Puck Soup - Salty Anthem Singers

Episode Date: May 18, 2017

Greg and Dave talk about babies named after Phil Kessel, John Tortorella in "Multiplicity," a terrible Stanley Cup commercial, the GM of the Year Award, the evils of Ryan Kesler, the sad saga of a salty national anthem singer in Nashville, "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2," a special expansion draft quiz for Lozo and your reader mail, including whether you should use the phone while pooping. Presented by Seat Geek.

Now entering nerdist.com. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to whatever you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, eats and tunes. It's your weekly bowl of Hagi and Nonsense. Pogsu. I'm Greg Wyshinsky of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy Blog. You know who I am.

You know that name. He's the name. Who is the name? The name that's... It's right on the podcast you listen to. You just click on info and it's right there. Damn right. You know, they say that cat, Lozo was one bad mother.

And this is Kylo Ren. My parents name me Kylo Ren because my parents are idiots. Let's start with this. As you know, Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup champion. You got to do your thing. Oh, you're in Puck's Who. There you go. As you know, Phil Kessel is a Stanley Cup champion.

He is one of our favorite players in all of the land to see him angry and vibrating on the penguin's bench, like a hedgehog on a massage chair at the mall, was wonderful. People laughing at him is even better. Yeah, Chris Coon is actually like... Just openly laughing at his anger. It's like the Seinfeld episode when Jerry's trying to learn how to get angry and everyone's laughing at him, he's like, it's still kind of funny.

Well, it's like when you're at like the DMV, if you're at like the Department of Motor Vehicles and you just see someone losing their shit at the window, like you can relate. Like you can relate to Phil Kessel, getting a pass and being really angry about it but at the same time it's hilarious it's Phil Kessel do it's Phil Kessel like and you can just picture his voice getting all high and whiny and I can't do the voice I won't even try shit don't make a pass

right yeah shit right yeah yeah the hand gestures uh at one point it looked like he was playing rock paper scissors with with Chris Koonitz and it was the greatest thing I've ever seen Sean Gentilly the the arbiter of all of all Phil Kessel impressions He made a good point. He said if the Ottawa Senators would have won that game won nothing, Phil Kessel would have been demonized. Selfish, wants the puck. Not thinking about the team, but he scores because Craig Anderson falls down.

And it's like, oh, he just has that fire in his belly, Greg. Just wants the puck. He wants to win. He just cares too much. I love the fact that Mike Sullivan had to answer questions the next day, because we literally had nothing to talk about in the series as we'll get to Ottawa's cripplingly boring. Oh, my God.

But the fact is he had to answer like seven questions about Phil. What do you have to do at the bench? coach to make sure these guys don't get out of hand. I mean, a lot of emotion there, but of what? How much emotion is too much emotion? I got to give Mike Sullivan credit because, like, when he first got hired last year, he came across as, like, John Tortorella's, like, not a clone, but, like, one of those Michael Keaton multiplicity clones were, like, he's got a lot of him in there, but not totally.

Like, he's not rubbing the, he's not the rubbing the pizza on the face clone. He's, like, the second clone. You're just like, but, like, the way he handles those questions, like, on the bench, but with Pierre and like post game he's pretty good gonna eat the castle Mike what's your plan for getting around that one three one trap

I just peed myself yeah multiplicity starring Mike Sullivan Mike Sullivan that's right I don't have time for all this stuff I need to make clones of myself and there's like a Mike Sullivan that's like 15 degrees

so there's John Totorella is the main clone he's Michael Keaton Mike Sullivan is the smarter John Totorella He's not like the super sensitive one That likes to cook and stuff Right Like who would that be

No he's the super sensitive one who likes to cook Then there's the then there's the Old John Totorella He's the third clone From like his New York days So you have reborn John Totorella Who's nicer Then you have Mike Sullivan

Who's smart and wears the sweaters And then you have Old Torts Who's like Just the dumbest Yeah the dumbest blockhead. Possible.

Waring a leather jacket. Human being you could possibly want to get a great hat behind your bench. Those whining babies over there in Pittsburgh, that guy. And then I don't know, I get, who would be the pizza version of John Totorella?

The one who wants to fight coaches between periods of Vancouver. Oh no, he's the, he's the John Torrella clone who shows up in the Team USA win breaker. He's the one. I didn't want to do the lines, coach. Toughness.

What? Grit, great, great determination. Jam, jam. John like jam. What? John, is that you? Gonna eat the jam. And he just rubs jam all over his face.

John, are you okay? Gonna eat the jam. John Tudorilla's multiplicity. I thought the jam was metaphorical, John. What's a forical? Gonna eat the jam. Before I get into this Phil Kessel thing, I wanted to mention

like grape. Something that came across the Twitter of Phil Kessel's mortal enemy. Society? Steve Simmons. Oh, no. He's got me blocked.

Steve Simmons, the Toronto Sun does not help me block for some reason, even though I've incessantly mocked him for the better part of three years. Steve Simmons last night, this is during game three of the Anaheim Ducks National Predator series.

Okay. Every playoff season, you discover players. You didn't realize were this great. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Let me try and guess who is. Go ahead. This is a Ducks Predators game that he's watching.

That he didn't realize was good. Roman Yossi. Watching Nashville didn't know Victor Arvetson could do this. He's been doing it all here. He's like one of the leading scorers in the team. He scored 30? He had like, I think he had like... Through way.

Yeah, like... Okay, like once you get to the All-Star break, you have to know who Victor Arvetson is. You kind of do. He led the team in scoring. For me, for me, I really wasn't. I wasn't aware of Andre Kasha until maybe a week ago. Victor Arbitts is a top line player on the best line in the playoffs, arguably. I mean, not arguably.

They're the best line in the playoffs. Like Forsberg, Arvinson, Johan's and best line of the playoffs. Didn't realize they were great. He was great. First of all, like, what kind of asshole... Listen, we're all assholes. We're hockey writers. But, like, what kind of asshole admits that they were late to the show?

Like, are they... In the back of his mind, is he like, oh, man, you know, everyone's going to be on this bandwagon with me. We all didn't realize how great one of their leading scorers and their top line was. Do you know that Philip Forsberg is actually a pretty good player? He may not be Peter, but he's pretty good. That's what I call the Peter principle. God damn. I'm Dave Lozo.

ESPN. Phil Castle is a Stanley Cup champion, and now he's the inspiration for the name of one of hockey's newest, Pittsburgh Penguins fans Kessel Ryan Hillman was born on Mother's Day at Butler Memorial Hospital in Pennsylvania his parents, Nicole and Adam, told W-T-A-E that they didn't know the baby's sex beforehand

but had already decided that if they were having a boy they would name him after the Penguins forward Why wouldn't you name isn't Kessel? I was going to say, yeah, that works either way. It's a weird first name. It's not a gender-specific name. No.

No, Kessel is, that's not that. A short fame of like Kess for a girl is probably pretty cool. Kessel, yeah. It's not like these weirdos that name their kid, Kylo Red. So you're hung up on that. He's the bad guy! It was reported that the name Kylo had skyrocketed in the baby names category. It's not even a good name.

It's like the third name that George Lucas would throw out there for the bad guy. that's like, fine, we'll just go with that. Originally it would have been like, let's call him, let's call him Mysterio. No, no, George, no. How about Battington? George, we need something a little less on the nose, buddy. How about Kylo? Evil.

No, evil. We'll get into this later, but everyone was talking about the twist and Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 and they were like mad about it. If you didn't figure out who the bad guy was based on the character's name four seconds after you heard the character's name, you're an idiot. It's like Sinistro in fucking Greenlander. Sinister, Destructo, and he lives on the planet Dungeon Area. Oh, sure, it's just a little again.

But he wears white, and he's good looking, so you're just like, oh, he must be awesome. Yeah, we'll talk about Guardians too a bit later, but. But Kessel is a name. Kessel's actually a nice... Kessel's a really cool name. Even, like, Malkin. If you named your kid Malkin Jones or something, that's... Koonitz, no.

Yeah, that's kind of a weird. No. Any z-s-s-s-sound, though. Crosby is a pretty good, like, name for either a boy or girl as well. Crosby. Flurry Wyshinsky. Pornquist Lozo. Yeah.

It just doesn't work. I got a weird last name, so, like, you need to have a biblical first name to balance it out. So, like, Haglin Lozo, no. Hagglin Hillman would have been, Hagelin sounds like a, like a, like a, a, like a, a, a, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a dickens character. More porridge, Mr. Haglin. Mr. Haglin Hillman. All right. We're obviously talking about Phil Kessel and Baby Names because, as Dave Loso pointed out this week,

the Ottawa Senator's Pittsburgh Penguin series has left something to be desired. Oh, as I pointed out. In the entertainment category. Yeah, as only you pointed out. You apparently are the only person. Everyone else thinks it's super exciting to watch the Ottawa Senators get no shots on goal for 16 minutes in a tie game in the third period. I mentioned this before, but I'll do it again. I find it palpably insulting.

Palpably insulting. They're the same team. That people, they're not the same team. People are comparing the Ottawa Senators of 2017. You're blind to it. The 1995 New Jersey Devils, and I'll give you two reasons why they're not the same. One, they're not your favorite team.

Three reasons why they're not the same. One, they're not my favorite team. Two, the Devils, okay, the Devils had players that actually you cared about. Like Scott Stevens. What is that mean? No one gives a shit about Dionne Finoff. Not even Cufford gives a shit about Deonfinoff.

Do you think people outside of New Jersey? Jersey cared about Scott's team. Absolutely. You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. Claude Lemieux. No. Scott Niedemeyer.

You see, this is the problem with Ottawa people who come to my mentions to yell at me because I don't watch the games or whatever. Again, when I was in 1995, the devils were the funnest, most interesting team ever because they won all the time. They won in the most boring fashion. Stefan Riesh. You don't care because your favorite team is winning. Anyone else watching, and I was the same way too back then.

I was like, oh, what's the matter? You don't want to see a great team win or a great, great, goalie and the same thing now. Someone's like, it's funny. Like I tweeted, I like posted it to Facebook and someone's like, oh, this team's boring. I guess you don't like 120 foot passes from Carlson the Hoffton. And I guess you didn't see that 6-5 overtime game. Okay.

So, out of 14 games, you're pointing out one game and one pass? Yeah, here. Here's my counterpoint. This Penguin series. Right. I guess you didn't watch the first two rounds. Just because your game goes overtime doesn't mean it was a fun game to watch. Before I continue with my devil's thing, a caveat.

We know that since this podcast comes out on Thursday, and it's game three at tonight. Oh, 8-7 final tonight. We fully acknowledge the fact that this rant will be immaterial by the time he listens to this. Kibusha opened it up. He said, you know what, we can't win this way. Let's run them down. And the thing is, too, is like... Peg Anderson's pants keep falling down, and he gives up 17 goals.

Yeah. He said he lost an edge. I feel like he just... I don't think that's losing an edge what he did. I think he just lost his balance. He lost the balance. Now, the other reason I don't think that they're the devils is because the devils did this thing called

evoking an emotional response from the people that watch the team. There was actual hatred of the devils. You could look at Claude DeMew and say, fuck that guy, I don't like that guy, I don't want that guy to win. So they were worse than Ottawa, because Ottawa is at least likable.

No, they're like Ben Stein on win Ben Stein's money. They're boring, but they're fun. There's one person that's likable on that team. Oh, that's not true. Who else besides Carlson? Craig Anderson? Clark McArthur's likable. Just because you and Craig Anderson

lookalike doesn't mean you... Buddy. I am pulling for the Craig Anderson, Ryan Getslaw, Stanley Cup final, so bald Americans everywhere I can finally be represented properly in the media. Have you seen that new Geico commercial where like the couple's pulled over

and like there's a kid in the back with like a cello and like the wife is pissed, the dad's driving and the dad's an idiot. Bald guy. Oh, he's a bald guy. Oh yeah, we talked about how you guys are either idiots or bad step dads. We're idiots, bad step dads.

We're the murderers in every Law and Order episode. You're someone in management. trying to pinch pennies. No Christmas party this year. Oh, come on, Stanley Tucci. That's not fair. Right. Stanley Tucci and the terminals a dick. Stanley Tucci's a dick in most movies.

