Podiots - Spookiots: Episode 40 - Shreddies

Episode Date: October 29, 2019

Mikey has a spring in his step, Peter is bringing yet more nightmares to life and Ben has arranged a very special delivery. Donate to get a shoutout and join the Pod Squad! - https://streamlabs.com/vidiotsofficial New merch: http://smarturl.it/Podiots Twitch: Twitch.tv/vidiotsofficial YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/vidiotsofficial Twitter: https://twitter.com/VidiotsOfficial Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vidiotsofficial Discord:  http://bit.ly/VidiotsDiscord Ben and Peter's channel 'TripleJump': https://www.youtube.com/teamtriplejump Follow the gang on Twitter: Ben: @Confused_Dude Peter: @ThatPeterAustin Michael: @ParrotBoy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Order now. Alcohol and select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency App for details. Guys, help me settle a bet. Oh, okay. I need some assistance. So obviously, Peter, as you're very familiar, there's a new Star Wars coming out.

Yeah. And there's a new Star Wars trailer and everyone's getting really excited about it. Yeah, some people aren't, but yeah, some people are. Yeah. Right, well, they should be because it's Star Wars and it's the best thing ever. so says Disney.

It's very cool. Yeah. Very cool. Now, we were having a drunken conversation, I might add, about what non sort of Star Wars characters would make good Jedi.

Ooh. That's a good question. I made a case for Nacho Libre. Because I think Natcho Libre was a Jedi before his time because he gave off that big midaclorean energy. You know, that BME? Yeah. Just wondering if, do you think he would be a good fit?

And who would you, who would you have liked to have seen in that trailer, just sort of lurking in the background of a shot? It's hard for me not to pick someone who I think has the skills to be a Jedi, but that's not necessarily what the question is. Because I keep wanting to say, Darren Brown, he is a Jedi. He is a literal Jedi. He just needs to learn a little bit of sword combat, and he can, he's the kind of minds that can pick up any skill anyway.

So, you know, he's a, he's a boiling the bag ready to eat Jedi straight away, but... He is, hot and fresh out the kitchen. Yeah, but that's not really what the question is, is it? It's like, it's sort of, I mean, I'm just saying he would be easy to train. It'll be a quick job, but it's more like, who would be a good, who would be a cool, interesting character? Like Nacho Libre. Well, it's, that's the thing, right? I think Natural Libre is a very strong contender, but personally, I'm thinking E.T. the extraterrestrial.

Oh my God. He is actually canon in the Star Wars universe. Is he really? Yeah. In Star Wars episode one, when they're all in the Senate, all talking,

there's loads of these little discs sticking out of the wall. Oh, yeah, of course, you're right. With like a different species. And it pans across, and there's three little ET creatures in the Senate, having a little chat.

So I went for one of the actually canon, non-canon Star Wars creatures. Well, they did the crossover. the way as well, because in E.T., because it's like George Lucas and Spielberg were friends and stuff. And in the film, E.T., they walked past a kid who's dressed as Yoda, and E.T. recognizes him. He sort of glances at him as though, like, it's his mate. Oh, cute. I was thinking, like, that's why I went for E.T. because he's very Yoder-ish. Yeah. I want to see him flip around and scream. Oh, my God. I want to give him a lights of him. I want to see what happens there.

It'll be so good. It'll be so good. Oh, well, thank you, guys. Thank you for helping me with that. Now, before we talk to Kevin, we have Dave Benson Phillips News. Oh, my God. My God. So much, not just, so there's the thing that Mikey needs to.

He shared it in our personal WhatsApp group, and I deliberately didn't look at it because I wanted to react to it on the podcast. And since then, there's been even more Dave news. He keeps scandaling himself. Well, I think the latter, I'm convinced now, after what happened last night with Dave on Twitter, Dave on Twitter underscore 2. Yeah, I swear to God he's doing on purpose and he's pretending that it's not, but he is.

I think he's trying to be this slightly awkward. He's trying to be the character out of get back with Dave Benson Phillips or whatever it was called. Yeah, he knows how to go viral now. It's basically by having absolutely no shame whatsoever. That's all he's got left is his lack of shame. I'm going to see what numbers that tweet's pulling in, actually, before we get on. I'm looking at it right now. It's 28.2,000 likes, 7.3,000 retweets at the time of recording.

Thank you to everybody. Everybody who tagged us in this, including Booth, who brought it to our attention. Yeah. Dave Benson Phillips, at Dave Benson, Phil. Have a good night, whatever you're doing, and don't forget to put your cocks back. Classic. And then the follow-up tweet, have you seen that? Yeah.

Yes, and I love the amount of context that's in there. As it, where he was when he sent it, made that mistake. That's partly why I'm convinced that it's an act. Is there the fact that he included that little detail at the end? He apologised and said, I don't have the tweet in front of me, but he basically says, sorry everyone, it was a typo. I was queuing for my takeaway dinner. Awesome.

My sincerest apologies to those who were shocked or offended by my previous message, which was meant to be helpful. I was in a queue waiting for my takeaway meal. Takeaway meal. My takeaway meal. Also, his Twitter is amazing. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I've now followed him. As we approach the winter, it is time for me to break out the sauce pan I use for making soup. Yeah. Oh, this is the Dave Renaissance right here. This is high quality stuff. There are Davesons. The Rendezsons, yeah. That's great.

Speaking of which, actually, I do need to, obviously, post a quick photo of Dave Benson Phillips, let everyone know that we're recording. I wonder if there's a spooky version of Dave out there. Ooh. It might be. Mikey, while Ben is doing that, can you, can you hit me with a major Dave Benson Phillips news article? It's a light article, but what it lacks in length

it more than makes up for in just Dave Benson Phillips. Okay. So the headline reads, Children's TV star says sorry for scaring shoppers. Okay. So this is spooky Dave that we're about to hear from. Oh my. What did he do? I'm just going to send the picture from the article into chat if you want a spooky Dave. Right. Okay, so it reads,

A children's TV presenter has apologised to Worthing shoppers for scaring them at the weekend. Dave Benson Phillips took to his Twitter account say sorry for causing a quote-unquote terror scare in BHS in Montague Street. Oh no, that's not what I expected at all from this story. Yeah. The former CBBC star of Get Your Own Back tweeted, My apologies to the shoppers and staff at BHS Worthing for my son's balloon dog going bang in the store. We are all very jumpy at the moor. Fans of the star, however, found humor in the tweet

and were quick to respond saying, gunge him, and I'm sure they'll get her own back. So Dave, Dave Benson Phillips, accident, well, his son caused a bomb scare in a BHS. God. Because his balloon popped, his dog balloon popped. That's the entire article. It's not a big one, but my God, imagine just Dave in that shopping center

innocently walking around and then bang. His son just, his, his, his, his, Dave bomb son, Phillips. Very good. We can't escape Dave, can we? He's just a fixture now. There's really not that many scary pictures of Dave, is there? Like, not even a Halloween costume.

No, well, he is a children's entertainer. Telling people to put their cocks back, so yeah. Yeah. Causing terror scares. Dave, what are you doing? We've spoken about this, Dave. We'll leave you out of it when you stop doing things for us to be involved with. Yeah.

We're trying to leave you out of it. but people keep tagging us in your latest scandals. Just stop being a scandal man. Right. Anyway, spooky, right? Is spooky... Should we run a spooky intro? Do we have a spooky Kevin?

I think so, but I haven't seen spook Kevin for a little while. Okay. Oh. This is the spookiest Halloween of all. Our spooky boy's gone. Oh, he's behind you! He's behind you! Oh, my God!

