Puck Soup - The Dumbest Person Alive

Episode Date: September 21, 2017

Greg and Dave talk about Lozo's sudden infamy as the guy who got fired for unknowingly calling his boss/ESPN Public Editor "the dumbest person alive." Plus, the NHL's crackdown on slashing penalties and faceoff violations; David Pastrnak's new contract; how to build a movie franchise; Taco Bell and booze; Joffrey Lupul vs. the Maple Leafs; why bad Tom Cruise is the best Tom Cruise; Greg talks Spain trip and does Bryzgalov for readers; Dave laments the loss of "Seinfeld" and "Friends"; and a mailbag that covers Golden Knights Twitter and Jersey Fouls and erotic corkscrews.

Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slap shots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. But we also cover movies, TV shows, it's in tunes. It's your weekly bowl of Hagi and Nancet. Pogsu. I'm Greg Wyshinsky of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy blog and Oath presentation. And I'm Dave Lozo, friend of Greg Wachinsky, the guy who just got back from Spain and is now pronouncing everything like

Bartholona. You know, I found out, oh, you're in Puck soup. Two and Soupa de Puck. Ruby let me know that that is the key to any authentic Spanish accent is that you have to do the Barthalona and Holla.

How many people did you insult over there by asking where the nearest Taco Bell was? I didn't. I, but I found many libraries and hamburger stands. Ue la Biblioteca This is a raging debate that I've had with many people A raging... Yeah. When you go to foreign countries,

do you make an attempt to speak the language? Because I feel like in Spain it actually made a difference. Like, Ruby is a bit more advanced in Spanish than I am. I kind of stopped when you had to start speaking fluently in class. It's all you could say. I'm like, I'm out. I think she's a bit more advanced than you in a lot of ways. Evolutionary.

Evolutionary. But when you go to foreign countries, Or, you know, do you ever, do you think you should speak the language to try to integrate yourself more? I mean, someone's like visiting New York and they ask me for directions and they barely get it out in English. I don't go, why do you learn the language, you idiot? When you go back to your come? Just like, oh, McDonald's. Yeah, I just point and kind of, yeah.

That is the standard I have people that visit New York. Like you're from Scandinavia and you come here and you're not like, hey, where's the fucking jigsack? Oh, I'm walking over here. Where can I walk over and give me some of that raised pizza? Oh. You're from Scandinavia and you're not like, oh, you know, that mayor de Blasio, fuck that guy. Look at the subways. Like, yeah, you're speaking language.

I went to Montreal when I was like 22 or 23 and I still had maybe like a second or third grade level of French in me. And I tried to like ask for directions to places. And eventually people were like, we speak English too. Just stop. You're hurting my ears. Real quick. Spain was awesome. I went to San Sebastian.

We went to a place called LaGro. which is sort of in their wine country. It was the San Mateo festival there, and so it was all the wall-to-wall people. And then we went to Madrid. A couple things. Wine and food are the things that I would mention is the things that I consumed too much of. Do you know what a pincho is? It's the thing you wear when it rains outside.

No, that's a poncho. No, a pincho is a smaller one. It's more form-fitting. It's a pincho. It shows off your waist. It pinches your sides, because it's more form-fitting. It's more flattering. Like a women's hockey jersey versus a men's hockey jersey.

Yes, exactly. I mean, I know this stuff. A pincho is, are there all the bars that they have there in Spain where they put all the food on the top of the bar. So it's tapas. Wait, they don't put it on a plates? That's disgusting. Then you take the food and you put it on a plate. It's like a buffet almost, but they call it pincho because they're like sandwiches.

Wait, I was only kidding. The food actually touches the bar? The food is on a plate on the bar. Oh, okay. I don't know. I don't know what the practices are. I didn't realize I was doing a podcast of fucking Howie Mandela. here to put on your rubber gloves for you to visit the pincho place oh it doesn't matter to the

country like if you put your if you put my chicken wings or whatever on a bar on the bar flat i'm not eating those it's an amazing culture because think think if you put all of the great pizza places in new york on the same block and then you just went from pizza place to you take the pizza yourself you put on your plate you take the they make you pour you a drink you pay for it after all the stuff you've consumed then you go the way the place across the street and you stand outside and you do the same thing. That's pinches. You missed the thing that happened here, I think, with the pizza scam.

I did not miss that. Oh, you didn't miss that? For those that don't know, they had a pizza festival. It was like a food festival, and there was like a couple tents that were supposed to be for, like, sampling gourmet pizza. Right. But all the guy did was he bought, like, three regular pies, sliced them up the way you would for, like, an eight-year-old. And they just put them out on plastic plates, and that was it. And they stole, like, $75 a person for it.

And people were, like, outraged. They're like, you know, what did I pay for it? And his, his excuse. at first was that the pizzas never showed up. They were supposed to what they should do. But like when you go to any food festival, you know, it's there, giant ovens, people with grills. Like, this was apparently the gist of the festival was,

we're just going to order delivery from all these places. They're going to bring it to this giant playground, like a blacktop playground, and then people are going to pay to eat it. Like, I'm both insulted because if you're ever going to scam me at a pizza, that's the worst thing possible. But like, the vague language they got used and the thing to get people to come there, sort of like, I feel like it saves him legally.

So in a way, I kind of admire the crime. Pinchos are amazing. I wish it was more of a thing here in the States. I doubt that it ever will be. What kind of food was it? Well, that's just that. I was going to say. So your basic pinchot would be like an awesome bread, like great ham.

Wow, they have bread over there. A little great cheese and then like an anchovy on top of it to kind of tie out of the taste altogether. You're at a deli. Come on. Come on. So on something. The other great thing about him is that as an adventurous eater, it does become a situation where you're looking up and down this bar and you're like, okay, that's a. ham sandwich. Right. That's

a mushroom dish. That looks like an hors d'oeuvre. You might get at somebody's fancy wedding at the country club. That is a fried egg on top of eel. You know, like, the most interesting thing I had was like a sea urchin cream. I wasn't too adventurous, but like there literally are these bars where it's like all normal

ass food. And then what to me looked like a pile of mayonnaise with shrimp in it and then also jelly beans. So like, it's the best. I highly recommend anybody that has a chance

to go to Spain. The wine's amazing. We actually, this is the second time that Ruby and I have gone on vacation the first time being New Zealand

where we had to buy a separate suitcase to bring home the wine. Jesus. We go to these wineries and we feel guilty and we buy the wine there and then all of a sudden

we stack it up and it's like we have 12 bottles. They're all we're going to do. They didn't realize New Zealand was known for its New Zealand's got great wine. Was it all like Hobbit theme because

yeah. And that's why you guys This wine is made from sheep. They're like, what? That's amazing. Peter Jackson made this wine while he was here, and this one will actually not go bad as quickly as the movie will. That's my New Zealand.

Yeah. It's really awkward when you go to customs, though, and they're like, how many wines do you have? You're like, oh, no, we didn't buy any wine. I mean, are you over the allotment? Precious. Pote. So, that's the only thing I remember from that.

What did you get up to in the last couple of weeks since we did the live show in Toronto? By the way, thanks to everybody who came out to the live show in Toronto. It was huge, huge success. Did you, I feel like I saw your name in the news or something since the last time we saw each other. Oh, oh. So I'm one-on-one in fantasy football. That must have been it. One by one the first week and lost by one the second week.

And it was the first time that's happened in a really long time. Did you get into some sort of a tessel with the public editor or the SBN? It's the dumbest thing ever. We live in the dumbest time in the history of mankind. It's the dumbest timeline. Where, so like the last couple days, people have, like, pop into my DMs and my text and are like, I was really great what you did. And I'm like, I didn't do anything.

Like, I just pointed out an obvious thing that the ESPN public editor was stupid. The dumbest person, the dumbest person alive. Dumbest person alive. For those who don't know, and I don't know how you don't know, Jim Brady, the ESPN public editor who is like an ombudsman if an ombudsman didn't actually have to do his job. If he was an actual corporate executive and not an editor. If you were a person who was supposed to be a paragon of journalistic virtue, but yet you are an extension of the marketing department, then you're the public editor apparently.

Here's my day. Let me tell you the day. Okay, please. So like 3.30. So on Friday, ESPN public editor drops his 1600 word essay, which was poorly written and way too long. Can we talk about that real quick? two things about that essay. This is all about the Jamel Hill calling Trump a white supremacist controversy. This guy is the public editor. He is supposed to be the impartial guy who will offer the real story and the behind the scenes on all that jive. Doesn't actually talk to anybody.

Doesn't email a soul. Doesn't get anybody on the phone. Offers his own opinion on someone else's opinion. And in the process, and this is just my take on the column. In the process seems to conflate what journalism is. He doesn't seem to understand it. In two ways. First of all, he says, that, and I think he said this on email later, as unpopular as it may be to some, what we have to do is let the reporting do its work and resist more incendiary labels. But meanwhile, the reporting has revealed the thing that we all agree upon, which is that Donald Trump is a white supremacist. He surrounds himself. With white supremacists and every, and there are dozens upon dozens of instances throughout his history here in New York in the White House as a candidate that would point to the fact that he's a white supremacist. It's unbelievable. Now, the thing about it that I find really interesting is, you know, journalistically, we are taught as journalists that there's not always going to be a smoking gun. Yeah, you're not going to have.

That occasionally you have to gather the facts of which there are legion about Trump and come to a logical conclusion based on those facts. And the idea that a guy who's supposed to be the paragon of journalism at this organization doesn't understand that basic tentative journalism is insane. The other thing about it, too, is, and this happened years ago with ESPN, when Mike Wilbon was the Washington Post, you could look at his work and say, this was not following the journalistic ethics of this organization, even though he was an opinion writer. The words were in print and his name was on it and his byline was on it, even if it's a column, he's got to get his facts straight, he's got to do good reporting. It's got to be journalistic.

It can't just be bloviating. The minute he goes on ESPN, on PTI, him and Kornheiser, all bets are off. No one is looking at that show and being like, well, he should have really made that call to the general manager. River before saying that. No one's saying that because we understand the difference between television commentary, which is fucking circus nonsense, and real journalism in like a newspaper or a website. It's not even that. Jamel Hill didn't say anything on the air. No, but I mean, she didn't say, she didn't say anything that a million people haven't said before that wasn't forgotten about in 48 hours. That would not have been forgotten about 48 hours of not for ESPN doing what they did.

I guess my point is that the basic premise of this guy's screed is that from a journalist. standpoint she did poorly. His whole thing is, but from a journalistic standpoint, A, she's not in the, in the mode of being a journalist on that sports center. And B, she didn't even say it on the air. She said it on a personal Twitter feed.

Right. She's insane to me. Which again, wasn't, I mean, like, and it's all because, again, a part of the reason why this thing exists is because Clay Travis, traffic's in disingenuous outrage to try to get himself on TV so he can say boobs. Boobes on CNN and it kicked off.

like he's 23 years old or not even 23. That's insulting to 23 year olds. Like he's 14 years old. ESPN responds to that because they're afraid of something. And then that causes a problem. And every time you thought it was going to die down, something else happened. And like, if I'm ESPN and Jim Brady's like, hey, I'm going to write a little screed about this. You're probably thinking like, well, you know what?

If he comes at us at this point, it's probably good. And instead, he just takes your side again, the side nobody likes. Why wouldn't someone there just be like, you know, maybe just don't write it. We appreciate you defending us, your corporate overlords. Right. Baby don't do it. And then that happens. And then Monday, my thing happens and it becomes a thing again.

So your thing is that you, you, he did the single, again, not to, not to, I'm not trying to pretend that I'm a paragon of journalistic virtue. But here's what I know to be true. His tweets were so dumb. As a digital journalist for the last more than a decade. Don't double down on Twitter. Don't double down. You said your piece. Yes.

