Puck Soup - Alex Ovechkin and Vladimir Putin

Episode Date: May 12, 2017

Greg and Dave take a thorough look at the Washington Capitals' demise in Game 7, including Nicklas Backstrom's defeatism, blaming Alex Ovechkin and what the team does next. Plus, previews of the Stanley Cup conference finals, Vladimir Putin is Russia's greatest hockey player, Tyson Barrie is injured 'rasslin with a teammate, Jason Botterill is hired Ottawa as Canada's team, the best and worst supermarkets, drunken diners, burning jerseys, "Baywatch" and travel snobs. Sponsored by Seat Geek and Helix Sleep!

Today's episode of Puck Soup is sponsored by Seekek, the smartest way to find hockey tickets this postseason. Dave, let's say you want to go see one of these teams that's in the final four for the National Hockey League's Stanley Cup playoffs. I can't say all that. That's too much to remember. Well, I'll tell you this. If you are somebody who wants to see some hot playoff action, there's nothing like being behind the glass and there's nothing like using Seekek to find those tickets. You get the guaranteed seats you want for a great value. I got the Seek app from my phone. You got one too? By far the easiest way to find and buy hockey tickets. You can be anywhere with just a few taps.

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The promo code you're looking for is S-O-U-P. That's spelled soup. And Seekek will send you $20. Wait. after you made your first purchase. S-O-P, like S-O and then the mascot U-P? You have to go S-O and then find the emoji of the former Montreal Expos mascot U-P. Okay.

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Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. But we also cover movies, TV shows, eats and tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. Borksoo. I'm Greg Wysinski with Yahoo SportsPucketty blog. I'm Dave Lozo, and I don't feel like we lost the podcast today. I feel like we lost the podcast in the first three episodes.

You're in Buck Soup. Lozo is back from his jaunt to Seattle, where you discovered what about Seattle and culture? A lot of hippies in Seattle. Mm-hmm. Very hilly town. Yep. A lot of steep inclines.

Yeah. You remember there being one near the Pikes Market that I was really like, I don't want to even go up this. I just ate a bread bowl of something. You turn left and you walk down. You're right at Pike Place, and you walk two blocks up while you're on that street, and then you turn right.

And it's just like, it's like putting the incline at the gym at the gym at the gym is what? It's a, uh, look at you. You're an Adonis. You know what the gym is. Um, you told me you had sourdough pizza in Seattle. I've never heard of this such a thing. I had this, I forget the name of the restaurant because I was pretty fucking buzzed the whole time I was there. But it was this.

Sour piesons. It was a sourdows. Oh. Come over here and have some sourdough pizza. Had this good sourdough pizza. good seafood, good breakfast. What is the... I don't quite get the gimmick with sourdough pizza.

It's just sourdough bread with just pizza. Like, picture like a flat bread pizza you would get. Instead, it's just sourdough. And the taste of it is just... Like, I had it with, like, a Shataki mushroom, like, feta cheese type thing. And it was just... And I felt... So, this was the night of the Rangers losing Game 5 to the Senators,

my buddies are Ranger fans. I was watching it on his phone. And, like, I'm super high at this point. I'm really high. You mean out of, because it's, no, you mean. No, I did a lot of drugs. Oh, okay. And the waiter comes over and my buddies are always, my one friend, Jeff, has to always ask the waiter,

what do you recommend? Like, what do you mean? What are you right? You're a 39-year-old man. You know what everything on the menu stands for? Pizza tastes like pizza. And I never trust it either. Like, a waiter's job is not to cater to your taste buds.

I know. To upsell you and move product they need to. I don't trust them. He doesn't know what you like and don't like. Yeah. And also, you have. he has a complete ulterior motive. Right.

It's like, oh, what do you recommend? In the back of his mind, he's thinking, well, we didn't tell any fucking pork chops today. So how about a pork chop? And so, but like I was so high, he was like, my favorite thing here is the Shataki mushroom pizza. And I was like, yeah. I felt like some sort of win at that point. I'm like, I knew it.

I picked the one thing on the menu. This is stranger loves. Okay. That's a different, that's a different portion of the dinner waiter game, because you're right. There are deadly been times when I've been at dinner. And I'm like, this shit right here, this short rib, whatever the fuck. Right. This is the best thing on the menu.

And someone here there was like, I don't know, mac and cheese looks pretty good. And then the waiter comes over. And then all of a sudden they become the arbitrator. Right. It's like, what do you recommend? Well, got to tell you, a lot of people just come here for the short rib, whatever. You're just like, yeah, I told you. I read the description of the food and I knew it was the best tasting thing on the menu.

Oh, I didn't even have to yelp it. I just knew what people liked. And then, like, they bring your food to the table and everyone just looks at your food and they're just like, I wish I got that. And you're like, yeah. I told you 20 minutes ago, Bob. Bob? I was in, I was in.

Not good, Bob. I don't have a friend named Bob. Not good, Bob. There's my Pete Campbell. So, uh, or not great, Bob. There's a line. So I was in D.C. for the Capitol series. And real briefly, my culinary adventures, I went to Hank's Oyster Bar, which is one of my favorite

restaurants in D.C. I used to go to it all the time when I lived in now. Alexandria. They have one in DuPont Circle. So I went to that as my sort of pregame meal before game seven, little beer, little oysters. Beer. It was 4.30 in the afternoon. And a guy who was dressed like he came from his corporate job, like not corporate, but like maybe he works for like a software company. But apparently had been day drinking, walks into the place. And was maybe the most annoying fucking guy I've ever come across.

us at a bar. He was by himself. He's by himself. Oh, that's sad. Day drinking alone, it's kind of sad. He was drinking alone. He was by himself. He sits down. He's trying to relate to the bartender. And there's like some song on. It's like a hosier song or something, right? Is it a dude or like a hot chick? No, it's a dude. And he's like, do you know what this song is? And the guy's like, I don't know. I'm not familiar with it. He's like, I mean, I wanted to ask you, because maybe you knew what the song is, but I probably could just shazam it. And then later, and then they give him the menu. And of course, it's like 4.30 in the afternoon.

They're not serving dinner yet. It's a bar menu. It's like sort of a in-between lunch and dinner menu. He's like, he's like, oh, the Cedar Salad. And dude's like, that's, if you look on the other side of the menu, that's actually our late-night menu you're looking at right now. Oh, okay. Oh, God.

Well, there's no Cesar salad on the bar menu. Yeah, that's because we only do it like a certain portions of the day. Ah, fuck it. mac and cheese. And then the last thing was, completely out of the blue. We're all just sitting there. Me and him and one other guy.

We're all eating our meals. We're all in a nice place. It's quiet. He farted. No. Do you have any diet Dr. Pepper? What a random fucking thing to ask. That's not even on any regulation soda tap.

It's also not have diet Dr. Pepper. But it's also not a thing you want at point while you're day drinking, drinking in general, or done drinking? Like, if you're done drinking, you don't ask for soda. You're like, can I get a water? I get, like, an iced tea, like something that's not carbonated, a diet, Dr. Pepper? Maybe he was drinking to that point where there's, like, a legit craving. Like, when I used to drink enough to be, like, the only thing that will make me feel better right now is a Taco Bell bean burrito or something.

Maybe if he mixed it with, like, rum, that'd be pretty good. Dr. Pepper and Rome. All right, let's get... I would do that. Let's get to D.C. I was in D.C. for games. Batman versus Superman is one of the worst movies. Absolutely.

What did you say? Why did you say that day? Must save Baxter. Must save Baxter. All right. As we're taping this podcast up, we apologize for being a day late, but we didn't feel like there's any reason to do it before the Games 7 were done. We're not technically a day late.

This will go up tonight, right? Yeah, that's true. But people are used to getting up really early in the morning with all of our European listeners. When I wake up at 7 in the 7 in the morning, morning on Thursday I get so excited because they're all like oh my god that bit was amazing I'm like people have already consumed our products it's because they're in like fucking Belgium and meanwhile like we knew like two days in advance we were doing this later and at like 11 a m today I was like oh we probably should have let people know you know so because that would be nice um I was in DC

for the funeral last night as we as we taped this on Thursday for the caps and penguins and I can tell you man like I had a I had a theory I had a theory before this game and I was right and my theory was this you were right in your analysis. I was right in your analysis. Ah, you're in Puck. Yeah. Yeah. My theory was that the Capitals, as I wrote on Puck Daddy earlier this week, stared death in the face. It looked into the abyss after game four. After failing to beat the Pittsburgh Penguins without Chris LaTang and Sidney Crosby and I believe Trevor Daly.

That was game four, too. That was one of the first three games of the series. That was a winnable game four. It was a winable game. So they didn't win that game and then they said, all right, we're fucked. We're not going to win the series. And at some point in game five, before the third period, they're like, you know what? We've got nothing to lose. We've lost a series already. We're just going to have fun. Go have fun out there in the words of PM Require.

And then a funny thing happened. They got really good. They stopped being playoff nervy and super conservative and gripping the stick. They stopped worrying about being too fancy. They just decided to beat the hell out of the penguins and be smarter with the puck, be patient, stop trying to throw everything on net against Flurry and actually pick some spots. and they won two games. And then in game seven, they come back home.

Yeah, pucker, pucker, sphinker, sphinker, shrinky, shrinky, shrinky. But, like, it didn't start until they scored. The first ten minutes, the penguins were getting run over again. Oh, in the first period, I thought the Capitals had thing. The first period of that game felt like a coronation. It really felt like they were just waiting for it to happen. But then I talked to Olsner about this after the game, Carl Alznor of the Capitals. And the word I would use about Washington is this.

and I think it best describes why they get this way in these games. They feel entitled. No, seriously. Let me put it in exact terms. I want to cut you off. I'm waking it and good. Thank you. They feel entitled because when they have a period like that where they just pepper the goalie,

they feel like, okay, well, we got to get a goal at some point, right? Like we're doing all the things right, right? And then they don't. And then the other team scores. and then they get boo-bo-faced. And that's, no, dude, that is from the fucking horse's mouth. I was doing the Capitol's impression. Oh, okay.

That's what happens. And it's, and, okay, so in the first two games of the series, that's exactly what happened. Floury stood on his head in the first period. The Capitals carried play. And then the Penguins get ahead and the caps are chasing the game the entire time. And then they get frustrated. Where's our dinner? We did everything right.

And then the whole thing falls apart. And I knew that I had, I didn't know what was going to happen. I really believe my heart of hearts it was going to be different this time, which, of course, is the definition of insanity. But I really felt there was a chance that it could play out the way it did, which is that they go into game seven. Now all of a sudden they're something to play for it. Now they can see the finish line. Now they're one went away from exercise and the daemon and getting to the, getting farther in the playoffs than Novetschkins ever gotten. And they get pucker, pucker, sphincter, and then they lose in the same manner in which they lost the first two games.

Yep. Now, the first two games of the series, I understand, courtesy of Nick Baxter. First three. First three games. For the reason they lost the series. And you can't stand this for some reason. I read that quote. So for a long time, it was either one or two things.

