Puck Soup - Gary Bettman's Burner Account

Episode Date: June 1, 2018

Greg and Dave cover the Stanley Cup Final as only they could, with thoughts on the Golden Knights, "The Save," the goofy opening ceremonies, late night adventures in Sin City and much more. Plus the boys mix it up over Tom Wilson, go in depth on sports and burner accounts, and get your feedback on what you'd ask Gary Bettman if given the chance. Sponsored by Seat Geek! 

Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. Hey everybody, it's Dave. I'm in my bed. I'm in New Jersey. I'm under the covers.

I got my TV on. It's on mute, so there's no sound. This is how we're doing Puck Soup this week. And I'm Greg Wischinski of ESPN, and I'm in Las Vegas, surrounded by mountains of cocaine, and hookers dressed as Sherpas to help me navigate these mountains of cocaine,

and you're in Puck Soup. Dude, we were just in Vegas like six months ago. How come we didn't get the mountains of cocaine in my room? What the hell? Oh, it was my special gift from the NHL for covering the final. You know how they sometimes give you earbuds? Yeah. Or a solar charge.

larger for your phone. No, this time it was mountains of cocaine and then hookers dressed like Sherpas to help you navigate the mountains of cocaine. Well, actually, that's embarrassing for you because you've been there for like four days and you still have a mountain. You haven't finished it. So who's the dork? You are non-cocaine doer. Yeah, I don't know what to tell you, man. I look at that Red Bull I bought downstairs at the store and I'm like, hmm, should I have that or a mountain of cocaine to get ready for game two? And I always choose the Red Bull. It's probably not as good for my heart. No. Game two of the Stanley Cup final was last night as we do this podcast.

And I have to imagine that you have a lot of opinions about what Pierre McGuire calls the save. Like, so, like, I was thinking about this last night. So I haven't really been covering the playoffs the last two years. Like, I get to Ranger games sometimes, but like the place I do the, or I did the, like, the game recaps for, they basically bagged hockey and basketball and only do football. So I really haven't covered a game in a while. and I miss covering the playoffs,

partly because it's just cool to be in the building for playoff games, but mostly because I don't have to watch the games at NBC while I'm at the games. And I really miss just watching the game and hearing the crowd reaction and seeing everything up close and not hearing, I don't know if you actually heard the audio of it because...

I did not. It was a really... Because, like, you know, I fucking hate Doc Emmerich, too. But, like, Doc Emmerich had a really good call. You know, the analysis was great. They showed the replays. they were like, this is, what a fantastic save. And it was right at the end of like the three or four, like, slow motion replay package

when Pierre's like, back in Washington, you know what they're going to be calling this? And there was like a slight pause because you knew he felt like he had something. The save! I could just feel the nation grown. But apparently it's a thing. You tweeted a thing just before this with a T-shirt that says the save on it. Like, that's not the Varla-Lobov save was better. you're like you're like you're like girding your loins for you know what they're

what they're going to call this the holt be steady you know what we're going to call this the holtby games you're going to call this radianomics holt be nimble hope be quick halt may be made the same with his fucking stick oh over here now little miss muffitt i fucked them so the um so what you're saying is that you were you're aghast that he came up with something as pedestrian and boring as the save,

only to find out that this is how it's being referred to in Washington, D.C. Do the two things connect? Did Pierre McGuire have his little turtle fingers on the pulse of Washington fandom to know that it would be called the saves? I hope not, because if that's the case, that's embarrassing for the city of Washington, that you're taking your cues from Pierre McGuire for clever headlines and t-shirts. Like, my God, man. And also, also, I'm going to be this guy, too.

yeah that's that's it's it's it's it's it's it's more the shot into the stick than the save for me but how dear you know so you're uh you're a you're a save truther i thought it was awesome it was a it i agree i agree with you the varlamoff save is better it's more athletic and whatever but that's mostly because holtby actually plays his position uh and and and and established his his himself and and doesn't get out of position so he doesn't have to you know do that acrobatic bullshit stuff to try to make a stop i think it was great i could not believe the puck didn't go on the net. It was as wide open a net as, like, it's, it was wide open to the point where it felt like the net was empty. Like, that's how much it was wide open when

tuck got that puck. And it happened so fast, it happened so fast that you couldn't blame him for being that far out of position. But, I mean, again, just, just chipped the puck in the net. It's a goal. It's an easy, I can score that goal. Bradenhope he couldn't stop. I like what, I like when Barry Trott's is honest, which is most times when he's not talking about an injury. And he said last night that he knew the game was over when he made that save. And I kind of felt the same way. I was just like, how do you come back from that? And I know they had the chances later on with the empty net and what have you, but like, it was done.

The minute you realize Holpey's locked into a game, you might as well just pack up the tents. It's not going to lose the game. There was like 80 seconds to go. Like what kind of a statement is that? I knew the game was over then. Well, yeah, there's like a minute 20 to go. I mean, there wasn't a lot of time left. By the way, that was... You have to understand something about Barry Trots. Oh, do I? He talks about the hockey gods a lot.

Oh, God, I hate the sport. And so he is in tune with the hockey gods. Remember that little woman from Paltregeist? He's like that, but with the hockey gods, rather than spirits that have yet to cross over from purgatory into heaven or hell. So, so like, he was just like, he's like, go into the light, Braden. going to the light. He walked out of T-Mobile Arena last night. He turned around and said,

this house is clear. And then he walked away. Coach, coach, can you stop throwing tennis balls at your goaltender? The ball of the game's going on. We can't keep telling you to stop doing that. It's going to be a two-minute benchliner. Just wait for the sequel when Jay Beagle drinks a bottle of tequila with a demon worm in it and then throws up the demon worm on the floor.

It's going to be disgusting. That freaked me out, man. Like, there was, that, that, that, and like, I was afraid of trees because of Poltergeist for a very long time as a kid. Because, like, at the concept of a tree eating you, like, freak me the fuck out. I was like, yep, nope, not watching this movie ever again. Everything about that scene was scary because you had the kid doing the 1-1,000, 2, 1,000-thering, and then all of a sudden the tree burst through his window. Also, clown dolls, nope.

Also, the steak that crawled across the counter and then burst into maggots. There's a lot of fucked up shit in Molderkeyes, man. Yeah. It's kind of a scary movie. Oh, and also a little girl being trapped in the television. Oh, and also everybody in the cast outside of Craig Key Nelson died pretty much, too. I'm thinking whoever wrote that movie hates kids because they wanted to scare kids out of dolls, TVs, and, like, plant life. Like, what do you do if you're a kid after that?

Like, what books? Like, what's safe at that point in your mind? Was Poldergais just a sneaky attempt by the National Book Council to get rid of all the other vices? It's like there's zombies in the swimming pool. There's monsters in the television. Don't play with your toys. Like, at the end of the movie, it'd be amazing of Zelda Rubinstein or whatever the fuck was there. And she was just like, the only way we can get Carol Ann back is to the power of rooting.

Just read books and eat your vegetables. That's the only way. Like, what? What kind of movie is this? What? Oh, man, this is weird. It's a veggie tales prequel. Nobody saw it coming.

So anyways. What's veggie tales? God, you have a kid. You don't know. Vegetatails is a show. It's a, so it's puppets and they're vegetables, but it's about Jesus is veggie tales. Boy, like, I can't think of three things I care less about than. Puppets, vegetables, and religion.

All in one thing. Yeah, that sounds great. Jesus Christ. As we do the show, game. Three is on Saturday. Can the capitals overcome the loss of getting Kuznets off, Dave? Hey, Greg. First time, long time.

I'm thinking they're still going to be fine, even if Kuznetsov is out, because, I mean, they went three and one without Baxter. They can go three and two without Kuznets off. If he's out for the series, they already play without one of their best centers and show they can win. There's two things for me. One is just they have to sort of go back and play that crappy, maybe, boring style that's going to ruin the series that they played at the end of the Pittsburgh

series to win that game in order to beat Vegas. They got to slow everything down and counterpunch and clog the neutral zone and play what you might consider devil's hockey from the 90s. They have to do that. And they have Braden Holpey. And quietly, Mark Andre Fleury has been a pretty not great goalie so far in the series. It's been pretty average. And Hopi's just, again, he's a better goaltender, even though Flurry's had a better

postseason. So I still, I still, I'm sure, sure Vegas can't win in four anymore, or Vegas. Caps can't win in four anymore. But I'm still comfortable with caps at five, even without Cousnets off. Now, did you just call into a D.C. sports talk station? Because here, if you did, let me help. Thanks for the call, man. You know, when I was with the Redskins, doing Redskins things about the Redskins, that I would Redskine around and Redskinned myself to say, Redskin, why would you Redskin? What is that? That's my impression of every DC Sports Talk host. So you have the host on the DC Sports Talks.

And then you have the former Redskin that is always the second guy on every show. Oh, all they talk about is the Redskins, yeah. Yeah, I can see that. Capital's talk with Art Monk, you know, that kind of thing. Welcome to the Capitals Round Table. I'm Mark Griffin, sitting alongside Joe Gibbs and John Riggs. Or John Riggins? John Riggins?

John Riggins. I combine John Riggins and Martin Riggs into one football person. Welcome to the Stanley Cup Final. game three pregame show, we're the hogs. You know, just nonsense. We got Dan Snyder on the line. Dan Snyder, owner of the Washington football squad here. What are your thoughts on Ted Leonis? Should he take the hot lap before game three?

