Pursuit of Wellness - How To Attract An Emotionally Available Partner, Healing From Body Image Issues & Mother Daughter Relationships w/ Krista Williams Of Almost 30

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Ep. #86 On today’s episode of Pursuit of Wellness, I'm thrilled to have Krista from Almost 30 joining me to explore how our early experiences shape who we become. We delve into the nuances of family life and the profound impact of our first roles as caregivers, revealing the deep-seated influences of our upbringing. Our conversation navigates the complexities of mother-daughter, romantic, and platonic relationships. Krista and I discuss some of our personal stories in love and life and talk about the importance and difficulties of setting personal boundaries. As we conclude, Krista  introduces her Mother Wound Healing Retreat in Portugal, a sanctuary for profound personal growth. This episode calls to embrace your own healing adventure, filled with self-love and discovery. For Mari’s Newsletter click here! Leave Me a Message - click here! For Mari’s Instagram click here! For Pursuit of Wellness Podcast’s Instagram click here! For Krista Williams Instagram click here! For Almost 30 Podcast click here! Show Links: Mother Wound Healing Retreat Sponsored By: Bite is offering our listeners 20% off your first order. Go to trybite.com/POW or use code POW at checkout to claim this deal. That’s trybite.com/POW Get 20% off your first order at www.mauinuivenison.com/pow Vivobarefoot are offering 100-day trial on their footwear. You can purchase yours today with an exclusive 20% discount for our listeners with code POW20 at https://www.vivobarefoot.com/us/pow Topics Discussed: 06:25 - Mother daughter relationships 12:18 - Forgiveness and self-acceptance 19:11 - Bubble theory and triggering situations 21:40 - Wanting to change your partner’s reality 25:08 - Attracting an emotionally available partner 29:45 - Navigating authentic relationships 35:15 - When to say “no” in friendships 40:00  - Codependency in friendships and relationships 43:30- Community and fear of abandonment 47:35 - Having awkward conversations 56:23 - You can’t rely on your partner for everything 59:01 - Working through body Image  01:00:53- Living a healthy lifestyle without retriggering yourself 01:05:17 - Tips for navigating big life transitions

Finding and being in your own experience of accepting what is and being at peace with what is and finding that inner truth and inner knowing that you're okay No matter what someone else does is the goal instead of expecting other people to change so that you feel okay This is the pursuit of wellness podcast and i'm your host Guys welcome back to the Pursuit of Wellness podcast. Today we are talking to a good friend of mine, Krista Williams of the Almost 30 podcast. This is such a special episode. We got so emotional and so deep. Krista is one of those girls who I feel immediately comfortable with. She has such a way with words and she's able to get so, so deep. I think for any of you listening

who are wanting to be in your dream relationship or just even improve your relationship or work on friendships or just dive deeper into your trauma, this episode is one for you. It really was a girl chat. This wasn't a traditional interview. We really had such a fluid back and forth. And we have a lot of overlapping experience, which I thought was really, really special. And Krista taught me a lot in this conversation. She's definitely someone who's quite spiritual. And I love, you know, hearing more about that and getting more comfortable with that. So that was really cool for me. We talk a lot about mother-daughter relationships, forgiveness and self-acceptance, how to handle triggering situations, wanting to change your partner's reality, attracting an

emotionally available partner, when to say no in friendships, codependency in friendships and relationships, fear of abandonment, trying not to rely on your partner for everything, working through body image. We definitely talk a lot about body image in this episode. I think it's a really important topic. Comparison to others and tips for navigating big life transitions. This really is a deep dive and such a transformative conversation. And also guys, I went on Krista's podcast Almost 30. That episode will be coming out later this week. So make sure you go listen to that one. Without further ado, let's chat with Krista. Krista, welcome to the show.

So glad to be here. So happy to have you. I have really been looking forward to our conversation. I met you through our mutual friend Celeste. Yes, our girl. She's amazing. And the second I saw you, I was like, oh, she's cool. Yeah. Because you have a very warm, calming, safe energy too, but you're also hilarious. You had me cracking up at our dinner we went to. And you've also cultivated a super special community with your podcast, Almost 30, which is a top 50 podcast in the world, which is incredible. Now that I have a show, I understand what that means. It is hard work. Yeah, I think people think we just get on the mic and talk. And in a sense you do, but it's

so much nuance to podcasting and building the community and being yourself, but also attending to the community. It's a lot. So thank you. And we were talking about the prep that goes into it and the research and that takes almost more time. Like this is the peak moment that we're having right now. This is the enjoyable part. I mean, the rest is enjoyable too, but it's a lot of like screen time, sitting down time. So I appreciate what you do and I really admire you. So I'd love to start by going back a bit. I feel like I love hearing about people's childhood stories before we get into everything because it really gives context about

who you are today. So what about your childhood has contributed to the Krista that sits with us now? Oh my gosh. So I grew up in a small town in Ohio. Not much creativity there. Not many people did what they loved. Not many people had jobs that they loved. Not many people were in relationships that they loved. It really felt limiting. And I really didn't have the opportunity to see people that were expansive or see people that loved what they did or really anything. So I always felt pretty depressed from a young age. And I grew up in a household that had a lot of mental health issues. My mom really, really struggled. There was like suicide thoughts. Like we kind of went down the gamut. My dad also really struggled too mentally. So growing up in a household as a young person, you don't really know any different. So I was at

a very young age, the parent for my parents who couldn't really know any different. So I was at a very young age, the parent for my parents who couldn't really take care of themselves, really had a hard time being emotionally available for me, were pretty not around a lot and weren't really attentive or attuning to my needs. So from a young age, I learned quite a bit about how to attune to people, how to listen to people, how to takeune to people, how to listen to people, how to take care of people, how to make people feel really good. And that is like one of my superpowers at this point. But when I was really young, it was really hard. I didn't really understand what was going on, why it felt so chaotic, why it felt so volatile, but I made it out alive. And I realized when I got to college that I really needed a

foundation for my life and that became spirituality. And that really was the start of my awakening and the start of my curiosity on my path. And after college, I went into the corporate world, which I was in finance management consulting, which was as miserable as it sounds. But I really got my understanding of business and what I wanted to do and what I didn't want to do. And eventually, you know, found Lindsay in Los Angeles, which was really beautiful. So I had a lot of different things happen along my path, but my path never really made sense.

My path never really felt clear. My path never really felt like something I was really proud of or felt like it had purpose until later in life, until I was really able to be more of myself and really connect all of the dots of all the things that were really hard. So whenever I talk to people that feel like they don't have purpose or feel like they don't know where they're going in life, I always just say that eventually all the dots will make sense.

