Puck Soup - Kelen Capener

Episode Date: November 17, 2016

Greg and Dave welcome San Jose Sharks superfan Kelen Capener of The Story So Far to talk about music, his hate for the Los Angeles Kings and specifically Dustin Brown; Twitter wars with Nashville fans; the joy of Joe Thornton and the agony of seeing the Stanley Cup go to Pittsburgh. That, plus the NHL is using the Olympics to strong-arm players, new shootout rules, the Oilers' slump, Lethal Weapon movies, the NY Islanders' plight, sneaky Las Vegas moves, Hallmark Movie Channel holiday films and the realization that Donald Trump is probably a hockey fan (sigh).

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Now entering nerdist.com. I'm getting goals and saves and slap shots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. Puck Soup. I'm Greg Wyshinsky of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy Blog. And I am Dave Lozo of perpetual sadness and anxiety.

And you're in Puck Soup. wasn't a beer I was cracking open, although considering current events, maybe I should be on my 10th. I was saying this at your wedding. Like, your wedding on Friday was the first time I drank since the election, because I'm not, I'm not a sad drinker. I'm not somebody who like when bad things happen, I'm like, I need a beer. But if sad things happen while I'm drinking, oh, buddy, I can keep it going to go. It's funny. Listen, I want to say off the top that we're not going to make this a political show or a show in which we talk about the election all that much. If you really want to hear it, I highly recommend the keeping it 1600.

podcast on the ringer network to hear three liberals who are still trying to figure out whether they should just throw a toaster in the bathtub or not because it is a really sad listen. If I had a bathtub in my apartment, I probably would have already done the toaster thing by now. But you're right about that though. Like in thinking about, I haven't really talked about the election all that much anywhere. We did this Tuesday last week. Yeah, I know. Because we were so sure.

Yeah. What's the way to do it on a Wednesday? It plays like fucking satire now is what it does. I know. But it's like I was that. I was so bummed that I didn't even drink that night. You're right. I can't even think of a life event where I wouldn't be able to drink to make it all go away.

But it was also too, like they called the election at like 2.30 in the morning. And at that point, to go to my fridge and crack open a beer at 245 would have been even sadder than what just happened. Now, here's the conundrum I have right now about Trump vis-a-vis the content of this podcast. He's a hockey fan. Like he's been to multiple Rangers games. Like you could find pictures of Trump, Melania, and John McEnroe at a Rangers game. sport with all the white people playing it figures well yeah what a shock make hockey great again maha wait matt make it no mc mch mc I didn't figure out with that hashtag for like a week

I'm so I was so exhausted I didn't even bother to click on it yeah I thought it was somewhere bad for a lady like I thought her name was magda yeah I thought it was like a name I was like Melania and juror as I just leave me alone it's make America gayer again I wish now listen he's a hockey fan he goes he's been to Ranger Games. I looked it up today because I got into a, this is going to shock you a Twitter fight with somebody from Washington. Yeah, I was on the subway today when all that Penguins stuff happened. So for those who didn't see, the Penguins owned the Capitals by tweeting out a picture of two banners. One, their Stanley Cup banner from 2016. One was Bruce Banner. One was

the Canadian David Banner. And as we all know, Bruce Banner is a Penguins fan, so he's better. And the other one was the Washington Capitals Metropolitan Division Championship banner. It's a good burn. And it was a great burn. Very good burn. The Capitals in their flailing little brother who just got a nuggie way. They tried. Tweeted out a banner that had a picture of, it was the Capitol building, I think, is what it was.

It wasn't even the White House. No. Oh, I thought I saw one that was just, it was like an actual banner with like Photoshopped. It was either of the White House of the Capitol building. And then it was said like when Washington became the capital to now and then calling trying to say, hey, we're the capital of the U.S. and your Pittsburgh. Was there sick burn? It was some sort of burn where it was like Washington, D.C. is better than Pittsburgh. Yeah. Which was like you can get away with that if you're like Chicago or you're like New York. You can't, I mean. Listen, I don't want to turn this into bashing of D.C. but I'll do it for one second. Washington D.C. culture is this. It's a bunch of neighborhoods all the white people don't want to live in. So they all move. of Virginia, and then the rest of the culture is bought to D.C. by people that work there from other places because they're all government workers, which is why there's a billion

penguins fans at every Capitals game. And also, of all the times in the world to brag about where you live. Well, okay. Getting back to my original point, he's, there hasn't been a, as far as I can tell, there's not been a sitting president who's attended a Washington Capitals game since William Jefferson Clinton in... Really? Obama didn't go to one game once? Obama has never been to a capitals game. Huh. Obama has never been to a capitals game.

Clinton went in 1998 as a guest of Abe Poland. And there's not been a president that went since. So what you're telling me is that that drought at some point will be broken. And we're going to see some locker room photo of him and like Alex Ovechkin and Putin

like arm in arm or something. They are akin. They are akin. They're kin now, him and Ovi, both wearing their Putin t-shirts. Like, every day I wake up and I'm always like, all right, what horrible thing is going to happen today in relation to this? Is it good for hockey if Trump's a celebrity puckhead? It's bad for everybody. It's not good for anything. Like, he's so despondent.

He's going to lower taxes on the rich, so they're going to be able to go to more hockey games because they're the only ones to go to hockey games. Yeah, great. So more rich assholes can sit by the glass and bang on the glass. That's the one thing hockey's missing. I was at the Islanders lightning game on Monday. I'm not trying to pile on the Islanders here because I've been doing it a lot on the blog, but boy, oh boy, is that a dead arena?

Yeah, it's bad. The only things that you hear now are individuals chanting, Fah, you can't be, but they can't get anybody to join in with them. One, because Islanders fans are so apathetic, and two, because they're papering that building more than a ticker tape parade

as far as the amount of tickets they're given away. I went on Monday for free. I'm sure everybody in my section was there for free because they were all talking about it. There was two guys from South Africa behind me who never saw a hockey game before and were asking about what they were watching. Were they the guys from lethal weapon?

They were not. They were not. Yeah, they were actually, yeah. There was a guy who wanted a beer. He didn't pay for it. He said diplomatic immunity. No, but like it was so clear that everybody there, a lot of the people there didn't pay for their tickets. And I think that contributes the atmosphere as well.

I remember talking to a guy who worked for the capitals back when I covered them, at the dawn of the OV era. And the capitals were having trouble filling the building. And he talked about what I asked them, like, so is the solution just to create an atmosphere, have as many people as you can to come to that building and create an atmosphere and even if you have to get them through the door for free? And the answer is no. That's not the solution. Apparently, I've brought that up too where I said, like the devils, I think it was.

There's any team, Florida, Arizona, who doesn't sell their tickets. Florida was notorious for it. Right. But like if you know 40 out of 41 games, like the Rangers will play in Florida, I'll sell that game out because it's the New York thing. But I always said, like, if you just at a certain point, say it like 6 o'clock on Friday, games on Friday, games at 7 o'clock, you say at 6 o'clock, we're going to release, you know, wait online.

It's like a thing where you sit outside all day and like at a certain point, they're just like, we're going to release these tickets. Isn't that better than just letting them go to waste? And I'm always told no, and I don't get why. The economic theory he gave me back in the day was you have to place a value on the ticket. So if I'm somebody, if I'm, if I'm Joss from South Africa, let's say, if I'm, if I'm one of those district nine aliens and human skin who attended the Yonder's game on Sunday. But you're not a blick. He's right.

You are. No, you fucked it up. Wait. He's, he's, but, but, but, but, but. your blick. Oh, that's what it is. And as he goes, he's right, you are. You are.

They fuck you with the free tickets. Then they fuck you by making you pay for him. I got so sad because I was watching Lethal Up and Four the other day. And that's one with Chris Rock in it. And I remember parts of that movie. I remember the bad guy had a mustache. I remember they had armor-piercing bullets because Danny Glover at own point is like, I'm a piercing bullets.

That's three. Oh, you're right. That's three because four is Jet Lee. Right. Jet Lee gets a metal pipe through his chest. that keeps fighting. Exactly. Sure.

He does that amazing jump off the banister in Danny Glover's house, which, by the way, talk about a place that must be really hard to resell. Well, over here is where the bathroom used to be, but the toilet exploded because of a bomb. And over here's where the banister used to be on the stairs, but Jet Lee knocked it down with his karate kicking. Actually, before we built it, here's what happened. We actually had a guy killed with a nail gun.

But don't worry, we had an exorcist come in. There's no demons here. And over here, though, it was very nice. is where the family used to gather to watch the young daughter in her first condom commercial. It's beautiful. Here's the toilet where the owner actually sat and was pulled off while taking the dump. It's amazing to think about how much of that shit sticks in your head. Lethal Weapon, I know it's back again because it's on TV, but like those movies kind of like linger in the back of your brain a little.

But, and my point is this. I got so sad watching Lethal Weapon 4 with Chris. Because Rock was in 4, right? I think. Yes, yes, he's butters. Yeah. No, biscuits. Well, gee, Mr. Gibson, I don't know.

Oh, did I really do that, Stan? Oh, I never made that connection until right now. Oh, no, these are people that should be not locked up in a boat there, Mr. Witton. We should save him. Shut up, butters. Butters. I have to go up with this shit. Shut up, butters.

Hey, sit and they are, Mr. Glover? Um, oh, yeah, so they, they, they, they, the, uh, fuck you have the drive-thru thing in, in four about cell phones. Yeah. Right. And I was just watching it? I'm like, did we realize, was this the big, like, cheer, like, was the audience? How do you get like, was it like, I get all these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucker Like, was this the cheer line?

Like as soon as somebody heard. Okay, okay, okay, they're all like, oh, shit. Here he comes, here he comes. Here comes the dynomite of lethal weapon movies. What year was that movie where cell phones were fucking you? Because like, they must have been relatively new at that. That had to be like, I think it was like in the late, late 90s, right? Wasn't that long ago?

