Puck Soup - Chris Johnston

Episode Date: May 4, 2017

Greg and Dave welcome Chris Johnston of Sportsnet and, in a podcast first, Chris's adorable dad to talk about the Stanley Cup Playoffs, the ridiculousness of fame, Ottawa as a hockey town, Canada vs. the U.S., separate rules for playoff hockey and much more. Plus, Rob Rossi pens a wild Sidney Crosby conspiracy theory, the Devils win the Draft Lottery, Mike Milbury and the future of hockey hot takes, NHL players as MARIO KART drivers, a round of "Is This An A-Hole?" and your reader mail, including Taco Bell Chicken Chips and Matt Damon vs. George Clooney. Sponsored by Seat Geek and Harry's Razor

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Download the C-Geek app today, promo code Soup, and enjoy the show. Now entering nerdist.com. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slap shots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you'll commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's and tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. Puck Soup. I'm Greg Wischinski of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy Blog.

I'm Dave, and I wish we had a different intro. And you're in Puck Soup. Now, Dave, this was a pretty monumental week in the world of hockey. Yes. It's a week in which a professional Hockey Raters Association member named Rob Rossi decided to pen a fanciful tale of the Washington Capitals planning a JFK-style assassination of one Sydney Crosby.

No, that really happened. I got the audio. You didn't see that on Twitter? I tweeted out the transcript of the audio. For those who don't know, Dave tweeted out, created a... I'll pull the curtain back. Created. Okay, Dave came across the audio of the internal meeting involving the Capitals. I didn't come across

it. It was good. I didn't go, I didn't have an orgasm. It was fine. Dave spilled himself all over. And you, it went, I would say viral would be the thing that it did, right? It's doing numbers. Doing some numbers.

What does that amount to you? Do you get new followers if you write something that goes crazy viral? Like your bullshit Vin Scully. I'm sorry, that Vin Scully audio you came across many times? Do you really think Vin Scully did not go on a five-minute rant about Game of Thrones and incest between the Lannister siblings? Are you serious? He obviously did that. By the way, the thing I continue to not get about the internet is, so the Vince Scully stuff,

the first one I did was like believable. It was about him doing like a PSA for like bladder infections or whatever and he's an old man and he pees a lot so this is like okay the next one I forget what the next one was about it was about like one of the pictures on the giants you know growing up in a town and he loved the legend of Zelda and then Vince Scully goes on a four minute rant about all the details of Legend of Zelda people believe that

for this Capp's one I don't understand how you could read that So here's what happened. Like I wrote it in the morning, posted it to like 11. From like 11 until 5. It was just like LOL. This is funny, which is great. And then from like ever since like 5.36 o'clock on Tuesday until now,

a flood of like, oh my God, I can't believe this really happened. Is this real? I don't know if this is real. Like somebody was yelling at Mark Lazarus and his mentions about, yeah, some guy says he has the audio, but he hasn't released it. So I think it's fake. It is fake. I made it up.

How do you not know that? 13.30. thousand favorites as we do this. Sample pros. Tom Wilson. How do you want me to do it? Mick Baxter, no, that's too obvious. It needs to be perfectly choreographed and preferably involved two of our most important players.

Tom Wilson, are you sure? I could just run him from behind and when he's down, I can take my skate off. And Matt Niskinin interjects me. I will do it. I will kill Sid. Alex Hvetchin. No, let me do it. Matt Niskenen.

No, I will do it. that goes back and forth for a minute. Nick Baxter, what if you both do it? There is stage direction in there that says they chanted. What was the chant again? The chant, I believe the chant was We Kill Sid for two minutes.

For two minutes. Can you imagine reading that and saying to yourself, is this real? I think it's real. These people vote. These are people that fall for fake news. The unspoken part of this, Rob Rossi stuff in which he of course as you know for his the site he writes for

Upgroove G.R. Umlaught over the UV. I called it Upgrove until I heard Chris Johnson say it last night. Yeah I think it's Upgrove right I didn't put that together. I'm not smart. He penned a fanciful tale in which the Washington Capitals and a player is only meeting after game two decided to take out Sidney Crosby by any means necessary. They found the right opportunity during a bang bang play in front of the net in which Alex Ovechkin slashed Crosby viciously to prevent a scoring opportunity. Crosby stumbled and then fell into a Matt Niskin and cross-check and or putting his gloves up to defend himself. The slash didn't even do anything to Crosby, by the way.

The splash was pretty bad. No, it was pretty bad. Did you hear P.M. McGuire during the broadcast? No, I didn't. A lot of people don't know this, but Alex O'Fetch gets pretty big. He actually said that during the broadcast. He wasn't being... Yeah, I did hear that.

He wasn't being ironic. He was like, he was like, here's... Pierre Brain. Hey, there's information up here that needs to get out to be. People, they might not know it. Travels down to the mouth part. Comes out of the mouth part. Alex Ovechkin, lot people don't know us, but he's big.

Despite the fact that, like, he doesn't know his own strength has been a trope since 2005. Despite the fact there have been fucking steroid rumors about him, despite the fact that he's just, like, the biggest guy on the ice at the time. It's like, this is the knowledge we're getting from these goddamn broadcasts. But still, the stick to the head did nothing. Crosby probably didn't even feel it. He lost his balance because Giant Ovechkin kicked his skate out. That's why he lost his balance. So there's that.

And then there's also the whole, like, oh, they were going to head hunt him. Last time I checked, Crosby's head is usually about another foot higher at that moment. So it's not like Matt Niskin was, like, jumping into him with a forearm or an elbow. Here's the other thing. This fucking. If it was really search and destroy, how was Mark Andre Fleury alive? I know. Like, if you're going to pull the pin on that grenade, and ain't Sidney Crosby, it's the fact that you are one Tom Wilson,

bowling ball into the crease away from Tristan Jari being your game for its starter for God's sakes. Oh, it seems like that the caps have dressed Who is that? Oh, apparently it's just a large man who just got a prison, it seems. He rises from the ice.

Hey, uh, what's your name, son? It's on the roster. I'm the juggernaut, bitch. And just Rams fucking flurry into the second row. God, this sport is just the worst. No, I, I, I, In a couple things.

In Rossi's defense, if he had just left it at the Capitol's plan to get more physical after game two, that's completely plausible. The way they played game three would indicate that they wanted to get more physical. That's not what he believes. But he believes that they ordered to hit. They ordered to code red. He believes that they were going to try to hit him high as often as possible. They were going to take him out. People who are on Rossi for the question at the end of the press conference, I'm fine with like calling out a coach on his bullshit when he said,

so-and-so is a hockey play. Oh, you mean this exchange? Barry. Is the play by Alex that led to Sid sort of staggering into Niskinan where he appeared to get the stick up towards the face? Is that a hockey play? And then Barry says, was there a penalty? I don't

understand. Does it have to be a penalty to be a hockey play? Is it a hockey play also, uh, flower? Uh, no. I'm not going to defend anything. Yeah, this is the part that lost me, too. is when he goes. All of a sudden, Trots decides to be like, Trots says that's what you do on Twitter.

Right. In an argument about something where you're... Steer it. Steer it somewhere else. That was totally a hook on Colin from Shatt in your... Oh, yeah. Well, why didn't they call X, XYZ on XYZ? First of all, he says, is Koonitz's predatory hit on Oshie?

I also thought that was an accident. I don't think Koonitz was lining up Osi. I think they were just two guys going full speed to turn into each other. I don't think that was a predatory hit either. But he goes, or the one on Backstream. Is that okay? I don't even know what that one was.

He's just throwing out names now. What about the one on Dale Hunter? What about the Pierre-Turjean play? I'm not going to debate on all that stuff. So that's a terrible question. No, it's not. That's a good answer. And then Rossi gets, so no, Barry?

Hold on the Trotsis, Francesa. Next, you got your answer. And that, of course, led to Rob Rossi cutting a wrestling promo on Barry Trotson, which you called him a stupid loser, basically. Like, the stuff he wrote, though, where he's like, they premeditated the hit. like, isn't that, like, I'm not a journalism major. I guess I was. I'm not a journalism expert.

Isn't that, like, like, why about it? It's kind of dancing around it. Yeah, like you're... I think, like I wrote about when I took, I ripped off fire Joe Morgan and did that thing on Puck Daddy. My issue with it is that, like, it's, if you want to say that shit, whatever. But this is a sport where the game, the whole league changed forever. when this shit actually did happen, when the Canucks decided to take out Dominic Moore. Steve Moore.

Sorry, Jesus. Sorry about that. Dominic Moore is actually still in the NHO. It actually happened. And then it was like the first story on the Today Show the next day. And there were a criminal thing and a civil thing. And like it's a very serious thing to say that the capitals conspired to injure the biggest star in the league. But it's also the play where it happens, too.

Again, it's Ovechkin coming back as hard as he can. He's trying to hit Crosby, no doubt about it. He misses him. On a scoring play. He kicks his skate out. Crosby goes down to a knee because of that. And Ovechkin, or Ovechkin, Niskin. Like, people are always like, oh, you don't raise your stick in hockey.

You don't teach you that. Yeah, no one teaches you that. You just do it. Like, if you've ever seen, like, a fight where, like, oh, they got their sticks up. Like, that's what happens. Guys collide, and usually one hand is on the stick and one hand is, like, grabbing it at a face or punching. If you're holding your stick at that point, your gloves are going up to protect you from a guy barreling into you.

Right. But this situation, it was a guy barreling into him chest high. So, again, Niskinan doesn't extend his arms. It's just a shitty unlucky player. It is. And the NHL got it right by not suspending them. But like, here's the thing about the conspiracy theory. The five-minute major, I think, is fine, too, even though it wasn't, like, malicious.

I'm fine with that, too. Great area. Leave my pubic hair out of this. I fucking dare you. Oh, I am so sorry. I'm talking to the audience Um Where the fuck I see

Blue my I'm just kidding Oh no no no It's still young down there The uh It's based on everything I've seen it's smooth The um

I don't know I mean your dick area I mean your head Um Correct Based on your I'm just gonna stop So here's a thing If you wanted to be

An Alex Jones wing nut For hockey And entertain the theory there's actually a few breadcrumbs along the way that Rossi could point to and say and he tried to and say here's what actually happened and it's the capitals come out of there

players only meeting in game two and everybody's like to Matt Niskin and no less right none of your business what happened he's like none of your business and then everybody else is like none of your business and like all you're thinking about it after you read this Rossi story is fucking like

Nick Baxter walking around with Joker makeup going on on his face going Got to kill the bat. And then Barry Trott's had that line in his postgame press coffers that Rossi referenced to, which in no way was an inference to violence. I don't know. But it was... Got to ask the question. We got to go...

The capital... I'm sorry, the penguins are willing to go places in their room that we have to be willing to go to win a championship. Yeah, he means the exercise bike after the game. Keep the legs moving. He means fortitude. No, he means murder. all the times the penguins have taken out the star players of other teams murder murder murder murder

to change the fucking record already ah that's a movie reference so yeah so this was a this was a fun one and the best part is as we record this they're going to play a game for tonight and someone else is going to get murdered so maybe we should like do some hypothetical murder analysis just so we're like ahead of the game i can't believe insert name here got hurt like that as a as retribution for sidney crosbie's concussion Right. To see Patrick Hornquist actually cut off the dick of Braden Holpey with his skate. I mean, that's just going too far.

Like, you can argue Niskin and maybe had some intent, maybe not. I mean, to actually have the penguins hold down Brayden Holpey in the crease and do that to him, that's just, that's at least the game, I think, from player safety. Stick aside for a second. To know he's difficult in this podcast. What was your human reaction to seeing our friend? I mean, he's a friend of ours. Who's this?

Rossi. Oh, I think he meant Crosby. No, no, no, no, no. I was like, I was like, Crosby's not anybody's friend. Crosby's got one friend of the world. Who is it? Flurry.

Oh, I want to see him smile again someday soon. Right, and that's what I... But you don't, you think, sit, you think's... Come on, Sid, we're going to... What's that bar across the street? Shakes.

Shales. Shakes. We're going to Shales. Sid, we're going to Shales. Come on. Let's all go celebrate. I don't know, guys. I mean, there's a playbook to study.

I just want to see him go over to Shales and smile again You don't smile enough What did you think when you saw Rossi Rothos? On a human level, on a human writer level Which I know it was an oxymoron Yeah, none of us are human, we're all dead inside We just reference our pubs on podcasts for clicks Well like I always think like

People always say, okay, so like today I wrote something where I just take the piss out of Jonathan Taves for like 800 words because getting him all kinds of chance to get on the same level as the top 100 even though he's not top 100. That's the whole joke. People are like, are you just doing that for clicks? Like, eh, like 20% maybe? Yeah, but you're doing it to take the piss out

of a fan base. 80%. And also a notion that Taves is one of the top 100 players of all time. A concept. And plus I just had fun doing it. Well, it's like when you and I got criticized for a joke when Crosby got hurt. We did? Yeah, I retweeted the joke that you made about Alex Ovechkin's spirit jumping into the body

of Matt Niskin. Oh, right. Well, that's just like, that's like people that got mad about the Barron's Trump joke. No, but like, that's like people who don't understand how jokes work. We think because the joke involves a bad thing. You're making fun of the bad thing. Like, no, you're making something fun of something tangentially related to it.