Caps just kept running into a hot goalie, weren't getting bounces, bad luck, that sort of thing. That's why they were losing. Or they were chokie chokersons who spinkered up every single time things got tough. I tended to lean more towards the bad luck. yeah there's a little bit of that gripping the stick too tight stuff but I I sided more with you know getting hoaxed you know running into Sydney Crosby that sort of thing right I read that quote and it was just like a light one on like they made up their minds that they had lost a series already right and it's one thing to go into a game seven and not they were the favorites to win that

game they're on home ice they steamrolled in the last two games and to have that in the back of your head when something goes wrong. Well, what was us? We already lost a series anyway. Is the worst possible mental state you could be in in a game seven when you're down a goal? It's because you've, you've already resign yourself to it. And that is, that is like when people choke, they think, oh, you know, a guy missed a free throw or, you know, missed a field. Right. Yeah. This is, this is what it is, is in your head, you're already defeated. Right. And to have him say it like that where it was over after the first three games when you played game four without Sidney Crosby and you won game five and six and you're at home for game seven. It's fucking, if I'm a Caps fan, like, I'm just a dude to pick them

them in the cup and I'm annoyed. If I'm a Caps fan who has invested money and time and emotion into this to find out Nick Baxteram was already giving up at 1-0 essentially and at 2-0, forget it. But first of all, when I got the 2-0-0, the Caps didn't do anything after that. They were, that was it. That's when score effects kick in and you just start, you know, barreling them over. And at the last three minutes, they must have got two zone entries without hoping. Because they knew. They knew they couldn't get two against them.

They knew it. Can you imagine being so defeated in your head that you feel like you can't score two goals in 16 minutes against Mark Andre Flery? That's insane. Not only against Mark Andre Fleury, but against a defense where, like, fucking Brian Dumlin, who couldn't even stand on his skates last night, was playing like 20 minutes. This is a place where you've scored, like, you scored like five goals a game for like six or seven straight games in a regular season.

You don't think you can muster two. And then Barry Trots, by the way. Everything goes on Ovechkin, a guy who should have scored a goal, and then Mark Andre Florey makes the luckiest shaft save ever. And then jerks off his stick. I mean, you have to at that point. You have to at that point. It really down on that.

It's the greatest thing ever. But Barry Trots for two games is like Alex Ovechkin, third line guy, works out perfectly, right? What do they do in the third period down a goal? They start double shifting Alex Ovechkin. When the top line with, you know, Berkovsky and Oce and Baxter and Baxter, was murdering the penguins. Why would you want to break that up at that point? Why would you want to get away from what was working for basically two and a half, half games to get Alex Ovechkin, who's apparently playing so hurt he's getting injections.

You want to have him out there? Yeah. He looked done. Trots really stuck his neck out on that. But he doesn't. I get it. Because it's just a torso and then like a head. He's, um, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's,

did you have him? Did you have him, too? Oh, sure. So, ran man was the one where you push down. Mm-hmm. And you could press a button, then he'd shot up. Right. And he would just go head first.

But you know who my favorite he. Man Toy was. Shira? Oh shut. You're such an asshole. I love Shira. No, I mean, granted, I used to enact her battles with the horde, but, no, it was Manny Faces. Who's that?

So, Mani Faces was the guy with the He-Man body template, except he had a, like a, almost, it looked like almost like a, like a lantern on his head. And the deal was, he had a little thing that spun around, a little wheel on top of his head. Like, good cop, bad cop, and the leg of the movie? Like, good cop, bad cop, except it's not just good cop. back off, there's like a third face. It's like a normal face and then another face and then like a monster

face. Isn't this like Manos, Manos? Fade of Faces of God. Oh no, you know what it was? It was, here was what? It was a dude with like a mask because you know when you're wearing an upside down lantern on your head you really have to be incognito

about who you actually are. So you wear a little mask but then it spins and you become robot face. And his name was man. Man-e-faces, but then it spins again and you become monster face. Like man, man, man, the initial E, and then faces. Yeah, here are the faces right here.

That's a garbage pail kid name. Man-E-Faces. That's not a he-man character. I was so disappointed as a kid when the only Greg they came up with was Greaser Greer Gregg. It was like a guy who looked like Fonzie and a knife and a comb and some shit. But what was the other one? There was always a two. Well, I don't know what the other Greg was.

There was always like that one that coincide. I don't remember what I was. But I remember being like really horribly jealous of my friend Adam because he was Adam bomb. He was like the poster child garbage pale kid of the toddler pressing the red button and his head explodes into a nuclear Armageddon. I think mine was diaper-based. I think I was diaper-dave. I think I was diaper-dave. That's probably accurate.

I'll look it up while we talk about hockey. So let me talk about Ovechkin, because you touched on the injury. He's not going to worlds. Apparently the word is he has a lower body injury. He's been taking injections. The speculation last night after the game was that it might have been an injury related to the cadre hit in the first round in which Nazim Kodzum. As you know, laid out, according to the Toronto media, a perfectly executed hip check on Alex Ovechkin, and by no means went too low on him. And there was also speculation that maybe it was a lingering injury from the regular season, because I don't know if you noticed, but a guy who scores 50 goals nearly every year he's alive only had 33 this year.

And he looked slow at times, too. He didn't have any propulsion, no explosion in his skating. Now, and I think if you really want it to be, this will all probably come out by the time you hear this because their getaway days on Friday. But if you really wanted to be conspiratorial about it. Conspiratorial. Maybe the move to the third line is related to this guy's hurt. I know he's going to be a drag on my two other great offensive players. Berikovsky's been our best forward in the series.

I'll bump him up and move hurt guy down with two guys that aren't going to do fucking fuck all offensively. But then why double shifts him that way in the third period? I guess that a desperation. But like that top line score, obviously. But it was kicking ass, though. But it's so funny because, like, you know, Trots has that quote in the post game about, like, I'm not emotionally prepared to talk about Ovechkin. And that could easily mean, I feel so sorry for this guy because this was his best shot at winning a cup and he got hurt in the previous round. And I feel so bad for him.

But everybody immediately went to he's going to be fired because he's mad at him. And Ovech, that's where people went last night. It was crazy. Or maybe just one Russian guy. Yeah, we'll get to that in a second. So what do you do now if you're the gaps? You're running Barry Trots essentially for this two-year, three-year window. And weirdly enough, the coach that's ever been to the third round,

couldn't get to the third round with the team that can't get to the third round. Can I tell you what I would do? What would you do? Nothing. Yeah, you can't do that. Why not? Well, listen, you're going to have to do something because you have Oshie, Shatton, Kierk, Justin Williams, all our free agents.

You have to resign Orloff and resign Kuznetsov. who were restricted, you're going to lose Grubauer, probably in the expansion draft. There's some speculation there that'll happen. I don't know. Everyone thinks they're going to lose their backup goalie in the expansion draft. Every backup goalie, everyone's like, oh, you're going to lose him. Rubauer was really good, though, and I'd be surprised if George doesn't take him. Oh, he would be good to take for sure, but I mean, you don't know. But I, dude, you don't blow up the, here's, here's the thing that I've come to realize about the team.

I'll tell you why. They went to a game seven against the penguins, and they lost. The previous year, they went to a game six against the penguins, and they lost. Both of those series were second round series, meaning that they did beat another team before losing the penguins. The penguins are going to be better next year. Sure, but, okay, but listen, the penguins are just the patriots. They're just the patriots and the capitals are the AFC. Don't be a dick.

They're not the Patriots. That's fucked up. In my comparison, I'm trying to tell you, is that sometimes there's just a team that you can't get over. And the only thing you can hope is that someone maybe takes them out for you. That's no way to go into a season. But like, hoping somebody else beats a team. They already went into this season making moves to address the problems they had against the penguins. The Shattonkirk deal was to get depth on defense.

The, all the fucking, you know, other moves they made in the bottom six was to, because the bottom six didn't play well against the penguins. And they still lost. You're saying, but what does blow it up mean? Trade Ovechkin? Yes. Yes. For what? Anything.

You can trade him. If you can trade Shea Weber's contract, you can trade Phil Kessel, you can trade Alex Ovechkin for the four years and 9.5 per year on it, for sure. But why? I mean why? Because this is not working. What would all of a sudden start working if you traded Alexovachan? Who, by the way, and I know this, has not been the reason they've failed the all these years.

No question about that. So what it changes? By the way, Brayin Holpey is the reason why I lost that series. Let's not kid ourselves. Like, Mark Andre Fleury stole four games? Mark Grasuri, right, Florida might be the reason they lost that series. Yeah, but I mean, you can't say a goalie stole a series when he had like a 925 over seven games. Like, he was beatable at times.

Let me, let me, let me proffer this. Okay. If your justification for trading Alex Ovechkin. Everybody. I would trade everybody. Okay, but let's say, let's just focus on Ovechkin. I would do Gary Oldman in a professional. Trade me everyone.

Everyone? Everyone. Everyone. Everyone. And then I get blown up by Jean Renaud, and it would be awesome. Spoilers. For the movie that came out when Natalie Portman was nine. Natalie Portman's dead the whole time in the movie.

She's a ghost. Let me ask you this, though, because, like, if you're saying that the trade of Obetchen is not performance-based. It is a, you got to do something based, right? I mean, it also might be, this might be the beginning of the end, too. It could be, but it may not be. But it's hard to judge that when a guy might need surgery. You have to do something. Like, think of a

Okay, but wait a second. Weren't you someone who absolutely filleted, fucking filleted? The Montreal Canadiants were doing the exact thing that you're advocating for, which is trade a guy because he's, he, you got to do something, he could be a problem of some sort, I don't know, change the mix. It's more the Taylor Hall trade where you just have to do something. But that was a trade because you needed, you needed that defenseman. Well, I mean, to be fair, they got the, they got the right-handed Swedish Bobby Orr in that deal.

So they had to pull that off. do it. No, the Sub-Bend trade is just like this. It's like, he's like, Shea Weber side. Things aren't working, so let's trade this guy because

maybe he's the problem. No, that's not why they traded him. They traded him because they're fucking stupid. They traded a guy at the peak, the peak of his powers is probably going to go to this. By the way, I really, really want P.K. Sub-Band or Carlson on the Stanley Cup final. That'd be something, wouldn't it?

Just so one of those guys could get a cup and just fuck off Mike Milberry. But think about the big trades that have been made in recent years. Taylor Hall, for Adam Larson. We can all agree the devil's got the better player in that deal. But Edmonton, yeah, Connor McDavid, and they did a bunch of other stuff too, but sometimes you've got to make a trade for a trade sake. Phil Kessel. How do you trade him?

I mean, they didn't get a fair value back in Toronto, worked out okay for them. Shea Weber has got a contract that's kind of similar to Ovechkins in terms of how much money it is. They found the way to get P.K. Suban back. If you can get P.K. Suban for Shea Weber, you can get something for Alex Ovechkin when he has a much more agreeable contract than Shea Weber. But that would be an indication you don't believe the window is open for this team anymore. It's not. How is it not? How is it open?

They just won a president's trophy, and they lost in a game seven. They can't win in the playoffs. They can't beat the penguins in the playoffs. They beat the Leafs in the playoffs. They beat the Flyers in the playoffs. But they can't beat the Penguins in the playoffs. The idea that you're going to blow up a team because you can't get past one team is Asinine. The idea that they're not going to be the penguin at some point in the next couple of years is assonine.

