Puck Soup - Jonah Keri

Episode Date: November 10, 2016

Greg and Dave welcome renowned baseball writer and fellow Nerdist sports podcaster Jonah Keri to the podcast to talk about his beloved Montreal Canadiens, the P.K. Subban trade, the progress of advanced stats in baseball vs. hockey, how different generations believe their sports were the best and much more. Plus the boys send in Seal Team 5 to rescue NHL players from bad situations, play F/M/K in hockey, debate which team has the biggest national fan base, touch on the Islanders' coach and Jacob Trouba's contract, and discuss your listener mail, including sports spoiler etiquette! Sponsored by Seat Geek!

Today's episode of PuckSoup is sponsored by Seat Geek. The only ticket service that we use here on the show to buy tickets for games and concerts, I had the seat geek out of my phone. You know why? Because this is the best. And you're laughing, why? Because Jonah wore those the whole time and there was no sound coming through them. Oh, shit, no, I had to start over again.

That's really funny. Five, four, three, two, one. today's episode of Puck's super sponsored by Seat Geek the only place we go to buy tickets for games and concerts I got the Seat Geek Act by my phone, Dave Lozo

Seat Geek what? Let's start again 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Today's episode of Puck Soup is sponsored by Seat Geek, Dave Lozo I have the Seat Geek app on my phone. I use it all the time I love it. It is the only place I

go to for tickets to games or concerts. I want to go see my beloved New Jersey Devils play at the Rock, maybe get myself with deli sandwich beforehand, maybe go to one of the wonderful Portuguese restaurants and the Ironbound. You're giving away your location to a lot of people here. Fair enough. But the point is is that I want to make sure I get a good deal of them tickets so I can have some scratch left over to get a giant pastrami sandwich or whatever Portuguese thing I want to buy.

There's a lot of scratch. Are you buying all this in 1945? Yeah, see? I'm going to rustle up some shekels and get myself of a strami sandwich. Boy. But the point is that if I'm going to have some money left to. over to spend it the game, why not use the Seatgeek app to find a great deal on tickets? Makes

sense, right? It does. Exactly. And with Seat Geek, it does all the price comparison for you by searching multiple ticket sites, ensuring that you get the best possible deal. Seekek does all the work, you save time, and most importantly you save money that you can

then filter into your pastrami sandwich fund before the devil's game. Yeah, see? Yeah, see? Here's what you've got to do. You can get a $20 rebate on your first Seek Purchase. If you download the Seat Geek app, it's free, you go to Settings,

you click add a promo code. You enter the promo code S-O-U-P, that spells soup. Soup. As in like Mazzabal Soup, which you could probably also buy with the money you're saving with Seek along with the pastrami sandwich at the deli. That's a good point. S-O-P soup. Seekek will send you $20

after you made your first purchase. So download the free Seekkekekeek app, go to Settings tab, Add a promo code, enter Soup, and then seek equal to send you 20 bucks after you've made your first purchase. Enjoy the show. Or don't, you know, whatever. It's up to you. We can't force you.

Now entering nerdist.com. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slap shots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you'll commute. Movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. I'm Greg Wyshinsky of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy Blog. And I'm Dave Lozo, and I can't think of any celebrities that are pitching anything this week, so that's who I am. And you're in Puck Soup, Dave.

Yes. Today on the show, we have Jonah Carey, our good friend and our nerdist overlord to talk about. Never heard of him. Yeah, no, he's a pretty good. famous guy. He has more jobs than you do, which is pretty impressive. It's probably close. We should probably, we should have probably hash that out during the whole interview. But he, he, on top of being the biggest Tim Raines fan in the world, he's the guy trying to get Tim Raines into the Hall of Fame, probably is going to happen this year. He's also a huge Montreal Canadians fan

as well. A little kid, little baby Jonah pressing his face up against the glass and looking at Patrick as he says fuck this team i have gone now i am tired of giving up nine goals i'm going off the ice and never coming back bring in jocelyn tibov but the thing you'll you'll hear in the interview and and i and i wonder how many people are like that with with jona like you can hear the palpable sadness that pk suvann's no longer with montreal that's like a deep sigh and then he says his name like you know it's suban it's just you know what i mean like with satarian it's like fucking terrian Yeah, Sue Bennett just... Yeah.

Like, because Jonah's a guy who was a Habs fan, probably a lapsed Habs fan, because, you know, he succumbed to the siren song of baseball, then he came back because of P.K., and then P.K.'s gone now. And I don't think Shea Weber really does it for him. I don't blame him.

It's like coming to baseball because of Ricky Henderson, and then all of a sudden you find out that they traded Ricky Henderson for Steve Balboni to put it in the 1990s obscure baseball terms. And the events, like... Don't not disparage the guys.

good name of the centerpiece of one of the best outfields ever put together. Pre-steroids, Barry Bonds, and left, Andy Van Gogh and Center. And the joy, the Bronx, Bobby Boney and Wrightfield. Dale Murphy, straight up for Ricky Henderson's, basically what that trade was. I know I've talked about it on something we've done before. And I want to see maybe it was on Jonas podcast. But the fact that as a kid growing up, I used to think that Atlanta was in a different time zone than the rest of the country because all the shows started at 735 and 705. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, because like TBS figured it out, like way before everybody else did. Like if you watch Comedy Central now, shit starts at like 124, 156, and you're just like, oh,

it's because they want to get to jump on the show that just ended on the other network. It's genius. But they would be like, Andy Grimm at the show coming on at 505 Eastern Time. I'm like, I'm like, okay, I understand that like LA, a game in L.A. at 1030 is a game at 730 here in Jersey, which means. that Atlanta is five minutes ahead than the Eastern time zone. I had no idea that was actually

like you said, the Turner plan was to start all the shows a little bit off so you could catch them. Right, so you wouldn't get caught by a commercial. I remember not understanding why Atlanta was on national TV every day. That one I could never figure out. Yeah. Just some random baseball team was constantly on and then it's like, oh, the guy who owns the network owns

the team, he can do what he wants. But that's the amazing part, right? I remember the St. Louis Cardinals will always the big example of the team that had the The biggest radio signal in the Midwest amassed as an incredible fan base because it was the only team back in the day before, you know, cable television deals that everybody could watch. So everybody became a cardinal stamp by default.

And just think, like, today, like, that was like the 80s. And the Braves still aren't that team, right? No, they're not even that team in their own city. Right. But like, think about it. Like, in the 80s and 90s, the Braves were on TV pretty much all the time. And, like, it's 2016. and somehow like we still only show four NHL teams on national TV.

Right. Like how, like how, like, would it be great if like the Oilers just came onto your TV on some random channel every night now? It'd be great. Who, who do you think has the largest national draw amongst? Like in Canada, I'd probably say Leafs fans are everywhere. Maybe, I don't know. Who do you think has the larger fan base? Toronto or Montreal?

I would say Toronto. I think Toronto is just a bigger city. I think, and also I think Toronto has a lot more of a bandwagon quotient. than Montreal does. Based on what I've seen for the Blue Jays the past few years, I would say that, oh God, yeah, I know.

We the North. Shut up. We, we, the guy who put his Vince Carter jersey into Goodwill about 10 years ago. We, we the country that didn't realize we had a basketball team.

Was it the year they lost to the Nets the first time they went to the playoffs? That was when it was, I'm actually, as a Nets fan, I felt terrible because, like, I felt great because I essentially root against all things Toronto.

But like, I felt terrible. terrible because of the, like, I hated that Nets team so much because that was the team that we're now paying for, where we mortgaged the future to get Pierce and all those guys. Oh, that's right. Like, I hated that team. There was a bunch of mercenary assholes in that team that I'd actively rooted against us a fan for years.

Now they were on the Nets. On top of the Nets now being in Brooklyn, they're not even a Jersey team anymore. It's like being a Ranger fan in the 90s when Bobby Holeek and Scotty Gomez show up. Yeah. They're done. You're like, oh, I hate these guys. They've already ruined your life. Right.

So I felt bad that they beat, I mean, they were getting such enthusiasm. A bunch of kids going out and watching. the game in the middle of the street and shit in Toronto. Like I felt so bad on one level that they beat that team, but on another level, like, you know, come on. They forgot about it and they woke up the next morning and didn't care. Yeah, just like they forgot about Dre. What was that I mean?

Oh, sorry, Whitey. So, listen. It's actually pronounced Drake. Oh, sorry. Yeah, he's a perfect example of why the Leafs have more fans. Oh, my God. Oh, that was the best joke ever during the World Series when some guy tweeted, when like the game was tied again in game seven

like Drake furiously trying to figure out how many Cubs jerseys and how many Indians jerseys to buy just to be sure and Jonathan Taves trying to decide if he's a Cubs or a white socks fan again so the Leaves probably have the larger Canadian fan base who in the U.S. do you think has the largest reach? Is the Rangers or the Bruins?

I mean the Blackhawks to me have a huge bandwagon right now because I think a lot of people have come home to him And I think a lot of people that are Chicago-esque expats are going to root for their team. Fuck them. No matter what. Flyers are probably pretty high.

Like you're saying like what building has like the loudest cheers when the road team sports. I'm saying which NHL team is like the Steelers in the sense that wherever you go in the United States, there are Steelers fans. Because it's a combination of three things in my eyes. Civic Pride generally being a fan of that team. But also, you know, a cultural impact. for a decade or so where, you know,

like the Steelers and the Cincinnati Reds and those guys, like they amassed fans for years. You know what? You know what I think? It like, it might be like Montreal or Toronto because I feel like whenever I'm in a building in Montreal or Toronto, like last night I was at the Jets Rangers game. They travel well.

There was a good, not a ton, but there's a, for the Jets, there was a pretty good amount of Jets fans. And I feel like whenever I'm like at a Ranger game, like there's a good Montreal or Toronto contingent. But like when the Rangers playing DC when they play in Tampa when they play in Florida and you're watching on TV

and the Rangers score it sounds like they're playing at home. But like I don't know if that's really true if you go like west of there. Like if it's like Rangers National National it's not like wow. I agree with you. I think our view on this is a little a little askew because we're in the Northeast but then we also go to the

southeast and that's where all the people in the Northeast. Right. That's where we'll go to die. Yeah, if we go to St. Louis, how many Ranger fans are in St. Louis? Yeah. I don't know. I think it's a Canadian team if you're going to If you're going to pick what team draws the best in the United States, that's not like a local. I think it might be like Montreal, to be honest. Yeah.