Right. I just, I thought, I kind of really thought Rob was just like having. The other thing, too, I always think about in life is like most people aren't dicks. They're just bad at joking around. And sometimes, like, a joke comes across mean-spirited when you don't mean for it to because you're just not, you know, well-versed in how to control. and stuff, but, like, Rob's not really unfunny. Rob's a funny guy.

So I just, I thought maybe something got lost in translation, but I, I, he stuck with it. I thought, yeah, like, I just, sometimes, like, you know, like, it's not that he doesn't believe what he wrote. He believes, he believes they were, they were going to come after Cosby, hit him high, hit him hard, and it got to that point. But, I mean, to write what he did where he's, like, accusing the capitals of, like, talking about it and planning it. I mean, like, you can do that in a funny way.

for instance, you can have like Nick Baxter screaming at Swedish in 45. But people believe that. Like, it's a thing. So it's like, it's just such a dangerous thing to write. I've been, I agree with you. I think it might have been a thing

where he didn't know where the line was and the line should be don't accuse a national hockey league team but putting a bounty on someone else's head because this is a shit that's happened. And it's not like Rob's a home or anything. Like Rob's taking the piss out of the penguins as much as any other team.

Many times. Yeah. So it's not that. I just, I don't know. I remember being in a press box or being in a in a locker room like waiting to go into a locker room with Rob

and and him saying you know like I'm gonna you know I'm gonna fucking torch him you know just about and it was probably about the penguins at that point and you could just see like you know this is this was him at his apex this was him at his his

angriest his his he hates I think he probably hates the capitals he loves Sid's his boy I think there's probably a lot there of kind of personal anger towards the situation. Like you're a columnist, so you don't have to

detach yourself from that totally. It's not like you're just reporting the story, straight news. But I much appreciate Rob diving in with a cannonball. There was other guys, like another Pittsburgh columnist, Ken Campbell from the Hockey News, did the same thing, that sort of dipped their toes

into the capitals conspired to take out Crosby pool but never dove in the way Rossi did. Rob committed to the bit. And I've always said that. Like, when you're going to do stuff, commit to it, the total, there's a total diet shasta version column of what Rob did from somebody in Pittsburgh whose name I don't know or remember.

What did King Campbell do? King Campbell do the same thing. Of the, you have to wonder what they're saying in that meeting kind of thing. And it's just like. Oh, the post game, too? Yeah. Like, again, I completely agree with the premise that you're down two O, you got to win four out of five.

You're fucking losing to the same team he always lost two. I can see somebody being like, we got to just keep it and sit. there's no way in front of 23 people can you just start announcing murder that's not how that's not how murder works like you don't tell 23 people you're going to do murder but like you said like like uh you know it's it's much better to instead of doing the you know you know some people are saying kind of call them then right they put up a lot of poster on the on the wall it was sid it said take this man out out of target on it was on a dartboard there was like vulnerabilities in his brain area that they could

Totally hit. I completely like like like and again like I I I I don't know how I saw the first I think Japer's Rink like like read it a screenshot screenshot it. Yeah. And I read it and I'm like you I don't know and then I went and found it. I'm like oh. Yeah. This was not an aside.

It's just not a parenthetical aside of the column. This was the column. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. All right. Real quick. Do your thing.

Real quick before we get to other stuff. Are you are you? We don't at this point. don't know about Sid's status for five. Are you worried that this is... Oh, I think he's done for the playoffs. You think he's done for the playoffs? But I mean, are you now...

Is this... I mean, are we getting towards Lindross-Lafontein territory? Oh, for sure. It's at least the third one that we know about. And they're all pretty fucking bad. Well, the second one, I guess, was kind of connected to the first one. But this was... This wasn't like...

Clark MacArthur came back and played game four or game three. We thought it was a concussion. They showed, like, highlights of, like, a bunch of hits in game two when he didn't come back, and they were all just, just, like, textbook checks. And you're like, oh, no. And it ended up being fine. It's one thing to have, like, a regular hit knock you out for a concussion. Like, Niskin and fucking, like, he wasn't trying.

You'd fucking hit him. I took a screen grab of when they're sticking his head. As you can tell, it was intense. By the way, that was the other great part of this, too, is, like, first of all, Twitter was a fucking tire fire for 36 hours after this hit. It was rough. And there were people that were, like, tweeting. I forget who it was, but somebody who tweeted a thing that was, like, Matt Niskin and will not suspended for his hit on Sidney Crosby and it was like a screenshot of the actual head hit and I'm

like, wait, are you insinuating that he should be suspended? Like, what am I supposed to take out of this? And everybody was just, every take was just sillier than the next. Like, like, oh, he extends his hand. Oh, he's, he, but, um, yeah, I, I, he's not even 30 years old. Yeah. It's, it sucks because I was saying the other day that like, I'm having a hard time remembering a better year, like, 365 day period for a player than him. Like the numbers he put up last year, on top of winning the cons might, the top of winning the World Cup.

You shouldn't win the consmate. On top of, I know that. You won Phil Kessel's consulate. On top of being a heart nominee again this year, on top of, you know, being a team that was very much on track to win a cup and still could be. I mean, it was, it was

the year of Sid. And it was the year, it was also the year in which everybody put their bullshit about him aside and just admitted, yeah, he's goat. He's the He's the best player of his generation. Connor will be there eventually, but there's nobody on Sid's level.

I don't know. I think people were kind of saying Connor was better than Sid at this point. Those people are fucking idiots. Because you know what? You know what? There's a part of the game called defense that Sid had to work his ass off to figure out, and Connor's not there yet.

All right, Milbury. He doesn't want it enough. He doesn't know how great. Let me ask you this. Yeah. Crosby's done for the postseason. Can they win the cup? Yes. I think so, too.

This team... Be really hard, though. There's only one team in the league that knows how to do this, and it's them. They went into game four, and again, we're doing this before game four, without their number one center, the number one defenseman, and their starting goalie. And, like, they've just thrived. But, like, that dam is... Like, that Mark Andre Fleury dam is going to start leaking soon. You know, you said that, and everybody's been giving you shit for it.

But especially now, like, when you lose your number one possession driver, you're going to have... Like, Mark Andreoy, his say percentage is at, like, 9.33 at this point going at the game before. He was 908 in the regular season. Like, there's going to, he's going to, he's going to, he's going to middle out there. And I just, if they, if they, here's the thing. Still got Gino. Right. I really, that's the thing, too.

If, like, the penguins go on the win, I hope fucking, again Malkin gets another fucking consmite. He will get a conspite if they win the cup. Three cup, or three cups, two heart trophies. One heart, I think. One heart, two hundred. heart and then maybe two cons beating is just one mine um like that would be a great story but i think if they if they don't win game four they might be fucked if they can squeak out and get up three one and force the caps to win three in a row they can still probably do it but but i think the bottom

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Harry's razor. Oh, I'll be thinking that soon with the rest of my mind. Okay. A couple things real quick. before we get to Chris Johnson and another special guest came in for the interview. Mr. Johnston. The Devils won the draft lottery.

I was super happy about it. Super happy or just the right amount of happy? Right amount of happy, Edmonton. Don't worry about it, babies. I was the right... I was a modulated amount of happy. I was watching you tweet that night, and I was like, boy, why are no Edmonton fans getting on him

for about how happy is about this winning this shitty? Let's not talk about the devil's victory. Let's talk about the ones that did not win. Well, actually, let's talk about the flyers get the second pick, which is amazing, because they're odd. I think they were like a 2.2% chance of getting the top pick. Finally, finally, they're going to be able to get a player on their team that's not a star, but is a second line guy. They don't have any of those. What are the chances that the ghost of Ed Snyder visited Bettman before the draft lottery had him fix it?

Gary, it's me. Was it like the scene in the Ghostbusters movie where Dan Aykwright's in the bed? And the ghost hovers over. Where my pants? Ed Snyder! This scene doesn't seem any real importance to the movie. And the Dallas Star is the third pick. The Colorado Avalanche who had...

Those poor bastards. By the numbers, one of the worst seasons of the last 20 years. I think it's the worst season ever because they're not an expansion team and they weren't trying to lose. Right. And they still did this. Right. Got the fourth pick. Now, that might allow them to draft a defenseman, which would be good.

Which they need. Which they need. But my God, like, you go through all that. and then don't get the top pick. Okay, so Colorado sucked ass as hard as you can possibly suck ass and they're only going to pick fourth. Arizona kind of tanked,

I don't know what the hell that fucking shaking guy's doing, to be honest, and he ends up picking seventh. Vegas, Vegas is just trying to lay a foundation to be mediocre next year, and they're going to pick sixth. They keep tweaking the odds in the lottery every year because some team tanks against Matthews or McDavid, and now it's just like, Philly's picking.

second. What do you feel about the idea that the draft lottery should be disbanded and that we should reward teams? There was that guy who came up the idea of once your team is eliminated the amount of points that you gain after you're eliminated is

increases your draft lotter odds. You fucking finish last shit. Pick first. Does anybody complain about the NFL draft? Is everyone it was everyone like oh man the Jaguars are picking? No, just fucking pick first. Like it's like no one gets mad about that. Like in hockey Oh man

Tanking's killing Again I bring us up all the time Do you think it's because the number of games Is the difference? The Buffalo Sabres tanked super fucking hard To the point where the fans were cheering In Arizona win in Buffalo in overtime Fans get behind it

Like anyone who doesn't like it Just I I There are so few viable ways To turn your team around And tanking is one of them And if again

If a fan base gets behind it It should be just a thing that you can do Are you in favor of the lottery? It sounds like you might even not even like the lottery sucks. Oh, I see I like it. You finish 30th, you third 31st. You pick first. Simple as that. Like it's not. Yeah, but I love misery. Like I love the idea. I kind of love the idea that like it's a theme of this podcast today. You threw away your season to get this thing and then because of a fucking bingo ball or whatever, like you don't get it. Right. I love it. So, so. You know what's funny is like the devil's

finished third to last, right? Or four. fourth the last this year? Whatever they finished. They might have like the fifth highest odds, I think. Was it fifth? It was Colorado, Arizona, and then they stuff Vegas in there. And then Vancouver, I'm thinking I forget. Vancouver too.

Like, I mean, I just, I don't know. Like, I feel like if you're a fan, even if your team tanks or doesn't tank, and you finish last, you should get the first pick. Like, this year in the NFL is a bad example. But like, you know, you fucking finish last. You take Eli Manning, you win two Super Bowls. You don't have to worry about losing a fucking lottery to the Raiders. It's just, you know, you know, that's the thing, too, is like at the end of the NFL season,

when there's, like, two teams who are, like, you know, one and 14, they're going to the last week. You're like, it's, like, it's, like, oh, are we going to pick second? Oh, well, well, actually, you're going to have the second best odds of drafting Mitch Trubisky. Like, no, just, just, just, I don't even know what the NHL is protecting against with the lottery. It's stupid. I hate it. Do you hate the draft as much as people hate the actual draft? I hate, I hate, I hate, you know what I hate about the draft?

What do you hate? I hate about the fact. I hate the fact that. As a collection of hockey fans, Americans aren't smart enough to know all these prospects are. Oh, yeah. But we all pretend. Oh, I don't know fucking dick all about Nolan Patrick. It's like, how do you not take Prover off with that pick?

Like, because no one... No, some people are into it. I get... No, I agree. Like, people that watch World Junior, they know the prospects. But like, the by and large, like, if you're just Joe fan watching your team on... Well, first of all, if you're Joe fan, you're not watching the fucking draft. You're at the beach.

You're at the beach like a normal fucking person after the cup final. But like if you're one of us that has to be in Chicago or whatever And then it's like with the 11th pick The Blab Blas de Blas take Francois Bojolet From Saint-Fromage The Ontario Hockey League You're just like Bojolay over Sullivan What the fuck!

Right and people like five years later They're just like Dillon McElrath man You could have taken Cam Fowler like Yeah obviously now but like Honestly God sitting there I would not have known the difference between those two guys No but I get I think the draft in the NHL has one thing to its advantage over the other leagues. Although I remember the NBA draft being like this too a little bit this past year.

It's a trade market. Like, the selection of anonymous Canadian and foreign kids is the sidebar to getting all the general managers at one place and then having them make trades and then also doing their kind of like final word before summer vacation, which is the other reason why the draft is pretty cool. And you can also complete your framework of a drug sting against the player while you're at the draft too. That's right. I will bring that up. I'll fucking bring that up every opportunity I get.

But the NHL doesn't really trade that much. I mean, like, there's a lot of trades in the drafts. No, but like that's. Oh, Horvatt, the Canucks. Yeah. No, there's not trades of picks. There's just trades of like people. Right.

It's the greatest part about it. Yeah. But like the NBA, like the NBA is like the Pays just like blah, blah, blah, blah. And that dude's traded like four minutes later. Here's my question. They do that a lot. The NHL. If rights holders get to be on the floor with the GMs.

Yeah, like Darren Dregor's walking around. Yeah. Like walking around and saying, when you're done making that trade, sir, would you like a beautiful glass of Merlo with me at the hotel bar? Why don't you guys hire Dave Nones? He's a good man, good hockey man. He should be the next GM of the Sabres.

It's a pretty good trade, sir, but I think it would be even better. If you had a certain expertise in your front office, How about a certain David notice? I respect Rob Rossi going out on a limb and fucking shredding the capitals way more than I do fucking Darren Drager stumping for his cousin every chance he gets. But here's the question.

I can't be on the floor because I don't work for a rights holder. If I was to get spy tech and sit in the front row or stand by the fence at the draft with one of those microphones in a big dish behind it. Like one of the John Loo sticks? No, no. I mean like a listening device.

