Puck Soup - Erin Darke
Episode Date: January 12, 2017Greg and Dave welcome actress Erin Darke to the podcast to talk about her beloved Detroit Red Wings and die-hard hockey fandom; how she converted boyfriend Daniel Radcliffe into a puckhead; and life t...ips for smuggling things into games. Plus, breaking down NHL All-Star snubs, debating the virtue of Jonathan Toews, modern players among the Top 100 of All-Time, is Alex Ovechkin traveled back in time to win Stanley Cups, Russian spying, Martin Short, our favorite condiments, Patrik Laine and much more. Sponsored by Seat Geek
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com
sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons we've got sportly commentary
to what if you commute but we also cover movies TV shows it's and tunes it's your
weekly bowl of hoggy and nonsense I'm Greg Wyshinsky of Yahoo Sports Fuck Daddy
blog and I'm Dave Lozo of pee jokes
Pea jokes. And what's the best pee joke ever, Greg?
You're in Puck Soup.
Yeah, there it is.
Oh, yeah, we are a wash.
Synergy Lemon.
A wash and beautiful, sweet, liquid gold this week.
Let the warmth wash over you.
It feels so good.
We're not going to do politics with our guests later, but I don't think we're going to do politics off the top.
We'll save it.
She's probably got some pee jokes.
She probably does.
I went to her timeline, and her last five tweets are very similar to, like, mine and tone.
She has the retweet of the guy who was complaining.
on Facebook that Trump was
not complaining he was happy that Trump was
getting rid of Obamacare and then he realized Obamacare
and the Affordable Care Act did the same
thing and he uses the Affordable Care Act.
I know, that was hilarious.
We're doing the show hours after Trump's first press
conferences in
months and I got to
the only thing I'll say about the press conference
besides that I'm still shaking
with fear of the
eventual nuclear winter that'll be settling over Manhattan.
We're so dead. The one thing I'll say
is that he responded to all of the
allegations about the
the pee party
the Russian pee party
those stories that you're in the Russian
P room Donald
the Russian P room yeah I know that
you know where's Twitter when you need to
spread that that genius the only thing I'll say is that
he he responded
in sort of an indirect way to these allegations
by detailing
what he tells his security
guards with regard to
how Russian hotel rooms
are bugged
and you know he's like they use these little tiny small cameras and they put the cameras and I'm like this man owns a lot of hotels yeah like I have definitely been naked in a Donald Trump hotel room oh so that's that's out there somewhere it's funny somebody asked me about that on Twitter about like how I feel about having covered Sochi in 2014 knowing about the Russian security apparatus I'm like I remember at the time we were told like just assume everything's like we literally were told by our security people assume everything's like we literally were told by our security people assume everything
Everything's bugged.
So I spent copious amounts
amounts of time my room naked,
which in some ways
wasn't my fault because I didn't have a shower curtain.
And did you know this about it?
You never got the shower curtain?
All right.
So the dorm room I had in Sochi
when I was covering the Olympics
was one of the better ones
in the sense that there was a doorknob.
That's always a good thing.
I mean, you want to have a bare minimum
you want to have a door knob.
People didn't have a doorknob.
It had a heater.
Also a good thing.
A lot of people didn't have a heater.
But what it lacked was a shower
curtain.
and it was a bathtub in the middle of the room
and a showerhead sticking up out of the bathtub.
Up out?
Like, not down?
It would come up from the ground.
So it was like a showerhead you'd find in a hotel.
It was a pipe coming up from the bathtub
and then kind of curving over your head.
No shower curtain.
So every time I took a shower,
because I'm like a fucking manatee.
Yeah.
It's like water stripping all over me,
all over the room.
It's like a little swamp land by the time you get done with it.
And I would go to the front desk.
And the thing about Sochi that I remember very vividly
is that no matter what happened there,
the death squads targeting dogs,
the rampant imprisonment of homosexuals,
the invasion of Ukraine a day after the Olympics were done.
Oh, and by the way, congratulations to Pavel Dotsuk
on becoming back for the All-Star game.
Just off topic.
The one thing I remember is how sweet all the people were.
Like, all the people that were there that were working,
all the Russians that were working, the Olympics in Sochi,
were the nicest people.
And they were, they, I nominate all of them for the try-hard Hall of Fame.
Because you go down to the front desk and you'd be like, hey, you know, just want to let you know, like, we're two weeks into this.
And I still don't have that shower curtain I mentioned the other day.
And the guy behind the counter is, like, touching himself, like, you bet you don't big.
He's like, Billy Baldwin and Sliver.
Just watching every hotel room from his back, his back basement, just, like, totally pleasuring himself to every sports writer that's there.
That makes me Sharon Stone, I suppose.
Yeah.
I think that was her first movie after the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, makes Scott Burnside, Tom, Tom.
I was a stranger, I believe.
So I would go over and I would be like, I don't have my shower curtain.
And he would be like, well, we get the shower curtain for you as soon as possible.
And then like never, never comes.
So you showered for three weeks, Sons.
What was like getting out of the shower?
Did you have like towels laid all round?
Yes, I did.
I had to create my own large bath mat with the towel that gave me.
So there would be times.
I would have to step out on the towel and then pick a towel off the ground and then draw myself with a wet towel.
It's really paradise.
There is an underground Russian sport.
sportswriter nude pornography ring somewhere in the so it there has to be that has to be why
boys of the hockey media do you like a gregg was Sinski pocket daddy is true daddy if you know what
i say check out 45 minute video of him and shower washing back with lufa
Pierre lebrun pier le wow scott the burn side has good backside he good for russia
Craig Comstance.
Now, listen, I made him,
oh, man, I made him spit out
the Starbucks. Oh, no, no, no.
That was the Starbucks.
The other thing I want to mention about
Sochi, that's my other favorite memory
is that I'm staying in a large...
Dan Hozen?
Dan Hozen.
Okay, we're done.
Thank you.
Sorry, that's the last one.
Oh, we can't get into NHL.com
writers, can we?
Sean Pork.
Arpon.
Arpon. Asu.
Yeah, you're right.
We, uh, the other great thing
about the Sochi, the Sochi living arrangements
was the fact that there was a vodka bar slash karaoke bar on site
where the American writers and the Russian,
I guess people that lived in Sochi would go
and they would trade off songs.
The Russians would do a techno song
and then like, like, we're running to get up there,
be like, we are the world.
But the other thing about it was that there was a mysterious burrito truck
that would appear...
I've heard about the bar next to the vodka bar.
And they, and the greatest thing about the burrito truck was that they would just take whatever they had at handy and throw it inside of the tortilla and say, burrito.
And like, you know, it's like, I got one once.
It's like, it's like borsh and carrot strips.
It's like, he's burrito.
You love it.
It puts the theory to the test of when you're hammered at three in the morning, you will you eat anything that's presented to you that's sold off a truck.
And the answer is always yes.
Always yes.
Without question.
You will enjoy.
It is like burrito, but it is actually filled with documents of Donald Trump peeing and a videotape of a woman peeing on a bed.
Oh, man.
Boris, what do you got tonight?
Is chicken claw dipped in Mountain Dew?
You like?
You better squeeze it tight, otherwise it will leak.
You know what I'm saying, Donald, right?
It is a leaky situation.
Oh, man.
Politics.
Politics.
We'll talk about that.
What's the deal with politics?
I want to talk about the All-Stragette thing, but I will say one thing.
about the politics thing about this because as we do this show buzzfeed's getting shot on right now
about releasing all the details that dossier the doc the dosi the dosi doesn't it become news the minute
it be you've learned that the government officials are are looking at it but they never confirmed
that it was that though right here's about but here's i don't know i understand the viewpoint and
dead's been put this out today i understand the viewpoint of if you have a document that you know is
creating a stir within the circles of power in washington
But they don't know.
They're told that it is.
That's my thing.
No, but it is because other people knew about it.
Like, they know that this document was being circulated.
It was the two pages they wanted to show him to show this is the stuff that isn't the stuff you should pay attention to.
Right.
But it's clearly like something that's being circulated.
And it's like, oh, it may be.
Yeah, from that standpoint, it's news.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And to me, it's like you get your hands on that document and you release that document to show people what the government's all a titter about.
And like, because it reminds, because I'll be honest with you, what it reminded me of.
It reminded me of the Pelican brief.
It reminded me of like, like, great movie.
Yeah, but that was the whole thing where like Darby Shaw, Julia Roberts was peeing on Denzel Washington.
And Denzel wanted to hide it.
So he called it the Pelican brief, which starts with the letter P and E and has another E in the word brief.
It's pretty obvious.
It reminded me of like Darby Shaw writes this amazing dossier about who murdered the Supreme Court justice.
and then it goes up the ranks and then it's on the president's desk and shit.
And like if the media is like, hey, this document is circulating around Washington and everybody's seeing it and there might be action take it because of it.
Like if BuzzFeed published the Pelican brief, I'd be like, that makes total sense.
It's not, it's not, it's not, why is it contingent on the media to fact check something that is being circulated through government?
Like, why is it on the government to ensure that that's not the thing that's being circulated?
Yeah, I forgot how they explained it after the Trump thing was over on NBC, how they just said, like, the Intel people gave him like, whatever it was.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And they said, these last two are the stuff you should ignore because it's not.
So they did show it to them.
So, yeah, totally new.
And the thing is, too, is like, if it wasn't BuzzFeed, if it was, you know, 60 minutes that put that out, nobody would say the same sort of thing.
I'm excited because I feel like this is going to create a real Donald Trump buzz seed rivalry where he's going to be the anti in every comparison poll.
Like, are you a Disney prince?
Or are you Donald Trump?
Here's 30 gifts of people peeing.
Donald Trump's hands will tell you what zodiac sign you are.
On and on it on.
Which Donald Trump hairstyle are you?
All-Star game.
All-Star teams came out this week to go along with the captains that have already been named.
And, you know, the All-Star, as we've talked about in the show before,
the All-Star game is no longer one based on merit.
It's not even based on logic sometimes.
It's literally, you need four teams.
The four teams need three defensemen.
They need six forwards, and they need two goalies.
So we're going to just stick whoever we can in there and try to make sure that we hit
the 30 players for 30 teams standard.
You don't even need two goalies, too.
It's a waste.
It is a waste.
I forget already.
It's a 10-minute period, right?
But who the fuck is going for the coyotes, if not Mike Smith, right?
Yeah.
I was trying to think it.
I mean, like, but like if you're just going to send guys who maybe don't have the
best credentials, just send the most exciting guy.
So, like, let's say they would have sent
Ekman Larson. Who would they have had
to have dropped? Oh, Drew Dowdy.
Fucked Drew Dow. Or Cam Fowler. He's the only
king. I think, honestly,
the biggest surprise for me out of all
this stuff was that, you know, they found a way
to shoehorn in Teves despite having a horrible
season. I really thought they'd shoehorn in Koppatar.
He's in the commercials with the All-Star game.
It's in L.A. Like, I figured they'd put
him in. Maybe he said, I don't want to go.
But, yeah, that's the thing, too. You never know which guys
like, go back channels and say, I don't
want to go play.
Yeah, like Yagri, who said he'll come out for the top 100 players of all time celebration,
but I'm not going to play in the game.
That's the trade-off.
Good for, he's fucking 44.
He should be able to do whatever the hell he wants on his office.
Exactly.
But like, Taves is there because it's the centennial season.
One would assume.
And he's probably not one of the top 100 players of all time because he's not.
But that's why he's there.
Like if it was, because like, you're right, it's not merit.
So he's not there on merit.
But if you're going to take the fun guy, you take Panarin, but you don't take Panarin because it's the centennial thing.
And he's probably like 94th on the list.
The NHL's going to put out.
And it's also probably an NBC executive being like, hey, who's that guy from the outdoor game that I saw?
He's tall.
He's kind of good-looking.
It's sort of a dark, mysterious way.
Doesn't really say anything interesting ever at these things, but we keep bringing him back to put his...
Oh, Toes.
Toes.
Right.
Yeah, Toes.
Johnny Toves.
So I, you know.
Shifley could have gone.
Shifley will probably go if Lione is hurt.
Patrick Linae will not be hurt for this.
Fuck that.
He's going to be okay and he's going to go there.
He's going to snipe from that left's face off circle.
And what do you think he said about his injury, if you had to guess?
So, you know, I enjoy playing in the All-Star game
and having the opportunity to play against some of the famous people in the national hockey leagues.
So I did invent a brain transplant technology in order to make sure that I could play an all-star game.
ago and well I think pretty good.
It is an honor to be chosen
for the game. I may not be able to play.
I really want to play. It's an honor to go
there, much like the honor it was
when my grandmother invented golden showers
in Finland.
In 1922, it moved
to Russia. It became a very big thing,
and I just want to go there and represent my team.
The golden showers, of course,
would transfer over to Russia during the
Russo-Fenish wars.
I also, you know, once left
with Renee Russo and invented the finish line.
It is true.
You know, I just want to go there.
You know, it's not Gradsky.
All my idols once played there.
I was actually an original member of the idols band in 1984.
It was called the Idol Line A connection, much like the French connection,
another great line from hockey history.
But, you know, I just hope to play.
idolin.
We were idolized by many teams and many players.
The Thames thing was interesting because it set off this raging debate this week about not only him being in the All-Star game, which he shouldn't be, obviously.
But his status as one of the top 100 players of all time, his status is a top five player in the league right now.
Like somebody, I want to say it was like Gino Redder or somebody said that, or, you know,
or Gord Miller, I think he said it.
Gord.
He said that if you don't think Taves is a top five player in the National Hockey League.
