Puck Soup - Viral Content

Episode Date: March 13, 2020

The boys takes us through the timeline leading to the NHL's decision to "pause" its season for the coronavirus outbreak, the potential greatness of empty arena games, what the playoffs might end up looking like and more. Plus, ranking directors named Anderson, old timey radio, the Illuminati, and how we would program all-sports stations with no sports. Sponsored by Burrow and Away!

Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's and tunes. It's your weekly bowl of hockey and nonsense. I'm Greg Wasinski of ESPN, the worldwide leader, when sports start again. I'm Ryan Lamber from playing video games and crying for the next month plus. And you're in Puck suit. Sean, because I imagine he's a member of the Illuminati, is on quote-unquote vacation,

right as we're doing a podcast to talk about the cancellation of all sports. Well, I'm sorry. The postponement. Oh, wait, I'm sorry. The pausing of all sports. in the words of Gary Betman. So, yeah, he, good, good on Sean for not having to talk about this shit. He jetted off to his Illuminati bunker in fucking New Zealand.

Yeah. Everything's going to be fine now. I mean, if there was a guy that was in the Illuminati on this podcast, it's probably him, right? Yeah, for sure. It's always the quiet ones. That's right. You couldn't be part of the Illuminati because inevitably you try to Roershack the whole thing and tell everybody about the Illuminati, right? That's pretty obvious.

Well, I don't like having myself compared to Roershack. I'm just saying, I'm not saying that you are Roershack. I'm just saying that you would be like, Lambert's diary, Illuminati started coronavirus. Must tell new frontiersmen. Like, that could be you. In theory. When he says human bean juice, that was a good joke. Remember that?

Yes, I do. I could not be a member of the Illuminati because, like, who wants me in that bunker, right? So annoying. I wouldn't accept any entrance to any secret society that would have me as a member, that whole gimmick. Oh, listen to you. Wow. Freaking Groucho Marx, remember that guy? Yeah.

His movie was the namesake for this podcast. for a lot of people who maybe don't even know that, that duck soup is a movie. And puck soup is the podcast. And it is the best Marks Brothers movie as well. Duck Soup by far is the best Marks Brothers movie. Animal Cracker is pretty good. Night at the Opera pretty good.

Horse feathers, coconut stink. But yeah. If you're going to watch a Marks Brothers movie, make it duck soup. I do remember as a child. As a child, my father is showing me, what's my line? I believe that was the Groucho Marx.

Yep. And then when you would say the secret word, the duck. The duck comes down. The duck would come down from the ceiling with the little mustache and the glasses. And I do remember watching duck soup as a child wondering where the duck was. Where is this duck? The duck's on the game show and the duck's not in the movie. Yeah, apparently, like, I had to look it up when I, because, yeah.

So when I first saw it and, I don't know, probably. high school or college. I was like, what? It's not only the duck does, like there's no duck in it. There's no soup in it either. Right. So I'm just like, what is the end? Apparently, it's like an old-timey expression for when things were all fucked up or something. Isn't that interesting? Now that we've alienated the millennials to listen to the podcast, let's talk about the Andrews Sisters. We're not even, boy, swing and big band sound, baby. That was the best. What was your favorite Andrews sisters song?

You know, I wasn't really a fan. I was more of a Count Basie guy growing up. Do you like the one about bringing the boys back from war? Do you like that one? Do you remember? Like, I feel like there was like a brief resurgence of like people loved old-timey radio when I was a kid. Yeah. Do you remember this?

Yeah. Like the War of the Worlds and like Amos and Andy, I remember just being on the fucking radio when I was growing up on like an AM station. It was that. And I think a lot of it was, A, the people that grew up with that little orphananny Christmas story shit were old enough now to buy things. And B, I— Well, I mean, they were all in, like, their 50s at that. Like, this is, like, only 30s kids will remember this shit, right? But I'm saying, like, that's—but then you get—you're old enough to buy things and you're old enough to want to hear the things that you grew up with, right?

So, like, that was right—I know exactly the time you're talking about because you're talking about the dawn of— the planet of the apes. Now the dawn of the time life infomercial shit where it's like, do you miss when radio was terrible? And then they're selling you like five albums of like fucking

little orphan Annie fighting the pirates shows seeking a little Yeah, I just remember like you know, because of like we had gone to the baseball hall of fame and they just play who's on first on a loop there. Right.

And I was just like, who are these guys? And my dad was like, you don't know, Abbott and Cosette? I'm like, Dad, I'm six. You know, whatever it was. And, yeah, they were just, they were just like more ubiquitous back then. Like, oh, listen to freaking Burns and Allen and just being like, okay. My dad was very crafty about indoctrinating me into the like Laurel and Hardy Abbott and Costello world because the first thing he showed me was March the Woodwood Wooden Soldiers, which is like, as a kid. I don't know that. So it was always on Channel 11 in New York around Christmas time. It's like, it's like Laurel and Hardy. It's like Babes and Toyland. It's like the March of the Wooden Soldiers, you know, like from fucking the Nutcracker, right? And it's a movie a kid would really like. It's got wooden soldiers in it, fighting rats and shit. And Santa's in it, I think. And then like, he's like, this is, this is a great comedy duo. I'm like, okay, show me more. And then the rest of it didn't have any wooden soldiers in it. So it was kind of

Yeah. I mean, so I definitely checked out like Abbott and Costello meet the Wolfman or whatever the fucking, and I was like, yeah, they're not doing the thing where they're saying the guy's name is I don't know. What's going on? But I did always love the Marks brothers, always. I think a lot of that shit, especially with Harpo, because it's all physical comedy, like that shit really holds up well. Yeah. Now, now here's the thing. about, well, first of all, the Marks Brothers are brilliant. Remember when they were going to do the dark universe and resurrect all the monsters? Yeah, I just saw The Invisible Man like two weeks ago. How was it? Was it good?

Yeah, I really liked it a lot. I really liked it. Wouldn't the smartest thing have been to, like, hire, I don't know, like, Seth Rogen and James Franco and just put him in all those movies? Like, if you really want, like, wouldn't it be the smarter thing to do, like, an Abbott Costello approach to those monsters if you really wanted to make money? like, it's the dark universe. You're not trying to be like, hey, look at the song and dance man is here to, to like, you know, light in the mood.

Because they're monsters. I would, like, if you have, uh, wasn't fucking Simon Pegg or somebody in that as like Tom Cruise's friend and he was the supposed to be the comic relief? It wasn't Simon Pegg. Was it Simon Peg? I mean, that movie actually has, has some chuckles in it, but then it gets super serious. But yeah, give me fucking Seth Rogen and James Franco against Sophia. a bull bono.

Or whatever her name was as the mummy. Yeah. Anyway, they canceled hockey. I'm sorry. They postponed hockey. They paused hockey. Let's go through the timeline. How did we get here?

First off, when coronavirus became a widespread panic, the first thing they did was they banned the media from going into the dressing room. That was step one. get the dirty unwashed masses away from our product, our human product. And I didn't have a problem with this. Like, look, hold on, two things. First of all, everything we're about to talk about should have been done probably about three weeks before it happened. Let's just say that straight away. Yeah.

The problems I had with it were not with the ban itself. it was three things. First of all, if they were going to ban us in the locker room, they'd best ban all of the hangers on and, you know, the nephew of the president of Nabisco who goes down with us a Vetchkin jersey because he was sitting in the Leontas box to go get it signed after the game.

Like, if it was going to be the media, it should be every single person that has, you know, no direct business being in the dressing room after games. Oh, for sure. Yeah, and I don't know even, we didn't even get to a point where I could complain about the fucking thing, because we don't even know how it played out. Second thing, obviously, was that I was very concerned that this was going to be one of those, well, you know, it worked out so well for that month. Why don't we just do it all the time kind of situations where all of a sudden, we're, you know, one-on-one conversations with players are gone, and you're asking questions at the podium. Um, which brings me to my third point, which is that I was really shocked by how many people didn't understand why it was important to get access to the dressing room for practices and after games, which is that like, the stories that you like to read are not the ones reported at a podium. Um, and, and for the beat writers, it's the only way you can develop relationships with these guys, uh, over the course of a season. So that like, when you do have to write a really tough story, you know, you can, you can have that.

access to them and they'll understand it and they won't be fucking dicks about it. It's a very, very important function of the sports media to have access to the dressing room. And also, as I believe the noted philosopher, Joey Votto pointed out, it's also a thing where after the game you can really capture the emotion of things and not just try to play a fucking guessing game because you're there and nerves are raw and everything else. Now, the other thing that people didn't really talk about during this, let's put everybody at the podium thing, a lot of players have crushing social anxiety when it comes to this sort of shit. Like, they don't, it's not that they don't want to deal with the media. It's that they don't know how to, and they feel very awkward about it, right?