Oh, like one of those microphones that you point out. somebody having a conversation from like far away. The dudes are like on the NFL sidelines that hold the mics on the sides. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Would that be legal? Or would I lose my credential if I would listen to none, like Brian Burke having a conversation with like somebody. Only one way to find out.

We're taking the show to Chicago in June. Well, I mean, I think I tend to believe that I'd be all right because, I mean, the draft's kind of a different animal. Like, they'll credential anybody for the draft. Yeah. It's like, you know. You might get sued for like stealing proprietary information. Maybe. That might hurt you.

Jacketsfan 69.com. Yarmow, quick question. Yarmo. Oh, wait, before we end this segment, we were talking about this before. You would not do Corey Schneider for the third pick to Dallas. You're against that. I hesitate to do it for... He who hesitates.

Just the masturbates. Does not finish last. I hesitate to do it just for the third pick. I need something else along with the third pick. But like the idea of, because you feel like the devils need a tank, right, to get, or I guess you can't really tank anymore, finish last and then come in the top four for the draft next year. So think about it. Like, if you take this trade.

No. You pick first. You pick third. And you pick no worse than fourth next year. That's two years, three top four picks. You've sped up the process of the tank and you're ready to go in 18. I need something else back for him. What do you want?

I don't care. You want Alexiak? You want Klingberg? One more thing before we get to Chris, which is Mike Milbury. What were your thoughts when you saw Mike Milbury criticized P.K. Suban for dancing? Here's what my initial thought was the scene from Gattaca. Whoa.

When Jude Law is, he's Jerome, Jerome, the metronome. And he's distracting a cop, so Ethan Hawking get away. and he's like being, because like Jerome has the genetic thing, so he's like, you know, Hawley talk. Ethan Hawke is pretending to have the genetic thing. Yeah, he's just, he's like arguing with the cop and he just goes, I'm bored. I'm bored with you.

That's how I feel. That's how I feel whenever Mike Milbury talks now. I'm bored. I just, like, all right. A hot take needs to be at this point so hot. Like, for instance, you need to accuse the capitals of conspiracy to murder. Yeah, for example. Just to throw it out there.

Just to throw out an example of how hot a take needs to be. Yeah. Like, criticizing P.K. Subat in 2017 for, like, individualism is so, it's just, it's a boring hot take. It's not even a good hot take. And on top of that, so that was Saturday, right? That was game two, because they lost that game. They lost that game because he was dancing during the pre-dainting.

I even dancing, just bob in his head. The next day, Rangers' senators pre-game warm-ups. I don't know which Rangers players that were, but, like, one dude was snapping the puck between his legs, like he was a football center. He snapped it to a Ranger player. He threw the puck like he was a quarterback. I don't think Milbury was working that day. But I never saw any like, you know, retroactive like Rangers can't do that.

You got to be focused. Fuck off, man. It's just boring. I wrote a piece this week about how he, you know, I think that as NHL fans, we deserve Hot Takes. You and I disagree on that, I think, a little bit. I don't know why you want them. Because I find them interesting because I feel like hot takes can boil down the essence of your sport

in an easily digestible way. Big, big themes, heroes and villains, guys who want it, guys who don't, blah, blah, blah, blah. I just think he's shitty at it. Give me an example of, like, a good hot take for hockey. Like, you would want going into, like, you know, Nashville. I'll say, I'll say what a good hot take is. A good hot take is, is basing it on what's actually happening on the ice.

It's basing it on the numbers. It's having some factual backup. It's not the Milbury hot take. The Milbury Hot Take is something, You know, either based on his experiences in the 1970s or based on some just completely superfluous aspect of the game. I'll give you an example. Like, I think a good hot take is an oxymoron. I don't think it's an oxymoron at all.

I think I think you listen to good sports talk radio, which I'm sure you think is an oxymoron as well. Okay, example me. Okay, I don't have a perfect example for you. Oh, just a good sports talk radio show. Princessa. Oh, Jesus Christ. like in the mad dog. Dan Patrick

show is okay but he doesn't really do hot takes that's not a hot take show. Right. It's a nice guy interview show

for guys in their fucking 40s that wear Keds and watch sports jeopardy. Fuck you. I'm 39 and I'm wearing vans.

All right? I'm talking about someone who what we all thought Ronek would be would be the hot takest

that I want. A Barclay-esque hot takest. Oh, Barkley. That's what I want. But the problem with Millbury

is this. You're either going to get you're going, Mike, what should they be talking about in the locker room? Well, they got to, I mean, they got to play harder.

Right. Yeah, which is fucking stupid. But that's on a hot take. You're going to get this, which is, if you're the Rangers, how do you handle Carlson? Well, I'll tell you how I handle them. I just start punching him in the foot

until his foot falls off. So you want that. And I don't want that. Oh, you don't want that. It's stupid. Yeah. Okay. I want a smart but sizzily take

like like and again like not to put us over but like like i can write and like lambert can write but i want that on television but not me or lambert because we're terrible at it but like you guys don't do hot takes of course we lambert doesn't do hot takes name one lambert hot take oh my god lambert is the most measured tickets can uh give any hot takes to lozo that lambert has written uh hashtag it the blue jackets suck lambert hot take they suck mike milbury sucks they suck See, your problem is that you have a narrow definition of hot takes. You think hot takes are complete bullshit. That's why they're called hot takes.

No, but you're... That's why hot take is... No, hot take does not equal clickbait. I didn't say that. A hot take can mean that you have a take on something that's controversial. It does not mean necessarily that it's a falsehood or that it's a pumped up bullshit argument. I think that's what hot take means now, though. Then what am I trying to explain?

What am I talking about if it's not a hot take? take? A controversial take? A controversial comment? What would you consider? Was it Milbury you said? It might be a limberry. No, what do you consider saying that Jonathan Drewen or Cindy Crosby should play more like

Jonathan Drewen? Like, what is that? I would consider that to be moronic. Okay, that's what I mean. I don't know what a good take is. Okay, let me go big general picture. Go crazy. I am big general picture. So you have two terms in Namb. No, Taurus.

Terms, because I'm obviously a soldier. Arguing on the air why a coach should be fired. So like a debate thing about, wait, okay, so like... Like losing this series in five games is an indication that this man is unqualified to be the coach and should be fired. He is not the man to lead this team in the playoffs. Like that kind of thing. So like, all right, let's say... And here are the numbers that bear it out.

Their possession numbers are fla-flop. But that's not how to take it. That's just like thoughtful discussion about using facts. But you spice it up by saying like, he's a fat. Fuck. Dude, we want completely different television programs. See, my argument is that with hockey, there's one outlet for it. So you can do it good and do it well and not have to fight anybody else for clicks or views.

You can just do it the right way. You don't need to have like fucking Stephen A and Kellerman or whoever shout and shit. But you're right. Like, we do want two different things. Yeah. Because like, I want the studio show to be. something that grabs me by the fucking shirt collar and says, here is an important thing and here is my opinion and this is why you are wrong and I am right.

And a lot of other people want Mike Johnson, who's really smart and easy on the eyes. Yeah, he's a handsome man. But like ultimately, has there ever been a thing that he said, we're just like, oh, fuck that. I don't want to have to say that. I want to be able to say that. I don't want to look at my TV. hate the guy who's talking. That's why I don't watch.

But that's, I want to have a reason to tune in between periods. You know what we're doing right now. And I don't want hockey nice. We're having a hot take debate about hot tanks. That's right. I want this on the TV. So I'm not flipping over to see what's happening on first time flippers every time there's a stoppage in play.

See, what I want is not hot takes. I don't even really want smart shit. I just want fun. I just want it to be fun. I just want entertaining smart, smart people that aren't necessarily bogging me down with, like, the first period, you know, on a... Like, I am so tired of hearing about face-offs. Like, I don't want to hear about that during the intermissions.

Like, sure, like, yeah, Petrice Bergeron won 72%. Like, like, entertain me in between periods. Like, come up with something, like, during the 17 minutes or the 25, 30 minutes you're watching the game. You see, like, a play. Like, I don't want to break... Like, okay. In a game, a goal gets scored.

Pierre breaks it down. They show four replays. One nothing Minnesota, whatever. They go to the intermission. What do they do? Fucking Mike Milbury and Keith Jones are the same exact fucking thing. They break down the goal.

And it's like, I've seen this fucking one goal broken down seven times now in 16 minutes. Like, I don't need that. I want to be entertained by the studio people. I don't know what that means necessarily, but just I want it to be fun. You want it to be fun, which means you want banter. You want a little bit of...

Bantor's okay. I like banter. Yeah. I agree. But the problem is that what the current product is super boring. Here's how I'd fix it. Ready? move Pierre from between the benches into the studio.

The studio over the Buffalo Sabres have a... Yeah, a studio apartment in Buffalo where he's GM. No, into the studio of NBC. Put him there. Oh, that's not good. I don't know if you want to keep Keith Jones or not. No, he's fine, too. We just know.

And then back up a truck full of those bags with dollar signs on it, and insider is gold coins like Scrooge McDuck has. Back that up to... Ray Ferraro's house. I was going to say, you're playing way too much Zelda. And hire Ray Ferraro to be between the benches than NBC. Move, get rid of Pierre. One problem solved.

But you're not. You're putting him somewhere else. Make the studio better. He's better in the studio than he is between the benches. You're taking a pile of cockroaches in your kitchen and dumping them into your bedroom. It's still in your house. But let's say the cockroaches belong. They fit better in the bedroom.

Let's say there's like a bunch of cockroach native art in your fucking bedroom. And like they just look better there than they do in your kitchen. You don't want them in your kitchen. Because, right, so instead of the fucking cockroaches commenting on where I bought my chicken in 1987, they're commenting on the artist who fucking drew the cockroach thing. No, I don't want that at all anymore. I want none of that. There is nobody on NBC outside of Liam McHugh who I feel like needs to be there. Anson Carter, Jeremy Roanick, Keith Jones, Mike Milberry.

Brian Boucher's, I like Brian Boucher better between the benches than I do in the studio. He's good. Brian Boucher, Ray Ferraro should be the two guys in between the benches. I think Pierre is perfect in the studio. No, he's just to say the same shit. No, the reason I don't like him is because he feels the need to talk during play. And in the studio, there is a time to talk, at a time not to talk. A time to talk.

And it will be very, very distinct for him to not be like, you know, scoring play, amazingness, craziness. Oh, my God, the game is teetering on the brink of chaos and anarchy. Hey, you know, that, that Conner Sherry, what died. Skull, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what the worst part of the second round is? Why? You have Caps, penguins, and you know for all seven games, you're going to get Pierre, you're going to get Doc, you're going to get Eddie.

But, like, Pierre pops up in two of the other series all the time, and you're never fucking ready for it. Can I just point this out? Like, one guy has a cup ring from the penguins. Do they both have cup rings of the penguins? Probably, yeah. He was an assistant, wasn't he when he got it? Yeah, but Old Check won a cup with the Mario teams?

Yeah, like he was an assistant. at that point, wasn't it? I mean, well, I don't know about that. It's like, here's a Cowboys Giants, and it's me, Joe Bugway. Troy Akeman and Darrell Moose Johnston. I mean, like that's... I hate that. But, like, I mean, if you're going to hire nothing but former players in those roles,

you're going to have... There's no way to avoid that. Like, Eddie Olichick, call them Blackhawks, like how final games is worse to me than the Penguins thing, but... They should be... They should be forced to put Peter Bondra on that podcast. I'm not on that broadcast, rather, to even things out. I like, I like, like, looking out for the moments where Eddie Olcheck

as like quietly backdoor criticizing the penguins for stuff. Like, oh boy, you give a coach those kind of players. Anyone can win. Like, wow. I caught that, Eddie. And Pierre does the same thing. He's always like, could have really used no defenseman at that trade deadline. Just saying it.

Just saying it, Doc and Eddie. You know, not that I would be, you know, not that. Yeah, I'm just saying it, though. And Pierre always gets all more, he gets more amped up once there's a GM opening and his name gets out there. Suddenly he fucking knows even more about like fucking middle. school hockey stats. He's basically doing a job interview for any opening the first fucking round of the playoffs.

Pierre, why did you think about that three-on-one? Doc, I don't know, but I do think that they should probably reduce the ice time for Ruther Salanin. What? You know, the Buffalo Sabres, they should probably drop Ruthercelain as ice time by two minutes a game, just saying. Doc, let me tell you right now, if I'm building a team, I'm building it through the defense, the way the Nashville Predators did.

They've got four number one defensemen back there. That's the key. If any team has an extra defenseman, you can probably trade for one. If you have some young players in your team, you can probably trade him over there and make a move if you have extra draft picks as well. Wait, we're not even doing the Nashville game, Pierre. Pierre, kind of a surprise. Niskenham was involved in that play. He's a pretty good guy.

No, this is a pretty good guy. Terry Bagula. Great guy, very charitable. Penn State hockey. Oh, it's all Terry Pigula right there. Doc Nade, let me tell you right now, they might have lost the lottery, but they won Jack Eichol. Jack Eichol is a leader that can carry this team for many years. You just have to build around them.

Pierre, you're supposed to be doing an interview with the coach. Oh, yeah, you talk about the pirates every four fucking minutes, so why can't I do what I want to do? Pierre goes down to the bench. Coach Sullivan, pretty good first period. I thought, what's the status of your contract? Are you available if maybe someone was hired to be a general manager and they wanted to bring you aboard, kind of like run things with him? What's the status of your contract? Doc and I think we're back here at Lindy Ruff.