Yeah, they won with Lars Eller taking the hot lap. And they won't reveal how they distribute the hot lap. but like I thought to my I thought it was just going to be like the law of of ridiculous returns like you go from Ovechkin taking it to the fucking coach the next one's got to be Braden Holpey right

you figure and then maybe I don't know like Joe Beninati goes next the announcer guy I just thought it was going to be like there'd be somebody funnier each time now that they did the coach but apparently not well this isn't really nothing that funny about having Lars Eller take it

who did it before Trots That was the first time I even realized they were doing it. Ovechkin did. Ovechkin did it, and then before him was J. Beagle, and then I don't know who was before J. Beagle, because we really didn't give a shit about it until Ovechkin took it, and then they won that game. Wait, wait, when do they do it?

After losses? Is that the deal? It was after road losses. They'd switch it up, and so Ovechkin took it the day of game six against the Penguins. Maybe it has to do with, so what did Lars Zeller screw up last game? Razzeller had the empty net at the end of the game and kind of flubbed it, right? So maybe that's it. Maybe you're the guy that screws up?

I don't know. I think it's punishment? Maybe. Oh, can I just talk about one thing about Barry Trots? Speaking of screw-ups. So he's going through the litany of adversity that the team has faced, talking about how they're going to be able to get through this, this Kisnets-off thing, because, you know, oh, you know, well, we didn't have Nick Baxter.

You know, we had to play without Nick Baxter. Didn't have Tom Wilson when Tom Wilson was suspended. didn't have Andre Berkowski earlier in the playoffs. He was out with an injury. And then he goes, Braden Holpey didn't start the first two games to playouts. And I'm just like, what? God honest truth. The man said it last night.

I actually go like, what? And then like Ken Campbell sitting next to me. He's like, I heard that. It's like, you know, he's got to be kidding me. It's like, yeah, we went through a lot of pain and suffering. You know, I kept punching myself in the face like James Neal trying to draw a penalty. and that's the adversity that we face as a team. Jesus, God.

Yeah, you know what? Brandon Holby wasn't in there for the first five periods of the series, and you know what? Looking back, the fact that we were able to overcome that was really, really, it made our team stronger and better. Follow up question, Greg Woshenki, ESPN. What? That's what you should have done.

You should have raised your hand furiously, and, like, you know, one of the media people comes over and gives you the microphone, and you just do the whole thing. Greg Wischinski, ESPN.com. Huh? I've really enjoyed that people that have sort of parachuted into the series. It's like before game two,

there's somebody new in the locker room, and you get to see the same questions being asked that these guys have been asked for the last three rounds. So it's like, you know, what kind of adjustments you have to make for game two? How do you do this? How are you going to win the cup?

You know, when the shooting happened? Oh, God. What was the, Yeah, it's like that. That whole storyline makes me uncomfortable, and it's hard to even explain why. Like, it just drives me nuts the whole, like, the way they kind of use sports.

And by they, like, I don't even really have a specific they, but, like, they use sports to kind of, like, like, cover over, like, the fact that there was a gigantic mass murder. Not cover over, but, like, I don't know, man. Like, the whole, like, I'm kind of tired of, like, teams being inspired by mass murder. type of storylines. I think there's a, yeah, I don't know, man.

Like, I still feel like it's organic. Like, here they, I get it, but it's just, there was no way that they couldn't acknowledge it in some way, because the game was happening so soon after the shooting. And, you know, I actually did a story on one of the first responders that was honored before the first game. And, like, he's a huge Knights fan and all this stuff. And, like, apparently the team reached out to the hospitals and the cops

and the firefighters. They're like, yeah, can you send us some people who are going to do this ceremony? for you guys. Before the first home game, you mean? Yeah, before the first home game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so, like, I just feel like, you know, I feel like it's more organic here than anything else.

And it did mean something. Like, and to the team's credit, you know, while a lot of fans are just like, yeah, you know, the shooting bonded us with this team and the players to the city and it's obviously been a big motivating factor for them through the year to play for the city that they now are bonded with, like to the night's. credit when they're asked about it and glant too the other day they're just like we don't talk about it like we know about it like there's a banner up that has a different you know star for all the victims and such but it's not as if like they they're perpetrating that they're in the locker

room being like we got to win it for the victims or some shit like that which to me to me that would have been the counterfeit part of it yeah like no like that's what i mean like i don't imagine them doing that like i imagine they're like anybody else who's like lived in a community where that's happened where like it's just kind of always there, like in the background of everything you do as the months and the weeks move past, but it's just, I don't know. Like, again, like, I can't really put my finger on it where it just something about it just like, like the Florida Panthers missed the playoffs by a point.

And like, so were they not as motivated to do well for everyone? You know what I mean? Like that bugs me. That's so serious. You're bringing up the classic Jesus made me fumble. proxy conundrum. It feels like that.

Like I have no issue with like honoring first responders and like going to like the firehouse and talking to like people there. Like I'm totally for like for that. It's just the whole I don't know. Like I just it's more the idea that we don't like take mass shootings in the country seriously and like somehow this feels like a way of like

spinning mass shootings into like look how, look at the good that came out of it. And that's the part that kind of just. like irks me in a way and I can't like verbalize it the right way. Well, yeah. I mean, I think that there's a big difference between like, you know, honoring first responders and, and being vagus strong and stuff like that. And then maybe, I don't know, pouring some of that Bill Foley revenue into anti, you know, anti-gun legislation, you know, or whatever. Like, there's a difference between these two things.

So I understand what you're saying there. But I think what you're, I think your problem, dude, is that you've been poisoned by the NFL. I think that the NFL is so. so fucking counterfeit when it comes to everything they do, whether it's wearing pink or honoring the military or any of this shit. Yeah. I think they're so fucking counterfeit and phony that any time another sports team or league gets close to doing something that could be genuine, you're kind of side-eyeing it and

being like, okay, who's paying you to do this? Yeah, that's like my general cynical attitude towards everything. Like, I don't think anyone's paying the Vegas to all the nights to do anything. Like, I don't think they're doing, like, I don't think they're doing, like, I don't like the players are ever doing anything wrong when they talk about it or anything like that. It's just, it's just this thing. Like, I can't, it just doesn't, like, sit right with me. Like, it was right after Vegas beat Winnipeg and there was, like, a headline up right away on on H.L.com about the, about the shooting. And I'm just like, like, I mean, you know, I just,

I don't know. Like, if, like, if you're, like, a mother or a father or a son or a daughter of, like, someone who died in the shooting, like, you see that headline. Like, what do you, like, what do you think? Like, what goes through your head about that? Like, you know, like that? It's, it's a weird combination of sports and tragedy. Like, I, listen, I'll, I'm not trying to slag on my network. It was a long time ago. But I remember on 9-11, they were doing coverage on ESPN. That was very much like, how is your sports team affected by 9-11? Yeah. And like, I remember, like, they were taking calls on the road from like the Phillies manager and being like, you know, where is everybody and what's next for you guys? And I'm just like, okay, maybe, maybe we just

simulcast ABC right now. and not to the the sportsy sports angle on 9-11, maybe they can wait until 9-12 perhaps, just thinking. Like if you were genuinely affected by anything and you're having a reaction to it, like you should talk about it. Absolutely. And like if it's part of your, part of your makeup at that point,

like I'm not saying hide it or you're wrong or anything. But yeah, I don't know. It's just this nebulous sort of hard to pin down sort of thing. I think the thing for me with Vegas, though, is that like, you know, I don't know about you, but like it's always been a struggle for me to think of this as a city and not a strip and not a theme park, you know. And the first time I really thought about it being a city was the ticket drive, you know, when Foley gets 12,000 or 13,000 season ticket deposits and they're not coming from the casinos. They're not coming from high rollers or whatever.

They're coming from some real hockey fans or, you know, future hockey fans in Las Vegas. And then it was really brought home for me after the shooting, which is that this was a community in a city that was affected by this. It wasn't like someone putting a bomb at a tourist location, as we've seen all over Europe, for example. It was a shooting that happened here and there was a sense of community. And then when the team started to honor people and the people came to the arena and there's this whole celebration, then it's like, oh, okay, this team means something to them that maybe we don't quite understand. And not only because they've waited this long for a pro team, but because they need, they need this right now. So I'm always going to give them a pass. And speaking of passes, I'm also as the purveyor of Jersey fouls in hockey culture.

I'm going to give a pass to anybody who has a Vegas strong or a Vegas-born jersey for this season. Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. For one specific reason, you didn't know who the fuck was going to be on this team by the trade deadline. So when you got that jersey at the beginning of the year, you don't know if, you know, Riley Smith is still going to be here or whatever. So I'm totally cool with you honoring the victims of the tragedy

and rallying for your city. But I'm also going to give you a wink, wink, nudge, to understand that, you know, who knew about Braden McNabb? Oh, so you're telling me, like, if you see a guy, so, like, right now, like, let's say you saw a guy walking around, like a Lucas Beez of jersey on, and you're going to be like, oh, bro,

You brought that like two weeks ago. Like that out of my face. Buddy, I saw somebody at the practice facility yesterday that had a Griffin-Rinehart jersey. How did you? How did you spin that wheel? Is he still in the organization or no? I think he's in the minors. Is he?

Oh, there you go. That's dedicated. It's long term. He's thinking. But it was really funny. Look, like I, on that, like, for a responder story, like, I went back and watch the whole opening ceremony to try to find some people to maybe contact for the story. and it's amazing. You see all these people walking out with all these players that are still here.

