Pursuit of Wellness - Life Update: Girls’ Trip, Valentine’s in Aspen, & The IVF Waiting Game
Episode Date: February 24, 2025Ep. 177: I’m back from an amazing trip to Colorado, and in this solo episode, I’m sharing all the details—my first real girls’ trip, incredible food, nostalgic skiing, and the support I didn�...�t know I needed. Greg even came out to meet me for Valentine’s Day in Aspen, making the trip even more special. But beyond the fun, this time away gave me space to reflect on everything I’m going through with IVF. I’m opening up about the emotional ups and downs, how I’m staying grounded during the waiting period, and the mindfulness tools that are helping me through it. Leave Me a Message - click here! For Mari’s Instagram click here! For Pursuit of Wellness Podcast’s Instagram click here! For Mari’s Newsletter click here! Sponsored By: Glow up with BON CHARGE’s Red Light Face Mask! Just 10 minutes a day for radiant, youthful skin. Save 15% at boncharge.com with code PURSUIT. Healthy eating made simple! Hungryroot curates personalized groceries & quick meals just for you. Get 40% off your first box + a free item for life at hungryroot.com/pow with code POW! Experience clearer, healthier skin with CLEARSTEM—skincare that treats both acne and aging without harsh ingredients. Get 20% off your first order at clearstem.com/pow. Find all-natural relief for period discomfort with FORIA’s Relief Collection, designed to soothe cramps and tension with organic, science-backed formulas. Get 20% off your first order at foriawellness.com/pow or use code POW. Show Links: Reach your fitness goals with Strength by Mari! Access expert workouts, track progress, and stay supported with everything in one app. Available in the App Store and Google Play! The Ultimate Morning Routine for Balance, Mental Health & Hormone Support Support gut health, immunity, and radiant skin with Bloom’s Colostrum & Collagen Peptides—a 3-in-1 blend of colostrum, collagen, and probiotics. Topics Discussed 00:00:00 Welcome 00:04:02 Vail trip 00:04:39 Skiing 00:06:28 Keeping up with routine while on vacation 00:11:51 Aspen trip with Greg 00:12:31 Struggling with alone time 00:13:25 Anxious IVF thoughts 00:14:25 Thankful for Greg 00:15:11 Using TikTok as a distraction and support 00:16:46 Dealing with friends’ pregnancies 00:19:15 Getting back into routine 00:20:53 Understanding the greater purpose of the pain God gives us 00:26:06 Things that have helped Mari get through her struggles with IVF
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn.
Hi guys, welcome back to another solo episode. It's Mari, your host. Thank you so much for
tuning back in. I'm back from Colorado, back on the mic. Feels really good to be here today.
I'm kind of giving you guys a big life update
with some really good tidbits woven throughout. Obviously, I feel like the whole world knows
at this point that I'm going through IVF right now. And it really just is, unfortunately,
the theme of my life right now. Fortunately and unfortunately, it's just difficult for
me to think or talk about anything else because it's a very consuming process.
So if you are going through IVF, fertility,
or maybe you're just interested,
I think you'll really like this episode.
But I also talk a lot about, honestly,
mindfulness in general and tools
for dealing with difficult things.
So even if you're just going through
something completely different,
that is challenging for you.
I feel like you might get some tips from this episode because as of late, I've just really
been trying to tap into the things that are helping me get through this.
Honestly, it feels very day by day right now.
Sometimes I feel like I can barely get through the day.
Sometimes I feel like I'm really good.
I feel positive.
I feel optimistic.
It kind of just depends. Like me today, I feel really good, I feel positive, I feel optimistic.
It kind of just depends. Like me today, I feel really good.
I did a big workout this morning.
I made my sourdough bread.
I'm here in the studio.
But like two days ago, I was a disaster and sobbing the whole day.
So it just like really depends.
And there's all these factors that can happen with IVF.
And I feel like you're just in a very fragile state.
Like one thing can happen.
And yeah, it's just the way my therapist puts it.
And she's also been through IVF for years and years.
So she really gets where I'm coming from.
She's like, you only have so many spoons to give every day.