If people didn't get it, that's fine. Whatever. don't spend a day trying to defend your work, especially in the manner in which he decided to defend it. Because if your deal is that you're supposed to be the impartial judge and jury of journalism for ESPN, don't be a petulant person on social media. Just let it be. Post and go. Yeah.

Which is why you call him the dumbest person alive for the things he said on Twitter. There was one tweet where he tweeted at me something and like it made no sense. It made no. I read it three times. I didn't know what he was saying. I was like, this is incoherent, and then people piled on. But, okay, so. Was it, uh, it's hard to garble far out with all these marbles in my mouth from weird

owls smells like Nirvana? Because that didn't make any sense. The worst thing he actually did was he deleted his tweet. He deleted one tweet where I had a really good zinger on top of it and I quote tweeted it, which obviously is another thing every journalist should do, which is publish and then delete the thing that you screenshot it, but like that defeat, if you're going to correct yourself, don't delete the tweet. Like if you tweet something that's factually incorrect, delete it.

Let it stand because otherwise you can manipulate it in post. But okay, so Friday, everyone on Twitter piles on this guy, right? Including me. Okay. Saturday comes and goes. Sunday comes and goes. Monday. I get an email from Dan Levy, who's the editor over at the incline at like 3.30.

And the email said, it's this long email where like he was actually saying what a great thing it was that I wasn't going to write for them for some reason. I don't know. He's like, this is actually good for you that you're not going to like, just just get to the point. And he's like, well, you know, he's the CEO here, so probably not the best idea for you to write for us this year, which I've said this a million times.

I had no idea who it was. You had no idea. The thing was was that he tweeted from the ESPN public editor account all night and then fired off that last tweet where he said, well, uh, looks like I've done my part. Great to hear from people on both sides of the argument. And he stopped tweeting. But then he went to his personal Twitter account and added me from that.

And that's where it has like a list of all the stuff he does, like CEO of whatever he is. So when he added, when he responded to you on Twitter, did at any point, did he mention the fact that you worked for him? No. No. He didn't know. And that was the best part too.

So like on Monday, like I got the email from Dan. So I tweet out. I'm like, yeah, just FYI. I'm not doing anything on the Penguins issue for the incline because of this. And I stand by everything I said. And then that guy again from his personal Twitter account adds me and goes, who are you? Eight minutes later, he go by. He quote tweets me and says, I was the one who decided this, even though I don't think he was.

Right. Because he didn't know who I was eight minutes ago. And that was kind of sort of the end of it. Now you- Which really wasn't, again, it's such a weird thing to me that people were like, oh, man, a great job. Like, okay, A, I didn't know who he was. Well, how I was doing it. Yeah.

I like to think that I still would have done it, but I don't know because I don't know who he was. I read the extensive coverage of this on awful announcing and deadspin. And I do take issue with the fact that at one point you did venture over to the I would have said it anyway, but I think I would have. Come on, you're a freelance guy. You're not going to piss off the boss. Well, okay, let me rephrase that. It wasn't a high pay gig. It's not a high pain gig. Okay, that's, all right, as long as

that's a conclusion, it's one that, it's when you can burn. The thing, the thing was, like, the reason why, the reason why I kind of know that I probably still would have done it is because, um, and like, I, like, saying this, I know it sounds like a situation where I'm doing one of those things where I'm like, I'm not mad. I'm laughing one of those, but I'm really mad. like I honestly had forgotten about that website. Like I did I like I was setting up my stuff for the upcoming season and like I didn't think about it. And so like at 3.30 I got the email from Dan and the subject was like writing for that writing for us.

And I was like oh, a new gig. And then I was like no, the old gig is just being renewed. And like 15 minutes earlier, vice had sent me a thing asking me if I wanted to write football for them this year. And I was like, oh great. And then that came in and I was like, oh, right that. So like it might the thing that's funny is is if on Saturday like Dan sees my tweets. If you would have like just email me, been like, do you realize that guy is the CEO of where you're doing? I would have been like, oh, oh, well, I'm not, I can't write for you this year.

I can't have that guy be my corporate overlord. It makes, it makes total sense that they wouldn't want you to write there as a guy who made the CEO look horrible. But there is also a place that now looks horrible because of the CEO. Yeah. I mean. In the grand irony of journalism. It's just how, it's amazing how so many of these, like this chain of events went off where if people never said anything about Jamel Hill's original tweet. Yeah.

Like the butterfly effect from that is just so insane to me. It really is. And then the virus that makes people's bodies turn inside out from the Simpsons passes by because that's that timeline. You've gotten in trouble before. You've gotten in feuds before. It's one of my favorite things about you. How did this one play in your mind? Were you a little bit regretful that this went the way it did, or did you not give a shit?

Oh, I totally didn't give a shit. I really didn't. Like, honestly, like, when I thought Vice wasn't going to exist anymore, that made me sad. Right. That was really sad. What else have I gotten in trouble for? I don't know. You've gotten into a few feuds, haven't you?

Not like, on Twitter. Like, your... Feuds, sure. Yeah. But nothing on this level. No, like, I'm never... Like, seriously, like, he's the, like, spirited media is the name of the company. Like, I never...

I never... I never... Why is it called spirited media? Because he likes to get into spirited debates with people on Twitter. Oh, wait. There was one other thing that he said that, oh, what the hell was it? I wanted to point out. I completely forgot what it was now.

What the hell did he say to me? Tweeted at me. And he said, uh, yeah, I don't know. It's just, it's just, it's just so dumb how, like, these innocuous things have led to all this stuff. And people are like, like, honestly... This is what he said to you. Jim Brady tweeted from his personal account.

confirm this that you were fired. Yeah, that was... And that is... And that is... And that is was only because of the insult. Oh, that's what it was. Yeah. Your opinion is yours, but I'm under zero obligation to continue to use you. Dumbest person alive or not, I'm not a sucker.

Try that on anyone else you work with. Pretty sure results will be the same. Well, that's not true. I know. It's actually literally not true. I've had my writers call me a myriad of things on Twitter for things that I've said, and they're still write for me because I believe in a diversity of opinion. But like I and also I don't have

skin as thin as a piece of toilet tissue in a low rent hotel. No, but the thing that kind of struck me was they were so emphatic about the dumbest person alive thing being the reason why. Right. Makes me think that wasn't the reason why.

I think the reason why is that I'm on team, team Jamel. So maybe that's the real reason why. But either way, I don't care. Like, it's so not, it's so not like a thing that's going to affect whether or not I pay my rent or eat.

Do you believe that you were pissy about the fact that he decided he didn't want to continue using you for freelance? And then also that you should feel good because you don't have to work with the dumbest person on Earth. I mean, either way, either way it works out. It's totally, it's totally fine. Well, I think as per usual in these situations, you come off looking really good. He comes off looking really bad. I'm just, the thing that upsets me the most about it is that in all this cover, No one mentioned the podcast. I was a little upset about that. Yeah, you know what? We could have

used some pub because that was the whole point of this was for me to raise my profile and improve my brand. You're like, if I get fired, this is clearly going to help boost the podcast. And I appreciate that about it. Twitter, man. Like, we live in a world now where you just can't, like, there's always going to be the other side. Like, Twitter, people always say like, Twitter and social media are great because it gives a voice to the voiceless, right? And you're like, that's great. Like, you think about like, like, a man. Imagine if you're like a trans teen, right? Yeah. You feel alone. But Twitter, you go out and you can find people who can relate to you. You can relate to them.

You feel part of a community. Like, 1992, you just were trapped and you didn't know anybody. You were scared. And like now, at least there's something out there for you. But at the same time, Twitter gives a voice to the voiceless. Right. People who should not have a voice. Have not.

And never had a voice and should never have a voice. Like, I think Bill Burry did a bit of this on Jim Jeffrey show where he's like, back in like the days when there's no internet. Like if you were some idiots sitting around going Nazis aren't that bad. Right. Nazis are fine. Yeah. I don't see the big deal about it.

You would never find anyone to connect with and you would feel stupid and never share your idea. And it goes beyond that, too. It's not only Nazis are fine people finding out they have kin around the world thanks to these message boards. And they feel stronger. It's also the people who are like, you know what? I think there's a real chance that Hillary ran a child porn ring out of that pizza polo. Yeah. And they could go places and find out that there are three or four other people that actually believe this. Yes.

And then go there with a gun. And like next thing you know, like you're being interviewed by like real political publication. and having profiles written about you. Like, it's just sometimes there aren't two sides to things. Like, Nazis are bad, period. Like, Colin Kaepernick is not in the NFL today because he took knees during the National Landon last year to protest police violence, period, end of sentence.

Like, if you're some idiot like Albert Breer, and you're like, well, you know what? As a pocket pastor last year, his QBR was, no, no. There's no other side to that story. And it's fun, you know, to bring it to the hockey thing that you probably all want us to get to. That's why the quote unquote hockey Twitter thing's always been fascinating to me because, you know, I've tried to get out of the bubble and figure out what do the people not on Twitter feel about analytics? What do the people not on Twitter feel about Patrick Kane?

What are the people not on Twitter feel about it? It is night and fucking day. Oh, I know. And I mean, granted, I tend to believe that the people inside the bubble might be a little bit more enlightened than the people outside the bubble. That's just me. But it is startling to think that like for all the time that we spend. on the issues being bandied about in that echo chamber 24-7

like there are people out there the people that are outside the bubble who are like what the hell you mean Eric Carlson's better than Shay Weber? Shea Weber's a man mountain got a big old shot shot the buck right through the net and that's the Olympics. You see that shit? That's how people, the non-twitter non-internet world

you know the meme with the galaxy brains, the four brains. Yesterday that that shitty Google sexist guy, whatever that guy's name is tweeted this like four-part tweet about how like clan names or how they have all the cool names like grand wizard like that's why they go there because they have dragon in their name or whatever and and like three people in my timeline in nine minutes grab those tweets and made it part of the galactic brain if you tell anyone who's not on twitter about that they have no idea who the guy is what the meme is like it's just a whole other offline world where nobody cares about the same stuff you care about when you're on twitter all day i think that it's interesting another reason why the jemelle hill thing would have gone away immediately because no one i think i think i think i think Facebook is the conduit between these two dimensions. Like, that's what makes Facebook so dangerous.

Like, because, like, the normies in my life that don't know me from Twitter and don't know me from a podcast or any of this shit, they're on Facebook. And occasionally, these little me-me-me, internet-y things sort of find their way to them through Facebook. And then they don't know what to do with them. It's like all of a sudden, it's like a poltergeist. Like, a portal from another dimension opens up in your house and the succubus falls in the ceiling. And you're like, I don't know what the fuck that is. Meanwhile, on the other side of the port. It's all suck you by.

And they're just like, where's Bob? Oh, shit. He's in the suburban home. Right. Like, literally, like, I don't know what day Jamel tweeted that thing, but say it was Monday. If on Thursday you walked up to your friends who don't have Twitter and be like, man, I can't believe the Jamel Hill Trump firestorm. They'd be like, what? What are you talking about?

Did she mention him during those Appalachian State highlights the other day? I know. Was Trump a guest on SportsCenter at six? I don't. They would have no idea. And that's what makes ESPN so dumb is they made this into a thing because one idiot. Yeah. with a radio show made a comment that caused it.

And it's, but it's a bigger corporate issue of everybody trying to please everybody all the time and then wind up pleasing nobody. That's the thing. Like the person at ESPN whose plan was to suspend, not suspend, but I guess reprimand her, and then like extract like a pseudo apology out of her. And then she didn't even really technically apologize. And ESPN said, we accept her apology, which is like such a dick move where like the person doesn't apologize and you're like, I forgive you. Fuck off. She didn't ask for your forgiveness. Let's talk about hockey.