Top five, oh, top five.
Yeah, top five players, then you don't know hockey.
And I'm like, all right, well.
Okay, let's do this.
Sid.
Oveatchekin.
Sid, Crosby.
Sorry, Sid Crosby.
Connor McDavid.
Carrie Price.
Carrie Price.
Here's the thing.
Is Patrice Burjuron better than Jonathan Taves?
Well, he's having a shitty season
He's having a shitty season two
Pointswise anyway
Copatar is having a shitty season two
But I would say all those guys
Are on that level of player
Right below
Your SIDS and your Connors
Who?
Oh, Taves
Like Taves, Bergeron, Copatar
Again
Like Copatar might be a better point
producer than those other two guys
But I don't think that
Any of them are top five players
Who's a better player
Jonathan Taves or John Tavaris
John DeVaris?
If you swapped
Jonathan Taves and John Tavares where they were drafted
where they're playing. Do the Blackhawks up any
fewer Stanley Cups right now?
Does Jonathan Taves have
20 less points every season?
Right.
Trying to drag his fucking Andrew Ladd up and down the ice.
Fucking around PA Parenteau for two fucking years.
You kidding me? Like it's insane that like
people put, again, it's such a weird
culture hockey where everyone's team this, team that,
team, team, team, team, team. But then it's like
Jonathan Taves is the reason why they,
he's been on some awesome teams.
That's why he has cups.
There is no.
Listen, I'm not going to go.
He's a big part of it for sure.
He's not a passenger, though.
He clearly is a dynamic defensive player.
If you want to put him on any top five list, it's the top five stereotypical Selky
candidates he's season.
Like, that's a great place to put him.
In the playoffs, he does everything you ask of him, and he's an important piece as to
why they've won those cups.
Without question, like he fucking parks the offense, he plays defense, he's a great
player. He's a great player.
He's a top five player? No.
Is he one of the top 100 players
of all time?
Now, if you, because here's a thing.
Like, I've heard people, I heard people when
Jacques Lamere was the Devils coach. I heard people
giving him lap dances
all over the place but being an amazing defensive
center. Oh, fuck, if you could have seen Jacques
Lemaire play. My God, what an amazing.
And it reminded me of a guy like Taves.
Like, I'm sure we're going to talk about Taves
in that sense of like, he was
the glue for these championships of teams.
He did everything that was asked for him.
But at the end of the day, is he one of the top 100 players of all time?
Fuck no.
That's the thing everyone will.
Whenever it's a player like Taves, who's not the most skilled offensive player on his team even,
you have to mystify him.
You have to leadership, glue, you know, great back checker, great defensive player, great leader.
I mean, was he that before they won the Stanley Cups?
Or was he before?
Did he become that after they win the Stanley Cups?
Like, I just, he's not one of the top.
First of all, like, the, the Elliot Freeman put up that thing.
He's hit 70 points once.
Right.
You know, it's like.
And that's the other thing, too, is, like, everyone tried to sell him four or five years ago as, like, Steve Eisenman post Steve Eisenman being a hundred and twenty point player when he gave up offense for defense.
Only he never had to be asked to do it.
Like, right, but, like, no, and that's fine.
But, like, what Eiserman put up Taves' numbers when Eisman was 35.
Like, that's the thing.
It's like, you know, I get the comparison.
I understand it.
And what Eiserman was able to do going from that level of offensive dynamic player
to being the quote unquote team guy that he was later in those cup years for Detroit was great.
His team's also got way freaking better around too.
I mean, I don't know.
I tend to believe that Taves is a better offensive player than we give him credit for,
only because I think he plays a role.
And I think his numbers are affected by that role.
But it's not as if other guys don't play.
that same role and put up numbers.
It sounds as if Joe Thornton's playing against a fourth line.
Sid's not cherry-picking.
Yeah.
To get his goals.
It's become a league where you're going to go strength against strength half the time.
And it's not as if, you know, you have the traditional setup where it's going to be the fourth
and third line getting the, you know, it's not Peter Zezl going out there to fucking win
face-offs.
It's going to be Jonathan Taze's team.
Why are we denigrating Peter Zezel?
I don't mean to.
I mean.
Because he has a Z in his name, Peter Zell and Zarly Zalapski.
Yeah.
Two great Zees.
I used to play a game where.
Sorry.
in college when we would drink where you would have to do the it was it was the the first name last name game where you would do like um
a player that was like Alex Ovechkin then the next name would have to be osper clefbaum then the next name would have to be Kevin Hayes you know and you just keep on going and going and going until somebody maneuvers their way over to
right so like Zarli's lapski somebody somebody goes to peter zezl then you go to zarlazlapski then you go to zalphi so here's what elli is
says you send me this last night and Elliot knows his shit he says apparently there are six
current NHLers in the top 100 list which seems low to me that only six out of 100 players
and 100 years are now but he says the five seem pause on that for a second it seems low to me
and you because both of us put more value in the modern era than will the old collection of white guys
that are putting this list together and who will refuse to acknowledge that the current
incarnation of the game and the current incarnation of the athlete is exponentially better and more
challenging than when they played.
But even if you factor that in, it should still be more than six.
Because, like, he says five seem obvious.
And Elliot probably says five seem obvious because he knows because Elliot knows stuff.
Maybe he doesn't.
I think he does.
Sidney Crosby, your armor yogurt.
And then he says Patrick Kane, which, I don't know, Alex Ovechkin, yeah, and Jonathan
Taves.
Those were his five.
Krosby, Yager, Kane, Woves, and then he says,
So who's your sixth?
Malkin?
Price, Keith?
Like,
Aginla?
Chara?
Does Price make your list over Lungwist?
No.
I don't think so either.
It's just a timing thing, really.
Because, like, he, again, we were just talking about this before we started,
like, Ovechkin and Lundquist, since 05.06,
leads every goalie in every stat, regular season and postseason.
But unlike Taves, who's part of a super awesome team his whole career,
Like Lunkwist has been dragging
The mediocre
To slightly above average shitboxes
As far as you can possibly go every year
And that's why he doesn't have the Kahn Smythe or the Stanley Cup
And also he's
Like there's a lot of dudes on the list
Like a guy like
Who's a defense?
Zedano Chara has one fucking Norse trophy
Because he happened to play the same time as Lidstrom
Like Lundquist has one Vezina because he played
Brodora all the time
Like it's just one of those things where
I feel like he gets
Less respect than maybe he should
shit, not by a lot, but again, like,
that's what I mean, like,
price literally just became price.
Right, he played 20 games last year.
Price became price after, correctly from wrong,
after Sochi, basically, right?
Like, he wins in Sochi,
and then all of a sudden he goes on this crazy run of great seasons.
It seems longer because everyone expected him to be this the whole time.
Right.
And he was never bad or anything, but I mean, like in 2010,
he couldn't get ahead of fucking Yaroslav O'Lock.
Well, that's because Yarroslav O'Lock.
I mean, he did his thing in the playoffs.
If you knew your thing in the playoffs.
Right.
But that's what I mean, though.
Like, at no point during Marty Broder's career,
did he lose time to Chris Terreri during the 97 fucking postseason?
Like, he was Marty Brodor.
Like, Henrik Lunkwist isn't trying to steer off fucking Marty Biron in the second round.
Enric Lundquist, the last couple seasons have had, you know,
the New York Post writing about, I don't know,
this push from, you know, Cam Talbot, this push from...
Who was the guy this year?
This year?
Yeah, wasn't there...
Who got, like, three or four starts?
Oh, Auntie Ranta.
Yeah.
Yeah, Antironto, yeah, exactly.
But, like, that's what I mean.
Like, there's at least 10 guys currently playing in the modern era that I think have a very good argument.
But again, I get, I understand the argument where it's like, well, you can just say that about anybody.
If Henrik Monquist played in 1924 with his pads, he'd have, he'd have a 0.02 goals against over 50 games every year.
I get that.
But even factoring that in and taking that out, I just don't get how I just.
I'm glad you said that because whenever I do the era comparison,
in my head, I always picture them going back in time
with their equipment. Yeah, I know. That's what I do too.
It's like when Ovechkin, Ovechkin goes back to the
1920s, he's going to definitely have
the golden skates. Oh, yeah. He's going to have
his visor and a helmet.
We can't send Ovechkin back to certain time periods in the past
because he will just be jailed by Joseph McCarthy
for communism.
I'm Alex Ovechkin. I have 81 goals in 20 games this year.
Why would I hate this country? I love it.
Eighty-one goals and 10 games.
I'm making 18 grand a year.
It's fantastic.
I hit him over the head with my stick, Charlie, and it didn't do anything.
Looks like he's got some sort of a helmet on.
What's a helmet?
His stick's got this weird bend to it.
Is he a demon?
How did he do it?
Apparently, he says he ran it under hot water.
Charlie, Charlie, this guy's amazing.
His skates don't break every three strides.
Looks like he's using something other than Xantham gum to keep the blade on.
Cody Howe ran him from behind, and he got it right away.
His spine didn't snap like all the other.
other guys.
I just, you know...
Charlie, Charlie, looks like this guy
can really skate like the wind and for more than three
minutes at a time. I'm gassed.
It's weird, too, because his hair's gray already.
I can't figure out why. He's still so super awesome.
Shouldn't he be a little slower than this?
No, in Russia,
your hair goes gray quicker, but
I am faster than you.
How can this guy be this fast there, Bobby?
Charlie,
this guy drinks vodka like a fish.
Every time I have some Uncle Sam's moonshine, I'm down for the
Count.
Hello, I'm Patrick Lainey.
I come back in time to play here.
I just want to do my best to win the Cup in the 16th league.
And I just would like you to know that my father ended World War II with a bullet to the head of Adolf Hitler.
Adolf Hitler.
Yes, absolutely.
There you go.
Fantastic.
But again, if Bobby Orr and Eric Carlson both had their hands on a magic idol and swagger.
and swapped eras,
Eric Carlson would be
Bobby Orr, which would be so fucking amazing.
Can you imagine, bring me into that episode
of Black Mirror, where we live in a world where
Eric Carlson is fedded the way that
Bobby Orr is.
Fucking Steve Simmons is putting Eric Carlson
at the top of his best players of all times.
No, he'll still hate him.
Lazy sweet coming over here
and stealing Canadian jobs from good old Robert Orr.
Now, you mentioned Patrick Kane
is being on this list.
and Freedge thinks he's on the list.
Now, the only argument I can see for Patrick Cain being on this list,
besides the fact that you may want an American on there,
is that...
Is because he plays for the Blackhawks in 2017
and the NHL wants to bring him out.
Right.
Is that if you make the argument based on era,
and if you want to say that Kane's era is like NHL 2.0 from 06 to now,
he's number four on average among current players for points for game.
So he's the fourth highest points per game amongst active players, and that includes YARG.
See, like that to me seems like a reason to keep him off.
If you're fourth in a 10-year period, that puts you on the top 100?
Of your era, though.
Like, clearly the most, I mean, he's the most dominant right wing of his era.
I mean, I can find dudes who were probably fourth between 1922 and 1932 and not going to make the list, you know?
I don't know.
If, so, I mean, you could make the argument that he's dominated during the stretch.
He's like Kerry Price, I think, where like he's just now becoming Patrick Kane.
See, that's the, that's the point I would make, too.
That's how I feel.
He had a collection of pretty good seasons.
He then blew up.
And then, you know, now he's on the top 100 players of all time list.
We have talked about this, you and I off the air, and we've come to this agreement that if you're going to take a current Black Hawk for this list,
then there's nothing wrong with taking a current Black Hawk for this list.
It just can't be Jonathan Taves because he doesn't belong in the list.
It can't be Patrick Kane because there are going to be other examples of players like you said
that have had this kind of a stretch and we don't quite know where it's all headed yet.
Right.
It would have to be Duncan Keith.
That's how I feel.
I feel like if you're going to take a Black Hawk, he's...
Every one of these guys is important to them winning their cups.
But I think Keith is more important than all of them, especially the last one where they basically ran out four defensemen for two rounds.
And he played like 30 minutes a night.
Like he's the backbone.
Larry Robinson looks out and he just makes a giant
wanking motion.
He's like, oh, congratulations.
I used to play a fucking 40 minutes a night and nobody timed it.
Yeah, 40 minutes a night against fucking dudes who like bag groceries
and there was fucking spare time in Chicago.
What a fucking setup the NHL was back in the day.
Give me a fucking break with that shit.
How many guys in the fucking Canadians are going to be out?
There's going to be like 50 Canadians on there.
Like Larry Bojangles had seven Stanley Cups between 1920 and 1932.
There's gonna be like 30 dudes on that list and like Jerome McGinla's not gonna make it come on
There's that we'll get to that in a second
Come on there's there's at least like five or six guys I've discovered in doing some centennial stuff that joined the NHL in their 30s
Yeah like you know in their 30 years old and they're like a rookie like oh what's up boys
Puts out a cigarette
So what do the blue and the red lines mean?
Can I touch him with my skates or no?
Why is this voice Jiminy Glick?
But I was in Hollywood
Tell me about what it was like
To do the game with the stick and the gloves
Did you like it when you scored the goal?
Everything that was the great
John Belvedo who told me
What's that?
What was it like to beat the Blackhawks in four games
Every year?
It was fun or was it a little bit boring?
Why did Jiminy Glick not catch on?
Jimmy Glick had the Comedy Central show
And then he made a movie
There was a Jiminy Glick movie?
Jiminy Glick and Lala
Wood, the movie.
Is that where he has sex with Ryan Gosling?
Lala Wood?
That's a different Lala movie, right?
Give you, Ryan Gosling.