And when he's a good guy, he's wearing a piece. I'm telling you, go through every movie where there's a ball guy. It's like the Kevin Klein mustache theorem, but with Stanley Tucci's hair. Oh, what's that? Well, Kevin Klein in movies in which he has a mustache is like... It's a bad guy? Or he's like serious. or he's playing serious or he's a bad guy

when he doesn't have a mustache he's playing comedy like in and out no mustache oh yeah he doesn't yeah and then a fish called Wanda mustache A Mustache he's a January man mustache yeah that was the theory about him What's January man It was a drama you obviously didn't see it

Is that like two movies removed from Pierce Brosson's November Man Because I haven't seen November Man all the way through yet Have you seen the new Jason Warren movie Speaking of people who like have weird accents No Alicia Vikander is I say sir? Oh yeah from Dickander, ex machina.

Like, her accent in that movie, you haven't seen it? No, but she was in... It's unbelievably bad. It's the most distracting. But is it her own accent or is she trying to do an accent? I don't know for sure. Like, it was so funny. So, like, I saw the movie once and I was just like, oh, whatever.

And then it was on again, like, the other day. So I watched it again. And I'm like, hold on. Let me go to Twitter and search. Born Vicander and accent. And, like, there's like a hundred tweets where people are trying to figure out what her accent is. Like, it feels like she's trying to do American, but she sounds a little bit like, she's doing a little bit of an Idersbrook. But then she goes back to American again.

So I don't know if she's supposed to be like someone who came over from another country and she's losing the... I saw her in that. It's a terrible movie, but I keep watching it on Showtime. Burnt, the Bradley Cooper is a celebrity chef. She's in it. There's people in that movie that are in it for like a roughly three minutes apiece of a piece. Uma Thurman, Leach of Akander, Emma Thompson. Like they're in this movie, but they're not really in the movie.

So she plays like a former love interest of his. And when she speaks, you're right. Like, she's in the movie and she talks and you're just like, are you from Finn Dice, Ireland? What is that? She's Swedish, right? I think so, yeah. Like, she's really, she's good in Man from Uncle.

She's great, an ex Machina. She was fantastic in that movie. She should have won an Oscar for that movie. Yeah, but like, I'm telling you, like, watch them. So earlier today, we were, we were having breakfast, and we were talking about accents. That's why I said speaking of accents when we haven't talked about accents for two seconds. for two seconds.

But what's the movie again with Tom Hardy where he plays the Crave Brothers? He plays the Crair Brothers. Legend, yeah. So, like, it's weird. You're twins, but the one Tom Hardy's, like, the regular good-looking, you want to fuck Tom Hardy, and the other one's kind of like a big, burly, like, tough guy.

And the big, burly tough guy does an 82% bane the whole movie. And once you figure that out, the movie becomes either unwatchable or the most watchable movie of all time. So check that out if you want to hear people do a weird bane impression from the guy who does the bane. What's the matter? brother do you want a roughhouse? I would love to wrestle you, brother.

Let's roughhouse as brothers. Oh, God. The other reason... Yeah, the devils evoke emotion. And I care about Eric Carlson. I think you were perceiving the emotion that was being evoked.

You don't think people hated the devils? Yeah, because they were so fucking boring. Well, hold on. And there was a red line, too, so that made them even more fucking hard to watch. When the devils played Detroit, were we the party poopers, or were we the lovable underdogs. Oh, we destroyed

hockey for 20 years. Are you kidding? We took a Red Wings team that had like six Hall of Famers and reduced them to this chip and chase offside two-line pass team that couldn't move the puck. Like at least now you can make stretch passes and chip pucks in. But again, I understand

if you're an Ottawa Senators fan, you're watching your team. They haven't had any success in the last couple years. They're in the conference finals, so you're loving it. They've won more games than they've lost. Pah, p, pah, Giebusha is ruining it. But you have to objectively agree that, like, this is...

Again, I'm not telling them to play a different style. This is how they have to play to win. I get it. I get it. But why are there so few Ottawa fans willing to admit this is boring? As Gipu She has said, this is the way we have to play to win. The other team. They are the greatest team ever.

It's like all of the Hall of Famers in one place. Like, feel the dreams, all the Coonites and the Honkris. They walk through the Cornfield, and they're all of the Hall of Famers are here. We have to play like this to win. dead people walking through fucking cornfields move faster than Ottawa Senators' games. And also, no, what you said was like, I do not watch the game, I coach it. What the fuck does that mean? What kind of a duck is that?

Like, I feel like, so I'm one of those people where I'm at press conferences sometimes, and I never, there's times when I see quotes and, like, transcripts, and I'm always like, why does nobody have a follow-up to that? Yeah. Like, when Nick Backstrom says, we lost a series in three games, like, I feel like I'm never in that scrum when it happens. So I can be like, what the fuck is that? I mean, what do you mean you don't watch?

What do you mean? Like, if he gave a long, eloquent answer, it was like, look, I understand it's not pleasing to look at, but, you know, what's pleasing is wins. Like, I'd be like, okay, that's the rationale you should have. But like, this idea where it's like, I guess you just don't appreciate the game the way I do. Really? Let me check your Twitter bio where you're from. Oh, Ottawa, Ontario. No kidding.

Same thing as the Devils. Only, devil's had more star players. I'll give you that. Yeah, they were more interesting. I mean, like, you know, where is your Neil Broughton on the Ottawa senators? Is it Kyle Turris? But, like, again, Neil Broughton. Did you care at all about Neil Broughton until, like, came over?

Yeah, no. No, I didn't. Like, Ottawa has Mike Hoffman who can skate or Carlson who can skate. They have Kyle Turris. They have guys who can play. So, like, when they, when Ottawa falls behind, it's great. But so far in the series, they've, they've been protecting a lead and or been tied for 50 minutes. It's been terrible.

But again, congratulations on Ottawa winning seven to six tonight. The question you're looking for was, Guy, a lot of conversation as that game was going along, sort of on Twitter and stuff. This is actually a question after Game 2. Sort of on Twitter. In a post-game 2 press conference. The second you say the word Twitter to the coach, he's done, he's not answering. Was it an ugly game?

Did it look ugly to you? And Guy Boucher says, I do not read Twitter. I have never read that in my life. I don't even know how to get on it. I don't pay attention to it. But is it pleasing to watch? How did it look to you, I guess? I am not watching it

I'm coaching it By the way Makes no sense Little to no chance He's never been on Twitter Well that motherfucker's over in Switzerland Or wherever he was for An exile

I believe him In exile And he's like he's like Let me see her Let's see Coach NHL fired Opening

Need defense I mean come on Why phrase the question What do you think about Your ugly team Like why would you do it like that Why would you ask about Twitter I know

After a game, what do you think he is? On his bench, just scrolling through the tweets? Yeah, whenever someone looks down at, like, the screen that's on the bench, they're checking my tweets to see my jokes about how boring Otto is. Yeah, Coach, coach, do you need a saw on the ice? Oh, I'm sorry, I was looking at this Jared Kushner meme. Come on, look, what is that? Apparently, the New York Times thinks Ivanka is the new poster girl for feminism.

What? Yeah, it's pretty weird. I don't know why. Some of the replies were hilarious, though. What? Also, I ever cross and played a good game Coach, should I be out for the PK? Oh, I'm sorry.

I found a picture of a dog curled up inside of a guitar case on an animal memes. Here's the thing. It's either this girl's legs are a hot dog or the two hot dogs or hot dogs. I can't tell the difference, guys. Maybe that's why you lost seven nothing tonight, coach. It's blue and gold.

What, Guy? What was that, coach? The dress, blue and gold, obviously. Anyone can see it. Someone explained to me why people quote tweet and just put this. Why can they just mash the retweet button like everybody else? I do not understand.

Why do they need the retweets for themselves? Coach, he shook off with the face of, hold on. Hashtag not my prime minister. Okay. Hold on. I'm doing a nine tweet reply to one of Donald Trump's tweets. I'm threading them all on using pie charts and graphs. It is very good and people will change their minds about him. He walks in a locker room between periods.

Okay, guys. It's time for a little game theory. Let me ask you a question. What are the three parentheses around everyone's name? That one I do not understand. Should I do that to mine as a solidarity or what? I do not get that one. I Google it and nothing comes up.

What is up with Illishify Kenner's accent in Jason Warren? I do not know what that is. In the third period, I want you to all find your identity. Like when I decided to make my avatar a puppy instead of an egg, that is when I found my identity. Don't be an egg. Be a puppy. What is up with avocado toast?

Is it toast made out of avocado? Do you spread the avocado on the toast? And why can I not buy a house because of this? You, Mike Hoffman, you'll literally be able to buy a house if you keep buying the avocado toast. But here's the thing. If your money is being drained by constant purchases of avocado toast, you know what you should do? How can you save money, Greg? You need to not pay a lot for your sports and concert tickets.

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And, you know, the building don't sell out. out for one game, but it's not the next game. Speaking of ads, I don't know if you have seen this, Dave Lowe's. I imagine you have. I mean, you've been watching the playoffs on television. I mean, obviously NBC being an amazing

job as per usual. I'm sorry, I was trying to be saying, okay. Pierre McGuire actually said the other night that Eric Carlson was like a Rembrandt and his stick was a paint, a paint brush? Like he said something along those lines?

Um, sure. Yeah. I do, I do love how now, when they show highlights of Eric Carlson, it's like him doing stuff in the defensive zone and it was just fine because, you know, he's, he's one of those guys. He's really good at getting to the puck first and like being quick in small areas, but he's always been that guy. And now it's like, look how great his defense has gotten, Doc and Eddie.

This is what he does. on defense. He's always done this. Wait, he's always done this because I feel like I've never heard this on TV until now. I did Philip Oves just a podcast this week and we talked about... You did his podcast this week? Dmitri. He told me he was going to email me on Monday. That's because he's here in New York and he's trying to get all those New York people on the podcast. Still waiting to hear back. We mentioned the fact that like you don't have to go back all that far to find when

Eric Carlson was a defensive pariah. In fact, October. One round ago. Or, well, I was going to go October. Like when Austin Matthew was skated passed him during that four-goal game on opening night. Like, everybody on television is like, typical Eric Carlson, basically a welcome mat for guys like

Austin Matthews, never win the Norris this way, blah, blah, blah. Was it this year when he, there was some play this year, I think it was, where he was in his own end, blocked the shot, controlled the puck, chipped it out to neutral ice, skated it down, jammed it into an empty net. Like it was one of those plays where it was like everything

Eric Carlson does. And I and I think that was this year. And that was one of those plays, too, where it's like, wow, why can't he always, he always does that. He always does that. It's why he's won the Norris twice. We were talking about advertisements and advertisers in which people spell, which, of course, means we're talking about this Stanley Cup playoff ad that you may be familiar with because it's on TV all the time.

Piano music, very powerful. It's like the leftovers. Just because you put a piano behind, doesn't mean it's good. L, E, M, C, R, C, R, K-E-O-M. All right, let's stop it right there. The next scene was him saying, actually, Hitler has an ancient and O in it too, guys. Yeah. What sort of sacrifice into a volcano do I have to make to not get Bobby Hall in NHL promotions anymore?

Or just put Bobby Hall and Patrick Kane in every ad. Just commit to it. Bobby Hall waddled out during the outdoor game for the blues. Bobby Hall's on a Stanley Cup promo commercial. Bobby Hole beat the shit out of his wife. That too. And it is a Hitler sympathizer. And this is, what do we have to do to not, it's okay to not have this guy be part of it?

There's a lot of other old guys that scored a lot of goals. Tons. You literally had access to like, actually, not did I say this out loud, they probably shot this during the NH100 thing. They shot it in Los Angeles. Yeah. They did. Oh, in Los Angeles, they did it. During the ceremony.

Oh, it was in Los Angeles, right, right, right. So you have access to the 100 greatest place. players and Bob Ganey. So you could have done... And Jonathan Taves and Patrick Caine. So you could have grabbed anybody. Anybody. Like I understand where it's like Patrick Cain's the best American hockey players.