Lindy, you're having a really tough first period here. What's it like to interview in Buffalo? What? All right. Coming up, Chris Johnston and a special guest. And later on, hockey meets Mario Kart. And also we'll talk about your letters to us. Here's Chris Johnston.

Here with Chris Johnston of Sportsnet, our good friend in town to cover the Ottawa senators and New York Rangers. So, I mean, like, I wish it was for better reasons than covering this terrible series. How did you wind up on this series? Who hates you at Sportsnet? You're a lot, Chris.

I think it's... The best way to put it is it's a mission to cover the Canadian teams. Because obviously, the Pittsburgh Washington series has more buzz. A little bit. A cup winner might come out of that series.

Potentially. If you don't believe in the magic of Jean-Pierre Jean-Zon-Von of the Ottawa Senators. Cajot! We heard that last night. That's one of the true joys of watching a game at MSG is that you're stationed in front of the radio guys.

So when Pedro scored last line, you just hear, Pejo! Bejo! Indeed. I'm assuming my bosses won't listen to this, so I'll be honest. Literally, after the first game of the series, I'm writing my postgame column, and I get a text for my boss, apologizing,

for putting me on a series. Because it was the same night that Pittsburgh and Washington started, and you had the two goals from Crosby and one from Ovi, and I think he was feeling a little bit bad. But, you know, my sister lives in Ottawa. New York's New York. I can't really complain. It's a hell of a town.

You brought your dad? You brought your dad for her? Yeah, my dad's here. Ian Johnston. The not elephant in the room. Hi, Mr. Johnson. Hi, Mr. Johnson. Thanks for having me.

So I understand from your son that you've never been in New York before? Never, never. And how do you find our fair city? I love it. I love the person. Do you really? Yes. I kid you not.

I love the characters. I love the people. You can talk to anyone in the street. And obviously, I don't mind. So that works very well. What's the best thing you've seen so far? To me, actually... Besides your son, of course.

No, the 9-11 Memorial. Really? It was very touching. It was like you're in this city and there's all kinds of buzz and you get down there and like, no one's even talking. We're just all into one's thoughts.

Yeah. That's kind of touching, very touching. I was hoping you taste something different so I can make a joke. Well, a joke, I don't know. Like any other landmark I could have jumped in there. My second one was Bryant Park. Brian Park?

Yes. Yeah. I love gardening. I love parks. In the middle of the city? Beautiful. You get your boy to take it to Central Park. It's even bigger.

That's on the agenda for after the Puck Soup podcast. Oh, fantastic. You'll love it. Take them a little horse-drawn carriage. Take them around Central Park. Washington Square Park. You got a little dime bag, a little something. He knows.

They live in Canada. I don't really think that they have to come down here for. Am I the first guest to bring his dad to the show? You are. Actually, it's a requirement. Everyone has ever been on the show has brought their dad. We don't tell anybody until they. The ones you have in here.

have signed permission slips from their dad to appear on the show. Your security people seem very confused. So let me get this right. You're here to do the podcast and you're the parental supervision. Yeah, you have to sign a waiver if you're under the age of 40. Chris is actually 12 years old. He's got a full beard, but he's 12 years old. He did his dad here at Oat and Supervisor.

Or maybe you're one of those showbiz dads. You just want to make sure that no one was taking liberties with the talent. I couldn't believe you wanted me here. It's just ridiculous. I don't want to make this all about your dad, but I do want to know. What did you think when Chris became a hockey writer for a profession? It is kind of a terrible job, and it's not a job that you use your hands or build anything. We're all people that just do superfluous things that disappear one day afterwards.

Are you not actually making houses? Are you disappointed in your son? Never, no. I'm his biggest fan. No, no, really, I was a, I wasn't blown away. He always wanted to be a sports writer. The only thing I didn't know was how could. make a living on it because

I had never been involved with journalism. It's a fair question. It's a question we ask virtually in the way. I thought he was very academic. He could be anything. He wants to be journalist. Right. Wow. Yeah. But to you know, I'm very proud.

Very proud. Has he always been allergic to money? Or did he like money at some point? All right. Chris, you're one of our favorite hockey writers. You're a guy who can put together a hell of a story, a good guy to have on site. You're insightful. You're smart. You're a TV star.

You're a TV star. Yeah, how? And a written star. Let's talk about that right now. Because you are someone who started, you were at the Canadian Press. Yep. Were you on TV when you were at the CP or no? Just towards the end, I did something with the former NHL network.

Right. It used to be based at a suburban Toronto. And I would go in three times a week and just do whatever they told me to do. I didn't know what I was doing. How did you, how do you feel being on TV a bunch, like doing standups at arenas and stuff for SportsNode? I see it as a way to keep working, frankly. I mean, the more you can do, the better. Multitasking, you know.

You know, I need the young listeners that want to be journalists. I mean, you just have to do a bit of everything. So it was never like my goal. Yeah. Like, not even a little bit in the back of my mind ever was I thinking I want to be on TV. You're a 200-foot journalist. You don't just, you don't just cherry-pick and just. too won.

Mike Horses, excellent. We were talking about that last night at the game, the idea that, like, where is the business right now? I mean, obviously, as we've talked about in this podcast, you know, a lot of layoffs at ESPN and the business is changing and everything else. But, like, if you're a young journalist or a young hockey writer, like, as long as you can do more things than write, you have a fight and chance to get into the business. Just don't say no to anything, basically.

Yeah, well, well, say no to some things, Chris. I mean, if someone says you have to do something to get this job, you have to. You don't necessarily have to do it. Legally. No, you do. I've been there. It's fine. How do you think he's on this podcast?

You forget about it after a while. Like, for instance, to get this gig here, Greg, I mean, I won't get into it, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Well, I showered. Listen, the point is, is that the more you can do, the better it's going to be for you to possibly get a gig. So the TV thing makes sense. You think you've gotten better at it? Like, what was the key to pulling it off? Because for me as a writer

I always feel like I'm a writer because I can't shut up and I need like a lot of words to describe the thing that I want to say and in TV you're not afforded that opportunity. Well the way it was described to me is you almost want

your lead to like the first thing you answer a question you just want it to be the strongest statement you can make and then you kind of support it afterwards and because you have to be so succinct I think that's the hardest part I mean radio is the best or podcasting because you can explain a thought. If something comes out wrong, you can start again and kind of clarify it.

TV, you get so little time, especially on the live hits that, you know, that was an adjustment, but you get used to be in there. Yeah. Do you mess up at all? Ever? Come on. You don't. Yeah. I'm sure.

How bad? Nothing really awful yet, although we're just dooming myself to that now. Did you call it the Montreal Canadiens? No. Nothing like that But, you know, I still don't like seeing myself on TV Like lately in the first round I was doing the Toronto Washington series

And right after every game We would do a hit chatting with the game And then I'm I'm in a bar afterwards in Toronto And like it's one of those big screens And I'm, it's like me on their Short, chubby guy Like, it's just like you hear your voice

You're at like real sports in Toronto Where you're like there's a gigantic screen and you're out there. And then, like, of course, the idiots I'm with are making a big deal of it, so where they're attracting attention. And some guy at the Dionne Offen up Jersey points at you and goes, get them! Right. But, you know, one thing I've learned about being with TV people, like, some people were born for it. Some people like being pretty and, like, they like the aspects of that that I'm not, that doesn't come naturally to me. I remember that in journalism school. Like, it was like, it was like the sorting hat from Harry Potter.

It was like certain people were just born to be on TV. They had a TV voice, even in college and were able to just do it and wanted to be there. And I was just like, if it happens, it's great. If not, then it wasn't meant to be. But they were, like, born to be on it. Dan O'Toole, I was, like, the perfect TV hair. Like, he was destined to be a TV. Right, exactly.

I bet he gets out of bed, too. Oh, my God. There's no effort. He just falls out of bed. He just, like, maybe, like, does one of these. And then he's just, I'm Dan O'Too. If you have hair like that, you have two choices. Be on TV or be a politician.

That's it. Right. There's nothing you can do otherwise. He's not qualified for anything else. Dan, that's all you got. At least he found his passion, his calling. Do you get noticed more now that you're a TV star in Toronto? You walk around, you get the little wave, a little...

I get noticed at two places. Usually bars. Amen. What else? Because it's sports fans, I think. But also Blue Jays games. Because the Blue Jays... You're on TV a lot.

I think Rogers must know where you sit. Because I've seen a lot of screen caps of you. It's like Chris Jost. I'm like, shut up. Really? Yeah. You get that treatment? I go to a fair number of Blue Jays games.

It sits down the street from where I live, and I'm off basically in the summer months. But the thing is, so all the Blue Jays games in Canada are carried on SportsNet, the network I work for. So anyone that's a Blue Jays fan is watching a lot of Sportsnet, and I think they see me there. And the first time, unfortunately, I realized this, I was on a buddy's trip to Baltimore for a Js series,

and we were just out of control drinking three straight days. Now, when you say a buddy strip, do you mean you were going there with an underprivileged child? No. And in fact, I was the youngest guy on the trip. Pierre LeBron organized it. So it was all his buddies. And they're all like these 40-year-old guys who never get away all year long.

And that's like there are three days of freedom for that whole time. So even though that they were older, they were certainly not mature. And we were all just maniacs. I mean, not really doing anything wrong, but not looking our best. And then people are coming up like, hey, Chris Johnson, what do you think of the Leafs? Soft Season signing? I'm like, oh, my God. It's like my worst.

Because, you know, when you're not really a TV star, you're still kind of confused that people recognize you. Break down Stefan Rob it off for me here, Chris. Oh, God, I'm so hammered right now, dude. I can't possibly do that for you. That's just amazing because, like, you get the treatment of, like, you know how like when NBC, on, like, Sunday night football, they'll, like, they'll put the camera on, like, whatever actress is starring in whatever midseason replays for each other. It's like, it's Chris Johnson of Superstore, you know what? There he is. Schitt's Creek starring Chris Johnson.

Tuesday nights. That does remind me of a conversation that you and I had last night in the press box where I was trying to explain to Chris about the celebrities that they introduced at MSG games and he was trying to figure out what level of fame, you know, like we do, what level of fame they have to be. But the beautiful thing about Chris was that, like, I would say if I had to put a number on it, if they introduced eight celebrities last night, you didn't know six, I would say. I knew Alex Kolove, the former NHL player, and Claire Daines, who used to be a big deal when I was a kid. Ansel Elgert guy, he's at like probably 20 games a year. They've shown that same fucking clip of Jamie Fox from the baby driver. Whatever that movie is

that I still have never seen or heard of. It's not even out yet. Oh, it's not? Like, that kid was in the fault in their stars and there's a couple other things. Is this a guy you called The Rising Star? Yeah, so they're using a clip. They're using a clip from a movie that's not even out yet. Like the Rangers are like betting on this movie being really good. He's the star of it. They're like, no, seriously.

Next season when you come back, guy, he's us. You're going to love the fact that he's a Rangers fan. He's going to get shown first in the game, not like seventh. The worst part is like when they show the thing, you're like, oh my God, Jamie Fox is here. And then it's like, oh, no, it's the teenage guy from the teen.

Exactly. Yeah, don't show a scene where there's like several other famous actors in it. And then it's the other, the one guy that because Spacey's in that scene too. Who's the most famous actor you've seen that's been at a Ranger game? No. Tom Hanks. Was that a Ranger game? Has he? I think so.

what, like one, like four years ago? Is Margo Robbie more famous than... Is Margot Robbie a bit on this podcast yet? We've been trying, man. Do you have any way to get her on for us? She's been begging us, actually, for years. It's weird. We've been playing phone tag.

She wants to get together for dinner and just hasn't happy. I'm like, oh, I'm busy with my dad. I can't... I'm not as available as normal. She was walking around Camion Yards, and all of a sudden, wait, Chris Johnston from Sportsnet? Break down Zyts and a contract for me there, Chris? Now, you've been on this Ottawa series.

What did you make of the fact they didn't sell out the first game of the series? And what's your take on Ottawa as a hockey city? It's a strange place as a hockey city. I mean, there's two things that come to mind, but these are always present. There's no corporations in Ottawa. It's literally a government town. Like, if you see anybody, the odds are 80 to 90 percent. They work for the government in some capacity,

meaning they make a nice average wage. But, you know, basically they rely on those people for the tickets. But then there's this weird, I feel like maybe Sends fans are just being honest with themselves on some level. That is not a good enough team to win? Yes. There's a serious malaise around that team. And it's been there all year. They didn't make any big off-season signings.

I don't like anyone expected anything of them. Right. And, you know, they just, there's just been something weird in the air with them. And, you know, my brother-in-law is a season ticket holder in Ottawa. So I try to use him as my joke. Ottawa fan and he hates it when I keep referencing him

because I keep referencing him when it's bad stuff. My brother-in-law tells me all his friends say that sends her shit. And he feels somehow responsible for that. But, you know,

there's just not a huge buzz there and I don't know. I don't have an explanation. The most interesting thing is I don't think the senators know. Like, if you look at their attendance the last 15 years,

it was always 19 or 18,000 average. This year they went to 16,000 out of nowhere. Like literally 15 years, pretty consistent range. And then all of a sudden, there's a lot of empty seats. They fired a whole bunch of people on the business side of their operation. One of them suing the owner.

