Puck Soup - ERIK KARLSSON, TRADED!

Episode Date: September 18, 2018

Greg and Dave break down the Erik Karlsson and Max Pacioretty trades, and listeners chime in with reasons for Ottawa Senators fans to have hope; Steve Yzerman leaves the Lightning GM spot; looking at the suspensions for Austin Watson and Nate Schmidt; which NHL players should be apartment mates; the joys of "Game Night"; Greg's war with mice; and much more. Sponsored by SeatGeek! 

Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. But we also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of Hagi and Nonsense. Pogsou. I'm Greg Wichinsky of ESPN. I think we got to stop doing this intro. And you're in Puck Sue.

What's wrong? Look, we're still identifying ourselves on our places of business. It's like we're calling it on a conference call. Hi, Dave Loso here, ESPN.com. I'm in the room. I am French Marten from Jean-Gen-Brodour. Jean-Soulso-Suppel, my friend, a pencil et tu-duttable?

Yes. Do you have to understand that for every episode of the podcast could be someone's first episode of the podcast and they come, someone's like, you have to listen to Puck Soup and they're like, Oh, you're assuming people are going to start listening to us at this point who haven't listened already. I see what you're thinking.

Well, you know, the numbers build, my friend. People haven't tuned us out. Numbers build. Are we still building pyramids? Because pyramids get smaller as they get to the top. Well, Dave, let me tell you about a little pyramid I'm building. If you pay me, I have an investment opportunity that I would like to get your information on. How would you like to become a wealthy, wealthy, wealthy man?

Did you ever see that movie, the H-P-M movie about Bernie Madoff? I have. Yeah. I didn't realize all of the tragedy involving his family with the, like, suicide and stuff. I was basically just watching it for Michelle Pfeiffer, to be quite honest with you. Yeah, Michelle Pfeiffer's a really good actress. She's a solid actress. Very good at what she does.

All right. So we haven't done the show in a little bit. The last one we did was the look back at 1998, which was also look back at 1999, as someone pointed out. Yeah. Um, you guys, well, that's how the seasons work. God. You know, no one's ever happy. The 2018-19 season, the 1998-99 season, I thought it was pretty obvious.

Right. Yeah. That's how they referred to you on the books as a 2018 season. So then I left for vacation and then every fucking thing in imaginable happened in hockey, which obviously we're going to talk about, but first we're going to talk about mice. So two mice fall into a bucket of cream One mice gives up, drown The other one turns his little legs

Turns the milk to butter I am that mouse And so all of the rats on the island What was the thing from Remember that from Skyfall? I don't remember Skyfall at all It was Javier Bardem doing the thing about And the rats

They sort of eat each other And then he like his rubbing buns, thighs It sounds erotic, but I don't remember that. That's the one where they invade the house at the end and turns the whole alone or whatever. Yeah, where he drops a can of paint on top of Fabio Fard M's head. He steps on a bunch of Christmas ornaments that M laid out. Classic Bond movie. Yeah, it was great.

You know, I've always said what a Bond movie needs is a tarantula falling on a henchman's chest and him getting really scared. And like James Bond's eating like pizza with a glass of milk by himself in the house because that's how you eat pizza. born James Bond You guys give up or you're thirsty for more Yeah home alone So we came home from vacation You and Ruby not me and you Right

That'd be weird Listen we live in New York There are mice in New York Greatest city in the world New York, Greg Right yeah I know He says as he had to go to a Because like all great cities They shut down the mass transportation systems

in and around the city on the weekend because no one goes out on the weekends. And then you had the classic, air-conditioned train car as well. Like, I was like, oh, I can't wait to get out on the three because at least it'll be air-conditioned for a few blocks. Nope. Nope. But anyway, tell yourself.

When we're away for a bit, like more than a week, and the house is empty, there's the assumption that the mice that we occasionally see will feel invigorated. And they will roam and they will, poo and, you know, generally get the run of the house. The mouse run of the house. And this is just the thing that happens.

And then you come home and they're like, oh, shalt. And then they run away because now we're back. The people are back. And they're just like, we're not going to be around anymore. And you were gone for how long? We were gone for, like, close to two weeks. So we come back. And yeah, hey, look, mouse droppings.

You know, this is a thing that is normal. You know, not a big deal. And so I'm looking around and cleaning up some shit, the usual places where like sneakers his food is and stuff. And I open up the front closet, which is behind you right there. You can see it there. Sure, sure, sure. And I find a few droppings.

I'm like, oh, okay. That's understandable. It's a dark place. Mice like to be in dark places. And then I notice for the first time since we lived here, there are now droppings on the shelf in the upper part of the closet. Oh, they've, they've... It's the moment of Jurassic Park when you realize the Velociraptor's going to open the doors.

Same exact thing. Sure. Yeah, great. Mice can climb. It's just like in Star Wars when they realize that... Now, the reason that they climbed is because the bag containing all of sneakers food. By the way, we once had an exterminator come here and say, I'm like, why are they mice?

They're like, well, it's your dog food. Like, is it just any dog food? are like pretty much. Like mice eat the dog food. And then because of all the nutrients and the dog food, the mice become like, it's like steroids to mice. Really?

Yeah. This is what the exterminator told us. Wow. See, I wouldn't want to know that. If you were an exterminator, you come to my apartment, just tell me there's mice.

Don't tell me they can grow stronger and kill me in my sleep. This was the same exterminator who at one point suggested these little like flat glue traps. Like, what are these called? He's like scorpion pads. Ooh. I'm like, what are they for?

He's like catching scorpions. Like, we got mice. but you have superhero mice that can kill like maybe your dog Greg so so they get up on the second shelf and they chew through the bag and they get to her food now here's where the story takes an unfortunate turn ruby was murdered no when she opened the closet door you just saw her I have never seen in my fucking life more mouse shit in one place than I saw in that closet when we got home it was ever ever everywhere. It was almost piles of it. If you, if you, like, if it wasn't so small and you just like made mountains of it, it would have been piles of it. Okay. There was piles of it on the floor. There's piles of it on the second shelf. There was a thin layer of what looked like sawdust, which was actually the dog food, having been consumed at such a rapid rate, that it left residue from the food all over the place. So now I've got mouse shit and sawdust. But you know what else I have,

Dave? You're saying to yourself, okay, how did they get up to the same? second floor. What did they have a intricate system of levers and pulleys? No, they climbed up our jackets. I was going to say that was going to be my guess because they climbed up our jackets. And here's a fun thing. Poop in the pockets? Poop on the jackets. All over scarves. And also, they took out their little mouse dicks and they pissed all over everything too. Okay, just to be clear, mice don't have to take their dicks out. Their mice, they're not really wearing anything. I'm sorry. They're already out. I went to Disneyland while I was on vacation. I can confirm that mice wear pants. So they took out their mouse dicks and they pissed all over. Like, remember,

I don't know if you ever seen it. Like, I have a white satin devil's jacket. The team once sent to me that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I have a hat from that still. Yeah, right. It has like the old school logo on it. And now it has giant yellow mouse piss stains all over it from these little fuckers. First of all, I think it's while they're climbing up. But I also think that like they're up there and they're so drunk on dog food. They take out those little mouse dicks. They're like, we. And they're just spraying down on their friends. and shit. So the dog food both turns them into gigantic mussely mice and gets them like messed up.

Right. Can I have some? It turned. I'm looking for that. They're now frat mouse. That's right. They're members of A-R-T. So the point is, is that we had to clean out the entire closet, not just the floor and not just the shelf, but we actually had to, as you can see, we had to wash every single piece of clothing, every bag, every item in the closet because of, because of.

all, it was a smell of like wet cardboard, but also piss, and it infused the entire closet. So, again, the single greatest way to come back from vacation is to find that your entire closet had been soiled by mice hepped up on goofballs, pissing all over each other. They're probably fucking, too. We know that. I mean, it's got to be. Right. They're fucking for sure.

But like, did you catch any, like, in the act of the pissing pooping? No, they all, like, you know, that's the minute. He hit the door. They'll run out over bottle. Wow. And then they all left. So now we're back at square one, which is how did they get in and how do we get rid of him? Well, this has been an ad read for Orkin.

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I know that we have listeners from all over the place, and I'm sure there's somebody who lives in the country that's like, you know, was, you know, I once woke up, but a mouse is pissing in my mouth. I had to wrestle down an alligator just to get to my bathroom. Oh, look who's here. It's by you, Billy. You city dwellers don't have any good salsa.

Oh, I'm sorry. It's Frank. I'm moving around. I'm moving around. I'm moving around the country. while I do declare that my infestations worse than yours. Now, I had a bit of a personal dalliance that's going to require me to no longer be a part of this show. I think mice are universally loath, no matter your state of origin in the United States or country.

Nobody wants to see a mouse turd in there because they know that just means more mice and there's more than where that came from. Right. But that said, like if I see... One America. I think it's also a New York thing where if I go to a restaurant and I see a mouse dropping, But if I go to a restaurant and I see a dead cockroach, I'm just like, you know what? It's, it happens. It's the greatest city in the world, Greg, for a reason.

