Puck Soup - John Tavares, Traitor!

Episode Date: July 3, 2018

It's the Great John Tavares Signing Fallout! Greg and Dave talk about the big free agent move for the Toronto Maple Leafs and what it means for the jersey-burning New York Islanders fans. Plus a review of all the major signings and trades of free agency; John Tortorella goes nuts on the Penguins; the concept of time travel and the existence of UFOs; whether Drew Doughty is worth the money; The Rock has a prosthetic leg; and much more in our season finale (but much more on the Patreon this summer www.patreon.com/pucksoup)!

Sticks and it's in goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. Everybody, it's Dave Lozo. One half of the only podcast about hockey that's being recorded today in Manhattan in Gregory Wichinsky's apartment. I'm Greg Wyshinsky of ESPN, and you're in Puckoo.

What happened this morning was you came into the city, as you often do, to do biscuits. Yeah. Your other podcast, but then you found out that vice sports... They were closed. Well, there were people there. They weren't closed, but yeah, we're doing the podcast. We're doing the biscuits Thursday. If anyone's listening to this today and you're like, where's the biscuits?

We're going to do it Thursday instead of Tuesday. After the fourth. Yeah, we're doing our podcast pre-July 4th, which of course means pre-aira Carlson trade, which will probably happen either while we're doing the podcast or on July 4th. Like Bob, Bob's going to tweet, one for one. Carlson for, who's the shittiest guy? Ryan Reeves.

Right, right, right. It's one for one. But it'll be like a picture of Bob's sandals on a boat. And it'll just be like, hey, everybody, just check in. And it'll be like, there'll be no news about the Carlson trade at all. And then all of a sudden you'll be here like, hey, just sucking down a margarita. the way, Carlson for Jay Beagle. No, he's going to do it.

Sean, his son is going to take a video of him as he chugs from the margarita mixer to break the news. Hey, CSN's done for the summer, but I'm not. Here's the news. Apparently, the low-ball contract was the last straw. And speaking of

straws. There's salt on the rim of this glass, and there's also a little bit of salt in Eric Carlson's attitude because the senators blowball them. According to occasional source,

Catherine Tappen, they offered him $10 million a season for eight years, which means they offered him, like, it's as if someone said, here, here is Drew Dowdy's contract. Drew Dowdy is a moron

and he negotiated himself, costing him millions of dollars in bonus money that's not built into the contract. Yeah. But use it as framework for whatever offer you make to Eric Carlson.

And then Pierre Dorian's like, how about we offer a million dollars less a year? Whip-want-qu-wong? That should send the message that we really want. Yeah, so they don't completely low-ball them to the point where it's like, you know, the $8 million a season that I thought they would try to do. But your name is Carlson and John Carlson's name's Carlson, and now you could have the same contract.

Here's the thing about a McDonald's, Eric, is you can only charge the prices that the people are willing to spend for the Egg McMuffin, and you are the Egg McMuffin of this team. So therefore, like, wait, what? Can I just trade me already, please? There's a part of me that always feels bad for Pierre Dorian just because he's in an untenable situation. But then I looked back at that video that the coverage of when Alex Burroughs, the demonstrably bad Alex Burroughs trade and contract went down.

And I know Senator Sand's going to be like, yeah, but they made the conference final. I'm like, yeah, that's absolutely Alex Burroughs doing. His three assists during that run. It was the incredible enthusiasm that Pierre Adoria. had when he announced the trade. It was more than that. It was almost like condescending where people were like questioning it and he was just like, um, sorry, but

he's a great talent we're going to have around here forever. Yep. And by forever, I mean like a year and a half. And it was just very much like, so, uh, Pierre, do you like the trade or do I like the trade? Here's me putting up my fucking middle fingers at the other 30 teams. That's right, 30 teams.

Fuck you Vegas. You couldn't even trade for him, but I got him. Pierre D made it happen. extended him two years, was it or one year? It was two years. It was two years. Yeah. Yeah, for a 37-year-old. I was smart. A lot of money. Like, Alex Burroughs was like the original Connor Sheree, where like he was just hanging around the Cedines, potting all these goals. No, that's not fair. Conner Sheary, Alex Burroughs did serve the purpose, which was to be a gigantic, gigantic antagonistic asshole on the ice, his job and fingers and shit. His job was just like,

I remember, it was always like, he's the guy that go, like, you talk to Cedines and it'd be like, hey, so you've had a lot of different line mates over the years, what is, what is Alex Sporosbring, and they were just like, oh, he goes and gets the puck. Yeah. Like, he gets it and gives it to us, and then we do stuff. And then we skate around with it. And occasionally, he'll, like, bang home, like, a backdoor goal when no one's covering him because there's everybody watching us. All right.

Great job. Let's cover everything. All right. Okay. Nick Dowd. If you... One year... Oh, oh, wait.

Sorry. If you're following along, we're going to use the TSN, the sports network free agent tracker. We're going to start at the bottom and work our way up. Started at the bottom. Now we're somewhere. Wait, where, where, where, what do you consider the bottom? June 27th. Really?

Devante Smith-Pelly, one year, one million dollars. So, so they didn't qualify him, so they could pay him like, what, like 300K less, basically? Yeah. They didn't qualify him so they didn't have to pay him for being a postseason hero. Which you normally would be like. Which is fair. Well, yeah, it's business. I mean, normally as a player, I'd be like, you know, fuck off.

I'm just going to find a better place. But Duvante Smith-Pellies is like, yeah. Oh, wait, we won the cup. We won the cup. I only had seven goals in the regular season. I'm sure there's some, I mean, knowing him, there's probably some measure of loyalty. Like, they rescued him from the scrap heap, and they put him on a cup team and what have you. And like, at least with like one and one, it's not like if he has eight goals again next year, people are going to be like, oh, we paid him three and a half and now he's only got eight goals.

Right. You know, he can still be the same player, and it's fine. I just, I still, I will hold out my criticism until they actually do trade him before the white. house visit. Because I saw people who were like, oh, they didn't qualify. But I was like, well, that's happened before. They resigned them. So I really hope.

It's not that I think the capitals are the kind of team that would do it. I just have no faith in any sports team in any sport ever when it comes to stuff like this. You know what? I'm going to reverse course. We're going to do team by team. So I decided now. We're going to start with the champs. We talked about John Carlson last show.

Michael Ketney, four years, $2.5 million a season. Sure. I mean, that's great. It's great for him because he's going to skate with John Carlson for the next fucking four years. Either way, he's a top four defenseman for two and a half a year for four years. The Winnipeg Jets lost Paul Stazni. That's pretty much all they did. And they cleared out space.

They made the Steve Mason deal to try to create salary space for him. And then he didn't want to stay there, which, again, like, I hate to be this fucking guy. I don't want to be anti- Winnipeg because I really. like their fans and Patrick Liney. People don't want to play in Winnipe. And Blake Wheeler. But when the team went back there, what was the thing everybody said? Right. Who's going to want

to stay in Winnipeg? And then, like, Buffalo stayed. And then it became like the fucking Roswell crash, where people were like, look, an example of one thing that happened this one time. Maybe. Wait, wait, so hold on. In your mind, the Roswell crash is real. There's never been any other aliens to land on Earth. Is that

many of us? True Believers. Wait, oh, I see the Area 51 shirt you're wearing now. There was an incident. It was not swamp gas or weather balloon. It was probably a Russian military jet. But people point to it and say, it's much like why the NHL's hot and the NBA's not SI cover from 1994. Like, you can point to it and say it's the one time that we can demonstrably say we were ahead of the NBA. By the way, interesting article, I forget where I read it, about how there has been an increase. There's There's been a massive increase in a number of cameras in our lives, both on our person, in life, security cameras, drones, everything.

Red light cameras on the streets, yeah. All the shit. And yet there's been a decrease in UFO sightings. And the Mufon, the Mutual UFO network people. The who? Who are these people? The mutual UFO network. No, but like who are they?

There's just five guys in a basement somewhere that watch Ben and Black. It's a worldwide organization that tracks UFO sightings. Well, you're really revealing aside yourself. I didn't know. Oh, I was a huge... You weren't anything. to UFOs when you were a kid? I didn't know about Mufa. Well, when I was

a huge X-Files fan, I was somebody who read up on the cases. Do they liaison with Fupa? Fupa is the other organization that takes pictures of people as they walk out of Burger King. Now listen, Mufon. Oh, Mufon. Oh, I thought it was

Mufa. Okay, Mufon.org. That the number of UFO sightings has been in decline. Because everyone's looking at their phone instead of the sky. Oh, that's an interesting theory because I was going to say that maybe because technology is great now, it's harder to fake a

UFO photo. You think it would be easier, but maybe people do, I don't, I don't feel if there's more cameras, there should be more UFO sightings, true or false. Well, maybe the aliens know there's more cameras, so they're more careful about how they come here and how they fly around. Oh, so they develop

stealth mode. By the way, if we really want to go down this rabbit hole all the way, let me explain to you what I think. Do I think there were being visited by creatures from other planets? No. Do I think there's life on other planets? Abundances of life on other planets. Both bacterial life and maybe... Oh, bacterial life doesn't count. Are there people walking around other planets going? I wonder if there's other people on other planets.

It's statistically impossible that there isn't life like us on other planets. But who are we being visited by? Interdimensional beings. So, like, people who are like of Earth, but a different Earth? Potentially, yes. Like an Earth two... Like sliders, like Jerry Okina. Yeah, like a different timeline.

Like, I think that there are interdimensional beings punching through the dimensional boundaries and visiting our world. I think that's a much more plausible scenario than there is that people on other planets have developed space travel. They come here, they dip in, they fuck with a cow, and they leave. Why is it all right? Because of the cows that are getting the probes.

They kidnap us. They put shit in our butthole. and then they leave. And at no point did they ever come back with... They've apparently been coming here since the 1950s. At no point they come back with the ID4 invading army. Wait, so you're thinking the butt probes are from not aliens

but from interdimensional humans that are just coming here to mess with us because they have their technology? They're like, we've got to figure out how to grow cows again or whatever. Oh, so it's like the Star Trek with the whale. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. To get more well. They can imagine beings are flying around the sun and they're coming on water or prey.

Gracie. They come back here. And they're like, they're like, Spock, we've got to find the cows. The cows that are reproduced. I can't have a cheeseburger. It says here. Her name is Bessie. You know, it's perfect. I mean, I, listen, I'm not someone who believes in junk science. I think my theory is airtight. Oh, absolutely.

Interdimensional beings visiting us to fuck with cows. Is time travel possible in your mind right now, somewhere in one of these dimensions? I think the current state of the United States of America in 2018 mandates that time travel is quite possible. There's been some sort of fucking with the timeline, don't you think? Don't you think the things that have happened? I don't even mean politically. The Cubs winning. There's so much shit that's happening.

That's your basis for time travel? The Cubs winning a World Series? Okay. In order to figure out time travel, there has to be some motivating factor, right? It could be like in many pop culture, science fiction. It's the future world is in ruin. But what if it was a guy? when 2053 was like,

I can't fucking believe the Cubs was never won. So I'm going to find out a way to make the Cubs win. Yeah, but like, yes. So in your mind, I guess that means Theo Epstein is like the Marty McFly. No, no, no. Theo Epstein is the, is Cillian Murphy in inception. Someone when he was with the, when he was with, we traveled back to when he was with the Red Sox.

Oh, okay. Put it in his mind that you have to go to the Cubs. And he's like, that's fucking crazy. The Cubs never win. Interesting. Yeah. See, I have thought sometimes where like, you ever just like, this has probably happened like two or three times in my life where you like have a memory of something that you are almost positive. It happened.

Deja vu. No, not like deja vu, but like where like you think I think it's like the other way around where you think a thing has happened. But like it hasn't. But you could have sworn it happened. And you're trying to remember like if it happened to you in a dream and you just think it's real. But like I think it happened. but maybe a different timeline occurred over it. So you think it's a memory of another timeline versus maybe it did happen,

but someone has taken the memory from you. Or you're talking about a world event. No, I mean like a minor thing. Like going to the store and buying orange juice and you're like, I could have sworn I bought orange juice and then like your fridge is empty. So that could easily be like slider lozo bought orange juice. Just took out of my bag and there was an echo of that somewhere in our timeline. Like he needed the vitamin C for his cold.