So like you trick yourself into thinking that's the way to go. But like, yeah, there's a million old dudes who scored a shit ton of goals where you could put out there. This is... I don't get it. They invited him to be on this commercial. After he opted not. not to go to the Winnipeg Jets Hall of Fame induction. I think this was after it.

Because of all the heat that came down on him, when a local paper wrote about his domestic violence history, his sympathy for Hitler, who had a lot of good ideas at the beginning. Yeah. They just went a little too far. Went a little too far. Actual quote from Bobby Hull.

A little too far. A little too far. Kind of crossed the line ever so slightly. H-U-L. L. And I know that, I know, I talked to a lot of old timers. And they all say the same thing, which is that

well, you know, he used to have a battle with the bottle back in the day. Sure. That's great. I completely agree. I hope he got his life cleaned up. Don't ever want to see that sort of thing happened. But you know what? You don't have to have the guy who said Hitler had a lot of good ideas in the beginning who went a little

too far. On the Stanley Cup commercial. You don't have to have it. You can make that choice. You can make the choice. You can make the choice to not have this guy be a part of your thing. And this is hockey, too, where, like, everyone's related. You can find another father-son. Get Jody Hall. Nobody gives a shit. Get Scott

and Rob. It'd be like a 60-minute commercial where they spell Niedermeyer each once a piece. Yeah, just add Brent Gretzky, it had the Gretzky part of the commercial. I'm both spell it. And it's also not a good commercial. It's nowhere near as good as the speechless one. It's nowhere near as good as the one where they rewind everything. It's just guys spelling their name. And, like,

and Lemieux seems like he's having a hard time with it. Well, in fairness. I can never remember the E before I or I after E. And there's an X in there. No, I agree. And it's funny because if you look at the commercials they've had over the years, when they started this whole sort of because it's the cup thing, they started to go down a road that I thought was really good,

which was to try to make watching the playoffs, this communal, they had a commercial where everybody was running to get to the bar in time to watch face off. Right. and everybody who's wearing jerseys, kind of making it feel like an NFL Sunday, which I don't know if you've noticed, is the single most favorite thing

of every sports fan in America. Right, even if you're, and that's a difference again between hockey and football is a hockey fan or a football fan as a Giants fan, I'll go to a bar on Sunday and have all the games on in the Giants game,

and it's great. You just watch all the other games. You don't care about that. But in hockey, if you're an Ottawa fan, you love the shit out of your team. You're so happy how they're winning. But if you're not, you're not running out to watch that game somewhere.

That's just not hockey. That's why their commercials are good. That's a hilarious point because David Staples, the Evanton Journal, has been waging a one-man war against the NHL over since the Oilers have been eliminated because the Ducks played nasty. So he's like, you know, I refuse to watch another NHL game this postseason as long as Ryan Kessler's in it, is what he tweeted the other day. I'm like, oh, what a novelty.

An NHL fan saying he refuses to watch the rest of the playoffs after he. his team is eliminated. Boy, first one on that bandwagon. Like, that's just what we do it. It sucks. No, you know what it is, is that when you haven't watched the playoffs in 11 years, you're unaware that the ducks have players that jab people on the balls with their sticks every playoffs. So the first time you see it in 2017, it's new to you and you take a stand against it.

That's all it is. So you had that where you had, you know, the fans come in to watch the game at the bar. then they did the whole the cup winning the cup is this super emotional thing the cup raised thing connected through history guys literally weeping as they won the cup

but now that we're in the fucking centennial now we've abandoned any pretense of it being about the playoffs 99th year though there's a lockout where they didn't play a full season thank you 99 years thank you thank you truther now we've gotten rid of any pretense that it's about the

playoffs and the grandeur of the Stanley Cup playoffs. And now we've boiled it down to its very essence, which is star players who get their names in the cup. Oh, let me rephrase. Mostly Canadian star players

who get their names in the cup. And the only two, I think there's like a minute version of that commercial. I haven't watched the whole way through, but it's just Crosby and Taves in terms of like current guys, right? Like there's no...

Yeah, and it's weird, right? Like, I know why they did it because... Because they're not going to relate to the conference finals and you want to be able have guys still alive? You want, yeah,

you want a guy still alive? I get it. Because I was thinking to myself, like, why didn't they have anybody

from the Kings not only in that, in that commercial, but also they did that, like, roundtable show, it was like Gretzky, Lemieux.

Oh, I didn't watch that. I think, it was on, this week, at this week, somebody, Retsky Lemieux, Crosby,

and someone. Keith. No, no, no, no, no. Oh, Bob, Bob,

and I thought to myself, well, why wouldn't you just get like one of the kids or better yet, how about a goalie who might be able to lend some really interesting insight as to what it takes to win a Stanley Cup? Nobody cares about a European.

How about Lidstrom? If they shot it in Los Angeles, Lidsstrom was there for the top 100. Why not a European? Wouldn't that be a novel idea? Well, I can see how they might have done kings and just cut it out of the ad. They probably, no, seriously, they probably had like a bunch of guys do it and then like once the playoffs started, they were like, oh, we can't use

Drew Doughty anymore. Or, you know, conversely, there's also a chance the doubt he couldn't spell his name. That is possible. Or Justin Brown. But would it be cooler if they unveiled this to start of the playoffs as opposed to the conference finals? They just use all current guys that haven't won the cup yet

who want to get their name on it. So they're like, this is their thing. Yeah. And like, yeah, by round three when the caps are inevitably no longer in the playoffs, it's very sad to see Nicholas Baxter spelling his name during the conference finals. But I just think that would have been a cooler thing because, again, the NHL's biggest problem is they market

four frigging teams, five players. And boy, thank God. Thank God finally. Jonathan Taves got on TV because he's just he's never there anymore he's never they're he's not there enough they don't play enough outtour games you got to get jonathan taves into a commercial the centennial does nothing to push the game forward let's be honest nope it's a giant naval gazing exhibition the putting mary lew and a cup commercial is great for people that remember mary louis playing for the people that joined the league in 2009 because patrick sharp is cute it means absolutely

dick nothing to them they're so not they're so not current they're so they're so entrenched and shit that happened. Like, seriously, like, we're talking about the Devils in 95. Half of our listeners don't remember that team. How are our listeners probably weren't even born in 1915? Right, right. Like, but take it for me. Don't listen to Greg.

And when I... Devil's team was boring as fuck. And, of course, when I say I was in high school, I meant I was in elementary school in 95, fellow millennials. How about some avocado toast? How would you like some avocado toast in my studio apartment that I rents because of said avocado toast? Honestly, I haven't even Google it yet.

I'm not even... I'm not going to... look up with avocado toastes until it actually comes across i never even seen it on a menu what are they going to reboot futurama millennials by the way wasn't wasn't the ending to guardians of the galaxy very much like that episode of future i never watched future i know we finally we finally come across something in geekdom that i did not consume that you've consumed i think i knew that already though yeah i didn't watch futureama um to set it up i didn't watch futureama i watched maybe two seasons of king of the hill I watched The Simpsons

Really, really long But I couldn't tell you when I stopped watching it Because I don't even know how many seasons were up to now Yeah, I used to watch it all the time All the time, yeah I can't quote it I can't quote it Until maybe like

Yeah I don't know what season But and then I didn't watch Family Guy Because I found it to be way too derivative But I will tell you right now The two funniest things The Family Guy ever did

That I'm aware of Kool-Aid Man in episode one Never hit your comedic peak In your first episode, bad idea and then also the bed bath and beyond joke is a keeper. What's the bed bath and beyond? When he's walking through the door at bed bath and beyond and all of a sudden he walks into like this weird Jack Kirby

Oh, Beyond. And he walks in Beyond. Very, very funny. Good stuff. I never watched that. And then obviously I have no fucking time for American Dad who gives a shit. American Dad, the Cleveland Show. Or the Cleveland Show, yeah.

Good for him. He's a multi-line-like-A. Seth McFarlane I like as a real-life flesh-and-blood performer, but not as the guy who makes cartoons. Seth McFarlane reminds me of Kate McKinnon. in a way. Because they're both Irish or Scottish? They're both super talented.

Uh-huh. Unbelievable. Maybe among the top 20 talented people creatively on the planet, who I don't give a shit about. You mean like you find them off-putting or you just don't? Who's stuff I just don't care about? Like, Kate McKinnon can play the piano. Great.

Seth MacFarlane can sing. Okay. But like, there's stuff in terms of comedy. Like, like, people think Kate McKinnon's one of like the five best SNL things of all tough. of like cast members of all time. Give me some stuff she's done on that. I think Kate McKinnon falls in between

Daryl Hammond and Amy Poehler in the sense that Kate McKinnon does some things that really make me laugh. Like she, when she plays... Like she did Hillary. And that was funny, but like her Angola Merkel is really funny on update.

Like she's done some funny stuff, but like a lot of it is in that Daryl Hammond category of not really being that funny but really appreciating the craft of it. Because Darrell Hammond's me was never really that funny. Oh, for sure. But he, but you, the crap. Like, when Phil Hartman would do an impression, it would be funny.

He's a natural gifted comedian. When Hammond would do it, you were like, wow, that sounds exactly like Tom Brokaw, but it's not that funny. And like, Kate McKinnon, I completely appreciate how unbelievably, like, smarting it. But, like, I just don't get how, like, if someone's like, oh, Kristen Wigg is in a movie. I used to hate Kristen Wig, but, like, I've come around. She's funny. I've come around on her too. Mainly, see, she's someone who is awful on SNL, but really good in, like, other stuff.

Yeah, like, if I see a movie on, like, Kristen Wiggs in it, like, she's at, like, that sort of like that Will Ferrell level where I'm like, oh, that's probably going to be pretty good. And there's a movie coming out with Scarlett Johansson and... Oh, yeah, like... What's her name? Big Bad Knight or... Rough Night, yeah. And I'm watching the commercial for it, and I'm seeing all the people in it. And I'm like, ooh, this looks like a pretty good premise.

It looks like a pretty funny movie. And apparently, Kate McKinn's doing an Australian accent the whole movie. Fuck. But again, she was the best thing in that Ghostbusters reboot, which again is like saying Eric Carlson has the best possession numbers on the senators. So she's Carlson. Most of McCarthy's Mike Hoffman. Yeah. Go on.

I'm here for this. Kristen Whig has got to be Kyle Taurus. Kristen Wig is going to be either Kyle Taurus or Craig Anderson. Who's Chris Hemsworth then? Chris Hemsworth? Is he Yibushay? Yes. Because he's one note and that's it.

One note, but a great addition. Oh, that's good. I like that a lot. See, it's easier to... People always do this in our mailbag. It's like, if you can make one hockey team seven cereals, what would you do? You can't force it. It just kind of has to happen.

Who else is in that movie that I'm forgetting? The 87 Flames as the cast of Parks and Rec, go. That's a great mailbag question. Give us five weeks to craft that together. Like I'm on the stage at Friott's Citizens Brigade, like shouting out. Somebody give me a hockey team from 40 years ago in a TV show I never watched. Dynacologist. I didn't ask for a profession, sir.

I believe someone said friends. A TV show. Okay, friends. Sure, I can do about 20 minutes on that. Wait, who is the fourth Ghostbusters? Kristen Wigg, Miss McCarthy, Kate McKinnon. What's your face? From SNL.

Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones. Yeah, so Leslie Jones is Finoff. Oh, she's the funnier. See, I don't even think Kate McKinnon's the funniest person in that... She was funniest in that movie. I think Leslie Jones is the funniest in that movie. And then I would say,

Chris Hemsworth is he's, like whenever he runs his fingers into his eyes to the glasses, that's pretty funny. He's, he might, no, he's the funniest person of that movie. Kate McKinnon's the funniest Ghostbuster. Horrible movie. Oh, Ghostbusters aren't people, Greg. Is that what you're trying to tell our listeners? Hashtag not all Ghostbusters. Are you Ghostbusters shaming right now?