And especially for guys that don't speak English as their first language. By and large, a lot of these guys like to sit in their stall and do media availability, availability, availability. ability there to the point where if you're in the locker room, the PR person will be like, hey, do you want to do this at the podium or do it here? And a lot of them will just say, let's just do it here. Because they don't want to have to sit at a table in front of a room of all of the media and all of the fucking TV cameras versus just a sliver of them as everybody else is doing other interviews in the dressing room. So like, that's the part of this I think that people didn't talk about is that the players, I mean, if the players had their first choice, it would be like never to talk to us, obviously. If they had our second choice, it would be to definitely talk to us in their fiefdom on their own terms versus being put on a fucking podium in a press conference room. But you seem to be a little bit different as far as the necessity of the media ban. Well, I mean, it just, when it was announced, the immediate reaction from everybody in the PHWA was, my stories. Oh, no, I'm not going to be able to talk to the third liner. I'm never going to know what this guy on the second pairing for the Ottawa Senators has for breakfast.

My story is exactly what my grandma used to say when they preempted her soap on this. Yeah, and like, I think, and like the statement the PHWA put out was kind of, I should say, in conjunction with other writers' organizations like for the other sports. But was kind of like, right, I understand. I'll do caution, of course. But I need to stand next to a shirtless man for 15 minutes shooting the shit. So what are we going to do about this? And like, and it's like, you know what?

There are, again, it was the thing of, it was the classic tweet of, you know, I am sensitive to the coronavirus. Of course. But, like, that's exactly what it was. And it was, you know, the, yes. does make it more difficult for you guys to do your jobs in that, in that way, right? But also, A, if we, if we just have to, oh, now I get to only talk about what's actually happening on the ice. Like, that's, it seemed to me, what the real problem was of like, oh, I'm actually going to have to, like, sit down and analyze, like, what's going on with the Oilers powerplay

or whatever. I don't want to do that. Like, these are, it seemed like a lot of the complaint was about the, oh fuck, I don't remember who it was. It was somebody in the Edmonton media doing the thing like, I'm in the trenches every day, getting the information that you fucking need, like all that shit. Like, that's what it really felt like. And I thought a lot of it was really people showing their asses. The movie 1917 is about, it's about Edmonton media, trying to find stories. Yeah, about trying to ask fucking Jujar Kara, we're like, what's going on?

What's the breakout? Fucking, who cares? No, well, no. I mean, it's extraordinarily important to have that access and to do those stories. And again, to do stories that no one else is doing, which is especially important in certain markets where there's a lot of competition. But like in a short-term way, you're basically dealing with what you deal with in the Stanley Cup final, right? Like, you do have access in the final, but not all the time. Well, they wouldn't know about that shit in Edmonton anyway. I got them. I got them. Got their asses. That's it. It's over, dude. a lot of times in like the Stanley Cup final like you're everybody talking to the same people over and over again and then the challenge to you is how do you cover these games

without you know having a chance to talk to Ryan Carpenter or some shit at the fucking you know Vegas practice Ryan Carpenter is the name that always gets bought up because the writers got very pissed off and rightfully so when the Vegas Golden Knights on a day off like on the days off the travel days there has to be like a few players that the teams give us to talk to.

And like one day the Golden Knights gave us like the backup goalie and Ryan Carpenter to talk to. And it's just like, why? Like nothing, this person has no, like he was scratched, I think at that point or some shit. But anyway, so I, I mean, obviously I disagree with you about the value of access and talking these guys. But in the short term, I didn't have a problem with. this ban and and what have you. I did have a problem with people like, they're reacting to it in two ways.

One saying, oh, what? You no longer get to just go and ask people, how did it feel to score that goal? Like, talking about, like, the inane questions. First of all, that's TV people that say those questions. Not the writers, let's be honest. Well, it's not some writers. Other writers, it's very much that.

And the second thing is, like, what do you think you're getting at the podium? Like what probing fucking watergate level questions do you think you're getting while the guy staying at the podium in front of a crowd? No one's asking the important shit then. No one is. No, like I said, I, this is like standard operating procedure in hockey. Like you have to in hockey or college hockey, I mean, you have to specifically, like if you are working on a story about X, Y or Z, you have to specifically ask, hey, can I talk to so and so? And they'll, you know, usually say, yeah, you know.

And that, you know, that, that works out pretty well most of the time. But, yeah, I mean, you never get anything in, in a college hockey press conference. Never of any, anything of note. Anything about it? No. And, like, you don't, I guess you don't need it, really, because that's just the way it kind of, it kind of works in college hockey where, like, people aren't, like, looking for, you know, what is, what is fucking. Alby O'Connell think of BU's penalty killer or whatever. Like, they, nobody cares.

Like, you're just there to watch the game. And I, and obviously there aren't like full-time media people covering all these teams. There's, you know, a couple of local writers from the Boston Globe, the Boston Herald, whatever. But, like, you know, I... Are there campus newspaper people that cover the games? Yeah, yeah, for sure. And how are they... Some colleges more than others.

In your experience, how do they treat it? I'm curious. It depends. Like at, say, Boston University, where they have, like, a huge student news. Like, they get two, three people at every game writing about different things. And then, like, at Merrimack, I don't know if I've ever seen a kid from the local, the college newspaper. It's just kind of all over the board. But, like, they're, you know, in terms of how the.

they're treated like by the PR people or whatever, they're treated exactly the same. Interesting. Just because, you know, it's a niche sport and like they're one of like five people covering the game that night, you know? Right. Interesting. Oh, the other thing was that like, and I know why this happens because everybody fucking hates the media. But like, if we take a picture of the distance between, say, like, where we're standing and where Joe Thornton is standing,

it's not to complain about it. It's just simply to be like, hey, here's a place where you're not. And here's how things are working out. But even that like fucking pedestrian example just had people jumping all over it and being like, why is the media whining? Well, again, like to, I think a lot of it was the thing about like when the NHL sends out a press release and 50 people tweet NHL announces. You know, like all like your whole timeline looks like that. I go, like, every fucking time there was like, you know, oh, here's Jonathan Taves standing 45 feet away, like, you know, taken through a telescopic lens. It was like nine people doing that and it was just like, yeah, no, I know.

Like, it's far away. Can I be honest with you? That is one of my hugest, you hugest pet peeves in this fucking job. I fucking hate it. And it's the same shit. Or you got to play by play of games. No, no, it's the press release thing in particular. Pain, pang.

Because, you know what it is? It's like, fucking, like, don't pretend like you all of a sudden. don't know how this website works. Like, you just hit the retweet button. You don't have to fucking rewrite what the devils just sent out on their official feed just to make it look like... Oh, that's what I'm saying. Yeah, you're Joe journalist. We all got it.

We all saw it. It's all, it's there. Self-aggrandizing. Now I'm with you. Fuck the media. No. Thank you. Then things got a little bit more interesting away from North America because now all of a sudden, these, you're starting to see leagues canceling their season.

seasons, Austria, Norway, Switzerland, Germany. Germany, yeah, Germany, yeah. I did a little, good little story on Jeff Zatkoff. Remember Jeff Zatkoff? Of course I remember Jeff Zatkoff. Penguin's goalie. Wisconsin, maybe? Sure.

Well, he was born, I think, in Michigan, but he played for a German hockey team, and I did a story about how he and his teammates discovered within a 48-hour span that their season was. was canceled. Like their season ended. They were so excited. We're a playoff team. Just that's on Miami. Oh, Miami.

Or Miami University. Sorry, you're not allowed to say University of Miami. You cannot say that. They will be very angry with you. This little town that he played in, they had never won the championship. There was a chance they could win their first one in the 25 or 26 year history of the league. And then they find out that there's not going to be any playoffs. It's just canceled.

and it was crazy. So, oh, by the way, great Jeff Zackoff story, if you didn't see the piece. So his claim to fame is that he won game one of the Penguins' first round series against the Rangers. I believe it was 2016 was the year they played in the first round. That sounds right, yeah. He spot started in, I think it was in MSG or maybe it wasn't. I forget. But anyway, he spot started game one because of injuries.

And everybody's like, oh, man, the penguins are so fucked. And he played incredibly well and beat Lungquist in the game. Now, there's two stories that are born from this. The first is that Jeff Zackoff started to refer to himself as the Kingslayer. That's cool. And the second thing is the penguins then they beat the Rangers. They won obviously the next two rounds. But in both of the next two rounds, they lost game one.

So Zachkov actually before the Stanley Cup final against the sharks, goes up to Mike Sullivan and says, hey, look, if you need me for game one, I'm available. That's great. That's so fucking funny. Fucking awesome. Yeah. So Germany canceled their. League. The Swiss had postponed it and then eventually canceled it. So all this shit's happening overseas. And meanwhile, we're just chug, chug, chugging along. Now, a lot of the cancellations

are happening because of the ban on mass gatherings that we're starting to see across the world. usually it was like groups of 1,000 or more people. Now most places it's down to like 500 or 250. But the more municipalities that were enacting this ban to help spread the stem the spread of the disease, the more leagues you saw being like, well, if we can't have games, fuck it. And a lot of these leagues, by the way, are not $5 billion industries like the NHL. Hence the NHL is trying to figure out ways to keep going while these other leagues are just like, we'll see you next year.