And it's like, and Bittsy McGee, EMT with Griffin Reinhardt. I'm like, oh. Yeah. Oh, Griffin Reinhardt was part of that ceremony. I didn't remember that. Yeah, he was. Yeah. So, yeah, that's just my general sort of vague, weird, sort of uncomfortable,

but totally understanding the whole situation feeling. So there you go. Speaking of criminals, what did you think of the Tom Wilson non-suspension? Dude, I just, like, I understand that player safety finds reasons not to suspend people. I get it, especially this time of year. But the two rationales that really just bugged the shit out of me was, one, was it was in the flow of play. Like, it wasn't retaliatory. Like, Marcia So didn't check someone from behind.

And then Wilson went over and hit Marcia So out of, like, revenge and sticking up for a teammate. As if doing it for no reason, cold-bloodedly for fun, better. Like, that's, like, that's a reason to not suspend him because he's, because he's a sociopath. Excuse me. So, hold on. So, hold on. So is it no reason or is it for fun?

Well, if you do it for fun, like, that's, that's a reason, I guess, technically. But, like, you know, like, the noble idea of sticking up for your teammates somehow is better than just, like, seeing a guy vulnerable and going, he-he-ha-ha-ha. I'm going to take his head off. Like, that, like, I don't get how that makes it. less suspendable offense. That and the whole no-head contact thing, because we realize now at this point, you don't need to get hit directly in the head to have a concussion.

Like, if you get wrecked by a guy on a super late hit that you're not bracing for that's coming from behind in the side, you can still get a head injury? Like, that shouldn't be a reason to let him off either. Can you draw up a memo and send it to Ken Dryden? Because I'm pretty sure he thinks that he'll cure concussions if there's no checks to the head anymore. Oh, God.

But, like, it's just, it's, you can't. You're never going to get concussions totally out of the game. Like, they hit Alex tucked through on Brooks Orpick on that power play behind the net. Completely legal hit. It was hard. It was clean. And like, that's still a hit where, you know, Brooks Orpick could wind up with a concussion on it. That's fine.

But, like, that's a legal, clean check. Like, a guy hitting a dude super duper late for sport just because he feels like it. The thing I tweeted was, like, Tom Wilson's basically like the Joker or the thief in the jungle that Alfred was trying to catch in Batman Begins where they, they couldn't, they couldn't, they couldn't, they couldn't, they couldn't, they couldn't, they couldn't, figure out his motivation, so they just burned down the whole forest or whatever. Like, that's what you're going to have to do if you don't do something about Tom Wilson. That's, that's, he's, he's a crazy person. He's out of his mind. And, like, and the interference penalty he took last night.

Like, what's he doing? Like, how dumb is he where he's just like, eh? And there are still people that go on Twitter and defend everything he does. Like, oh, that was a dive or like, oh, the other guy went into him. Like, what, what is left for Tom Wilson to do where people go, yeah, that guy's crazy. Maybe he shouldn't be in the NHL. Like what? What does he have to do?

It's a clean hit. I'm a man of my word. It's a clean hit. If he had the puck, it's a clean hit. Yeah, he didn't have the puck. That's the point. That's why it's not a clean. What are you people doing?

Like, LOL. It's LOW interference. What? Please tell me you saw Jonathan Marshis in his comments after game two, by the way. I'm pretty sure I did. Which one specifically? The one where he goes, they're talking about the Kuznetsoff injury. He's like, hey, at least he had the puck.

Oh, yeah. Seriously. Like, yeah, like he got hurt. And, like, I still say that hit was a penalty, but the penalty part of the hit isn't why Kuznetsoff got hurt. The penalty should have been for the forearm follow-through on his head, which, you know, that's not why he's hurt. He got just, his hand got caught.

But yeah, that's a good point. You and I, you and I disagree on Wilson. Oh, how are you going to defend it? Because it's not a suspension. Like, here's the thing. He was suspended for the preseason. Why is it not a suspension now? Hard hits happen.

Illegal hits happen. not every illegal hit needs to be a suspension just because you don't like the guy. Oh, no, it's because it's Wilson. It's horseshit. You're doing it because it's Wilson. If it was fucking Devante Smith-Pelly, we're not having this conversation. You're doing it because it's Wilson.

You're insane. You're absolutely A, in a way, you're right because we wouldn't be having this conversation because nobody else would fucking do it besides Tom Wilson. B, it's a suspendable hit. It's a dangerous hit that can cause a brain injury that was super late. It's not suspendable. It's an interference call

maybe should have been a major within the game, but because the officiating in this playoffs has been fucking atrocious, it wasn't, but it's not a suspension. So why did it get, well, why did it spend it in the preseason then? For that, because the hit wasn't the same. Right, this one was worse.

Look at, in the preseason, in the preseason he circled around, hit the guy from the front at least. People like you that are like constantly on the NHL to suspend more guys. You have to You conveniently throw out every shred of consistency to serve your purpose, yet you're the first

ones to go after them for being inconsistent. Who's consistency? Player safety. When you say, well, I'm sick and tired of them saying, well, the other hits that were completely like this were suspensions because they were predatory and retaliatory, and you just like fucking toss that aside? Like you just toss that aside? Toss what aside.

Wait, I don't know what you're saying. Toss what aside. I'm saying that when you talk about Tom Wilson and why he wasn't suspended, and when you talk about how them saying the hit was in the flow of play, it wasn't retaliatory, it wasn't predatory, like, when they say that, that's their justification for not suspending based on the fucking established dogma of what they do. And so you just push that aside. You're like, that's a horseshit reason. Suspend the guy. But why? They've got to be able to come up with a reason to suspend him.

They had the reasons. They ignored them. Invent one. Invent one in a whole cloth. What do you mean invent them? Because they said it wasn't predatory. You think it wasn't, you think that it wasn't predatory? Are you serious? I think when you hit a guy that's admiring his past, it's a couple.

Oh, my God, he said admiring his past. No, he didn't. Oh, God, Craig, you're not, you're not, you've gone to the dark side. No. Come back. What was he do? Dave, what was he doing standing there? Was he, was he waiting to take a shot on goal?

No, you're right. What was he doing? He was 0.8 seconds after he let the point. put go. He was writing a sonnet about his pass in his head. That's what he was doing. Even Marsh is so said, you have to be aware of where he is on the ice, and he just fucking stood there. Yes,

you have to be aware of where he is on the ice because he's a serial killer on the ice, not because you can't track the puck after you make a pass. You're telling me that you think admiring a pass, there's no player in the history of hockey that has ever, quote, admired a pass. There's guys that have made passes and watch the puck go to see where it goes. That's not admiring your pass.

That's what admiring a pass is. It's standing there And watching the play, and not being cognizant of the fucking freight train coming at you. So what you're telling me that is that hockey, after a guy makes a pass, he should immediately survey the area or, like, look away from the pass so that he can avoid being murdered by a late hit. That's his fault.

That's Marcia's fault. I'm saying that if I'm searching for the treasure chest and I keep my head above where the railing is on the house and the sniper takes me out in Fortnite, it's my own fault for not knowing where the environment it is. Wow. Oh my God. Amiring the past. I never thought you'd be an admiring the past guy. I'm not

victim blaming, but I think that's one of the reasons to hit happen. But the idea that this is a suspendable play is fucking nonsense. If you want to say it's a major penalty, that's fine. But like you said, you want to have it both ways. It's like, oh, we would be having this conversation about any player if he

delivered a hit because it's a bad hit. But yet every fucking thing you talk about Tom Wilson is like he's a sociopath. He's a maniac. He's a vet. You want to because you don't like the guy hitting other people. That's the bottom line. And that's a fucking bullshit reason to suspend a guy. No, you're doing the catch-22 here where you're saying that the only guy I say this about is Tom Wilson.

And that's why I'm saying it about him now. That's partly true because, again, he's the only guy that would do what he did and what he always does. So, yes, he is the only guy we talk about. But if it was anybody on the capitals that throws that type of hit, a blindside late hit, I can't believe you defend this. Give me a percentage. Give me a percentage of your passion here, okay? How much of this, this passion to get him suspended is the play was injurious and illegal,

and we should get that kind of hit out of the game. 100% of your passion to this. So none of your passion for this is because it's Tom Wilson. See, I find that fucking hard to believe. The two things you're talking about are the same thing because it's always Tom Wilson. If it was Tom Wilson 50% of the time and Devante Smith-Pelly Smith-Pelly 50% of the time, I would say it about both of them. But it's not.

It's always Tom Wilson. That's why I always say it because it's always Tom Wilson. This isn't like a thing where I'm just like, I'm not ignoring hits from like Brooks Orpick that are happening during the playoffs this year and not saying anything about them because I prefer to suspend Tom Wilson. It's just always Tom Wilson. So hence fourth by rule, Tom Wilson gets the hate for me. The hit was illegal.

it could have been a major but the idea that we all jump to guess the suspension is because it's Tom Wilson that's the only reason why that shit happened it's the only reason it's because it's Tom Wilson he's the only guy in the league that throws a hit anymore

I feel like you're making oh he's the only guy in the league that throws a hit anymore now okay boy you see like you're doing that thing that like conservatives do on Twitter where they stumble into a good point for the socialists by like tweeting some sarcastic thing that actually socialist like when you say, it's always Tom Wilson.

