Puck Soup - Sweep Golden Knights

Episode Date: April 19, 2018

Greg and Dave discuss the Vegas Golden Knights' sweep of the LA Kings, and why they can win the Stanley Cup; the rest of the playoffs' underwhelming first round; the wacky awards voting and why Dave hates the Selke; coaches that look like coaches, and the vacancies they might fill; the few actors to never appear in superhero films; and play along with the Taco Bell Discontinued Menu Item quiz! Sponsored by Seat Geek!

Today's episode of Puck Soup is sponsored by Den of Thieves, Gerard Butler, Pablo Schreiber, O'Shea Jackson, and Curtis 50 Cent Jackson face off in the action-packed heist thriller, Den of Thieves. Available on Digital Now and on Blu-ray and on DVD April 24th on the all-new, unrated version with never-before-I-have-seen footage of awesome tough guys firing guns at each other, Den of Thieves. Let's start the show. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slap shots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of Hagi and Nonsense. Bork to...

Hi. It's Dave. I'm sitting real close to Greg this week. We are uncomfortably close to each other. Like, I can see this stubble on his face. Thank you. It's quite manly around that. I feel, I feel like we're on the love toilet.

Remember the love toilet from SNL where it was like a toilet where they sit, like, Phil Hartman was seated here, and then Jan Hooks was facing the other way, but they could like stare at each other as they were shitting? No, but I want to see that. That's like my era. He said Jan Hooks. I recognize that cast member's name. Yeah, the Jan Hook's Nora Dunn era. You know, for all you whippersnappers who go crazy for your 80 Bryant's and your, you know, the other. girl on the show now.

Sure. Kate McKinnons. I've heard of her. Yeah, back in the day, it was all about Jan Hooks and Nora Dunn. By the way, how about John Malaney hosted? Not that I don't like John Malaney, but there was a time when to host that show, you had to be more than a comic that had a failed sitcom four years ago. Or have been a writer on the show.

But it was great. Oh, I heard it was great. Yeah. I love him, but it just seems like, remember like back in the day, it was like Tom Hanks and Sting? And now it's like, some guy who was on TV for a minute four years ago. Yep. Like, okay.

He did the thing that every writer has ever dreamed of, which is doing all his old sketches that got rejected. I'm Greg Wischinsky, the SPI, and you're a poxsup near a box suit. Yeah, doing every sketch that's been rejected. Imagine if you worked for a magazine and he kept pitching ideas and the editor's like, fuck, no, that's terrible. Oh, yeah. And then eventually he gets caught with a hooker. And then you become the editor of the magazine. And then you're like, you know what?

We're totally doing that oral history of the go bots. Yes. And they're like, but this is the National Review. Why would we do it here? I'm like, go bots! Sorry, this is now a one-person dictatorship, and we're doing all my... What's amazing is, like, if you asked me to find something I wrote like 10 years ago, I could never find it. You know what I mean?

Like, oh, I wrote a sketch that never went anywhere, and it's one of my laptops, I don't know. And this guy had all these old sketches just ready to go. John Mullaney seems the type that might have his Steve Bishemi and Billy Madison type hate file. Yeah. He's ready to settle scores with... As soon as my sitcom hits, by golly, I'm going to really let him know who's... Who's John Malaney? How is that guy not on TV, though?

Like, I don't get it. Like, he's, like, how, why do we not have a John Malaney? Why do I have to see Nick Kroll every time he's... Yeah, in the John Malaney, Nick Kroll power rankings, it goes, John Malaney, and then that's the end of the power rankings. Like, how is Nick Kroll glommed on to John Malaney? And now they're together everywhere. I've always wanted to like Nick Kroll because he's a hockey. He's a hockey fan.

I think that's why he did those dopey commercials where they stole the Stanley Cup. Remember that? I don't remember those are all. Yeah, the NHL did an ad campaign where Nick Kroll and his crew of, whatever's stole the Stanley Cup and were like holding it hostage or something. How long ago is this? I don't know. I've never found him that funny.

And also, Justin Gourini is a better little Dr. Pepper Man than Nick Kroll was. Nick Kroll was the Dr. Pepper guy? I think wasn't it, Nick Kroll was the Dr. Pepper guy and then Justin Guarini took it over? Or was it always Justin Guarini? I have, wait, I didn't realize people, you have affection for the Dr. Pepper guy and the Dr. Pepper commercial? What I do on my off days, Dave, is I have a giant wall with lots of. red yarn in it, just like Carrie from

Homeland, and I tracked the progress of different brand icon characters. When did Justin Gourini take over for Nick Kroll? When did Reba McIntyre take over for Jim Gaffigan? Well, that's different. Those people are all famous. Who the fuck is Justin Guarini? He was the runner up in the first season of

Idol to Kelly to Kelly. Remember from Justin to Kelly, the movie? That's not him. Yeah. What? As little little pep or little duck or what the fuck it is? That's a different Justin, isn't it? No, that's Justin Gordini. The sweetest one. That's him.

Can you hear the dulcet tones of Justin Guarini in that voice? That's him. I'm trying to picture. I don't remember what he fucking sounds like. He looked like sideshow bob. Remember? He had sideshow bob hair in the first season of Idol. Yeah. That's the same guy?

Yeah. I mean, it's okay that you don't remember. I mean, like me, I'm sure you were more of a Nikki Macbibbon guy. But yeah, Justin Guarini is your little sweet. Oh, look at that. Little, fuck, I don't remember. Yeah, I don't care. I can't believe people think as much about the fucking Dr. Pepper Couchard.

I have on my wall chronicled the last 75 Ronald McDonald's in chronological order dating all the way back to Willard Scott. You know all of the different characters' names on Flo's commercials for Burgesses. You're like, actually, Jamie is played by Michael Hunsacker who starred. He came in sixth on an episode, Britain's Got Talent in 1996. You know that they stopped hiring people and now just Flo playing all the characters. like she's in a fucking Eddie Murphy movie circa 1989. I'm gonna give you a take, ready?

Yeah. Flo's a bitch. I'll give you another take. Flo is hot. That's a bad take. Flo treats Jamie like shit. Jamie just wants to do a good job and Flo is constantly shitting on Jamie all the time.

Jamie's like, hey, hey, how's it going? And Flo just treats him like shit. And now all the coworkers follow Flo's lead and treat Jamie like shit. How would you like it if, you know, her sister as a kid and she's known as Aunt Flo and your life is shit because of that. Thanks, South Park.

Aunt Flo. Speaking of the toilet, the toilet one was on last night where what's his name's mom, like the kid won't put the seat down. She's like, please put the seat down and finally she falls in and dies. They flush the toilet and all her organs come out. That's a good episode. It's a hockey. You're in Puck's soup. The playoffs are going on.

Oh, we had a request, actually. What was a request? Sweep, golden nights. 4-0. L.A. never scored their goals. They're slow. They suck. They're old.

I picked the wrong team. But you took your advice from Ryan Lambert, who doesn't believe in the golden night sweet magic. Vegas is going to have their parade down the strip and like Ryan's still going to be like, well, actually, they're still not that good. Like you see yesterday on Twitter digging a pothole in the middle of the strip. Actually, you know what parade is better? it was the Penguins parade last year.

Like, you know how Yost? Yost like pretty much M-Bates every day to the Vegas called the nights and like Ryan's the opposite? I've been quietly waiting for months for those two to collide because every day, Yose is like, Marcia So! And Lambert's like, uh, Vegas. And yesterday they almost went. They almost did. I saw.

I wanted it. You almost did the Grabs popcorn tweet, but didn't. I know. I was so excited. I was like, oh, I was, I was going to, oh, Ryan, you know, Yost said that, um, you know, I was going to do one of those. Oh, Travis, did you hear what Ryan said about Vegas? I wanted it to happen.

Ryan, did you know that Travis put you in his hockey pundant slam book and said that you don't even know what you're talking about, but Vegas? Is that you're effeminent Jim Rome? Rackham. Rackham. Okay. Vegas Golden Knights. Dear Jane. Signed, Orenthall.

Rock him. I knew they were going to win. I didn't think they'd win in a sweep. It was, I mean, it was a sweep, but it was close on, like, By the way, the first round has been so bad. I thought, I think it was maybe Adam Kimmelman who said that it was one of the most entertaining, like, sweeps. It wasn't, like all the games were close, though. They were fun.

Vegas was fun to watch. No, they weren't. The fucking L.A. King sucked the goddamn life out of that series, man. I was saying the other day, it was like watching a U.S. women's team in the Olympics play, like some country you never heard of. Oh, Latvia. And it's like two to one after two. Everyone's like, ooh, close game. But then you see the shots.

and it's like 45 to 6, and you're like, oh, is it really, that was every game. Vegas just ran the show, L.A. hung on for Deer Life, and then they shit their bed in game three. I heard from, I did hear, though, that, like, one of the greatest things about this series, and we'll get to the repercussions for the Golden Knights later in the show, because our question of the day is, of course, of the week. That parade's going to be awesome. Is how far will the Golden Knights go, and what is your reaction going to be when they're done? I did hear from a noted pundit this week that,

One player in particular had a strong series. Jeremy Roanick said that Mark Andre Fleury is... Your boy, your boy, Jeremy Roanick. ...is reaching superstar status. He may, in fact, become a superstar at some point. Yeah, I saw you get mad about that. I kind of see the case. I don't see the case.

Why? You don't think he's a star. You're the guy who thinks Philip Forsberg is not a star. You think the guy with two cups as a backup is a star, really? I think the guy with three cups as a goalie, who played on one of the most popular teams in sports and who became the face of a franchise when he was traded

because, or was selected, because he is such a star. I mean, I hesitate. I hesitate for you. I'm trying to watch out for you. Because what you're essentially saying is that the player who was selected by Vegas to be the face of their franchise

is not a star. The guy who was exposed in the expansion draft. The guy, right, for the younger playoff wallpaper who doesn't screw up. The superstar was exposed in the expansion draft.

You're right, okay. There's been plenty of superstars exposed in expansion drafts. Yeah. Mark Deney. Troy Millett. Lots of superstars. Alex Tuck.

You cannot argue that Mark Andre Fleury isn't a star. He's one of the probably If you were going by curating our star power, he's one of the five most popular goalies in the last 10 years. Oh, that's a star.

One of the five most most popular goalies. That's not a star. It's not just... What? That means he's more famous than over 60 people. He's famous in Pittsburgh. He's famous locally. Where's his national spot? Where's his Gatorade ad where he goes real smooth? Real smooth.

Where's his ad? He doesn't have one. No one wants to buy Gatorade from a French man. Everybody thinks there's horse meat in action. Oh, so maybe he's a star in France. In French, in French, Canada, not France. He's like, he's like Andre the Giant. He's big in the French-speaking They don't give a shit about hockey in France.

I think we're going to shit about Belmar and France. I think him winning a cup in the first year of Vegas could elevate him to a place. He's not currently at. He's a local star. Yeah. To the Hall of Fame. He's like a local radio guy who thinks he's super popular. God damn it.

When really he's just the guy who could do like a car dealership commercial locally, but not nationally. So you're saying that Mark Andre Fleur is a guy who makes three or four saves and then says, all right, up next candle box. Also, we have corrosion of conformity tickets. They're playing the amphitheater this weekend. Be the fifth caller to the X. Hockey just doesn't have stars, man. They just don't.

What I said about Philip Foresburg was completely true at the time. He was a star at the time. He's getting there. He's isn't the highlight real. He's leading his team. But saying he wasn't a... He's not a star either, by the way. Saying he wasn't a draw before last playoffs is not a fucking, you know, outlandish statement to make.

But Flurry's a star. Like, who... Name the goalies that are more famous than Mark Andre Fleury. Lurie. Just because there's no other famous goalies, doesn't mean if you set the bar low enough, you can make a guy a superstar. Luongo maybe. He's not a superstar.

Luongo maybe. There are no superstar goleys in the NHL. That's it. Carri price. Yeah. Carri price, Luongo. The guy who plays in Florida that nobody fucking comes to see that guy, the fucking building with 4,000 people in it.

