Puck Soup - John Tortorella, Patriot

Episode Date: September 8, 2016

Greg and Dave talk about John Tortorella's stand against those who sit during the national anthem; ESPN's Stephen A. Smith doesn't understand what Team USA is; why Dave loves him some Team Europe in the World Cup of Hockey; Green Day and The Killers are NHL famous; behind the scenes of the Edmonton Oilers' trades; the best fast-food items, ranked; whether Dave could find a mate on "Bachelor in Paradise"; Greg's jury duty, and the chocolate bar defense; and your listener mail including tailgate stories, boxers vs. briefs and more.

Now entering nerdist.com. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to whatever you commute. But we also cover movies, TV shows, it's and tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. I'm Greg Wishingsey of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy Blog. And I'm Dave Lozo from the What's Happened an episode of, that's my mama or whatever the line is from coming to America.

And you're in Puck's Soup. Wow. And now, ladies and gentlemen, please rise for the playing of our national anthem. Dave, you have to, you got to stand. Nope. No, you have to literally stand. Don't think so. No, the song is playing.

What are you going to do about it? What are you going to do about it? I'll tell you what I'm going to do about it. I'll tell you don't stand for the anthem. If you don't stand for the anthem, you don't sit for the anthem, you know, you sit for game. That's what you do. You sit for the game. Dave. Oh, so what you're saying is that a game is more important than the rights of all Americans.

I'm saying, I'm saying for the men and women fighting overseas, you stand for the anthem. Or you sit for the game. That's what I'm telling you, Brooksie. Why is Jimmy Cagney coaching team of the game? I like the idea of our tornado now being Jimmy Cagney. Yeah, say, yeah. Soldier saying, yeah.

What was our Millbury? Was our milbury? I think our Milbury was that. too. I'm noticing that the more I hang out with you, the more all my impressions are starting to become the same. Mastie? Oh, yeah. I missed to coach the Rangers and the Canucks, see, ma'er. I fucking hate this planet. So John Totorella has... He has feelings. Successfully imported, and this is tough, because if you've ever had, like, imported wine or maybe you've imported antique from overseas, it's very hard to import the finest things in life. But John Totorella found a way to import the Colin Kaepernick controversy into the world of the national hockey league.

And he's found a way it's sort of like the way Captain America got his powers with this concentrated dose of it where it's just like it totally like it turned him into a super American. A super soldier American. Right. He's now fighting for America at levels and take levels. Like early on in the Kaepernick thing, it was just sort of like, you know, like a bright bark guy. some sort of like dude with like cuck in his in his in his in his hashed and his like profile some guy who used the term libtard for sure and you were just kind of like yeah yeah you're kind of missing the point because they go over there and fight for the freedom to do what he's doing

blah blah blah but like john tordorello is like buddy i'm bringing somebody from the army to talk to my players about i used to just be a scrawny kid from brooklyn and then i got a concentrated dose of cap and a koltr injected into my veins and now i love america more than anybody do you watch the rob low roast by the way no i didn't see any of it i saw like i saw like i saw like i saw like Clips. I saw some clips. It was savage. I saw the Jewel joke about Anculture, though. There was a lot of great jokes about Angl. Jewel. Jew joke. You say that quickly, it sounds like a Jew joke. I wasn't a Jew joke.

She named her book E. Pluribus Awesome, which I understand isn't even the correct. It's like if a third grader started learning Latin, that's what they would probably would say. It's not even like correct. Like this is never going to go away. I keep thinking like once the football season starts, like Sunday, not Thursday, but like once we have like a full slate of games, people are like, Capernic will sit. It'll be a thing. Sunday night and then, you know, we'll, nope. John Tortova was like, buddy, buddy, people lose limbs and die over there.

Yeah. All right. To recap, Burnick. USA Today, Kevin Allen did a story earlier this week in which he asked Team USA players about the Kaepernick controversy sitting down during the National Anthem to protest the mistreatment of minorities in this country mostly by law enforcement. And David Backus and Corey Schneider and Jack Johnson basically kind of no-sold. and just like, all right, whatever.

You know, everybody's got their own opinion. Blah, blah, blah, blah, budu, bud. Linda Cohen of ESPN and asked John Totorella about this, and John Totorella does not no sell it. John Totorella comes strong with it and says, real hard. Real hard. And says, if any of my players sit on the bench for the National Anthem,

they will sit there the rest of the game, Brooksie. And so that opened up a giant, Pandora's box of controversy, which, you know, had played in true National Hockey League fashion, what was really cool several weeks ago is now cool in hockey,

and that's why Green Day and the killers are playing the fan fest. He's such a tough guy, isn't he Tartaralla? Just the toughest... And again, here's the thing after years of being around him, whenever he pulled shit like this, it was always...

He's taken the spotlight off of his players. He's a genius. He knows what he's a psychological thing. Oh, yeah. Like, he's, no, he's a psychotic bully who just says crazy dumb shit all the time. And then you just, you know, normalize it? And feels he's justified for it. And that's why this is such a perfect issue for him, because now he's got the patriotic wind that is back.

And the patriotic wind blowing the flag behind him as he stands with his fists on his hips and his chest puffed out. Patriotic win, by the way, an amazingly Greenwood album. But also, it's one of those things, too, where, like, what's the one sport where nobody has any individual personality? Hold on. Sorry, I was loud. The cake is done. Pull the cake out of the oven. No, but, like, what's the one sport where this will never, ever be a thing where no one would ever sit during the national anthem?

Hockey. It never happened. But it's also a sport where, in comparison to the other big three, if hockey's still part of the big four, I believe it is. It's not. It's multinational. Like, why do we play the fucking anthem? anyway. Half the guys are from Sweden. Right. Right. They don't even live here. They don't even live here. They're on a work visa.

Like Matt Zuckarrello gives a rat's ass about the Canadian or American National Anthem as a as a Norwegian superstar. Look, here's, this is the best because like this was like, so like Kaepernick at first, someone first noticed that the second time he did it that Friday. So two Fridays ago at this point. And like, oh, I just never, I'll never forget like thinking on Sunday. I was like, this is great because now it's over. It's in two days. And then somebody tweeted they were like, you know, when everyone comes back from their weekend, it's going to stay. start up again. And it was all stuff like this. Like these two quotes back to back that Nick got Yahoo. Plugging Yahoo. No, he's now with NHL.com. Oh, right. Yeah.

He mean the great Nick Kastanickah. He's okay now. He's okay now. Kind of works where I used to work. He said, so these are three straight tweets. And this is Tortorella talking? Yeah, Tortero. First one is Torterella had an Army representative speak to Team USA before

practice today. I'd give anything for that video. And then his next two tweets are, well, skip the one. Tortorella on the anthem. Our country, we're in a great country because we can express ourselves. I'm not against expressing ourselves. So you're like, oh, great. He gets it.

And then literally the next tweet, 38 seconds later, but Tortorella added, when people give lives and limbs for their country, there is, quote, no chance. Anthem should be used to make a point. So he likes expression. He does. He loves it. That's what the soldiers go over there and fight for. But no, don't, don't, don't do it. Can we just pause on anthems shouldn't be used to make a point?

the entire existence of an anthem is to make a point. It's a military propaganda song. For God's sakes, that's why it exists. And this is one day after he was like, I'm not going to say war and battle anymore when talking about hockey. No one should use the Pledge of Allegiance to make a point, except for the United States of America,

who's literally asking you to pledge your allegiance to the country. I keep saying this. This Kaepernick thing is like, it's like the perfect protest. Like it's nonviolent. It doesn't get in anyone's face. It's just the thing he does. and then you react to it. And it's perfect.

Like, there's no, like, there's no, like, armed, like, psychotic white dudes outside of a chickfil-A that I get involved. It's just like, and still, like, people get mad because this is the way he chose to do. And again, also, again, you were saying, you know, they talk to Bacchus about it. They talk to some other.

Corey Schneider. White guys on the team. Yeah, that's fine. Like, there's been sort of a misrepresentation of that criticism. Like, me and Dave are both white as the driven snow. Well, not so much of me, I still have. I'm Scotch tape. I still have that Rio Tamm going on.

Yes, indeed. But, but, but, like, we can offer opinions and they can offer opinions. It doesn't mean it's invalid. It just means that, like, when U.S.A. today does this story, and they don't get Dustin Bufflin, Seth Jones. Yeah. Any player that was, that any African American or any Canadian, black Canadian playing in the United States, P.K. Subant. Like, if you don't get their opinions on this, why write this? Just, why write this?

story. And Dustin Bufflin. I could give a shit about five white guys, Brian Burke, John Totorello, Corey Schneider, for God sakes, uh, uh, David Bacston and Jack Johnson, and not a single word from a, from an African American or a black Canadian player. And he's the only guy on Team USA who has black parents. He has one black parent. He has one.