You know how it. I mean, you grew up in Toronto, right? Coburg. Okay, sure. To now or from Toronto. You grew up around Toronto, right? Is there a player who grew up in Coburg? A famous NHL?

Yeah, who's the NHL player for Coburg? Steve Smith. You didn't even know. You were just angling, right? No, it was Justin Williams. Is that right? Yeah, Justin Williams and I born two weeks apart. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, that's right. Justin's probably tired of me saying this every possible chance I get. Yeah, it's like how Pierre Blavron always references that him and Jure are from the same town. That's right. It's like one of us got recognized once at Camden Yards well drunk, and the other had 1100 NHL games, three Stanley Cups at a consmite trophy. And we briefly played together when we were like five years old before we had to leave town to play somewhere really good. Like, that's literally the extent of the connection.

It is amazing that, like, you, I mean, you could spin the wheel of Canadian towns and someone grew up in your town. Oh, yeah. And somebody's name's on the town sign, which is always my favorite thing about Nathan McKinnon, by the way, is the fact that Nathan McKinnon's name, I think, is on the town sign for Cole Harbor, but it's significantly smaller than Sydney Crossman. Well, and if you talk to Sydney, apparently Nathan McKinnon isn't from Cole Harbor. It's a point of some debate. What? Just beyond the boundary. And literally, that's like when Sid wants to burn.

kin and he'll burn them over that. So, yes, we divide ourselves by these very, very small regions. They call us the prides of Coal Harbor. Cole Harbor adjacent, Nathan. You know that. Was it going to? Oh, yeah.

I thought the Ottawa thing was very much about the owner. Sorry, the lights go off and hear sometimes. They hate the owner. And they just think the owner will always hold them back. It could be some level of that. I mean, Look, he's not the most exciting owner in sports.

He's kind of a dick. Well, and you know what? One thing, and this one actually didn't come from my brother-in-law, but... By the way, this brother-in-law thing is beautiful, because it reminds me of when my dad will reference his one black friend, and then he understands the entirety of the African-American experience based on having one black friend and asking him questions occasionally. So I know One Sense fan, and this One Sense fan says,

he actually got pissed at me because I wrote a story about the attendance, and I just casually referenced him near the bottom of the story. And he's like, you're what? You're quoting me now? I'm like, I didn't quote you. I just referenced something you told me. Did you use his name or you just say one sentence? I said my brother-in-law, Alex.

And one of his buddies, like, immediately emailed him that story. He didn't, like, apply for a job of the Ottawa Senators. They're going to Google his name and find this and be like, why are you telling reporters about how bad things are here? And the worst was, it happened the day I was going to his house for a barbecue. So, like, it was actually like, I think he was actually a little bit pissed at me. But, I mean, I don't know, he married my sister. This is the price that he's going to have to pay, right?

You never know when I'm quoting you, whatever you tell me. If you had become a doctor like your dad wanted you to do, this would never be happening. No. Exactly. But you hate money. Loves beer, hates money. It's the perfect job. Where were we?

Oh, yeah, your brother-in-law. Oh, Eugene Melnick. Oh, yeah, Eugene Melnick. Yeah, so I just, I feel like, my point was that about the Toronto thing. Like, when the Leafs had ownership that fans despised, It was tough to sometimes get in with that team, get down with that team. I think that Ottawa fans don't like their owner. What if it's the Guy Boucher style of hockey?

I think it's all that rolled into one. But, I mean, if you're a Sends fan, do you really believe they're trying to win? I mean, the players in uniform right now are trying to win. As far as the money they spend. They're doing everything possible in their power to become a team that can beat the Leafs or the Habs. I mean, you look down the road and the Leafs have Matthews scoring four goals on you and first game at your building with half leaf fans in the crowd. I mean, like... Which Ottawa won?

Five four. Senators fans love to remind you of that, by the way, whenever you bring that up. So when I saw said brother-in-law after Pajos scored four goals, I said, hey, this is the second game I've covered in this building where someone scored four goals this year. And he goes, and Ottawa won both of us. So he was quick on the uptick. And plus the arena is nowhere near the city. That's the other part of it, too. And they're angling for a downtown arena.

Which would probably help. And there's this notion, I don't even know if this is true. There's this notion that everyone's like, all right, wake us up then when you get that downtown arena. And at this point, it is like a pipe dream. It's like Seattle. Like, yeah, of course, one day in our lifetime, we hope they'll be an NHL team there. But don't bet on it being in four years or whatever. Well, it's like when the devil's move to a downtown arena, right where their fans aren't.

Beside the Dinosaur Barbecue? Well, I mean, listen, the movie. The move to the Norque was great because of mass transit. But it's, I mean, when the Devils moved there, there was a lot of fans, like, in North Jersey, who don't go to Norke for various and sundry reasons. Some of them... How did you just say Newark?

Nourke. Nork. Nourke. What is that? Nourke. Nork. Norg. Nork.

I'm not going to sit here and have a fucking Canadian. Mock my accent. There's no you in it. We didn't add any letters to the word to make it seem special. Norke. Norke. Norke. Norke.

New Jersey. Norke, Norke, New Jersey. Norke, Norke, Norck, Ruckers. R-U-C-R-E-R-S, Ruckers. That's where Dave went. Right, Rutgers. Wait, how do you say the state with the Ducks, the college football team, the Ducks? Oregon.

Oh, that Oregon? I don't know. Oregon. How do you say N-R-K? Newark. It's like the closest to what we're saying. No, it's like New Work almost. He's got a W in there, we don't.

Yeah, you're like, N-O-R-K, N-R-K, N-R-K. When Greg was down at N-R-K, New Jersey, North. New York, New Jersey, N-D-L-E-L-E-L-W-E-E-E-L-W-E-W. Like what's the animal that delivers the babies? A stuark. He gets it. He gets language. I wanted to ask you about...

Are you still a devil's fan? I am a devil's fan. You want to talk about that? Yeah. No, I'm just curious if you're actually still a fan. No, no, no. We've addressed this occasionally on the show. I'm still a devil's fan.

I'm in no way as plugged in a devil's fan as I was in a sense of like I don't watch every game. You know, I follow. the team. I love the team. I want the best for the team. I get angry when they're not good. I pay for tickets each year for me and my dad to go to games to enjoy that experience and not sit in the press box and also to understand how much the shit costs. So when somebody's really angry about their team, I understand why. But like, I became a hockey writer at a time where the afterglow of the cup years was still palpable for me. And that's kind of carried over a little bit where I'm not...

It's been 15 years. I know, but I'm not banging my head against the wall because they're terrible right now. I kind of find it exciting that they are terrible because they hadn't been terrible in quite some time. They hadn't been terrible since I was like seven. He's talked himself into believing that the devil's being bad is good for him. He likes it. That's twisted. You have to power down your franchise sometimes in order to restoke the passion. So were you wearing like lucky underwear when they won the draft lottery or No, I knew they were going to win the draft lottery because the shitty draft. Like the one year when they have a shot at winning the lottery,

it's like I said to somebody the other day. It was like someone, Kellyn Kappner actually, former future guest, DM me. And he's like, hey, you must be really happy they won a draft lottery. I'm like, let me put it this way. It's like when you... Poor Kellan. He's going to get assaulted in the end. Listen, here's why it's not good.

No, no, no, I said, listen, because he understood this. I'm like, listen, it's like when you... It's like when you hit mega millions, but it's that week when it's $8 million instead of being like $300 million. And you have to somehow live on that $8 million the rest of your life. You're super happy that you might get the, like, I've heard comparisons like that Nolan Patrick, assuming they maybe take him, who the hell knows, could be Kopitar, it could be Taves. I've also heard he could be Nugent Hopkins. He's better than what we've got, right? So I'm not.

That sounds like a way of saying he's going to score 60 points. Right. Probably. Which is still pretty good. But he's not, it's not, he will allow us to play Travis Zajak, who signed through 2030 as a third liner, finally, which is what he should be. You know, it's, it's fine. I'm happy that they won the lottery, but you could even tell when Ray Shiro was talking about it. He's just like, yeah, this is great.

You know, he actually made a reference to the fact that it wasn't last season when Matthews was there. Right. And they won it in the season that's kind of a down year. But like, I'm super happy they won. And I'm happy that it'll be it. Are you the right amount of happy? for Edmonton fans? Because I don't know how happy you should be. Because what's the appropriate?

Oh, no. I'm extraordinarily happy that they won lottery, but... You see this when he told him in the fans? I'll be happier later. Did you see that? No. When the Oilers clinch the playoffs. Oh, yeah, I saw that. When the Oilers clinched the playoffs, I thought their over-exuberance was ridiculous

because the minute you draft Connor McDavid, the minute you're gifted Connor McDavid in the draft, you know this shit's going to happen. You're going to make the playoffs. You're going to probably win a cup within the next three years. maybe even this year. Greg didn't pick you others to make the playoffs. It's just dumb. It's just like, we get it.

You don't have to be this happy. Okay. The rest of us are... Put yourself in their shoes. Seriously. They've gotten just beaten for 11 years. Just shit on. Every single guy drafted, like,

doesn't become what they're supposed to. Nothing changes. And finally, the clouds open and McJesus comes. I mean, give these people their moment. You should have saw it coming. You should have seen it coming. They're not two minutes removed from saying, like, I know what the real fans go through and what they pay. Oilers fans have been spending thousands of dollars on shit for a decade.

And they finally get to spend thousands of dollars on something worth watching. To stand in a concourse. That's how bad they want it. They want to stand in a concourse. They sell out their building to watch television. And watch TV in the concourse. That's fine. Listen, here's a thing, though.

It's more in Ottawa, I can say. All that pain was worth it because they got McDavid. So, you know, Yin Yang, the world balances itself. And the other thing, too, is that I came to understand why they were so super excited about it. Did what? That's disgusting. I talk to Dave Staples. It's like being in grade 10 again when you guys.

I talked to Dave Staples from the Cult of Hockey podcast. Is that what it? Who had me on. And I came to understand, thank you, that. With Dave Staples. The Oilers fans inherently believe that all of the citizens. fleeting and that all of these great young players will leave

because of what happened with Gretzky and because of what happened with all their players that went to the Rangers. Don't know what got me. This is the thing. This is a big inferiority thing. In the back of their minds, they are super excited because they believe they believe that they have a limited amount of time with these players. So Dave Staples is like Chris's brother-in-law

what Dave Staples says and that's all Oilers fans. Jesus. I got this one Oilers fan I know, who told me. Oh my God. Everything is fleeting, Greg. Why do we even bother? Why are we doing this? Well, I mean, what's the point? The first seven or eight years of a player's career are not fleeting.

I mean, they're basically endangered servants, but I mean, after that, I believe they believe that they're not going to keep these players around. Well, and it started early because Carter McDavid didn't look that happy on the draft lottery night. I know Oilers fans hate when that's brought up, but he really didn't look that

happy. He wanted to go to Buffalo. Well, for sure. I mean, he played near his parents live in Toronto. That's the only The only reason we got to see that is because Batman was screaming, don't put the camera on me, as he openly wept because Connor McDavid was going to Edmonton and not an American city.

It's like the rise of the bots is coming. Like, it's going to be Canada's time here soon. It is. It's going to be really weird. Like, every year the Cup's going to go to Canada and there'll be no ratings for NBC and everyone will be like, the game is dead in the States. The best news for NBC from these playoffs was that the Toronto

Washington games did really good numbers. I think there, I think Toronto is the exception because, you know. Well, Matthews. And like Boston fans have at least off-fielding about Toronto. Like that Massachusetts cares about Toronto, they don't give a shit about Edmonton. Like, I think there are people that care about the Leafs. And also the idea that the Leafs are the Chicago Cubs of Hockey and are looking for their first title in forever.

You can sell that. So American Kid, Chicago Cubs of Hockey, a city that we know where it is on the map, you can sell that. So that's the good news. What about when it's like the fourth straight Leafs Oilers final? Oh, God. It's going to be silent for a little bit I mean that probably isn't reasonably probably isn't going to happen but it's not impossible

It's not impossible. Oylers Jets in the Western Conference final for two straight years Oh my God With Leaf Senators, a Battle of Ontario and East Like just like why would Eddie fan turn that on Basically What do you think is the sexiest matchup still on the board Pittsburgh and Edmonton

For a final We talked about this I forget if we did we talk about this before that We've talked about Chris before you The other Chris, Chris Wilson. Oh, yeah. I think it's, I think it's Pittsburgh at Edmonton

for hockey fans and for Canada, probably. I think for... Well, Canadians are hockey fans, right? Well, I mean, like, specifically... It's literally on our money. Specifically, we think of everything like literally just the game

and like, imagine Crosby and Newton McDavid. It's like watching two Jesuses on one ice instead of one. That's like the extent of it. So instead of like Star Wars action figures, you actually had like the little toys, is he just makes fight each other, like, I'm the best player in the world. No, I'm the best player in the world.

You're old. Two Jesuses. And then we spent, like, the next 10 years ago, and remember that time the two Jesuses played hockey against each other? Like, that's... Is Canadian school like, okay, kids, what about J? Shall we as you know? What about Kay? Lori Koppurikoski?

Do you just, like, learn the alphabet through hockey? Yes. All right, that's what I thought of up. So my random brother-in-law, who also informs my opinions. Who's a teacher, and now I know everything about teaching. So he has a son, and my nephew, Henry, sorry, who's 18 months old. Henri, named after Henri Richard. Sure.