Hashtag at NHL Bandwagon. And let us know if you're a Puck Soup listener, what you think. CC the Toronto Raptors on the list. Yeah, let us know. Who do you think has the longest reach, the longest tentacles as a team? It's actually Toby Endstrom. His stick is really long. That's right.

Yeah. There it is. Chara, too. A couple NHL things to get to off the top of the show. Jacob Truba signs two years, six million dollars, annual cap pit of three. million by my math. It's correct. What a gigantic waste of time this was.

I mean, everybody knew this is how it's going to play out. This is exactly how it played out with tourists, with the coyotes back when his agent did the same thing a few years ago. He's 22 years old. He's a restricted free age, and he's obviously going to get traded probably this summer around the time of the expansion draft. But a gigantic waste of time, he had no leverage. Yeah, I thought he could have gotten traded.

I mean, like he was offer sheet eligible, right? Yeah, in a league where nobody off-resheets anybody because it's an old boy's network. But, like, he, to me, like, he had everything working for him because he sat out. He demanded a trade publicly. He could have been offer sheeted. He's really good. Apparently, you only had to pay him $3 million a year for two years. And still, nobody stepped up.

Like, I thought for sure, like, like, Kuturov, you need someone to, A, have the money to pay him. B, you need to have Kuturov want to leave. Like, Sott and Hamilton were both poached, basically, by the threat of an offer sheet. Like, I thought Truba had enough working for him. he was going to get out of there. But in Saad in Hamilton's case, it was also, well, and listen, I think in Hamilton's case, they didn't want him. Honestly. In Saad's case, it was because it's what

Chicago has to do to maintain any semblance of a roster. Yeah, Stan Bowman's a real genius. I know. It's like, the all-star team that exists because of guys that he's traded. I've, I wrote a thing today where I just basically, I wrote a thing where I was just super tired of the Blackhawks. So I realized they won six in a row and they were in first place again, and I was just basically like, fuck off with this. And I kind of

went through the last, like, two years of what Stan Bowman done? Not for nothing. I know I say not for nothing a lot, but not for nothing. Dale Tallinn did most of the fucking lifting for that goddamn dynasty. The El Talon assembled the core that is still carrying that team. Exactly. They have three fucking defensemen on that team for the last two and a half years and they're still one of the best teams in the

league. Like what does Stan Bowman done? He got nothing for Patrick Sharp and Stephen Johns basically. He traded Trevor Daly for Rob Skidary. Where else, Brian Bickle, he gave a shit ton of money because he had a good postseason in a lockout year. Then he had the trade Tevuterovian to get rid of Brian Bickle. And it's just like, and he signed Brian Campbell, I guess he's okay at this point.

But like they weren't using him until Van Riemsday. Panarin was his, wasn't it? Or was Panarin a pick from previous? I don't know. I forget. I think Panarin might have been his. Yeah. But like, Kane, Tave, Seabrook, all these guys. I think Stan does a really good job coloring around the, the edges. He's like Donald Trump. He's like Donald Trump. He inherited his, he inherited his fortune.

He got $14 million from his dad, Dale Tallon, and built it into a thrift. driving business. I found the way to win a cup in 2015, with Patrick Kane's collarbone mysteriously healed right before game one of the season. Occasionally you put out the apprentice and you put out the Taj Mahal and occasionally you put out Trump stakes. And Dale

Talon lost his job because he didn't put the qualifying offers in on time, allegedly. Oh wow. They almost lost Christopher Steeg and Cam Barker. Oh my God. Fire him. Sorry. I think Stan deserves credit for a, listen.

They're not fucking it up, basically. But also take him a listen. He takes advantage of the opportunities given to him. I mean, like, Brad Richards' signing was something he was able to do because Richard's got a buyout, but he still got him there. Like, I give Stan more credit. But what made that situation attractive for Brad Richards, the situation that was built? By Dale Tallon?

By Dale Tallon. I still think Stan does a pretty good job. I think he's okay. I don't think it's his fault that their cap is fucked because they have a lot of good players that they're trying to keep. But I also think that as the one thing about the Blackhawks that we learned so far, this year is that Cory Crawford is as much a part of that core as anybody else and also if they win another cup I wonder how long those

coattails are for Crawford do you know what I mean they're not going to win another cup but let's say they do like right now Chris Osgood gets this weird like Hall of Fame push because he happened to be fucking the forest gump of those teams you know the forest gum of those teams and like but Crawford I think is is

is more of an active reason why these Black Cross teams win. Crawford's not. I mean, I make fun of Crawford as much as anybody, but he's not Osgood. He's more valuable than that. But again, everybody gets there. But that glove hand in that series against the Bruins. Oh, boy. Like, I got to shoot glove side, they said.

I'm still fucking mad at Cory Crawford because he shit his pants against the Kings in Game 7 that year. And, like, I was all set to go to Chicago. Man, oh, games one and two of the cup final in Chicago instead of the fly across goddamn country. Think of me, Cory Crawford, when you've got to fucking fight through his. screen for once in your life. We're taping this one on election day, so that's why you're not going to hear an election talk from from us because I'm very superstitious. I hope everything worked out for

whoever you decided to vote for. Except unless you voted for Trump and then I hope it didn't work out. Exactly. I'm not gonna hedge. But we will say this about stuff that's so I'm trying to say that there might be a couple topics that we're hitting on that are like by the time you hear this on Thursday might not be like top of mind. But whatever. We need to say it. anyway, how great was our show last week with player safety and how great was it that then

within days of our show there was the biggest controversial hit of the season. The blind side. But you know what's funny it was like, Cadreys shouldn't have been suspended for sure, but like materially, I don't see what was different between Cadre and Pastry and Pastor. I'm going to go back to that Pastor and I kit forever because they were kind of the same hit. They both kind of went a long distance

to hit somebody who had the puck who wasn't ready for it. They both kind of raised up a little bit but didn't leave their feet and I don't think the head was the principal. For sure it wasn't on Sadine. and I'm pretty sure it wasn't on Pasternak and yet 2 and 0. I think that, listen,

Kinnucks fans are out of their minds angry about all this stuff. A lot of Leaves fans thought it wasn't a good hit either. And it wasn't a good hit. It was a penalty for sure. It was the same exact kind of hit where it was totally... You know what, though? It was more necessary for Cadreya than it was for Pasternak.

Pasternak was just trying to light up a punt returner who was trying to catch a punt while like Sedeen was going to try to shoot. Oh, that's right. We should get Pasternak a pass because he was trying to be Terry Tate office linebacker. I mean, again, if the league wants to be, like, you have to protect yourself. Don't try and catch a puck at Center Rice that's been in the air for that's right. He's reaching up there like he's in a money in the bank match in WWE with a fucking briefcase is above the ring and then Pashtenac just clubs him. He's like calling for a flyball in Center Club while like a dude's bearing down on him.

But listen, but on Cadry like, listen, I don't think it was a suspension either. But here's the two things that came out of this. If we can find some common ground, it was this. it was if you want there to be a thing in the rulebook about blindside hits it's not on player safety to put it back the GMs and the owners have to put it back right yarmot wanted it yeah but then they took it out the one good thing he's wanted in the last two years

so now you got to you got to lobby them to put it back and the other thing is this what listen the NHL suspended nasm cadre twice in two years four games apiece they clearly think he's a dirty player They would suspend him again if they could, but you could not give me an angle that showed me that the head was a principal point of contact.

And there were angles where you could see a good amount of shoulder contact before head contact. And the thing that you want to go back to comparisons, a lot of Canucks fans brought up the Vertan hit where he was suspended. I don't remember that. And you could see clearly that he, there were more angles that showed head contact there

than there were on the cadre hit. It may have been a situation where if you could come up with an angle that showed a significant amount of contact on the head, he gets suspended. But it's not because they're trying to protect him that he wasn't. It's because they could not prove the thing that you wanted them to prove. Right. And plus, it's just physics where, like, if you hit someone from the side, you're going to catch their shoulder before you catch their head. That's just how the body's shaped. It was, it was bad.

But again, like, I thought it was more necessary than Pastor Nax was. Pastor Nack was just kind of like, I'm going to light up this dude who's not going to see me coming. And Padre was like, I want to prevent a goal. So, yeah. And then the other thing we should talk about is what's happening in Brooklyn. The Allander's beat the Vancouver Canucks on Monday night. I was at that game because that's what people do against Vancouver now is beat them. They just win.

They just win, win, win, no matter what. We can probably say 10 in a row. The Rangers are probably going to beat. I mean, can you imagine the Rangers, that's what's going to happen. The Rangers are going to come in on a day of rest, the best team in hockey and just get smoked by the tired Canucks at home. But now they have, they have. started this season, and they've probably done it before, but they're getting louder,

the fire Cappy chance to Let's Go Islanders in the cheap seats in Brooklyn. All of the cheap seats. All the cheap seats in Brooklyn. All the seats are cheap. I've long said that Jack Capuano is the coach that you have before you fire him and get the coach that then turns your franchise around.

But I'm wondering if that time has passed. Oh, for sure it has. Because the thing that would bother me most as an Islander fan is the fact that he made a not at all oblique reference last week to the loss of Ocposo and the loss of Franz Nielsen and the goals that left that team

and although Andrew Ladd now has at least a goal he's on pace for what seven he's on pace good for him um they had they did not replace either of those players in a sufficient way and he's frustrated and the team's frustrated and the players are frustrated and I don't think he's long for this world but in any other sane world he would be gone he would have been gone already yeah you're right but the islanders don't want

to spend money. They fire him. They got to pay him for the rest of the year, hire somebody else, pay that guy. They just don't. I mean, the reason why they hire Jack Capuan on in the first place is because he was the lowest paid coach in the league. They could pay him, you know, bare bones money and save money that way. That's a dirty secret in the NHL, by the way. How many owners don't want to pay coaches? Right. That's why they all hate Mike Babcock. Yeah. And why? And also, there's probably more reasons than you said. Let me put it this way. If you're a fan of a team, sorry. That's okay. Lozo right now is getting to the bottom of his frozen coffee.