His mom is like, one from one of the attractive Scandinavian countries. I forget which one is, like the ones that hang down from the earth's roof that's all filled with pretty people. Like, okay, so it's now 144. I just searched Bufflin on Twitter. It seems like no one's... I know Bufflin doesn't really talk all that much after games anyway and stuff, but he's not like a vocal guy.

But Torts says that, though, like he's basically saying Dustin Buflin, don't fucking sit down. Like, fuck you, Torts. And Seth Jones today, I guess, said on the radio that he doesn't think anybody would have a problem with Tordella enacting that punishment. So there is a point.

That's a guy on his team. Yeah, that's hockey players, though. I mean, it is a guy on his team, which probably means he's definitely... The idea that Seth Jones, weeks before he has to go play under John Fodorel is going to be like, fuck that guy. But think about it though.

Say here's Seth, good to see you again. Here's a few nails under your fingernails. They're a little rusty. My son's in the Army. Are you disrespecting my son? Okay, that's the thing, though. I do not begrudge John Torell for feeling this way of sons in the Army. I don't begrudge anybody in this country

from feeling this way about the anthem. I happen not to feel that way about the anthem. I don't think the anthem should be played before every game. No one gave a shit about it until two weeks ago. No, everybody gives a shit about it once in a while, and that's the problem. The problem is that since you play the anthem before these games, when something happens, whether it's the flags held up upside down, or fans boo during it, it becomes this giant fucking schmaz where we're all, you know, spouting out fake outrage about this song being disrespected.

Oh, don't, Chicago Blackhawks fans cheering during the anthem. Yeah, fucking heathens. Like, it's just on and on and on with this. Every few months we get one of these, and it's because we play this song before the game. All it is is it's part of the in-game entertainment that the teams put forth to rile up the fans before games. It's all it is.

And, like, you're begging for it to happen. You're begging for a Kaepernick situation to happen by playing a song before games. Back in the 1920s and 30s, and even before that, when this practice began, Major League Baseball played the National Anthem before signature event. before World Series games, before the All-Star game.

They didn't play it before Brewer's Nationals in June. Okay, they didn't play it then. And it's got to be a chore to find 81 people to come out and do it at all your home games. Like, you've got to find eight. I'm sure you can remember. But that's just it. When it happened, it was in, it was during World War II when they started to play the thing before every game because the miracle of recorded music came to sporting events.

So it's not like trying to find somebody. Sometimes they would just play the song. Just play Chumbo Wamba before the game. game starts. But here's the thing. Forgive me for the National Anthem, Rand. It's always been a B in my bonnet. Here's the thing about Twitterlla. Yeah, see, a B in my bonnet. Here's the thing about Torella. This is

the thing that I really have a problem with. The idea that a professional coach would determine who plays and does not play in a game based on his political ideology is a

joke. You have one job, man. It ain't to uphold the flag. If you want to do that, go work for the blaze. That's why I want Buffalo to do it. I want Buffalo to like sit the whole time and then stare at Torterella the whole time. Could you imagine if it was Game 82, the Blue Jacket of trying to make the playoffs? They're tied for the wild card. And then Brandon Sade's cousin got beat up by a cop. So he decided to sit during the anthem to attract attention to it. And then Tortorella benches him for game 82 of the season. You think that everybody in Columbus would be on the side of good and life? Oh, good for him.

he's upholding the flag. He wouldn't do it. He's full of shit. He's got 2-7-off suit, and he's pushing all in with nothing with air and screaming about how good his cards are. Could you get nothing? Let's just think about if I was a hockey coach, okay? You should be. You should be a coach.

Before a game, one of my players is doing an interview with Pierre McGuire at the benches. And Pierre is like, so what do you think about this game today? And my player is like, yeah, we're going to give 110% blah, blah, blah. And Pierre McGuire is like, you know, kind of off topic, but this state recently passed a, an amendment legalizing all abortion including late term what are your thoughts on that my guy's like yeah I think women should be

put to death for getting an abortion skates off starts in the practice now social media is blowing up and someone tells me about it and they're like what are you going to do about this and I'm like oh this guy can't play in this hockey game because I disagree with his take on abortion

like that's the same thing as what we're seeing here it's like personal politics dictating who plays and does not play. Now, to be fair, advocating the murder of women is probably not the same thing. It's not standing. Okay, granted. It's an extreme example. But my point is that a coach should not be the one to dictate this.

A general manager barely should be the one to dictate this. The league itself probably should be the one to dictate this. And the NHL has said it's a case-by-case basis and we're not really interested in doing anything about it. And the NFL basically said it's fine. The Niners are like fine. Can you imagine being so far behind intellectually? you're this far behind the NFL.

And also, here's the other thing, too. And then we'll talk about Fashioner in Paradise because we've got to get on to the important stuff. Oh, no, we've got one more thing to talk about with this anthem thing. Oh, right, right, right, right. But, so, like, I understand, like, you're not there and Tororella is Torterella.

But when Tororello is like, yeah, look, it's very important to stand and respect the flag during the national anthem. Follow-up. What's more important? Standing during a song, that's not really even that good. Let's be honest.

Oh, Canada is a better song. What's more important? standing during that song or pointing out that unarmed black people get murdered by cops a lot. Well, it's not about you can do it. No, no, no, no, no. Tell me again how important the flag is. Tell me important outstanding during a song is, John. Your son's an army.

Your son's a soldier fighting for the freedom to sit during a song. What is what's, what's, what's like, oh, it just drives me fucking insane. And then the whole thing becomes a big partisan mess, like you said before. The election's never going to end. and you know the people that say Kaepernick has a right to sit or on the against the military or whatever

but it's single out Bufling that's what bothers me is that like it's not like he's like can you imagine an NBA coach saying that on a team that has entirely right he wouldn't he wouldn't do it because you can be a real tough guy when your team is 99% white well as you well here's a problem though

fuck face is that John Totorella isn't simply just a hockey coach what is an NHL coach what is he and he is the head coach of the United States of America hockey team. The public domain that is the USA. And this really struck a chord with a gentleman by the name of Stephen A. Smith on ESPN's first take.

This was the first take. All Takes Matter is the Fox show. All Takes Matter, which started yesterday. No, that's the Whitlock Cowherd show, All Takes Matter. You're thinking of Shannon and Skip or Skip and Shannon. I'm so confused about that Fox Sports Talk lineup thing. All right. Anyways. who gives a shit Stephen A. Smith had a lot to say about John Totorella

and I'm going to play it on my laptop now I think this is where we're at with the show Here, Vamp for a second, I'm going to restart it Cheese doodles Stephen A. Smith I think you find in your couch. I just realized you have the cookie monster on the back of your laptop

Mm-hmm They are looking for a million products They have product, true. I understand that if the NBA were to do such a thing If the NBA were to do such a thing that they do, which they do, he talks for a living. Uh-huh. That's the red, white, and blue.

Uh-huh. That's the United States of America. It certainly is. Actually. Let's pause on that thought. Great, great. Would you like to interject here and be like the Ron Howard on the rest of development to interrupt the guy? Record scratch.

Freeze frame. How did I get here? Team USA is playing in the World Cup of hockey, which is a tournament. that is hosted by a private entity. USA hockey in and of itself is a private entity. The Olympics are a private entity. Yes. It's all private entities.

Right. This isn't, yeah, this isn't like a public domain situation. I haven't heard the rest of this, but I'm pretty sure we're heading towards when Barack Obama picked the players on Team USA for the World Cup of Hockey. When Congress passed law that said John Todorell was going to coach the team. Let's see where Stephen takes this. Buffering. for a second.

We did. You have the United States Constitution. Oh, God. Well, I mean, I know that we point this out on a daily basis, but it stipulates that Congress shall make no law infringing on the freedom of speech. And I suppose he believes that Congress also has oversight of Team USA and the world It is. It's actually the 69th Amendment that states that all Team USA sports teams are not private.

It's right in there. Oh, man. And when they passed that 69th. Amendment, the predominantly male Senate just started a high-fiving each other. Nice. Nice, George Washington. Nice.

What? You are citizen. You. Me. Representing the United States and then turn around. Well, I don't think, I think that's an unfair question because there's literally no way Colin Kaepernick would ever represent the United States on any level of

All-Star Team. Although, he's talking about Tortoella. No, I know that. But I mean, you're saying, but I'm just saying this is what's a good bitch, Colin Kaepernick. I mean, I speak fluent, Stephen A. and what he's trying to say there is, is, yeah, yeah,

admittedly Stephen A's right at this point, even though he's lost in his thoughts. So as far as I'm concerned, the problem is not what Colin Kaepernickie, who should be stripped of his title as coach of Team USA. Well, I agree just because he's a bad coach. Like, if we can, if this is like the loophole, it's like getting Capone on tax evasion,

if we can figure out a way to get him out of there somehow before the tournament starts. I know that you're trying to, agree with this idiot, but like, what we, what we literally have now is a situation in which he's saying, you know, a player should not be taken out of a game for espousing his beliefs. Yeah, but, but this man right here should lose his fucking job for espousing his. Let's not go too deep into it and focus on the part where we're firing John Torrella

and we're bringing in, uh, who's out there, uh, who's, like, who's in America? Oh, Jared Bedner. Pete, Pia, Lave. Yeah. at this late stage. Wait. We have more? Is there still more?

