelt it farting. Oh, for God's sake. So it ends on a fart pun. Why did he spend so much time on this joke document?

It's amazing. It's so well crafted. Like the puns and jokes in here, like 300 years later, still fucking hitting and I'm, I'm a fan. The fact that it was written by actual Ben Franklin is insane. I can't, that's a really, that's a good find there, Mikey. I'm really proud of that. Because I think I was just scrolling through Wikipedia and I saw the name of it.

Oh, that sounds funny. I'll click on that. I like farts. And I saw Benjamin Franklin. It's like, holy shit. And yep, it's verified. It's an actual letter he wrote and it's published in some collective works of Benjamin Franklin. So it's official.

God. Wow, what a trip. Thank you. No, thank you. No, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Boys, our planet is dying. Oh no. The ice caps are melting. Emissions are too high. And perhaps most surprisingly, we're all just farting and producing too much methane. Some more than others.

Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Pierre. But what can you do to reduce your carbon footprint? Eat less meat, walk everywhere, holiday in your garden? No, says I, for gentlemen, I believe we should tackle this problem at its source. Now, Mikey's mentioned this company on the podcast before. Oh no. And some of you may know them as well. They're called Shreddies.

Oh no. I was first alerted, Michael knows what's going to happen next. I was first alerted to the existence of Shreddies when I went for a wee at a motorway service station and stood in front of a big poster that featured our. man in a white vest and boxers jumping in the air for joy. Yeah, because he no longer has a problem. He's got no problem now. We sell freedom, says the poster.

I wanted to tell you that your product is a scientific miracle. I'm so glad I live in the decade this was invented, the testimonial below read. At this point I was curious and it continued. I can't tell you how thankful I am for Shreddies. They absolutely work. Your fart pants have literally given me a new lease on life. What kind of life was this man living before Shreddies were invented? I now refer you to my Shreddies.com.

Shreddy's flatulence filtering underwear is the perfect way to treat flatulence issues. Our range of garments feature an activated carbon lining that absorbs all flatulence odours. Yes, that's right. These are scientifically designed and proven fart pants. Yes, it's what I've always wanted. Wow. Shreddy's special toot filtering product line includes pants, jeans, pyjamas and chair cushions, just in case you wanted to get one.

Now, before we go any further, it would be irresponsible of me not to ensure that you don't confuse Shreddies the fart pants for Shreddies the breakfast cereal. Well, don't fart into your shreddies, please. It is entirely possible that they're also knitted by nannas and keep farts locked up until lunch. Well, that's the thing, is that Shreddies, the cereal, is a little sort of crosshatch shape. I think if you built a sort of net of Shreddy's cereal, enough of them and lined your pants with them, I think they would have a very similar effect. Yeah, I guess eventually just get caught in all the little holes and we have nowhere to escape. But Ben, I hear you ask, how will this solve global warming?

Well, I'm glad you asked. Because we just so happened to work very closely with one of the leading contributors to looming, fiery earth death. Yeah, who could that be? You're correct. Michael, the farting was a bit much for me, Johnson's unbridled flatulants must be curved, and now we know how.

Hello there. My name's Ben Potter, and I'm the editor for UK-based comedy podcast, Podiat. Each show consists of the three hosts bringing one thing to discuss, and given that one of the hosts, Michael, happens to be notoriously flatulant, I thought we might be able to work together on helping to fix this. Oh, God.

Oh, no. 22 minutes later I got a reply and now I'm going to turn the floor over to Michael Johnson So can you hear that? Oh, for God's sake In my hands I have a package addressed to me and oh boy I wonder what it could be I'm gonna so this arrived and Ben told you if you get a mysterious package don't open it I'm not gonna tell you what it is is this is what has happened exactly yeah So I just came back for my holidays in Singapore. I had a lovely time.

And I got a message from Ben not long after I got back in England saying, if there's a package on your desk in the office, don't worry, it's from me. Keep it close for the podcast. And I've been like filled with anticipation for quite a while now. And now it all makes sense. I'm just, this is like Christmas morning. I'm just going to open it up. I'm going to see what goodies.

So I'm, first of all, before I look at the inside of the package, I can't believe you didn't just pay for this. you went to the PR department and got a free set, am I correct? Yeah, I think my email continues. Now, I don't know what your policy is on promotional bands. And they just said, yeah, where do you want them sent? Wow. Wow.

Well, I'm looking, wow, okay. Do we have a referral link or? Nope. That's a shame, actually. We should have done that. I think we need a follow up from Michael next week. Yeah, I'll wear them for a week and see what happens. Or possibly, Claudia.

We'll share them. Well, I meant she can tell us, you know, how it's gone. So I'm looking at their little invoice inside. It looks like they've sent me a men's hipster gift box. Oh. And there's a little white box in here with says poddy. It's written on it in Biro. Great.