I'm so goddamn tired. You have no idea how... It's like 10.45 right now. I'm exhausted. I've been up for like three hours. All right, listen. If you're a fan of a team, and you've often wondered why your team doesn't get the big name coach, it may not be because the big name coach looks at the roster and says, me, I don't want to bother with that. It probably is because the big name coach looks at the offer on that piece of

paper slid to his side of the table by the ownership group of your team and says, I don't really want to do anything with that. Plus, here's the other thing, too. He's mad about Nielsen leaving. He's mad about Ackposo leaving. He's mad about them not being replaced. Maybe, just maybe, they left because of Jack Capuano, knowing they weren't going to get anywhere with him.

And players talk to each other, and they know going there is not a good idea. Plus, I mean, I don't know how many more people have got to come out and tell you that place, That building sucks. The ice sucks. So I don't know. I feel like it's all connected. But yeah, Jack Capuant. Like, it's one of those things too where I can't prove it.

But for years, it just seemed like the Islanders, like, not including last year, because they kind of got it going last year, but it seemed for years, they were just this underachieving. They seemed like they had so much. They should have been better than a first round knockout. Yeah. Like, they got to the second round ones under Capuana, but they should have been better than that. Like, I think about all the guys they've had there, like, that have come and got, like, they traded net and it's not Capuana as well.

they trade Nino Nieder Rider for Cal fucking Clutterbuck. Like Josh Bailey's a disappointment. They have Brock Nelson. They have all these guys that are supposed to be better than they are and they're not. And at some point, it's like, are they just drafting the wrong guy for 12 years? Or are they putting guys out there that like their coach doesn't know what to, like, honestly God, I feel like if they got Todd McClellan last year and he was coaching the team now, they would not be in a situation there.

I thought your Capuano thing was going to be for the longest time. I suspect that Jack Capuano is actually Al Morganti from the 1990s. Looks exactly like him, doesn't he? He's got great. Everyone makes fun of Jack Capu. He has got great hair. As a bald man, I sometimes... Yeah.

I sometimes... But that's where your bar is. As a bald man. Come on. That's good hair. He could put a little more product in it. He could put a little more product in it. It's naturally beautiful.

It's naturally thick and lustrous and he doesn't need it. He doesn't need to have all the product in his hair. You're right. You doesn't need a comb. It's a good wolfman. It's like a good wolfman look. You know? Yeah.

Anytime you can say that he looks like a... A mid-transformation wolfman. That's good hair, though. Wolfman hair's good hair. Now, listen, the New York Islanders have one thing going for him, and it's John Tavaris, right? You mean the Toronto Maple Leafs have a good thing? Now, listen, there are certain guys in this league that we love, who I think we could all agree. We kind of wish...

Oh, I guess we're picking the same guy, huh? We kind of wish could be in a different situation. Before we get to this, I want to share with you the show prep that, uh... me and Lozo do because it's pretty great very professional very thorough it's very professional

and very thorough and I can't really find it now that's how much show prep we do bottom line is that wait what part you're trying to find I got on my phone the Sealty part oh wait

got it wait wait wait this is us talking shit about other podcasts talking shit about other podcasts oh here we go yeah here we go so this was our setup

I suggest 10 players named John Tavares that won't be an Islander in two years Then he suggested players Not named Cedar McDavid that will win the heart And then I said How about 10 players we want to send Seal Team 6 in and Rescue from their current

situations And then Lozo said doesn't Seal Team 6 do murders And then I said seal Team 5 then So as we were saying But, like, I thought Steel Team Six just goes in and, like, does, like, assassination. I guess they do pull people out of stuff. I'm sure they're, like, they can multitask. They can kill and rescue.

Because, like, based on the movie, I feel like they could have gotten bin Laden if they really wanted to. They weren't rescue. I mean, that wasn't a murder, death kill mission. But, like, if they're going there. But, like, if they're going there for an MDK of everybody else, and they're pulling out intel from the computers and shit, and they're grabbing every videotape they can, why not just take the guy? He weighs, like, 84 pounds. he's not going to resist you.

I don't know. So I'm assuming they just do murders. He was sort of the Simon Phoenix of Pakistan, if you ask me. So the point is, is that if you could send SEAL Team 5 in to save John Tavares from the New York Islanders, you probably would. So Lozo and I decided to come up with our list, an all-star team, if you will, three forwards, two defensemen and a goalie. Who would you send SEAL Team 5 in to rescue from their current situations and maybe move them on to your team or move them into a better situation for the betterment of the plers? player or perhaps even the betterment of the league. For example, let's get out of the, I'll take it off the board first.

Yeah, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll rework it while you're vamping about why you're going to take John Tavares. I'm not. Oh, you're not. John Tavirus is on my list. So why don't you, so go ahead, do Tavares if you want. Well, I kind of spoiled it. You did?

So just, just finish it now. John Tavaris, I, I want to, I want to send a helicopter full of highly trained soldiers in with night vision goggles into Barclays. in the middle of the game have the power go out because I mean everyone will assume the power went out naturally in that building

pluck him out of there drop him in Toronto boom everyone's happy that's that's it's just and like he's so underpaid too like he took such a great deal

for the team and like they're just they're just right think of it think of this a plucky 19 year old okay wearing a blue and orange sweatshirt

oh no he's walking down the hallway and all of a sudden he's told that none other than Wayne Gretzky himself is in the room and would like to talk about him

potentially being the best player in the world. He enters the room, the door closes, the lights go off, a potato sack is put over his head, and he shoved into a Harrier jet waiting outside of the arena. Sure, it's just sitting there. And it flies away,

and we have rescued Connor McDavid from the Edmonton Oilers. And we're bringing him right over the border, oh, Christ. Over the Trump wall, it's in the United States, and putting them in a place. I mean, it's Thursday, so that wall's almost done.

He'll be on American television at least once every two weeks. Oh, I see what you're doing here. So you're like, I'm trying to rescue people in bad situations while you're trying to rescue people for good situations for your own benefit. It's also a terrible situation. Come on. He's going to be a god there, like Kretzky. He's going to be.

Who's next for you? You're so selfish. Um, all right. Seal Team 5. This absolutely requires the SEAL team to go in there and get him because he won't fucking leave. Yes? Everything about his situation for the last three years, four years maybe, has said you should leave and go somewhere else.

And he refuses to go. Shane don't. Oh, my God. That is also on my list of SEAL Team 5 rescues. He's got Matt Sundeen disease. But he's also at a point, too, where, like, this has to be his last year. Right. And even last year, you probably thought that too.

The coyotes suck. They probably don't want to pay him anymore. Everybody kind of wants to see him go and, you know, throw an elbow into, like, Connor McDavid's head in the playoffs, right? Everyone's dying to see you do that. Everyone wants him to go to like the Kings and and B, you know, A, join the enemy and B, be that player that he is with a team that obviously likes that kind of player. Dean Lombardi is sitting around going, how do I get older and slower with one move? How do I get an old slow cheap shot artist?

I mean, another old slow cheap shot artist on the team. But like, I don't know. Like that's the thing is like he's kind of so old at this point that anywhere he goes he's probably not going to help but like i don't know i just the all right so i'll sayne don't also on my list for the same exact reason so who's your next one um i'm leaving the siddeans off because it's so obvious all right i don't ever want to see him leave vancouver to be honest with you i feel bad i feel like they've they've they've endured so much shit up there that it's that's let them go they are they are so happy to be up there they are they are so happy to not be in toronto or detroit but like they don't know better they've been they've been

captivity for so long that they've forgotten their their institutionalized like in like in shashank step right up and see the glorious hockey twins like they're gonna like go to like toronto and ask permission to go to the bathroom like like red did when he got out of shashank it's like you don't have to ask me oh sorry uh er Eric can't go to the bathroom uh I'm Daniel uh sorry you can go to the bathroom opportunity to pee in your pants 110 percent chance you're not going to pee another American trapped on the other side of the Trump wall that is, I think, almost done now. Almost done. It's almost done. Yep. And Trudeau pay for it. Beautiful American,

super talented, super fun to watch. Never going to win anything where he is. The one and only Johnny Godreau. Oh, that's a great one. I want him. I want him in America. Again, like, we focus on like Patrick Linae and Connor McDavid and Austin Matthews as like the dudes on the other side of the wall that we're never going to see. But Johnny Goodro, like he's, he's probably at this point, I want to say better than all those guys But like he's more established He's more he's also super fun He's super quick, he's super tiny

He's fast, he scores awesome goals And he's never gonna be odd Like Edmonton's gonna be good Toronto's gonna be good in a couple years Calgary's gonna be this dog shit team Where Brian Burke's like We gotta get more money to Derek England Like we're never gonna see Johnny Goddrow over here

So I'm sending it in and he's I don't think that's a bad choice And I actually I mean I was I still think at the end of this contract He'll end up in Philly Or like in around Jersey Or in the North Northeast somewhere. I think, I don't think we need, we just have to wait it out. I don't know if we

need to, you see, we have a very limited military budget in this country. We can't just be sending SEAL Team 5 willy nilly into places to rescue people that, that will be, you know, leaving on their own accord in five years. I don't know. Or six years, whatever the hell it was. I'm worried. He's like, like, Truba's going to leave. But like, I don't know. Johnny Goddrault, I feel like it's locked in. Oh, yeah, I guess I just fuck myself with that, because one of my list is Jacob Truba. I think it's terrible that Jacob Trubah is stuck in Winnipeg. A place he doesn't want to be. He has voiced that he doesn't want to be there.

And he's obviously being held hostage because of the surreal law that is the NHL RFA restrictions. So I would send SEAL Team 5 into save Jacob Truva and put him on the Bruins. All right. My next one is Jacob Truba too. Because we're doing three, four, it's 2D, and one defensemen. There's only so many defensemen that I want to save.

Jacob Truba clearly, I mean, Jacob Trub is basically, like, when Kurt Overhart puts out the thing that says he wants to be traded That's the equivalent of like doing the video when you're being held hostage where it's like, hello. Yeah. My name is Jacob Truba. I'm from the United States of America. I'm being held here in Winnipeg against my will.

I want to play on the right side. They want to put me on the left side. Please, someone come and get me out of here. Thank you. I want to get him out of there. Let's get him out of there. And less than anyone think this is all about taking players from Canadian teams and flying them over the Trump wall and putting them in the U.S. We're going to pick the same defenseman again.

Who? I don't want to say you. I'm going to say it right now. Okay. Carl Alsner. Oh, God, no. I want... Gives a shit about Carl. I'll tell you why I give a shit about Carl Alznor.