It had to be. Oh, look. We have a magic box that can look up things on the internet. Oh, yeah. Full weapon for. What's your guess? I'll say 2002. 98. Wow. How long ago? Yeah, exactly. 284, I'm 285.8. When, when never, no one would have ever thought that Donald Trump would be installing white nationalists, Santu's cabinet. No one would ever thought of thought of thought that. I couldn't think of that. I couldn't think of that eight days ago. It's, it's, it's going to be okay. It's, it's, it's not. I mean, it's not. It's not going to be okay. It's going to be, like, so, so for the show, like, Greg was like, I got an idea. Let's do five, five ways Trump's going to make hockey.

great again and I was like like yeah we could definitely think of 10 jokes but like they're not funny anymore because like every Trump joke eight days ago was funny because it was never going to be a real thing so if you were like hey l-o-l Trump doesn't believe in global warming it's hilarious because he's never going to be the guy who's going to affect policy on that and then like eight days later it's like yeah he's he's he's going to he's going to defund this he's going to defund that he's going to make this illegal he's going to deport all these people he's going to round up And it's just... But don't you think at the end of the day...

I can't find the joke. Don't you think at the end of the day, like, his president's... I said this before, like, you know, within 24 hours of the election, there were people kind of being like, you know, respect to president, you know, kind of thing. Oh, that drives me. Like, everyone pointed to, like, the Chappelle S&L monologue, which was good until the part at the end, he's like, I'm going to give him a chance. I was like, whoa, no.

Wait, whoa, whoa, no. Oh, and by the way, let's just get that out of the way as well. That opening with, with McKinnon was garbage. Oh, my God. It was garbage. It was like, oh, yeah, yeah, seriously.

If we start to, okay, real quick. Real quick. Real quick. Leonard Cohen died, what, the day before taping? 36 hours before. Leonard Co.

So that means they thought of that, like the first thing Kate McKinnon thought when Leonard Cohen died was like, yes. I can do this song. And like, it's like, if she didn't do it dressed up as Hillary Clinton,

I think it's different. I think it's okay. But like, she's like if I dressed up as Al Gore in 2000 when they finally called the election and performed let's just say hallelujah let's just say I did that song that song yeah you would think I was a bat shit insane person and you would laugh me off you would say no we're not doing that as the cold open on SNL on 2000 day we have Phil Hartman here right you're still there at that point maybe he wasn't I'm just a cave man I don't know about your white nationalists or your alt right

like between between the fact that S&L gave that jackass a platform or you year ago for 90 minutes and Kate McKinnon stood on stage with him and there's that then there's the whole oh my god like it's it's just so like and if you want it like it doesn't honor Leonard Cohen to do that like if Leonard Cohen just died and she goes out on stage as Kate McKinnon plays the song it's beautiful and it's great and like it captures the mood like dressing up as Hillary Clinton to do it just seemed so bad it's it's indicative of of their comedy because they didn't have teeth when he was there. Yeah.

And it was like, they punted. Like, we all looked to SNL for, or we used to at least, to be, like, think about the pay,

think about how they took out paling. Oh, I know. The Tina Fey shit took out paling. Every week. The minute when Tina Fey did, the I can see Russia from my house line up there with polar,

done. Steak through the heart. Forget about it. And like, that was just, I mean, that was like, and they were basically making fun

of the VP choice of a war hero. Right, exactly. And they couldn't do anything better four years later. It's like the moment when you need them to grow some stones and like put it on the line about what this guy is and all of it. Like the big, the, I fully expected to see Alec Baldwin one more time walking into the White House and just being like, oh shit. You know, just like having no concept of what he's gotten himself into.

It was like this, it was like this apologetic guilty bit for two and a half minutes where they felt bad about what they did. They've been. Of course, obviously they've. hoisting themselves on their own patard for a while about that. But let me ask you this though. Because you were somebody who had trouble as I did as well, admittedly, kind of focusing on work after it.

Right? So maybe it's the same thing with the writers there. They couldn't focus on, they had a three-day window to figure out some shit. And they're just like, well, I just trot out the most popular member of our cast and costume to sing a little Leonard Cohen song. But like, what if Leonard Cohen didn't die? What was the cold open if Leonard Cohen didn't die? That's right. What did they have in their minds

on like Thursday after that? Oh, that's easy. like what like what Dealing Berlin Bay of Pigs invasion Lawrence of Arabia British Biedylvania I just I just Everything It's like that episode of South Park

Where like everything Everything's shitty Like that's how I feel like I put on the radio and it's like Put on the TV But my wedding wasn't shitty Oh my wedding was good Yeah

You got married at the perfect time Where I could get slammed And I could do some Celine Dion karaoke You did my heart will go on From Titanic It was beautiful We were a little bit wary of that because there was a political split in the room

on our side of the family. No, my side of them too. And we just didn't want it to be any. Actually, the only political thing that was said the entire night that we heard because we were in our little marriage bubble was by the officiant. At the end of the ceremony,

he said, she was like, I was born in Greece, I was raised in Australia. Until earlier this week, I was a proud American citizen. Like, whoa, hey. Like, she commandeered your wedding for a political thing. the way Kate McKinnon commandeered Leonard Cohen's death for a political thing.

One thing, I want to say one thing about that because I found this fascinating and then we'll get to the hockey thing real quick. This is what the show is about. There's hockey talk about it. I found out that from our photographer, who was great, who by the way is a cousin of Rod Brindamore, no less. Really?

Yeah. I found out from our photographer that she's like, who's officiating your wedding? We're like, oh, this woman, she's great. She's like, oh, yeah, she's good. I've seen her before. Like, all the photographers know who does the wedding?

because I guess there's like a finite number of non-denominational ministers, right, who are women. And she's like, I'm really happy to get this one. We're like, who? She's like, well, there's this one officiant who will have like the most normal ceremony. It'll be playful. It'll be fun and whatever. And then she'll go into like a 20-minute diatribe about the way we treat Haitians. Just like non-scripted and unplanned.

And she's like, and a lot of us photographers are trying to band together and let people know to like, you know kind of like blackballer you know just like see the you know what's funny the funniest thing she did so I this has happened twice in a week at at MSG before a ranger game like they don't bring out John Amarante every game anymore they bring out like a different person almost every night and they brought out a woman who clearly had a stage name and it just I I laughed the whole the whole song and her name was Angela Wildflower whoa right and I did one of those like I got I had to cover my mouth because so I went and looked up a real name and it wasn't that.

The moment at your wedding had the same exact thing happened because it was like this, you know, first of all, she had an Australian accent, which I thought was British all time until she mentioned Australia. But like, it's like this classy woman saying beautiful things about love and romance and the bonds of love. And she goes, do you two take each other and they both say yes, we do? And the next thing she says is marriage is really hard. And I did the same thing.

I was like, oh man, she roped them in to say yes. Now she's like, here's everything that you're going to hate. It was like the coolest little trick ever to get someone to say to marry them. There's going to be pain and suffering. But anyway, the rings. I kill me. Good day, mate. Welcome to the Roach Motel.

That is your marriage. Please welcome Angela Wildflower. Please welcome to the stage to sing your national anthem, Robin Sparkles. Who once met Mason Raymond, which is the opposite of name dropping. She had a really nice anthem, though. It's just a good stage name. A few things hockey-wise to talk about before we welcome in our guests this week. Let's talk about what the GM said up in Toronto.

And as you do this show, a little bit of news broken by Pierre LeBrun. Scott A. Boy, you could have predicted this shit as soon as they started playing hot potato with the Olympics. What's the latest? NHL willing to sign off on Olympic participation. Ready? Ready? If?

In exchange for extending the current CBA. But they're not sure how appealing that will be. be to the players. Motherfucker. No, he didn't. Devious sons of bitches! Like three days ago,

he was playing all aloof about why players wanted to have lockout protection of their contracts. And so two days later, he's like, we'll prevent the lockout.

Right. Betben literally said the other day, he didn't know why players were trying to get lockout protection to their contracts. He's like, why would you want to do that? It's not as if there's going to be another lockout.

Whatever he talks. Oh, God. Let me just spell it out for the people that don't understand because I know that the NBA currently has a path or currently has labor piece or a path to it. They're all good.

Okay, here's the thing, the difference between these two sports. I know it gets confusing because they both play in arenas. Let me spell it out for you. The NBA has 12 players on each team. Okay. The NHL has a lot more. Like twice as many. The NBA makes basically the gross national product of Sweden every year in revenue.

And they just started a new thing where they're like, everyone's contract like tripled. Yeah, and everybody in the league makes $100 million, but they're like all underpaid because that's how much money the NBA makes. It's insane. The NHL can't have a team from Canada play on American television because the ratings margins are that small and they don't want to piss off the three or four sponsors that are willing to put their names on the product in NBCSN.

And in order to avoid what I pray to God is a player strike next time. I hope they just fucking sit out for two years because I'm tired. to see them get effed. They won't. I mean, I know. That's the thing is like, no matter what you do with the NHL, they will take advantage of your love of hockey

in order to get you to take less money editorial over. The total revenue for the NBA, according to the thing I'm seeing here, is 5.2 billion in revenue generated last season for the NBA. That seems like it's low, doesn't it? Because it's four, because Batman was just screaming about 4.8, right? the NHL's total revenue

okay for I guess this is what I'm seeing here total revenue 2.63 billion I thought I thought I always saw the number four points something

in the last couple years sure but isn't the end maybe it's already gone up then because yeah because obviously with the new TV contract that's why everyone's making an insane boatload of money

that's according to this it may be I know I think they I've heard the number four too but I gotta imagine the NBA number smaller than right point being is that the NBA makes a hell of a lot more money than the NHL does. And the NHL's owners

are never going to roll over and play nice because it's a perpetual cycle of these idiots handing out contracts that they then regret and then they go to war for labor with labor and try to correct their own mistakes. It's a never-ending cycle.

It's like the Matrix. Like Zion's always going to get destroyed and there's always going to be some douchebag who's going to think he's the one who's going to try to save it, but then he'll just get it destroyed again, unless he chooses love. So, but love is always choosing hockey, and that's how they get them to take less than they should is because they know how much, but what a, what, this is like such a fucking, oh,

this is so dastardly. They know how badly they want to go to the Olympics. Yeah. So they're just going to cut them off at the pass and see like, ah, and now, and now it makes the players look bad if they say, fuck off, we're not going to take this because they're saying no to both the Olympics and having the CBA taking care of. three years in advance. It's pretty devious, right?

It puts it all on the players when it's never, ever on the players. It's one of those situations where you're so upset by it on a human level, but on a master criminal level, you're like, it's kind of smart. Right. It's like, it's like when you watch the Italian job and you realize like you're rooting for these people that are stealing a safe from some guy who just had a safe, but it's such a great cool plan. You're like, I'm rooting for Mark Wahlberg here.