Yeah, let's do that. Let's talk about something that won't piss us off. We will hire a public editor for the podcast at some point to write opinion pieces about our opinions and then call it journals. Let's get Paul Stewart in here to talk about our opinions about refereeing. Let's get to the refereeing thing in a second. We do have to cover one thing about some news that broke in the time between podcasts. Pasta himself, David Pastrnec, signs a six-year, $40 million extension, 6.667 AVV with the Boston. Bruins, his agent in August publicly said via the Boston Herald that the Bruins were offering six or seven years for six million per season.

They wanted to go eight. They wanted the max. They settled for, you know, midpoint, I guess, between seven and six in agent terms at six point. It's six point six years. So he doesn't get the term he's looking for that whole Leon Drysettle contract end around that they were running at some point because the oilers went nuts and paid him, which never made sense to me because, Pasturenex a winger, dry siddle's the center. But it's the thing we've talked about a million times, too, is like RFA deals aren't comparable a lot of times because it's all about your team's cap situation.

It's all about how ruthless your GM is or how much they want to pay. It doesn't matter what Leon Drysadle got in any way for Pasternac. So just to be like, well, that good, God. Who cares? Do you think that there's also a situation where they don't believe that Pasturac could be Pasturac away from Marchand and Bergeron, which I know is sort of a poor way of looking at it? Because obviously Marchand and Bergeron are not going anywhere anytime. So in theory, that lion's going to thrive.

But I look at dry saddle and when we talked about the contract, I see him as a guy that you can plant on a lion and all of a sudden that line is good because of dry saddle. I'm not sure you could say the same thing about Pasturenik or many wingerers in the NHL. How old's Bergeron? He's in his 30s at this point. Sure, but he's a fit gentleman. He's a fit gentleman.

He's 32. Yeah, he's going to be fine. That's another four years at least of Patrice Bergeron. Actually, six years have been winning Selkees, four more years of him being a real good player. He's an old 32. He's got some mileage on there, man. Like, I don't know.

Like, I know, like, we're supposed to have an opinion on every single contract that comes down. But, like, the Pasternak deal, like, I think it's fine. Maybe it won't work out. Maybe it'll be a huge bargain. I think it's a huge... It's beyond fine. It's great for the Bruins. Hold on.

It's great for the Bruins. I can't leave you're making me do all this work. I haven't been working, like, six weeks. 6.6.67 for a player of that offensive of prowess to not have to then bend to the will of the market after the dry-suttle contract is a huge win for Boston. And not having him roped him for eight years, which is what he was looking for to begin with. I think he's awesome because his, I think his NHL debut, he had a hat trick, I want to say. And I think I had him on my draft Kings team that day.

So I have a fond place in my heart for pasta. Well, everybody knows that what you do in your NHL debut dictates what you do for the rest of your career. That's why Zach Porese is a better player than Sidney Crosby. But it's like, okay, so he went from 15 and 26 and 51 games to 34 and 75 games. Like, I don't know. I just... I think... I'd like to see another season of 34 and 70.

But you can't, but you don't get that. I know. I know. I think it's a good deal for the Bruins. I think Don Sweeney continues to be the guy who homers and strikes out. He's like, he's one of those guys. Joey Gallo. Yeah.

40 home runs, 220 Ks. Without question. He has got that ratio line that a lot of the home run hitters in this league have now. But he's, yeah, I feel like this is a really good win, especially for, and again, like, it's so funny to me how intrinsically linked some of these things are in hockey. The guy who blew out the Bruins cap situation gives dry slid of the money. And then all of a sudden, the Bruins are on the precipice of now being affected by another Peter Scherrelli contract. And they manage not to be. I think it's a great win for the Bruins.

That's actually the better question is what line do you think Pasternak will be on when he's in Arizona next year? Oh, shit. Who do you think he'll have Domi on his line? I think they'll move him to the wing, maybe? I don't know. All right, let's get to these rules changes that everybody's catching about this week. It's not rules changes. Let me rephrase that.

They're not rules changes. They're rules. They're reemphasizing. We're enforcersmen. We're calling penalties now. It's weird. It reminds me that I had that conversation with Betman. I had a conversation with Betman at the Hall of Fame after the lockout in 2005 when I was there as a fan and I was a little drunk.

And I was talking about. How drunk were you? Very. I was there with a bunch of people paying my way to be at a Hall of Fame induction. And I walked up to him. This is before I became Joe Hockey journalist, really. Do you want me to be you and you be Batman? What do I say?

No, I'll be both. I walked up to him and I'm like, Mr. Commissioner, and I shook his hand. And I'm like, this was, this was, if you, if we have a very short memory about all this stuff because I know people flipping out about how many power plays we're seeing in the, in the preseason. This was the shit that was happening in the regular season in 2005, 2006. Yeah, because they had to adjust. Right. It's fine. So I'm like, I walked up to him, like, what are we going to do about all these power plays, you know?

Because these rules change. This is all your fault. And he said, there hasn't been any rules changes. There's been rule emphasis or whatever, he said. And I'm like, we had, we were, you know, we had 23 power players in the game the other day. You know, what were we going to do? And he just kind of, like, speedily walked away from me because I was probably, like, trying to kiss him at that point. Because you had spilled, like, PBR on your, on your Tom Chorsky jersey.

But the point is, is that, listen. Love you, Gary. The slashing thing, I think, is going to, the face-off thing, whatever. Like, they should completely shore up the face-off rules to begin with and probably change some of the face-off rules to eliminate cheating. That's been long gestating, and that's on the linesmen and the officials on the ice for not having enforced that and allowing guys to cheat as much as they have over the years. The slashing thing is a little bit trickier. The slashing thing is a clear emphasis on trying to eliminate the kinds of slashes we saw last year, the injurious ones. You don't want skill players being injured.

or skill players interviewing other people cough mark the thought but like I think there's some virtue in trying to emphatically call slashing more the problem with that is that it's not like obstruction

like you can look at a hockey play and say oh that guy held that guy or oh that guy who totally ran a pick play at the blue line that's obstruction we're going to get rid of that slashing comes in so many different varieties in colors It's like the baskin robins of penalties.

You've got good little baby slashes. You've got hard emphatic slashes. You have slashes on the wrist. You have slashes on the fingers. And then at the end of the day, you're going to have people that if you're going to call these penalties over and over again and try to emphasize them, unlike an obstruction, you're going to have people trying to draw them and drop their stick and mime that they were injured in that whole thing. And I know that goes on regardless. But when you have an emphasis on enforcement of a particular penalty, you're going to have people trying to.

to take advantage of it, i.e. turning your back to a hit from behind, for example. Oh, boy. Look at you. But you lobbying for a player's safety job over here, where the guy that turns his back. I am growing up my George Peros must as we speak. Greg, here's a thing. Here's my idea. You're right. If a guy feels a tap on the hand, the stick, he might shake his hand, drop the stick, blah, blah, blah. I got a crazy idea. Don't whack the guy at all with your stick, and you'll never be subjected to him drawing the penalty for faking. You just keep your stick on the ice.

You don't put your stick parallel to the ice ever, ever, ever, or horizontal. You, you sir are going to run head on into the never played the game crowd. Slashing has always been part of the game. Love taps. Fucking cares if it's always been part of the game. Ways to get the guy off the puck. Who gives a shit? Fucking, you skate with him, you fucking no talent slashing assholes.

Fucking skate, man. Like Bradmore Shan was bitching about the faceoff thing, I think, more than the slashing on Twitter. But like, this whole, I don't understand the people that, play the sport, you know, the stewards of the game and all that shit. Like, why is there this emphasis on letting the boys play? Just let them play hockey. Like, why? It's this weird emphasis, like, from players and coaches and people who just don't want to see penalties called.

Yeah. And referees, like the Paul Stewart thing says, well, you know what? If you've never ref the game, you don't have a feel for what's going on out there. Buddy, no one wants you to have a feel for the game. They want you to call the penalties you see in the rulebook. one comes to the game and is like, man, Paul Stewart's got no feel for the game tonight. Like, shut up. Paul Stewart said the NHL, Paul Stewart, who was a referee way back in the day for those who don't know,

back in the day when we used to know the names of all the referees and then chant them with sucks after it. The NHL wants cookie cutter roughing by email mandates no longer by hockey sense feel for the game in judgment. It's been like basketball out there in the preseason. Same number of whistles, but they don't wear helmets. Oh, I didn't see him compare it to basketball in a negative way. I was trained by the likes of blah, blah, blah. Here's what they told me. there is no prize for putting your arm up for a penalty the fastest, watch the play, judge the play, then make a decision.

When considering a penalty, ask yourself, does someone gain an advantage? Was it a play to interest? Doesn't matter if he gains an advantage involved? What was the effect? I swung my stick and hit him in the head, but he kept going, so I'm not going to call the penalty. What does that mean? That's the thing that I hate the most about the old school kind of coming up and talking about these rules changes, which is that, like, Paul starts saying, you know, it should be about judgment. It should be about field the game. should be, what you're talking about is creating a narrative for the game.

That's what referees used to do. Referees used to actually, in their minds, say, this guy deserves this, this guy deserves that, this team deserves this. Was that a penalty? Well, I'm not going to call it with five minutes left in the game. That's horseshit. There were bigger problems when I was a kid as far as people being like,

this is the most inconsistent nonsense I've ever seen than there are today. Because suddenly, as I tweeted earlier today, suddenly, I think we've gone from being really mad at the referee, being really mad at the league and being like the league is looking for these standards of enforcement and we can't be pissed off with the referees for trying to live up to

the league standards versus... You mean like now? Yeah, versus back in the day where you watch a game refereed by Don Koharski and see yourself, I just watch this guy do the same thing two nights earlier and he's not doing the same thing now that he did two nights earlier. So what the fuck? There's still that today. There's still both sides

to that. That's actually a thing where I think there are two sides. It's actually the league is a problem and the referees are the problem because the referees have Like, there's nothing wrong with going into a game in any sport. Like, say if, like, remember, the thing was last year there, two years ago, the Steelers and the Bengals, they wanted to fucking murder each other because one team thought Levi-on-Bel got taken out because, like, Vontes-Burfect is, like, a serial killer on defense. And so, like, early in the game, I can see referees like calling a couple of, like,

unsportsman, like, conduct penalties on both teams to kind of, you know, kind of just set the tone, as they say. But, like, this thing where, like, a referee skates up to Alex Burroughs and warm-ups and goes, you do anything, I'm going to fucking kill you and your family or whatever, whatever that guy said to Alex Burroughs. And then Ron McLean said, well, he's got every right to tell him he's been a murderous family. He's a referee after all. And Alex Burroughs is a petul and pest. Again, like, Alex Burroughs is not exactly the cleanest player. But there's nothing wrong with like knowing who the dirty players are and being like, you know, buddy. I'm going to watch you. I'm going to watch

Zach Granado a little closer than I'm going to watch Brian Jion. I'm waiting for the part where you transition to the thing I want to say. So I'll just say it. All right, do it. There is a big difference between that level of game management in which you want to make sure the physical element of the game is kept in check and things don't get out of hand. And if you're a referee and you smell that smell, that sulphory smell of line brawls and brutality coming, you want to take care of it. I get that. A slashing penalty. It's a penalty, though.

Looking at it as a judgment call as subjective as whatever. A tripping penalty is subject. These are cut and dry things. And here's the thing about it, folks. If you don't like power plays, fuck off. I don't know what to tell you because Dello wrote about it. A lot of people wrote about it in the last couple weeks. The decline in power play opportunities in this league is directly correlated with the decline in scoring.

The five-on-five scoring rates in this league have not changed dramatically in the last 15, 20 years, okay? But the power play advantages, the power play time, all of it has all declined since lockout 2005, even though we spiked right after we had all the obstruction ship. But here's the thing. even if we get the slashing penalties and all these other things if we're calling for better enforcement of the rules and getting more power play opportunities which in theory should lead to scoring

I think it's only half the equation I've been on this bully puppet for a long time you and your fucking math and equations what's on the other side of the equal sign on this one buddy you have to change the rules sort of the penalty kill then it's great it's great that you can get

more power play opportunities and theory that's going to lead to you know more goals I think everyone know that's sliding Is that what you're going to tell me? No sliding? I just think that the penalty kill has gotten more efficient and better. I haven't looked at the numbers of this. This is my thought.

