Puck Soup - Turkey Daze

Episode Date: November 22, 2016

Greg and Dave reveal the 11 NHL types that you'll find at your hometown bar the night before Thanksgiving. Plus, whether teams off to great starts are big phonies; the NHL's All-Star voting changes; the Las Vegas team name; Greg's John Tortorella theory; the Centennial Classic jerseys; your reader mail; and the boys crack open classic trading card packs from WCW circa 1991 and "Saved By The Bell: The College Years" because of course they did.

Ho, ho, ho. Today's episode of Puck Soup is sponsored by Seat Geek. The first place Santa always looks for tickets to games and concerts. You know that Santa has the Seatgeek app on his phone? In fact, just the other day, I was looking for tickets in order to stuff stockings with them because all the mommies and daddies out there simply try to do it with Hershey's kisses or crappy gifts from the dollar store but Santa knows the best talking stuffer is tickets

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and girls and Merry Christmas to one and all. Enjoy the show. Now entering nerdist.com. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to whatever you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's and twos. It's your weekly bowl of hoggy and nonsense. Hey guys, what's up? It's Wish. I just wanted to let you know the first two minutes and 16 seconds of this podcast have a little bit of distortion due to a mic issue. But that's it. Everything else is super clear and awesome. If you want to skip past the staticky part, just about 216 into the show and then we're smooth sailing from there. This disclaimer also gives me a chance to mention that later in the show, we're trying to pull who Kirsten Warren is. She's an actress, and it turns out we both blanked.

the woman who stands on top of the building in Independence Day with the sign that says, welcome aliens, or some such, and then gets evaporated by their city destroying beam. The primary weapon, as the great Robert Lozier said. All right, that's it. Slow distortion. No biggie. Enjoy the show. I'm Greg Wyshinsky at Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy Blog.

I'm Dave Lozo, many, many other places besides the nurse and stuff. in Buk-Soup. Dave, as we tape this show, I don't know, it's a Thanksgiving week here in the United States. One of our listeners was asking us if it bugs us that the Canadian the year refers to it's American Thanksgiving. And it doesn't bug me. It just means

they are acknowledging that it's the better Thanksgiving. Because they have to. Yeah. Because if they said Thanksgiving now, they would be like, wait, why isn't everybody so excited for a crappy holiday? Yeah. American Thanksgiving. Oh, right. Good, right. Do they mean the shitty one or

they mean the really good one? Jonah's so lucky Jonah Carrey our boss married Married an American lady How he gets to celebrate two of them Every year Two Thanksgiving Yeah

It's like marrying a Jew And getting on Christmas Is it work the same way I don't think you get the holidays off If you're not Jewish Like if you're Jewish You get the Jewish holidays off Right

I don't think you get those holidays off By way of marriage You know if you marry If you marry outside your faith You sometimes have to determine What you want your family to be What you want your family to celebrate Right

I think if you're the kid, you should get both. Right, you should get both. You need everything. I wonder if Jonah had to make that decision at some point. Like, do you want the Canadian, are we at the Canadian Thanksgiving family or in America's Thanksgiving family? And if given the choice, I think we know how we choose. I don't know. Well, I mean, he loves Canada.

American Thanksgiving is kind of racist a little bit, probably. Everything in America's racist. No, that's true. Every holiday, literally every holiday at Columbus Day. You didn't pick a holiday we have here. They're all bad. Well, they're either bad or they've been corporately bastardized.

So, I mean, the purity of Valentine's Day obviously was one of love but now it's one of Commerce. Christmas Day. I mean, they've taken the Christ that of Christmas and put in bags of money in his place in that little crib. Like, what is there? What do we have,

Arbor Day? Is that still a day that we celebrate? No, taken over by leftist profiteers who wanted to be husted by plant seeds. Big Arbor. Big Arbor. Ruining everything again. Flag Day.

obviously a reason for us to buy flags. Right, buy flags that are made in Taiwan. Fourth of July, same deal. I mean, it is what is basically keeping the thriving fireworks booth business in business in places like Pennsylvania and West Virginia. About President's Day. We kind of combined that into one of something. Like, we were kids, didn't we get Lincoln and Washington?

Now they just have the one big one. Right. And that obviously has been taken over by mattress stores who constantly have President's Day sales. Hmm. Holiday. Can't turn on the TV for a second. without seeing somebody dressed at this honest Abe jumping out of tempripetic there's a local car ad where a woman is speaking in front of three dudes but the three dudes have like

Washington Lincoln and Kennedy's faces on them and they're like trying to sell cars with the memories of dead presidents and like I'm not old enough to have been alive when JFK was killed but I feel like if you're like old enough like that's weird you know I think the idea of JFK trying to sell a car right it's kind of and I'll make sure it has a hood ask not what what you can do for you ask how you can get this lease that will help your family this holiday season. Era, I would suggest not getting the compatible. What?

Too soon? I just wish I'd thought of it. New Year's Day and Eve completely compromised to the point we're now like the NHL has elbowed in to put its own game on New Year's Day. Yeah, fuck off with that game too, by the way, NHL. Oh, the Centennial Classic? No, that's, wait, is that what it is. That's New Year's Day.

The Winter Classic is on the second. Oh, oh. That's in St. Louis. The Centennial Classic between the two teams we just saw play outdoors, like a second ago, Toronto and Detroit, is in Toronto. Actually, as we tape the show, we're taping it Monday, by the way, which we'll come into play later in the show. They revealed their jerseys. And I have to say that the Detroit ones might be the worst outdoor jerseys they've done. And I'm including some of the ones that were like, remember how they were doing, like, the Winter Classic was going to be, like, traditional jerseys.

And then, like, the other outdoor games would be, like, futuristic tron jerseys that, like, shimmered in the sunlight and shit. Like, even those are better than the ones that they just came up with for Detroit. I think these are the second worst ones of all time, right behind the ones the Red Wings wore for the game in Denver last year. Those were- Oh, those weren't good. The ones that they wore for Wrigley were good, though. Those were pretty cool.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And the ones they hadn't they? They played in a lot of outdoor games, too, haven't they? Detroit. Look, when you're a 12-team league, there's only so many teams to get into those things, you know? No, that's a good point. Yeah, exactly.

Dallas stars play seven goal games every time they call on. Halloween's been compromised, obviously. It's no longer about spooks and ghouls. It's about you having to buy a $200 costume to make yourself look like Pikachu. Labor Day, obviously. It's not even about labor. We don't even work on Labor Day. It's completely counteractive to what we want to do with the holiday.

Same thing, Memorial Day used to be about remembering those who lost your lives in the country. Now it's about who can cook the biggest sausage on a grill. Veterans Day used to be about the veterans. Now it's about me because it's my birthday the same day. Yeah, and also about me because I got married that weekend so people can come in from out of town on Veterans Day. We've totally commandeered that holiday, so that's out.

That's out. What is there? Do we run out of Father's Day and Mother's Day? Fuck them. I mean, obviously, not even about moms and dads anymore. It's all about cards. It's all about gifts. It's all about the greeting card industry.

You know, the moment that I realized that Father's Day and Mother's Day had been compromised was elementary school when they had that dopey sale where they're literally teaching kids how to buy a presence for their parents. You ever have that in school? in my school, Ravine Drive Elementary School, beautiful Madawan, New Jersey. They would have in, like, the cafeteria,

like a buy mom or dad a gift sale to benefit whatever at the school, probably like the PTA or something. And, like, you'd go in with, like, $3 and it was like a tie tack. How did you get money, though? Like, what was it? What was the earning system? You had to ask your parents.

Is that what it was? Nobody, no kid who actually found money was going to spend it on some dumb-ass mug. Like, they were going to completely go to the hobby shop and buy some cards. But, like, I think, you got money from your parents and then it's like money laundering it's like it's like your parents have money they give it to the kid the kid spends it on a tie tack and now the pta

gets it yeah and then like somehow it all goes back into the system yeah it's like off the books yeah it's like this weird way to spend money tax free what it has to be a holiday right what's the one oh i got it what st patrick's day yes it's it's been about getting hammered for as long as that day's ever all this think about it's thinking about Patrick. There's no cards. There's no like buying a presence. You just go buy alcohol and drink with your friends all day.

It's so great. And like that's a traditional Irish holiday. So the cute Italian girl down the street always wears green and is thrown up in an alley. Hey. Somewhere in midtown after. We welcome all people and all ethnicities and all backgrounds to come and get wasted before one o'clock on March 17th this year. You know, no, I'll tell you what it is. Because St. Patrick's Day is obviously corrupted.

Groundhog Day. Groundhog Day has a certain purity to it. It's not a holiday. you don't get off. There's no sales per se on a groundhog day. Yeah, but you don't get off. You don't get off on Groundhog Day. You get off on St. Patrick's Day, that's for sure.

If you're lucky. When I was working the paper, we used to hit the bar at like 11 o'clock. Because there was a lot of pubs in the area in McLean, Virginia. At night? No. In the morning? Wait, how'd you work in a paper and get drunk at 11 a.m.?

If it fell after deadline, like, it was on like a Thursday, right, we used to put out the paper on Tuesday and Wednesday. So if St. Patrick's Day was like on a Thursday or whatever. Oh, it was a weekly. Then like, oh, yeah, it was weekly. So, like, somebody would go out and, like, they would commandeer a table at, like, McKeever's pub in McLean, Virginia. I'd just be like, hey, guys, got some bench room for you if you get off.