Yeah. It's not like the players are Terry Benedict and the NHEL is the Oceans crew. Ocean's 13 is on HBO every four hours. I know, and I keep sending you screenshots of it. I know. I have to, like, not text you every five seconds because they have teams who working on this. Really? How many?

Teams! That's all I want to do is just shout lines of Ocean 13. I am Pepprich. I'm in there. No, you're not, you're just a vessel. So what are they going to do? They're not going to take this, are they? No, I don't think so.

As Pierre LeBron mentions, Escro is a huge issue for players. I think they have to. think they want that tackled in the next CBA. They've got issues to worry about. I don't think they want to extend it any longer than it is. Frank Sarvelli reports that René Fassal says he's not leaving New York City any more optimistic than he was about NHL participation in 2018 Olympics. Fasal says he's going back to Zurich with more work to do after meeting with the NHL and the PA. Basically the news about the Olympics this week was that there is a money shortfall about like $10 million between what the IOC might be willing to pony up to cover insurance costs and everything else and what the NHL wants.

And that the double IHF might have to fill in the void between those two just for a year, or just for this Olympiad, rather. I have a hot take. If I'm the IOC, I don't care if the NHL comes based on the hours in which the games are going to be on TV. And the whole draw is getting a U.S. Canada final. What have I seen from U.S. hockey that tells me they're going to be in the gold medal game? Yeah. You know, like I'm going to show out all this money for a Finland Canada final that no one's going to care about. Yeah. Speaking of the Islanders, by the way, previously,

Garth Snow in defending Jack Capuano's, the coaching acumen goes, and if I'm mistaken, I believe he was an assistant at the World Cup of hockey, I'm like, yeah, for a team that got their ass destroyed and limped home, sadly, I believe. But anyways, it's fine. The GMs also discussed one of the more common-sense things I think I've ever heard them discuss vis-a-vis the shootout. which is to, and you might be, I feel like I'm looking at you and I'm wondering if you inherently disagree with this.

Because I like the OSHA rule, the slash TAVE's rule. I don't care. I don't know why this is a thing. Like, the NHL is so good at like changing rules for shit and changing things that you never want to change, whether it's like divisions.

You know, like they do all these things all the time and I'm just like, people are like, hey, I got an idea that's going to make the NHL better. And you're like, oh, what are we going to do?

How are we going to, Are we going to get more Canadian teams on TV? No. Are we going to do something to increase goal scoring? Are we going to reduce goalie pad size or increase it? Nope. Oh, what is it then? I'm excited.

Okay. You know how after the first three rounds of a shootout? The really awesome guy who goes third can't go again? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What if he could go again? Great. Sure. Okay.

God, Gary, can you stop calling me with these stupid ideas? I don't like any of it. I don't care. They're like my dad when he's. He's told he needs to do five things to fix the house. And then my mom gets home from wherever. She's like, what'd you do? And he's like, well, take a look over there.

He's like, what? He goes, you know, anything about the record collection? Alphabetized. Alphabetized. Baby. Meatlobes right after Led Zeppelin now. How about them apples? What is up with that?

And also, just for the record, any band that starts with the, they're under the tease. Just want to make that clear. Like, I just, I mean, I mean, I. Like when a shootout, like you guys, I didn't actually watch this video. There was like a 23 round shootout in Switzerland or some shit. Wherever, yeah. I was like, why would I watch that? Why would I ever click on that and watch 46 guys not square?

And isn't it the weirdest thing that like they just got done creating three on three to reduce the shootouts, which it successfully did? And now they're going to incentivize. And now they're just like, yeah, right. In a way they are because. Really good teams of really good shootout guys. Yeah. And it's not even the stars either.

Like that's the big, that's the big, the big swerve here is like the minute you think, You hear this. You're like, oh, fuck. Sid versus Ovi for fucking 20 rounds. And then you're like, no, it ain't that. It's Franz Nielsen versus T.J. O'Shee, because they both have a funky little shootout move. Here comes Nick Letty for the fourth time. Yeah. Great.

Yeah. Rudy on the fourth line happens to know how to do the fucking lacrosse move. And now he's in there for 25 times. They send out, what's his name from the Oilers? He's no longer in the show. The spinny thing. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, shit.

Who was that guy? A tiny little lefty guy. Yeah. Oh, God. His name escapes me now because all I can think of is Ryan Fabry, but it's the, it's a. It's, um, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it's a, it's a, uh, it's a, it's a, it's, uh, it's, uh, Nate something? Oh, my God.

Oh, Rob Shrempe, there it is. No, that's not who I was thinking. Oh, that. Oh, oh, wait, you think about Linus O-Marc? Linus O'Marc, that's what I was, like, Rob Shemp was the lacrosse style guy. Yeah, Omar was the guy who spun before he got the puck at the pocket center ice. and somehow Dan Ellis's feelings were hurt. Greatest night of anybody's life where Marty San Luis,

whose entire career was spent spinning around in the corner trying to get away from defensemen because he's 4'1-go-one goes, that spinorama is offensive to me. How dare you, sir. Adam Mote is like, oh, oh, pardon me, sir, but I don't believe that court fits into my plans as a gentleman playing hockey. And also, Marty St. Louis wouldn't even do the goddamn spinorama in the shi. He jam on the brakes and stomp in a circle

so that he could score on the goalie that slid the other way. A spinorama in the national hockey league? They're not even spinneramas. Danny Savar did the spinnerama where he would continue to move forward while he spun around the guy. Like jamming on the brakes the top of the crease and sprinting in places, not a spinnereroma. God, I'm just so mad about Donald Trump. That's all this is. It's all just coming out of me.

There's also a thing about, by the way, Vegas is going to unleash their colors and stuff. And I've got to tell you right now, it's starting to feel it's beginning to look a lot like desert nights. Is it? Yeah, I think so. What are the colors? According, the Sinbin had a memo from the team. Oh. And on the memo, the colors were very distinctly gold, gold, red, red, some silver.

That could be silver knights with all those colors in it, but if gold is that prominent, I don't think they be the silver nights. Because they can't be the golden nights. I wouldn't be surprised if they were the desert nights. What the fuck's a desert night? obviously someone who plays at the the only guy who plays the Excalibur. And also, oh God, this is another thing that's so stupid too is they've been holding out on this for months

and they're finally going to release it. When did they release it? The day before everybody travels for Thanksgiving to go home and stuff. It's the Tuesday before like the Wednesday home to go see all your high school friends at the bar. Like no one, that's the, I don't know if that's the worst day to really. And it's like at 4.30 too.

You've had so much time to do this. Why would you not do it at like Monday? at like one o'clock on like a week where it's a five-day work week. Why would you pick that that organization? Greg, hold me, Greg. I'm trying. Oh, that feels good. Oh, yeah, right there.

Finally, another Vegas thing from the GMs. Concern that Vegas would take advantage of the 48-hour window before the expansion draft in June to quietly agree to terms on a deal with a pending unrestricted free agent rather than wait until July 1st to sign him. So as to pluck another player off a team's roster in the expansion draft Now wait wait

Yes explain that this would circumvent the rule that if a team loses a free agent to Vegas in the 48 hour free agent signing window It cannot lose another player in the expansion draft Some GMs worry that veteran GM George McPhee would take advantage of this situation McPhee wisely worries that a team or two might do a drawer deal This is all from the ESPN with a pending UFA but not a officially sign it until after the expansion draft. Why? Because teams don't have to protect pending free agents because they aren't eligible

for the expansion draft. I see. There's a lot of mistrust on both sides about signing and not having a sign yet. But I don't understand why it's mistrust in the sense that like, in the sense that like, obviously teams are going to make it a thing with their players to not sign until after the expansion draft. I mean, I thought that was obvious, right? Like, why is that a news?

No, but he's saying that, like, they'll leave guys like that who they know they're not going to draft so that it clogs up guys that you would draft, right? That's the argument. McPhee's worries that they might do a deal with the UFA to not sign before the expansion draft but after it. But who in their right, like, who in their right mind is going to sign a player before the expansion draft if they don't have to? It's stupid, right? Like, I thought that was assumed. Like, if you have UFAs, you just assume that they're not going to, you don't have to worry about losing them. unless they get signed by Vegas

in that 48 hour window I know it's confusing No I see what you're saying though Yeah yeah yeah yeah But I mean at the end of the day I mean I would just let George McPhee Do whatever he wants Because he's probably gonna fuck it up anyway

So Oh how dare you sir Burn I know you love Georgie I do and I feel like they're gonna And you and I And you and I as if You know hardcore You and I both love

Pucksie listeners know that So I don't know why I'm going to Jim Rome here Dog Dear Jim Jim Jim I think Vegas is going to be an abject disaster, signed, D-lozo, rack them. I think that Vegas is going to be good, and you think they're going to be shitty.

There's no way they're going to be good. There's no way they're going to be good. We should do that one week. We should come in with, like, because they actually, wait, have they released what the official protected lists are yet? They just have them. We know what they can be, but we don't know what they will be until after the season. Because we could probably sit down and come up with teams.

We'll do it official. And they're going to make you sad. We'll do it if they're going to be Cannock-esque. Or sod. By the way, I really hope Columbus falls off the cliff because I don't want to have to praise Totorella at some point. They're not good. Their PDO is like through the roof and their possession.

They're at like 47%. That's not going to. I mean, unless Sergey Bobovsky wins the MVP. Johnny Goodro, Broken Finger. Flames are cooked. Cooked. Yeah. Flames cooked.

Signed. Gee-wish. Problem with the flames, though, is that every time they look down, the Canucks are going to be underneath them. which sounds sexier than it is. I was going to say, yeah. Get the Canucks underneath the flames? Oh, yeah.

Ride that one out, big boy. That's the stuff. The Oilers are actually starting to shit the bed, too. That all division is so bad. Cam Talbot started out 7-1-0 with a 934 save percentage. Cam Talbot has now gone one, six, and one

with an 897 save percentage. And the only thing I can think of is it's all Adam Larson's fault. I mean, that guy just does not know how to play D. I mean, let's look at the records. Taylor Hall's team is 8, 3, and 3. And the others are, what, 9, 6, and 1? Dave Staples from the Evanton Journal legitimately cited.