That's right. Wait, what were we talking about? Oh, man. Oh, that dumb ad. Oh, the commercial. Oh, yeah. And just about how like, yeah, no one. gives a shit that Bobby and Brett Hall are together in a commercial, except for the people

like us who don't think that a guy who was a Hitler sympathizer should be part of an NHL ad campaign. And even if it wasn't, even if there wasn't a dude that probably has like a fucking Nazi, you know, soldier outfit in his closet, even if it was just like a regular dude, it's still not a good commercial. Yeah. Like they've run out of ideas. Remember the commercial? There was one way back in like 08 or 09, and it was really cool.

It was like a picture of like a team by their bench after they just got eliminated from the playoffs and they're all sad, like an actual picture. like someone in the picture comes to life and is like, I don't want to feel this again. Remember those? Yeah. Those were awesome. There's a lot of really good commercials. This was not one of them.

Yeah. Like, this is the first time I remember seeing like an NHL ad and being like, boy, this was just slapped together real quick. This was like one of those things where it's like, okay, we've got all these really famous guys together in the same place. What should we do with them? It's not really. I know. Have them spell their own names. Seriously?

That's like, it's like, how about we have them perform at? No, they're hockey players. How about we have them? No. hockey players. I mean, they're going to be here for like a weekend, right? But what if like one of them walks into the room? Now they're hockey players. Okay, we'll just have them spell their own names. Like, that's the basic thing that we could have hockey players do. We ask so little of our hockey players and like things like that. Like fucking Patrice

Pergeron and those guy co-ads. Like just just skate. Just skate around and shoot the puck. But again, like, like, Backstrom is shoot the fuck. Doesn't it bother you that they don't reach out to any foreign born players? Like almost at all. Like Solani, I think is in the commercial maybe. I mean, I think I understand their their viewpoint of it because like they're marketing the game here. so they want to do U.S. Yeah, T-Mu's in the commercial. He might be like one of the only foreign-born players in that commercial. But yeah, like, it's weird.

The NHL is like, we're a global game. It's like, all right, name one person who is like, you know, whatever, Slovenian or... I think a better commercial would have been just to see the sparks flying off the cup as you engrave it. Like, don't you think that's... Like, if you want to do a commercial about getting your name on the cup, have them just stand around watching names getting engraved on the cup. Like, to me, that's even more and better than... L-A...

I am. Here's my idea. Okay. Okay. Okay. Pitch me. It's the engraving place. Okay.

The dudes there. Interior slash engraving place. I-N-T. I-N-T. Graving place. Day. And then we have, like, one of the dudes that's got their name on the cup like six times, right? Nick Glistram.

Okay. No, not, Peter Pocklinton's father. Not Nick Lichdram. Oh, wait. No, the guy who had to come off the cup because he put it on there and he shouldn't have put it on there. Again, this is hard to do way, way in advance. You mean, like, a guy whose name's on the cup. Glenn Anderson.

Glenn Anderson. Yeah. Great example. Only in the Hall of Fame because his name is on the cup like six times. Yeah, he's like Derek Jeter basically, but whatever.

Glenn Anderson. And he's like standing there and like he's there at the engraver and there's like a little open space for the 2016-17-17 champs and he sees his name. And Connor McDavid's there. No.

Who doesn't have his name on the cup. All right. And Glenn Anderson's like having fun with him like, there's my name there. There's my name there. Has your name on here? I don't see your name on here. He's like, well, I'm probably going to win

the heart this year. Hmm. Let's see the heart. Is that anywhere on the championship trophy? And you do it with all players that have won cups for certain teams and the guy who's there today who hasn't won the cup yet, who wants his name on the cup. And you can do like four different bits on that.

So you're talking about a time-tested Vince McMahon thing, where you use the old talent to get the new talent over. Undertaker, you're going to lose to Roman Reigns. And Reigns is going to be the new darling. the WWI. Like it's hard, it's, I think it's hard to,

I'm just doing this on the fly, but like, the Cap's never won the Cup, so it's hard to do one with Ovechkin. The Penguins all have won the Cup already. The Blackhawks have all won the Cup already. Like, who's left?

Nashville. There's no Nashville championship teams. There's no Ottawa championship teams. I mean, there is that, that obstacle. But like, if you do it at the beginning,

then you have to, like, Mark Messier talking to. Hanrick Leuch-Eye, Matt Zucrello. Yeah. Yeah, there you can, you can come up with four of those

and then run those during, same three Discover ads for six fucking years. And that would be funny because like you can do. In all honestly, like if you had Messier and Zuccarello and he's like yeah, my name's on here because I guaranteed it. Can you guarantee it, Matt? It's like and do a little bit off of that.

You can come up with 30 seconds of material for a commercial right. And doing that premise every time as opposed to just let's just sit these guys down in a room and put like a green screen and then. I have in a green screen just like a dark room and have them spell their names. Honestly though. No. Was there a teleprompter to help them spell? Come on. What do you think?

And it's disturbing to watch Sidney Crosby try to spell his name four days after he gets his head driven into the boards, too. There's that part of it as well. That makes me uncomfortable. But like I wrote, that's probably just me, though. That's just you. Overthinking things. GM of the Year Award came out. That's very exciting, as per usual.

Peter Cherelli of the Edmonton Oilers, who of course made the Adam Larson trade. Pierre Dorian of the Ottawa senators who hired Guy Boucher. And David Poyle of the Nashville Predators who made the... You win. P.K. Suban for Shea Weber deal. No Mark Bergevan amongst the finalist for making that trade. That's kind of odd. Would it be?

It would have been great if it was like Mark Bergevan, Steve Eisenman, and who had a bad year? Dean Lombardi. Now, here's the thing. The BM of the year. The award I least like in all of life, of course, is the Lady Bing. Stupid as all. Fuck it. The award I at least like the second most of the GM of the Year award, because there is absolutely no way you can judge.

You can judge a general manager by one year. By one year. They should give this award retroactively every five years. Like, see what's happened. Or just don't have an award. Like, everything doesn't need an award. See, here's the thing. These baby boomers just think they're entitled to trophies because they just do their jobs.

These old white men, of course, feel like they just have to have a trophy. You know, why could be more like millennials and just like work hard and, you know, fight through everything and just have their avocado toast and not buy houses? Excuse me, excuse me. Millennials all think they were born with a gold star. They all think they already have a ribbon. They were born with avocado toast in their mouth. They were born with avocado toast to mouth. They think they're just entitled to avocados. Who would you, you would give it to Poyle?

Oh, for sure. Poil won. She really won a lottery. Cheirle won a lottery. And Dorian hired the right coach. It's the thing is like, think about everything he did. He traded Taylor Hall for Adam Larson. And I don't care what you Edmonton people say that was a bad trade. Milan Lu Cheech, fucking dog shit in the playoffs, mediocre in their regular season.

He played with Connor McDavid constantly. He's looking and do anything. And Ottawa, like, whatever Ottawa does, he brought in Guy Boucher. And Gie Boucher is the never one of the reason why they are where they are. So I'm fine. The Suban trade, like, obviously, I didn't realize this is like yesterday. Custin's told me that they vote up until the second round. After the second round of the playoffs is in, then they vote.

So you can't give it to boil because he's going to win the cup, possibly. But, I mean, geez, Suban for Weber. cup. Is that a guy your root for, Poil? I go back and forth on it because I really have a problem with the Ribeiro stuff and I have a problem with some of his other sort of like halfway home general managing that has gone on. What else is there besides

Ribeiro? Refresh me. Well, he had a couple of other guys come in that just had some issues. I think McGratton was one of them but like I don't remember that. There was the Ribeiro one that he had. There was some other one that he had. They kind of swept. But the Ribero one's the big one. trying to think I remember there was a year

a couple years back where everybody was kind of like all over David Poil for being really good and I just thought it was weird but I can't remember why I think he's always been a pretty good

pretty good GM the Ribeiro thing was just like I think it was Dimitri who tweeted something like finally the 20 year plan comes to fruition yeah good for David Foil you keep a guy

in a job long enough I mean, he hired Peter Lavellette a couple years ago. That's why, again, I think the GM of the year should be every three years if you're going to do it. Like, take a GM's body of work over that time and see what he did. But, yeah, it's kind of hard to. What else did he do? I mean, the Forsberg contract, was that in the last year? No, right?

Traded Seth Jones. I mean the old thing that was a few years ago. Ryan Johansson was a while back. Well, yeah, Seth Jones for Ryan Johansson and P.K. for Weber, were the two big things. But that was, that was, that was, Seth Jones was in the middle of the last season. could when John Tortorella ran Ryan Johansson out of town because he was lazy or something. David Poil is the guy who comes to the poker table and plays four hands and four hours and just rakes big pots, waiting for the dumb guy at the table to do something stupid.

He's great. I love him. I'm going to go all in on Seth Jones for Ryan. I call. Ryan Johansson. Thank you. Six foot 210-pound number one center for Seth Jones when I already have a million defenseman. Thanks.

But that trade works out better than Suban for whoever. I feel bad for Jonah. Yeah, I think we should feel bad for all of our Canadian friends. Jonah Carey's team is bad. So slow. Let's get to a quiz that I crafted for you. We're going to get to the Ryan Kessler, and we're going to get to the Predators' Anthem Singer, so hold tight.

But I have a quiz because, as you know, David Poyle was the general manager of an expansion team. And I decided, I said to myself, it's probably about time we start celebrating expansion teams because we're going to have a new one in the Vegas Golden Knights. Yeah, it's going to be bad. They're going to make the playoffs. Bad club. So I've crafted a quiz for Dave Lozo called Subtraction by Expansion. And what this is is I have taken one player from each of the expansion teams in the last 25 years. So the senators, the sharks, the lightning, the Panthers, the predators, the blue jackets, the thrashers, the wild, the mighty ducks of Anaheim.

Taking one player from each of these teams. I'm going to name a player, and you tell me which team they played for, which first year expansion team they were on, expansion roster they were on. First year, not... First year. Okay. This is when the team was born, like a newborn foal covered in its mom's vagina goo, and it spilled out on the floor, and it couldn't even find its feet. Greg, technically, medically, it's vagina's slime. All right.

I didn't go to veterinary school for 11 years to have you talk down about the way the slime is goo. Listen, I'm from New Jersey. I play it fast and loose with the scientific terminology sometimes. We just use a lot of colloquial swang. In Central Jersey, we call the goo. Swang. Swang. We also called slang swang.

It's either goo or pork roll. So here's the deal. I'm only you can only use the expansion teams once so I'm going to give you a player from each of these teams Jesus this is like one of these now bad questions once you use the team you don't have to worry about it again it's not as if this is going to be all sharks okay we begin here we go this is subtraction by expansion can you name which first year expansion roster this player appeared on okay number one Darren rumble lightning Ottawa Senator, 69 games, nice, in 1992.

And mentioned because I don't know if he is, Jeff Bukabum gets named, Radic Bunk gets named, but in the greatest hockey names of all time, Darren Rumble doesn't get nearly enough respect. Darren Rumble too, I guess. Darren Rumble. Darren Rumble with me. Anybody, anybody named after one of the Transformers that came out of Soundwaves' tummy. Isn't that Bumble?

No, that was Rumble. Bumble, I think of Bumble. Are you think of a bumblebee? Yeah, isn't that one of the Transformers? Somebody was a Go-Bots boy. Kelly Kissio. Sharks. That's correct.

48 games in 1991. Kelly Kissio. Former New York Ranger. Former Islander great. That was the Ranger too, wasn't it? I think it was a Ranger. One of them, too. Maybe both.

Bob Beers. Bob Robert W. Beers. Bob Beers. Boy, I have no idea. Bob Beers. I'll go Tampa again Correct All right

You played for the Lightning In 1992 42 46 games And again like Another good name I mean If you were gonna get a jersey If you were a fan of the first year Lightning

And you were walking around With a Brian Bradley jersey Fuck off Wasting You wasted the best opportunity In your life And I believe he was number four I believe it was four beers

Four beers Yeah The amount that gets me hung over These days Actually you know You know who else? I feel like, and see if you agree with me on this. Bob Boogner, his last name is really Boner.