And an opinion, like I'm the public editor of the podcast. I feel like, you know, the ability to block shots, everything else that goes along with the improvement in goaltending and all the things we've seen throughout the years, I feel like you now have to then either, you know, again, let's fucking stump again, two-minute major powerplays. Make every power play two minutes. If you don't want that, then at least implement. Some of the rules that changes that we saw in the Shanahan camp. Like what? Like, for example, you can't ice the puck on the penalty kill.

No, I thought I've... You have to skate it out or you have to make a certain line before you can dump it out. I thought about that because icing the puck is actually better, I think, for the PK team. Because when you send the puck all the way down, you're giving up possession. And it takes like six seconds to bring the puck from your zone back to the attacking zone. Well, hold on. Better for the PK or better for the power play? better for the PK because you're not giving up possession.

When you send the puck down the ice and there's no icing, you're giving up possession. That the team goes down and gets it skates it back up. It doesn't take that long. If you send the puck down and it's icing, then it's a face off. You can win possession and then chip it out again the right way. I don't think that works as well as people think. You shouldn't be able to chip it out of the zone as easily as you can now. I want to make it harder for the PK to do that.

I don't think it's that big a deal because the way the way teams can attack, like you clear the zone. If you cleared the zone back in the day, it took like an hour to get the puck back up the ice. You had to lug it for these shitty skaters. Now, like, everybody has, like, four guys that can skate on the power play and carry the puck back in in, like, 10 seconds. Like, it's not that big deal. But how many PKs have you seen where they go down and get the puck, they carry it back in, they get in their little formation? They dump the puck in.

They think they've got a numbers advantage and then it just gets it right back down. What do you think? So you think a power play would rather have go back, touch it, or I guess not touch it. No, I think the power play would rather have a PK that can't simply dump the puck out of the zone from behind their own goal line. But they're going to anyway. They will just ice the puck anyway. They're not going to change a thing they do.

They will still ice the puck. No, but I'm saying to you, if you created a rule that says that you literally can't do it. Like how? What are they going to do? You give a two minute penalty for icing? Sure. They give them a two minute penalty for dump the puck over the glass. You can just, I think if you just call penalties,

here's the thing that cracks me up. All these dudes who are like 10, 15 years older than us, love to just sit down and tell us about how great the 80s were. Oh, the free-witted and 80s. Oh, to see Yuri Curry flying up and down the ace. Oh, the wind. He did a gust of wind behind him as he would skate freely without obstruction. There's a reason why the top 100 players, 74 were from the 80s, because that was the best time.

And let's just say that it was. There's a lot of goals that were getting scored, you know, 7-5 games. When shit goes wrong in life. It's not like a movie where like an alien lands on your dog and the aliens take over the planet and you're like on the run, like Tom Cruise in that shitty alien movie. Do you mean more of the world that wasn't shitty at all, except for when he goes into the basement of Tim Robbins and it gets really weird? That was, Dakota Fanning fucking screaming every fourth fucking scene.

Shut up, oh my God. You get it, you're scared. I want Mommy, shut up. You got Tom Cruise in the car, man. He's going to save the day. The point is just in life, shit gets fucked up incrementally and slowly where you don't recognize it.

And from like 1984 to like 2004, when the Stanley Cup final was just like a 14 shot to nine shot game every night. Like, it didn't happen overnight. It slowly happened. Right. So now what we have to do is, since we let it go fucking rotten for 20 years, you have to call slashing penalties. Like, it's like a kid's league and you slash.

That's two minutes. So the decline in penalty calls is like a giant alien tripod emerging from the ground in Jersey City. That was NARC. One of the two. Oh, maybe it was Jersey City. It was New Jersey because of course. Of course. I've never being so excited about the beginning of war of the world because Tom Cruise was one of those crane operators,

who works at the docks. Just a regular old salt. Yeah. And I was always like, what a cool-ass job that is to sit up in that big old crane and move the, what I assume is rail cars full of Raza ghoul's chemical drugs and the side of the teddy bears. Have you seen the commercial for his new movie where he's like the pilot flying drugs? Yeah. I don't know how many movies we're at now. But I feel like we're at like nine movies about the one guy who helped the drug trade starting in the 80s with Pablo.

Like we're at like, there's Tom Cruise, there's Johnny Depp. There's like two or three other movies where it's about the one guy who snuck in the drugs. The untold story of the one guy who created heroin. And it's a weird way to tell the story too because that guy's a piece of shit. That guy brought cocaine over here and got people killed. See, I kind of like, I kind of like piece of shit, Tom Cruise. I think there's something to be said pieces. Like I watched on the plane The Mummy, half watched it.

It's not good. It's one of the greatest examples of, maybe the best example since The Amazing Spider-Man 2 on. how to not try to build a cinematic universe. Wait, which one is that? That's the one with Jamie Fox's Electro. That was the one where they tried to build a whole cinematic universe where it's like, like, the only person who could have ever become Spider-Man

was Peter Parker because his parents experimented on them or some shit. You're just like, oh, come the fuck on. Oh, they change how he becomes Spider-Man in that movie? He still gets bit by the spider, but like his DNA enables it. It's, don't worry about it, honey. You never have to worry about it again. There's no Uncle Ben?

The cute little British boy is Spider-Man now, and it got better again. But like, the- Wait, that kid's British in the new Spider-Man? Yeah, so was Andrew Garfield. No, I know, Andrew Garfield is. They don't speak with the British thing. The actors are British. Yeah, he's totally British.

And the British have snuck over here and stole all the good Hollywood jobs the last 10, 15 years, man. Like, Batman's British. Everyone's Superman's British. Well, they learned if they didn't dump the accent, they're going to be one of two things. Stuck in a Merchant Ivory film or a member of the Empire. That's it. I'm thinking about making rock and roll a part four where I play a guy with a gun. and it gets bloody

wild out here. What about me? Do you think I could play the Flash? No, you're either going to be a butler or an officer on the executioner. Oh, God, we've got to build the wall around London. Yeah, Tom Holland's British. He's still in American acting jobs.

And then Andrew Garfield was British. Like, I knew Andrew Garfield's pretty. Toby McGuire looks like he should be British, but he's not. He sounds like that's a British sound. Hello, I'm Toby McGuire. Actually, that's not really British. You can make anything sound British if you want. Dr. Octopus. Oh, no.

Oh, Doc. Blimey! He's got the octopus arms. Eight arms. He can't possibly play footy with eight arms. Tom Cruise in the Mummy is kind of a sum bitch. He's kind of a dirtbag a little bit in that movie, and I really appreciated that. He's like an artifact steal. It's not a good movie at all. It's terrible. But he kind of like sucks at stuff.

I like it better when my action heroes suck at stuff. And they get beat up, and they're fallible. That was one of the things I've always liked about Tom Cruise, to be honest with you. Like, he's not the thing. guy that, like, he's... Harrison Ford's the best example. Harrison Ford, despite being like a totally confident dude sometimes.

He needs, everyone keeps talking about Hillary has to go away. Harrison Ford has to go away. I understand that, but... He's ruining everything I've ever like. The reason why he was iconic movie stars because there are those times in like in the Indiana Jones movies or, you know, Air Force One, whatever, where he would look at him and he's like, you can see,

he's trying to figure it out real quickly, like, what the fuck to do next? And like, that's the best thing about him as an action hero. But he's not flawed. Yeah. He's, he's, he, he defeated an entire Russian terrorist group on a plane with a plastic fork. The best example of that is the fugitive is a classic action movie and in Harrison Ford and that movie, there's not a single time in that movie or it looks like he knows what the fuck he's doing. But that, but there he's like a regular guy. Right.

Like that, that, that. Dr. Richard Kimmel. By the way, I love, I love movies where the only way the movie can happen is if you make the local cops as stupid as they possibly can be. Like, if I'm the Chicago PD, like, and that movie came out and I saw that, I would never work with. with anybody in that movie in my town ever again. Like the Gotham police were more confident when they were in Chicago compared to the Chicago PD in that movie. There's a guy wearing a medical coat. He's sweating a lot.

He's checking over his shoulder. He thinks maybe I'm following him or whatever, but I don't know. Seems he's a doctor, so he should be all right. Tommy Lee Jones is like, y'all, y'all saw that he was in his hospital helping out a kid who had a heart attack and he got him saved. Yeah, maybe he's just doing that because he wants to kill some more people. Like, what the fuck? That's not... That was the thing about it.

There's like this doubt. There's this doubt that this perfectly wonderful guy who's like helping people. He's like, hey, let me reattach your scrotum to your intestines and save your life. And the cops are like, I don't know. Maybe he's got some sort of plan where he's going to be a guy. He could be a serial killer called the operator. We don't know these things. Maybe you put a sponge in his chest.

He's going to die in two weeks. I don't know. All right. Thanks, officer. You're a detective on the son. Okay. The mummy was a terrible example of world building, but I saw Kong Skull Island, and that's a great example of a franchise building. The mummy they're making into like, yeah, like a Marvel universe thing, right?

So in both movies, there's an organization that is going to be the binding element of all the movies. So the Godzilla movie and the King Kong movie both have an organization called Monarch. It is an organization that believes that we are on borrowed time because giant monsters are living under the earth and they're going to rise up and they're going to take the Earth. back. And that's a great idea. Which Godzilla movie? The one that Garrett Edwards did. The one that the kid who played Kickass was in.

He sounds British. Garth Edwards, that's a British guy, isn't it? Yeah, well, I don't know what he is. But he made a great Godzilla movie. And then this King Kong movie is part of it, too, at the end of the credits. You get a sense of all the other monsters that are going to show up, like Mathra and King Adora and stuff. It's great. This mummy movie? Yeah, he's English. The

mummy movie has Russell Crow as Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde. Yeah, I didn't realize that. And the The whole point of the movie is like to introduce this like secret clandestine organization that's going to tie together all these other monster movies. I'm like who gives a shit. I don't understand why every movie has to be a superhero movie, a monster movie, or a reboot of a movie. I didn't like in 1992 like Tomb Raider or Jumanji. Like, why are we remaking these movies? It's like there's a hot woman mummy terrorizing like London.

And then you're spending 15 minutes in this office being like, well, you know, a secret organization. who gives a shit? I don't, I don't, I don't, I, I don't, I, I don't understand how we're going to get a sequel to the accountant, but we're not going to get a sequel to the nice guys. Last thing I saw on the plane was the fate of the furious. I know I probably should not see that on a plane. I should see it on the biggest screen possible. Can I be honest with you?

Mm-hmm. Those movies make me cry. Like those movies, all that bullshit about all the bullshit about like Paul Walker dying and shit in the last three movies. It makes me cry. I was crying on the plane at the end of the fate of the furious. I know it was absurd. if people have seen it, you know why I was probably crying, but it gets me, it gets me a little bit.

This is about my family. There's actually a speech in the movie Charlie Staran gives where she's an audience proxy, where he's like, she's like, what's the most important thing in your life, Dominic Torreto? He's like, family. She's like, no, it ain't. It's racing, right? No, family.

And she's like, come on, it's like that first 10 seconds of her race and you just want to just shoot your bones. Spoiler alerts here, by the way. They're like, no, pretty much family. And you're just like, all right, whatever, man. Love barbecues. Yeah, they have a barbecue on top of a... There's a barbecue in every movie.

They had a barbecue on top of a building in New York. And I'm like, whose penthouse is that? That they let the Fast and Furious crew camp out and have a barbecue after the film. That's pretty tight. I lost track of, like, why doesn't the Rock want to put them in prison anymore? Well, he became their friend, but now he was a, spoiler, he was a cop again. But the movies... The British guy killed the...