Mm-hmm. This includes sacrificing a chicken before a game on the ice. I feel like he really doesn't understand international sports competition. Like, I'm really worried for Stephen A. Like, remember how mad he got a Carmelo during the Olympics? Because Carmelo said something to the effect of, like, if he retires without a whatever, like, an NBA title, and he got mad about that. Like, I don't think he really gets what winning that is and how that works.

I'm, uh, oh, there's some, there it is. All that it stands for. Yeah. The parts you like. Also, like, let's say you're Dustin Bufflin at this point and like, you, you, you were thinking about it. You were like, you know what?

I've seen, I've seen people join in with Colin, you know, Megan Rapino. Uh, she took a knee. You know, he's got like a couple weeks to figure it out. There's exhibition games, but he's, he's thinking about it. And then like John Tortorilla basically dares you to do it. That's my, that's my first thoughts, too. And think about it too, because Dustin Bufflin, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's got. his contract. There's no like financial

repercussions that can come for this. You know who should do it? Sergei Bobrovsky. Like literally I know I realize like I know he's like the only black guy on the team and anyone can do it. But like Torterillo is essentially like schoolyard bullying somebody who's the only person of a certain background. Because he fucking can and he's a fucking douchebag.

You know, he's a bad dude. And it's funny. Like you know the first argument from anybody is going to be don't you know, these guys should be punished because they're putting themselves before the team. Like, they're, I'm not the most religious ESPN viewer. And by that, I mean, I don't watch it. But I'm going to guess that this is the first time the World Cup of hockey has been mentioned on a show outside of sports center since it was announced. Oh, because it's on ESPN. Like, if this thing was airing on the NHL network exclusively, Stephen A probably would not give a shit.

But you know what I'm saying this is the first time it's been mentioned. Like, not, hey, wow, look at what a controversial selection that was that Phil Castleding. Like, this is your entry point to this stupid tournament if you're an ESPN fan is the coach of the USA team coming off as a myopic dick. And that's your first exposure to it. Yeah. You know, great, great job, good, good effort, NHL, as for usual. I am flat out rooting against Team USA at this time. All right, let's talk about the World Cup for a second.

Team North America, baby. I know people want to talk about it. Team North America is my pick as well. But as I've pulled back the layers of this tournament, I've become very discouraged because it's become very apparent that it's basically fixed for Canada to play either USA or Sweden in the final. And that team – Team North America has to overcome either Sweden or Finland just to make the semifinals. Team USA is not getting out of its group. Team USA has to just beat what's left of the checks and whatever the hell Team Europe is.

Of course they're getting out of the group. Team Europe's good. Oh, stop. Have you seen Team Europe? Dude, Team Europe has, hold on. I've seen Team Europe. I read your thing yesterday. And they are, they are a hodgepodge.

They're, they're fucking better than us. They're when you were drunk on a Sunday morning and throwing a bunch of things in a blender and hoping it tastes good. Hold on. Every goddamn hockey rater in the world is tweeting out line combinations before an exhibition tournaments, exhibition games. Where did it go? Where'd it go?

No, I know. They have like Kopitar and Hosa. They got Chara. They have Hosea on the second line. and they have Copatar on the first line. But I remember because, like, the third line for the U.S. is like Abdel Cater, Parizier, and Kessler. We're going to get run over.

We're not going to get, no, we're not, because we have amazing goaltending. And the other thing that you forget is that you're discounting the two points we're going to get when we beat Canada in prelims. Dude, Canada. Canada is going to absolutely roll us. We're going to beat them, we're going to beat them two one. Mark it down, ladies and gentlemen. You're friends of Pucksie from making predictions right now.

Take it to the bank. We're going to beat them two one in prelims. and then never play them again in the tournament. Their third line is Gabbrick, dry, sidle, and Nuter Rider. Whatever. That's, that's, that, their third line is better than our second. On paper. Our second power play unit has Derek Stepon, Max Patruetti, and somebody who's,

it's really become quite apparent to me why you disrespect the flag. It's because you don't appreciate American moxie, determination. I don't. No, I don't. I hate America. Let's just, let's just cut right to the chase on the show. We have much better goaltending than Team Europe. But think about how good our goaltending was in the Jamie Ben, U.S. Olympic,

the one-nothing game. Right. Like that's as good as our goal tending is ever going to get. But our offense blows. But we're going to be able to score against Team Europe. Listen, those guys don't even want to be here. They're all very, very sad and upset by not having their own teams. Team 23 and Under wants to be there because they're the fresh and wanted to take out the seniors.

But Team Europe is like, ugh, I hate these. Oh, my. Trying to put a Slovenian and a Slovakian in the same room is like trying to put a Klingon and a Romulan in the same room. And that's our show for today. I just filed my retirement papers. Oh, no. Actually, you know what it's like. It's like that movie where Sylvester Stallone and Michael Kane plays soccer against the Nazis.

Oh, right. That's what was that called again? Football, goal. Goal? Is it called goal? Was it called goal? They dig a tunnel underneath and try to escape at halftime, but then they realize they have to go back and beat the Germans. That's going to be Team Europe.

Only Canada is or were the Germans in this because no Trump didn't win yet. But, okay, so Canada's the Germans. Right. And Michael Kane, host is Michael Kane. Because he's the oldest guy in the team, right? Hold on, I got to find the roster. Team Europe roster World Cup. The defense and goaltending is a little.

We're going to get out of our group. We're going to get up our group, and we go to the semifinals because they're under quarter finals because the tournament's fixed. And then we're either going to play Finland. They have Roman Yosei? I'm sorry, we're going to play Sweden. If Sweden wins their group, we play Sweden in the semis, then we get rolled. That's what works.

Oh, the problem is Freddie Anderson got hurt. So that kind of, so they have Palloc and Grice. So the defense is the calendar. Chara Airhoff, Seidembourg, Yose, Sakara. I mean, Sakara. Come on. Dude, Charra, Yose, Sakara, Lucas Beza, that's a little problem. That's not really that good, I guess.

Yeah, thank you. So we'll get out of our group, and then the only intrigue in the tournament is who gets out of the other group. Sweden's going to be up top. And then if U-23 wants to advance, they got to knock out, they got to take care of Finland, and they got to finish ahead of the Russians. I've been so down on the under 23 team, basically saying they're going to get, they still might. but I feel like they're the only team that wants to be there. Like Team Europe, I feel like kind of has a tiny bit of it, but everybody else is just like, fuck, what are we doing here, man?

And like, right, it's like the freshman. I remember being a freshman in high school and, like, wanting to beat the seniors in volleyball and gym class. Like, this is what it is. They were talking about that. I talked to Eugene Hopkins last September and he was already talking about it in those terms. Like, they've been thinking about it for a long time. The other thing about the, the, that team Europe, though, is like, don't you think the Swiss kind of resent Kopatar? Like, he's the whole reason that team exists.

It's going to bring them together. It's not going to be together. They're going to hate each other. Their differences are going to... They're suicide squad. They all hate each other. They're all villains. They're because they're not American.

Dude, Team USA has fucking Eric Johnson and Jack Johnson on the back end. We're fucked. We're not getting out of the group. That is not true. Johnson and Johnson fixes everything. Once again, thank you for listening. Tune in next week when the new co-host is... All right.

I don't know. Somebody Greg knows. One other thing that World Cup. Appahockey has given us is, of course, a fan fest before the festival. It was announced this week that both Green Day and the Killers are going to be playing the fan fest. And I think you have to actually pay to watch them. It's not like your local bar band playing Green Day and the Killers at an NHL fan fest, which is what usually happens. They just stand in the middle of the room while people are like doing like the shoot on the goalie thing on the side.

And they're just like playing like, wake me up when the tourney ends. Jack Johnson 30 minutes USA just lost again Wake me up When John Tortorella Ends his reign coaching the team

Thank you I got good team Um So James Van Reamsdyke Somebody told me That you had a World Cup You play in September

And not in February Of last year last year. That's actually pretty good. Thank you. Oh, now the wheels are turning. Can you believe that we don't rehearse this at all? This is just off the cuff, man.