His cold was worse than mine, so he stole the OJ. You know, like, you get home and you're, like, looking in your fridge and you're, like, trying to remember back, you're like, didn't I do that? But it's not even something as specific as that. Like, it's just, like, this vague idea where, like, you think you've done something. Or, like, you see a person and you think you know them, but you don't know how. But it's not a situation where you have met them. Like, maybe you've met them in another timeline. Right.

Yeah. So up next on the Joe Rogan podcast, we're going to talk about mosquito come and how it can make your mind expand. Is that a Joe Rogan podcast? thing? Do you ever listen to Rogan's podcast? No. Rogan's podcast is literally like, you figure it's just a meathead M.MA man show podcast. It's basically this. It's mosquito coming? It's like

Art Bell at 2 a.m. on W.A.B.C. in New York before he died talking about, like, weird shit. That's what Rogan's podcast basically is. So like when a mosquito bites me, he might actually also be coming on me at the same time? Is that... Lays gentlemen, Impression number 11, Mosquito's coming.

Mosquitoes. Wait, isn't that also my EWAC coming? It kind of sounded like, like, Lee-He coming a little bit, to be honest. That was my first go-to. I was like, oh, I didn't need that image in my head. My impression of Leahy coming is, Hello, ready? Hey, Sean, what's up, buddy?

The Vegas Golden Knights signed to Paul Stasney, three years, 6.5 million per season. I mean, like, it's not a Paul Stazney fan. I think that's an okay spot for him. I do think, though, like, here's the thing of Paul Stazney. when you expect Paul Stazni to make his linemates better, you're not going to get that from him.

Yeah. When you put him with two really good players like Eilers and Linae, he's great. He's like your classic, you know, coach that, you know, put him on a middling team and it's like, what a shitty coach. Put him on a team with, oh, I don't know, Austin Matthews, Mitch Martyr and John Tavares. And he's like, wow, what a great coach.

So he's like Joe Tori, where, right, yeah, right. He's manager in baseball for decades. And then he goes to the cheat and steroid taking money spending Yankees and now he's a Hall of Fame coach. Right. Yeah. So, I think, I think, you know, if they're, if they sign Paul Stasney and the idea is like,

oh, we're going to put it with Alex Tuck and now Alex Tuck's going to turn into the fucking, you know, three-goal score, I don't think you're going to find it. But I think he's, I mean, it's a good spot for him. A three-year term is great. But it's just hilarious that like, well, at one point in the last, I would say 18 months, there was a moment where we were all like, there's no fucking way Paul Staz's he's going to get paid again. and then lo and behold he's making $6.5 million.

He knows when to have his good seasons. Boy, does he? You know? It's like, if you have like a fight with your girlfriend and like it could be over, like she comes home and you have like a beautiful dinner laid out, there's like flowers everywhere and she's like, all right, three more years. What do you say? That's Paul Stasney.

They also signed Ryan Reeves two years, $2.775 million, at least until he's traded for Carlson. Boy, is it about you? Well, you know, I was just so dumb. No, you see, you just have to wait around a little bit because the two-year contract for Ryan Reeves now seems like a bargain compared to the twin four-year, $3 million cap-pit salaries paid to Jay Beagle and Antoine Roussel from the Vancouver Canucks the next team in our list.

Oh, see, I wasn't done in Vegas because the thing with Vegas that I thought was interesting was I thought the plan all along was going to be to get an elite number one center. So you can kind of use the March of So line as like the second line of destruction. Right. But they're just kind of sticking with those guys as their top line, which makes sense. they were freaking great. They were probably the best line in hockey, but, you know, they were kind of not in the Tavares mix, which is still weird to me.

But lo and behold, the Vancouver Canucks have won the Stanley Cup. It's amazing because, like, they really screwed up with the Derek Dorset and the LucasPisa deals, which were basically these deals for worst players. And yet they're still, they're still doing it. They're still giving term and money to, like, fourth line, third line at best guys. I don't get it. The most shocking part about this entire thing with Van, Vancouver was the

inference from Jim Benning that there was there was like a market for giving Jay Beagle four years. No. Like I believe there is a market to sign Jay Beagle. For sure. He'll just want a cup and he's a fourth line. He's a blue guy. Yeah, which means that oh, we need

to add a ring in the room. Jay Elmer's Beagle. No fucker didn't even get his ring yet, but we're going to add a ring in the room. But like, the idea that there was a bunch of people clamoring to give Jay Beagle four years is fucking nonsense. Like you don't give Fourth centers four years. I remember when Brian Boyle became a free agent? He got like two and ten or whatever, two and two and ten. But you got a two year deal and it was like a little bit expensive.

People were like for Brian Boyle. Like Brian Boyle is ten times better than Bigel. When you're a team that's trying to swing back up to be like in contention, the four year deal for a fourth liner becomes two years into it. I can't believe we're going to let this guy take ice time away from younger players. Right. Or cap space away. But like maybe the Canucks are looking at this year as like, we're fucked. We have no more Cedines. We're going to be a bad team. So let's just get some guys that aren't going to really do too much in terms of getting us up in the standings. We're going to tank. We're going to try and get a top three pick.

And then once we get that top three pick, we have three more years of Jay Beagle to be a fourth five. I don't know. Maybe they're looking at the first year is like a throwaway year. We'll come back to Toronto and we'll come back to the Islanders. The blues. That's a lengthy discussion. The blues. Bring back, Dave.

You and I, you already did, you said that you did the lozo drum thing, which means that you were prepared to state something that you know I'm going to disagree with. No. It's your drums of war. It's a little like... Trump's a war thing we do. Let's go over everybody. Ryan O'Reilly.

Hold on. David Perron, 4 over 4. That's $4 million is actually where I think he should be. He's a 40-point player. It's a known quantity. It's a third line guy. I'm completely okay with that. I'm not a fan.

Okay. Tyler Bozak, 3 over 5 over 3. Now, I thought this was an overpayment. It is. Until you... But it's fine. But it's fine. Hold on. He's got the same exact stats as Tyler Johnson.

Games played, points for game. and Tyler Johnson makes $5 million against the cap, and he signed that contract like two years ago. It's fine. It's fine, but like I don't love it. I don't love it. It's fine, but you love it for three, right? What, the years?

Yeah, Ingle fucking five years. No. I mean, again, Tyler Bozac is a third-line guy in a really good team and a second-line guy on a M-A-Team. Let's talk about the trade. Did they get anybody else? As I've mentioned, they signed Chad Johnson to replace Carter Hut. Oh, right.

As I said when I wrote about this on ESPN.com, it is a disease that I like to call. A disease. Yes. Mr. Anderson. Welcome back. You're a disease. It's the initial, NHL initial trade shock syndrome. Okay.

We saw five assets, including three names that we know, being traded for Ryan O'Reilly. Right. And everybody was like, what the fuck? What were the blues thinking? While they're thinking, one, that Tage Thompson barely cracks the top eight maybe. Also, his name is Tage. Come on. Yeah.

And he said yesterday, it's like Fage. That's not a thing. I know. Wait, is that the Marvel guy? Kevin Fage. Is that how he says his name? I want to find the exact quote. Tage?

Yeah, Tage. You know, like Fage. Like Fage. Hang on. You mean like Sage? His quote, okay. On his conference call with it were with quarters, Tage. Oh, wait, hold on.

Is it not Tage? Is it not? Is it Tajay? Hold on. I'm going to find the real thing. Hi. Tage Thompson. Tage Thompson sounds like an S&L cast member. Phil Hartman.

Tage Thompson. And like he has like some weird like character on every episode that sucks, but everybody likes it because that's just S&L. Okay. I keep on, I'm trying to find out. I want to find the initial tweet. He talked about it in the conference called like how you pronounce his name. It's got to be Tage. But if it's Tage.

Anyway, who gives a shit? Why is it, why like Fage? Is Fage a thing? I don't know. Point being is this. He's not one of their top blue chip prospects. Bergland has been a spare part on this team, I think maybe since 67. It was more a salary dump getting rid of Subboca.

Subboca, spare part. The first, top 10 protected, probably going to be from number 20 through number 31. Second rounder, who gives you shit? for fucking Ryan O'Reilly legit top six forward legit number two center I don't like Ryan O'Reilly I like him a lot

I listen I don't think that he is I think he's a bad in the room guy I really do and I hate that shit I hate when people talk about guys like that but like I mean he's been traded twice now in like four years three years he's bitching about his love of the fucking game disappearing because he had a bad season or two

in Buffalo a bad season or two Well, he's only been there for two and a half years. Yeah, but I mean, like, his bad seasons are like, make John Tavares' bad seasons, and Eltonville Island look like fucking cup years. And did you ever hear John Tavaris go, oh, woe me? I don't love hockey anymore. No, John Tavar's fucking stiff up her lip. Don't care if I'm playing in Brooklyn, Long Island, Queens.

I don't care. I'm John Tavis. I'm the French life. It's like, I'm so sad. I just want to crawl up my childhood bed with my Fannabu Fighter. He waited until the contract expired and then he let it all out. That's fine. Ryan O'Reilly. Hold on. I thought Ryan O'Reilly got praised for being honest about that shit.

What happened to that? For like a second, they were like, oh, that candor from O'Reilly. I appreciate the honesty, but I also can say the honesty makes him look like a dick. I don't know. I hate to impugn character. That's, okay. You don't like his character? That's fine. But the trade itself. It's fine. It's fine. It's a first. And Thompson may or may not turn into something. for Ryan O'Reilly, a center they needed. I mean, again, the context for me here, did they give up a blue chip prospect?

Not necessarily. Did the money work? They actually saved money on the contract by dishing out what they gave out, which is fucking crazy. When you consider how much O'Reilly makes, they got the best player in the trade, and when you're in the Central Division,

in the Western Conference, and you look around, and every single fucking team is loading up the way they are. Yeah, I mean, the Blackhawks got Cam Ward and Chris Coonitz. Like, look out. Look out in the Central, my friend. You need to get yourself. Now you got Ryan O'Reilly, Braden, Shend, and Tyler Bozac up the gut.

You're doing pretty well for yourself. Yeah, Tyler Bozac, look out. I just, I completely, I don't hate the trade. I would probably do it if I was on either side of it, because if you're Buffalo, you've got a clear space for your young centers. If you're St. Louis, if you're St. Louis, you spent the last two trade deadlines selling off guys. And so, like, you can't go third year of just kind of, like, hanging around and then trading someone else. So you got to go for it.

They didn't do something. Like fucking trade Colton Pereko for some shit? Yeah, they got rid of stuff they didn't need for something they didn't need. And I don't mind it, but I just, like, let's say I was running the blues. I'd be like, ah, I don't know if I really want Ryan O'Reilly. I don't know if he's the kind of, I don't want him hanging around Vladimir Tarasenko and being a bad influence on him. Like, hey, let's go to Tim Horton's. We don't have them here.

I was wondering when we were getting around to the fact that he once crashed his truck into a Tim Horton. Well, no. Who among us? Technically, though, I don't know if we can say it because he was found not guilty, because suddenly the witnesses all disappeared. Oh, I can't remember who got out of the special fancy, custom-made, old-timey vintage truck and ran away. Nope, can't positively idea them.

But I mean... Hey, uh, sir, you have a second? Oh, yeah, sure. Hey, did you happen to see a man crash a vintage truck into a Tim Horton's? Uh, yeah, I totally did. Hi, my name's Terry Bugula. Yeah. Well, I was wondering, would you like your own island?

It's a guy who should testify at the trial. Mr. Johnson. Can you tell us what you saw on that day? And he's wearing like a gold Buffalo Sabers jersey. He has like gold teeth, gold rings, gold necklace. I don't know. I don't know. I was looking the other way that day.