Don't blame him for the market, okay? But he's a superstar. He is. Why doesn't the superstar pack the building, Gregory? Well, goalies can't sell tickets. Ah, so they're not superstars. No, they are. They are stars.

And mates. They are stars in their own right. Their own right. Oh, I got a backpedal and oh, he's on the ropes. Taylor Hall, I would say wasn't a star until this year. I would kind of agree with that. Yeah. Star making performance.

Yes. Nathan McKinnon, same deal. Maybe. A little bit. Close. But you're saying Philip Forsberg still isn't a star. He's close. Let's diagram it.

What makes a star? You have to have achievement and Philip Forsberg appears. in the final, although he didn't play well because his center got hurt. Yeah. You have to have... It's also hockey. I also think that he doesn't challenge for scoring titles or stuff like that quite as much as a star should. Like, if he didn't get hurt this year, he probably would have had like 90-ish points.

He probably would have been up there. Okay. I also think that you have to hit lay old highlight reel, which he definitely does with frequency. Mm-hmm. I just think it's sort of like a nebulous thing that goes beyond hockey. Like, is Chris LaTang a star? No. Right.

But he's super. awesome and fun to watch, but he's just not a star. The third most famous person, the, okay, the fourth most famous person on those penguins teams was Flurry behind Sid and Malkin and Phil. And you can make the argument that's Sid than Phil.

Oh, I put Phil ahead of Sid. What? Come on. If you're walking down the street, who are you more excited to see? Phil or Sid? I feel like your star, your star rating thing is like, like, you based it on commercial pitch men. That's what a star is. Right. So like, if Bill Kessel was trying to get you to buy.

Oh, I buy anything he sold. Bacon, cars, tires. It didn't matter. I'd be like, y'all. If you were trying to make you buy a fuchsia air freshener for your office. Done. That you plug into the wall. He's like, wouldn't you look good in these capri pants?

Yes, I would. Yeah. Pants. Good one, Randy. Good one. Meanwhile, it's like, you know, these pants are, you know, shorter than normal pants. Pants are usually go all the way down on the ankle. always are rising above, slightly below the knee.

How do I look, Randy? And meanwhile, you have Gennie Malkin says, Aye, don't care, you should have these capri pants, don't care. Like Stamco's. Is he a star? Yeah, I think he's a star. He's one scoring titles. And look where he is in terms of how good he is compared to everybody else.

He's a big, and he's like, he's a bigger star than Kuturoff is. Yeah, like Kuturoff is a ball. He must be a huge star and not get suspended from what he did to Sammy Vatton. We'll get to that in a second. He's got that star pattern. What a league. Austin Matthews is a star. He might be getting there based on the market he plays in.

That affects it too. That's why everybody wants to come play for the Knicks or the Giants is because you know that when your career is over, you have spent your entire career with the Yankees or whatever. Now you can be in the New York market. Yeah, I would never know the name Kiki Vandeway, were it not from the fact that he played for the Knicks. Absolutely not. Kurt Rambis? Who the hell is that? Oh.

Bill Bradley became a fucking senator because he played for the mix. You think that would have happened if he played for the Sacramento King? You think like Cynthia Nixon is running for office in like Wyoming? Because if she happened to live there after she was on sex in the city, no. Do you see the thing in the Times today, by the way, based on Cynthia Nixon's questions about where upstate New York is, where it actually begins? If you were to say where upstate New York begins, where it begins. Oh, yeah. I saw that. Yeah, like Rochester.

Well, no, that's Western New York. I think north of Westchester would be my answer. And that was what the majority of people said. But there are some people saying that like upstate New York doesn't begin until you get north of Poughkeepsie. And I'm thinking there must be a fuck ton of people in Poughkeepsie that have New York Times subscriptions to sway the survey like that. This is like the opposite of like the South Jersey Central Jersey argument that you have in our state. But like I think orange county is where it starts in New York. If that matters, anyone's listening to this?

The Jersey argument is basically my section of the state trying to prove our existence. You know, you got fucking North and South Jersey saying Central doesn't exist. It's not like we're all clamoring. Like people in Poughkeepsie are clamoring to be like, oh, yeah, we're a New York expert for sure. I can't even fucking find you on a map. Dude, Pekipsy, I remember I worked at the Journal News up in Westchester County, and the guy I worked there lived in Pekypsey, and it was like a two-hour drive for him to work every day. Can you get a train from McKipsey here? I think so.

What, what an Amtrak? I was going to say, no, you have to take like a, like a M-T. It's all the way at the end of the, it's all the way at the end of the, of the, of the L train. Pekipsy's one of the stops that Ross Geller fell asleep out and woke up at on the episode where he ends up in Montreal. I was asleep on a train. I went all the way to Pekypsey. Oh, that's not even close. By the way, I saw the single worst piece of acting from Matt LeBlanc in the history of friends the other night.

And, uh, and I know that it's, I know, I know it's like, you know, it's like, you know, it's like, go to the supermarket and pick your favorite grape. Like, there's just so many to choose from that, uh, it's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, episode where he goes, he finally goes on a date with Rachel. Oh, that was, yeah, that was, that was the end. And, uh, and then so they, they trade their moves, remember? Like, he talks about his move to finally get a girl in bed and she does her move where she, like, puts her hands on his chest and, like, laughs or something and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She, she touches his hand.

There's no, there's no, there's no, she, like, pat some on the chest or whatever. No, she touches his hand. And, come on, don't, don't do this to me. And so, uh, how dare you? And so, uh, and so then she says good night. And then he's. like he's like good night and then and then he's like

what a and he's like he says something like cheesy line like and what a great night and then he does this like thing where he's like like brr-d-d-r-law like a Jar Jar-Binks like face then just starts dancing around

and being and then gets all Jerry Lewis and walks to his bedroom I don't think that ever happened he really did you need to go back and watch the episode because I am right about the chest touch and I'm right about blah blah-blah-oh

no she says so so were you close with your dad and he's like well No, I was closer with my mom. This is back in their apartment. This is not when they actually get together. They traded moves at the restaurant, right? No, they're talking in the apartment living room.

He's in the lounger. She's eating the leftovers from the swan from the aluminum foil. He's eating the brownie from the plastic. The details I'm giving you, were this a court case, would convince the judge that I'm right. This is embarrassing for you. They exchanged the moves at the table at the restaurant. To vote your move, and he says the move is ordering a drink and saying it was from

a fan. And her move is just asking him about his family. That happens at the restaurant. That's where the moves happens. But this is the moves to close the deal. You know, you call yourself a friend's now. Oh, right at the end. Oh, right at the end!

You weren't specific about it. You just said they were exchanging moves. That happened twice in the episode. You should have been subserved. The San Jose Sharks swept the Anaheim Ducks. Oh, let's not talk about that series. Come on, we have an hour and a half here. We can't waste our time on shit.

No one cares about that barely even happened. Again, I marvel. Ducks suck. John Gibson's bad in the playoffs. Next series. Here's the thing about the ducks. I really like... What do you like?

I really like Ryan Gets laugh. Do you? I do. Why? Because he is good. He was. He is bald like Mark Messier. So he's kind of like a new Mark Messier.

Mark Messier was still good at his age, but okay. But I feel like there's no way that he can compete in the eyes of the hockey world with how much people revel in the misery of Corey Perry, Ryan Kessler and Randy Carlisle and Kevin Biazza And Kevin Biazza It's a lot of D-bags on that team And Ryan Getslough is kind of like

underrated D-baggishly Because he's surrounded by such massive D-bags Yeah That like he doesn't get his Sort of jet like you know what I mean Like he's like the Phil Kessel of D-bags on that team Where he's like the third banana of D-bags Fuck that team

Team's bad has to get blown up But the difference is that like when Ryan Gatslap gets angry You know it's from a place of competitive fire And when Corey Perry gets angry it's from a place where he's upset the NHL has rules against him putting things that could electrocute another man's genitals on other players. Corey Perry was not loved growing up. That's just pretty obvious at this point.

Something was missing in his life. And now he just takes his anger out on people that he sees have the feeling of love inside of them. There are very few things in hockey Twitter world that I love more than whoever invented the idea that Corey Perry's entire diet is soiled diapers. Is that a thing? Yes. It becomes a thing where people talk about Cory Perry. They're like, you're like, Corey Perry came out with some jump in the third period. He must have eaten a stack of soiled diapers because it's a combination of Cory Perry is a giant baby and Cory Perry eats shit.

Right. It's like the perfect joke. Is it his own shit? Or is it just like any sort of like stray diaper he finds. No, I imagine it's like the jokes you used to make about Gordy Howe where he used to eat stem cells to stay healthy. That was a real thing, though. Right. Oh, shit.

You're right. that wasn't like a bit from the 50s let me tell you about Gordy Howe they used to call them stem cell gordo because between periods back in the old Joe Lewis he'd eat babies that had the stem cells still in the in the embryonic fluid so they called them stem cell gordo

embryonic loiselle used to play for the regina pads and they called him that because he used to drink the embryonic fluid from placentus. That's how he was able to skate so fast, but only for a short amount of time. So off he'd go to find another lady who had just delivered a child in the world to then drink more ambiotic fluid.

Umbilical cord hand-ran. Good Irish Catholic boy from Brooklyn, played for the Rangers in 1934, 1935, used to wrap his neck up in... See, I thought you were going to go, was born with an umbilical cord around his neck and this decided to keep it there is a keepsake to never forget where he came from. Players used to grab it and pull him down by it, but there was nothing in the rules that said

you couldn't grab a guy by his umbilical cord. He retired in 1943 and he gave up the cord to his mother to bake up banana bread with. He gave it to his mother before he went off to fight the Germans. Came home. First thing he did before he kissed his mom was put the cord back around his neck. He said, Ma, keep this safe for me as I go fight the crowds. Oh, God. San Jose looks great, and I have a conundrum on my hands about what's going to happen in that Golden Knight series.

I feel like the sharks are the team that many people thought the kings would be, which is the veteran assassins who will be able to decode the magic of the Golden Knights and win this series. Also, I'm a little concerned about the Knights trying to win every game won nothing against San Jose. That won't be the case against San Jose. They just played that way because that's what L.A., that's how they... My favorite part of the Vegas L.A. series was in the games where L.A. was pushing for the tying goal in the last minute, they could not get the goddamn puck in the zone because they were so slow. They'd dump it in. There just be a Vegas goal, the Knights guy back there to chip it out.

They'd go back to the neutral zone. Couldn't get through. Had they go back to their own zone. They were just so slow. San Jose won't have that problem. It'll be a back-and-forth series. It'll be good. The second round, Greg, it's going to be so awesome.

Nashville, Winnipeg, Vegas, San Jose, uh-huh, Tampa, whoever. But wasn't the first round supposed to be awesome? I tweeted out the picture last night. The Stanley Cup matchups were a beautiful pizza box, then you opened it up, and the pizza's covered in cockroaches. The first round was supposed to be magnifico, and it went up being quick and stupid in most cases.

Every series, not every series. Washington, Columbus has been really good, and then Nashville, Colorado's been better than I think we thought. Tampa's been okay with the Devils? Tampa had, there was one good game. Game three, because the Devils won. But also because game four, the Devils couldn't do anything. Taylor Hall and Hesha were terrible.

Taylor Hall, like exhausted in Game 4. He looked like a guy who's been playing 22 minutes tonight. He took a real big hit early on from Stamcoast, which I know was odd to say that he was hit by a piece of wheat. Fucking Stamcoast and Kutrov were like, you know, excuse me. Oh, there it is. Got some coffee on the way here. Altaroff. And what was the other series that I'm forgetting?

Pittsburgh, Philly. Oh, Toronto Boston's been kind of blowoutish, too. Winnipeg, Minnesota's had a lot of blowouts and lopsided years. Like, it's not been great. Yeah, Toronto Boston's not been competitive enough, although it got interesting towards the end when Anderson started to make those saves. But, yeah, I mean, it's, I think the first round was, like, one of those deals were all like, oh, awesome. Like, the first land of hockey was like, yeah, playoff format, as we jerk off all over the schedule. And then, like, five games into it were like, oh.