I think Carl Olsner, oh boy. Were he to hit the open market, would get, like, ridiculous dumb Dan Gerardy money. Carl Alzner? Yeah. I think he is a rock solid defensive defenseman

that teams would covet, and I think in Washington, he's someone that is never thought of at all. Just like your reaction right now. Yeah. I think he's a brilliant learned man And I would like to rescue him from D.C. And put him on it

If Carl Alsner was in Edmondson right now Like they'd be creaming their shorts about him More than they'd cream their shorts about Larson Actually creaming their shorts Is I think Canadians do before they go out on On fishing expeditions Which keeps them worn That's not like a sexual thing or anything like that

Almost got the ice hole open there, Gord What's wrong over there? I forgot to cream my shorts Before I went off in this lake here Oh you got to cream them Oh yeah, I got to cream them good dream them thoroughly. Oh, yeah, for sure.

You know what this would be like if this was like Zero Dark 30, if you were Jessica Chastain and I was the Friday Night Lights guy and you were like, we got to get Carl Olsner out of there. I'd be like, no. We're not wasting assets on this. All right, who's your defenseman? Seth Jones. Seth Jones? Why do you want to rescue Seth Jones where he's from a place where he's a number

one defenseman? I want to rescue everybody from Columbus to get them out of there. Any good player in Columbus, I want to get them out and like send them somewhere where they can be successful. He's already hurt. I blame John Torto. I don't know how he got hurt and he broke his hand.

I'm assuming John Tortarilla put his hand on a table and gave him like the Jack Nicholson, Leonor DiCaprio thing from that shitty movie that I don't remember the title of. You mean from the departed? The shitty fucking departed where he's just like wailing on his hand and he's just like, all right, to make sure that you were cool or something and like now he's out three weeks.

Like Seth Jones is going to be... When I tell you to get rid of a body in the marshes... I can't even remember... You get rid of the body in the marshes. I just remember Alec Baldwin had some fucking weird ass accent where he would say shit, like, while they were doing the stake out. It was all, like, really bad attempts at Boston accents. That movie won a fucking Oscar for Best Picture.

Yeah, I won an Oscar for... Wow, we have a lot of shitty directors in this world. I can't believe we have an honored Scorsese more. Right. That was like the Drew Daddy. I was like the Drew Daddy Norris of Oscars. Yeah. Oh, God.

All right, so you say, Seth Jones. Now, finally, goaltenders here. Who are we sending SEAL Team 5 into Save? I am sending them straight down. Flying over Georgia. flying over the Florida State Line flying over Tallahassee, flying down to Tampa Bay

where I will push John Cooper out of the way, strong arm him like I was Jonathan Duran's agent and save Andre Vasselisky and bring him to a place where you can be a number one goalie and stop being to Steve Young

to Joe Montana down there. No, that's, that's, yeah, again, we're not using assets. We only have so much air time and the ability to get these troppers up in there. I agree with you that might not be for the full SEAL Team 5. I may just have to send Chuck Norris. You're not going to like my goalie.

Oh, come on. He's the whole franchise. You got to get him out of there. Why? This glorious red-headed son of a bitch is wasting his career. Corey Schneider is like, it's amazing how like, I don't know if it's because he was around Roberto Luongo for so long that he's now trapped to become the new Roberto Luongo where he's this dude.

Like, remember Loongo that first run through Floreso? Florida where he was like a 935 goalie every year, yet somehow the Panthers were always missing the playoffs. That's like his destiny now to be this 930 goal tender, lose games two to one. Oh man, it looks like a, it looks like Beau Bennett hasn't scored a goal on 32 games. Can't figure out why we're not winning. And the weird thing is, is like for Longo to have a chance that a cup he had to go to Vancouver, where Corey Schneider was, where Corey Schneider probably should have played game

seven against the Bruins, but he didn't because Longo was there. So I want to pluck him out of there. I'm going to say drop him in Dallas. I feel like he'd be pretty good in Dallas. I think he's the guy who would probably be the best fit there because, like, shot volume, quality. I don't think matters as much to him. Put him there.

Get him in the playoffs. Like, seriously, I have to look it up. How many playoff games is Corey Schneider play at this point in his career? Like three? Yeah, probably in that range. Because he came in for Luongo during that one series and then he got hurt or he cramped up on that penalty shot. So he played a couple games.

Like he's like he has the highest C percentage the last seven years. Yeah, I know. He's never been like a playoff guy. He's never had a run? The only way I'm agreeing with this dumb fucking idea of yours to ruin my team is that I want my team to be ruined. Like the only thing keeping us from having the top pick in the draft is Corey Schneider. Well, now it's too late.

Once you get Taylor Hall, you're, you've basically abandoned the whole tank for Matthews type of thing. You can't do that anymore. Like you're rolling for Nolan. Right? Nolan Patrick's the next one. Noel. Bolin for Nolan?

Well, no, that sounds like a bad trade that Stan Bowman would make. All right, good trade, I guess, actually. Don't get hat tricks for Patrick. Christopher Nolan. Christopher Nolan. No. No.

Yeah, who gives a shit. I don't know. I think we should go on to the next. All right. Jonah Carey is one of our favorite people, and it's not hyperbole to say the reason we have a show on Nerdist is because of Jonah.

And you're going to enjoy this. He's a great dude, and we'll see you on the other side of the interview. So Jonah Carey, my plan last night was we would all meet at Foley's and then do this podcast on my iPhone. But then we settled in, and we all really got into a terrible football game. Yes. It's terrible. It was an awesome football. The puns were terrible.

The football game was like so, so. It was so, I mean, but here's a, I mean, the bar is set so low for football. about football. It's, oh, why? Because he's an Argos fan and I'm a Jets fan. Well, whoa, whoa, first of all I'd be an Alouettes fan. Let's be clear. You thought Bill Seahawks was only an okay game?

That was a really good game. Well, I was... What happened? I don't know. I laughed because I was so bored. Maybe you should go look it up. I'm not going to give you guys a end of the story. That's fine. You're the 12th man.

I get it. Jonah, for those who don't... People probably know you as this baseball guy who's dedicated his life to getting one man into the Hall of Fame and laments the day. and lament the departure of his team in Montreal but doesn't want to steal someone else's team to get one back.

But he really does. He's willing to steal the team. He wants to steal the team. Outwardly, he says, I don't want to steal a team. Deep down inside, he knows he would take that team. We'll get to that in a second. But the thing that a lot of people probably don't know about you is that you're a puckhead.

You're a bit of a... He's Canadian. But that's not... Ryan Reynolds isn't a hockey fan, even though he's Canadian. That doesn't, by birth rate, mean that you're automatically a hockey fan. can reject the organ.

He's Canadian. I think Loso's right, actually. I think it's because I'm Canadian. You can't help. Like, I grew up with hockey. It's probably my number four sport. That would trump most Americans who had hockey as either they're one or certainly their two.

Like, it just, it's ingrained. And specifically being in Montreal, like, you can't get around it. I'm not really old enough to remember the 70s dynasty, but like 86, I remember, 93. I remember and they were good and, you know, had guys like Patrick. Patrick Gua and not that many Hall of Famers, I guess, came through in the last 30 years, but a lot of really, like a lot of Vincent Dampoos pretty good guys. But is that Canadian birthright or is that civic pride?

Mm. The civic pride thing for me was more the ex-po. I don't know. I just gravitated more toward the ex-po. Well, the big thing with me with hockey, aside from the fact that I would watch it and it was just like my friends did so I had no choice. Oddly, my family, it's true. My family was, and I'm not denigating. I really liked watching hockey.

No, I completely understand. That's exactly the reason I was a Catholic. We're both lapsed now. I'd feel like guilt about it. One of the weird things about my family, we were very, like, the most middle class ever. We lived in an upper duplex my whole life and my parents split when I was young,

and so we didn't, we were not a wealthy family. But oddly, we were, my mom and dad were very good friends with the guy named Mark Moulson, like of the Moulson family, who was just like, because, they played bridge. My parents were big bridge players. And so... Who was you, though?

Was he, like, the second cousin? He was like the nephew or something like that. But he was rich. Yeah. But it was more than he had access to any tickets that we wanted. And so he specifically had first row behind the goalie. And probably not drinking Labat at those bridge kids. No, I would assume not.

Labat's delicious. Sponsor us, LeBatt. I'll drink that during the show. Listen, I got Miller Corr's. Who knows? No, we don't want that. Well. But, yeah, so he would, you know, he'd come

over to the house, whatever, and I'd be 13, 14, and maybe two or three times a year. I'd say, okay, I got an extra set of tickets, and he'd give them to me. So I'd be sitting first row behind the net, and the old Montreal Forum was quite a place. It's not like sports is now. People would go in three-piece suits and, like, dress it, like, proper. They look like they're going to the opera. In the 90s? Come on. This is like 80s.

Oh, no, definitely in Montreal. It's a very classy joint up there. I'm thinking more like late 80s. By the time you get to like late 90s, no, but like, well, the most things, before they sold it to Gillette, it was very much like that. And you have to remember back in the 80s you were able to carry a larger roster. Those were mostly players that were scratched in the stands that night in their suits. They didn't go to the press box.

That's how they sold out the place. So I would go and I'd walk in, again, I'm like 13 or 14 years old. They'd bring some idiot friend. And I'd walk, walk, walk, and you're walking down. There's the reds, the whites, and the blues. The reds are like the good ones. And you're walking and the usher stop me and go, Eh, what you do fe la?

And he'd start hassling me. And I'd be like, look at this. And then he goes, oh, Bel d'Anemois. And then he take me down the stairs and he put me in the first row behind Patrick Cua. So you can't, everybody has a story like that, whether it's that or something, you just cannot get around it in Canada. I feel like it's an elective thing in the States. Maybe not Minnesota. But I'm not sure it's that way in Canada.

I think you sort of have to be that way. So, like, okay, so it's number four when you're a kid. Now that you're an adult and you've had Michelle Tarian coaching your team, is it like seven, eight? Like, we're going to put the Canadians on your list. But behind, definitely behind the alouettes at this point, right? Sue ban brought me back. I was such a big Suban fan because I love the way he played.

I mean, it was just a very dynamic. And I like to hold the way that the sport is progressing. It's a Golden State Warriors kind of thing. Everybody's moving the pocket or whatever, and that's what I grew up with. I remember hockey in the 80s. And I don't know that I'll ever get to those Oilers teams. I mean, that's a whole other story.