Oh, yeah, you were mad on line. Taylor Hall is 10 points in 10 games. And he's like, hey, Edmonton fans, you might be upset about the entire season going right down that big fucking toilet. It always goes down. While they're still in first place, by the way. Well, second place now. The ducks are in front of them as we do this podcast.

But look at Nail the Akapov. He's going to be in. rush. I look at Taylor Hall. He hasn't scored a goal in a while. Taylor Hall is still on pace for basically what he scores every year, like 28, 29 goals. Like, you have Connor McDavid. Don't give a shit about, like, let Taylor Hall be Taylor Hall. This isn't going to be a Boston cravingly

looking at Tyler Seaghan thing. Because when they, because they had like Edmondson had a better player than Taylor Hall on the roster. It's not like Boston's looking there and be like, oh, what could have been? Look at this stupid fucking Swede we got. He's so boring and so nice. He's so dumb.

I hate him. And look what he's doing in Texas. You're so protective of your good boy, Adam Larson. You miss him. Listen, I... Such a sweet kid. I don't dislike Adam Larson as opposed to the city of Washington, D.C. But, like, I just have a problem inherently, philosophically with that trade at all times. Because it comes down to...

For you? For you? For hockey. Because it comes down to being, like, if you're in the draft and you have a top three pick and you're like, should we take the best player available? or do I need a right-handed shot defenseman who might be second pairing? So you don't like to fill the need? I don't like drafting for need, man. I like drafting best players. So when you're like doing your fantasy football draft,

you'll take six running backs your first six picks because those are the best guys available? Come on, Wish. Come on. I ain't going to take a wide receiver anymore. I'll definitely be taking a quarterback. Hey, do you remember when you said the Jets were going to beat all the teams in the AFC East? Yeah, I had a real plan for that and they lost the dolphins.

Tony Saargoose and I did a video a video together today at Yahoo and I asked him, I'm like, so what do you think the Jets should do? And he just kind of gives me that look and says like, well, I don't know, I'll probably contract the team. Just quit.

I said, should we get Romo? And he's like, he's like, yeah, you know what? I think you should get Romo. He's like, I think Romo has something to prove. And you got enough guys on offense where he may be able to work with him. The thing is that the O line blows and then the D defensive secondary is atrocious

and they probably have to move Revis to safety if he doesn't retire. Speaking of Romo, can I just for a second talk about what happened yesterday? Where? Here comes Dave Lozo, a hater of all things good. It's talking about a gracious moment in life. The entire internet pleasured itself to Tony Romo doing the bare minimum he had to do at the moment, which was just say, yeah, Dag Prescott's the quarterback of the Cowboys.

Yeah, no shit, Tony. We figured this out four weeks ago. The fact that he didn't go up on. the podium and say, I'm better than Dak Prescott, I'm totally, like, because he wasn't the quarterback from the replacements who tried to beat up Keanu Reeves every time he walked out the door, that suddenly made him

the greatest person of all, like, oh my God, Tony Romo, he's all class. What was he going to do? Like, was he going to go up on stage with like flow charts? Well, here's what the record would be. I'd be 9 and 0, and Dak is only 8 and 1. Let's just talk about the facts here, fellas. I should be, like, no, he went up on stage and said, Dak Prescott's his team, he's the quarterback, he's better

right now, he's better for the team. He was never going to say any, like, you could not have set the bar lower for the for the hours of Tony Romo love that I had to endure on Twitter yesterday, and it's just like, like, imagine if I were to hold a press conference after Seal married Heidi Kloom and I was like,

look, Seale's better for Heidi Kloom than I am. You know, I'm going to step down and go into the shadows here and just let those two. They make a better team than I do. Wow, Dave. What an honorable thing Dave did there? Fucking jackasses. So anyway, hockey.

no i i i listen i i i kind of that was a real chris rock you're supposed to take care of your kids kind of moment right like it's like congratulations you you were you did exactly what you should do in that situation you should be rewarded for it fucking christ man like you're he's eight and one it's not yeah sports i'm just i'm just fried on stupid sports last it's okay honey sports are an escape as you know until trump shows up at his first capitals game and he's like j o's would be on the second line of

Trump team, sad. This old Vetchkin guy is the worst. He's got to go back to... Wait, what's that, Vladimir? Oh, he should play all the games? Okay. I don't know why my... Listen.

My Trump is Babcock for some reason. It's fine. You know, gonna get my kids some security clearance. Yep. 110%. Gotta get the Dave... That's how much... What's up going to hike up the taxes

for the middle class? 110%. I don't know how government works. I thought I didn't understand how any of this was... I sympathized with Trump and his team being completely overwhelmed. by how government works. I've often thought about,

like, I've had those moments from like, just put me in charge of the hockey team. I could do it. And then the minute, I think about the minute I walk into the GM's office and I sit down and it's like, sir, the scouts are wondering exactly what you're supposed to do.

Now I'm like, I don't know, go watch some hockey games. That's what they do whenever I see them in the press box. Just go, yeah, just go pick an arena that has some ice on it and go watch the guys skate around. Sir, your second line winger in the American hockey league needs an option picked up on his contracts

or else the escrow percentage. I'm just like, um, Yeah, I'm going to go Let me tell you right now, okay? I've heard from some people, some really smart people that I know what I'm doing.

Yeah. Sir, we should have a powwow about what to do with the big expansion draft. I told you all. I'm smarter than all of you. Sean Lee is my day on television. All right. We have a special guest come in

and we'll be right back. Call and K. Inner is the bassist for the story so far, which is a band that you may have heard of. Did a warp tour thing, yes? Yeah, we just finished. tour. And then you played here in the New York area.

Yeah, we just played the PlayStation Theater. We're on tour right now with Good Charlotte for another week, I think. Yeah, we've been out with them. How are the brothers, all right? The brothers, yeah, they're a little reclusive just in the sense that they like, I mean, they haven't toured in a long time, and they really cherish having, like, days off on tour and they fly home and see their families. Oh, yeah.

The lifestyle is the rich and famous, apparently. Of the rich and the famous, yeah. So, yeah. So, famous. Exactly. So, no, they're really nice people. They just are very busy. They're good people.

Yeah, they're good. They're good. They're good. They're not shitty Charlotte. No, it's, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, they haven't toured in a while. I didn't realize they, like, they just stopped performing or they stopped making an album?

Yeah, they just stopped. I think they just got, um, they actually, so I actually learned a lot just from doing this tour about them, things I didn't know, but they host the voice in Australia. Shut the phone. I know. So they're like, they're like A-list celebrities in Australia. And they do that show over there. And then they live in L.A.

Otherwise, and just they have families. And that's kind of their whole stick. But I had no idea. So can we get the, can we get the Marine 5 going, mate? Wait, can we go over to Australia? Can we A-List people? I guess that's how it works. I never thought about whether we're at-liss people somewhere in the world?

No, I'm not. I often think that. I often think that like if we went to some plate, like, Helsinki. No. Like we have no... Because we don't look at the Helsinki iTunes numbers. Nowhere. Nowhere where we go.

That happens a lot. No. Not with podcasts. With bands. Certain bands are like... Well, it's like the Hasselhoff theory, right? Like, where he's... Yeah, exactly.

Yeah. Haselhoff was used in Germany. There was a mall we went to... Is he from Austria? Is he from? Who, Hasselhoff? Yeah. I don't know where his family's originally from.

But he became like a huge celebrity in Germany. Right. Like, sang on the fucking wall. Yeah. So there was a mall we went to when we were touring Europe. I don't remember where it was. It was from his hometown, I think, and we're walking through. And it had like the stars, like the Star Walk, but every star was just a Hasselhoff star.

Each one was dedicated to him, but like some role or some show or something that he performed. Like each Baywatch season. It was like, it was like Hollywood, but just for Hasselhoff. His Nick Fury movie, his cameo and the SpongeBob movie, all captured in perpetuity. Exactly. Maybe we can do that. Maybe we can like go to Germany and like do the podcast like on the Rhine. So I figure we'd have to go to a country that has an established soup.

So like Puck Borsh, if we went to St. Petersburg, for example. Right, right. Like do something at the Kremlin, maybe. Oh, yeah, the Kremlin. They loved us there. That was destroyed in Mission Impossible. Oh, but they rebuilt it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Four. Wait, fuck. So wait, four was Ghost Protocol. Five was Rogue Nation. Rogue nation. Four was when he was rescued from the prison. And five was the thing with the operation. house with Rebecca Hall?

This is good content. Sorry, anyway. Kellan's a Sharks fan. Sharks fanatic. And one of the beefs that people have with this podcast, one of the few besides our leftist leanings and tangents and the inability to actually cover hockey, is that we have

too many Easterners on. Too many Rangers fans, too many Islanders fans. We reach across the country and bring you here to talk about the San Jose sharks. And tell us all about why New York sucks. Okay. Well, yeah. New York's unfair in that they, you know, they diss off all of their picks and whatnot and then decide a bunch of really good college free agents. So it's like, they get to

how bullshit is that? It is bullshit, right? They were supposed to be this old withering team. Like, that was the only thing I heard out in New York was all my friends were like, oh, thanks for Dan Boyle. Thanks for getting the last good years out of him. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I love Dan Boyle. It was great on the sharks. But, you know, like that's how for the last, however many years I thought of New York was just this aging, you know, dying roster. and somehow they exhumed that. I'm glad you bought that up. I feel like that's an underreported aspect

of this whole Rangers Renaissance thing that's happening is that they... I mean, a lot of people thought they were just going to be a wither roster, but you're right in the sense that it goes beyond that. It's they mortgage their future for a present that never happened. Yeah.

They've had a first round pick, or a number one pick in like five years. Yeah. They just keep stealing like Kevin Hayes and Jimmy VCI. Maybe since... Maybe since Doug Wade. I think it was their last first round pick. That's like the last one.

I think you feel a little bit guilty because you as a San Jose celebrity should have been tweeting at Jimmy Visi to say, a turtle. You could have been like, come on, man. Come playing San Jose. San Jose is awesome. Yeah, I thought they were done when they traded for Yandle. I was like, oh, there goes all their picks and everything. And nope, they just signed VC and everything seems to be fine.