You had this editorial meeting on Thursday. Have you ever done Hoboken St. Patrick's Day? I haven't. And I've not done. Don't do it. It's too late for us. It's like a bar crawl, right? It's not even, it's whatever you want it to be.

But, like, it used to be, they've changed it up so it's a little more tame. But, like, it would start at 9 o'clock. It was always two Saturdays before St. Patrick's Day. So it was always like March 2nd, March 5th. Oh yeah, you got to get an early jump on it. And like people would be fucking out the ass to get the worst bar in Hoboken for an hour. They went outside to go inside and wait an hour per beer. And it used to be so bad.

The only crazy thing I ever saw outside of like vomiting and fighting was a couple having sex on Washington Avenue in the top of their building. And it was like somewhere between, I want to say. sixth and fifth. And that was when I knew I was like, this is, this is probably going to get people killed. Like, through the window? Like, she was against the window, he was behind. Oh, like, like, a fast vendor in the movie Shane. Yes, yes, yes, exactly like that.

There you go. It's like, it's like a thing I think you could maybe do in Vegas if you're feeling. I think you definitely do in Amsterdam to try to drum up some business. Right, right, right. Except in Hoboken, like, your, two stories off the ground and like a bunch of drunk dudes are looking up while they're eating pizza, hammered and throwing up, like, go! Go!

And I think that was the year before, like, the mayor was like, we got to cut the shit out. This is, this is nothing to do with St. Patrick's Day. You're eating pizza and watching people bang. That freaking guy is going to need some windex. I never participated in Santa Con. No. I can't even remember, like, the last bar crawly thing I've ever done.

It might have been college. But Santa Con always intrigued me because I like dressing up as Santa, if I get a chance to. And the idea of, like, listen, anytime you can get a. mass group of people participating in the same thing in 2016 in our fractured media environment and it's not a clan rally. I'm pretty happy with it. But like every Santa Claus dude is going to like traumatize every five-year-old kid they pass on a fifth avenue. Oh my daughter saw

it one year one year and she was so confused and like honey don't it's not these are the practice sannas. These are the sannas that lost out on the Santa contest this year so they're all getting hammered and drowning them and they all remind me of Dan Eckrod at the end of trading places. Yeah they do yeah. Like someone's in a pull a big ham out of their pocket and eat it in front of the kid. What? Daddy. I'm real.

Daddy, Santa was drinking minestrone soup and it looks like he smelled some in his beard. That's not. It's really, it's a different, baby. Don't worry. Smells funny. Daddy, Santa smells like Grandpa. I'm like, oh, honey, no, I know, but that's because Grandpa sometimes he likes Irish coffee. I don't want to sit on Santa's lap.

He smells like poop. Well, it is 2 o'clock. That's a bad Santa right there. We're doing the show on Monday, so we're missing the biggest hockey news of the week. The Las Vegas team has disbanded and there will not be a 31st team next season. Breaking News on Puckoo Podcast. The Las Vegas team will have a name by the time you hear this podcast. What do you think, the three options that we know of,

and watch it be something that we're not thinking of here. Yeah. The three options that we know of are the Desert Knights, Las Vegas Desert Nights, which we've kind of snooped out to maybe be the name. Of course, now it looks stupid. It's going to sound like... Yeah. It's going to be selling that fucking Hillary Windles. I was just throwing him off again. Oh, that zany owner.

It's going to sound like the Hillary Clinton podcast in a second. Yeah, I know. When it's like the Scorpions or some shit. The Scorpion Devils. And then like, like, what's his name? Who's the guy who the Rock comes out, dresses the scorpion? And it's like the baddest ass thing ever. And we just spend the whole show. Scorpion King had some of the worst CGI in the history of cinema, by the way.

But it's still endearing. Great movie. The, no, Desert Knights was one of the options. And I think the option that most people kind of liked only because it's different, they'll just be the Knights anyway, so who really cares about it. And I think it's, you know, it's distinct. And I read somewhere, it might have been on the Sindhin, the Las Vegas hockey site, that George McPhee, the general manager of the team at one point said that the name is going to be a double entendre, which I don't think he knows what that means.

Wait. But I'm assuming that Desert nights, dessert nights would be kind of the joke that he was thinking of. Or Desert nights, I'm guessing, desert nights like nighttime was the thing he was thinking of. But that's not a double entendre. No, it's not. But I'm not expecting George McPhee to know what a fucking double entendre is. I mean, like, I mean, I'll be fair. I've probably screwed up the meaning of irony like a dozen times.

but I know what a double entendre is. Let me try and think of a good double entendre that can go with desert or night. Like, desert, desert, desert. It's not worth it. It's not worth the effort. The other one, Golden Knights, was one that a lot of people thought could be the team name because...

Don't do that. They're going to call the Golden Showers all the time. Just forever. Don't do that. Because they wanted to be the Black Knights, gold being the other color for Army, Bill Foley being an Army guy, Golden Knights was a possibility.

Also, golden, you think of gold, you think of like the horrible gold that plasters the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. I picture Donald Trump's apartment, like that's what I picture. I don't want to think of that when I'm watching that. Was he in the Army Bill Foley? Was he an enlisted man? He's got to be. Unless he's like my

dad where he just started wearing camouflage after Desert Storm. He could be either one. I feel like a guy who's a big Notre Dame fan because he's Irish. My dad never served. He went to Woodstock, but right around the time of Desert Storm, like, he started just wearing, like, camouflage shorts all the time and wearing, like, fucking, like,

we defend freedom hats and stuff, and I don't know what that's about. A poster of Norman Schwartz cough up in his bedroom? Yeah, I think, I mean, I appreciate the fact that he's, like, he cares about our veterans and he wants to support the cause, but it was just sort of like, it felt like appropriation a little bit to me. I know who your dad voted for it.

No, my dad did not. My dad is a union guy through and through. And also he's from Jersey, so he knows what's up with trumper. So it's golden nights? Golden nights, desert nights, and then the other one with silver nights. And silver nights was interesting because Nevada is the silver state. And nobody cares. And there was a thought that they would be the silver knights because of that. Here's my, here's my crazy idea for the choice. Just the knights. Now that would be a great idea except for the fact that it's actually not a double entendre. But it's here's the problem with it. When you go to Canada, the London nights exist. I thought that ended up being bullshit though. I thought that

think it's bullshit. I thought like that was a thing people thought and then Bill Foley was like, no, that's not true at all. Let me go to Snopes. Nope. According to Snopes, it says Mike Pence is a piece of shit. Look at that. I think that was the issue with it.

Hold on. I'll just type it in. Plus, I'm sure putting some sort of an adjective in front of Knights opens up the possibilities of getting the trademark easier than just naming your team the Knights, right? Like, that's the other part of it too, probably, right? But, like, I don't understand how that's the thing. Like, there were the rough riders and the rough riders in Canada forever. They were...

What is that? It's DMX, Rough Riders. He's the rap guy, right? He's the guy that does the rap music. I'm a Ruff Riders, V-Hs. He's the street J-Rull. Or J-Rul is the soft DMX. They've both been in jail, I think.

There's some story here by some guy from Yahoo. His name's what, Greg. Hello. So those I think are the three choices, Because if you remember the, unless again, the NHL decided to throw us off off the scent by saying that gambling stuff wasn't going to be allowed. And they just come out full blast. And it's like, the blackjack 21s. Coming at you.

1718. The Las Vegas craps. Like, we never get surprised by this league. Would that be amazing? Like, Batman came out dressed as like, you know, Sigfried and Roy. And it just said. I know he's wearing like a big card like from like Allison Wonderland. Everyone said we weren't going to gamble, but we did.

We're gambling on Las Vegas. Like, what's, all right, so, all right, they give it from the NHL standpoint, right? Okay, they had the really awesome young guns team, the TNA team. They're getting rid of it. Right. They had the John Scott thing trying to figure out a way to get rid of that. So, like, what's the most, what's the way they got to go the opposite way? Like, what's the worst thing they could do now?

And then what's the coolest thing they could do to throw us off that scent? The coolest thing that they could do would be to name the team. team after some sort of gambling term or iconography, whether it's the blackjacks, whether it's the aces, something along those lines be the coolest thing they can do. The lamest thing they could do is naming the team an animal that has nothing to do with Las Vegas. I feel like silver, I feel like naming the team over the most metal they have in the state is, is done. Let me, let me help you. The name of the worst name that they could come up with would be the silverbacks. because not only is silver lame,

but then it would be gorillas, you know. Oh, God. No. Yes, that would be the worst name. Oh, my God, no. Picking the worst medal and then taking an animal that's not applicable to the desert

would be the worst thing they could do. No, the worst thing they could do would be to pick a gambling term, but it's stupid. Like, it's not cool, like aces or blackjack or slot. It'll be like the Las Vegas cards. Oh, no, I got it. It's the Las Vegas ante.

And then their mascots, an ante. Hello, Lucky. made some cookies. Hello. La la la. And then like George Rufi comes out with the first pick in the 2017 expansion draft

the Las Vegas anti-select Antini Yemi, double entendre, right? Come give your Auntie a hug, Auntie. Antony Emmy's like, I quit. I'm not playing my last year my contract. Oh, fuck. And then the first NHL.com headline is

Auntie say uncle. Ante up. Las Vegas joins NHL. anti-meridian wake up early in the desert antitrust anti-defamation

the anti-defamation league Vegas Vegas fine for saying curse word on ice and then the logo can be kind of looking like like the old Italian woman

on a pizza box a frozen pizza box it can be the logo it can be the granny from a Futurama. You don't watch Futurama. No, I never got into Futurama. I was a big,

Simpsons fan to a point. Never got into Futurama. Never really watched King of the Hill either. I'm kind of like a, animation snob. I watched South Park and I watch The Simpsons. You've watched Bob's Burgers?