But I like that kind of hockey. It's not to say I don't like goalies who play well or whatever. And I understand the sport has changed. And there's not, like, dude, those Alan Regget type of guys were crap. Like, we're never going to go back to having bad goalies, but at least it's more wide open. Or Suban would help push it that way, plus he had a dynamic persona. Carolina's gone back to the bad goalies theme.

They've got two goalies there with a combined like 845. Yeah, but the thing is, is that you're right. I mean, essentially, like, because of the increase in equipment size, the changes in equipment, and the fact that goalies now actually try to learn their craft. They don't smoke in between periods. There were no goalie coaches. No, no goalie coaches. Yeah.

No, and I mean, I learn a lot about hockey by listening to you guys. And then like I started Oh shit. Jesus Christ. It's like when my dad taught me how to drive. Okay, if you had a couple of pylons, it's fine. But yeah, so when, you know, when we're sitting in the bar last night, it's the old time hockey. Old time, not that old time.

Not that old time. Not that old time. I'm just like, oh, yeah, what about? And I made like a boreas salming joke and you guys are laughing. But that's my, whatever. That's my upbringing. Like, it's just, it was, you're immersed in it. And not just like, you know, Stan Smeal references, whatever.

That's the thing I struggle with as a hockey fan now, honestly. is that I am, the older I get, the older you get in every sport, the more you believe that the thing you grew up with is the best, or at least better than what is today. It's the same thing as like SNL cast. Like, when someone comes up to me and like, oh, man, Will Ferrell, I'm like, yeah, I grew up with Carvey, Lovitz, Hartman,

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so my struggle as a fan now is that I know what I'm seeing now wasn't as good as what I saw when I was younger. Okay. And that could be a product of my predilection for fighting. It could just be that I liked the players better back then.

Yeah. But my struggle as a hockey fan is I don't want to shit on the people that are now discovering the sport and this group is their group. Right. The Sidovi generation is their group. I feel like at the same,

on one hand, I should be like, you know, they actually did hate each other at one point and it was really fun. Yeah. And on the other hand, I should be like, yeah, this is great too. in a different way. Well, we all get attached to whatever we liked as kids, too.

Like, it's just, you know, I'm 42 years old. I just don't know that I could muster as much fandom for anything as I did when I was 13. Like, that's how life goes, I think. You know, baseball was better when you were a kid, right? Was it? I don't know about baseball. I don't know that that's true. Basketball definitely wasn't.

Basketball, for sure, this is the best basketball ever. The fact that Russ Westbrook could take four dribbles at the court and dunk on you from the foul line is so awesome. Yeah. Like, that's clearly the... It's just a show. shame that it took over a hundred years for a team to figure out, oh, we'll just shoot threes. Right. Well, there were no threes until the early 80s. But yeah, no, I mean, even that, yeah, I mean, I mean, I'm talking about in the 1920s lobby for there to be three-pointers and that, no.

You know what I mean, though? I think they had to, like, use a broom to get the thing out of the peach basket. I don't really know. Wait, why do you like three-pointers, but not the age? A three-pointers is the way for special. I'm pro-D-H big time, by the way. Why? We talked about this on the last episode. Why? Because. You're an national league guy, too. Don't you feel ashamed?

No. I Now that I really don't root for anybody strongly In any of the four sport Whatever in any sport For pick your soccer, googly rugby 12s Whatever the hell I'm specifically trying to prompt Lozo

To do an accent by the way This is obviously what's happening It's too early in the morning But I'll do a New Zealand one I like to play Googly 12s I literally can't remember

What I was saying No you're going to talk about the DH Oh yeah the D-H Oh, yeah, the D.H. So the reason that I like the D.H is because I want a high quality of play. Like, now that I'm not, oh, I live and die with this baseball team, I just want good stuff. It's wonderful when Bartolo Colon hits a home run. He's been in the league for 20 years. He had one home run. So, I mean, I don't know. I don't like wait my whole life to see a solo. Oh, it's an eclipse. Wow, this is great. I would like to see, you know, a smaller eclipse every day. That'd be great. So, yeah. What about strategy? Oh, God. it doesn't come into play that much. Bunting is dumb. You can get it. Like, you did see in the playoffs.

So there was a thing where the Indians had Andrew Miller in in the World Series, and they had to pull him because his turn was coming up. He might have been able to go one more inning. There was some strategy there, but I also like Andrew Miller, and I would like to see him pitch more. You were someone who in baseball straddled the eras between analytics and then not having them before that. I think hockey fans by and large are still transitioning.

For sure. How did you transition? Or were you in an early adopter? I was an early adopter. I read Bill James when I was eight. I was a very nerdy kid. My book reports on the brave little toaster. My book reports on Bill James and saber metric history of baseball.

It's true. I'm picturing Jonas sitting behind Patrick Waugh in like 1985, not watching the game. like flipping through the book. Guys, could you keep it down, please? I'm learning about Sebel metrics. You're not entirely wrong. The only no-hitter that I ever saw was a Philly's pitcher named Tommy Green, who sucked. But he got no hitter.

He struck, he walked seven guys that day. And I was reading, but it wasn't Sabre Metrics. I was doing a Romeo and Juliet journal for English class because I was such a slacker that it was due that next day. And I wasn't not going to go to the game. So, yes, there was that multitasking. I also don't remember what the question was. Oh, there's analytics era. Yeah, it's early, folks.

It is early. Listen, analytics, like, Branch Ricky brought analytics into the game. Like, that was happening in the 40s. By counting the whites. Yes. There is that. No, actually, this is true. He hired, of course, I'm going to stump from my hometown.

He hired a guy named Alan Roth to become a full-time statistician. He stuck him in Montreal, which was the AAA affiliate of the Dodgers and then he goes over to the Brooklyn Dodgers. And in 47, as they're getting Jackie and whatever, they start, like, platoons, they start doing stuff. And so it was always there, but it just kind of wasn't acknowledged. Casey Stengel was big into analytics. Earl Weaver was big into analytics.

Casey Stengel was big into analytics. Yeah, Casey Stangle used to shift. He used to do all kinds of stuff. Wow. Yeah, yeah. But Earl Weaver was really like the big guy. But people didn't focus on that. They focused on Earl Weaver kicking dirt and stuff.

I was going to say, like, he seems like the last guy in the world I would ever imagine sitting there saying himself, actually, you know what, if we bunt here, that only gives us a 40% chance of scoring a run if we just swing away with nobody. I just picture him more like getting to someone's face and being like, you fucking idiot! He was safe! He was a red-ass stat head. Yeah, you're right.

You don't really see, you know, mild manner Joe Madden or whatever. It's like, actually, you know, with his own starts here, his course he would be a lot better. It's coarsie. It's caucy and it's fanwick. Our Totorella is also on Mulberry. Are you slavish to them? Should we be slavish to them? No.

Because I feel like in hockey, I always come back to this. I'm not trying to be a ludite here. But like, I always feel like there's too many variables to be slaves. It's effortless. But no, it's just, yeah, thank you. But no, I'm just saying, like, it's frozen puck on ice and people are skating on ginsu blades. And, like, there's just a lot of variables. No, but like, in hockey, I feel like analytics are just, like, counting up stuff.

You know what I mean? Like in baseball, if someone's like, hey, Dave, you know, Mike, Trout's war for the seasons, like 7.8, I'd be like, that's awesome. Like, how to get that number? I don't know. At course, I know how to get coursey. As a guy who's not schools in baseball analytics, are they predictive, or are they just simply review-based? It depends which one. War is more review-based, but when we talk about analytics, a lot of that is scouting. Like, the whole idea of shifts and, like, this guy should stand here has to do with spray charts, which you can see.

and also just like, that's observation too. So these things are connected. The thing that I always say about analytics, I work with a guy named Dane Perry. Dane Perry was with me and baseball perspectives. Now we both write for CBS Sports. He says the tacos are delicious and beer is delicious. Why do I have to choose?

Why can't I have both? The scouting stats thing is a false construct. Like nobody, there's no smart teams know what they're doing. To your point about hockey specifically, I root for the one team that probably defies analytics more than any other, both in the way they try to build their roster and specifically in their success. Why? Because they have the best goalie, I don't know, ever,

or at least certainly one of the best ever, and definitely the best now. I don't think that's unreasonable to say. They're playing extremely well. I don't think Almond Toys like that. Oh, you're best. So you're, I mean, we talked about PKK before. But when the PK trade goes down,

you're banging your head against the wall. I was, for many reasons. Number one, like here's the thing. If it was an even trade, why are you making that trade? That's because I really, really believe that, I'm not going to say it's like being a Yankees fan. Oh, you can't handle the pressure of being a Yankee. It's not quite that.

But if you are embraced by the city of Montreal, that's like being a freaking rock star. Like Pika could just do whatever he wanted in that city and he was beloved. And the whole thing about the children's hospital, that's real. We care about that shit for sure. So, and, you know, maybe it wasn't even trailed. Like, Shea Weber is a good player.

There's no question about that. But he is three and a half years older and there's questions about how it's going to go. And it was just really, It was the symbolic element of it. It was we're declaring that we don't want to have an offense devoted defenseman. We want to have, and Weber has a good shot, but he's a stay-at-home guy. And, you know, it's that whole thing.

So I didn't, it just felt to me like you are specifically going backwards. So it hit me in the fandom area because I was like, well, I love P.K. Oh, boy. It was like, my groin. And it also affected me in the Sabermatrix sense because I was like, well, why are you, is everybody going this way and you're going in that way? And again, it looks smart because they have carry price. Like last year, when they started the year, they were 9-0 or something, too.

I'm like, ah, they're amazing, whatever. And then Carrie Price got hurt. Oh, they suck. They have no depth. Their top six is like, okay. Their bottom six sucks. They just don't. And every, how do you build a good team in the NHL?

I'm not that big an NHL expert, but I know you have three lines. Like, your fourth line, there's no more like, I don't know. Goons. Noon Dragon Goons. Yeah, knuckle dragon goons. That's the thing people are talking about with the Rangers this year. Wow, what a concept for lines that can play. Skill.

And the penguins last year set the template for that. Oh, that's really dark. That's darker than usual. The lights went out on Broadway. As everybody knows, the lights sometimes go out in the studio. We're doing it. And sometimes there's lights that are just on. I just touch Lozo's light.

But right now, the lights are completely gone. Here, hang on. Let me put up. Woo. There you go. Spooky flashlight. So spooky. So anyways.

We've got like a couple more minutes. Let me ask you this. How far away are we from Robot on fires? I watch the air current thing. No, seriously. I'm tired of strike zones that suck and affect the outcomes of huge games. When are we going to have the robot umpires? When will we have our robot overlords?