And for whatever reason, they're just putting in five goals every night. So have you, speaking of teams that are old and falling apart, the sharks. No, no, no. I was just kidding. How much joy are you deriving from the struggles of the Los Angeles King so far this season? I was just going to say. So I'm just waiting for Dustin Brown to go down, which, you know, I'm not wishing any, like, fatal, you know, kind of the, I'm just,

I'm just saying, like, he, he, with, I still hold a grudge against him for, for ruining Hurdle's knee. And, and that, I feel like he hit his knee and then put a time capsule in it. So when the finals came around, you know, when they were playing the pins. his knee started aggravating him. I hold that against Dustin Brown. I blame that. So you believe Dustin Brown surgically implanted

a small timed explosive in Tomosh Hurdell's knee? I think he did. I buy it. I kind of buy it. Actually, it seems more for Cory Perry type of move. Yeah.

There's a lot of people in that I don't like. It's a division of some loadsome individuals. I always refer to him as that. Who is that figure skater that bashed the... Tanya Harding. It's Cory Perry? Justin Brown is the Tanya Harding of the in it.

Right. I would say, yeah, okay. So who's Nancy Carigan? Tomah Turtle. Tomah Turtle, yeah, yeah. Which makes... Just this innocent, young, like, happy-go-doubty, Jeff Galooly. Better than her.

Right. Yeah. And makes Anjikopatar, Oksana Bayul, in the sense that he is now better than Tanya Harding because she fell off the map. Right. Yeah, and he's the pretty girl now. So he's gone, right?

How long is he out for him? Who? Copator. Is Copa, no, he's injured, right? He's been out. I think he just started skating today. Yeah, yeah. So first one, I thought he came back, but I think you're probably right. Our guest knows more about the current.

Well, I don't, well, our guest is our first, like, West Coast guest that we've had. I know, right? And he's going to find out that we really don't watch a lot of West Coast Coast Coast. I'm not here to do the podcast, I'm just here to inform you guys, everything that's been happening on the other side of the country. He's like an emissary from the West. He's like, I bring you tidings and news of the Western Conference, sir. Tell us about the Seattle franchise that's happening. I know.

Yeah, right, the one that should have happened, but... They doth not the Phoenix coyotes anymore, good fellows. They doth the Arizona coyotes. No, but, like, I thought originally you were going to be talking about Dustin Brown, because I find, like, listen, Dustin Brown in some ways, although a deplorable player who plays on the edge and figuratively crosses it, I find it be sort of a sympathetic character for a couple reasons. The first is that he was summarily mocked by Sean Avery while he was there to the point where he actually, like, got a stutter from it or something to shit. But the other thing too is that he got married, or at least met his wife, real young. And the story you always hear from the Kings players is that he wasn't really one of the boys because he was a family guy, like really early.

And I kind of felt bad for him because of that. Like, what are you going to do? You can't go out and do whatever it is Drew Doudy does at night. Yeah, but I'm just saying just because he doesn't fit in with the boys doesn't mean he has to take it out like too much hurdle, you know? Right, he sees like Tomash Hurdle's a young future and his like his freedom. Yeah, or something. But I was, but the other thing. about it too that I've always felt about Dustin

Brown is that like he was named captain but honestly was what the single most disrespected captain in the National hockey league yeah I mean next to Gianta he was kind of the most like why is he the captain right yeah right well then Anno Vatchkin because people were like

well he can't even lead his team to the second round Andy Green yeah oh you leave Andy Green out of this he was captain by default with Patrick Eliatria's like I don't want to be captain that's responsibility But I always felt bad for Dustin Brown in the sense that, like, you know, the minute they start winning, it's all like, oh, man, the leadership of Copa Tari, the leadership of Dowdy. Yeah, Mike Richards comes in. He was a captain, and Dustin Brown's like, guys, I'm over here, I have pouty lips. So I always felt bad. But at the same time, I always felt like he was an incredibly injurious player.

And I wonder where he'll eventually go now that he's become a cap problem. Las Vegas. Yeah. Maybe like this, right? Yeah. All right. Well, not a good place for a family man. What do you think about Vegas getting a team, by the way?

You know, the first thing I thought of was you already have, I mean, these players tend to gravitate towards Vegas. You know, they're off time just to, like, party or whatever. And you think, like, you insert a team there and you have athletes coming through. Like, I just imagine all the stories and scandals that are due to come out of a team in Vegas. Oh, yeah. It's good to be. Hookers and heroes.

There's a part of me that believes they're going to be on their best behavior. Then there's a part of me, it's like, there's a club in Vancouver where they all go. regardless. And now you have an entire city that's going to be that club. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You got guys like Van der Kaine who have like, they have like property there. You know what I mean? It's like, I don't Thornton likes to gamble there too. It's like these guys just, oh, it's like they don't even have to make a reason to go to Vegas. They're just going to be there. Oh, God, that first photo of one of those guys, like this team lost that night and then they have like a layover or whatever. Yeah. And he's playing the tables at like the Velazio like three. Oh God. That's going to be like gold. Jared Stolls like dealing drugs to all the players that come to town.

They're like, come by the pool, maybe 2 o'clock. Just give me the little handshake. I'll take care of it. Yeah, but our luck at player will be Yager. And everybody's like, ah, of course, we're going to do. You can do whatever he wants. Seriously, yeah, he's kind of. I saw up there's a picture.

I was going down the rabbit hole of finding photographs of former presidents with the NHL because I wanted to find the last president to attend a Capitals game, as mentioned earlier in the podcast. It was Clinton in 98. Yeah. And I found a picture of Clinton meeting Yager. And there's a Marine that's cool. over on the side kind of looking forward

and the mullet is like right by it the marines face and just like it must be like those big fuzzy hat guys in front of Buckingham Pows like he's probably not supposed to look at one point he just wants to pet it he just wants to be yeah just to break it to experience glory for just a moment do you hate the ducks or the you have to hate the kings more

I hate the kings yeah no I mean that's the team that I actually hate um the ducks are kind of they're just one of those teams that I can never quite take seriously just just by the mere fact that they became a franchise because of a Disney movie And like that's that's cool and like you know like their original jerseys and things were pretty cool and like they've come around again like people thought they were terrible and embarrassing and the colors were terrible and then like they made worse ones much like everything else much like everything else that came back around again but I respect players like Salani and you know you have to hate the Kings more would they what they've done to you I know and so that was personally it was even though we didn't win the Cup this year it was definitely fulfilling to just kind of embarrass them at home and and and take them out of the playoffs.

And finally, and, you know, just looking at their forward depth right now and just feels so warm. Just like that depleted roster. The way came on the first line. How did you? Setaguchi or whatever. So this guy over here thought Setaguchi was going to score 30 goals. He's a minus four last night in that game and they lost.

Plus minus isn't a good stat. That's true. I mean, they need players because, I mean, just look at, you know, just because of due to injury and everything. Well, and also, like, they gave their goalie, like, a lifetime contract, and he's the kind of goalie that is super flexible, but that means that he's tendons might be weaker. And he's a dick, too. Did I ever tell you the story about the time Jonathan Quick was a dick to a reporter for no reason? No, was the reporter you?

No, wasn't. Oh. If it was me, it would make sense. I'm an asshole. It was after a devil's game, and Kopitar had, like, a three-point night, and he just says to Jonathan Quick looking for a quote about Kopitar. He goes, you know, if Kopitar keeps playing like this, do you guys feel like you can climb back into the playoff race? And the guy just goes, this stupid fucking question. to a person we both know.

He said that? Everyone has their nights, I feel. I mean, it is rude, but, you know, you never know. Are you happy that you don't have to face any media after your performances? Oh, 100%. Yeah. I mean, I can't imagine. Talk about that first set.

things and he's always breaking sticks and that was endearing the first time they won the cup and he showed up and he was just like a dick and he was like cursing on mike inside of staples at the at the celebration remember that and now it's like oh this is just kind of who he is yeah he had the kid with him that one time too that really took the edge off of things where his little daughter if i was an athlete i would be a dick all the time and hold my kid up right in front of me the whole time so you can get mad at me yeah be like fuck all you media people he's like oh yeah oh look she's grabbing the mic yeah um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um um How did you let the light of hockey into your heart as a Sharks fan as the young lad?

So this is actually kind of funny because I've seen you go back and forth with him on Twitter before. Oh shit. So this is small world. It's a small world, especially now. His name is deplorable Phil. He has a frog as an avatar. No, but you know Dylan Burke? Yeah, you're at least familiar with him.

He was my neighbor when I was a kid. They grew up together through elementary school. And so he being from Vancouver, B.C., introduced me to hockey. and I remember wanting to play when I was a kid but, you know, it's in the Bay Area, it's kind of expensive and to get ice time. You got to go into, like, Oakland, which is like 20 miles. Now, were you the kind of, because my,

my, the reason I never got into playing hockey besides the complete lack of athletic talent is that my friends never played. Like, I didn't have anybody who I was like, so you at least had one person that was like into it. Would that would have been enough or did you need? Yeah. Do you think you'd be peer pressure

to go do something else instead of hockey when you were a kid? Well, so I ended up playing basketball. I loved basketball. I loved Car Maloney era like jazz. I love Stockton Malone, like all those guys. But I went to my first hockey game with Dylan. I remember that was like Nabokka. I was in that.

It was, you know, it sounds like, because I'm pretty young compared to a lot of people that may be listening to this podcast. He's looking at us. I'm looking at you guys, yeah. I'm just creeping back into my chairs, scared that you guys are going to bring out my youthfulness. A whole head of hair.

It's beautiful. Oh, God, this hurts so much. Tell your story about your youth that's still going on. Okay. So yeah, we play like street hockey and stuff. And he got me, you know, first exposure to hockey. And then after that, you know, I discovered music, quit sports. Went through the whole like, oh, sports is for jocks. Like screw that shit, kind of a phase. And went through that void of, you know, I wasn't really invested in sports. But come high school, you know, like I started watching the sharks again. And actually started getting into statistics. Like when I started, when I selected a major, I went to three years of college before I dropped out. And I did, I could be a lesson for all you. I know, yeah. Three years of economics, statistics major. So when I was doing, you know, like projects and stuff, I was always choosing hockey and

like doing stuff with like stats and like that actually made me more invested in it. Like what in particular, like what would be an example of that? Oh my God, that's been like six years from now. So, you know, it would just be like. So long ago. Would it be more like like business side of things or would it be more like on the ice events? On ice events. Okay.