Questionable mass transit and poop everywhere. Not only is it like, hey, it happens, but like when a place does get shut down by the health department, you're like, what was going on in there? Like, what level of disgusting happens for New York City to be like, this is too dirty? Like, where the mice actually in the frying pan while they're cooking the meal? Yeah, I'm pretty sure New York would allow a rat tattooy situation where the rats would be able to cook if they had the right culinary training. Like the rat wasn't wearing a hat. Right.

Right. Right. Right. Violation. The rats can cook, but they have to wear gloves. Yeah, they have to follow all the rules. We do. Yeah. So that's your foot.

What did you think there was? Are you freaked out now because we had such a infestation? I was just looking at your toes and I was like, I don't know if I want any of that on my body. They're tapes. I'm a person. All right. Dave's. So while I was gone, like I said, everything happened.

And by everything happened, I mean that many trades, many decisions, a couple of suspensions. Let's start with the trades. And one in particular involving Eric Carlson. Who's he again? So Eric Carlson was traded from the rotting egg shell, corpse of the Ottawa senators. Thoughts and prayers to Mark Stone. For Chris Tierney,

Dylan de Mello, Josh Norris, and what I assume is a junior jumble puzzle named Rudolph's Bulksters. Sure. Who I've read is like, now it's funny

like when a trade like this goes down now like the Corey Pradman's and Chris Peters of the world are like, well Rudolph Bulklers Could be a pretty serviceable third liner in the NHL. I'm like, great. Super. Could be. As well as a first round pick in 2019 or 20,

and a second round pick in 2019. If the sharks missed the playoffs in 2018-19, not likely. It goes to next year. That first rounder will be in 2019. Otherwise, it's a 2020 first round pick that will go out of it. So, again, T.R. Dorian's masterstroke in this trade was, well, let's, what if all of the sharks get crippling syphilis? then we'll have a lottery pick.

And no one will remember the Matthew Shane trade. And even then, it's probably not going to be like barely a top 10 lottery pick. Like, they can probably withstand some syphilis. There are also two conditional picks. Should the shark sign Carlson do a contract extension? Otto receives San Jose's second round selection in 2021, which would upgrade to a first round selection, not lottery protected, if San Jose reaches the Stanley Cup file in 2019. So they have to re-sign them.

make the cup final and then the the the sharks will give them the if Carlson is on an Eastern Conference roster during the 2018-19 season the senators will receive an additional first round pick from the sharks that's for Elliot Friedman so yeah because they learn your lesson from the Mike Hoffman situation but again like like who cares but this this part of the of the trade when I read about it kind of made me wonder like You know, the thing that Ottawa said that every team says in this situation is like, well, it was the best deal on the table. No, it wasn't.

And you're saying to yourself, if you're fucking putting conditions on a trade that says that this guy can't be back in the Eastern Conference, wouldn't that then lead one to believe that the Eastern Conference teams were never really in play for this player? Like, what are you worried about as the Ottawa Senators? Like, man, if we have to play Eric Carlson three times next year, that's really going to hurt our playoff chances. Like, what in the world? Why would you limit your marketplace? to have to leave. If you put Eric Carlson on the Lightning, we're going to finish at least

35 points behind them in the standings. Oh, it's just so dumb. Do you know what I mean? Like, how do you take it on face value that this was possibly the best deal on the table for Eric Carlson when there are conditions in the trade saying that he can only play in one conference? That would tell me that they're not really seriously considering trading him within

the Eastern Conference. But even if it was, like you're telling you Vegas did an offer more last year at the Devlin? Well, that's the thing too. Right. Best in the table. Now maybe. Sure. Yeah. They They fucked themselves because... Oh, the teens are so dumb. They waded it out to a point where they couldn't have them on the roster anymore, obviously,

because you're only going to have them there just to be fucking miserable. And also, God forbid, his ankle goes out again before the trade deadline. Then you don't get anything for him. Then you don't get Chris Tierney. Right. Chris Tierney and a conditional third. But, yeah, there's no... There's no question that there was more on the table at the trade deadline,

and there was more on the table on July 1st. There's absolutely no way you're going to ever fucking convince me otherwise that there was not a better deal than this available to them at some point. What's funny for me too is the other side of it where I've seen people tweet things like, boy, Brent Burns, Mark Edward Vlasic, Eric Carlson. Who's the number one? It's Eric Carlson. Stop it. I get what you're saying, but it's Eric Carlson. God, you know, Mark, these three guys could win the number. Norris. Okay. So how many is Mark Edward Vlasic one? Yeah, Mark Edward Vlasic can totally win the Norris. If this were 1976. Oh, if it was 1993. You could have got some Darien Hatcher type votes out of a guy like that for sure, 1998, maybe, or 1999. But yeah, good for, I mean, I don't know if that makes San Jose like a cup favorite or anything. But let's start it off with the Carlson dip. It's pretty good. By the way, no Timo Meyer in the trade, which is nuts.

Um, no, no, no, no, no, no, found date. Again, like, you got like, not to like, spoiler warning, but like, when we talk about Max Catchy already, there's not a single person in this trade that gets my, my hockey boner up like Nick Suzuki has for the, for the habs. Like, that's a guy that at least you could say, oh, all right, something tangible that I can be impressed with and, and be excited about for the future. Like, this is a bunch of, like, mid-level prospects and guys that were, like, barely on the third line. I don't know, man. You can't wallow in that. There's no time to wallow in that. All right. So Carlson. Doug Wilson, a very handsome man. You see that picture of Doug Wilson and Eric Carlson when they met for the first time?

Like, Eric Carlson's wearing a black... But Eric Carlson looks like he is the guitarist for, like, the strokes or something. He's a black t-shirt. I was going to say, is that a compliment or are you... No, no, no, it's a compliment. And then Doug Wilson looks like he just got back from, like, watching his kid play soccer. Is he, like, all super tan from the... Summer too.

Super tan wearing like a button down short sleeve shirt. Hello, fellow human. How are you? I've had this job forever and people think I'm awesome at it. I guess he's okay. Let's see here. So talks about where he wants to get him locked up long term. Doug Wilson says I don't talk about negotiations.

This is the to the San Jose Mercury News. Question. If you want him for a long time. Well, back up. Back up. He doesn't talk about negotiation. Man, how did everybody find that about the Joe Thornton? contracts trade stuff. I don't know.

Oh, you mean like, yeah, he doesn't talk about negotiations except when he says that guys are too comfortable here because of all the no trade clauses that are on our roster. Otherwise, otherwise he's happy to use the media to do that. But I'm sure, sure. Okay, question. You want them for a long time. I'm sure you have some idea of what that might cost. We wouldn't have done this.

This is Doug Wilson. We wouldn't have done this deal if we weren't very comfortable of that opportunity. That's a weird way to phrase that. That's a weird way. And that's why I was able to have discussions with their agents and with Eric. Look at the history. That's all I can say. Jumbo Burns, Kane Jonesy.

When you have, I know, when you have the type of ownership we have, the type of team and the type of players, knowing what players are looking for, I think we fill all those boxes. Fill the boxes, but he's kind of weird. His colloquialisms are weird. I have, I've had conversations and confidence to people and came to the comfort zone of where we're at today. Now, of course they're going to sign them. conspicuously absent from that list of players, and I'm not saying he needs to name everybody, was Joe Pavelsky. I think he's just, well, Pavelsky's not signed yet, right?

That's the point. So I think that if you sign, if you're going to sign Eric Carlson to an Eric Carlson-like contract, okay, I don't think you can bring back Pavelsky. What's Joe Thornton's situation? Well, Thornton, you're going to, I mean, you're going to, I mean, you're going to, you're in clear $5 million of Thornton. Right. So he's at five. But if you're going to sign Pavelski, you need to sign him probably for what Kutur is getting, which is eight. You have Evander Cain locked up at seven. You're going to have Carlson locked up at what, nine, five, ten?

Probably ten. I would guess ten. I mean, I guess in theory you could bring him back, but he's also 34. I remember like he was part of the young rebuild when he was like 30. I know. God. Because he put an in. He was generation next for Team USA. God. But, like, I mean, I guess in theory is like... I'm just going to go up, too. If you're Doug Wilson, what you're hoping for is like, you've locked up these three great defensemen and also Justin Braun.

And you have a Vander Kaine and you have Logan Guterre. You have hurdle. What you're probably hoping for is that Pavelsky's like, you know what? I don't need to make eight. I can make six five over three. think he would probably get seven anyway because of his age and, you know, I'm just saying, I'm wondering, I'm wondering about the future Joe Pavelsky if you need to sign our calls. Now, granted, their salary situation next year is fucking whack because they've got a bunch of free agents and a lot of RFAs as well.

So they could conceivably maybe fed them, but they could. I think, again, maybe like you ever see like people who go up on stage, they win an award and they thank everybody, but they forget like their boss or something and they get off stage or like, oh, fuck, I forgot to say. Yeah, it's very often that you forget like the second most important. person on the roster and also your captain what they forgot brent burns logan pet turn i forgot logan pet turn okay the second i'm sorry i let me rephrase that the second most important person named joe on the roster yeah you know what it's it's the off season and he's tired he hasn't been in the office for a while he's your captain though someone just sometimes someone just slips slips past you he's your captain he's been there forever he's your captain i'm just saying

i don't know uh will eric arlesson signed there so i was i was doing radio over the weekend in Toronto and someone mentioned that Chris Johnston, never heard of him, friend of the show, at one point recently offered speculation that Eric Carlson might end up in, in New York with the Rangers. Of course, because he's a pending free agent and just like in baseball with the Yankees, all pending free agents are dying to come to a rebuild with a rookie college coach. But what this comes down to. Sure, like Kovilchuk.