Well, you... I mean, your points will take. No further questions. But isn't this a San Jose Sharks problem? Like, isn't this like, in their... In their case, they couldn't do anything because of the contracts, but they didn't do anything, and then they went up in the cup final. Yeah, but I mean, they kept it together by accident.

Right, but I completely agree with you, but it's the same principle, which is that everybody's like, this ain't ever going to work. You got to trade Patrick Marlow. He don't got no guts. Look, it's open his chest, no guts. But it's not about like Alex Ovechkin not having guts or Nick Bauch. I mean, Nick Baxter, boy, that fucking quote. But you know what?

I'm going to think about that quote for all the entire issue. I got to say, he was pissed off last night and rightfully so. About what? about missing... Losing. He had a good series. Like, he had a good playoff. He had a dog shit game seven.

Who didn't have a dog shit game seven? Andre Berikovsky. He's really good. T.J. Oshy, that play where the puck is bouncing, is a tough angle and the puck's bouncing, but, like, oh my God. To answer your question, they bring back Oshy. I think they should bring back Oshy.

I think he's really good. I know there's some talk about, like, him getting a lot of money on the open market, but I think he's a really good top-line player for them. Yeah. Not the problem, T. I just don't know how you can... How do you sell it to the fans?

How do you sell the fans we're going to go back again with the same team? Like, you have to be just fucking disgusted. Well, that's a good point about the fans because I think the fans are starting to... Are you segueying into an ad or a YouTube video? I think the fans are starting to turn their tide. Here is something on YouTube that we found called Burning Ovechkin Jersey after 2017 second round game seven, parentheses, Rock the Red is Dead. I believe this is a Fallout Boy song title. I feel like it's a New York Times headline.

It's like 45 words. All right, here we go. Here is Burning Ovechkin jersey. You heard it already. Listen to the accents too in the video. Kiss my ass. Sprite all, dude. Sprite all, dude.

What are they spraying on there anyway? I think it's some sort of an ex- Maybe it's like a paint thinner or something. Yeah, that makes sense. All right, now light it. Light it, light it. Lot it up, up, up. This is the part in which they are about to light the Obetchkin jersey.

It's in pitch, black darkness. Yeah. I would imagine there is probably some level of alcohol involved in this point. Yeah, these guys are lucky they didn't fucking look at it. Whoa, that thing went up pretty fast. Like, because they spray too much shit on it. Like, you can't see this right now. You can go watch it later. But picture like an episode of Game of Thrones where all of a sudden like Melisandre lights something on fire out of the darkness. That's what this is. Right quick. Right proper. I mean, but you think this is going to be the norm? You think everybody's going to be like burning their jerseyses and stuff? don't make significant changes?

Why doesn't anybody burn a Braden-Holpey jersey? I just don't, I, it boggles my mind that Alex Ovechkin gets, I mean, he made two horrible plays in game seven that led to the goals, but he hits the shaft of Flurry's stick. That's a lucky, if you've never played hockey, you ever play goalie, no one ever tries to make a save with a knob of their stick. It just happens by accident. Backstrom had the puck at one point where he could have just chipped it right away and he drags it behind the goal line.

Braden Holpey, I know you don't think that second goal is him, but I, I just, I thought he was screened pretty poor. I mean, to me, the problem on that play is the turnover by the Gretchen. But, like, I mean, stop that puck. Yeah. He's, he's, Braden Hoppe is one of those dudes who, like, has no fucking pulse rate during games. He's so calm.

And I wonder if that, like, backfires on him sometimes because, like, he's so casual. Like, I feel like he's so confident that everything's going to hit him. Like, his glove was not where it should have been on that shot. And it was because he didn't see it take off the stick. I get it. But him, backstrom, I just. I don't know what you do. He stayed a course.

You try it again next year. You hope that maybe the penguins aren't there in the second round. You can go past them. Maybe the Rangers aren't there either. I know. That's what I mean. Like, who are they going to get in the second round next year where it's going to be like... And look, there's no good...

I completely... I don't think the answer is Tray Novi. And I also think that it is a very... What would you... I think that is a leap of faith that the owner who considers him to be a... son is going to trade that guy. Oh, we should read the tweets.

Not all 18. We'll do that in a second. But I think also the other thing, though, is that like... Oh, here comes a segue. No, it's not a segue yet. Oh, I think we're doing the segue. No, I just think that like... Look, here's how fuck this team is.

How fucked is it? It's so fucked that... That was Alex Ovechkin put a blank in his helmet. Doom do do do do do... Dick is the answer obviously, right? Because dicks fuck. I said Vladimir Putin. Oh, Charles Nelson Riley.

No, here's how fuck they are. Justin Williams was 7 and 0 in Game 7s. Right. Not even Justin Williams. Like now Matt Cullen is Mr. Game 7. He's 6 and 0. He probably has like two goals in those six games. Did you imagine that?

Could you imagine? Could you imagine being the person who finds a four-leaf clover and then a piano falls on you? You're just like, wow, my life is going to boom. That's trading for Justin the only. The entirety of that contract was This moment. Hey guys, you know how we can't win game sevens?

Boy, do I have a player to show you. It turns out they call him Mr. Game 7. What? What? So, and he turns out he wins them all. By the way, another thing about that game too, early on when they were dominating, Tom Wilson had a chance to shoot the puck,

and he was coming down the left wing, and he passed it off. Like, it seemed like there was a lot of dudes that didn't want to be in the moment. Yeah. Yeah, that's because I told you, because it got real. No, it's not being... This was before it got real. It's not being, hey, you know, we're not playing for anything.

Happy, go lucky, blah, blah. And then all of a sudden it's like, oh, wait, we mean if we beat the penguins, you go to the third round? And as you said, put a fucking piece of coal up there and end up with a diamond. Two weeks you'll have a diamond. But it's just such a culture thing. You have to... It's, again, I remember. ever like two, three years ago I wrote they should trade Ovechkin, but it wasn't like Ovechkin's fault.

You just need a culture change. And just reading those quotes and seeing how they played that game, you need to do something. What, I come back to this. What are you getting for him? Who was making that trade? What do you mean? You got P.K. Subat for Shea Weber. You can get something for Alex Ovechkin.

But what do you want? Anything. Let's just say anything. 80 cents on the dollar for Ovechkin. Pick a guy. Pick a Matthew Shane. P.K. Suban was in his prime. And Shea Weber was.

is a guy that does not have the reputation of being someone who disappears or is a coach killer or anything. Well, because he's Canadian. Right. But you know what I'm saying? I'm saying to you like, at this point, like, the idea that the Ovechkin trade is good. Someone took Phil Kessel. He has a same reputation as a vet. It's weird.

Like if you go to every single these last three big trades, the Kessel trade, the Hall trade, and the Weber trade. Like, Ovechkin has like a little bit of all three of those trades in him. He's the winger who doesn't win. He's the older guy with the big contract. and he's on a team where they just have to do something different. You can get something for Ovechkin. Even if it's 70 cents on the dollar. Just something different.

Because also, too, whatever you get for him, you're going to free up capsules. You got that shit eating ground on your face. What is it? Ovechkin for Taylor Hall. Why would devils do that? Devils love Taylor Hall. Oh, because you have to get people in the building.

I don't know, man. I don't think that building's ever going to be packed. You could have Ovechkin and Taylor Hall. Ready? Uh-huh. Ovechkin. on the Islanders. Now, we're talking.

Who are they going to give up from? Any number of those shitty prospects that are never going to amount to anything, but you can ship them in a trade for a guy like Ovechkin. I'm trying to think of a team that was bad last year. How about... Oh, now you got that look. Oliver... I figured it out.

Oliver Ekman-Larsen. Alex Ovechkin in Arizona. Why not? I think it's a perfect spot because you'd never have to worry about him choking in the playoffs. Because the air is so... Oh. Yeah, no, not because of the air. Because they suck.

Because they're not a good hockey too. Oh, gee whiz, this is so exciting. You're my favorite player as a kid. You are general manager? I do not understand. I beat up a person look like you in chess club in high school. I used you in H. In HL12 and I was in college.

What are you? I do not understand. Is your dad here to talk to GM? I do not know who you are. I do not have time for autographs. Sir, this is your new contract. What? New contract

Did you run this by Russia But did the Kremlin give okay for this We'll get to that in a second too You know what? This whole thing is exhausting And when I'm exhausted You know what you do? You wait for it What do you do?

I'll tell you what I do I go to our friends Helixleep.com Now here's the thing Dave Lozo What is the thing? Everybody's unique They do their own thing They don't walk like everybody else

Or talk like everybody else Or sleep like anyone else So why is your mattress one size fits all like pants? Wait, that's not what pants are. Well, if you get them off the rack, they are, if you get them tailored, they... Well, I mean... Oh, you can get different waist sizes. Yeah, lengths and stuff.

All right, so pants are a bad example. Why is it one size fits all, like, t-shirts at a hockey game that you get on your seat when you get there? Underwear. Oh, that's better. No, but that's also, like, you can get different sizes. Right, T-shirts, they just drop the same size on all that chairs. Right, especially if they drop them from that blimp during the game. I can't believe the Rangers became a...

team this year. Truly customized mattresses will cost you $5 to $10,000 until now. Go to helixleep.com, answer a few simple questions, and they will run a 3D biomechanical model of your body through the proprietary algorithms they developed with the help of the world's leading ergonomics and

biomechanics experts. Why is John Chacon do in the ad? Helic customers support a 30% improvement in overall sleep quality and for couples. They customize each side of the mattress for you. I wonder if you get the mattress like different heights. Like you roll over in the middle of the night and you, like, go down a hill and, like, crush your significant other.

Like, how custom can I, like, get the mattress? My side of the mattress would be, like, completely, like, sunken in, like, like, like, a sarcophagus. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I like, like, firm. Like, a nice firm mattress. But I'm thinking, like, maybe you can get a design, like, Kramer's apartment with levels. You can probably, like, do some good, like, sexual positioning stuff that way.

Oh, oh, oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my. He's stroking his stick in celebration. It seems as though the chap to the stick is really. really getting swollen. The knob is popped off completely.

It's a flurry of activity on Mark Andre's stick. I haven't seen anybody stroke something that thin since Jim Leland's cigarette in 1988. Doc and Eddie, he's jerking off a stick. Doc and Eddie, Mark Andre Floyd, did this in the QMJHL in 1992 when he caused his stick to orgasm all over the Memorial Cup. Thanks, Eelix. Doc, and Eddie, he's drinking off a stick. I'm looking at the Preakness Fields Can't really talk about this right now here

I got swollen shaft Xacta with the Flicked Frenulum Superfecta Here's the best thing about Helix You have a hundred nights to try it out If you don't love it, they'll pick it up for you for free What if you live somewhere where there's no night How does that work?

Do you mean like Alaska? Like in insomnia? Yeah, like in the insomnia? Yeah, like you can also do that movie with the zombies or the vampires or whatever? Oh, 30 days and 30 nights? Or was that the one where... That's the one where he can't drink it.