But that's the thing. I feel like everything else's derivative. Bob's Burgers is, I have something I like to call Parks and Rec syndrome with Bob's Burgers, which is that I watched a lot of the first season of Bob's Burgers.

It did nothing for me. But I understand. that they found their groove and it's gotten a lot better. And I had the same problem with Parks and Rec. Like, Ruby got me back into Parks and Rec because the first season was terrible. The first season was like a junior league, The Office, and they had no idea what the fuck they were trying to do with it.

But then progressively the show got better as they concentrated on the characters. They did less with the mockumentary shit. And I feel like Bob's Burgers is the same way. Like, I feel like if I settle in and watch Bob's Burgers past the first couple of episodes, I probably like it. Because everybody I know likes it. I can't watch it because I like

Archer and the same guy, Sean Ben. Benjamin does the same exact voice. I'll put Archer on that list, too. Although I'm inconsistent with Archer. Like, imagine watching The Simpsons for like three or four years, and then all of a sudden a new cartoon started, and Homer Simpson's voice wasn't the exact same, like, thing, but it was like a different show.

Like, it says, wait, can't you do a different voice? Like, I keep hearing, they actually have an archer. Hello, I'm Family Guy. They have a cross, yeah, or like doing a movie called Ted, where the bear sounds exactly like Peter Griffin for two hours and nobody pretends like that's a thing, or everyone pretends that's not.

I'm on Family Guy. Because I know this is going to piss off. This might piss off more, the audience than any of our political ship, by the way, about what you're about about family guy. Don't like it. Don't like it either. They've done two funny things that I've observed in life. Which ones? The first episode

with the Kool-Aid man burst through the walls, one of the funniest things I've ever seen on television. That's what it would be top 20 funniest moments in television history that moment, just because it was before that became a meme. It was before memes. Right, right. And it was just great. And the other funny thing was, I believe they also had the Bed Bath and Beyond joke,

where they go to the beyond part of the store and it's like a futuristic like Dr. Strange galactic area. I don't remember that. They're stuck out of time. It was really funny. The only thing I remember that made you laugh super hard was there was an episode where the guy in the wheelchair who's voiced by Puddy from Seinfeld. Like Peter had to basically keep quiet about something so he could get accolades.

And like they're sitting in the crowd, him and Lois. And he's up on stage giving his speech and he's like sitting in the crowd stewing because he wants to. like I guess turn him in or whatever and like Lois is like don't you do it don't you do it and he's like all right fine I'm gonna keep quiet but but I better get anal and he goes and you know how clean I like the apartment because anal retentive not not not not not sex by the way that was a that joke I'd have me in tears do you know who taught me anal retentive by the way um but uh Phil Hartman as the anal retentive chef on S&L do you remember that sketch where like every time he he he uses like

He peels an onion. He's like, well, now we have some refuse, so we have to do it. God damn, Hartman was the best. He won the, I was saying I think it was Grantland that did the list, the tournament of S&L. I think he won. I think he beat Will Ferrell in the final two. Yeah, I remember not liking that bracket for some reason. Yeah, I forget why too.

Just probably because it was on the internet and I was mad. It was probably because there was some modern person that made the list that shouldn't have. Las Vegas Knights. That's what I want. You can't have it. Simple. Simple. The National Hockey League.

has decided to change its All-Star voting that came out today before the show in an effort to diffuse the John Scott fan-driven campaigns, like the ones that we might have been involved with. Here's the fun part. Like, the people who inexplicably still hold out anger or angst about the John Scott thing because they're old and they remember the All-Star game

when it mattered and not the current incarnation, which is, let's just change the format every two years and see what's up. I don't know. And skip it every fourth year. Yeah, it would be the shit. They get real salty about the John Scott thing, but the bottom line is that it was a super success.

It was great. It'll never happen again because the conditions have to be perfect for it to happen again. And there's never going to be a repeat of the perfect guy, plus the league acting like a bunch of shit heels trying to keep mad at the game, plus, you know, the minor league demotion, plus the goals he scored. I mean, it was the perfect incarnation of that story, and we're never going to see it again,

because he really wants to see it again. We've already seen it done best. We'll see it again when the glorious Mitch Alba movie comes out where, you know, I'm portrayed as a bridge troll. Mom, I got Cheetos on my chest. I'm going for John Scott. What do you want? Just Patton Oswald sitting there in no shirt on,

like a cheeto dust all over his chest. It's going to be so great. And now to ruin this bad life. But the NHLs decided to tweak the rules anyway, and here they are. The big change is going to be that eligible players must be on an NHL club's active roster as of November 1st. Any player are not on the active roster on that date due to injury or special circumstances can be added to the ballot if and when he returns to NHL club's active roster. Not sure what the big deal with that one is, but here's the one you got to care about. If a player is assigned or loaned to the American Hockey League or any minor league team between November 1st,

and January 26th, which is two days before All-Star weekend, the player is not eligible in All-Star balloting. However, if the minor league assignment loan is due to conditioning reasons, the player remains eligible. To read that, it would seem that all you've got to do is be demoted once and you're off the ballot to read that, which means that if you had a circumstance like you had last year where John Scott was mysteriously traded during all this All-Star,

hoo-ha, to the Montreal Canadiens, then mysteriously demoted him. You know, well, yeah, then he couldn't be in the All-Star. All-Star game. So this is the anti-John Scott deployment that the NHL has done. The countermeasures, if you will, for John Scott. But at the same time, they also left the ballade eagle open to any eligible player. So in theory, we could have another, like, fourth liner that gets elevated or, you know, a shitty goalie that gets elevated. I've got the guy. Who's that? Just thought of it now. Who's that? So the deal is you got to be on the NHL roster November 1st. Can't be in the We already did the fighter thing, right?

So we want to do a nice, good story. Yeah, something uplifting. Brian Bickle. Now, does he count? Because is he active? Well, he had to be active as November 1st, right? But is he on injured reserve? He's not in the H.L.

So you're saying that he's active on November 1st? He was active on November 1st. He wasn't, he's not going to be in the H.L. And he's not in the HAL. So he's active? He's not going to be in the HAL. NH at the AHL at any point. So you're saying that's the perfect guy. Because, I mean,

obviously he's in a place health-wise where he can't go through the rigors of an NHL season, but if he comes out and plays three-on-three for a day. If he's eligible as of November 1st. If he can do it? If he can do it, I think that's a pretty good way to go. I think this is an inspiring story. You want people to know about the dangers of

multiple sclerosis, right? Is that what he's got? There's no drawback to it unless he can't do it. And obviously, I just thought of this for 30 seconds ago, so maybe he can't do it. But sounds good to me raise awareness raise money

good story that's right someone will step up with a dollar a vote probably for it or some such yes there's there's a lot of good

that can come out of this look at this this might be the single most like positive progressive forward thinking thing you've ever produced on this maybe in life

I am I am clear of the election the cobwebs are shaking loose ideas are starting to flow add coffee this morning hey so as long as Brian Bickle

health-wise can do it, which I'm not 100% sure, obviously, but I mean, have him come out, play with Johnny Taves on a little three-on-three situation, he gets to the final, maybe he scores a goal, it's awesome. Yeah, that's a lot better than my, I'm still in a kind of a bad place. I was going to suggest a bag of shit from Rafi Torres. Just rapy Torres shits in a bag. We somehow hack the system and get that eligible. And just fling it at Marianoosa. Yeah, and then it just... because he'll be he probably will be an All-Star host

because he's having such a good season. He's on Chicago. He just links over on his right. He's like, oh shit! It just hits him in the face. And then the NHL is like, we're going to suspend that bag of poop 41 games. Why 41?

Just the number we thought of. Just thought of it. I don't know. The All-Star voting is, I like the fact that they are winkingly keeping it open to shenanigans and chicanery. But at the same time, I think they know that the ship has sailed.

They know there's no one else in the league that's going to get that kind of treatment. And if they do, there's a better chance of it being an inspirational story, a Bickle, a Dominic Moore, or a Jerome McGinnler kind of like old guy vote than it is a guy that can't really play all that well. And like if you go like goon light, like if you do like the goon sequel, the non-J Baruchel, Goon sequel, your Goon sequel, you do like Sean Thornton because he's not going to get sent to the minors. It's just like a lesser version. And people have suggested him as being a potential. guy for that too that's interesting but he's also i mean fucking he kind of tried to murder

brooks orpick that's as close to murder bruce orpick that's as close to murder as i've ever seen potentially happen on the ice where he just pounded his head into the ice but bryan bickle right i pounded his head into the ice because he wouldn't fight him remember that because he wouldn't fight him that was the most amazing thing about that he was so upset about him not wanting to be

pummeled that he pummeled him it is it is it is the three o'clock high bully bullshit thing last line i was at the Rangers Panthers game and he was on the ice for a

shift and I was like he's still in the league? What was the mood when Zabanajad got hurt last night by the way? Oh dude it was the

fucking it was the gnarliest thing because like he went down and he didn't get up obviously and the Rangers lost the puck

so one question to go behind the net to play it to get the whistle and they showed the replay on the scoreboard like way later like the replay for the longest time

was just him laying on the ice getting looked at by the trainer so like no one knew how bad it was I figured it was He was still down, but like they were bending his knee. It was fine, and they showed the replay of, like, his skate going into the boards,

and it was just, oh, my God. I can't believe it's only 60. I thought he was done. I thought he had the, what's his name, the defenseman went back for the icing, and basically had his career ended with the foot thing on the Carolina of Panthers. Oh, um, uh, Pickingen. Yeah, Yoni Pickingen. It looked like that because his skate went into it, and his foot just, his Achilles look like, it's kind of a miracle.