We're going to fly it in the air.
Together, let me dance.
We're going to get highly weird, you know what I mean.
Dude, tell me you've seen his interview with Larry David.
I have.
Oh, it's so good.
Just in full disclosure,
Argymody Glicks are also our,
with Harvey Firestein.
Yeah, Harvey Firestein on there.
David, David.
I got to call my therapist.
I got to call my lawyer.
David, do you really think the aliens are going to blow up the city?
Or are you going to just run away like a coward?
Jiminy Glick should do play-by-play.
Oh, my God.
And he comes across the blue line with the pack.
He's probably going to shoot it on goal.
Oh, Doc and Eddie.
This guy played...
Are he playing in the 1930s with the 1974, St. Paul, St. Maria?
I can't do it anymore.
I'm personally with the great...
The great Dale Hunter
is coach in London, Ontario.
Rick Bonas is very good with the penalty
kill.
Fawkes off the couch.
That's per usual.
God, it was a funny.
Martin's short,
a wired taste.
Like, of the three amigos,
not the comedy slam dunk guy.
Chevy Chase's comedy slam dunk
during his peak years.
Yeah, they were both, like,
and Steve Martin,
one of the funniest people alive.
Well, like, in three Amigos,
goes like Chevy Chase and Steve Martin a more physical comedy.
Like Chevy Chase has the veranda line from the movie, of course.
Right.
Kiss me on the veranda.
Lips are fine.
That's such a great line.
But like Martin Short was more like the male plane.
Yeah.
The little balls.
Not that he,
I mean,
Ed Grimley,
funny but acquired taste,
not as funny as Pee-E-Herman.
And I discovered Ed Grimley,
I think,
after Pee-E-Herman as a kid.
Oh, I never put those two together.
Yeah, pretty much the same character.
are um not i mean funny but like not super i don't know like i've always felt like martin short was a very
specific kind of funny not to say he's not funny he's very funny right but like i gotta be honest
the thing that i love the most was that fucking movie where he played a little kid and charles groden
was his angry oh my god i can't believe you just reveal that was that clifford was it it was
cliford yeah he's like he's been in some unbelievably great movies like interspace and three amegos
He was funny in her space, yeah.
What's that movie where, like, him and Danny Glover are, like, in a jungle somewhere,
and, like, he keeps, like, fucking up Danny Glover through, like, I guess he was physical comedy.
Like, he's got, like, bad luck Chuck?
No, that's a Danekeg movie.
Oh, but then it was Congo.
Oh, wait, let's see here.
Real quick.
Jungle to Jungle?
No, that's not the one of the thing of, right?
No, that's Tim Allen.
That's Tim Allen.
Maybe they didn't have jungle on the title.
Pure luck?
Pure luck.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I forget what the plot of that was, but I think it was just like, Danny Glover was a straight man,
and Martin Short just kept doing goofy shit.
Inner Space, three amigos.
Oh, no, the funniest thing he did wasn't Clifford.
The funniest thing he did was that film executive character.
He used to play an SCTV that he also played in that Kevin Bacon movie The Big Picture.
He was like, oh, he snooker the cigarettes and he was really like, he was really funny in that movie.
The Big Picture.
Yeah, that was a, that was a, that was a, that was a, a, um, who's a spinal tap dude?
Michael McKeon?
No, no, no, the guy makes them all.
Harry Shearer?
No, the other guy.
Come on.
Who's the other guy?
God damn it.
Oh, this is...
Uh, I'll vamp.
My favorite Martin Short thing is when he's on...
Oh, Christopher Guest.
Oh, that guy, guy.
Yeah.
But Christopher Gess directed the big picture
before he started doing a mockumentaries.
It was like a Kevin Bacon movie where he was like a filmmaker.
He was like a music video director.
And then, like, he got, like, his big movie made.
I feel like I feel like it was on HBO.
I was not.
I was a kid.
I don't remember the plot of it, though.
You know what's on Showtime a lot, by the way, right now?
What's that?
Burnt.
What's that movie?
Oh, Bradley Cooper as a walk-and-roll chef.
You know what that movie is?
It's like the movie form of, so like last night Obama's farewell was on on CBS, and it ended, and it was like, we now go to the Big Bank Theory in progress, and you grab the remote as quick as he can.
Like, Burt tricks me, because I put it on, and it's like Bradley Cooper, and I'm like, oh, Bradley Cooper is a good actor.
Let me see this movie.
And then he's like, I want our spaghetti to sing.
And I'm like, no, where's the remote?
I got to get out of this.
There's a line of that movie that's one of the worst lines maybe of the last 20 years in any movie, and they put it in the fucking commercial.
Is it, is it, this is the point where you break?
No, it was, no, it was, I want people to come to our restaurant and have culinary orgasms.
Yeah, that's, that was the line.
It's just him in the kitchen and the woman's putting the spaghetti over the things, right?
Yeah, that's the line.
She's like, remember never to have me talk about life with you.
Yeah, right.
With you.
You know what's a good movie I saw last night?
Demolition with Jake Gyllenhaal
Oh, is that the one where he was dancing and shit in it?
It's a complicated plot, but yeah, like he's in like a driveway dancing as some kid playing the drums.
Like his wife dies in a car accident and then it's just like all this.
Like it's just Jake Gyllenhaal being a good actor.
Yeah.
It's kind of a weird movie, but like Martin Short's not in or anything.
Well, I mean, yeah, it would have been a great movie I watched last night.
Good enough of a dad is you were dancing around the city and a demolition.
Sorry, all I want to talk about is Pee and Hockey today, so I'm trying to diversify a little bit.
Let's get to our guest.
And then we'll get back and then we'll do some more hockey's and such.
Yeah, we got some hockey's.
So we have plenty of hockey's for you.
Let that be known.
Yeah, people who've alienated all of our Canadian listeners with this anti-Martin short.
Oh, right, he's Canadian.
Every funny person is Canadian.
Oh, I forgot.
Why is he?
I was going to say before, like, whenever he's on real time with Bill Maher, it's always like, you know, tonight's guests,
it's a 74-year-old woman who fought for civil rights in the South in the 60s.
It's a 42-year senator from Oregon.
And then it's Martin Short.
Interrupting the conversation doing it.
Some of the woman's like, you know, right now in this country, it's a very dangerous time.
Because he just butts it and goes, remember Ed Grimley?
He's always like, it's like Ben Affleck's that guy on that show, too.
I always hate going to have that.
Planned Parenthood, I must say.
This little dance.
Planned Parenthood.
If you want to inject something into somebody, watch Interspace.
When Dennis Quay was injected into me, like, what are you doing?
All right, we'll be back.
Aaron Dark is here.
Yay!
Before we started recording, we were talking about hockey players and how hard it is sometimes to suss out the nerd in them.
And I agree with that.
I think it's, it's, it's, hockey players are somewhat impenetrable as far as, like, what their likes and dislikes are.
And what they're actually into.
And it's, it bugs the shit out of me, actually, because, like, I feel like there are somebody in every locker room that watches Game of Thrones.
And that is as much into whatever.
as I am, but you just can't approach it.
It's almost like it's like the delicate dance of a first date when you're talking to somebody
to try to figure out what they're into.
But I feel like there is a nerd aspect to hockey players that we just don't know.
I mean, there must be to some of them.
Like there's no way that they're all just focused on hockey all the time.
I feel like a lot of them are, though.
I feel like a lot of them are.
But it's also so hard to tell because I feel like a lot of other sports when you listen
to like when the players like do press conferences, there's like a shitload of personality.
But like they're like hockey press, like postgame press conferences are just like they will only talk about the game.
And usually in vague enough terms that you're not even sure what just happened in the game.
And they never talk about them.
Like the other night, Roberto Luongo became the fourth or fifth leading win guy in the history of hockey.
And it's like, what does this mean to you?
He's like, it's not a big deal.
Really.
I just want to win some games a season and just try.
They're all so humble.
My teammates really help me with them.
And it's just like, it's okay if you want to like, like, MMA.
When those guys talk, it's like, that guy fucking sucks.
I'm going to kick his fucking ass.
It's like, well, that guy over there's pretty good.
He's got a lot of talent.
Yeah, like, I really respect him as a fellow athlete.
And you're just like, no, but I saw you punch him.
You must have some feelings.
It's a blue color aesthetic.
And speaking of that, you're a huge Detroit Red Wings fan.
I am.
There isn't, there aren't many teams, I think, maybe in professional sports that are worse
the season.
No, no, stop it.
That's horrible to say.
We'll get to the end of the streak in a second.
No, but like that I think kind of
I'm glad we're going to talk about that in a second.
I'm looking real.
I'm really looking forward to it.
They're so married to that region.
They're so married to that city.
And it feels like, you know, you see the winged wheel.
And to me, it means the hard scrabble life of someone who grows up in Detroit or one of the flint or wherever.
And like, you know, they had the grind line and they had all these guys and the gritty, whatever the fuck kind of players.
And like, I feel like that fits the aesthetic.
of Detroit, much like, you know, the, the mythology of the Boston Bruins fits Boston, you know.
The Rangers are very overpaid and not really doing anything.
Right, exactly, right.
And the devils are perpetually, you know, sullen because they're overlooked and the younger brother gets nuggies all the time from New York.
Like, it all fits.
Makes sense.
But Detroit, I think, is one of those places where the identity of the team matches the identity of the city, true or false.
I think that's true.
I mean, like, it's an interesting thing, I think, growing up being a Red Wings fan,
when I was. Like they won, they won their first, I'll say cup in the modern era, because there
had been like a 50 year drought before that, but they won that when I was like 12 or 13. So
sort of like, you know, and they were good for like few seasons leading up to that. So for me,
like, they've been pretty good for most of my like paying attention, you know, human being life.
But like still as a Red Wings fan, I think like I still have spent my, even when they'd won like back to back
cups. I was still like, yep, we're the scrappy underdogs. And I think it's just because it's
part of Detroit. They are so part of Detroit. Like, it's not called Hockey Town for no reason. And all
of the fans are still mostly, like, economically, not mostly, but like, you know, I grew up in
Flint. You're dealing with shit. And there's something about, like, the joy that the Red Wings
can bring, but it always feels like a fight. And I feel like growing up in Flynn, I was like, yes, that
fight, but there could be victory
at the end. Yeah, it's right. And like, it's
almost like in the movie Slapshot
where, you know, the mill is closing. And everybody's
really sad for the mills closing. And I look at it, you know,
what's happened to Detroit, what's happened to Michigan? You mean
how the mill is always closing?
And for like, literally for
25 years, it's like, okay,
well, this sucks, but
Fed her off, Eisenman, Stanley Cup
Parade and shit. That's why I like, I, you know,
I've talked to friends before about my
you know, I've been
in New York for like 11 years, but I have
warmed to no New York sports teams.
Good for you.
The Rangers a tiny bit, but just because they're original six teams, so I can kind of...
No.
Eli Manning is a putts.
I want to thank Aaron for coming on the show today.
No, but I think it's because, like, I moved here and realize that I, like, the Detroit
sports actually mattered to me even more because being in New York and being in this city,
I realized how, I just how much more it means there.
Like, you know, like, when.
And the Red Wings win the cup.
Like, the whole state is elated.
Like, I remember there was, like, a couple years ago, like, the day after they got eliminated from the playoffs.
And it was, like, one of those, like, rough, like, they'd come back from a 3-0 deficit to take it to game seven.
Oh, the San Jose series.
Yeah, the San Jose series.
And it was so rough.
And, like, everyone from Michigan was, like, Eeyore that day.
And, like, I remember I was on, like, you know, I don't know, like, Instagram or something.
thing and there was a post from a girl who had gone to college with in Michigan who just said like,
hey, I'm getting married today.
So I know that you're really sad about the hockey game, but could you guys please pretend to be happy?
And that's the beautiful thing that happens in sports.
Super sad wedding photos.
Yeah, super sad wedding photos.
Did you not want them to get married?
No, we were really happy that day for them.
And you know, the cake topper is definitely them in Red Wings jerseys.
But that's the great thing that happens in sports is when the team has that identity.
and that identity with the city where it all, and it happens in hockey a lot, it all feels very small town.
It feels very, and maybe it's because we're a niche sport, I don't know, but like it all feels very small town.
And I like that.
I like that about Detroit and the Red Wings and the relationship with the team.
Like any small town, now they're going to use a bunch of taxpayer money to build a new arena.
How do you feel about the Joe going away?
I'm really sad about it, to be honest.
I was home for my cousin's wedding a few weeks ago, and I went to what will probably be my last game at the Joe.
and I just got really sad.
There's something about that place.
Like, it's so shitty and so Detroit and, like, the best way.
And I'm also, like, really resentful that we're going to be sharing the new stadium with the Pistons.
Like, you walk into the Joe right now, and it is Red Wingsville.
It is Red Wingsville everywhere.
You know that you are at home as a Red Wings fan.
You don't have to pretend to give a shit about any other sport.
And now you're going to walk in and see, like, Pistonsville.
Unless you're the dominant species, because like, it could go one of two ways.
You could either be the Nets inviting the Islanders in or you could be the Islanders walking
into the Nets building.
I mean, I think we will be the Nets inviting the Islanders in.
Like, right now the Pistons are just so happy to not be in Auburn Hills.
So even a real place.
I always saw it like that on date lines and stories.
I was like Auburn Hills.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sounds so, like, fancy.
I know.
Well, it is.
It's like the weird rich suburb outside of Detroit.
You passed through a Lord and Taylor to get it.
There's like a dress code to get into the games.
But that's what maybe I like, like I'm not a huge basketball fan.
I can't pretend I am.