Everybody wants to suspend Tom Wilson. Yeah, because it's Tom Wilson. That's why. You know, if you say that one more time to me, I'm going to get my friends together and get Bill Maher off the air and then you're going to see. Then, where's your liberal hero then? So Donald Trump the other day tweeted that co-feffi, boo. Oh, what?

Oh, what? Where'd they buss your people in from, huh? The Republican National Convention? Oh, what? Oh, what? You can't say Muslims are bad. You can't say that. Oh, man.

Fucking fuck Bill Maher. I hate Bill Maher so much. I hate him. I hate him so much. But, yeah. You're wrong and I'm right about the Wilson thing. But you know what? We can all be right about one thing, Dave.

Do you know what that thing is? Is it about Siki? Well, it was actually about. not Seekek. It's funny you should say that. Sure that buying tickets to sports and concerts can be very complicated and confusing, but there is a better way to buy, and that's with Seekek. Seek is the smartest, easiest way to get tickets to every type of live event, whether you're searching for last minute deals or planning a night out or need to find the perfect

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Confidence. Oh, come on. You give me a chance to answer. I need to think about it for a second. I was going to say confidence, but whatever. Best of all, my listeners, our listeners, get $20 off your first Seekkeek purchase. Just download the Seek app today.

Enter the promo code SOUP. That spells Soup. That's promo code Soup for $20 off your first Seat Geek purchase. Seat Geek, a proud sponsor of this dumb podcast. And again, thank you to everybody that tweets us with your pictures of seat geek events. And it's the best. It is. It's very, it's very, it's very, it's very, it's very lovely. That's what I would say. Yeah. Indeed. So anyways, um, tell, tell me, tell me, tell me about the reaction from you upon watching the Vegas,

opening scenes with the knights and such. Because I'm at the game. I have one experience, and it's a great experience. It's like being at medieval times, except there are no serving wenches nor little roaster chickens. You are watching it on television in real time on NBC. What did you think of all the pageantry, including the functioning catapult? So I'm totally fine with it.

I just wish they would start at 15 minutes earlier so the puck didn't get dropped at 826 for every game. That's my only thing. That's it. Just just just roll it back. Roll back warmups, 10 minutes. Roll back everything 10 minutes and start the game. And after you have vanquished the jet or the capital things, are those supposed to be specific things? Like, are they just five guys in capes that they're fighting?

Like, what's that supposed to be anyway? I believe they're the majority on the Supreme Court. It's a very political. Oh my God, that's what they should have done. Can you imagine that? Like, they just have like, like, Sandra Day O'Connor or whoever. Who's on the Supreme Court today? I don't even know.

Is she still on the Supreme Court? You got your Clarence Thomas. You got your Neil Gorsuch. Oh, yeah, Neil. Yeah, like that would be great. Like, it's like the Supreme Court and it's like the night comes out and it's like 5'4 in favor of the knights. And the crowd's like, yeah, it's a law or something or whatever.

Congress shall make no law that governs over this fortress. Yeah, they were really in a bad spot. Like, they really, it would have been better if Tampa had gotten the cup final because, like, there's really no, you don't want to throw out too many, like, American, super American things that, like, the knight can destroy because that's only going to bring hell upon you from, like, Trump. But if Tampa, if Tampa had made it, the obvious choice would be pirates, right? That'd be the obvious choice. But what if the pirates had along with them? Remember in the Avengers, those giant space dragons that the Shatari used to attack New York? Yeah, yeah.

What if the pirates had a giant armored manatee that floated above the ice? A manatee? That the knight had to slay. The manatee is native to that part of Florida in Floridian waters. So what if they had an armored manatee as an attack creature that the knight had to take down? Like he would a dragon, for example, if they had played. played the lightning. What I would have liked to have seen was,

you could probably combine the two for the Vegas Cup final, but if like when Tampa was playing Washington, like Ben Franklin's walking around with a kite, and then like, you know, like the Tesla coils are like flickering in the sky or whatever, and then like Ben Franklin's kite goes up there and blows up the Tesla coils because America's more powerful than a bolt of lightning. Like that could have been a thing. thing if they were if the cat's wanted to do it that's if that's where the caps home home game they

have a Tesla coil yeah like I don't know exactly I mean like you'd probably have to like project the Tesla coil onto the ice I guess and like do the way Vegas does it but just imagine like a big old fat Ben Franklin impersonator out there just I don't know how they would do the kite either because there's there's no wind inside the arena there's a lot of holes in my plan you just no it's easy you just put it on a long like wobbly wire that's an easy part okay if the game is in Tampa, though, then you could have done the same bit where he flies the height of the Tesla coil. Then he gets electrocuted. The lights go out.

They come back on. It's his smoking skeleton on the ice. And then pirates come out and they steal his jewelry. Oh, my. Clunder. America. Cites. Now, I've been asked by a few Washington, D.C.

radio stations in the last 24 hours, knowing that the, you know, the series is shift back to DC, what the capitals could do that would, that would, you know, equal or parallel what Vegas does before their game. And so I think it does start with the founding fathers, right? The founding fathers would kind of be your, your knight in the situation, right? Are you going to have just, like, one founding father or are you going to have, like, a whole bunch? What are you going to do?

I think it would be a whole bunch, and maybe it's even the sausages from the national game come out? Oh, the fat and fathers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ones that, yeah, they run around the outside of the field. They're like the sausages. Yeah, they're like the sausages in Milwaukee, except they're people. They're like, they come out.

They're like sausages, but people. Yeah. That reminds me that in Kevin Smith's unwatchable movie, yoga hosers, the villains are called Bratzis, Nazis, Nazis made out of Bratwurst. Did you know that, Dave? What's the name of the movie? What hosers? Yoga hosers. It was a film in which his daughter and the daughter of Johnny Depp played Canadian convenience store clerks whose town was overrun by Nazis made of Bratworths. Did you miss the Oscars? Did you not?

Wait, are you messing with me? Is this a real movie? What's it called? It's a real movie. Yoga? Like bending and stuff? Yoga? Like they do yoga They're hosers because of Canada It takes place in the convenience store like clerks It's real It's two girls and they fight Lily Rose Depp

Harley Quinn Smith Johnny Depp Johnny Depp's in this man Johnny Depp will do anything Johnny Depp plays the same detective character He played in the movie Tusk Which you may remember as the movie What's his face

Who's the dude? Oh Justin Long Justin Long was slowly turned into a walrus Okay, that I heard of, but I never saw. Man, oh, Justin. Johnny Depp plays a French Canadian detective in both films. The kind of guy who would stand up in the back of a press conference and go, haul home, this still bet men. One question about Quebec CD, that kind of guy.

God, this movie has people in it. It's got Justin Long plays a guy named Yogi. It's got Tony A.l from Arrested Development. It's got Natasha Leone. Vanessa Paradis, whose name I know, but I don't know what she's in. Haley Joel Hosman's in this. God, man. I don't know how Kevin Smith keeps doing it, but God,

lesson. God bless him. Oh, yeah. So the founding fathers are on the ice. It's the, it's the knot sausages. Now, who are the interlopers? Well, I mean, you can go like real like basic and just have knights. Can you, can you redo the holy grail thing where the guy fights the knight and like chops off his limbs one by one and just have them hop around on one leg? Or is that just like just

plain stealing from Monty Python? I don't know. maybe it's it's gangsters the people who founded the criminal element that founded las Vegas maybe there on the ice like fat tony that kind of guy or or how about this how about like the founding fathers fight knights but it's like bobby knight Keisha night polyam um what other knights are there there's got to be some other famous people named knight right Ted Knight from Caddyshack. Phil Knight from Nike, right? Is that his name?

Phil Nike. So you get Keisha and I pull him, Phil Knight, Bobby Knight, and I'm pretty sure the guy from Caddy Shack's dead. So you just got to, I guess, like, roll a family member out there or something to represent him. And then, like, they sword fight. Well, they can't sword fight. I guess, how would the founding fathers, muskets, right?

They have to, like, fire muskets out of them or something. Right. The founding fathers would have muskets. The knights would have swords and shields. And the tide of the fight is. turned by a giant mechanical eagle that descends onto the rink and snatches up Phil Knight in its beak. Because you have to remember, since we're in Adidas League, it's cool to, like, hurt Phil Knight. And so the eagle snatches of Phil Knight bites him in half, and then there's strobe lights and maybe a song plays.

Oh, there's got to be strobe lights. Has to be strobe lights. because as we all know, when the founding fathers came home after a long day of farming and slave owning, what did they do? They had a dance party with strobe lights and their barred. That's what they did.

Right. And then Abe Lincoln gets up in front of the crowd as Phil Knight bleeds out and the eagle goes back to his nest. And he goes, he goes, four rounds and several weeks ago all capitals embarked on a journey.

And everybody goes, yeah. And then Ben Franklin's like, they forged Ford against all odds and against enemies great and small. And then Gimley goes, and my axe. Oh, wait, no, that's different. How about this? How about we get Nick Cage to do his National Treasure character, whatever that guy's name is. Right? And the bad guy in that movie is Sean Bean, who isn't a knight in the movie, but he's a knight in Game of Thrones.

So what we do is, I guess he's not really a knight in Game of Thrones, but whatever. Every dude in Game of Thrones is a knight for my purposes. And we have Nick Cage behead Sean Bean the way Sean Bean was beheaded in Game of Thrones. Like maybe not for real. I don't know how you would do that, like artsy-wise. I think we do the entire ceremony like we just talked about, except now Nick Cage comes running onto the ice and he's slipping and fallen because he's Nick Cage. and he runs to Center Ace with a shovel and he starts digging. And he's just like, George Washington's magic wand is underneath this ice.