So let's say you normally have 10 spoons and you give one of your spoons to your
husband, one of your spoons to the dogs, one to work, one to friends.
With IVF, the amount of spoons just decreases. I feel like I only have like five spoons a day now.
It's really, it's just challenging to kind of give my all to everything when I feel like all
I'm obsessing about is this transfer working. I'm kind of in that waiting period right now
before my embryo transfer.
I don't want to say the day of it and be really specific because then I feel like people are kind of checking in to see if it worked and that just adds so much pressure.
So I'm just in that waiting period right now and it's pretty challenging to be patient during this time, so I feel like something I've been really focused on is filling my time and trying
to distract myself in healthy ways so that I'm not sitting around obsessing about the
outcome of the transfer.
If you haven't listened to my recent morning routine episode, I really went in depth on
that one about how much my life has shifted lately.
If you've been following me for a while, I feel like you'll remember my life in LA or even before this process was very, very different. I'd be up at five in the
morning, I'd be at Gold's Gym, I'd be hit training for an hour and a half, I'd be at the office the
entire day. My schedule was jam-packed with meetings and events and I was flying around the
country and whatever. And I feel like my life right now is a lot slower just because I like need it
to be. I don't feel like I have the mental capacity for much at all which is tough. Like I feel like
my relationship with work has changed a lot and it creates some level of guilt and like it's just a
weird identity shift I think and I would imagine it's a little bit of a foreshadowing for when I
am pregnant and I have kids as well but it also also makes me really grateful that Greg and I, I mean Greg's still going as hard as he always has,
but it makes me grateful that I put my head down as long as I did because I've put myself in a
position where I kind of can focus on this right now, which is really nice. But a little bit of a
life update, I went to Vale on a girls trip. I've
kind of never been on like an all girls trip before. I didn't do a bachelorette. I've never
been on a bachelorette. So this was kind of my first true girls trip. And I went with
some girlfriends from Austin. I originally wasn't going to go. And then I was like, you
know what? I need this right now. I need the distraction. I need the girl time. I need the support. So we went to my lovely friend,
Nikki's family ski house in Vale.
And it was just like such a fun, girly time.
Lots of like playing dress up and getting drinks
and getting apprais, skiing, eating, having fun.
Skiing is also very nostalgic for me.
I grew up in a big ski family.
My dad is absolutely obsessed with skiing.
So I started skiing pretty young
and all through middle school and high school,
we would spend every single weekend
driving from Westchester, New York to the Catskills.
And we would ski Bel Air Mountain.
That was like our family's mountain.
I could literally draw it right now, every single run.
And it definitely like wasn't a bougie ski experience.
It was very rough and ready.
We shared a little ski house with some family friends, like an hour away from the mountain.
And my sister and I were in ski school and then we were on the ski team and we would
help out with the kids and we'd eat chicken tenders and we'd ski from like eight to four every day
and then go out for dinner at the same restaurant and just a very nostalgic time for me. So when
I'm skiing, I always think about like my dad and that time of my life. And I also feel like skiing
is very, I mean, at least for me, it reminds me of horseback riding where I'm like not on my phone.
I'm very present. I'm outside, very like aware of my body.
It's kind of like a mindfulness tool in itself.
You know, you're not really like,
you can't really think about anything else
when you're skiing down a mountain.
You're very aware of your surroundings, what's going on.
And I found it to be very therapeutic and relaxing.
And yeah, just like a really good tool for me right now
when I'm trying not to spiral basically.
So skiing was such a really, a really nice thing
to tap into and I went skiing a bunch of times.
In my head, it's like my last hurrah
because I obviously won't be skiing when I'm pregnant
or after my embryo transfer.
So I was like, let me get this all in now
and do all the extreme sports now.
And then obviously had like wine and enjoyed food
and all the things that, you know that I can't do pretty soon,
I wanna do right now.
I definitely made sure I kept some of my
like non-negotiable wellness routines while I was away.
And I saw a lot of questions happening in my Q and A of like,
well, how do you stay somewhat on track while you're away
without feeling guilty?
And there's definitely things I do
that I need to do to stay like my best mentally.
I feel like the mental part of it's the most important
for me.