Hello, everybody, and welcome to Spookiots, the official Spookiaz. Spook cast. It's a Spook-Vosational Spook cast, where we take some spookshunds from Spook at Spook, and Spook Spook Spook, the law of the three Spooks, where everybody spooks, a spooke, a spooke, a spook, a spook, a spook, to spook, a spook, a spook, I'm spook. And I'm Spook And I'm Spooky Spice Excellent I'm pumpkin spice

Oh Ooh delicious Have you ever had pumpkin spice Yeah it's a bit of a letdown I'm not a big fan of it myself I've never had it It just strikes me as If it's anything like actual pumpkin

Which I imagine it's not It's pretty disgusting I've never actually had real pumpkin Which I feel like I'm missing out on something there I need pumpkin pie in my life Yeah I imagine that's heavily sugared though as well yeah we carved some pumpkins at work didn't we peter and they did not smell good we did well they just smelled like pumpkin that's just what pumpkin smells like but yeah i mean bad yeah yeah it's really bad

did you have a good time yeah we all doing oh good yeah oh we're all i'm fine i'm fine how are you yeah not bad not bad just a bit scared you know i'm on edge but it's fine we'll get through this together it's just enough to keep you you you know fear is good fear makes you alert it makes you you know, it makes your poo. Yeah, it does. It does make you regular. It keeps your regular, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.

Well, well, before we get started with questions and things, we've got to talk about Pod Squad. Now, as you may be aware, we recorded two podcasts back to back, I think in September. Yeah. Was it September? Oh, fuck. God, it was a while ago, actually.

Yeah, I suppose it was. It's been a long time We did a live stream That went amazingly Thank you so much Thank you Mikey's done a load of videos Over on Triple Jump with us

Yeah boy He can go and watch those Yeah And we've got so many donations Because a lot of these came during our stream But if you donate Any amount of money Streamlabs.com forward slash

Vidiot's official Between now and the next recording You will be featured in Pod Squad You'll get a shout out at the end And the beginning of the show there are a lot of names oh boy because it's been a while are you ready

are you ready for this you'll get some repeat names on there if you hear your name twice you're you're in Super Squad got an extra 50s worth of name reading yeah you did okay are you ready this is gonna this is gonna be something

do you guys want to make spooky like wind noises or like bats occasional thunder cackling yeah something like that let's spice this up okay here we go Princess Carla Carla Love E. Spurius. East Spurius. Stedman 6413. Jackman 96. Samuel de Barber. Staniac the Great.

Lord Juster. Plutonic 5,000. David, active underscore current. Lanky Britt. Panther underscore modern. Jack without the sea. Drew Bird, the Woolrus clan. Vieiro. Stephen Scodes. Jack J.D. Bradshaw. Princess Carla Love.

Arthur Anonymous. Stephen Scotes. Jeff the Mungoose J. underscore Harvey 95 David the Knob Callum, Lord Brottovich The Tory party sexy young homo socks

Sorry, what was that one? The Tory party Sexy young homo That's the spookiest sexy young homosexual Steve undersc underscore Zase Tom Carey Eddie Barron

Louis J Weber Locke Sam G underscore LCFC Cache underscore Squid Zombie dot PNG Bedsheet ghosty That Cat gal Joseph

Holt hona Jack without the sea Big Zach Lion Joseph, The Ancient John Lainer, Big Zach Lion Louis J Weber, Big Zach Lion, Margaret Esperius, Margaret, Eagerit's official, Bennett underscore SL, donation from ATL

Charlton Badger, Stephen Scodes Princess Carla Love, Jessica, Matt Fulton Louis J Weber, Tommy the Wank Engine, Rusty Pizza, Lady Masquerade Tiny Peter's House Invader, Cecil Prumps, Rusty Pizza Awesome Fox 42, Fred the Shedd, Thomas Thompson H

Rusty Pizza David the Knob The Real Michael B Awesome Fox 42 Monika from Santa Monica Tommy the Wank Engine We nearly there

Espurious Ben Namaste Prince Beef cakes What does that say Sharraise Sharon Oswald Charis a comb Shreza comb

Ben B banging Extra 50s shag Super Sugar Chuff Vicky Big Titty Jesus 42. Lord Brothovich, Joseph, Rachel, oppressive squid, B, Esperius, Pod Squad, Lord Brotovich, Alex H, Robot Lady, Inspector, Sammy, Pod Squadiot and Nicholas.

Jesus Christ! No, not he wasn't on this. Oh, sorry, he was. Big Titty Jesus was on there. Big Titty Jesus was on there. Yeah. That is a 100 donations since we last recorded this show. Wow. What the heck? Thank you everybody on that. We'll read that again at the end of the show It'll be even scarier I mean It would be lovely to get 100 donations between each show And if you want to help us reach that

Then streamlabs.com forward slash fiducius official Any amount you donate Go straight back into the show And also two weddings and pigeon tattoos And Spider-Man PS4s So it's very much appreciated And you will get a shout out Peter help

Oh my God Oh Peter Yes what's next? I am question master today and I brought some questions from the audience because that's how this works

we do a tweet at Vidiot's official on Twitter and you can reply with your spookiest of questions I've got I've actually got six because this first one we should just answer super quick it's kind of something we have

we have answered before in different ways but you know it seemed relevant so Lucy at River Fox, but the river has a three in it instead of an E. Spooky. Oh my God. Says, You're all going trick-or-treating. What three

candies slash chocolates are you aiming to get? Ooh. There you go. So essentially, what are your favourite sweets and chocolates? Okay. We've touched on similar subjects in the past, but... It's got Halloween cover on it, so it's there.

Oh God, what would I want? It's pretty much assumed that any chocolate bar you're getting is the hilariously mistitled fun size. Yes. That's bullshit. It is. Obviously. You get a lot of harry...

I guess that's the thing is you know, trick-or-treating sweets are more limited. You're not going to get all your pick and mix here. No. You're just getting shop-bought things. So, Harrybos... There'll be Harrybos in there. There will be. Little packs.

I'd take a little pack of Harrybos. Oh, I'd love a little pack of jelly tots. That'd be nice. Oh, jelly tots. Yeah. I'm not a fan of jelly tots. What? You know? What? I wouldn't refuse them, but I would never choose them in a shop.

Are you not, are you not a tot? Just suites and tot. No, just, just, just, no sweet pas. Jeunee patten tot. Pausentot. A moustache in bed. Yeah. Okay.

Harry Bowes. I like her, I like it, the occasional lolly. Oh, a lolly. I would be very disappointing if I got a lolly in a pit. Yeah, I don't, I'm not a fan of lollies. I think lollies are irritating. Yeah, I don't like the big flat disc lollies. I like the round, I like chuppa chupps or something. Oh, okay, that's a good lolly. Okay.

Yeah. I think drumstick lollies are the only acceptable lolley because the sooner you get it off that stick, the better. No, you're right. I just eat it like a regular sweet. I do love a drumstick. Yeah. On that note, I'm going to go refreshers slash wambars. Okay.

Yeah. I like my teeth to be ripped out when I'm eating my sweets. Sure. No, a lot about wambars cooked with. those recently. We did. Oh yeah. That video is out now. It is. On triple jump. I'll see us in the kitchen with Mikey. Yeah, I like refreshes. I'll say that. I'll say Harry Bow's chupper chupps or no, drumsticks are better than chuppie chupps and a refresher. Okay. For me. What are you saying, Mikey? I'm going to go jally tarts. I'm going to go

refresher and I'm going to say, is it, are orioles counted? I do like a good orio, but would anyone ever give them? Are they just going to give you an individual unpackaged orio. Yeah, I want to put my hand in the ball of orioles and just get my juices all in there and then pick one out. Yeah. Yeah, some people do that. Some people have biscuits. Some people have homemade stuff. Some old ladies

give you apples and oranges. Some old ladies don't get visited next year. Or they do, and they're going to get T-Ped. They're going to get tiny petered. They're going to get tiny petered. No, I don't recommend the trick part of trick-or-treating. Don't do it. You're an asshole.

if you do that. Mischief Knight is the stupidest thing ever. Are you aware of Mischief Night? Oh, is that a real thing? I was thought that was just like, you know, a rumor that like, all the kids are doing naughty things. Is it real? It does actually happen, yeah.

Oh, my God. Any excuse? Yeah, to be a twat. Mm-hmm. I would get a drumstick lolly. I would get a packet of love hearts. Oh, yeah. Which are basically refreshers.