Come on, come on, Bob. Your name is Bob Boner? Brian Bradley. That's a poor name for God sakes. John Tucker, Chris Contos, Rob, Zaminer, Adam Creighton, Sean Chambers are your top six scorers, and then Bob Beers. Who was the guy who had the hat trick in the first ever a red lightning game? Remember that? Oh, Jesus, Nick Tax-in.

Oh, yeah. Oh, wait, and by the way, he was number number four. He was two beers. That also gets me hung over these days. The only possible name that you could have gotten on the back of your jersey where it would have been alright if you didn't get beers? Pupa. Now, he wasn't on the team yet.

Jablonsky. Jablonsky. It's like Gibroni, but it's like a Polish last name instead. Look at this Jablonsky over here. Come on, Jablonsky, we're waiting. Rob Niedermeyer. Rob Niedermeyer. Not Scott.

Scott was already in the league and rocking and rolling at this point, I think. Rob Niedermeyer. The lesser Neidemeyer. N-I-D-E-R. Wow, two separate mentions of Rob Neidermeyer on this podcast today. You want me to say the ducks, but that's not the answer, right? No. Come on.

Can I need to answer. Columbus? Florida Panthers. I believe he was the Florida Panthers draft pick. That's correct. Rob Neidemeyer, of course, in year one with the Florida Panthers. I should have that. A real star performance.

65 games, 26 points, minus 11. And he was drafted fifth overall, the 1993 entry draft. Okay, let's continue another rabbit hole. 65 points. Alexander Dague. Ottawa. Chris, this is the 93 draft that Robin Diedemeyer went fifth overall. Jesus Christ.

Ready? So this is also known as, if only the Panthers had gotten into the top four and didn't pick first. Degg, bust, pronger. He worked out. Grattan, bust. Bust?

Where do you fall on Chris Gratton? I say bust. 568 points in 1092 games basically just, hey, he's big. We should get him. There's like levels of bust. There's like... Degbust is... Yeah, like that's a bigger bust.

It's like, it's like, um... who my blanket on David Legwant who was like a second overall pick yeah I feel like he had an okay career Grattan and Legwond in me are both like sort of like they're kind of the same kind of the same but Grattan was much more of a journeyman

the Legwant play was like one team as in our career right but when you pick third overall like when the devil's issue you pick pick uh Nico Hesher Nico Hesher he turns out to be a third line checking center who wins draws late in games someone said today on Twitter that

that Nico Hesher I think it's Hysher is going to end he said he has Pabell Datsuk's defense and Hendrik Zetterberg's offense and all I could think of is Pabble Datsuk with Henry Zetterberg's beard so he's a combination of Datsuk and Zetterberg is what this guy said so he looks like Jared Letto and hates gay people is that is that because of his religion Dave mm-hmm Paul Korea was drafted fourth overall than

Rob Nuttermeier so you lost that on Paul Korea by one point why one spot then Victor Kozloff then Jason Arnott the others took Arna right you know the devil's took in that draft 93 Dennis Peterson good old Dennis Peterson. Yeah. D.P. Back to the quitt. Oh, sorry.

Double P, A. What movie is that from? That's like a Kevin Smith movie where he's describing some sort of like sex act and it's like double Pee, double A.

Darren Tercott. This is a tough one. Former New York Ranger. Okay, so Darren Turcote. Darren Turgar in the early 90s. So he obviously wasn't on any of the early 90s expansion teams, I wouldn't say.

unless it's a trick he wasn't around long enough to first year team Darren Turcott I feel like I need a list of teams in front of me it's hard to think of all the teams that have shown up since that time alright well

Darren Turcott any any guesses we've done Ottawa we've done Tampa we've done Florida we've done San Jose that's right those are all off the board now you're getting the spirit of the game okay so that means that we have five teams left

four of the five are from 1999 and up and then one of them is not Columbus the Nashville Predators 40 games I don't know if he was an expansion draft guy or not but Darren Turcott

a 40 year old Darren Turcote at that point I think I was going to say oh wait no he's 31 sorry I was wrong it was 30 in 89 98 and 99 he previously played for boy he went real journeyman after Rangers 94 the

Hartford, Winnipeg, San Jose, St. Louis, Nashville, then his career. Career ended up 31. He was in the Rangers Cup team, right? He was. Okay. All right, I'm not doing good at this. Ron Tugnut.

Ronnie Nuttug. Columbus. That's correct. Interestingly enough, we would have also accepted Mighty Ducks. Oh, why was he? He was on both. He was a double expansion draft goalie. So I had a 25% chance of getting that right.

Ray Chicken Parm, Ferraro. Oh, see, I thought that was Columbus, Ray Ferraro. Chicken Parham. So we have done the jackets, the predators, the Panthers, the lightning, the sharks, and the senators. It means we have three teams left that are possible. One of those teams is in the... The thrashers? That's correct.

81 games in 1999. That means we are down to two names. I was getting there. Two teams left and two names. Okay. The two teams left obviously now by the process of elimination or the Minnesota Wild and the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim. Do you want name A or name B to finish off this game? Give me name B.

Name B is Gary Volk. Ooh. Ooh, I don't know the answer to this. Ducks. That's correct. Yes. Gary Volk was a 93, Mighty Duck, and that means the last name of the list. Who else?

You should have given me both names at the same time. Minnesota Wilde 2000. Who do you think I picked from that expansion team? Oh, God, I don't remember. Mike Madonna. Come on, man. There's only one name to pick from that expansion team. and that is

Peter Secora Brick New Jersey's own Jimmy Dow was on that team Jimmy Dowd there you go a brief foray down

expansion draft memory lane just to go back to the earlier point Jim Dowd scored one of the biggest goals in Devil's history only because of Detroit

Red Wing was on the ice crippled Crippled Paul Coffey by Jim Dow yeah it was Paul Coffey It was that same play that happened with Zach Rineski

in the Penguin series against Columbus Same thing Paul Coffee getting hit in the leg, Zach Moritz, you get in the face. And coffee's like, my leg, please help. Like, if you get in the leg, you keep playing, you hit in the face, you stop play every time. Coffee's on the ice being like, I think it needs to be amputated. And the devils are like,

we're scoring. The devils are moving. They were so boring. They were the best. Best team ever. Like, at least I admit the devils were boring. Like, if you're an Ottawa fan, you're just like, oh, the devils and the Greg's like, no, the devils were much more exciting and a less boring. You should fight Greg in his mentions. And by the way, so the headline on the vice story that I wrote was, that's Ottawa senators are worse than watching your parents have sex. So everyone's like, not everyone, but like four or five people were like, oh, you watched your parents have sex? No, the headline says it your parents. Not my parents.

Your parents fucking a boring style is the head your is a different than mine. Hold on. Oh, so that was that was about your parents being boring when they have sex. I thought it was just about like horrendous look. Yeah. Yeah. It's about things you want to look away from immediately, which includes your parents having sex. Right.

And I was getting a lot of parents sex shaming in the mentions, too. Like, oh, my God, this guy thinks about his parents having sex. And then it was weird, too, because, like, earlier in the day, I saw a Guardians of the Galaxy. And there's a scene where Drax is talking about, yeah. My day yesterday was really connected in really weird ways. Yeah, I'm happy it wasn't a critique about the, like, excitement level of your parents' boning. Yeah, I wasn't like, dude, my dad could not get hard. Much the way that I can't get up for much, much like the way I can't get up for Senators games,

my dad could not get up for sex. You know, the senators just play a real kind of missionary position style. No dirty Sanchez is, no donkey punches. They never come from behind. Oh, oh, Jesus. Boom! Was that in the story or did you just make that up on spot? I wish I thought of that.

Man, you are an improv comedian. All right, somebody give me relatives you don't want to see fuck and sex positions. Got a colleges! Again, not professions. Okay, I hear Ross and Rachel and Wheelbarrow. Is Ryan Kessler a piece of shit? That's our next topic. Yeah.

But a great, like a satisfying s spiral of a shit. Like I don't, I've read so many people who have emailed me after I wrote about Ryan Johansson and Ryan Kessler. And they're just like, you're so wrong in this because Ryan Kessler is a piece of shit. I'm just like, yeah, but like, think. about the things that you need to win in the playoffs. Like, he's that. You don't need, you don't need that. You totally do.

You need a guy who is going to go to the dirty places and do the dirty things. You could win a face-off, you could score a goal. Like, he's the, I would take that guy in my team a billion times. Okay, how many cups, Corey Perry won? One. How many has he won since then, until now, during his yearly ball spears? You don't need that to win in the playoffs. Who is the Red Wings Ball-Spears' guy?

Who is the Penguins' ball-spear guy? You don't need it. Corey Perry would be on his fifth cup right now. We're not for Bruce Boudreau. Oh, boy. You do have to, I mean, like, well, don't you pull on. The caps didn't do anything.

That's what I'm saying. Don't you think that if you put, I've been thinking a lot about the Capitals. And like, don't you think that a Ryan Kessler or a Patrick Hornquist? Like, no. Guys like that are the guys that you need to do dirty goal bullshit plays in the playoffs. And the Capitol had none of those guys to me. I just think the West sucks this year.

And so that's why the ducks are. where they are. I don't think it's anything to do with Ryan Kessler's magical nuttaps. By way, in game three, I don't know, like, I understand that these referees put their whistles away. Like, Ryan Kessler committed like four atrocities during the first 20 minutes, and they showed replays of it. Like, he hit Johansen from behind, he interfered with him in the neutral zone, he speared him. And there was like two high sticks. There was one play where a line's been stared down. He, I fucked a high stick and was just like, on side. I hate playoff refereeing so much. If you were Ryan Johansson earlier this week,

would you have said anything, or would you have just done what he did in game three and just been like scoreboard? Well, being the mature, talented leader that I am, I would have just been like, you know, he's got to play his game, and I just got to work through it. And, you know, I respect what he does.

Pretty much. You know, I wouldn't have been like, how does anybody root for him? His whole family. I don't even know how they even watch a play. Why does anybody even have, sex with Ryan Kessler. And I'm like,

he's such a gross person. I'm like, Rajo, they watch him play because they're related to him. Like, my parents don't like the shit I write, but they read it because they're supposed to. They're my fucking parents.

Like, here, let me solve that mystery for you. Unsolved mysteries. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, why does Ryan Kessler's parents watch him play hockey? But, like, not even that. Like, the thing, like, how can anybody root for that guy?

Like, come on. Ryan, come on. people are rooting for the Ottawa senators and they're trying to melt hockey with a blowtorch people will root for whoever is in their town and in their favorite jersey. It's not complicated. How can anyone root for that guy?

Said Ryan Johansson to the ears of the Blue Jackets fans that watched him underwhelm his way out of town. Who held out for as long as I guess he'd technically hold out. Right? People root for Magneto sometimes in the X-Men movies.

People are going to root for fucking Ryan Kessler. Give me a break. How can anyone root for that? guy said the dude who had a who Instagramed a picture of his Ohio State basketball court that he had and lamented the fact that he had to leave Columbus for Nashville. I remember that. How can anybody root for the guy that did absolutely no checking around the net when what's his name scored that backdoor goal when Pecker-Renay was screened on the past, whatever that was in game two?

How can anyone root for that guy said the guy literally being carried by his two linemates throughout the entirety of the postseason? Again, I understand it's the playoffs. You're on the beat every day. Like, just because Ryan Johansson made the conference finals doesn't mean he's now mature. But the thing about Ryan Kessler that really, like, bought it home for me this week was, it makes me think about how few compelling players are in this league right now. Like, how, and I mean that in a Chris Pronger way.

Pronger, you fucking cared about. Like, Pronger would be on the ice and you either boo or hiss that guy, or you were in awe of the shit he was able to do and get away with, like, stepping on other players and shit like that. We're desperate for stuff at this point. We are. But that's just it. Drinking the sand. Kessler's a lightning rod.

And there's so few guys like that anymore. Like when Johansen spoke up, on one hand I'm like, God, what an idiot. On the end, I'm like, oh, thank God. Thanks. Thank you so much. Thanks for the content. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Now I don't have to write that. Is Hamphish Linholm, the new Drew Dowdy? Oh, so again, I will bring this back to the Ottawa devil's discussion at every turn. Ryan Kessler is basically your modern-day Claude Lemieux. He's Claude Lemieux. Yeah, completely. So that's why you like him. Well, I'm a Claude de Mew fan, yeah, but I also always like that guy.