It's one of the Steve Jobs quotes, is that everything will eventually make sense if you just trust yourself and you just keep going because it doesn't always feel clear and it doesn't always feel good. But if you know yourself enough and if you trust yourself enough, you'll eventually make it to a place that you feel really proud of and that you feel like you can be as much of yourself as possible. Wow. You are such a great communicator. I really, really admire that. And I relate to you in so many ways. I think the piece about your mom is it stands out to me and I've spoken about it a few times on the podcast here and there I've never really gone in depth but I think our relationships with our mothers is it's a tough thing to talk about because it's

it's a celebrated relationship and you want to have respect for your mom mother's day's a big deal like yes babe you know it's something that yeah, it's difficult to question or feel negatively about because it is almost shameful. Yes. How do you go about unpacking that particular relationship without feeling that shame? Yeah, just validating that because I've had that as well where I remember growing up, I was like, my mom's not my best friend. I feel weird. My mom doesn't take me shopping. I feel weird. I can't tell my mom anything. I feel weird. I can't really count on my mom to be a mom. for who she is, and I'm really grateful for everything we've been through, but it was never like a mother-daughter relationship for me. It was always me almost the mother or me feeling confused and frustrated that she wasn't the mom I wanted her to be. And so many of us have that. A lot of the work I've done with healing the relationship with my mother in the past couple

years has been taking off of the idea that she needs to be the archetype of the mother. So a lot of us feel disappointed because we go to our mother and we're like that she needs to be the archetype of the mother. So a lot of us feel disappointed because we go to our mother and we're like, you need to be nurturing. You need to be loving. You need to be present. You need to be caring. You need to support me. You need to do all of these things that we see as the mother archetype. But a lot of mothers don't have the emotional capacity or ability to do that. So we're so frustrated and we're so upset because we're not feeling like we're met. So I think the first thing is really being honest with yourself about how you feel. And I think that's what you're doing in this case. And that's what

I had to do. Just being like, wow, I'm really hurt and I'm really bummed. And I'm really sad that I never had that mother experience that I wanted. I never really felt like, you know, super safe with my mom. I never really felt like I could be myself. I always felt really small and I always felt like I had to contort to figure out what she wanted me to be at that time. So for me and the way that I grew up, it was always feeling the need to be perfect, always feeling the need to be thin, always feeling the need to look a certain way, always feeling the need to make perfect, always feeling the need to be thin, always feeling the need to look a certain way, always feeling the need to make it all about her, her experience, what she was going through. It was just kind of always back on her and never on me. So I never took up any

space. So in my process of healing my mother relationship, I had to be really honest with myself about how I was feeling. And I had to really go through almost a year or so of just feeling sad and feeling upset for the little version of me that never got taken care of in the way that she deserved and never got the love that she deserved and never really got seen in the way that she deserved. And a lot of that was reparenting myself in therapy or retreats or doing a lot of different things. But it's really painful because there's the little girl that exists in you that was never loved the way that you're going to love your children and take care of your children. You know, I think about, I'm so excited to have children. I cannot wait to just do everything that my mother didn't do and love her in this like deep intimate way. And I'm not saying I'm going to be the perfect mother. That's not it.

But just having the awareness of myself and my feelings and my emotions and the awareness of this little being, not as a vehicle for me or how I can be seen in the world, but as its own like unique entity. But it's a really deep and complex relationship that I think all women should look at, especially if you want to step into motherhood, because it's something that will come up in various ways in our life. Wow. I have, it's very rare that I sit with someone

who I feel like understands my experience because I feel like I tend to notice people with really strong mother relationships because it's what I've always wanted. So even when I moved to the US, I think there was a cultural element element to my relationship with my family. In the UK, it tends to be quite reserved and cold and polite. And I always thought maybe that was why. And then moving to the US, I was in fifth grade. And I remember seeing the involvement of the

mothers of my friends, and the questions they would ask and the way that they would always be on time to pick them up from school and they would never forget them and they would take them bra shopping when they were ready for that and yes I didn't even tell my mom when I got my period for the first time I was so embarrassed wow and I didn't feel safe to tell her that and just even that experience and going through puberty and not having someone to speak to about it like has led to years and years and years of shame with my body and having to unpack that so it really is a it's such an impactful relationship but I've gone through different stages with it I've gone through the grief I've gone through the anger um and now I'm almost at

a level of like, I don't want to say the word pity because that sounds harsh. Totally makes sense. But just feeling sorry that she wasn't able to give me what I needed because it probably came from her childhood and whatever she went through. And seeing her as a human being and being like, wow, I wish I could help you unpack that and I'm so excited to have my own child it's such a healing thought for me and I want to make sure I mean I think I'm already holding myself to too high of a standard because I'm like I want your childhood to be perfect you know like I want to give you everything and I know that probably won't

be the case um but I'm glad you're so open about it because for people like me and for anyone listening who maybe has a difficult mom relationship it's so refreshing to hear because it's I don't think a lot of people discuss it yeah do you feel like you need to you had to forgive her to get to where you are now? Did a discussion need to be had or do you feel like it was just a self-acceptance? Yeah, there's so much that you said that is so powerful. I can't wait to unpack it all around the body and everything, but around the forgiveness piece, this question comes up a lot, I think, as it relates to healing in general, where people, when they start on their healing journey, most of them are inspired by something that happened to them

that makes them feel like a victim, where they're like, I need to heal, which makes a lot of sense. Like say in the mother situation, I'm like, my mom was a narcissist and I was abandoned when I was little and I need to heal, which is really beautiful. And then eventually you step into like,

okay, how did we co-create this experience from a soul level? Like my soul chose this so that I'd step into like, okay, how did we co-create this experience from a soul level? Like my soul chose this so that I'd step into my power as a communicator, as a lover, as a mother in the future, that's going to do better for my child. But I'm not someone that thinks that you need to have a conversation with people oftentimes to forgive. What I've known is that a lot of times the people that we want to go to, to have the conversation, our intention energetically is for them to say something that we want them to say that oftentimes doesn't happen.

You know what I mean? It's like, if you're going to have the conversation, you need to have no expectation for the outcome. You need to almost expect nothing to happen. You know, because if you're going like, I'm going to go to my mom, I've processed this, and she's going to say, I'm so sorry for all the times that I hurt your feeling. You know what I mean? Like someone that hasn't been able to be emotionally available for you or communicate with you or open with you or see you as a unique person. If you feel that way, you're going to go

to them expecting them to be different again. We always, what I've always thought about is how we go to the same people expecting something different. It's just not going to happen. So we need to cultivate the forgiveness in ourselves, the peace in ourselves, and really just expect nothing from them. And what I've noticed over time with my mother relationship is my own healing has given us the space in our relationship for so much more flexibility, so much more freedom, so much more peace, because I feel that. I now do not expect anything from her. I now don't expect her to be different. Whenever she says the things that she always says, I'm like, that's Terry.

That's her being her. And it feels so much more peaceful that way than to be the little girl that's continuing to go to my mom to expect her to love me and be there for me and be different. It just doesn't really happen. On this podcast, we talk a lot about swapping out everyday products with healthier alternatives. And that's where I found Bite Toothpaste. You guys know I'm such a big fan of Bite. Most commercial toothpastes are made with harsh chemicals, artificial flavors, and preservatives, not things you want to be putting in your mouth, let alone swallowing, which by the way, we swallow five to 7% of our toothpaste every single time we brush. Yikes. Bite makes toothpaste tablets with clean ingredients that are sulfate free, palm oil free and glycerin free.

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it's like, they haven't done the work you've done. And it's interesting too, because a lot of the work that I do is parts work. So it's like seeing the multiple experiences that we can have. So in this example with you, there's the part of you that's like seeing the multiple experiences that we can have. So in this example with you, there's the part of you that's like, I would love if my mom said sorry to me. I'd love if you acknowledge me. And then there's also the part that's like, well, she's never done the work. Who freaking cares? You know, those are two experiences that are totally different. And I can have that as well. And so it's like, how can we find the truth of like, no expectation, also like giving them the opportunity to step up and kind of feel into things. And it's just so nuanced, but I just really want people to just find the peace within

themselves no matter what, no matter if it's a romantic relationship, a mother relationship, a boss, it's like finding and being in your own experience of accepting what is and being at peace with what is and finding that inner truth and inner knowing that you're okay no matter what someone else does is the goal instead of expecting other people to change so that you feel okay. Oh, so good. It reminds me of that like bubble theory whenever I... Ooh, I don't know. Okay, so my therapist... Bubble theory.