Can you confirm or deny that the man involved was Ryan O'Reilly? And then Terry Bouguola is over in the audience waving front row, Penn State, Michigan football tickets. I know. Like, dude, I guarantee you, like everyone that Tim Horton's now. That Tim Horton closes on Saturdays during college football season. So they can all go watch like Syracuse play or something. You're telling me that your sworn statement is being retracted. I was mistaken that Tim Horton's hit him.

From what I saw, the building moved, looks up for Terry Pagula, moved into his path. The Earth's rotation resulted in the building. Like, let's say John Tavares, he's a little tipsy. He's like, I can make it home. He's on the LIE, and he's like, I've got to get me some Chipotle. And he kind of crashes into the Chipotle. Wait, the Chipotle would not be that. Oh, wait, you're saying it doesn't matter if it's open or not.

No. He's going to crash it. He's going to crash into it. You think he's going to run home on feet and then try to, like, pretend it wasn't him? Allegedly, for the record, in case we can get sued for any of this. The San Jose Sharks re-signed Thomas Hurtle. They re-signed Joe Thornton. Oh, those poor bastards.

About 10.625 million. They re-signed Logan Cater for $8 million. They signed Abander Kane back in May for $7 million. They did not sign John DeVaris. Yeah. They cleared out a bunch of salary to get him. They didn't get him. It doesn't mean they're not going to do something crazy good.

I mean, they're in there Carlson talks. They could probably go finangle a Jeff Skinner or Apache Ready potentially, but like... There's still 100... Yeah, but now they have to give up stuff to get those guys off the roster. I think the thing about it, though, like, as we talk about some of like the... The runoff of the Tavares decision. The butterfly effect? The butterfly effect, yeah.

The parallel universe above the butterfly. Is John Tavares to say it was a shark in any of the other multiverses in the world, correct? Yes. How many? What percentage of them do you think? But there's also a multiverse in which Joe Thornton and Patrick Marlowe are working on their fifth cup. It's kind of weird. Now listen, I think the thing

The kick in the dick for This trucks, and they're one of A couple of teams that threw shade at Tavares By the babies would be like... What did they say? They were like, they are unrestricted free agents. Never leave. They were like that.

They were like, would they love it here so much? They really... Meanwhile, yeah, except for that time when Doug Wilson wanted to trade Joe Thornton, he never left because you gave him a no move clause. Yeah, and also you paid him $8 million last year when he probably deserved like four. So like, I think the kick in the dick for them

is that, like, Tavares basically was like, I like the younger guys. I like this younger team. You guys are a little bit, you're the old. But they're not, I mean, I. Pvelsky's like 33 or 34. Like, they're all going to be over 30. Burns is 31 or something or 30.

Thorntz 85. Thorin's 801 years old. Like, he's at an age now where if he scored four goals, I don't know if he could actually perform if he needed to kind of do his thing. Like, he'd probably, like, he'd have to score three in the first two periods, Papa Viagra during the intermission. So he was ready for the empty netter in like a half hour.

Joe, Joe, what's up? You started the game on fire. Three goals in the first 10 minutes. You have to let it kick in. Yeah, you got to get your time. Yeah, let it kick in, you know. Just take a half if you have to sometimes. Just break in half and this.

Like, I feel bad for San Jose because I think the only reason why he's not a shark is because of where he happened to be born. Could be? That's, I think it's what it is. Like, they're both super great places to go. But I just think, I don't know, man. I think San Jose would be a better fit for him. I think that they're closer. to winning than Toronto is.

It's more elite of faith with Kyle Davis. They've got two elite defensemen and Martin Jones and Freddie Anderson are probably awash. But like you're, you're, you're... Yeah, but Mark and where Vlasic is like, you know, he's also 100 years. But he's still really good. Yeah. And I mean, I think they're fine.

Like, I think that they're still have, they have a big window to win next year. They had a hundred point team last year. Yeah, exactly. But like, the thing is, is they didn't get Paul Stastening, which is fine. But, like, they didn't really do much of anything. So now you're just kind of like, well, What do we clear out? I'd rather see them get something on the wing, to be honest with you, than Tavares.

You can come back with Pavellski over two more ears and Couture and then, you know, bring something. I don't know. It's whatever. I wonder if they ran on JBR because, like, we'll do Toronto more later. But like the thing that I liked about the Dubus move was like he didn't say, shit, we need a defenseman. We have to get a defenseman. He was like, John Tavares is the best player available. He wants the player.

Let's get him the player. Let's just get more great players. And we'll worry about defense later. So I wonder if, like, Dubus did a better job of selling Tavares on, I got this taken care of, as opposed to Doug Wilson saying, we have this now. I'm dying to know what the pitches were for Tavares because, like, apparently, like, the Leafs really laid out their plan and said, here's exactly what we're going to do for the next several years. I also think Tavares probably knows what's going to happen next off season. Because they had to convince him, like, we're going to get better in our areas. Does he know that about the other five teams?

It's the question. Like, did Steve Biser and walk in the room and be like, then after getting Eric Carlson, we're going to, like, I see Stevie L. I do. I can see Dumas doing it. Dumas was probably like, I'll do whatever I got to do to get this guy here. I would love if that happened. And then like after the introductory press conference, Brendan Shanahan sits down to Varus and he's like, tell me everything you know about these other tips. That's true though, because like if you do spill everything to Tavares and then like DeVars is like, hey, just Kyle, FYI, Tyler Johnson's going to be available in about two hours. So just maybe do that. But yeah, San Jose's, it's just sucks because it could have been an amazing, they could have been Stanley Cup favorites. Toronto is now the Stanley Cup favorite, but they're not. They're not, right?

Tampa's the state of the favorite. I'm sorry. Like, if you don't have Victor Headman and Anton Strollman and Ryan McDonough, you're not the favorite. You're telling me Nikita Zaidsev doesn't do it for you? I'm saying that this, okay, let's get to the Penguins now. I'm saying this notion of now they've got Austin Matthews, Mitch Marner, and John Tiberis, and Cadry.

And because of that, they can have a fucking shit defense. Like, it's unfounded. It's like, you know what it is? It's the Vegas argument, and it's the Penguins without Crystal Tang and the playoffs argument, where you don't need the elite defense, which is fine, but you need a better defense. You need better guys. You can't win with these six guys back here. No, you can't.

And also, like, people forget, like, when the Penguins won, that was the Matt Murray show that year. Like, he was fucking great. He was everything they needed him to be. He wasn't stealing games left and right, but he wasn't making mistakes. No, but they were also winning. They were like, they were like, I'll use baseball. The Mariners this year. I won like a million one-run games.

They were winning every coin flip one. Vegas this year, winning a bunch of one goal games. So I see people kind of shitting on the idea that like Ganchar is not the goal, the defense whisper that he's made out to be that you can put anybody on the team and with Sid and Gino and it's going to be fine. But like those guys come off the ice at some point and it's not as if the penguins all of a sudden fall apart. I'm sorry, like when your track record is Ian Cole, Alexiak, Justin Sholes. Like he's clearly pretty good at his job.

Yeah. You know, their defense is good. It's like when Larry Robinson was the head, was coaching with the devils. And all of a sudden, fucking Bryce Salvador was, like, playing 25 minutes a night. Like, that's not to say, oh, anybody can fucking do that in front of Bredor. Right. A 39-year-old Bordor. No, look, Larry Robinson is a great defensive coach.

He was the same deal for the sharks. And Gontchar is the same deal here. Like, he makes average defensemen better than they are. Yeah, but he also makes young defensemen. So you're saying Jack Johnson. You're saying, well, you're saying Jack John, it's like an Anakin thing. Like, he's too old to be taught by the Jedi counsel. I feel like this can only bring doom and gloom to the Penguins Empire by having Jack.

I just, like, let's say you do like Jack Johnson. Let's say you see something in Jack Johnson. Well, I mean, I like most boat rock. I mean, I've never had banana pancakes, but I'm sure they're delicious. But like, let's say you like Jack Johnson. Let's say you see something there that maybe John Tortorello did it or any other coach didn't. Fine. Who are you bidding with where you have to go five years for him?

Well, he's not, like... I think that's to bring down the hit, though, 3.25. Yeah, but like, you're gambling that after one year of, like, the Sergei Ganchar Penguins' defensive like elixir, he's going to be worth of the last four. And if he's not, if he actually is bad and done, like, you have this just shitty defenseman on your roster for four more years. And it's like, this is the end of the Sid Geno era. You got to get everything you can out of it.

So why are you... Why Jack Johnson is it? Well, I mean... It's my guess. It's my question. I really enjoyed Sid coming out and being like, yeah, you know, I know, I'm... I never really said they should ever sign anybody here. I never done that.

I remember when they traded for Phil Kessel because not you. And Henrik Lundquist never got John Tortorello fire either. Right, right. Yeah, it just happened to be that the one guy that the penguin signed to help their defense happened to go to Shattuck and is your friend. Just a weird coincidence. Just a crazy wild coincidence. Pierre McGuire actually recommended it is what it was.

But up up, Chuck Johnson, Bankrupt family. Shattuck. Yeah. By the way. Yeah. So I understand that Jack Johnson said some shit that would probably piss me off too if I was a Columbus Blue Jack? Hold on. Let's break it down. Let's break it down. Break it down.

Jack Johnson said, I've been looking to be in a winning culture. Winning culture. After signing with a team that won two Stanley Cups in the last three years versus Columbus, who checks notes, has never been out of the first round of the playoffs. So it's like everything he says is true. And I understand that if a team that's got Sid and Gino and Phil and Latang and Murray comes to you and says five years, you're just like, I don't mean, Kurt the Caput is done five years. Like John Torneral is usually like a lunatic dick, but he's kind of got a point, man. Like, like it's not as though he just played in Columbus and he was just a guy there. Like, yeah, they healthy scratch them in the playoffs. But like if your team is like really helping you out while your parents are steep.

stealing money from you, maybe don't, maybe don't drop that line of the press conference. What, what Torrella told Aaron Portsline, by the way, for, maybe one day, maybe even in August, we'll do the athletic power rankings for all the reporters there. Like, Mike Russo and Aaron Portsline are probably like in my top three as far as, like, essential guys. Portsline is so damn good on the beat. He reaches out to Tortorella and to find out what he thought of this whole thing. Scam likely is calling me.

So keep in mind, this was also a situation where Jim Rutherford, the GM of the Penguins, cryptically said that Johnson was a healthy scratch for the Blue Jackets for reasons beyond his play. He just needs some more butterscotch. He was a healthy scratch at the end of the season. I know the reason why it wasn't because how he was playing. It's because he disrespected his grandpa. No. the South Park where they

they buy the jewelry off of the home shopping network was on last night where they keep telling the guy to kill himself so good. Fuck is that a good episode. So Totorella said after all this stuff is You should kill yourself. All I know is this organization from the players of the front office JD, the managers, the coaches, the players

has done nothing but try to help Jack. And for him, it's a backhand slap us like this. It's out of bullshit. And he should know better. no one wishes anything bad to happen to him and his family what the fuck yeah what's that line hey it sure would be a shame if something happened to first of all of all the people in the world you were going to threaten someone's family like jack johnson's like okay maybe i'll get some of the money back if you if you take him out yeah that's the cam warren no

move clause of threats imagine like cam warren his agent's sitting there it's like we got it off from from chicago oh that's pretty good what is it one and three oh yeah i'll take that wait hold on what's this at the bottom here What's NTC? Oh, a no trade call. Did you ask for that? No. Did they just gave it to us?

Yeah, sign, sign, sign, sign. As you wrote on Twitter. Oh, my God. All right, everybody, all you people, angling to get Cam Ward at the trade deadline. Sorry, folks. Shots closed. Also, it makes no sense because if Cam Ward's awesome and really good,

the Blackhawks aren't going to trade him. And if Cam Ward's dog shit and the Blackhawks are dog shit, no one's going to come asking it for Cam Ward. What the fuck is the point of that no trade calls? I mean, there is also, I mean, it's always the possibility that Jim Rutherford does. Let's be honest. So anyway, Torts continues after threatening, oh, I'm sorry, after not threatening Jack Johnson's family. But for him to put it that way, he put it today is bullshit.

