Property Hub - Investment Insights & Inspiration - Get Invested: Bushy Martin on the power of silence

Episode Date: March 26, 2022

Powerful people impress by saying less. Bushy Martin talks about why silence should be one of your most important strategic attributes.  As the old saying goes, even a fool can appear wise if they keep their mouth shut. Silence is a powerful negotiation tool, it encourages active listening skills and helps you absorb what you're hearing, and there are many other benefits of strategic silence. How can you successfully apply the silent treatment? Listen to find out more about the power of silence.  Join the Get Invested community: And if you want to continue investing in your knowledge, join me and many other like minded investors in our Get Invested community right now. I send a free and exclusive monthly email full of practical ‘Self, Health and Wealth’ wisdom that our current Freedom Fighter subscribers can’t wait to get each month. It’s full of investment and lifestyle tips, my personal book recommendations, apps I use to enhance life and so much more. Just visit bushymartin.com.au and sign up at the bottom of the page … because this is just the beginning! Get Invested is the leading weekly podcast for Australians who want to learn how to unlock their full ‘self, health and wealth’ potential. Hosted by Bushy Martin, an award winning property investor, founder, author and media commentator who is recognised as one of Australia’s most trusted experts in property, investment and lifestyle, Get Invested reveals the secrets of the high performers who invest for success in every aspect of their lives and the world around them. Remember to subscribe on your favourite podcast player, and if you're enjoying the show please leave us a review. Find out more about Get Invested here https://bushymartin.com.au/get-invested-podcast/  Want to connect with Bushy? Get in touch here https://bushymartin.com.au/contact/  This show is produced by Apiro Media - http://apiropodcasts.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

So, ask lots of questions around that to establish the vendor's motivation and the timing of the sale. And then I ask very clear and concise questions of the selling agent. What will buy the property today? And then I shut up. And then you'll hear them flounder. You'll hear them jump down your throat sometimes with an answer straight away. You'll hear them have a long pause and really think about it and give you a proper answer. You'll hear them tell you what the last offer was and where the vendor's at currently.

there's a you know multitude of different answers and different directions i can go in but it's me asking that very direct question a couple of things happens here very often they'll tell me the very specific number i need to pay straight away and i can determine whether or not that's fair market value or not but very often they'll tell me or very often i can hear them flounder and to me and that's when i know that i'm not going to trust this agent from start to finish and then i need to be really careful how i play that negotiation because i'm not going to be to be able to trust anything that comes out of their mouth. I can't stress this enough that whether you use me or another property professional, if you're a purchaser and you're

serious, outsource it to someone else that has done this for their career and understands the nuances when they're negotiating because they will get more out of these conversations than you ever will. Welcome to the Get Invested podcast, where we share great conversations with experts from all walks of life to uncover their secret know-how and where they invest their time, their skills and their money and the benefits that this has created. You see, the truth is that everyone invests. Every minute, every day, we're investing our time, our skills, our energy and our money in something. Some of us are investing consciously, some unconsciously, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad, sometimes for no impact. Get Invested will help you to start living by

design, not by default. I'm going to help you to make it happen, not let it happen. You'll hear the top tips on how you can live with conscious intent so that you can live more, work less and leave a living legacy by investing now. Listen to the show to discover the top tips on how to get started, make the most of your investment journey and ultimately to be living your dream, not someone else's. More episodes can be found on iTunes or at bushymartin.com.au forward slash getinvested. Thanks for listening and now let's get invested. Hi Freedom Fighters. How did you feel during that silence? That four seconds of nothing?