We're just like boom, boom, boom, boom. I'm Leon Dry Sidel. Coming out of Europe and we're doing just fine. God, I got a Swiss guy and a Czech guy. It started out with the Swiss. How did it end up like this? It was only the Swiss. It was only the Swiss.

I'm locked into Swiss. I can't get out of it. I'm going to tailspin. Oh, God. Yeah, so we're at a point now. So why do you think that Green Day and the killer is now famous for the NHL? Like, isn't this a death knell for their careers? Like, they're Kubogh Goulding Jr., basically, now.

Like, by participating in an NHL event. There's somewhere in between, like, Super Bowl old people and, like, usual winter classic bad band. What does that mean? Anybody who plays a Super Bowl is, like, top of the food chain. Like they only get the best of the best due to Super Bowl No, but they get like a level below that You know what I mean? Like they don't get a full 18 minutes of Beyonce

They get like four minutes of Beyonce Yeah, because they're afraid that they'll alienate white people And that's why they have to have Chris Martin As part of the show Yeah, to like offset I think Super Bowl is the pinnacle I would say at the bottom of the food chain Is anything NHL branded

Like any outdoor game that's not the Winter Classic is below the winner classic. And I would say right in the middle is the... Fucking train. Is the NFL kickoff show that they do, like before the season? Oh, yeah. Like the first game of the Thursday. Yeah, who's playing Thursday?

Yeah, that's a good thing. You talk. I'll look at a lot of it. Right in the middle of the median is the NFL kickoff show. Below that is Dick Clark's rock and roll New Year's Eve, but the parts that are taped in that in that dance hall where, where Ross and what's her face where

Rachel? No, no, it wasn't Rachel, it was Monica. Remember they both go to the New Year's Rock and Eve? Oh, right, they're huge Dick Clark fans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's below that. Below that is the opening of a car dealership and then below that is playing

any, any, NHL branded event. No, or like you play like a celebrity wedding. Not a celebrity wedding, like sometimes you can get like... Elton John's played like weddings. Yeah, but he's, I'm talking like the guy from like Spandau ballet shows up and like plays plays for two hours for like 60 bucks. Oh, we forgot a category. So celebrity wedding and then right below that is Six Flags Summer, Summer Concert series, like the gin blossoms would be at that.

Whoa, we're not going to start bad mouth in the gym blossoms, are we? Is that what the show's going to do now? Start criticizing beautiful acts. Right above Six Flags summer concert series is those tours that the Jim Blossoms would be on the, hey, remember the 90s tours with like the gym blossoms and spending. doctors and blind melon. Oh, fucking trains playing this thing. Oh, no, it's Super Bowl 50, Ellie Golding and train. I'm sorry. Google sucks. Google gives

you like the worst. I found the 2004 NFL kickoff ban list. It's actually really good. Yeah, Black Eyed Peas played it. Destiny's Child, Mary J. Blige, Elton John, Toby Keith, and Lenny Kravitz. Wow. That was in 2004. Like, this would be a huge get for the NHL in 2016. That's the law of diminishing returns in pop culture. Like, the VMAs were a victim of that this year where they had to give Beyonce

say a half hour and give Rihanna four different segments because there's no one else anyone gives a shit about music anymore or anybody that anybody with the guitar is not showing up the BMAs as well is the problem oh Dave Matthews did it in 2010 so I take it all back that that's the elite

the NFL opening kickoff thing sure Dave Matthews to perform. Do you think he played crash despite the concussion crisis like people were like bro be a little more socially conscious when you play crash you know who else fucking tort that's all that's all they

too, we just talked about. There's a lot in the end. We skipped over with Tororella, too, where Tororella was like, I'm not saying war in battle anymore. Like, okay, so what did you think about your guys last night? They won a lot of board battles. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah. Board battles, you mean board competitions. Okay? Let's show some fucking respect

for America here, media. Sorry, I'll stop. I'll stop going back to that at some point when it stops making me angry. It's fine. It's fine. I know it makes angry. Elliot Friedman wrote a huge column this week in which he discussed the ins and outs of the Taylor Hall trade, which the P. The P. Suban trade and the Stephen Stamco signing, which if you're a long time Puck's soup listener,

you know that that all happened while we were on the air, which was an amazing, an amazing 23 hours of work for an 80-minute podcast. Let's do it over again. There's someone else got straight. Did you read it, the Freepin piece? Yeah, some of it. I found it to be interesting in the sense that, and I wrote about this on Puck Daddy, like I feel like the oilers came off really bad. Yeah, I saw Emminton, like, Staples wrote about you, right? Yeah. Like, I understand content aggregation where, like, Elliot does reporting, then, like, we have our takes. I don't realize, like, people could have takes on your take, on a local level.

It reminds me of one of my favorite things in the history of comedy, which was on not necessarily the news on HBO. That was a good show. They did a parody. Billy Kimball. What's up, buddy? Oh, that's right, yeah. So for people who don't remember the thriller video by Michael Jackson is considered to be the most popular video. I don't know what the demographics of the show are, dude.

I'm trying to speak to everybody. The thriller video by Michael Jackson is going to be the most popular of all time. It was so popular that the making of a thriller was actually a hugely popular video as well. I remember that, yeah. And then not necessarily the news did a parody called The Making of the Making of Thriller,

which was a documentary about, like, the guys who got the documentary crew coffee and, you know, the camera problems the documentary crew had covering. It was, it was fantastic. But yeah, when a blogger writes about a blogger writing about a news story, it's like that sort of... Like, just link to the thing I wrote. What are you doing?

Yeah, it pulled back the curtain and showed us something that we kind of assumed, which was that the Adam Larson thing was very much, as I said in the piece, Greg Brady fitting the Johnny Bravo suit. It was like, younger player, makes a certain amount of money, plays defense. But the idea that they didn't want P.K. Subam because they knew Connor McDavid was going to be the highest-paid player. Well, they also didn't want to give up the freight they were asking for him. But I think that's stupid. Yeah, it is. And that was the other takeaway from me, too. It's like, Connor McDavid is not going to do the job, as they say in wrestling, and take a hometown discount. Like, he's going to ask for the moon from these guys because he's got to play at Edbiton. And they know that. And so the idea that, you know, he's going to be Sid. And Sid's like, oh, gee, shucks. We got to afford Gino. We got to afford Chris. Oh, gee, shucks, I'll take 8.7? Nothing more than 8.7.

Oh, heck. Which is a real shame that, like, they didn't give him number, like, 14. You know, if you're going to give somebody who's got a freaky idea about numbers and you're going to pay them later. But then he goes to $14 million, right? It could go either way. Or just give him number 69, so it's hilarious. But, yeah, like, it seems like they're already resigned to the fact that McDavid's going to be a maxed-out player. And if they can't, they know that he's not going to be a guy like, yeah, oh, P.K's making nine.

I'll take seven. I just want to win. But like, like, friggin' Taves and, like, look at all the good teams in the league. Malkin and Crosby, Taves and Cain. Like, you can have two guys on your team making that money if they're awesome. Right.

Like that's a long reason not to do it. But that requires you to be Stan Bowman. And that requires you to, you know, manage your cap. You know, it's good, it goes one of two ways. Either you're Stan Bowman and you manage your cap and you miraculously find players, you know, all over the NHL that are willing.

You know, you find Brad Richards, who's fat and happy with buyout money. and he works for you for a million dollars, or you become Jay Feaster, and you've got mustard on your hands all the time, and you're looking at your payroll, you're like, wait,

why does he have mustard on? I can't believe all these guys make this much money. Wait, hold on. Time out. Why does Jay Feaster A have mustard all over his hands, and why does he talk like he's a guy in a Christmas carol? Oh, first, because he's a larger gentleman. Oh, because he's, oh, see, I would have gone barbecue sauce for a fat joke.

I didn't realize you were doing a fat joke. Oh, okay. Mustard. I eat a lot of mustard I'm not really No right Forget it Barbecue sauce

I put on a couple So it's one of two ways Which is that you either Become a top heavy mess of a roster Or you Oh now he's top heavy Christ Greg Greg

You're being a little You're being kind of mean today Greg I apologize to the listeners here All I'm saying is that you have Either have a bloated payroll Or you And then you eventually have to cut the fat Ah

Thank you Once again This is our final show of the season And we will not be back next week No but like again To get Bradson Richard's for a million bucks. You got to have a really good team and have a really good team. You got to have really good players and have really good players. You got to pay him a lot

of money. And if you're paying Suban 9 and you're paying McDavid, first of all, he's on his entry level. You don't have to give him 10 the next time. You can give him by the time we get, well, seriously, by the time his entry level deals over, we're going to have a lockout at that point, right? Right. Well, two years in the future. So, yeah. So you're going to save money when you're not paying him during the lockout. And also when his salary gets rolled back. Yeah, when everything gets rolled back when the caps 41 million in 2020. I mean, you got to think long term here if you're PCHRL. You got to get, like, think about every team that wins the cup.