What this comes down to is this. Uh-huh. Do you, two factors. One, the desire of Melinda Carlson to not live in California. Why? And to come back east. Wait, why does she not want to live in California? No, I don't know.

I don't know if she does or doesn't. All we know is that she didn't want to leave Ottawa. Well, she was in Ottawa pretty much her entire adult life. Right. But like, you know, whether she goes to New York or San Jose, it's an entirely new city with new people, no matter what. It is, but one is in the east and one is in California. Is this like Matt Dushain because, like, he's in a play in Ottawa because, like, it's

three and a half hours from where he grew up in high school and stuff. I'm not having high school, like before that because he played junior. Like, I don't get that. The question is that where does you want to live? And the other question is, if we are to believe that the Rangers might dabble in this, is, do we buy the idea that it's going to be a traditional real rebuild? Or is it like, we'll do this for a year and here. Here's Artemian, Panera, New York, Carlson, yay!

Got to get Panarin, Carlson. Like, George Costanza is sitting in the Rangers front office. I think I got a way to get Carlson and Panarian without even giving up too much. Yeah. Come on. Is it like ingrained in the Rangers DNA where they just, they can't, they're like, we're going to do it right this time and all of a sudden. And by right I mean, here is Scott Gomez and Christopher.

Hey! Now, Eric Carlson to Toronto. Now, let's talk about it. Because first of all, they already have Kevin Shatt and Kirk, and they're probably all gunshy now about the offensive defenseman type guy who's not doing really well. You put him in Toronto. Kevin Shack Kirk never approached what Eric Carlson's approach as a player. Let Jake Gardner walk.

See, I, I, listen. Let's get that super team in Toronto, baby. Again. Let's do it. First of all, pause on Super Team. It's the best. It's the best that now in the Western Conference,

you have at least three teams. You can't include Vegas as a Super Team, but they're good. In Nashville, Winnipeg and the Sharks that are like just fucking stacked as stacked can be. That's so fun.

That's so good for the league. I like the people who are coming around on my Super Team. I've always been on a Super Team. team idea. I said, that's why I wanted Carlson with the Lightning is for an Easter conference super team. But now, but I also, now that you mentioned that though, now that makes me think that Tampa probably offered something pretty sweet. Because I mean, look what they offered for Ryan McDonough. Right. So imagine what they offered for our car. If that was the same

package, it's already better than what they got. You're right. You're right. You're right. An actual like guy playing on the top line in the NHL. And J.T. Miller. Yeah, so I'm saying J.T. Miller. Miller came back the other way, though. J. T. Miller came with Carl, with, with McDonough. That's what I mean. Yeah. So like, oh, right, yeah, I got that backwards. You did. But we were on the right track.

But you see what I'm saying. I do. You get what I'm like that. So do you, I mean, do you, so you're, you're a Carlson to Toronto guy. Yeah, because in baseball, it's the Yankees. But here's the question, right? Like, Toronto's a more attractive destination. What is Eric Carlson's nationality?

I believe he's a Swedish guy. He's Swedish, correct. Is there a fucking chance that he might not speak to Nick Lidschip and Hendricks that I'm playing for Mike Babcock Just like John Tavares Is a good Canadian boy Who had him in the Olympics

Yeah exactly He knew him first hand and was like Eric's like Give me eight years of that Or seven years of that Hendrick it's me It's Eric I was wondering

Did you enjoy your time playing for Mike Babcock Borka Borka no Borka Borka Borka Rangers See you did this whole bit Around Tavares now So I feel like you have to retire the bit Until at least like the trade that line This is different

This is the Swedish bit. That was the good Ontario boy bit. This is the Swedes that want to play for Mike Babcock. Oh, just the Swedes. Yeah. Well, I mean, the Swedes that are in the know.

There's probably some dumb Swedes that don't know any better. Like Nick Litch trim we played until he was 41 for Mike Babcock. Uh-huh. Okay. Just say it. You want him to come to the devil's drag. Nick Lithstrom didn't want to leave Detroit. He loved Detroit.

He was like, I'm just here. I got to deal with this guy. This red-faced yelling, man, who's always trying to, you know, work my sports psychology on him, you know, get inside their nuggins and getting there work to gears, 110% great, great, great. All right, if you were just working up to the Babcock impression, then I think everyone's cool. No. You know, I was, I didn't know where it was going. You know?

I never. Opportunity. Big opportunity here to play in Toronto. You said the word opportunity, 175. times they're in that shark series. And then they came back from down 3-0 and lost in seven. We're down 3-0, but it's an opportunity. Great moments are born. Yeah.

Great opportunities. You know, I'm sick and tired of hearing about the Swedes. This is my gold medal game in Sochi speech. Oh, okay. I'm sick and tired of people talking about the Swedes, talking about how they might only lose by seven or eight goals tonight. Fuck them. So I made sure that Nick Factions... Drug tests came back positive.

So I ensured that they would, you know, sit Delaware at when Larson for no apparent reason. Oh, that fucking Swedish coach. That was weird. Today's episode of Puck Soup is sponsored by Seat Geek. You know, getting tickets online can be far too complicated with hundreds of sites and varying levels of reliability. It's hard to know who to trust. I'll tell you you could trust our friends at Seatkeek. By searching multiple ticket sites and grading.

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Seek, life's an event, and we have the tickets. Yeah, so Eric Carlson's on the show. So where are you now on the sharks as far as like what this? Fourth line, right wing. Oh, I'm, oh, you're placing Christianity. Yeah. Coming out of retirement. So, like, the great thing about the predators,

besides the fact that they have no scruples and morals, as we'll get to in a moment, is the fact that they've got two incredibly good defensive pairings and can throw them out for the majority of the game. And the sharks now have that and a little bit even more than that. So I'm like, this is great. They're going to be really, really good. If not in the regular season, they'll be really, really good.

They're going to be fucking great in a playoffs if they're healthy. Cannot wait for that Western Conference final matchup between Winnipeg and Vegas. Yep. When Derek England's out there playing 26 minutes a night and Vegas can't lose for some reason. Yep. That's the thing about hockey is like people are like, oh, wow, this makes them like Stanley Cup favorites. And it does. But like hockey is just so 50-50 and so random and so luck-based that like you can't, like,

Like when the Warriors got Kevin Durant, you were like, all right, wonder who they're going to play in the finals. But like, here, it's not, maybe they lose in the second round. Because the essential difference between hockey and basketball besides, you know, playing surface and, you know, nationality of players and cultural makeup of the players. Yeah, not a lot of knives on feet. Television coverage and also the height of the play. The other big difference is that, you know, when Kevin Durant is shooting the basketball, you know, there are going to be people trying to guard him. But there's nobody sitting on the fucking hoop in a mask defleting the ball away legally. And that's the point is that, you know, as you said, you know, Nashville is stacked and San Jose is stacked and Winnipeg is stacked and Vegas should be good again.

And, you know, but then like Ben Bishop has two great fucking series. And here we are with Jamie Ben and Tyler Singh in the file. Yeah, that's a problem. But it's a wait. How is that a problem, though? That random is beautiful. There's a regular season. It's a complete waste of time, then.

We've had this conversation a million times. But one team is 35 points better than another team for 82 games. They lose four out of seven. Like, it's, I don't know. Because goal hunting is a great equalizer. So you hate goalies. You hate what Arturis Urbe can do. But it's not necessarily goalies that always do it is the issue.

Sometimes it's just. Sometimes it's just a plucky. Sometimes like a plucky old Montreal Canadian who takes over a struggling Mickey Mouse franchise and says, now we're just going to play. Oh, you're doing. How you say the trap? See, I was thinking caps blue jackets when they were down to O in the series and Pucks just started to fall onto the stick blades of every cap around the net.

Let's pause in the blue jackets for a second. What the fuck? So Pinaran doesn't want to be in Columbus. That's fine. I don't know how obsessed you are for any Pinarian situation. I just wanted to be there. But, like, Bobowski, like, he had some line. I want to find it.

Vamp for me for a second. Talk to me about why I love Pinaran. I don't know. I mean, he's good. He's really good. You have the whole, you know, a laundering situation thing. Oh, John Torrella got two years, which whatever. So hold on.

So this is what Babropski's... This is what Babrovsky. This is what Bobrovsky said. The Novi King kicked in yet, sir? Oh, man, I went to the dentist before I left for vacation. I got to, I have two of my wisdom teeth out already. They didn't take all four out. Oh, why did you did two?

Why didn't do all four at once? Well, because the dentist said the other two are fine. I'm like, oh, that makes sense to me. Yeah, but, like, people get those out even when they're not. Like, if you go in for the two that aren't good, you should probably just bet on the other two at some point. Are the other two going to screw you at some point now? I got a cavity in one. In your wisdom tooth?

