Pursuit of Wellness - Alyson Stoner On Child Stardom, Tools For Stress & Setting Boundaries, And Overall Happiness

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

Ep. #14 Today I’m honored to be joined by the amazing Alyson Stoner who you may remember from your favorite movies such as Cheaper by the Dozen, Camp Rock, Step Up and more. Since then, Alyson has spoken about her experience in the ‘toddler to trainwreck’ system that exists in the world of child stardom. She’s multi-faceted: an actor, founder, advocate for mental health and social impact. Alyson is the perfect guest for this podcast as she has clearly been on her own ‘Pursuit of Wellness’ over the past few years, I’m excited to dive deep and hear more about it.    For Mari’s Instagram click here!   For Alyson’s Instagram click here!   For Alyson’s digital wellness platform: Movement Genius click here!   To shop Bloom Nutrition Greens click here!    To download Mari’s workout plan & recipes click here!     From the beginning, Greg and I felt like the Bloom customer was a Target girl, and now our Greens are easier to find than ever. I’m so excited that Greens are available in-store for the first time. You can also find Greens on Amazon, and a special offer just for our listeners - use code POW on the Bloom website at www.bloomnu.com for 10% off.   Go to HelloFresh.com/pow50 and use code pow50 for 50% off plus free shipping!     Produced by Dear Media. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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The following podcast is a Dear Media production. Hi guys, it's Mari and you're listening to The Pursuit of Wellness. Guys, today's episode blew me away. We have Alison Stoner in the studio who you may recognize from Cheaper by the Dozen, Camp Rock, Step Up, all of our childhood favorites. She recently has been speaking about her experience in the toddler to train rec pipeline. She made a video speaking about her experience and all of the trauma she's had since her child stardom. Now, Alison is an advocate for mental health. She shares tools on how to manage emotions, stress, and overall well-being. She has her own app called Movement Genius.

Her overall mission is incredible. And in this episode, she gets really candid with us about her story. We hear details of her experience that I don't believe she shared anywhere else. And I'd like to say, although not many of us can relate to the child stardom world, she shared so many useful tools that even I could relate to with my own personal experience with mental health issues. And I know so many of you will relate to as well, just in terms of identity confusion, eating disorders, trauma, overall happiness, and more. So this is a really insightful episode. Alison is so well-spoken, and I can't wait to see what you guys think.

Today on the show, I am honored to be joined by the amazing Alison Stoner, who you may remember from some of your favorite movies, such as Cheaper by the Dozen, Camp Rock, Step Up, and more. Since then, Alison has spoken about her experience in the toddler-to-trainwreck system that exists in the world of child stardom. Today, she's an actor, founder, advocate for mental health, and social impact. She is the perfect guest for this podcast as she's clearly been on her own pursuit of wellness over the past few years. I'm excited to dive deep and hear more about it. Alison, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me. I listened to every episode that's out on the way here. No, you didn't. I did. Oh, you're probably so sick of me by now.

Not even. But I feel like we've bonded and this is where it gets strange because you haven't met me but I know you I've been researching you for two days so I'm also very used to you at this point and I do feel like even though your story is very unique and individual to you myself and everyone listening can relate in some way of course and I think that's what's so amazing about this whole thing. Of course. I mean, the human experience, right? Like we have different minds and bodies and patterns, but ultimately we have to learn how to understand what stories we're telling through our mind and body every day and how to find tools to manage life. And yeah, I mean, it's something that drives me. And so when I saw your podcast, I was like, we need to chat. That really made my whole day. And I was shocked again by how

much overlap we have. I can't wait to get into like the mind-body connection, all the trauma work. If it's okay with you, before we talk about all the amazing work you're doing today, can we go all the way back? How did young Alison get into the entertainment industry? Right. So at three years old, I was enrolled in local performing arts schools. And then by seven, I went to a convention sort of with no intention other than to provide an interesting experience for a young kid where I performed and competed against other young performers. And the feedback was very positive. And we didn't really know what that meant other than, you know, I'm glad that I'm hitting my mark and following

the choreography well. But they recommended trying a short period in Los Angeles, meeting with Asians, going on auditions, if you were lucky, potentially pursuing a professional career. Now, no one in my family is from entertainment, and we did not have a roadmap. And I think that's some of the reason that we weren't prepared for all of the stressful situations that were about to unfold. And in the moment, things are so high paced, so fast paced, so high intensity, full of surprises that you don't really have a chance to acclimate. You're just trying to keep up. And of course, my mom is likely trying to be protective and supportive. And I have sisters who are back in Ohio or at the time were still back in Ohio.