You have the cornerstone dudes. Like, you don't have, though. You don't have, Adam Larson's not that guy. Don't you think that the players would be more amenable to a salary rollback if the NHL hired that adorable smiley face from Walmart that does the rollback? Just bounces around. Turned your 7.2 into 5.8. He's like, rolling, rolling, rolling, roll back. What a bizarre league this is.

Isn't it, though? The fact that they give out contracts knowing for. fully well that those contracts will be invalid once there's another labor stoppage. Right. Like, at least in football, they're up front where they're like, here, here's a $65 million contract, 24 is guaranteed, good luck on the other 41. Yeah. You're probably not going to get all of that.

That's why I miss the old NHL, where they would hand out contracts to guys like Duncan Keith and you're like, oh, it's like an 87-year contract in the last 20 years. He makes as much as a, you know. He makes less than me. Yeah, right. Like, the guy, the guy cleaning up empty beer cups in Section 101 makes about as much as Duncan Keith in his last 20 years of his contract. It's just such a, like, I used to be, I remember like back in the 90s when the Yankees would win every year. I'd be like, this is stupid.

Baseball needs a salary cap. Every sport should have one. And now that I've seen hockey have one for a decade, it's stupid. The thing about the Yankees, though, and I, you know, the Yankees are one of those teams that, I mean, I only wish misery on them. But I have to say that I came around on the idea, even as a mess. that's fan and this wasn't because I was humbled by the subway series this is before it that there was some virtue with the way they built that team like the core of those teams in the 1990s were homegrown Jeter Bernie Tino Tino no not Teno I'm listening to the guys that weren't now

yeah Bernie Jeter Pissada Roger Clemens Rivera a pettit almost all their pitchers yeah but no they were homegrown guys sure there was a good core of players that were homegrown that they could all afford one later on yeah and And like, I respected that. I feel like they get thrown in with teams like the Marlins who are just like... The Marlins are genuinely homegrown. They would homegrow, win a title. Oh, right.

Who my thing. I'm not thinking of the Marlins. I'm thinking of somebody else. Who like... Well, the Mets, probably. The 2009 Yankees? Actually, I am thinking about the Mets. Saber Hagan, Benea, Vince Coleman.

The Red Sox. The Red Sox didn't start winning World Series until they started spending money. Yeah. Which good for them. But I always respected the fact that the Yankees, in essence we're a homegrown team Red Wings Red Wings were fucking paying

Luke Robatai to play on the fourth line back then there was no cab But again But the core of that team is the homegrown grunts Iserman Fetteroff Grunts

Am I allowed to say grunts Just plug it away Just plugging away Am I allowed to say grunts? Oh grunts Oh I didn't realize I thought you were just like When you said grunts

I thought you're gonna be like Chris Draper Soldiers Nah Um Yeah Privates Eli Manning is a really good

Field General Whoa whoa a field general Buddy, show some respect for the fucking Civil War. Torts, yeah, Sirke Brielan's nickname is Sarge. Nah. All right. Dude, I forgot about this until I wrote it the other day.

Do you remember what the nicknames were for Rahib and Kadri Asmael? Missile and Rocket. Missile and Rocket were their fucking nicknames. They were called that on TV for like a decade. And the people will still call Rod, right? Hey, Torts, this is my friend. Rahib the rocket Ismail. Nah.

I like you to meet Roger Clemens. People call him the, whoa, don't. Not in front of me. Not in front. Respect the goddamn flag that I have attached to my back that waves around as I run through the streets of Columbus. Hi, I'm Stephen King. Good to meet you towards.

One of my favorite characters from the stand is a demonic man by the name of Randall Flagg. Now, just Randall. You ever hear the Eddie Izard bit where he talks about how flags, how flags have, like, basically decided the fates of, of, like, people that,

he's like, basically, hold on, I've got to call it up there. It's really, really good. And it applies today, and it's, uh,

it's topical, it's funny. Eddie Isard, do you have a, like, oh, it's three minutes. I don't play the whole thing,

but what's the gist of it? The gist of it is, is that you pretty much, like, England's entire, like, history was based on just planting flags places. They go to India,

where there'd be a billion people and they plant a flag, and they'd be like, what are you doing? We got a billion fucking people living here and they just go, do you have a flag? No. It is kind of crazy that, like, when I was in Rio and like the parade of nations are happening in the opening ceremonies and everybody's got their flag, like it's kind of amazing

how many flags still carry the union jack on them. Yeah, they're like in little tiny places on a fire. Yeah. Like a watermark. It's like it's like if, like, let's say you worked for a company and then like you started your own company and then took like part of the logo from the old company and put it on your new like letterhead like well no you you you've you've you've kicked england out right like set up your own thing man like put put put like a yeah like like when you're serious xm and you have your

your serious dog and he's got xm power waves coming off and the serious dog i forgot about the serious dog that's right that's still the logo when you combine when you're exon mobile and you're i don't know you're right you're still red white and blue that's a bad example picture Picture John Tortorella watching match games, like 7-the-8. Richard Dawson. Fanny flag! Whoa, Fanny flag! What the fuck is that, man? Hey, fucking Gene Rayburn, why do you fucking get your people in check over here?

Fanny flag? A fanny flag? Was that a butt flag? Christ. John Tortorilla is patriotic. How patriotic is he? He's so patriotic that if you sit down during the National Anthem, he'll take the flag and stick it up your blank.

Ice that part. Tortious interference, if you know what I mean. I'm going to tell you a quick story about jury duty now. As you know, as many of you know, I had jury duty earlier this month. I found out a lot about people in jury duty around the country. and stuff. Like in Canada, they do it, but it's not the same thing like it here in New York where like you've got to do it or you get like a thousand dollar fine and like thrown in jail. Wow. It's it's much. Well, it's Canada. No, I'm, I didn't know. If you got the time, right? So, uh, just come on down. Yeah, you can come out to the jury duty. If you don't, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, you know, going out for a rip, that's fine too, but, um, so I did. A rip. I did jury duty and it was, I can talk about the case now real briefly. And there's a point here. It was a sexual assault case.

Whoa. You got a real one. It was about a homeless man or a man who appeared homeless. Not going to, you know, judge. But we had no fixed address. Did you have any mustard on him or? He did not. No, okay.

And he walked up, allegedly walked up, well, I guess it's not allegedly. He's kind of guilty. Spoiler. Walked up behind a woman who was a... Wait, you said a man in the prison? A dog walker. Wow. You're so powerful.

And squeezed her butt. Now, I'm making the motion that she claimed happened. It was a clap. and then a rub down. Picture, clap, and then you rub one hand down the palm, down your arm. I don't want to picture a homeless guy doing that at all. Okay. Okay. So, as you know, the defense has no burden of proof. It is all on the prosecution to prove that this thing happened. And it turns out the witness was quite credible. And the supporting evidence seemed to indicate that there was something that happened. And it was definitely this guy that did it, despite the fact the defense tried to prove that it's a very busy street corner. It would, was at 1045 on a Sunday morning on the Lower East Side. If you live in New York, you know, it ain't that busy. Wait, what was the evidence?

Was there, like, a street cam or like... There was a couple street cameras that caught, like, the aftermath of her, like, walking down the street. But there was also a cell phone movie she took of this guy walking away after the incident. And her saying, you're going to go to F in jail. So I bring this up because, you know, Jerry Dutie is an interesting process in several fronts. I found it to be really interesting that you... You're basically at the will of the court as far as, like, your schedule, as far as when you come and go, as far as what you can say and can't say.

There are controls placed on you that you have, you can't do anything about it. Like what? Let me, like, like, if it goes into a fourth day, you come back for the fourth day and you're stuck there all day. Sometimes they'll tell you what's going on. Sometimes they don't. Most of the times they don't. Like, we're stuck in a room for three hours. No one's telling us anything about what's going on out there.

Oh, like after you've been chosen, you mean like they're, uh. Oh, yeah, I got chosen. And the choosing part's really funny, actually, because I went in and everybody's like, dude, just tell him you're a reporter and, like, tell him your journalist. You'll get out of their lickily split. I'm like, all right, that's cool. So I go up there and I'm like, I'm like, you're like, you know, state your name, blah, blah, what do you do? I'm like, I'm a journalist, right? I'm like, okay, great.

Guy next to me, states his name, where is he from, blah, blah. I'm a journalist. What do you do? I'm a crime reporter. Oh, that's, yeah. So he doesn't make it, but I make it. He won't up you. And then I also, and the other thing was I said, they said, does anybody, does anyone have a problem not prejudging someone who doesn't testify on their behalf?