I like a pest and a goon. Fuck, I admit an affinity for Alex Burroughs. I liked Brad Marshan before he became a scorer. By the way, speaking of GM to the year, Pierre Dorian went out and traded for Alex Burroughs, so I pretty sure still has no goals in the playoffs. But he has a lot of heart. But he has a lot of heart. Victor Stalberg has been a scratch.

Yeah. And who else did he get? He got somebody else, too. But they're all in. Right. Same thing with Pete Chi or Ellie. Trades for fucking Adam Larson, and it's like, oh, like now they're in the playoffs, but imagine if they had traded for somebody better than Alex Burroughs and Victor Stahberg, where they...

Better? Again, that's why Giebush... Is Givouche a finals for Coach of the Year? I don't think he is. No, he wasn't. It was... Hang on, Jack. It was Babcock.

Tortorella Babcock and McColling? Torterella Babcock and who? McClellan, maybe? Yeah, it was McClellan, I think. Like, I don't. Yeah, Babcock, McClellan, and Tortorola. MacLan again, because McDavid was healthy for a season. Right.

Meanwhile. And Talbot played out of his mind. Guy Boucher, Ezra, Carlson, dragging that team to the conference finals. And, yeah, then... It's funny. Like, Ottawa's that hindsight team, where everyone's watching them for the first time in the playoffs closer, they're like, oh, man, I should have cross and higher. Higher on the ballot.

Yeah. Boucher, again, his system is... It's like watching a fucking Terence Malick movie. You may think it's great if you're a Terrence Malick fan. if you're not it's fucking painful to watch he ran his hand through the leaves of the tree that's supposed to signify the circle of life and nature

what's that Brad Pitt movie that he did that's Tree of Life oh yeah tree of life everyone was like man you gotta see tree of life nope you don't you can appreciate that people like it and it gets its quality it's not it's not it's not Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2

which a dumb person like me really likes I'm gonna get to that in a second I can't stop talking about it. It was so good. Dennis K. Morgan is a 53-year-old man who lives in Nashville. Such a good segue. He has performed about... It sounds like we're doing a mid-ball ad for like a guy who sells insurance in Nashville.

If you need life insurance, Dennis K. Morgan is the guy you want to have on your side. He has performed about 185 times... Yeah, give me the numbers again. As the National Anthem Singer since the year 2000. Out of how many games that Predators have played at home? The National Predators have played roughly 639 regular season home games since 2000. Okay, so 185. out of 639.

Plus a few dozen more in the playoffs. But we're just going to count the regular season. 185, 639. That's 29% of home games. Less than a third. Less than a third. Of home games, he has been the anthem singer. Okay.

Dennis K. Morgan. The K is there because you requested that the Predators refer to him as such because there was another Dennis Morgan in Nashville, and he wanted to make sure no one confused his anthem performances with someone who did not sing them. That made me immediately think of. Aaron Gloria Ryan.

I remember listening through her podcast once and I always wonder why she went by her and Gloria Ryan it's because like she writes about you know crazy weird stuff and there's like regular Aaron Ryan's out there

who don't want their name to show up in Google searches where it's like you know well it's interesting Michael J. Fox was Michael J. Fox because there wasn't already an actor named Michael Fox oh yeah so he had to adopt

he had to hit the J. So like was you think there was like a Tommy Jones and then he became Tommy Lee Jones? Probably. That's probably what it was right? Yeah. But like that maybe like okay but there was already a Matthew Conahey

and he had to go Matt Conahey There was already a Matt Mon so he became Matt Damon Oh we can do like 100 more of this We should probably get done

So Darren Kay Dennis K. Morgan is a little salty because there's a Apparently when the Nashville Predators make the playoffs All of country music in Nashville

decided that they would like to sing the national anthem You're Carrie Underwood who of course is married to Mike Fisher, your Lady Antebellum, your Luke Brian, your Keith Urban last night. I'm sure those are all real people.

I believe you. Dennis Kay Morgan, as you may have heard, is a little salty about this. He's disappointed because he did not get to sing in the playoffs. All the famous people did. Everywhere I go,

obviously in my day job as a healthcare IT recruiting manager and at the arena, as well as everywhere else I go to church, grocery store, on the street in meetings and in restaurants. People want to know how I feel, said Dennis K. Morgan. No, they don't.

The Predators came to me and said, The Captain's wife asked to sing the anthem. It was presented to me as a one night only... Derek Cheater's wife? Oh. As a one night only thing and I agreed to it, and they continued to bring in these other singers and touted them as A-lister's, which kind of hurt me.

So, he refers to Carrie Underwood as the captain's wife. The captain's wife will get you back. I didn't know. Which, of course, is like, you know, the cheerleader's dating the quarterback. Yeah. The captain's wife. The quarterback's girlfriend gets to go to the party, but I don't. Yeah, but, like, his girlfriend isn't, like, just a model who's trying to break into singing and they do her favor.

She's Carrie Underwood. They continue to bring in these other singers and touted them as A-listers, which kind of hurt me. They had the, they had the temerity to refer to an artist who has sold 65 million records. Which is pretty much, that's about how many. listeners we have, so I understand where he's coming from. Like, they listed her as an A-lister, and he's like, what about me?

Touting her as an A-Lister. I've sung the anthem 185 times in the last 17 years. Here's how I felt about it. When I first heard it, I was like, yeah, it's fucking sucks for this guy. Like, you know, he puts in his time, and now all of a sudden they get to the conference finals for the first time, and they want to bump him out for, like, first of all, if Faith

Hill were to sing it, but like, not do the anthem, if she were to do the Sunday night football anthem, like, wait, all day for Predator Night Ryan Joe Hanson's gonna get in a fight Like then I would take that

But based on your math The Stanley Cup is silver And hockey is old We got Zamponies The ice is cold Like I would Dennis came with that I think he'd be like

All right that's awesome You should just do 20 minutes That before the game But he according to my calculator On my phone Has done 28.9% Of all the games since 2000 He's not Renee Rancourt.

He's not what's her name in Philly. There are three different kinds of anthem singers. There are the legendary performers that are synonymous with the game-going experience. That's your Renee Rancourt. Jim Cornelius and whatever his name is. Lauren Hart. Lorne Hart. Reni Rancourt.

Yep. You cannot. I talked to somebody in the NHL the other day who admitted that they made a mistake when they did not have Renee Ray Rancourt sing the National Anthem before the Foxborough outdoor game. Oh, who did it? It was, I think it was like Stephen Tyler or something. Oh, wasn't it? The bald guy with the guitar.

What's his name? Who? Doughtry? He has a high voice. He's definitely a Boston guy. James Taylor? James Taylor. Wasn't him?

I mean, I think he's done it. Maybe that was before like a Red Sox World Series game or something, but yeah. Point is it. That's the category of like legendary performers. Right. And then you have the category of good luck charms. I remember being a New Jersey Nets fan before we traded away all of our top picks

and moved to Brooklyn. But Paul Pierce was there for about a minute. That was exciting. Paul Pierce sang the anthem? No. There was a guy named Tuffy. Tuffy Roads? Tuffy Goosewich.

Who the fuck is that? Wasn't Tuffy Roads or a wrestler? Are you thinking of Dusty Roads? Jesus Christ. Tuffy Ghost Witch is American. How dare you besmatched a good name with a boogie-wug-man? The Bucky Wogie Man.

So listen. The American Dream! Oh, yeah, the American Dream. There was a guy named Tuffy, and I remember they used to, I think it was for him. It might have been for a woman named Arlette, who did the... Arlette. I think Tuffy was there, and they used to put up a stat that said, the Nets are like 21 and 1 when Tuffy sings the National Anthem.

Sure. Which tells me that he would only sing the anthem before, like, Sacramento Kings game. Right, yeah. Whenever a team's playing a second game of a back-to-back, and the Nets are rested. The expansion, whatever the fucks. But, like, do you have your good luck charm anthem, people? people, like the ones that you're like, okay, it's great to carry on to it wants to sing, but we're like 21 and one when this person sings. Then you have the third category, your Dennis K. Morgan category of random dudes who sing the anthem and can be easily replaced if, like, Lady Antebellum wants to sing the anthem one night.

And the predator said as such, they said in their statement about this guy, we've always valued Dennis K. Morgan's, and by the way, kudos for putting the K in the press release. Because I bet there was like a conversation in the front office there where they were like, do we, do we be dicks and take out of that? the cave. Do we just call Mr. Morgan? Just to really fuck with him. A performance of the National Anthem of Predator's Home Games. Our agreement with him has always allowed for nationally and internationally renowned music artists to perform when available to further enhance our game experience while paying respect to our country through their respect of awe-inspiring or indistence of the national

anthem. Bliggity, bligdy, blah. So, like, yeah, I mean, it's kind of part of the gig that if you're there singing the anthem and someone else decides they want to sing the anthem, fucking Adele shows up. And she's like, I really like the preters. And she's like, I want to sing the anthem. Guess what? Dennis K. Morgan, you're probably not singing the anthem that night. America.

It's me. The predators are down. Two games to three. Two games to three. Well, I got to do it the British way. I got to swing it around and do like the reverse. It's not easy. Playing hockey.

But you can't. Hello, that's an eye. Offside I watched the replay a hundred times No, no, you can actually keep her lyrics for that Like when the play is off sides He was on the other side His skate was in the air a thousand times

Offside For the no go Oh, those Dave Loses singing fetishists Are really gonna have one for the record books People are enjoying that one I can't believe, but RIP that cat I just strangled to get that noise that's just produced an Adele impression. But, all right, so like, imagine if, what else?

What else are like, towns? Okay, let me put it in terms that you'll understand. Imagine if you're the guy currently playing Hamilton. Oh. And Lynn Manuel Miranda shows up and says, hey, one night only, I decided I want to be Hamilton again. And dude's like, read the fucking playbill kid, I'm Hamilton. And he's like, but I invented the show. And he's like, great.

Says here in the playbill, Hamilton, this guy, understudy, you not fucking here. David K. Lozo is doing Hamilton tonight. My name's Lozo, and I'm here to say... All right, better example. School of Rock. What school of Rock? School of Rock.

The musical. Yeah. Jack Black shows up one night. He's like, man, I got nothing else to do it. I'm all coked up. I want to do this roll on Broadway. And School of Rock guy's like, sorry, man.

I'm Dewey Finn. I don't know who you are, man. are you the guy from Tenacious D? Like, are the producers going to be like, sorry, Mr. Black, but Dennis K. Morgan is clearly Dewey Finn. No, here's the perfect example of what it is.

Of what Dennis K., whatever his name is going through. Morgan. Morgan. Yeah, don't confuse him with the other Dennis Morgan. It's like when you go to, like, the comedy seller to see, like, five dudes you never heard of. And then, like, Chris Rock shows up because he wants to work out material for an hour. And then you, like, imagine it's me there, and I'm like,

who the fuck does Chris Rock think he needs to come in here and steal my 15 minutes to work on? It's Chris Rock. And that Kyle Mooney struggling comedian character gets bumped in the show. Like that's what it is and you have to just be like

oh well this is pretty cool. You're in your back going over your note cards. Food on airplanes. We're in law. Clinton impression. What's the deal with Trump?

I mean, what's the deal? Chris Rock walks in Hey man, I'm taking 40 minutes. And you just and like you like call up the daily news and just be like this is bullshit man.

A lot of people are asking me about where my set was that night. Yeah. Everywhere I go to church or a supermarket? They're like, they handed me a no card and they said it was a Comedy Central showcase and like, I fully expected that you were going to have your A material and get on Comedy Central. And then like Chris Rock shows up. I think Jerry Seifold did a whole entire bit on like electric cars. And like I'm like, I had some stuff on that too, actually.