Yeah. Oh, it's obviously already emerged. What am I thinking about? That's stupid. Emerged. Emerged. Yes. Because I had mine taken out when I was a kid before they popped through.

People and they ripped open your gum and took them out? It was for braces because, like, if I got braces and then I got the wisdom teeth. I didn't know. I didn't know you had braces. Tell me more. What was wrong with your teeth? Exactly. What do you mean? They were crooked.

I had braces. I had braces for a specific reason, which was that I had two teeth. This is right over here. Two teeth grew into the same spot. And so they... Did the tooth they got their first scream out first? First! So the baby tooth was in the front and the adult tooth was in the back.

So they like either... I forget if they... yanked out the baby tooth or it fell out and then I needed to wear braces to... Just treating out the one tooth. The human body is a wonderland, I believe, as John Mayer once pointed out. They used the braces to bring

the adult tooth to the front like over time. So the adult tooth was like, fuck it, I'm coming out now. Like, whether you're ready for it or not. Right. The adult tooth is like, you know, I don't care if you were here at first. This is my spot. Wait, so, like, how do you, did you like tell your parents right away when you felt it coming in? Because I would have been like,

I have two teeth in one spot. Well, it's not, it doesn't come in like the fucking stalagmites at the end of Superman Returns when they're building the cryptop land. Like, it's, I wouldn't know that I'm like, it's emerging. The dentist would tell them your son has two teeth growing into the same spot on this x-ray machine. Like you're a superhero. You're like, yeah. You're like, teeth man. Teeth man, yes.

I'm like venom. I was just all these teeth. So, like, so I think they pulled it and then the braces bought them up. Were your braces silver or clear? Oh, they were silver. I had clear ones. Yeah. Which at the time was like, oh, this is great.

Like, I'll just wear clear braces and they'll be undetectable except for the fact they'd become completely discolored and people can still tell you wearing. Oh, is that what happens with clear races? Oh, yeah. For sure. Like, the worst part about braces was like, I played sports. And like there are times when like you would just kind of get like, you know, like hit in the face like a little bit, like nothing hard.

But like it would push down on your braces and like the upper parts of your bottom parts or your lips on the inside would get all bloody. I guess it looked cool because you were spitting blood. You were like, is braces a sport, TM, Charlotte Wilder? Is braces a sport? I don't know. That's her bit, remember? That's Charlotte Wilder.

So, Popovsky said, I heard some interviews during the summer and stuff like that. This is to the Columbus dispatch. Okay. Or the athletic. Just assume it's the athletic. I don't know. After the last season, I told the situation to the management of the Blue Jackets, so they know everything.

What situation? Hold on. Oh. They know my plans for this season. They know my plans for the future, so they know everything. From now on, I would ask you to not ask me too many questions about my contract in future with the blue jackets because I want to focus on the process, trust the process, and to help this team win games. I'm a blue jacket for now.

Sirens, flashing lights. we have a young team and I don't want too much distraction around the locker room from our situation and from my situation asked if he told management his plans where Brodowski said yeah they know exactly what we're going to do

and then kick a line and like didn't really comment on it what the fuck do you make of that he has one year left to like he's a free agent next summer 7.1 6.9 I think he's like in that neighborhood I'll look it up on my friends of cat friendly yeah so okay so

so all these guys go to the Rangers obviously, right? What, like, Vobrovsky does? Like, Bobrovsky's going to go there, weighed out Lunkwist's, how many years is Lunkwurst

to have left in this? Bavrovsky is 2. 29. Like, you know. So, like, they have, like, all-star, like, goalie tandem for a year.

Lunkwist gets pushed out, and it's Mabrobski Penar and Carlson. Tyler Sagan comes over as well. The thing, Tyler Sagan has a full contract. He used to find out. Here's the question.

Like, they keep on giving Kekaline and contracts. They keep on giving Tortoella contracts. but it's a very good I mean, if you base it on what he said and you're worried about it, like, Bovroski could be gone and that guy's been the MVP for the team

since he's been there. Panarin could be gone and he's the guy that you acquired to be the offensive centerpiece of this team. Like, you've got obviously Jones and Ranski to build around and, you know, Dubois seems like he's going to be pretty good and stuff.

But like, fuck, man. Yeah. Your world gets rocked next summer if you don't bring those guys back. But again, like, I guess it's one of those. situations where you're saying to yourself, okay, how rocked is it? Like, what success have they had with with, with, with, with, with Brovrovsky there.

Right. In the playoffs. Right. That's always been sort of the underlying thing about that is that like he's, I mean, you know, he's incredible in the regular season and right. That's kind of how Rick Nash is too. It's like a Columbus thing. I love that.

I love how like that happens too in all sports. And whenever that happens, it's always like, oh, it's a small sample size. Like Clayton Kershaw stinks in the postseason. David Price stinks in the postseason. Oh, small. maybe some guys just don't do well in the postseason when the other teams are all really good all the time. Like if Bobroff-I-Hop. I get small sample size on shit, right?

But like, But Brofsky has 24 playoff games to his credit and an 891 save percentage. Like some of that's with the crappy Flyers too, though, right? That was seven of those games for flyers. So he was in that batchet series against the. Oh, the Flurry series? The Flurry series. I like how the Flurry series could be like that series or like anything in V8 or the L.A. King's series.

series. But I mean, in his time with the CBJ, the best he's had was a 908 say a percentage in six games in 13, 14. Never won a playoff series. I mean, for fuck's sake. Some guys crap their pants in the playoffs. It happens. I don't know if he's a pants crapper.

He's done some pants crapping esk things. I don't know the literal translation of Robowski if that's what you're asking. Bob Rovsky. Arovsky is from the root word, Rob. So will Eric Carlson sign with the shark? is the question. Yes, of course.

It's done deal already. They've already agreed to terms. It'll come out at some point. I'm going to say no. All right. I'm going to say... You like being wrong. I'm going to say one and done.

I'm going to say that it worries me a little bit that we didn't get the patchy-ready special of the contract immediately upon acquisition. It seems like there needs to be a certain... The words of Doug Wilson, tell me. And by the way, Carlson probably signs like the minute this podcast drives. Sure. Oh, yeah. It'll be Monday morning. Tell me that.

You want to wait until everyone's back. You need a little bit of a feeling out process, both between Melinda Carlson and the city of San Jose and with their Carlson and the team. They made that trade Friday afternoon, right? Yeah. It was Thursday. It was Thursday. But like, yeah, you want to wait until everyone comes back from vacations like yourself for a little Monday morning announcement, maybe Tuesday? Right.

Maybe they do it in the middle of it. the season. We're going to talk about the Ottawa senators later. Our question of the week is can you give any glimmer of hope? No. Thanks for the questions, everybody. I don't know. I don't say that it understands. Nope. But, you know, it's bad. It's real bad.

So, like, I can't imagine a scenario where, like, Mark Stone and Matthew Shane are like, yes, sign me up for eight more years here. Did you watch the Eugene Melnick video, by the way? I saw a bit of it. I got a minute in and I couldn't do anymore. It was uncomfortable. The most bizarre infomercial I've ever seen.

And I've seen the slap chop one many times. Like this was just, I couldn't do it. Like people who say like, oh, a five and a half minute video, I can't watch it. I was like, oh, I'm going to watch this. And then I was like, what possesses him to do that? He's a billionaire. But he's a billionaire. You do whatever he wants.

The thing about Eugene Melnick that's become quite apparent is that he really, he either believes he's the greatest salesman since fucking Don Draper. or he believes that he is like when he says I'm just one of you I'm a Senators fan like he believes that that into his core that others will see him that way like all Senators fans you wears a suit and tie and takes off the jacket and throws the jersey over the dress shirt

that's just your common man sort of thing. I'm just you I'm just I'm just gore to popcorn you know going to the game and watching you know Matthew Shane go through the motions. I love

you know, plopping down $50 for a hot dog or whatever it costs for the real people, I have no idea. Yeah, I'm just like, I'm just like you gored popcorn, you know, plotting a seven-hour drive to Kanata to come to the team, come see the team play. They're so, they're so screwed. They're so screwed. I mean, they're not screwed.

They were screwed anyway, but like they're, read some questions. Let's give people hope. Let's be positive. We'll do that in a bit. Oh, I thought we're doing that now. That happens at the end of the show. You just read the question. now, right? People were all ready to hear their questions when you did that.

We're going to get them later. We have other things to cover for us. What the senators really need, though, being that they are so poor, is for someone to, you know, take from the rich and give to them. I'm going to go to your fridge and see what's in there. You know, like the mythical character, Robin Hood. Wait, was he mythical or was he real? Was there real Robin Hood? Point being is that today's episode of Puck Soup was brought to you by Robin Hood. All one word. It's an investing app. lets you buy and sell stocks,

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Free stock to build your portfolio, Robin Hood, proud sponsor of the Puck Soup podcast. All right. Speaking of, I don't know, Max Patchyretti was traded by the Montreal Canadiens to the Vegas Golden Knights for Tomash Tatar, Nick Suzuki at a second round pick in the NHL draft.