Go back to the one versus eight. This sucks. And of course, the one series, that's great. It's great because the Capitals keep choking on their own vomit like they do every year. The way they can find ways to blow two nothing leads is just, mm-hmm. We haven't done the podcast since I'll do it again, taking a victory lap. I was so fucking right about the Philip Gruber thing. And all these Capitals fans, there's a new strain of delusion amongst my Cap's friends where now their coach,

their coach makes a bad decision that's demonstrably bad because the guy he picked lost two overtime games. in the first two games of the series, and then the guy he didn't pick comes back and they win a double overtime game. Like, this is what I would call demonstrable evidence that it was a bad decision. Well, the guy lost a second overtime game, your guy. Well, they didn't, they would have got overtime and held to play.

It was zero-zero when they took the ice at that point. He lost the game. Okay, take your lap, sorry. I didn't mean to run out there and streak on the field. My point is that I was completely right, once again, in my analysis. And the idea that you're going to defend a bad decision for a coach that isn't going to be there,

even if they win next season. I think every Caps fan is so beaten down that, like, there's not a lot of fight. I'm telling you, man, you can write anything you want about the Caps. You're not going to get any pushback. You can just be like, this is the worst team in history. And you're like, well, yeah, I guess kind of. You say so. Like, they're great.

Do you think they're going to rally? We're doing the show before Game 4. Well, a couple days ago on a different podcast, I wrote them off. Oh, the Biscuits podcast? Wrote them off. Even though you embraced them earlier on the Vice Canada site that you wrote you write for? I'm back, though. You're back on the bandwagon?

I'm back. I'm with you. Hope he's back. Hope he's rested. He's motivated. He didn't play a ton of games in a regular season. Even if they're down 3-1 coming home,

I'm ready for game 7. I'm ready for that. We need Capsed Penns again, to be honest. Do you really want to see the pens play the Blue Jackets? I don't. I don't want to see Brandon Dubinsky's in Sydney Crosby's head. Blah, blah, blah, blah. No, I want to see heartache.

I want to see... Honestly, after game two, though, when they lost and the one Caps guy threw his stick at the other Caps guy. I thought it was kind of over at that point. It is kind of a thing. It is kind of a thing, though, like, whoever comes out of that series is going to lose the Pittsburgh, so it doesn't really matter. Like, the only drama was going to be if the Flyers had beaten the Penguins. By the way, I fucking love.

I'm not happy about the injury, but I love that the team that employs Radco Gudis, the fucking gooniest, most dangerous player ever, ended a team season with a knee-on-kid, and the team is his own team. There probably hasn't been enough discussion of the karmic implications of this situation where Gudis plays over the edge all. the time, fucking hit a guy who was on the ice with his stick. Like, is a, it's a goddamn, just goon of goons. And then ends up injuring his number one center in practice. Arguably more valuable than Claudeau. You could make that argument because, you know, Drew had his greatest season playing with him. He had a chance to even the series and he just fucking takes him.

Like, Braco Gutus is like a gun where, like, you probably shouldn't own one at this point because it's going to cause more harm in your own house than it's going to be for anybody else. This is the exact proof of that. Right, exactly. He fucking shot his own guy in the knee. He threw, he threw a stick after he got hurt in a way that only athletes know, man. Like, athletes know when shit went wrong. I don't think I had that extra bit of knowledge. Like, when my tooth hurts, I will be in denial until I can no longer chew food that wouldn't normally hurt a tooth.

And then I'll go to the dentist. I'm like, I won't acknowledge it. Like, if I was Sean Gutieria, I would be like, oh, fine. And I'm just like limping around. My leg is like, side. Well, have you ever, like, broken a bone or torn or anything? Yeah. Yeah, because, like, once you break a bone, you kind of know what that feels like at that point,

and then any other pain you have, you can kind of compare it to that. But you don't think you broke something. That's probably just like a tear of some sort of it. Also, I mean broke, tear something? Like, once you tear something the first time, you know what that feels like. And it's just like, fuck. I remember I broke my wrist once when I was sportsing in high school, and I was convinced that it was just like a really bad strain.

How did you break your wrist playing Sega Genesis? That's so ignorant. I was never a Sega fan. And then I was like, this is just going to be a strain. I'll just put it in a brace for a while. And they're like, no, you broke your wrist. Oh, I did that too once. I was playing hockey.

And I was about to take a shot. And I was dove from behind and, like, pinned my stick as my hand was coming forward. And my right hand, like right here, like, swolled up. And I'm like, ah, it's fine. Just a bruised. And then like three weeks later, it's not going away. I'm like, all right, I better go see a doctor about this. The worst thing ever is, like, the people that get, like, cracked ribs.

And they don't know what's a cracked rib. and they're just like, ah, I feel really weird. And then they go and you're like, oh, yeah, your, your rib is digging into your fucking lung. If you get bumped the wrong way on the subway, you're going to die. Yeah, right. Go see a doctor. You're basically Tony Stark, except it's a rib. Tony Stark.

By the way, all these movies coming out lately, solo, uh, Infinity War, all the, like, these are movies I don't want to see, but I know I'm going to go see them. Yeah. I know they're not going to be good. And I'm just going to go see them anyway. Infinity War is an interesting one because they're really, they're really, they're really high. hiding it. Like, there must be some real shit that goes down in this movie where they're not letting people like they, I don't know if you know this, but they're

not announcing the name of the next Avenger movie that they've already shot, uh, because the name of the movie will be a spoiler for this movie. Loki, back from the dead. By the way, Captain America's not dying. I know that's your thing. The Avengers 4 is colon the wedding of Cap and Bucky. Just for you.

Brooklyn love. Remember that time in Brooklyn we did that thing? Oh, that was great. There was some, there's some speculation that The next one will be like the new Avengers. There's some speculation that it's going to be secret invasion, which was a plot from the comics where these, all right, hold on, just give me a sec. There are these aliens called the scrolls that can disguise themselves as other people who infiltrate the Avengers.

And I can see. Your eyes are getting heavy. Are you okay? No, sorry. I was just thinking about how you're married. I don't have a girlfriend. It just doesn't add up, man. I just can't figure this out.

this is really really wait so are they going to do like a younger x-men like reboot or do they're going to keep going with whoever survives the they'll go with whoever survives and then add to it like we still haven't gotten captain marvel yet brie larsson what's that oh right yeah jesus god everyone like seriously like if if if you had to name five actors right now or whoever okay no female sure on the top of your head that have not appeared in a marvel movie or a dc universe movie how long would it take you to find five is the does daniel de louis count or is he retired. What was he in? He wasn't in anything.

Oh, I was like, wait. I was like, was he in that? He wasn't in it. He was not been in any of them yet. All right, he's retired. We don't count him. Fuck. Like, seriously. All right, this is a good exercise. I'm going to, I have to be currently working. You can't name like, you can't name like John Bitter. I'm going to throw a name out there. I'm just going to think of somebody randomly and see if they'll apply. Charlotte Ray, Conrad Bain. They can't do that. You got to give me. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to think through my, my Oscar bait. shit no she was in man of steel see what happened in this world

who won like best actor last year it was um sam rockwell he's been in he was an iron man too holy shit oh he was best supporting best actor was um he was best supporting

all right francis mcdormit she hasn't been in any right i don't think i don't think so i don't think she's been in one okay is fargo count is she's Rearro in Fargo Woody Harrelson Was in No he wasn't in anything was he

Well he was in the Hunger Games Does that count? No that's not That's like a different offshoot of it But that's two Okay hang on Who the hell won best actor? What the fuck

Sir Shironin hasn't been in one yet That's three Yeah she's definitely not been in one Tom Hanks four He was in real He was in Road to Perdition. Does that count? That was based on a graphic novel.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I remember finding that out recently. Yeah, does that count? No, no, no. That's not part of the current every six months Marvel movie cycle. Okay. And, um, like, Idris Alba. He was in Pacific Rim.

That's basically a fucking Marvel movie. Edris Elba was in Thor. Oh, fuck he was. He's the fucking, oh, my God. Everyone's in goddamn Marvel movies. Hang on, hang on. Here we go. Okay.

Here we go. Holy shit. Here we go. I finally found him. The Wi-Fi was not working. Okay, here we go. Who the hell? Gary O'Man.

Best actor. Gary Oldman, comic book movie. What was he in? Commissioner Gordon. Oh, fuck, yeah. Timothy Shalomey was not in one. He just started, though. Although he might have been the kid from kick-ass, as far as I know.

I can't prove that. He'll be the next Spider-Man, for sure. Absolutely. He's mopey. He's mopey. He's got dark hair. He's all skinny and pale. Like, absolutely.

Danny Lewis, no. Daniel Klua was in... He was in Get Out. He was just in Black Panther. He's in Black Panther, yeah. Denzel Washington. There's going to be a second Equalizer movie, dude. But he's never been in a Super Bowl.

Oh, I know, but I'm just super excited about there being... Oh, man, at some point, the Equalizer John Wick crossover is going to happen. It's going to be fucking awesome. Francis McNorman. Merrill Streep has not. Margot Robbie has. And Sir Shiro. So a lot of our best actresses have not been in superhero movies.

may happen's because there are never any roles for women in them outside of like damsel and distress. Sam Rockwell has, Wilhelm Defoe has. Woody Harrelson, I want to say he's been in one, but I don't know what, though. Was he in like one of the Fantastic Fours or something? No, I guess he hasn't been. I don't think he has. Probably not by choice. He probably never said.

Richard Jenkins. Was he ever in one, the dad from stepbrothers? I feel like he would have been like a scientist in something. No, he wasn't in anything. Christopher Plummer. Was in a Star Trek movie, but I don't think he was. was ever in a superhero. They're actually putting him into the Deadpool movie as a T.J. Miller.

You fucked him a joke. They're putting him in Superman Returns. That's the joke. Wait, why is it Superman Returns? Because he's replacing Spacey. Oh, Superman Returns is like 15 years ago. I'm doing modern current jokes where you put him into all the new... So there have been a few, but not many.

And most of them are women. And yeah. And like Sirsher Ronan's got time. Yeah. Like, Timothy Shalemi has time. Sears Rosh Rohnen seems like one. Here's my prediction. Here's my...

Everybody bookmarked this podcast for this prediction. Circer Ronan's going to be in a gender-flipped superhero movie. Like, she'll play, like, a female green lantern or something. Green Lantris? Is that what I'll do to get her into it? She's Irish, right, so she can be, like, green. Oh, I'm a green lantern. Green Lantern, but there's an E at the end.

Green O'Lantern. Oh, the beautiful Irish Spring. All right, so the Preds are up 3-1. I'm a little bit concerned for the Preds. I wrote about this today. Like, their defense has not been very good in the series. That'll be fine. Not worried.

You can't be doing this shit against Winnipeg. Ah, sure you can. Now, Winnipeg is up 3-1, but they're going to play this next game without two of their defense. Most likely. Morrissey was suspended in Tyler Myers. In Tyler Myers. Like, what fucking drugs are Paul Marisa on where he thinks that injury to Tyler Myers is intentional? Like, what are you doing?

I understand that whenever you ask a coach after a game, it's like, hey, John Cooper, and you cut a Coutcherop. just murdered Sammy Vatin and skull. What did you think of that hit? Good hockey play. Well, I think Maurice was trying to do the cerebral response to a bellowing mountain

of barbecue sauce after game four being like, we ain't got the fucking penalty and we lost a fucking game because they want to get a fucking penalty. Bruce Prodrault had a point though. Oh, no. He had a point about them not

giving them the penalty for the 5-on-3, but that's not what cost them the game. Oh, dude. Come on. But they get a five on three. What's like the percentage of scoring on a five on three? Okay. And what's the percentage of Bruce Boudreau saying that not scoring on the five on three would have

cost in the game afterwards? Oh, dude, how many stories have you written about how a five on three penalty kill saved the game and all that shit? That matters, man. Would have admitted that if they didn't score? Again, this goes back to whatever a player or coach says something honest. And my one's like, eh, shut up, you big baby.