I'll root for the pistons if they're doing well.
So it's been a while.
And I kind of hope they continue doing badly for a little while just so like the Red Wings own that stadium.
How are you feeling this season?
Because it's probably the streak, you feel like it's over?
Because it's probably kind of sort of over.
It's not necessarily over.
I mean, mathematically, it's not.
Mathematically.
It's not.
Technically, there are only four wins behind the wild card in the Eastern Division right now.
They're like eight points behind.
Like, there is still some parity in the middle there.
That's my optimistic side.
You're almost Canadian.
You're so optimistic about it.
My dad's Canadian, actually.
I was raised by a Canadian hockey fan.
And I was also, like, you know, I was raised by a dad who'd been a Red Wings fan during the entire 50-year drought.
And I think I'm not going to say I've always known it was coming because I haven't because it's been a great ride.
Because Pavel Dotsa quit on you.
He said, I want to go home to play hockey.
To Russia.
To Russia.
Yeah.
I know.
And it was really strange going to a game and sort of like watching and realizing that Zetterberg was the like.
Yeah.
And that's, I mean, the thing about the Red Wings that was always so impressive was, and I think the Blackhawks in some ways are doing this now is the ability to rebuild on the fly.
Like you win all these championships and then you have these reinforcements come in.
You know, Eiserman and Federoff get old and all of a sudden, here's that's here's, here's, here's, Ederberg.
And it just seems like now the franchise is in that little, that little gap between eras.
Yeah.
And then, oh, wow, everything went off.
Oh, that's not good.
Yeah, I'll go get it.
And then, you know, keep talking.
Yeah, we'll just hang out here in the dark.
All the lights went off.
I was going to say, I wonder if it's, is it still recording?
This is actually part of a bit we do where we turn the lights on on the gas and we see how comfortable we can make people that we just met 15 minutes ago.
I'll talk about hockey in the dark. It's fine.
I was looking through your Twitter.
Yeah.
And like back in 2011, I saw it because I just searched your name in wings because I was doing my research.
Yeah.
Like any good interviewer would.
And I saw you were trying to organize or Red Wings meetup.
I did.
I had one for.
Is it just hard to find like Red Wings fans to talk to in New York?
It was not.
I know.
Yes.
I mean, I will say it's hard to find Red Wings fans in New York.
And it's not that they don't exist.
It's just like, you know, let's be honest.
I'm an actor.
Most of the people I spend my time with on a daily basis aren't into sports.
much less hockey.
And I just wanted, like, it was right after they had won the cup and I'd watched it like in a bar with my little brother where I'd had to like fight with them.
Like I'd been, I'd been fighting with this bar for two months to get sound on for the games.
Like, I think they hated me.
I think when the playoffs were done, they were so happy that I did not come back.
And I just wanted to like have that sense of community.
Like part of what I love about sports is the community you have with other fans.
like whether it's depression or relation, you are like so on the same page with another person.
And I just missed that in New York.
How many people did you find?
Did you find like a lot of people to go and hang out?
I only ended up meeting up with the meetup group because like it's sort of like some other guys started organizing some but they were like all the way on the Upper East side.
And I was living in like Park Slope at the time.
So I was like that.
You're such a New Yorker.
I know.
I don't want to take the train out of the way to the Upper East Side.
I mean, fandom is really important to me, but not that important to me.
Well, no, I mean, so, like, wait, I had a couple meetups with them, and there were probably, like, 20 people showed up at a bar that I managed to talk to put the sound on again.
Like, I used to call bars, like, will you put?
But, but, and I think it was actually up to, like, 150 members before I finally, like, I disbanded it because meetup raised their prices.
Crazy.
Oh, wait, they charge you to go through the site to.
Yeah, they charge you to form a meetup group.
And it was always kind of like even when I couldn't go, I was still totally happy to pay for it so other people could get together.
But then they raised it to a rate that I was like, okay.
I don't care that much about hanging out.
No, I mean, I do, but I hadn't been able to go to one.
Like, my boyfriend lives in London.
I'm traveling all the time.
So I hadn't actually been able to go to a meet up in like three years.
And I was cool to still pay for it for a while.
But when it was like $300 a year, I was like, okay.
I mean, I could just buy tickets to a game for that.
You can get like 30 Red Wings tickets for 300 bucks.
Not true.
Really?
No.
Tickets to Wings games are still like...
Yeah, it's a premium.
What do you think it is?
I thought they were like some of the cheapest tickets among like the other.
I'm sure there's like some nose blade seats that are.
I think of that like fan cost index because like I'm sure all the stuff around the game like the beer is probably cheaper and like the parking is probably cheaper.
But the tickets are probably still pretty expensive.
Yeah.
It's not super.
It's not cheap.
It hasn't been cheap to go to a red wings game in a very long time.
How did you get the light of hockey into your boyfriend's heart?
Well, it started with just forcing him to watch it.
You know, I think he's naturally a sports-minded person.
And he knew that I was into hockey from like, I think like the first or second time we met,
I was going to a Wings game later that day and like had shown up in my Eiserman jersey.
And I think like he naturally like sports.
which always helps.
And, you know, I think like with any, with any sport,
and I think particularly hockey,
if you sit someone down in front of them
and start to explain, like, these are the nuances of it.
These are the things that are happening
and start to give them the, you know, the story and the players.
What are some of the questions he's given you?
Is that what we're like?
He hasn't had many questions.
I mean, like, in the beginning,
it's all the obvious ones like, what the fuck is an offside?
And what is icing?
Why did they stop?
Where are they going now?
Yeah, like, um,
But he's been like he's been such a like not only fast learner with it, but like has become impassioned really quickly.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like he went to like the NHL store one day and we walked out with so much stuff.
Like he was like full like t-shirt hat hoodie.
That's brilliant.
Yeah.
You were talking before about the New Year's game that you went to.
Yes.
Is it weird as a fan to now go to like it becomes news when you go to a game?
Because we were doing the cursory guest research.
And it was like the local papers wrote up that you guys were at the game.
Yeah.
I mean, the local papers also wrote up that we went to Bob Evans.
So celebrity news is slow in Michigan.
What did she have?
What did they eat?
I mean, it was sort of amazing.
It's actually maybe my favorite article that's ever been written about our relationship was that we went to Bob Evans and Flint.
But no, I'm like, I'm super happy about it.
Like, that's the thing.
Like, as a Red Wings fan, I just feel honestly more just, like, proud than anything to have, like, brought another high-profile fan on board.
Should we say, should we drop the name?
Yeah, we can drop the name.
It's the first 3,000 things that come up when you Google me.
So I think.
So she's been dating Frank Stallone.
Yeah.
The lovely and talented Daniel Radcliffe.
Now, yeah.
Yeah.
And I guess on behalf of the hockey fan world.
Thank you because we're always trying to recruit super celebrities.
For a while it was touch and go.
We had Jason Priestley as our biggest name pretty much.
But now I think, you know, between him and John Hamm, I think we're doing all right.
Yeah.
Well, I think it's like an amazing sport and I don't understand why more people aren't into it.
Why don't you think more people are into it?
I think because it's a sport that takes concentration.
Like, I am also a big football fan.
And I mean, baseball and basketball, I'll watch occasionally if it's a big game.
But, like, growing up a hockey fan, like when the game is on, when my family and I watch the game, nobody talks while the play is on.
You know, you watch the game and it's all about suspense and build up.
And I think, you know, especially people who have been raised on football, which is a very social sport or basketball where there's scoring.
like every 10 seconds so why does it matter anymore but I think I think like that level of like
just concentration and really having to like there's a tiny puck and you have to follow it and
that's what makes it exciting and I think some people yeah and I think some people just don't
maybe have the patience to get into it it's a really good point because I think it does take a level
of commitment to watch a hockey game that doesn't exist for basketball where you can watch
the last five minutes and feel satiated yeah in football
You can tune it at any point, and it's like every series of downs is its own self-contained game.
Are they going to have to punt?
Are they going to score a touchdown?
You can feel satisfied just watching a series of downs.
But in hockey, you're right.
Not only do you have to pay attention to what's going on, but to really feel satisfied in a close game, you have to kind of follow it through the pressure of the third period as it's a one-goal game or a tie game.
And, like, you know, it's-
That's where the excitement is in hockey.
There's a payoff to that commitment.
Yeah, the excitement in hockey is the buildup.
Hockey fans love three overtime games because you're waiting and waiting and waiting.
Yeah.
Boom, you finally get the goal.
In football, it's just like...
Yeah, if you see a scoreless football game, you're like, that was a terrible game.
A scoreless hockey game is usually an amazing game.
More of you see a 38, 13 Packers Giants game.
You'd probably hate that too because the Giants were up six nothing.
And then all of a sudden, with two minutes to go in the first half,
suddenly it all fell apart because of the lucky pass by some stupid guy who went to count.
I mean, as a Lions fan, I understand being on the receiving end of a shitty Aaron Rogers Hail Mary.
I wanted to play the Lions so bad in the first round of the playoffs.
Do you feel life has evened out with you being a Lions fan and Red Wings fan?
Maybe before this year.
I always felt that way.
I'm a Devils fan.
And I always felt like being a New York Jets fan and being a Devils fan, like my life kind of evened out.
Kind of evened out.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, a little bit.
I don't know.
I have such a different relationship with it, honestly, because I, I always.
I like hockey is more religion in my family than just like a fan thing.
Like if we are together and there's a Red Wings game, we all sit down and watch it.
We talk about it.
We talk to each other during playoff season more than any other time of the year.
And it's like such a deeply and it's not just like hockey, it's the Red Wings.
Like I can't play fantasy hockey because my team would just be Red Wings and like especially this year I'd be losing.
Yeah.
Like where's what like I got into football later and I am a devoted.
lion's fan, but like I accept all of the like, you know, hardship that that is and also
just like the sport.
And I do fantasy.
And it's a, it's less of a religious commitment to me than being a wings fan.
Now, you mentioned you have an Iserman jersey.
Mm-hmm.
I'm going to assume that's probably your favorite Red Wing, yes?
Or did you have a Federoff girl?
Oh, no.
I was an Iserman girl.
I literally used to sleep with an Iserman trading card on my pillow when I was a kid.
I would kiss it the good night before.
I went to sleep.
He did the same thing with Scott Steven.
He was like 26.
Scott Stevens card used to punch me on the face.
I was crazy?
When,
as a young Redwoods fan,
was it sort of a Paul or John thing or a Mick or Keith thing?
Was there a certain split in Iserman fans and Federer fans?
Or was everybody just basically an Iserman fan?
I think everyone was just,
everyone I knew was just an Iserman fan.
But I was also like, I was like an 11-year-old girl who was like,
Steve Iserman is my biggest crush.
So I didn't have a lot of other kids who were like, I get you.
Mike still be my biggest crush.
I know. He's definitely still one of my biggest crushes.
Like, my poor, my poor eyes are in Jersey is like, like, for some reason, my dad got me like an extra large.
So it's like a dress. I've never washed it.
There are so many Little Caesar's pizza stains on it.
Is that the best part about living in New York, by the way, is you don't have to have Little Seasers anymore.
You can actually have delicious good New York pizza, whatever you want.
I know this is terrible. I miss Little Seasers.
But there's also something about, like, if you grew up in Michigan and you grew up a Red Wings fan, there is something that.
It's like they're interconnected.
Like you know it Litch owns Little Caesars.
You go to the Joe and you eat Little Caesars.
Yeah, we would like order Little Caesars while we would watch games.
So it's very much like when I taste Little Caesars, I taste Red Wings and it tastes good.
You feel like you're supporting the team with your patronage too.
It's like how people who have cable vision feel like they're supporting the Rangers.
You're like a part owner at this point probably.
Although I had Michigan, I didn't even know this existed until like a month ago.
But there's a place in Brooklyn that does Michigan-style pizza, which is sort of like a rectangular pie that tastes almost like a pizza hut pan pizza.
Oh, yeah, that is a thing.
Like a Detroit-style pizza, which I didn't even know what the hell it was.
But there's a place in Brooklyn that does it really good.
That's not a thing.
It really is.
It's a thing.
I didn't eat it that much because I was such a little Caesar's girl.
They also had a $5 large pizza.
I mean, come on, guys.
How do you beat that?
All right.
Who is the Red Wing that drove you nuts?
So who's your least favorite red wing?
I mean, I don't, I mean, I don't, I don't, I don't, not going to say, not going to say
that I have, like, a least favorite red wing.
Because I think actually the ones that drive me the most nuts are, are players like, like,
Darren Helm drives me nuts, not because he's, not because he's, no, because I like, like,
you watch him play and he has so much speed.
Since he was coming in, you know, like, you know, coming up in the playoffs just for a few games,
He'd have these incredible breakaways.
And then sometimes, a lot of the time, just not know what to do with the puck when he got there.
So, like, I love Darren Helm.
I genuinely do.
Like, my boyfriend's wings jersey is a Helm jersey.
Wow.
Because one of the first games we ever watched together was, like, Helm's first game where he got a hat trick.
So, like, Dan loves him.
And, like, I love him, but I also just sometimes want to, like, shake him and be, like, do something with the puck when you get.
get there.
I just love the idea of Dan thinking that like Darren Helm is basically Gordy Howe because
he had the one game he attended he had like a hat trick and it's like this guy's amazing.
I mean it's amazing because we met Darren Helm when we went back after the New Year's game
last year and Dan sent to him like, yeah, one of the first games I watched was like a game
where you scored a hat trick and Darren Helm's like, that's my only game where I scored a
hat trick.
That's literally the only time.
We should come to every game then.