And to have a general manager question on decision-making from three hours away, he must be a fucking magician, a fucking magician. Yeah, he doesn't like you when other team say things about his team. But, like, he's... I love the fact that my Totorella is a little more freaking into a Paul Giamati impression I just realized. He's got a point. He's got a little bit of a point. And then he goes like this. that's what pisses me off

he doesn't have enough balls oh there it is now everybody drink balls as small as the room he doesn't have enough balls to call me back because we tried to get in touch with him you don't shit on our organization

that's done nothing to help but try to help you we all know Jack has had some problems along the way here it's very well chronicled all we've done is try to fucking help him I love the fucking guy I've had him on the Olympic team oh god wait a second

yeah Jesus Christ it's amazing he didn't get to tell these scratch on the Olympic team. You get healthy scratch on the Columbus Blue Jacks. I get him on the World Cup team. I love the guy, but for him to do this is ridiculous. He's got to start pointing the finger at himself, one of the people. And now, if I'm a former teammate of his and I play him against them next year, my gosh.

Yeah, I know. Like, so within that rant, he threatened his family and insinuated he would be hurt the first time they played each other. I mean, like, as people pointed out, it has been a while since we've had this Tortorella. This is comfortable now. This is the, oh yeah, you think it's such hot shit, Bob Hartley? What if I go out and some of my guys and beat the shit?

y'all guys off the face off. When he first got there, he's like, I'm changing. I'm going to be different. I'm going to be more. And then like last year he was like, fuck you, Oveskin, you fucking piece of shit.

It's starting to crack a little bit. My bad, my bad. I shouldn't have said that. And now, like, the offseason comes, he's just fucking letting loose, baby. You're like, toys.

What are your thoughts for this season? And this game against Jack Johnson? He's the motherfucker antichrist. He's, he's, like, standing there with, like, a picture of, like, Jack Johnson's mom and dad

and just like, you know, family's important. It's important to have parents who love you. Sure, not everybody can understand what that's like. I'm not saying anything specific about anybody who used to play for our team was a healthy scratch in the playoffs and is now on the Penguins. But if this were anybody but torts, who's just, you know, basically like, you know, if we're looking for refinement, he's like the Bobcat Gullthwaite of a fucking stand-up comics,

he's just like, he's gotten a refinement. He would have dropped the word emotionally bankrupt in there several times or intellectually bankrupt or ethically. morally, some sort of bankruptcy. No question. Jack Johnson, by the way, apologized, kind of. I didn't mean it in any way, shape, or form as a backhand

towards Columbus. It's just Pittsburgh's won two Stanley Cubs the last three years. And there's a winning culture there. I didn't mean it in any way to insult the Blue Jackets at all. I mean, yeah, any rational person would probably agree with that assessment except for the Mount Tortorella that just erupted. Right. Any other coach? Any other coach, like if he had left the islanders

Like Barry Trots isn't going to like call up Fucking Arthur Staple and be like This motherfucker was this in my fucking franchise Actually, I can't see Barry Trots saying dissing I can barely see myself saying Dissing now that I think about it Of DJ Barry and a native to say For agency is so dumb

James Van Reams like $7 million a season For five years to Flyers A move that even Flyers fans didn't think was coming Shock and awe at this one But it makes a ton of fucking sense When you break it down Does it? I think it does.

Like if you're not going to... But if it's at the expensive Wayne Simmons... But I think, do you like Van Ramesick or Simmons? Oh, I like Simmons, Warren. I'm going to win. That's fun. I like Van Riebsdick. It's not that I don't like Van Rheemstack.

I just... Like Wayne Simmons has been a pretty rock-solid, steady guy for a year. Last year he was a little bit down. JVR has a big, gigantic career year last year, and now all of a sudden, like, you'd rather have JVR. I think if you asked anybody before this season, you'd probably rather have Simmons, right? And now all of a sudden, it's like... It's again, I like how we're just partially talking about the Leafs the whole way through,

and then we're going to get to the Leafs and be like, we said everything, right? Yeah, we're good. It's like everyone's putting Tavares on this team and saying that they're a Stanley Cup favorite now. But it's like you're not putting Tavares on the Leafs of last year. There's no Bozac. There's no JBR. It's not the same team. And so if you're going to put JBR on the flyers and you're like, yeah, it's great.

But if it comes at the expense of like another player who's just as good, it's like, well, what's the point? They've got some for another year. So at the very least you can have them on there with that group. And like if the whole gambit, is a guy with a Cajun accent throwing exploding playing cards. No, if the whole gambit is that... They explode the playing cards? Yeah, that's the whole point.

His mutant powers, whatever he grabs and throws, it explodes. It just so happens that he's a card. Oh, I thought he was like Dave Franco, and now you can see me, where he just threw the cards, his weapons. First of all, it's now you see me. What did I say, now you can see me? Now you can see me. Now you don't.

Now you can not. Now you can don't. Now you can no longer see me visibly. I mean, if the whole gambit is to have JBR be like the veteran compliment to Nolan Patrick, like I really like this deal. Like, I think that's a smart, smart move. I don't know, man. I just think teams in the NHL panic way too much when they have a guy who's a good player and he's a one year away.

And they feel like they have to do something in that full 12 months in advance. Like you say, hey, Artemi Panarin, you're going to be a free agent. What do you want to re-sign right now? And he's like, nah. And then it's like, well, we got to look into trading Artemi Panarin immediately because it's like, No GM can live in that uncertainties situation. Every team except for the Islanders. Well, that's because J.T. held them hostage, Greg, with his eight-team, no trade clause.

We'll get there. The Nashville Predators signed Zach Rinaldo to one of your contracts. Yeah. Well, listen, when you're the most winningest GM ever, this is the kind of outside-the-box move. I think it's a brilliant move because it's not as if they spent a first round pick to get Ryan Hartman last year, who should pretty pretty serve this role for them. some way shape or form. I mean, he's never going to play, right?

Like, that's just like a, that's an HL deal. You think it's like an Island and Misfit Predators pick? Yeah, like a 14th, 15th forward kind of a guy. I don't think he's, he's not, he's not in their top 12, right?

It's so weird that they would waste a signing on him. The Canadian's bought out Steve Mason and got Joel Armea, which is not a bad little trade. I mean, but like... It wasn't the precursor to anything. But here's the fucking problem. Like, if this was, if this was the NFL,

everybody else in the whole fucking league is throwing downfield, and Montreal just hand it off to the fullback. Yeah. It's like, it's, they set it all up for Tavaris. They didn't get in the fucking room with them. Yeah, I don't know why anybody thought they were going to get Tavares.

Well, because of the relationship that Brousan had with, with Berserat. But that makes no sense. Like, who cares? Like, so your agent and your fucking

some GM, like they have lunch together. So, like, I was a player, I'm going to go there for seven years. Well, I mean, when the entirety of the NHL,

just a bunch of guys jerking each other off. You'd like you figured that would help. Yeah, I guess, but I mean, I don't know. The Minnesota Wild have been tasked with, what are you pointing out? The Zipa Box. I'm the same thing sitting on my table on my... Yeah, since they're not the sponsor anymore, I can just mention we ever use Zeehan. The Minnesota Wild, Paul Fenton, has been tasked with, oh, thanks, has been tasked with tweaking the lineup, and tweak he did.

Greg Patarin? Greg Pattern? Sure. J.T. Brown. and then Andrew Hamburger or Hammond and then two old Bruce Woodrow

foot soldiers Maddie Hendrix and Eric Fair boy the wild have certainly loaded up the arson they're not making the playoffs this year right like it's over no they have Bruce Prudrow they're going to make the playoffs of perpetuity I feel like that's just something we accept

until it doesn't happen anymore and then we're just like wait so Bruce Rujo the guy who's good in their regular season but shits the bed in the playoffs now misses the playoff I don't know man great pattern's not moving the needle for me. Who finishes higher this year? St. Louis from Minnesota. I don't trust Jake Allen either. I know it's hard. It's tough.

But I mean, like, the problem with Minnesota is that, like, you know, they're old, slow. I still feel like they're going to make other moves. Like, they, you know, like, according to Russo, Charlie Coyle and Niederriderrider are both available. Zooker's available. We'll see what they do. I mean, I think there's a chance. They're good, they're good young players. Oh, wow. That's, that's helpful. Yeah, they're good young players are available. And not, not the empty husk of Zach Preeze. Drew Dowdy, eight years, $11 million a season. Listen, the age of the L.A. Kings is not his problem.

He wants to stay in L.A. It's kind of his problem, and he wants to make his money, and you get to build around Drew Doughty. That's a great thing. You get to build around Drew Doudi and Ange Kofatar, and maybe you have a window to win here, and maybe you do it or maybe you don't, and then you move off of that in a couple years.

But you have to keep them, and they kept them, and that's all that matters. You have to keep Drew Dowdy. Don't make noises. Like, whatever the fuck else is happening on the Kings is whatever the fuck else is happening on the Kings. You don't let Drew Dowdy go if he wants to stay there. You sign the motherfucker now, like they did. How old is Drew Daugherty?

Drew Daughey is like 29, 28, but he's plays, he's durable. He's still going to be great. Everyone's durable till they're not durable anymore, though. He's going to be great for at least six years of that contract. Is he? What, where is this coming from? He was trying to fucking Norris this year. Why doesn't Drew Dowdy get the Phil Kessel shit about it?

not being in shape and how he's going to age. Ever seen Drew Dowdy? He's not fat, but like he's not exactly... His nickname when he was growing up was Doe. Drew Doey or something like that. Yeah. I just, you look at the Blackhawks, right? They had their run.

They were a partial semi-dynasty. I don't think they were a dynasty, but people like to think they were. But they were really good for a long time, and now they're in trouble why? Because they overpaid all their dudes who won them the Cups once they got to the U.S. And now are the kings during the same spot,

but they're further removed from their. stuff. Like, I just, I feel like teams should refresh sooner than they do. Duncan Keith won a cup at 31. What? Well, how old was Jonathan Taves and Patrick King at the time? They were 20. I'm just, but I'm talking about the play. Like, the team is whatever. Well, how old's Duncan Keith now and what's he looking like? Duncan Keith is 33. 33? 33 minutes in the idea. Yeah, he plays a lot.

Yeah, he plays a lot. Yeah, like, but like, like, kind of, you know, I just. Okay, that's great, but like, Dowdy's 28. Okay? So, in, you know, fucking six years, yeah. Six years, it's five years into that new deal. But, like, I'm okay with, like,

when they overpaid Henrik Lunkwist, the Rangers window is still kind of open for the first couple years of it, so you get why they have to do it. Like, the king's window isn't open anymore. Okay, but what do you do? Let him go? Then what's the, what's the rest of the equation? You trade. You trade them.

Like, your logic is that you don't sign Drew Dowdy. Because they don't have a large window, but then if you don't have Drew Doudi, you don't have any fucking window. No, you don't have a window, period. But if you trade Drudadie and you start looking to the future and resetting your roster, the window can open again when Dr. Doudi is not there. It's absolutely nuts not to resigned Dr. Doudi. But, like, for eight years and $88 million, seems nuts to me for Drew Doudi. It does now until fucking Carlson signs for like eight years and 13.

Carlson's going to be nuts, too, just because I still think that foot thing is an issue. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. Like, if you rank the top five best defenseman in hockey, like, Drew Dowdy is on that list, correct? Edmund, Suban, Dowdy. Yeah. I mean, he's there. Yeah. So if you have one of the top five players at his position.

Now. Now. And I would say for at least the next four or five years. I don't know, man. Even if it's the next four years, who gives a shit? You're L.A. We've got a whole money. Again, like, it's fine that the first four years or, like, four years where the kings have a chance to win the cup.

but they don't. So it's just why, like when they give Taves and Kane that, well, I guess the Taves and Cain contracts are not a good example of it. They're not. But like when a team has a chance to win the cup, yeah, you overpay for your Cornerstone guys. But now it's just. But here's the thing, too. Like first four years of that deal through 2012, 2013, it's got a no move.