So he's grown up in the senator's household. And like before the kid can even talk, Alex has taught his son to boo whenever he sees a Leaf's crest. Like literally, it's like a Pavlovian reaction. And so my dad, who's a shit disturber and is a Leafs fan, gave his grandson a Leafs jersey for Christmas. I'm talking like a really little kid. Like too little to even open the present himself. So like an adult rips it open and then the jersey comes out and the kid goes, boo! Like that's, like, of all the things my brother-in-law could be teaching his kid at this like fine age where you could really mold the young brain.

It's like you've got to boo this symbol and that's all that really matters. Oh, my God. Oh, I was going to say. Molson Canadian boo the leaves and your life is set. I think NBC would want Pittsburgh, Nashville. I'd be down with that. Yeah, I think it'd be a great series. Is there anything you want from like a professional standpoint?

Like when you see like dudes getting laid off down here, like, is there that same worry in Canada that even, because like it's, you're a hockey guy. Like you even worry about that at this point? Yeah. Yeah? Like a lot. Probably more than I should. Boy, because your company paid like a good trillion dollars for the rights.

Right, but you just, we're at the point like companies aren't just cutting like the fat, right? They're cutting people that are good at their job. and occasionally people that don't even make that much money. They're just cutting, they're just chopping off limbs at this part. So you just wonder, you know, I have a contract off this summer, so... Oh, really? You never know. I mean, it's not like...

I'm still in my 30s, I assume I'm employable, but I don't take anything for granted, I guess. I mean, our company had layoffs last year after the playoffs and fired some pretty high-priced, high-named people. Yeah. Is it like a Canadian show up there that has like a hot take person like Colin Coward that's going to, like, come in? Like, is there, like, a version of that? Because, like, there's always, like, the Canadian version of, like, the American thing. Even besides Don Cherry? Like, is there going to be, like, a...

We don't really have the hot take thing on the same level. Must be great. Must be so awesome. Like, when I turn on ESPN here, I'm like, what's going on? It's just people yelling about, like, LeBron James over and over again. And this morning, they were yelling about whether or not the Warriors need a coach. They're like, Steve Kerr, is he useless? And I'm like, who's this for?

Like, who wants... Why? I've often wondered about, like, if there is an alternative timeline somewhere. like at an Earth 2 where hockey's the biggest sport in America and like you turn on ESPN and it's those same people but they're all like Does Connor McDavid really want it? You know, what is he even doing?

You know, does he even care? Does he care enough? Sounds fucking awful. I'm looking at the stat sheet, seven shots of his blocks. Like he doesn't even care enough to get one on net? Not even stats. What the hell? Not even stats.

Oh my goodness. Yeah. And then in Canada you turn on it. It's like, hey, the second power play unit on the predators is a little bit. The weak's idea. I'm not sure he's positioned correctly. Caller, you there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, you know what the Rangers need? Carter McDavid. I'm thinking Zuccarello. No, no, no, no, not Zuccarello. I'm thinking Kevin A's, Girardi. Corrida. And two ones for McDavid. I'll hang up and listen.

And then it's like, Francis, a dog. That's an awful, awful trait. Kids are star. He's not going to come. me. I had one more topic I wanted to ask you about. Have we talked about anything? This has been the Seinfeld of podcast, man. Thank you. That goes on the poster.

There's been topics? What do you think about there being two separate rule books, one for the regular season and one for the playoffs? This is a thing that's come up a lot lately because of what happened in Pittsburgh, Washington, Game 3. I actually, I'm okay with it. I'm of the let the boys play kind of thing. You're an idiot. Thank you. Well, that's why I wanted to present the topic to the floor, please, by all means. I hate the side with wish, but I'm going to.

There were three penalties in the first period of Ottawa Rangers last night that didn't get called. There's two trips and a hook. Yeah, but the previous game, it was like power play, power play, power play. Right, because there were penalties. That's fine. In overtime, too, in game fucking two. Someone on Ottawa got high stick by Nash. They didn't call it in overtime.

I have right. The refs acknowledged you got that one wrong. Oh, they did? Oh, the only time I have a problem with them. that is like in that Washington-Pittsburgh game earlier this week when Shattankirk hooks Cullen, who's got a clear path for the goal, and his fucking jersey cinches up like he's wearing a belt. Like, that's how bad the hook is.

And, like, they don't call it. Like, I have a problem when there's clearly fouls on scoring chances that aren't called. Like Ovechkin slash on Crosby, for example. But everything else, the tickey-tacky stuff, forget about it. Leave that the regular season. I'm okay with it looking more like a slop fest. Thunderdome. You old-school people.

I mean, do you want to just watch a game of power plays? Yes, very much so. Do you like the power plays? The Capitals had no power plays in game one against Pittsburgh. That's absurd. You're telling me for 60 minutes, the Penguins didn't do anything illegal to slow up the caps. I'm like, come on, come on. Do you know what I hate debating?

Penalties, suspensions. It's just because you can't get away from it. You know what I mean? I hate debating whether or not Matt Niskinan is a serial killer or if he's just the guy that was in the wrong place or the wrong time. I'm glad that you got your hands on that transcript, though. Oh, look, you know what? You were able to verify Rossi's story for him. Right.

You think you have all the sources, you guys. Every once in a while, I get that audio cassette. I can't release the audio cassette because that would go against my principles, but I transcribed everything. You did. You did an amazing job. You really... Nick Baxter, orchestrated murder.

Yeah, the fact that Tom Wilson volunteered to take out Sid, but then they said, no, no, and it's too obvious. It was too obvious. If Tom Wilson does it, like, you know, Barry Trots may get fined. You can't do that. I've got to make it like a choreographed wrestling move. So if the Predators win the Cup, how soon you think P.K. brings the cup to Montreal? Oh, I hope the fucking next morning.

Oh, God. Just shows up at the hospital. The kids all wake up like it's Christmas morning, and they all play with the cup, and they're all wearing Predators jerseys. No, man. I want this. I want 8 o'clock in the morning, Montreal morning news.

Good day, Montreal. And then, like, they cut to a plane over the city. And P.K. jumps out of the plane with the cup. There's blue. yellow smoke trailing from him in Predator's colors and he lands right in the middle of where? Is Stadlin Peak still standing?

It is. He can land on the roof. It might collapse. It might collapse if he does, but it's funny because Montreal gets knocked that they're only a Habstown, like they don't care about the rest of the league. They actually care about P.K. Maybe as much as the Habs. Like there's two beats of your Montreal hockey writer.

It's like P.K. and the team. Oh, my God. Because at this point, if you are disenchanted with the team, the more that P.K. does well, the worse the team looks. If you don't like Bershavan, for example. Yeah. What a trade. All right? Change the course of hockey as we know it.

Not really, but maybe. It's possible. Like they beat the Rangers at that P.K. Suban, carrying the puck up the ice and making plays as opposed to Shea Weber. And Shea Weber was fine in that series. Shea Webel. Sheawebel was not as good as P.K. Suban, no? No.

We. Um, Ian, was this your first podcast? This, this is my first and last day. Wow, that's an exclusive. Well, it was an honor to have you for the first time and the last time. Before we let you go, you want to tell us an embarrassing story about Chris? Just get it on, get it on tape, get it on your. Oh, you know.

Some sort of like childhood. Oh, I don't remember. I know so much bail money. Walk in, walk in on something maybe or? You could tell the story about the time. I scored three goals in 21 seconds. Oh, that would be. The guys wouldn't believe it.

They wouldn't believe it. He was 14, the kids were six. Ah, he was probably eight or nine. He was road hockey. There was no clock. All right, boys. Thank you so much for coming here. Chris, where can people find your genius? Sportsnet.com. What about on Twitter?

At reporter Chris. And on the NHL network now. I'm starting to do stuff with them again. Thank God, because they're actually like the play. That's the network. I watch after the game's over instead of watching I don't know, Jonesy. They should probably punch him in the foot.

Wait, what is that? Is that Silicon Valley? Well, that was rewarding. We thank them for coming here. What an interview. It was beautiful. What a good time we had. Dave, as you may know, as you may know, there's not of hockey news out there. My voice is getting high.

As you know, the big news in hockey this week, involved the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Washington Capitals. You realize by the time we record this, something already is going to have happened in game four. Of course. To be completely behind them.

But here's the thing. It didn't involve stuff on the ice. It didn't necessarily involve stuff off the ice. It involved stuff on the Rainbow Road. I'm talking Mario Kart, sir.

I'm talking about the greatest throwdown in the history of mankind in which Jay Beagle answers Phil Castle's criticism in which Kessel called Beagle an idiot for kind of doing a little bit of a, it's a

hockey play type thing about the hit on Sid. If he thinks it's a hockey play, he's an idiot. Right, if he thinks it's a hockey play. But he doesn't. But he doesn't. But of course, how else would you settle a man-on-man fight between two tough man athletes other than Mario Kart?

What else would you do? Golden Eye, I guess. That hurts. It's not being very nice. Beagle, dead panned about Kessel. Beagle said that by the way that the Niskinin hit was did not think the Niskin and it was clean. So this is just all a big misunderstanding. It's like a three company misunderstanding. Right. Right. So who's Larry Dallas in this situation? Mike Sullivan? Who's like trying to have all the sex with the ladies while Jack Tripper can't possibly get out the door? That's going to be... Wait, who's Mr. Furley though? That's the question.

Oh, it's Jim Rutherford. Yeah. Oh yeah. Now I thought you were But why are you? But she's... Oh, she's your cousin? Men showering together. Ooh! He does a little thing with his wrist and his fingers that he used to do.

Oh, you were just helping her find her contact lens, and that's why she was bent over. Okay, carry on. Well, he's wearing, like, that little scarf. Yeah, he's wearing the scarf. So Kessel called Beagle an idiot. And Beagle said, Ouch, that hurts.

It's not very nice. Obviously, it wasn't a clean hit. But do I think the playoffs from now? That's why he loved them, right? Yeah, it hurts. It hurt deeply. If he wants to settle it, we could always play some Mario Kart. He knows where to find me.

We'll take it there. Obviously, he's talking about a barn fight. A barn fight, a Kevin Lowe, Brian Burke barn fight of Mario Kart. Look at how we've evolved. We're at a point now where two guys who are mad at each other who are saddled over a fucking video game. Five, six years ago, Brian Burke was willing to take a guy into a barn and beat the crap out of it. Right.

Like, Eddie Shore probably did murders back in his... day. And hundreds of years ago, as you know, as a big Hamilton fan, they used to have duels. What's Hamilton? So it got us thinking. What is it? If we were going to take six primary characters from Mario Kart and assign them to NHL players. Oh, the play. Okay. Who would they be? It's a musical, by the way. Look around, look around.

Nope, not ringing a bottle. Okay. That was a play. Who would be the NHL's version of Yoshi? Lozo and I decided that that would be Eric Carlson. No, I've re-thought about it. You've rethought that in the five minutes since we wrote these down. Just thought of it now. Not going to lie to him.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. All right. Who would it be? I've had a big week. Because I'll make the case of Eric Carlson as Yoshi. Go ahead. Lesser players ride him to great results.

Oh, yeah. And also takes lots of pucks away. Much like Yoshi would snatch things out of the air with his meticulous lizard. tongue. That's a strong case. Thank you. My case is T.J. Oshy, because his name sounds like Yoshi. The end.

Get it? T.J. Yoshi. He can be T.J. Sochi. He can be T.J. Yoshi. And he's fast. He's slick. Uh-huh. He can use his...

And he snatched away the happiness of millions of Russians with his flick of his tongue in the shootout. Yeah. And he has a good snap shot in the shootout. Right. where he can shoot it between your legs. And then on the open market, he'll be massively overrated like Yoshi as a character. Oh, wow. What?

Yoshi's, I think Yoshi's a strong three. Hi Mario Luigi and I would go to him. I go to Yoshi third. Bowser, obviously, only one answer, Milan, Luchich. A big, I'm a big turtle. And I, uh... I'll sell my Vabcock with my Luchich. He gives a shit.

Oh, my God. Lucey's Bowser. Any disagreement there? No, I'm still on board with that, yeah. Because you kind of have like the big back, you know, like it's like a shell. Like if, you know what I was talking about the other day with Ruby about video games? You know? You ever notice? Mario Brothers was very famous for me for being the game that seemed to want to help you the most.

Like we're playing the Zelda game on Switch and like if you don't have a certain item at a certain time, you're basically fucked. So you have to make sure you have all your shit in your bag before you go and fight somebody. But in Mario it was always like... Wait, they give you a colostomy bag? That's disgusting. I said shit in your bag, not shit bag. Oh, okay. I was like, wow, that's a really...

How old is Link in this game? Link going around the countryside of Hyrule with like that big metal thing on the wheels that you get when you're in the hospital. There's just a bag hanging from it. He's like Scott Glenn on the latest episode of the leftovers just fucking wander in the desert with his colostomy bag. Burning bushes to try to find a stairway to...

Nurses walk up to you during your adventure. It's like, blu-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l- My ass hurts. Oh, I got to empty this. You have acquired empty colon. Oh, yeah. So Marry brother is always a game where if you needed something in order to beat the end boss, it would always be there in a question box.

Remember that? Like if it's like you need fireballs to do this. It's like you walk in and just jump and, oh, look, a fucking flower. Yeah. That was like one of those games, I think it was one of the only few, one of the only games I remember playing that was very sort of like, we know you're probably a child. So we're going to give you everything you need to accomplish this task. How did we figure out like warp boards? And like, you know how there's the one like dungeon board where you can like jump up on the roof and like cut across?