I like those. They're nice. Oh, those ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And also a fun-size Mars bar, because I like Mars bars, but I think Mars bars are so sickly sweet. Yeah, what the hell? There's so much of them that I feel like fun size is the best way to experience a Mars bar. They're very, I'm glad I'm not alone in that, because I always thought, like, whenever I bought a Mars bar, it's like, oh, fuck, this is a halfway through and I'm already sick of it. This is going to be my whole day. There's just a lot of it, isn't it? MarsBel. There's a lot of Mars bar and you can get bigger ones now as well it's very dense well keep in mind that the Scottish looked at the Mars bar and said the Scottish the Scottish looked at the Mars bar and said do you know what this needs needs to go into a deep fat friar and be back to be improved have you ever had one

no I have yeah my dad had one once I'd argue that it does make them better for some reason the meltyness of it does really make a difference with how much you can eat oh okay I mean it is a lot more sickly but it's more manageable sickly Mars bar like tray-based like rice, rice crispy cake things. It's something you're just making food tech at secondary school. That was, that's really good. But, yeah. I was just picturing a Mars bar tray bake to be a tray full of Mars bars

that you put in the oven and that's it. It just melted, yeah. Wouldn't be surprised if they sold those in shops, to be honest. Jens. Yeah. Question the real number one. Oh. I'm going to go straight onto it.

If money were no object, what would be your ultimate dream Halloween costume? Love you, you spooky boys. That's from Name Redunded. at Demi the Weirdo. Thank you, Demi. Demi, thank you. It's like Demi Lovato, but Demi Weirdo.

Yes. Very good. Just like it, Peter. Yes. Ben, do you want to answer that question first? Do you have any strong opinions on trick-or-treat costumes, Halloween costumes? I mean, I was never much of a trick-and-or-trieked-or-ch-ter anyway, as I'm sure will shock you. Yes.

But I do like to be beside the seaside. And what I, actually, what I want is, like, if I was to dress up as something, I would want it to be like a movie-accurate replica outfit of some kind. So, like, some kind of superhero or maybe not superhero, because they tend to wear a lot of very tight stuff, and that would be quite unflattering, I think. Maybe some, maybe Iron Man, you know, with armour. Like a really, like a proper cool.

Yeah. Like you see it, conventions. Yeah, like a full-on decked-out thing. Okay, yeah. I would like that. Yeah. Okay. I'm true.

I think my initial thought was I want to be downsized into like the little knitted Mikey. I want to run around as a tiny little knitted character, but that's not really within the realm of reality. That's if money was truly no object, you know, that you could invest. I want to be shrunk. Yeah, all the money in the entire world into shrinking technology. Oh, I don't like Transformers, but I really want like a really cool, really accurate. What the fuck's the main one called? A Boptimus Prime.

Yeah, Boptimus Prime. I'd like, you know, put like the original design from the cartoons. Yeah, that actually, you can like curl up into a ball and you become a car. Yeah, and I can actually drive around in it. I've got a little driver's license and license plate. I think that'd be quite fun. Oh my gosh, that sounds great. Amazing.

I would probably... I would probably... You could run over Peter. yeah yeah absolutely i would probably if if money was no object i'd take the opportunity to have some like really cool like latex special effects going on with my face like a you know like the hat films guys have got got those custom orc masks that are made for their own heads yeah just something like that i don't think it would even be anything specific just like the rules boss knows i saw i'm about to tweet a photo of it actually when i went to the i've been

Halloween costume shopping just now before we started recording. I just got back and the Rules Boss hat was on a shelf up in the corner. So you too can go Halloween trick-or-treating as Rules Boss himself, if you wish. I'd love to see that exchange between Rules Boss

and the person handing out the suite. Yeah. Hello? Yeah, I'd just go with some kind of really impressive cinema-grade special effects mask sort of goblin or alien or something you know generic monster but just really impressive great has anyone got a thing yes oh ben oh i have a thing me ben i will think you peter so this is not a spooky thing okay i'm gonna put that out there

okay there you go i have i have prepared a statement right now i know it's spooky it's but i haven't got a spooky thing in the traditional sense however i'm sure you'll you'll agree that the premise of my thing is at the very least spooky in a metaphorical sense. Boys, our planet is dying. Oh no. The ice caps are melting. Emissions are too high. And perhaps most surprisingly, we're all just farting and producing too much methane. Some more than others. Yeah. Yeah, thanks, Pierre. But what can you do to reduce your carbon footprint? Eat less meat? Walk everywhere? Holiday in your garden? No, says I, for gentlemen, I believe we should tackle this problem at its source. Now, Mikey's mentioned this company on the podcast before. Oh, no. And some of you may know them as well.

They're called Shreddies. Oh no. I was first alerted, Michael knows what's going to happen next. I was first alerted to the existence of Shreddies when I went for a wee at a motorway service station and stood in front of a big poster that featured our man in a white vest and boxers jumping in the air for joy. Yeah, because he no longer has a problem. He's got no problem now. We sell freedom, says the poster. I wanted to tell you that your product is a scientific miracle. I'm so glad I live in the decade this was invented, testimonial below read. At this point, I was curious, and it continued. I can't tell you how thankful I am for shreddies. They absolutely work. Your fart pants have literally given me a new lease on life. What kind of life was

this man living before Shreddies were invented? I now refer you to my shreddies.com. Shreddy's flatulence filtering underwear is the perfect way to treat flatulence issues. Our range of garments feature an activated carbon lining that absorbs all flatulence odors. Yes, that's right. These are scientifically designed and proven fart pants. Yes, it's what I've always wanted. Wow. Shreddy's special Toot filtering product line includes pants, jeans, pajamas and chair cushions, just in case you wanted to, you know, get one.

Now, before we go any further, it would be irresponsible of me not to ensure that you don't confuse Shreddies the fart pants for Shreddies the breakfast cereal. Well, don't fart into your shreddies, please. It is entirely possible that they're also knitted by nannas and keep farts locked up until lunch. Well, that's the thing, is that Shreddies, the cereal, is a little sort of crosshatch shape. I think if you built a sort of net of Shreddy's cereal,

enough of them and lined your pants with them, I think they would have a very similar effect. Yeah, I guess eventually they just get caught in all the little holes and we have nowhere to escape. But Ben, I hear you ask, How will this solve global warming? Well, I'm glad you asked, because we just so happened to work very closely

with one of the leading contributors to looming, fiery earth death. Yeah, who could that be? You're correct. Michael, the farting was a bit much for me, Johnson's unbridled flatulence must be curved, and now we know how. Hello there.

My name's Ben Potter, and I'm the editor for UK-based comedy podcast, Podiates. Each show consists of the three hosts bringing one thing to discuss, and given that one of the hosts, Michael, happens to be notoriously flatulant, I thought we might be able to work together on helping to fix this. Oh, God. 22 minutes later, I got a reply. And now, I'm going to turn the floor over to Michael Johnson.

So, can you hear that? Oh, for God's sake. In my hands, I have a package addressed to me, and, oh boy, I wonder what I can. could be. I'm going to... So this arrived and Ben told you if you get a mysterious package, don't open it. I'm not going to tell you what it is.

Is this what has happened? Exactly, yeah. So I just came back from my holidays in Singapore. I had a lovely time and I got a message from Ben not long after I got back in England saying if there's a package on your desk in the office don't worry, it's from me. Keep it close for the podcast and I got...

I've been like filled with anticipation for quite a while now and now it all makes sense. I'm just, this is like Christmas morning, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna open it up, I'm gonna see what goodies.

So I'm, first of all, before I look at the insides of the package, I can't believe you didn't just pay for this. You went to the PR department and got a free set,

am I correct? Yeah, I think my email continues. Now, I don't know what your policy is on promotional brands. And they just said, yeah,

where'd you want them sent? So, wow. Wow. Well, I'm looking, wow, okay. Do we have a referral? a link or? Nope. Nope. That's a shame actually. We should have done that. I think we need a follow-up for a Michael next week. Yeah, I'll wear them for a week and see what happens. Or possibly Claudia.