He can't... He can't have sex. Is it sex or cranking it? It was cranking it. No, I think it's like any... No, no, it's sex. Maybe it's anything. Maybe you can't...

I haven't seen it. But which one's the one with the zombie? Vampires. There's one where he's... It's like the same sort of thing. Like, he's in a town where, like, the sun sets for... But it's also Josh Hotnet, right? Mm-hmm.

Hotnet? You can't jerk off on the vampires. Right, because... For 30 days. Because his semen has the ability to like melt them. It's like holy water shoots out. He just eats a lot of garlic. Yeah.

But like you can't. It's a weird thing where like if he jerks off, he's going to go to hell. Right. So he's kind of conflicted. Oh my goodness. Yeah. Kill a beast from hell or go to hell through the only means of killing that beast. What a what a Twilight Zone level conundrum that would be.

We really stumbled into a good movie idea. If you don't like the mattress, they'll give you a full refund and pick it up for free. No Questions Ask. Go to helixleep.com slash puck soup and get $50 off your office. offer, that's helixleaksleep.com slash puck soup. Helixlecksleep.com slash puck soup. As you know, you may have seen a Twitter rant by a gentleman by the name of Slava Malamud, who is someone who really doesn't like the Washington Capitol's organization.

He fucking hates. I don't really know the guy too well. I've just seen him on Twitter now and again. So he's Russian, so I just assume he loves Alexovyching because I'm, is that xenophobic? I don't know what that is. I had no idea. Like, I saw, I think Frank Saravali, like, tweeted it. It was like, you got to read this.

First of all, by the way, I'm muting the word thread on Twitter. I don't give a shit what your thread is about. Well, let's just say, like, here's the thing. A lot of people don't know Slava and don't know he's bat shit. But, like, oh, my God. It just goes to show you that Russian guy commenting on Ovechkin and a guy doing a thread. The combination of those two things made people think that he's a pundant. Like, he's doing radio today.

But like I've read two threads I think in my entire life One was they were both like war related Like one was a guy who got accused by Trump or something Of like stealing money while he was in Iraq or some shit like that Didn't you read that that game theory one? All right now it's time for a little bit of game theory No everyone references that on a thread Someone's like time for I don't know what that means I don't care

The other one was like a guy who had like a translator in Iraq or Afghanistan And like he bumped into him in a cab like years later in the States And they got out of the cab and hug it was great I don't want to hear here's 19 tweets about how to get Trump out of a I don't care. I'm not fucking reading that. But this one, it got retweeted so many times. I had to read it. Let me read it real quick. It's crazy. Cap's problems extend beyond a bad

defensive pair and an underperforming goalie. The failure is endemic and systemic, and it's the result of choices fanboy owner Leonis made in 2004 when he decided his business model would not be building a winner but servicing a marketable megastar. Now by servicing.

And by 2004, he means before Ovechkin had even played a game in the league. Yeah. But there's nothing wrong with building a team around a star, but it has to be the right kind of star. Ovi just isn't the win first type. I've known Ovi since he was 17. Kinn was born with a silverware set in his mouth. Boy, that's beyond.

Does that include, like, the big spoon that you use for stuffing? Yeah, like the salad fork. You get everything in there and you just cram it into your grill because you're so rich. Now, does that include like the one for pieces of pie? Yeah. Oh, the little cake, the little cake knife. Butter knife, butter knife, steak knife. Um, salad fork, uh, the chilled spoon as well.

You get all that in that. By the way, if you've known him since he was 17, how do you know if he was born with stuff in his mouth? You're 17 years. He just carried it. He was still in his mouth. It was just literally still in his mouth. Like his parents would show him baby photos. Here's, here's baby Alex with, I don't know why.

I don't know why the mom or dad is Doc Emrick. Oh my. Look at all this silver wearing my boy's mouth. His demands on himself stay the same. He's not the bloodied inspirational leader. He's a, he's the tuffle-haired. sexy charismatic ruffian. I'll tell you right now,

I've followed Alex Havichkins pretty much entire career. I have never once thought of him as a sexy, charismatic, ruffian. I could see charismatic, but sexy, I don't know.

I mean, to each their own. Yeah. But I've never once been like, you know what the problem what the Capitals is? What is it, Dave? You know how Dave's has

rugged good looks? Yeah. You know what like Eric Croson has beauty? Like he's, he's like, he's like very just beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think the sexy ruffian thing works for of Edgekin. I think that's hurting the caps. Do you have a credential to be in here, sir? Like, what does that even mean? I don't know. I mean, I think a lot of chicks really dug jaws from the James Bond films. I mean, again, you bang whatever you want to bang, find attractive, whatever you

find a track of it. I've never once thought, like, boy, Alexovedekin is just, he doesn't have the right look for the capital. Back to Slava. Yes, he's the NHL's favorite stripper. Oh, yeah, this is great. Who's been giving the hockey world a lap dance for 13 years. Sorry, but the length of your erection hockey world is unhealthy by now. Okay, first of all, if I'm getting a lap dance for 13 years, I've ejaculated at least seven times.

And also, he's not talking about length. He's talking about duration. That's always the thing that they say in the commercials. It's not the length of it. It's if you maintain an erection for more than several hours. Right. It's not like a width length thing. It's not like Pinocchio's nose. It's like, oh, no.

That's not how boners work in case anyone's never seen one. this works. Because yeah, like if that was the case, that would, that would, you know, you really couldn't do anything in certain situations. You need to face the truth. The Cap's personality cult culture is counterproductive to winning the cup, fueled by innumerable fanboy blogs and media whipped into terrified subservience by

Cap's PR. By the way, I don't know if he could tell subtly he has a feud with the team. And, and okay, there are some pretty shitty PR groups in the NHL. Like I, when it was Nate who was still there, and Sergei now,

I have never, ever had an issue ever with those guys. I'm a clown. Where I will agree with Slava is I do think that when you think about how unsuccessful this team is, you're blaming Russian machine

never breaks. No, no, I'm talking about, how, like, how? I'm talking about how, like, the redskins get pilloried, and I don't think the capitals necessarily get it the same way in that town.

Oh, I mean, I'm just saying, The culture feeds on itself, kills all dissent. But they win the president's trophy every year. It's hard to kill a team that's good all the time. And spurns law criticism, you know, Caps fans that despite all the issues Oates and Hunter had, your main problem with them was trying to turn Ovee into a man of the system. Dale Hunter didn't know what the fuck to do with Ovechkin.

And I don't know what he's talking about with Oates. Like Oates helped resurrect Ovechkin's career by getting his power play points back. I don't even know what that means to be a product. You want your boy toy wild and free. No, I don't. Stop telling me what I want. Everybody wants this of OV even Russian coaches.

Compare this to Crosby. Here we go. Who will take any role on Canada without complaint. You call 87 a whiner, but who whined the loudest during the lockout, threatening to stay in the KHL?

Oh, man, look at that fucking apple. Looks exactly like an orange. No, it doesn't. They're apples and oranges. I'm going to call a 30 second time out here. Please. What role is to be being offered by Team Canada

other than awesome number one center? Yeah, is he confusing him with Jonathan Taves and Taves is... Or like Patrice Bergeron will play the wing for Canada. Like, Sidney Crosby take any role. They're not asking to play fourth line minutes. What does that mean? It's like, Sid, we're going to need you to be a fourth line center.

No, I think probably I'll be the first line guy with Marchand, if that's okay. Oh, or that. I mean, that's a good one, too. Take any role, by the way. Also, Chris Cunits came to the fucking Olympics because Crosby needed here. Right. Yeah. Mark Andre Fleury is still a penguin because he's friend. Oh, God.

Who lines now threat? threatening to leave the league to get Olympic trinket while Leonis bends over backwards to satisfy all of his ridiculous demands. This is a guy who looks out for himself in his public image, wild and sexy rebel, patriot of the motherland. Because he doesn't like Ovi's politics. That's the reason he's going in on him like this. This is 18 tweets, by the way, and... We're on 14. One sixth of them involve how sexy Alex Ovechkin is. His only interest in the cup is how his reflection will look in it.

I got a call a 20 second from myself. That motherfucker wants to win worse than... anything. That's why he goes to worlds. It's just so you can win something. It's like, it's like being at the bar at 1 a.m. and getting rejected 25 times, then you look over and there's someone who, like a woman, it looks like you. You're just like, all right, whatever. What do you say? What do you say? The problem is Leonsis has the same priorities. Leonses, he has dissolved himself and the team in Ovechkin's 13-year-long marketing campaign. It worked out great financially. They pay the price. The price

to pay is being humiliated by every year by real winners. Congrats caps. You've sold a lot of t-shirts. Congrats caps fans. You've been had. So how many times are they lost to the Rangers in the playoffs? Three? At least three. Those winners? Who never fucking anything? And also like in game sevens. Oh, and that sound you just heard at your window of opportunity slamming Shup.

I hope this wild ride and the charisma train was fun. Rant out. Enjoy your Redskins mini camp. By the way, charisma train is capitalized. So I don't know why all of a sudden became like a gym roam Tommy Lanner type. I should have read that as that. Oh, and the sound you heard is your window of opportunity slamming shut.

I hope this wild ride of the Christmas train was fun. Enjoy your Redskins minicamp. Rant out. Back after this. I can't believe this is actually getting the time of day because it is such a heaping pile of bullshit. Like these aren't the LA clippers of years past where they would try to just under that crazy racist, where they tried to just maintain themselves and get the eight seed and just be a little bit okay so they could be financially soluble and make some money and whatever.

Like, the capitals have tried a lot of different shit and spent a lot of money trying to figure out a way to win. I don't understand what the fuck the point of this rant is. I don't know what you, like, so. And why people are even buying into it. The only hiccup, I think the caps have had is when they fired Boudreau and, you know, overreacted the Canadian series. But that was again, that's not because like they're like, I know people look at that and say, well, he lost Alex, and that's why he got fired. Well, no.

I mean, like, they got fired because they didn't win. Mm-hmm. Losing Alex is a symptom of that. But, like, when you've won three president's trophies in, what is it, eight years, like, you're not going to get the same criticism that the Redskins get. The Redskins are dog shit every fucking year. Like, they go nine and seven now, and people orgasm over Kirk Cousins. Like, that's how, it's all about where the bar is set.

And when you keep setting the bar at President's Trophy every year and you can't get out of the second round, And again, it's never just one guy. Like, Ovechkin had a bad game seven, but I mean, Jesus Christ, he scores 50 fucking goals in here. We wanted to read this rant because it's betcha. Moving on to not capital stuff. So I'm going to take off then. I don't really care about anything else. The Ottawa senators are playing the Penguins in the Eastern Conference final.

The senators delimited to the Rangers. You probably paid attention to this series more than I did. What was the deal? I was on drugs for games four and five. Yeah, that's probably the best idea. The Rangers' defense finally just get exposed. I mean, it was more Lungwist stopped making all the saves after the Rangers' defense kept letting guys go by. And when you have J.G. Pajel, I mean, you know, what are you going to do?

You're going to have to give away at least one game every series against him. So the Eric Carlson party is now in the conference final. That's exciting. He's been ridiculous. I think there's like four distinct consmite guys right now. There's Flurry, Carlson, Getslaff, and. René? I guess it's got to be René by the fault. He's at 950. Yeah, I mean, he's leading the league and say percentage.