I found it. I pieced it together. Or we combine National Treasure with Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where Nick Cage is now on a journey to find the Knights' thing of a jig underneath the thing. Like X marks a spot. X never walks a spot. Only you do it. I don't know. I don't know why Nick Cage is talking like Sean Connery in this. I'm really just throwing shit against the wall here

and hoping people listening are like, yeah, this is great. Or the knights and the fighting fathers are about to fight, but then an animatronic Donald Trump shows up, maybe like in the front of Section 417, like Center Rice, there's spotlights on him. So he's animatronic, like a Chuck E. Cheese robot, because obviously you don't want the security concerns

of having the real president there. And he goes, everybody, we could be friends, stop fighting, make hockey great again. And then everybody lays down their arms. And then one of the ice girls comes over and gives him the Nobel Prize. And that's how you open the game. And then all the Vegas Golden Knights players that weren't born in America are forced to leave the building in ice fans.

And then the caps when the... Because the capitalists have all the Russians. Right. Right. like two guys dressed as Kuznetsov and Ovechkin are like the ones that are like doing everything. And everyone at the arena is like slowly, like everyone at the arena at first is like clapping because they see like two Ovechkin Kuznetsoff like sausage people. They're like yeah. And then like they see them start doing horrible crimes to people. And they're just kind of like, oh, oh, what are we doing here?

Is this? Are we really? And then the Chuckie cheese animatronic Donald Trump starts singing, everybody, don't you understand? Russians are our friends. Russians are our friends. and he starts, like, jerking around, like, the Chucky Cheese robot. I'm someone who usually thinks there's good people on both sides, but not between the Capitals and the Golden Knights.

Yeah, I guess, yeah. And then Imagine Dragons comes out and plays Thunder. Lightning and the Thunder. Dude, I liked them for three minutes last night. I wasn't entertained. I liked the women with their violence. islands and the cellos and stuff. It wasn't the worst thing I ever heard.

I thought it was a fine arena rock song. You disagree. Man, when you get on the road and get in the building, you love everything. You become a completely different person. When you're at home like me watching on TV, you're bitter, you're cynical, you hate stuff. When I talk to you, after you've been on the road for like four days, you're like, you know what's awesome is Gary Bettman's suits? Bill Daly knows that a dress too.

Those guys are great. Like, who are you? Imagine dragons, really? You know what I love, Dave? Sagi pretzels. Boy, you get one of those soggy pretzels at a game. Nothing like it. I'm going to talk to you after Game 5 and it's going to be like,

I know after game two I said the referees were terrible, but those guys have a lot of hard work to do, you know? You should go easy on them. Tequila shots with Kelly Sutherland the other day. And I've got to tell you, that guy's a real solid dude. I so love that like going into game two after they screwed up everything in game one with the Ryan Reeves cross check and all that stuff. Everyone's like, oh, these two referees, was it, was it Kelly Sutherland?

and was it Rooney, Chris Rooney? I forget who our free game, too. Yeah, I think it was Rooney in Sutherland. But, like, whoever it was, they were just like, these guys are going to restore order, blah, blah, blah. And meanwhile, to start the game, they don't call the high stick on Lucas Biza. They don't call the high hit on Brayden McNabb.

And what do they call for the first penalty of the game? A penalty that didn't really happen. Like, man, that was just, that was so good. I love this league. It was the best. They should hire Principal Rooney from Ferris Bueller, and Kiefer Sutherland to be the referees for game three. Remarkable improvement.

He would call 24 penalties. Get it. Get it. Get it because he was on a show called 24. That's the joke. Yep. And Elijah Cuthbert will be menaced by a tiger or whatever. She was killed by a tiger?

What did you say? She was killed by a tiger? No, wasn't she menaced by a mountain lion or a puma or a tiger or some shit on 24, I want to say? On 24? I don't know. That's good TV. Yeah Solid stuff

Now, yeah I didn't mind Imagine Dragons Did you like little Little John Coming in and doing his thing Was it a little John or was it Little Wayne That was it was a little John

He's the yeah Yeah right right Right Right Little Wayne's wheezy He's like Yeah Well like I would

Yeah Yeah I would have Yeah I would have watched Little John If he was in the Imagine Dragon slot Like right before the game Like I pretty much don't

No, because I don't put on NBC until I have to. I don't. Like, I just... I know you've been if you performed with the Magic and Dragons. Lightning and the Thunder. Yeah! What? Lightning and the Thunder.

Okay. Lightning, what? And the Thunder. What? Lightning. Oh my God, what? How many times you guys say Lightning and Thunder? Yeah, but like, I don't watch pregame shows.

Like, honestly God, last night, you know, you know what? Pregame show? I watched the last 30 minutes of the John McCain documentary on HBO or he's basically dying. I was like, this is more uplifting than watching a pregame show where Anson Carter picks the Vegas Golden Knights because he says he went to Michigan State and a Spartans like a knight. That's what he said before game one. I saw that and I'm like, I need the season to be over, Greg. I need to move on. That's a hell of the thing.

Oh, my God. You keep on shitting on NBC and NBCSN, but you haven't even addressed the big news of the day, which is that, the 2.78 overnight for game two of the Stanley Cup final is the fifth highest overnight for a Stanley Cup final game on NBCSN all time and that's 25 games. Wait, so it's the fifth highest for... It's the fifth highest Stanley Cup final game on NBCSN amongst the 25 games they've played. It is, as you know, Dave, and this is, again, this is indicative of how incredibly well marketed and popular the

NHL is, it is the highest-rated non-Chicago Stanley Cup final game in the history of NBCSN. Wow. See, I told you.

All it took, Dave, was an expansion team in the fucking desert getting to the Stanley Cup final in its first season. Playing against Alexovese. playing against Alex O'Betchkin for people to pay attention to the National Hockey League. That's it.

Again, a thing we've said many times on this podcast and together, when there aren't microphones going, whenever something good happens for the NHL, it's completely by accident. It's never planned. It's never like a long-term, like, way to make a league better. It's all, it's, I was just talking about that with somebody. Like, it's a series of happy accidents. Like, you go back to the, to the big, the lost season lockout. It's like, you know, they're fucked, right? And then, oh, shit, wait, Ovechkin versus Crosby, the resurgence of the Blackhawks and the Bruins and the Flyers and the peng, you know, and oh, shit, the one thing they did that actually work was the outdoor game.

And then they did it again and again and again and again and again. Yes, exactly. So they always just kind of fall into good luck. And in this case, it's like, you know, this could have easily been Tampa and Winnipeg. And lo and behold, it's a fucking expansion team against Alex Ovechkin. And like game one, I think the thing we talked about last week was how for the ratings to be really good, game one couldn't suck. And game one was completely the opposite of sucking. One of the best playoff games I've ever fucking seen.

Right. And it's incredible. And Vegas won. So it had everything going forward into game two. So now you have a 1-1 series. And now I think it's, I don't know if it has the chance to be the highest rated overall Stanley Cup final on NBC. That's probably asking a lot. But yeah, this is what fans want.

man, they want fun, good hockey and a reason to tune in. Can I tell you my least favorite hockey reporter question right now? It's not about the tragedy or anything. My least favorite hockey, you want to hazard a guess? Oh, man. I'm going to say it's something to do with whether or not the fans in Vegas or real fans, something like that. Oh, no, no, no, no.

And I haven't actually heard that yet. No, my least favorite question is, after a game like game one of the series, which is demonstrably one of the most funnest things ever, right, that's ever happened in the playoffs. It's fucking phenomenal. My least favorite question is now someone coming up to a player on the losing team after the game. And being like, as a fan, not necessarily as a player, but as a fan, could you appreciate, could you appreciate what happened tonight?

I'm just like, yeah, yeah, no, totally, yeah. I think that's a really good question. You know, I know what I've gotten my dick kicked in the mud. I know. The thing that I like to talk about is how good the kick was. It's like, for God's sakes. That question happens all the time after games like that, though, in the cup final. Those drive me nuts.

Could you imagine being like the guy on the receiving end of a Mike Tyson fucking pummeling back in the early 1990s or whatever? And then the reporter comes up to them afterwards and like their nose is on the back of their head. and fucking they had two teeth left and they're like, as a boxing fan, could you appreciate what Mike was able to do in the ring tonight? Not as a boxer, but as a boxing fan.

Peter King, Sports Illustrated, Scott Norwood, you know what? You're in the lowest point of your professional career after missing that field goal that would have won the Super Bowl from Buffalo, but as a football fan, can you appreciate what it's like to be a part of something so historic?

I don't know why Peter King sounds like Jiminy Glick when I talk like Peter King but that's just the way it came out. Peter King here, NBC, as soon as I clear off these money bags from this table, I'm going to tell you exactly what the Cleveland Browns are going to do in free agency.

And I don't know why he sounds like Dennis Farina for me. What does Peter King sound like? I don't know if I've ever heard him talk. I probably have. Dude, I think about that all the time because I live online and like I generally don't watch videos too often. And like, I don't really know how anybody sounds or how anybody

pronounces their name. I'm really bad with that. Yeah. It's like, it's like the first time someone heard Jared Kushner talk. It's like we all kind of assumed what the voice is going to sound like, but then when you hear it, you're like, wow, it's even worse than I imagined. All right. Speaking of online life, I suppose we should talk about the thing that everybody wanted us to talk about this week, which is burner accounts. Your thoughts on the Brian Colangelo burner account gate involving the Philadelphia 76ers? Like, so did you see the latest thing that, like, people are saying that the three of the accounts are his wife, possibly? So the latest that we have, and by the time you hear this podcast, I'm sure this news will have morphed and shaped into something completely different.