And now all of a sudden in the NHL, oh look, fucking mass gathering bands are starting to hit their cities. The first one happened to be right where I live, Santa Clara. Santa Clara County at one point was like recommending against large crowds being together in the same place, to which the Sharkey said, well, if it's just a recommendation, then- Exactly, yeah. I mean, that's just like, that's good advice. We'll take it under advisory. We appreciate your input.

But we're going to go ahead and play the hockey games and make the money and have, you know, 17,000 tickets distributed. We'll just keep going. So they play three games after the recommendation that they don't. At one of those games, one I was at, by the way, oh boy, someone who worked at SAP Center has already tested positive for coronavirus. It was when the Leafs were in town. So there you go. Good job there.

But then again, as I was telling somebody earlier, like, the idea of being in the same arena as someone with coronavirus doesn't really phase me because I just assume living in Santa Clara, everywhere I've gone in the last month has been caked in coronavirus. So the sharks are like, hey, nope, nope, we'll play these three games. we're not here again until March 19th and we'll figure it out then. And then as they're about to leave for Chicago on Tuesday, I believe it was,

the city of Santa Clara or the county of Santa Clara was like, you know what? Fuck it. No more mass gatherings at all. It is now the law. If you do it, we're going to send the sheriff down there and he's going to shake handcuffs at you and scare you. And no more mass gatherings.

And the sharks are like, shit. So, uh, they held a press conference the day before they left for Chicago. And the incredible thing started to be bandied about amongst hockey fans and hockey media and in the hockey community, which was the idea of NHL games being played in empty arenas. Dude, there's a lot of regrets that I have about the season being paused or postponed at this point. Chiefly among them is that we didn't even get one empty arena game because that would have been

fucking awesome. That really would have been. Yeah, again, in college hockey, they were supposed to do that this weekend before they just said, we're not playing the rest of the college hockey season at all. And yeah,

I was like, oh, I'm going to take my laptop down to, like, the first row and just sit there behind the net and watch the game down there. That would be sick. Yeah.

But, yeah. The empty arena thing was, fascinating to me on so many different levels. Chief among them, would they have piped in crowd noise like an old sitcom doing a laugh track to try to make this thing more palatable? Like 2001 WCW? Yeah, right, right. Pumping in the Goldberg chance. Like that, that, like, I wanted there to be a guy with a soundboard at the the game who just pumped in all of the crowd reactions as the game's going on. If there's a bad call, you hit the boo button.

If your team needs to get going, he hit the... That, like, that becomes a political thing. Oh, right? Absolutely. Just in terms of, like, pissing up. Because I remember when I would go to Lowell Lock Monster games, yeah, I think, I think this is right. They would play, like, if there was a call, like, you know, a tripping call or whatever,

and whoever was operating the soundboard deemed it a bad call. He had a drop that was just like a guy going like, what? And so I remember one time the refs was like skating away from the box after going, you know, two minutes for roughing or whatever the fuck. And the guy presses the what button. And the refs around and like points at him and is like, you know, whatever the fuck he said. But I just remember that and just being like, like, like, damn, that ref's a very sensitive guy. Yeah. I need cheers. I need booze. I need for the ref when he makes a bad call, hit the

refuse, suck chant button. You know, make it seem like a real game. Absolutely. Also, I would have liked to have seen an empty arena game because on the power play, how would the home team know when to shoot? They just wouldn't. Oh, the classic joke. You're great. Congratulations. You're the hundred and 50,000 person to make that joke. How would they know when to shoot? But Ryan, how would they know one to shoot? That's the question.

It's true. They wouldn't even know. I mean, the thing I was looking forward to was the person, like, you know, in the production truck who has to sit on the seven second delay button. Just every, every two, oh, fuck, fucking, fucking rights boys. Every single thing they say, right. Oh, and it could have been all, the other thing, like, from, in all jokes aside, um, from a functional standpoint, you could have, you could have put

cameras in places that we've everywhere. Yeah. Oh, it would have been faux, so fucking cool. Like, you could have, I don't know if you could have done, like, close enough to the ice where it would look like the movie Miracle,

but you'd get as close as you possibly could. You know, just like guys on, you know, the step ladders in the front row peering over the glass and cameras and shit. Like, it would have been so cool. That would have been cool. But, um, not to be.

Ohio. It's a league of cowards, Greg. That's why this isn't happening. Ohio became the next municipality to threaten some sort of action about mass gatherings. They were another strong recommendation place. The Blue Jackets, in fact, on Thursday, the day that the post moment happened, we're going to play the penguins in an empty arena, or at least that was the scuttle butt. And then that didn't happen.

at all. So that was a bummer. No empty arena games. And now, oh my God, now we're getting into some real bad stuff. The double IHF has already canceled a bunch of junior tournaments. Now women's worlds gets canceled. And that fucking sucks. There's, there are very few things at hockey that are a guaranteed good time. And watching the USA. Women's World is cool. Yeah, the USA versus Canada twice, because they'll play in prelims and then they'll obviously play in the championship game, uh, was it was always, always, always, always so fucking cool and awesome. And a huge number for the women's players that had been on that barnstorming tour, playing USA versus Canada games, all in preparation for the World Championships.

The Team USA canceled a tour of Japan because of coronavirus so they wouldn't get sick before World Championships. I mean, all of this stuff leading up to an event that then doesn't happen. And this is obviously a reoccurring theme. I mean, you know, like Jeff Zackoff in Germany, his team plays 52 games in service of nothing. The women's world, I mean, national team players play all these games in service of nothing. You, college hockey, my God, seniors play their full season in service of nothing. I mean, we're going to hear a lot.

We've heard dribs and drabs of reaction from people about like how they feel about this sort of thing. and maybe the coronavirus having taken stuff away from them. But, I mean, we're only at tip of the iceberg time as far as, like, that type of reaction to this. And women's world's being canceled sucked. Yeah. No, I mean, somebody posted a video on Twitter yesterday of Arlington High in Massachusetts had qualified for the state's, like, big Division I hockey tournament for the first time in, I think, quite a while. I might be wrong about that, but I feel like that was the context around it.

But, yeah, they posted the video of the coach telling his team at practice, they're not doing the super eight. And those kids looked like they'd all been punched in the stomach. Yeah, I saw that. It was really bad. Yeah. But the good news for the good people of Nova Scotia, I assume they're good people. I don't really know.

They're Canadians. They're supposed to be. Go either way, really. Is that the women's world championship will be back there next year, which led to some confusion because at first it didn't seem like hockey Canada was going to offer refunds. It first seemed like they're just going to be like, hey, you already have tickets for this. Come next year. All right.

I mean, I might be busy. I might not be financially able to go. I mean, who's to fucking say? But then eventually it came out that they were going to offer refunds on sort of like a case-by-case basis. But like, I don't know. That would seem like a bunch of bullshit to me. Like, oh, although I. You go to way more concerts than I do.

Is that the way concerts work if it's postponed? Is that you don't get refunds? They just honor your tickets when the band comes back? You usually get the choice. Oh, okay. You can either go again in a couple of months, and that's happened a few times, or they just say, or you can be like, well, you know, I don't think I'm going to be able to make it in fucking October or whatever. Right.

Well, here's your money back. That's fine. Yeah. So obviously women's world's happening around the same time next year. you can go ahead and, you know, get ready to go pack your bags from Nova Scotia. Oh, and if you need a bag to pack, this episode is sponsored by Away. That's not bad. That's pretty good. Away creates thoughtful products built for the way modern travelers see the world.

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The Blychev canceling stuff all over the board. International, uh, uh, leagues canceling their seasons. What about North America, Ryan? We are still playing games. We're still looking at maybe playing in empty arenas.

Who among us? Who among us will be brave enough to step up and be, and say that we are, the ones who will postpone and pause our season. Well, of course, it would be the NBA. Yeah. The most progressive of us. Or maybe, you know, the sport where there's...

Just the one with the first case of a player confirmed to have it, I think, is the real issue with that, but yes. Within a game, a player who touched everybody's microphones and was irresponsibly touching other players as well, according to Wojj. Yep. Yeah, that's great. why Donovan Mitchell has it. Rudy Gaubert was just like making a big funny joke.

You know how the French are with their humor. Jerry Lewis and all that. Yeah. It's a big funny joke to do all that. And so, yeah, he got Donovan Mitchell sick. But the thing was that he didn't know he was sick and Donovan Mitchell didn't know he was sick because both of them felt 100% fine. Yeah. And that is the important thing to keep in mind about.

The coronavirus overall is that you might be fine, but like old people and immunocompromise people, they're not going to be if you get them sick. That's correct. And so there was that big article. Did you see this shit in like Newsweek or whatever that was like, old people say the coronavirus is overblown and they're not worried about it. And it's like, let's see how that fucking works out for them. I bet bad. But it's because boomers have never really, as a collective generation, had never really had anything bad happen to them.

So they're like, ah, this will blow over. Well, also, you have to remember, there's only 15 cases and there's fewer cases every day. And I think they're all cured. I mean, that, I believe, was the... Folks, we have this one figured out. We have our arms around it at this point. Right. And, you know, nothing to worry about.