And then Patchy-Ready immediately signed a four-year $28 million contract. Love that term, by the way. So McPhee was after. So McPhee, again, so McPhee is not flawless. He makes mistakes. Yeah, yeah. But imagine if he had then traded Martin E.Rat for Max Patchyretti. Imagine if he had traded for Max Patcherati last year instead of Tomash Tatir.

would the Vegas Golden Knights have won three more postings? The tar trade was fucking terrible. I still remember that coming across

on like my Twitter or whatever It made no sense. Again I'm like Oh is this like Pierre Lobrun Is this like a fake Twitter? Like nope.

It was a bizarre trade at the time It was an overcompensation For a player That honestly never really To me met his potential in Detroit Which is why he's a perfect Canadian And so they trade him

Suzuki who they didn't really want to give up, but they had to give up something for Patchy Ready and a second round pick. And they get Patchy Ready. And again, like, you look at the Golden Knights roster and you're like, okay, they lose Neon Perron.

How do you address that? And we're all going into the season being like, oh, they're going to put Alex Tuck on the second line. Well, guess what? Now you have fucking Paul Stasney and Max Patchy Reddy on their second line to support the Marcoso line. And, like, as someone who was wondering about the potential and perhaps inevitable regression of the,

of the Vegas Golden Knights, this certainly has bolstered my confidence in them returning to the playoffs next year. But you seem like you're still kind of a doubter. No, I'm not. I'm not. Look, look, you catch lightning in a bottle once, sure. It happens. Lightning sometimes hits that bottle.

But when the bottle still has, I wish I can call it up right now, Derek England, Lucas Speez is not there anymore, right? He left. Well, I get what you're saying. There's 6D are not going to, Mark Andre Fleury is not going to do that again. It's possibly he could, but I agree with you on the defense. The thing about Vegas that worries me a little bit is, like you said, do these acquisitions and now with a very, with a second line that could be the top line for a lot of teams,

will they offset the... Like the Leafs, kind of. Will they offset the, I was going to say... defensive shortcomings. No, I was just going to say magical shit. I'll just say magical shit. The magical shit from last year. Like, the fact that the team coalesced around a tragedy, the fact that you had the gold misfits all being pissed off about, my team didn't like me and it was all horseshit, but they bought into it. You know, like, that's, that's not going to be the same ride that they had last year. But they're also a pretty good fucking team. Also, they're going to play a quarter of the season without their best defenseman. Also, they're going to play. an entire season in the Pacific Division, which is kind of a specious thing. San Jose Sharks. That's...

And improved coyotes team. Yeah, I mean, the Pacific does still stink. No, it does not. It's kind of... Top to bottom, it's pretty good. Really? Really? Calgary?

Calgary? Arizona? Calgary? Calgary is a bit of a conundrum. The problem with Calgary is I don't trust the goal ten. The problem with Ebenton is I don't trust everybody, but make... Right. So there's just three teams there that are gigantic question marks,

But that's definitely, it's almost as good as the central. It's almost as good as Central. Sure. Absolutely. I think this is a brilliant. Like, I think this is a good move. It's a really good move. Nothing wrong with the move.

And, you know, it's not the Eric Carlson move, which I think would make you a lot more confident about them if he was on their blue line, right? Every trade in hockey should have happened like four months earlier. Yeah. Every trade. Like, it's always like, wow, they got Max Patcher ready. Yeah, but like, imagine they had Max Patcher ready in the playoffs last year. And, like, clearly he's done in Montreal. But nope, we got to wait for the best offer.

I think this is a real, I think this is a really good return for Bershvan. I know fuck all about Nick Suzuki, so I'm not going to pretend. He's good. Sure. And, you know, you get, you get an NHL player into Tatar, which at least will give you some goals, not a lot of them. Who you just crapped on, like, seven minutes ago. Yeah, but that's because, like, they gave up all those picks for a guy to be, like,

a difference maker at the trade deadline for potential cup contender. And what did he do? He fucking sucked. technically if you don't play you can't suck so if you're a healthy scratch are you really sucking or are you just like it's like us we did this as much for the golden nights this is very interesting psychology if you don't if you're not allowed to participate

because you're that bad if you don't try you can never feel like right it doesn't mean that you suck it just means no one's giving you the opportunity to prove that you suck exactly if you never put yourself out there you can never get hurt that's the way life works Greg I didn't talk to her because I thought she might reject me. But I didn't talk to her, so I was never rejected. But technically when he plays in Montreal for a full season, he's probably going to feel some rejection and negative vibes from some people at some point.

Because if you have like a 35 point season in Vegas, it's like, what's that? 35 points? Is that a lot? And then it's like Montreal. You talk about two teams that were over a barrel, two teams that were in a situation where, you know, something had to happen. But, like, Montreal put itself over the barrel. Mark Bergervan was basically, like, over the barrel,

and, like, Mark Bergervon was holding Mark Bergervan down to put him in, like, that barrel wasn't necessarily. Like, Patchy ready was like, I want to stay. He's full of shit. You don't think so? Not full of shit. You don't want to stay? You don't think so?

Like, it's just a thing where it's like, if you know that, like, what are you going to say? Like, you're going to be like, spend, you're going to spend, like, all of March April and, like, get me out of here. I think patchy-ready loved being, loved being with Montreal. he wanted to be with that organization. I don't think he wanted to play for that manager. It was an untenable situation.

Like, yeah, like maybe he wanted to stay on the Montreal team that existed two years ago before Mark Bergerand destroyed it. But like that team, that team doesn't exist anymore. So I don't think he was necessarily heartbroken. I think he would have been fine seeing it through, being part of a veteran group anchored by stable, healthy mainstays, Kerry Price and Shay Weber.

Like what, like, I wonder what Mark Bergerna, you saw that photo Mark Bergerman, who's apparently like now the world's like 10th or 11th ranked bodybuilder now. You see that photo of it? Like he was, I don't know if he was at a golf course or whatever, but he was wearing like a golf shirt and like, my goodness. Like he was like, he was like the rock. Yeah. Like he's, he's, I don't know what he's doing all day, but it's not researching hockey.

I think it's just like doing like doing deadlifts. It's crazy. What do you think he does after like a press conference for everybody? It's like, oh, oh, he's like, oh, he's just. goes back into his office and just starts lifting. Just like hits the flat bench and just like puts like four plates on each side and just like throws up 10 sets. So I don't know. It's a good trade for both teams, I think.

But your point is taken that again, like much like with the senators going in the direction they went, Montreal going in the direction, they went hastened to this deal. Right. And they still don't have a center. They still don't have. Who? Montreal? Yeah. No.

Right. Like somebody listed out all me guys. They traded. Max Domey trade. They traded away. A guy that they spent years trying to make into a center for a guy who isn't one. It's nuts. It's a bad.

It's a bad scene. I always wonder if all these teams that live in Canada, exist in Canada, would be better off. Living Canada. I'm sure I'll live in Canada. I still wonder if all the pressure of having to win causes GMs to do things they wouldn't do if they were hanging out in, like, Florida. You know? Yeah. But I don't know.

I remember Lambert had a column like that once where it was like, why are Canadian GM so bad? and it could just be that. Because remember when Brian Burke was the GM? He's like, I got to deal with the media and the fans and like the fans. You guys, you're always asking me about my five-year plan and the fact that the fans are chanting that I shouldn't have hired my friend to be the coach. Oh, by the way, yeah, that was, I'm sorry, that was the old urban legend that, you know, it just so happened that Ron Wilson became the coach of the Leafs, but Brian Burke had nothing to do with it because he was still air quotes, creating wind like the mighty wings of Rodan. There you go. Under contract with the ducks.

There you go. There it is. Just saying. What else we got? Well, we have a few other things to touch on here. You mentioned Nate Schmidt, 20-game suspension for the droids. For the trace amounts of PEDs or whatever. What are you going to do?

So, Gerard Gallant had the same reaction most Golden Knights fans did upon learning about popular defenseman, Nate Schmidt. Popular defense. Serving a 20-game suspension. This is from Adam Hill in the last video. It's also good. Galant said, I didn't know anything about it. I read Nate's comments. I read the team's comments about it, and I'm supporting Nate Schmidt 100%.

Wait, so no one told him until he saw the comments. Is that what he's saying? Apparently not. That's weird. That's weird. And so the thing, the Schmidt gets suspended and then it puts out this incredible, like, statement. Yeah, I read that like two weeks ago.

What does it say again? I haven't looked at it. This is a Schmidt's statement. Strongly disagrees. So Nate Schmidt said about the suspension, extremely disappointed. I've been suspended for a violation of the NHL and HLPA performance enhancing. One of the experts in environmental contamination who testified on my behalf at the appeal hearing described the amount of the substance found on my system, seven billionths of a milligram as the equivalent of a pinch of salt.

in an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Well, I mean, it really depends on how large your hands are, I guess. Another expert analyzed a sample of my hair, I mean, I've seen how much it, and concluded there was no evidence of intentional use. The Vegas Golden Knights tracked player strength of performance metrics and my results have remained constant over the past year. But he still, he never actually says I didn't do it. There's no intentional use.