Of course. The internet sleuthing has come up with the fact that three of the accounts associated to Brian Colangelo all had the same phone number linked to them with the last couple of digits. I think it was like 9-1 or something like that. and somebody sleuthed that Calangelo's wife's phone number which was on like a press release for a charity ended with a nine and a with like that number 91 or whatever right right

and so logically those accounts were set up through her phone and and now we wait to see if like you know we unmask the burner accounts like in a Scooby-Doo episode and it was the wife the whole time here's my only my only thought about it NHL-wise is like this

this seems to be like a trend with like hockey insiders is you know I know something about this I know some people that do this but I'm not going to tell you who it is like you know what go fuck yourself don't even don't even tweet that you know

just shut up like look at me I know something and I'm not going to tell you what it is like okay great I'm glad you know and you want to let everybody know how much you know without actually telling anybody anything specific. But this sounds a bit like, this sounds a bit like jealous Dave coming out.

Like you, you feel like you're out of the loop. Like, like Bob McKenzie is withholding something from you and you feel jealous about it. No, no, no, no, I'm out of the loop.

Like, I have no interest in really being in the loop. But, like, if you are in the loop, just, just fucking, like, like, like,

I get like there's no real, like, say if, like, pick a hockey player. Oh, we finally got to an ambulance. This is like the third one in the last, like, hour and a half, too. know what's going on today. Oh, by the way, for clarification's sake, I would love to be in the loop because I'm a big Peter Capaldi fan.

But go on. No, but like, let's say whoever, Elliot Friedman knows that Miko Kovu is on Twitter secretly. Like, you know, there's no real news value to that. Like, great, so what? That's fantastic. But, like, I don't know. Like, if you know, like, just, you know, I don't know. By the way, Miko Kovu's burner account at Saku Kov.

Can you believe that shit? What nefarious character that guy is. The Brian Colangelo thing is just so crazy. Like I was thinking this about Elon Musk too the other day where it's like, if I was a billionaire, fuck, I would be nowhere near Twitter, like ever in my life. Like I wouldn't care what anyone said about me ever. Like you could say whatever. You'd be like, oh, that Dave Lozo, you know that billionaire Dave Lozo?

Yeah, he's a recluse, not on Twitter, right? Yeah, that's right. You know what he does? What? Oh, he sleeps nude on a pile of Twinkies. I'd be like I'd be like I don't care

that actually sounds like a great idea I'm gonna go buy a bunch of Twinkies and I don't give a shit because I'm too busy being a billionaire Like if you're Brian Colangelo You have like reached the pinnacle Of your business basically Like who fucking cares

If some dude at the Philly inquires Like Brian Colangelo sucks Like I'd just be like All right Whatever man My team just got to the second round I'll tell you why he fucking cares Just like the rest of us care

Like he's a human being Who finds ways to get reactions from anonymous people online. And he wants to keep doing it. And the way, and the way. But like for me and you, it's like making a rude joke for Brian Clangulitz, leaking sensitive medical information about your own players. I mean, to reach his own.

Hey, this Puck Soup burner account seems to mention that Greg Wyshinsky has some sort of shoulder issue that's really hurting his podcasting. Like, wait, how does he know about that if he's not part of the Puck Soup franchise? Let's talk about Internet fraud for a second. Okay. Internet fraud. If I ever, fraud. Oh, sorry.

Frog protection. That's what I was like, wait, what did you say? Wow, that really is a thing. So, so I've been asked if I ever had a burner account on Twitter. The answer is no. I've never had a burner account on Twitter or on Facebook or anything. Like, I've been living my most

horrible life online because it's just been me the whole time. That said, it has been long enough to admit this, and I know I'm not the only one that ever did it. When I first started out as a writer, this isn't the wild, wild, wild days of like, fuck man, when I was writing for sports fan magazine back in like turn of the millennium, I'm sure other people in the industry have done it too, but like you totally made up

usernames on message boards to put over your own shit. Like I totally did. Like I'd go to a message board and create a like a burner account on the board and be like, hey, there's a guy named Greg Wischinski writing really good hockey stuff on sportsfanmagine.com. Look at this column about Mark Messier and the Canucks or whatever. I'm like, oh God, yeah, I'll freely admit that. I put my own my shit over much like that when I first started out. Now, gradually I stopped, like, because, you know, luckily I got a readership. But fuck, man, you did what you could to get your shit over.

So that was the only time I dabbled in internet fraudulism, fraud, fraud, frauding, whatever, is I would occasionally, now, I wouldn't use the accounts to then, like, argue with people. No, I think Greg's good. I would just kind of. Wait, why is that a pretty? see far. Like, if you're already there, you might as well commit to the role. I don't know. I think maybe, like, there was that thing in the back of my head that was like, but, you know, maybe what if, what if the, uh, the, the, the hood is pulled back and I'm revealed to be the fraud that I am kind of thing. Then it's like, there's this litany of it's like,

Greg is good. Do you, they people say Greg is very handsome. Um, like, I didn't want to do that. So I would just like put over my shit. And, and, you know, it would, it would work for the most part because it was like the blah, well, was the message boards. Now, that kind of shit still goes on. You can go on, like, hockey, Reddit and kind of figure out maybe which companies have interns that are putting stories up occasionally. Yeah, that's different, though. That's just kind of, like, part of the whole content war thing where, like, you want to get your stuff out there. But, like, that's different than, like, setting up an account that's, like, GW, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and then being, like,

Shaw Leahy takes a lot of big dumps in the hotel room when I stay with him. or when he stays with Greg Wischinski from what I hear. You know what I mean? We're like your shit talking people. But then again, that would be the ultimate like tell that it's me because I'd be like, why does he do a courtesy dump in the conference room level of the hotel? That's something friends should do. If you're friends and someone that you worked with for a very long time,

wouldn't you just poop downstairs? Anyway, this is definitely not Greg Wichinsky. Period. Send tweet. Um, yeah, precisely. Yeah, so burner accounts, great stuff. By the way, this is like the second big burner account story in NBA history. Like Kevin Durant had his too that he was using to like go after people.

Right. Kevin Durant was doing it. Like, like, I can't believe. Like, you, I guess like part of the reason why it's hard for me to understand is like, you know, you look at like Kevin Durant. Again, a guy at the top of his profession. Like, why would he care if like, you know, fucking Warriors Ball 69 is like, Kevin Durant. He's a championship chaser, and he's not a good teammate and blah, blah, blah. Like, why would he care about that?

Like, I don't, like... I think they're just, like, a billion times more image conscious than, like, hockey players are. Please, like, my sport. No, it's like, they give a shit about, like, people talking shit on them. With hockey players don't outside of Brad Barshand. But, like, I feel like Kevin Durant's, like, an open enough guy where he would just do it from his own account, you know? Like, remember when... One of my favorite tweets is that screenshot of that tweet where some guy...

like added Carmelo Anthony. And then, like, Carmelo Anthony called him, like, a fat butterface whose opinion he doesn't care about. Like, that I can respect. Like, why would you need to go to, like, a secret account to tell that guy to fuck off? When you can tell him from your own, it has more power. By the way, B-March-Shan's official account is actually a burner account for Brad Marshand. I don't know if you knew that. No kidding.

Wow. I think licking is good. Wait, what? You think so? More players should lick other players. It's a sign of rest. respect. I think this guy's gone on to something. People should lick each other

more. Of course if it was, if this was the 2018 Stanley Cup final and Marchand did that, both players would get a penalty for licking. Just like that bat shit crazy double holding call that they called in game two which I got to admit, I might have never

seen before my old fucking life as a fan. Seriously, I didn't realize it was holding on haul until someone tweeted at me. Everybody thought it was obstruction. Right. Everybody thought it was obstruction. you're like, logically, one guy is holding the other guy, that other guy falls to the ice, and your Simeon hockey fan brain says, oh, this is obviously one of those situations where both players are given a penalty. One is for holding and one is for obstruction. But no, Nick Baxter

got a holding call against Eric Kuala, and Eric Wala got a holding call against Nick Baxter at 656 of the second period last night. I have never fucking seen that before in my entire life. The closest thing I've ever seen to that is like I saw two guys once give each other simultaneous titty twisters. And like neither guy wanted to let go. So they had to call up, they had to call a minor for titty twisting on each player. But besides that, that's as close as I've ever seen. And if it was Tom Wilson doing the titty twisting, you would of course ask for his hands to be chopped off Arabian justice style. No, actually, no, no, what would happen is like, let's say like,

you know, Tom Wilson hits a guy 45 seconds late and that guy starts bleeding from his brain. I would call, I would, I would give him two minutes for embellishment for forcing his brain to bleed on the ice. I'd be like, come on, bro. It's just get up. It's two and two. We'll play four on four for two minutes. That's what I would do. I have, I have two vaguest stories to tell.

One is a brief anecdote that I know you'll appreciate as somebody who plays blackjack. You play Blackjack, correct, I believe, or no? Yeah, I've watched you stay on 16 for sure. Oh, that's right. Yeah, you did play Blackjack with me and got very angry. Well, I did okay, but I did much better at craps. I did really bad at my sports bets. I had never had this happen to me before.