We love a good bubble. Clip it. Whenever I'm in a situation that's triggering. So let's say I'm at Thanksgiving and I'm surrounded by people who may or may not say things that hurt my feelings. What do they say? Well, let's say they make a comment on your appearance. Yeah, I mean, what do you,

I was, I am still processing Christmas. Well, I honestly am like, holy mackerel. Living in LA and being in your healing era, you just get used to being so self-aware and everyone around you is like, I just feel like we are living a different reality. And then we go back to the East Coast or Ohio or wherever we're from,

and people just say whatever the frick they want. It's crazy. Oh, it's crazy. It's like, I was somewhere with my family and the comments around people's physical appearance and their weight, I don't know how I made it out alive. I honestly was like,

I've had my own body experience and body journey and it has been one of the hardest things to heal in my life. But now being here, I'm like, how did I, how am I not? I was just, it's so shallow and vain and like yeah the unawareness and lack of consciousness is really painful and I remember that being a painful experience for me you also realize that their comments are coming from a place of their own pain I mean and then I start analyzing them and I'm like oh what did you go through yeah you know they have to be careful about that I know that's the whole thing on the healing journey you know what I mean, and then I start analyzing them and I'm like, oh, what did you go through? Yeah. You know? You have to be careful about that.

I know. That's the whole thing on the healing journey. You know what I mean? Like, so we start our healing and then we're like, everyone else needs to be healed. I've been through that. Spiritual ego. It's like, then we're like, oh, that's what's so hard is you are like, you know, I'm like, wow, I'm in an anxious attachment.

And I'm like, and they're an avoidant and they're an avoidant. And then you're just labeling everyone and you're deciphering what everyone is and then you're trying to like process for everyone I have to be so careful because a lot of our work more so my work is in the kind of that space where then I'm just like constantly in the mode of deciphering and like prescribing and figuring people out and I'm like no that's actually none of my business yeah like let them do what they're gonna do yeah it's none of my business I don't need to change anybody I don't need to figure them out I don't need to be their doctor or therapist like if they want to do that they can do that such good advice too for people in relationships

um because Fia and I were talking about this the other day, we tend to be the controller and want to change our partner's reality. I'm curious how many women listening relate to that. Oh my God, I'm sure. I think everyone. I think that is a epidemic right now. 100% of women. I think a lot of us are becoming more and more self-aware and more conscious and we're on our healing journeys but a lot of our men are maybe not or like I feel that way with my husband a little bit sometimes he's amazing in so many ways but you know will not do therapy will not do healing work and I see his coping mechanisms and I like want to help him so bad, but you can't control other people. I know. I think that's a lot of women in our community always ask that. They're like, I'm on my spiritual journey, my healing journey and my partner's not. And I think what can often

happen is once we start healing, we literally, the women turn around to the people they perceive behind us and they're like, come on guys, this feels good. I'm feeling amazing. Let's go. Everybody heal. And we're kind of like, first of all, do your thing, mind your business. Because if you are in a greater place of self-love, self-acceptance, peace and trust, you're going to be better in relationship. But then there's also on the other hand where I struggle with this because I love men. I was in a very long-term relationship. Now I'm single, but I really do see where they're struggling and where they are not up to speed with themselves emotionally, themselves spiritually. They're really having a hard time and their inability to be flexible about how they perceive life in the world is really challenging.

Like, I do believe men have an easier temperament. So it can be easier to like, you know, they're not as stressed as us. They're not taking on as much. They're not like doing as much. They're not as controlling. But then again, they're not really going as deep as they can or living up to their fullest potential of what it means to be a man. And it's just, it's hard. It's hard. And I feel like it comes up a lot in conflict. Because I feel like in an argument, it's difficult when one side feels more healed than the other.

So maybe I'm more self-aware than Greg is, and it takes longer to get to the solution. And I feel like it's almost like being in the matrix. Yes. Or is it out of the matrix? Like I'm in it. You are out of it. I'm out of it.

And I'm watching someone in it. 100%. And you're like, wait, wait, wait, come over here. Yes. You can see the stories they're telling themselves. You can see the games. You can see their limits. You can see where they're denying.

You can see where, it's like you can see the box that they're living in. And next thing you know, you're like unpacking their whole childhood and bringing up things that they're like whoa and this is what in dating so i'm i've been dating for the past little bit and what i've noticed is myself and even the women in my community because we are so healed and we are so aware we will process for men that do not need us to process for like i was like talking to this one man and i'm like, but his dad was never around

and his dad was an addict and all these things. And I'm like, this man is not enough in your life to be like using this as examples to determine what his behavior is and why. So we are also like taking all this information and using it for other people when it needs to really just be for us. You know, but in relationship, it's really hard.

I think for me, my desire and my next partnership is for someone that is available for that, like is available for a lot of self-reflection, self-awareness, is available for a lot of communication, is available for like going there and not having a lot of ego around things. Because I think that's when it can be hard, when a man is like kind of shutting the door on any possibility, shutting the door on any feedback, shutting the door on being better and being more loving and more attentive in relationship. But on the flip side, we women, because we're so used to

our mothers being so critical of us, being so hard on us, always judging us, always kind of making little comments, we then turn to our husbands and we become hypercritical of them. So it's also us going to our husbands, kind of treating them like children and being so hard on them at the same time. And they're like, get off my back. I just want to chill. This is like so hard. So there's a lot of things going on, but it can be something that's hard to navigate. I had a lot of girls want me to ask you, how do you find or attract that type of person? Like, do you have any tips? Like a person that's open and available? So what I will say, what I'm doing right now is a really good tip for your audience of how to start your journey of cultivating and attracting a relationship with a man that's

emotionally available, that's going to go there with you, that's going to be communicative, is practicing with your girlfriends. So I realized in my relationships, I had a really long-term relationship. I was being met in some ways, but not a lot in the ways that I now desire. And that is around communication, that is around emotional availability, that is around maturity and depth. And I was like, okay, if I'm looking to go from this relationship, which was really good, to an epic relationship, to a great relationship, to a relationship that is just freaking so deep and loving and uniquely me, how am I going to go there without practice? And I realized love is love. And I was like, I love my friends so much. I'm so grateful for them. So now I practice being

an intimate partnership with my friends. And what that looks like is having hard conversations. It looks like talking through conflict and kind of going through and piecing out, oh, you said this thing and it made me feel this way. Like, I'm curious how you made it. It made you feel. How can we find a place of greater love and understanding? It also means being more emotionally available for one another. It also means treating each other like we would a lover in a sense. Like one of my girlfriends, I was having a hard week, sent me flowers last week, just out of nowhere. And I just was so grateful because I'm like, oh, I want my man to do that for me. You know, I want my man to like take care of me and cook for me. And sometimes when we go on trips for my friends, I'll like plan everything as if I'm like the partner. So I'll use that as a way to kind of

step closer to that epic love and that epic partnership. And then also too in dating, I'm really mindful and I will cut things off very quickly. I'm not staying around for the exploration. I'm not staying around to see if things are going to change. I'm not staying around for the exploration. I'm not staying around to see if things are going to change. I'm not staying around to see if a super hot guy that's super successful and cool on our third date is going to become more interested in me and be more emotionally available. I've gone on amazing dates with men that are cool,

but if they're not listening to me on the first date, if I don't feel like they're kind of speaking with an emotional availability or a maturity that I desire, I'm just not going to hang around. And I think back in the day, I'd be like, they're so hot. We'll make it work. Let's see what we can do. Yeah. Even I had a, I went on a date with this guy, so hot, like, and I just was like, I was laughing afterwards because I'm like, yo, years ago I would have made this work. And this man was like, I don't believe in astrology and like, you know, da, da, da, da, saying all this stuff. And I before would have been like, oh my God, me neither. And just been like, trying to make it work.