Japanese guy. Right, but now the British guys are now working with them too. I'm swung a little bit, but it's everybody who was ever

an antagonist in these movies becomes their friend. It's like they're all a bunch of Magneto's. It's just free money for these guys. Oh, well,

I wanted to destroy the world and make everybody a mutant but Charles, you clearly need me. And then 45 minutes later, Magneto's like murdering children on screen.

It's always a big oh, you got me again, you know. That's like, I couldn't see that one coming. Oh, you know.

apparently he's built a helmet inside his brain that I can't see through. It appears the criminal Magneto has taken all of the metal in New York and made it into a giant bomb. Oh, got to you one-off on you again, old chap. Jolly, good old magneto, old boy. Right, and they play plastic chess at the end of the movie. What the fuck are we talking about? That's right, slashing. Oh, yeah, so slashing.

So just call the penalties. I think that's our point, right? What game? What game do you think we start to notice where slashing's okay again? 12. Well, I'm wondering, at this point, the only thing I'm wondering is if we're going to have a good two weeks of 23 power play games. That's the only thing I'm wondering. Are we going to bleed into the regular season or are we not going to bleed in the regular season?

I've already seen people like writers complaining about penalties in the preseason. Yeah. They're worried how it's going to, like, it's the only sport where I just don't know, I don't know why anybody watches it. I just, I'm so confused because any time they want to do something that's going to, like, like, okay, let's say people got mad because Greg Wichenski. becomes commissioner and says two-minute majors for tripping penalties. All right. That's a big change. That's right after I say, we're going to build that wall.

We're not going to allow the Canadians in this league anymore. The wall is going to be big. What about Jonathan Taves? Don't tell him that Jonathan Taves. The wall just got three stories bigger. Justin Trudeau is going to pay for it. With his Chewbacca socks. I don't get when people get mad that they're calling penalties that are penalties.

That's the thing. I just don't. Don't be wrong. Like, I hate everything, but it just seems like no one's ever going to... It's like Louis C.K. Everything's amazing and nobody's happy. Well, that's, and that's the thing. I mean, basically, hockey fans are this. They're calling too many penalties, but they should totally call what the Roebuck says.

I know. Call the game, ref. Don't put the whistle away, but let them play. Like, never... You've hit on something inherent about our experience as hockey fans, which is we will never be happy. No. You know, in the last five minutes of the game, we want there to be justice. We want to be...

You call the last five minutes like you, the first five minutes, until the team down 3-2 gets that power play with a minute 30 left. You're just like, oh, that's enough. You couldn't see that one coming. Give back, help him out. Why, because you're the home team? Well, they do. They do give back penalties.

Well, no, I'm sorry, sir. That's actually just them exerting their... Like, being a cap man. I believe that what they called it was judgment and feel for the game. Of all the reasons why they fired Bruce Bruejo and the caps got broken up and changed everything, how many people never talked about the fact that they clicked it like 52% on the power play in the regular season and then the in the playoffs they never got called they never never they were never given any power plays they didn't score the goals the way they did all it just just call it all the same just yeah all the time

it's fine it's fine and it'll be fine and then listen this isn't the first time that we've had some sort of a bloody panic over they're reemphasizing certain rules and they just for fucking forget about it by november but i do I do want to take the... You go to Europe, you come back. I'm not in an NHL shill. You guys know that. Okay, no, I'm not. But the thing where they really fucked up this week is the fact that they decided to...

They didn't get the video of the slashing stuff and the face-off stuff to these teams until about like an hour before their games on Monday. But, to be fair, in every locker room now, there's a 42 by 36 length declaration of principles that everyone can look at on the wall. because they took care of that. They didn't take care of getting the goalies a smaller equipment either, but the Declaration of Principles

was proofread by 52 people in the marketing department and got out before the season. Yeah. Thank you. You know, and they should read that Declaration of Principles

out before every game on the ice and then see how far they get into the Hockey is for everyone part of it before some guy in the upper deck just screams a bunch of gay slurs to drown it out. That's the last line

of the Declaration of principles is, in other words, hockey is for everyone. everyone. Right. You have that already. Parentheses, TM. All just so Pat LaFontaine can justify his paycheck.

Oh, it's just so bizarre. Excuse me. And also meeting the Pope or whatever. That's what I, like, what percentage of people's salaries that are in the front office of the NHL or teams are mostly based on them being good players back in the 80s and 90s? And the aughts at this point, Robling. Although I do, I do, again, like, I love this idea that the St. Louis Blues currently have where they have Marty Burrador teach Jake Allen how to be good. They bring in Larry Robinson to teach Colton Perego

how to be good. Now they need to find, like, they need to get Adam Oates in there and be like, any centers here? Any centers worth of him? Can I teach how to be good? That's fine. Marty Brodor teaching someone how to play goalie is fine. Marty Brodor, like, making managerial decisions

one year after retiring would be weird. By and by the way, for those of you who were at the live show in Toronto, you probably, if you went back and listened to the podcast, we had some tech difficulties so the beginning of the show actually didn't make the pod. We don't put the Q&A on the podcast.

That's just to give the people who pay to see us a little bit worth the money or whatever. But we had a bit where we read a, Loza read a letter from the Pope about our podcast and got cut. And it's gone forever. Yeah, it's gone forever. Because I just kind of, I kind of just improvved at a blank piece of paper. I don't know what I said. You showed me a blank piece of paper you said, here, just go with it. I'm like, oh, what does we see you're going to be?

And now the funny part, too, is like when you listen to that podcast, it sounds like we just walked out on stage and you just started talking about a jersey. you were wearing. Yeah, I know. So on the back of this jersey, it says, it's like, wait, that's a weird way to open the podcast. By the way, congrats to Jackie Redmond. We talked to Jackie before the show about the, she was kind of confiding in us, this what to do with her career-wise because NHL Network was there and she was going to get her visas or whatever in order or whatever.

And now she's going to be on NHL Network as a front-facing talent, as they call it. And she's great. Is that what they call it? They call it front-facing. That's why Jamel Hill can't tweet anything because she's a front-facing talent. Facing talent. She's on TV. Are there back facing talents? Are there people who stand in front of the TV and not look at the camera, like we can just read highlights?

Backfacing talents were the guys in public enemy that used to dress like Lewis Farrakhan. It would stand with their backs of the audience, like watching. Yeah, they were backfacing talent. The good thing for Jackie Redmond is, is, you know, a lot of people will tell you she got this job based on her talent and her ability at SportsNet. But really, it was the Puck Soup bump. It's not a coincidence that she came on the podcast. Well, it's, I mean, the Puck Soup Bump. has become something a lot of people have talked to them.

Many people are saying that there's a Puck Soup bump. Both Amanda Stein and Sarah Baker got jobs with Devils after Puck Soup. Keith Olberman. Keith Oberman. He's more popular now, so that's up to us. Katie Nolan, well, we got Katie Nolan an Emmy. Yeah.

But then we got her off the evening. That's because she never came back on again. We needed to give her the double bump. There's not. I don't know if we did anything. No, there wasn't that. Animal Collect, no. Kellan.

Kellan seems like he's doing well. Yeah, I think his band has actually sold more albums because of us. I know. Sure. Oh, Connor McDavid won the heart trophy. He won the heart trophy. And some, again, much like with Jackie, people will tell you it's about his talent and ability that got him. No. Nope.

Not at all. Not at all. That's right. Oh, speaking of Jackie in Toronto, that's the thing we didn't talk about before the show that we should talk about is Joffrey Lupel. Okay. Yeah. I had that on my list, but then I hit it. That's an amazing thing.

So for those that don't know, Joffrey Lupal is, okay, what is it? The Leafs say he's injured, but other people on the Leafs say he's not injured. He's ready to, raring to go. He's not on long-term injured reserve, but he's also not playing, and his money counts against the cap. And Myrtle wrote a really good piece on this on the athletic. I don't know if you've heard of that site. Familiar. Chances are, if you, like a hockey writer,

they're probably working there. But he spelled it out to be a thing where they don't want to put him on long-term injured reserve and then have the cap savings because then that could initiate an investigation by the NHL into whether or not this guy's actually hurt. They don't want to demote him to the AHL,

which would also give them cap savings because, according to Myrtle, Luple has a bit of a reputation as a party boy. They don't necessarily want to stick him on their HL team with a bunch of kids where he might be a bad influence. Is that the gist of it? So I have a couple of friends who I can like ask stuff about. And like usually they're the kind of friends who will just like tell me stories

willy-nilly about like inside hockey stuff that like I never really tell anybody because no one cares and I don't want to share it on here and get anybody in trouble. But like usually they will tell me what's going on. And the thing I wrote today was like you know how in movies there's like a cop. and he's like investigating the murder of a woman and he goes up to the bar and like it's all these tough guys in the bar like motorcycle guys and you're like hey I'm here about Mary Carey's I don't know why her name rhymes Mary Carey's murder and all the sudden like the bikers are all just like oh I can't tell you about that they get all scared and walk out that's what it was like with my friends they were just like I can't I can't even I can't even text it to you I can't yeah so I don't know what it is I don't think Steve Simmons wrote something to that's why he wrote like there's all they think they got dirt a basically Like he inferred that the Leafs would blackmail it or that they are blackmailing. Yeah. Like there's, I don't know if that's 100% true, but I feel like there's there's more than 50% truth to that.

Because because like it's, I'm trying to like, like, you know how like same sort of thing in the movie where you're trying to think of what's so scary. Yeah. They wouldn't tell me about it. Yeah. But is not so bad enough where like he wouldn't go to jail because he did it. Right. What's the middle ground there? And I don't know.

And that's and that's and this is a very particular hockey thing. Yeah. Like, you know, I remember when Danny Heatley. wanted out of Ottawa. And they're like, what, you're like, what's the story? Like, what's that about?

And they're just like, well, I mean, uh, yeah. But like, that's because hockey is, I mean, hockey's basically just,

the NHL is basically all those, it's a bunch of women and hair dryers at the salon. Like, they all gossip to each other, but nothing leaves a salon. Yeah. And,

uh, and then eventually it becomes a game of telephone and things get worse and worse and worse. Where all of a sudden it's like, yeah, he, he sacrificed a goat in the locker room. And he,

Satanus. All right. You know how baby driver sucks? Yeah. He ghost wrote it. And he doesn't want anybody to know. Myrtle wrote, Lupil has had throughout his career

what we call it an extremely active social life. He was friends with the party animals in the NHL. Party animals being such a Myrtle term, right? James being like, oh, those party animals. Extremely social life. That's just, you know. He has lots of sex. He has that crew that he hangs with.

He has that special. He's an enormous amount of sex. And he had a good time. Is he married? I don't even know. I don't care. You could see why Lulamrillo and Babcock may not want that around the future of the franchise, especially with how vocal Loopal often was with the media and the possibility. The relationship could sour the longer he was in the H.L.

I mean, obviously, that's that. So he's in this sort of no-man's land. Every team has players that put their wieners where they shouldn't go. You know, like, why is Joffrey Lupel's partying worse than anybody else? there's a guy in the devil's his name is martin brodor he's a married man and he may have strayed a little bit well yeah like that's just there's at least there's at least one dude on every team who has fooled around and i guess i guess i guess that's not the reason to not play him i guess the other part of this i never really understood was like what if why don't they just buy them out but i guess the buyout then

becomes an issue with the injury stuff too so you can't buy out a guy that you say it's too injured to play yeah so basically merrtle is basically saying they're keeping him in this like limbo, this phantom zone to use a term. Yeah, he's flying through space in a mirror. Because if they ever crack the mirror, that's going to cause a problem. Right. So they're keeping the mirror into the contract. They created this bizarre

situation where the acknowledgement of his injury would trigger an investigation into his injury. So while they can say he's hurt, but not actually do anything actionable with that injury, he's just there. And he still lives in Toronto, I guess. Yeah. And he's one year left on

his deal, I want to say. One year, it's $6 million, I And there's always been talk of like, you know, free Joffrey, like what's going to happen to this guy. But like, that's the other component of this, too, is that no one beside, let's just leave all that off-ice stuff to the side for a second. This guy is good for like 30 games before he break, his body breaks down again. Yeah, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's going to play six games, then blow out his groin. But if I say blow out his groin, I mean, the on-ice version of blowout his groin, not the. Oh, I thought you were doing the salon thing where he was actually getting a blow drum on there. I'm not, I'm just saying...