I doubled twice within maybe like 10 hands at Blackjack. And on both occasions, I pulled an ace. I'd never fucking had that happen. once. And the second time it happened, I got like an 11, right? And I looked at the dealer, and I looked her in the face. I said, I'm going to do this, but you can't give me another

ace, okay? And she gave me an ace. And then she busted? No. That's funny. That's funny. She very much did bust the second time. I wound up breaking even because the first time was just like, you know, dealer had like a 17 and I'm sitting there with a 12. But

then she busted the second time. The second story is me and Emily Kaplan were at a secret pizza place inside of the Cosmo which if you've been there is like a little unmarked hallway that they have where you can go and get

late night pizza and it's good pizza it's like New York pizza but there's always like this gigantic line right because it's the weekend and whatever so we're waiting there, we're waiting there it's like a 25 minute wait or some shit and these two these two girls

cut the entire line and just walk to being in like fourth position in the front of the line. And so everybody's just kind of stunned by this. Like it's one of those situations where you don't really know what to do because it was so brazen. And so a girl, a couple spaces in front of them turns around and she's like, she's like, you just cut the motherfucking line. And they're like, we didn't cut the line. We didn't cut the line at all. What are you talking?

They start yelling at each other, right? And then like security comes through this other door that just, happens to be there and they're surrounding the situation. And the guy behind the pizza counter is like, hey, you know, these two cut the line, you know, according to this girl. And the security's like, hey, girl, you know, did these people cut the line? Wait, wait, wait, why don't he say it like Ryan Gosling? Hey, hey girl, did you cut the line?

Because you're in front of my heart. In the time that it took to get security there and do this brief investigation, the girl who jaccused the two. of cutting the line had gotten her pizza. And now all of a sudden, we don't really care about the situation anymore. She goes, I thought they did, but I don't know for sure now. I got to go. And so she's got her pizza.

She's cool. And so the security is like, well, if she's kind of recanting her story, I don't know what to tell you. Like anybody else want to speak up and everybody's like quiet because these two girls who cut the line are like fucking volcanic in their rage at this point. And the guy behind the counter is like, a guy by her guy is like, if she's not going to stick with her story, I don't know what to do. So these two girls got their pizza and they moved on and the other girl moved on too.

And it was a miscarriage of justice, but no one, no one, everybody was so tired and drunk at that point that no one wanted to step up and be like, yeah, they cut the line. It was a, it was like the sign film finale. Everybody stood by while the crime happened. It's like that Kirby Rethusiasm episode where like the line cutter, Did you see that one from last season where, like, it was like a woman who would go up, there was like a long line for the buffet.

Yes. Yeah, she would go up to like a person like and be like, hey, I haven't seen you in a long time. How are you? And they'd be like, hey, how are you? And then she would stand there in the line and Larry David called her out on it and all that sort of stuff. But like, you know. It was so brazen that no one knew what to do. You need Larry David.

We were just stunned. We needed Larry David. We needed a social assassin. You're completely right. By the way. But other than that, like, go ahead. I was going to say, I love how like now. We're like at an age where like our Vegas stories are this.

This is what our Vegas stories are. You know, it's not like, oh, man, I woke up at 5 in the morning with a champagne bottle next to me and a woman in bed who I don't even remember her name. Now it's like, I was getting pizza two in the morning and somebody cut the line. Because like I'm not even diminishing your story because that would be my story too if I was in Vegas. I played black jacket. I played blackjack and won $19. All right.

All right, dad. Great job. Yeah, that was that was. I won 140. the craps table at the California Hotel where some of the capitals people and Washington Posties were playing. It's like the $5 blackjack, $5.00 craps table. So I had a really good night, but the margins were so small. It's just like, who cares? But you're right. Like at this point in our lives, it's like, hey, what's the, what's the craziest thing you did in Vegas? Well, on the buffet, they had vegetable dumplings.

And I don't normally get vegetable dumplings, right? But they had them. And so I took three. I don't normally sit down at the $10 blackjack table. I'm more of a $5 man myself, but I was just feeling a little crazy, and I sat down and let me tell you something, I won $22.50. What's the crazy thing? What's the craziest thing you did in Vegas, man? Oh, you know those showgirls they have? Oh, yeah, man. Well, there were two of them right in front of me on the strip, right?

Yeah, yeah. One of them was wearing a thong. Yeah, and? I looked at it and then walked away. No. Bro, that's insane, man. What a town. Yeah, what happened next, man.

Later on, I walked back the other way after getting my late-night pizza, and the girl with the thong was now wearing shorts. Good for her. It gets chilly at night. Let me tell you about a little heist that cold when I was in Vegas. So I was watching your mom play slots. I was just sort of standing there. I wasn't playing.

And the waitress came over and said, can I get you something to drink? And I was like, yeah, can I get a Jack and Coke? And she was like, it's only for players. And I was like, I am playing. And she was like, okay. But guess what? I wasn't playing. So I got the drink for free.

Yeah. Oh, man. Suck it, Cosmo. You're like the George Clooney of free drinks. By the way, I would be so much more charged to go see Oceans 8 if anybody but Ann Hathaway was like the Terry Benedict. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't deal with that man. I feel like there could have been somebody else in that spot that would have been better. Yeah, like, I love the crew casting, but like, man, I can't do that.

Imagine if, imagine if that was like a Kim Kardashian proxy versus being Ann Hathaway. Yeah, yeah, like, what if it was, um, uh, what's her name from, uh, Gone Girl? Not, not the wife, the, the, the college fling. What's her name? Ah, she's always, she's, oh, Emily Rajaj's just Koski. She's always naked, right? The one from the blurred lines video. Yes, yes. The one that Logan Couture was always trying to hook up with on Twitter, like her.

Yeah. Which I understand. Like, I'm not oblivious to what he saw. But, like, if she had the acting chops for that, like, she's kind of, she's not hateable or anything. But, like, I don't know. In Hathaway, I just, I don't know. I can't, I can't, as a, you know, a bad, I guess, a bad gal. Is that the term?

Bad guy, bad, whatever. Like, her being Lady Terry Benedict. I don't know. I just doesn't make me want to go see it. What about Blake lively? Would that be somebody that you'd buy more loathsome than Ann Hathaway? I don't know. She's kind of likable in movies.

You know what? In a way, Sandra Bullock might have been better as the Terry Benedict as opposed to whatever ocean she is. Oh, I know the answer. I can't believe we've been dicking around this entire time. Allison Williams, she already played a villain. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's a pretty good one, right?

Or if you really want to go hardcore, Lena Dunham. That's too much. Yeah, that's a little too over the top. I met the met ball. I had these jewels. Steve stole them. I don't know what to do. Adam is so mad at me.

Oh, God. You know, for being a post-feminist society, I can't believe a bunch of women stole all my jewels. Sticks of keytip in her ear. God, what a horrible show. Gary Betman did the state of the NHL address. Did anything from it shock you? No, not really.

I kind of tune out unless it gets really loud about one thing. But the whole not wanting to talk about CTE thing, like two days before Rick West had dropped all of his stuff is kind of pointless. Because he didn't want to start a new news cycle. Yeah, let's talk about that real quick, too. As I tweeted out this week, Mike Merck, if this was another league, if this was the NFL and this came out, this would be the lead story on every sports broadcast in the fucking country. 2007, Mike Murphy to Colin Campbell in an email, which by the way, Colin Campbell should stop fucking using.

Mike Murphy says, you know what, we should, we should tell the refs not to call as many major penalties on elbowings because the media looks at those and it gets the media's attention. They don't care about minor penalties. Don't call major penalties so the media won't be on us. Can you fucking believe that? Oh, you know what? I do because I remember back in the day I worked for the NHL, and this was like pre-shiny when Coli was still in charge.

And I remember talking with somebody about how, like, you know how something happened this season, maybe it was last season where they, like, you know how like player safety leaks out stuff sometimes where they say so-and-so will not be suspended and like that's how you know. Like that leak came out and people were so fucking pissed that somehow a hearing ended up actually happening for the guy where there wasn't going to be a hearing. And you think to yourself, I wonder how much player safety cares. And I don't think this incarnation of player safety cares that much. But somebody told me, like, Coley Campbell back in the day was, like, really hyper aware

of the media, of sort of, like, placating the media if they got too loud about something. You know what I mean? Like, if your voice was loud, that probably had a better chance of leading to a suspension back then than it does now. But, yeah, oh, I completely believe that. Could you imagine if the NFL put out a memo that's like, look, there's too many roughing the kicker penalties. Oh, I know. Just make them running into the kicker because the media really paced way too much attention when punters get hurt. Like, God damn, come on.

It's insane. It's insane. It's so embarrassing. I still don't know if it all adds up to anything, but every time this shit happens, you're just like, who are these monsters running this league? Like, what is happening? Like, that's the thing, too, is like, a... As someone who isn't really trained in law, like, I don't really know, like, how much evidence needs to surface for the NHL to finally, like, do, like, a cost-benefit analysis. We're paying them off to go away.

We'll end it. But, like, man, and that sign that sign that the doctor mocked up, that was supposed to be hilarious about how, what did it say again? I just said this this morning. I already forgot what it. There was, like, concussions or for, no. Yeah. What was it? They took out the word dementia or something.

him. No, no, no, no. It was, it was, fuck. God damn it. Whatever it was, like, Rick Westhead didn't actually have it in his story. It was like something where he called the player's pussies. That's what it was.