It's only six to eight weeks. Yeah, I thought he was done for the year for sure. But yeah, it's, it's, it was, it was, oh. It's one of the grosser injuries I've been in the building for. Yeah, nasty. And Sean Thornton has nothing to do with it. Go figure. All right, it's time for another edition on Puck Soup of real or not real.

I'm going to name a team, Dave Wilson. You tell me if they are for real or not for real this season. Ready? New York Rangers. For real. For real. For real. For real.

They're a playoff team. Playoff team, very high PDO, very high shooting percentage, plus 31 goal differential through 19 games for real? Yeah, they're not this real, but they're, they're, like, real. They're, like, 85% of this probably. Like, last night it's probably how more of their games are. They're not going to score. Like, Michael Grabner has 11 goals in 19 games.

That's the thing. You're getting some offensive contributions from places that you may not have expected. Right, and well, now as Walsabinajat out two months, that's murder. Yeah. He was huge on their power play. Yeah. Help to help with the speed, a little speedster. They don't really have much.

I mean, they do, but. Montreal Canadians, real or not for real? they're like the Rangers they're for real but they're not I'm gonna go with they're not as real for real but only because

like prices is demonstrably the best maybe the best is he the best player in the NHL best player yeah overall I mean right now

I mean came off a heart and a Vezina got hurt came back playing out of his mind that's tough him and sitter in the conversation

honor's right behind him. Yeah, I like how Connor McDavid, it was like, he's kind of fading off. And he's like, you know what, I'm going to bury three goals. It's against a Dowell Star, so it doesn't really count the same, I don't think. But the point being is, I think. He's at 950 right now, huh? Yeah. Like, as good as he is, like, that's not, he's not going to stay.

He will carry them to the division title. I say that they're for real. I think you're going to get enough goals chipped in here and there. I still worry, though, about that defense when push comes to shove in the playoffs. because it's not that good and it's not that deep. And I think that they are relying very heavily on their forwards to bail them out more than they should. I mean, they've got a five-point lead on Tampa. Tampa's not going to have Stamcoast for basically the rest of the season.

Boston's right behind them, or eight points behind them. Boston's totally, Boston, they're like a worst version of Montreal where Tukarask is doing everything. So, yeah, they'll probably win that division at this point. The Columbus Blue Jackets, for real or not for real? They are so. But here's the thing. This is a question somebody asked me, my man. bag for the week.

Oh. They're, they're, they're not, they're not for real. They're plus 17 because they scored 10 goals against Al Montoya, so they're not, they're not a plus 17 goal differential team. They're bottom five in possession, their top three in PDO, they have all the trappings of a team that's not good, that's just winning by magic. But every year, there's one team that wins by magic against the play. Again, I do this all the time.

There's 30 teams in the league, 16 teams get in. Therefore, by, by the math, there's always going to be that one bad team that gets in. that's below average and Columbus might be that team. If Bobrovsky's healthy. I want to give you a theory on Totorello that I wrote about this week, ready? I don't think that any of us are wrong that he's a not good coach in 2016. He's not. Based on what we know about this league, based on how a team should play, he doesn't fit.

I don't necessarily pin the World Cup on him completely because I think that that team was built. The cuckolding of American hockey because of how good Canada is, a bunch of cooks. Dean Lombardi, classic cuck. Classic cook is more of a problem for me than Totorel. Totorel is a symptom of that than anything else. But I'll say this about Torts. I don't like being wrong about him because I don't necessarily root for him, but I'll say this. Maybe we were wrong about him being a fit in Columbus for this version of the franchise.

But that I mean this. We all think about him in New York. We all think about him in Vancouver. We all think about the blustery yelling guy. We all thought about how does that temperament and that kind of personality fit on a team that's kind of in a rebuild, right? And in all honesty, it might fit okay because when the expectations are low, he's actually pretty good. And by that I mean this. In his first several years in New York, right?

That's how I live my life. Just set the bar low. Exactly. Set the bar low, right. First several years in New York, that team was Henrik Lundquist. and Jack shit offensively. Oh, he was there at the end of the Chris Drury shot era, basically.

Second thing he scored one year was Ryan Callahan. And that was in a full season. Yeah. Okay. So that was a team that was just expected to get to the bubble. And he got him there. And everybody knew that they couldn't score, and he did what he could to get it there. And the expectations were

low. And people were like, all right, that's good on you, getting in the playoffs, right? Then they have 103-point season, or 109 points, some crazy shit. The 11-12 season. Right, the 11-12 season. They get all the way to the conference final. Adam Enrique ends them.

God bless them. This is just a whole point just to get the next thing. No, no, it wasn't. It wasn't. Here, I'll find the clip. No, no, no, it's fine. It's fine. We've got one more hill the climb, baby, and it's Mount Los Angeles.

You know what's really sad? Not just real as quick sidebar. Last night, they honored Sam Rosen for his Hall of Fame stuff. Yeah. And, like, his call famously is the waiting is over. This one will last a lifetime. And at the time, it was like this great thing that captured but like in a way it's kind of ironic now

because that championship kind of does have to last a lifetime because no one's no there's no championship coming it got overshadowed by Howie Rose's call what was his call? Mattoe, Matto, Matto, Matto. No, that was conference final. Oh, you just mean in general. I'm just saying in that playoff run.

So anyways, my point is that so they have that amazing season, they make it the conference final. The next year they trade for Nash. The next year now all of a sudden, Haglund's maturing, Now you've got some young players coming up that can score a little bit. And then Tortorillo is on his ass after the next season.

Because now you've got expectations, right? Goes to Vancouver. Expectations out the ass. Last one season. Goes to Columbus. No one expects anything. I think it's more that he just, once the players mature, he doesn't evolve with them. Because like once the Rangers got to a point where they were like, all right, we got some talent here.

We don't got to play that way anymore. Let's loosen the reins. They weren't doing it. Like Lundquist was getting frustrated. Like in Vancouver was an old fucking team meeting out there. That's what I'm saying. This is a team with no expectations. Right.

It's like the Rangers when he first got to the Rangers. He's new to all of them. He's telling him Wrenski, go make all the mistakes you want to make kid. Just play your game. He's playing great. And Ryan Johansansans, like, what the fuck? What about me? Because no one gives a shit.

It's a no one gives a shit kind of team right now because everyone expected them to be terrible. But they kind of are. But they're not right now. And I think that's the point is the he goes in there. There's no expectation. They all kind of like them. He hasn't had to be a bit. big hard ass yet because there's no expectations.

And I think my point is I think that he fits that team better than we thought he did. And kudos to John Davidson if that's the case because we all thought he made a terrible hire. Unless he told Sergey Brabowski to stop 95% of pucks that even strengthened. And he wasn't going to do that until he told him. Then no, it doesn't. Chicago.

Oh, sorry. Oh, hello. Chicago Blackhawks, 13, 4, and 2 in their first 19 games plus 13 goal differential. for real or a big phony a moderate-sized phony I would say a lot of that record is because yeah Corey Crawford's

heavy lifting was like 980 for a while five on five yeah I think that division is going to slowly slowly sort of like overwhelm them like a wave that just keeps coming up on the water and next thing you know they're going to be in a wild card spot there's still a playoff team because I guys but I don't buy I don't buy well

I think they're going to finish in the top three in that division unless Nashville really gets the shit together. I think Nashville will get their shit together. I hope they do, because right now they're not good, and they were my pick to come out of the conference. They're two points out of a wild card with, let's see, carry the one, 65 games to go. Minnesota Wild.

We did this last year with Anaheim where it was like, Anaheim's done, and it was just, Nashville will be fine. Minnesota Wild, for real or not for real, with Bruce Bredrobbing on the bench. Sprinkling his magic pixie dust all over that team. I've paid, like, no attention to the Minnesota Wild this year. I've attended two of their games here. and like they were so, they look so bad.

They look really bad. So like that's kind of tainted. Like when I picture those games in my head and then I look at their record and I'm like, plus 12. How are they a plus? I'm going to say for real only because I think it's time that we, we come around to the fact that Devin Dubnick really is a very good goaltender. Is he?

Yeah, I think he is. Don't tell me what to do with Devin Dubnick. I don't, I don't know if I agree with that. Anaheim for real or not for real, 21 points the first 19 games. Oh, this fucking conference is so bad. It's the division. It's the vision. terrible. Look at the conference's goal

differential for every team. There's a lot of problems and they all seem to indirectly Dallas is golden. There are four goddamn teams that are above the even mark. Why the fuck isn't Dallas or Calgary trading for Flurry? Like why don't they just go to Pittsburgh? Why doesn't it any team? Any team? Just go to Pittsburgh and be like, look

you got this guy, he's under contract. We know you got to get rid of him. We could really use someone so let's just do it. Again, it's one of these things in sports where it's like everyone knows Jim Nills a good GM but like every good GM fucks up and he fucked up

when he signed on to Niyami like he trapped himself in a situation he can't get out of it was doubling down on the idea that these two knuckleheads

were going to possibly even repeat the middling results they had from last season well that too like yeah like once he realized like he got 905

combined from both of those guys like maybe he was like well we should try something different this year and I get it like it's hard to do it's hard to make trade sometimes but

there are goleys out there I mean it reminds me of how I live life where I do things at the very last second and sometimes they pay off and sometimes they don't. Totally. Right.