I need to walk when I wake up.
Like I was probably up an hour before everyone else
in the girls trip and I would go on a walk.
I would drink my water, my electrolytes, take
my colostrum, my creatine, whatever, go on a quick walk, like literally 15 to 20 minutes,
just to get that outside time to get moving.
And I would make breakfast every day, like eggs, you know, so I would feel really good.
I felt like that set me up for success and also helped me be in the best mood possible
while I'm on this trip with girlfriends. I felt like that set me up for success and also helped me be in the best mood possible
while I'm on this trip with girlfriends. And also just like during this fragile time, like I know myself if I drink too much alcohol or start the day wrong or just change things up too much
and have an unhealthy lifestyle, like I just, I'm more likely to slip into a state of anxiety. I just know that about myself.
So I kept that kind of unlock the entire trip.
So I was in Vail for like three or four days.
The mountain was stunning.
We went out for dinners.
We had the best time.
Then I got in a car, two-hour car drive to meet Greg in Aspen.
I was in Colorado for a total of like nine or ten days, which was a long time,
but I kind of think it was good that I did that for myself because it allowed me to again
like have that distraction.
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So Greg and I checked into an Airbnb for the first couple of days.
We were in Aspen and then later on checked in a hotel for a Valentine's Day trip.
We did a lot of super fun activities.
We went snowshoeing one of the days, which was actually like way harder than anticipated.
We snowshoed like three miles and I was dying.
It was really, really, it was so much hard work and the sun was on us, but it was really cold
and the views were gorgeous.
And we ended up hiking to Pine Creek Cook House,
which is like a lunch spot in Aspen and it was amazing.
We went skiing, shopping, cafe hopping, all the things.
Greg was definitely, you know,
he's in the midst of like a really crazy time
with our business right now. And thank goodness I have him and he's really focused on this moment that we're in
and he was on a lot of meetings.
So I had a decent amount of alone time, which is honestly where I struggle the most.
I'm not great at being alone.
I feel like at first I was fine.
I was kind of like taking myself around town, doing little things. I went to like a sauna, cold plunge place, but I will
say being alone is really tough for me right now. I feel like that's where my brain just
kind of spirals. And this is something I'm working on in general. I feel like I've always
struggled being alone. And that's where I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm alone with my own thoughts.
I think I start spiraling about, am I doing enough prep for the transfer?
Is the transfer going to work?
What if it doesn't work?
It's just a lot, you know, there's like all these anxious thoughts happening.
And thank goodness I have my therapist who I will just text if I need to talk to someone.
I also have friends who have done IVF so many times.
And it really is one of
those things where it's like, unless someone's been through it, it's really difficult to
understand because like, you know, I could go to one of my normal, not normal friends,
one of my friends and just say like, this feels like torture. I feel like I can't believe
I have to wait longer. I can't believe it's still a month away or whatever it is. And
they'll say, oh, but that's not long. Like, you know, you've been trying for two years, like there's no time at all.
And that's, that is true.
But in the world of IVF, it seriously feels like you're just like, your whole
life is on freeze all the time and you're just like living in this countdown.
And it is this really weird feeling of like, just the, the waiting period, it
sucks and I'm so grateful that I've gotten past the phone calls regarding weird feeling of like, just the waiting period, it sucks.
And I'm so grateful that I've gotten past the phone calls regarding the embryos.
I'm so grateful I have healthy embryos ready to go, but this waiting period has been really,
really hard on me.
And I had one day in Aspen where it just all hit me at once.
And it was just a super tough day.
And it can be hard to recover from because it's just in your head at that point.
And thank goodness I have Greg, he's so supportive.
I feel like men are really funny though when they comfort you, especially about a topic
that they can't relate to.
It's his child too, so he's obviously a big part of this, but he was just like,
can I give you a Valentine's Day gift now?
You look sad.
And I was like, sure.
He got me cookies.
He's definitely an acts of service guy.
So he wanted to just give me things when I was sad.
And that's when you lean on your girlfriends
who have done IVF or you call your therapist or whatever.
I'm not saying Greg isn't a great support, he is.