Those are your four guys right now. Drysidal is my fifth guy. He was fucking so good in the second room. He was. You know, I tried to make the argument that Marion Gabrick, when he was with the Minnesota Wilde one year, I think it was 2003, actually. Oh, when he won that one game in overtime. He deserved to win the consmite. I was trying to make the argument because I was being extraordinarily contrarian.

Outtake. Yeah, it was a total hot take. That you didn't have to actually play in the Stanley Cup final in order to win the consmite. That, like, just by virtue of being the most valuable guy to your team for three rounds, you should be eligible to win it. Well, Jay Ashigera was good for three rounds, and he won the contestant of a losing effort. Uh-huh. Yes. I...

The worst part of the Ottawa Rangers series, let me tell you what it was. So you were mostly Pittsburgh, Washington. I mean, you did everything. Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh. Washington was about Ovechkin, Crosby. Concussions. Yeah.

Flurry. Concussion spotters. I spent like two weeks listening to people talking about whether or not Tanner Glass was going to play. And I'm talking about. Chris Neal's two minutes of paradise. Chris Neal, this was the game I didn't see it all, but the whole game where he first played and cost a team of power play and fought a guy

and sat in the penalty box and played two minutes. And then after the game, it was like, we won this game because of Chris Neal. This is why people don't watch hockey. Right. Like, you just had this insane comeback overtime win and you're talking about a dude that played two fucking minutes.

It's not good for the game. Oh, Tanner Las. Oh, Tanner Glass roughed up Kyle Turris after the game. Oh, Chris Neal's coming. Eric Carlson is like one of the best players maybe to ever play. One of the top 100 players ever, I would say. Yeah, I would say. I would agree with that if you wanted to get that in a book called The 100 Greatest

Players in NHL history and other stuff. And the conference finals features three of the top 100 players of all time. The thing about the Chris Neal thing, I kind of felt like in seeing all those interviews of the senators after the game that they were actually just having a go. You think so? They walked out of the Phantom Menace and they're like, hey, what was your favorite thing about the Phantom Menace? Like, Waddo. You're having to laugh.

You're taking the piss out of me But like Chris Neal's there Like wouldn't that be mean to Chris Neal to do that to him While he's sitting in the locker room But yeah we couldn't have won this without Chris Neal Guys, come on I'm right here Whatever Chris

It was great two minutes buddy That's what she said Hello Hello So the Senate What do you think about the senators Now being Canada's team This happens every playoff

I don't think that's a thing You don't think it is Every time I see someone tweet about that They're always like I don't give a sure If my favorite team doesn't win. Like, I'm a Canucks fan. I'm an Edmonton fan.

Like, I'm not going to start rooting for a team that happens to share the same borders as my other team. Like, that's not a thing. Like, Jason Brough, our good friend from NBC. Brough said, are the senators Canada's team? No, they aren't. Nobody in Canada wants a Canadian team to win. It's their team. We are petty people.

I agree. They're very petty people. Because any time you mention Canada of the U.S., I got to hear about how U.S. has a lot of shootings. Although, there's some dude here. Uh-huh. Um, whose name is Andrew, Andrew Cadell, who says, now we are all Sends fans. Canada's team.

Hashtaggo-Sense go. I think it's okay to jump on the Sends battle, I can if you hate the Banglans. But, I mean, just because they're a Canadian-based franchise, that's... I'm trying to think, like... I think the correct answer is this one from this dude, Adrian Lee. Who's his cat? Follows me. He's with, oh, he's with McLeans.

McLeans. John McLean's? Sad about the Oilers losing, but I'm still excited for the playoffs to continue so I can cheer on Canada's team, the Nashville predatory. Ah, yes. Boom! That's a well-written joke. Yeah, Canada's team should be P.K. Suban.

Exactly. Because everybody in Canada hates the habs. Oh, God, that's a good point. I mean, nobody wants to really cheer for Ottawa, but everybody hates the habs. Like, even fucking Montrealers hate the haves at this point. Like, if Ottawa had more of a fun style of play, it would be easier to. They got up 2-0 in game 6 against the Rangers in, like, the first period, and they just fucking throttled back. That's a really good point.

They're a hard team to root for it because of the style of play. Carlson is amazingly charismatic. But again, like, they have, okay, in the root for them column, you have Eric Carlson, you get behind him, Craig Anderson, without question. Where's Gie Boucher in the root for them, a root against them column? I'd say, Gie Boucher, the person is in the root for them column. Gie Boucher's system is in the root against them column. Then you have Eugene Melnick, who is maybe the entirety of the root against them column,

being a terrible owner. And after that, it's just... Oh, and also in the root against them column is, if you're an American, you actually want people to give a shit about the Stanley Cup final in the minute people see the word Ottawa. Oh, yeah, no one's... They're gone. Dude, that NBC tweet this morning,

where they were like, Game 7 of Washington, Pittsburgh, is up 96% over last year's second round game 7 between the blues and the stars. Like, yeah, of course! Why would not have double the ratings in that game? What are you doing? If you're going to skew your numbers,

He's got a little more creative than that. Oh, man. Who do you like in that series? I'm taking the penguins in six. I was going to say seven. But I'll say six. I just think that Ottawa is good enough to frustrate them a little bit and maybe eke out a couple two-one wins.

Yeah. I think Ottawa wins a series. Now, why do you think Ottawa wins a series? This is just because the penguins are going to be so dog-tired and beat up from this previous series? I mean, they kind of got run over for seven games. Mark Andre Fleary won them, four of them. I mean, Ottawa obviously doesn't have the same weapons as the caps,

but I just feel like that counterpunching thing is going to work well against the Penguins defense. And Mark Andre Fleary is kind of due for a little bit more of a regression. I think Craig Anderson's got room to play a little better. I like Eric Carlson a lot. I just, first of all, by the way, I'm completely fucking terrible this postseason. I think I went four and four in the first round, and I had the ducks, I had the caps, I had the Rangers. I didn't even check my picks lately. I'm a coin flip at this point, but I just, I just think, I just think Ottawa's got something going.

You know what I mean? Like, they're just, they're obviously not very talented, but they're just continuously finding ways to win. Also helps when Elaine Vigno doesn't know what he's doing. And now it's going to help that all these guys in the, like, seriously, like, I still think Sidney Crosby is this one mildly soft hit away from sitting out a bunch of games, too. So there's that. I just, uh. Do you have any thoughts in that, by the way? Or were you off the grid for all that spotter stuff?

No, I was back for that. Like, that was, I think that might have been the first game I watched when I got back. I, I just, I don't get how you can collectively bargain for concussion spotters and for the safety of the players. And you're just like, but if you go into the boards, that's fine. Wait, what? Yeah. The boards are like the hardest thing out there. And for those who don't know, the reason that Crosby wasn't pulled from the game, according to the NHL, is the word boards.

doesn't exist in the criteria for the concussion spotters, which is, again, like, the lawyerly semantics of goalie interference calls applied to concussions. Like, this is what happens to me of lawyers running your league, is it's just a, they'll just find the little holes, they'll find a little room to kind of get away with murdering a guy, basically. And he got rocked last, oh, she rocked him last night in the third period, and he got up from that, so I don't buy the theory that, like, he was faking it.

No, no, no, no, no. Just insane. Do you buy the theory that they rushed him back? Yes. Yeah. There's no way you could have four concussions in your career and have the fourth one only last a day. Yeah. And then you're playing again.

And you didn't even need to play. You're up 3-1. Give them an extra day. I like them in the series because I think that they're, I think I'll take their skill over the Ottawa defense. I also think that as good as Anderson's been, he's not been great. No, he hasn't. Yeah. So, I mean, he's been really good in some spots, but he's not been great.

He's been okay. And I think I'm all in on Flurry. I am. See, I'm all in on Anderson. He's so locked in. It's scary. I want Anderson versus. the ducks so we can have a nice bald versus bald

Getslop versus Anderson we're just a guest left in a second now listen what do you do if you're the penguins now with Flurry like is this the last ride no matter what or do you think he if he wins them a cup I think this is good because they can trade him now I don't think they could have traded him before this I think you're probably right they had to buy now you think you

think you saw audition for other teams yeah now it's it's weird that Dallas wouldn't wait though like Dallas like they love they love Bishop here's the thing about that I saw some people critical of Ben Bishop going to the stars for like four I think it's like four years right maybe or is it six What was it? Did they sign them already?

Oh, yeah. I thought they just traded for him. I don't think they come up with a dealer already. They hadn't even started negotiations when they traded him. Oh, wait. Or were they just talking about what kind of contract they were going to give him? Yeah, I don't think they've come to terms yet. Oh, you're right.

Yeah, they got to buy it. They got to make some financial. Yeah, they still have the two other goalies. But here's the thing, like, I saw some people saying that if they were going to commit to him that it wasn't worth it because he's got like a wonky growing or whatever. Yeah, he's 30 now, right? Yeah, but I like it, though. I like it because any, you could put anybody.

in that Hitchcock system he's going to do all right for a couple years. Yeah. But the thing is every time you get to the postseason, his groin explodes. That's not, because it's like his groin is the Washington Capitals. It's great in the regular season, but then in the playoffs, it just dies at some point. But if you're working theory is that you can't get rid of Leighton in, and unfortunately you're going to have to commit that much money to your gold-hending. Bishop and Leighton is light years better than Leighton and the Emmy.

I think they buy out both of them. I don't think. I think there's a better chance that they, they, ship something to Vegas and have them take one of them off their hands. See again, everyone thinks their goalies going to Vegas. Vegas is going to be a team of goalies. It's just going to be like four dudes around the crease and like two guys skating around the fuck, just trying to get around people.

It's going to be amazing when they line up with the opening face off and they're all wearing goalie gear. And somehow, Carly letting it's still at 899, despite the fact he has three guys behind them. Oh, God. All right, so I like the Penguins and Six. You like the Senators in Seven. Over in the West, let's get to Getslaw for a second. The vein on his head is pulsating. It's a pulsating vein on his head.

I have a pulsating vein. Because I don't want to give away any vein. Do you have a pulsating vein? No, I don't. He has one where it looks like he has, do you ever see the movie The Ruins where the, they're on an Aztec pyramid and killer plants like go under their skin? I've seen the plants under their skin.

I've seen parts of it. It kind of looks like that. Or he has a worm from the strain under his skin. Oh, I know you're talking about, yeah. He's got that going on. Well, is it like, is it like the, in like NBA jam when like you get hot? Like, is that like a signal? No, it's more like in the movie scanners where that guy blew up that other dude's head with his mind.

Oh, you ever see the movie scanners? What's that from? What was that from? Come on. I don't remember. Oh, my God. Did you ever see the movie scanners? Because they have a headache.

What was it, though? Tommy boy. Tommy boy, it's right. David Spade. The company's going. Thank you. That was kind of obscure Tommy Boy reference. Not Fat guy in a little coat.