But now I'm just like, great for you doesn't work for me. You know, like, just doesn't work for me. You know, like just doesn't work for me. And it's, it's, it's totally fine. But I think we women are so loving and so kind and so open and so available that we will over index and think that we can teach them. We think we can train them. We think we can like contort and just do all the things to become better so that they become better. No, like I want him to come fully baked. Like I don't want to teach. I feel like a lot of us, myself included, when we go on, I mean, I'm not going on dates, I'm married, but friendship. I pay money. Yes. Friendship dates even. We go into it being like, I hope they like me and completely forget if we like them. A hundred percent.

How do we figure out if we are authentically vibing with someone or if we're just overly concerned with how they think of us? I think that's huge. I think that's an amazing question. And I'm grateful I'm further along so I can be more confident and like, oh, and knowing the difference. One thing that I like to do like a practical thing on dates or when I'm with men is I like to take a break and go knowing the difference. One thing that I like to do, like a practical thing on dates or when I'm with men, is I like to take a break and go to the bathroom.

So a lot of times when I'm with men, I'm in the energy of the flirt and the desire, and I'm just vibing, which I'm addicted. It's the best to be in a flirty vibe with someone. And I'm like, oh, this feels so good. This is so fun. And so if I go to the bathroom, I can like take a second and be like, okay, how does my body feel? How do I feel? Let me process some of the things he's been saying and some of the things we've been talking about. So for someone like me, that's super sensitive,

super empathic, you know, recovering codependent, recovering people pleaser, I can get in the vibe with people and just be like nodding along and agreeing and like joking. And I'm like, what am I talking about? You know what I mean? I'm like, dude, you know, I'm like, what? I don't even agree with that. It makes you a good podcast host. You know what I mean? Cause you're like, we're so fun. Yeah. We're like the best people are like, I love them. I'm like, I don't know what I talked about. I actually blacked out. It was only you talking. But anyways, and so I have to check in. I'm like, I don't know what I talked about. I actually blacked out. Yeah, I'm like, it was only you talking.

But anyways, and so I have to check in. I'm like, okay, how do I feel? What am I saying? What are they saying? Like just processing, because we get caught up. And especially when we feel chemistry, when we feel that feeling, it's like, it is crazy. Like now that I've been back in the game

and I feel chemistry, I'm like, oh my God, it messes you up. You're like addicted. So checking in with yourself in the bathroom is really, really good. I think also too, what was the, wait, what was the question again? Figuring out if you're genuinely vibing with someone or if you're just like overly worried that they like you.

Okay, okay. Okay. So if you're genuinely vibing with someone and overly if they like you so i think another thing is i'm not someone that wants people to go like from their list and take their list of their non-negotiables and go to every date and say do you live in malibu do you have multiple homes do you this is actually my list i knew it was the second you said malibu i was like that's totally your list my list i showed my list to my friend olivia who you're gonna meet

and she's like there's a lot of detail on here. You could cut it down. I'm like, this is why this is my list, bitch. Shut the fuck up. But anyways, I like for people to be clear about what they're looking for in a relationship. And so it's not like, doesn't have to be your end all be all, but when you leave, you should be like, oh, were they a good listener? Were they attentive to me? Did they take care of me? You know, I had an example of someone that I was talking to for a while and such good chemistry, just like past life, karmic relationship obsessed, but they weren't a lot of things on my list. And because our chemistry was so good and our vibe was so good, I was like,

this man lived with a roommate. Like it was just like, and there's no shade, but it just was like not what I'm looking for in the end for my father of my children. And so I had to be honest with myself and I'm like, yo, obsessed with this connection for everything that it was, but this isn't truthfully what I'm looking for. And I have to be in love enough with my future and my future self and my standards and my desires to like risk losing a connection that's good for a connection that's amazing. So you have to just be very clear

when you're out of the chemistry, when you're out of the dating pool, like when you can be in solitude, you can be alone with yourself of what you're truly looking for and pull out of the energy of the moment where we can lose ourselves and want someone to like us. You know, a lot of us have that where we're like, I want them to like me. I want them to like me. I want

them to like me. Where are you negotiating on stuff that's normal because you want them to like you? And as a last thing, if your friends were telling you the situation that's going on and you'd be like, girl, to yourself, you gotta, you gotta stop i think one thing we don't talk about enough is the importance of foot health and that's where vivo barefoot comes in they are on a mission to create regenerative footwear that brings you closer to nature and your natural potential greg and i have been trying to walk barefoot as much as possible and vivo Vivo Barefoot is the perfect solution. After millions of years of evolution, your feet are the perfect bits of kit humans have evolved

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trainer shoe for the gym. I feel really stable close to the ground and able to feel everything, especially for like squats and hip thrusts vivo barefoot has an amazing range of shoes for kids adults and every activity from hiking to training and everyday wear vivo barefoot are offering an 100 day trial on their footwear you can purchase yours today with an exclusive 20 off discount for our listeners just use code pow20 for 20 off off Vivo Barefoot. And I think this advice also applies to friendship. I mean, when I first came to LA, I was just telling you,

I feel like I've finally found some really good people. I know, I'm sad right before you leave. I know, but I'll be back. You know, I'll be back every other month. But at the beginning, I was sort of shape shifting myself into someone that I'm the best at that. Oh my god, I'm a great shape shifter. So I'm successful. Born a shape shifter. And I guess because we did it our whole childhoods, you know, but as you said, it is a gift. But at the same time, I was trying to make friends with these girls. And, you know, I have a lot of

responsibility. I have a business, I have a husband, I have a podcast, they would be hanging out middle of the day, you know, lollygagging, doing whatever they want, because they were just, you know, influencers or that type of thing, whatever. So I was like, sure, I'll make that work. Bending my schedule, like causing myself exuberance amount of stress just to hang out with them I know exactly I think that's the LA trap that's the LA trap everyone's like hey what's up what are you doing Thursday at 12 what are you doing honestly I fell into that too and you just stress yourself out because everyone's flexible and everyone's like a creative or whatever and you just lose yourself yeah especially when you try and have a nine to five.