So there's family dynamics. Now you're not in school anymore because you booked a job, which is exciting, but now it's kind of alienating because most other kids can't relate. And then you experience fame and that's bizarre when you walk outside and someone has a photo of you that they kept in their car trunk in case they met you and then you sign it and they sell it on eBay the next day. I mean, just bizarre experiences, right? So I was fortunate to get to participate in tons of different films and projects for still to this day, over 20 years. But what was happening behind the scenes was this accumulation of health challenges,

some that were visible, many that were not. And so that sparked my interest in healing, in therapy, in studying the mind-body connection, even getting some certifications, and then examining what other people in the world were experiencing and figuring out what's the best way to help support people in their lived circumstance. It might be a very different canvas than mine, but fundamentally, we all have a nervous system that got some early programming that might lead to anxiety or depression or other health issues that we're now battling every day. And like, what would it mean for us to know tools on the spot to be able to tolerate the necessary discomfort of life,

to be resilient, to actually actualize our potential, right? So all of these big ideas really were sparked from my behind the scenes experience in entertainment. I also think the identity piece is so interesting. You said in your video, which I loved even a year ago, I watched it where you mentioned that at that young age, you're still differentiating between reality and imagination anyway. How does that manifest in regular offscreen Alison as an identity confusion? Sure. Yes, I'm glad you bring that up because when we're talking about our childhood experiences, a lot of us forget to contextualize the exploration in terms of child developmental phases. So cognitively, from zero to two,

you're still in sensory motor land. You're literally making sense of the world just through your senses, not language, not complex processing. Then you have two to seven, which is when I got into the industry. And like you said, you don't have an individual sense of self yet. You're still basically, your personality is subsumed in your main caregiver's identity and or the patterns that are modeled around you, the values that are instilled in you. And then you have like, you know, seven to 11, which is another developmental curve and, you know, 12 and beyond. And if we don't pay attention to the fact that our brains couldn't even process using logic until a certain age, we forget that the stuff that comes up for us

in later years where it feels like it makes no sense, it's like, yeah, exactly, because you literally did not have the mental capacity to make rational sense of your experience. So in terms of identity formation, I really think that I just adapted to this concept of being a chameleon because every day I was making myself available to adults who had really intimate access into my mind, my body, my emotions. And we would, for the job, manipulate our emotional state. We would talk about things through the character's eyes. And my mind didn't know the difference, right? So it's fascinating fascinating and it's been a beautiful journey of understanding that i have a voice and that i can set boundaries and assert needs but really quickly it was so interesting i had this confidential conversation with a bunch of other kid actors and i sort of knew some themes that were probably shared, but the one that surprised me,

and probably shouldn't have now that I think of it, is that most of us, if not all of us, never learned that we had a voice and that we could assert our needs. So when I see young performers now, I'm like, what would it mean for us to talk about self-advocacy for young people to know like, hey, you can actually say, please don't touch my body that way when you put the mic pack on or I'll do it for you. I can do that. I know how to clip something on my pocket. So there's just so much room to improve the system. And also I have compassion that like the system wasn't designed with kids or well-being in mind. So like we're going to have to rethink how we approach things in every industry because it was designed just to make money and just to get the job done.