My guess is that a whole series of questions arose in your mind. You immediately started thinking, what's wrong here? Is there a problem with this recording? Has my device stopped working? The fact is that in our Western world where business and constant noise and activity are the expected norm, silence is something that we no longer are used to and in fact, we're often very uncomfortable with it. so why do they say that silence is the language of the gods one of the biggest challenges of experience throughout my life is to be able to say nothing and more importantly stay comfortable

in silence while i'm in the company of others almost always i have a temptation and urge to respond agree disagree challenge judge and my biggest vice of all is to advise or to solutionize and problem fix. I think all this stems from my belief that silence could be construed as a lack of knowledge. If I don't speak, it'll look like I just don't know my stuff. But then I'm reminded of one of my favourite Abraham Lincoln quotes. It's better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. What about you? As Cerebral Life observes, we live in a society where constant noise is the norm. We're constantly told to speak up, make our voice heard, to shout out from the rooftops, all with a positive

connotation. On the other hand, silence is often painted as a negative. Why are you so quiet? What's wrong? Why don't you speak your mind? Silence is golden, you say? You've got to be kidding. Silence is awkward. Silence is a void. Increasingly, our Western culture endorses the loud and subtly shames the quiet. However, in contrast, in Eastern cultures, silence is perceived as a sign of respect, rather than a sign of weakness or uncertainty, as we Westerners tend to believe. Western culture tends to dictate that a quiet person must be lonely, withdrawn, not well adjusted or unsocialised. The loud ones are celebrated for their brazen nature while the quiet ones are often seen as abnormal. Now there's nothing wrong with being a loud

person but neither is there anything wrong with being the silent type. In fact silence can be beneficial both in your personal and professional life as you're about to find out today. In our 24-7 always-on world, our days are chock full of noise from the moment we wake to the moment we go to sleep and beyond. We wake up to a noisy alarm, we sit in loud traffic and we fill quiet evenings with music or ad nauseum television shows. To quote the Grinch, it's all noise, noise, noise. But too much noise starts to take a toll on our minds. If there are constant sounds for our brains to process, it raises our adrenaline and cortisol levels which increases our stress and puts us on edge. On the other hand, just two minutes

of total silence can relieve tension according to a study in the journal Heart. And if that's not good enough for you, taking short noise breaks and spending time in silence throughout the day can combat insomnia and boost your sleep quality and who doesn't love a good night's sleep and these benefits are just the beginning because strategically used silence can be powerful and can bring many advantages to all aspects of your life. So perhaps silence is a lot better than nonsense. So spurred on by the inspiration provided by this week's Get Invested guest Scott Agate, as you heard in the opening snippets from this week's Great Conversation with Scott that you can hear in full in part two of our Great Chat on Negotiation that will

be released later this week, I wanted to get and set the scene by diving into the world of silence, its benefits, and how powerful strategic silence can be in negotiation situations. Now, as I've already mentioned, they say that silence is golden, and in this context it rings true. While being talkative is perceived as a common positive trait, especially in networking, being silent also has significant advantages. In Robert Greene's great book on the 48 Laws of Power, he talks extensively about the power of silence when he unpacks his law number four, which is titled, Always Say Less Than necessary. Following extensive research, Green has uncovered that the less you say, the more

powerful you are perceived to be. As the saying goes, confidence is silent, insecurity is loud. Green recommends that when you do speak, make it vague and ambiguous, leaving the meaning to others to interpret, as they'll be frustrated and obsessed with trying to figure you out. Green believes that in the power negotiation game, appearance is everything. When you always say less than necessary, you come across as powerful, somewhat intimidating and mysterious. So keep the following principles in mind. When you're silent, you can make other people uncomfortable. Because they dislike uncertainty, people want to know what you're thinking.

When you control your words, they can't figure out what you mean or intend. Secondly, short answers and silence can make people feel defensive at times. They quickly try to fill the silence and in the process reveal motivations and weaknesses, information that you can then use to your advantage. Later, they'll obsess over every word you said and its potential implications. The inordinate attention they give to your brief comments can add to your power. So in many instances, the less you say, the more important and profound it seems, and the more mysterious you come across.

For example, famous pop artist Andy Warhol found that he had more power when he said little and kept his comments vague and ambiguous. Sometimes he even made purposefully meaningless comments. Interviewers struggled to interpret what he meant, believing it to be profound. He learned that the less he said about his work, the more people talked about it, and the more desirable it became. And besides creating an impression of great import, saying little avoids the risk of saying something foolish, which can often be costly.