Like, you know, like, oh, I accidentally took it because of a thing in my thing. Yeah, I mean, it's still your deal. Listen, I want to believe Nate here. I like him. He's one of my favorite players. He's a good dude. But the bottom line is that like the trace amount of a substance in your system is by no means an indication that there wasn't more of that substance in your system.

Right. Like that's, I mean, that's why they measure for such a trace amount is because over time it leaves your system. Yeah. Like if you had said, I have never taken this ever? Never have I ever. as opposed to being like... Enhanced my performance for an NHL contract. He never says, you know,

it's that line where like I never knowingly or intentionally. It's like... Yeah. But still... And I feel bummed for him. Like, he's, you know, it's entirely pop... Listen, it's funny. You mentioned the Nick Baxham thing from the Olympics a few years ago.

Like, that guy got fucking railroaded. He was taking like an antihistamine. Yeah. Or some shit. But like, at no point is antihistamine listed in his letter, right? Yeah. Yeah. The, what did this guy put,

his body part of this equation. I don't think it's been filled out. It's never answered. So, right. Whatever. It's 20 games. Hang out. Play some pie gow. Think you'll be all right without him? No. Okay. But whatever, it's 20 games. They played 20 games with like Oscar Danks. What the hell was the guys?

Do you what I mean? That Oscar Dance. Yeah, they got by with like third strong HL goalies. And like that worked out. The other guy that got lit up by the Islanders. And then like he came back and actually was pretty good. There was like a Lacelre or Legacy.

Oh, Legacy, that's right. I know what his name is. Yeah, they had a lot of guys like that playing a lot of games and they still won the division. I don't know.

Do you think that, so they follow the sort of international guidelines for testing. Do you think that this is too stringent? No, I honestly don't care. Do you care about Austin getting 27 games for? What I don't understand is

the lack of transparency in the investigation. For the Austin Watson thing? Yeah, like, 27. Like, is there like a formula that the NHL has where like they, they put it into a computer and then it spits out 27 games? Like in baseball, Roberto Osuna got, shit, I want to say 75 games or 80 games, which is like half the season. And he was, same thing.

He was arrested, domestic violence. And the NHL gave about about half of that. And I just, like the whole thing where people were like, oh, it's only seven more games in a PED. Like I don't really do that sort of comparison. But it's like, like, I don't know. I think the suspension has to start at like 40. And then you work your way up from there. Like there were witnesses.

He pled no contest, I think, right? Was that even what he wanted you pay? I think what you're saying is you, do you want like a mandatory minimum for domestic violence? Yeah, because like if you're not going to explain how you came to a number, like the NHL investigated, the Predators agree with the investigation. Like, I don't know. I just, like, I don't want to have, like, who's deciding that at the NHL? Like, who's their, who's their person who's like, well, this one, this one, well, you know,

he didn't do this, so it's 23 games. Well, he did this, so it's 31 games. Like, you know, it is what it is. And there should just be, like, let's say at the starting point is 27 games. That's still too low. So. The statement from David. Paul, or the quote from David Poil at the press conference they held is, if something happened to your

child, to your own child, the situation, what would you do? I think you would do everything you could rehabilitate your child or make the situation whole. I'm hoping at the end of the day that maybe this is a blessing, that maybe this is what was meant to be for a lot of reasons and there's going to be a good outcome here for Austin and Jen and their baby. It's a very difficult situation. It's a private situation and we're the family that's going to do our best to take care of this. I come back to something that I heard a lot during the Slava Voinoff thing, which by the way, I don't think could be divorced from this decision. The minute I saw 27 games for Austin Watson, Watson, like, okay, so what does that mean for the eventual ream statement of Voinoff? Like, is it the

NHL saying, we do take these things seriously, but also he's now a Carolina hurt? Please welcome Slava Wynop to the podium. Yeah. But the interesting thing here is, you know, when the windoff thing came down, a lot of people were just like, you know, his career should be over, he should never be able to play hockey, blah, blah, blah. And a lot of, you know, women and people who work within, with domestic violence said, that's not what you should do. Like, you could make the situation worse by taking away someone's livelihood and then, you know, de facto placing blame on the spouse for it, you know, or something along those lines. And I thought, about that when it came to people being like, well, they should have bought him out.

Like, there's a school of thought that says if you buy out Austin Watson because of the situation, you are potentially putting his wife and kid in danger. And so I give pause to the idea that he shouldn't have a contractor be in the league. But I also agree with you that 27 games seems. It's just so light. It's just such a low number. Yeah. Yeah, like the, yeah, like the.

Yeah, like the stuff about what you do after someone does this with their contract and stuff, like I understand that's complicated and maybe you and I don't ever, will never fully understand all that. But just the suspension itself is just, I don't know, doesn't seem like a great message to me. It also, but it also, you know, the thing that happened again with this Austin Watson thing is at any time that anything off the ice happens, whether it's Nate Schmidt or Austin Watson, And you get the people that hop on Twitter and they're like, 27 games for domestic violence, but only what?

Four for this headshot. I'm like, do you understand? Yeah, you can't do that. The fucking difference. Like the nature thing. It's like 20 games for performance-dancing drugs. But if you hit a guy in the head, you only get, okay. One happens during the course of a game.

The other is actually putting in doubt the integrity of the game. And also mandated by the CBA. Like 20 games is the number that he has to get. Yeah. But like for Austin Watson, again, like I just need like maybe like an actual explanation from the NHL as to how they came to this number would help. Mm-hmm. But they don't do that. And it's a it's a tough look for the NHLPA, which I know it's their function as a union to.

Oh, defending them? To defend them an appeal and stuff. But it's like when when a guy gets to spend a 27 games for domestic violence and you're, you're, you're. response is a one-line email. It says, we will appeal the decision. Yeah, you shouldn't do that. Like, honestly, you shouldn't do that. Like, I think Roberto was sooner going back to him. I think when he got the suspension, he was like, I accept my suspension. Right. That's just at that point. That's almost, almost definitely what you should do. I'll say definitely what you should do, actually. I won't hedge. I'll say when you get your suspension,

you should just be like, I accept the suspension and I will do everything I can. But I'll come back to, you know, my basic point when it comes to the NHL and Domestic Violence, which is that 27 games for Austin. And ladies gentlemen, Bobby Hull will drop the ceremonial first puck at the Winter Classic.

Oh, is that really going to be a thing? No, he did that with Brett Hall. Remember that? At one of the outdoor games? It was the one in St. Louis. It was Bobby Hall and Brett Hall who came out before the game in St. Louis.

I didn't realize that had it happened. Oh, yeah. And he's still very much a part of this shit. Like he was in the fucking either the commercial, will they all spell their names? Yeah, he was. And I think he was also involved

in the NHL 100. stuff. So come on. A little bit of a mixed message here. We all know what's up. But I don't know. We'll all revisit this when the fucking Voinoff thing comes down if and when, when Gary finishes his investigation. I'm actually surprised like they haven't announced anything yet with Voinoff. Like I thought for sure by this point there would be a team that would have already announced the signing. Like I don't know. It makes me think maybe there won't be. Well, I don't know. I mean, the Predator signed Ryan Ellis without any problems. So I imagine, you know, that port might be closed for Voinoff. The obvious.

one, the fucking island of misfit toys where everybody gets a second chance. What do Ryan Ellis do? I'm just saying he wasn't signed. Oh, I thought Ryan Ellis did something in the last season. I was like, what did he do? If Ryan Ellis is, you know, unsigned at the beginning of the season, I mean, you bring in Slava Voinoff

and, you know, David Poil says, I can change, everybody can change. And then he's got another fucking guy like a Ribeiro situation there again. Wow, I was really going to take out my phone and be like, oh my God, but if Ryan Ellis do, what's going on? Ryan Ellis is fine. He took the money.

Good for him. All right. Steve Eisenman is leaving the Tampa Bay Lightning. That's weird. He will be an advisor for a year. It's weird. And then why wasn't the first thought of everybody in this situation that he's just going to go to Seattle? Like that was my first thought. My first thought, why? Why would he want to? He's in Tampa. Tampa's awesome.

Because he misses his family. His family's in Seattle? Is he a beat? Wait, what? What are you doing? Why are you playing the shell game with me? I can't keep up where the ball is. Apparently he missed his family. He was commuting back and forth from. Detroit to Tampa. Wait, he's been in Tampa for like eight years. His family doesn't live with them in Tampa? I don't know.

Wait, but define family. Like, the second cousin. I don't know. Wait. He's got family. His kids are in school in Detroit. His kids all got to be like college age at this point, though, right? I'm just going off what people said.

Oh, he's been back and forth. Hearts in Detroit. Families in Detroit. You go, you spend a year in Detroit. You know, hang out with the, with the fam. You fuck off and start. You get to do the fun thing that George McPhee just got to do with the Vegas team. Oh, you're saying to then go to Siott.

I'm saying that he is going to spend away from the Lightning as an advisor so you can get his championship ring. Oh, so that's, I guess, there you go. The Puck Soup, Greg Mishinsky, Stanley Cup final pick. And then after you get your ring, you know. And also, let's not forget, like, Julian Breeze Wall has been dicking around for, like, years is, you know, interviewing at places and other places not being allowed to interview. and like now he becomes a GM so you don't lose him. He becomes the Mike Richter replacing John Van Biesbrook for people that are our age. I don't even remember that being a thing.