Right. So, you know, human beings, not human doings kind of thing. If you guys saw me in 2017, you probably wouldn't recognize me. I was living with deep depression and anxiety. My borderline personality disorder was pretty much running my life. My health was deteriorating. I had gained over 60 pounds and I was really looking for a way to gain control back. And that's where I found fitness and nutrition. Specifically, nutrition really helped me start from a better base point. It helped me have better energy, better mood, a better outlook on life and more clarity. And that's when I realized I really wanted to spread this message. And I came up with Bloom Nutritionrition which is my supplement company. My goal from the beginning was to help women bloom into their

best selves. Health completely changed my life and I wanted to give the same gift to women following me in my community. Our goal with Bloom is to give the opportunity to everyone to bloom into their best selves. In 2020 we came up with our greens formula, which was the formula that I was looking for my whole fitness journey. It's full of fruits and vegetables, prebiotics, probiotics, superfoods, incredible ingredients, but they also taste amazing and they're super easy to include in your lifestyle. Throw them in water, a smoothie, orange juice, whatever you prefer. They're available in five delicious flavors mango is my current favorite but coconut is also delicious and now i'm so excited to announce greens are available

in target and walmart stores nationwide which is absolutely insane to be able to say out loud because i essentially started this business out of my dad's attic you can also find greens on Amazon and on the Bloom website, www.bloomnew.com. That's www.bloomnew.com. And you guys can use code POW for 10% off your greens on our website. Enjoy. One thing that was very apparent to me when I met my husband, Greg, was that food was a very important part of our relationship. I love food. Greg definitely loves food. And we loved going out to eat together. Over the years, our relationship has changed a lot. We've been together eight years and now we have two companies, a 40 person team and not that much time. So that's where we found HelloFresh. You've probably heard of it because it's America's

number one meal kit. You get farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. I love the convenience of HelloFresh and I love that it helps me enjoy my life and my relationship when I get home. I don't have to think too much about it. Also, since we're so taste focused, Greg and I love switching things up and keeping it interesting. HelloFresh keeps your taste buds on their toes with 40 recipes and over 100 seasonal convenience items to choose from each week. There's so much variety and so many options for every lifestyle. Obviously, we like to keep things high protein, so I love the fact that we can choose that and I can avoid dairy when I need to. With HelloFresh, you're getting seasonal ingredients

picked at the peak ripeness for quality you can taste. Ingredients travel from the farm to your home in less than seven days, so you know they're fresh. You guys know by now I am super ingredient conscious. I want to make sure everything I'm getting is as fresh as it can be and high quality as it can be and I love the fact that HelloFresh prioritizes that. Go to hellofresh.com slash pow50 or use code pow50 for 50% off plus your first box ships free. Go to hellofresh.com slash POW50 and use code POW50 for 50% off plus your first box ships free. Enjoy. Hi guys, my name is Sarah Nicole and I am the host of the Papaya Podcast, where each week we dish out some sweetness mixed in with some seeds of wisdom all through candid conversations

in a very real and tangible way. I want everyone to know that they're not alone and that we share in these experiences called life. And sometimes when we get to know somebody else's story, it changes ours a little bit as well. So I want you to tune in with us on Mondays, subscribe, rate and review it and keep these conversations going with us.

You can tune in behind the scenes at the Papaya podcast and the Birds Papaya on Instagram as well. Can't wait to see you next week. It's so interesting what you say about becoming a chameleon because obviously I was not a child actor, but I can relate in so many ways. Right. I have borderline personality disorder

and a key symptom of BPD is having a lack of identity and kind of chameleoning to any person, any situation you're in. And I've only recently, as of the last year or two, started to come into my own body and brain and kind of realized I missed out on like eight years because I was chameleoning to other people and I think a lot of people listening will also relate to that feeling and that feeling of not having a voice or being able to set a boundary right yeah and I know I have several loved ones who are living with BPD and even just the sense of for them at least it seems like semi-frequently you're cycling through a loss of a self and it's this constant like okay now now i'm this and no i'm not that now i'm this and um

for some of my loved ones learning to have some sort of foundational ground, grounding point has been critical. But even then, you still have to understand, hey, my mind is going to continue to work differently. So I can't grasp for certain things if it doesn't actually match how I'm designed. Like, it's constant adaptation. I'm curious what you think of this. It's a little bit controversial, but current day child stardom looks a little different. Like now we have famous YouTube families, influences with kids, kids who are a big piece of their content. I even see them used in brand deals, monetization. Right. Do you have any thoughts on that? Yeah, I have many thoughts.