I really tried to be intentional about that. And I wanted so badly to say yes to everything that they wanted me to do. But in my real authentic self, I would never, you know, go to the beach at 12 on a Thursday. Oh, it stresses me out thinking about it. A hundred percent. I mean, it stresses me. So how did you get out of, or when did you notice,

like what was a moment where you were like, oh girl, you're shaped, what is the breaking point for you it was like I was a few hangouts in and I had driven an hour plus to go and I didn't feel fully embraced by the group and I didn't feel seen or heard or understood really. I felt like the only way, and it was, they were lovely girls. They were just at very different places in their lives. And I couldn't really be myself. And I was like, I just put all this effort into be here

and I don't feel fulfilled by the conversation. I don't think I'll do this again. Love that. And I just stopped. That's huge. I just stopped going. I think it's like for as you get older, it's so nice because you give yourself permission. Yeah. And that's self love is loving yourself enough to be like, ooh, I don't really feel good here. And it doesn't mean anything's wrong with them. Doesn't mean anything's wrong with me. It's just like not a vibe match. 100%. You know,

and that's okay. I've had to really as I've gotten older, be more discerning of like, it's just not a match in friendship. And that's okay. And that's okay. Like they're awesome. I'm awesome. I want different things. They want different things. And I think for a lot of women, we have such a fear of not being liked or not being, or of being rejected. Or if you looking like a bitch or you looking you know what I mean that you're gonna something's gonna be wrong with you but you're like no it's you guys are doing your thing I'm doing mine we're just doing different things I also think for a lot of us tell me if you agree my point of reference for friendship I kind of went three years when I was building my business not having friends like I really self-isolated for a while so my point of reference

for friendship was high school and college where my friendships were so enmeshed that we were one person I wouldn't shower if my friend wasn't outside the door talking to me I know yes do you know the vibes I mean yes and that's why you have you that's why you have fee I know we have a bit of it so we transferred that we have a bit of an enmeshing issue it's not done we dress the same we look the same it is you know But yeah, that was my point of reference for friendship. And I was like, unless I'm that close with someone, then we're not friends. And then I'm doing something wrong and I need to try harder. Yeah, I feel like I totally relate. And I went through so much of that where I was codependent

and enmeshed, I think because of our childhood. And I felt like I wasn't doing enough if I wasn't with them all the time or I wasn't. And now I've really had to be mindful of my boundaries. And it's not like I'm not emotionally available for people, but I cannot be codependent with my friends anymore. I cannot be enmeshed with my friends anymore. I cannot do that. Like I can lose myself. And for me, it feels, it's too hard to not be who I am and be in my own unique experience. But so many women are codependent and enmeshed in their relationships and that's how they feel safe. But you just, if you're codependent or enmeshed with a friend, you're not actually living your own life. You're not actually living your own experience. You're not actually living up to your potential. You're not actually being who you came here to be.

Like, and usually what happens is something happens where it's like a fight and then it kind of ends because it kind of gets crazy because it's not meant to be that way. Because it's so intense. Yes. What would you say codependency looks like in a romantic relationship and a friendship? Codependency is something that I've only, you know, in the past couple years realized I struggled with so much. For me, for most people, it really looks like if you're okay, I'm okay. If you know you're happy, I'm happy. It's really always being concerned about the other. For me, codependency looks like

always being concerned about the other. So that for me is usually emotional and psychic. If we're in the room, you know, and like, we're just kind of chilling and the vibes are low. I'm like, oh my God, am I doing something wrong? Did they not like me? You know, am I being okay? Because they're not laughing. Like, should I have more energy? Is this fine? When really it could be like, yo, I'm chilling. I just want to chill. Maybe that's just how I want to feel. And so, so many women, because we're so psychic, because we're so intuitive, because we care so much, because a lot of the way that we've been socialized and a lot of our innate being is being communal creatures. We are so worried about the other, whether that's worried about the people on the internet, whether that's worried about your followers, whether that's worried about your friend group, whether that's worried about your boss, whether that's worried about the people on the internet, whether that's worried about your followers, whether that's worried about your friend group, whether that's worried about your

boss, whether that's worried about your romantic partner, whatever it is, it's always concerned about the other. And this can manifest as being frustrated. Someone's not doing something you want to do. This can manifest as your best friend is dating someone that you hate and it drives you crazy. This can manifest as your husband watches football on Sunday and it triggers you because you think he should be reading books. Like it is always having an external focus and it can just drain you and drive you crazy. And it's something that I think we all need to be super mindful of because I think with social media and the way that we live virtually now, it's something that is like hyper happening in like weird insidious ways.

Have you seen, I think it's a study where there's a room. I love my girl. She's got the research. This is why she's got the best podcast in the world. No, no. Normally I don't remember any research or any books I want to reference. I just totally. Have you seen this thing? I always say all feelings, no facts for me. I'm like, there's no facts. You know when you have a guest on and they just fricking rattle off research? They're like, excerpt 27 of chapter four.

My dream. What the fuck? Totally. I'm like, my mom's mean to me. No, dude, you're good. You have a lot to say and you sound amazing. There's a study where there's a room of little girls having a sleepover

and little boys having a sleepover, separate rooms. And the parent goes into the boys' room and says, who's hungry? And they all go, me. And they go grab pizza, right? They go in the little girls' room and go, who's hungry? All the little girls go, oh no. They look, guys, I'm looking around.

If you can't see me, they look around. I'm cringing how is everyone else feel like is anyone else hungry like am i like they don't know even at that age isn't that wild that's wild it makes me so sad it makes me because i watch my husband be so clear on what he wants what he doesn't want he doesn't look at me or anyone else to decide what he's feeling i'm like i can't make a decision. I don't like I love you. But I don't think that's true. But I hear I hear what you're saying. No, I am quite a decisive person. But I do have issues where I want to make sure is that fine

with my husband? Is Fi okay with that? Yep. You know, it's, it's funny how different that is. I wonder why that happens so early well again from like a ancestral perspective we are communal you know if we thought about tribes the men went out and hunted by themselves singular focus to get food the women stayed together in communal spaces cooking raising the children being together so it's something that's innately in us it's like one of the most beautiful aspects of who we are but it almost can be, it's almost been taken advantage of because now women, the modern woman is so burnt out because our codependency and our desire to do it all is just making us forget about ourselves and making us

lose our own inner voice and compass. Like we're trying to be the best at our jobs. We're trying to be the best friends ever. We're trying to be doing a side hustle. We're trying to be building our businesses. We're trying to be the best wife and partner and lover and all these things. And it's like so hard to maintain that all the time. I mean, I know myself, like today I'm running around all morning and I'm like, oh my God, my friend's birthday. I got to ask her if she wants help planning and I've got to do all this stuff. And you're just like, whoa, what is happening? Like what is just relax. It's okay. Like, and also a lot of it is like, it's okay to not be perfect. I think so many of us are like, and this is me high functioning codependent, just running around

trying to not drop the balls. Cause I'm so scared of what would happen. Like, what if I forgot my friend's birthday? I would be a bad friend and I'm a huge bitch and I suck. And oh my God, so I have to make sure I'm not going to do that. Like we're all perfectionists. It's such a good question. Like, what if, what if I had to, I was talking, I work with people one-on-one and she's a so high, she's a high performer. She's a doctor and she owns these multiple practices. And I was like, okay, well, what if you didn't do that? And I was looking at her and it was funny because I could feel her. She's like in her head. I'm like, oh, you would never not do that. She's like, I literally, what you just said, I would never not do. I would never not do all the things

that I'm doing. And we just like cannot allow ourselves to not be perfect, to not do everything, to not add more to our plate, to like look bad. And so I think part of a practice that I do is trying to like be okay with imperfection in myself and imperfection in others. And I tried to do that in my friendships. You know, a lot of my friendships now are deep where we can come to one another if we feel like we're messy. You know, like, hey girl, last week I was trying to talk to you about something and you actually ignored me. You didn't bring this up. Like, it kind of hurt me.