Oh, is that right? Oh, that's great. Yeah, it was like, I didn't see that one, no. It was like a mock-up poster where, like, like, there's posters in all these locker rooms that say, you know, here's the possible situations that could occur if you have a brain injury. And, like, part of the, the sticking point for the NHL was to not mention dimension in the headline. And the doctor, one of the doctors sent over a, I was a Lou Lamarillo. Fucking train. Oh, God.

Era. Wait, where is it? Let me, let me, I want to quote it. I want to just, oh, wait, May 30th. Wait, Requestor doesn't tweet all that much. Good for him. Where is it? Where is this, where's this thing?

Five hours ago, no, six hours ago, no, 19 hours ago. 24 hours ago. Do you delete the tweet? He might have deleted it. Did he tweet it from his burner account, Rick East Arm? Wait, hold on. Let me find my reply to him because that was the reply to the tweet. Oh, you reply to him.

Real quick, the short form on Batman and CTE is he said he didn't want to do it a news cycle. It was super embarrassing. It's always super embarrassing when he avoids the subject. The rest of the state of the NHL thing was just kind of whatever, like Seattle News, nil, probably in the winter they're going to vote. You know, talking about the salary cap, talking about Vegas's revenue, third jersey is coming back. I talked about the Voinoff thing. It was whatever.

There's not a whole lot of hell of pressing issue thing. I mean, we're getting close to it because now we're starting to talk about the NHL wanted to go to the bargaining table with the players ASAP to figure out when the next World Cup's going to be 19 never. But, you know, as far as the state of the NHL thing, it was. was a bunch of bitching about Quebec City not getting a team. Did you find it yet? No, I feel like my reply is gone too. When someone deletes a tweet, does your reply?

I get deleted too. Is that how Twitter works? It doesn't matter. I don't know. Whatever. It was like this offensive sort of like disparaging thing about how people with concussions are soft. Man, where do my tweet go?

Soft. This is a conspiracy. Did you see solo? No, when I'm never going to. Why not? Why? Why would I want to go see solo? What's in it for me?

It's an entertaining summer yarn about a beloved character. 23 hours ago, 24 hours ago. This is driving me nuts. Oh, here it is. I wasn't going back far enough in my timeline. This is a really good podcast. This is the part of the podcast. Wait, maybe it is gone.

So my tweet, my tweet. It would have to be right around here. Because now there's the journalist that faked his death. That was pretty crazy. That was really crazy. Pete Blackburn. When I read that story, the first thing I thought of was what? Probably the same thing you did.

Oh, yeah. Commissioner Gordon did he get the... Did he get the... Like any normal, healthy adult. That was the first thing I thought. I'm telling you, my reply to Rick Westhead is gone. I don't know what happened. I feel like something happened to this tweet.

Were you hacked? I really wonder if Twitter deletes all your reports. applies when you, when you do your, I'm searching like R. Westhead in my, in my Twitter page. Oh, there it is. Oh, thank Jesus. All right. The poster said concussion systems colon, feeling like a giant pussy. That's what it said. But it was a poster, a doctor made? There was a poster a doctor made and sent to the NHL. And like, again, I don't know how, like, how much more of this sort of thing has to come out for the NHL to be like, let's settle this. So less, so we stop seeing these. You know, reports, but I don't know, whatever.

That was a fun journey. Sorry for that boring two and a half minutes. We all went on it with you. We all went on it with you. So exciting. The question of the week was, if you could ask Gary Betman a question, any question, what would it be? We all, of course, in the media, had the benefit

of going to these state of the NHL press conferences and getting a chance to talk to Gary, but you don't have that same benefit. So maybe if you did, what would you do? Um, any wants to know, do you have a toilet made from gold is what he would ask Gary Betman. By the way, these are funny in a way because, like, you tweeted it out because I, I've lost the Puck Soup password on my phone, so I got to figure out how to do that. So, like you tweeted it out so then I can get on Puck Soup on my computer. And all the replies look like they're at you without me seeing the question.

Like, it looks like they're asking you questions. Like, why do you hate hockey or who hurt you? And I'm reading these and I'm like, why are people banging on Wish? What the hell did? Oh, oh, they're talking to Gary Betman. What are your burner handles? Bill Winters wants to know, can we please go back to white uniforms at home? I think Betman's been asked about that, and I feel like, I don't, I won't remember the answer, but it's like some bullshit about the aesthetics of the game or whatever.

Oh, that was the thing Gary Bettman said that drove me fucking nuts. How everyone loves, this is the best playoff format they've ever had. Fuck you. God damn it. You fucking liar. That was not. Daley said that. Daley said it's the best playoff format they ever had, yeah.

Oh, sorry, Gary. Yeah. Fuck you, Bill. I know. Christ, it's not. It's terrible. It's awful. Canucks Jays says,

why haven't you hired Pierre McGuire to a position in the league office yet? Please, please hire him now. I still say, you know, you could fix the intermission show with Pierre and fix between the bench and staying by getting him off the air. Be the best. Get Pierre off the air. I'm Greg Wischinski. I'm, ESPN.

The NHL had made. With this, the NHL has made a great hire with McGuire. I'm Greg Wichenski, Espan. Dan Martin, what's your burner handles? What would be Gary Bittman's burner handle? Oh, God. Baked in perpetuity, 31 or something.

Who was he an Islander fan growing up? Like, what was his team? Oh, wait, no, I found it. It's D. Rosen, NHL. Gary I offered Rosen 20 bucks to roll around on the Stanley Cup logo yesterday on Twitter He refused to do it

D. Retson, have you considered expanding the size of rings To accommodate the size and speed of today's players They'll never consider it Because it means they have to take expensive seats out of the rink That's why they don't do it Obviously Oshid once would ask him

Why do you hate hockey? I don't think Gary Betman hates hockey to you Oh, he loves money. He hates hockey. He loves money. He hates hockey. He'd rather be doing anything else, I think. Does he come across as a guy that loves, like, the sport to you? Like, I don't feel like he's...

Like, do you think when he gets home after a long day on 6th Avenue? Do you think when he gets back to his palatial estate that he's, like, flipping on the 8 o'clock NBCSN game? I don't think so. No, he seems like the kind of guy who watches the history of rock and roll on CNN. Like, that's the kind of thing he might watch. Right? Honey, come in. They're doing journey again.

Daniel Fritz writes in. He would ask Gary Bettman, does this rag smell like chloroform? Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Mike Pankowski would ask, do you ever watch the product on NBC and wonder why they can't hire an intelligent analyst? I'm sure he's pretty happy about the fact that NBC has a bunch of dull tools in the drawer compared to like getting filleted. by the Canadian journalists on occasion. Do they do that on the Canadian broadcasts?

Because I feel like down here, like last night, Eddie Olchek was kind of like, what the hell? That wasn't a penalty on the James Neal thing. It has to be egregious. I'll say this for the NBC. They stepped up and hit the refs hard after game one, and I think it really affected the way the officiated game two. Rangers would ask, are you a double agent tasked by David Stern to hamper the growth of the NHL? That used to be an actual accusation of Betman. And this is the one that I found really interesting.

This is from, let me find it again. Oh, God, now it's time for me to look around for fucking, okay. So two-way forward writes in and says, no joke, this was actually a question when I interviewed for the NHL. For the record, I did not get the job. So this person is saying that the question of the week, if you had one question to ask Gary Betman, what would you ask him, actual question in a hiring interview with talented at the NHL? Really? I mean, obviously, I work there.

I don't remember that being a part of my hiring process, but maybe it was. I don't know. It was a long time ago. I don't remember that being a thing because I'm pretty sure if it was, I wouldn't have gotten the job either. I was going to say, yeah, you clearly didn't get asked. Why are you? Well, like, I needed a job. I was probably like, why are you the best commissioner in sports?

Right. Why do you have impeccable taste? Why are you a marketing genius? Why are you just the best thing to ever happen to hockey? Oh, well, Dave. What's your biggest fault? What's your biggest fault? And is it that you care too much?

Dave, where do you see yourself in five years? Worshiping Gary Benton. I love him so much. Indeed. All right, well, that's the show for this week. Thanks to me for being in Las Vegas and being awake and happy to do the show. Good job. Thanks to Dave for.

making time to do the show after his other podcast this morning. Boy, you've had a real podcast and kind of morning. Haven't you? Dude, dude. Like, my week has been so crazy because, like, I did nothing on Monday, really. I've done, like, all my work for the week in, like, three days. So, like, I'm, I'm kind of charged about taking a nap as soon as we hang up here and do the malbag first.

I suppose, should we, should we discuss the live show? Can we do that now or no? Well, we're kind of getting fucked ticket-wise. So I don't know what we're supposed to do at this point, like, because of the fucking website. Show Thursday night, profit bar, Dallas, Texas. Seven o'clock. Seven o'clock is going to be the live show.

Tickets are 12 bucks. Cheap, parentheses. 12 bucks. It's nothing. And do come out and see us. We'll pump the show much more. There's a problem with the ticket site right now that's got to be sussed out, but we'll figure it out. Anyways, thanks to everybody for listening.

You got anything you want to promote? No, let's do the mailbag. And let's go move on with our weeks and with our naps and your plane rides. Let's do it. Very beautiful. See you. Talk to you soon. Thanks everybody.

Bye. Blu-blu-blu. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's and tools. It's your weekly bowl of hoggy and nonsense. Book soon.