Then it's a modified no trade. So you can get rid of the contract at some point. Yeah, when he's at his absolute worst, then you can trade him for 50 cents on the dollar. I just think teams in the King's situation should not be doing it. I'm saying they've got flexibility to move. the contract if it goes tits up like you think it will. It's not that it would go tits up. It's like even if Drew Dowdy is good, like what are the kings going to be?

They don't have anything coming through the pipeline. They don't have like these great young prospects that are going to be the cheap entry level guys that you need to wait. Like they're just in this terrible spot. They are in a terrible spot, but I think that, you know, when you have two two foundational guys in Dowdy and Kopitart to build around, then you're okay. You're doing okay. It's a good spot to be in.

See, like, I look at it the other way. I think you have to sort of have those foundational guys and then build around your, you know, your entry-level contract guys who score 25 goals for you when they make $850K. So they don't have that, and their core guys are all going to be less than what they are now in a few years?

I don't know. Teams, I understand why they do it because you trade Drew Doughty all of a sudden you want to load up for the future. It's a hard sell, but I don't know. I just think the best thing for that's... He spent the next 10 years trying to find Drew Doughty again. Like, look at the Islanders.

and John Tavares, man. Like, they fucking hung on to him forever and they got nothing out of it. And he was actually young and in his prime still. We're almost there. It's amazing. Jonathan Bernier, three years, three million dollars is one of my favorite signings of the week. His numbers are better than, like, Luongo and Rask as far as even straight and say a percentage of the last two years. Fine.

It's a good signing. It's a slightly more than what, like, Halak got. Someone's got to play goalie. Vanek comes back for three months. million for one year and has a no trade clause. You know what? A lot of people said Kenny Holland couldn't make the Red Wings older. They doubted his ability

to make Henry Zediberg look young in comparison to the rest of the roster, but he said no, I will find a way to get Thomas Vatic, Mike Green in this building for at least one more year. Mike Green, two years, $5.375 million, and a lot of tears watching the Capitol celebrate. What's he doing? I understand Mike Green's coming off a neck thing and everything like that, but he's happy.

He's happy. Why is he happy? Original 16. Who fucking cares? Family likes living there, I guess. I don't know. But, like, there's really nice suburbs of Detroit. But, I mean, again, you have a limited window in your life to play professional hockey at a high level. And if you're Mike Green, like, why not go somewhere for two years where you can, like, win and stuff? I just don't get it, man. Like, that contract, and there's another one, too. Oh, the James Neal contract. I don't know. There's just so many contracts where I see them signed that I'm just like,

what are both sides thinking? We'll get there. Anton Kudobin signs with Dallas for two years and 2.5, another signing I really like. That's fine. Roland Pollack, 1.3 million for one year. Okay. There it is. There's one more Dallas contract, too. Blake Como.

Was it 3 in 12? 3 and 8? Blake Como was 3.2.4 over a year for 3. Yeah, that's... I get it. Like, I just... These extra years for these depth guys, man.

That's what kills you. For all the shit that went down with Blue Jackets this week, Riley Nash for three years, is a 2.75, there's a good little signing. Is it? Yeah. Did you see his numbers before last year? He's, again, it's another fourth-line guy. He played up with Marchand and Pastonac when birth went down.

So in other words, you have a checking line center that in theory could play with some talented guys if given the task. How many NHL guys can't play with talented guys? Like, I mean, you're paying for like, it's like Edmonton. We'll get to that one. Tobias Reeder. Yeah.

Oh, I skipped over them. I don't give a shit about it. That's a great signing because I don't know why they weren't doing this. last year. Like, Carter McDavid is the fastest fucking hockey player in the world. You can't have Milan Luchich fucking lugging around a refrigerator for fucking 12 minutes in the fucking night with him on his line. You got to have fast guys.

And if Tobias Reeder plays a McDavid for a year and has 22 goals and 35 assists and suddenly he's a 55 point guy. It's not because he's suddenly figured it out like Riley Nash did. He's just playing elite talented guys. It's it. Ian Cole signs three years, 4.25 million in his season. That's a lot of fucking money for Ian Cole. I don't get it.

But I mean, they need defensemen, so whatever. I mean, Colorado. But again, like, that's like the Toronto Maple Leafs. Like, they need defensemen, but they weren't paying Ian Cole fucking $4.25 million a year. They were like, give us John Tavares. He'll play 21 minutes a night in the offensive zone, and that'll be easier for our defensemen. So the Blackhawks had the good, the bad, and the ugly. What was the good?

Brandon Manning, two years, 2.25. Yeah, sure. It's great. The bad. Chris Coon, it's one year, one million. It's got nothing left. I don't know what they saw in Tampa where they were like, you know what we need. I mean, obviously, Chris Kunis won't play with Cedric Pockett and Ryan Callahan.

We need a guy who's even more done than Patrick Sharp was done, is what we need. Right. And, like, Patrick Sharp was at least not done more recently than Chris Cunits, who's been done. Like, dude, that goal Chris Cunits scored against Ottawa has gotten him two contracts. He probably should not have gotten. That's what it is, man. He fucking picked the corner over a screen goaltender. Actually, wait, that's it.

That's the ugly, because Cam Ward for a year in $3 million. Like, as a sit, listen, they're paying their goalies now, like, upward of fucking like $9 million, which is nuts. But if Corey Crawford can't play, like Cam Ward's going to be their guy. Like, why couldn't they get... Of the other options, at least he's been a starter, you know?

Yeah. That was the quote. Cam Ward. Yeah. Tracy Myers. Cam Ward, Cam Ward's played a lot of hockey. Or you could be Carolina and go to war with Scott Darling and Peter Morazick next year. Oh, buddy.

I cannot wait to see... Actually, Cam Ward going to Chicago is yet another level of the Scott Darling double down that I'm doing where if Cam Ward is is no wait how would this work Cam Ward would have to be good in Chicago for no bad in Chicago To make my point and then Darling gets good And then Darling's good at Brendan Moore right because now Cam Ward's right there Stealing and starts right there you go although wait who they get again

Morrashic yeah and then Bill Peters gets fired in the first month Like that's the other part of the equation you need I can't believe I feel so I totally spaced on this on the other podcast We were going over the Dougie Hamilton trade And I was like well you know a good thing for those guys on Carolina, Lynn Holm and Hannafing, they get away from Bill Peters. Right. And down goes Brown's like, um, it gets a news for you.

There's a hole in your theory. Um, the flames, you're going apes to the James Neal five years, five point seven five million. I think that Derek Ryan three years, three point one to five is fucking worse. That's bad, too. That's a bad sign. We were talking about this before the podcast, how like it used to be all the bad contracts for like five years, like five and 25.

And now they're all, they're basically the three year ones that are bad. James Neal, what were his numbers last year? I get like 24 goals and like 40-something points, right? He's older. Five and 27. James Neal is like the Alex Gologoski to Arizona. It's like Mike Green in Detroit where I don't understand why both sides want each other. I guess I get why Calgary even want him a little bit.

But I know what you're saying. Like, why not stay in Vegas for a little bit less money where you're coming off a team that just went to the final? I wonder if term, I mean, they've rumored to have given him five times five earlier this year. But like his goals since 2011. 40, 21, 27, 23, 33, 25. Like, you're going to get 20 to 25 goals from him. For five and a half million bucks, though, that's... If you get that for the next three years as the second option behind Goodrow and Monaghan,

like, you're doing pretty well for yourself. That's one of those contracts where, like, obviously, it's going to be bad at the end, but, like, it might be bad at the beginning, too. Oh, man. I don't know, man. I don't hate James Neal, but I don't love James Neal enough for that kind of contract. That's funny. I think we had that question in our roundtable.

on ESPN, like which contract that was signed is going to be regrettable immediately. Let me see which one. That feels like. Well, to your contract. Well, I'll get to mine in a second, but, you know, Emily said Beagle and Roussel. Peter said Peron. I'll get to the mine in a second. So, yeah, James name, whatever.

The Sabres, Carter Hutton, three years, 2.75. I mean, as long as he, listen, it's obviously that old Mark's going to become the starter there. As a hand-holding backup goalie, that's fine. Whatever. Yeah, but I think he might get a chance to play, like, 50 games. You got him for less than Bernier. You're just hoping that he ends up being, you know, Cam Talbot and not Scott Darling. I just, yeah, but like I go back to the whole goalies don't necessarily play as well as they should,

unless they have a good team in front of them. And, like, he's going from St. Louis to Buffalo now. Two, that's a fucking Sib on defense. John Moore, five years, $2.7.5 million. Now, I'm a John Moore fan. I like John Moore. I think he's fine. I think people shot on this because of the term.

Again, it's a lot of years. This is the rare bad five-year deal. But I go back to them when the Rangers traded for Keith Yandel. Like, John Moore was their number six. They had a perfectly good one through six, and they felt like they had to get Keith Yandel instead of another center. And they lost John Moore, John Moore, went to Arizona, then he went to Jersey.

And he's a fine depth guy, but, like, I don't know if you need him for five years. Sure, but like if you have them for five years, that means after like two or three, if it's not working out, you're going to find someone to take him for that cap hit. It's not as if it's fucking a Carl Olsner contract. No. Five years. It's a fucking four, four, six. Yeah, that's a really bad deal from the beginning. But like all these little contracts can add up.

Like if you're like, say like, I don't know, like Buffalo. Buffalo seems like you're just throwing a lot of shit against the wall on scene with sticks with like Connor Sheary and all these moves they've made. But it's Buffalo. Like they can fuck around. They're terrible. But like when you're Boston, like you need to kind of be real selective about how you spend. money in the coming years. And, you know, for all the shit that, uh, that, that, that Sid got for getting Jack

Johnson on the team because of their Shaddock thing, tell me, Zadano Shard and walk in, ducked down through the doorframe into the office of Don Swing to be like, and be like, Just up Halak! Now! Hey, Mr. Taran. See, now the Halak, who is dog shit with the Islanders, I could, I could see him being better with Boston, but is it going to be better playing one every six games? Me want Halak.

You know, he's not the Hulk. He's more like Drax. He's like... He's like a very well-red, studied man. He got a real estate license. He went to Harvard. He rides bikes and... Ridesment Park rides.

The Arizona Coyotes had the guy that I think could be regrettable straight away, which is Grabner. Oh, he could be anything. I'm spot out, but like, don't you think for a guy who's got 27 goals, basically, in each of the last two seasons? He can skate.

The fucking idea... And can skate in this league in 2018. why don't people want him? Like 3.35 million for three years as a contract that could be easily handed out by, you know, fucking half the league. That's J.B. Eagle money. That's a lot of J.B. Eagle money he's getting.

He goes to Arizona. The thing I like about it is that he could probably play with Stefan. They played together a little bit in New York a little bit. I don't know, man. Again, Stefan's like one of those plotting dudes. I don't know if Grabber goes with him. But yeah, I see what you're saying. To me, like, if the bar is, he's going to score 27 goals.

But, like, I think like nine of those goals, were like empty netters. Yeah. Like he's just the kind of guy who like does a fly pattern when the puck is like clipped in the air and he gets it. But scoring and empty netter is a skill as Alex Kvachman will tell you. I agree. It's a guy and it has value, you know, that puts games away.

Those are nine empty net goals that probably sealed wins. And otherwise maybe they're those two of those turn into ties or overtime losses, not ties, but like, you know, losses. This one scares me a little bit. I like getting Yarmolson before he goes to market. And obviously getting OEL before he goes to market was, was fucking huge. It's also weird that like Chalmersson, gets like less years, sorry, fewer years, than like,

John Moore. Like, Thomas is, like, he has value. Like, he had a shitty year last year, but I mean, I don't know. Look, here, let's get to the part there, but he gives a shit about it. All right. Calvin Pickard. John Tavares finally locked in. Goes to the Leafs.