But you can't necessarily put all of the weight,
the emotional weight into your partner
because it's not always fair. And it's also also you can't expect everyone to understand what you're
going through, especially when it's such a unique niche kind of problem.
Oh, and the other thing I have been doing and I did this day was post on TikTok and
that might sound silly, but TikTok's been a really great place for me to just feel comfortable
to like pick up the camera and talk and
I talked in that moment where I was like having a meltdown about the embryo transfer and I just talked to the camera and
Explain what was going on and how I felt and it's so crazy to me the IVF community that exists on the internet
I know there's like support groups on Facebook
I actually should probably check those out and in real life and whatever
But even when I talk about it on the show or I post about it on TikTok, I get such an overwhelming
amount of responses and it's women who really get it, like, and just hearing their stories or even a
woman commented on my last post about how she's doing like a fake transfer right now to see if
she responds well to the medication and she was like the anxiety I even have about this transfer even though there's no
baby at the end of it and I was like oh my gosh can't even imagine and it's just
so nice to have people to connect with online and just feel seen and spoken to
in that way and it makes you feel way less alone so yeah if you're listening
and you're struggling with this like I plan on checking out some of the Facebook groups.
I know there's support groups, IRL, TikTok seems to be a good place.
And it just also makes you aware of how many people are also experiencing this.
Like I think something I've struggled with is just feeling so isolated because it's like I'm alone.
It's all I'm thinking about, you know, I don't really have any friends who are currently
going through it.
I also have just been, I wasn't sure if I was going to bring this up and I haven't yet,
but I've just had a lot, a lot, a lot of people in my personal life, like in my family, get
pregnant in the last like couple weeks.
And even like directly after my egg retrieval which if you've been following along you know that
it was a really tough procedure for me. I like fainted and had some really hard recovery there
and I found out right after that that someone we work with is pregnant and it's just been a very
complicated time because I'm so and people listening who haven't been through IVF probably
like wouldn't get this and maybe it sounds like I'm a bad person, but I swear I'm not.
I'm so happy for everyone that I've received this news from, like beyond excited and for
our families and things like that. It's just obviously such a complicated thing to hear
when you're going through what I'm going through right now.
I've spoken to some people in my life who have done IVF and struggled with infertility and they...
The resounding answer from them was like, yeah, that is the hardest part of IVF is when other people around you get pregnant. And it's like excruciating kind of,
because you feel like the universe
is sort of playing a trick on you,
or you feel like you're getting punished,
or like, why not me?
What did I do wrong?
It just creates these awful feelings,
but at the same time, you're like wanting
to be excited for them.
And you know, also when people tell you this news,
when you're going through what you're going through,
it's always set up in a way where it's like,
I feel so bad telling you this, or I feel so guilty,
and that makes you feel worse almost.
There's really no good way to go about it.
And it's just, it has really been hard for me.
And I feel like I wanna talk about it and ask questions because I'm
so excited but at the same time I'm like, God this hurts and I just can't wait to be
there with them. So yeah, I'm sure if you've gone through it you will understand what I'm
saying and it's obviously such a beautiful blessing and I'm so happy for everyone listening
who's pregnant or whatever but But yeah, it just,
I would be lying if I said it didn't make it more, like it just complicates it. Yeah,
I've been dealing with that as well and just trying to figure out the best way to go about
everything. And honestly, I feel like since getting back from Colorado, I've been in a lot
better overhead space. I think getting back into my routine, going back to church,
praying, doing all the things I was doing before has really helped me regain my footing. I think
for a little bit there when I was out of my routine and probably drinking and eating things
that weren't making me feel good, like that made it harder.
And yeah, it helps to like wake up and do your workouts
and be around your animals and people you love.
And that's the other thing, like calling people you love.
I feel like it's so easy to self-isolate
during something like this.
And I feel like such a big thing for me has been like
friends and calling family and also just like being open.
It's obviously to everyone's own preference.
I've been so open about this whole thing.
And sometimes I have moments where I'm like, should I have not done that?
Like, you know, a lot of people in real life come up to me and talk about it with me or ask questions, which is obviously welcomed.