Breaking shit. Again, this is like going back to last week. How do we learn that? Well, in that case, we'd definitely learn her from like Nintendo Power. But in most cases, we took, we took limp biscuits advice. So just broke some shit tonight. Just break all the blocks until you find something to do.

Oh my God. Give me something to break. Hands up and hands down. I don't condone any of this. Rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling. What was your favorite limp biscuit song? Come on, you know you have one. I don't know.

Was it No. You can take that cookie? I get Lint Biscuit and like Lincoln Park and all those bands mixed up. Hold on. You get Fred Durst mixed up with the little guy from Lincoln Park? It's because their band name sound the same.

Let's start with similar letters. I'm going to guess that they were also from an era in which you just, did you stop giving a shit about music? I don't know if I've ever really cared about music. Like, as an art form? Like, I used to look at my dad and, like, my dad would just, like, always listen to, like, CBS FM in the York, the oldie station. And I was always like, dad, why don't you ever, like, listen to the new music?

And he was just like, ugh. So I was like, oh, man, when I get older, I'm never going to be like that. And, like, I listen to new music still, but, like, all my tastes are still the same. It's just. I would listen to new music and my dad would criticize it and talk about how great his music got was, and then he would have CBS FM on, and like you hear,

CBSFM, ba-bba-dang-dang-dag-deggig-dig-dha-dha-dha-dha-d. I'm like, Brucey. Oh, that's great, Dad. Boy, these are not... Oh, wait, rearranged. That was a good...

Phil Kessel is Toad. We established that, I think, pretty early on that Phil Kessel is Toad without question. Yeah, that makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. Princess Toadstool is a tough one, because we don't want to be... We don't want to, like,

we're not trying to mock anybody by saying, oh, because like, if it wasn't me and you doing this and it was like just an internet troll, it would be like, Cindy Crosby,

I don't get it. Why would anybody do that? Because of internet. But I would say, royalty and floats, like floats, and not like in a, because floating is also a pejorative term.

So now we're dealing with a pejorative that it's a lady and a pejorative that she's a floater. Well, floating, if you feel like, float, you find open space, that's a good thing, right? Like, if you're, if you're, it depends on where you float. Like, if you're, like, a Russian hockey player from the 1990s and you're

floating around the neutral zone looking for breakaways, that's bad. But if you're, like, you know, Tame Mussolani floating around the crease. Yeah, I'm looking more like float as in, like agility, as in you can't get me because I'm so good at floating. Muhammad Ali floated like a butterfly. Stung like a bee. Connor McDavid, hockey royalty, who floats, seemingly floats. But not floats. But not floats. in a bad way, it floats in a good way. How about, instead of that, how about Carrie Price?

Floats around the crease, effortlessly. Doesn't seem like his skates ever touched the ice. And hockey royalty, because he's a bunch of all Canadian. Because he's a Canadian goaltender. And, well, I mean, at least for one more year. And Princess was always easy to bump off the road, right?

But how could how could a goalie be the princess when the princess is the one that needs saving? Holy shit Oh yeah Well you know what How about for modern times? Women don't need to be saved Greg

Thank you They have agency And Carrie Price Can be that Perfect Be that character Boom And then finally Mario and Luigi

Would of course be Jamie Van and Jordy van Yeah Without question One superstar Mmhmm And then one just You know Servisable

Right Okay character Won't go under unless he's wearing a frog suit Yeah yeah yeah Yeah like whenever like You need someone to go down the pipe you're not going to go to Mario you're going to go to Luigi

because Luigi is green just like the pipe so you know he's been in there whatever he goes down he just hears do do do do do like uh oh I better hear it quickly Warro's just like I can't figure like Mario gets on like the edge of the pipe where when you press down

you won't go down all the way and he's just like I can't do it I'm squatting look at I'm doing it move more to the middle no I'm trying move to the right edge I'm going down I can't get in there And Luigi's just like This is why people make fun of you, Mario Jamie Ben tweeted a taco emoji

The other day when the Dallas Cowboys Drafted that guy Taco Does he want us to make fun of him? Does he know? Like, was that self-aware, yes or no? No. All right. I say no. That was 100%

A guy who he likes is going to the Cowboys Whose name is Taco. He knows there's a Taco emoji. There's no way he got to like, it's like that brain, that brain meme. Like he was only at the first level of the brain meme. He didn't get to.

the oh shit yeah taco right because why would he know right he doesn't he doesn't he doesn't deal in that he doesn't deal in that he's never looked at one straight on in his life no idea sports now is the time for a new segment on puck soup

called is this person an asshole I'm going to give a scenario to Dave Lozo and he's going to tell me whether or not this person is an asshole okay I was in the subway coming here today you're an asshole Okay, next one What's the next one?

I was in the subway coming here today I was in the last car of the train Last car of the train At the back end, okay A gentleman Shoveed his foot in the door When it was time for the doors to close In order to help some stragglers to get on

Not friends, just like random people are running To catch the train Now hold on What time was this? This was at like one o'clock Now hold on Okay Doors are closing again

sticks his foot in a second time allows more stragglers to come in. Is this person an asshole? Yes. Yes. You get one save. Like if you're in that last batch where you're running down the stairs and the trains there, okay. But I mean, you can't do that forever. There's more trains coming. It's not like, if it's, if it's, if it's 1 a.m., you can do that as often as you want.

I think it's fine because then you're going to wait like 30 minutes. But if it's 1 o'clock, there's another train coming. It says seven minutes. To put it in sci-fi terms, the enterprise terms, the enterprise. his engine room gets hit. The doors are coming down to seal off the rest of the ship from the poisonous gas. Scottie's under the door. He's forcing it open with his Scottish brute strength.

He's got like his flask there. Right. A red shirt rolls under the door. And then Scotty's like, aye, the door's going to crush my flask. Yeah. And then he sees out from the distance. Hey, wait for me!

Right. And he decides to take the flask. The door closes. He's not an, he is not an asshole because he did it for one sequence. No, no, he's an asshole because he's, he's choosing his flask over human life. And the ship's going to explode. And there's not going to be a second starship coming for the people that are running late. No, there isn't.

So that's different. He's an asshole still. Yeah. Like, I don't know. Because, like, think about it, like, most times, like, if it's like 8.45 in the morning, you know someone's running late for work. So you want to help them out. Like, one o'clock, it's sure it's possible someone's going to work.

But, no. I think you're, I think you're, maybe assholes to, to, you're, you're like a good Samaritan with bad intentions. Yeah, you're like too nice. Right. You know, like let these people learn. Let them get on the next B train, throw them coming by. Because at the end of the day, you're inconveniencing everybody else on the train. Right. You're making everybody else on the train late because somebody else was already later. And not to bring it back to Star Trek, although everything does come back to Star Trek. As you know, Dave,

the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one, as Spock told us. Is that really? Yeah. The whole fucking point of Rath-a-Con. That's why Spock kills himself or dies saving the ship. He doesn't kill himself. The Vulcans don't have emotion. Well, the Vulcan kills himself.

He doesn't kill Kirk for the betterment of others. He takes it on him. All right, let's say this. If that good Samaritan keeps holding the door open to the point where the back train car gets so filled, no one could fit in. And then he gets off to let somebody else on. Then he's Spock.

Otherwise, he's just Scotty with the flask, saving too many people. Is this person an asshole? The Adventure of the Frork. McDonald's debuted this week a new device in which you put fries inside of a fork casing to create the fork, the first fork

that has French fries as tines. All right, I have a lot of questions. Yes. First of all, what are you eating at McDonald's that requires a fork? A salad. And you're going to have fries with it? What's the point of that?

That makes no sense. That's insane. Um, like you're, like, if you're eating fries with a fork, I mean, yeah. Now, but why would you put the fries as the, as the spoke things? Mm-hmm. I don't get it. The fork. We're out of ideas.

Um, the fork is actually a, an actual red silicon utensil with three holes for inserting real French fries to become edible prongs. Not prongs or tines. Yeah. The purpose is to scoop up ketchup and other condiments that might have fallen out of your burger and eat them all together without wasting food. So in the words, you got fries on the side. And this is a way when the ketchup shoots out of the back of your quarter pounder with cheese, which, by the way, might be the best ketchup in the world. Well, I know we're going to do the ketchup challenge very soon.

Yeah, we're going to. But the grease of the quarter pounder and the cheese grease, infiltrating the ketchup, and then that falls out. That might be the best ketchup in the world. So you use your fork to scoop up that ketchup. But why can't you just grab a french fry and rub the french fry on that ketchup? Because this is a fork to do that way. But why?

Because now... Who thought of this at McDonald's headquarters? got a raise out of this. Some fucking 24-year-old punk who is just like, I'm too lazy to hold my French fries. I need someone to do it for me, so I'm going to invent. Some crazy fat fuck that's like, I wish I could eat this fork too. Right. Oh, what is happening to us?

Like 50 years ago, we were inventing ways to go to the moon. Now we're like inventing ways to put French fries. Man on the moon. All right. Now a spoon that's actually a burger. Now, that's different. So a burk, like a... Like you have the thing you hold the spoon by,

but you take the spoon end of it and then replace it with like a tiny little burger. And then you... You just eat the spoon. Do you use the burger spoon to scoop up anything? No, it's not functional at all. It's just your... It's like one of like Homer's, like, fantasies

when he's dancing to the land of chocolate and everything is chocolate. Burger spoon. Yeah, same thing, but just a burger spoon. Got it. I got to look at the picture of this again to figure out. figure out like the funk because you can't pick up stuff.

So you have to take the fries and put them on the fork first. You put it inside the silicone casing because they stick out. You know, and then use them to scoop up the ketchup. That's the reason why they exist. So like I don't understand how the fry itself can't. You put it in. Asshole. Final answer.

It's like a fry holster. But you saw the- which is much different than the holster that Stephen Colbert referenced that was Trump's mouth this week. Oh, it was his mouth? I never clicked on the story. That's what it was. I never clicked the story. He said his mouth was Putin's sea holster.

That's pretty, that's a, how does that get through the writer's room? He probably thought they were going to go on strike and he was like, fucking, I'm going out with a bang. And then he had to go to work on Tuesday. Right. He's like, oh, hey, hey bosses. He's like, everybody's on my side with this Trump stuff. And he'll, oh. Cockholster.

There it is. I was trying to not say it. You know, it might be kids in the fucking car. Yeah. The kids already, they've already been repulsed by the French fry fork. Who, is this person an asshole? And this is not a situational one, but merely an individual. Gie Boucher, is he an asshole?

Why would Gie Boucher? What did he do to you last night, great? He didn't do anything to me to last night. I just want to know, based on his schick, his, you know, they win a game of 6-0, and he's always like, we are very lucky to win this game. You know, it could have been 5-0, it could have been 4-0. The opponent was outmatching us at every turn. I think at worst he's a dick.

Oh, that's good. He's not an asshole, though. On the temperature scale of assholeishness, he's below asshole, which would be a dick. Lane Vigno is a dick. He's a dick, too. Somebody asked him last night about, I don't know if anyone watched the press conference or on not last night, I guess at this point, Tuesday, said, hey, you know, you guys really close out this game really well. You know, what was the difference between this game and last game?

And Vigno goes, we scored five goals. Are you comparing everybody? every other coach to Torrella as far as are they an asshole oh no that that's unfair that then Demi Boucher should be in fucking canonized you kidding me just because like somebody doesn't berate you because he's like a beloved children's show host compared to tortella like happens look like Mads Mickelson and like by the way Mike Sullivan losing post-game press conference is like torts if he's on just a little bit of Xanax like he's you can tell he wants to he wants to go off but he doesn't I decide I've I've discovered

my least favorite thing about Mike Sullivan. And it's when he has to answer a question that has nothing to do with what happens on the ice. And he got asked before game four. He's like, they're like, can you talk a little bit about home ice advantage and when it's like, you know, why it's an advantage to be on home ice? And he's just like, well, you know,

we have the best fans. And the fans are the best. And it's just like the most insincere, I don't give a fuck answer that you could possibly glean from a coach. Because it's 2007. How do you not know what home ice advantage is at this point? Like, you know what I mean?

Oh, well, I mean, listen, we could do an entire podcast. We probably will because it's almost summer on idiotic questions. Here's one last night at the Ranger game we were both at. Okay. Coach, um, score the first goal or they, I'm sorry, they scored the first goal or something like that. And how big is it do you think? Oh, no, it was Tevignon. That's what it was.

I was thinking about Bouchet. It was Tevignon. Coach, you scored the first goal tonight. When you're down 2-0 in a series, like, is it more important to score the first goal? Or, I'm just like, what the fuck? Like, have you not seen the percentages of games where the team scores the first goal wins, like, 99.9% of the fucking time in hockey? And what's his answer going to be? Actually, I prefer to go down one nothing.

No, I thought it would be better to kind of just, you know, spot them won. Yeah. Really put a scare in our guys. Yeah, really just guys to wake up right away. Also, I don't know why I lay even knew it was my Damien Lewis. with an American accent. You know what's better than having money? Having money.

We scored five goals last game. Yeah, they scored six. What kind of a fucking answer is that? By the way, that was a terrible game. That was like a regular season game where every post-game scrum should have taken 90 seconds. It was just, game was over in the first period.

That was a terrible game. I'll give you the best example of the kind of terrible game that was. That was a game where if you got free tickets and you're a Ranger fan, You're actually still upset that it wasn't entertaining here. You're just like, it really felt like a regular season game. Yeah, you're like, I'm happy my team won, but I don't know.