That's why we're not running teams. Right. Yeah. It's like, and then those results never repeat themselves. It's like, I remember I was able to get Star Wars tickets like 10 minutes before that show. Ah, shit. I don't understand. I showed up at this bagel place at 1245 last Sunday and I got home and time to watch the Giants.

Why am I still online at 1.15? This is bullshit. No, no, no. I seriously. I left. The Holland Tunnel was clear at 1 o'clock the other day. So I, oh, shit. I didn't realize Hamilton was going to be sold out

I just showed up by his time and I got to see it He sold out now Protests abound Oh brother You can I just talk about How insanely conflicted you were this week In the sense that A musical you outright hate

Did a great thing in booing a horrible man Well the musical didn't booing a horrible man The people did The cast didn't stop mid show and go Boo this man You know what's amazing They made his speech every left. The amazing thing about that was like all the focus on the Hamilton-Pence thing was on the actors on stage because they made that speech.

And none of it was on the people that actually booed the guy. Because you know why? Because the hair-trigger reaction would be East Coast elitist. But meanwhile, everybody in New York knows is going to see Hamilton on a Friday night. It ain't me. It ain't you. And also, and also people were posting videos of him getting booed at like an Indianapolis minor league baseball game. It's a grand tradition.

It was a worst. I was taking about this yesterday. like Twitter up until the election for like a year. I don't know if I just managed to like mute the right people or follow the right people, but like I didn't see a lot of like arguments about like fancy stats. Like you know how that argument happens four times a season. Like I felt like my timeline was like yeah, I got Trumpy a little bit, but it was never bad. Like the last two weeks, it's just like, oh, it's just all this stuff that I like, oh, I read the word Hamilton more over the weekend than I did the previous two years.

It's just such a, uh, no. President Bush delivered the first pitch tonight at the new Nationals Park in Washington, D.C. to resounding chorus of booze. Yes. It happens all over, man. Like, people... Yeah. Like, in wrestling. It just doesn't happen

at Broadway shows a lot. But, like, you can't... Like, I feel like if Donald Trump went in there, he wouldn't have gotten him booed as badly as Mike. Like, the last place Mike Pence should ever be is it a Broadway fucking show. Yeah, that's why... I'll tell you why, because when Trump walks in, people will start booing and be like,

wait a second, that guy's from The Apprentice. Yeah, I know. you know he's the president now no one wants to take a selfie with my Pence but even I would want to take a selfie with Trump probably like a law and order SVU IAB looking motherfucker

turncoat cop motherfucker but like I don't know man it's it's still funny the funniest thing about the Hamilton thing was the people that were like doing man or woman on the street interviews after the show that were like you know someone actually said

people don't go to Broadway shows to get politics thrown at them and I'm like you're at Hamilton The whole show is politics. There's a point in the show where they say immigrants, we get shit done, and everyone's supposed to pause and applaud. That's in the show for a reason.

I know, I know, like, idiocracy jokes are so out, because everyone's been making them forever, but, like, every fucking day. Yeah. Well, Hamilton's got electrolytes. Let's be honest. Let's be honest. That's great thing about it. Where the hell were we?

What were we talking about Hamilton? We're talking about, oh, Hamilton tickets, yeah, about last, yeah. So, yeah. Jim Nell should have known to get. Right, of course. So Jim Nill's fault is the Hamilton existing. Ebenson Oilers, for real or not for real? Still on board.

Have we gotten off board yet? I'm only on board because of that division, and I'm on board because I think it is now pretty clear that Connor can drag that team into the playoffs. As long as they just get mediocre goaltending, as long as it doesn't become Dow Stars' goaltending, they are going to get one of those top. I think the king's still hanging around with Peter goddamn Budaian.

Yeah, that went against Anaheim on Sunday was impressive. held them off in the third period. They showed they can still do shit. Carter, Tofoli can still do shit. To me, I had them winning the division, and I still think they would have if Quick didn't get hurt. And he's going to come back to save my fucking fantasy team. Because right now it's, I have both Dallas goalies, Peter Morazic, Brian Elliott,

who apparently isn't going to play anymore because Chad Johnson all of a sudden is going to win the Vezina. Like, it's crazy. I love Chad Johnson. He's my favorite backup goal. Here, I'll give you one more. The Devils. Real or not for real?

The devils are for real, but they're not for real without Connor. Without Connor, without Taylor. I don't, geez. Freudian slip. Without the guy who Taylor Hall sits in the corner weeping about in a terrible apartment of North Jersey somewhere. Connor, I love you. No, I think the devils can be for real because of Schneider.

But they, I mean, it's pretty obvious that offense is just garbage without Taylor Hall. I watched that King's game. That was rough. It was rough. It was like watching two H. H.L teams plays. And it's just to show the heavy lifting he's done this season. offensively, which, you know, according

to the Edmonton media again, is like... McDavid has scored in 10 games, but look at Taylor Holland. Giant piece of shit on skates. Adam Larson's doing pretty good this year. Enough of you. As you know, it's Thanksgiving, which means that it is time for many traditions, and one of those traditions in life is, of course,

Dave Lozo. Complaining about where my fantasy football team is in the standings with four weeks to go. Close. One of the traditions that we are talking about is when everybody returns to their hometown. You go to the bar on Wednesday. You go to that bar on Wednesday night.

In beautiful Maddawan, New Jersey, or actually this is over in our sister city, Aberdeen. Aberdeen, I played hockey in Aberdeen. Maddoin and Aberdeen are like Springfield and Shelbyville. Rivalry to the end. Aberdeen at one point took Madawan's name off the train station because they're pricks. Do they paint over it? Did they like paint thinner it off? They like, they like, I think they lobbied the state and said, look, Madawan.

Oh, like, legally. Oh, okay. I thought it was like, for a while it became Aberdeen, Madawan. It might still be that, actually, bastards. And like, you and your family went over in the darkness and, like, took down their name. They had all the shopping. They had all the shopping centers. We had Main Street, which then became a place of disrepair.

Where it's like a, now instead of being a thriving metropolis, it's like a dollar store and then, like, a taco place. And the library. Aberdeen was the first place I played hockey after college where it was like a rink. It was like a roller hockey rink, but it was like the full NHL size. And I remember just being so fucking gas by how far you had to go to just get from one zone to the next. It was so goddamn, oh, it was the worst, but it was great. So the bar and Madawan slash Aberdeen that we used to go to is the court jester in the shopping center. That's where everybody that went to high school together would converge and you'd see all the people,

which meant that you saw the menagerie of John Hughes-like stereotypes for people from high school. So the Huffington Post did a story called The 25 people you see at your hometown bar the night before Thanksgiving. Sorry, excuse me. And we've come to realize... It's actually thrillist. Oh, is it thrillist? I think Huffington Post commandeered it.

Sure, all right. Whatever. It's on the internet. The point being is that we've come to realize that some of these tropes that you might see in your hometown bar when you return home for Thanksgiving can also be applied to our friends in the national. Hockey League. I'm out of Ghani-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Hi, I'm Al-Worghany. Welcome to Philadelphia. I'm Gary Thorne, and I'm the voice of God. I'm Bill Clement. I have a mustache. He said that every game. It was so weird. I don't know why he did that.

We all knew he had a mustache. Oh, baby. I have a mustache, too. I'm John Davidson, but I was... Was he on the SBN? I think he was... I wasn't on ESPN. I was a glowing puck guy.

I couldn't see the puck. I'm Bill Pito. I'm John Buchagras. I'm more exciting. Did that come about cover it? Anyway. Hi, Linda Cohn. Here are the 25 NHL people that you see at your hometown bar the night before Thanksgiving.

For example, Dave Lozo. Wait, wait, wait, 25. I don't think I have it. We're not going to do 25. Oh, thank God. Okay. For example, Dave Lozo. Yes.

The ex-football star. You know, the guy who's like, 35, but back in the day he was the best quarterback in the conference and, you know, always kind of living the dream. The ex-football star in my estimation in the NHL is obviously Jeremy Roneck, always telling us about how he played the game and awkwardly hanging around the younger guys and everyone knows a story about him taking his dick at an inappropriate times. Jeremy Ronick would be my ex-my ex-football star trope.

Wait, when did he take his dick out? I can't tell the story on air, but... Just tell it now. We'll delete it once we'll be one. No, it's supposed to say, it may or may not have involved a hot dog bun. That's not a sandwich. Oh, no. We'll delete that.

That's probably going to get us a fine or something or sued. It's just the things you hear. It's just rumors. Conjecture. Things you hear. All right, well, I actually have one for that, too. It's the old guy still hanging around. Yeah.

Was good in his day. And now he's kind of. Oh, don't you even say it. Don't you even say it. Don't sweet. Oh, nice. I thought he was going to say Yager. Telling all the young people how the game used to be when he played.