We'll share them. Well, I meant she can tell us, you know, how it's gone. So I'm looking at their little invoice inside. It looks like they've sent me a men's hipster gift box. Oh. And there's a little white box in here which says poddy. It's written on it in Biro. Great. Okay. Okay. Wow, okay, so in the box, there's another box. Speaking of global warming, here's excess packaging. On the box, it's got a picture of a man in glasses with a bow tie and just the words, fart with confidence. I've been doing that for years.

Okay, I'm going to read the back. Shreddies, flatulence filtering underwear. Sreddy's flatulence, oh my God, this is a word twister. Flatulence filtering underwear are a proven medical solution to flatulence, whatever its cause. Shreddy's underwear features a special activated... Yeah, you read this already. This is what it says there.

Oh, on the back, it says tested and recommended by ITV, CNN, Huffington Post. I guess soon we'll be on the back of there. Oh, yeah, it might be. All right, let's open up this bad boy. Wow, there's... Wow, okay, so in the packaging, there's a handy guide on how to use it. Okay. Put them on, fart.

The underwear must fit. the carbon back panel should be snug to the body over the buttocks and under the gusset There should be no gaps in the leg openings Body posture is critical And then it's got like four drawings Of how to sit in your shreddies So from the work I've got to sit in two allowed ways

Amazing And you're only allowed to wash it with soda crystals Alright let's open this up and have a look Okay What colour are they? That's what I want to know You know, like, a lot of podcasts get sponsored by an underwear brand. You know, a lot of podcasts get sponsored? Well, we have to go out and ask for fart underpants.

Wow, look is. One pair, though. These are a lot nice than I thought. For some reason, I was expecting it just like a nappy kind of thing. These are really nice kind of, like, proper lycra underpants. Like, I could actually probably wear these and not feel embarrassed about it. Hide my secret dirty shame. I'm just going to put them on over my jeans.

Hang on, what was that? Sorry, what was that like? Sorry, what was that? Hide my secret dirty shame, I think, was my secret dirty shame. Did you read that from the box, or was that just you? No, I just, this is what we, okay, I'm slipping them on. Okay. He's really nice. Over your trousers.

I think the instructions probably say don't wear them over your jeans, but that's okay. I do what I want. I was almost facetiously saying at the beginning, like, that I was curious, you know, how they work. if they work. But now I genuinely really want to know. I want to hear back like next week or next fortnight from Mikey. Okay, they don't work going over jeans. It's a very, very

tough fit. But these are really nice, actually. They're a good quality underwear and they're black, so they're not too loud unlike my bottom. Well, we'll see. Oh, God. You've got a silencer now. God, Ben, thank you for that. This is the best gift I've ever received.

Don't thank me. Thank Shreddies. Thank Shreddies. Thanks, shreddies. But seriously, do some extensive... I know you will, but do some extensive farting and report back. And then the farting might not be enough for people. Well, I was just going to look up the name of that commenter because she may no longer have to worry.

Isabel Springer, worry not. The farting. Your dreams have come true. It will no longer be a bit much for you. Oh, God, I'm actually, you know, this is kind of like the mythical product that I don't think anyone ever actually buys. And I've got a pair in front of me. I feel honoured. It's real.

It exists. Have you seen the advert for that spray that you can spray, you spray it into the toilet before you take a shit? And it allegedly makes this like film of oil on the top. Oh. And then when you shit into the water, the shit is. under this layer and the smells can't penetrate and so you're able to do shits that don't produce any odour. When I want something like that, I just do a shit and then put cling film over the toilet and then it easily solves a problem. Yeah. I'll send them an

email, Peter. See what we can do. Yeah, we need to find out what they call. I don't remember. Shit oil. Yeah. Shit slickers. Oh no. Anyway, that's my thing. Well, that, I think that was pretty spooky. God, yeah. Michael had a mysterious package that he didn't know, you know, he didn't know the contents of. There were... Illusions to the end of the world.

Yeah, I think it's great. Okay, good. Got some things here. Oh, we're sorry, sorry. I just continued reading the bottom of the, uh, the little pamphlet in this. And the returns policy states, garments containing any hair, marks, or stains will be rejected and return to the customer. Oh, Christ.

That poor returns person Oh no, someone has to check Oh god What they must have to put up with Oh god I wonder if at the end of the day When you take the pants off You just get an enormous waft

Well that's the thing right The instructions I had The instructions I was given Because I was asked what size Because it needs to There needs to be a tight seal Around the body Which sort of implies that nothing gets out

So I was wondering if maybe They just expand over the course of the day Yeah, don't like a match There's one way to get a big old booty It's farting my shreddies Wow Wow, Michael, your ass looks great Ah, thank you

Thanks, it's farts It's my shit box Yeah Oh God Well, there's so much There's so much for us to learn In two weeks time I can't wait to find out more

Yeah, well I will come back With a full report Okay, good Thank you Ben Thank you, Ben Thank you shreddies And thank you Shreddies Our sponsor this week

Shreddies The Fart People Yeah Shreddies Better than Turtle Beach Well that's not much of a contest Turtle Head Beach Oh no

We have got some questions here James Gawing Because of Gore It's a Halloween name Yeah At Corrosion Media Who actually did I believe the spooky Halloween version of the worst games ever intro

for the two spooky episodes we did in October. So thank you James. Oh my goodness. Thank you. James asks, Do you believe in any of the spooky folklore legends from around the world, e.g. Loughness Monster, Bigfoot, Mothman. What's your favourite monster mystery?

Ooh. So we have, we've talked about our personal, paranormal, Loads and loads and loads of people asked, have you ever seen a ghost? And we've already talked about that, so I didn't bring that along. We've talked about our personal demons. We've talked about literally our personal demons,

but this is a different question. This is, do you believe in any of the famous ones? You said mothman. Mothman is one of the more fun ones. It's like this giant moth, well, obviously, names are not pretty obvious. It's a mothman creature. It's just like a man with mothy wings

who terrorized a small town in America. Yeah. glowing red eyes and it was quite widely reported and it is very spooky when you hear about it and it happened uh just before this like big disaster where like a bridge collapsed or like a chemical plant blew up or something um yeah you're correct people talk about i believe it's west virginia bam people talk about how he like he appears whenever a bad thing is going to happen in this town or in this state or something interesting one i do like a mothman i mean obviously there's Geff, the mongoose, but I think he's not allowed in this episode, he's too popular.

Yeah, no, he's, yeah, he's in a league of his own, of course, Jeff. But in a similar vein to mothman, something that was widely reported, and it could well have just been a case of mass hysteria, but was very much widely reported, was Springheeled Jack in London, in Victorian times. Peter, that's my thing for this episode. No. Is it really? Yeah.

I love that story so much I won't go into it then if that's your thing Yeah well you can help supplement details I'm sure Sure but yeah I've I think that's a really interesting story because there's loads of people who talked about it Happening you know sort of independent accounts A lot of historians say that it probably was just mass hysteria or like It maybe happened to one person and then when as the story started to spread

Then loads of copycats just started like you know feeding in to the legend by like imitating him but yeah anyway it's an interesting story we will get to it soon but yeah that's my that was my main answer really for that question i i used to want the lockness monster to be real when i was little i had a book about it and i just don't think it is it just it's not there's no compelling photograph of the lockness monster you're breaking my heart maybe it's just camera shy i would love nessie to be real because it's a very cute little creature well in my mind at least i'm sure in reality it'd be a horrible large gargantuan

slippery, ely thing but... Yeah, I guess so. But, you know, the most famous picture, the surgeon's photo, as it's called, is we,

he admitted that it was a cardboard cut out on a floating toy submarine. It looks pretty good, though. I mean, it does look good. Like, from the picture, you can tell,

it's a tiny thing. It's not the size of a monster because of the ripples in the water, but it's a fun, it's a fun idea. It is, yeah. But, you know, All the other pictures aren't really that good.