He's right, man. Like that was a game. It's like it with the Flyers. If you pull your shitty dog shit goal, you can't make saves it to nothing, maybe you don't lose five nothing. Maybe you get the next goal because you've changed it up and now his goal he makes the save and it goes to the whole butterfly effect. I think the fallacy of your thought about Brian Elliott is that the next guy they put in didn't know where to look to find the shooter. Yeah. Also, what happened to Peter Morassick? Has he been like put in like a CIA like black site somewhere where he's getting questioned about something? Like

why is he not the number two? Wasn't it amazing that like there was a point in which people were like, whoa, they're exposing Peter Morazic in the expansion draft? And then everybody's like, how do they not take Peter Marazic in the expansion draft? And then now I was saying everybody was like, maybe Peter Morasick is going to play in the Czech Republic next year.

But he's the Flyers best goalie right now, for sure. You look at his playoff numbers, they're better than Neuveritz, they're better than friggin' Elliot's. I mean, he wasn't great down the stretch. I understand this. But like, I was just talking with Alex Pruitt at the game last night

about the Flyers goaltending. And like, they've they've farmed out goaltending for a really long time there i would say the last goalie they developed themselves was bobrowski who of course they cut bait on way too early but now they have carter heart bears choose me over over bobrowski i can't do the advice but they they have decided that they don't they don't want two russians on the roster they they want one russian two russian too many they have to order double borsh double one God, double everything, but only wine gold, it and everything's fine.

Also, many parks here in Philadelphia, many boxing statues. Aren't they still paying you, too? Two, Briss? I have not worked the day in my life for the last seven years because of generosity of late Ed Snyder. They have Carter Hart in their system,

and my theory is... You're a lion guy, too. My theory is that, like, maybe the solution is to grow your own, to not farm, it out, you know? Do the Winnipeg Jets thing, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, get your, get your Connor in there. I get it. But I just, I just don't understand. Because I guess because Pavlik was a thrashist product is what you're trying to say there, right? He wasn't, nobody claims allegiance to Andre Pavlik anywhere. But like, if you're the flyers, I understand, like, say you have like a 36-year-old Martanbrador just, just screwing up a net. It's 2006.

Right. And, like, he's just getting blitzed. I understand how you're kind of stuck and you want to go with the guy that's got three cups and all that sort of stuff. Why the loyalty to Brian Elliot? Like, why not the short leash? I go back to what I was saying before. In baseball, if you're starting pitcher

in like an elimination game is just getting hammered through an inning in a third, he's gone. They're not like, well, let's wait until it's nine nothing to take him out. They take him out right away. And in hockey, you have to get to the magic three goal spot. And they lost Gutier, so it was probably over anyway. It was totally over anyway. I just don't get the loyalty

to mediocre to bad playoff goaltenders being loyal to them. Just don't get it, man. Well, I mean, it wasn't their total undoing, like I said in that series. I think the penguins had one bad game and they're just like, nope, but they needed to find the goalie who was hot and they didn't really make the effort to do it. This is why I'm hot. All right. That's why? 2005, 2006.

Flyers goalies. Nidamaki Esh. Bouchet. Or Boucher was he there yet? Not yet. So here's my thesis. Bob Esh. Every goalie that's on the flyers sucked and then they left and they sucked even more.

Nidamaki. He was okay. The toxicity of the team ruins people. That's my theory. Next year, Netamaki, Marty Baran, Robert Esch, Michael Layton, Martin Huli, which I believe is the namesake of the Huli company. Oh, so like that. By the way, we're watching this new season.

It's terrible. And Ruby finally came around to the idea that to your entourage for nerds idea. It's about time. That it's like, now it's just like, how are they going to fix it? It started out. Last season, again, I go back to the. this all the time. Like, as long as your show is not super serious when you're using all your stuff as vehicles

for jokes, like, I don't care if the Huli beats the Piper. Just do jokes, man. Like, every episode, I got to have Middle Ditch doing, like, a thing where he just has a revelation about what to do now. I don't care. I stop caring this even. He's also a really unlikable character. Yeah, and like,

but not in, like, a Larry David kind of way. No, he's not, it's bad. Same with Barry. Characters are all unlikable. Ray Emery, Brian Boucher. Ray Emery had some I mean, he was okay. I'm looking through this. Like, Bobrovsky was...

Babrovsky might have been the only guy in the last, like, 15 years who played for the Flyers, then went elsewhere and got better. You have to find a way to detoxify the body before you play a Flyers goalie in your organization. Fucking Steve Mason's in Cryo Freeze right now

because they can't trust them. They're trying to figure out how to fix him. Oh, Steve Mason's, you bring that car back to the other ship and you lease a new one at this point. You can't do that anymore, man. All right. So Flyers, Penguins, caps, blue jackets.

I think the blue jackets are going to close them out. Personally, I think the caps are going to lose them one. I love the caps, though, because you just don't know what's going to happen. You just don't know. I mean, and there's a part of me that doesn't trust a John Totorella team to close out anybody or this group to close out anybody. But fucking Panarin's so good. I feel like he's

the great equalizer here. Like, seven points so far in three games. He's just been really, really good. I think that's almost as many points as John Carlson. Right? I believe. John Carlson also seven. Seven points, six of them on the power play. Panarin has more, this is a fact.

You can look it up. Panarin has more points in this playoff series than Brandon Sade scored the entire regular season. Isn't it incredible? By the way, the king's getting swept and scoring three goals is fantastic. What do you think about the Leafs and Bruins? Think the Leafs can rally, or do you think that...

I think they're not going to... By the time people listen to this, will probably know. If they can get Cadry back and have it be a 2-2 series, maybe they still have a chance. but I mean the one game they won they really should have lost Yeah It was just you know

Freddy Anderson I don't get Freddie Anderson man Like he's either fucking Just like the greatest goalie of all time Or like he's getting beat from 90 feet out on screened I would say he kind of reminds me of Craig Anderson that way Like it's that kind of goalie Like he's almost it's kind of eerie

Like can face an incredible shot volume Because his team in front of him is fucking porous Right stop everything Give up a softie and you're like fuck I think it's but then also look like he can just take over games. I think Boston's going to win that series. I think so, too.

I still say Toronto is a couple defense in a way. It bums me out because I feel like the Leafs could have gotten past the first round in a different matchup maybe. They played anybody on the other in the metro. Well, outside of Pittsburgh maybe. Yeah, outside of Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh would have beat them. But they could have beat the caps or the blue jackets, for sure.

I thought Tampa really showed me something against the doubles last night. They showed me they can play defense, which is good. And they actually showed a little bit of grit. which I thought they didn't have. Like, I know headman can bring it, and the little Pocquet's a little, you know, bastard, and they've got some of their guys that can hit. Wait, the little who bastard?

Cedricet. Oh, Pockett. Yeah. But, like, I'm not watching that game thinking Kutrov's going to be laying out guys, you know. And I feel like if they can find that element when they know Boston's looming, like, they're going to need it. This series was always going to be an easy win, because it's all pretty much Taylor Hall versus the lightning.

Like everything the devils have gotten this series How pretty much Taylor Hall? You besmirch the good name of Blake Coleman. Blake Coleman. I love Blake Coleman. Me too. Blake Coleman's a little tiny fast guy who's just out of his goddamn mind. Yeah.

Like he'll kill you in a bar. Like Blake Coleman, because he's not a big guy. Like he's the kind of guy in a bar, you'd be like, hey, shut up, bro, and then he'll just snap and give me the crazy ass. Here's my devil's hot take. Oh, yeah? Blake Coleman is what Miles Wood thinks he is. Boom.

Miles and Miles of Wood. I feel like he has no hockey sense. You know what I mean? I feel like he never goes to the spot where you're supposed to anticipate the puck going. He passes when he should shoot. He shoots when he should pass. He celebrates when there's no puck in the net at all. I think we've talked about this before on the show, but I'll bring it up again.

It's this thing when you're a fan of a team and they've been wearing the same uniform forever, that sometimes you have these weird flashbacks when certain players are wearing certain numbers. And it happened to me last night. I told us to Jesse Spector at the game. Miles and Miles of Wood is skating down the wing real fast with the puck. means it's got like a one-on-one against a Tampa goalie. And I'm looking at number 44. I'm like, it's fucking Stefan Rieshay.

He's going to do it. He's lefty. He's going to do it. And then I realized, oh, no, it's Miles Wood. He's not going to do anything with the puck. Speaking of not doing anything with the puck, I have never seen a worse breakaway attempt than what Patrick Maroon did in that game. Like, he did like the Rick Nash thing where he tries to go around the goaltender on the ice

when he could just snap off a shot. For those who didn't see it, Patrick Maroon did. Deaked Vasaleski who didn't move because he's like, it's Patrick Maroon. Right, he's just... And then he brought it to Vaselowski's right. Kept it on the ice the entire time.

Now, at this point, the only play he has is to try to elevate it over his pad. But he can't. He's too far... Now he's held it so far that he takes a shot that if... Let's say Vaselisky is taken away in the rapture. Like, he just disappears. The shot still goes off the side of the net.

Doesn't go in. It was the worst... It was the worst. breakaway move I've ever seen. It was just, it was just like he made up his mind he was going to go around him, but he wasn't going fast enough to do it. And Andre Vascalapsky's like 7 foot 6. You're not going to beat him that way.

He just got to snap the puck off. He legitimately could have dropped his stick and just shot himself in the middle of the ice, and it would have been a better shoot, a breakaway attempt than when he pulled. And then later in the game, there was a power play, but it ended up being McDonough who deflected it out of play. I really thought Patrick Maroon missed the net from like six inches away and deflected it up over the, it's just so bad. Let's talk about suspensions that that have happened and will happen.

Hartman last night. did something bad. Yeah, that's an easy game. That's a game. That's an easy one. He also got hit in the dick, and then he pointed to his dick and said he hit me in the dick. That was, like, look, I am, you know me, I am vehemently against the whole concept of standing up for the boys. Yeah.

But in that case, I understand why if you get hit in the dick, if you get your eggs scrambled, and then no one does anything about it, you're like, fuck it. I may as well beat the shit out of this guy. Right. I totally understand where he's coming. The thing that I love, though, is when guys get hit in the dick, they double over or they fall to the ice. Like, it's a natural reaction. Ryan Hartman's reaction was to stand there and he's hurt a little bit, but his reaction is to take his gloves and be like,

he hit me in the dick. He did like the crotch chop, but he pointed at his dick. It was like a child's game. My dick and balls. Show me where the winky is. And the referee gave him a penalty. That was amazing, man. These playoffs have been refereed so insanely bad.

I say again, if we ever need to get to a place where referees need a signal for a guy getting crouched, that's got to be it. Two minutes. Just point right at your dick. Two minutes, Marshan! Points at his dick. But wait, why can't we suspend guys for licking people?

Like, I'm, like, if you sign up to play hockey, I always say this. Like, you need to accept that you may get hit in the head. You may need elbowed or speared in the dick. I feel like having my face licked should be a line that can't be crossed. Yeah. Now, you know, I don't know where his mouth's been. I asked Marshand that, and to his credit. he said it was more, it could have been a nuzzle or a cuddle.

It could have been, but it wasn't. He fucking licked them. It could have been. But anyway. Every time I think about that play, I think about two things. First, ew. And then second, do you think, like, Marshawn's no dummy? Do you think there's something about Kamaroff where he kind of knows that that's something

that would really piss him off? But, like, of all the people to, like, get off their game, Leo Kamaroff? Like, why don't you lick Austin Mat? Maybe he knows. Maybe it's like in Slapshot where you know the dudes whose wife's cheating, you know,

with another woman. Your wife's a lesbian. I've told this story before, but I saw that movie on regular cable for so many years that I thought lesbian was like the edited inward for whatever it was really said.