Seven years, $11 million annually. Okay, so let's, let's start with his decision. Oh, by the way, did they say he was going to wear the sea or no? No, and we had CJ on ESPN on ice yesterday, and he said that they had a jersey ready for him to put on, but they told him not to put it on. Like maybe the first time you see him in a jersey, it's going to have a sea on it.

Interesting. Let's start with the decision itself. Okay. He chooses the leaps over the Islanders. He makes this decision on June 30th, and then works on the money. and Islanders fans are extraordinarily upset that it took him this long to make the decision. They feel betrayed and they feel lied to.

And they believe that he could have told them at the trade deadline. And they could have told them before this so the Islanders could get their house in order. So Lulam Rulo doesn't scramble around and add Dan McGillis and Vladimir Milagoff, I mean Leo Kamaroff and Vitelli Fupolo. And Tom Koonakle. And Tom Koonakle. Yeah. Now, do you think that, do you think that,

Tavares betrayed the Islanders. Nope. Grow up. Fucking grow up, man. Of all the people in the world who should know the Islanders are dog shit and a really great player doesn't want to come play there is fucking the Islanders.

Islander fans. Like, what world do you live in where he's holding you hostage, where he's holding Gart Snow hostage? There is no fucking world where Gart Snow is going to do anything but hold on to John Tavares until the very end to save his job, because that's how he was going to save his job. To make the playoffs.

To make the playoffs. Right. And the idea that, like, John Tavares, like knew he was leaving in February and just didn't want to tell anybody. Like he was holding it inside as opposed to this not being a actual really difficult decision. Like what should make Islander fans mad is like, yeah, he waited until the last second to make his decision.

But like, think about it though. They got bad the Islanders have been for nine years basically with him there. And he still really wanted to come back. So just imagine if like Gart Snow or your management, you can't really blame Lou Lamarillo he got there just now. Or Barry Trots. Or Barry Trots. Like imagine if the Islanders were just slightly better than Dodd.

shit. He would have come back. He absolutely would have come back. It's this idea that, like, you know, he said he didn't want to be traded. Like, even if he said that, who fucking cares, man? Like, if you're running a team and you have this asset that you're not pretty sure, you're pretty sure you're not going to get back at the end of the year, you have to move him. You have to. You have no choice. You're not a playoff team. You're not a contending team. Look at your roster. It's fucking, it's a mishmash of, like, fucking Andrew Lads and Johnny Boychucks and like Matt Barzow's great, but like, you have this, everything's all over the place. John Tavares had to be traded then and you didn't trade him. That's not John Taviris's fault. Matt Sondin held the Leafs hostage. Yeah. John Tavaris was just like, please don't trade me. I want to stay, maybe. And they were like, okay, fine. They were never going to trade him. That's not on John

Tavis, man. He didn't betray you. Vinnie from Long Island. It is on the fucking team for not, you either commit or you don't to moving on. And they decided to keep them. They gambled. They lost. And, you know, it's sort of,

Like, the black mirror twist of the whole thing is that franchise, the attempt to stabilize the franchise in the end may have been another instance of franchise instability. Yeah. Like, like, he's now sitting at the negotiating table looking at two motherfuckers. He doesn't know in Lou and Trots. And also, like, I don't know how Lou is a selling point for, like, long-term success. He's a 75-year-old man that really hasn't had much success since the lockout. Yeah. And salary cap.

And what's the plan? Like, he just got them. I know. You can look at Toronto and say, well, the plan is they've got three great young players. A coach is going to be there in perpetuity. A GM who's a 16 years old, but it seems pretty bright. He's got a pretty cool skateboard. I like a Malaiseer.

Cadry. Like, they have, Shanahan at the top. Like, fucking Shanahan at the top is the guiding hand to the leaves. Is a better selling point than literally anything the islanders could hand in. Free bagels, free beer, food Leverlo. It doesn't fucking matter. like having sitting down with Brendan Shanahan and being like oh this guy oh fuck yeah this guy knows what's up like instead of like but we could maybe have an arena maybe perhaps we could have one for you

like maybe to be built by the time he's 35 like what the fuck it's it's it's so crazy to me man like yeah something as simple as you know we are going to be playing the game that night like there's going to be a moment next season where there's going to be an islander player showing up a barclays and the game's in nassau like he's just going to miss the game no because you're going to be a moment next season in NASA. Like he's just going to miss the game because he went to the wrong building. Like if, if it's also kind of like unfortunate timing too because I think if Toronto didn't have the space and he was choosing between the Islanders and the Sharks, maybe he stays with the islanders. Yeah. Like I think the hometown thing was a draw and also, I mean obviously it was a draw,

but I never really thought about this until after he chose Toronto. Doesn't it feel like everyone like Islander fans, the Islanders in general, just kind of took for granted. John Tavares is always going to be there. There was never like a reason to make him stay. But see, that's where I'm going to agree

with the Jersey burning lunatics in Islanders fan nation. There was never a... It's one thing to be like, I don't know, free agency, we'll see what happens. This guy literally, for the last two years, has said,

I bleed orange and blue. What's he supposed to say? He goes to the fucking press. conference about the Belmont and he's like it's going to be a great place to play Do you think he asked to be at that press conference? The Islanders made him go. What's he going to say at that thing? There's been no moment.

And if he says that, if he's like, we'll see, like the Islander fans would fucking kill him for that. He was dead either way. Okay, but at least then they know that there's a chance he might not stay. I completely agree with an Islander fan who feels dicked around in the sense that there was never a fucking moment that this guy indicated he might not be an

Islander next year. But he wasn't lying when he said that. I think in his heart Like, he really wanted to stay with the Islanders. You can see into his heart? I mean, apparently, people on Twitter can. Yeah, I know. No, listen, I agree with you. But, like, but you're saying.

He's jealous of Matt Barzow, too, by the way. That's also a thing. Oh, yeah. He doesn't be jealous of him, Austin Matthews. Look at that. Hold on. But your thing is about Islanders fans, and I'm saying that the Islanders fans of every right to be upset

because at no point in the last two years was he ever. Upset, yes. Betrayed, betrayed. But he even betrayed, like, fucking, he never said there was a chance he could leave. He's not. never going, whoever says that, whoever says that when they're,

in their last year of their deal, whoever says like in like February when they're four points out of the playoffs. We'll just say, we'll see where it goes. We'll see. We'll see where it goes. And they would have been like, oh, that sent a bad message to the room. That's instability in the locker room. There's no way he was going to win in this.

Now, if, if, the thing I don't like from the Jersey Burners is this misplaced anger. It's the team that blew it. Oh, it's the fucking franchise that blew it. It's 955 of the team. It's, it's fucking, Capguano blew it. You know,

All these guys blew it, and they blew it in the sense. Look it, I'm looking at it right now. I'm looking at the last time that the Islanders were relevant. It was in 2016. They beat the Florida Panthers in the first round. They lost the Tampa Lightning in the second round. The top three... Caps in the same.

No, no, no. They lost the Lightning. They lost the caps in the first round. Oh, the other year. Oh, right, right, right. So, 2016, John Tavares led the team with 70 points. Kyle Akposo had 64 points. Franz Nielsen.

had 52 points. Travis Hamanick was on defense. Like, why are you asking this man to come back and play for a team? He doesn't even fucking recognize anymore. Like, once all the talent on this team walked out the door, like you couldn't fucking retain Franz Nielsen. Franz Nielsen decided he wanted to leave. They wanted to keep...

Precisely. But it's the same issue. It's the same issue is that you did not create a franchise and a team that was attractive enough. There was no plan in place where Frank Nielsen said, you know what, I'd rather be here. The fucking Detroit. Great. That's all I'm saying is like when you consider all those things.

Like how is this at all John DeVaris's fault when like he wanted to stay? He was like, give me a reason to stay. That's why I keep coming back to the hole. They just took him for granted. They were just like, we'll just get some. We'll get Johnny Boy chuck and Nick Letty. Yeah. You know what we'll do?

We'll go out and get Lou. Lou's important. Right. Yeah. Like they really didn't give him an NHL coach for most of his career. They fucking were like, here's Jack Cap, you want over six years. Think about how fucked up it is. But they went into this negotiation with John Tabaris being like, stay with the organization.

We have a firm plan. didn't even a fucking goalie for next year I know So so so so so so so how is this at all John DeVarce's fault Just because he never gave an indication he may leave I think I think yes I think that as a fan you have to count on the possibility He went beyond that though

He went beyond that saying that I want to be an islander I want to stay an islander I want to be the reason this franchise turns it around I want to win a cup for this franchise It wasn't simply just like I like being here It was a I'm an islander through and through You need a hero it's me Oh god kind of thing Like he was wearing a cape with like a fan blowing the whole time.

He was talking to Stan Fishler. Yes. Tell me about the cup. On the cape was the Irish fisherman. By the way, that was the Sanfisher thing was the greatest thing ever about the Tavares thing. Stanfisher starts sending out these missives on Twitter like, Oh, I know. When did he know?

How did he know it? And then he got on the conference call at Tavaris. He's like, John, I feel like you've led the franchise astray. Oh, my God. In the good name of Mick Fokoda and David Volick. and all of the islanders that came before you, why didn't you let them know what the trade deadline?

And Tavares is like, I honestly didn't know with the trade deadline, but I was kind of. Right, he didn't. And that's where Guard Snow, like, I don't know,

I don't know what any other GM would have done because this league is a weird league. And for the most part, they hold on a guys like that. Right. Like in other sports, like in baseball, man, you got a,

you got a UFA and you got a fucking dog shit team, that guy is gone by July 31st. And in hockey, like, any responsible GM, like, let's say Gart Snow is in year three of his deal. I don't know if he makes the trade at the deadline,

but I think he's more likely to do it as opposed to being a lame duck desperate to hold on to his job. And that, like, that's, like, like, 98% of your vitriol should be at the team. Like, yeah, you want to be sad that John Taviris has gone, absolutely. But, like, to be, like, man, when he comes to this building, I'm going to boo him, fuck you, you're going to fucking boo him. He fucking carry this dog shit team for fucking nine years. I'm okay with you booing him.

He left. Fuck that guy. Like, if you're a fan and you're upset and you want to boo John DeVarrest when he gets back, he chose another team. I know he's got reasons to, but he still chose another team. I don't fault the devil fan for moving Pheresee. But I kind of fault the devil fan for moving Niedermeier. Right. Like, Niedermeier left a team that won the cup the year before, right?

Needermire, no, he left in 2005 after the lockout. Right. Yeah. But, like, to play with his brother. Right. Yeah, like, that's a normal adult thing. Hey, I've seen my brother every off-season for three months. I want to play every day with him.

That was still annoying at the time. Like, I can see being in Norman Niedermeyer because he was leaving a perennial cup contender every year to go play with his brother. I can see being mad about that. If you're an Islander fan, you have to know John Tavares knows the team is fucking terrible and not going anywhere. And that's not John Taviris's fault. So why would you be mad at John Tavaris? Like, I get you can't boo Lomeroa or Gart Snow every time he touches the fuck. Then I would be known as Bool Amarillo.

I just don't. I'm trying to think of like other situations. like this, but this is like such a rare thing where a guy as good as he leaves in his first UFA here, like, Stamcoast tried to leave and was like, nah, Tampa's awesome. Like, don't you think Stamcoast would have left if Tampa was dog shit? Like, don't you think he would have been like, well, you know, Toronto or Montreal or whoever it was who was going to go after him? Like, he would have left.

The only reason Tavares left is because of how unbelievably bad the islanders were. So, period. Let's talk about, well, last thing on this is like, as I've mentioned many times in every podcast and every article I ever do, players don't want to leave their stuff. That's the only reason why the honors were in this equation Right You didn't want to leave his stuff Right

That's how big of a draw his stuff Right Right Right He really didn't want to go The other part of that equation though Is that the magnetic pull of the stuff In your childhood home

Like your bed sheets and your Naboo fighter Let's talk about that So Bob McKenzie said The Naboo fighter in that photograph Is an alarm clock The Tavares had Like a second alarm clock To make sure he would get up for hockey practice

Okay It's not necessarily that he's a prequel's fan But let it be known It just happened to be That's the alarm clock. He had a fucking Naboo fighter in his bed with him. Interesting. Yeah.