So, you know, I think that one famous video of the Bigfoot, though, the Patterson video. Yeah. I think that's pretty intriguing. People have done, like, crazy analysis on it. And they say that they can, like, see muscles contracting in its legs as it's walking along and stuff like that. So that's kind of, you know, that's interesting. I don't know what I believe about it, but I like that film. I think it's really good.

whether it's fake or not Ben you got any any choice favorites well this is part of the problem why I'm not well part of the reason why I'm not a huge Halloween fan is just I just this kind of stuff just doesn't really appeal to me so I don't really have any any takes or opinions on any of it because I don't think about it much

because I don't I don't think it's I don't think any of it's real what any of it's real yeah how day how dare you so I just don't think about it much It's always interesting to learn about it. And I'm really looking forward to your thing because I love a good conspiracy. I think they're great fun.

But for the same reason why I'm not a huge fan of Halloween in general, I don't really have a favorite folk glory monster thing because I just don't think about them at any point ever. Yeah, I mean, like, I'm very sorry. I really, I don't believe in almost any of it. Like I say, I think there's some interesting stories slash purported evidence out there. But like, there's nothing that,

I think that I'm convinced is real. But I like hearing compelling explanations for something that, like, could be real in a more like a scientific way. So, for example, one thing, I can't remember if I've talked about this in a podcast or not, but there was this tribe in a country that isn't England and has tribes. Yeah, that was good. I think Flores in Indonesia, Flores. Okay. And it's an island. And there was this local folklore slash fairy tale thing of these tiny little people who would like come in the night and steal your food.

And they called them, I think, Ibu go-go or something, which roughly translates as Granny Glutton. Oh, my God. Granny Glutton's going to get you. So this was like a fairy tale. and like the local scientists and historians said, oh yeah, well, it's just a bit of folklore, isn't it? Then, in a cave, this hominid skull was discovered, like, you know, just like a quote-unquote caveman skull.

But it was a new species that was essentially like the size of a hobbit. And they're like convinced now that like, yeah, definitely on this island, they used to be these tiny little people. And the fact that the people in Flores still, um, have this story is it's almost like they call it folk memory which is that once upon a time there were genuinely like two different species of human there and the tiny ones were maybe like coming to the camp at night and stealing stuff and then even after that species died out like you know thousands of years ago the story has just been passed by oral tradition and it still

exists today but there's actually like a scientific basis for it I just think that's really interesting that like you know I just like them because The fun stories, really. Yeah. But, you know, we have all these, like, fairy tales and legends and stuff, and some of it could be real in a non-supernatural way, which that's the most interesting thing to me, that it could actually be real in a scientific manner.

I think it's all nonsense. Oh. Not Cods one up. Oh, Boulder Dash. Tell that to the archaeologists, Ben. Tell that to them. Go and ask. Who found a hobbit skull.

I fucking did. Go ahead. Go on ask them? Shall I roll into my thing then since... Yeah, that would make sense. Intertwined. Yeah. All right. Everybody get ready to get spooky.

I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. It's early 19th century London. Too spooky. Too spooky. Dial it back. You're walking through your neighbourhood on your way to the pub to buy a ye-oldy pint. Your neighbour throws their excrement out of their window and wave of their window. to greet you. You close your nose, wave back and continue on your way. Did they do that in the late 1800s? Yeah, I mean, I wrote it down so it can't not be true, right? Okay, yeah. I'm sure there was still some poo flinging in that time. Yeah, probably a bit. Yeah, just a little bit.

Suddenly, in the distance, you hear a series of cackles. A shadowy figure in the distance leaps from building to building. Chills go down your spine. As you realize, you've just witnessed the legendary and mysterious spring heel jack i love that delivery there spring heel jack pose yeah i guess so in victorian england the scariest boogie man was a fire-breathing devilman who could jump unnaturally high some said he was a demon while others thought he was just an extraordinary agile human reports started to appear in 1837 residents of a london neighborhood began to report bizarre attacks from a quote a ghost an imp or a devil in the shape of a large white bull mainly attacking women the figure slash monster would ring a doorbell and when someone would answer it would ravage

their clothes with its claws other sightings have him simply ambushing people who are outwalking similar reports continue to trickle in throughout the rest of the year with strange crimes being attributed to assailants in the guise of a ghost a bear and or a devil these disparate reports would eventually lead to the theory that this mysterious monster might have been a group of well-to-do men dressing up and scaring people on a bet. Yeah. It's a bit spooky. It started like sort of, this started off as, you know, a weird, spirity, ghosty, bully thing that would ravage people and then start to evolve.

The story, the story got scarier from here. Oh, no. It did. The Lord Mayor of London at the time even came out in January of 1838 to address the growing number of stories, bringing up the theory that the attacks were perpetrated by a gang of wealthy jerks. That's not my wording, that's from a website. Wealthy ne'er-do-wells. Cads.

However, that didn't stop the legend from growing, and as the papers reported more accounts, the devilish figure came to be called Spring Heel Jack. As many of the reports involved the creep, leaping in front or away from his victims, in such a way that no mortal man would be capable of. And now it's not to get more fleshed out. Jack really took shape after two of his most well-known attacks. According to an account that was widely publicised at the time, in February of 1838, a man rang the doorbell of Jane Aslop.

Oh, spooky. Oh, love this bit. Can you do the doorbell noise, please? Ding-dong! I don't think they had ding-dongs in... No, no, no, they did, they did. They did. They did.

They did. Tring! In February of 1838, a man rang the doorbell of Jane Aslop, screaming that they had caught Springheeled Jack and that they needed help. When she brought the man a candle in the dark street, he proceeded to breathe blue flame in her face and tear at her clothes and skin with metal claws. She ran backwards towards her house, but he continued to cut her with his claws until Aslob's sister came to her rescue, scaring off the attacker.

Aslop described Jack as having animals. eyes like red fireballs and wearing a helmet and a tight-fitting white outfit. Oh, that's a bit sexy. This is kind of a fun bit of the story, is that a man named Thomas Milbank was arrested and tried for the attack on Jane Aslop. However, due to her insistence that the attacker could breathe fire, he was not convicted. Nah, it's not him. You can't breathe fire, ain't it? Go on breathe fire.

Fantastic. Another one of the most famous reports of Springheel Jack was by Mary Steve. Stevens, a servant girl who was walking through clap-in-common alone late at night. She claims that the man jumped out from a dark alley, grabbed her with a tight grip, kissed her, and ripped off her clothes. She managed to escape, but when the others tried to help locate her attacker, no one could be found. The day after the incident with Mary Stevens, the man described was seen near her house. He jumped in the way of a carriage passing by the driver and, sorry, he jumped in the way of a carriage passing,

by and the driver carried off the road, severely hurting himself, then the creature escaped by jumping over a nine-foot wall. What? Oh, spooky. I imagine the mental picture here. It's this springy human like a flea, cackling as they go off in the distance. I am spring heel jack. I don't like him.

People said he had a really high, shrill voice as well, which is even creepy. Did he fart? The evidence is stacking up against me. Yeah. No, you wore shreddies, thankfully. Sadly, things got a bit quiet from here until 1843 when a new wave of sightings swept the country

that is when the attacks on carriage drivers became much more common and in 1904 Jack made what is considered his last confirmed appearance in Liverpool where he was witnessed leaping up and down the street before jumping onto their rooftops

and bounding away forever Oh my god Peter, do you have any more fun information about Spring Hill Jack? He's a fun boy. No, yeah. I mean, like my favorite bit of the story is that is when Jane Olsop gets attacked where like, because the way I heard it as well, it wasn't just, like, this guy rang her bell, her doorbell. And when she came to the door, he said he was a policeman.

And he was like, we've caught Spring Hill Jack in the alleyway and I need a candle. So she went in to get one. And then when she came back out, he like tore off his helmet and it was, Jack. Oh, my God. Wow. It was like, surprise. Yeah.

So, but yeah. No, I don't know if I do know much more than that. That's just, yeah, it's an interesting, an interesting tale. It's a fun one because there was multiple reports of it happening. And it's quite a specific thing to see a man jumping and screeching from rooftop to rooftop. Yeah. I don't know if I believe that there was a fire breathing man. I think it was, you know, possibly some kind of chap who could.