But it, you know, it's kind of, it's a tough statistical. sport because there's so much, you know, randomness that occurs in hockey and so much kind of like unknown and whatnot. So it was very simple things, you know, like these players based on, you know, very simple stats. Like, you know, it could have been goalies, like, you know, save percentages, that kind of stuff, just like simple things. But it was just like, makes you invested in the players and like monitoring what's going on around the league. So you are a living breathing example of stats being an entry point to hockey. Yeah. Because the argument's been made time and time again by the analytics community that, like,

more information you put out there, you're going to attract fans who may not necessarily like hockey, but they like numbers and they like info, and they're going to find that as an entry point. And you're like, you're the fucking outbreak monkey. But you like hockey before that, though. You weren't. I did. But it was. But it rekindled his passion for it. But it was, it made, I think it made me more invested in it as opposed to just being like a casual fan when I was looking at like players. I started playing fantasy, which I didn't, I didn't play this year, but for the last two years, you know, reigning champ for the last two years. But I congratulations.

Yeah, thank you, thank you. Back to a brag. Some will argue the first year that there was a little bit of collusion, but there wasn't. Oh, a bit of a pre-playoff player dump that happened to end up on your roster? Maybe. But yeah, no, like that kind of stuff keeps you very focused on what's going on around the league and which players are trending and who's kind of like fluky versus, you know, someone's going to like a legitimate, like scoring streak or that kind of stuff.

So you're totally a fancy stats guy. A little bit. I mean, I wouldn't say I am as invested in that side of it now that I'm out of school, but, like, I still monitor and, you know, I read Dober and do that kind of stuff. Yeah. You know, so I'd say a little more than, like, a casual fan. Like, I try to keep track of, you know, which players are doing what? So, like, how mad do you get when Ryan Burke goes on, on TV or on the radio wherever

and says, fancy stats are stupid? You don't need stats to judge players. Like, how, like, are you like at a 10 where you will fight on Twitter for nine hours about it? Or are you, like, at a one where you're just like, whatever? I'll never fight on Twitter. That's just, no, I won't get caught in that whole. I mean, I've upset the sports Twitter before and it's just like you get the most.

Oh, yeah. That's a flat out, yeah. It's like a second. Wait, give me an example of when sports Twitter came after you. What did you do? What did you say? Oh, it was during the Nashville series. And I said something where I was like, it was the Pavelsky goal that was controversial and it should have been a goal.

Oh, the one that got waved off. Yeah, and they should have won the series. And I was like, I've made some, I think it was just, I was like, man, that should have been a goal. And then all these people from Nashville are like, no, it ain't supposed to be a goal. Like, oh my God. It's one of those franchises where it's like the people like, you know, they're very well intention and they love the sport and it's actually doing really well over there.

But like I don't think a ton of them really because I'm like, well, like there's these stats and things and like these rules, blah, blah, blah, they're just like, oh man, like the guy put the goal in the net. So it's like, it's fair's fair, you know what I mean? It's like that kind of stuff. And I'm not going to go on and try to explain the people that don't care to hear that. You woke up with a catfish head in your bed. Yeah, exactly.

So I'm like Godfather, you know. That's good. As a musician, it pissed off a place called Music City. That's probably a good career move. So this one dude was like, I don't know, I can't remember what he said. I had a little fun with it, but it was like, then, you know, just tons of people just start jumping on like, sore loser. I was like, oh my God, I don't care that much.

Like, I'm sorry. Just, you know. It should have been a goal, that's all. Callin's Twitter feed is one of the reasons why Lozo wanted him on the show because you handle is Kellan Keller, 38. Yeah, I saw that and I was like, yeah. I was like done But your current banner photo is

Joe Thornton walking shirtless Through the streets of Pittsburgh How much love do you have for Jumbo Joe? For Jumbo? Favorite player or no? He's my favorite player By far. He's great.

He's got a great character and he's just like I mean anyone who's watched him play knows he's an incredible playmaker and he's God's gift to the NHL and he's a future He's a future Yager-esque player where I think he'll play into

He's timeless, he'll play into the infinity. It doesn't seem like he's going to go away. Like it seems like this is the end for Marlowe in San Jose mostly. Yeah, I would say so. It's always been like every year it's like always going to get traded but this is finally with the contract expiring. So when you before they obviously got their

shit together and played for the cup and everything there were those years where everybody was like should they trade Marlowe and Thornt and then Marlon and Thornton are like fuck you guys we got no move clauses and the beaches right here? Yeah. Like were you more in the Doug Wilson camp of like hey these guys should wave so we can start

rebuilding or were you like no man like they're not the problem um yeah i was thornton especially was not the problem i think people were just quick to blame him and just being having the captaincy and again it's just it's just people that i'm not going to go explain like look at his stat so he's not bad people are just like he's not being a good captain like you know like the players are losing the team's losing so he must like not know what he's doing but i think it was a relief to um have deborke him in and finally give those guys some rest and just like change things in like the, you know, the hierarchy a little bit. From the sound of things about DeBoer, and this was the way it was when he was at the

Devils, too. It's like, he opened up the lines of communication in that room in a way that they hadn't been open before, and it really kind of like, they had to kind of, like, they crapped out of the playoffs and sort of a disastrous place and McClellan goes, the whole thing. They needed someone to kind of like get in there and be like, you know what, it's a good room. You just need to kind of like, we need to get over our shit. And it seemed like the right guy to do that. Totally. And you know the thing everyone was worried about was he apparently had some reputation for kind of putting young players like in the dog house yeah yeah but you know it didn't i didn't get the sense that he was doing that at all

and the team seemed to um do well just because of the the rest it sounded like mcclone was pushing veteran players very hard not giving him a lot of rest where you know you got guys like you know thornton who are established players they don't necessarily need all those days to like you know practice maybe just kind of like let their bodies recoup because they're not 23 anymore you know so So that was probably helpful, I imagine. Now, Logan Couture is always fascinating me as a player because I feel like he doesn't really, I feel like he's such a little

rink rat Junior Achiever Club guy on a team where everybody just wants to sit around and have a beer and put their hands in their pants and watch like Lobowski. And it feels like he's going to, they're all in the room, on the couch, maybe smoking something, watching

Lobowski, and Logan's in the other room like on the bike. On the bike guy Yeah. Yeah. But like on the bike diagraming plays I get that sense of it That's a good point I think he's right I think he's more

Who's the actress who's also like a model Who's always naked all the time And she's like super hot And he was like trying to pick her up on Twitter Oh son Gomez? Or no no I don't know I know he's choosing gone girl Oh god

Oh you mean the one that was in the Lord Lines video I'm reading that right now So I'm spoilt I'm reading that right now Oh no Do you see the movie? I didn't see it no You mean the one that was in the Virda Lines movie Emily Radchikowski

Yes Yes Yes He's trying to pick her husband all the time. Like if you search like, yeah. He's funny because he seems like kind of what would have been a kind of an awkward

guy growing up maybe, but like obviously he's like a star player. So he's coming to this position of, you know, he's like just shooting a shot every day on Twitter. Just I got to just try to pick up every single. He also had, he also tweeted a link to like porn hub once by accident. That was true. Yeah. It was funny because there was this one interview

him too. It was regarding Selena Gomez and they're like, you know, she's only like this whole right. And he's like, yeah. There's this really awkward like, yeah. I think she's really like kind of a gorgeous woman. Saw her parading around in that Jets jersey with fever. He had it all about it. He always struck me as being, it's funny that he had beef with Crosby

because they kind of seemed like the same guy. Like a guy who was probably really, really good young. Yeah. And then thrown into the hockey life, maybe a little sexually repressed as a kid. Now he's famous. He's got some money and whatever. And then like inherently just like super serious about his craft in a way that maybe

his teammates aren't. It's always how he struck me. Yeah, I kind of, you know, I mean, I don't know, but I guess it would be nice to have that kind of guy on your team. I mean, I could see there being an age, because there are a lot of veteran players on San Jose, so if you're trying to relate to these older guys

and you're into guys, you know, like Drake or something and like guys, I doubt guys like Thorne and Marlowe are listening to Drake. But doesn't every band have the come on guys we got a rehearse guy? Like, don't they need every band need that guy? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you kind of need that guy. Yeah. I mean... Are you that guy? I'm not.

I mean, I'm just the base. baseball, I got the easiest job in the world. I show up when I need to. Otherwise, yeah, I don't want to admit I'm expendable. We got calendar backing track tonight. Backing track? Oh, shit, all right. Exactly. That's the only way that this podcast was possible

was the backing track. Yeah. Oh. Do you own any jerseys? I do, actually, I have a big... I collect a lot of jerseys, but not only those, but just kind of weird, quirky, like, eBay fines. Like, I have, for instance, this denim,

The starter denim jacket, that's just the goofiest looking thing. But it's got sharks? Yeah, it's like, got sharks print all over it. And I was like, I was like, man, this is going to be the lucky ticket for, you know, game six of the finals. So it was even more humiliating when I'm sitting there. It's a dumb denim jacket, just watching, you know, Phil Kessel raise the cup. People are throwing hot dogs on the eyes. Did you have any, any, like, what was the feeling about the penguins when they won?

Respect, was it like, hey, you guys deserve it? Or we like just fuck you guys? So, no, honestly, I, I'd never actually witness a team win a championship. And that is, that's kind of like a, regardless of if your team loses or not, I guess, like, it's a great moment. It's a cool thing to witness. Obviously, I'd hope the sharks would have won. But were you in the building or no? I was in the building.

Yeah. In the jacket? In the jacket. That's why I'm saying, yeah. Oh, where is that jacket now? Yeah, I'll send you a picture of it. But, um, but, uh, what was I saying? So it actually wasn't a terrible feeling because before the series, I'd even told my friend, I was like, Penguins are going to win this.

I mean, you know, like we said, Dustin Brown plants this time capsule in hurdles, he goes out. So their depth was, he was also like showing up too. Like he was kind of like finding his place in the playoffs and losing him didn't help at all, especially against a really fast team with a lot of depth. That was Pittsburgh. Right. So I kind of in my mind, you know, it was as much as I wanted the sharks to win, I came to reason.