That's the case because if that's going to be a hashtag earlier about hockey fans also
being nerds and I will say that there were a lot of people in that locker room.
that knew some Harry Potter.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
For sure.
Absolutely.
What's Harry Potter?
Oh, come on.
It's this little known book series.
And then they made some like weird indie films based on it.
No real need to.
Oh, Lord of the Rings.
Right.
I've heard of that.
Yeah, it was fantastic.
Yeah, same thing.
Kinds Potter.
What, um, how much do you, do you, I mean, I know there's a lot of hate
involved in being a Red Wings fan.
I assume you hate the Blackhawks most, right?
You know, it's fun.
I actually don't hate the.
Blackhawks most. And I think it's because
through most of my formative years,
it was the avalanche
or like San Jose, but like the abs.
Yeah, your formative years. Patrick Waugh,
like the number of times
I cursed that man's name.
The blood feud. Yeah.
It was like, it was dirty there for a few
years. So I think when I, when my head
goes like rivalry, the abs are
what comes into mind. But now it's all weird
because we're in the Eastern Conference.
So it's like all of the teams
that I have cursed for years are suddenly
Like we play them like once a year.
We've talked before on the show about the fact that the current brand of hockey is not the hockey that we grew up with.
Yeah.
And I mean, that's the greatest example.
Like every game against the avalanche felt like it was life or death because someone literally could die on the ice.
And you could see it now.
Like, I went to the outdoor game in Denver and they had the alumni game between the Red Wings and Avalanche before that game.
Oh, yeah.
And it was like, it was like no, every single person in that building felt as happy.
as they could possibly feel watching these old guys recreate a little bit of that rivalry,
just because it felt so much more vital and important.
And you can't really get that out of today's product.
Not to shit on today's product because it's a really entertaining product.
But we've talked about how, like, you know, it's different.
It's just a different.
It's like a little bit like sleeker.
Yeah.
In a way that, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I, sometimes it makes me sad because I, I loved like the good old fashion.
like, you know, finesse game, like a little bit slower, but amazing puck handling.
And like I, like, that was what I felt like, you know, a lot of the wings that I saw growing up were.
And I loved that.
And sometimes I feel like the wings get into trouble now because they're still trying to do that a little bit.
And the rest of league has just gotten.
Yeah, you had the Russian five as a kid.
Yeah.
I did.
Don't ask me to name them all.
No, we could name.
Now you have Darren Helm going in on breakaways and slamming the puck off the class.
But I will say, did you guys see that documentary?
Was it Red Army about the Russian hockey team?
And watching that documentary is a Red Wings fan.
I was like, I was like, oh, it's so cool.
They're talking about the Russian 5.
And then I had this moment of being like, okay, stop giving Russia so much credit for the Red Wings Cups.
Right.
It's like they were a feeble collection of Canadians.
It's like a Russian show.
That's totally how that documentary sold it.
It was like they were the mighty ducks and like the Russians were Emilio Estevez.
who's like, I'm going to whip you into shape.
Maybe our new president will help with the Russian situation and get the red wings.
I wanted to ask you about that because I found an interview with you a few years ago where you said you deleted Facebook.
You weren't on Facebook anymore.
You might not still be on Facebook.
I'm still not on Facebook.
But you're super active on Twitter.
I am now because I was doing this TV show.
Right.
Oh, so you had to be?
Yeah, I mean, it wasn't like a you have to be, but it was like we strongly suggest and encourage.
You don't have to, but it would be really nice.
Yeah, they were like some sort of social media.
Facebook makes me super uncomfortable.
Me too.
I hate it.
There have been like fake me's on there since I started dating Dan who've like tried to actually talk to my friends and it's super weird.
Like a catfishy thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like a catfishy thing.
Being famous sounds great.
Doesn't it?
I mean I only, I only see it from the outside, but.
There was a fake Greg Wischinsky on Twitter for a long time.
I buy it.
Yeah.
They, they, because I think I talk shit on the penguins.
and then the fake Greg Wyshinsky
pretended he was like a Capitals fan or whatever
Yeah but that's like that's like a parody account
Like somebody actually trying to talk to my friends
Yeah it was like literally messaging like my friends
Being like hey I just got back from London
And it was like it took a few days before I realized before my friends were all like
You're sounding weirdly like a 13 year old girl
I totally forgot my social security number
Can you guys remember?
Can you guys remember?
What was Harry's I mean Dan's phone number again
But yeah so I got
I got on Twitter because I can kind of handle Twitter.
Like, this is probably the most I've ever publicly talked about my relationship with Dan because I'm trying to figure out what that public private life thing is.
Yeah, you weren't sure if you wanted to bring it up.
I mean, that's the thing is like I think one of the things that Dan and I love most about each other is how much we both love sports.
And so I feel like I think the most he ever talked about me was on like a fantasy football podcast as well.
Like I think that's like the one area where like it's impossible for me to talk about sports now and not talk about Dan.
Do you mean fantasy soccer or fantasy football?
No, fantasy football. He's an American football fan.
Is he not a soccer guy?
He's not really.
He'll watch a little bit, but like he is, he is NFL.
Like, we co-commissioned a fantasy football league together.
Co-commission it?
You guys run it.
We do.
We run.
Other famous people in it and you, like, have to give them crap for colluding because they're making things.
No.
Like, here's Aaron Rogers for, I don't know, Eli Manning, I guess, because he sucks.
The show you were working on with Good Girls Revolt.
Yes.
Which I thought looked super cool because it was sort of like a mad many period PC vibe.
You were working for News Week.
I mean, for legal reasons, it was called News of the Week.
Okay.
News of the Week, sure.
Absolutely.
But like you were like, I think it was like researchers for it.
Yeah.
But then they took it away from you.
Yeah.
It was this super cool show about that was like inspired by a true story about researchers at a news magazine in the 1970s who filed a complaint.
for sexual discrimination.
And the real lawsuit that it was based on at Newsweek was the first one of its kind in the media that sort of led to a domino effect.
And then Amazon canceled it.
But why does that happen?
Like, have you got any word on that?
Because it seemed odd.
It did seem odd.
From what I understand, the head of Amazon just didn't really feel the show.
it also seemed like maybe he didn't watch it
and it does seem hard to get really into a show that you've never seen
I will give him that
I don't know like it's actually like it's been it's been a real
struggle for me because it is hard especially like with the subject matter of the show
not to feel a little bit like the patriarchy rising up again
fucking white men huh great yeah white man I hate those dudes
do you so is there any chance you could get picked up somewhere else
No, we actually just found out today that it is not going someplace else.
I think it's just like trying to renegotiate an entire TV series.
And they had like three weeks to do it.
And it's just like not really a super feasible thing.
You got pretty politically active on your Twitter.
And I was wondering if that was a function of the subject matter of the show and feeling more comfortable to come out and speak more about feminism or it's just going to, it was going to happen regardless of the show.
I mean, I've always been a very politically minded person.
I think when I got back on Twitter for the show, my intention had been like, I'm just going to talk about the show, no personal life, no politics.
But as the election heated up, and then I think once we actually like filmed the series and being back in that world of gender oppression, there's no other way to put it, it did really like awaken something in me and just this like inability to put up with bullshit.
Yeah.
And then I get on Twitter and you see someone post something amazing or something horrible.
and it's so easy to press that retweet button.
And then I just had a minute where I was like, fuck it.
Trump's never going to hire me.
Who cares?
I'm just going to be who I am.
There's no fear too probably because like no one in Hollywood is going to be like,
oh, you hate Trump.
You can never want to hear it.
I mean, probably not.
But it is, you know, like, but you don't know who's out there like watching the things that you want to make.
It does feel like like.
But I think it's like this weird thing.
Like there's been this weird backlash against like actors and artists.
speaking about politics and I feel like there's this, you know, people just forget that like we're also people.
Like I'm a girl who grew up in Flint.
I care about this shit.
I can't pretend I don't.
We're doing this a couple days after the Merrill Street speech at Golden Globe.
Yeah.
It's like there was a weird backlash to that.
And I thought her point was really salient, which is that, yeah, you can call a lot of us out of touch.
But we also identify with every single person that's on these sets that work on the sets.
And, you know, a lot of us came from humble backgrounds.
But, like, people who were, like, MMA fans were like, how dare you?
40% of MMA people, it's like, that's not the point.
Like, I see what you're doing.
Yeah, but it's not, yeah.
It's not an art.
Did you really think Meryl Streep watched MMA guys?
You were, like, back checking her, like, the backgrounds of, like, MMA fighters and football players.
Like, she was just using it as an example to make a larger point.
And then people got really, it was, like, distraught.
Sitting down with a big cup of tea, settling in for UFC, 250.
No.
Watching Rhonda rousey whale on somebody.
But there is this, like, weird thing where, like, actors are not seen as people.
Like, we're talking about, you know, those commercials that will be on TV where on the bottom it'll say, like, real people, not actors.
And it's like, I worked in casting briefly, and I remember doing this commercial that was, like, for the NFL.
And the director came in and was like, I don't want any actors.
I only want real NFL fans.
And I was like, um, you know that both of those things.
can be like, you know that actors can be NFL fans, right?
I trained at Julia.
I didn't get this a reading.
Go team.
Yes, Packers.
I don't feel about Matthew Stafford in this moment.
Give me some direction here.
No, and they never, every time you see sports fans, like, I'll tell you were the worst
representation of sports fans is, those fucking Buffalo Wild Wing commercials.
Yes.
They have those idiots in the bar, and it's always like overenthusiastic guys in their late
20s and and it's just like there's I'll tell you who's a buffalo wow wings a big fat fuck that's so
happy to be a buffalo wild wing we got there at eight in the morning to get his table it is not that
guy the cute guy in your office a buffalo wild wings the weekend maybe this is a new show the casting
of of commercials for sports people and how we fight back and actually raise awareness that actors
are people I want to ask you what's a good premise David and I didn't want to ask you about one of your
roles, though, if you don't mind.
Okay.
The role of Seahawks fan in Draft Day.
Please, Erid, if you will, tell us where Seahawks fan came from.
What was your motivation?
I mean, they didn't give me a choice about which team I was a fan of.
So internally, you were thinking about the Vines?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, like, let's be honest, I was super, super psyched to just get to do anything in that
film.
Right.
And we got to, like, go there and we were shooting.
during the actual draft, like on the side.
And basically what my role was was screaming at Frank Langella,
who was supposed to be Roger Goodell, like, you know what I mean?
It was supposed to be like a team owner or that.
So basically my job was just to stand there and scream things at him.
And I was like, I mean, this feels real.
You took a deep breath.
You're like, all right, well would Tom Brady say?
I was like, okay, as an actor, not a sports fan.
Where am I feeling in this moment?
No, it was great.
It was like, it was a super fun day.
It was just fun to be there.
Yeah.
And you were in the drop, too.
You're in that.
That's one of my favorite movies.
I feel like people don't know.
Yeah, it was a great film.
Right.
Yeah.
Cocktail waitress.
I was cocktail waitress during the Super Bowl party.
Right.
Seen in the film.
I think, I think you request Heinikins.
I probably do, yeah.
We did a lot of improv on what I was requesting there.
I don't quite remember what made it into the film.
You get two bloody marries, a pink squirrel.
Yeah, it's sort of fun.
There's a lot of that.
At one point in the director was like, just ask for a lot of drinks.
I was like, thank God I have waiting tables experience.
Now that we fit on this, we should probably finish on this one.
When you go to a game, what are you buying?
What do you drink and what are you eating at a game?
Well, I don't really drink.
So I am a...
Well, that's a smart decision.
Just giant messes of people.
It could be your future if you actually start drinking.
It's like Barney on the citizens.
Thank you.
When you first had a first beer.
Yeah.
And his whole snout extends like that.
Yeah.
I really appreciate the warning, guys.
It's a very, it's a good life lesson.
We do.
It's a real scared straight looking at us.
No, so I usually, I get a Diet Coke.
I also usually bring a bottle cap with me in case they take it away at the stadium.
Oh, that is brilliant.
Yeah.
I never, and they wouldn't fight it on you because it's not metal.
Yeah.
You just put it on you.
Yeah.
And you just bring it with you and then they take it off it and hand you your
your soda and then you just get in your pocket, pull out the cap and put it back on.
She's like the fan whisperer.
I can't. I feel like I think my brother invented it.
So I have to give him credit.
Baby brother.
This is what I'm talking about.
Like we don't recognize the ingenuity of Red Wings fans.
They find ways to get an octopus into the arena and find a way to cap your drink when they take it away.
I've never brought an octopus in, but I have thought of how I would.
How would you do it?
Bra.
Bra.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
You just kind of jam it sort of in between?
Yeah, I mean, no, basically.
No, I think you just, like, get a larger bra than what your chest size is and then just sort of spread it out over the two sides.
I mean, I imagine if they feel it.
It's not going to feel that different.
I don't think they can pat you down there going into it.
I don't know.
I feel like that might be.
That's like TSA maybe.
One side would look normal and the other side would be, like, oversized spaghetti.
No, not if you get a good bra.
And even if it doesn't match, if someone says something, you'd just be like, excuse me, sir?
Yeah, you're just like, I'm sorry.
Are you saying that my left breast is not nice?
Can I speak to your supervisor?
Don't just go right and go right.
Yeah, thank you.
I did a story once about a guy who smuggled a baby shark into a shark's game.
Wow.
And the way that he did it was he wrapped a garbage bag around his calf and then had ice in it and then put the shark in the garbage bag and then wore, to your point, wore the baggiest pair of sweatpants he could find.
Yeah.
And it just sort of like bulged out naturally.