And the first time I saw it on regular cable and he says lesbian, I'm like, wait, that was the insult the whole time? That was weird. That's a weird insult.

Yeah, that licking was weird, but I... He licked him. Yeah. He ate me. A fucking shit. Shark ate me. He licked me.

Fucking Marchand licked me. Oh, yeah. So that was Hartman. So we had three hits that were pretty much almost identical. Johansen on Barry, Kuteroff on Vatinin, and Dowdy on Carriot. Johansen on Barry was a good non-call

because it was a full body hit. See, so here's my issue overall with all this stuff. I don't know if we know for sure if Vaton has a concussion yet. It's upper body at this point. He's not traveling with the team, so one assumes that's the case. Probably a concussion. Okay. So the elite really wanted to get rid of the East-West hits, right?

Those are the hits, the Marks of Art hit. They wanted to get rid of it. I don't know why I'm doing this with my hands. I know. I have like three okay signals going on. Yeah, yeah. It looks like you're holding two joints. Okay.

I'm getting ready for the Super Troopers guy. So, Doughty, to me, all the hits are the same, but the explanation you got and eventually I got because I bitched about this on the other podcast was the whole head whipping snapping thing, right? Yeah. And Carrier's head snaps. Barry's doesn't. So they give one to Dowdy, they give zero to Johansson. And then the Kuturoff hit happens. And there's no head snappage there, right?

There is on impact, but it's not like the same thing as Karié. Right. Yeah. So you're telling me the head's not the principal point of contact there. His head doesn't bounce off the ice, but he has a concussion because of... You can get a concussion without... With your head just snapping back with contact to your chest. Yeah, but his head didn't snap apparently.

It did snap a little bit. It didn't snap enough. Didn't stop it. I'm going to go ahead and say, and I talked to the league. They have their own opinion. Like, they say it's, they said it's the kind of hit they wanted Doughty to deliver. I'm going to go ahead and say that they, they have inconclusive evidence that he hit the head. Because I.

Who, Doughty? Uh, Kutroff. Oh. Doughty he hit the head. You can see it. Oh, for sure. But in all three cases, though, they get the shoulder to some extent first. Yeah, but that's fine.

That's not, that's not the rule. The rule is main point of contact. But like. Yeah, but they're really bastardizing it. definition of principal point of contact. If one guy has a concussion from it. It's not principal. It's main. I don't know why there's a difference. That's what the rule says. Um, but like, did you saw the kushraffat? Like, did you see one replay that could tell you either way what happened? I thought the replay, not the one that was from like across the ice. There was one from like

the other side this way from like the goalie kind of view is. Like it was like, it was like the surrogate hit on Coleman where like from one angle you're like, Blake Coleman, get up, you fakey little right. And then you see it again. You're like, oh, you're like, oh my God. But you can tell, like, Sircichib's just going to the bench to change, total accident. Nothing wrong, but like Kuturov is like seeking him out and he's not jumping. By the way, people on Twitter, not everyone's jumping

in these hits. Their feet come off the ice at the end. Like, stop making that one of your points of argument. But like, he does kind of raise up into his head. He does. He lifts into the hit. Yeah, like he doesn't jump, but he... Which used to be a thing on these videos, you know? That was always a big thing like him back in the Shannaband days. I just, I feel like you're really splitting hairs

on these East West hits if you're just looking for what you This video shows. He lifts his shoulder. or hit in the man's head. And they don't do the, and they don't do the, um, the explainers for non-suspensions anymore. And I'm pretty sure it's because they just don't want to get, like, boxed in later on on a hit. Right.

You said, ooh. Yeah. I don't know. The Kuturoff one was really dicey. But if they, if they don't have evidence of him actually hitting the guy's head, then I can't, you can't suspend him for it. You can't just guess. I don't think you have to guess.

I mean, if you're going to guess, then you might as well just have Tim Peel. They call the decisions in the Department of Player Safety. By the way, of all the fucking penalties I were called in that game last night, My favorite one was the one where Andy Green Trips Stamcoe, he like kicks his leg out, he gets caught moving the wrong way. It's a clear trip. I think it might have been Tim Peel. It might have been the other guy. Is right there. He watches the whole thing

happened. He waits like two beats and then calls it because you know in his head. He's thinking about who he gave the last power play to and all that sort of stuff. He's like, Tampa's turn, penalty, which it was. Just call it. My favorite Tim Peel penalty in game four, and by the way, Tim Peel was epically terrible in game. I mean, like, every single thing I ever said about that fucker is validated.

how terrible he was in game four. My favorite one was the one where the Tampa player got a holding penalty because the devil's player was basically holding his arm over his own shoulder. Like he was, like it looked like he was, you know, that wrestling move where it's like an arm drag takedown, you know? Like it looked like he was trying to do one of those with this guy. Like a Seagal move from like one of his movies. He's like a submission hold and then the Tampa guy gets a penalty for it.

It was. And somebody got pushed into someone and they called interference. That was in the Nashville game, I think it was. Oh, is that what it was? I think it was in the Nashville game. No, it was in the, well, the Nashville game, I fucking God, I don't understand how that's not like interference, man. You just back into a guy on your own and knock the puck free.

Well, don't worry, Dave. They have a referee now in the booth who, uh, in Toronto to let everybody know. 12.15 a.m. So 71 year old guy is barely awake. And they decided that one in like four seconds, too. Like that's, and like people said, that was almost the same thing as the Forsberg one in Florida. Also should have been interference. But this one was even more clear cut.

Because if that puck is sitting on his leg and Como backs into him and knocks his leg into the net with the puck, it's no goal. It's always like that. But here he knocks the puck within four inches of the goal and someone else knocks it in. That's a good goal. Mr. Van Massenhoven, we have a goalie interference call, I'm watching Matlock. So I don't know why Jim Rutherford is the referee in the Ruth of Toronto. If you allow me to do this job, I'll give you a bag of Werther's originals. Let me tell you about goalie interference in in Stanford.

She walks in. goalie interference wasn't a thing until 1964. Goaltender Skates McGee had his throat slit. And the league said we can't have goalies dying on the ice. They call it the crease

because of the crease and the great Clarence Campbell's pants. He always wore blue pants, so they changed to blue in 1984. So basically the first round sucked. But the second round's coming, and if you want to see amazing Stanley Cup playoff

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Really? Yeah. Cardinals Cubs tickets are not cheap. That's because people care about those teams exponentially more. People care. Who the Yankees playing this week? I don't know. I'm just going for beer.

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No. Very rarely. It's like, got Seat Geek tickets. Sweet Golden Day. I thought you were going to say we rarely get the double. someone at a game courtesy of Seekykeek eating their blue apron meal or shaving their face with Harry's. Or having used health IQ to find out about their life insurance policies. How healthy you can be at a hockey game.

Speaking of healthy. I'm tired of. What's up? Tired of the Salky Trophy. I'm tired of it. Why? Who gives a shit? Who is the best offensive forward?

We're picking one set of positions and one aspect of the job. of that position. And apparently Sean Couturey was never one of the three best defensive forwards in hockey until he had a career year offensively. Right. The Lady Bing sort of masks all the other, like, trophies and a cloak of stupidity.

But the Selky Trophy, how, how are you? There are 12 forwards playing per team per game. So that's 12 times 30, that's like 3. There's like 360 forwards. And we're trying to figure out who's the best defensive player.

And we do it by things like, like, coursey. Like, how does that necessarily mean they're good defensive? Maybe they're just really good offensive. Right. They just have the puck. Right. They just have a lot of shot of tests. Why are we voting on this?

Like, why is their best offensive goaltender, best offensive defenseman? Like, just fucking, get, fuck off with this trophy. There are ways that you can quantify it. And I used many of those ways in determining my ballot. Oh, you can't say your ballot because you're... I can say it. I'm just not going to tell you what the order was. Okay.

I'll say the top guy was... guy I didn't get nominated. Was it Copatar? It was Miko Kovu. Wait, Kopitar is one of the fun ones. He is. Miko Kovu had demonstrably his best year as a defensive forward and the best year of any defensive forward, well, with a caveat.

But what do you base it on? What's your interpretation of a good defense of forward? Oh, I'd have to go back and look at the research, but it's... Because you're not watching Minnesota Wild games. I watch, I watch every game. But, no, there's, there's shots of suppression metrics and all sorts of things that you can use. quality of competition. There's a bunch of different ways you can look at it. But I just remember

I crunched numbers for like three hours. Three hours. And Koevu was, I, you know, deleted names and added names, but Koiwu was at the top of my list for most of them. And I really am kind of shocked that that guy doesn't get more credit. Let me guess. Koiwu had fewer points than Bergeron and Kovatar. Kov had like a country mile fewer points. And that's the thing, is the best defensive forward award, somehow only goes to guys who have a lot of points. It's like the Lady Bing, same thing. Apparently you can only be a gentleman if you had like 75 points or more and you had fewer than like 12 penalties. Again, Mark Andre Fleury can't win the trophy for some reason.

Defenseman can't win it. So, Coyvoo was my top guy. I'll tell you that. I did have Bergeron of my ballot. That sounds like not top three to me. I think that when you only play was it 64 game. or 62 games. Oh, yeah, that's fair.

I mean, he didn't have the work. He's clearly, I think, the best defensive forward in hockey, but he didn't have to play enough games. Is he the best defensive forward, or is he the best two-way forward? He's both. He's just both. I don't know. I just don't know why we have to vote on this.

I don't know why we don't vote on, not we. I'm not in the Ph.WA anymore, but why you don't get the vote on the best goalie? Like, we just say, fuck it. The GMs can do it. Like, why is that thing? and get it wrong. We'll talk about that second. Radic Faxa.

Yeah, sure. From the Dallas Stars was on my ballot. He deserved it. Barkoff was on my ballot. Yeah. Only because, I mean, like, Thomas Dran has sent me so many edible arrangements

in the last month to try to get me to vote for Barkoff. Like edible arrangements? Just edible? Edible arrangements. But is that, like, code for something? Oh, no. I mean, just because the guy used to be from Vancouver

doesn't mean he's sending me to weed. Just saying, yeah. So, Barkoff, Bergeron, Koi, Kut, Couturee, Faxa You'll notice that I have five fingers up and none of them were correlated with a Copitar

because Anjikopatar was just outside of my top five You take the good, you take the bad You take them both in there You have Faxa five You had Faxa five? I did not have I won't tell you where I had him I will tell you that in my heart trophy voting I did have Copa Tartar on that list

So if you're in L.A. Kings fan, it's like, fuck you! Well, your guy got the Selky nod without my support And also he's on my heart list. So fuck you right back. I also don't get why fans get mad about that. Like, oh, man, Miko Kuyvu's not up for this really specific award that really doesn't reflect him as an overall player. I'm so mad.

Like, why? Like, why? Well, it doesn't mean, every fan base has their best defensive player, right? Like, I remember back in the day where it was like the Silky nominations around. I'm like, how can you leave Jay Pandolfo off that list? Why? Because he's a winger? Like Bobby Carpenter.

Yeah. You know, like Craig McTavish. Like, these guys weren't scoring now. 95 points when they were considered really good at being defensive forwards. Like Bob Ganey's on all those fucking top 100 list because of his defensive forwardishness. What there needs to be is a re-education process on how to determine this award. Just get rid of it. Because you're right.

It's become a thing where it's like you have to hit a certain points threshold. Which by the way, no one in the PHWA is being like, oh, look, he has 70 points. How many in the power play? Like none of them are. Right. They don't care. No. Even strength save percentage?

I'm not looking at that. Yeah. But like the idea that like, you know, your best defensive player is not going to necessarily be a guy with 70 points. I know. I know. Like sometimes it is. Sometimes it works out where you have a Couturey or a Bergeron, but just because you have, I'm not going to say Travis Ajac is up there, but like a guy like that who has like 45 points instead of 70 points. That guy could still be a better defensive forward, but you don't know. I don't know how to judge it. But think of like, like, you know, back in the day, you had guys like Chris Draper who are without question the best

defensive players of their generation, but didn't score for shit. McAavis didn't score for shit. You know, like you had a bunch of guys that were like that. Hoover was like that too, man. Malthra had like 18 points a year. Yeah, Mulhawthra's a great. Joel Otto is not putting up buck in 110 points. No. Calorie flames back in the day.