Fat guy and a little coat. Fat guy. I'm worried about the vein. I'm intrigued by... The vein's not looking good. I'm intrigued by Kessler, Cagliano, and Silverberg against the Foresburg-Johanssen-Arvinson line. But I'm not as intrigued by it because I know that essentially Nashville has a metric shit ton of secondary scoring, including all of their defensemen they're going to make up for that line if they get locked down. Speaking of Nashville, secondary scoring, I did a throwaway tweet during the Preds game when VC took a penalty.

I was like, remember when Jimmy Visi bailed on Nashville and then he signed with the Rangers? The town of Nashville was all over that tweet. They were so happy with me. They hate him. And then, like, other teams came in like, yeah, thank God he didn't come to Toronto and come play with his dad. Like, oh my God, like, everybody hates Jimmy Visi. I was unaware of this. Oh, no, it was the hubris of it.

Like, he was completely within his rights to do what he did. Sure. But come on, man. the worst possible goddamn team to go to. I know. He's like, he would have been a pretty, I mean, he would have been putting like a top six role, I think, in Nashville. He would have been, oh, God, worst, he would have been top.

They're dressing like Vern Fiddler and fucking Cody McLeod. Like, I mean, there's room for him there. Toronto's now going to be a good team for years to come. Like Buffalo, I mean, he picked the rain, but yeah, it was kind of fun. I, uh, I like the Nashville's in six. Yeah, I like the Preds, too, and probably six, I'll say. Mm-hmm. I just think they're too fast.

I also don't like the fact that John Gibson is like completely night and day and consistent. There was that. Did you watch the game last night? You probably were. I know. I only saw the last like four minutes of it. He's like one of those goalies where the puck hits him. And like half the time he knows where it is.

The other half is just kind of like squeezing something and looking behind him. Like Leon Drys saw how to play in the game last night where he had a guy in his back and he was just like too strong. And he just whipped a backhand on. and it was trying to go block her side, and it got between the arm and the body, and like, you could just see Ben Bishop, you could see John Gibson, literally, not literally,

yeah, literally, shit his pants because he didn't know where the puck was. Like, he squeezed his arm and he fell backwards and he looked over, and it was just, he never knows where the puck is, and I just, I just think that was. Can I tell you how insane,

insanely jealous I am of Oilers fans? How insanely jealous of Oilers fans are you? They got to game seven. They had a legit shot of winning. Mm-hmm. They lost, and it's what, I am so jealous of teams that lose, and just don't give a shit that they lost.

But they should. Why should they? If they would have won that series, they have home ice in the conference finals. Technically, they're the favorite in that series. But who cares? Like, their window to win is the next 10 years. Yeah, you never know how easy it is going to be.

This is a year where any of these four teams can win the Cup. Yeah. And the others could have been one of those four teams. Listen, I respect that. They could play Ottawa and have home ice against. They can have home ice in the Stanley Cup final. I agree. They're not like a 94-point team that barely got in.

But it's like, hey, we win great. If we lose, it's fine. Yeah, I get that. Because we have a good run of years until all of our players end up in New York or Los Angeles. And it's the way they lost. It's not like Leon Dreisela had 16 points. McDavid was kind of eh, but he was still good. How was Luchech?

Did he make a difference? Luchech did dog shit. Benoit Puyat did nothing. It was all these veteran, like Jordan Eberle is not a veteran, but Jordan Eberle was a fucking horrible player for two rounds. It's not like, right, it's not like Cam Talbot stood on his head. Cam Talbot never really hit a wall. It was the veteran guys. Like, I would, I get it.

You haven't done shit for 11 years, so you're an Oilers fan, you're happy. But I just, it really feels like a missed opportunity, as I wrote on Vice.com. Oh, on Vice, no less. Plug. Yay. But yeah, I get it. I understand where you're coming from as a fan. But I would just be a little bit worried that maybe it might not get, because think about it,

they got to pay dry signal, they got to pay McDavid in a year. What's the team going to look like then when they have to buy out Luchich? Maybe fine. Connor had a good education in these playoffs, though, playing against the Kessler line. as far as like what you got to do. Yeah. So wait, do you feel like it's going to be a situation where the others have to blow it up

if they can't get past the ducks ever? Yeah, if they can't get past the ducks, if a 45-year-old Ryan Getslap is beating them in a few years, then you're going to have to blow up the team. Dude, Ryan Gatslop is going to be the poster boy for dad's strength the last five years of his career. He's going to be that total strong dad that just bullies around a little, yeah,

you can't get around, puck off me. Have you tried about this this morning? Have you wrapped your brain around the idea that Randy Carlisle, a guy that we said was a horrible, choice and the ducks wouldn't even make the playoffs and shit like that is now in the final four. Because I can't, I can't, I can't get there yet. No, I mean, I didn't think the West was really that great. The only thing I can say is that maybe the fact that he knew all those guys and a familiarity with the roster and a familiarity with the franchise, like, that's part of the reason why it worked.

Yeah. It's something I can think of. It's also a situation where it's not been a good playoff for analytics, I'll tell you that. No, but like, I was saying this before. For like four years, I think we got our brains like skewed because of the Blackhawks and the Kings. Right. Every year it was just like, well, you can't beat them. And the Ducks this year got to play the Oilers.

They didn't get to play the Oilers or anything. And they didn't get to play the Oilers were tough. But that was a much more winnable series. Now they're playing Nashville. Like if Nashville wins that series in four or five, I still think even though they got to the final four, you can be like, oh, Randy Carlisle. That's right. Now I remember. Now...

No. Flower. Are you ever... Where do you buy your groceries? Um, I go to this place by my house. Just a random place. It's an... It's an ACMI.

It's you go to ACME. It sucks. I don't like it. There's no booze there. Um, Acme did not make this list. I have in front of me. Oh, this is the thing you were talking about? I have in front of me.

Okay. A list of... I'm glad you prep for the show. It's a new ranking from our friends at marketforce.com. Ranking of the favorite grocery stores. chains. Okay. Now does this like include like Whole Foods and Trader Joe's? It does.

And it does. Okay. So what do you think out of all of the all of the supermarket chains? What's number one? How many how many you're on the list? What's the top? Jesus Christ. No, no. Top what? You mean like the top? It's like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, forty, fifty, five.

It's like twenty. Okay. Let me throw out some names and you tell me where they're Okay. All right. Mikey. Maggie? Dog Pathmark. See, Pathmark, I don't think's on here.

See, I think Pathmark is going to be one that's like under a different, like shop rights on here. Yeah, like they're all the same to me. But like Pathmark's probably under another umbrella. I'll just say what number one is. Dog, Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is number three, Doc. Sorry. Trader Joe's number three.

Wegman's number one. Publix. Which is, you know, in the south. Publix. Number two. I always see Craig. Custin's posting on Facebook about how much he loves public sandwiches. I always picture public as like a wah-wah.

I didn't think that was like a grocery store. But all you care about is the bottom three. What's the bottom three? Safeway? I don't think I've ever been in a safe way. Stop and shop. That's here in the New York area, I think. There was one in Maddawan where I grew up.

I don't know if I've ever been in one of those. And the lowest rated place to buy your groceries. Is it Acby? Nope. It's Walmart. How do you feel about a place where you, You can get your, like Target. You get your groceries there and you get a shirt.

Get like a pack of socks. Is it like a KFC Taco Bell or like, why do they know both of those things? Like, they should only know one of those things? I feel like, I feel like if you're a parent, that's probably like an awesome place to go because you can get like some, you know, clothes for your kids and then buy some fucking animal crackers or whatever kids eat. I don't know. Like that's probably a good idea.

It's like it's like my dream of owning a bowling alley. Not a bowling alley. What? A bar slash laundromat. we're like during the 30 minutes. That's a great idea. Do they have those? I think they do some places.

They have to. But like, yeah, like you're waiting 30 minutes for your clothes to wash before you put them in the dryer. You go get a drink. You go get a shot of something. That could be, fuck, if they did that for the DMV, no one would ever make jokes about the DMV. If you add booze to anything, it gets better. Think about it. Name something booze makes worse.

Your liver. Is that true? I thought that was only like an old wife's tale. Speaking of booze, Tyson Barry's time at the World Championship has ended as a lower body injury will rule him out for the rest of the tournament. How Barry injured himself is what will lead to questions. According to TSN's Darren Drager. By the way, what the fuck is the Drager Cafe?

So I texted, I texted Lozo. How long has that been going on? I texted Lozo a picture of Darren Drager of TSN and Mike Babcock. Oh, right, you did. I forgot about that. Sitting at a Parisian cafe with the Eiffel Tower and the... the background during the World Championships having a...

Oh, that's why it's Paris. Oh, like we're at the World Championships and grabbing the Drager Cafe. A nice, big old glass of Merlo with Mike Babcock. Because somebody else tweeted out another Drager Cafe thing, so I clicked on the hashtag, and it's like him interviewing

Austin Matthews or Carter McDavid. It's at World Championships. I thought like this was like a thing that like, I thought they flew him and Babcock to Paris and set up an interview near the Eiffel Tower. What a badass move that would have been? Like, I want you to do a new interview segment. Okay, well, I'm going to need two things.

A cafe and a plane ticket to Paris. And also, I need you to fire everybody at ESPN in order to pay for my fucking trips out to fucking Paris. I can't comment on that. You can't? Is that a... Oh, I thought you're talking about specifically the NBA thing that happened there. Oh, no, no, no, no. Because I can't, you know.

I was just picturing like, you know, hey, look, Scott, you've done a great work here for a long time. Oh, I see you're saying. We're going to have to funnel that money at the TSC. so Darren Dregor can order a bottle of fucking wine while he interviews Mike Babcock by the Uncle Tower. Is that okay? According to TSN's Darren Drager, the Colorado Avalanche defenseman playing for Team Canada

World Championships, suffered a laceration on his leg while wrestling a teammate in his hotel room. Okay, I got a lot of questions. Who's the teammate? We don't know. What in the hotel room can cause such a deep laceration?

Cause a laceration. Like, there's usually not... I'll say three things right now that can cause a laceration. Okay. The edge of the bed, if it's a metal bed frame. Oh, like the frame? The frame can cause the laceration.

Okay. A broken glass. But where you get the broken glass from? Let's just say, like, at one point, what if it's a hardcore match? Oh, like, maybe, like, his teammate put him through, like, a mirror? Yeah. Or, yeah, exactly. Maybe they're just wrestling, and all of a sudden someone goes through a mirror, and it's like,

ECW, ECW. ECW. I'm picturing, like, Ed Norton and Fight Club when he just falls backwards to the glass coffee table. that maybe that's what happened. It's like a sweet room. And the third thing would be a hunting knife, but I don't know what that would be in a hotel room. Yeah, but like, who's he wrestling? Why are they wrestling? Hold on. Let me look at the roster.

I'll say this about wrestling. You know what I used to do in elementary school? Masturbate? No. We used to perform figure four leg locks on each other. Oh yeah, we used to do that too. During like library. I'll never forget the first time I tried to do it. I didn't understand where the legs went. And then like I figured it out like mid thing and my friend screamed as like bloody, murder and I was laughing maniacically like I got it I got it I'm Rick Flair look at me oh stop it I can't feel my leg little Johnny's coming in with crutches the next day and you're like is this a work or a shoot and I'm just I'm like looking around the

cafeteria anybody fucks with me if you lay down on the ground and let me get my legs in the perfect spot I will hurt you world championship roster so yeah so Tyson Barry done more I mean just such great news all the time for the Colorado Avalanche Never ends. I mean, it's a laceration. Yeah, but it can be that bad. I hate worlds anyway. I know it means a lot to every other country, but to me.