And then and then Eisman spends a year at home answering the phone. You know, ho, ha, ha, this is Julian Breezebaw. Should we make this trade? Yeah, do it. And then he gets a champion to bring and then goes and creates something in his own image in Seattle. That's where I think this whole thing goes. I honestly don't. I still don't.

You think he ends up with the Red Wings? I don't know why. I can't, like, there must be something else. Because, like, there's really not too many jobs, if any, that are better than Tampa's. And, like, Tampa is his baby at this point. Like, that's his team. Right. So, like, and that team hasn't won anything yet.

So he's like, my work here is done. But, and that's the thing that's, that the only red flag for me here is, is, it really is my work here is done. It's not the ceremonial bump up that you. usually happens. Right. Where you now become, like, president of whatever the fuck. Yeah. And, like, your underling becomes, it's not a Glenn Sather, Jeff Gorton situation.

No. You know, or one of these deals where Eisenman is still the ruler of all he surveys, but now Breezebaugh's there. It's a, it is a weird deal in that regard. Maybe it's like a one year, like, sort of, like, he'll guide Breezebaugh a little bit and then take off. To Seattle. But, like, why see?

I don't know. Because, dude, if you're a general manager. Like, and, like, your whole thing is, like, you. keep going to a place that was somebody else's thing and you're working all these things to try to make it your own. Imagine going to a place that's a clean fucking slate. But he's already made it his own in Tampa is the point. Like he hasn't been there for two years.

But how many general managers look at George McPhee and they're like, holy shit, did that look like it's fun? Oh, but like that's, that has never happened before. You can't think you're going to go to see how. I'm not even talking about like going on the cup final. I'm just saying like. That's a long journey, man. Ask David Poil how long it takes. Yeah, but think about how many expansion teams we've had.

between Vegas and what? The jackets? Minnesota? Like, it's been a while. And the idea that you're Steve Eisenman, you're like, all right, I've built this team and we're going to have success and maybe we win this year or whatever. And then you get to just go and create something of your own image. Like, how great is that? Hold on.

Let me see something here. Let me type in the words. I think that's the play. I just think the timing is too odd where you're like, I'll just stick around for a year. and if your eyes are men, why would you go back to the Red Wings? Like, unless you have the inherent ego to think that you can possibly change the situation around in short order. He is a BC guy, I think, so how close is he to know, he's always room? He was right next to the border.

Look at that. You can even see Seattle next to the pin from where... Looks like you've decided that my Seattle gambit's not all that outrageous. I don't know, man. Like, as, like, I've been to Seattle for one long weekend. It was really nice. but man, Tampa's pretty swell. I agree.

But maybe you're just done with Tampa. Detroit's not good. How many times do you go to that TV bar by the arena in Tampa? You want an actual number? Because it's a lot. The Puck's suit prediction from this side of the microphone is Steve Eisenman takes a year off, collects a ring, maybe, and goes to Seattle. The end. I think he just stays in.

I don't know. I don't know. It's just such a weird move. Because you could see him being at that podium being like, I've never been more proud to be a Sasquatch. But then again, if you go back to your argument that, like, he misses his family in Detroit, how does going to Seattle help that situation?

Oh, I've never, I don't know that part of it. I haven't worked out that part of the equation. Coke and holes in the old Shinsky argument yet again. Okay. I'll say he goes to the train. I have figured it out. So you say he goes to the truck. I have figured out.

So Elon Musk builds a tunnel between Seattle and Detroit. Okay. Using the boring company. And then there's a high-speed train that takes Steve Weiseman from his house. Almost like the thing that connects Wayne Manor to the Batcave. Right. Like a high speed. It's an elevator.

That goes from one. Like a freight elevator. Isn't that how he gets up and down the old? So who takes the like rocket sled to get to their lair? There's somebody that does. Well, I think that was like the old Batman. That was like the Michael Keaton Batman. Right.

Right. Like, and the new Batman, like when Joseph Court at Levin becomes Batman at the end of the... That was on the other night. Right. Still that. So there you go. There was like a thing that came out of the water. So what you do is you get John Cooper and then you introduce him to Elon Musk as Michael Keaton.

Say, this guy is Michael Keaton. And then John Cooper says, I need to tunnel that Cole Connect, Seattle and Detroit. Wait, John Cooper needs the tunnel now? Right, because he's Michael Keaton. This is how you make the deal. Okay. You trick Elon Musk into thinking that he's building it for Batman.

But it's actually for Steve Eisenman. Okay. This is a great idea. Okay. And then you have your tunnel. Maybe you connect it from the space needle to something in Detroit that's remarkable and memorable. The fucking Joe Lewis Arena. Is it still there to get this trial?

I don't know. And then you have, that's how Steve Iserman gets back and forth. Make it big enough. Make it like the sub that Elon Musk was going to use to save those kids. So Iserman could put his family inside of it too. Wait, why can he put his family in the bullet train underground thing? Well, you have to make the bullet train large enough. Oh, so it's only going to be...

Oh, you know what it is? It's the Kingsman train that they used to get from like downtown London out to the Kingsman. Whatever, whatever that place is cool. So here's what you do. You take John Cooper, convince Elon Musk he's Colin Firth. And then you get the Kingsman train built. Right. Exactly.

Done deal. Have it all built. Have it all in my mind. I wrote something after Iserman that looks like pre-com, but I don't think it was a conversation about pre-com. Boy, I can't even find the word Iserman on that page. How in the world do you read this? Watson, Nate, pre-com. Oh, pre-season.

You wanted to talk about people tweeting about line combinations. Let me tell you, I'm really excited about Paul Stazzy and Max Patch Ready on the same line in early September. Because as we all know, once you have the line set in the middle of the line. September. Lines for the season. Lines for the season. Need updates, need scrimmage scoring combinations.

Who got the two assists? Gorgeous, gorgeous move by Marner on that goal. Boy, I think it was Tavaris or Marner scored a goal and there's someone like posted a video of it. And I think it was Justin Born who like quote tweeted it. And it was like,

is this? And it was like some goalie I'd never heard of who got scored on. Right, right. Is this word salad? Yeah, like, okay, great. And also I love, I love the fact that, uh,

We didn't want to send people to the Olympics because, like, who's going to watch the Olympics when the Olympics are on that side of the world? But coming up next to 2.30 a.m., the Bruins and the flames in China. I wonder why we would go there and not to the... Is it because we're getting paid? Not we, but like someone's getting paid. Because they had delicious boo-go-gu guy pan. Fucking NHL, man. That's good times.

What a sport. Two things that movie-wise from my trip, because I watched a lot of fucking movies in the plane. Game night, which you didn't see, is a... It's a stone cold comedy classic. It is so damn good. I want to see it. There are some movies that you watch, comedies that you watch where you're like,

oh, it's the actors. There's some comedies that you watch that's like, oh, it's the script, and anybody could have made this good. I feel like, I hate to say this, I always kind of felt that way about Ghostbusters. Like, I felt like the Ghostbusters script

is probably really good. I don't know how much improv they did. Which, the first one. The first one? Yeah, the second one's garbage. Well, no, I'm sorry. The remake's garbage. The second one is okay.

Actually, the second one's bad. Yeah, it was ego, though. But, like, this movie has got the combination of, like, it's perfectly cast. Rachel McAdams is incredible. And the script itself, it's a parody of David Fincher movies, but it's also a movie that adopts the whole game night thing in the sense that, like, there are things in the movie where they're playing games, but you're, like, they play hot potato. something, but it's not like, hey, we're playing hot potato. Wait, like Bill Cullen's hot potato? From the game show from the 80s where like there's the three people on each side.

Not that hot. No, no, like, you're actually like, oh, this potato's hot. Ouch, I'm throwing it to you now. Okay, but it was with a grenade or something probably, right? That's the bit. I'm not going to tell you what it was. But it's like that. But on top of both of these things, there's a subgenre of comedy that is the...

Like Hunt for Red October? Well, how is Hunt for Red October applicable to the situation? You said it was in the subgenre. Oh, fuck. What? K-1-K-no, what's that one with a U-5-7-1? The sub-genre of comedy would have been down Periscope, you shithead. You said the sub-genre.

You didn't say have comedy. I'm over here just reacting to what you're giving me, man. I'm over here now. You're talking about a movie I haven't seen it. I've got to throw some stuff out there. The sub-genre of comedy I was going to talk about is the suburban white people thrust into a wacky crime scenario. Oh, like a Tina face.

Date night. The end of Office Christmas Party. A truly terrible movie. I haven't seen it. Rare is the movie that could actually make this premise work, and Game Night is probably the apex of that genre. There you go. It is fucking great. Highly recommended.

Two thumbs up, and I'm going to see it at some point. I downloaded it for a flight, and then I didn't actually download it. I screwed up. I bought it, and then I never downloaded it, so I never watched it. My headphones don't go in my computer because I have the iPhone 7, and it was just the whole thing. But I want to see it. I also, I watched a lot of things. But one of the other things I watched was a movie called Demi Sur.

the French comedy. Oh, God. Translated as half-sisters. Three women find out that they all had the same dad. And he has a beautiful apartment in Paris. And so they all decide that none of them wants to sell it. So they all decide to live in it together.