And when I share my podcast in the coming months, I want to focus an entire episode on the digital landscape. So I want to start by saying most people don't know that child entertainers do not fall under the same category in the law as child laborers. So there's federal laws that are supposed to protect children laborers. However, entertainers are exempt from that. So kids have to rely on each state to make their own regulations specifically for child entertainers. Currently, 17 states don't even have a single law. So that means kids on set are actually less protected than anyone else on that set. So to know that that's the state of the traditional media landscape and we need to catch up to that degree still, imagine the digital landscape, there are even fewer rules. So no one is approaching this with the forethought of the lasting impact on these children. We easily see with research the impact of

using social media just on our own mental health, even if we're just consumers of the app. And so just imagine all of the additional layers that a young kid influencer is experiencing when professional kid performers already statistically have much higher rates of suicidality, of mental health challenges, substance abuse and addiction, relational abuse. The facts are there, but technology is moving so quickly and most parents are not pausing first to consider what the implications are. So yes, I have a lot of thoughts about that. And I'm hoping that as mental health becomes a more common conversation, that we'll start to update how we approach everyday behaviors. And so it won't feel so segmented. Like now I go to therapy and talk about mental and emotional health, but then I go outside and I scroll for three hours. We'll start to see the interconnectedness

of everything and go, okay, how can we maintain some semblance of wellness in all dimensions and domains of life? And not just physical and emotional wellness, but also social wellness, environmental wellness, financial wellness, like really the wholeness of being human. Speaking of financial wellness, how does that work when you are under the age of 10 making money? Like, where does it go? Do you know that you're making money? Yeah. I mean, it's different for every family, right? So I'm sure some families kept that conversation completely under the rug. Others sometimes like the mother is an accountant. So they're super proactive about, you know, teaching the kid as they start making money. There's a lot of different things at play. There are supposed to be and are some legal protections

where certain portions of money get set aside. However, there are so many loopholes, including your parent or your team could enroll themselves onto your payroll as a salaried employee. And that happened to me. So I was not only commissioning my team and only seeing half of the check anyway, but then I started noticing on the ledgers additional sums of money leaving my bank account every month for years, even if the

people weren't even working on the team anymore and apparently when I was 10 years old I agreed to an adult saying yeah I think I'm gonna help you out in this way and in in return I'll just take this this amount right so there's like it's so dicey it makes my heart hurt hearing that yeah just the lack of control yeah that must feel like I can't even imagine yeah there's I think it's also sad how like I was so financially illiterate and I also didn't have a typical education but even in traditional schooling it sounds like financial literacy is not necessarily a part of the curriculum and so so, you know, you can feel quite disempowered, but then also simultaneously for young performers, on the one hand, you know, people might be taking

advantage of us, but on the other hand, we have this unusual amount of access to opportunity, potential wealth, material luxuries, and, you know, a different lifestyle that a young person is not, I guess, unless you're born into a wealthy family, is not really experiencing. So there's this dichotomy to navigate. And I guess, thankfully, overall, I didn't know I was making that money. So never got into material goods. And when I learned that I actually didn't have as much money as I thought I would for working that much, I was like, that's cool because I like hand-me-downs. But now as a founder, I am for sure getting to evolve my relationship to money, to worth, to value. Where were your mind and body at this point health-wise at the end of your industry journey? Yeah. So around