I wanted to do. The only time I would ever be pissed off about that is I remember during the run up to funny people. Like Seth Rogen was showing up a place of doing stuff. stand-up. And he's an actor. He's not a stand-up. Like, if you were like a career stand-up, and you were, and you were, you know, getting third billing at the comedy cellar one night, finally. And then like, Seth Rogan shows up. He's like, hey, man, weed. And everybody's like, woo! He's just like, what the fuck? That was my spot. That's so like, it's, it's, if you're Dennis Kay, you need to be okay with Carrie Underwood, but I'm mad if it's like Catherine

Heigel shows up. Right. That's right. It just feels like doing the anthem that night. If Heather Heigle shows up and, and does the anthem, or if, Catherine Hegel shows up and does stand up. Either way, you should really, really... Hey, ladies, am I right? Who takes off their bra during sex? None of us? Exactly.

I knew you guys were with me on this one. And also, I don't like how Dennis K. is all mad about the response to it, where he's just kind of like, he's like, oh, man, that's not how I sound. But, like, no, no, everyone was saying that, like, why did you call the paper? And he was like, no, the paper called me.

Okay, I get that. Yeah, but then you went to the... Right. A lot of people emailed me about that. That they were like, you know, the Tennessean is making it sound like he went to them. Well, they went to him. Right. And then he went to the Predators and said, hey, I'm going to tell the Tennessean about this.

And the predators are like, go ahead, crazy person. That's fine. Nothing you say will possibly make us feel any bad about having Carrie Underwoods sing the National Anthem. But please do you refer to her as the captain's wife multiple times. Captain's wife. Here's his two tweets from yesterday. It says, I know where the focus is, parentheses, read entire article.

I get that. People get mad at headlines. They don't read the article. It's fine. Also, I didn't reach out. They called me not trying to steal the spotlight. If you're not trying to steal the spotlight, you say no comment, no thank you, and you hang up the phone. I'm not in here with you.

You're in here with me. Thanks, Forrestok. Ask someone who knows me if that article sounds like me. Then if you still want to attack, how about it? I don't know what that means. But again, the article itself, I love when people say, oh, this, if you're not you, you you know me, clearly you know this isn't me. 80% of the article

is block quotes. Right. Of him. Just talking. Like, if he was... Telling Carrie on to what she's the captain's wife. Like, if he was like, look, I was angry and I regret it and I apologize and I shouldn't have said it. Like, okay, that's fine.

But just to be like, that's just not who I am. Well, that's just not what I... You said it, though. I can't think we just spent 10 minutes talking about the Predators fucking National Anthem. Dennis K. Morgan. Dennis K. K. Hayesbert. That's right. Obviously, if Dennis

Kay Haysbert had given Joe Boo's rum, none of this would have happened. You know that for a fact. Here's yet another response. Oh, wait, hold on. Please. I know this person's on my side. I'm getting all these weird Ottawa responses still.

That are as boring as the team. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 is not boring. You finally saw it. The more I think about it, the more I like the better than the first one. The only drawback is that I think that, I think this series, and I'm hoping it is a series, that it's best when all of them are together.

And there's a, like, The scene where they have the crash land of that planet and they're all just shooting the shit. Like that's like, wow, this is so much fun. And there wasn't enough of them together in the second one as there was in comparison to the first ones. That kind of bum me out. But that's what you do. Empire Strikes Back set the template. You have to split up everybody and they all come together at the end.

That's how these things work. I didn't mind that at all. There were no lulls. Like there was no like nitpicks. There was no like they really without spoiling it kind of drew out. the part where like she's like I have something to tell you and then like somebody interrupts them it was very like three's company like friends where like that right that kind of device but oh uh mantis yeah yeah dude every drachs mantis scene is fucking hysterical like I was in tears every interaction those two

it's so like I'm not sitting here telling you that Dave batista deserves an Oscar for best supporting actor right but maybe maybe a nomination because it it's one of those things where like he's a big giant dude and he plays dumb so it's just like it feels like a standard thing but like that character how it's written how he delivers his lines is just exceptional that's why he's guns a genius like the director writer because like he another guy would have handed the movie over to rocket raccoon because like that's like a great character and a funny character and a little cgine but he knows to use him in small doses and put most of the great lines into Drax's mouth.

He's a funnier character and a funnier performer and a funnier everything. So to me the movie the movie's great. It's packed with so many visual references. The one I keep going back to

is when the Sovereignor chasing the Guardians in the beginning of the movie and all the drone ships are being controlled by people playing in a giant coin-op arcade and then it comes down to one ship and then everybody's crowded around the one guy like he's trying to beat Donkey Kong

in like 1980. to it's fantastic and I don't want to spoil it because I know there are probably

people that haven't seen it yet yeah it's too sooner for spoilers the most but

but but Chris Chris Pratt's dead the whole time the single most vicious uncaring brutal

sick villain plot of any superhero movie in this run of DC or

Marvel it is so goddamn twisted. I can't, I still can't believe that they went there. It's great. With it. It's like, it's, it's like, the one thing people hate about superhero movies, and I get it, is like, there's never really any consequences. Yeah. For anybody. Right. Like, there's, in this one, there's, there's, there's consequences. There's actual, like, body count. Yeah. Like, it's, like, I'm, I'm very sad that at some point they're going to merge with, like, the other ones to kind of bring it all together. That's just for one movie, though. I don't like that. I don't want to have to the strands of the nebula and Gamora. daughter's thing with Thanos. How about this?

Mm-hmm. Fuck Mary Kill. Okay. Gimora. Uh-huh. Nebula. Mm-hmm. Mantis. I would marry Mantis. Hmm. I think. Wait. Her deal is that she can feel what you're feeling.

Well, I think her big draw is that she can put you to sleep right away. Okay. Like there's no tossing attorney. I would definitely marry Mantis. All right. 17 hour flight in New Zealand. Right. Work your magic. Like, oh my god. Like, like, anytime you're stressed out and she can just like touch you and like, oh man, that would be, that would be fantastic. I would fuck Nebula and kill Gamora for one reason. Hmm. I feel like Nebula would be a kind of fucking run kind of deal.

What do you mean? I feel like she would know the deal. I feel like Gamora is still working through her feelings. Oh. I'm a feeling if I slept with Gamora that maybe things would get a little confused. using and she's the most lethal assassin in the galaxy. Right.

And that could be bad news. Like, oh, no, no, no. I thought, see, I thought it was just like one one night, but like, yeah. Oh, so we want different. Oh, I never, I never mentioned kids. I don't know why you think that I mentioned kids.

But I feel like Nebula would be like, thank you. And just like, go and do her thing. See, like, for me, 100% 100% fuck Nebula. Now, why is that? Same reason? She's just hot.

I just... I would... I would be like... I would be like... I know that you're... She's bendy with the robot stuff. Like that could be fun too, I think. I'd be like, I know you're playing a character, but I'm really like Scottish.

I know. Talk like that? The problem is like, you know what sucks too? It was like back in the day, like the Princess Leia fantasy was like the dude fantasy of like sci-fi. And that was easy. Buns, gold bikini. Like, if you ever want to act one of these out with like your girlfriend, like, you gotta get like body paint. There's a whole production, man.

You need a makeup crew to have that happen. Basically, if you want to fuck Zoe Saldana in fantasy world, you have to dress her up like O'Hura. Because you can't do Avatar and you can't do Gimora. Oh, right? She's an avatar too. Yeah, exactly. Boy, Zoe Salada might be like the greatest sci-fi actor of all time. But then, like, all right, between

marrying Mantis or killing Mantis and then, I don't know. The sleep thing really does seem to come in handy. The every Drak's fucking Mantis scene. I have never seen a movie in the theater twice. I may go back and see this one again. It was that funny. So wait, are you marrying Mantis or not?

There's no way you could kill her. You could not look in those big, those big eyes and like kill that, kill that poor thing. And there's also the gold lady, too, from a... The sovereign? Man from Uncle. I like her a lot. I like her a lot. Yeah, so that's what I mean. Every, like, fantasy girl in the movie is like, it's like nine hours of makeup. You're never going to be able to.

I just like, I like that it's, that somehow they are allowed to be weird. Like, this series. is allowed to be weird. Like, Thor should be, Thor looks like it's getting to that place in the next one that it's going to be in weird territory. That one looks good too.

But like, it's just cool. I really liked it. I, I didn't, I was prepared for a letdown and, uh, and it didn't happen. And everybody in the movie's great and Kurt Russell's amazing.

And, uh, like, and Baby Groot was not annoying. Baby Groot was really funny. Baby Groot is way more annoying in all the commercials. In the movie, Baby Groot's hilarious.

Yeah. But all right, I'll marry him at this kill Gamora. Even though I don't want to kill Gamora. that's what makes it so tough I mean there is an option there is there you know

a little neck right wait no all right now all right now's the time on Pucksie from we open up the mailbag Dougie Iceback wants to know I love Guardians of the Galaxy but whenever Rocket Raccoon talks

I hear George Costanza am I crazy do you think they're doing something with Bradley Cooper's voice or is Bradley Cooper potentially doing George Costanza Explain to me why Vin Diesel has to be the voice of Baby Groot. I don't understand that at all.

I saw that in the opening credits and I'm like, wait, he's still doing the voice. I do love that idea that, like, at some point, James Gunn had to go to Vin Diesel after Vin Diesel read the script and he's like, I see this whole movie. It's about being a family. I don't know if you know, but there's another group of movies where they're trying to be a family. I don't know if you've ever seen them. And James Gunn's like, I don't know. I'm not familiar with it.

I don't even drive a car. But you feel, too, that there's no studio. No, it's on this movie. It's just like whatever James Gunn wanted to do. Yeah, he earned Carpodge. Do whatever you want. Does he sound like George Costanza? Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah, I can see that. I can see that. That does make sense. Kevin Maloney, if avocado toast was a hockey player, who would it be? Avocado toast. So if avocado toast is taking a basic ingredient and spreading it on another basic ingredient and then putting salt on it and then charging $18. for it. So a basic

player who is completely overrated for doing basic things. Milal Luchich? That's possible. That's possible. Oh, no. No, that's not good. That's not a good answer. To me, avocado toast is a real you're supposed to

take care of your kids kind of thing. It's like avocado on toast and salt. It's just the thing, of course it's going to be good, but you shouldn't have to pay $18 for it. Oh, Jonathan Thames. Thank you. There's the answer. All right. 10.5 for that. You kidding me? Brett Boddner wants to know

Where will Colvichuk end up playing next year if he really does come back to the NHL? I think he's coming back. No idea. I find it interesting that I think he fits really well with the Islanders, but I don't know if the devil's will do business with him or not. And I also don't know what. The hardest thing for me as far as like where Colbuchar is going to end up is, one, how much sway he has over his destination. Because if you remember, when he left, the only two teams he was considering playing for were the Devils and the Kings. Right.

Somebody told me that he was never, ever considering the king. That was a total leverage move. So just the devils. I think, like, yeah, I think you wanted to stay over here because of his family. So in this area, the islanders would be a good fit, in theory. But I think the best fit, honestly, and I don't know if he wants to play in Canada, it would be Montreal. Get him up there with Raduloff, assuming they get along, give them some goal scoring, sniper on the power play. Do they have the room for him, though?

The cap room? I don't know. I don't think they do. I mean, it's not as if they've got a defense. I'm making... Especially if they re-side rations. Agiloff. I don't know how they're going to afford that. How about Florida? With Yager?

You got some young kids there. I think they're not bringing Yager back, so that's money. The greatest misconception about Kovilchuk is that he's bad in the room. The devils loved him when he was there. No, he's Russian. He's bad in the room. No, he's... That's how it works. He scores a lot of goals and he's Russian. Bad in the room and kill coaches. Bring back Nikolai Jaredev.

The thing about all of you is you see Ovechkin, you get hockey basketball. boner and want to rub hockey boner all over of Etkin. That's tweet seven of a 95 tweet, right? Is that what you do with boners? You rubbed them on stuff? That's not when I thought it was... Go ahead, Leon's kiss pretty boy over his face.

Enjoy Redskins' minicamp, out. I get tax-free money for four years. I come here and play for free to win Stanley Cup. Unlike Alex Semin, who is Big Baby. Seven the 42 tweets. Dan Straitage wants to know, if Ryan gets left,

Would Ryan Gets Laf get more love if he had a better hairline? Good question. No, he plays an an eye. There you go. Scott Flores wants to know coffee, cream or no cream? No cream, a black coffee boy. I'm a black coffee boy. Starbucks, I go half and a half.