You know, he's got a job now in a front office somewhere. It's not really going all that well. Everyone just kind of has to humor him because he was great back in the day. That's Don Sweeney at the bar. The Still Hot teacher, remember her? Remember Miss Comesh? Miss Mine in... Miss Monaco.

In math class. And you'd go in and you'd be transfixed and you get a terrible grade. But you say to yourself, boy, if this was a different situation and if I would, wasn't a student and she wasn't my math teacher. Boy, howdy. For the rules of society preventing me from hooking up with my third grade teacher. The still hot teacher in my estimation is Daryl Sutter. Daryl, Sutter, of course, has been coaching in the National Hockey League since 1992, but then you look over at him now, you're like, you still got it. Still got it, my friend. Welcome to the bar.

Does he, though? How come we didn't have it all those years in Calgary then? You were saying? Do you have one? My still hot teacher, I'm going to go a different route. This is the, you know, still looks real good. Still, you know, you're like, wow, he's hot 15 years ago. It's still hot now. It's Mike Fisher.

It's a hot man. He's a good-looking guy. He's like 37 years old. He's teaching the young guys, like Philip Forsberg, how to get along. They're all kind of impressed by him. I'm fascinated by that pick because the next category that we have. I was setting up the joke for the next one. Oh, good.

For the 25 people eat. your hotel bar the spouse flaunter as you know you know you dude walks in or lady walks into the bar to show off their unbelievably attractive spouse to all the people uh Dave who is the spouse flunter Mike Fisher that was going to be the joke I was I was like I was like teeing up the second one because he's married to Carrie Underwood is very attractive woman and he's always on her arm and that's that's that's that's the joke there the spouse flaunter for me is Lanlucci, who of course would walk in with Connor

McDavid on his arm and be like, look who I got as my best friend. This guy, he was there, so I signed there because he was there. You're right? The next category of the 25 NHL people that you see

at your hometown bar, it simply says boner. He still introduces himself by his childhood nickname and has crushed three cans on his head already. So this is someone who has a nickname that's sort of regrettable, but it's stayed with this person throughout life, which of course, means the boner of the National Hockey League

is Matt Zookarillo who has to walk into the bar and everybody's like What up, Norwegian Hobbit Wizard? He's like, don't call me that. I was the MVP of that league over there, you know that, right? Come on, I'm Zook now. Whatever, Hobbit Wizard.

Zook. See, I went more literal. I went Matthew Shane because people call him Doucher. They call them Dutchy as well. People always point that out to me, but I'll never forget being at that hotel in New York

when they bring all the players in in for those interviews. And people were called, his guy standing around in that room were calling him Duscher. And I was like, who's, oh. So I feel like that's like, Dutchy's his like PG-13 namely. He's in front of the media and his boys are like, docher. Let's play a little PlayStation. For the record, this category could have gotten a much different way had Alex Semen not been in the KHL.

The newly rich nerd, pretty self-explanatory. It kind of reminds you of Alan Cumming from Rumi and Michelle's high school reunion. The nerd who comes back and owns like a sneaker company. whatever. So anyways, the newly rich nerd, you ignored him in high school, he's back because he's got tons of money, he's a changed man. Newly rich nerd, of course, Phil Kessel. Phil Kessel returns to the high school bar. They're like, what's up, Chubbs? He's like, yeah, what's up? Stanley Cupring. Yeah, hey, ha. I own the bar. Get the fuck out. Fuck you, Steve Simmons. Get out of the bar. See, I was a go Johnny Goodrow, because you just got the contract.

Oh, that's a good one, too. Was he ever the nerd? though you think. Oh, he might have been. He might have been like a little pipsqueak. Yeah, like you might have been like a little 5 foot 2 100 and not even 100 like 75 pound dude. They got stuff into lockers. Then he comes back home for the weekend and he's just got like, you know, he's basically dressed like the guys

outside of Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall's place and coming to America. He's got the fur, the gold, everything. And he's just like, what's up? We're going to stuff in a locker now. Ammeffo. Oh, look who it is. It's a little goody. What's up? What's up? Hi, what's up? I just bought your parents' mortgage.

Can you picture everyone just like tasseling? Yeah, tussling's hair. The baby picture ninja, according to thrillers, is the person that you talk to for 11 seconds, then wham, you've got an iPhone, a centimeter from Ryeball, showing a picture of the new baby or a dog dressed in a costume or something. And the baby picture ninja of the National Hockey League

is, of course, the family man himself, Dustin Brown. I mean, there is absolutely no way that you're not getting, you know, hey, say, whoa, Duster, what's going on, man? How you doing? I'm pretty good. Hey, look, here's my seventh kid. Oh, that's great. So how's everything going at work?

I don't want to talk about it, okay? Right. You're sure? All right. Hey, hey, hey, Dustry. Ever see, ever see Captain Phillips? No, why? What's that?

I'm the captain now. You can hear the sound of a beer bottle breaking on the side of the bar. I'll fucking cut you, man, all right? Have you seen what I've done? I blew up Thomas Hurdle's knee, in case you didn't know. Put on this coyote's jersey. I'm going to end you. Jesus.

The only one I could think of for this one was Shane Dohn because he's very much a family guy. He refuses to get traded. He refuses to leave the family behind for a few months and go on a playoff run. And he posted a picture of his Halloween. You see that picture? Yeah, I would actually put him in a different category that's not listed here, but it's the person who never left. And you know, I'll talk about, yeah, yeah, I went to Amsterdam. It was sick.

Yeah, I went to, I went to the Maui. It was so cool. You guys see that they put a, they put a Einstein, bagel at the corner of First and Wilford because I didn't realize that there was one there but now there is one. Did you guys see it yet? You know, they actually just redid the school

a little bit there. They have a whole new gymnasium there and go work out. It's great. Oh man, they finally fixed that pothole on Maple. Bottomed out my Camero on it once. He's like Trip McNeely and Can't Hardly Wait. Exactly. The newly skinny dude pretty self-explanatory. The guy

who used to be a little chub and then he got in shape and you can't stop talking about the half marathon he's going to run the next day. That's obviously dancing Kevin from the Columbus Blue Jackets games, the big floppy fat guy who used to be on all the YouTube videos that we liked, who then got skinny and we were all celebrating and be like, good on you, man. You had

a health crisis. You made yourself skinny, and then we all kind of missed Fat Kevin. But we can't miss him too much because he was having a bit of a health crisis, so it's good that he's skinny. Although Fat Kevin was really funny. That's a good pick. I didn't think of that one. Mine's, of course, my boy, the future

30 goal score for the Los Angeles Kings Devin Settiguchi. Oh, that's great. He dropped a bunch of weight, got back to the NHL, and you know he's constantly, like, in the locker room, like going over to Dustin Brown and going, dude, got two words for you. Yeah, CrossFit. That's right. You just go there,

you run, you lift weights, you carry stuff. Yep. You lose the pounds, bro. The nostalgic bully is the minute you walk through the door, he, you know, starts bullying you again because he's the bully even though there shouldn't be any bullies. I'm going to go with Jared Bull.

Last of the great enforcers. Well, last of the middling enforcers. But one of the few guys in the league that still drop him at the drop of the hat. Chris Pronger. Oh, that's good, too. Chris Pronger, man. Now he runs things. He's the bully who can teach you.

Oh, he's, yeah. Yeah, he's, you walk in the room and he's just like, you know, he puts against the wall. And he's like, let me show you what an illegal check is now. And he just, like, hits you from behind. Like, remember that time I crushed your skull and you had a concussion for two years? Yeah, go buy me beer. You go back to your hometown. You're like, wait a second.

You run the bank now, Oger? And he's like, yeah, what's up? Yeah, I got my MBA and stuff. Hey, check out the vault over there. Hey, look, I'm pantsing this guy. He doesn't wear glasses too now. The old gym teacher, who of course is that cool gym teacher we all remember, he's kind of a taskmaster, but he's sort of endearing in his old school ways.

Ken Hitchcock. Oh. Keep on benching that little Russian, Ken. Never change. Hey, Philotov, you're benched. It's a Yakop officer. Whatever. Whatever.

Ruski. Get off the ice. How about that? Get off the ice. Christ. I wish you were a check, but you're not because clearly you don't back check. God. Get off the ice.

Whatever, Vladimir. Get off. What are you, are you Vladimir Poon? How about putting in some more effort on the back end of the ice? God. See, I went a different direction. Hey, Nile, you're back in the play again. Quit Stalin.

Your play's making me yak, all right. Jesus. Who is your gym teacher? See, I went Brian Burke. Oh, that's a great one. Because he sees you at the bar and he's just like, let me show you how tough you got to be. And he's like, instead of making you drop and give 20,

He actually does it himself. Yeah, I don't know. That, uh, I don't, I find that claim to be specious that Brian Burke will be found in a bar. The hippie who is still a hippie. Now, this is obviously the person who won't shove about how great it is to live in Colorado or how overfish he is now. You know, just the hippie who's still a hippie hipping around. Only one choice for me. Who is it?

Joe Thornton. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey, Joe, how's life? Life is life, my friend. That's a good one. I couldn't think of one for that one. I was kind of like trying to picture like a dude who would like smoke pot.

And I can't picture any, I mean, I'm sure NHL guys do, but I can't picture like any NHL dude being like, like, I can't picture that guy. Probably plays in Denver. Yeah, but like. All right. All right. All right. All right. Well, we'll just stick with Joe.

Yeah, I'm going to give you that one. Finally, the one I can't help but think we would probably have the same one. I don't know. I thought we were going to have the same one a couple times. We haven't. The class president. Everyone knew he would. be a success. He had charm. He had moxie.