Keeping it. Yeah, no. Puffy and firm and soft. Like a poodle. Like Robbriads hair. Right. But can't they do the thing? Like, the Blackhawks did where they cheat and then like, you know, they keep him on injury reserve and then suddenly he's healthy with 81 games to go.

And then they can be over the cap in the playoffs and put loophole on their fourth line. Yeah, that's my favorite thing. I mean, that's... When I heard the story after I got back from Spain, uh, name drop, I get. I don't know. the greatest part about this is that like it's a Lulamarillo team and you and I both have seen for many, many years. Oh, yeah.

Lou was practicing the art of the H.L. disappearance. At one point, he trained, the Vladimir, go look up Vladimir Malikoff. I remember him. And find out what happened to that guy in his contract. All of a sudden, it's like, I, I made a deal with Doug Wilson, where we are going to work together and shoot him into the sun or whatever. He was actually the Pine Barrens. It's right.

Yeah, exactly. So the idea that all this shit's happening on a Lamerillo team is really the icing on the cake. Yeah, it's such a weird sport, man. Like the salary cap, the CBA, there's just so many dumb loopholes and that we're going to waste seven months on closing. I wouldn't call loophole dumb. Oh, shh. Oh, a loop. I'm the pun guy.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. My brand is puns. I'm sorry. My brand is puns. All I have my brand is puns. Sandra Bullick in my brand is puns. Here's a pretty bad movie.

My brand is crisis. Never saw it. I'm sure it's horrific. It's not good. No. The ending's bad. What do you feel about booze at fast food places? I asked this because the Taco Bell Cantina, which used to be a glorious novelty in Vegas,

and also I guess they had a couple in California, too. They're going to start proliferating these throughout the country where you can go and get these delicious, basically adult slurpees while. also getting your, you know, colon cleansing Taco Bell food along with it. It's a good mix. It's a good combination. Is it a good mix? Good combination?

My thing is just, it's one thing to do it in Vegas where you're drinking all day and gambling and seeing, having them hanging out by a pool. It's one thing, like, going to Taco Bell on my lunch hour and getting like a gigantic rum slurpy while I have three tacos, that feels, like, there's certain things in certain contexts that I think are okay. And I feel like getting hammered at a Taco Bell at 1 o'clock in Manhattan is, like, I feel, I feel, I'll do it, of course. Of course.

Yeah, I mean, yeah. It doesn't feel right. Actually, the last time, oh, are you going to Vegas for the opening games? Don't know yet. Oh, you don't know yet? Are you going? I think, I haven't, it's not officially booked yet, but I think I'm going. Oh, nice.

So we can play some craps and take some craps at Taco Bell. I, um, I find it to be really intriguing in the sense that it's the acknowledgement of a company that they're, they're making drunk food. But also being socially responsible by not having drive-through is at any of these places that's serving alcohol. Wait, do you know the locations yet? Not yet. But I don't know, it's like, but at the same time, like, I mean, it is cool that they're

acknowledging it's drunk food, but now I feel like everybody's a little bit too in on the joke. Like, you usually show up with Taco Bell and you're loaded, but now you go there to get loaded. Yeah. I don't know, man. I like it. It's better than Sean Spicer being in on the fucking joke. If we're going to have people being on jokes, booze at Taco Bells, baby. I felt a little, listen, I don't like the little pictures everybody was taking about those parties

afterwards, but I felt that the whole point of having him on the Emmys was to troll Trump. Like now, your lackey is now amongst the elite that you hate and is part of the show business thing that you despise. Sean Spicer should go

to prison. He shouldn't be on the fucking Emmys. He's never lied to anybody. I don't know if you knew that. He said that today. And also, too, which is amazing. He's parodying a bit that sucked anyway on SNL. Like, oh, it's funny because she's a woman. Like, say something clever that Sean Spicer is doing.

Like, like, I get it. Like, having Lewis McCarthy be there makes Trump mad because it's a woman making fun of a man and Trump sexist. But, like, give me the audience something. Oh, by the way, I thought of a new character. Did I tell you about this? No. So, David S. Pumpkins.

Yeah. He's a guy that wears a jacket with pumpkins on it. Yeah? November. Uh-huh. Charles S. Turkeys. But he's a guy who just has turkeys on it. Oh, see?

Right. That's amazing. And, like, he... The door opens and there's, like, two pilgrims. I was going to go more turkeys. Okay. More turkeys dancing. I wanted to kind of go over the top.

Can we bring Bobby Moynihan back for that episode so he can wear the turkey outfit? I'm sorry, he can wear his turkey outfit that he probably already owns. He probably has it. But like I figure like once I get that out there, like I'm going to have a writing career in the world of comedy. Because that's how funny is that. Now you called Trump sexist and I wonder, as unpopular as it made me to some, do we have to let the reporting do its work and resist more incendiary labels? this fucking world it's just baffling

it's just oh my god man you know I don't like being the dumbest person alive but I might be sometimes um you you decided to let everybody know that if they left a message

on the Puck Soup iTunes page that I would read I would read their messages in the Iliate Bridge Ghaloff was and then we got like what we got like 7,000 messages we got we had so many messages

from listeners and so many reviews that I briefly thought that we were a barstool podcast Well that was why I only promised in that 24 hour window So I screenshoted him and I sent them to you Because like anything after that None of us were responsible for But I still think we got like

In the 20s or 30s I'll read some every show for the next month Yeah we can't do it all once But then there's no way that I could do it all But here's one from Kissander I started watching hockey two years ago and requested a listed a podcast I could listen to to help me understand

more nuance of the game. I was given four to listen to, and this is one is my favorite. I laugh so hard every episode. I have four saved on my phone. But I listen to when I want to laugh at work. Work is very important. There must be work in life. Work as a community, and

their socialist rule. So much fun about teaching me about the sport I love. Is there an outlet over there by you? My computer's down to 3%. Um, not that I see Max SexPow writes Oh that's my Kevin Durant alt actually

I'm a big fan of cast pod Even if banned by government They tell me Hey, do not be caught listening to show But to them I say This is a rebellion, isn't it? I rebel God, this guy's great

Hopefully one day Donald Trump Will hockey in America And things will be a lot less disappointed than Colonial Williamsburg. Max Sex, pal, come right for this show, damn it. This is a review titled For Wish to Read.

Oh, Jesus, God, damn. Is it like super long? His arms are wrapped around me and he's pulling me to him hard, fast, gripping my ponytail to tilt my head up, kissing me like his life depends on it. He drags the hair tight painfully out of my air, but I don't care.

He needs me for whatever reason. At this point in time, and I had never felt so desired and coveted. You're a terrible man for making me do this. This is great because, like, this is my dream. I have a good idea. I put it out there. Other people besides me do the work,

and I could sit back and charge my phone. Finally, G.B. 916, writes a message, a five-star review titled Good for Parks. Like most of life, other than forests, that grossly insufficient number of births. Thank you. We'll do more next week. We can't do any more than that.

Greg Wyshensky Talent, Dave Lowe's an executive producer. Crowdsource. The guy behind the guy. Some of you have received the prizes that you won that contest we ran several months ago. Congratulations on that. I forgot there was a prize besides the ball, to be honest. What do we give away the other prizes? A couple books.

Oh, the thing for the sign. We had L.A. King's pins that I lost, so I sent the guy some other stuff. But it was for holding up the puck soup sign. Right, in awkward places. Yeah. Who were to visit that contest? Somebody promised us nudes. Remember that?

They were like, I'm going to send you a nude with this. And we were just kind of like, I don't know what to say. Because if you say, yes, we're perverts. But if we say no, then we're insulting. You say, if someone says, I'm going to send you a nude and you were like, yes, then we're perverts? I think it depends on how quickly and excitedly you say. I think you have to be like, well, my good man or woman. Or is it like when you do as you, as you.

you wish on two. Or it's like when I watch that Andrew Zimmerman show on a travel channel and he goes to a far the movie that ball guy Oh the guy that he's all the weird shit Yeah when he goes to like a foreign country

And they're like I sat down with the family And they gave me goat innards Now as it's custom here You can't refuse goat innards And he just like throws him in his mouth You know So like is if you

What if it's culturally What's a foe pod I'm gonna give you nudes And if you're like no Would they be offended Is what I'm trying to to get at. Yeah, I think, I think, like, if someone gives you nudes, actually, if somebody, not just gives you nude, you can't do like a Brett Favre where, like, two texts in and your dick is out.

You need to kind of, you need to, like, up front be like, would you mind so terribly, my good madam or sir, if I were to impart upon you my, my naked, my naked body? Especially if your dick looks like Gandalf's walking stick, like Brett Favs did. It's kind of a problem. Like it must be so amazing to be like a professional athlete of that level where like you can just you just no fear. No care. You're your your fucking dicks out. It's all small and you have crocs on it. You just don't care. You just know she's going to be into it. Like I'm Brett Fav. Like man, that confidence must be amazing. Your dicks out. It looks like that that, um, that, um, that, uh, beef, uh, chew in 7-11 that's been on the roller for seven hours. I keep thinking about that commercial on TBS where I forget the actress's name, but she's in that, uh, uh, The guy that stand-up comedian show on HBO where he plays himself the blonde guy. Oh, Pete Holmes, yeah. She's in some thing on TV,

where she keeps showing this commercial where she says that her vagina, after giving birth to a baby, it looks like somebody punched the lasagna. I've seen that commercial like 500 times during Friends in Seinfeld, which, by the way, apparently is going away. There are a couple of bad,

a bad, um, developments in TV land lately. All of the episodes of 30 Rock are now are going to be off of Netflix, which is a bummer. And then you're telling me that they're getting rid of the Seinfeld

I knew Friends was going. Friends thing. What are they putting in his place? I don't know. Big Bang Theory? The guy who sent us the question followed up and I think you said

it's just going to be all Big Bang Theory and Seth MacFarlane cartoons which fucking kill me. Just kill me now. What am I going to do all day on by TV? Luckily, we're 99 episodes

away of young Sheldon before they can syndicate it. So we still have some time. You see commercial, or the commercial of the tweet. It says a picture of Mitch McConnell's face and it says old Sheldon. It's a good tweet. I'll only watch that show for one reason, which is I read that Jim Parsons does the narrative. He's sort of like the Richard.

Wait, wait, who did the narration for the Wonder Years? Was it Richard Dreyfus? No, it was Daniel Stern. Right. He's sort of the Daniel Stern of young Sheldon where he's, he sets, I guess he's doing the narration instead of things. I'll only watch it if he does the narration like unbroken narration throughout the whole 25 minutes. Like Young Shultz is doing some shit on the screen that I don't care about.

And like Jim Parsons is just like, of course you know, and the issue of 45 Green Ladder. And he couldn't have done that. I mean, green is the color of bravery and yellow is a color of... Like, if the narration is this weird sort of like... You're going to watch it, aren't you? Yeah. Sort of like... That's what you're getting to, right?

Yeah. And then, yeah, exactly. So that would be amazing to me. It's Eric, I don't know how to say his name. Eric, S-Z-Y-S-Z-K-A has the really good old Sheldon joke on Twitter. I want to give credit. Congratulations. All right, now it's time for us to probably open the Puck Soup mailbox as we are

want to do. Dan Straight Edge, of course, is someone who often finds his way into the mailbag. Doesn't ring a bell. And he writes, if you look at all Steven Spielberg films, has he made more good than bad or bad than good? Oh, good than bad. Of course. Good than bad, right?