And I rose in that hand and said, well, you know, in my line of work, if you're, you don't. As a journalist. Yeah, as a journalist, I actually said that. As a journalist, if you don't answer to your accusations, I kind of feel like maybe there's a suspicion of guilt or you don't want to incriminate yourself. And I thought, that's it. They're never going to put me on a jury. And then they put me on the jury because the prosecution is like, we've got to get this guy on a jury. He's totally going to find this guy guilty for not talking.

But here's the thing I wanted to talk about. One of the things the defense did, and they did it during the final argument, okay, this wasn't like evidence they put in because they didn't call any witnesses, right? They just basically was two witnesses from the prosecution. Defense arrested, okay? And then called the guy out of the sand that was accused. They did cross the examination, but they didn't call any of their own witnesses. One of the things that they argued was this, that on the, that on the same. the video you can see the man holding a Hershey's chocolate bar in his hands. And then during

the filming of him walking away, he uses the wrapper from the Hershey's chocolate bar to help cover his face. And so the defense argument to try to poke a hole in the prosecution's case was, how can you expect a man to have reached out and touched the buttocks of someone else if he was in fact holding a Hershey's chocolate bar? The defense rests. Now, I This is patently absurd, right? And I got to tell you that, and this is going to speak to everybody who's ever been on a jury, there is no greater feeling in the world that when you walk into a room with, you know, six of your peers, whatever it was, and you're like, all right, what does everybody think?

And everybody raised their hand together on guilty. You're like, oh, thank God. And then there's this wonderful cathartic feeling where, you know, you're in there and you're kind of shooting the shit for a little bit because, you know, you've made your verdict or whatever. And then someone goes, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they tried to make that argument about the chocolate bar. And it's like when somebody tells an amazing joke at a party, it's just like everybody, everybody just lights up. And everybody's, for four days, we've all been waiting for a chance to talk to each other about this stupid case. This took four days?

I did. Oh, my God. And then we were all like, oh, this stupid chocolate bar. Wait, what did it get? What was the sentence? I don't know. We're not part of the sentencing. We just had to find guilty.

But yeah, that that was the argument. The argument was. And the other thing about. the chocolate bar defense was that was on a Thursday and we all thought this is going to be a case that we could probably figure out in a couple hours there ain't a lot of evidence here and this guy did an out like an hour and a half summation and like towards the end was well how could he have touched the butto if he was holding a chocolate bar and then like he gets done with it and the judge is like you know we really don't have time to go over the rules and stuff you guys are going to have to come back on Friday morning before Labor Day weekend and I think we're all like you know just case. So like what was like the fences strategy to just like wear you down to the point where you're just like... It might have been. It was, it was, listen, as a fan of like court shows and lawyering and stuff, there was a point when I was a kid that I wanted to be a lawyer. I found the whole thing fascinating. This first time I ever served on a jury. You might like the night of actually. Yeah, I probably would. It's really bad, but I think you might like it. But the idea that like, and that was, that was the thing that was like, you know, obviously the guy's guilt or innocence is in our hands, you know, so I'm taking that serious. You know, so I'm taking that serious. seriously. But it's also like, because I was a film minor in Maryland. And like, so when I watch a

movie, I'm always trying to see the, where the strings are, you know, where the seams are and stuff. And in this case, it was like, I'm watching this jury thing and this court thing. I'm just like, you know, that was a really slick move by that turn. Oh, that was an interesting question. Like, there's a part of my brain that wasn't just simply evaluating evidence. It was evaluating performance. I don't know if that's fair or not, but that's kind of just how it worked. What was it like when the bailiff, when bailiff John Tortorella said all rise whenever the judge came in the room? Was it like a really great moment for America? I sat in private protest for having to work on Friday before Labor Day weekend.

So on Friday, before Labor Day weekend, you were deciding the fate of a man's life. And I was typing out a three-page O'Dell Beckham, Lena Dunham conversation script. Oh, my God. So what was the final tally on that, by the way, you're Lena Dunham, O'Dell Beckon. It's still kind of doing its thing. That people thought was real, right? Who did this, fam? Oh, wow.

We won't get into that. No, we already, we already political soapboxed everything on this show already. We can't do Lina Donimo, Del Beckham. We're currently at 5.6K retweets and 9.1K likes. Nice. People enjoyed it. It was really funny. People, people, it was just really weird.

Because, like, you know, I did the Vince Scully shit. And I understand when you don't know who I am and you see the two. tweet and you're like, is that real? This can't, I get it. Like, it's funny for me that you don't think, you think him talking about Harambe coming out of the bullpen is a thing that happened. I think that's funny, but I could totally get it because he's been telling weird. The tweet says, what if, what if O'Dell Beckham had engaged Lena Dunham in conversation? And then it's a fucking script format. And there were like a half a dozen people that were like, more than that. They were like, wait, is this what really happened? Wait, no. This is, wait, is this real?

This feels real. No, it's not, it's not. It's, it's not. It's not. It's not. Funnier than anything I've seen on girls, for the record. Well, I mean, you set the bar low enough. People are going to find so funny. Before we get to listener mail, I want to point out that the A.B. Club has a new food section called the Supper Club. Very clever name. And we want to acknowledge right off the bat that we understand that they stole from Gentile and Lambert with this bit. Totally.

And now we're stealing from the A.B. Club. And this bit is they did a ranking of America's 10 tastiest fast foods. Ready? Yeah, give me the list. Okay. Now, how do you want to evaluate them? Do you want to give it a pass or fail? Do you want to give it a letter grade?

I just want to judge whether it's too high, too low. Oh, that's good. Higher low. Or shouldn't be on the list of all together. One of my favorite prices rate games. What was the game with car sharks? Higher or lower than seven on the French fries, Greg? Lower!

That's a two. Yay! All right. Number 10, Wendy's fries plus a chocolate frosty. Wendy's fries inside of a chocolate frosty. Dip through a chocolate frosty. I'm going to vomit. I'm going to puke.

That's going to be outside of your tap. I'm going to throw up. Especially the new fries. The new fries suck with the little, like, potato skin shavings on them. The old school fries were really good. They competed with McDonald's. White Castle's halapeno cheeseburger slider, number nine. Never had it, but I can imagine it being really good.

I think it's right there. If it's a slider with a jalapeno slice on it, it's going to be really good. Pizza Hut, original pan pizza, crust only. I had a buddy in college who worked at Pizza Hut, and he would bring home pizza after work, and it was free, and I couldn't. I was gross. This is not good. By the way, Papa John.

Pizza Hut Dominoes for those interested. That's the ranking for me. And I know that Papa John himself is a deplorable human being who should be shot into the sun, but that garlic sauce is real good. Wait, what did Papa John do? He's just a douche. Apparently Rudy is, he's like really anti-Obama.

Rudy from Notre Dame. You mean Sean Asthma? No, like the real Rudy. Oh, the real Rudy. Real Rudy is apparently like a psychotic, all right guy. But we won't get into that. Wait, what was the food again? Pizza Hut, original pan pizza.

Bad. It's not good. Their pepperoni was always really tasted. Chick-fil-A's original chicken sandwich at number seven. That's the one with the pickles. Yeah, that's good. Pretty good. Soft bun, but again, politics. Psychotic, you know, homophobic owner, but he makes a good chicken sandwich. Now, I'm going to preface this and poison the well a little bit by saying, I think this is low.

Number six, McDonald's Sausers McMuffin with Egg. Yeah. One of the single most perfect handheld items you can buy at a fast food place. Here's the thing. Growing up around here, I feel like there's no end to the amount of good breakfast bagel places that you can go to. But let's say you're not here. Let's say you're in Atlanta. I don't know why I picked Atlanta. I watched Atlanta last night with Donald Glover was pretty good. I saw parts of it. I'll watch anything Donald Glover does. But in terms of, well, if I'm in Atlanta, I'm probably going to go to Bojangles and just eat there until my heart explodes.

The only time I would really get a breakfast sandwich from like a McDonald's or a Burger King would be like, like coming home from like Atlantic City at four in the morning and you just pull over on the rest stop. So you've not done all day breakfast at McDonald's yet? I, like, it's funny. I live in Hoboken. And Hoboken has like a super weird like anti-fast food establishment situation. There's a McDonald's and that's it. And like when I was younger, I would like, you know, dude, I'm so hungover. I'm so drunk. Let's go get McDonald's, bro. And like now I'm old and I'm like, I don't want to go out on Friday. So I'm not going to eat McDonald's anymore. So like I haven't, I haven't. I haven't partaking in the all-day breakfast, but I can see. I can see how that's enjoyable.

I've definitely gotten both a sausage cream muffin with egg and a double cheese brewer because I hate myself and I want to die. Number five, KFC original recipe wings. Yeah. I don't eat fried chicken as a rule. Like, I mean, I, I, very, like, maybe once a year and not at a place like that, at a place that does it, like, really well. I know this is, like, a controversial hot take, but I feel like any, pick any form of fried, deep fried chicken, Buffalo wing, fried chicken. Take the bone out. It's better.