All right, let's see here. He's definitely rooming with a defenseman, right? Probably. Is there anybody on his team from his team on that team? Nathan McKinnon. Although, I would imagine they would, oh, Ryan O'Reilly's there. He's not a teamie anymore, but, oh, it's Ryan O'Reilly. Totally it's Ryan O'Reilly.

Ryan O'Reilly fucking hit him with his car. They came up with the fucking cover story that it was wrestling in the room. That's my guess. Oh, Matthew Shane, this whole team is Colorado Avalanche guys. Well, there's a reason for that. Who's Mike Matheson? Florida Panthers. I like that.

Breedom Point. Yeah. I like that Ryan O'Reilly pick is a solid one. They were like, let's go to Tim Hortons and get some coffee. And Tyson Barry was like, I don't think they have Tim Hortons in Paris. Get in the car. I'm not going to get in the car. I'm going to run you over if you don't get in the...

And they just ran him over. And, like, the front grill caught his leg and cut him open. And so they were like, what are we going to say? I like the idea of Tyson Barry going over, you know, the playbook or whatever. And just really getting in, you know, getting in the swing of things from the next game for Team Canada. And then all of a sudden, Ryan O'Reilly is like, RKO out of nowhere. And just fucking drops him on a table and just slices him open. And then he's like, you better not fucking tell on me.

I'll kill you. All right. I was wrestling in my hotel room with Jason DeMare's. That's fine. That's only got, yeah, I don't know, like one of these guys he probably played junior hockey with, and that's probably the key to the, like, the answer, because it's got to be like somebody, it's either a teammate or a dude you played hockey with in junior. All right.

We have to talk about one other hockey story before we get to the mailbag this week. What is that? Which is the biggest hockey story of the week, because it's the biggest story in the world, which is that President Donald J. Trump, and my mouth hurts saying that still. probably never won't. Before we came in here, like we were watching the TVs out in the studio

because there was a guy in here taking up our time even though he booked their room. No matter where I do my podcast, someone is either forcing me out earlier and not letting me in on time. But there was like this panel. It was like this old dude

and like talking with like a British woman and he's just like, she's just like, Roy, and we can't possibly not do that with all president. And the guy was just like, so tell me, what do you think is the answer here

for President Obama to fix? I'm sorry, president. And like he couldn't say the word he said, President Donald J. It still sounds weird to hear. So Trump fires James Comey. Comey don't play that.

At first, saying the Department of Justice that said they need to fire him, and then finally, like within a span of 10 hours, basically just dispelling that notion and being like, yeah, it was me, the whole time. The dumbest group of people to ever run a country. But the big hockey news related to this, besides the fact that Trump's a Rangers fan, never forget that, is the fact that Vladimir Putin was interviewed

about James Comey being fired as he's heading out to play hockey in Sochi and if you've not seen it it's remarkable. It's CBA, he's in full hockey gear. He's walking to the ice. It's like you expected

it to be Vladimir Putin. You know, James Comey fired by the Americans, FBI director involved with Hillary's emails. What's going to take for you? Go out there and have war atrocities. Christ And it's

And it was like It was surreal Because if you're watching this interview With the sound down You're just thinking Well you know They have to execute If they give a hundred and ten percent

And getting rid of the FBI apparatus Then never bet he will be fine We know that there's going to be huge pushback From the US here in first ten minutes We need to go out there And just be strong And play our game And you know

Infiltrate America And just worry about what we can do To affect democracy But here's the real question Because I think I saw this video on the comeback Yeah, it was pretty good. So it's a video of Vladimir Putin playing hockey. I can't believe this hasn't ever come out before because he plays hockey all the time.

And everybody, nobody gets near him. Nobody even. People actually freeze and allow him to dangle the puck around them to score. And even like the goalies too. That wasn't like in the video, but like there was one like back to our play where it wasn't like fucking Brian Russ to Sidney Crosby. It was like a slow motion back to our play where the goalie just kind of froze on the right post and was like, I guess I can't get over. to stop Putin. Oh, you put it into the wide open net.

Great job, comrade. Do you think he would execute? Like, if you were playing against him and you slashed the stick out of his hands and stole the puck and scored the other way. I'd die in the shower after the game. It would be like Eastern Promises. Like two dudes would just come and fucking knife me

and like, I'm not Vigo Mortensen. I would fucking die. I'd be like, no, shoot all you want. No, I'm not, no. Oh, wow. What a great play. I let it hit me in the balls like Corey Perry. I don't want to die. I think it's an important video for everybody to watch because the next time that you complain that Sidney Crosby gets preferential treatment in this league. No, no friends.

That's preferential treatment. And the best is whatever this game was, there was like an MVP trophy handed out at the end. And guess who got it? Oh, Vlad. The Russian Gretzky got it, ladies and gentlemen. He was pooting the puck in the net. I just love that. It's like when I play like shoots and ladders with my daughter.

And I know that if I don't allow her. to win, it's going to really be a problem. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, because she doesn't know the concept of losing yet. I'm trying. Like the kid in, um... Not happy Gilmore. The one where he has the kid. Oh, in the

Big Daddy. Big Daddy. Yeah, we're pissing against the wall. I know that's not great parenting because I know she has to learn the concept of losing, but sometimes you just got to like... She's a devil's fan. Oh, shit. Boom! Takes a shot at the whole Wasinski family with one joke. Same thing. Same thing when we play

Like, when we used to play, like, we tennis together on the Nintendo Wii. We? You let your daughter smoke weed. W-I-I. Oh, my God. That's a terrible thing to do to your child. She's not old enough for weed. Like, I would-manipolite the game.

Manipolate? To be a thing where, like, I would get it to, like, 40, 15. And then I would just let her, like, roll after that and feel not only a sense of accomplishment, but a sense of, like, rallying. Like, the capitals. Is your daughter a dictator? Is that what you were telling us? She might have grown up to be a super villain.

I mean, we've done a horrible job. This is the origin story. She gets to high school and she finds everything to be too hard. Why did you release the laser dragon in New Garc City? Because I'd never lose. In high school, I was down 40 to 15 in the third set and the person won. I didn't know what to do. From that point on, I knew what I had to do.

Never lose again. Murder. And then she can win a tennis all she wants. There you go. So Vladimir Putin, greatest occupying. player, maybe in the history of hockey based on the stats. I mean, I want to see his coursey first, but

let's just check. Let's just assume he's the best. All right, now it is the time of the show. We picked this conference winners. We did the whole thing. Who didn't there said anything? Bauderl. Hey, Jason Bauderil's, the GM of the Buffalo Sabres. What do you think, Dave Lozo? I don't care. All right. It's time

for... No, I actually think it's a really... I think he's a good dude. It's funny. We were waiting to go into the Capp's locker room last night for the post-mortem, and the Penguins' management walked by, and like he was one of the guys walked by and I really wanted to just be like, Sabres GM and just to see what he did, but I didn't do it. But he's going to be fine there.

He's earned, I heard this thing about Bauderil once that's kind of stuck with me was that a brilliant guy paid his dues, been in the right organization to, you know, go someplace and implant the managerial stylings of the penguin someplace else. I heard he was horrible at interviews. I heard he was like a really bad guy at like the actual sit in front of the owner and he And, you know, what will you do for our franchise kind of guy? Like, I heard he was shitty at that, and that's why he hasn't gotten a job yet. So was he more like Chandler on Friends when he would just make a lot of, like, inappropriate jokes?

Or did he, like, send Ben Affleck in his place, like Matt Damon. Retainer! Now, keep your ear to the grindstone. No, but you know what's great about that? It's not about your Quimby interviewing. It's Ben Affleck. Well, all I say that I want to put my ear to the grindstone. I'm kind of in love with that theory now because, like, think of, like, a guy who is a spectacularly bad job interviewer.

And the person he's following in the job is Tim Murray. Yeah. It all makes sense. I do get it. Like, you give you the worst job interviewer, but if you, if the guy who followed you is, I'm not quite sure what we're going to do with Jack. Why do you ask? Where do we get such wonderful toys?

Oh, God. The thing I keep wondering is, is, like, everyone's a great hire. What a great, what a great job? But why? What do you base it on? What do you base it on? Smart as shit. Analytics guy.

What do you base it on? He's had a hand in building championship teams? What do you do? That's what I mean? What do I have his LinkedIn in front of me? I don't know what the fuck he did. But do you think it's a great move, though? Yes, they do.

It's an AGM gets hired, I did. I have the same thought. Also. Everyone's always, like, great hire. Excuse me. on behalf of Terry Bagula, I must remind, and Kim, I must remind you, he is a former saber. Thank you. Good night. There it is.

I'm floating. I actually floated off under the back of my chair like Clooney in gravity. He ascended. Bye. Going. Going now. Like the blue guy in the watchman, whatever that guy's name is. Do you mean Dr. Manhattan?

The big dick guy. The big old swinging blue dick. Come on. If you think of that guy, that's the first thing you think of is Schwantz. I think of his calming voice. and his ability to manipulate time in molecules. Why are you saying manipulate today? I have no idea.

Manipulate. I can say it. Are my nipples showing? Are you just having a look at... I think I've been infected with Baltimore accent disease since that video at the beginning of the show. Barnet. Barnet is Jersey. Burn it's Jersey.

Oh, my God. All right. Question number one comes from Tim Jans. Are you guys confident now since the time of the Pucks? Are you guys confident with Jake Allen going forward or does think just even the scales from his past playoff mishaps. I am pretty sure he's going to be okay, but I am concerned that I understand

Marty Bredor is not going to be a goalie coach next year. He was a goalie coach for like a minute, right? But he was like the goalie, like he was a goalie whisper with this guy. Yeah. I think he'll be all right though. Another thing too where it's like, oh, what a great job by him as a goalie coach. Maybe Jake Allen is just due to make some saves.

You know, maybe we should be more concerned about the center position on that team with Stasdean, Latara, than maybe anything else. Like, I don't know. Like, I just, I don't know if I trust Jake Allen yet. I need a full season of Jake Allen to trust Jake Allen. Not just a few months.

Not just a couple months. That's fair. I want to be in it for the long haul. Don't go Jason Waterfalls wants to know, is the new Baywatch movie going to be so bad that it's actually good? Or will it be so good that there's no way to call it bad because it's so good? I saw the commercials for it. First of all, is Zach Efron the first ever, like, professional bodybuilders to be an actor? I mean that dude is so ripped

He's so disturbingly ripped He's literally like one of those dudes That would be on ESPN 2 at 3 30 in the morning In 1996 Oiled up on stage What is it about this crop of like teen stars They all they all felt like they had to get jacked Like who?