I was like, the Penguins are going to win this series. But still has been a fun ride during the final So watching him win wasn't necessarily heartbreaking It was like oh man like they put up a good fight It was a really like thrilling ride to this point But having witnessed the 3-0 comeback Only a few years prior that was devastating So I'd actually

Someone had described it as watching your dad get his ass kicked There's nothing you can do And like I was probably one of 100 people that stayed To the very end of that game I was in the building, and my buddy was with me as a Kings fan. Even he just, like, didn't even know what to say to me. That was demoralizing, and that was like, that was, I was bummed. And they almost did it against Detroit a couple years earlier.

They're up to Rio. Yeah, and Dad, too, in game seven, even, man, he had this backhand shot from the circle. I'll never forget. Tied the game. I remember just being like, oh, my God, like, they're not going to blow this. Right. But even then they found the way to do it, so you never think it's going to happen. Stayed at the end, wipe the blood off your dad's face.

Yeah. We'll catch a ball game or something together. Exactly. It's okay, Chief. It was like watching your dad get his ass beat, and there's nothing you can do, and you're sitting there like, oh, God, this is the worst thing ever been.

I feel terrible. Before we get to some mailbag stuff, because we're going to keep you here for the mailbag this week. We don't usually do that with guests, but we're inviting you back to the couch like Carson. Wonderful. Yeah. How do you keep hockey in your life on the road?

You obviously are a professional. You're touring constantly. What do you do hockey-wise when you're in road? You try to catch a game, try to keep up with the sharky slim. How? What do you do? So my buddy actually has a game center login. So I'll watch games as often as I can, you know, just like on my phone.

Stealing money, you know, the NHL's calling. Well, it's, you know, my revenge and the fact that they black out all of the home games. So when I'm at home, I can't even, it's like worthless to me. So. I just had a discussion last night with somebody at a party about cord cutting. And that's one of the things that keeps me wary about it, too, is the fact that I couldn't be, I couldn't use NHL. Dot TV to watch Devils games here. Yeah.

Because they block it out. Exactly. So that's kind of. But I go to games I went to I saw the Minnesota Wild Play the Sabres on this tour In Minnesota? In Minnesota.

Oh nice. So they got a cool facility. I've been to a couple games at Pepsi Center. Do you have a dream arena that you've not been to yet or like a dream home game that you haven't seen yet? You know what? I was really bummed I missed out on a few years ago

We were in Detroit and we weren't too far from Joe Lewis but we played at a really awkward time slot so I couldn't quite make the game and the sharks were in town that night. So it would have been awesome, right, to see the sharks play Joe Lewis and be in town in Detroit. But I ended up watching it just that like the venue had this bar. And went to O.T.

It was a cool game. But I was like, man, that would have been such a cool game to catch Joe Lewis. You know, especially since it's going to become like Pizza Hut Palace or whatever. Little Caesar's palace. I'm sorry. Crazy bread arena. Little Seasers. We'll get the plug in here, right?

You got to do it. Yeah. I don't think we don't have a pizza sponsor. Not yet. Not yet. You guys look like you have a pizza sponsor. Oh, wow. Shit.

Man, I'd come over there and kick your ass, but I feel like I'd be like the sharks against the king. Yeah. All right. So, a little mailbag. We love when people mail us tweets. Yeah, I see the one question you have there. Yeah, it's a good one.

DJ Mitchell. Oh, I was looking at the one above it. No, that one will be there too. Oh, let's do that one. That was a bad one. Yeah, DKM hockey wants to know. Why do you still say taped when we say we're taping puck soup? That's a great question.

Because it's just a word. We all know what it means. We don't have to say the specific recording. I still say I'm taping. Westworld so we can go have dinner. Right. Right. But that's just an inaccuritism from the days

than it was taped. Back in the day. You watching Westworld, by the way? I'm a few episodes behind, but yeah, that's like on this tour, that's where we've been watching. We always kind of have a show. Lozo really didn't like it at first,

but I could tell you come around on it. It's okay. Yeah. It's all right. I'm not giving up yet. I wouldn't say it's bad or anything. It's just you really have to, like, when I'm on the road and, like,

Game of Thrones is on. I'll watch it in the hotel room, and it's not the same thing. Like, I'm not focused. I'm tired from my long day's work. So I can't imagine watching Westworld because it involves so much focus. It doesn't have me in the obsessive. Like I think probably the last show I was obsessive about was Mad Men as far as like I could not wait.

Or the affair actually was also like that too on Showtime. I could not wait from the next week. It's not there for me there either, but I think it's still pretty good. I was just happy that my prediction from episode two is correct. You haven't seen the last weeks? Telenazin, our new friends. I got saying in front of him, but you've seen it? I saw it, yeah.

Congratulations. Yeah, thanks. Thanks. Yeah. DJ Missal wants to know One band you need to see live We didn't even say you're on the show And you get a fucking music question

One bad you need to see live One band that sucked live One band you can't stand That everyone likes Let's eliminate that last one I just want to keep the live experience one One band you need to see live Good question

There was a time I probably would have said The Rolling Stones But only with the benefit of a time machine And a small club in London Yeah like I never want to tell anybody What to like music wise That tries out on Twitter And people are like

This album sucks I love the, yeah, it's music. Like, everyone likes their own thing. Like, so for me to say, like, oh, man, I love seeing Bruce Springsteen play live. Like, if you don't like Bruce Springsteen, it's not going to do anything for you. What's the best show you've ever seen? So I was just, I was just thinking about that. So, man, on, like, Warped or something that was de-played?

You know, I don't really, it was funny because when we did Warped, it's, it was more something I enjoyed when I was young. But, like, this new cast of bands catered a younger, you know, a younger crowd, and, like, they're not necessarily bands I listen to. Right. guys i mean i've just been to i've been to a lot of shows i'm trying to just kind of sort through them and figure out who here i'll do my worst one okay i got ever hear of an artist named cat power yeah worst concert i've ever seen actually speaking to worse all right so now it's coming to now it's coming to my mind she's she's enormously talented but the show the show she's got like a social anxiety thing so like she would start playing a song and then she'd stop and then she'd just start playing again

and then stop and then sigh deeply and then start playing it again and everybody in the crowd's like oh my god her Mackey Sasser couldn't throw the ball on the picture they're like oh god her art and I'm like yeah the fucking record skipping

like it's terrible bad yeah why does art sound so bad? What was the worst? I saw the yeah yeah at this festival and I thought they were going to be awesome and I don't know if it was just an off night for them but it was so bad and like at some point she was just like shoving the mic in her

in her mouth and just like just making like gutter roll. Again, it's like their artsy-fartsy NYU kids at heart and they're all just trying to be like that. So they're playing the good songs in the albums. Sometimes it works though, like depending on the setting, like you're in a certain venue and like it's mixed well

and like you can get some kind of like cool effect of that. But like this, the way it was like in this amphitheater just sounded so bad. I also feel like sometimes it hurts when you've seen a band a lot. Like I'm a flaming lips fan. Yeah. So I've seen them in different incarnations

and different venues and on different albums. And then like I saw them at a festival in New York. It was the Schmorgasborg where the whole it's called in Brooklyn. Yeah, that's what it's called the Schmorgasbord in Brooklyn. Yeah, so I saw them there and they were in there. It was right before they did the album with Miley Cyrus, and they just didn't, they didn't give a shit. All the song, I'm like, oh, here comes the good song, and now they've decided to slow it down by 35 to 40%. And it was terrible.

But that was in comparison to the better performances I had seen, where Wayne's walking over the crowd inside of a giant bubble and shit. I've only seen you two once live, and it was the worst fucking. show I've ever seen. Which album though? Was it like elevation? God, it was like maybe like 10 years ago. They played at like Continental Airlines Arena. Yeah. And it was like, it was like, they forced, did they force tickets upon you on your, on your iPhone? I had to go. I had no choice. What was that? Didn't Ticketmaster like mess up and give a bunch of free tickets away or something? It's possible. No, no, it's because of the class action lawsuit. So like it's a bunch of like live nations. Yeah, yeah. I thought that's where you're referring to. Just the free concept.

No, I was referring to them face fucking people by giving them their album whether they wanted or not. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, the whole YouTube. Yeah. I mean, they had their own iPods. I mean, yeah. I can believe you associate free album with getting fucked in the face. Sorry.

It's a free album. It's you too. Bring you right to the edge. I'm sorry. That was a bad pun. That was really, really, oh, my God. What, is everything okay? Yeah?

Right to the edge. Is that because the edge is their guitar? Oh, Jesus. You know what? I was trying to find the right pump. I still haven't found what I'm looking for. It's a good thing I do this show Pro Bono. You do it pro bono?

He's so slick about it. I almost didn't pick up on the first one. Oh, yeah, our puns are really great. Speaking of that, Tom Manning wants to know your attempts at accents are terrible. Why do you continue to torture us with them, Dave? Well, love, I don't quite know what you're talking about. Governor, Governor Tom Mannington.

That's a great name to say with an accent, I ain't? Tom's actually from the UK, and I'll say the same thing. Oh, that's why he's mad. Yeah, that's why he's always mad, because he's the guy who's like when you're doing all that that what's the soccer team he always talked about. We started to Leicester City. He's like he said that his ears

bleed when you say it like that. Well, it's a poppycock when you do your little accent. Love. The only accent I do well besides Canada obviously because it's just basically kind of the northern part of the US. It's like Minnesota but just like polite, more polite. I do New Zealand and I can only do it by slowing it down.

How come nobody gets mad at? What's her name? Here you go, ready? this is a penguin this is a kiwi there you go who's the Olson sister from the Elizabeth Olson

who did that does the shitty accent the last two movies Oh from Russia yeah Elizabeth Olson Whenever she plays Scarlet Witch Whatever she's doing that no one makes fun of her for that But she's from Sikovia I mean it's sort of a nation of indiscriminate origin Did you see that movie that just came out in New Zealand hunt for the boulder people? No, but it's

the follow-up from Duda-D-D-T-E-W-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2. It's really good. It's really good. Speaking of Kiwis. So good. That is my miserable. Keyways. Do you have any accents?

Do you want to unleash upon us, Callan? No. Perhaps a walnut creek native. Oh, yeah. And there it is. He was doing the national accent earlier. Yeah, it was actually really good. Yeah.