He's got a little beer belly. But this is the guy who we all knew would be the most likely to succeed. And the answer for me would be Sidney Crosby. From the moment he stepped on the ice as a fetus, we knew he would be this player. They rejiggered the entire draft to make sure that it was fair for the teams trying to take him. Sidney Crosby most likely to succeed. And by golly, he has. Now mine's funny.

I was going to say Jonathan Taves I swear to God I was like Jonathan Taves Like you know what I mean Like he's like he's like kind of a nerdy Like he's not a nerd but like he's kind of like You know The guy everyone points to the poster boy in that team

Like he's got the He's got the jerk off Patrick Kay next to him And he like shines above that And makes everybody like that's that's yeah I I'll push back on that one Because the class president In theory is going to be more of a goody two shoes He's a goody two shoes

He's a goody two shoes. He's a goody two. than Jonathan Taves. Maybe he just looks that way to me in relation to Patrick Kane. He's a goody, two shoesy. He's a winner. He is. There's pictures of him online.

It's a try hard. Smoking him. Is there? There might be. Or drinking or something. There was one that I just saw the other day with him and T.J. Oshy. Yeah, yeah.

But they were like 16 at the time. That's a little drinking agency Canada. All right. I have a present for Lozo, but I want to do it after we do some listener mail because honestly, my computer is going to die. Oh, no. Yeah, I'm down to 27%. I didn't bring my battery this time,

so I went to break into the building like I did last week after the show. I got a panicky call from Lozo because he had to get back in the Yahoo offices. I was at Bar Trivia. It came in second, by the way. High five to, high five to Ruby, just us. And I had to get him into the...

I was worried that I was going to have to leave and, like, actually, like, get you in here somehow. I couldn't believe because I was already in the system and I had left three hours earlier. It wasn't like I came back in with a bomb. Chris and Dan podcast said, because Rocky of the anniversary of Rocky coming out, which I guess is the thing that happened.

It was ranked in the number one sports movie of all time. I forgot to do this. I don't really care about the full list, but they were asking what we think the number one sports movie of all time is. League of their own. Not even close. It might be that. I remember thinking about that the other day because baseball movies came up.

It's so good. It's so funny. It's so quotable. Like the baseball scenes look pretty realistic. Like, I mean, there's no, there's no Tom Hanks is fantastic. Like the baseball looks good. Everything about it. quotable

this used to be my playground soundtrack's great like I because honestly it's because if it was a movie about dudes playing

during the war it would be the best movie ever but it's about Rosie O'Donnell and Madonna playing baseball people are like

ugh I think that's definitely up there Hoosiers is up there I think Hoosiers is the basketball

version of Rudy I what is like an overrated clowing kind of movie like like not not fuck Jimmy Chitwood, but fuck Rudy and kind of fuck Jimmy Chitwood. I just, I don't know.

We were talking about this the other day. We're like movies from your childhood. So Hoosiers was, God, 8 when he came out. I was 8 when it came out. I was watching the original Batman with Tim Burton. When that movie came out, it was this badass, cool, edgy, dark Batman movie. And it was like, oh, Batman, Batmobile. And you watch it now.

And you're like, oh, my God, why did I like that? That's how I feel about Hoosiers. it just he's at home who wash it his tights I think I think I have an answer but I it's kind of a I have two answers and they're both cheats if you're talking about a movie a sports movie that successfully accomplished what it was trying to accomplish Caddyshack as far as what I mean a sports movie that that is perfect for what it is but the real answer for me would be hoop dreams

But that's a documentary, so that's kind of a cheat. Yeah, you can't go to documentary. That would be my answer. The Natural is the movie everyone always picks. And I'm convinced, every 100 people that say The Natural, four have seen it the whole way through. It's just like this knee-jerk reaction to say,

Yeah, the natural. Mr. Jones, one wants to know, best use of Turkey Day leftovers. My dad always made turkey moly the day after. That's a good idea. I'm not a big fan of re-appropriating Thanksgiving food for another dish. but I think I mentioned on the show

the most perfect thing that you can have in life is two toasted pieces of white bread mayonnaise, little mayonnaise stuffing and turkey on a sandwich at like 11 o'clock at night. See like I feel similar except instead of the two pieces of white bread you take one of the leftover rolls and you put the turkey and the stuffing in the

roll but no mayo. Get that mayo on my tail. Mayo is so perfect it just binds everything together. You have mayo on your table? Tricie for me and a turkey for you. Let's eat turkey and a brick brown What was the last Sandler movie you enjoyed? I was just thinking about this the other day. Because I never watched anything that he's done on Netflix. Oh, yeah. Coton O'Brien had him and, like, his goofy-ass crew on his show last week as like,

like, you know how when they bring out like the cast of like a like a Marvel movie? And you're like, oh, it's all these superstars. Yeah. Except for this one, it was like all these goofaces that like you couldn't, you wouldn't know their names. Like if they. All the people that were in the ridiculous six. Yeah. Like the, the.

the blonde guy who always Pretendee Sander performances that I enjoyed Last good movie Last good movie that I didn't like that's my boy I didn't like Jack and Jill I think I already think I know what it is

But I'm just trying to scroll back and see Funny people doesn't count Because that was a dramatic thing And that was an okay movie but not great Also it was terrible Oh my God I have to go all the way back I'm in 2004

2004 Holy shit Oh yeah 2004 is where I land 2002 What are you gonna say I liked both 51st dates and I like Spanglish too, even though Spanglish wasn't a company. Spanglish was all right. I got to go all the way back to Mr. Deeds, 2002.

Oh my God. That was, oh my God, that may have been the worst. No, Little Nicky was. It's so funny. Little Nicky is terrible. You go back and look through his movies. It's been a long, but like everyone goes to see him. People go to see fucking grownups and grownups too.

Happy Gilmer was 96. Yeah. Wow. Oh, he was on an episode of Kevin Can Wait, apparently. Kevin Can Wait. laugh track oh man it's my my neighbor Adam

hello Kevin can I borrow some ketchup oh my god where do they think of this stuff wow this is from Kelly Nannette

I'm so sorry I'm horrible with names but thanks for listening to the podcast You've been promoted to non-blogger and you're now a beatwriter. What city would you want to be in? That's a great question. Las Vegas. Next question. Oh, boy, that's a lay-up.

Wow. Thank you. I would want to be in a place where I feel like, I don't want to disrespect any beatwriters because they all do really good work. But I would want to be in a place where I feel like I could be a difference maker. So I'd say Vancouver. A difference maker. Provide maybe a different perspective on life.

Like, I wouldn't want to be in a city like the, Or like, I guess New York technically with the Islanders, like Arthur Staple has to do like the heavy lifting 82 games a year. Arthur Stable has me blocked on Twitter. Does he? Yeah. He has me blocked on Twitter and I reached out to him and said, Hey,

I love reading your stuff. We always use it all the time. Like, why do you get on me blocked on Twitter? And he's just like, he literally said like, I think he'll be alright without my stuff. Wow. Yeah, I know.

No kidding. He, I can't. I don't know. That's why I reached out to him. Did you ever write something about him? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. And we've had them, I've had them on MVW before, too.

That's weird. It's weird, right? Yeah. There's a cute, a couple, couple weird blocks out there, but that's fine. Because the beauty of it is that I just open up another browser and don't sign up on Twitter and get his stuff anyway. Wanking motion. Finally, for the mailbag, you're on an island. You can only have one discography.

Do you choose the Beatles or Zeppelin? Take the Beatles. All day, right? Zeppelin's, I mean, I'm not a... Zeppelin completest because I mean I've got great songs but the Beatles

like have a wider range of I don't think there's a Zeppelin song I could listen to you like yesterday and just like fucking weep Yeah I'll go Beatles Yeah it's close though

Yeah Beatles are stones Stones all day I mean it's like It is a constant It's a you know Tyler Say again Taylor Hall

You know You're gonna pick only one It's the stones all day Over the Beatles And with due respect to you who's obviously a Beatles fan. I mean, I'm not really, there's nothing more annoying on Twitter

than like the sports dude on Twitter who constantly tweets about fucking music all the time. Yeah. Like, not like tweets about it, but tweets about it in like a judgmental way all the time. Oh, you know, Springsteen fans. Even if like, ha ha, but it's like the same dudes that Rip Springsteen

are the same dudes that are like, oh man, you gotta check out the latest blah, blah, blah, it's got a great blah. It's a real banger. Like every fucking day. Like, music is one of those things where I'm always just like, there used to be a guy who follow me on Twitter.

who I noticed, whenever I would mention Dave Matthews band, which everybody likes to make fun of, I love Dave Matthews band. He would always reply with some snarky fucking comment about the thing I tweeted. So one day I was like, gather around, people, we're going to sit on my computer for a second.

I'm going to tweet about Dave Matthews, and I guarantee you in the next five minutes, and it happened. Like, some people are just like that with music, and I just, like, I like to bust Ryan Lambert's balls about, like, Yes, Tegas Andrenicus for the wind.

But, like, he's fun and good natured about it, so it's just cool. Thank you for all the listener mail. By the way, if you want to send us any listener mail, just hit us up a Puck Soup podcast on Twitter or hit the Reddit. We are R slash Puck Soup. And thank you for the people that participate on the Reddit as well. Puck Sue.