Like when you say made, are we counting? Transformers movies. That's a good question. Oh, he made the Transformers movies? He produced the Transformers movies. Fucking put him in prison then. I didn't realize that. I thought it was all Michael Bay shit.

No, he executive produced the Transformers movies, including the one where the guy had the statutory rape laws of Texas in his wallet because he was dating an underage girl. That was not this past... In the movie? Yes. This was not the last night. It was the one... The first Transformers movie with Mark Wahlberg.

The guy dating Mark Wahlberg's daughter, Mark Wahlberg being a genius inventor, by the way, had the statutory rape laws of Texas in his wallet. This was a joke in the movie. Hold on, I got to call up this guy's INBD. I'm going to say more good than bad because he's, I mean, every movie he's directed, there's probably like three that have been bad. And then all the things he's produced, granted the Transformers movies kind of balance the equation a little bit, but I think overall more good than bad. He directed Lincoln? I didn't know that.

You didn't know Steven Spielberg directed Lincoln? Lincoln seemed... It's a Daniel Day Lewis movie. What did you think? directed at Matthew Vaughn? Oh, Lincoln.

Roy. Mark Strong is Lincoln. By the way, I said this in Twitter, too. I totally thought Channing Tatum and Jeff Bridges were the bad guys in the new Kingsman movie until I saw like a more updated commercial work. Because they're Americans?

Because the Cowboys? Because they don't... Well, because like, they're the two biggest stars that weren't from the original. So, like, I just thought they brought those guys in as Julianne Moore's the bat. The villain is Julie. William Moore, you know what her villain plan is?

Try to force the world's governments to legalize drugs. Boy, I don't know. Wait, we're trying to stop that? That's what I'm saying. Nothing makes sense anymore in this world. I swear to God. What an unscical plot.

Julianne Moore is like, my plan is to make everybody do drugs. Right. People are like, and I will make all drugs legal. And then you hear, who's against me? Oh, he did Munich too. I forgot about Munich. Yeah, he's way more. Yeah, way more good and back.

Actually, you know what? Let's just do this decade, War Horse. Bad. Bad. Middling. Lincoln. Great. I think we have to say it's great, right? Because it's an Oscar. Bridge of Spies. I never saw it.

It was okay. The BFG. Never saw it. Maybe more bad than good this decade. He hasn't really done too much as the decade. Oh, oh, he did. No. Oh, yeah, he did Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

Did we talk about the ringer list at our live show? I forget. I don't think he did. I think it was posted. The ringer did a list of the best space movies. And Lozo and I both lost our fucking minds on it because they said

Predator was a space movie. Predator. There was a couple other movies that weren't space movies. Predator which takes place

in a South American jungle. The first, during the credits you see a spaceship and it does involve an alien.

But like the point is is that they said that predator, I actually sat down with Ruby and showed her this. They said, Predator is a space

movie because you see a spaceship flying to Earth or whatever in the opening credits. I'm like, but on your list of available

movies, close encounters of the third kind was not on it. Both movies predominantly take place on Earth, but also in space. She's like, that doesn't take place in space. I showed her the end credits, where Richard Dreyfus is on a fucking spaceship

and he's flying off into space at the end of the movie. Spoiler. So if Predator is a space movie, then close encounters of their kind, which, by the way, involves, oh, I don't know, fucking spacecraft. The whole movie is about...

It's clearly a space movie. Like, it's weird, too, because, like, I was thinking about it, like this. Like let's say if we were doing a, let's say we had a blog together and we were like, let's do hockey week. Yeah, let's do hockey week. Okay, let's do the 25 best hockey movies. We have to stretch to get

25 hockey movies. Like airborne, the rollerblading movie, we'd probably be like, oh, there's a hockey scene in there. There are like seven space movies per year the last 200 years of the world. You don't have to make up crazy rules to have Predator. There was a couple other ones on the Littaca. Gattaca.

Gattaca is not a space movie. What essentially what you're saying is like putting predator on your space list is like putting the awesome HBO show insecure on your hockey list because there was one scene where this one woman at her law firm goes to an LA Kings game. Right. Like fucking at first sight because Val Kilmer takes Mia Servino to a fucking Rangers game. That's a hockey movie now.

Oh, that sounds so beautiful. Is that right? I can hear Sam Rosen up in the press box right now. Predator was number 16 on their list, which means that Predator is a better space movie than Star Trek. And so your top three. five, by the way, in case you didn't see the list just so we can put it out there. The right

stuff, which I'm going to I'm going to wager, given that I know the ringer's makeup of writers. Never saw it? No, none of these millennial fucks have ever seen the right stuff. They just know they need to put it there because it's the astronaut movie that was nominated for an Oscar. That's how I feel about their top two. I feel like they just don't know what the

return to the Jedi number four, Alien number three, Empire number two, and then New Hope number one. And that's, by the way, as everybody knows, the correct ranking in the Star Wars film. The New Hope is better than Empire. All day, all night. Oh, my God.

It's the template of greatness. I'm okay with the debate about that. I'm not okay with, like, imagine if you had a list. It's like, what's the best food movie? And you had close encounters of the third kind on it because they fuck around out mashed potatoes and like half the scenes or something. Like that's, you don't need to do that. There's a ton of movies about food. Like, for instance, it's just a Bradley Cooper movie.

I don't have ever seen it. Burnt? Burt. Huge fan of burnt. You guys have no idea how many times I walk into the studio during the course of a month. If we do five podcasts, he will talk about burnt and before at least three of them. He's like, I'm like, man, my skin, man, it's hot outside. I got a little redness.

Do you know that that rant from Tarantino in the beginning of Reservoir Dogs about how like a virgin is a metaphor for Big Dix? Oh, I barely know. Like, I have in my head an entire monologue of how I would fix burnt to make it a great movie. And no one gives a shit because no one cared about burnt. But it's all there. Nobody. Yeah.

Bradley Cooper doesn't remember he was in burnt. That movie starts with him shucking a million oysters. and then deciding that's the point when he has to he's done his penance million oysters there's no I will I will I'll I'll say they're not a million oysters on earth by the way I will wager there has never been a good movie about cooking hmm not true big night man you ever see big night I don't even know what that is a big night's a Stanley choochie flick about these two Italian brothers and they're making it down goddew what about rat tattooey what's that oh the cartoon yeah with the rat no I've seen I've seen I I've seen one animated movie the last 15 years because I'm fucking 30 years old.

Hold on, here we go, ready? I don't want to see cartoons. I'm going to say it with you at the same time. It's the Lego movie, I guess. Okay, one, two, three, Hotel Transylvania. No? Like, isn't there some movie where Merrill Street plays Julia Child? Who the fuck wants to watch?

Wait, what's the animated movie that you saw? Oh, the Lego movie. That's animated. Yeah, it's animated. Yeah. I mean, The Incredibles is probably the last legitimately animated movie, I think I've seen. So even the one animated movie you needed to see had to have live action scenes in it, basically. Oh, there's live action scenes in that movie?

In the Lego movie, the Will Ferrell scenes. Oh, in the Lego movie, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not in The Incredibles. All right. Yeah. Oh, that's great. I've never seen the movie about the depressed old guy in the house, whatever that is. You mean up?

Up, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. You weren't up for it. Ah. Uh-oh. Baron von Pung's taking over this land. Looks like you better find a new nickname, Pun Master.

As a devil's fan, let me tell you about why the devil's fan. Let me tell you about why the devils are the best. Oh, no way, that's for your brand. Colin McDonald writes it. Oh, wait, Boondock writes in. Bone Doc. Boondso. There was Randy Savage's nickname.

Oh, RIP, Bobby the Brain Heenan, by the way. Yeah. We forgot about that. He was the best announcer in the history of pro wrestling. I think he was a manager. He was a manager. Then he became an announcer. I don't remember that.

And he had that, him and Gorilla Monsoon had that sort of Ciskel and Ebert quality of bickering and arguing. And finally, Gorilla would always say, would you start. would you stop? Just get Bobby the brain even to stop. Oh, God. He used to refer to himself as the most famous Bobby from Indiana, which is the greatest thing of a bird. That's actually a pretty good joke.

Bone Doc wants to know, I'll be in Vancouver for business next month, going to see them play the Jets. Oh. Should I wear my Columbus Blue Jacket stuff at the game, or is that wrong? So it's sort of a jersey foul question. The answer is it's very much wrong to wear another NHL teams swag to...

I don't know why you would, like... Well, actually, let me rephrase it. I believe jersey foul rules dictate that if you're wearing your Columbus Blue Jacket stuff to a Vancouver Winnipeg game, not a foul, because that team is the rival of neither of those teams and is in a different conference. So you're just saying, hey, I'm a visitor from abroad. I'm a hockey fan. I'm coming here for the hockey experience. If you were to wear your Calgary jersey to that game, we'll fuck right off. But I think you're in safe territory wearing your blue jackets geared to that game.

My question is why are you wearing the jersey? Like people there care about the Canucks and Jets. You're just trying to start conversations about the blue jackets with strangers that nobody wants to have. You're wearing that jersey, sir, because you're a member of the fifth line. Oh, geez. I forgot about that. Boy, this podcast will be amazing this year if the blue jackets suck. Just every day, Greg just rolls into the office.

So the blue jackets have lost 11 in a row for the third time this year. They're actually behind the Vegas Golden Knights now. Aaron Portsline of the Athletic here with John Totorella. John, 15 losses in a row. What say you? Well, I got to tell you, Aaron. We got grit. We got grit and compete.

We're competing gridly. We're grittily competing. We're going to go about our business. We're going to focus on us. It's not about the wins and losses sometimes, Aaron. It's about the process. It's about the process. Vancouver's going to be the worst team.

Oh, by the way. I'm sorry, Jack Adams Award winner, John Toterl. Did he win that this year? No. He did. He did. I had to look it up myself. I thought Babs won it.

No? No, he'll never win it. I was thinking today about how, like, I thought all the NHL award winners weren't offensive. Jack Adams captures Jack, I'm sorry, Jack Adams. Jack Adams captures John Torterlo Award for being dickbag for full season. George's Vezna, wins the Vesna. Well, it's not much of a surprise. After all, the trophy's named after me. I kind of thought it was mine when I saw my name on it twice.

I looked at it and said, my name is on that trophy this year. Literally. I like how you talk like every cast member from the new fucking Harry Potter movie that takes place in 1920. Extra, extra, really about it. George's Vesda. John Totorella captures the Jack Adams War. It's a 2017 article. Maybe the next Jack Adams guy fired it 14 months after you.

Well, that's right. There is the curse of the Jack Adams. That's true. Modest Fiasco, aka Aaron Steinbauer, writes in, how long into the season can you start making fair judgments on a team player or coach? 20 games. quarter of the season. Yeah, I would agree with that. 20 to 25 would be the...

That's when I start. That's why I hate power rankings when they're like... Everyone's played three games. Remember the Vancouver Canucks last year? I think there were 4-0 out of the gate. Yeah? They were number one in the Pucketty Power Ranking. I had some guys show up my mentions after that to be like,

oh, you still think they're the worst team in the league? And then they lost like 11 in a row. So I retweeted that tweet 11 straight times. And then I think he eventually deleted it because I did kind of go too far. Umrich's adjectives has a Does Sidney Crosby like a question for us? This was a picture I tweeted out Upon my return from Spain

And he has a question about it Does Sidney Crosby like Erotic Corkscrews Is this the picture I tweeted? It was a picture of a... There was a wine museum that we went to. By the way, if you really want the definition of hubris I suggest you go to the Vivianco winery

In lovely Spain Where a guy built a winery And then said, you know what? I don't think this opulent tribute to myself is opulent enough. What I'm going to do is build a wine museum

under the winery, underground wine museum that ties in my genius as a winemaker to what the Romans did. This is the point of the wine museum. It's like, it's like, wine making throughout history,

it's like the Romans, the early settlers. Jorge Vivianco. He does this too. No what it's like. But the coolest, Part about the wine museum was that they had a giant room filled with, like, seemingly thousands of different corkscrews, many of them, in a section that I termed corkscrews except dicks. Does Sidney Crosby like erotic corkscrews?