Not at all. So the, also the NBA is also the sport where, um, a communicable disease that has passed through people touching each other's faces or you touching your own face, you know, the NBA is a body contact league. It still kind of is. I mean, it's mostly a perimeter league now. Thanks, Steph Curry. But there's enough body contact that you'd be like, oh, this is definitely the league that would pass around coronavirus, you know, like it was a, I don't know, a post-game joint. So the NBA decides to cancel, I'm sorry, postponed its season. And now all bets are off.

All bets are off. Like, who's going to be next? And all eyes turn to the National Hockey League. Well, first MLS beat them to the punch, too, Major League soccer. MLS. Called it for a month. Called it for a month. And now what is the NHL going to do?

Gary Betman was on CNBC yesterday. The season for coronavirus. And he said that he actually made his decision to pause this. He also said that he, the person on CNBC, coronavirus NBC said, when did you decide to postpone the season? And the first answer was, well, you know, we prefer the word pause versus postpola. or suspend because we're essentially just pausing the season. So, all right.

As our good friend Dave Lozo pointed out, this was probably a three-hour meeting in the halls of the NHL. Oh, 100%. To figure out how to properly frame what they're doing to their season. Suspend will make people think we're not coming back. Pause. That's what you do when you're watching Netflix. So they pause the season. And Betman's on CNBC.

He reveals that he made the decision on Wednesday night after the NBA did their thing and just needed to talk to the board of governors to get their approval. And obviously, you know, hear what the NHLPA has to say, but who cares about them really if you're the NHL? And then on Thursday morning, the word comes down that the NHL is pausing its season for the foreseeable future. What were your thoughts when you heard this news, Ryan? What, just that they were, it's the only thing they could have done. They would have looked fucking psychotic if they didn't. They would have, they were like, you know, people were already making the jokes about, like, you know, Ohio said, please don't have any, you know, large social gatherings or whatever.

And the blue jackets being like, right, but we're. We have to play like the blue jet or we have to play the senators. Yeah. So we're going to keep going. And, you know, multiple people were like, yeah, because it's a fucking gate revenue league. Right. Like they're, they're going to make every dollar they possibly can right up until they can't. Right.

And so, yeah, it was definitely a situation where I was like just, I was pretty convinced they weren't going to do anything if the NBA didn't do anything. And like, they would just follow the NBA. NBA's lead on anything. And then, yeah, when the NBA season got pushed back, there was a zero percent chance. So, like, it's the only thing they could have done. That was my reaction. Like, yeah, no shit. But I will say this, the NBA canceling or postponing or pausing the season or whatever

really, like, shook me to my fucking core. I was like, oh, shit. Like, it's really real. It's really real now. I went to the fucking movies on Tuesday. You know, I saw the onward movie. Pretty good, actually. But, yeah, like, I was like, you know, I wasn't saying it's overblown or anything like that, but I was just saying, like, you know, if I go to this movie on fucking Tuesday afternoon, there's going to be eight other people in the theater.

So it's probably fine. And then, yeah, they canceled or they postponed the NBA games. And I was like, this is terrifying, actually. I don't like this at all. And it's one of those things where, you know, the cynical among us just assume that if it's a, if it's a business that makes the kind of money that the NBA makes or to a lesser extent that the NHL makes, like they'll find ways around all of this to keep their product going, right? and when they don't, you're like, holy shit. It is staggering. Yeah, absolutely staggering.

Like, I really believed maybe... It's like McDonald said we're not selling hamburgers for a month. You'd be like, what? Like, I naively believe that they were going to do the empty arena thing. Like the warriors, I think we're preparing to do that. Yes. I just figured they'd do that. They'd keep it on television.

You know, keep the money rolling in. keep the train going, play their regular season, adjust accordingly when we go down to the Winchester and let this all blow over. You know, like, fucking, I just assume that. And so when the NBA postponed its season, now you're thinking, all right, that's it. Like, no sports for a couple months now because everyone else is going to follow suit. And that's exactly what happened. The MLS, MLS did, NHL, the XFL in its inaugural season.

basically, I think, canceled its season. So, boy, not the best time for Vince McMahon. Not only does the XFL have to cancel its first season. That WrestleMania is up, is very much up in the air. WrestleMania up in the air. Vince has watched the stock price. When he sold his stock to start the XFL, it was trading, I think, like, over $80 a share. Now it's like just above 30.

So not the best time for Vince. and not the best time for the XFL. The financial implications of this whole thing are something that is going to be really interesting. And for the NHL, there is obviously a mountain of difference if we have a postseason or we don't, right? So they make $250 million off the playoffs. And so if you don't play the playoffs and you don't finish the regular season, which is a possibility. The rest of the regular season I heard was in a neighborhood of like $100 million of revenue.

So now all of a sudden you go from being a $5 billion industry to maybe like around 4.6. And the implications for what that means for the players is kind of staggering. They could start collecting their paychecks now to make up the revenue shortfall or it's going to be more escrow off the top. next season for these guys because there's obviously going to be a disparity between how much the players will have made and how much revenue the league brings in and that 50-50 split. I mean, it's pretty obvious. So let's hope for the players' sake and their wallet's sake that they play the playoffs because otherwise it is going to be a pretty significant financial hit.

Someone told me like an extra 20% off their contracts could be the number at the end of the day. That sounds right, yeah. Fuck, man. Yeah. So, well, and the real problem is that, you know, it depends on what the league wants to do with the, with the salary cap as well. Yeah. Right. You know, because it's not just like losing out on money now, like guys who are signed.

What about all those guys who are going to be free agents this summer? Yeah. You know, like. And then if the cap. It's if it's ify. If the cap drops, then what does that mean? Like, are we going to see a bunch of Chicago's circuses? 2010 selling off vital parts because they have to get a

next time to shine. Yeah, sorry. To get all that all that cap space. Yeah, Ray Shiro was a year too early with the Suban trade. Like, I mean, cap space is now going to be the, the biggest commodity in the league. I, can't they just set it at a number? Like, can't they just sort of artificially set it at a number? They can, but they won't.

Like, why would owners do that? Because they want competitive. teams. I mean, like, you know what? I think they want more than that is money. I'm doing the thing that indicates money. That sweet, sweet lettuce. Especially a team like the senators where it's like their, you know, their operations really are dictated almost solely by the revenues they get and revenue sharing. So they're like, this isn't the fucking Toronto Maple Leafs where it's like, well, they can just go spend as much money as they want next year and nobody, nobody's going to miss that extra you know, $80 million they were going to make however much the rest of the way.

It's not a material concern for them, but a team like Ottawa or a team like maybe, I don't know, New Jersey, Florida. Like, okay, now you're having to ask real fucking questions about like what the future of this team looks like. And there's a lot of, a lot of uncertainty also, and this is sort of the underlying story about the Canadian dollar right now. Yes. And the nosed odd that it's taken.

So, I mean, a lot of people that came to hockey within the last decade probably don't remember the millennium, turn of the millennium issues with the Canadian dollar and Canadian teams when the NHL actually had to step in to like make them solvent at one point because of how bad the Canadian dollar was. So hopefully we don't get back to that point. talking about money, maybe we want to reference this real quick. We don't do politics, as you know, in this podcast. Elizabeth Warren dropped out of the race. She was on Colbert one night, and he did a bit where he showed her pictures of different billionaires to see if she could identify who they were. Yeah. Showed her a picture of Scrooge McDuck.

She couldn't pull the name. And then he said, it's Scrooge McDuck. And she said, why didn't she reference him swipping through a pool of money? It is money bin. And I'm like, oh, my God, a presidential candidate just referenced the fucking money bin from Ducktails. And I was very impressed. You're not getting that from anybody else. Maybe Tulsi Gabbard.

Cool. Yeah, that was my story. Good shit. Really, really interesting. Worth the diversion for sure. We all love Liz Warren. The money thing made me think of it. I was very pleased with a presidential candidate referencing ducktails.

That's all. A failed presidential candidate. Right. I mean, that's true. The Rick Santorum of the Democratic Party. Yeah. Rick Santorum won Iowa, though, that one time, didn't he? So there you go.

There you go. So less than Santorum. A lesser centaurum. Lester Centaurum. Jeff Bush. There we go. It's Jeff Bush. Everybody figured that she was freaking going to cruise.

She didn't because nobody liked her. Lesser Santorum. Prague rock band or failed sci-fi novel series? Definitely the latter, I think. Definitely the latter. Michael J. Krasinski's Lesser Santorum, colon, the Wars of Agadon. This is a bankable idea. Do you read sci-fi novels?

Not really. Not really. I'm not a fiction guy. I don't know if I ever talked about this in the show. Like, the most fiction I think I've ever read in my life was obviously like some classics, you know, the classics, your Gatsby's and such. I was a big Stephen King fan who talked about in the show as a kid, but I mostly read nonfiction. I don't read a lot of fiction. Did you read Dune?