I don't even know if I believe there was a man who could jump over a wall like that, but maybe... I don't know. It's just, like you say, it's weird that lots of people kind of seemed to see this, but a lot of historians put it down to just mass hysteria, but either way, it's a very interesting

story, I think. Maybe over time accounts got exaggerated, and in fact he just leaped over small fences giggling away. Oh my God, he's got mobility and not cholera. There's an interesting... Oh, it's been a spring, hey, Jack, I can so ho-springing and very loud

shriein. Oh, hi, Peter, you're very gross. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, yes, I am. There's a... What is going? I'm a spring,

Hey, Jack. I can so up spring and very loud shrein. Oh, hi, Peter, you're very gross. She's struggling. Any guesses there?

oh um there was something about uh no i wasn't paying attention just you aren't listening no not really wow um what's up it's me spring heel jack i can jump so very high and scream very loud oh hi peter you are very tall oh what sweetheart thank you thank you very much robot spring hill jack then there's an interesting uh book i read once like a fiction book called the strange affair of Spring Hill Jack where it would kind of be spoilers but basically the first sort of two thirds of the book are just

those events playing out essentially with they've chucked in a couple of historical characters as well like when you play an Assassin's Creed game and just coincidentally like every famous person of that era is there just to ground it makes it seem a bit more real yeah so they've done that but then I'll spoil it

if you don't want to know if you want to read the book then put your fingers in your ears for the next 10 seconds but basically the last third of the book is it cuts to the future like the year 3000 or whatever and there's this man who has invented a time machine and part of the time machine is that he has got this thing that allows him to jump up into the air

like 10 feet before he makes a time jump because he says like oh if I travel in time I don't want to be like buried under the ground if, like, the ground level has moved. Oh, that's fair enough. And then when he arrives, he goes back to Victorian England to, like, do something with, like, his family or something. And when he arrives, his machine breaks.

And so he then spends, like, a bunch of time jumping over walls and stuff. Wow. Cute. Yeah, well, he ends up attacking a load of people for various, right. I can't really remember it all, but, yeah, it kind of just comes up with this sci-fi explanation of it, which is kind of cool. That's fun. Yeah.

We all know it's Mikey from the future who's gone back. Yeah. With my shredies. I'm just jumping around with joy. I'm trying to tell people the good news, but my metal claws keep accidentally ripping off all their clothes. Hey guys, look at my cool claws. Maybe you don't have springy shoes.

You've just got, you're just briefly lighting. You just strike a lighter at the small hole in your pants. I release the pressure and then off I go. Yeah, it's like rocket fuel. And then you quickly extinguish it. when you get over the wall and save a bit for later for your next jump.

It's like Thunderpants. Yeah, it's just like Thunderpants. Oh, I was just like, I fucking, that was like one of the two DVDs I had as a kid, so I watched that film about 20 times. Fantastic.

Of course. Good old fashion, Thunderpants. Thanks, Mikey. That's all right. Thanks, Mikey. We'll do a couple of questions and then I'll do my other thing. Gents,

create your own Kids TV creepy pasta. Al-Article Monster, says Ben Mousley, at Ben Mousley, Mousley, Mousely, Mousely, Mousely, Mousely, are you right? No, Mousel. Is there someone you want me to call, or? No, don't call anyone. Right, creepy pasta me. I think Mr. Blobby's like the most obvious contender for a bit of a pasta, isn't he?

Yeah. I like to think that there was a. clone of Noel Edmonds and so the clone attacked the real Noel Edmonds and cast him into this body of Mr. Blobby forever while this evil Noel Edmonds took on Nat West Bank or whatever it was, Lloyd's T.S.B and ruined Noel Edmonds reputation forever thereafter. Oh no. And inside the screams the Mr. Blobby sounds are actually just the cursed screams of Noel Edmonds trying to get free and tell people. It explains why occasions. when Mr. Blubby's head falls off, you see

the face of Noel Edmonds underneath. But, and yet, you often see them in the same room together. So there must be two Noles. There's got to be. You've solved it, Mikey. I, God, I'm a genius. God. I think I've thought of that because I've got, like, a Podiot's

Google Drive document where, like, I paste in my things for the episode. And for some reason, I've still got the Mr. Blobby erotica in it. So every time I finish reading my thing, I just see the start of it there. And it's, I really need to leave. Blubberotica? Blaborotica.

Oh, no. Did you guys know that... What's the name of the creepy grandpa-slash-uncle in the Tweeney's? Do you remember? Jasper? No, Max. Is it Max? Max sounds right.

The one who dressed as... Yes. Yeah. Scandal confirmed, yeah. Yeah. Did you know that that entire show is taking place inside Max's... head because there was a horrific house fire and he lost all of his grandkids and his dog oh no and it's his little happy place it's his little happy place and at the end it's just going to play this

sad um it's going to play moonlight sonata as it slowly zooms out of of his head and transitions and he's just sat looking out a window in like an insane asylum in a wheelchair and that's the still dressed as Jimmy Saville. Still dressed as Jimmy Saville. And that is the, that's the series rap. That's the series finale shot on Tweeney's. There's like, 25 seasons of like colorful adventures and Milo purging.

And then that last scene is just, and it was all a, it was all a dream. Or even spookier, like a final shot for the series is, um, Max with Bella in the hospice. Oh, I'm plugging her. And he's just been telling her stories while she's been in. in the coma and that's what it's all been. Did you know also, by the way, guys,

a bit of trivia for you here. You know in Get Your Own Back? Yeah. There was that bit where the grown-up would have to dress as a huge baby with an open mouth and the kids would have to throw food into the mouth hole as the grown-up ran away. Can I just say very quickly about that bit? Yeah.

I was always really, really into the food that they threw in there. It always looked really good. Just like giant chips and stuff. The big foamy chip. Yeah. I was super up for that. Like that always made me want a giant foam chip. Yeah.

They look delicious. Yeah. Well, what you might not know is at the end, the kid who doesn't win the quiz for the gunk dunk dunk, they get taken out the back. And that baby doesn't actually have the grown-up in. The grown-ups in the green room for that game. Oh, my God. That's a real monster baby.

And in order to, it doesn't actually eat the foam chips because obviously Dave pulls them out at the end and goes, one, two, three, 40 points! So in order to feed the baby monster, they give it the unsuccessful child at the end. Oh my God. And about a day later, after the child has been digested, the big baby monster is brought out back into the studio

where it tops up the gunged tank with a little baby child plot so actually what's happening in Get Your Own Back is that you're dunking grownups into the digested remains of unsuccessful contestants Oh my God Is there any word on where the babies are now And can they get us?

Well, you'd have to ask Dave Benson I don't know if he had answer. Can someone else... They were left in his care. Do you trust Dave Benson? Please. Can you all go and tweet Dave at Dave... I can't remember what is in the username.

Dave Benson Phillips on Twitter. Don't tag us though and don't say it's from us. Just send... Just inundating with stuff. Loads of tweets that just say, what happened to the giant babies? Where are you keeping the giant babies? Tell us, Dave. Where are they?

I think we've got a good future as a creepy pastor writers. I was scared. That's pretty compelling stuff. I need to borrow those pants. Does shreddy's work on poop as well As it's just kind of like a non-absorbent nap at that point You've got one hell of a week ahead of you my dude Domino's incoming

Various experiments you need to try And see what they can withstand I will put them to the test I promise At Izzy the Gifted Who says Whose name is My Side Was Given On Twitter It says

If you were a ghost Who would you haunt Michael Johnson you'd haunt me yeah why because I just I just want to see if those pants work

yeah it's just like a kind of way of surveillance me isn't it boo I'd horn either Richard Dawkins is that his name the atheist or the other one

Neil deGrasse Tyson no not the British one you know the soft-spoken one No. Yeah. Oh, what's the fucks he called? And he's not British?

The English guy. Oh, I think he said not British. No, no, yeah. The one that did like the universe stuff. Yeah, I know exactly who you're talking about. God damn. What the fuck is he? Oh, God, just gone.