So, like, yeah. I'd rather have, like, pop-bites. Thanks for joining us again for another season of fuck soup. I am now retiring and leaving the show. Well, I don't get it because, like, okay, you have a buffalo wing. Uh-huh. And it's like, it's like 70% bone, 30% meat. You got to suck all the chicken off.

We've talked about this. It doesn't make sense. It's the pile of bones that you develop by eating the wings. You feel like, you know, a warrior back in medieval times where you've collected the skeletons of the people you've smited. Oh, Christ. If either of us lived in medieval times, we'd be dead by the time we were 14. You kidding me. I know, with all those giant frozen drinks they serve there?

Oh, wait. Dude, my friends bust my balls all the time. Whenever I'm drunk, I want like a mixed drink. And apparently Giant Stadium has them now this year. And you're like, hey, hey, Lozo, guess what they have there now? And I'm like, I'm going every game this year and get a peanut collada. Shake Shack's Smoke Shack Burger. I've never had that.

That's the one with... Shake Shack's good. They got bacon on it, I think. It's fine. It's really tasty. I'm a five guys guy myself. Popeye's spicy chicken thigh. I'm not a pipe.

I don't think I've ever had Popeye's chicken. The Popeye's chicken strips are, again, why have fried chicken when you can have a chicken strip? But Popeye's fried chicken strips are really good. So if it's the same consistency in terms of skin and chicken, that's pretty good. This is to me the one that I don't quite get. This is number two on AV clubs list of the 10 tastiest fast food items. anti-and pretzel dog that's not even the best thing in anti-ans

best thing in anti-ans is this little pretzel bites you get and you can dip them in the sauce sauce yeah that's something and I would and you know that would be if you're looking at the giant periodic table of fast foods that would be under airport bites I'd put that under airport bites

or restop bites between aunt Annie's pretzels the AV clubs has bad opinions I've come to realize it like there's times when I'll see like a preview on Facebook because I follow the I like the onion or whatever. You know, it's like a list of like onion stories. And it's like the AV club says the night of is the best TV show ever. And I'm always like, are they doing the satire thing too?

Or are they really serious? Like click hole? Yeah. And number one food item, you're saying to yourself, Dave Lose, you're saying, which one of these fast food establishments haven't they mentioned yet? They haven't mentioned Burger King. Mm-hmm. That's true.

Anyone else? McDonald's. They're not going to say the Whopper fries or the Whopper. No. No, they've mentioned McDonald's, but they're going to about. to mention it again. Number one is McDonald's French fries. Yeah, yeah. But you'll notice that I've given you ten items here from A.B. Club

and not a single one from my life's blood, Taco Bell. Yeah, like pretty much. Crunch? The fucking Doritos Taco inside of the the crunchy taco thing that I love so bad. That was overrated. The Doritos Locos Taco. I had that. Inside of a Gordita. Cheesy Grita Crunch. That's what I was thinking of.

Cheasy Gordita Crunch with a Dorita. as taco inside of it is better than anything on this list? Taco Bell's awesome. But, like, I feel like Taco Bell, everything in there is just the same thing. It's just in a different form. Different, like, you know what I mean? You get like a chicken this, a beef, that. It's all good.

Don't get me wrong. There's no Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich. There's no Bojangles, Cajun Filet. McDonald's fries is just like a safe. You know what I mean? Like, you're going to put Antian's pretzel dog at two and then put that at one? Like, what the fuck is that? What kind of a weird-ass list is this?

All right. The time remaining we have on the show this week, it's time for the... Park soup listener mail bag. Our first question comes from Derek Ratz. As an American, can I root against Team USA because it's run by a bunch of idiots? Yes, we're just, look, come on, Derek, listen to the beginning of the show that you didn't hear. Of course it is. Will Morales wants to know everything bagels, salt or no salt.

I mean, I don't even know why there's a question. Salt is the answer. Yeah, it's an everything bagel. Well, that's, I mean, the thing is, though, is that do you have a limit on everything? because I got an everything bagel the other day that had what's that stuff you get on like whole wheat bread is like I guess oats it had oats on it. That's good.

Yeah? Well, yeah, you bring up a good point. Poppy seed, onion, garlic, garlic, salt. And then, oh, and the thing on top of the wopper bun. Sesame seeds. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Honestly, like, just put a bag on front of me.

I'll eat it. I probably wouldn't even notice a difference if it had salt or no salt anyway. What's the stupidest thing either of you have ever done at a tailgate, Jason Waterfalls wants to know? The stupidest thing I've ever done at a tailgate? Yeah. Fish concert, I'll say 1998. For $5, I did a whip it. Oh, you did a whip it?

I've never done a whip it. How was that? I was fucking, I was fucked up. It hits you. Because it's funny, they were like, they were like, don't do it all at once. Like, do it a little bit at a time. I did it all at once. And it hit me.

I basically went from feeling like high to hung over in like seven minutes. It was like a really great six and a half minutes. And then like once I got inside the concert, I was like, please don't let me die at a fish concert. I had a fireball race. I had a large clear plastic cup filled with fireball. And my friend and I had a race to see you could finish it first. That was it Maryland. What, 2014?

2015. How long ago was this? More recent than it probably was going to say. I feel like Fireball wasn't a thing when we were in college. It wasn't in college, though. It was definitely out of college. Why does not be a college tailgate? Oh, man.

I'm trying to think of, like, a recent, like a sports tailgate. I remember playing football in a parking lot, and my friend fell and hit his face on the ground because I threw a pass too far. But that was his problem, not mine. Yeah, I feel like a whip it is pretty dumb. That's a pretty dumb thing to do at a tailgate. Yeah.

This is an interesting one for you from Hannah. Based on Dave's expertise, predictions on how millennials will kill or ruin hockey. Hmm. How will millennials ruin hockey? Well, first of all, millennials will get rid of the penalty box because the penalty box is constricting,

and that could be a triggering effect. And then also it's a place where you spotlight someone's shameful behavior, and frankly, that shouldn't be done. They should work on themselves. They should go back to the bench and work on themselves rather than being punished for their actions. They should rename the penalty box of safe space.

That's what they'll do. That's not, by the way, that's not like a millennial thing. That's more, like, that's like, the people who get really super mad about stuff that they shouldn't get mad about. Like, that's a small, like, the millennial, like, Yost tweeted a screenshot of this thing where apparently, like, there's a story that says millennials are causing hotel closets to be smaller. Like, that's the crazy shit millennials get paid for. I don't know.

There was no link to the story. Like, I didn't want to click on it, but I was curious as to, like, how. I'm guessing because they pack less. Oh, I know. I know what. Millennials will ruin hockey by having it legislated in that rookies can get max contracts because they deserve them. Yeah, millennials are.

Millennials want, they're entitled to stuff, don't they? They're always just like, give me, give me now. Like, they don't want to work for anything. Fucking millennials. Should we have to pay for tickets? They don't want to play the, they'll want to air the entire game over Snapchat in 10 second intervals. Dude, Snapchat blue. I tried Snapchat.

I tried to get into it. It's so dumb. Like, there are so many, like, things, like, younger people do that I'm like, I'm not into it, but I kind of get why it's cool and why it's fun. Snapchat, like, whenever you post a Snapchat, it's you and your daughter and your daughter's drawing like a penis on your face. Yeah, she drew a mouth around my, she drew a mouth, she drew a circle around my mouth and said poop here.

Oh, poop. That's what it was. Yeah, she's not, she's not old enough for dick jokes. She's old enough for poop jokes, though. That's what I mean. Like, it's fun for, like, kids who want to, like, put their faces and have, like, flowers in their hair. Like, I don't understand how it's like a thing for 24-year-old people, except for the whole,

you know, you know, dick picks and nude picks and stuff. Finally, I don't think we've ever done this question on the show, though, it's been asked a few times. Josh wants to know boxers or briefs Boxer briefs I mostly go boxer briefs Yeah I do own briefs

I don't know why I don't know what compels me to wear them To be honest with you Sometimes maybe sometimes I wake up and I feel like Superman I just want to wear briefs I just I just want a little more security But not too much security You know what I mean I'm not packing enough for for tidy whiteys

I'm not packing enough for anything down there That exposes too much I live in Chelsea and I could never wear tidy whiteies because every other store that I pass is a mannequin in the window with a guy with a shlong bigger than this microphone I'm talking into. It's very intimidating.

Also, the guy has a six-pack. And I don't mean like the kind of six-pack that I like. I can't believe you walk past my place of employment every day and you don't say hi. Come on in. It's fake that. It's a prosthetic. Finally, I have a question for you about Bachelor in Paradise.