As Winston Churchill once famously said, you are the master of your unspoken words, but a slave of the words that you've uttered. In this regard, Green gives the example of a Russian rebel named Roliev in the early 1800s, who talked too much and paid for it with his life. The great Russian emperor, Nicholas I, had sentenced him to death, but at the moment he was being hung, the rope broke. Believing he'd be pardoned, as was usually the case in such instances, he yelled to the crowd that Russia couldn't get anything right, not even a rope. But instead of pardoning him, Emperor Nicholas responded, let's prove the contrary. Rylev was hung again the next day, and this time the rope held tight. Clearly, Rylev

hadn't learned the power of silence and to always say less than necessary. As Lancelot C. Maclear once quipped, you'll never get in trouble over something that you didn't say. So if talk is cheap, then being silent is expensive. And many people, it seems, can't afford to buy into it. Another great example of the power of silence that Greene used to illustrate this point was when French King Louis XIV used brevity and silence to maintain power. He knew the value of always saying less than necessary. When King Louis' underlings had an issue or proposal to present to him, they first debated it amongst themselves and then chose two ministers or nobles to make the case before him, with one person speaking

for each side. And during these entire presentations, King Louis XIV listened in absolute total silence. Louis used the silence as an act to keep everyone off balance. No one knew where he stood, and they couldn't anticipate how he'd react. Nor could anyone deceive him by saying what he wanted to hear, because no one actually knew what that was. In their nervousness courtiers tended to ramble, revealing information that Louis could later use to his advantage. And at the end of every presentation, the king would merely say, I shall see. He didn't discuss the issue with anyone or even announce a decision. People had to wait to see the results of his decisions. His silence kept everyone around him in fear and under

his control. Louis XIV always said less than was necessary. As Stephen Hawking once said, quiet people had the loudest minds. Now by contrast, Greene also gives the example of Coriolanus, and excuse my very bad pronunciation, who was a military hero of ancient Rome who just couldn't shut up. After winning many battles, he decided to run for political office. He impressed people at his rallies by displaying his massive battle scars, but they paid little attention to his words. His election seemed assured until election day, when he held a huge rally in the forum, bragging about himself and claiming victory before the vote had even ended. Understandably, the Roman citizens didn't like this, and he ended up losing the election. Coriolanus didn't always

say less than necessary and he paid the price. In interpreting Rob Green's fourth law of the power of saying less, the life formula concluded that by using silence strategically you appear more powerful. Powerful people impress by saying less and the more you say the higher chance you have of looking like a fool. As the old saying goes, even a fool can appear wise if they keep their mouth shut. What you say will mean more and carry more weight when you say something if you are often silent. People will often find you unpredictable and hard to read and thus be more drawn to you. By engaging silence, you will also learn to read people. If you are often silent, you will often be listening and observing others. You can spot

liars and see through people's true intentions because they might slip up trying to fill the silence. When you're silent, you have the opportunity to read someone's body language and see if it matches and in alignment with the words they're saying. Over time, you can start to notice trends and can start reading people based on a few observations. So the power to read someone is a powerful skill you can learn by engaging in strategic silence. On the flip side, once your words are out, you can't take them back. You don't want to say something that you're going to regret. So silence is a great way to help you with your self-control. You need to talk with your mind before you talk with your tongue.

By mastering strategic silence, you'll become a great listener and people will love talking to you. As an example of this, if you read Dale Carnegie's timeless book How to Win Friends and Influence People, you'll come across his story where Dale's talking about the conversation he had with a florist at a dinner party. Dale was mostly listening the whole time, while the florist talked on and on ad nauseum without drawing breath.

At the end of the party, the florist went on to tell the host that Dale was one of the best conversationalists that he'd ever spoken to. Dale got praised for engaging the power of silence. And everyone has a need to be heard and understood. So by holding your silence and actively listening, you'll hear the other person feel good about themselves as they're speaking. In addition, if you're comfortable talking less and listening more, you'll also appear more charismatic.