Unfortunately, you're probably going to get some quirks for that one. We probably will. Not us. Chad wants to know, Chad Wick on Twitter, wants to know, thoughts on the movie's sudden death, underappreciated hockey movie. It's interesting that you would term it a hockey movie because I actually believe there are two different categories of hockey movie. You have actual hockey movies like Miracle and Goon and Slapshot, and then you have movies that have hockey in them. And I feel like Sudden Death straddles the two genres. It is inherently a hockey movie because the whole damn thing takes place in the igloo, but it's also a diehard movie with hockey in it.

I don't remember if it's good or no. I haven't watched it in like 20 years. I've never seen it. Oh, it's great. He kills the penguin's mascot and a dish cleaner and a helicopter fall through the top of the igliff. He plays goalie at some point. He, like, he thinks on the ice and plays for like a minute. What percentage hockey would you say the movie is?

I mean, it's like 100% hockey because the whole thing takes place during a Stanley Cup final. Oh, God, I got it. Because I don't know if it's just a movie where it's like Big Daddy where it's like, it's a Rangers fan. Or chasing Amy's got hockey in it. Strange Brew has hockey in it. The clerk says hockey. The Love Guru is a hockey movie, unfortunately. Why did he got to bring it?

I went to the premiere. I went to the premiere of The Love Guru in D.C. Did you? Yeah, it was great. It was the most depressing. It was Mike Myers, right? Yeah, it was his, where he had a spiffy new character we were all very excited about, and it wound up being pretty terrible.

Myers, he's that new kid on the Maple Leafs, right? There you go and, my God. Oh, my God, it was just looked over, and I thought there was a guy eating hot chicken across from us. Mish Marner. Yeah, yeah. What an amazing thing. Do we have any more? Anything else?

What happens first? Ryan O'Reilly in a Tim Hortons commercial or Rivander Cain advertising ladies at a local bar? Oh, that's bad. I would go Ryan O'Reilly for Tim Hortons because now Tom Brady has made the world safe for self-reference to scandal now that he did that Deflate Gate commercial for Foot Locker. You could do something funny out of that too where it's like, he just drives through the wall of Tim Hortons and he's like, hey, and they just hand him his beverage, you know what I mean? So you're saying you should be the new Kool-Aid man? exactly oh yeah I almost killed the guy after a long day playing hockey and I'm tired and I need some caffeine

yeah I go to Tim Hortons I don't think either of those things should happen yeah that's about it I think as far as questions go I think our man has to get out of here and do some do some art he used to play some you need to get the hell out of here and do his show yeah I got to do some art man finally Eduardo Razo wants to know when is it too early to put up Christmas decorations asking for a friend

I did notice that when Glenn Beck was on CNN last night, he already had his Christmas tree up behind him, but that's because people are trying to steal Christmas from conservatives. He looks like an extra or like a character in a Christmas movie. He was dressed for that interview with his little spectacle. He looked like he should be reading a tale. Yeah, he looked like he should, yeah. Can I tell you a secret boys? I'll tell you right now.

Ruby and I, my beloved Merit on Friday, have a game that we play. I know. I don't know. She wears an elf. She's an elf, and I'm, you know. It's a game where you turn on, you familiar you with the Hallmark Movie Channel? Yeah.

Okay. So right now they're in Christmas movie mode. Oh, yeah. So this is a fun game of Hope Everybody Plays at Home. Go to the Hallmark Movie Channel. Don't click on it because it's fucking terrible. But go to the names of the movies, which inherently are going to be like the Christmas stocking,

or Joy at Christmas, or the Christmas dance, or, you know, Jody McGillicuddy's, Christmas mysteries. And guess what you think the movie is based solely on the title? Like the plot? Yes. And I remember one from last night. So what do you think the Christmas stalking is about Dave Lozo?

The Christmas stalking. Well, it's about a guy who gets divorced from his wife. And then he just follows her everywhere throughout Christmas. Stocking on his head. Oh, stocking. I think it's stocking. No, stocking. Oh, sorry.

My Jersey accent. Oh, oh. The Christmas Day. I thought it was like a horror Christmas movie, you know? All right, the Christmas stocking. Fred's in the bushes.

His ex-wife's in the house. Hi, Jinks and Sue. Okay, it's an erotic tale where a woman wears stockings. This is a hallmark Christmas channel. All right, I'll just say you. This is honestly what it was. The Christmas stocking

was a movie where a woman lost her husband and then she bought a magic stocking at a thrift store and her and her family were finding all of these things throughout the history of their lives inside the stocking

and then they would talk about it what? Yeah so like a receipt from their first date or something would be in the stocking magically there's nothing better in life than seeing like the Christmas cookie and you're like oh two rivals enter a baking competition and they fall in love

and it winds up being like an uncle's cancer diagnosis is only relieved by the presence of Cookie, a delightful puppy he finds on Christmas. It sounds... Because I guess I imagine they only pull out nice, warm memories.

No, no. It's going to be horrible. Okay. So I don't know if like, I was going to say that Christmas closet might be more exciting. They're just pulling skeletons out of the closet. I like the idea of anything that involves just horrible memories at Christmas because it does mirror real life more than something fuzzy. Right. And like the whole

way through you're waiting for that like touching moment, but like just ends on a down note like the dad dies. Yeah, I know. The credits roll. There's two genres on that. Christmas is always good for everybody. There's Christmas, sad movies, and then Christmas. My favorite Hallmark holiday movie, I shall will honestly tell you, as I reveal all the layers of my guilty pleasure.

Taylor Townsend from the O.C. was in one called Love at the Thanksgiving Day Parade. And she was organizing Chicago's Thanksgiving Day Parade, which evidently is one that happens. And she fell in love with a guy who was the rival from like the, the, I don't know what the fuck. He had another fucking parade or something over in Detroit or something. Acadian Thanksgiving. And so they fall in love while she's trying to organize the parade. It's great.

Just a small little situation that no one else in the world outside of parade organizers cares about. It's like, you kid, that's not the proper clearance for a flu. And she's like, but I'm just trying to please these kids. That floats clearly going nine miles an hour when it can't go above six. You get extracted to do something even worse where it's like, John worked at Little Caesars and Sarah worked. did pizza hide and they fall in love and they compromises their work.

In the Christmas pie. Her dad works at Domino's. Oh wow, yeah. Now the plot thickens. Will they ever find love? Oh, real quick at the end of the show, because you do have to go. So, idiot over here put a poll on Twitter about pizza this week. You said pole and Polack came into my head.

No, sorry about that. I had recurring nightmares of... So this guy was a Ro Man on Twitter and he put a Polack up. So you put a poll on pizza up and you were disgusted by the results, which was if you can only eat, what was it, cheese, go ahead, what was it? If you had the choose between the rest of your life, you could only have a regular cheese pizza or you could have pizza with one topping and that one topping only forever,

would you go with the plain cheese pizza or the one with the one topping forever pizza? You couldn't pick it off. You had to only have like a pepperoni slice forever. Okay. Did you go cheese or topping? No, I do topping. Yeah, because this guy thought it was going to be cheese. straight away because he's such a vanilla asshole but like it's so...

Maybe the flavor of my asshole at this, sir. Christ. Well, I'm thinking like if that's the only food... Is this like when you eat pizza, like outside of everything else you eat, you can only have that one choice or it's like you can only eat pizza. No, no, every other food in this scenario is available to you. Yes. Oh, okay.

Well, still the topic. Yeah. Oh my god, you son of a bitch, you were gonna do the thing where you're like, you're gonna find a cheese pizza like, like, oh, a pizza bagel with, you're, you're gonna find a cheese pizza would supplant the cheese slice. He's really Gary Betmond Devious. Oh, God, that's brilliant. You didn't even think about that, did you?

You found the loophole in your little question. Well, I'm like, if you can only eat pizza, you need a topic. You got to throw some greens or some protein. I mean, you know. I appreciate you going greens. We both know as pepperoni is the answer. But like, I just figure you would get tired of the one topping. Pizza itself by itself is always great.

But like if you had to have pepperoni forever, mushrooms forever, sausage forever, you would get tired of that topping and what it wants. Says you, man. He just called you a vanilla asshole, so it's really starting to show though. My, my... You know who I want to meet?

The person that it answers that poll thinking, oh, definitely pizza with a topping, extra cheese. Like there's some guy out there that's like the... From his mom's basement. People were like, well, what if I put like red pepper flakes on there or salt? Is that a time? Just...

That's a condiment. I can't believe a guy probably started playing a fucking garage just called me a mom's basement blogger. It's true. I didn't call you that. Yeah, he calls fat, calls old. Get the hell out of your, Kellynnella assholes. I did not. Kellen Kepiner, of course,

the basis for the story so far. Where can they find all your stuff, sir? You can go to the story so far, CA.com, or you can find me on the interwebs at Kellyn Keller on Instagram or Kellyn Keller 38 on Twitter. That's it. And also, real briefly, I noticed in searching your name that there's fan fiction about you.

Are you wearing that? You know, this gets brought to my attention more than I'd like it to. How does that feel? It's weird. I've actually written my own fan fiction. About yourself? Yeah. But I imagine the fan fiction about you is like slash fiction with your bandmates.

So the fan fiction about you that you've written is probably like your Mario or some shit, right? Mario card or what? I can't remember what it was. But I used to write for this website called Stuff You'll Hate that no longer exists, rest of peace. So, but I, yeah, no, that was a, it was a satirical music website. And so one of the things I did was I wrote a fan fiction about myself. I can't remember what the nature of it was or like what happened. Were you, have you read the fan fiction that's been written about you?

I've read some of them to like maybe a paragraph in and then just had to go, nope. I do not want to have this insert my mind. All right. Well, thanks everybody for listening. I'm Greg Wischinsky-Gi, Gavu Sports, Buck Daddy Blog, and this podcast, and Eric Boris Wichinsky, Bama Book. Take your eye off the puck. It's still available on Amazon and Christmas is coming up.

The boy needs to eat. Got family to think about. It's married man now. Yeah, married man now. And yeah, here's Lozo. I got nothing to add. I got no book. I have no wife and kids.

I have a phone. It's pretty cool. Song in his heart. I don't have a song in my heart. I mean, I will sing. My heart will go on for anybody that wants me to do it, but not on this show because everyone's got to go. All right. Bye.

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