I wonder if like in the pitch, like, you know, the sharks come out and they like show this video of him and like Pavelsky lifting the cup and like, you know, the Dallas stars are just like, well, there's barbecue. Like I don't know what the Dallas stars were doing. But then like, like, like Kyle Dubas comes out and they just like a picture of a moving truck. We'll take care of it all. You don't have to put anything in a box. We're going to hire the best movers in the world.

Nothing's going to break. Nothing's going to get lost. We're going to take care of that. And he was like, oh, yes. Yep. And Lou walked in and said, era Nike, era, Microsoft, era, Vinnie Chase.

What's that? That's so that there's the, remember when Vinny was shopping around on entourage and do new agents? And they all, all the agencies gave him the same pitch, which was like, we're going to make you an international brand. And every place would put up different like brand logos.

I don't remember that. Adidas. You know, Chipotle. Vincent Chase. It was actually Entourage, like 15% of Entourage was good.

It was interesting. And, okay, so 15% of Entourage was good. 10% 15% of entourage was good because of boobs and sort of lifestyle porn. Yeah.

And then 70% of entourage was dog shit. Like Game of Thrones has like boobs and swords. Entourage had like boos, sneakers and tequila. And like, Yeah, and toasting with your friends on top of a mountain in Los Angeles.

I still love that college humor a bit. That sketch. That sketch is amazing. I fucking love that sketch. When the wind's blowing the way it is, you just know it's all going to work out. I love this motherfucking fucking fucking fucking down. All right. Now, John Tavares is now an leaf.

Willie Nealander needs a new contract. Oh, by the way, do you put any credence into the Islanders will offer sheet people on Toronto? Bullshit. Like, who's, who's? They would have, I mean, it wouldn't be this year. I think they would offer sheet either Matthews or Monter next year. Like, why would those guys ever sign the office sheet? Yeah, that's the part of offer sheets that people don't seem to understand.

Yeah. You actually have to sign them. And when you do sign them, guess what happens? You get traded to Buffalo. Fucking, fucking lose, like, Benicio del Toro and fucking Sicario and fucking Austin Matthews is like Emily Blone. He's got a gun to her fucking head. Sign it. Sign it.

So, yeah. So, like, the perfect scenario as we transitioned to our question of the week. What is the question? The question of the week is the year is 2005. What is John DeVaris' legacy in Toronto? For all of us who are wishing and hoping against hope that the Leaves don't win a cup. Oh, one more Tavares thing. We kind of touched on it.

Do you think he knows what they're going to do with their stuff next year? Yeah. Because one of those guys is probably going to go, right? I think, no, no, I think the people three. You don't think so? And the Lander. The TSN transaction porn has been trading Nealander for something. But I think all three of them can stay.

I think they have the money. There's a money to keep all three of them. Jacob Truba. Do you think a little offer sheet? Because like, I just... I don't think Dubus is going to give a shit about offer sheets. I think he knows...

I was thinking that today, too. I think he knows that he's got that BDE. And I think that... BD.E. I think he knows that... Big Dubus energy. Swaggered into the room with the VDE. If Kyle Dubas's big dick energy, what does Brendan Chana have?

You're like... Big Balls Energy? It's like E.D.E. Like enormous dick energy. Hold on if you're right there. I'm dragging it behind me. Well, he's older, yeah. It's going to be a little... Saggy? Yeah, it's going to be a little saggy.

All right. Point being is that... Balls in the toilet. Point being is that. I'm sure he understands the plan. But the only thing that we can hang our hopes on here, is that Tavares becomes Zach Porese, and it's the law of diminishing returns. But here's the other part of it. If the Leafs don't win,

if they bring in Tavares, they bring in a couple defensemen, they don't win. He performs okay in the playoffs. Austin Matthews performs average in the playoffs. Our only hope, is that the whole thing blows up, is that the Toronto media goes with its targeting computer.

Ontario boy. Looks at Marner. Ontario boy. American. Brip, brim, and decides to chase Austin Matthews out of town because he doesn't play up to standards. Yeah,

but like, Dubbus, I don't think Dubis is going to give a shit. I don't think Dubis is like no one of Sir Burke and really gives a fuck what we say or right. You know what I mean? Like, I don't think he's going to... It's possible.

I don't think he's going to care. But yeah, like, I was thinking that. Like, Dubus is like, I'm the stats boy. and like, hey, I'm going to sign John DeVarice when we don't even need him. I want to see him offer sheet somebody. That will tell me Kyle Dubis is just like, he has the VDE. He's swaggering in with like his fucking pistols. And he's just like, Jacob Truba, pachoo, offer sheet.

That's why I love that my favorite Dean Lombardi thing ever besides planning drugs on something. He didn't plant drugs and so. No, no, no, it was on the car. It was just jokes. It was the time where he's like, they're like, aren't you worried that someone might offer sheet, you know, on J. Copa, or Drew Bell. He's just like, yeah. Kind of as pulled his wool coat back. He's like, he's like, yeah, we're the

Los Angeles Kings. Have you ever heard the name Philaeonshuts? Yeah, we're pretty damn fucking good on far as, you know, the offer sheets. Let me take you back to ancient Roman times. There is a farmer named Ecclesias. A circle of trust. The offer sheet memorandum of glory.

Someone tried to offer sheet Ecclesias as cornfields. He took up arms and he took down those fuckers straight away. So go ahead and bring it. You know, Gladiator was actually based on an offer sheet that commonest made to Maximus's wife and child. He took revenge. It really wasn't a murder thing. It was actually based on an offer sheet.

And I am Maximus. There is a farmer named Richardius. They tried to get him off his farm, so they planted Roman drugs in his chariot. There was absent everywhere. And back then, that was a crime. It was a crime. Absinth was illegal. So if you try to cross the border into, you know, from Rome to Canada, you know, Cambodia or wherever Rome was, they frown upon it and you get your contract canceled.

And that's how he wound up being a gladiator. Do you like gladiator movies, Drew? Jesus Christ. So my only hope is that the whole thing implodes. It's my only hope. Because I really think they're probably going to win the cup now. I don't know, man. Like they still need to do some more stuff.

But man, yeah, that fucking, that John Tava, every fucking step of John Tavares is now going to be, like, the most microscopic stories. Like, like, I think Travis O's tweeted it was like, I can't wait until Toronto starts three, five, and two, and someone has a take. I can't wait for that. But I think that John Tava, see, I understand that everybody is, is thinking that as the big free agent acquisition, that he's going to be the target, I think you're going to get, you know, 65 points in 73 games. with 70 points and 80 games and he'll be John Tavares and the focus will be on the kids and it won't be on Marner

because he has protected Ontario status it's going to be on Matthews why not Nealander? Nealander I still think it's a big Willie style is going to get the most shit because Nealander's going to be like well they should trade him that'll be the heat on him but like it's going to be all on Matthews

Oh you mean just like general heat about not playing well? You could already see it now like they were criticizing Austin Matthews in the playoffs last year he's fucking hurt. Yeah, but, like, that's the dumbest, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's among the dumbest major media markets is fucking Toronto. Yeah. Steve Simmons, uh, who am I forgetting besides Steve Simmons?

Everybody else who feuded with Phil. No, there's, oh, fucking, uh, Damian Cox. Damian Cox, yeah, that's what I'm thinking of. Like, those two are like, they, they take up a huge chunk of fucking, like, real estate in that market. And it's like, those two guys always have the worst takes. Bob McCown. Is Bob McCown?

You know, Bob McCown? Oh, that guy. You know, I feel like Tavares has played as well as he can. I believe Marner is a player as well. But when you look down the lineup, you see yourself, who isn't performing up this enough? It has to be Austin Matthews. See, my Macowan cadence comes dangerously close to,

Mr. Potter. There's a lot of you don't know about the defense of the dark arts. Mr. Takagi. Trade this man. I'll be able to be. By the way, were your thoughts on skyscraper? You know what? The only thing I like about it is on the poster and in the commercials,

the rock makes that insanely crazy jump from the crane, which is absolutely impossible. But I didn't realize until I saw the commercials, I'm guessing his leg, he has a fake leg in the movie. That's his character's thing. He has like a... Oh, is that right? I think, right, a prosthetic leg?

Why isn't it called Ground scraper then? What's the deal with skyscraper? Because the leg is... Is he scraper? The Scraibing the ground with his prosthetic. I'm guessing that leg can, like, propel him into the window from the crane, which also was kind of like a big slaughter. Kind of like a $6 million.

I guess. But, like, yeah, it's basically, like, die hard with the rock. And a prosthetic leg. So, there you go. I'm never going to see that movie ever. That's not even a movie I'm going to watch on, like, FX with, like, the two failed comedians. That's what you are, Mr. Johnson of an American who thinks he's John Wayne with a prosthetic leg. He's just like, John Wayne.

I'm Vin Diesel That's the more modern reference He would never say I'm Vin Diesel They don't like each other ever Oh yeah I think it looks like it's gonna be super fun But like I'm just wondering I'm wondering how much of this is like

I want to save my family Because it seems like that's the plot of almost every movie Involving the Rock And how much of it is like diehard Like are there terrorists Diehard? Yeah obviously yeah Did you see the commercials for the movie? I mean I only saw that one where he's like

Jumping around and there's shit's blowing up Like there's like, he's like there for the job interview and like, like, I'm pretty sure he has a prosthetic leg. Like, he kind of like lifts up his pant. There's like, there's like, there's like a prosthetic leg there. I'll look it up. He's like, I'm just a security guard. He loves his family. And like, his family's like, the rock or whatever his name is while they're being taken away by the terrorist.

Dwayne. Okay. Dwayne Johnson proves he can still kick back even with a prosthetic leg. Yeah. So he's got a prosthetic leg. So like that's, it's like die hard, but with like a way bigger muscular dude. The rock. With a prosthetic leg.

Terrorists. And the terrorist. don't look like they're famous people at all. So the terrorists, so the terrorists have taken his wife. Okay, the high rise comes... So the high rise comes under attack from terrorists. So he's John McLean with a prosthetic lid. Yeah, it's basically what it is.

Also, there's going to be a Bruce Wallace roast on Comedy Central. Do you see that? No. There's commercials where he's like in the vent playing his harmonica, like from Diehardt is pretty good. I want to see that one. That's a poster, by the way, for the, for Glass, the sequel to Unbreakable looks fucking incredible. There's a sequel to Unbreakable? Do you ever see split?

No, I've seen parts of it. Yeah, so at the end you find out that it's a, okay. So it's pretty great. Yeah, Lambert told me that. Right. He told me, he's like, I'm like, he's like, do you want me to spoil the movie for you? I was like, yes. I don't mind people spoiling movies for me that I'm never going to see.

All right. So question of the week was, tell us what happens to John Tavares. What is his legacy in Toronto in 2025? What do you got? I don't think you tweeted out the thing on the Puck Soup. Oh, no, I forgot. People will follow me. Shit.

Marty says, same as all the other leaf grates, zero cups, first ballot hall of famer. Brian Steincoll writes in 10% off all purchases to Canadian tire this weekend only. Signor Bloomberg writes in being a lying coward. Wow. And also never wing a cup. A coward. Man, the fucking adjectives used to describe John Tavares by the fan base, man. It's incredible.

Eric Coon writes in, 2005, Tavares has been playing his third year for the Houston Desperados. known as the Arizona Coyotes. After being traded from the Leafs, after Toronto realized adding $11 million center to an already-stack-forward group instead of a defense or goaltender was a bad idea. Well, so he likes the idea that they're building the team wrong.

You know they got Tavares on there. Y'all writes him, when the Leaves get knocked out in the second round of the playoffs five years in a row, Tavares becomes known as Toronto's Ovechkin, except he never gets the cup. Oh, God. Jesus.