Speaking of the Reddit, I'm going to put photographs of the next thing that we're going to do on the show on Reddit. But I want to do it here with Dave. He doesn't know I'm doing this. I went to a candy store where we had to go get candy for the wedding. You specifically needed those little hearts from Dove And the only place to had them is an old school candy store That's near Chinatown here in the city But I didn't bring candy back for Dave

Because I don't know Maybe he's watching his trim figure I was really hoping you had spearmint leaves on you right there I don't I have in my hand and you can choose which one you want to open One packet of WCW World Wrestling Trading Cards From 1991 Oh it's not even a question

And then I also have these saved by the bell the college years 10 premium cards oh hell yeah you could find all 10 different prism cards let's open up this packet of cards we'll save the other one for a rainy day there's 10 in here wow it's 10 saved by the bell the college years cards let's get this uh this is this is called uh without damaging the card like breaking a pack or i forget what they call it on youtube the first thing i see the first thing that he sees is abs it's a it's a shirtless ripped jacked aces slater

Slater, the college years. This is Pacific? What's the flag? Pacific pizza? Oh, there's like stats on the back. Oh, wow. Let me see this. So this is A.C. Slater lounging.

And then on the back, it says, oh, on the back, it's actual dialogue from Save by the Bell, the College Years. Zach says, the test fell out of Heming's briefcase. So should we look at it or not? Slater, I'm not sure. I've got to think this over. What's the worst thing that happened if I failed the test? Zach, you couldn't wrestle. You'd think that'd be

They would pick Like the funny dialogue For the back of the cards Just copy and paste And put whatever fits On the back of the card AC Slater's a looker though Alex

I don't even remember Alex I don't know who that is This is Alex She's kind of got a jacked face She was a friend of there As I said Oh, here we go The part of Alex Tabor

Is played by actress Kirsten Warren All right Kirsten Warren Things you learn Say by the Kemp Bellacologers By the way

Was the Misbegotten Semi Serious sitcom That came on after State of the Bell went off the year in which I think the boys went right the boys went to college yeah like I don't think Lisa and Jesse and all those Zach was putting on some weight in college

you put on the freshman 15 that's not that's not weight though I think that was like bulk although that's a big that's a big shirt that's the kind of shirt that I would wear to cover up my weight game so that's like what Chandler was wearing like during the fat years on friends Zach's last will to Bayside High I leave behind four incredible years and my patent

for buddy bands oh Kelly Kapowski is in this pack So Kelly Capowski was on say by the Bell of College years. Karen. I'm Karen. I'm Karen Jacelle from Pye Sye. We're here to rush Alex Tabor and Kelly Capowski. Alex, Kelly, we made it.

We made it. We're in. What is it? Called again? Pye Cy. We're in Pye Cy. This isn't even funny. Like, they didn't even take the jokes.

It's just dialogue. Kelly Kapowski. Kelly Kapowski, this is in Tiffany Ambrithis in the short hair phase. Also, she's in pajamas in the back of the card, too. I got another nude AC Slater By the way He can see his underwear

He's also wearing a classic AC Slater Bright blue jeans and pink Button Down look Oh Leslie I don't remember Leslie But she's cute Leslie Sure

Does that ring a bell? No Oh this is a double card On the back is her and Dustin Diamond Oh was one of the Golics Was one of the deals That's right It was one

I believe it was Wait who's Who's on Mike and Mike? As Mike Golick, obviously, Jesus Christ. I'm going to guess his name is Mike. Bob, that's Bob Golick? Yeah. The Golick family really is not Mike Golick.

Hey, Zach, what's up, Golic? So I got two Alexes, two screeches, two Slaters, a Leslie, a Kelly, a Triolk. An Alex. Ah, the college years. Well, thanks, man. I really appreciate this. Last thing that we need to learn about these cards, by the way, is this is from a fact on the back of this Alex card

that Mario Lopez Pranthese Slater has become a teen idol through his roles and saved by the bell and saved by the bell of the college years. Do you know what Mario's nickname is? Mario Lopez, Lope, Loplooplo. Interlopez. It's Mr. Dipples.

No, it's not. The fucking card says. Mr. Nipples? I don't think that the say by the bell of the college years cards. Oh, Dimples. I think you said nipples. Mr. Nipples? I mean, you sure listen all the photos. Holy Jesus. If you take a bunch of shirtless photos, that's a chance your nickname's going to make sense. Context.

Could you have gotten Mr. Nipples into the Bayside Yearbook with the question as your official nickname? Richard Belding. Mr. Nipples to the office. A.C. You can't name yourself Mr. Nipples. And here comes Adam Sandler out of the back. Did you have a favorite saved by the bell episode, by the way? And don't say the caffeine pills one because everybody says it. Um, if it's not that one,

friends forever. Friends Forever is great. I will say my most memorable one is that I read an interview with Mark Paul Garcelar in, uh, in Entertainment Weekly a couple weeks ago. And he said he, he, he apologized for them doing the Native American episode where, uh, he, he finds out he's part like Cherokee or something. I don't remember that at all. And then he, he shows up to class in full like war paint.

and he like meets with like a native american shaman at one point to learn more about like spirit it's like the most like overtly racist like Dan Snyder's watching out oh dance ladders like fapping to this episode he's like oh yeah all right now real quick because we I mean I know that this is really long I'm just gonna open we're not gonna go through them all all at once just need to find out oh I think you wanted to save them no I don't care I need to find out this is wCW cards the fabulous free birds Michael PSAs don't remember those uh Mr. Wall Street aka Oh, Erwin R.

Schister. Scheister. Lex Luger. Right there. Lex Lugar. Boker, Boker, Florida's own.

So he's like half Lex Luthor, half a bottle of Peter Luger sauce and he's... The Steiner brothers, Scott and Rick. Would they go to Michigan? They were part of the

varsity club and their deal was they used to rep their colleges. Oh my God. The icon known as Sting. I know Sting. Back in his WCW days.

Sure. Save this one. Probably not a rookie card. Rick Flair, yeah, that looks like he's like in his tent here. And they also have quotes in the back, too. Here's Rick's, this is, here's Rick Flair predicting Sting's future. Sting, my friend! You'll run it around with a bad leg on borrowed time.

Woo! The Southern boys. So they were just like super... Look on the back of this card. They're literally dressed like Confederate soldiers. I'm not kidding. No. Saco Sid Vicious. Remember Sid Vicious?

Another Rick Flair Wait, how many wrestlers were named after? Another Southern boys? There might have only been about six or seven wrestlers in WCW at this time. Like, how many were named after like 80s musicians? Like, what is this? Sid Vicious Sting? Missy Hyatt?

Yeah, kind of. Missy Hyatt, nope. And Arne Anderson, who had like Dad Bod back when he was about 25. Like, why is his chest and abdomen so super dark? Why did he get so much spray tan on the nipples? His face is like... Well, his nickname in WCW is Mr. Nipples. His name...

I don't know if you knew that. On the backer. Oh, look at that. Mr. Nipples. Good for you, Arn. Arn. His brother's name was Oli. Oli and Arn Anderson.

They were a tag team. Is that real or no? That's for real. I would never lead you astray about wrestling facts, sir. Wow. The Southern boys. Well, I'm sorry. I'm going to see their stats.

Oh, they're Southern gentlemen. Oh, oh. Please allow me to accompany you to the Ketilin, my love. I'm one of the Southern boys. I do declare. I'm going to hit you with the steel chair. Much obliged, sir After I hit this guy in the back of the head

With a barbed baseball bat I'd like to sit back with a nice mint julep All right ladies and gentlemen Listen Sorry if we missed any huge news It happened after Monday Happy Turkey Day We're back next week

We love you all If you enjoy this podcast God bless you Don't mean tell us why but I really am not sure. You can tell us why, but mostly just thanks for listening. If you want to tell us why, go to iTunes and leave a review. That's always welcome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pump us up. And I'm Greg Wyshinsky of Yahoo Sports Puck Daddy blog. You could read me every day at Yahoo Sports. My other podcast is Merrick v. Wichinsky. And also I have Loza knows I have a book out. I've heard about this. Take your eye off the puck.

Perfect for the aforementioned stocking stuffers that Santa talked about earlier in the podcast. A lot of stuffing. Stopping by Santa. Stuffing the stocking. Stuffing plates. And that's it, man. He nearest Dave Lowe's it to take you home. Safe driving.

Everybody is listening to the podcast and the road. Yeah. Although, is that like a holiday thing? I think you should drive safely, whether it's Thanksgiving or any time of the year, really. Let's see. I'm scrolling through here. I'm trying to find some news that we miss

that I can throw in at the end. Detroit is on the verge of becoming the 11th city where NBA and NHL teams share. a venue that Pistons and Red Wings will both play at Little Caesar's Arena, according to John, Shannon of Sports. Oh, that reminds me, yeah. I mean, obviously, if you stop recording this, like, something crazy will happen. Yeah. That's Flurry trade we talked about will happen. Yeah, oh my God. Seriously, I never thought they were going to trade Flurry for say again, but, you know, here we are. Going even. That's a crazy, crazy move. These toxins.

You're hearing Cleansman's been fired. I don't know. Was that for real? Yeah, really happened. Oh, good. Thank God. Yeah. Awful. Sick of that. All right, folks. Thanks for, thanks for listening. We'll see you. Same time next week, probably because we're going to be doing a different schedule next week, too. But we'll keep you abreast and stay lit and be loyal or something. Now leaving nerdist.com.