I'm putting it out in the open. That's kind of what I'm asking for. Sometimes when I don't
want to talk about it, I'm like, oh, why did I ever publicize this? But I think this was
actually mentioned in the last church service I watched online. It was about like, and for
anyone who's listening and is like, oh, it was Mari suddenly religious. It's just something I've been doing during this process is like attending church
and kind of like figuring out, it just feels good to be in a positive community. But the last church
service was about the pain that God gives us and, you know, having this feeling of like, why me?
It's so unfair. Like not having a reason
that we're going through something so hard until later.
Like understanding the greater purpose later on.
Like we're all going through
what we're going through for a reason.
And I feel that way strongly about my fitness journey.
And when I say fitness journey,
I mean like my mental health journey.
Like all the things I went through in my childhood,
like figuring out how to find happiness again, back when I lost like my mental health journey, like all the things I went through in my childhood, like figuring out how
to find happiness again, back when I lost weight and found
health and found discipline and how to love myself and how to
like, get a job and how to build a business, like all of those
things I went through were obviously for a greater purpose.
Like I never intended on sharing it, but when I did, it turned
into this crazy, beautiful
community that I'm still, it's crazy. People still come up to me and say that me posting
in 2017 changed their lives and hearing their stories. I could have never have imagined
how impactful and fulfilling that would be for me. And I almost am viewing this journey
the same way. I'm like okay well honestly
this feels harder than what I went through back then and I'm like what is the purpose of this and
I'm sure it's sort of unfolding for me in front of my eyes now like even having women come up and
say like thank you so much for talking about it and you made me feel seen and we appreciate you
sharing and whatever. I get negative comments too, but seeing just like me talking about it
and making people feel less alone,
I feel like is my purpose in life as it is
and who knows, you know, moving forward what will happen
and the amount of gratitude I'll have and stuff.
So I'm just keeping that in my head
as like this greater purpose.
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Just some things, I made a little list of things that have been really helping me as well, because if you're going through something really hard or fertility, it can often feel like
life is literally just on a pause. And it's difficult to prioritize things that might make
you feel better
because you kind of just wanna skip to the end,
just skip to the good part.
Things that really help, I obviously mentioned church,
the praying or gratitude practice
and I've spoken about this a couple of times
but like first thing I do when I wake up in the morning
is literally get on my knees and pray and say like,
please give me the strength to get through this day.
Give me the strength to have optimism, like to have hope and please like help us have a healthy
family and you know, it changes every day. But I say something every morning and every night I say
thank you so much for today. Thank you for keeping me healthy. Thank you for the amazing house I live
in. Thank you for my husband. Thank you for, you know, I have so many things to be thankful for and I think when we do that it reminds us that
there's good things happening too. Because I think with IVF and infertility you're
like, oh my god my life sucks, I hate this so much, why is this happening to me?
But there's so many good things happening around us and it's so easy to
overlook when all you want in life is a baby. I so get it. It's so consuming. Like,
seriously, I so get it. But to open your eyes and remember like, wow, I'm in the perfect position
right now to have a baby. I've built my life to be what it is so that I can do this. Like,
thank you for the people around me. Like, seriously, I feel like I'm the most set up right now to go
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Oftentimes lately I'll go to a class
because it just distracts me
and helps me like be with friends and stuff.
Or, you know, I did Barry's this morning,
I'll do Pilates.
If I'm at home, I'll use the Strength app,
which is my fitness app.
If you wanna check that out in the description box,
just something to like get moving,
like go on a walk, like go outside.
It's essential for me. I can't just be sitting on the couch right now. It's not good for my mental
health. So working out, friends, getting a coffee, going for breakfast afterwards, just like filling
my space with like support. And I seriously like, I mean, I don't know if my friends listen to my
show. I think they do sometimes, but they hear me. I mean, I don't know if my friends listen to my show, I think they do
sometimes, but they hear me. I mean, I FaceTime them all day, so they're probably sick of me,
but just having like support, especially from just women in my life has been so crucial for me and
just feeling like everyone's rooting for me. I mean, I actually could cry thinking about it.