I have read Dune. I haven't read the rest of the series, but I've read, because I've, you know, I've heard mixed things about, like, children of Dune, you know, yeah, God Emperor of Dune or whatever it's called. Like, I, I, I've just heard, like, some people are like, they're fucking incredible, they're just as good. And then other people be like, they are borderline unreadable. Like, you know, you can get all the deep lore you're looking for in that stuff, uh, just from, like, reading Wikipedia or whatever. and you don't need to actually read like a 900-page book. But the original dude for fucking, oh my God, it's so good.

I can't wait. I cannot wait for the Dennis Villanue movie. Oh, it's going to be incredible. And Salomey as Polar Treaties instead of, what's the name from? Kyle McLaughlin. Kyle McLaughlin. Like, I like Kyle McLaughlin a lot. He's not a polar treatise, right?

No. Tell me to see that. Shallom, like, because he's a little nerdy guy. Right. Cala McLaughlin is not a leader of... Call McClaughtman's not a leader of men. That's my opinion. Yeah, his name is not a killing word.

And this is what we have to think about. Right. Denny Villeneu is in my pantheon of David Finchers and Paul Thomas Anderson's of like Insta watch. Like I don't care if this movie... I can't put them quite in that. on that level yet. After arrival and Blade Runner and, and, uh, Sicario, I'm, I'm there.

I'm there with him. I think, I think he's really good, but, you know, he's not, okay, Paul Thomas Anderson, Jesus Christ. The fucking, the fucking standard is this. Will you watch a movie that's about, like, um, being a seamstress or whatever the fuck phantom thread was? I don't know what you'd call that. A tailor, I guess would be.

Yes, I would call. because he's a boy. That's right. Will you watch a movie about a tailor? Yes, of course. And if the answer is yes because of Paul Thomas Anderson, then you know that that director's... Like, I would watch a David Fincher movie about a Taylor, right? But here's what I'm saying to you.

I have a very different standard for will I see this movie. The answer is like 85% of the time. Will you see any given movie? Yeah, I probably fucking will. I don't care. I love movies. Did you see Blumhouse's family? Fantasy Island?

I did not. Aha. You have your limits. Yes, I do. And, like, bad horror movies is really one where, you know, it's hit or miss. Like, I saw the one about playing truth or dare and, like, the dare comes true or something. I don't know. I believe it was actually called truth or dare.

Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't good, but I saw it because it was like, I bet there's, like, two cool jump scares in this one. that Fantasy Island one just looked like... Like the dog shit. Yeah. Yeah, it looked really bad. And the reviews, you know, like, that doesn't even sway me necessarily because, ah, fuck, what was it?

Ready or not? Ready or not? Not ready or not. You're next. Oh, you're next? You're next. You remember that from like six or seven years ago? It was fucking awesome, but it had really bad reviews.

Well, I mean, who really wants to see a Goldberg biopic? That's right. Yeah. but anyway, but anyway, Ready or Not was awesome and they just got those guys to do, the guys who directed Ready or Not are doing another movie. I can't remember what it is now. But they just announced it like yesterday or the day before.

And I was like, see you there. But again, like, does that put them in the fucking same level as Paul Thomas Anderson? Because I was like, I liked one horror movie they did. Is there a PTA movie you didn't like? You know, no. I can't think of one. off the cup my head. I was a huge fan of inherent vice. Oh, I loved it. Yeah. I, I, I wasn't, I wasn't, I'm like, why am I doing this? I, I, I mean, I really like the book, though, the Pinchone novel is fucking awesome, so. And, and Fincher is an easy one. Like, the worst, the worst, the worst Fincher movie by far is Benjamin Button. I was watching it the other night. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. Like, it's still, he's, he's only going to make a finite number of movies in his career, and I'm so pissed off that he spent so much time on that one. It's not good.

It's just not. It isn't. It definitely isn't. But like, yeah, I'm looking at the PTA filmography right now. Heart 8 is, I guess, good. It's a solid, it's his mean streets. Like, it's a solid, like, starter kit for PTA. Right.

But then one year later, he does boogie nights. Two years after that, Magnolia, three years. Yeah. And, you know, I've said it a many times there will be. Blood's one of my favorite movies of all time. I think it's a fucking masterpiece, one of the great American film. I'm not huge on Magnolia. So, but like I can at least, there are parts of it I really like and I...

It's really fun. I think it's really fun. I think it's really fun. Like, I'll never say it's a bad movie. It just wasn't for me. Like, Darjeeling, like the Darjeeling Limited is the same way. Oh, I think that's an actual bad movie. I think that's not good at all.

Okay. The fucking... That's a different Anderson. The Grand Budapest Hotel is a movie like that for me. Perfect fucking movie. Not for me. But I respect the craft. But I know I've switched.

Anderson's on you. I realize that. I understand that. You know, there's a third Anderson nobody talks about. The other Paul Anderson guy? Yes, Paul W. W.S. Anderson. W.S. Anderson, who made Mortal Kombat, Event Horizon, so good. I rewatched that recently. It's fucking awesome. Rank the, rank the Andersons. PTA, West Anderson, Paul W.S. Anderson, who by the way, also made Soldier. He also made Soldier. you know, keep that in mind for the future.

Yeah, you just said it in the right order. I think Paul Thomas Anderson, an unimpeachable filmography, I think Wes Anderson has, you know, a couple of, like, I don't think bottle rockets is good as there. Like, again, it's kind of a mission statement more than, more than anything else. Like, this is just what my whole career is going to be. You can just go on the list. Like, fucking, okay, bottle rocket versus Mortal Kombat, Moral Combat, obviously. Event Horizon versus

the Royal Tenet Bowls. Rushmore? Yeah, Event Horizon versus Rushmore. Event Horizon. Sam Mia thinks his eyes out of his sockets. Yeah, I mean, he's fucking incredible in that movie. Like, he's so good. Royal Tenet Bounds versus Resident Evil.

Which one has Milo Jovovich? Fucking Resident Evil does. So, oh, and by the way, is there a scene in the Royal Tenabounds that's as cool as the giant laser grid coming up and license people in Resident Evil? No. It's not. I have to, I have to admit I've never seen Resident Evil. Well, there you go. I hate to. So a hole in your filmography without question. And I will say, P.T. Anderson, PWS Anderson, Wes Anderson, the final ranking, in my opinion. Thank you. That's wrong, but okay. So then MLS cancels. Everybody else cancels. Here's, here's one I find curious. Why? Why did golf cancel anything?

They have. No, no, no, no. I said, why did golf cancel anything? I know that I know they just canceled the masters. Golf to me. I think it because it requires travel from all over the world. Oh, so it's a travel thing. I would think so.

Because to be, as a sport, that would be like the one you think you could keep playing. The one you could get away with. Right. Yeah, like they just need to put all those guys on like, you know, like in the back of a van and cart them around the U.S. for the next couple of months playing at various courses. Or hermetically sealed private plane, you know, that's like scrubbed on the reg. Like, there's no body contact.

Like, I heard one of the dudes on ESPN on SportsCenter last night lamenting the potential cancellation of the Masters being like, can you, they play the Masters for the spectators. Could you imagine Tiger Woods doing what he did last year and not having anybody to high five? I'm like, yeah, I could. Yeah, no. Like, you ever play a golf video game? Like, that's exactly what it looks like. Yeah, or play golf? Like, when you play golf, there's like two other dudes there with you.

There's not a fucking gallery of people watching you. Like, to me, that'd be like the per, like you said, it's the video game. It's like the perfect televised thing that we could still have and all bet on, you know, like, I'm frankly surprised that golf canceled. Golf had a lane here. Golf had a lane to be the... Golf could have been the national pastime for two months. Yeah.

And they sided against it. You're probably right for the... Twitch streams. Yeah. That's right. Esports. That's right. Well, they canceled a bunch of big e-sports events, too.

I know. I know. That just seems like something you could play, like, at home. You just have all the fucking, like, ninja sitting at home or whatever, yeah. Yeah, it's like working remotely. I don't know. That's the only one I know. Sorry.

Oh, you don't know. There was, oh, I know another one. He was at the NHL All-Star game. Fatality. Can't be real. The guy named Fatality. That's true. But is he one of the ones who's like insanely, like the Norwegian guys who are just insanely good at NHL 20 and that's the only game they play?

I don't know what Fatality's specialization is. Okay. I just know his name. And I, and I, that's one of my favorite things about e-sports. It's like, it's like, yeah, the movie hackers where they all have their cool e-sports names. Zero cool. We all saw freaking The Matrix. Neo, Trinity,

Morpheus. Yep. Follow the white rabbit. Wait, there was a Twitch in Made the Matrix, wasn't there? Isn't that Joey Pants' character? Was he Twitch? He twitch or was the girl Twitch? The one who's like, not like this when she dies.

Was she Twitch? Yeah, I don't remember now. They re-released that in theaters last year for like the 20th anniversary. Oh, that was a great experience. Really good. I can't believe I have to go to IMDB for this shit. What's wrong with us to not know this? Twitch was...

Oh, we fucked it up. It's Switch. Oh. Okay, here we go. Neo-Morphius Trinity. Okay? Yeah. Gloria Foster, obviously the Oracle.