BBC. Professor Brian Cox. There we go. How do we forget? Don't forget to put your Brian Cox back. The world is just an infinite space. Space. Lots of ghosts in it.

You can look back into the past. Don't go too far. It's amazing. If you look too long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. Oh no, Brian. Yeah, because I would really want to see how they react. Also, Neil, yeah, maybe just Neil deGrasse Tyson, actually,

because I, for some reason, really don't like him. Yeah, a lot of people don't. He's a bit of a knob. He comes across the bit of a knob, didn't they? He seems like a bit of a twat. So, yeah. You know, Brian Cox seems nice enough. I wouldn't, I wouldn't haunt him.

Neil deGrasse Tyson. Okay. Before you go, Mikey, I've got a real answer. Oh. I would, I would haunt one member of the sort of one host of a ghost hunting program. Just one. Oh. Just one.

So everyone else thought that they were insane. And they're like, oh, what was that? And it's just me over and over again. And they have no way to detect or prove that they're, that they're. being haunted, but I just make it seem like they are. They put like a form chip in a place and then put like a chalk outline around it and when you move it like, oh my God, the ghosts, it's trying to, it's trying to eat. It's trying to eat the foam chip.

So you would go to like a group of ghost hunters, but only one of them can see or detect you. So they just appear crazy. Is that what you're doing? Yeah, basically. So, because obviously it's all a load of fucking bullshit. and they do seasons and seasons and seasons of these shows where they find fucking nothing

and yet people keep watching them so I want to haunt just one member of the cast just one right can you do Derek Akora because I'm a bit sick of him Derek Akira no he's not allowed he doesn't do it anymore because he was he was demonstrated to be faking it really I mean obviously but yeah

but yeah no yeah I mean obviously but they also actually showed that he was doing it so um the people on his team apparently like totally believed i think there some of them are believers um on most haunted what's her name you know the lady evette fielding or something yvonne fielding that was it i was trying to that that's the one i was going to give an example i couldn't remember her name yeah i i think she is a believer and she thought derrick cora was really channeling um ghosts but then there was this one i've seen the cliff online uh there was this one thing where he was taken to a castle um and

Oh, yeah. They, oh my God, Michael's just posted a picture of him in the chat. He's not looking good. He's not looking good at all. They took him to this castle and they allowed him to think he was overhearing a conversation about a ghost that existed in this castle. So he was like eavesdropping on these people, but they knew that Derek was listening. And they said, oh yeah, well, I wonder if Derek, maybe when later on when he's doing the channeling, he might hear from Creed Khafer. And they talked about this character, Creed Khafer. And lo and behold, later on when they were shooting, Derek was down in the basement or whatever or the cellar.

And they were like, what's your name? And he goes like, Creed Khafer. Like that. And what he didn't realize is that Creed Khafer was made up by these people. And it's also an anagram of Derek Faker. Oh, very good. They got him good. They got him good and good and hard.

Oh, get him hard. Oh, my goodness. Everyone's favourite scouser, Derek, Derek Okora. So I think the clip is available if you want to hear him say Creed Khafer in a really strange way. Because he's a fucking liar. I think it's like there's another clip of him being possessed by a goat. A goat? A ghost.

He just bursts out with, Mary loves dick. Oh, yeah. Every loves dick. Mary loves dick. I think there was one where he chucked a lamp at a vet fielding as well he says like he goes, co-ca, he does. He's standing there and he keeps grumbling confrontation under his breath in a really strange way. He goes like, confrontation, and then he just goes, that's what you want.

And then he chucks a lamp at her and they have to like try and control him. That's such a good way to get away with just abusing your co-host. It's such a load of bollocks though Like it's all I don't know how anybody Anybody could believe in that shit Yeah I've watched some really good compilations Oh I'd love ghost hunting programs

But yeah A lot of it is quite Quite shit Yeah I think I've decided who I'd haunt But it's gonna be a nice haunting Yeah I'd haunt Paul Chuckle

As the ghost of Barry Chuckel Oh That's nice To let him know everything's okay But I guess it's not that okay Because I'm faking it It's not actually Just leave like

written in steam on his shower door just like, To me. Oh, God. What happens when, what happens when, what was the one that's still alive? Paul.

Paul. What happens when Paul dies? Is Barry stuck there then? And they've missed each other again. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, you get to the other side and be like, oh, Barry, thanks for keeping in touch.

I'm like, that wasn't me. And then you'll spend a turn and you wondering who was haunting him. Oh, no. That's a lovely, strange. lovely idea, Michael. I just want to make sure he's okay. Yeah. Well, he's DJing with Dick and Dom now.

He's doing DJ battles with them. I think he's doing all right. He's doing wonderfully. I'd love to be in that position. Oh, God, I googled Paul Chuckle just to make sure I had the right one. And in, like, the Google auto-suggest on images, it's just Paul Chuckel, sad.

Oh, no. Not anymore, though. Not anymore. Zero results from Google. Yay. Because Mikey's haunting him as someone else. Yeah. Okay.

I've got a thing. Is it time? It's time for a second look at seven terrifying monsters that are sort of definitely real. From whatculture.com written by Peter Austin. Age 12. Age 12. I've not even proof read these. they might well be written as though they're age 12

but if you both want to pick from the remaining I can read them to you and you can find out how these monsters are actually sort of real Yes please, yes please Werewolves, cursed mummies I think we might have even done That's the Toot and Carmoon curse We did Frankenstein and zombies

And Frankenstein's monster, yeah Okay, okay Werewolves, cursed mummies, but I may have talked about the curse of Tootuncombein before. Vampires, killer clowns and witches. Oh. Witches is just historical witches, maybe not. I mean, you sort of know, you know that they existed. I'm feeling killer clowns myself.

I want to see. Yeah. Where's that based from? Okay. Sure. Killer clowns. Here we go. You'll know some of it.

You'll know one of them. But there's more to it than that. So we go on to talk about John Wayne Gacy. Oh, fun. Yeah. But we begin. Given that we've already discussed the potential existence of inherently supernatural beings like werewolves,

it probably won't surprise you to learn that regular old killer clowns are very much out there. Because, you know, they're actually scientifically feasible. Yeah. One notable individual became an internet sensation when an unnerving photo was posted online. on Friday the 13th of September 2013.

The image depicted a clown resembling Stephen King's It, standing on a Northampton street. Similar photos of the so-called Northampton clown surfaced over the next few weeks. I will post the picture in the chat. This was a whole thing, wasn't it? This was sort of the beginnings of the killer clown craze. Oh, that's horrible.

So that's just a creepy man standing on a street. Yeah, so this is the beginning. of killer clowns, or the creepy clowns that people were doing. Fortunately, it later turned out to be nothing more than a stunt by a local filmmaker who just wanted to give people a scare. However, there are actually a number of very real killer clowns out there. On the 26th of May 1990, a Florida resident named Marlene Warren received a knock on the door and went to answer it. The man on either side said, we've caught Spring Hill Jack in the alleyway, bring me a candle. No, no, that's not true.

Her son, who was also home, then heard a gunshot and ran to the door to see what had happened. What he discovered was chilling. His mother was lying on the doorstep, and a clown could be seen casually leaving the scene, holding flowers and balloons. Joker, 2019. Well, yeah, sort of. Nobody was ever convicted for the murder. However, this crime pales in comparison to a disturbing killing spree that had occurred two decades prior.

In 1978, police in Illinois searched the home of John Wayne Gacey in connection to the disappearance of a teenage boy named Robert P-Sed. The search and further questioning resulted in the discovery of 26 young men and teenage boys buried beneath the crawl space at Gacy's house. Cute. Three other bodies were found elsewhere on the property and Gacy admitted to a further four murders, with the remains having been dumped in a nearby river.

The murders had invariably been preceded bisexual assault, which is horrible. Here's where the clown comes in. The most disturbing part of the story is that John Wayne Gacy was known to have had an alter ego during his six-year killing spree, Pogo the clown. I will share the picture, which I'm sure Mikey has probably seen. I was literally just about post it in the chat. Oh, yeah. Well, there we go.