Like, hockey's different now because there's less specialty stuff in terms of like checking lines. But still. I think that's the real thing though, is that like the sea change that we had where it's become like power versus power for a lot of these teams versus anything else. Like you don't have the traditional like, oh, they're sending out the Matthews line. Better trot out. Yeah. Peter Zezel.

Yeah. You know, or some shit. You know, like. Zezel. Backus and Nash. Right, right. Yeah, right. So, like, they don't have that anymore. So, I think, in Nash, Rick Nash is another winger example for you where you say there's no wingers. Like, Rick Nash plays a really good 200-foot game as a winger. He's never going to be in the top five for the- There's a lot. There's a wingers that could definitely qualify. The most interesting name, though, that I think did not make the cut.

And that I'm not quite sure if he'll ever get the credit is, is Sid. Like, Sid's... He's too good. He's too good. He's too good offensive. He's above it all. You got to get into that little, like, sweet spot in like a 10 to 20 spot. on the points list and then you can be a good If you've heard like Connor McDavid he's never going to get it That's a good point like Sid has to get into his sort of like Steve Eisenman post-dominance days and they'll be like Oh what a great leader.

A stellar defensive forward at that. You know his his offensive game may have fallen off but he's picked it up defensively to make up for it. I know I got sort of slow you know I don't uh think your ass is too big now in your late 30s? Oh yeah yeah gravity caught up with me you know but I can't believe, you know, end of my career to get my fourth Selke, you know, in a row. It was really, really impressive.

I thank the voters. So that's what it's going to be. That's exactly what it's going to be. And the thing with the Vesina, the two guys, I don't mind, are Rene and Helliubuck. Fine. You had a problem with... I had a problem with the guy who was like 11th and say percentage. Was Vasilisky?

Because he's third in wins. I thought Vaselisky's last month was so atrocious that I thought there was a chance that Gibson or Bob Ravrovsky might think in. I never want to hear about the genius and hockey knowledge of hockey men. Right. If you're going to do the same thing we do and we vote where you click on points and then vote one, two, three down. If you're going to do that wins, you got to shut up about how we vote the Naurich trophy.

It's a miracle that didn't put Jonathan quick because he won the fucking Jennings. Oh, God, man. But like, John Gibson should have been the third guy. I think so, too. I just, yeah. Vasselowski, like you said, he admitted, I'm exhausted. I can't stop anything down the stretch here. he he was important for about two months and then he wasn't important anymore you've

Mark Andre Fleury didn't miss those two months oh you talk about that's that's what thank you you bringing it up that's what bothered me man like Bergeron's work work sample this year wasn't large enough fucking 60 less than 65 games should not get you an award nomination but yet the GMs were like oh you can't get with the Flurry he's played less than 50 games I'm like yeah but how good he was though it's amazing to me man that the fucking golden Knights played two of the first three months of the season with just fucking schlubs. Yeah. Just guys you would never heard of before Annette.

And when he came back, they were like 199 and one. There was a guy that half the league thought his name was Legacy. The other half thought was Legassie. And no one even remembered it was this fucking first name was. It's not Maxim. Manny? Mani? Maybe it was Maxime.

Oh yeah, that's right. It was Maxime. Or something like that? I have no idea. But the point is that like one like fucking. Bob. Bob Lagat Gacy. Oscar Dank.

Dansk? I always think about the junior kid they called up, who played 20 minutes and relief that one kid. Like, because when you're in the NHL, you get,

you know, the NHL pay. Yeah. And then he goes back to, like, fucking Schmuxville Saskatchew on. And he's,

he's, is he walking with, like, a fur coat and, like, gold, like, rings on, like,

like, guys, what's up? If they had had that beer leager from Chicago as their goalie, they would have had Andrant 30 points this year. Oh, fucking seriously. The Vegas Golden Knights make no goddamn sense, man. It's the best, though. We'll get to that later. All right.

Now it's time for a Puck'sup quiz for my good friend Dave Lozo. Quiz me, baby. All right, so I went to Taco Bell a couple of weeks ago. Not in the city, though. No, that was on the road. I don't go to the city. I had their triple melt burrito, and I really enjoyed it because I felt. like it was as close to a chili and cheese burrito as I'm going to get, even though it had rice in it.

And the traditional chili and cheese burrito did not have rice in it. Is that true? Yes, it's true. Really? That's good. Chili and cheese brito was just wet meat and cheese. Yeah, you're right. That was good.

This one had a lot of cheese in it. It had the meat, but it also had the rice. So it's like chili and cheese burrito, but with rice. But it got me thinking about a puck soup quiz for you. Okay. And this week's puck soup quiz is, was this actually on a Taco Bell menu? See, I feel confident right now, but I know I'm not going to even get a five out of ten. I'm going to eat a pen.

Do you have a pen over there somewhere? You can play along. Just don't talk. All right, here we go. Puck Soup Quiz. Was this on a Taco Bell menu? How does this pen work? Oh, there it is.

So let me talk about this pen for a second. Oh, Jesus. How come they have a nub on the top that would be an indication that you click the nub, but it's one of those where you click the little clip that goes, on your pocket. I am not going to tell you how to work the tip or the shaft of the pen. That's for you to figure out on your own. Question number one.

Okay. Was this actually on a Taco Bell menu? The Black Jack Taco. Yes. The Black Jack Taco was introduced for Halloween in 2009. It consisted of a black taco shell, stuffed with beef, Baja sauce, lettuce, and three cheese blend. I don't think I ever had it, but I know it exists. It remains memorable due to allegations that the black dye used on the taco shell

change the color of customers poo. That's courtesy of mental floss. From what? From brown to darker brown? To black. Who's looking? Like your soul. Oh, you think like it was pure black?

There's no way. Number two. I want to try it. Sloppy Joe. Like, wait. Make it extra shalloppy. Wait, wait. Like an actual sloppy Joe or like a sloppy Joe?

Sloppy Joe. Just a sloppy Joe. Yeah. So yeah, I should say no, but I'll say yes. That's correct. Created to combat items offered at hamburger chains, the bell beafer was a bun with taco meat, diced onions, shredded lettuce, and a mild border sauce. A bell beafer supreme was also offered, which added diced tomatoes and grated jeans. That's a trick question.

It wasn't called the sloppy Joe. It was called the bell befer. Look at you trying to slip sliders past me. Like, I'm not Joe Mauer with my great hand eye and great eye at the plate. Come on. You were not sloppy on that one. Extra sloppy. Number three, jalapeno, pop, or caesaridot.

I'll say no The answer is yes You tried to play the thing Where you didn't think I'd give you three yeses in a row The answer is yes You're in your own head The answer is yes The jalapeno popper caserito

In which they actually put deep fried Halapeno poppers inside of a caserito What was this? I want to go I want that That's the one I want the most right now I know where I'm going on there Oh more than a sloppy Joe from Taco Bell

I mean I'm a simple man If you just put beef inside a thing I'm probably going to eat it. No matter what you call it. All right. All right. Two up, one down.

Two for three. Number four. Hershey's Miniatures Casidia. Hershey's miniature casadia. Miniatures, yes. So like a little chaco taco dessert type thing. Yes, cassidia. Based on the Hershey's Miniatures bag.

I'll say no. That is correct. Ah. Although I think a Hershey's crackle casadia with a little bit of texture from the crackles might be pretty good. No, it does not exist. But it's like an actual

cassidia flour roll in the... It would be a cassidia. It would be two tortillas and then you melt the chocolate in between them. Not a big fan of that. Number five, chicken pockets. Chicken pockets.

Yes. No. According to Urban Dictionary, a chicken pocket is the act of masturbation with a chicken wing. With a chicken wing? Am I going through the wing or am I putting the wing on the outside? I'm assuming you're using two so they'd be like feet in theory.

Oh. Yeah. But according to urban dictionary, chicken pocket is the act of masturbation with a chicken wing. Okay. So that's a note. So you are three and two, four, five. Three and two. Three and two.

Two now. Good page. Number six. The Cheetos Burrito. Yes. Correct. This short-lived fever dream debuted in Cincinnati, Ohio last August. I guess this is whatever year.

well, I stole this from, consisted of Taco Bell's traditional burrito, cheese, rice, and meat, but additionally stuffed with Cheetos, and it was sold for how much? 99 cents. A dollar. Oh!

Price is right. I'm up on stage. All right. There you go. But you can guess 99 cents for anything in Taco Bell, and you're probably going to be right four times out of five. So four and two so far, pretty impressive showing so far.

Yeah, I'm proud of myself. The epic Cali steak and guac burrito. Yes. No, That's Del Taco, you fucking monster. Oh, see, this is a trick question. It still exists. It's still a thing.

The Pop Rocks Burrito. What? Yes. Of course. Better known as the Firecracker Burrito. It had... Oh, yeah. It's a fire...

Why are you giving me all these trick names for these things? It had ground beef, rice, nach cheese, sour cream, a spicy sauce, crunchy red strips, and a peppery version of what tastes an axe like Pop Rocks. It came with... Popping cheese for $199 and popping spicy for $2.49. So 5 and 3. I've reached my threshold.

Everything here is bonus time now. Is it? I think so. I mean, there's 10 questions. Two left. I just wanted to go 5 and 5 on this. I knew it was going to be tough. But you can go 6 and 4 and win the quiz.

I go 7 and 3 still and win the quiz. I mean, you went from being the single most average, not optimistic guy to now all of a sudden being like we're going to go 7 and 3. You lower the bar enough. You're never disappointed, my friend. Number 9. Shrimp and avocado burrito. No. Yes.

Ah, it sounded too classy for Taco Bell. That's because it's at Taco Bell Japan. Taco Bell Japan has a seafood vibe for reasons beyond the shrimp-stuffed burrito. This is all from mental floss? No, this is another site I stole it from. The Japanese word for octopus is taco. And the Mexican fast food chain often abbreviates its name as an octopus emoji and a bell emoji in that country. This is bullshit.

All right. So now we're five and four. Five and four. Which brings us to the last one. I'm just going to, I'm just going to say it right away. I'm not even going to think. I'm just going to go pure instinct on this. All right.

Beef dip. Yes. No. Fuck! Wait. Are you going to be like, actually beef dip is really a Taco Bell Germany and it's not a cat. What, what? Beef dip?

That's got to be a thing. Oh, it is a thing. According to Urban Dictionary, it's the female equivalent of, of teabagging someone refers to a woman lowering her her parts into the mouth of a person that has fallen asleep at a party.

That is a beef dip for an urban dictionary. I can see that. It doesn't exist. A Taco Bell. I don't think it exists in real life. I don't think that exists in real life. I think that's a guy

made up because he wants it to happen to him. Once again, you are besmirching the good name of Urban Dictionary. Everything on Urban Dictionary has happened and existed. Who beefed it you? Tell me. Tell me the story. Dear Pedhouse.

I had fallen asleep while watching pop up the volume when all of a sudden. I fell asleep watching Star Wars, the Last Jedi. And I couldn't believe it happened to me. The screen went silent. I thought it was that awesome scene where they jumped to light speed through the Star Destroyer, but it wound up being I was getting beef dipped. It smelled so bad that I thought I was in the garbage shoot from Star Wars. And everything kept closing in on me. I used a really stiff pipe.

to try to save myself, but I couldn't do it. And then it pulled me under. And I started screaming, oh, too, shut him down. Shut the ball down. Let's talk about coaches for a second. Oh, yeah, coaches. Oh, yeah, coaches. Bill Peters.

Peace out. So is it official? It's not official, but I mean. Like, he's going to go to Calgary, we think, right? Wherever he's going, I feel bad for that organization. Wherever you go, there you are. I mean, you can't. The only way he would stay, I think, is if,

he didn't like any of the jobs that existed, and then Tom Dunnard him and bump him up somewhere for a year, and then he'd become free. Yeah. But you play a risk there, because if you get bumped upstairs and they bring in Sheldon Keefe or somebody, and that guy turns them into a 102-point team. Right.