Joey Pants was Cipher. He was Cipher. God damn it. Then you had Tank and Apoc who I think... Oh, wait, no. Tank and Dozer, right, were like related, like father and son or whatever. Yes. Yep.

Then there was Apoc. The girl was Switch. So I was close. And then there was Mouse. And Mouse was the dude who played the guy who asked for death sticks in Attack of the Clones. Oh, yeah. When he goes up to Obi-Wan and he's like, hey, I'm sorry, he was selling death sticks. Yeah, he was selling.

And then Obi-Wan, like, waves his hand and gets him off of drugs because Obi-Wan's the fucking greatest. You'll turn your life around. Oh, little one. I have the high ground. Okay, so all sports got canceled, including golf. And now, uh, the, The first thing that I find very interesting about this is like, first of all, everybody's trying to figure out what to watch. I've seen more desperate pleas about tell me something I can binge on Netflix than I've ever seen before in my life.

Yep, absolutely. And that's kind of sad that we don't. I'm going to replay The Last of Us all weekend. I'm replaying Breath of the Wild right now. Well, I just, the Last of Us has a sequel coming out soon. Oh, I see. End of May. And I was excited for that because I really liked the game when it came out in whatever, 2014 or something.

And so I was like, oh, I guess I'll check that out. And there's like a remastered edition with, you know, extra levels and all that shit. Can't wait. Looking forward to it. Let's say that you were programming, you know, a major sports network that may or may not be owned, owned by the Disney Corporation. What would you put on right now? Like, if you were like, or let's say like, we weren't just doing a dopey podcast a couple hours a week and we were doing, we had to do like a full like sports talk radio station.

Like what the fuck? What would program director Ryan Lambert do at this point without sports to talk about? A lot of sports adjacent and like theme weeks, I think, just be like, okay, this week we're talking about sports movies. What do you got, folks? And you put together a whole day on like Rocky or a whole day on, I don't know, a league of there, or whatever it is, right? You know, I mean, this is a question for us because, you know, we got to do a podcast every week. So we do have to think about that a little bit.

I already thought about it. I didn't tell you and Sean this. Okay. I think it's time we lean into soup. I think we should probably just turn it more. Yeah, no shit. I mean actual soup. I mean, like exploring the virtues of broccoli and cheddar.

Okay. What are your favorite parts of Ministrone? Like, I think this is our moment to find, no. We'll probably do what we. See, I have another podcast. I'm not quite sure what the fuck me and Emily are going to do, right, without any hockey to talk about. Yes, absolutely.

This one's the easy one. This one is literally like, oh, we'll just do the shit we always do for bonus episodes, but for reals. Like, fucking, you know the next episode we do is going to be like a look back at 20, blah, blah, blah, right? Or some shit that. you and I can sit back and let Sean talk the entire episode. Goodbye.

I've already thought about this in the shower this morning. Like, we are positioned perfectly to continue doing fine. We don't need games to do this podcast. Absolutely. One might say we've never needed games to do this podcast. That's true. What might say we don't actually talk about the games on this podcast? Unless there's like a suspendable offense in the game.

And Jesus, who is better positioned than me in the hockey media to talk about something in hockey that doesn't involve watching games? I never do it. I'm never, I'm not about to start. That's right. Exactly. I agree with you. I think the sports adjacent stuff would be something you lean into. And I also think that nostalgia is something that you got to lean into, right?

So like... Absolutely. You know, go back and do a fucking, you know, do a fucking watch party of an old Super Bowl game or something. Like, do the thing where you have a bunch of ex-coaches in a room. Just like, mystery science theater up an old sports game. Yes, that's honestly what I was going to say. Like, if I'm running ESPN or something like that, you just be like, oh, here's the fucking, especially because so many of those guys are like in sports media in some way or another now.

You just go like, hey, here's the 1999 MLB All-Star game. and 10 guys who were in that game. Yeah. And you just goop on it. Like, because of the nature of all-star games and stuff like that, you go, well, you know, we're going to have you here for the three innings you were here for. And then we're going to swap it out for, you know, the guy who came in to relieve you after your three innings. Like, for real. That's awesome.

Yeah. That's awesome. And, like, that seems like a really easy way to go about it. And you don't even have to have them, like, in studio. Just have them fucking Skype in or something. and just sync it up, like, if you're worried about quarantines and such. Yeah. You know?

Yeah, that's a great idea. We just solved it. By the way, ESPN executives that listen to this podcast, I have written this down and sent it to myself in a letter. That's right. So I've copyrighted it. Don't steal it. One of the, I would also say that it's going to be painful to watch daily and listen to daily and read daily updates on, like, what guys are doing.

It's good, I was talking to somebody in the NHL the other day. This whole thing, and I don't mean to, like, be hyperbolic about it, but just follow me here. This whole thing feels very much like a combination of 9-11 and a lockout where, like, you have this societal panic and general uncertainty about things. And then on the sports side, you have the. the incessant updates of what is the league going to do? When are they playing again?

And when are the guys coming back to practice and stuff? Yeah. It's like there's a lot of sort of PTSD for me inherent in a lot of this, having been in the media for both 9-11 and two lockouts, and one of them being a canceled season. Yeah, I mean, that's the problem, right? There's nothing going on so everything becomes super mad. It's like in August when it's like, oh,

Matthew Perrault just signed for one year and $1.5 million with the buffalo sabers. And you're just got to talk about that for three days because nothing else has happened. It's the same shit where everything that happens even remotely related to the sport just becomes this huge focal point that we all gather around and talk about. And it's like, I wish that wasn't the case. Like I really do like, you know, I don't want to have to sit there and, and, analyze like, oh, you know, it's the Dano Chara. You know, he, uh, he rented out some ice in, in Boston today and three other Bruins showed up and skated around.

Oh, what does it all mean? I don't want to have to think about that being like a huge deal, but because of everything else going on, it will be a huge deal. It might actually be my job right now. Yeah. Absolutely. Anyways. I mean, it's fine.

I like, I like our idea. Settle into the couch. Get yourself snuggled in. watch some old games and people that played in the game is breaking them down. And by the way, if you need a new couch, why don't you visit our friends, Burrow? Less good of a transition on that one than the previous one. They are the original Disruptor Furniture brand. Burrow is probably the sofa that your listeners have heard on other podcasts, my listeners, our listeners.

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Well, obviously, at that point, they have to go right to the playoffs. And I think probably, what do you want to say? You just go right to, you just skip the first round altogether, first four seeds in each conference make it. And you go from there. Wow. I can't imagine, like, how do you do it otherwise? Like, I honestly don't know how you would do a full 16 team. playoff

through like in a month and a half it doesn't seem feasible like if you if you had to wait until June 1st I think the only way that you could do a full playoff is if you you did best of three yeah right okay I like that too actually I think you could fit it in if you did best of three

um in theory because like you could do three games a week. Right. And so if you did it on June 1st, you would have to play into July and then you do three games. Maybe you do three games, three games for the first three rounds, seven games for the cup. Sure, sure. You know, do it that way.

If you get to May, I think there's still a chance you could fit in a couple of regular season games just so everybody plays an even number. Even number, yeah, for sure. Yeah, you'd have to redo the schedule and just be like, okay, who's a team that's played 68 games? Let's make sure they play the other team that's played 68 games. Like, you couldn't keep up the normal schedule. I like that idea, yeah. And then, you know, set the number at like 75 games maybe for everybody to hit. But if you don't have time to do the regular season, then obviously you are now dealing with a points percentage.

type situation, which is real bad news for Columbus and Winnipeg. Yeah. Like the worst news. Yeah. I don't know about Columbus, but I saw earlier today, Winnipeg would miss by one one thousandth of a point. Mm-hmm. Yeah, Columbus, I think, is a little bit farther back,

but they are ahead right now via raw point totals. If the playoff started today through points percentage, Bruins and Islanders, oof, take the under in those games. Yeah. Lightning and Maple Leafs funny shit.

Like the best. For sure. Capitals and hurricanes seen it. And then Flyers and Penguins, like, come on. Let's just go. How great is that going to be?

Yeah, that sounds awesome. I love it. Blues and Flames. That'll be interesting, I think. There's a little bit of bad blood there. There's bad blood. And also you get the, all the kachuk shit that we saw at the All-Star game kind of come full circle in that series. Avalanche and Stars.

I think that's the one we've been, much like Leaf's Lightning, that's one we've just been talking about for six months. Everybody's like, that's probably what it's going to end up being. And by the way, talk about Say by the Bell. Oh, yeah, no, exactly. I mean, Dallas, Jesus Christ. Like Dallas is like, yes, please pause the season. Please. We are staggering.

Also, I mean, Columbus is probably, I mean, Colorado's probably the same way. Like, like that's the thing about this whole. Well, they dodged in the season bit. Yeah, like all the, all the injuries are going to be, in theory, you know, done. Yeah. By the time we get back and playing. Golden Knights versus Predators. I think that's a really fun series.

I would very much. much like to cover that series. Sure. Sure. Las Vegas and Nash Vegas. And then the Oilers and the Canucks. Yeah, again. Which also could be, oh, I disagree, man.