No. No, I agree. I think he finds it immature and doesn't like it. I think he finds them inefficient and doesn't like it. Oh, you don't think they're good for getting the corkscrew out is what you're saying? I think Sidney Crosby looks at an erotic corkscrew and he says to himself, that's not where that goes. for a variety of reasons where does he think it goes

no he says he looks he likes the big crank handle wine openers plus whatever he knows about wine you know Mario taught him when he was living in the wine cellar when he was a rookie the penguin signed yager that would be a good fit there was a time when when balsma was the coach that he wanted him to sign

yager to have him play the half wall in the power play would have been the greatest thing in the history of hockey alas No one asks us about Yager. I'll just give my Yager opinion. I think he plays in the KHL. Yeah. I think he plays in the Olympics.

And I think much like 2010 was in Vancouver, the Olympics will be a, holy shit, remember how good Yager is? And then someone will sign him after the Olympics. Well, he's going to fucking trash, like, like, college kids that are never drafted. He's going to annihilate people at the Olympics. I love it. I don't want to wait around for him to do that shit at 4 in the morning. Are you going to get up to watch Yager play? Yeah.

I'm going to watch every, every, all of it. You're going to have to probably for, like, right in work or whatever. Like,

I don't think any place I write for is going to care that much about it that I need to watch that shit live. If Lozo became a White Sox fan

because of Frank Thomas, who did you root for before that? Big Hertz started playing in around 92 or 93. Oh, I like the Mets. I jumped off the Mets

when they fired Davy Johnson. I was mad. I was, like, the only 13-year-old kid in the world that liked Davy Johnson more than he liked Gary Carter.

I was a weirdo. I thought he got a raw deal. I think they fired him in 88. I hate, I didn't like Carter either. I was more of a Keith Hernandez guy growing up. I mean, I liked everybody, but, yeah. I was, I remember, like, feeling, because, like, it's one thing, like, as an adult to be mad

when, like, a player gets traded or fired, but, like, a manager? What the hell is what kind of weird kid was I was? I was like, bring back the 60-year-old man who makes pitching his decisions. Yeah. So, yeah. And then I saw Frank Thomas, and I was like, well, I like that guy. Brett Engel wants to know, what's the biggest? flaw of Star Wars episode one,

Colin's Phantom Menace, no main character, or all the characters doing things that make no sense. I've read the argument that having both Quigon and Obi-Wan, I think this is an argument

that Red Letter Media made, sort of dilutes the strength of both characters. Like, if you just had that, it be Obi-Wan, rather than having the Quigon character there, it would have been a stronger film. But, I mean,

what's the biggest flaw of episode one? The biggest flaw is that, much like all the other equals, they have to have all that boring talking shit in there. Who cares? Fucking movies 20 years old. What's the biggest flaw in the 1998-99 Florida Panthers?

Who cares? No. You Star Wars people need to move on and watch new movies. There is an answer. And the answer is that when the original films were about a rebellion taking out a fascist empire, and it was straightforward. And there were princesses and swords and all kinds of shit. And in this one, the first words in the scroll are like, the taxation of trade routes.

Just like, oh, come on, George. What are you doing, big guy? See, like, when you guys talk about 1999 Star Wars movies, you're nerds and losers. When I talk about 1999 Friends episodes, I'm cool and awesome. You're trace that. When you're talking about 1999 Star Wars movies, you're a nerd. But when you're talking about 1999 Friends episodes, you're cool and awesome. I still can't believe there was an entire episode where Rachel was mad at Ross because Ross sang to their four-month-old baby.

Baby got back. Like, Rachel Green might be the stupidest character in television history. She got mad about a song My daughter Over the years Has gotten into more popular music She would

Pearl Jam We would play a game in the car Where she would say It would be a game called Guess the song Where I would play like a YouTube clip And she'd have to guess what song It is like Fifth Harmony or so whatever

One of her favorite songs for a while was Nikki Minaj's Anaconda Where that sample Davey got back And then she basically wrote I don't know that song Oh it's a fantastic song But it is it's about

Dix Her response to baby Got Back is a song With Dix You know this Every song is about Dix, vaginas, breasts or sex Right

That's every song Yeah So I had to find a version That kind of play it down A little bit But like There's no getting around Some of the

It's a fucking Nicky Minaj song And I think I think she lost interest in it Before lyrics Started being captured In that sponge brain That eight year old has

But it got a little dicey After a while Right But like if you're two-year-old or your two-month-old won't sleep and you sing baby got back to your daughter. Is anyone going to walk in the room

and go, Gregory Wachinsky! Oh my God, how dare, are you singing about women with juicy asses? Yeah, fuck off. Let me put the kid to sleep, you fucking dim wit.

Ooh. Ooh. Oh, who. Ross? Ooh. Asses? Sorry, I think I'm just doing

What's Your Face from S&L's, Rachel Green. Oh, yeah. What's her face? We did the, I don't know her name. The little Jewish kid, too.

I remember, I remember seeing on SNL. Oh, Vanessa Brer. Bear. Her impression on SNL sucks, but her impression she did on Conan was really good. It was more spot on. I think she kind of rushed that on SNL.

Her greatest character happened in, like, the last three episodes of her tenure in SNL when she started doing that, the one where she does the weather, the meteorologist, who's so nervous that she just starts garbling up her words. No. Highly recommend it.

Finally, Daniel Kelly writes in, Vegas Golden Nights Twitter account, funny or obnoxious? I've always got time for it. a scrappy underdog Twitter account like the Blue Jackets back in the day.

This is my assessment of the Vegas Golden Nights Twitter account. They're new, right? They're the fresh fish in the prison yard. So they got to go up to somebody and punch someone

in the face. Have you not seen Shawshank? Have you not seen a prison movie? They call them fresh fish. They walked into the prison yard and punched the penguins and you're like, wow. They're not fucked with.

And then they punch the sharks. And then they punch the kings. Then they punch the cana. After a while, you're going to make too many enemies in the prison yard and you're going to get shanked. But at the same time, it's the Vegas Golden Knights. This is the only time of year when they're going to be able to talk shit to anybody. So they have to do it now.

Because by game 36, it's going to be the Canucks. You're going to be the only team they can make fun of. This kind of reminds me of when I used to talk shoot at Canadians before the World Junior game between the USA and Canada, before the USA got good. Before we started actually winning that tournament, I would be like, oh, yeah. Fuck you, maple syrup drinking. You guys suck in hockey, whatever, we're going to kick your ass. Then, like, it's like 7-0 after the first period. I'm like, well, I mean, we don't have a junior hockey system.

I can't see if it's not the same thing. They don't care as much about it. Yeah, that was, I'm sorry, you're right. That would be my thing. My thing would always be like, what, you thought I was serious about this? I don't care about junior hockey. I'm still like that, actually. The only thing about the Golden Night's Twitter account, though, is, like,

you know how like if you're on Twitter and you're like, same thing, world junior hockey, it's like US, US, Canada 1, We rule when someone's like, oh, yeah, well, you have school shootings. Like, whoa, what are you doing? We're talking about hockey here. The election of Donald J. Trump has not helped out in these arguments. Right. But like the Vegas Golden Knights.

Trumps would come to like the 1940 of these arguments. I think the Sharks were playing the Knights or there was just a thing where like the Sharks Twitter account like showed the temperature in San Jose was in 108. And in Vegas it was like 105. And they were like, hey, we're beating you. And they quote tweeted it and made some joke about how they choke in the playoffs all the time. It's like, but stop escalating it to that point. Like, I hate the cutesy back and forth gift shit team accounts do, but like maybe just take it easy on, you know,

yeah, yeah, too lazy. Do it like a thing about buffets or something, not like, you know, all right, folks. That's a Puck's here for this week. Next week will be what I assume is probably our like preview or like season preview. Yeah, somebody asked about Mike and the Mad Dog over and unders. Might be coming your way next week. It could be a thing. And then hopefully going to grab some Comic-Con guests as we get to New York Comic-Con in the beginning of October trying to line up a couple people. That'd be pretty cool. We also got a thing to announce at some point.

At some point we'll announce it and it'll be great. You'll love it. Probably next week. You'll all love it. You'll all lick it up like a kitty does milk. It's today's date 21st, 28th. Yeah. Around October 1st thing is going to be the announcement of our engagement.

I mean our podcast thing. Well, we got to let them know before that so they're ready. Yeah. Prepare yourself. Pre-sell. Just assume it's about the athletic. Just assume that. Gregory Ushinsky and I are starting a thing called the unathletic.

No, that's already a Twitter feed. Is it already? Yeah. Okay, we'll tell you what it is. Dave and I are creating a consultant service where we will offer a template, a workable template, to any hockey writer that is hired by the athletic to write their athletic letters to talk about with Myrtle last time.

Right, the why I joined the... Why I became a hockey fan or journalist? No, it's got to be why I joined the site that I now write for. Right, but the beginning of it is always why I became a hockey fan, how I got into sports writing, how the athletic is that thing that I love. I got into sports writing because I love the smell of

on my hands. That's why I joined the mean that, yeah and then you get into that and then you have to make your pitch. If like the athletic ever offered me like a full time job, like of course I would take it but like I would have like that Larry David moment where like Craig Cussence would be like

okay I need you to write the why I'm joining letter I'd be like do I have to like I don't know if I would necessarily Craig's light all right well it seems like you're having a little trouble here let me call in my assistant editor

write the fucking letter you bald asshole dude the Palestinian chicken one was on the other day I forgot how funny that one was it's it is I'm overjoyed like here's the thing like social assassin by the time that you get back and it's like you know five or six years

between episodes or whatever yeah or you know between seasons you're a little concerned everybody's a little bit older you know you don't you don't want to be like you know Motley crew squeezing back into their leather pants you want to be curb It's going to be good. I think it's going to be fine.

They have, because, like, it's all observational shit. So, like, they've had six years to observe stuff and then condense it down at a 10 episode. It's not like the rest of it. Did you listen to that Jim Miller behind the origins podcast that, uh, that... Behind the what? So the dude who co-wrote those books about, like, ESPN and SNL, has a podcast, like a six-part podcast on, on the origins of curb and the history of it and stuff. It's pretty good, but I can hear. I'll just condense it for you.

Larry David's great. I know. it's like if you watch old Seinfelds you can see the part of like the show where they finally just were like let's just do what Larry wants to do right I mean that's kind of what it is it's the best

all right Jerry's a good stand-up but he's not a TV writer thanks to nobody for being on it was just me and I mean my guess this week was Dave Loza the hottest name in sports journalism thanks was controversy we also had Gary Betman on

we had Iliberjanov on cast thousands we got some British guy on a bad Jennifer Aniston impression a great other impression oh a British guy impressions

as per usual spot on spot on governor I'm not there yet we love I'm Greg Wichenski Vyai Sports Pock Daddy blog you can follow me

at Wichenski on Twitter but I'm a book take your eye off the puck how to watch hockey by knowing where to look and by no means it's going to be ranked ahead of either the Custance book

or the Sean Avery book that's probably coming out or the Lazarus book or the Mark Lazarus Tales in the Blackhawks locker room but probably not all the tails you know what's on?

Oh man And well That's me What's a you Dave To the good people listening I gotta pee Let's go All right

Let's wrap it up All right everybody Thanks We'll talk to soon Bye Sticks and hits and goals And saves And slapshots and goons

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