Oh, lovely. That's him. Dressed in full makeup and costumes that he designed himself. Pogo entertained at a number of local charity events and even claimed to have attended children's hospitals Oh good There was a media frenzy over the story And Macy was forever dubbed

Macy, Gacy it should say And typo was forever dubbed the killer clown Receiving the death sentence in 1994 Has he been executed yet? Yeah, I think so Yeah, he's long dead I'm just going to quickly, because I know for a fact he was a pretty big man

in just Googling his height so he was oh no I've got 1.7 meters and feet not an inch oh he wasn't that tall for some reason I thought he was like really tall but he's not he's only 5 for 8 but he was quite like a well big guy anyway

so he's quite imposing but yeah he's a spooky boy especially with that fucking face makeup there's no actual evidence that he committed murders while dressed as a clown but in any case he looks horrible yeah it's more fun to believe that get him um

Ben, would you like a scary thing? Could I have a vampire, please? You can have a vampire. So, most people have heard of Vlad the Impaler, Bram Stoker's inspiration for Dracula. He was essentially a scary Romanian nobleman who had an insatiable passion for sticking people on spikes in the 1400s. Others have heard the stories of Elizabeth Bathory.

Baithery, a 16th-century Hungarian aristocrat or aristocrat. I always say the American pronunciation now. who spent her days torturing and murdering people and her evenings bathing in her victim's blood. Yay! An alleged attempt to preserve

her youth and beauty. However, that's not really what a vampire is. Vampires bite necks and don't like the sun and hypnotise fair maidens and chill out with bats. Nice.

The closest you get to that is rabies, but that's actually a lot closer than you expect it to be. A 19, 98 paper by neurologist Dr. Juan Gomez-Alonzo managed to link

numerous aspects of the vampire legend to sufferers of rabies with the suspicion that that might have actually been a genuine source of the story. For a start, one sure fireway to catch the condition is to have a run-in with an

infected bat or wolf, both of which are associated with vampires. Are wolves associated with vampires? What, wolves? They turn into them sometimes, don't they? Sometimes, yeah, in some stories, vampires can become wolves. They can certainly become bats in a lot of stories, sometimes wolves as well. Oh, okay. Interesting.

Once the disease sets in, it begins to affect your brain in various ways, sometimes causing you to seek lots of sexual activity, or simply driving you completely feral and decidedly bitey. Rabies can also make you hypersensitive to a number of stimuli, including direct sunlight and even strong odours like that of garlic. Whoa!

Meaning you're probably going to be coming out at night and avoiding escargo at all costs. Very good past Peter. Oh, Peter, age 12, what a hero. You card. When you look at it from the right perspective, rabies is a lot like vampirism in all manner of ways and may well have inspired the very first legends

and then I sort of wrap up. You know, if you get bitten by a bat or a wolf, you might decide to come out at night, go and have sex with pretty young girls, and then start frothing at the mouth and biting them. Wow. And you don't want to get that garlic away from me, fella. I don't want that at all. What a night. Yeah. Oh, what a night. Believeable. Well, thank you, Peter.

You're welcome. I hope you're terrified. Absolutely. I'm really, in fact, I'm so scared that I think it's time to wrap. up, isn't it? Yeah. We had our five questions. We have. Oh, actually, no.

We've got one left. I think we've got one left. Did you get six, you crazy? Well, I said that the candy one was a quick one because we've already. Oh, I see. Yeah. Okay, here we go. What's the scariest non-horror movie you've ever seen?

The mummy. The mummy. The mummy, really? The bit with the scarab beetles under the skin crawling around. Oh, that was not good for me. No, thank you. Okay. And also, CGI, The Rock.

Yeah. Yes. I didn't make it any further than that, I will admit. Mikey? Oh, God, I honestly, I can't think of anything off the top of my head. No, every time I think of one, it's like, I'm like, well, that's sort of, that's sort of horror-ish. Yeah, like, I mean, well, it's not horror, but was it the witches, the rule doll film? Oh, God, yeah.

Would you count that as a horror? I mean, it's definitely supposed to be spooky, but it's a children's film with, you know, spooky. Yeah, it's a children's film. I think that counts is for an answer, yeah. I think I said this before, but that transformation scene is fucking stuff of nightmares. Oh, yeah, when he turns into the mouse. Yeah. Oh, God.

God, no, that is pretty horrible. Spookums. I think when I was younger, I was really, really scared of velociraptors from Jurassic Park. Oh. I don't know what the scariest film I've seen as a grown adult is, but, yeah. Watership down. Oh, definitely. That's a spooky one.

It's up there. It reminds us all that we can die and we will. We're all going to die. Yeah, and you will. And when you do it, it'll be bloody and violent. Yeah, absolutely. It's the only way. That was from Jamie Moran at Jamie Rail 87.

Jamie Rail. Yeah. Nice. Fantastic. Well, thank you, everybody, for things and questions here on Spooky It's. This is Spooky It's episode two, isn't it, technically? Is it? Was the last one spooky?

I think, yeah. Oh, yeah, we did. Yeah, we did the spookets last year. Oh, last year, oh right, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you would like to support us. As we know, you already are.

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Okay. Pod Squad it and Nicholas. Woo! Oh, well done, Ben. Streamlabs.com forward slash video. It's official. Thank you. Donate there and you can be part of Pod Squad. get a shout out at the beginning and the end of the show. If you'd like to see what Peter and I do on a day-to-day basis, you can do YouTube.com forward slash team triple jump. Isn't that right, Peter? Yes, absolutely. We do all kinds of shows on there that you might be familiar with if you're an old, a vidiates fan of old. We're doing worst games ever. We do improve it. We're essentially doing

piece of cake, but it's just called Rules Boss featuring actual Rules Boss. And Michael Johnson. And Michael Johnson sometimes. We do cooking as well. We do the cooking, show, which is separate to prove it now. Oh, it's great. Go do it. We do other things, too, brand new that we didn't do it videos. It's all fantastic. Amazing. And Mikey Mickle, Michael, Mikey Joe Johnson, he's over at the Oggscast and doing all sorts of fun things over there, aren't you? Yeah. Oh, at Pariboy on Twitter, that's usually where I post all my nonsense. That's the central hub for all of my internet activities. I do, I mainly stream for videos I guess that's my main online output at the minute in this podcast but you never know

there's all some fun stuff around the corner might try and do some more fun videos a la the chocolate pot noodle oh yeah do a fart pan video oh my god that i've got to do the fart pans video now haven't i i'll record every fart i do with the shreddies excellent and all the comments are just going to be the farting was a bit much for me every single one oh no well you know what you're signing up for clicking on a video that says all my farts documented for two weeks. Dot Mov. And then afterwards

I'll sell my unwashed shreddies for a hundred. Oh no. Dear. Finally, please leave us an iTunes of review or a review slash rating on your platform of choice. It helps something to do with Alan Gore's Rhythm.

Gore. Alan's Gore rhythms. Adam's Gore rhythms. Boo. Spooky. Anybody got a spooky question to end the show with for the comments.

Although we've talked about our own on a previous podcast, maybe the audience should tell us about their paranormal experiences. Well, that'd be quite fun, actually. Yeah. I had one, well, it's not exactly paranormal, but the other day, my alarm turned itself on, and it went off, and it doesn't make any sense,

because for it to stop, I'd have to turn it off on the morning, and then it just went off again later on the day. Weird. The switch had been flicked. It's spooky. Oh, my God. I hope you put your cock back. I'm sorry?

I'm sorry? Sorry? Sorry, I was queuing up for my takeaway meal. Fantastic. Anybody seeing Kev? Kev? Is he behind? He's in the casket over here. Do you want me to open it up? Oh, yeah. No. Oh, my goodness.

I wonder if it's the scary version. I don't know if I still have it on my computer. Let's find out. You'll be hearing it. Now maybe, probably. Who's to say? Thank you so much for listening, everybody. a safe Halloween and we'll see you next year for Spooky It's Episode 3. Bye!