And it's like, oh, that makes total sense. So sorry, I didn't show up that way. I can try and do better. But like, I'm okay that I didn't show up perfect. And you're okay with that too. And we can be clear on that because we showed up. But we are never going to be who we want to be in life if we're trying to be perfect.

Because who we want to be in life is usually like, people love us when we're not perfect like your journey has been so powerful because it is so beautiful and magnetic but also because it wasn't perfect like you sharing vulnerably your journey is what magnetized people to you and that journey wasn't perfect if you would came on and you're like yo I have this rock and amazing bod I'm so beautiful people are like great, great, dime a dozen, babe. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I like what you said about the friendship piece, because it also shows that you're not going to be abandoned. I think so many of us are afraid of

being left. You know, I think that ultimately is the fear for so many. I know for me, it's like, if I forgot my friend's birthday, like she's going to stop being my friend. 100%. And that's my healing is to not do that to my friends now. And I'm really grateful that, and you have this, I think in your life, that the people in my life are people that are staying, that I've cultivated in my own authenticity, that I know are people that I love, that I want to be in deep relationship with. So that took a lot of friendship breakups, friendship losses to get through for people that weren't deserving of me never not, you know, never breaking up with them.

But now I'm like, no, I'm not going anywhere. Like we're in this, I'm not going anywhere. Like I want to be with you because that is so healing. Like I've always wanted a woman to say that to me. I've always wanted a man to say that to me. Like I'm not going anywhere. Like that's what I want in my partnerships, you know, like, and I don't want to abuse them. So they're like, I'm not going anywhere. I want it to feel genuine.

Like, I love you so much. Like, like what? Yeah. How do you have those awkward conversations with your friends? Because you said that very like casually, but i think it is very challenging for women yeah to express when they're upset with another woman because it just defies all of our you know it's scary 100 and you guys probably have a really good flow now we we're pretty up front with each other i feel like and luckily fee i we're quite different because i'm very sensitive and i over i look into everything too much in an emotional way are you cancer i'm actually not she's a cancer i'm a gemini okay got it and fee's very much like oh my god like they were totally not thinking that you're completely overthinking it everything's great like she's so positive doesn't overthink things and it really

complements the way that I live. But also, like if I say to her, hey, like, I think we could have done that better. She's like, yeah, you're right. We could have. Yeah, you need that. And she does not get offended. Yeah, she's not offended easily. That's huge. And I am. No, you're not. I love that you said that too. But also you're not because you wouldn't be where you are if you were. Yeah, you're right. I've gotten tougher skin over the years. That's the whole thing is like, people have stuff to say about what we do all the time.

Like what we do is just, it's painful in that way. But yeah, man, having hard conversations with people that you love and with friends is something that was so hard for me. You know, I didn't, I wasn't able to metabolize and have hard conversations with a lot of women in my life until I got older. How old are you, by the way, if you don't mind? 35. Okay. Yeah, and so it would be like a blow up. It would be a fight. I had so many friendship

breakups that happened because we weren't able to speak how we feel and because we weren't able to be honest. And so I implore a lot of women, if you want to have hard conversations with friends or clearing conversations, like Lindsay and I say, you have to be doing your own work and you have to be really identifying what you're bringing into the situation. Because if you're coming in and you're like, you know, she's always doing this and she's always doing that. And she's always da da da da. You're just kind of coming in like attacking. You're not looking at your role in it. You're trying to control them. You're being judgmental and it doesn't feel good. Yeah. And so you have to be like, okay, my friend, say she has a boyfriend that you hate. Okay. It's really bothering me. She says she's going to leave him. She's not leaving him. And

she keeps going back and it's just annoying because I always have to listen to her talk to him. It's like, okay, so where can you be bring more kindness and compassion? But also can you just say like, Hey babe, I'm actually unavailable for conversations about this guy like i love you but it's been hard for me to to hear you talk about him all the time we can revisit it in a few months it can be easy it can be clear it can be processed and i think to do that you have to first so it's doing your own work and then second being able to like be in your body. All hard conversations happen if you are in your body. Because before I would approach hard conversations and I'd leave my body, I'd disassociate. Do you do that too? Me. Yeah. I would be like in off to the race. It was like

a panic and then I'm gone. A hundred percent. Like what? It's like, I would just feel it. I'd be like, whoa, spiral happened. We are out. And I don't know what happened. I'm such a disassociate. You have to be able to be in your body. So that's somatic work. That's breath work. That's meditation. That's just touching your body and hard conversations. Like, okay, my body's here. I am here breathing, taking breaks. And so if you're able to kind of work through the energetics of the hard conversation, that's so much of it. And then practice with your friends. You can even say like, you know, I'll say this with friends, you know, like, hey, babe, like, this is hard for me. Like, I love you. But it's just, I want to say this thing. It's not going to be perfect. Like, can we just process something? Last thing is to

start with security statements. So any conversation that you have, bringing in security statements. I learned this from Lindsay, my business partner and best best friend She would always tell me to do this when I did this when I was with my ex-partner I'd always go to our fights like you're not doing this. You hurt me in this way. This needs to change. I'm feeling this way She's like, how about you start out by saying, you know, I love you like I love you so much You're my best friend, you know, you've always been there for me, but it feels like in this moment You're not there for me. it feels like in this moment you're not there for me it feels like you're not trusting me it feels like you're not really showing up in the way that i know you to show up how does that feel in your body compared to like you're not doing this you're not doing that if you come in and you're like yo i love you it's like oh my god

okay yeah or you touch touch the touch is big if you just hold their hand i love that i get way less angry oh my god God, babe. That is such a good one. So it's, yeah, that's a security move or statement. So you're like establishing that this relationship is meaningful and you want to work through it rather than just attacking. Cause then you go in defense mode right away. So good. I heard you say on another podcast that when you talk to your co-host Lindsay about hard things, you guys will walk and not make eye contact. Which I really like. Obsessed.

I love that. That's another good tip. So if you're having a clearing conversation or a hard conversation with a friend or even a lover, business partner, it's really good to walk. So there's actually science-based, science around walking. I don't know the actual science. Do you mean Research 771? There's Research 771 that came through from Harvard last week. And it really talks about the benefits of walking and having hard conversations. I love that. And it was beautiful. Honestly, it'll be in the show notes. And it talks about how if you're in movement and you're walking towards the same destination that

your brain is processing, that you're walking towards the same goal. So you can kind of feel that and you're like both moving and it can feel really nice to be in nature, to be in fresh air, to be in an environment that's not super stimulating. If you're talking on Zoom or if you're sitting across from someone, it can feel really hard to have your energy be facing one another in a hard conversation. So Lindsay and I will be on the beach, we'll move, we'll walk around the city and not making eye contact is really nice because what can happen for people that are codependent or sensitive like us is if I'm looking at you, I'm going to lose what I have to say. Yeah. I'm going to be like, what did I come here to talk about?

Because then you start worrying about what their facial expression's doing. Like it's too much on them. Too much body language reading. Yes. Too much facial expressions. So you can actually say what you want to say if you're not making eye contact. I've had the best therapy sessions on the phone. Love that. Not on video. Love that. Yes. I didn't realize why for a while. I was like, oh, it's because I'm not like analyzing my therapist's facial expression. A hundred percent. I struggle with therapy because of that, actually. Yeah. If you're someone like you, that's attuning to people.