Dunkin' Donuts, I go regular whole milk. I don't know why I do that, but that's what I do. Like that coffee this morning, half and half. Never red sugar. Josh wants to know. Thoughts on answering your phone in the bathroom. A guy at the urinal answered and had a full conversation. Urinal, no.

I don't like that. I don't like the idea of standing next to a guy with his phone raised above the partition. I used to work with the guy who talked to his wife while he was taking his shit at the office every day. He timed it. He timed it so he could do it that way. And like there's times, I remember the first time I figured this out because like it had happened like a couple of times. And then I realized it was always around the same time in the evening. I'd be in there peeing.

And then I'd hear like, oh. We can't afford to send her there. It's too much tuition. Like, we need to figure out a way to... I'll make a confession here for me and you and everybody listening. There have been times, and there may have been a time in the last couple of weeks. As you know, I'm very pressed for time. Very busy man.

You're just a man in demand. Very busy man. There may have been times when I forgot that I had to do a phoner on the radio. and they called while I was on the can and then they're like all right you know just a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a minute. They're going to be back in the air in about a minute and a half. It's a slime, slime boy, that's goo.

And I I finished the job in that minute and a half and flushed with the phone muted before I did the interview. So I was on the can when they called and said you know. Johnny Truck and and the goofball are going to be with you in about a minute of 30.

And then I finished the job and flushed, and then I did the interview. I mean, laid on my feet, by the way, afterwards. But that's definitely happened at least, maybe within the last two weeks. Maybe it happened when I was in Pittsburgh. Who picks second again this year? Devils one. Who's the two? Flyers.

So, like, Greg, Greg Wischinski over there in Jersey. You got, you pick first there. What do you expect the flyers to do at number two? And you're like, well, I know what I'm doing at number two. And that's splattering the inside of the bowl. Hey, hey, puck daddy, what do you think about this, Penguins Ottawa series? I don't know about that, but here, listen, it's the Carolina Hurricanes logo. Swirl, swirl, swirl, swirl, swirl.

It sucks that you can't trade Cory Schneider and Ilyaakovichuk for the two because it's Philly. Devils will never do that. Oh, my God. You think there's a trade to be made with the Devils in Philly? No, because that's a weird thing about sports. Schneider for the two? Teams never trade in their divisions. And the Devils never trade with their rivals either.

I can't even remember the last Devil's Flyers trade there was. There definitely was a Devils Rangers trade at some point, I think. I want to say... Maybe it's like one. I want to say it involved Troy Millett back in the 90s. Whoa. Back in the day. But, yeah, I don't answer my phone anywhere, really.

So if I'm taking a dump, it better be like something really... Like, when you get a call, that's like not in your phone out of area. Do you ever pick it up? I never do. I pick it up because I assume it's either a radio station, but then it ends up being like, your car insurance is... Right. P S-E-N-G is

No, like, it's just, it's never anything You're, or it's like, like, dude, I had an online gambling account like 15 fucking years ago. They call me at the start of every, every separate sports season to be like, hey, we just want to know, you got a 10% bonus.

Like, how do you still have my number? Like, I haven't gambled in your site in 15 years. So no, don't pick up your phone anywhere. Just text. Um, um, what hell? Oh, yeah. No, I get, I get, uh,

I get those telemarketing calls. And then occasionally, I decided to fuck with them and they get done with their spiel. And I'm like, you're a robot. And sometimes they actually have something in their response mechanism that says, I can assure you I'm not. Is that true? Yeah, that's true.

And Ruby dies when it starts, like, she'll look over to me on the phone and she'll just hear, you're a robot. And she's like, oh, boy, because you know what's going to happen. Because like every response that comes back, I can assure you, I'm not. No, I think you might be a robot. I don't realize that's how telemarketing work now. Yeah, it's all, it's all on, because you know what it is? It's from what I gather, and I'm sure if somebody out there will correct us,

when they farm out these calls to call centers in other countries, they have buttons they push for English language responses. You know? So like, you're actually talking to a human, but they're pushing a button that is answering you in English because that's not their native tongue. So that's how they got a, remember about 50s? 15 years ago, they would do actual call centers in like Pakistan. Yeah.

And like, and everybody's like, I'm never working up, working with, I'm never buying this product because, you know, ain't American. Well, they got around that by just having computers that sound American being operated by people in Bangladesh. What's more American than computers calling you at home to sell you shit? Brian Parsons wants to know who's the smartest person in the hockey media? That's a really good question. Like smartest person in the hockey media. I feel like Delo's up there. But he uses his powers for the powers of evil sometimes.

I don't consider, he is hockey media. He's really, you don't consider him hockey. He works at the athletic now, though. But like, oh, Myrtle. Fuck. Yeah, Murtel's up there, too. Murtel is like, John Tortorello is like, John Tortorella working at TSN. Like, he's just in between things.

Which John Torderella now? The one, the main one? Or the clone with the sweater? John, John, we're going to be out, you're going to be on Bob McKenzie in three, two. And they point on him and he just goes, fighting's good. Hi, Steve. Hi, Steve.

I would probably go Myrtle would be my choice for smartest in the hockey media. I'm going to do this because he always gets mad at us whenever we do the impression. I'm going to say Ryan Lambert. Why do you do this?

The best is like he'll text me after he's listening to the show and he's just commenting about something we talked about and then like 20 minutes later I get to text and it's like, I just got to the part where you guys do the impressions of me. Fuck you.

I mean, listen, he's a brilliant writer. I read everything that he does. He's legendary. Like the Ploticus. And many other dinosaurs. Legends. Lai giant lizard legends walking the earth. You shouldn't definitely make him write the thing about why he should be a GM this summer.

Oh, I saw that tweet that you sent him. I completely agree. Yes, I do. By the way, he's going to be, for those of you who don't know Ryan, like he's going to be on the show at some point. We fucking love Lambert. We just have to get him to New York on like a Wednesday to do the show. Middle of the week where he has no dinosaur tours. God damn. And that'll be one, that'll be in the whole show with a guest category. Like, he will sit in

for the whole show. We'll give him like 15 minutes to rebut anything we've ever said regarding dinosaurs or him or anything. He can just go off. But just leave the room for a while. It will be the best thing you've ever heard. She's the last Tedisandronicus album. This is from Brian, Brian Neeson. How does Lozo feel about Jude Law not being in the young Pope season two, aka the new Pope? Yes, that is a real thing. So mad. I'm so disappointed. I don't get what they're doing. Like, I thought the whole point was that, like, you watch the first season of the show that then see the next season of the young pope. But they're making it, they're making it like a Fargo type thing where they're going to have, like, parts of that season still relevant to the second season, but different characters.

It sounds very much like the KFC commercials where they're having a different person play the Pope each time. Okay. If Jim Gaffigan is the new Pope, I'm all in. Hey, it's me and I'm, New Pope. White Smoke says that I'm the new Pope. Everybody, get to Pope and get to praying. I fire a Voyello. Who did I hire?

You guessed it. Frank Stallone. Oh, I can't believe they're not bringing it back. OJ murdered people. Timor, Concerned Calgaryen wants to know, do the empty seats in Anaheim in round three of the playoffs tell us anything, reed viability of the NHL in the O.C? I don't know how many empty seats there were in the third round.

I remember there being a thing in, like, game one, where the traffic was horrendous, and a lot of people didn't make the game in time. Yeah, I don't know about that. I think it's fine. Playoff tickets are really expensive. I don't know if people notice that. Yeah, you know what? When, like, nobody can afford anything because nobody has a job because the economy sucks, it's kind of hard to afford lower bowl, $400 tickets for a third-round series. Mm-hmm.

But. Lower bowl or smoke a bowl? Sometimes life makes you make difficult choices. If you could smoke a bowl and the lower bowl. That lower bowl probably more filled, but... I think actually that's the solution for the avalanches attendance problems. You imagine that?

It's like, hey, where are you going? I'm going to go get a couple of beers. What do you want? Give me like an eighth of the cush? Of the sack cush? No, not the cotton candy. No, the Maui. Yeah, no, that's what we want.

Yeah. The Rob Blake buds. Give me some of those? I'd watch a fucking avalanche. I do. I'd watch it. I keep watching it. I'd just still be sitting there after it's done. And like every time they score a goal instead of like the cannon, like somebody just lights up a gigantic spliff in the corner of the arena. Like, sir, you have to go. The game's been over for an hour.

Yeah, but you guys haven't showed off the Jumbotron and it's been great. The way that like the TV flickers every few seconds. Awesome. Finally, Matt. Oh, Jesus. Poirier, P-O-I-R-I-E-R, Poirier. Sure. Right.

Matt Pee. When the Preds win the cup. Awfully, presumptuous. Oh, yeah, I saw this question. Who gets the first handoff from Mike Fisher, aka Mr. Carrie Underwood? I don't know. The singer's husband, as it were. Peca René, Romani, Romani, or P.K. Suban, all have put the team on their back at some point.

The goalie. Does the goalie ever get the cup second? I feel like he's the answer, though. I feel like he's the answer, too. PK's there one year. He's young and his first year there. Fisher would be the guy who would get it if somebody else was captain. Yosey's a good choice.

But I would imagine it have to be Pecca, right? Like there's no... Who's the oldest guy on that team who's not Mike Fisher? Let's see, 96.80. Oh, Vernon Fiddler would be an option. I think that's an option. Is there, when's the last time a guy who didn't dress for the clinching game got the cup? No, that's a good point.

He plays a little bit, but I mean, he's not necessarily guaranteed to be in the lineup that night they win it. He would be your oldest guy. The next oldest guy is the guy who obviously would be responsible if they win the cup, Cody McLeod. I was going to say, that was my other guess, but he just got there this year in a trade. He's not like an old-time guy. Vernon Fiddler and Mike Fisher are the same age, and if you had asked me that, I would have said that Vernon Fiddler is litigit 17 years older than Mike Fischer. See, I would have thought he was younger for some reason.

Who, Renna Fiddler? I know, it's dumb, but that's what I was my missal thought. He always strikes me as being like 45 years old and a guy who played in the fourth line for 17 different teams. James Neal? James Neal isn't really, James Neal's close, but yeah. Yeah. Pecker-Renay, I think, is the answer because, like, he's been there for how long now? His whole career, so.

Yeah, precisely. All right. I think it's time to call this one. I think it's over? Yeah, I think it's over now. Thanks to everybody for listening. I think we gave you a longer one than the ones you anticipated. Yeah, we went deeper.

Tried to. We had breakfast with Jonah Carey this morning, and we were thinking about making him a guess, but then... He's pressed. He's pressed. He's got to go see. Who was he have to go see again? A bunch of people. But he was really nice.

He bought us breakfast by staying in a hotel and getting a free breakfast, and then we mooched off it. Yeah. Free bagel. Free water. Free water, yeah. No waffle maker, they like to have it, like the double tree. Yeah, get it together. Free hotel.

Get it together, Casa Blanca Hotel. in Times Square that... Geez. You know, exactly. All right, I'm Greg Wushinsky of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy

Blog. You can find my stuff at Woshensky on Twitter. You can find my writing at Puck Daddy. I want to give a shout out to Jen Neal

and Josh Cooper who unfortunately are not with Puck Daddy anymore because of budget crap. I love them both and it's not been a very happy week.

But I hope that they both find other stuff and they will. They're super talented. And especially in Jen's case who's been with us for a really long time. The economic realities of sports

writing, Dave Lozo, as we've talked about many times in the show, come home to roost. Every two weeks, we've got to talk about somebody getting laid off. And it fucking sucks. And it fucking sucks to have it this time of year. So best luck to Jen and Josh. We love them both big time. And unfortunately, life is life. So anyways, you can find my book,

take your eye off the puck. You find our book. 100 greatest players in natural history and other stuff. And here's Dave. I got to pee, so we're going to be done right now. Now, when you pee, are you going to talk to anybody on the phone? No, but I'll talk to the guy next to me. How's it going, bro? See you.

Bye.