Like, do you think people, like, outside of the Islanders fans hate Taviris now? You think there's like, he's going to be booed in other buildings? That was the funny part. Like punching flying puppets, a blog that I obviously really like and have a supporter over the years, tweeted out that, like, it's good for Toronto to once again be the evil empire. I'm like, the evil empire was applied to the New York Yankees. It was applied to the New York Yankees because not only were they taking everybody's talent, they were winning.

Well, no, it was worse because they were winning, and they spent a bunch of money. But yeah, I go, your point. Jeff O'Neill, so on. So on, so, Jeff, Jeff, Joe. Paul O'Neill? They don't need Jeff O'Neill. I don't think Jeff O'Neill. O'Neill, Clemens, you know, so on and so.

Millions and millions of guys. But they won. If you steal everybody else's talent, but don't win, you're the Mets. Wow. You're not the U.L. Empire. Wow. Fucking Mets. I mean, they might just be the Red Sox.

Remember the Red Sox? Before 2003, the Red Sox were kind of like still shitty Red Sox, but they were trying to spend money like the Yankees in the North. Oh, I'm dead. Sean, I see, and I see goats everywhere. These ghosts are paying for my house and my car. Journalism. Dugan writes in. Tavares rides on top of a white SUV

from Barclays Center during the Stanley Cup parade in Toronto. There was a fucking SUV in the arena that he didn't want to play in. Like, come on, guys, you had to know he was thinking about possibly leaving at some point. There is an SUV at the glass. I mean, think of it this way, though. The great thing about being in Barclay Center is that a third of the fans won't realize Tavares isn't there anymore. Just sitting there behind the pole How's Johnny doing?

Great Grandpa. He just scored again. Fuck. Fuck. I can't wait to go to my first Islanders game this year. There's going to be that guy in the upper deck that they're playing like Edmonton on a Tuesday. And it's like, fuck Tavares. Scoring's my number 91.

Oh, no, that's the one great idea that big four of founders fans. The first game for Toronto back in Barclays, or wherever. Retire Butch Goring is 91. That would be fucking amazing. That would be funny. That would be amazing. That would be funny.

That would be amazing. That would be funny. But like that's funny. Again, this is like a difference between like a joke and being serious when you're saying something about somebody. Like if you're joking, that's hilarious. If you're really serious that you're that mad, then it's not funny. It's a serious. JP writes the John Tavares rule allowing teams with a drafted player reaching UFA status to hit them with a franchise tag.

So the little bastards can't say I'm staying in their walk year. And then Bolt leaving the team with their boss. Balls dangling in the breeze. So JP wants the NHL to rewrite the CBA to create a franchise tag. So players can never leave ever. Yeah, it's almost as if there is something called restricted free agency that it does that. You get a guy for most, usually if you want, 10 fucking years of the start of his career. If you can't figure something out to make him happy in 10 years.

Oh, Jesus. Christmas Time writes in, Tavares is also seen in a hot dog stand every day between 2 or 30 and 3. Andrew writes in, his legacy is tarnished because he didn't listen to Mike, Mike Commodore, about Babcock. Yeah, that was the thing we all kind of thought. Like, Babcock might be the turnoff for him, but. And finally, Liam Canada writes in, or Liam Canadian writes in. What is John Tavares' legacy in 2025? He wrote 1967.

Wow. Pretty solid. That's a good zinc. Oh, and here's one more from John. His Toronto jersey will provide warmth for a lot of houses in Canada when he decides to leave for a new expansion team, the Olympus Monies, as well, after the well-established USSF Space Force, deployed, develops a military base on Mars. So he's saying that not only will there be a Space Force by 2025, but we'll be having a hockey team on Mars by 2020. Now, I don't know how one is the other, you know, like the Space Force protects the Earth from invasion. Right.

It's not for colonization, I don't think. Wouldn't you have a team on the moon before Mars? Why don't you want to have a team there first? Before you expand that far out? The problem is that by that time, I'm sure, that grew from the despicable me will have stolen the moon and there will not be any more moon. Is that a thing? That's the plot of Despicable Me. I know that because I have a child.

You know what's funny is like when they have a team. I'm not hiding a child. I have a child. When they have a team on the moon, that team on the moon will still attract free ages better than Winnipeg. Oh, damn. You know, I'm not because the moon has parts. You go inside the crater and you see inside the parks, and you know there are parks. Also, the universe is very vast.

Many moons, many parks, all of them better than Winnipeg. Prize the UFA.S.A. Patrick Lineach uses the moon over the Winnipeg Jets. Well, you know my grandfather. He was an astronomer, and he was actually first person to discover moon in my home country of Finland. We did not believe moon was real because Americans lie about space. and then he discovered the moon. So he always dreamed about playing on the moon, and so now I'm just living my grandfather's dream.

The New Shon Islanders were upset when they hired new general manager, Lulamrillo, but couldn't keep the services of John Tavares. Era, we know that the greenhouse gas effect on Venus renders all life almost impossible, era, but we have a plan. I would like to thank the individual efforts of Venus in keeping John Tavares. Hopefully Venus will be a better team player now that John Tavares. This is no longer here. Right.

Yeah. That was the... When you're talking about that. The outer shade of great individual success or whatever the fuck it was. What else was he going to have there? Oh, my God. Like, that's his fault. Holy shit.

Dude, I fucking love how, like, at the heart of, like, every human being is just like a fucking petty fucking child who just wants to fucking just... Hey, listen, we're just businessmen. We're hockey men. Oh, I'm going to leave. Oh, fine. Leave. Yeah.

I don't care. I also love the idea that, like, he's like, a great individual success. And, like, Josh Bailey, slowly. sneaks back into the shadows away from the spotlight. Being like, I owe everything to John. John DeVarro should have been like, gold medals. Junior hockey Memorial Cup. So, wait.

Josh Bailey signed, he signed for... Five and 25, right? Five and 25. Josh Bailey signed for five and 25. Josh Bailey, just Billy, he owes everything to the John DeVarres. Yeah. Well, was he playing with Tavares or was he playing with Lee more or less? year.

They were both playing with Tavares. Remember? Because Eberley was with Barzal. Barzal. Well, either way. He had 71 points last year playing with Tavares. You just gave him 5 over 5.

Guess what's not there? Jot DeVaris! That's like, even Connor Shiri's like, man, that's a lot of money for a guy who just plays with a really good player. Even I wouldn't take that. I'd be like four over five is fine. It's like watching fucking...

It's like watching fucking Foresberg and Haydook leave and then paying Tenge like a billion dollars. Oh, who is the right-hand- the guy they had who was just he was like the right-handed version of tank you not not not daze if the fuck was his name not christian dubay it was like a frenchy sounding short last name the guy they had fuck on the abs on the abs yeah he was on the team that beat the devils in the cup final at your the fuck was his name hang it i'll find it for you it was uh this is very important yeah this is really important we got to end the show so we've got to end the show on a high no which is one one the

one the Stanley cup in 2001 and the name that you're looking for is drury no is Deadmarsh? No. Short. Short and French. The same way I like my women. No. No, I don't think you're making it up. Maybe he wasn't on the cup team then. Sean Podyin? No. Here, let me see your computer. Sackick, Forsberg, Hedek, Tangerie, Bork, Potein, Denmark, Schula,

High Note, Clem, Foot. How do we lose these guys? Yeah. Maybe he wasn't on this team. Nolan Pratt, Chris Dingman. Shit, I don't know. There's some guy. I'll fucking tweet it. Okay, so a French guy with a D. And there we have.

Stefaniel. Are you thinking of Stefaniel? No. Derek Morris. I mean, now we're getting into like no longer their territory. Damn it. What the hell is his name? This is he going to drive me nuts.

He was like a righty dude. He had like a decent shot. Was it Andrew Burnett? No. Was it Merrick Spatos? No. Was it Ian Lapier? All right.

We're getting off on attention here. Okay. So bottom line, if you don't burn your jerseys, turn your jerseys into the bagel boss. He'll give you a dozen bagels. Oh, is that true? Yeah, I wrote about yesterday. So the bagel boss, I talked to him, obviously very despondent.

And he said if you bring in your Tavares jersey to the bagel boss, he'll give you a dozen bagels. Maybe as an apology for not his bagels not having kept Tavares there. Also, the offside tavern in Chelsea, in Manhattan, if you bring in Tavares, if you get 70% off your bill. They claim that the offside tavern was like, if you bring you. in your Tavaris jersey, we'll give you 70% off your bill, and we'll make sure that it goes to people that need clothes and maybe make New Islander fans. And I'm like, oh, that makes me not want to hand in a Tavares jersey. Who would want to put other people through this? By the way, do you think Belmont still happens now? Well, I mean, did they ever sign anything? I mean, yeah.

Like, it's in the works to build there. I have to imagine that. I mean, it's not, right? I think it was Stefan Yell, is who I was thinking of. I don't know. Let's send this. Okay. Let's send people away. But before we send them away, we should remind them that even though the main podcast is going away, the free podcast. Okay. We still got a little Patreon thing.

Let's talk about that. So this is the last iTunes Puck Soup, potentially for the summer, although we might bring it back in August for one. We'll see. But mailbags every week on the Patreon, two bonus podcasts at a minimum on the Patreon. in July and August. Maybe probably another one. I think we're probably going to get around to the Devil Worth Prada commentary track at some point. It's coming.

But if you want your Puck Soup Boys in the summer, hit over to the Patreon. Again, five bucks for six things at a minimum for each of those months. And it's where you're going to be able to find. The mailbags are going to become fucking podcasts. Basically, yeah. I mean, it's just basically going to be what it is. You'll determine what we talk about. but that's what it is.

We can tell you that your podcast for July on the Patreon is going to be a complete ranking of all 31 NHL coaches. So that's going to be super fun. But yeah, the mailbags are going to be like the new podcast each week. And so if you want to listen to us, head over the Patreon. And that's where we'll be. So thanks for everybody who's signed up for it. We saw a significant spike in the last couple weeks as far as people signing up to follow along during the summer. We appreciate that.

and we appreciate you. And we appreciate all the support you gave us through the year. Podcast is continuing to grow. It's been an awkward, a little bit of transition away from where we were on nerdist. Probably not as awkward as the transitions nerdist is made from turning away from other people. Yeah, we're good. And we thank everybody for supporting us. We're an independent podcast or others that you know about and you listen to that have the backing of Barstool or Sportsnet or Weiss.

or ESPN. And the thing that we do is indie. We don't have the backing of anybody except ourselves and you guys. Yeah, we're cool indie podcasts. We are. We're the cool indie podcast. I mean, we're sort of like an old indie band

that probably should be more mainstream but isn't like Fugazi, I suppose to be a good example or whatever. Who is that? Who's Fugazi? So, but we thank you for supporting it. And so for all the calls for live shows

coming up. We'll try to get ahead of the curve on that and maybe hit a couple cities next year in a row. We should go back to Union Hall. Union Hall. Well, Islander fans won a forum. Maybe in the summertime or something we can Oh, yeah. Bring your bullshit to Union Hall. Hook up a little bit of Islanders. I want to do some airing of grievances shows next year, especially that Edmonton one. Oh, man, I want to get to Edmonton. Yeah, if we don't get there, like, if they get good in the first half, like no one's going to have any grievances. We have to get there before Cam Talbot's say percentage increases.

Anyway, thanks everybody for listening. We love you guys so much. much and we will talk to you down. Bye. Bye. Oh, before we, actually, we should also thank Katie Levine, by the way.

Yeah. Katie's our producer. She's our producer, and she's amazing. Does a ton of stuff for us. Yeah, she's, she,

everything, the Patreon gets, happens, and, and other stuff happens, the show happens because of her. She's been an incredible partner

throughout all this stuff. And, and, thanks everybody. Yeah, she's part of the Puck Soup team. Yeah, Pek soup team.

Bye. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slabs and slabs and slabs and slabs and slabs and slabs and Slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary To whatever you commute. But we also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes.

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