Like, I just wish the other team came to play a little more. Yeah, like, I never, I was never nervous. I was never on the edge of my seat. Yeah, it was the most obvious outcome. And at no point were you ever worried that it wasn't going to be that outcome. They fucking buried them for 10 minutes. They got a goal for it. They got another one.

Yeah. But Pajot scored. Even when Pajos scored, it wasn't like, all right, he's not going to score four more. So we're good. He's not going to score nine goals in two games. He's not. All right. Now's the time on Puck Soup when we get to the Puck Soup mailbag.

Oh, yeah. You've all sent in some very interesting questions. We're going to get to as many as we can. Jay Sarkar wants to know, where is the excitement level at between you and Dave Lozo for Taco Bell naked chicken chips? Naked chicken chips for the uninitiated are, well, it's like the naked chalupa shell, except they've decided to make tortilla chips. Okay. They've decided to mold and shape fried chicken into tortilla chips.

So here's what it looks like. You get a little bushel of them. Like you almost like order a cart and fries. They're like fancy chicken fingers. And then you get a cheese dipping sauce. Yeah, it's triangle-shaped chicken fingers, but probably thinner than chicken fingers. I'm okay. I'd rather have the naked chicken chalupa was ridiculously good.

It was way better. I was way more excited about it. But again, this is why Taco Bell is the greatest fast food place in the whole fucking world. Like, it's not, because they take their old shit and then they repurpose it and then it becomes exciting new shit. It's the best. Right. They just find new. There's the new taco slash burrito that they're combining into one thing too.

I had that. It's amazing. But like, I don't understand. It's just all the fixings of a taco inside of a burrito. Right. Including the lettuce. It's like in a burrito, but with lettuce. I was going to say, yeah.

That's all it is. Like, you can actually get a burrito with lettuce if you want to. You know what I love? I love the, the bean burrito. They're like, okay. What if we put meat on the beans? the burrito, that's a combo burrito. Holy shit!

Right, and then people go in there and they pay for it. Speaking of Taco Bell, this is a question we've got to do on top of that. Yeah. From Dave, Flying Dave, he says, after I poo, I stand up to wipe. This is the best method, agree? No. No. What are you doing?

You reach under your balls and you fucking wipe your ass. Like, oh my God. Like, you're standing up? Like, there's no way that's not causing more of a mess in your, and your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, region. Does he mean you stand up and then hunch? Because if you're standing up straight, like you're taking a scoliosis test, and

how do you possibly get into the inner reaches of your other regions? Maybe he just has massive balls that he can't get around. Maybe this is like a back door brag for him. He's just like yeah, that's the only way to do it, right? And then we talk and then he realizes, you know, oh, I guess my ball is a dick are just too big

to get around. I remember the first time I heard someone's dick was so big that hit the water in the toilet, you know who it was? Screech on the Stern show. Like, Screech evidently has a giant hog, and he would talk about how, what trouble in life it was to sit on the toilet

and have your hog hit the water. Life is just so unfair. Life is just not fair. It's completely fair. It all balances out. He's got a giant hog, but he's dust and diamond. No, I just meant that like when you have a big dick, like you just can't possibly know what it's like

to have to live. You ever see that old sketch? Oh, I forget what sketch comedy trooper was. Yeah, it's such a real hassle whenever you get naked in front of a woman and her face looks like a bank vault just open. Yeah, it's terrible. You ever see the sketch Little Donnie? In what, where? It was the old sketch group.

It might have been Upright Citizens Brigade. It had Amy Poehler, it has Mike McClintock from Veep. If you Google Little Donnie, it's this story about a kid who's got this really terrible issue and his issue is that he just got a giant day. Dick. It's like some actor. He doesn't even know who he is. He just plays a guy with a giant dick. In all the scenes, he's wearing, like, John Stockton-type basketball shorts, and his dick and balls were just hanging out the shorts,

and it's all blurred. And, like, a wrestler comes to the hospital to cheer up Little Donnie, and he's like, What's your problem under there, little buddy? Let me take his blanket off and get you in bed. He takes the blanket off, and he's like, oh, my God! There's, like, six different sketches with Little Donnie. It's so fucking great.

All right. Brian, B. Sutich, to know. Do the devils have any sort of chance of making the playoffs now that they are getting the first pick? Heard Dave Lozo on biscuits, so maybe no. Yeah, no. I'm going to say, I mean, no, I mean, they've got, no. They've got like a thousand holes

in that lineup. But yeah, I mean, like... What do you think of the idea of trading the Corey Schneider for the three? That seems... Oh, to Dallas? I don't know. Like, I don't know why... But what else would they give you? Because he's worth more than the three in a down draft.

But somebody wrote the point that he was only worth an eight four years ago so now how is he worth a three now better draft like where the we're we're we're bogo in this draft like top top three oh yeah you know better yeah i don't know i think i obviously getting one of these two top picks is going to be great but um but they're not neither them are game changers and they got a lot of holes in the lineup would you do it though would you do schneider for a three the three i wouldn't do them i wouldn't do it for just the three i would need to get something else but i like the idea because obviously you're you're going number one spot next year. How about a three and like Dallas's fourth best defense? Listen, it makes

sense because you, they need to go in a full tank for two years and then see what you have after that. But I mean, you can get the first and third pick of this year's draft even though it's not a deep. You've almost like tanked by accident so you don't have to do it anymore. No, you'd have a tank by accident. You need to tank with purpose next year because Dahlene's going to be the best player in the draft. That's your Matthews McDavid level player. Well, then there you go. So in a way, trading Schneider if it was for just a three makes you better at tanking than better at being Are you asking me would I rather trade Cory Schneider for the third pick or have him have a tragic accident at the Jersey Shore this summer to make sure he's not the goalie next year?

Wait, aren't you living down the Jersey Shore this year? Are you trying to tell me something? I'm not saying. A little mini golf accident in Delmar? I think I would entertain it, but I would need more than the three. I would entertain it but I need more than the three. I would do it straight up if I was the devil's. I just hope that it happens at the draft so we can get another of the Gary Betman moment. Have Gary Betman announce both Schneider trades at the draft.

We have a trade. You're going to want to hear this one, Devil fans. Oh, man. Oh, man. Where is the draft this one way? My nipples. Chicago. Oh, grace.

Hannibal. Is anything not involved Chicago? Habitual line stepper wants to know, Skippy, Jiff, or Peter Pan. You want to F. Mary kill this one? They're all the same. There's no difference. I think so? I'll F. Mary, kill it.

go ahead. Kill Kill Peter Pan Mary JFF F Skippy Once you spread it on the bread You put a little jelly on there You bite into it You can't

That's one for sure You can't tell the difference Between those three Catchup I can see you maybe You know pulling out the fancy one Those are just standards brand Maybe like there's like a fancy Like natural gourmet

But like those three They're all the same Alyssa Myers wants to know Can I still be friends It's someone who is only rooting for the caps because she got 50% off of Papa John's where they win. Absolutely. No, don't laugh at that because I live in Hoboken and there's now no longer Odominoes that delivers in Hoboken.

You have to go pick it up in like Jersey City or Union City. And God, fuck that. I'm not walking anywhere to go get pizza like that. So, yeah, no, you should embrace your friend. Anna Tower wants to know from a narrative story perspective, who do you want to win the Stanley Cup this year? Nashville. I would go Nashville or Washington. Yeah, those are the two obvious ones.

You know, Washington, obviously, it's tainted now. But Pittsburgh winning it with Malkin carrying the team without Krosby for two rounds, that's fun too. Nashville is without question my cause right now. They are the team I am rooting for actively to make the Cup final. Not only because I want to party in Nashville, but because I think that that city is so ready to just explode for that team. Yeah, like I haven't missed, like I haven't gone to the Cup final the last two years. If Nashville goes, I think it's too late to get credential. Got to do it.

I want to go. Airbnb. But yeah, Nashville, Washington, and then Pittsburgh, if it's just Malking the rest of the way. Finally, this is from our good friend, Dan, Red Edge, good friend in the sense that we always answer his questions, but we've never met him in life, I don't think. Has Matt Damon had a better career than George Clooney? Now, this is an interesting question on a couple of levels. Yeah, I've thought a lot about this because they've done a lot of the same things. things. They've, they've, they've, they've, I don't think Matt Damon's directed, but they've both been producers.

Yep. And so if, let's start with awards. They've done stuff together. Um, Damon won for co-writing, Goodwill hunting. Clooney's won twice, Best Supporting Actor in Siriana, and a producer on Argo. Okay. Mm-hmm. And then, uh, Damon was nominated for Best Actor twice, The Martian. that great comedy and goodwill hunting. He was nominated for Best Supporting Actor in Invictus, and he was nominated as a producer for Manchester by the sea. And then Clooney was nominated for Best Director and Original Screenplay for Good Luck and Good Night.

Best actor Michael Clayton up in the air, the descendants, best adapted screenplay of the Iads of March. He's got many, many more Academy Award nominations than Does Damon. And they both have, he has two wins and Damon has one. Now listen, if you're talking about If you're talking about performances Overall I think you'd have to give it

Here's a problem I think Clooney has had the more accomplished career as an actor I think Michael Clayton is one of the best movies The Last 20 years He's been a successful director But he was in Batman and Robin Damon was in the Bourne movies And Damon has

The most successful franchise that Clooney's been involved with is Matt Damon's been involved with it too, the Ocean's movies. So, cultural impact-wise, it's damn close. I think artistically, you give it to Clooney, I think commercially you give it to Damon.

All right. Despite the Adjustment Bureau. Yeah, I was what I was going to say. Boy, Emily Blunt, she makes a fucking great movie here, the movie you never want to see again. Okay. In defense of George Clooney is Batman. My feeling is Val Kilmer murdered Batman,

and then George Clooney showed up on the scene later, and then he got blamed for the murder because he happened to be wearing a suit at the time everybody realized there was a murder. Val Kilmer fucking murdered that before Chris O'Donnell and fucking Uma Thurman got there. You look at Matt Damon's accolades, and you know who he is?

Who is he? He's Yarmier Yager. Oh, wow. Matt Damon, the Yarmier Yager of Acklead. Fantastic rookie in breakout seasons in 1998. Goodwill hunting. He's basically talking about Tom Cruise, but let him keep going.

What's he done the last 20 years? Just hanging around. Putting up good numbers. Putting up good stats. Damn. Nominated in 2010 for Invictus. Who the fuck saw Invictus? The Martian?

That's really good. And he was nominated for Manchester by the sea, which, you know, fuck off Boston already. I'm tired of Boston movies. George Clooney, on the other hand, nominated one in 2006 for Siriana. Then he was nominated for actor in a leading role in 2008 and 2010. He got robbed from Michael Clayton.

He didn't get robbed, but he's a bad year to be nominated. And people forget. Like, everyone thinks of, like, Matt Damon and Ben Affleck as the dudes who wrote Google Hunting because they were the dudes who wrote that. Yeah, they were. And this is different, but he was nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for the Eyes of March, where him and George, him and Ryan Glassling were just, you know, good looking on camera for two hours. That was a really bad movie.

But he wrote it. So he gets that. And then he won for 2013. So he's brought home Oscars more consistently. He's more, I don't want to say Mario. I don't know how you're even arguing this at this point. And the Oceans movies are, they're more him than Damon. Sure, you could say that.

That's fine. That's fine. They're more pit than anything. Saving Private Ryan, the departed, the born movies, the Martian, these are all gigantically. popular movies that are much more popular. Oh, brother, where art, where art down? Okay, that's not as popular as the fucking Martian.

We're talking, you see popular and good are two different things. I think Clooney said an accomplished career. Kevin can wait's popular. What was the question, for God's sakes? Has Matt Damon had a better career than George Clooney? The answer is yes. I am Team Damon, better career, better boxoff for his results. I respect George Clooney's artistry, but at the end of the day, we will all still be

watching him killing a guy with a guy with him. magazine and fucking born and not up in the air. Using that fucking leatherheads, Rick Riley movie. That's a strike against George Clooney. Up in the air. Like he takes more fantastic Mr. Fox. See, he's just a voice in that,

but that's the American. I don't know if I remember that movie. Listen, we got to go. Gravity? Damon or Clooney? Tomorrowland, kind of. He just throws in a clunker every now. Gravity's pretty good.

Damon or Clooney right now. I go Clooney. All right. Well, we are divergent on that. All right. That's the show for the. this week, thanks to Chris Johnson and his dad. Thanks to everybody

for listening. I'm Greg Wachinsky of Yahoo Sports. You can get my book, take your eye off the puck, available wherever books are sold. You can get our book, Me Lozo and Down Goes Brown. The 100 greatest players in NHL History and other stuff. Available wherever e-books are sold. And Loza, do you have anything to

say at the end of the show? Curosa Maxwell has shared a document on Google Docs with me. I don't know who that is. If I opened that, is it going to be a virus in my computer? I'm not touching that. Don't touch it. phone, I should say. Nope, I'm going to go to Seattle this weekend.

I'm going to eat a lot of seafood. Yeah, any of our listeners in Seattle that have any... Do a lot of drugs? That have any suggestions for Lozo. Hit them up on ye old Twitter. Someone emailed me to let me know. I forgot the right back to her. She emailed me to say, yeah, just so you know, don't bring the drugs to the airport on

the way home. They will detain you. I was unsure about that, but that's not good to know. All right, everybody. We'll see you next week. Thank you.