18, my health really collapsed and it was through the vehicle of my eating disorder. It intensified to a degree where, you know, I was losing my hair and my skin was very sallow. My eyes were sunken in and I had no energy, couldn't focus. And all I ever wanted to do was just be healthy. You know, I just had such a skewed view of what that was because of the industry and health and diet culture. And so around 18, I sought treatment. And coming out of that, I knew it was a line in the sand for me because it was very uncomfortable and hard to recognize that I had been pretty much

dissociated for however many years and that if I wanted to feel again, it was going to be intense and uncomfortable and it'd have to happen super slowly. So I had to ask myself, do I want to just get into the industry right away again or do I want to leave it? Who am I without it? My brain is literally wired to only know this map of reality. So I chose to face the fear of leaving the industry. Even though I continued working, I slowly started saying no to auditions and changing the kind of opportunities. And that period is when I slowly started reentering my body. And what I'll say is I was diagnosed with alexithymia. So literally could not feel or identify emotions and sensations in my body, like very much offline. And what was one of the hardest emotions to reconnect with was happiness. I felt for some reason that being happy or joyful

would cause me to be vulnerable, that someone could sneak in and do something if I was smiling and not paying attention. I had spent so many years being hypervigilant and fearful and not trusting anyone that tapping into happiness, it's like, I feel foolish. I feel childish. And I've been an adult since I was a young kid on set. So I can't be goofy. I can't be happy. Someone will take advantage of me. And so that was like so eye-opening in therapy when my therapist would simply ask me to notice,

like, call to mind a lovely, safe place. And for years, I was like, I don't know what that is. I can't do it. I'm not ready. So it's been a slow process, but it's so worth it. It's so worth it. It is such a slow process and it takes a lot of trust in your therapist. I think finding the right therapist is also so key. Someone who can understand you and make you feel safe and comfortable. I know the healing journey is so long and there's so many tools on your journey from then to now. What are some standouts for you that you could recommend to people listening? Yeah. So the standouts are actually the basis of my company, Movement Genius. It was because when I looked at mental health apps and techniques,

they only focused neck up. It was talk therapy. It was meditation. It was medication. And I tried all of those and they can be really helpful. However, because I wasn't including my body in the process, I still had these deep patterns and habits and I was left feeling stuck in between therapy sessions, overwhelmed, like disconnected from what's called the somatic experience. So I started looking into somatics and I knew that it wasn't going to be one or the other. It wasn't just like either listen to your head or listen to your body. It was going to be this relationship of both and noticing how they affect each other in real time. And so I started learning specific skills that went bottom up and top down. And some of them were, you know, at first just grounding so

that I could establish a sense of safety before I tried to explore something that was really, you know, intense. And then other techniques were like top down using, you know, affirmations and cognitive behavioral therapy, reframing and repeating things until my nervous system could say, okay, you're right. We actually aren't in danger. But all of these stress relief techniques, the mental health tools are now a part of the base library on Movement Genius. And it's been incredible because the people who are using them are seeing like, this is the kind of empowerment we've been wanting to feel. Like we actually know what to do when we feel ourselves about to panic and we know what tools work for us, not just you, not just the other person, but my nervous system, my mindset.

And that's like, gives me chills. Like, oh, I want everyone to experience that empowerment. It's like, oh, especially in how stressful modern day life is and how complex the crises are that we're facing. Like these tools are no longer optional. They're baseline routine tools and techniques to manage what it means to be human in 2023. And I think not a lot of people realize how much trauma sits in the physical body. I didn't know that personally. And I have a really hard time connecting with my body. And you listened to a couple of my episodes fitness has been life-changing for me when it comes to dealing with trauma but I also think movement in another form it doesn't have to be exercise it doesn't have to be about working

out or the way you look it can simply be a movement that can relieve stress in the moment, which is incredible. Yeah. So on that topic, a couple of things. Our bodies have built in biological responses to stress, including, yes, the fight or flight response, but also the ability to shake out the stress so it doesn't store in your body as trauma. And so what I like to remind people is that if your body can wind itself up, it also has tools to wind down. You just maybe haven't practiced them or learned them because it's pretty common in our society to just say like, yeah, it's normal to be stressed, like tense shoulders, chronic pain, like, you know, digestive issues that are probably not just random allergies, but also connected to all of this, like, and potentially some trauma.