So I was watching Bachelor in Paradise last night that it was the finale. And so I find out they're on the island kind of dating amongst themselves for 18 days. And then they either have to get engaged to be married or don't. Could you find a wife, Dave Lozo, if you were on Bachelor in Paradise for 18 days? Do you think you could find love? Wait, what's the plot of the show, though? They're just, they all live in a beautiful beach house in, like, Mexico, and they all just make out and have sex and drink.

What's the guy of the girl ratio? It's like, they all couple up. It's like one to one. But there's, how many people are there total? Like, is it like an or is it like four on four? No, it's like a half-course game? I would say, like, 16 maybe, 8 and 8? I don't know.

So, like, everyone pairs off. Could you find a wife that way? Um, well, you have to get married at the end of it, though? You have to get engaged at the end of it. Oh, oh, yeah, I could fake an engagement. I could fake an engagement for 18 days. Here you go, ladies. Just to have, yeah.

I mean, let's be honest. If I propose you after 18 days, you know something's fucked up. Like, we're just having fun here for like two weeks on an island. Like, think about it. Like, let's say you go on vacation as a single man in your 20s and you meet a girl and you're on the same place for a week. And you hook up and you have a good time. If that person proposes to you at the end of that week on that island, don't you think that person's a little bit clinically insane? Like, you wouldn't expect that person to follow through with marriage.

But 18 days, though. 18 days. Um, I think, after 18 days, you could probably talk yourself into it. Like, after a week, you don't really know the person that well, but 18 days? The weirdest thing about the Bachelor series for me is the fact that they all, they're all alumni now, and they all, like, hang out with each other. It's kind of like how the NHL alumni all know each other and hang out with each other and they go to dinner and stuff. What I don't get is, like, is there a fucking offseason for this show? It's like,

it's like fucking English league soccer. We're like, like, like one ends and another one fucking starts right away. And my Twitter's filled with like, oh, Josh's, honestly, we were talking about before. We should have a Bachelor in Paradise for like just schmose like us, where it's just like a bunch of like pale dudes with like like, you know, mediocre bodies. Yeah, you'll see my mobs bouncing as I run down the sand.

Right, I don't want to see some fucking weird ass orange, by the way, speaking of weird ass orange guys before we go, Hittleston and Swift. Yeah, it's over. Hidl Swift is over. Yeah, it is. Why is it whenever I see them together, he has the weird Ross Geller, forgot to turn inside the tanning booth tan thing going on.

Like, he's a pale dude who looks like he got two-toes on his front all the time. And I'm like, buddy, you're a good-looking guy. You don't need to have this weird orange thing happening. Like, stop it. I think he needs to because otherwise he looks like Loki, like really pale. Well, I mean, as long as he doesn't have the dark, black, you know, long hair. I don't know. I'll say this about Swift.

You know where I think she's going next? The wide world of sports. I think so. I've done a lot of athletes. I've had a lot of athletes. we have had a lot of performers. Right, performers. I mean, we had Calvin Harris, we had Hylston.

Who should he hook up with? Who should she hook up with? Who is, who, who are you shipping with Taylor Swift? Come on. You? No. Patrick Kane? Grunk Swift. Oh, Gronk.

She's more of a quarterback girl, I think. Yeah, I don't, I feel like, I feel like she wouldn't put up with Grong's shit outside of for like two minutes. Like, they would not last 18 days on an island. He would not be able to propose to her. They would not. young single. How about shitty, how about shitty Rams quarterback Jared Gough? How about Ryan Fitzpatrick Swift? Yeah. That, that beer would come off in fucking two seconds. It's the same Cutler's taken because that'd be perfect, too.

Cutler would work for her now. Culler's kind of old. She's taken, though. She's saying she's got to skew younger. I have no. How old is Taylor Swift? 29? No, she's probably like 27, 28, I think. 29? No, she's 28. No. One year below. your guess. You idiot? God. How many goals

Jamie Ben have? Yeah, like 45. You have 44. What was wrong with you? You basically became someone who replies to a joke tweet with like, well, actually, that was actually the best part too of the Lena Dunham, Oddochem thing. Somebody replied and was like, you know, she's friends with Chloe

Kardashian. She would know who she is on the Instagram that he was looking at. Maybe her face was cut off on the photo. I'm like gonna. Okay, I'll put it, I'll, I'll ship her with Blake Bortles. Because Blake Bortals and the Jaguars are going to have a breakout season. He's in Florida. She's from Florida. Bortle Swift. Bortles and Swifts. Bortles and Tays. Mr. Potter, you're sorted into Bortle Swift. Taves. Jonathan Taves, they can be Tate. Oh my God.

And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I quit. And then the ghostly hand It's just out and takes Caroline All right everybody that's Puck Soup for this week I'm Greg Woshensky Vio Sports you can read me at Puck Daddy

You can listen to this podcast Listen to Merrick versus Wyshinsky which just came back for its sixth season this week Which as you know it's the Olympics of podcast And this is the World Cup of Hockey of Podcast According to one listener Yeah fuck you buddy

You realize Wish is part of this show that you're c-seeing him on, right? Like, yeah. Thank God it's the world. Fuck you. And then also you can read me at Wachinsky on Twitter. My book, take your eye off the puck. Listen, if you bought this book, I owe you a debt of thanks.

Because I got a little check in the mail the other day, Dave Loso. It said the book is turned to profit. So thank you, everybody. Wait, the check said that. It was written from the check? The giant. There's no dollars in there? And in the money part, it said, turn to profit.

Turn to profit. You're like, wait, hold on. I can't bring this to the bank. And it's signed by Mortimer Bookman. What's that about? But thanks to everybody who bought it and enjoyed it. It really means a lot to me. And Dave Lozo will take you home.

I got to talk us out. I don't really have any sort of stuff to, I don't have anything on my mind. Oh, you know what? We'll go back to the Dunham thing one more time. I don't get liking tweets but not retweeting them, Greg. Sometimes. I get when, you know, it's just a joke. whatever you like it's fine.

I don't get when you like work, but you don't retweet it. Like the Dunham-Beckham thing, whatever, there's like a 3,000 like discrepancy. So 3,000 people liked that tweet but didn't share it. So basically they said to me, Dave, love this, really good. I like what you did here. I liked it so much that I'm actually clicking a button that represents liking it. And I'm like, oh, that's fucking great, man. I really appreciate that you like it because I...

But you understand the disparity, right? No, I don't. Because there's an assumption, I think, sometimes. times that everybody is already like certain that if you know that people are already reading you so to retweet it to the people that are already reading you don't buy it don't don't

don't buy it because there's this really cool video of like a guy throwing garbage away from like the other side of the classroom in the auditorium maybe seen that it's the greatest fucking thing it's as like 120 000 retweets and it is 120,000 times better than what I did but like when you like it I'm like why don't you share it I also think that maybe people don't understand what the symbols mean like a heart is pretty self-explanatory

but that retweet thing It could really be anything. It could be a North America logo, actually. There's probably somebody out there who literally thinks that when you press the retweet logo, it means that you're going to switch souls with somebody. Like you've both touched the magic skull. Oh, like vice versa? Like vice versa.

Or you both taste into a magic fountain like that Jason Bateman movie or... Underrated movie. Yeah. But yeah, it's just weird. Like, you know, you're like, hey, thanks for... I love that you like my work. Maybe you want to show it to... No, no, no, no.

I don't want to do that. Really? But you liked it? Oh, yeah. Yeah, liked it a lot. So maybe just, you know, pass it along. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to do that at all.

But no, it's all good. I'm glad everybody liked it. And, oh, I'm going from here to do another podcast since Greg wants to always bring up his other podcast. Doing this one with Jolie Kerr, who you probably know from Deadspin, she had a clean person podcast that I did a couple of times. And now we're starting a new one. I don't want to spoil too much. But the first episode or the second episode is going to be a bit. about it's a clean person show, which I don't know why I'm on it.

But one of the topics is going to be how to wash your balls. So while Greg has some overlap with his other hockey podcast, I assure you, while Greg and I do talk about washing our balls a lot off microphone, we're going to get into that today. So check that out. I don't know when it's going to drop, as the kids say, as the millennials say. But yeah, check it out. And like it, share it.

Don't share it. Just like it. Who cares? What am I talking about? Yeah. And the answer. her of course is carefully. You wash your balls carefully.

Depends. Depends on how dirty your balls are. I mean, that's the thing. See, you're not an expert like I am. I can't believe I'm not a clean person. There's two things I'm not. It's clean. And that's basically it.

All right, well, thanks for stopping by. And what's the stupid thing you keep making me say every week? Oh, yeah, be lit and stay loyal. Or don't stay loyal. Don't retweet. Who cares? See you. Bye.

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