Now, do you ever regret saying something? Because regret is avoidable once we know when to speak. Silence can demonstrate self-control and we know that some things are better left unsaid. By consciously embracing silence, you can filter what you say instead of babbling everything out and then regretting it afterwards. The next among the secret advantages of embracing silence is that being silent helps us to calm and rest our minds.

This is a big reason why transcendental meditation exists. Meditation uses the form of silence to reorganise our thoughts and sort them out with less chaos and confusion. Check out the Get Invested episode 166 with Nico DiMartina to enjoy the full benefits of silent meditation. It's an absolute life changer. let's now focus our thoughts on the power of silence to the world of negotiation as you know i'm a big fan of the art of negotiation so if you haven't heard my deep

dives on negotiation have a listen to my introductions on episode 154 with kate bakos and episode 179 with todd slyne because as dr katherine nagar who observes in every conversation there is negotiation whether it's in business your workplace whether you're buying and selling and in your relationships we're always negotiating on anything and everything whether we're aware of it or not from prices delivery terms pay and benefits performance targets severance packages and even in relationship matters with our partners and our children life is a constant negotiation and in this regard the use of strategic silence can be a powerful tool in negotiating any matter as you're about to hear.

But people tend to find silence awkward and uncomfortable and we all have a tendency to want to speak and speak more to make our points. Now, Guhan Subramanian from the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School agrees that many people are uncomfortable with silence. We tend to talk on top of one another with little pause between point and counterpoint.

Any silence that occurs often feels awkward as you've already experienced. But effective negotiators know that silence in a negotiation can be a very useful tool. And here are four negotiation advantages of silence. Firstly, silence helps you absorb what you're hearing. Research shows that people have a difficult time truly listening to the other side in a negotiation. While our counterpart is talking, our tendency is to prepare our response rather than to listen to what they're saying. You may think that your delivery of a zinger line right on the heels of someone's comment is an effective move,

but doing so implicitly signals that you were too busy thinking to listen closely. Allowing a few moments of silence and negotiation before you respond will help you to turn off your internal voice and listen more effectively. Guhan tells the story of an experienced corporate attorney. He told him about a junior investment banker that he was coaching. He observed that the banker would jump in with a response the second the other side finished speaking. The attorney suggested a slight pause by counting to three in your head before responding.

The result, according to the attorney, was like night and day. The banker performed substantively better and was perceived as wise beyond his years. Silence and negotiation also allows you to deploy active listening skills, paraphrasing, inquiring and acknowledgement. Experience shows that active listening is not an instinctive skill in negotiation. Instead, our tendency is to advocate for our point of view. When you're truly listening and the other party feels listened to, the active listening toolkit becomes far more natural. Silence gives you the few seconds you need to broaden your repertoire in this important way.

In general, great negotiators may or may not need to be good talkers, but they're always good listeners. Silence gives you the ability to dampen your instincts for self-advocacy and amplify your instinct to listen. Secondly, silence in negotiation can allow you to defuse anchors. Silence can be a very powerful tool for defusing anchors clearly and forcefully in a negotiation. When your counterpart names an outrageous figure

your stunned silence will far more effectively defuse the anchor than heaps of protesting would. Diffusing anchors through silence is particularly effective in over-the-phone negotiations where the other side may wonder and worry for a moment if you hang up in response to their aggressive behaviour. Thirdly, silence can allow you to minimise or avoid psychological biases. A long stream of research in behavioural economics and social psychology indicates that negotiators are susceptible to things like cognitive biases,

including framing effects, the contrast principle and loss aversion. Research further shows that in addition to being aware of these phenomena, having time to think during a negotiation allows you to mitigate or avoid these biases. Silence buys you the time to diagnose and think about what's really going on here. And lastly, silence in negotiation can allow you to do what's called going to the balcony. In his seminal book, Getting Past No, William Ury urges negotiators to go to the balcony in difficult situations. How would a third party view the situation? Silence gives you the few seconds that are essential to take a distance view of close things, according to Ury. So, as these guidelines suggest, sometimes the best thing to say in a negotiation is nothing at all.