What you want to do is create a situation where you're not taking away jobs because there's a robust umpires union that has vested interest in keeping their jobs. And frankly, I don't know that anybody wants to specifically crack the union or diminish a number of employees. So what would have to happen is you would have a bleep bloop and whatever, but then umpires would kind of, there'd be a guy. Right. Maybe you move that extra umpire into the replay booth or whatever. You wouldn't diminish the number of personnel on the field.

That's really what comes down to you. You can keep them there for outs, safe, things like that. Outs or like, calling for time. So they tested this in a, what is that called? It's like the Pacific League, something like that. It's the one, Ben Lindberg and Sam Miller, they wrote this book on a team called the Sonoma Stompers. It was for that league, this like independent league in California. And they had a game where they put a bleep, blupe behind home plate.

and Steve Lyons, I think, was the one who was like, yes, I declared this is a strike. Like, it would go bleep and he would go strike. I think it was Eric Burns. Was it an Eric Burns? You're right. You're right. Somebody high strong, who's not me. The last guy in the world you'd want behind home plate.

I do like him. He's a nice guy. But, yeah, so that kind of thing could happen. But I don't know. I just feel like the way that every sport works is, maybe you guys could correct me out of how it is in hockey. but it's a bigger fish-to-fry issue. It's like, okay, we're going to collect a bargaining agreement right now. We have to make sure that we don't have a labor stoppage.

Umpires is not a high priority. Plus, robot umps don't know how to manage a game to keep the drama raised, which is what they usually do, right? They make little calls here and there to keep the drama going. You know it. You know that's true. And any, at hockey fans, we know that to be true all the time. They've admitted it. They admit they don't make calls in order to keep the game close.

It's horrible. Well, the strike zone specifically, if it's 3-0, they don't. Right. If it's 3-0, they'll always go 3-1. And if it's, yeah, it's just, they're rooting for the underdog. You have to go, so, lightning round. As a Canadian, as a Canadian stand, I'm going to name Canadian teams. You give me a quick one-line impression. What comes out of Jonah Carey's brain when you think of this team.

Okay. Okay. The Ottawa Senators. Degla. That's great. Alexandria Dengla. That's my impression of that team. The Toronto Maple Leafs.

Kyle Dubus, they're moving in the right direction. Ah, nice. Calgary Flames. Lanny McDonald, for sure. Oh, for sure. For sure. A big duster. The Edmonton Oilers. See, there's like a Gretzky, McDavid.

Like, it's happening. McDavid, you know, again, you need depth and you need 20 guys or whatever. But, like, I don't know, man. I mean, could he be as skilled as Crosby? Oh, for sure. He's for sure. He needs to figure out a thing or two about a thing or two, but he's almost there. He's so big and fast.

He's so fast. The only guy that I can think of that's that big. Well, he's not too big. How is he's big enough? He's like 6, 3, 2, 10? He's a pretty beefy kid. He's a beefy kid. He's only 19, too, so he was going to do.

Like, it reminds me Mario. Yeah. Yeah, and I mean, you know, Gretzky was, this is the whole debate. And that's, and that's the parallel is, you know, Greetsky was established like Sid is. Yeah. Then Mario came in and reinvented the wheel, and Gratsky then, you know, had to deal with that. And Sid's, I think, dealing with it now, as far as, like, elevating his game to make sure he's not kicked off the throne.

Right. Is that a thing? What? Like being on the throne? Best player in the world? Well, you're trying to win. I know. I know we evaluate it, but like Sid is trying to win cups. Is he like, I also want to make sure I'm number one? Without question. That's interesting. Yeah, those guys, they're best in the world.

I've never thought about sports that way before. Oh, for sure, especially in hockey. I remember there was one year, Peter Lobulet, the coach of the flyer said that Claudeau was the best player in the world. And it was like setting off an atom bomb in the penguin's locker room. You may have been joking. We're not sure. All right. Winnipeg Jets. The sighting of a corporate sponsor during the National Anthem. Nicely done. You've gotten in my head now.

And finally, the Vancouver Canucks. It's mostly Pavel Buray for me. Pavel Buray, I told you guys last night, is literally one of my favorite athletes ever. And I didn't have any particular reason to root for him. But I just like guys who advanced the sport. And there were definitely skilled players in that era, but there was a lot of your team, Lutrazone traps. things like that.

We could to stop assholes like him from the performance team. Yeah, Pablo was just like, I don't give a fuck. I'm just going to skate and do whatever, and he was great. And his brother married Candace Cameron. So that's interesting. And before you go, you can only pick one. One of these two options. Yes.

You can only pick one. You have to pick one. Montreal gets a baseball team, expansion team, or Tim Rains gets in the Hall of Fame. Wow. You can only pick one. if Montreal got an expansion team I would become a minority owner and very wealthy

and make so much money off of the huge profits that I would build my own Hall of Fame and tell Cooperstown to go fuck off and then Tim Raines would be the first inductee that's Jonah Carey you're a gentleman and a scholar where can people find your work the Nerdness Network

yes familiar with that yes my podcast lives along with your podcast on the Nerdist Network and it is great And CBS Sports is the main place where I'm writing And there's like 10,000 other things That are potentially happening Including a meeting that I'm going to go to right now Which we will see how that goes

But yeah And on Twitter it's at Jonah Carey Yeah, it's pretty much just me and Lozo Making puns at each other I think is essentially If you're into that, check us out We did it in real life last night And they were very angry at me

I actually was, I did was worse than Lozo Which was very exciting It was a close shave It was close Thank you fellas Thank you Jonah Jonah Kerry was on our show Jonah's on a vacation for

Oh my Jonah Came to the park As a talk it over He's a good dude So many votes for Tim Rains Is there anybody that you're that passionate about Seeing in the Hall of Fame Tim Rains?

I don't give a shit about the Hall of Fame There's certain guys like I think should be in there But like I'm never going to be Like Eli Manning is going to be a dude That gets debated when he retires like he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame. Right. Like he's won two Super Bowl,

two Super Bowl MVP's he shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame. But that'll be a thing when we're old or like when he's retired. Honestly, as we do the show by the way, Hall of Fame weekend is this weekend

in the NHL. Oh yeah. Lindrosh was that guy for me. Like I think I was a very big advocate for getting Lindrosse in the Hall of Fame. Not because I was a fan necessarily. I think he was a guy who sabotaged his own career by playing the wrong way

and was kind of a, by his own admission, a gigantic throbbing asshole during his playing career. When you say by playing the wrong way, do you mean moving up and down the ice with Scott Stevens predatorially watching him? Yeah, but yeah while counting his shoelaces like he did in Junior

but he was like fucking three size, three times the size of everybody else in Junior was able to just skate through people and then he met a freight train named Scott F. Stevens. There's a freight train coming yore. But like I think he was my guy for the longest time just like, you know

worried about the criteria of the of fame being so myopic and and such a being such you know longevity matters in some cases but not another's and and it's so arbitrary that I was worried that he wasn't going to kiss the right asses and get in but he's in now and I think that's fine like I'm they made the right call after after after after Cam Neely got in you said okay Lindrosse has a shot and after Burray got in you're like oh he definitely has a shot now based on like Modicam the the person the percentage of fame. The bar being lowered enough to where.

Well, I don't know if it's bar being lower, but just the acknowledgement that if you had a cultural impact as a player, that's important, which of course now is going to be the Roneck argument going forward. Oh my God, what cultural impact? Are you kidding me? No, but like, the Hall of Fame never is a thing for me because it's like going back to Eli, who shouldn't be in the Hall of Fame. There are going to be people that think he should be in the Hall of Fame.

Whether he gets in or not does not change the enjoyment I got from watching him play. Like if you as an athlete really want it, like that's cool. Like you should totally stump for it, you know, politic for it, whatever. But like when fans, like if you're a Flyers fan and you're super mad about Eric Lindross not getting in all those years, like it doesn't take away from all the games you watch, you know, watching him play and the fun and all the great times and memories you had watching him play. Like he's going to be in a museum. You're probably never going to go visit. Like I don't, I just don't care. You know what I mean?

Like Patrick Eliotch too is like a borderline guy who I can remember like. Yeah, and that's a guy that I think there'll be a lot of, like, I'm sure I know a lot of people that are going to be really passionate about him getting in. Yeah, I think he's clearly behind Hosa in that queue as far as guys getting in. Yeah, like, I think he's close. But again, like, you know, Patrick Eliot seems like a guy too who probably doesn't really care one way or the other. You know what I mean? Like, he seems like a guy who just like playing hockey and if they want to put me in the Hall Fame grade, if not. Like, I get it, but I totally get the whole thing.

Wow. Well, that's true, though. Like, oh, what's this? Oh, see, I don't know what that means. Oh, but like, if, if you're dying again in as a place. player like that's cool you know it's like i can totally get why as a player you want to be in the same place as like gordy how and stuff but like i don't care if you are but i guess the other person i was passionate about was pat burns like i felt like only because he got so dicked around that was and

like again that's another example of how fucking stupid hockey is where like he's alive right and he's eligible and you're like no no and then he dies and you're like you know what maybe we should put that guy in the hall of fame like what the fuck like you knew he was dying like it was why we know and like why why do it And then, like, why not give him the... See, now you've got me work done with the Hall of Fame. Because that's just stupid. The thing I hate most about the Hall of Fame, honestly, is the Veterans Committees. Like, especially, like, in baseball where, like, you know, it's, like, a Hall of Fame class,

and you're, like, all debating about who gets in and who doesn't. And then it's, like, two guys. Right. And then, like, a dude from, like, the 1921, you know, Cleveland Whitties or whatever. You know, some fucking team you've never even heard of gets in. That's weird that they would go from the... Whitey's to the Indians. That's a weird.

That's a weird switching for hands. But like, it's like, it's, I, I hate veterans committee. Because especially, that's like how, I don't think Mark Howe is a veterans committee thing. I don't think there's one in hockey necessarily, is there? Well, I mean, Rosie Vashon got in this year and he was eligible forever. Is he, is that veterans committee or is that just like them reaching back and taking somebody from the past? I don't remember.

I thought he was just like a regular dude. Yeah, I think he's a regular dude. Same thing with Mark Howe. But like, yeah, I, like, that's the thing I hate about it because essentially, the question is what changes over time. Right. Like what new evidence is your return? Like it's not like when you can go down to the Titanic with those little swimming robots and look around and come up with new technology to figure out how the iceberg hit.