And one of them is a woman who works in the fashion industry. One of them is an Arab and one of them is a Jew. So they're all fighting. So my question to you. Oh, I was supposed to be listening to the French movie review? Sorry. Three NHL players discover their half-brothers. Okay. And their father lived in the single greatest apartment in the history of mankind in some city.

And they all decide that they want to live together and coexist. Okay. What would be the ideal three half-brother scenario of NHL players to create the best comedy? Mary Lemieux, Dad, Sidney Crosby's son, Max Patcher, Eddie's son, Brad Marchant's son. that was four oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh loamue's the dad all live in his house now why why patch you're ready I don't know I just I just throwing names out

I got it I was thinking about this before I actually have an answer uh huh um Matt Kachuk Drew Dowdy because they hate each other right

Alex Zavachan sure does he get a little troublemaker Uh huh got Drew Dowdy okay and you have a guy with his shirt off doing Snow Angels in the fountain outside. Who, by the way,

best shape of the life. Yeah, of course. The capital stuff was great too. It's like, it's like, capitals proclaim, we're not a bunch of drunk assholes. No, no, no, we're all totally, like when we get off to a 515 and one start,

just know it's not because of the off-season. We are all ripped and shredded and ready to go. Oh, you know, yeah, sure. Big transition, more than we thought between Barry and Todd, you know, not because we were boozing it up. No. Alex can spend a month boozing and then he had a kid, so he probably hasn't slept all offseason. And now he just showed that.

That's why he's so slim. He's not eating. He's been throwing up because of the hangovers. Yeah, they're going to be great. Great team this year, for sure. Braden, goals against average a bit high here in the first month of the season. Anything in the off season that really kind of change your game a little bit? My bong.

You're what? Oh, I mean, no. I mean, my training. Yeah. I use a thing called the bomb. Bong. It's like a... It's like a ball. It has a weight attached to it.

And we just throw it at each other. And I hurt my core or something. The question of the week was, can any of you please give our friends in Ottawa a glimmer of hope? And as per usual, many of you have given some good ideas. This is going to be so mean. Ryan Classic says, it'll finally be obvious to everyone that Eric Carlson is better than Brent Burns.

That's true. That's a good thing to look forward to. I don't know. I can see them kind of winding up with like similar numbers or something and then like people being like, oh, he's not so great without. Steph Driver says, Derek Prasard. The sun will devour the earth eventually. That's true.

That's true. Eventually we'll all be underwater. Sean O'Connor 77 writes, and a rebuilding team should be able to find a good player at number 32 overall. That's just the, that's like the dumbest part of the whole thing. is like teams never want to go into a season and admit defeat before season starts, so they're like, nope, we don't want that pick. That's why for all the fucking talk about the Eric Carlson trade,

like the thing that's totally going to undo Ottawa is the Duchenne trade, because they gave up one and he's going to leave. Like Colorado should tank this year. Let's get two lottery picks. And just get like the first and third pick or something. Can they do that? Do they have their pick? I've lost track.

I don't care. Slowly poisoning Nathan McKinnon during the season. Nate, we were thinking maybe trying you out down at the HL level just to get your feet under you. What, I have 15 points in the first seven games. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but we think you could do better. Nathan meets your new line, Lyd, Cody McLeod. What? Jeff Jones writes in, the Mayo Clinic estimates that 70% of liver transplant recipients live at least five years after the procedure.

Oh, Jesus Christ. How long has it been since he had the procedure? Three or four. Cashman 14 writes in, it's really hard to go 0 and 82. That's true. Loser points. Right. They're going to, they're going to have the worst record in the league, right?

Like, no one's going to have a worse record. Is there anyone that could, in theory, have a worse record than Ottawa this year? Yeah. Who? Who? Who? Let me pray on this for a second. Yeah, like, I don't know if there is the Islanders?

No, they're fine. No, I can't think of it. No, they're screwed. Montreal if price gets hurt Price gets hurt And then we're talking Then we got a race to the bottom That division's gonna be terrible

There's still a part of me It's like Buffalo But like like just like they do all these things And nothing works I'm tired of falling for Buffalo If Buffalo's good great But I'm not getting on that boat The only way to get into New York

Apparently on weekends Pete Abel says Dominic Hachik still owes us half a season from 06 That's true You can get him back That's the one thing that by the way When people talk about how shitty auto is going to be that gives me pause is like,

this of course would be the season where Craig Anderson has like a 1.99G. Right. Like a 932% of his percentage. He actually comes in in the greatest shape of his life and has a 950 through two months. But no one would should be upset about that because that just means that you're fucking over Colorado.

Right. Yeah, that is kind of the one good thing. Like if they come out of the gate weirdly good, you're not going to be so sad about it. U.S. space lawyer in France, at least your top player didn't reveal he was a fan of the Star Wars prequels before he left. Who's that? He's talking about the John DeVaris photo

With the Nabu N1 Starfighter I can't figure out why TNT shows those old prequels I was watching it yesterday Yeah I wasn't Phantom Menace is so much better Than Attack of the Clones That it's painful

Yeah It's incomprehable Attack of Clones I caught the part of Attack of the Clones Where they're chasing Count Duku Remember before the fight at the end That's the guy from Lord of the Rings too Yeah

So they're chasing Count Ducu He's on his motorcycle or whatever. They had those back then, sure. And he's flying away, and Yuma Greger is like, look there. And Hayden Christensen goes, it's Count Duku. I'm like, no shit.

Thank you. Thank you for learning all of those people in the... And then Natalie Portman falls out, and she's on the ground. And Hayden Christensen's like, stop the jet, we got a saber, or whatever. And Yuma McGregor is like, no etiquette. we must they want the mission.

I'm like, we just literally watched you an hour ago, jumping up and down on space cars in, on Corrassan. Like, Hayden Christensen can just jump out of the fucking thing and go tend to his future wife. Sure. You know?

Yeah. Yeah, it's a great movie. There's definitely run out every weekend on TNT for sure. Real human impersonator, oh, this is again, Sean O'Connor, that Melnick would have traded Hughes away eventually anyway. Yeah, but like 10 years later. Maddie B finally, and he's an Ottawa fan.

He's got an Ottawa avatar. Legitimately for the first time in a decade, the Sends organization has a pipeline of good young players coming. There you go. So that's an actual glimmer of hope for Ottawa fans. It's so sad. Garrett Green writes, and your GM is still only the second most hated Pierre in hockey. Look, look, I love Pierre LeBron,

So I don't know why you would do that. You would just rip Pierre LeBron right to our faces like that. I'm the third most. That's not true. Everybody lets Pierre. Who's the third most hated Pierre in hockey? Dorian. Wait, obviously, you know, but up his first.

Dorian. Pierre Pajet. Pierre. Is there any other peers in the NHL? No, it might be it. Doreen might be second. By the fault, it's just like Pierre and Mark Bouchard. Can't think of anybody else.

For that one time, he accidentally hit a guy with a stick and got a suspension for it. Like, you should have. I miss Brandon Shanahan. All right. So that's the show for this week. We know many of you were like, hey, all this shit was going on. Why didn't you cover it? And the answer was that I was on vacation.

But now we've covered it. So everything's cool. You can read my stuff on ESPN.com. at the NHL tab. I'll be heading out on a California swing pretty soon for some coverage out there, maybe even of the aforementioned Eric Carlson. And you can read me on Twitter at Wysh-Y-S-H-Y-N-S-K-I, where undoubtedly I will have or will tweet about the Emmys, hoping that Glow takes either best actress in a comedy or best comedy series. When are the Emmys? On Monday. So this will probably be out after it.

Emmys are already Monday? Oh, yeah. Well, look at that. Emmys up against Bears and Seahawks on Monday Night Football. My new tight end, something disly. I don't know who he is. I had to pick him up because Delaney Walker broke his leg, but I'm sure that guy's going to have 100 yards a week every week for the rest of the year.

I'm pumped. All right. And where can people see whatever? Always late. Katie Nolan. ESPN Plus. Sign up. I believe it's free for the first seven days.

And then it's five bucks a month. I also think there's occasionally some NHL Great Wushinsky content on there, maybe? There is NHL, Greg Wushinsky content on there, and also a NHL game every night this season. Every night. Yep. NESPN Plus. And we get to pick the games. So one might say the first thing that we said when this was presented to us was,

oh, you mean so we could put on John Tavares's return to Long Island, the game that MACSN decided not to air for some reason? When is that game early on? I think it's in December maybe. But it was like, we're reading the NBC schedule and it's just like, oh, this is an obvious game to put on and it's like, getting up, rivalry night, lightning wild. They got rid of rivalry night. I know.

Have you ever talked about that? We did. I think we did talk about that. Wait, so you're saying that game is on ESPN? I'm saying that that was the example of a game that we can put on. Okay. So no promises, no guarantees. I love you guys.

Talk to you soon. See ya. Bye. Bye. Sportly commentary to whatever you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of Hagi and Nets, Sets. Book 2.