What's your experience? Returning to the musings on the benefits of silence by the life formula, they also believe that silence is a great negotiation tool. In negotiations, both parties want something from the other. Long, drawn-out pauses are awkward and uncomfortable for both parties. It's human nature to fill the void of silence so the other side may get nervous and cave in to what you're actually wanting. The silence will make it appear that the other party needs you more

than you need them. In this way, if you can be comfortable with the silence, you'll have the upper hand in the negotiation. You can also use the silence to plan out what you want to say next. If you end up talking a lot instead, the other side can see that you might be nervous and they may think that they have the upper hand in the negotiations. You don't want to be giving too much information away because it can and will be used against you. Now according to attorney and professional mediator Steve Matter, there's one simple way that you can dramatically change any interaction or negotiation for better or worse. And all it takes is about four seconds. That brief moment of silence could be a game changer

for your next negotiation or presentation. Silence. Filmmakers use it to emphasise a compelling point and most people dread it in conversation. Well, that same silence, however, has been proven to be a powerful tool in communications. Meta believes there are three ways that silence can be used in negotiations as well as in any interactions.

Firstly, silence can be used for dramatic pause. It's a great tool to highlight and emphasise your points. On top of that, it allows you to gather your thoughts. Filmmakers use silence all the time to highlight critical moments in a film. For example, in Saving Private Ryan, the directors impose total silence after Tom Hanks' eardrums are blown out when mortar fire straffs their beach landing, and we get to see through Tom's eyes the total devastation that reigns around him.

Steven Spielberg used this brief moment of silence as a tool to eliminate all audio distraction and to focus the audience on the horrific visuals of D-Day and the violence of Omaha Beach The silence was a powerful way for the audience to also gather its own thoughts after it had just been bombarded with five minutes of intense, loud and gory war action

And just as filmmakers can use silence in communicating a message you too can use those dramatic pauses to emphasise your point and allow the other side to digest what you've just said. Doing this alone might also help the other side truly understand your position and what you're trying to communicate. Steve Jobs was also a master of using that strategic silence. Do you remember his speech when he first announced the iPhone to Apple? It went something like this.

Well, today we're introducing three revolutionary products of this class. Three things, a widescreen iPod with touch controls, a revolutionary mobile phone, and a breakthrough internet communications device. an iPod a phone are you getting it these are not three separate devices this is one device and we're calling it iPhone now I'm clearly no Steve Jobs but you get the gist of how we use strategic silence for dramatic effect the next powerful way that silence can be used in negotiations, sales or interactions is where you're hoping to get a concession. Now, as I've said a number of times already, most people in Western cultures don't like silence. That's why it's often

used and often called an awkward silence. Usually somebody will try to break that silence because they want to eliminate the anxiety created by that silence. In fact, studies have shown that people in Western cultures feel rejected and socially isolated after only four seconds of silence. One of the reasons people may feel uncomfortable is because in a diverse culture they need to quickly understand whether they're part of the in-group. As such, they may feel the need to start a conversation to obtain information about this new group. Another reason is that conversation could be a social bonding tool passed down from primates. However, regardless of the reason, creating silence during a negotiation can have a powerful impact on your negotiations

because the other side may feel the need to fill the silent void with new offers or new information just as Scott Agate utilises by asking a question and then going completely silent as you heard in the opening snippets. Another interesting variation to this concept is the use of questions as a form of virtual or pseudo silence. Just like the earlier example of the French King Louis XIV

try remaining silent and stone-faced during an entire negotiation and never give away any information. Rather than giving an answer, just remain silent about the deal and then at the end, simply ask a question like, So, what do you want to do? This is another way of creating silence in negotiation and not providing information. In your negotiations, you can use this type of silence in two ways. One, in responding to statements by others that you can remain silent.

And two, when you make your presentation and are waiting for an answer from the other side, You can be silent or simply ask them a question such as, so, what do you want to do? Finally, Meta emphasises that silence can be used as a sign of respect. When people are speaking, you can give them respect by listening to them and remaining silent during their presentation. You can use forms of active listening to assist you so that you're not simply and totally inanimate while they're speaking.