Okay, wow. Okay, so in the box, there's another box. Speaking of global warming, here's excess packaging. On the box, it's got a picture of a man in glasses with a bow tie, and just the words, fart with confidence. I've been doing that for years Okay, I'm going to read the back Shreddies, flatulence filtering underwear

Shreddy's flatulence, oh my God, this is a word twister flatulence filtering underwear are a proven medical solution to flatulence whatever its cause Shreddy's underwear features a special activated Yeah, you read this already This is what it says there Oh, on the back it says tested and recommended by

ITV, CNN, Huffington Post I guess soon we'll be on the back of there Oh yeah, it might be All right, let's open up this bad boy Wow, there's Wow, okay, so in the packaging there's a handy guide on how to use it Okay

Put them on, fart The underwear must fit The carbon back panel should be snug to the body Over the buttocks and under the gusset What the fucks are gusset? There should be no gaps in the leg openings body posture is critical and then it's got like four drawings

of how to sit in your shreddies so from the work I've got to sit in two allowed ways and you're only allowed to wash it with soda crystals alright let's open this up and have a look okay what color are they that's what I want to know you know like a lot of podcasts get sponsored by an underwear brand you know a lot of podcasts get sponsored

well we have to go out and ask for farting the pants wow one pair then these are a lot nice than I thought for some reason I was expecting it just like a nappy kind of thing these are really nice kind of like proper lycra underpants like I could actually probably wear these

and not feel embarrassed about it hide my secret dirty shame I'm just going to put them on over my jeans hang on what was that sorry what was that like what sorry what was that hide my secret dirty shame I think was my secret dirty shame did you read that from the box or was that

no I just this is what we're okay I'm slipper them on. Okay. Over your trousers. I think the instructions probably say don't wear them over your jeans, but that's okay. I do what I want. I was almost facetiously saying at the beginning that I was curious you know how they work, if they work. But now I genuinely really want to know. I want to hear back like next week or next fortnight from Mikey. Okay, they don't work going over jeans. It's a very, very tough fit. But these are really nice, actually. They're a good quality underwear and they're

black, so they're not too loud, unlike my bottom. Well, we'll see. Oh, God. You've got a silencer now. God, Ben, thank you for that. That's, this is the best gift I've ever received. Don't thank me. Thank Shreddies. Thanks Shreddies. Thanks Shreddies. Thanks Shreddies. But seriously, do do some extensive, I know you will, but do some extensive farting and report back. And then the farting might not be enough for people. Well, I was just going to look up the name of that commenter, because she may no longer have

to worry. Isabel Springer, worry not. Your... Your dreams have come true. It will no longer be a bit much for you. Oh, God, I'm actually... This is kind of like the mythical product

that I don't think anyone ever actually buys and I've got a pair in front of me. I feel honoured. It's real. It exists. Have you seen the advert for that spray? that you can spray it into the toilet before you take a shit and it allegedly makes this

like film of oil on the top and then when you shit into the water the shit is under this layer and the smells can't penetrate and so you're able to do shits that don't produce any odour when I want something like that I just do a shit and then put cling film over the toilet

and then it easily solves a problem yeah I'll send them an email, Peter. I see what we can do. Yeah, we need to find out what they're called. I don't remember. Shit oil. Yeah.

Shit slickers. Oh, no. Got some things here. Oh, we're sorry, sorry. I just continued reading the bottom of the, uh, the, uh, the little pamphlet in this. And, um, the returns policy states, garments containing any hair, marks, or stains will be rejected and return to the customer. Oh, Christ.

That per returns person. Oh, no. someone has to check. Oh, God. What they must have to put up with. Oh, God. I wonder if at the end of the day when you take the pants off,

you just get an enormous waft. Well, that's the thing, right? The instructions I had, the instructions I was given because I was asked what size because there needs to be a tight seal around the body, which sort of implies

that nothing gets out. So I was wondering if maybe they just expand over the course of the day. Yeah, don't like a match. There's one way to get a big old booty It's farting my shreddies Wow

Wow Michael your ass looks great Oh thank you Thanks it's farts It's my it's my shit box Yeah Oh god Well there's so much There's so much for us to learn

In two weeks time I can't wait to find out more Yeah well I will I will come back with a full report Okay good Thank you Ben Thank you Ben Thank you shreddies

And thank you shreddies Our sponsor this week Shreddies, the fart people. Yeah, Shreddies. Better than Turtle Beach. Well, that's not much of a contest. Thank you so much for watching and listening, everybody. Kevin's in his box, but fortunately, I can hear the music.

He just knows it's time. I can just open it from... Yeah, go fetch Kevin. It's very muted at the moment. Pick him up. Oh, there's the sound. There's the sound. Thank you so much, everybody.

We will be back. back in a couple of weeks time and take care until then. Bye.