And from a young age, you had to learn to read your parents' body language to be okay and to have your needs met or to figure out how to be. You're going to be doing that all the time. And what is it? 55% of communication is body language. Yeah. So it's actually really good that you do that. But we have to figure out how to turn that off. And I had to do that in therapy too, because there'd be

moments where I'd be talking and I'd like change the subject because I felt like she was bored. Oh my God. I do that all the time. Oh my God. I like perform for my therapist. What do you mean? It's horrible. I'm her favorite period. I want, why do I want to be my therapist favorite? I am. Do you think? Yes. Have you asked you asked i should i should text her she'd be like i cannot confirm or deny i've had the thought that i'm like i wonder how much my therapist talks about me what do you mean same i'm like she goes home and tells her partner like even though they're completely not allowed to not allowed at all i'm like i hope she does 100 i hope she breaks i'm like i hope this is a delight for her but then also i'm like she

might she's good because even right now in therapy i'm circling around something yeah and that's going on in my personal life that i can just feel her being like okay when are we gonna land on the thing you know what i mean because i'm just like let's talk about this let's talk about that and she's just like can't wait for it to break i know you know and you know that they know yes it's a funny i say that to her i'm like i know that you want me to talk about the thing but i don't want to talk about the thing right now she's like okay any awareness that i have even if i'm reading her i'm like i'm reading you right now and i'm feeling like you're thinking something are you thinking this i'm not there yet you should that give yourself permission to do

that that's why i asked your age because i'm 29 and I'm like I'm my baby I hope I am as healed as you are at age 35 yeah okay okay you will give me your business you can be healed you will be as it's yeah it's it's a journey but yeah anyone that's listening I think I love what you said about therapy because just giving anyone the advice to say everything you're thinking to your therapist. And I told my therapist that when I met her, I was like, I want to give myself permission to say everything to you. Because most of us don't have a space

where we say everything. I know. Where in your life, even in your romantic relationship, we love our partners, but you don't want to tell them you think their breath smells. You know what I mean? You don't want to tell them like, hey, this is not. Yeah. I talk about this a lot with Fi because I had this, and Celeste actually,

I had this realization that I was going to Greg for all the wrong things at one point. Wow. I was upset about female stuff, like fertility stuff. When do I want to get pregnant? Like all these things that he doesn't know how to advise me on all these feelings and it's like Celeste is perfect for that she has a baby she's very emotionally mature and I ended up going to her with the same problem and had a coffee with her and by the time we were done I was like oh my god I feel so much better and when I went to Greg we got in a fight yes so you kind of need you can't rely on your partner for absolutely everything yes and I had to realize

that I think that's huge that's why we have women and also too with the romantic partner it's kind of being clear about what you're looking for you know in this moment first of all it's like babe you guys work together so it's it's kind of hard but you're like babe are you available for like 15 minutes for me to just talk about this thing? And allowing them to say yes or no. You know, like that's the whole thing with a lot of the work that we do.

It's like, if you want to come to whole people, you have to be okay with them saying no. So if you have a boundary, like, hey, babe, I really want to talk about this fertility thing. Do you feel available for that? It's like, yes, no, they can say. And that empowers your man. Yeah.

To him be like, no, actually right now, like I don't, and he's not going to show up in a way that feels good for you. And then you can say with him or not, but there's so much that women can support on in women relationships that men just like can't. And also saying, I just want to talk and feel comforted. I don't want solutions. It's huge. Men love a good solution. Love. Oh my God. Because then they can just check off the box. Yeah. We can move on. We can be done. When women, I'm like, dude, I will, dude, with my girlfriends, I was like the other day, we were processing a text message for two hours that I never sent. Okay. Literally, literally processed two hours. I had drafts. I had all these things, getting everyone's advice. And then later on, they're

like, did you send that? I'm like, nope, decided not to. Stop. Waste of time. But like, we love this shit. Yeah, but the two hours was needed. It was a blessing and a delight. It was so fun to just go like, what is he going to say? What am I going to say? What is da da da da? But it's, we live for that. We live for the juice, you know? What's wrong with us? And also you give Celeste an opportunity to be a friend for you. Yeah. I'm sure she was just like, yes, this is why I'm here. Yeah. And she's good at that. She's so good at that. She's good at the pregnancy stuff. So good. She's good at the mom, like she's good at being a friend. I want to jump to the body image conversation. Had a lot of questions about that.

I know you've mentioned appearance was heavily emphasized in your household. How did that manifest itself in your adulthood and how have you worked through it? I still struggle. I even think about now on social media, there's still a part of me that wants to be seen as pretty in everything that I do. And this is something I'm working on, like kind of makes me emotional to think about it because I feel like I'd be so much further along or more successful or whatever if I would allow myself to just be online and not be pretty. And just, you know, pretty in quotes. This is all my perception of everything. You could think I'm pretty and just, you know, pretty in quotes. This is all my, this is all my perception of everything. You could think I'm pretty or not, but it's like, I tried. Um, I feel like I have to be seen as pretty first. If I'm not pretty, I can't get in the door. So I feel like it holds

me back to be honest. You know, like I do, I'm so grateful for how I look in my journey with how I look over the years. It's been really hard. There's some days where I think I look like a cyclops and there's some days I think I look like a Victoria's Secret model. We all have our moments. But I think in my journey of my body as it relates to what I do, it was the thing that held me back for so long. I felt like I couldn't be on camera if I wasn't thin. I couldn't do what we do if I wasn't

a certain way. I would be rejected. I'd be so much more successful if I was pretty or thin. Our work is so powerful, but our work is very physical. There is a whole world that we exist where women are making tons of money just based on how they look, period. And I've always felt like I had to be that and I had to be interesting and I had to be smart and I had to be all these things on top of it. So it's been something that I really work with and think about and I don't have completely right. How do you go about living a healthy lifestyle without re-triggering yourself? Yeah. Yeah. I'm really grateful of my path and journey with that. And I think you're in this place too, that I no longer use my wellness journey as a mask for an eating disorder or for disordered eating or for a way

to control myself or a way to punish myself. When I first started podcasting in wellness, it was really that. It was like, this is my vehicle for controlling, judging, all of that. And I think so many women in our space, I see this all the time, are following the advice of women that have disordered eating. I agree with you so much. You guys are looking at women that don't eat, have disordered eating, are unwell, and don't treat their body very nicely, and sometimes are being even dishonest. So we have to follow our own blueprint. You have to listen to yourself. You actually need to go in. It's actually about you.

It's not about anyone else. So I had to really figure out and probably get to a breaking point or like a low. You know, a few years ago, I was more unhealthy than ever. My hormones were shot. I weighed more than ever. I felt really uncomfortable in my body.

I felt really not like myself. And at that point I was like, but I've been doing all the things. I'm keto. I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I was like, okay, I need to figure out what I can do to be well in my head and in my heart before I do whatever I feel like I need to be doing with my body because it's not working and that wellness was a lot of therapy that was a lot of spiritual work finding purpose outside of what I looked like and that was just a lot of really figuring out like how can I define myself by who I am as a soul rather than like who I what I am as a body I'm so well said and through my experience as well it's interesting because I look back on my leanest and when I was the most shredded and I was so unwell mentally yeah I remember I mean

I've talked about this before but not being able to be in the moment on a vacation or at a dinner out because I was obsessed with everything that went in my mouth yep and I never struggled with food as a child I think I'm kind of lucky in that way in my mouth. Yep. And I never struggled with food as a child. I think I'm kind of lucky in that way because my household was, we had a lot of mental health issues, but food was never a problem for me. It was only when I was in the wellness industry,

my face was the face of a brand. There was so much value put on the way that I looked. The engagement of my photos was better if I was more shredded that's the whole thing that's the whole thing and then everyone wants you to be honest and then you're like shredded and they're like love they want to what I eat in a day but then they tear you down it's just such a strange industry and we live at in the epicenter of it in LA and I see it with my own eyes that the unhealthy habits that a lot of these women have.