That could be a real fun series. Connor and Leon against the Pedersen. Yeah, no, I know. I just like, I don't really think either of those teams are all that good. So, that's some East Coast bias right there. I don't really. I mean, like, again, I, Now I write about the Canucks or the Pacific Division once a week.

The Canucks are not very good. Their numbers are bad. And, you know, well, I guess it doesn't really matter. Who knows what happens in two months or whatever. Right. Three months. What do you think about the idea of blowing the whole thing up and doing one through a one.

a full NHL tournament. I like that. And then like whoever wins the president's trophy gets a buy or something. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. That's fine.

Whatever you want to do. Like, you know, you got to do something to create a level of like artificial excitement. And yeah, I mean, you know, maybe you say the Red Wings, because of how far back they are, like, they just don't get to compete. get the first overall pick or something. That's whatever. But now, I mean, we're, we're in, we're in unique times. So this would be logistically impossible probably given, I mean, we just talked about what limited time they have to like put on the season. But if you really wanted to get people excited about some shit, be like, yeah, everybody's in the playoffs. Let's go. Yeah. No, absolutely.

And then like the Sabres win the Cup. You know, I'm not betting on that one. I think I take the field. I mean, let's be honest. Like, if they did it, McKenzie Blackwood, baby. Hey. If there's one thing the Devils are good at, it's playing for the Stanley Cup in an interrupted season, baby.

What I would say becomes very interesting, speaking of the devils, is what happens with all these conditional. picks. Right. You know, like, that's something to think about. And then I did want to ask you this. Let's say they say, you know, we're cutting it off at whatever it is. The playoffs start right now based on the seating that you just read off.

How does your inane adherence to you've got to be in to win affect your playoff voting or your awards voting? I haven't thought about that enough yet. I'll have some time to figure out what sort of nuance I could create to piss off Edmonton. Well, again, like,

this is my guy, obviously, and it has been for a while now, but, like, Conor Hellibuck should be the fucking MVP if the Jets missed the playoffs by 0.001 on there. No, listen, I have always said that I am willing to make an exception for players that come extraordinarily close to making the playoffs.

I just don't like those seasons in which Edmonton fans were arguing for the virtues of Connor McDavid when the Oilers were double digits away from a playoff spot. I mean, that's fucking stupid. No, well, no, what you were saying is stupid. No, as you know, I am a creature of context and precedent. And if you remember, when Mary Lemieux won the Hart Trophy

on a non-playoff team in the 19th, 80s, it was when his team finished, I believe, only one point out of the playoff spot. So all of my decisions are based on fact and logic and precedent. And so if the jets, if the jets finish 0.001 percent out of the playoffs, I would very much consider your choice for the heart trophy as potentially my choice for the heart trophy. I would. Also, I don't appreciate the ghettoization of goaltenders in the Vesina Trophy being like, it's the same thing with the Sion.

The Siong. The Siong is the MVP for pitchers. Fuck you. No, it's not. No, it isn't. The MVP is the MVP for pitchers. The, the heart trophy is the MVP for all players. players, not simply just skaters.

I'm sorry, forwards, let's be honest. The idea that the defensemen and goalies have to be shoved into a corner with their own awards, nonsense, my estimation. We could have a heart viz and a double this year, as we often do. He deserves it. All right. He fucking deserves it. Don't disagree.

All right. Last thing on the show. And by the way, I wasn't kidding before. Like, fucking, we're going to still do the show, and you can trust your boys to come up with exciting ways to bring you fun. The real question is, how do I do the newsletter? That's going to be a tough one, I think. In fact, I would urge you to go check out the latest bonus episode in which me and Lambert and Sean Gentilly in a Stick to Sports Puck suit. collaboration.

Puck stick to stick to soup. Yeah. Right. Did a full bracket of snacks to determine what is the best snack for March 2020. Not overall in life

just in March 2020. And it's great. And you'll love it. It's on the Patreon now. That's true. We asked you, the Puck Soup listeners, tell us things that you loved about this season

that we're all very optimistic that we're still going to have in an HL season in some way, shape, or form. But if we didn't, what made you happy this year? Michael writes in The Wings Sweeping the Habs. That's insanely fucking fine.

I didn't get a chance to talk about it on the show last week, and you weren't here, obviously. But I hadn't seen the tweet at the time. apparently Jack Todd, the Oh God, yeah. Did you see this tweet? Yeah. So it was a tweet about like, look, sure, the Canadians are bad.

But, you know, what you got to keep in mind is if they don't get swept by the Red Wings and if they win all the games they lost to the New Jersey Devils, you know, they're tied with only two extra games played with the Toronto Maple Leafs. And it's like, yeah, no, I guess that's true. If they didn't lose to four times to a historically bad team, two times to another team that for a while looked historically bad, and, you know, just got to play a couple extra games. They'd be right there in the thick of it on the border of the playoffs. Incredible. What a team. That may be, that.

I think it's going to be really hard to beat that for take of the year 2020. Yeah. Put that in your back pocket. That's, oh man, that was the best. By the way, we should also give a shout out to Riley Smith with the quote of the year. When I asked about playing in arenas with no fans, I played a few years in Florida, so I'm used to it. I can't believe he said the quiet part out loud. Yeah, that's very funny.

That was very good. Well, again, like, it's only funny in the context of an NHL player who is usually very boring, said it. Right. Oh, yeah. That was a joke on Twitter for a week. and a half before that. So we can only give him half credit, but for an

NHL player not being boring, that's pretty good. Yeah. That's like if Sidney Crosby, all with someone was like, the aristocrats. Like, it is the last person you expect. Absolutely. To be cracking wise. Nelson Ching says 50 points for Cal McCar.

Agreed. Yeah, he's cool. Incredible rookie season. Incredible rookie season. Jared Moore, the devil's got a one and Nolan foot for Blake Coleman. I guess. It's been a disappointing year. It has, but again, if you're a Devils fan, you might have a, I am overjoyed to have

been wrong about McKenzie Blackwood. That might be a goalie. That might be the goalie going forward. Yeah, but we said that two years ago and then last year, like, it's, I, and we said that about fucking Cory Schneider last year, too, right? Like, oh, he might have figured it out again and then he didn't, but then, now he's playing well, and it, yeah, but McKenzie Blackwood hasn't had a debilitating hip condition, though, like, I'm just saying I'm not going to make any definitive statements about what even the devil's goalie might be for another couple of years, because who the fuck knows?

Canada's had a debilitating hip condition for decades. That's right. And they need to get all the Russians out of the OHL to stop it. Kyle says the Flyers finally not being terrible, they were fun and actually worth spending money to see. Yeah, flyers were awesome this year. I like to see the end of that story. I slept, I said at the beginning of the year that, that Elaine Vigno was going to have a huge year one impact and then didn't follow through it by actually picking them for the playoffs. That was dumb.

I didn't pick them for the playoffs either. And, you know, like I just, somebody was kind of busting my balls about, you know, you said that the Niskinin and brawn trades were not good. And look how it worked out for him. And I'm like, well, I mean, I think it worked out in spite of the, like, you know, Niskenon's been pretty good. Is he as good as um, uh, uh,

uh, Racco Gudis? I don't really think so. And, you know, Braun is a third pair guy. So, you know,

do you, do you need to spend two, second round picks and a bunch of money to get a second, a third pair guy? I don't think you do. So that's what, where I landed on that. But yeah,

no, they've been, they've been awesome. They've been shooting 14% for a month and a half or whatever it's been. And, while you can criticize that kind of thing, you know what, you know what's fun is watching a team that scores on one in every seven shots. I think that's fun to see. And so, like, yeah, they've been, I don't think they're as good as they have been, but they've been mega fun and that's cool.

Speaking of scoring on every seven shots, a couple of tweets that are in that genre. R.D. Jones, the breakout of Kevin Fiala, getting wild fans hope for the first time and forever. and Michael Holm, Mika Zabanajad and William Nealander's season and Zabana Jan finally proves how good he is over a longer period of time and Nealander proves that last season was just a crap season. Sabanajad scored five goals in a game. That's so fucking cool. That's so cool.

There was one guy who did it. Oh, it was Linae a couple years ago did it. But before that it was like Gaboric, right? Yeah. Damn. That shit's fucking, oh man, five goals in a game. is really cool. I loved it.

Oveckin gets 700. Jay Kirby. Absolutely. Yeah. And he did the same thing where he was like, I'm just going to score 14 goals in two weeks. And everybody was like, yeah.

Great. I love that. There we go. Graham Mossiman. The revelation that Gritty was in fact a living being that scavenged for food from the old popcorn bins under Wells Fargo, all thanks to a kid punching allegation. That's right.

We found out that Gritty is a person. He beat the fucking right. rap, dude. He beat the rap, and then also he was referred to as gritty in all media accounts. Yes. There's a big highlight this year. We have to appreciate the national sports media and the Philadelphia local media writ lard for just like sticking to the canon.