Then you look like an asshole. It looks really bad, so I think he's gone. If you're Calgary, why would you hire a guy that's never been in the playoffs? Because he looks like a... Dude, I go back to this all the time in sports. Some guys just look like the coaches in the sport. Like Ken Hitchcock looks like a guy who coaches. Even though he was dog shit from 06.

He looks like a guy who coaches at every level. He looks like a gym teacher. Oh, yeah. He looks like he could be a college football coach. If, what's his name? The Dallas Eakins. Yeah. He looks too much like a businessman.

He doesn't look like a coach. So he doesn't get much of a leash. But like Bill Peters looks like, Bill Peters looks like Tom McClellan's little brother. So we get to stay a longer. How do you figure on John Cooper then? Because he looks like Michael Keat. Well, that seems just really good. You know what I mean?

Like, you can stick Dallas Ekins there. He's probably going to do the same exact thing. But if you're a bad coach, like Andy Reid, he just has a mustache. He's a fat guy that looks like a football coach. So they will let him go 10 and 6 and losing the wild card around every year forever. That's how it is. So the wild is just good. And the fact that their coach looks like he should be complaining about Alfred letting

Vicky veil into the bat cave is no bearing on it. No. Like if they were to lose to the devils in the first round, then maybe you have something to worry about. But otherwise, nope, if you're coaching a really good team, you're fine. I kind of agree with that, actually. Do you think Pete DeBoer looks like a coach? Kind of?

He's coach-ish-looking. Yeah, coach-ish. But, like, John Hines isn't. He just looks like a guy. He looks like someone's dad. He's in the coach. Someone's dad, like a soccer dad, or failing that cop that you're not sure is nice in your neighborhood. Oh, yeah, he's the guy that pulls you over and you're not sure if you're going to

get away with it or not. He's like, I was going 72 and a 55. And, John, our kids play together on U-7. And he's like, well, you know what? you should have been going U-55 on this road. He does look like a cop. He totally, like, picture John Hines behind the bench right now in a suit, and now picture him in a stadie outfit.

What looks more suit? He looks more like the state trooper. Does Randy Carlisle look like a coach? Oh, like any fat guy, like Bruce Brucho, like any like heavyset guy who's bald for sure looks like a coach. Yeah. If you have glasses, like, John Hines had glasses like Paul Maurice or Mike Yo, he'd look more coachy.

Joel Quinville looks like a coach so much that the word Quinville should replace coach. No, actually, he looks more copish to me. That's because he looks like Dennis Farina. Exactly. Like, like, Joel Quinville and John Heinz should be like partners in like a cop movie. Get this fucking guy out of the car.

I'm going to put fucking taves on the top line. Fucking canter on the second line. Facking sad on the second line, too. Fucking Bobby Bones on the third fucking line is going to score some fucking goals for us. And John Hines is like the guy who, like, you know, doesn't want to take any bribes. He's like the commissioner Gordon.

Bail Bonds. It's me, Joel Quainville. Let me talk to him. I knew you had money. I didn't think you had money. When they remake that movie, that's when I check out completely from the world. I'll have a trezo and egg.

You'll have what? Trezo. Trezo. It's a Mexican sausage. You should try it. It's really good. Just coffee. Just coffee, please.

Thanks. These things go down. It's a brick with wings. Groden and Pichino De Niro De Niro. Oh, fuck, that's the best movie.

That was midnight run for people who have no fucking idea what just happened. Then you have Dallas. Dallas is, so I think Calgary's obviously going retread.

There are people saying Dave Tippett, but I mean, I don't know. Like, maybe Trilliving doesn't like Tippet. Maybe that's just the thing that exists.

Who knows? I can see Dave Tippet taking that job. He kind of got a little bit screwed in Arizona. He's still a good coach. He gets results and shit. He's going to fix your defense

at the very least. Dave Tippett, I think, is what people think Ken Hitchcock is still. Right. You know what I mean? Like, he's a defense-first guy, but, like, he took the shitty-ass coyotes. So you and I are of the same mind on Bill Peters that, like, despite the fact that his teams are always winning the analytic battle. Yes. Something's off there.

And the notion, the people's defense to that is, well, his goaltending has been brutal. Yeah. And if only the goaltending was better, his teams would look better. But, like, I don't know how much better it could be based on watching that team play and, like, the chances they give up. Blake, I know the, they're at like 55% and like raw Fenwick and stuff. But yeah, I think Dave Tippett could be good in Calgary. I could see that working. It's just really interesting because like when you have a retread, more, most, okay, maybe every time it's a guy who is at least made the playoffs.

Like, DeBoer made the playoffs. You know, like, Boucher obviously made the playoffs, right? Like, there's at least a year where somebody's like, even the most dog shittiest team has made the playoffs under that guy's watch. Right. DeBore took Florida to the frigging playoffs. Florida wasn't even close to what it is now. DeBoar took the Devils to the freaking Stanley Cup final in a year when no one thought it was going to happen.

Like when he got hired by the Devils, it was like that was his resume. It was like he had one playoff year. Right. I think when you looked at DeBore's resume, you were like, he got a lot out of a bad team and you look at Bill Peters. I don't think anyone ever thinks that roster is bad. No. And it should be better.

There were people before the season saying their blue line was like top five in the league. Right. And now all of a sudden, like, is it bad? Or is it just the system or the coach and all that stuff is bad? I don't know. I don't love it. So they hired a VP of hockey operations today, did Carolina. Yeah, some Paul Flomnik.

Yeah, I want to find the guy's name. But here's the thing about him that's so interesting. He used to be an agent. He was like, he ran like player personnel for some. He ran player personnel for Norfolk for like, it's Paul Krapelka. Sure. He co-founded the org group, the big hockey agency. But here's why it's super interesting.

In 2011, for two months, he dated Jenny McCarthy on a rebound from Jim Carrey's breaking up with her. Oh, good for him. He's also the guy who negotiated the Rick D.P.H.ro contract and then was involved in a 32-month lawsuit with D.P.H. Because D.P.H.R. refused to pay the guy that got him the Swedish deal he could possibly ever get. He claimed he never signed a contract with him or some such. But they settled and D.P.A.O. paid some money. But he's the guy who negotiated the lifetime deal for D.P.A.ro and the Islanders. Well, I mean, this is, this is like player safety where you hire the guy that does all the shit on the ice.

Like, now they're hiring the guy that fucks over teams to work for the team. He's in charge of contracts. He's in charge of contracts. He's going to be like, he'll know. Right. Like, like, a G. Or an agent is going to come to him and be like, hey, I'm thinking, you know, for Victor Rask. I'm thinking 11 years. No. No. Nice try. Sorry. So he's the new VP of whatever. The Dallas stars, I want them to go young. I think that'd be a great place for Sheldon Keefe. But I feel like he might end up with the Rangers.

Oh, I'd rather go to Dallas and the Rangers at this point. Not that either one's desirable. I don't know, man. Original Six, though. I'd rather have Sagan and Ben as the anchors of my team than... Original Six with some time to grow. Original six. What are you, a fucking NBC executive all of a sudden?

The dude's the AHL coach for Toronto right now. I mean, he clearly, like, is with a prestige organization. The Marleys. That's right. Ooh, the Marlies. Jeffler's favorite team. Garrett Sparks led Toronto Marlies. No, I mean, as far as, like, best position to win, obviously, Dallas is the choice.

But, again, it depends on what the Rangers do. Are they going to, like, not stick to the rebuild and start paying a bunch of old dudes in their 30s to, to, like, barely hang around in the eighth spot and become, like, Anaheim and the Kings and losing the first round? Or are they going to stay young? If they stay young, you make sense there. Yeah. Sheldon walks into the media. with like Jeff Corton and James Dullen. He's like, yeah, I don't know, man.

You know, they've got Sagan and Ben down in Dallas, and I feel like you guys are a bit, we're going to trade for Carlson and signed DeVaris. Like I said, I mean, I figured like I could pay you to coach here in theory. Because right now, the three best players on either team are all in Dallas. It's Ben, Sagan, and Klingberg, and then the Rangers have an aging longquist. Yeah.

Nothing. By the way, every time J.T. Miller scores now, that fucking trade looks worse and worse for the Rangers. They got fucking fleeced. They don't know that with the kids yet, though. The Mesikov's not... J.T. Miller's making the Mestikov look like he was missing out on opportunities. J.T. Miller buries everything. It's unbelievable.

He was. I don't know, man. I just... One thing else before we leave, before we get done, we do to the question of the week is, you're going to see a lot of people writing stuff now when Sheldon Keefe gets hired, when Rodbrendemor gets bumped up or whatever. This guy's great for the job. This guy's perfect.

just remember none of us know none of us have seen this i have not seen sheldon keef coach a game i have no idea at rod brendamore's going to be like as a regular coach same thing with a gm's getting promoted none of us know so when you see people writing stuff that's like this guy is great might be a friend might be somebody who wants a quote later on no i disagree i am fully i am fully expecting todd reardon to win a cup right for the washington capitals right like oh man Todd Reardon's the answer. This is exactly what the caps need now. Like, really? How do you fucking know?

I don't know. Brayton-Nopey kind of shit the pen. I don't know. But that's it. I'm done. I'm done talking. Kelly Riley writes in, I'm sad you guys have made a young Sheldon joke about the coach of the Marley's.

Because he is like 38 or something like that. Well, considering how often we talk about the H.L. I don't know how we missed the joke about the H. I coach him the minor leagues. Oh, God. How fucking rich is Jim Parsons? Richer than Gene Roddenberry, the creator of a Star Trek. back.

They call him the great bird of the galaxy. By the way, is that guy from Big Bang? Is he on the new Roseanne? Yeah, Johnny Galecki. He's double-dipping? I watched the first two episodes and haven't revisited it. Maybe it's my liberal guilt. It doesn't allow me to enjoy Roseanne.

Episode one, like a Muslim family moves in that store, and then Roseanne just makes jokes about Muslims the whole time. Is that the joke? And Laurie Metcalf just her eyes bulge out, and she just gets flustered. Isn't Laurie Metcalf's character in that show a lesbian? No. No?

Well, do they make her one? Maybe she might have dabbled, but I don't know. Do they make her one now? And then, like, Roseanne's like, eh, this is a, wedding cake. It's not, I don't think Rosanne has a problem with that. She is, after all in Hollywood.

It's more like the- show, right? Roseanne's character on the show is pro-Trump and all that sort of stuff. Give me a recap of an episode you watch. Tell me what's happened on it. Like, Darlien's kid is gender fluid, and Roseanne goes to the school to defend the kid. Oh, so she goes to defend the kid?

Yeah. But I thought that's what I was saying. Like, the sexual politics thing is whatever. It's the rest of the stuff. It's like, like they made a joke on one of the episodes that got NPR all riled up about like, like, you know, hey, let's watch that show on ABC about that minority family. Spoiler, they're just like us. It was the joke.

Like, that's the kind of jokes that they're making. I was picturing like Dan comes out of the bathroom, like waving the newspaper around. And she's like, Dan, put, we're going to build a little. wall around the toilet. Laf track. It's just hacky, it's hacky, it's hacky,

it's like every bad joke you see in Trump's mentions on every tweet. Just like that. Like, hey, what's the son's name? He wants to be Pepe the Frog for Halloween.

Should we let him do it? Roseanne, what's this charge for 50 bucks at Macy's? Must have been Russian hackers. Like that? Like, hacky Trump jokes? Oh, that's what I thought it was.

I thought it was. I thought it was like a pro-Trump show. I don't know. Mom, I'm going to be class president. Yeah, and I'm Mike Pence. Like, just dumb shit. There's like an episode where like there's like a shitty teacher at the school when Roseanne just goes down to the school and it's like,

lock her up. Lock her up. And then the audience laughs. That's what I was picturing. I'm still never going to watch it. She puts two paper clips her ears. Get me a Melania. Wait, what does that mean?

just wearing earrings. It's very pretty. Paper clips. I thought you were doing like an alien like I'm taking me to your leader. Yes,

I was doing like the classic characterization of an alien the paper clips on the ears I was picturing at the top of the ear not on the lobe.