That's what people do when they go to strip clubs too, I think.
They wear sweatpants.
Yeah.
They put something down there to make it seem like it's, that's weird.
That's like a dual purpose strategy.
A bottle cap thing, though.
That's a really smart deal.
Aaron Dark, what are you working on and where can people find you?
You can find me on Twitter.
I want to give you my Twitter handle, but I don't know it off the top of my head.
This is my investment in social media.
I think it might be at Aaron Maya Dark.
Sure.
I feel like I was using my middle name when I started that Twitter account.
There's probably 10 fake Aaron Darks out there.
There probably are.
I also went through a phase where I used my middle name because I thought it sounded cool.
It does.
And that's when I started Twitter and then I lost my password for like five years and just didn't bother to get a new one until Amazon was like, hey, hey, you want to get on Twitter?
I legit forget.
That legit happens to me and I actually go to old computer or something.
to do the little key access thing to find the password.
To find the password.
Because it's such a hassle to change it with all the devices that you have.
Yeah.
But yeah, and you can, even though Good Girls Revolt is sadly canceled, the whole first season is still up on Amazon Prime.
And if you want some like cool feminism, nice drama, that's there.
In the meantime, I'm just back to unemployment.
I forgot to ask you.
Yeah.
I mean, the first time I ever.
saw you was on a poster for that show here in the city.
Yeah.
What's that like?
Like,
what's it like going to a subway and seeing you're staring?
You're staring back at yourself.
It was super fucking weird.
I was,
I was actually, like,
really uncomfortable with it.
I think the thing that saved me was that,
like,
my character on that show
looks significantly different than I do in real life.
She's very, like, glasses.
I had, like, eight pounds of fake hair on.
And, like, so, like, I nobody ever, like,
looked at the poster and then looked at me and were like, hey.
But I did like...
Or talking about the poster in front of you, be like, look at this girl.
Yeah, nobody ever did.
I will say, like, I don't think that you're really on a poster in New York until it's been vandalized.
So I asked all of my friends to send me pictures if they found vandalized posters.
And they kept sending me pictures and it was like the sweetest vandalism I've ever seen.
Like, there was one friend sending me a picture and from far away I was like, oh, did someone draw a dick on my cheek?
And then I, and then I like zoomed in and it was a cupcake.
Like, I don't, I guess.
And then there was like another one someone sent me a picture where someone had just vandalized it with like cool feminist sayings.
Like we will not be shut down.
Wow.
Wow.
That's not even vandalism.
That's just like.
No, I know.
It just was like, yeah, I don't.
I guess.
So I guess there's something about our posters that made people be like, we don't want to put dicks on your face, which I appreciate it.
Well, Aaron, thanks for coming in.
Thanks for coming in.
Let's please end on that note.
Thanks for coming in.
Thank you.
And we're back.
Hey, we're back.
During the time of this podcast, I've discovered something about Lozo and myself, which is that we have a mutual admiration for a midnight run.
It's a good movie.
Midnight Run is the movie that first introduced me to chorizo.
Right.
Treeso and Egg.
I don't know what it was at the time.
I don't know what it was either.
I thought it was just, I still didn't know what it was.
And then all of a sudden I saw it in the story.
Easy Spanish word.
Yeah, and I'm like, I need to have it because of Bidite Run.
And now that I've had, the only bad chorizo is the chorizo at Chipotle, because they have the new
chorizo thing.
It's not chorizo.
It's just like, it's like if you took sausage links and microwaved them and chopped them up with
a little bits and put them into a sandwich, like it's not chorizo.
Like, Chipotle to me is one of these places that it's like when you have a bike with training
wheels.
It's like you really like and respect the training wheels.
It got you going.
It showed you balance.
It makes you understand what it takes to ride a bike.
Sure.
But then at some point, you get rid of the training wheels and you just start riding.
And to me, Chipotle is the place where you go in and it's like, what a novel concept.
A place where you point to things and they put them in a tortilla and they wrap it up for you.
And then you've got your own little personalized bundle of joy that you can consume.
And it comes in foil.
That's fun.
But then once you go to a place that's Chipotle inspired, like here in the city, Trace Carnays.
would be one of those places.
Pretty much every other Mexican places.
Yeah, they're all kind of like that now.
Like once you've established the template
and you go to some place that isn't atrocious
and won't kill you,
it's a great concept.
See, like to me, Chipotle is the place you go
when you really have no self-respect.
You hate your body.
You're not looking to better yourself in any way
and you're just like pointing to garbage
and having somebody making minimum wage,
throw it onto a goddamn tortilla and shove it in your gullet.
That's one way of looking at it, but I prefer to think of it another way, which is that the greatest trick to devil ever pulled, Dave Lozo, is the idea that a-
trap.
That a bowl is somehow so much more healthier than a burrito.
And it's like, you put in a bowl, you're like, oh, this is so much more healthier.
Like, I'm going to get some, the healthy brown rice.
I'm going to get some beans.
I'm going to get, oh, I'm not going to get, like, the pork or whatever.
I'll get chicken.
That seems healthy.
No queso sauce.
Right, and then you're like, and then you come over to the other part of the station, they're like, what kind of shit do you want?
I'm like, you know, I'll put some corn on it because that's healthy, and then they'll put some hot sauce on it, like the really hot sauce.
Then I'll eat it more slowly.
And then, you know, just to top it off, a giant ladle of sour cream and all the guacamole you can fucking fit on it.
You really think that deeply about your burrito bowl.
But no, that's what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about like, it gets to a certain point on the conveyor belt, and it goes from being.
Right.
The healthy option because it's in a bowl to giant ladles of fucking fat.
Get some more sour cream on there, lady.
Lozo's got to eat.
No, but I like the burrito bowl for two reasons.
One is because the tortilla is really just a delivery device for all the good stuff.
Right.
And at my particular Chipotle in the city of Hoboken, I say that the person behind the counter
who makes my burrito is 50-50 on whether or not they're going to wrap it the right way
It's not going to fall apart for two bites.
True story.
Last time I went there, which was like two months ago, I haven't gone back.
They made my burrito.
And she put so much fucking guacamole in there that I actually had to like take my earbuds out and be like, I don't need all that.
It was so much guac.
And she like looked at me with an attitude.
And she was like, I'm like, can you just, she's like, what do you want me to do?
I'm like, you just scrape a little bit off.
She scraped enough off to fill two of those mini cups that you take to go.
That's how much extra guack there was.
So she folds it up.
And of course there's too much shit in there still
She folds it up and there's a big tear in the middle
And she looks at me and she's like what do you want me to do? And I'm like
Not give me that particular
She's like I can double wrap it. I'm like all right fine
They double wrap it all the time though
And it sucks
Oh two layers of just fucking
Tortillas
They do that shit when they rip the burrito and if anyone's ever
Try to make burritos at home
Like I respect the hell out of two people in this world
For sure
Three people
Three people. My dad
The people who can wrap burritos and not break the tortilla
And the people who fold shirts
at like the gap and to get them
like perfect every time and I know that some
places have a cheat they have like a board
that they use like get all the pieces right
pins and shit but the ones that can do it
free hand like I just tried to fold bed sheets
the other night and I mean fucking God
like if you want to see an
it's you know it's like that game when you were in elementary
school and you all run underneath the parachute
and then run back out
it's just like an embarrassment
I respect anybody you can fold things well
because I have I do not have that ability in life
there is a better chance of me
saving a human life in a restaurant of somebody choking to death by slicing open their air passage
in their neck than there is of me folding a shirt properly.
Yeah, or, oh, right, but you would just use a pen.
Like, uh, they, uh, I think they, they use the pen in Anaconda or Red Eye.
Which one am I thinking of?
Well, I was thinking of heat or the heat with Sandra Bullock.
Oh, the, oh, I never saw the heat.
They, they, they kill the guy.
Oh, my God.
With a pen?
Oh, it's funny.
It doesn't, it doesn't go well for the person.
Hygings ensue.
It's a comedy.
It's pretty sure in Anaconda, the dude has.
like he got bit by, he had a fish in him
or he got bit by a fish or something and they had to use
a pen to like open up his windpipe.
Oh yeah, Eric Stoltz.
Eric Stoltz.
Right at the beginning of the movie.
That's right, Marty McFly himself.
Then John Void comes in and does the worst accent ever of a,
was he supposed to be Brazilian?
I don't know what he's supposed to be in that movie.
I don't know what he was.
Because he ended up inside that snake's mouth
and he winked at me and it was the greatest moment
in the history of cinema.
No, I was thinking on the way over here?
Because I think weird things.
Who would you say of music people
have had the better film TV career?
Ice Cube.
Ice Cube or Queen Latifah.
Now, I thought that you were going to include J-Lo in that, too.
Fucking, she hasn't been in a good movie in like 20 years.
That's not true at all.
Money train, baby.
Clearly, you've never seen The Boy Next Door.
Yesterday.
It is so, it's so good that I can't.
It is, it's not.
It is so good.
It is like.
The Boy Nex Door is like 30.
If you took a Lifetime movie, and by the way, I watched one over the weekend called I
killed my BFF.
sure
it was amazing
if you took a lifetime movie
and you put it in a juicer
and got rid of all the pulp
and just kept the sweet
nectar of
shitty
lifetime movieness
and then you
expanded it out
into a feature length film
with Jennifer Lopez
that's the boy next door
he gives her a copy
of the Iliad to impress her
and he says it's an original edition
so you're watching it because it's bad
you're not watching it because it's good
It's so bad, it's good.
Chalo's best movies are Money Train.
The Judge Clooney, yeah.
Out of sight, yeah.
So, wait, who had the better career, Ice Cube or Queen Latif?
Ice Cube going away.
But I feel like Queen Latif is a better actor.
Okay, but Ice Cube's been in better movies.
Cube was in Boys in the Hood, though.
He's in Boys in the Hood.
He's in Friday.
He's in 21 Jump Street, 22 Jump Street.
Right, and she was in Taxi.
No, but, like, she's, didn't she win an Oscar?
She played like a, like a person.
in like olden times I think like she gets new to the movie person in olden times and didn't
shoot a no but really handle on this on this question to be fair I said I was thinking about it
I wasn't researching it because I was just thinking about how funny their scene is in 22
jump street and I was like oh well I wonder who actually so she was in she win or she
nominated she won't she was in joyful noise she was in um you might be thinking of like a
TV movie she was that's when oh wait so she was a producer there she
in 75 things as an actress.
See?
Well, she was a voice in Ice Age.
Oh, then definitely her.
Right.
She was in Valentine's Day.
Okay, that hurts her.
She was in hairspray.
Beauty Shop, taxi, the cookout,
bringing down the house.
Yeah, she's not been a lot of good movies.
I'm not sure.
Was she in Chicago?
Oh, yeah, she was in Chicago.
Yeah.
See?
That's what I'm saying.
I don't know if Cube's been anything
that we don't want an Oscar.
Cube is more entertaining, I feel like.
Mm-hmm.
But Queen Latifah is just, she's a better actress and she's in higher quality of movies.
What was the movie?
Was it joyful noise that she was in?
She was in?
I'm right here.
Yeah.
What do you like, set it off she was in, which is great?
No, like, go to like the thing where it says, like, you know, nominated for blank awards.
Oh, come on.
Like, nominated for one Oscar.
That had to be for Chicago.
What?
Yeah, Chicago.
She was nominated for Chicago.
See?
And she, oh, and she was nominated for Bessie.
Is that you're thinking of?
That's probably the one I'm thinking of.
Let's see here.
where she played Bessie.
She's in...
Oh, the legendary blues performer Bessie Smith.
Yes, that's the movie.
That's the movie.
That was a TV movie.
Was it?
Yeah, it was on a real movie.
Oh, you know, it's kind of like
how that OJ documentary is a TV movie.
Oh, it was an HBO movie.
Yeah.
That's not a TV movie.
Do you feel like the OJ documentary
should be eligible to win best documentary in the Oscars?
Best documentary?
Yeah.
It's a documentary.
It's the seven hour long one.
Hey, you can make a movie.
That's like saying like a song that's 11 minutes long
can't win song of the year.
I just, no, but it was clearly.
a TV joint. It clearly was not meant for
a movie theater. They put in the movie theater to make it eligible
for the Oscars. So my hope is
that this opens the door to giant
fuck yous from the television industry
where like the next Game of Thrones
season appears one night only
in like a New York theater, all of the episodes
just to make it Oscar eligible. And it's like this is
the best thing. It's fucking
18 hour long movie
with John Snow.
Oh, if you do it like that?
That's what's talking about. Like this, okay, that's basically
his OJ thing is. Game of Thrones can't win a goddamn Golden Globe was a regular TV show anyway,
apparently, because some fucking Tom Hiddleston movie where he was a green grocer or some shit,
what the fuck was the name of that show?
Nightmanager.
I am so lost watching award shows now, man, especially the TV portion of it.
I have no, I have never heard of any of these things.
Brock Lesnar got in trouble for standing on the Winnipeg Jets logo in their locker room.
Good.
Now, I want to point out something.
Listen, I think it's all just horse shit.
the fact that there are people in this world that and we have a different we have a different level of appreciation for it because we are working journalists
Who are squeezed and squosed over to the margins of the locker room
Because there's a giant logo in the middle of it and in some cases cough Boston Bruins they put up
Fucking traffic cones and police tape around it to make sure nobody touches it the ruins that wise up eventually and put on the ceiling
But this is how it used to be so we have a yeah we have a different view of this than other people my view is I treat it like religion
It's not for me, but if it's your thing, I'm totally cool with it, and I'll respect your thing.
You know what I mean?