However, being silent allows you to learn more information about the other side's position, as well as giving them the respect to be able to express their position. So, what do you want to do? As Dr Catherine Degas, who reinforces on her thoughts about the use of strategic silence, almost every conversation, every communication has a negotiation element because we're trying to get somebody to agree with us in one way or another. But in our silence, we starve the other party of information.

When you speak, you can unknowingly say something that the other party can use against you, either now or in the future. As my 100-year-old wise great-grandmother little granny Carter always used to say, you have two ears and one mouth, so use them in that proportion. So speaking less and listening more will help you gather the information you need. And in this regard, strategic silence is one of the most powerful tools of negotiation. Now this is somewhat counterintuitive if you think about it, because we're used to thinking the more points you make in a negotiation or discussion,

the more you're winning. But as you've already heard today, this is not always the case. Unfortunately, when preparing for a negotiation, many people just focus a lot on what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. But this creates a tendency for people to focus more on their side of the conversation when preparing to go into a negotiation. And this kind of approach ignores the powerful rules and power of silence that we've already discussed.

Because we tend to think of silence as a negative thing or as a weakness, this is why many people won't be able to apply silence in negotiation situations, as they think that the more you talk, the more powerful you are. But in fact, the opposite is often true. Because even if you're looking to demonstrate power, as you've already heard, silence delivers a much greater sense of power than talking too much. Now, Dr Catherine O'Harkin, who summarises that the three benefits of strategic silence in negotiating for win-win outcomes are, firstly, that you understand the other person better, secondly you win the other person's trust and thirdly you exercise more self-control enabling you to have greater control over the

overall discussion. Now I need to break the silence and mention a small disclaimer here. There are times when it's unwise to be silent because in some occasions silence can actually arouse suspicion and insecurity. Just like my dog has decided not to be silent. Now think about those times when you or your partner give each other the silent treatment. So you need to engage the power of silence sparingly and strategically to optimise your outcomes. Now adopting a slightly different variation of the silent theme, master negotiator Michael Schatzky suggests that a way to use silence is to go slowly when you speak and leave lots of gaps for the other side to rush into. For example, put in an extra long pause.

Make sure that you don't answer your own question. Wait and hold your breath while the other person is thinking about making a concession and they just start to talk about it. Have that little hesitation before answering their question so that maybe they'll rush in and answer it themselves. Just leave bits and pieces of silence lying around throughout the negotiation and watch to see whether people will jump into them.

So train yourself to recognise silence tactics when others use them and to avoid the traps. And develop the skill to use silence effectively as part of your negotiating style. you'll be amazed at how often it will work dramatically in your favour. So now that we all agree that silence is, if not golden, at least worth its weight in gold, how do you break the socially conditioned habit of rushing to fill every silence with words? Well, when it comes to the art and science of property negotiation, that can make or break the results that you achieve,

I strongly advise taking the biggest risk out of the equation. And unfortunately, this is you. because your emotions and experience will cloud the negotiation process. Instead, increase your objectivity and negotiating power by remaining silent yourself and engaging a professional property negotiator like this week's returning guest Scott Agate from Hello House who goes through many more negotiating tips in the conclusion to our great conversation later this week.

And if you like what you hear from Scott and want to learn more join me on my other interviews with him in my allied role as the host of Australia's longest running property show Realty Talk which you can see on channels.realty.com.au forward slash Realty Talk or you can listen in wherever you get your weekly podcast fixed and if you follow my personal example engaging Scott to negotiate our next property purchase you can reach out to him directly at www.hellohouse.co that's hello h-e-l-l-o house spelt the german way h-a-u-s dot co and tell them that bushy referred you that's more food for thought and in closing try and employ imam ali's advice speak only when your words are more beautiful than your silence

And also remember the saying that a wise man once said nothing. to joining you next week for another episode of the Get Invested podcast. So thanks for listening. And as always, dream as if you live forever and live as if you die tomorrow.