Like it just feels like no one has to care this much but they do and it really is very very moving
and I think it's been super duper helpful for me. Things that make me feel like I'm preparing for
the embryo transfer so this could also apply to like trying to conceive but um acupuncture
I just started doing acupuncture I'm going to be doing it every single week leading up to the
transfer I'm actually trying out two places right now because I'm just a psychopath and I want it to be perfect.
But I went to this one guy yesterday
and it was a very interesting experience.
It was unlike any other acupuncture I've ever done.
Normally when I've done it,
they just stick needles in you and leave for an hour.
But this guy was moving the needles around,
putting pressure on my rib cage and my wrist
and like really like reading my body
and doing light therapy at the same time
and giving me suggestions for supplements
leading up to the transfer
and he had a heating lamp on my feet
and it was really interesting actually,
very like educational.
I also had some DMs that you should try
putting the heating lamp over
your uterus area which I plan on asking for. I've also been doing like red light
therapy on that area. I don't know about you guys but my IVF doctor is not very
holistic so I bring these ideas to him where I'm like okay what do you think?
Pomegranate juice, red light therapy, acupuncture, pineapple husks, Brazil nuts
and he's like lol I mean if you want to do that, you can.
He actually called it magical thinking last time I asked about it.
He was like, I mean, I'm all here for magical thinking if it makes you feel better, do that.
And I was like, okay, thanks.
He's very statistical, very logical, not super into my like crunchy granola stuff,
but I'm into it and it's making me feel better.
So I'm doing it. And I personally, you guys, I mean, it's the pursuit of it and it's making me feel better. So I'm doing it.
And I personally, you guys, I mean,
it's the pursuit of wellness.
Like I'm into this shit, so I'm doing it.
So things that help me feel like I'm preparing,
acupuncture, pomegranate juice, red light,
self care in general, like face masks and, you know,
anything to calm me down.
Being around animals has always been a big one for me.
Like the chickens, the dogs, the horse,
like seriously, lif big one for me. Like the chickens, the dogs, the horse, like seriously lifesaver for me and
reading. This is such a big one guys for me because I think the
time that I struggled the most with anxiety is at night when
I'm laying there trying to fall asleep and I'm spiraling. If I
okay, so I picked up fourth wing. Actually tons of you
freaked out on my Instagram when I posted fourth wing and you
were like welcome to the club. It took me a minute to pick that book up, but now I'm
deeply obsessed with Violet and Zayden. But it is a fantasy novel. It reminds me of Akatar,
Court of Thorn and Roses. It's like about dragons and I love fantasy stuff. And honestly,
it makes me feel like I'm escaping into a different world for a minute and it is seriously helping my brain detach from obsessing and I you know I also have very OCD
tendencies so I think I do tend to obsess about like results and stuff so this is really helping
me so if you are struggling with something right now I highly recommend picking up a fantasy novel
just to kind of escape for a minute.
I don't know if that's healthy, but.
Well, I'm gonna conclude this life update
slash whatever you wanna call it,
IVF advice, dark time advice.
I don't even know what to call it,
but I love you guys so much.
Thank you for your patience with me.
Also, I just wanna add,
I know I think me and Fee mentioned this being like a celebrity guest episode that unfortunately
didn't work out. I kind of think it was for the best. It was an amazing guest that maybe
we'll come on in the future. We'll see, but it didn't work out this time. So for now,
we're going to continue with solo episodes, girl chats, and I'm also looking
at bringing on a doula and some pregnancy experts onto the show because obviously I'm
very interested in that right now.
Possibly I'll make an acupuncturist.
Let's see.
But I'm kind of just to be real with you guys, as I said before, IVF is such a consuming
time.
It's taking up all my energy and truthfully,
although I love biohacking and extreme wellness,
it's just not where my head's at right now.
So I could sit here and have a conversation
about red dye 40 and toxic materials,
but I would much rather talk about this,
women's health, pregnancy, and that's just where my head's at and I want
to be authentic with you guys.
I hope that's okay and I hope you guys are enjoying it.
If you are, just a reminder to follow, subscribe, whether you're on Spotify or Apple or YouTube,
you can watch the videos on YouTube, leave a review, go follow us at The Pursuit of Wellness
and I will see you guys in the next episode. Bye!
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