Like, like Marquow has always been Marquhar. Rogi Vashon's always been Rogi Vashan. It's not like you're looking around the league now. You're like, oh, these goalies are fucking dog shit. We should definitely put Rogi Vashon in. Like Bill Paxton's looking around for the Rogi Bichon of the ocean. Right. The old woman carries Rogi Vashon to the, the bow of the boat and just like throws them in the ocean A goalie's heart is like a deep ocean

And then like someone just Actually the old woman should throw Rosie Vashon back in the ocean Because I don't understand what I don't want to do that again I can't we've done that show There's realgi Vashan's the other side of the boat They're letting women and children on I have a child

I put the Roshi Vashan on the coat I put the coat on the girl The unsinkable Molly Brown of course This is Marcel Dion in this comparison. He's in the boat going, I don't think we should put Roshi Bichan in. The guy's like, if you don't shut that hole in your face. I hate that movie, but I've seen it a million times. I try to build you a great, a great roguie.

I should have built you a better Hall of Fame, Rose. Fucking sink the Hall of Fame already. All right, boys. Once more. It's a great string version of the Hockey Night and Canada theme here. Hello out there. We're on the air. It's hockey night tonight.

I hate that fucking movie I hate movies based on real tragic things that you clearly didn't fucking happen like the perfect storm I remember getting to the end of the perfect storm and not knowing the real story and it's like based on a true story and they all fucking die

and I'm like wait a second if they all die how did any of this? Wait they just made all this up this is bullshit they had to kind of do that right that's the part of it that makes me a little bit ugy too

Mark what could have been shooting his pants the greatest example ever is United 93 like no one knows what the fuck happened Oh as far as dude if we're going to talk about like conspiracy things that that's like the one I believe in the most is like that never happened.

What, there wasn't a flight? No, like the passengers never took over that flight. I don't believe. I don't want to alienate even more of our audience.

No, but like, but I've always felt that there was a chance that was shot down. I just, yeah, like,

I just feel like, how many times, like, I understand, like, they figured, the idea is like they figured it out based on everything else that happened that day.

But like, I don't get the part where they take over the cockpit, but like they don't get him out of the seat in time before he drives a plane into the crown. It is a one of the,

that in the, Tillman thing are the two examples of American myth making that I think we've come to grips with in the last like 15 or 20 years is the Tillman thing was where we peeled away the layers and found out the truth of it. But United 93 is this one where it's like let's let's let that be. Right. Let's just let it be. I just now that we know you're a truth. No, but dude like think about how many times the plane's ever been taken hostage in the history of the world and how many times the people on the plane were like, let's do this. You know what I mean? But that was a different. But that was a different. day than different for sure. I mean it was that people knew at least everything was going down. Right. Right. And right wrong course of words. People knew that things were happening. That wasn't intentional. I know. That wasn't really that really wasn't intentional. Good movie though. Paul Greengrass. Faye from Wings. Yeah. I didn't watch Wings. You don't watch Wings? We talked about this. Wings was the show that I was on my list of the shows that people loved that I never understood by people who love them because I never watched it

like Blue Bloods. People are going to at me all fucking week now with all these fucking like fucking you know like those shitty conspiracy YouTube videos now. You're stepping in it now. Don't send me that. You're basically the reverse Alex Jones. You're like a InfoP.com

All right. In lighter fare I'm getting married on Friday. Me and Ruby are getting married. Lozo's going to be there. He's getting married on my birthday by the way. It's going to be pretty great. It's an awesome parties having for me on my birthday. And in honor of that, Lozo has decided to bestow a gift upon me on this very podcast.

And the gift is we're going to play a little game of fuck marry kill. Or if you want like a PG version of it, sexual intercourse, wed, matrimony, homicide. Homicide. S-I-M-H. And we're going to pose each other some scenario. I don't have any for you, so you just give me yours. You have none? No, go ahead.

All right, I'm going to start you off with the weakest one I have, just to kind of get you warmed up. Yeah. Gary Betman. Uh-huh. Ryan Fitzpatrick. Uh-huh. Hading Christensen.

Uh, I would, I would kill, I would kill Hayden Christian. No, I'd kill Gary Bettman. Wow. Yeah, I would have sex with Hayden Christensen. Sure. and then I would marry Ryan Fitzpatrick

only because I feel like we could grow old together and have insightful conversations about life because I don't know if you knew this but he went to Harvard. I heard about that. Yeah. Yeah. That's like that's an Ivy League school.

It certainly is. I feel like wow. I thought like Hating Christensen's non-Star Wars movies would give him more. That I would marry him. Yeah. Rachel Bilsen. Come on.

That fucking movie sucked so bad. Okay. Number two. Mark Messier. Yeah. Mike Richter Stefan Mattoe Kill Messier

Have sex with Mato Wow Angry working out Things sex And marry Congressman Mike Richter Wow I am so off on these

I would love to be a congressman's husband But see like So yeah I thought you would I thought you would I thought you would kill You thought I would kill Mato I thought for sure you'd kill Mato And what have sex with Mark Messier

Well I figure you're like If you're basing it on Tanger sex but you should be angry with him Take a number and have sex Although we did have the two double overtime goals out here In case you forgot

Also I know We don't know where that You know Where it's been Number three Okay All Star Weekend Oh yes

All right Fighting Uh huh Three on three overtime Wow that's a really good one That's a really good one I put some I put like eight minutes of effort

I would Obviously Have sex with three on three because it'll be quick. It'll be over and hurry. But Boyle will be explosive. I would marry Oh man. I would marry fighting

and kill All-Star Weekend. If it came down to what I value more in my entertainment level of hockey, it's going to come down to fighting over a superfluous exhibition weekend. Okay. That was a really good one, though. I give you credit on that one. All right, here we go. All right, number four. Star Wars Star Wars movies. All of

them. All of them. The universe. As includes Rogue One a Star Wars story? Everything. Anything at all. The Marvel Universe movies. The MCU. The MCU. Or just Devil Wears Prada. I don't tell me I didn't put any thought into this.

I would marry the Star Wars movies. I feel like we already had a long and lasting relationship. relationship that will continue to flourish. You know it's good. You know, you know, you get along. You're compatible.

Yeah. Even when it's bad, it's good. I would kill devil wears Prada, even though I thought it eminently watchable. Wow, that's, yeah, I thought that, wow. And then I would, I would, I would have sex with all the, all the Marvel. Think about having sex with Benedict Cumberbatch, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth. That's a Cumberbatch.

I can get behind. Line it up. Wow. Wow. You continue to surprise me. I would go through those Avengers like Thanos, if given the chance. Boy. Yeah.

I'll give you an infinity stone. Yeah, there it is. Oh, yeah. Boom. All right, this one's more basic. This one's one everyone I think can sort of relate to. Okay. Beer food, sex.

I'd have sex with beer. It's just great that you'd say. marry sex and I'd kill food. Kill food. Yeah, that feels about right. Yeah. Okay. Because if I kill food, I'm going to die,

but I'm going to die drunk and happy. You're going to have like a good 24 hours. Right. Before like the body comes. You can't marry food and have sex with sex because you'll just feel bloated all the time. So that's the way I would go. I probably, I, food over beer. Stay in the clear.

Sex before food. Food. In the nude. Yes. A segment. We should do this every week. You should get married every week. Yeah, just get married every week.

Well, you know. Where are we here? How many we got left here? We got two more left. Two more left. The 1994 Rangers. Killed? The 2001 Al-Lich.

1994 Rangers. Cancer or someone stabbing your dog in the head with a spear? 2001-Avalanche. 2012-Kings. Oh, well, I kill the Rangers, obviously. I mean, I mean, in a in a travel back in time and prevent that from ever happening, Hitler scenario, that's how I would kill them. So you would kill baby Stefan, that's how I, well, yeah, I mean, after I have sex with him, apparently based on the previous questions. This is like a really bad, really weird blooper sequel that nobody wants to see.

The weirdest season of Doctor Who ever. Come back, come to the TARDIS. We have to go back in time and have sex with the baby and then kill him. Wait, in that order? it's all-timey whimy whimy wimely-pidly Crostershire Okay, so I'm going to have

I'm going to kill the Rangers I'm going to have I'm going to have sex with the avalanche and marry the Kings Yeah because the Kings was that was the one that was At least painful right? Oh yeah I mean that was the one We beat the Rangers and it's fine but the avalanche obviously I didn't have sex with because what an honor it would be

to make love to Raymond Bork. My God. Think about how amazing it would be after his long career to finally see Ray Bork get one. Yeah. From me. That would be 17 W.

That's right. That's what that would be. That's right. The extra win. All right. Last one. Last one. Doug loves movies. Puck suit. Merrick versus Wichinsky. I would kill Puck suit based on the available evidence I would marry

Merrick because I mean he's been my life partner longer than you but that's fine because you have your own other podcast now too you'll be fine that's fine and then I would have

I would have sex with Douglas movies because the best thing about having sex is knowing that you're good at it wait is it because to me like sex is like karaoke where like I'm not good at it but I enjoy doing it.

I enjoy sex more when I know that things are going well, and it's not like me trying to, like, change a tire. It can be like that if you, you know, if you're... No, listen. Get the lug nuts in there and... Twist it. Sex is magic, sex is good. Not everybody done it, but everybody should.

Sex is natural. Sex is fun. Sex is best when it's one on Doug, apparently. Which is funny because, like, I feel like George Michael and other songs may not have been all about, monogamy. But in that song he's all is about monogamy. And also like Doug loves movies is like a two-hour podcast. I think you're kind of overestimating how long you're going to be able to. Yeah, no, that's true. But I think there's one aspect of it that you're missing, which is I'd be high as far.

We enjoy getting your feedback on this show. Let's go to the reader mail segment here. What do we got? What do we got today? Dan Martin, Dan Martin 42 on Twitter wants to know. What is the best Will Smith movie? That's a good question. That's a really good question. You can probably split up into different genres. I would say my the best Will Smith movie Oh, that's tough. See, the most entertaining,

my favorite Will Smith movie is Independence Day. But that's not the best Will Smith movie. No, that's not the best Will Smith movie. Like the best movie is probably Ali, but I don't like it. That much? Yeah. I'm with you on that. Hmm.