Like, I'm not going to, like, go out of my way to step on the logo to be like, what's up, Blackhawks?
Like, in the devil's locker room, I don't think they have the rule in their current situation, but I always avoid it if I can.
A guy named Alex emailed the Puck Daddy blog, because Jen wrote about the logo thing.
She's got a bunch of hate mail because, you know, girls can't write about hockey.
Of course.
But he said something that I never thought of, and I wanted to run it by you here.
Hit me.
the logo is there
so that guys do step
on the logo
this is from a guy
named Alex
who I believe
is a minor league hockey player
because the only response
I sent back to him
was his hockey TV page
and said hey is this you
I didn't hear back
I don't want to
I don't want to say it's last
how minor
how many pretty minor
like junior minor
or like
ECHL at the most
oh like he used to play
yeah okay
something
the logo is there
so guys do step on the logo
once the logo has been stepped on
all the guys get a laugh
and the guy who stepped on the logo
pays a small fine to the team
this money then gets used
for strippers blow party
party venues etc
which activates team chemistry
so it's sort of
it plays into the kangaroo court thing
that the teams have
and that's it
I had never heard that
about the logo on the floor thing
so you're telling me
when the Rangers
built their new locker room
put their giant fucking logo
on the floor. They all stepped on it
for the first time once and then they couldn't do it
again and the punishment for stepping
on it again was a millionaire treating you
out to a night at a strip club.
That's how they built camaraderie
and taught lessons.
Go look at these boobies on me.
That'll teach you. All right.
And you know that Zuckarillo probably steps on it every day.
He's just rolling around on it.
Hurt me, Daddy.
That's going to the Hustler Club.
That's their contention. Is that? I mean, that's
That's his guy.
This guy who apparently played says that that's the secret, the secret life of the logo on the floor is that it's there to find the players.
Every team with the logo is not doing that.
Like his team, I'm sure did it because that's why he said it.
That's not what there's, it is, it is, it is the idea of respecting the logo and we're a unit and blah, blah, blah.
But like, it's not a, it's not like a swear jar for going out and pouring champagne on naked ladies.
clubs that's not that that that's you can do that anyway you can like we should do that with the puck soup
logo on the floor i stepped on it uh-oh we did that in the uh-huh the uh-andthony weiner episode right
the puck soup logo on the floor we we uh chris wilson stepped on it we admonished him we admonished
him and then chris took us out for a night of debauchery yeah it was all a setup so he would
take us out to see uh to eat sushi off though naked ladies on the strip club next door to the yahoo
office that's one thing i don't want to do i don't ever want to do that either i think it's
Like, and I don't mean, I mean, eating food off naked women is fine.
It's just sushi at a strip club is probably disgusting.
Right.
Any food or a strip club.
I, I don't know.
Like, I've, I'm not a big strip club guy.
Neither am I.
I just.
It tripped me out when I found out that they have, like, lunch.
Like, they have like a buffet lunch and I'm just like, who, what?
I remember going to one for a bachelor party.
And like, you know how, like, there's guys that sit at the bar and the girls come over and, like, they're like, that's like their guy or whatever.
Like, I've seen dudes, like, eating, like steak and baked potatoes at the bar.
while, like, they have a girl who's half-naked sitting on their lap.
Like, I can totally get why that's, like, a rush for a guy.
But, like, this guy was just like, no.
But I got to imagine that's part of...
I was work.
But that's part of the fantasy, right?
Like, is that you have someone there who won't judge you.
Like, normally...
Like, if I had a giant plate of spaghetti and I was on a date with a girl, I'm probably not
going to eat it, right?
Because I don't look terrible.
It's going to have sauce on my shirt.
It's going to...
The spaghetti's all going to fall on my mouth.
But if you had at a strip club, like, she's got to be into it.
You could literally eat any way you wanted with her there.
Just throwing fucking onion rings in your mouth.
Yeah.
Hey, baby.
You could take the plate of spaghetti and pour it over your head and then just shake loose pieces of pasta into your mouth over the course of 20 minutes and she'd have to be cool with it.
I know what we got to talk about.
What's up?
You're a chicken wing guy.
Oh, yeah.
Why?
Why?
Because they're bad.
The experience of having the bone and holding the bone and eating around the bone.
The experience of holding the bone.
That's why you like the taste of chicken meat.
We have talked about this on the show.
before. Have we looking over at the pile
of bones. Oh yeah, I remember
this argument. And feeling like you've accomplished something
there's a savagery to it. There's a
neanderthilic thrill that you get.
And it's something you don't get. From looking
at a sauce
strewn piece of wax paper
where your fucking bullshit
boneless wings resided for
a few seconds. Okay. I hear
your argument. The feeling of
accomplishment, you look at the pile of bones.
I will one up that. The feeling
of accomplishment of five hours later and looking
in the bowl and seeing what you did to your body in the form of a giant 12-inch cable
that you have pooped into the toilet.
So you're, look at that.
Your contention is that boneless wings are better because you're hiding the evidence
better of what a horrible thing you're doing to your body.
No, boneless wings are better because they taste better.
But in terms of the accomplishment of what you've done, like when you clog your toilet,
that's way better than when you just have a pile of eight tiny-ass bones.
It all comes down to what you want to get out of your chicken experience.
I want to feel like a savage
who's eaten
dead animals and has a pile of bones
in front of him
But you are
It comes back to the bones
It's so weird
But here's the thing
I want to have
The condiment experience
More than anything else
I want to be able to take my bone wing
And dip it into that blue cheese
You can do that
No but then you still have them
When you're done when you're done
To get the rest of the blue cheese out
When you're done it's done
You have to use your finger
Like a weirdo
I can use a bone
to get the rest of the blue cheese out.
Are you aware of this invention called?
I think Patrick Lines' dad invented it.
It's called the spoon.
There's also forks.
But you don't get any chicken flavor when you use a spoon for your...
Then you're just eating dressing.
Wait, wait.
Oh, you're saying...
I'm saying you use the bone to get the rest of the blue cheese out of the plastic bin when you're done with it.
So you take the wing, you bite into it, you eat it, you get everything done, and then you put the bone into the branch of blue cheese and then suck it off the bone?
You see, you're misrepresenting it.
I'm using the chicken wing and putting blue cheese on it.
While you eat it.
I'll eat the chicken wing with the blue cheese on it.
But then there's always something left.
You can dip.
Dip a bone.
And you dip the bone in to get the rest of it.
And then you just suck it off the bone and you have chicken flavor and you have the blue cheese.
But again, chicken flavor isn't chicken.
There's not a lot.
There's no chicken on these things.
Bolen swings are stupid.
You're stupid.
Wow.
There's a call back to a joke you made before the show that no one has out of your reference to.
All right.
get to the mailbag.
Yeah, we got a lot of them.
We have a lot of stuff to get to.
Ginger Snaps wants to know
F. Mary Kill,
1992,
Yager, 2002 Yager,
2017 Yager.
Hmm.
You marry,
well, I mean, I think you marry
2017 Yager
and then you
you sleep with
92 Yager
and you kill
2002 Yager.
Yager because he was some malcontent.
I think that's the only answer, right?
Yeah.
I'm trying to think of another way to do it where, yeah.
Yes.
I would totally fuck Yarmir Yager from 1992.
Right.
That's the answer.
Grab is it here?
Just pull it.
I mean, you can do it now, too.
He just saw him the other day.
He's really got the flow working.
Anthony Sleidi wants to know.
Can you talk about what active players will be named
the NHL 100 greatest players?
No Jumbo or Lungwist is a joke?
First of all, he's asking us a question like he's a hockey reporter.
Talk about?
Can you just give us a talk about?
Can you talk about?
Holy God.
Yeah, welcome to the club.
Actually, he's saying, he's talking about it like he's a television reporter.
That's always a television reporter thing.
I don't think, I don't, I don't ascribe the talk about question to many print reporters.
There was, after the devil's panthers game the other night, Adam Henry comes out super late.
He doesn't want to be there.
You can tell he's already in his jacket and his little toke.
Yeah.
And there's an, so like, we asked him some questions about the game or whatever.
And then there was a guy from Hedge on Network who said, you know, what's it like for you to, you know, look across the other way and see Roberto Luongo who just moved into fourth place on the all-time wins list.
God bless Adam Aneriki, he gave him an answer, but he just, he could tell.
He just, he had a rate talk for 90 seconds and was short and miserable and was just like, yeah, it's just great.
Anybody who is going into a locker room after a game and asking a team to compliment the opponent.
And they just lost a heartbreaker.
After a loss.
But it's a rough loss for the devil's.
is tempting, tempting fate.
And it's just like, I don't know what, even if you get a good answer, like, what do you,
what does anyone care about what Adam Henrique says about Herbert,
but there's, you know, side side.
But yeah, what was this question?
Can you talk about, um?
Can you talk about what active players will be on the top 100 list and no jumper
or longquist would be a joke?
Well, that's what we're talking about before.
Like, yeah, there's no, there's not going to be any respect for the modern era.
If this list does not have Joe Thornton on it, it's a travesty because you can at least point
to Thornton's career.
and legacy and say it is demonstrably better at this point than Patrick Keynes.
You don't have to do any projection.
You can just simply say that outside of Sidney Crosby,
Joe Thornton is the best passer of his generation.
Yeah.
Right?
Is Joe Thornton on a list that we've looked at recently?
I don't remember.
Yes.
It is?
He definitely is.
You wouldn't put him on the top 100 players of all time?
I forget if I did or would.
Like Lung-Quist to me feels like a solid.
slam dunk.
The guy, the guy we were going to talk about before that we didn't, that is the slammest
of slam dunks.
And there's no reason why he's not on this list.
And if he's not on the list, it might just devalue it in my eyes is a Ginla.
Like, Jerome McGinla was the prototype power forward of his generation.
And he was really good for a really good.
Up until this year even.
He put up incredible numbers during the dead, the dead puck era.
The idea that he wouldn't be on this list is idiotic.
It's idiotic.
If you're dicking around putting Jonathan Taves on this list because his team plays outdoors a lot.
And you don't put Jerome McGinnel list because he played in fucking Calgary.
Get out of here with this stupid list.
What's the point?
It's also counterintuitive to what they're doing.
Like, let's say that they only have six guys on the list and they're forcing dudes on like Taves so they can have the Black Hawk, NBC, outdoor connection all the time.
Why not have more modern guys?
People know so they can get people into the list.
Like, if you're going to have 94 dudes from pre-9.
Because, again, it's the classic problem with the NHL.
Who's picking this from the NHL anyway?
It's like a blue ribbon panel of people.
It's Colin Campbell involved.
That's the point.
The point is that every step they want to take forward, they are tethered to the past.
You know, you have this amazing outdoor game you want to hold every January 1st.
Well, guess what?
It's Toronto's birthday.
They get the outdoor game this time.
This list is going to be great.
Let's do with 100 greatest players of all time.
You know what?
Our current players are pretty damn good.
Ovechkins winning hearts left and right.
We got this guy.
We got this guy.
Oh, nope.
What about Ditt Clapper?
Got to get Ditt Clapper up there.
Got to get Dave Dye up there.
That's the point.
The point is that you're always going to have these, you know, the marketing guys are having a meeting.
They're like, top 100 players of all time.
We're going to have 25 modern players in the list.
We're all going to invite in Los Angeles.
It's going to be a huge swaray.
We'll get John Hamm to host it.
And then like this ancient, you know, 80-year-old guy comes sauntering.
in he's he's worked in the league for the last 30 years for the same salary he never asked
for anything more or less i'm just happy to get a job and he walks into the conference room they're
like hey what's going on uh bootsie jones from saskatoon uh what's going on with you today
oh i see i got some names on the whiteboard there might i remind you of the great johnny power
again though yeah like i saw pierre on lebrun on twitter today adding dan rosen about changing the names
of the trophies to modern guys.
Like he wants to have like the heart become the Gradsky, the Norris become the or,
which I mean, that's not modern, modern like current players, but there's no consistency
in what media people of a certain age and what the league wants to do.
It just makes no sense.
At least if it became the or, then Carlson can win it without any hesitation every year.
Right?
At least we get that.
I know.
And I know.
There might have been some hypocrisy there on our part, though.
like changing the trophy names would seem to fit with putting the modern players on the list.
But there needs to be a balance.
Like we need to respect the past but not be beholden to it, I think is my point.
Right.
Again, but like there should still be because think about it.
Like if it's all, all right.
Well, I guess there could be guys who's retired since then.
But like it just feels like if there's only going to be six dudes from the last 10, I guess if you do it mathematically, six out of 10, first of all,
This isn't the fucking hundred season, by the way.
Let's not lose sighted up.
I know.
But the millennium wasn't the millennium either.
That's true.
But, okay.
They're just six, it's weird to leak it too.
Like, you're, you're, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's gonna be 41 fucking Montreal Canadiens on the list.
You, you have, but that's what I'm talking about.
Like, at what point, at what point do we expunge?
Like, at what point do the top 10 players of this era?
Right.
Then get to be on that list and shove out 10 other guys.
And who are the 10 other guys?
I know one.
I mean, like, like, like,
A guy like, you know, Henri Richard, fantastic player might not be on the list anymore if you've got modern guys.
That is the problem.
The problem is like the same people that are probably voting on this list voted on a list like 10 years ago or 20 years ago.
And who do you get rid of?
Who has been diminished in your eyes?
But you know what?
It's the same arbitrary bullshit that you end up with Mark Howe in the Hall of Fame, right?
It's like what changed over the last two decades that all of a sudden this guy is a, yeah, Rogi Vashon.
Like all of a sudden this guy's a Hall of Famer, you know, what changed?