Yes. There's no, there's no, or the K-fabe, I mean. There's no, you know, Hulk Hogan is just Hulk Hogan. The Iron Sheek is the Iron Sheek. They don't have real names. Brother. That's cool. Sam Sirelli Boucher writes in

Connor Hallibuck and the Jets somehow staying in the fight Despite starting this season with what amounted to an AHL defense plus Josh Morrissey and Neil Pionk who turned out well. Yeah, I mean, it's a fucking miracle that they're even in a playoff position or close to it with the defenses they had this year. Absolutely. Chris Smith, Thomas Hurdle's goal song being the Teenage Mutuals

Turtle song, yes. Yeah, there were a couple of really good goal songs this year. I can't remember. There were, like, somebody. Logan Couture had girls just want to have fun. That's cool. But no, the Capitals had like a rotating thing and they would just publish every once in a while. Like, this is what all the current goal songs are.

And the most recent one, there were a few. I was like, damn, respect, dude. That's a cool pick. Yeah. Somebody like a lower line forward had one that was incredible. And I can't remember it was. Giacabrana, maybe, was the guy who had a cool one. I don't remember now.

But I just remember being like respect to like four of these guys. That's awesome. Ryan Zim, Stephen John's coming back from his head injury and scoring a goal in front of his parents in New York. And maybe his second, maybe third game back. Absolutely. Bobby Ryan Hatrick and his first game back from rehab. Sick. Oh, yeah.

Albino. Lila Anderson getting her cup ring. That was a beautiful moment. Yeah, that was cool. Noah Beshear writes in, The Hockey Night in Canada's first intermission became awesome in the aftermath of the dawn cherry firing. More diversity, more women, cooler stories being discussed with players. They got creative and it was great.

I would say a lot of creativity is happening at SportsNet in the last year since they rearranged some deck chairs. Yeah. So I did a threat of just stuff I could remember yesterday. The Islanders had the 17-game point streak. That's like 20% of the season. The game Mike Smith stopped 51 of 52 And the penguins had a fucking like existential crisis was cool Zamboni driver beat the Leafs

Pretty good Pekirinay scored a goal Uh Oh the Cory Perry Walk of Shame Mm-hmm Oh yeah Was one that cop brought up Speaking of the Winter Classic

This is from Kern LOST At a meet-up event before the Winter Classic I said I wasn't going to be able to go to the game another person there who I'd never met before immediately offered me one of his extra tickets for free so I was able to go hockey fans are the best That's a beautiful little thing That's sick, damn

Yeah One when I was doing that thread like 15 people said Was Brad Marshand overshooting the puck in the shootout? Awesome And then obviously finally My God, David Ayers Yeah, I said that one Yep

The best Oh, I didn't hear you say David Ayers Yeah, well, I said a Zamboni driver, I didn't say. But more to the point, the Leafs losing to a Zamboni driver might be better than the Zamboni driver story itself. Right. That's very true. Oh, thank you to the Carolina Hurricanes, by the way. You know what they sent me?

No. David Air Shurzy. That's a... You don't send me anything. What the hell, guys? I don't know what to tell you, man. Have you ever been to top of golf? No.

There you go. Tom Dunden respects me. I've got a top golf. Okay. That's fair. I've frequented his business. I think if you frequent the business of owners, they respect you more. Have you ever bought anything at TD Garden?

Yes. And that's why me and Jeremy Jacobs are best friends. Do you ever take a single time very tight? Have you ever used an A. A.Well product? A what? I had AOL for years. Did I ever tell you this?

You and Ted DeL. Leonce is probably tight. Well, did I ever tell you this? Like, my parents know Ted Leonces because they work together when he's from Lull originally. Yeah. Really? Yep. They worked, like, he was like my mom's boss, I want to say, or my dad's boss, one of them at, like, an old company when I was a kid.

Isn't that weird? That's very weird. Yeah. And, like, when I first started my blog, I like, my mom just, like, happened to tell me that, like, randomly. because I mentioned, oh, Ted Leonis, he's the owner of the Capitals or whatever, because I was just out of college. And she was like, oh, I know Ted. And I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? And she told me.

And so, like, I mentioned it on my old blog. And he, like, emailed me and was like, anytime you want to come to a Caps game, you let me know. And I never took the book on it. That was the old Ted Leonces. Yeah, exactly. Friend of bloggers. Yeah, back when he was inviting bloggers to the press box. I miss the old Teddy AOL jokes

Like when Ovechkin signed his contract And people are like What are you going to pay him in? Those compact discs you get in the mail from AOL Yeah Freaking The Cattle's goal song is the modem sound Right?

How about that one? Meanerm That was Respect to the modem sound Yeah All right I think that's the show Sure

We're not gonna We're gonna be around Like we're not going anywhere And you're gonna love it Again, expect copious amounts of nostalgia. Yeah, it is going to be two months of remembering some guys. Yeah. And then probably some sort of pop-cultry thing, too.

Again, you have to understand that Ryan and I are at a very distinct disadvantage because we are doing a show with somebody who literally has only seen maybe three things in his life. I think part of the show now is forcing him to watch stuff we like, and he has to just tell us what he thinks. Yes. I think that should be a segment every week where we just assign him homework and go, no, listen, you're going to watch fucking, I don't know, the wicker man and you're going to come back and you're going to give us a, yeah, no, that's what it is. Book reports of like watching a movie on Netflix or something. Guys, couldn't help but notice all those bees. I think, I think that's the move here, for real, is just, Sean. on pop culture book reports. I dig it.

Yeah, I'm with you. I haven't consulted with him on this, but too late. Conversely, we'll do book reports on, I don't know, the fucking 86 Leafs or whatever he knows about. Does the NHL app still, I haven't looked at this in a million years, but they used to have like classic games on there. Like you could pull up a playoff game from like 1984 and watch the whole thing. I don't know if that's still a thing. We could just steal our idea and just do a commentary track for an old game. It's true, too.

Okay, a couple things before we go. Do you check out ESPN.com. Emily and I wrote a full FAQ about the pausing of the season with a lot of interesting information in there. And then also my column this week has that Jeff Zackoff piece, which I'm proud of. It's really good. Don't be a hoarder.

Like, don't fucking leave a little bit of toilet paper with the rest of the people. Did you see that shit about the couple in Toronto that's like, we bought $40,000 worth of hand sanitizing wipes? And now we've made, like, those people should be arrested. Those people should be, no, you know what? Let me amend that. Those people should get the purged. It's like war. It's like war profiteering.

Yes, exactly. Those people are scumbags. Fuck them. Yeah. Take all this shit seriously. like, I feel like a lot of us haven't really been following what's going on in other parts of the world. This shit spreads like fucking wildfire, man. And the steps that are being taken now while completely inconvenient, I hope that we look back and say that they were an overreaction.

Because that means that we did a good job. That's exactly right. Yep. And stop the spread of it and got our fucking hospitals in order and got tests created and shit like that. Like, take it seriously. Don't don't fucking poo-poo this shit. Did you see that guy outside nationwide arena in Columbus this morning with a sign that said the governor is a coward? Yeah.

I mean, so cool. And I know that everybody has their own opinions about like vaccines and whatever the fuck. I mean, my sister, as I've mentioned on the show before, is not a fan of vaccines. Let's put that lately. But just like, you know, just understand that there's, a lot of anxiety out there for people, and we're all just trying to do the right thing at this point. You know, we can, we can, we can, we can, we can parse this stuff in the post game.

But for now, let's just all kind of sit on the sidelines for a little bit and let this thing play out. Anyways, sir? Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah. Um, I'm trying to figure out if I want to just scale the newsletter back to two a week. I probably will do that just because I don't have fucking that much to talk about. If there's not, if there's not any hawk. Like, you know, and also the problem is that I will not be going to the movies quite so frequently.

And so, you know, yeah, check out the newsletter. I'll still probably do it twice a week. But, yeah, I'm not going to do one today. I was supposed to. And I only don't know fucking hockey. And I just did all my thoughts on it here. There you go. Check out the Patreon bonus episodes, all of our bonus contents there for you.

Mailbags as well. we're obviously going to keep that going. We, fuck, we do it in the summer. Like, why the hell we wouldn't do it now? And thanks to the, and this is incredible, over 10,000 of you who favorited my tweet that said, if somebody wins the Stanley Cup in an empty arena, does Betman still get booed?

I don't know how these things take off or why. Don't you have like a million followers? No, I have like 200,000. But, like, again, that's great. I'm very happy. To have a viral tweet during coronavirus week, it's the height of irony. It's like bringing deadspin back when there's no sports. That's right.

That's right. Best to our friend Jesse Spector, who is taking on a true challenge in his career. Thankless task. Yeah. Yes. Thanks everybody for listening to Puck's Soup and supporting the podcast. You're the best. And keep supporting all your writers and stuff and your favorite medias and stuff.

Like, you know, let them know you're there. Anyways, we'll see next week. But do not bleed all over them to let them know you there. Goodbye. Don't, God damn. Just fucking wash your hands. Yeah, that's it. All right, bye.

See it. Sticks and hits and goals and saves and slapshots and goons. We've got sportly commentary to what if you commute. We also cover movies, TV shows, it's and tools. It's your weekly bowl of Hagi and Nonsense. Thank you.