Yeah. So, but movement really quickly, when I mentioned the sensory motor stage from zero to two, remember we didn't have language, but we were experiencing for the first time the basic sense of what we were going to think about the world, how we were going to experience people. Are people safe or dangerous? Is the world safe or is it dangerous? And we didn't have language to process that. So when you take a somatic movement-oriented approach to processing, sometimes that helps fill in the gaps because you get to access the stuff that was stored in your body from zero to two or at earlier ages in ways that logic wasn't yet online for. So having grace and patience with yourself and going at the pace that, you know, is honorable to you and your journey is super important.

But I invite people to like, if they want something more practical at first, start with like just the stress relief techniques. Because, you know, you don't have to like dig too deep. You're just like learning the mechanics, but then also if you're ready to understand the story that you embody daily, start looking at those mind-body tools, many of which are on our site. I love the quote, we're most powerfully positioned to serve the person you once were. Do you feel like you are living out your purpose now with Movement Genius? I do and I hope it continues to evolve but I feel confident that Movement Genius represents the best attempt at pulling everything I've learned using the access and position that I have and collaborating with the people who are the best experts to

serve as many people as possible in a real way. Not like superficial, but we're talking like really change your life and your life, not this template. Get rid of this standard of what change your life transformation looks like. No. Well-being looks different for everyone. It feels different every day. What's your life story happening in your mind and body? And what are the tools you need? That specialized, personalized experience, yes, I think is the humanizing essence that I felt I was missing as a kid when I was just another person in line. And so now it's like, yeah, how can this be really about you, the essence of you, so that you can go on to start your company or fulfill your purpose-driven mission? This might be a difficult question,

but if you could go back knowing what you know now, would you do it all over again? I used to say that everything happens for a reason and because of these experiences, I've learned X, Y, Z and therefore I wouldn't change it. But I want to change my stance on that because I don't wish any of my early negative or adverse childhood experiences on anyone. And I know that you've experienced things from younger age that still stick with you, influence who you are today. So no, it's not that I want the absence of pain and suffering. I'm all for learning how to embrace the full spectrum of human experience, but I would not put myself voluntarily or any child through that level of toxic stress and repeated forms of trauma, I would try to find a more balanced way to introduce someone to the world. What's next for you? What are you looking forward to?

Yeah. So our main focus, my sister is my co-founder, and our main focus is really deepening our community. So if anyone listening is like, I need those tools, it's only $10 to sign up. That's the whole thing we're all about. I'm going to sign up. Yes, please. Today. Yeah. And let me know specifically what you're looking for. I'll make a little playlist for you. But we're really focused on our weekly live classes. So we bring in therapists, experts, we cover wonderful topics, we do these big quarterly workshops on a theme. So we're just like really wanting to make a robust community experience. And then I have my podcast that I'll be releasing, which unpacks the toddler to train wreck pipeline in detail. And I spill, you know, everything that I've, you know, to this point avoided saying out loud. So yeah, it's a, I think it's a year of

like definitely hard work. You know what it means to run a company, but also I'm like, yeah, I'm in, I'm where I need to be right now. I can tell. And I can just see in your face how much this all means to you. And it's incredible to watch you do something that clearly brings you so much purpose and see you living so authentically. Thank you. Now it's time for the question we ask every guest. I started this podcast because I believe everyone's pursuit of wellness looks different. What does wellness mean to you? Wellness means a lot of things but in this very moment the dimension of wellness I'm learning about is community wellness. I can isolate myself like no one's business. I moved out to the desert to be alone in silence and realizing how interdependent we

truly are and how important it is to understand the needs of people around me. And when we seek solutions for well-being to be mindful that we're elevating well-being in our community as well. So I think the social component to wellness is what's most dominant in my mind. I love it. Where can people find you and Movement Genius online? Yes, you can follow me at Alison Stoner. And more excitingly, you can follow my company at Movement Genius. And then if you want to sign up, we can give you a link to put in the show notes. And then if anyone forgets between now and going to the show notes, you can just go to movementgenius.com. Thank you, Alison. This was awesome. Thank you.

Thank you for listening to today's episode go comment on my last instagram at marie llewellyn with the guest you want to see next i'll be picking one person from the comments to send our bloom greens to make sure you hit follow so you never miss my weekly episodes if you enjoyed the conversation be sure to share and leave a review see you next week please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.