Like Nick Jonas Like two of the Jonas brothers That aren't like homebodies now The one other guy who had kids And he's just done Like the other two guys got like ripped I don't know I could not picture what he looks like

All right but he trust me he did And he's a singer, though, right? He's a singer, right? Yeah. But, like, I feel like, remember Zach Morris got ripped? Did he? Remember he got jacked for, like, the college years? Mark Paul Gossler?

Mark Paul Gossler got, like, big. But, like, it's one thing to get big. Like, like, like, Zach Efron has, like, no body fat. No. I'm concerned that, like, he's, he's, because, like, what's his name, the dude from the fucking other Y.A. movies who's always at the Ranger games? You mean Anson Elligort? Whatever that guy's name is.

I mean, for once in future puck soup guest, Anson Elligord, who's in the baby driver? He's not, he's not, he's not ripped. Right. He's like us. He's totally, I like him. And the other guy, too, this fucking guy who's in the movie with the drugs and the, he played the boxer.

He got ripped for that, I guess, but like. Jake Gillumall? No, that guy's ripped. Who are we talking about? Oh, you mean, oh, you mean, uh, what's his face? Michael B. Jordan? Miles Teller. Oh, Miles Teller.

He's at the movie with a foxword. Let's make Creed. I know who Creed is. He played the other guy, Vinnie Pazian. was it? I don't know. But yeah, Miles Teller, yeah, he's a normal dude do. He's just like a, yeah, Zach Franz, he's a, he's possibly the hottest human being living. I'm willing to say that as a heterosexual man. But the point of the question was, I don't know, the commercials look kind of funny. They look kind of funny. I think there's a high possibility of it being 21 Jump Street.

Yeah. That's what it feels like to me is like they're going to make fun of the whole premise of, like we're watching the Bay. Like, it looks like it could be okay. Dwayne the Rock Johnson rarely makes a bad movie. His movies are usually entertaining. The one with, um, I can't remember anyone's name. Central. Central Intellectal. Oh, dude, I know. Seattle, Zeta, Seattle, drained your brain. Central Intelligence with Kevin Hart was, was actually funny.

Not bad. It looked terrible. But it's got, this movie also has Alexandria de Dario. Do you know who she is? I think so. Yeah, this is her. Remember her? Oh, yes, from True Detective. From True Detective. Yeah, she's, she's, she's, and she's going to be in a bikini. I'm okay with that for most of the film. So I'm going to have to

go and give it a big old thumbs up. Actually, she was in another movie with The Rock. Yeah, she played his daughter in the fucking earthquake movie. Don't tell me they bang in this one, or like, you know. I think he's more like the Hasselhoff. I think he doesn't bang any of them. Oh, okay. He's just like their den mother.

Or whatever. I might go see that movie. I gotta go see Guardians this weekend. It's great. Then we won't do the Guardians question because Nick Massey wanted to know, favorite least airport of Guardians. I will say this about the Guardians movie, not to spoil anything. The Guardians movie has one of the sickest, most twisted, I can't believe Marvel allowed it villain plots I've ever seen.

It's great. It's so good. It is like, the deeper you dig into it and how, not only how fucked up it is in actuality, but also psychologically, it's perfect. It's so good. Guardians 2, I highly recommend it. I actually may have liked it in a different way than the first one, but it's close. I feel like somebody gave that away on Twitter. I think I kind of know it.

the full twist of it, but like who the bad guy is because people have to fucking tell you about movies eight minutes after they came out. Oh, speaking of which, Steve Woodhead wants to know. What's the most obnoxious kind of shaming? Okay. Food, film, or travel as in, oh my God, you've never eaten seen bin to blank? Which is the most obnoxious type of shaming? What was the second one? Movie?

Food, film, or travel? Oh, my God, you've never seen blah, blah, blah. Hmm. I think, I don't think travel. Well, okay, the most obnoxious kind of shaming is travel. Because travel requires a much larger investment than food or film. So, like, if you're like, oh my God, you've never been to Buenos Aires or, you know, you've never been to fucking Fiji? Yeah.

That would be really obnoxious. Because I love food shaming Travis Yost. He's got the worst food takes of ever seen of anybody alive. I can't possibly say that's the answer. So, yeah, the third one. always say travel. Oh my god, you've never been to... I was actually surprised by how many people I know have been to Seattle. I never really mentioned it. Like, did anybody tell me that place was so awesome? Are you ready to have an NHL team there now? Oh my God. I want a team there more than

Vegas at this point. Like move Phoenix to fucking Seattle or Glendale, I remember the fuck they are now. Move them to Seattle. Get them there. It's a cooler, cooler environment. It's nice. Dave Mickle-downy. Dave, Mcldowny. You know. That sounds like a character they make up on. It's always sunny. Hi, I'm Dave Mickledowney, real estate agent. How relieved is the NHL slash NBC that two Canadian teams

won't play in the cup final? I don't think they're out of the wilderness yet because they still get up Ottawa in the cup final and that's a death knell. I'm so baffled as to why anyone who's a fan gives a shit about that. I see that tweet all the time during the playoffs. Like, oh, this is the nightmare matchup

for the, like, why do you care? I'll tell you why I care. I mean, like, we care because it's our business. I know, I care because it's my business. I care because. I want people to get into it. And I care because

I genuinely hate I genuinely hate negative media coverage of the NHL and when the Boy, you must, why do you follow me on Twitter? I meant from outside the family. The ratings for Ottawa and the ducks

were the lowest, like, recorded. And so, like, we could be headed for another one of those and, like, that's just going to be like, Was it Ottawa Jersey? Hockey's dead. Ducks Jersey, was not the worst one? Ducks Jersey in 03?

No. No. Ottawa and the Ducks had like one of the lowest recorded ratings for any show ever on like a Saturday night. But like, I understand when the ratings come out and you're like, oh, this sucks. But like to like worry like two rounds in advance. Oh my God. This is going to be awful when it's blank versus blank.

Like awful for, yeah, NBC. But like why do you? Why? I just, that tweet bugs me more than any other tweet when people do that. But, you know, I don't know. They're probably not going to be happy if it's Ottawa versus. and I'm Nashville Pittsburgh is probably the ideal matchup right I would agree with that that's that's the sexy money one sexy a couple more real quick Terry Kelly wants to know how do you pronounce the Keebler cookie is shaped like elves

I say e L fudge but I have a friend who says elfudge almost elfage like Spanish elfudge I always thought it was E L fudge yeah but elfudge kind of makes sense now that I've seen it like that might be Elfage? Like all one word? No, it's the elphage. That question's kind of weird, but it's not as weird as the guy who stands up and wipes his ass that we got last week. Oh, I had one more of those type questions. Oh, here we go. Finally, Gary wants to know.

How do you wash your balls? Gary, leave me alone. No, it's Gary's cool. One at a time. The rest of us do. I put on my balls one sack at a time. Just like every other. Eric and God bless you and God bless it.

How do you use those toilet seat covers? I don't. I don't. I don't. Or just sit on it. I don't. I don't. I don't either.

I will wipe it down, but I will never put a toilet seat cover. Yeah, I'm not going to wipe it down because usually here in the city, there's urine on it. Oh, yeah. There's nothing. Oh, by the way, like, that season's over. We can do this. The MSG press room has a urinal and a toilet. And, like, once you get done doing the locker room is pretty much, there's kind of a rush for it.

also right outside the press room is the MSG concourse where you can go to a bathroom if you're going to poop after after the game don't do it in the press room bathroom members of the media this is members of the media like there's like 40 stalls right outside there's privacy just go poop out there

and I get it it's the end of the game there's probably some some rough toilet seats in there but you can find one there's no courtesy left in the world no no like I didn't think was after game six I'm standing there Pee and I didn't know someone was in there. All of a sudden I just hear, and like I jumped. I was not prepared for a huge

1045 poop happening to my left, but I'm just saying, maybe go outside. Oh, I thought Larry Brooks was making a propeller noise. Speaking of that, I was in the, I was in Press Row in Pittsburgh for game six, and I was a late addition to the press box, so I was all the way on the right side. You know, like, if you're like a late credential,

you don't get to sit with like all the, regular folks who're just like there where like they kick out a scout. You get to sit that chair. Go watch the A-1 TV. And I had to go take a piss between periods. And I knew there'd be a rush because like it's a tight game, whatever. And I go and I say, you know what? Instead of making a right where everybody else is going to be, let me go left and see what happens.

You know what I discovered? A family bathroom. And here's the best part. Where was this? In Pittsburgh. Oh, I think you're saying MSG House. What fuck is that? Because like what families are on Press Row?

There are none families. Well, what about when... What were you going to say? What if, like, Bob McKenzie wants to take a dump with Sean McKenzie? I suppose they would qualify for the... They would use that bathroom together. The finally, finally, because you have to go. Yeah, I got to go.

Let's talk about MSG for a second. Do you consider it to be... Nope, it's terrible. Do you consider it to be a worthwhile and commendable attempt at trying to treat the press well? by, along with horrible coffee and boxes of year old popcorn, they just started, they just started bringing a giant bowl and throwing like Halloween candy in it. It's fucking great. I got to get off.

I'm glad they're out because like between everything I ate in Seattle and the candy at the press box, like I'm going to be 260 pounds by like June. Like every other place. Like I had a meal in Pittsburgh where it's like for 10 bucks you get like seven, seven, seven. It was like being at a wedding. Oh, the press meal? Yeah, but like in the Rangers games, it's like, it's the worst. There's nothing. And then you go upstairs and finally it's just like, they're like, you know what, these guys, let's just give the media something.

Here's a bunch of almond joys. And the best is like they run out. If you get to a game, like, say like I roll one for a seven o'clock game at like 6.30, they're out of water in the fridge already. Like, I just want a water. I'll pay for it. Like put more in there. I'll give you two bucks for it. It's a, it's in terms of getting free stuff.

And the press meal, too, is bad. I mean, I don't know. I haven't had it in years, but it used to be bad. It's not the best place to get free stuff if you're a journalist. No, it's not. All right, that's a show for this week. Thanks to everybody who said hi when I was in D.C. in Pittsburgh, the two dudes that I saw at the Irish Channel that were in the Puck Daddy Fantasy League,

whose names escape me, because I'm horrible with remembering them. You were drunk. Dave and I say hi. I wasn't drunk yet. It's up. And, yeah, that's about it. condolences to our friends you wrote about Capitals fans and I think

that's a beautiful thing to write about because I really do feel horrible for Capitals fans somebody just tweeted at me they were like use my thing for the Ulogy don't do it don't do anything mean don't do anything mean to us I mean what can you possibly say at this point that you haven't said about the caps right I have a lot of friends in D.C. still and I

really feel bad that they've got to go through this every fucking year and now twice at the hands of the penguins and they're not like a fan base where like they've had all the success and now you can laugh at them I'm like, they've got nothing. No, I think the worm turned on Ovechkin and the capitals a while ago where, like, people are just like, oh, come, we're just enough.

Just went already. Right. Stop this nonsense. It's like, um, it's like that scene from The Simpsons where it's like, stop. You're already dead. All right. Well, thank you everybody for listening to this one. And you have anything to add there?

Seattle boy? No. I had a thought about something, but I got, I got no time. I got to be downtown in 29 minutes. So, next week. All right. We'll see you next week. Now Leavingnerdist.com