Pursuit of happiness sucks. Hancock sucked. No, Hancock's good. I like Hancock. It fell apart at the end. I mean, yeah. It was a little stupid, you know, at the heart and the moon. Hmm.

I like Hitch. I'm kind of drawn. That's like a good movie. Yeah. That's how I'm like, I think here's the thing. Here's where I'm torn. I'll tell you where I'm torn. I think that men in black is a really good movie.

Oh, that's my answer. There it is. And I think it's, and not just on an entertainment level, but on like an emotional. It's a cool. It's a clever story. It's a clever story. It has some resonance as far as like master and apprentice shit going on with him and Tommy Lee Jones.

And I think based on the sequels, can say that it's an infinitely better movie, right? People really like the third one. I thought people liked it. I didn't think that was... Enemy Estate was pretty good, but I wouldn't say it's great. He's been... It's weird.

His filmography. He's only in 37 movies. Oh, Bad Boys. Bad Boys is a good movie. Calm down. Seven pounds. Hancock. I Am Legends.

Suck. Pursuit of Happiness sucked. Hitch is good. I Robot. Man, he's been in some bad movies. Yeah. Bad Boys 2. Ali.

Legend of Bagger Vance. Wow. Wild West. Yeah. I mean, he had a cameo in Jersey Girl, too. I don't know if we're counting that. Oh, yeah, that's right. He does show up.

Yeah. Wow. By the way, I finally saw the document, the Superman documentary. Oh, with the Kevin Smith story. It's pretty good. Yeah, it's fantastic. Actually, the whole thing is pretty...

If you haven't seen it, it's a documentary called the death of Superman lives by this guy who chronicled the Tim Burton Nicholas Cage version of Superman that was going to come out before the Brian Singer movie did, and they couldn't pull it together. And it's fascinating. It's a fascinating. glimpse into what could have been but also how

movies fall apart behind the scenes all the time it's a great it's a great flick it was like you see like yeah like in your head right now you're picturing Nicholas Cage of Superman you're like this no but like you see him in them at the time yeah like you're like oh I could have totally but the same time though a Tim Burton movie oh I bet there's no there's no everyone's like oh wow

wow West bid bad this movie did bad who knows what could have happened no this movie would have done fucking terribly it would have probably would have it would have been he would have really played up the the alien loaner part of it. By the way, I'm a Tim Burton fan. I was thinking about the other day, like, when is the Tim Burton Renaissance going to happen

where there's going to be like a film festival of like the great, like Mars attacks and like, Beetlejuice and Edward Tissorhershands, the first Batman movies, baller. He hasn't made a good movie in 25 years. Oh, that's not. Fucking Ed Wood was in the last 25 years. This is one of the best movies ever made.

Ed Wood came out like 91. Oh, God, no. That's an old movie. Oh, yeah. You had like the beetle juice You might be right Batman Yeah that's a that's a

The only movie Like like Post Alice in Wonderland Tim Burton Like who gives a shit The only movie I really have a real problem with As a Tim Burton fan was His Planet of the Apes remake was dog shit

That was dog shit Charlie and the Chocolate factory is dog That wasn't dog shit Mark Wahlberg Charlie in the chocolate factory? I got all these monkeys around me What's going on man Mark Wahlberg was in that

In Planet of the Apes Oh I was like wait a second I don't remember him Charlie and the chocolate. I'm Rook of Salt, dude. I'm Rook of Salt, right? No, I think he made me he produced it.

He did Nightmare Before Christmas. Yeah, that was a bad movie. James and the Giant Peach. He sucks. Hunter Besner wants to know. I was at a game this week and my mom asked, why don't they put the teams in the same penalty box to reconcile? God, next question.

But his mom asked it, though. That doesn't get any points from you? I don't think his mom wanted it to be spoken publicly on a podcast because they're on different teams and they would fight each other and they would not. I think the box is too small where they wouldn't fight each other

personally. Like you would need to have the timekeeper guy be like a counselor and you have to sit between two minutes. Tell me why do you think he's mad at you? Tell me why do you think you're mad at him? The box door opens and they don't leave or crying and they're just like huddling in the corner.

That's funny. In two minutes you're like with 15 seconds left Like, so when your puppy ran away, that's how you started feeling this way. Don't you see Gord? This is why he feels this way. Don't you feel bad about getting mad at him now? Oh, it looks like we're out of time.

No, no, I want to get deeper on the thing with my mom. That'll be $150. Sorry, that's your co-pay. Anyway, here's what I want to do is what we talked about earlier. Which is the most implausible friends plot line? Mine is that Joey is a soap star and living in that dump. Again, forever and ever, always and always, it will be that Monica Geller walked in on her husband masturbating in a hotel room

and thought he was masturbating to sharks she didn't she didn't make the intuitive leap that he changed the channel as she walked in she spent an entire episode thinking that Chandler Bing pleasureed himself and she's known this man for a very long time at this point in her life to sharks and then instead of confronting him about it tried to make him watch shark porn

I don't know who pitched that in the writer's room that day, but you could just tell they were just like, it's season nine, let's just, who cares? So more so than Schwermer getting stuck in leather pants was masturbating the sharks. I could totally see someone getting stuck in leather, leather pants, like anything else, anything else was just sort of

like sitcomy, like, you know, Chandler hiding, living in the box because he cheated on or Joey cheated or whatever, but oh my God, masturbating the fucking sharks. Finally, from John McDougal, please discuss the scenario on sports spoilers. Is there an etiquette. Here we go. I know there's a spoiler etiquette for TV shows and movies, but should a spoiler

etiquette for sports exist? Just a few minutes before leaving the office last week, I asked my co-worker, an avid baseball fan, who he thought was going to win game seven tonight. He got pissed because apparently he had taped game six and was going to watch it when he got home. Oh, no. And I just ruined it for him.

That guy's a serial killer. He had gone all day avoiding the radio in the internet until I spoke to him at the end of the workday. Was I in the wrong? He's an idiot right. I feel sports are meant to be watched live and live only. Spoilers should not exist. Oh, oh, it was the night of game six. Not the night of game seven.

No. It was a night of game seven and he had taped game six no, seriously. I thought maybe he was walking out after game six had ended and said, I can't wait to see game seven and he was like, whoa. No. Then I can kind of, like, if you that's the only scenario where it works is like if you're in an office and you don't need to like use the internet, you can just tell your coworkers, Hey guys, don't say anything to me about the game tonight. Yeah.

But, like, people who go on Twitter and spend all day on Twitter and you're like, oh, my God, why did you tell me they won game? Yeah. Well, that's a rule of thumb for me on spoilers in any way or shape, or form. Movies are a little tougher. Like, movie spoilers, I think you have to wait at least a week. Give everybody a week before they see the movie and then you can start openly discussing the movie. I think that's fair. If you really give a shit about not being spoiled for a movie, you can get your ass to the theater and see it within a week.

Fair? Like the first weekend. Yeah. Remember, like, when, like, Deadspin had a thing, the, when, uh, what was it? Captain America Civil War came out and they were like, somebody should have died during that movie. And I was like, yeah.

Right. Guys, it's fucking Monday. Give us a week for the think pieces. Then the other, but for TV shows, I think you need to, I think you need to get, you get until dawn. And I'm, I'm saying this as a night owl. Like, if you're concerned about spoilers for Westworld or other shows, I agree.

You have until dawn. And it's also, like you said, your fault of you're on social media. The night that the Walking Dead premiered, where we were going to find out who died, who Negan was going to hit with his, according to Dave Loso. Super scary bat. Completely implausible bat. It's plausible. It's just stupid.

Like, if you're on, like, I was openly talking about what happened. Because fuck the West Coast. I was openly talking about what happened about two hours after the show was on. and I had people being like, spoilers, dude. And I'm like, you people just, you literally, you tweeted me to say spoilers. I know. Here are your Twitter messages. Now, if you'll take your eyes and look to the left, you'll see a thing called trending topics.

Now, under the trending topics, which I can see and you can see, there's one that says hashtag RIP Glenn. Oh, yeah. This would indicate to me. as a connoisseur of social media that fucking Glenn is dead and that Negan brained him Could be could be Astro's former first baseman Glenn Davis

Glenn Campbell If he's still alive Glenn Beck RIP RIP is network after he came out As a sole questioning conservative The other day by the way Terry Glenn Tommy Lerman's gonna find a new place

to espouse I think pretty soon Like I just think yeah I agree with like sports I don't know how Especially in this day and age when you can watch them on your phone. You can check like scores on your, like I don't like I get it. Like sometimes you like for instance Devil's Avalanche 2001 game seven. I had to work that night and I worked in sports and I couldn't like I wanted

to not watch the game but it was on like I don't know how you can avoid sports in 2016 like TV show like I haven't seen the last two episodes of Westworld. Yeah. And it's because I'm kind of not super interested in it. So like if you were to go on Twitter and spoil that for me, I'd be like well yeah, yeah, two weeks to watch. All right. Well, that's that's the show. Thank you for your lovely. wedding gift, Dave Lowe's. That was a fun round of FMK. Thanks to Jonah Carey for coming on and talking about many things. He also picked up part of my beer tab

Matt last night when I did. Oh yeah. I thought I was looking for a 10 in my wallet and it wasn't there and it wound up being in my pocket. So I only put in like four bucks. We were short. We gave, like you know how like you put in everyone puts in their money into like the little bill thing and you leave it for the waiter and he's like, you know, he changed?

And we're like, no buddy. It's all you. And he came back a minute later and it was like, you guys are two bucks short. Yeah. Like, what? So thanks to Jonah for all of it. And thanks to everybody for listening. By the way, if you love the podcast, do leave your feedback on iTunes. Every review helps.

You can find my work on Puck Daddy. You can listen to Merrick versus Rukinsky. You can buy my book. Take your eye off the pocket. It's available on Amazon. And Dave Loseel will take you home. I don't really have anything. Nobody got back to me about the Spotify thing.

I don't know if I explained it well enough or people didn't get it. But I don't really have any stuff to sell, any sort of things to rant about, but seriously, don't send me like, don't send me like things about like controlled explosions. I'm not Pete Carroll. I'm not that guy. I just, I just, I'm just, I just, I just, I'm just, I just, I just, I just don't trust our government when it comes to that,

that, that particular situation. But, um, yeah, that's all I got. You know, you know, anything else? I'm Greg Wyshinski of Yahoo Sports and this has been Dave Chemtrails Lozo. See you next time on Poxu. Now leaving nerdist.com. Thank you.