Also, also, God rest their souls
A lot of these guys are dead
They don't care if they're on the list or not
Yeah, who cares?
Fucking Nuzi Lalan's grandson's not going to
fucking write an angry letter to the sporting news
Listen, I talked to people in Toronto that were at that
Sinaial game.
They're like, their families are there and it meant so much of them
So that you are pissing on the legacy
You have some really brilliant people.
First of all, he should be on the list
Because his fucking name is Newsy
That's a bad,
Nusie and Ditt deserve to be on all top 100 lists
That's a bad example for Nuzi Llan
You know what I mean?
Like, it's just like, oh, we don't want to dishonor
Dick Clapper.
Like, Dick Clapper died in
like 89 like again my my motto is when I'm dead do whatever the fuck you want I don't care when
you're dead don't worry about clap off that's it oh my god I was gonna say you can make up lies about
me and I won't care because I'm dead but you can be like in my obituary you can put like
dave lozo who was once arrested for smelling the farts of women on the subway cars died
today in a car accident like I don't care I'm dead make up shit I thought about that the other day
I forget exactly why it might have been because I tripped over my own feet and thought what
if I just fell on the curb right now.
But I thought of myself, if I died, like, what would be the remembrance?
Would it be noted how?
Would they say blogger in the first paragraph?
Probably.
Guy who once got a cream pie from a former Star Trek actor.
Guy who helped get a goon in the All-Star game.
Guy who.
Noted, noted podcaster, Greg Wichenski.
Of, of Merrick versus Bichenski and other podcasts.
Right.
At CETC period.
Wait, do we ever answer this guy's question?
Yeah, sure.
It's a gin.
Daniru Masatazu, Dan Straight Edge,
wants to know, my wife, my wife,
Hello.
wants to know if you were both single
and a lady wanted you to cook for her,
what would you make?
What would be your go-to dish?
To make for a lady.
I'll tell you what mine would be.
Be tired.
Assuming that she is a carnivore.
I would make her a filet mignon
with like a, like a, like a,
Like a...
This is like the first meal?
Yeah, a really good crush.
Because one of the few things that I can do in the kitchen is make,
and this is not necessarily a reference to our favorite movie,
a port wine reduction.
Oh, God.
Don't you ever lump me in with that movie.
If you could make a little wine reduction and put it on something,
you're going to impress a lady.
And then you make her some veggies and make a meal like that.
I say chicken parr.
It's the easiest, safest.
You would make her Ray Ferraro?
I would just lay a nude.
Ferraro on the table, sprinkle
little parmesan on the old
diddley doo and
say, and then turn to Bucci Gras
and he says, Ray Ferraro is to your dinner
as James Headfield is to Metallica.
I would
reach for the Caesar salad on the table
and accidentally brush his dick and he would go,
oh, ding dong, lozo.
Yo, ding dong.
Wow. Wow.
Yeah, like you don't want to go anything too crazy.
You don't want to go Thai or anything spicy.
I think Italians a nice safe thing to matter what you're doing.
I like that a lot.
This is from Phil the Fountain.
If you could only use one condiment for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Ripper her pleasure.
Yeah, Trojan.
Oh, wait.
Oh, condiment.
Condiment.
All right, let me think about this for a second.
Buffalo sauce.
Chose flavored ketchup.
Ketchup is...
Next question.
The thing I probably use most, but I don't necessarily need it on everything.
Yeah
I don't need ketchup on fries
To be happy
I like mustard on a good turkey
That's what I'm saying
There's a part of me that thinks that mustard
In all of its versatility
Like
Think of the
The typical ham sandwich
I'm not putting ketchup on that
And I don't want to eat it naked
But if I have mustard
A roll
I have mustard I could put the mustard on it
So if I had to use one condiment
For the rest of my life
It's ketchup
has to be.
Because think about it.
Ketchup and mustard
can both go on sandwiches.
No, it can't.
Ketchup can't go
on a deli sandwich.
Not on a deli sandwich,
but like,
because a hamburger is a sandwich.
By the way,
just FYI.
Hot dogs a sandwich.
You can put it on there.
And you can also dip
fries and stuff in there too.
Like mustard's not really
a dipping thing
for French fries.
Now,
the other part of this question
is when he says one condiment,
does he mean one genre of condiment?
Or does he mean one specific condiment?
I feel like you mean specific.
I don't want to get into like a thing, well, I'll jalapeno mustard.
That's what I'm saying.
Like, if I get like all the mustards?
Yeah.
Well, shit.
The mustard barren.
But wait, is, is buffalo sauce a condiment?
Yes.
I'll take buffalo sauce.
All right.
Yeah, because that's, that again, you can put it on chicken, you can put it on burgers, you can dip your fries in it.
Final answer, Buffalo sauce.
All right.
I'm locking it in.
Locked in.
Locked in.
All right.
All right.
One more.
Adam Haynes further wants to know what is the best NHL All-Star.
Jersey.
And this is an interesting question
because they just came out with the new ones
and they look pretty good
but it makes me think
about all the wacky ones they've had
and I gotta tell you like
as much as they were maligned at the time
the eggplant and teal
I was gonna
wait I was gonna say the worst ones are the ones
from the game they had at the garden
is that the I think those are the ones right
North America versus the world?
Yeah we're Owen Nolan points
yeah I love them
so I like ones that are a little bit wacky
My favorite ones are the ones from the, I want to say it was either 87, 88, 88, 89.
The one from the Allen Thick picture, where he's there with, um, yeah.
Like, those are the ones I like the best.
I agree.
They're like orangeish.
They're good.
And the worst are the ones that they had in Columbus.
Whatever the one where Jonathan Taves was the captain.
They were like the neon green and they had like fucking silver.
They look like garter.
They look like dime store tron uniform.
Fucking terrible.
Fucking Olivia Wilde's coming out and fucking whipping discs at fucking guys.
We don't need it.
Get the hell out of here.
So there you go.
All right.
Next week we're going to do some mid-season award stuff.
We had all this other shit to get to today.
So we figured we'll just do that next week because, God forbid, there won't be anything going on.
So mid-season award stuff probably next week.
Got a fun potential guest next week.
We have a really interesting potential guest next week.
Scheduled.
I'm excited.
And also next week will be when we reveal or maybe just get into the details of.
the massive special project
that we've been teasing on the show for a while.
Yes.
I'm getting a penis enlargement surgery.
I'm ready to talk about it finally.
It's for me.
It's not for other people.
It's so I can feel better about myself.
No.
The problem with penis enlargement
from what I gather.
Tell me.
Is that in the documentaries I've seen.
Documentaries?
There's that one about that guy with a small dick
that was on Showtime.
Oh, Anthony Wiener's thing?
No.
Unhung our show.
something like that.
What?
It was a comedian that he proposed to his girlfriend at a basketball game and she said no and he
came to find out it's because he shouldn't like his size.
And then he goes around the world to find out other different ways to increase the size
of his crank.
But like I think you have to, if you get, there's a certain surgery you can get where they
give you like a pump.
Like a pump.
Like a Reebok pump.
Right.
Yeah.
That's that's not what you're getting.
You're getting like horse tendons put in an earway, right?
Right.
It's like Tommy John.
but it's actually Johnny Tom surgery
A cadaver's dick
Right
And just put it inside of yours
Like a chicken cord on blue
Exactly
Right
It's like it's like
You see that picture of
Jim Harwa when he was coaching the Niners
In Green Bay and he had all the layers on
Right
I'm gonna put a bunch of penises
Over the penis
Until it gets to the point
Where it's actually normal size
Like Russian nesting doll
You get down inside
To find a little penis
Oh it keeps this more and more
there. Oh my goodness.
The first penis is wearing a babushka.
His second penis is carrying a basket of turnips.
Oh, Jesus.
Open up the next one. It's Stalin.
Now, what if you go back in time with Ovechkin and the Russian nesting doll penis and play
hockey? You're in the locker room after the game. You're just showering.
Play a good game today, huh? Hey, Gordy, what's going on with it?
Oh, Charlie, did you see this?
How do you do with this guy?
Looks like he swallowed a can of Coke.
Are there cans of coke back then?
They're probably wearing cans.
I think they were still in a viz.
You know what your thing is going to be, son?
Jumbo.
He's a great eight.
Jumbo is a very good passer.
He does very good things.
But I'm in Detroit, so I had piston installed the penis to give more drive to theme.
Have you now or have you ever been a communist?
Yes.
also in the future
I wait in line for three years for this penis
What's that on your shirt there son
Wadimir Putin
He would be very important to your country in a few decades
Tell me about that he's
He's going to
If you think Bobby Clark hack, oh
If you see hack you do
Wait you don't know Bobby Clark yet either
Right this is too far back
He's a member of the Philadelphia
You don't even know
Oh my Jesus Christ
I can't even make any references back here
How many teams? Six
Oh that guy
greatly increase the odds.
If you want to see your original six, I show photo
pre-surgery of penis. He goes back
in time, specifically to win a Stanley Cup.
He finds, like, Dr. Strange.
And he's like, the only way I can
possibly win is to go back with there
only five other teams.
No penguins. No penguins.
You know what we got to do? We got to
Photoshop him in to, like, old-timey photos in black and white.
Like Bruce Willis and 12 monkeys.
Or, like, Nicholson and the Shining?
Just all these team Stanley Cup photos, Roevechkins, is right at the front like, uh?
Wait, so five teams, everyone is fat and slow in like 40 years old, and they don't even have steel on skates.
His hockey reference page just has SC next to all of his things in the postseason.
He's got like 41 Stanley Cups.
Like, I don't know what this happened.
Wait.
They can't even pass backwards.
It's not legal.
Actually, you know what?
His first season, he probably gets whistled for like 45, two-line passes
because he can't figure out the roll.
Wait, I don't understand.
I'm inside blue line.
I take pass on other side of red.
Why is that problem?
Whoa, Charlie, did you see what that guy just did?
Called slap shot.
Not invented for many years.
Let's call him boom, boom.
Oh, it could be like a real thing.
Like, we go back in time and he hits Jacques Plant right in the face.
This is how, this is how mask was invented.
Butterfly effect.
You come back, he comes back to the present, and all the players are Russian.
There's only like three Canadians in the league.
It becomes a full Russian league because the Russian guy was that good,
that all the Tobe Lakes and all them, they just go over there and like kidnap Russians
and bring them to the North America and it becomes a full Russian league.
And then like Canadian football becomes better than the NFL
because all the best Canadian athletes play football instead.
The NFL out of business in 1974, thanks to the CFL and Gordy Burris,
four-time Super Bowl champion
or Grey Cup champion
hockey is the biggest sport
in America
The Miracle on Ice never happens
because they're all
NHL players
The Miracle on turf in the 1980
Buffalo
Saskatoon
Grey Cup finals won by Buffalo
or they're the only U.S. team
because that's how they got to play their football
now is they got to join the CFL
Do you what boys
Need you guys to play a little
bit more grit, a little bit more jam,
play a little bit more like Russians.
You know, guys are trying to play a little bit more
Canadian, it's not going to fly.
Gotta play like Russians.
You know, the Russian Five was original name for penis.
And then, you know, surgery happened,
and I am now the Great Eight.
Oh, God.
All right, that's enough.
I'm Greg Wysinski.
We should thank our guest, by the way.
I feel like we didn't really
Because we
Thank you to our guest
Who was our guest again?
Aaron
Aaron. Aaron Burke, the wonderful actress
Aaron Dark
Aaron Dark
What I say, Burke?
Yeah
I've been saying Aaron Burke all day
I don't know
You shouldn't do that
Aaron Dark
Our first our first actress
Our first anyone who's naked
In her job
That came here
To talk to us
Right
That was kind of cool
Outside of Keith Overman
Oh I forgot about his nude phase
On ESPN
He did a lot of
sports center is totally naked. That's a good point. I apologize, Keith. I'm Greg
Grishinsky of Yahoo Sports. You can find my work on Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy blog. You can find my
work on the America versus Rishinsky podcast. You're the thing that I do.
And, um, on Twitter at Woshensky. And also, I don't know if Lozo mentioned it, but I have a
book out called Take Your Eye Off the Puck. How to Watch Hockey by knowing where to look.
Interesting. Now Loza will take you home. Um, I don't only have any good stories to tell.
Of course. You use them all. Yeah, the bus story in the way over here.
is not really worth a close.
Oh, thanks to the iTunes podcast, Twitter
for pumping our tires over the weekend
and saying we were really good.
I checked in to see if, like, Nerdus paid for that.
I was like, do you guys do this, right?
They were like, no, no, no.
They just, they like a lot of our podcast
and they like yours.
Yeah, it was really cool of them.
They said, for good pop culture and hockey talk,
to listen to this podcast.
Yeah, that was weird.
I was totally unexpected.
But thanks for that.
Yeah, if you like the podcast,
and leave a nice message of how much you like it
and a high star rating.
I've seen some people doing that.
We much appreciate it.
And also,
it's pretty much guaranteed
that if you say something nice
and then it's also has a modicum of wit to it,
we're probably going to screen grab it
and then put it on Twitter.
Yeah,
because we're complete and total fucking attention horrors
that one of them to see how much people love us.
And,
oh, if you want to leave comments,
like, so you want to just go there
and pump us up by leaving one word comments,
like great exclamation point.
And then great exclamation point.
And then great exclamation.
point and then great exclamation point and then good podcast and then great exclamation point you can do that too
I think that might be something um podcasts do to pump themselves up but don't do it if you don't want to
I don't care whatever thanks for listening thanks for Aaron and uh see you bye now leaving nerdist.com