Yeah, an illegal alien. All right. Don't cross my border tonight, Dan. Oh, laugh track. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

God, I hate everything. You love the Golden Knights. Question of the week, how far will Vegas go and how will you feel when they win the Stanley Cup? And they realize you wrote it like that. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Elena writes in, conference finals, and I'll be happy for them as long as they don't beat the caps in the final. That would be the ultimate embarrassment for Washington.

That would be pretty much the way you'd expected to play out. There's really no team that Vegas could beat where it wouldn't be embarrassing for the their team unless they happen to run into a team where they didn't take anybody like brayden mcnabs were the game-winning series winning goal against the kings that's hilarious that's amazing isn't it like there's no san ozay guys on Vegas right i don't think no i think they're one of the few teams that didn't lose somebody that was on the roster like montreal lost emmeline but then you went to nashville right is somebody like retire or something in the charts i forget what the deal was but yeah it might be one of the teams that didn't have anybody on there like a defenseman brad hunt is he from

Who? That's right. Yeah, exactly. Prank calling a bowling alley? Crungian 22 says... Now we got Brad Hunt. Sean Omar writes in, as an avid Red Wings fan, my only hope is that the Golden Knights will destroy the Penguins in the final, completing Flurie's retribution

for being sat last year. Afterwards, he will fade away like Luke and the Last Jedi, leaving his pads and held it behind and become one with the force. By the way, as a Red Wings fan, you also should have a giant throbbing boner over the fact that Thomas Tatar is getting healthy scratch in the playoffs. Again, another thing that flies in the face of the theory that, like, George McPhee's outsmarting everybody.

He's traded for Ryan Reeves and he traded for Thomas Tatar. Two guys that aren't even fucking playing. Well, I think it's demonstrable at this point that this guy should just not fucking do anything at the deadline. Like, everything else is great. Deadline, not so much. Thomas Tatar can't crack a lineup that has... Richie Ernst writes in, I let my four-year-old do a bracket and he has them winning it all against my Bruins. So I'll feel bad when I have to kick him out of the house.

Oh. High States. I think the conference final, I think, is their ceiling. I don't think they'll beat Nashville or Winnipeg. I'll reveal that in a second. When they handle the sharks in six and proceeded to lose to the seven in Nashville, the game will be a blowout loss. Rogue Run writes, and that was G, by the way.

Rogue Run writes in, they will lose in the conference finals. It would be a feel-good story after the tragedy and probably make maybe made into a shitty Disney movie. We'll love the publicity for the league and will make Canadian fans insane. I don't know. I feel like Canadian fans are kind of happy Vegas exists. Oh, no way. I think every fan base is super bitter that, like, no one had to pay their dues. It just, they just showed up and they got themselves a Stanley Cup contender in the first year.

Like, think about Montreal lost Carrie Price. Season was over. Vegas lost Mark Andre Fleury. They're like, ah, we're fine. We got Bob Lagasse. He's fine. VA writes in, Western Conference Final for sure. I won't feel anything because I'm dead inside.

There you go. Scratch that. I'll be happier than an Elvis impersonator eating a fried. P.B. and B. Banana sandwich while shooting a television screen. Oh, did you watch the Elvis documentary? It's been a HP. No, yet. I haven't watched the Andre the Giant one either. Pretty sure. I caught the last hour of that one.

Like, that one's kind of sadder than the Vegas one. Riegler says the same way I always feel after experiencing something extraordinary ooey, gooey, and slightly chewy is Riegler. Okay. Moe, the Majestic finally writes in that they

surpassed Lichester Lichester City. As the biggest upset in world sports history. Nobody loves my Vegas-Goting nights like my Lichester City cousins. All right. How do I feel about them against the sharks? Oh, boy. They can win that series for sure.

I want to pick them to win the series because I want to keep the story going. And also, I love the Nash Vegas versus Las Vegas conference final. That would probably happen. Yeah, I really got to talk to my editors and let me cover that series. I just think the sharks are pretty damn good, though. I don't know, man. They lost like six to seven coming down the stretch. get to play the shitty ducks in the first round.

Like both teams, it's like, I think about this all the time in hockey. When you play a shitty team for like a week and then you have to play a better team the next week, like, what's that adjustment like? But both teams are doing the same thing. They both played slow-ass, bum-ass teams. Now they're going to play each other. I'll probably pick Vegas because it'll get me rounding points with Vegas fans. And also, if I'm wrong, like, who's picking the sharks to winning in the playoffs? Yeah, I think I'm going to take Vegas because, like, I thought the Kings were good enough to be San Jose or Anaheim.

So obviously, I have to think that Vegas could do it. so yeah I'd rather see Vegas win yeah the whole time I thought Vegas was bad I wanted them to be good I didn't think they would be so you you disagreed with Lambert Lambert thinks that they're faky phony and not good

I mean they're not they're not they're not they're they how are they not good like I also think I keep come back to like it just isn't now they have they're a hundred point team it doesn't make you sense they won a round of the playoffs and people are like they're not good like what the fuck do they have to do to be good yeah but you know

I'm I'm saying it's kind of pissing me off now to be honest to you. This is the idea of not giving the team credit for what it's done is insane. Anaheim got to the conference finals a couple years ago because they got to play Calgary and Edmonton in the first round or Vancouver. But they beat the Kings. Fucking Knights beat the Kings. It's not a bad hockey team.

They're not bad. Why did you pick the Vegas Golden Knights to beat them? Because the Vegas Golden Knights are good. That's why. They're good. It's the joke you made before, but why are they good. But why are they good? Why are they good?

No one knows. They roll four lines. Oh, that's a... They're fast as shit. Devils are fast. They roll four lines. They forecheck like a motherfucker. They got great goaltending.

They have a mobile defense. They're getting great goaltending from a guy that wasn't really a starter anymore. Now he's the Vezina winner if he plays 20 more games. Yeah. That's how. How? How does that suddenly happen? Maybe he just needed to get out of Pittsburgh.

Maybe there's too much pressure. Too much pressure from the local media. Maybe he did like the icy stairs from his friend all the time when he would give up a soft goal in the playoffs. And it would make him even more nervous. What's the sports talk radio? seem like in Vegas. Does it even exist? Like other people calling in and be like, hey, how's it going? First time, long time.

Huge Knights fan. Does that even happen out there? Like, what's the accent you're going to use when you do this? I've been on many shows out there, and I told you what those sports soccer in Vegas is. Golden Knights open up their Western Conference semifinal against the Sharks minus 200

over under three. It's every show I've ever been on. They do the lines. Yeah, it's crazy. Oh, that's awesome. Now, Greg, you're a New York Jets plus seven and a half against the Buffalo Bills fan, right? You're like, well, you know, the overrunner's 41, and I feel like with the weather coming in, that's an under we can hit. All right, thanks, Greg. See you.

I talked to a guy this week, by the way, who laid a prop bet that I thought of you about when I heard it, because it's amazing. Oh, what is it? He made a prop bet number of points the Vegas Golden Knights would, this is before the season. Number of points the Golden Knights would get in the standings versus number of Russia. yards for Devante Freeman in the Super Bowl back in 2017 against the Pats. Oh, then the, Freeman didn't run for 110 yards. Right, that's what I'm saying. He won the bet.

Yeah. So he made that bet in January. The number of points an expansion team would get. Oh, in January? Yeah. Before they even had a team. Oh, of 17. Oh, two January.

Yeah, of 2017. Isn't that crazy? No, that bet could have been available. Westgate. They weren't a team yet. No, they were a team. They weren't a team until June, right? They didn't do the expansion draft until June.

Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. But they were a team. They paid the monies. So he made that bet not even knowing who was on the Vegas Golden Knights yet. Yeah. That is such a degenerate move. I love it. I love it so much.

I thought of you. Oh, my God. All right, well, we learned a lot today. We covered a lot of playoff series that will no longer be relevant by the time you listen to this podcast. We talked about suspensions. You could push us out. out today. One that have happened.

Once that haven't happened. What's today? Thursday? Let's see, here. We talked about trophies. I read an ad. We had a Taco Bell quiz. Oh, we didn't make fun of the Denver Post.

Oh, yeah. I don't have the energy for that. Whatever it was. The Denver Post thing was intentionally hacky. The Predator's writer response to it was sad because he took the bait. Like I said about the Denver Post column, though, like it was comfort food. It was like columns that we used to grow up reading when the local column this would try to write a takeout column. I'd never read anything like that.

Oh, you never read anything like that in the Daily News? No, like, I remember the one in Nashville a couple years ago when they were like, this is what the biscuit and the basket means. Like, that was more like, it was like a Steve Politi column. This was just like intentionally like poking the bear in a corny way. And like right away the guy took the bait. Yeah. Which, whatever. Nashville, more like Schmushville.

Yeah. There was one in there that I didn't even get. Yeah, Smurfield. I was like, why is it Smurville? Are they small? Like, oh, that's a play on Smashville? Really? He's like, he's P.K. Sue bad.

like the entire column was ESPN yeah and those jokes Boresburg somebody somebody actually got mad and Nashville encountered it the same day it was

it was such remarkable like it's amazing to me that like it seems like the entirety of Denver is laying off their entire entire sports departments and yet there's still this guy seriously they wheel out of a cabinet every post season when the avalanche make it

and he's like red wings more like dead wings like that column is so much more effective of somehow Colorado's up to 1 at that point. The fact that they're down 2-1 and really weren't in the first game. Do you think it's a madlibs? You think it's just a template he uses year after year when they have a luncheon in the playoffs, no matter who they're playing?

Hey, man. Let me tell you something about Insert City. They are insert adjective. If you can get paid for writing anything in this day and age, just do it and frigging take it. Maybe that's this guy's new bit. Like, are the nuggets in the play? No, the nuggets are bad, right?

Yeah. Rockies aren't good. Do it for the Rockies, put a dime backs. More like Arizona Diamond Bads. You know? Paul Gold shit. That one you probably can't get into France. Probably not. Oh, who knows?

Paul Bronze Schmidt. Get it on the online version. All right. Thanks everybody for listening. I'm Greg Wishingski, V.SPN. You can read me on ESPN. You can read me at Wichensky on Twitter. I have another podcast called ESPN and ICE that has many less references to beef dip.

And here's Dave Lozo. The Giants just cut Brandon Marshall. He barely even played for the Giants Good, good He'd come back to the Jets What they caught him for? He was terrible Who's Josh Rosen?

He got hurt in like a minute Who's Josh Rosen gonna throw the ball to? All right, whatever We gotta go Oh, Dallas live show news Coming soon, by the way We're working through it It's probably gonna be that Thursday night

Before the draft But it could also potentially be that Saturday night Thursday would be great I love to be able to fly in Thursday morning And then like have that easily Get bombed after one beer Because I'm on no sleep buzz somewhere Entirely possible, it'll be Thursday night, so keep that in mind if you're coming to the draft,

where you live in Big D. Yeah, are people going to be there by Thursday? Who gives us? Our friends in Dallas will come. Dallas is a thriving hockey market that we just said is inferior to the Rangers. Hey, what's going on? I haven't seen this few people. It's going to be like an MTV on plug thing.

There's like nine people just sitting around this Indian style on beanbags. It's going to be at a bar where, like, in the Blues brothers were behind chicken wire and people throwing bottles with us. Rolling, rolling, rolling, roll in, keep that dog here rolling. Stop making Jason Spets of jokes. I'm gonna go pee All right Thanks everybody for listening

Mailbag on Patreon Coming up by Bruboo bribroo Sticks and hits and goals And saves and slapshots and goons We've got Sportly commentary To what if you commute

But we also cover movies TV shows It's and tunes It's your weekly bowl Of Hagi and nonsense Part two