And I'm really happy that I'm in a place where I enjoy my food and I feel nourished. I feel healthy and I feel good. I mean, even Sal on the Mind Pump episode was talking about that mental switch he had to make. I think men also struggle with that. I totally agree. I think that's an underrated conversation. Yeah. You know, like even being in relationships with men, like they struggle. Like they are not adverse or absolved of the pain of living in a culture that's so externally focused. Right. And then online, even through my acne journey, you feel like everyone else has clear skin. Everyone else is shredded. You feel alone because the only thing you see is this like perfect

world and it's not true yeah 100% yeah the skin thing is a hard one because you just don't know why you try all the things and you're just like whatever but yeah I mean I've eaten with you you eat like you're so normal and you're balanced my girl loves some meat that's for damn sure oh I love it my girl loves a good steak yeah I was like my girl loves some meat. That's for damn sure. Oh, I love it. My girl loves a good steak. Yeah. I was like, my girl loves me, but yeah, it's, um, I think my thing of advice and you'd probably say the same as just for the audience, like stop looking at what everyone else is doing. Yeah. Like figure out what works for you. Get testing if you want, like, you know, see a holistic doctor, whatever it is, but like, it's just bringing you further and further from what's going to work with you if you're following what everyone else is doing.

100%. If you're happier and more at peace and more in touch with yourself, you're going to end up looking and feeling better. Yes. 100%. Selfish question. Yes. Probably my last one because I'm hounding you right now. I love it. Do you have tips on navigating big life changes or transitions?

Because I'm obviously moving to Texas next week. Can't wait. And motherhood. And I'd like to be a mom. And motherhood eventually. I know. And probably big stuff with the biz, I'm sure. Big stuff with the biz. Just like a massive life. Like everything at once. Yes. In a couple of weeks. Yes. And I feel like you're so grounded and in touch with yourself. Yeah. And I'm just like panicking. Yeah. Well, you're not, but I hear you.

I am. Okay. What do we do? It's funny because before I've been unwell about, I've been panicking myself about stuff, but I just feel so at peace in this moment. So navigating big life transitions, I think we have this idea that whenever we go through big life transitions, that it's always going to be bad. But like, if you think about your life transitions, like you're about to move into a beautiful home, you're about to like have amazing things happen to the business. You're about to

step into the most beautiful phase of your life. I think sometimes we can get our anxiety is like right next to excitement. And they say, um, anxiety is excitement without breath. So how can we bring breath to like the moment to the thing and like, see it as possibility. You know, I went through a really hard year last year, there was illness, there was divorce, there was death, there was business stuff, there was money things. And I just realized I'm like, but it all led me to greater, like it all led me to better. And it was hard. And it sucked. And I suffered a lot. But like, but it all led me to greater. Like it all led me to better. And it was hard and it sucked and I suffered a lot. But like, if we can have the positive mindset of like, ooh, this is a lot, this is big change,

but like I'm ready and I want more. Most people want their lives to change, but they don't want to change. They don't want to do the things. They don't want to experience change. So if you want big change, if you want the life that you love, where you have a family and you have your business

and you're balanced and you live on a farm and Bo's there and Fee's there it's like this is all so exciting there's nothing to do but enjoy and do everything you need to do in front of you oh that was lovely I'm excited for you thank you so much I can't wait to the farm I can't wait you're coming I want to come to the farm so I found out there's a mini horse breeder down the street from my new house it's a big problem are you gonna yeah get one yeah what do you do with what do you mean i'm getting a herd okay okay they can't live by themselves yeah okay that's what i was gonna say i was like i'll everyone whatever you need to what's interesting about farms is you realize it's an ecosystem yeah listen i think in my head

i think i'm ready for farm life i don't i'm i'm not sure I'm not sure because we had a a koi fish massacre happened in my yard recently the dogs not the dogs a um first it was a heron then it was a raccoon killed with his bare hands and there was a half alive fish with its eye gorged out this is a nice ending for this episode and I had to of course my first reaction is to facetime greg greg's in mexico on a business trip i'm screaming i'm crying right now i was screaming crying and i go what do i do with this fish and i'm trying to revive so listen like that kind of thing happens every day in farm life oh yeah babe and i'm so sensitive the death life cycle is very clear and apparent on a farm i don't know so what you do? I threw it out in the trash.

Alive? Yeah. Are you joking me? Its entire face was gorged. Dude, you have to kill it. I know, but like I couldn't. You just let it wiggle in the fucking trash. No, I closed the lid and I just never, yeah.

But I was thinking about it for a week straight and I like- I know. And my husband was like, babe, you are not ready for a farm. I agree. Even when I need a farm manager. Yeah, yeah.

This is the thing. Everyone wants a farm when they see the chic, cute, like farm, like goats. It's like, no, like farm is like shoveling poop. Homesteading. Yeah, sourdough.

And then next thing you know, your entire arm is up a cow's asshole. Exactly, exactly. Just so you know, you're like mowing the lawn. That's like 40 acres. That's not part of the vision. Yeah, 100%. I'm in Dululu farmland. So I'm sad that the raccoon didn't finish that koi off, to be honest. Yeah, I think it's because I let the dogs out and they scared it away. Damn it. I know. I got in the way of the circle of

life. The heron ate the whole thing. Yeah, there's been two massacres and they were all over the yard yeah so okay anyways thanks everybody Krista this was amazing I'm so glad I love you I'm so excited for our interview on almost 30 and I just like yeah you're such a joy and a pleasure and you're such a good person and like I just want everyone to know listening in your community that like you are as amazing as they think you are because I know sometimes you can meet people behind the scenes and it's just kind of a vibe. So true. And thank you. You are amazing.

I feel, you know, I've been working on my spirituality. It's not something I'm super in touch with. And listening to you, I feel more in touch and I feel more expansive. So I so appreciate you coming on. Where can everyone find you and the podcast online? So I'm at it's Krista on Instagram. So it's I-T-S-K-R-I-S-T-A. For anyone that wants to heal the mother wound,

I'm doing a divine mother retreat in Portugal. So I'm doing a retreat on the mother wound in Portugal. I know you and Fi should come, honey. It's going to be really beautiful. So it's all mother wound healing. And then it's Krista.com for any information about that my one-on-one work and then almost 30 podcast is my podcast so almost30.com almost 30 podcasts on all socials thank you krista you're awesome yeah bye thanks for joining us on the pursuit of wellness podcast to support this show please rate and review and share with your loved ones if you want to be reminded of new episodes click the subscribe button on your preferred podcast or video player. You can sign up for my newsletter to receive my favorites at marilowelland.com. It will be linked in the show notes. This is a Wellness Out Loud production

produced by Drake Peterson, Fiona Attucks, and Kelly Kyle. This show is edited by Mike Fry, and our video is recorded by Luis Vargas. You can also watch the full video of each episode on our YouTube channel at Mari Fitness. Love you, Power Girls and Power Boys. See you next time. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice and does not constitute a provider patient relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team.