Pursuit of Wellness - Life Update: The Chillest Horse, The Wildest Wedding & Why I’m Disappearing Soon
Episode Date: March 27, 2025Ep. 186: In today’s solo episode, I’m catching you up on everything—because, wow, there’s a lot going on. I’m in the final stretch before my embryo transfer and feeling all the things: dizzy..., overwhelmed, and emotional AF. I open up about IVF side effects, the pressure of social media speculation, and why I’m stepping away from Instagram after the transfer. I also share stories from a secret (and very wild) wedding weekend in Mexico, staying sober through it all, and my ongoing horse girl era. Plus, a mini Q&A on IVF, wellness, and mindset. Thanks for being here—your support means the world right now! Leave Me a Message - click here! For Mari’s Instagram click here! For Pursuit of Wellness Podcast’s Instagram click here! For Mari’s Newsletter click here! Sponsored By: Treat acne and aging without harsh ingredients. Visit clearstem.com/POW for 20% off your first order with code POW. Get 20% off Foria’s all-natural period relief products at foriawellness.com/POW or use code POW at checkout. Quit cooking with toxins—Caraway’s non-toxic cookware helps keep microplastics out of your meals. Get 10% off at carawayhome.com/MARI. Show Links: Dr. Gabrielle Lyon on Muscle, Creatine & the Links Between H Pylori & Acne Dr. Mark Hyman on The Truth Behind Metformin, Gut Health, PCOS, Fertility Issues, Hormone Health & Ozempic Bloom Creatine supports lean muscle, strength, recovery, and cognitive function—making it a daily essential for every woman’s wellness routine. Topics Discussed 00:00:00 Life update 00:10:08 How to stay consistent if you constantly fall off the wagon 00:11:28 Suggestions for IVF and PCOS 00:12:10Natural supplement recommendations during IVF 00:12:41 Horse update 00:13:31 Approach to seed oils? 00:13:54 Relaxation tips during IVF 00:15:03 Will you ride pregnant? 00:15:43 IUI 00:16:12 How to balance wellness goals with demanding work? 00:16:55 How to find reliable business mentors and supporters? 00:21:43 Veneers 00:23:12 Embryo transfer process 00:23:50 PCOS and Metformin 00:24:13 How to pass the time while trying to conceive 00:24:46 Why all the solo episodes? 00:25:19 Workouts during IVF 00:25:51 Getting through the tough moments during IVF 00:27:42 The most annoying and the best thing you’ve heard from other people while going through IVF
Transcript
Discussion (0)
This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn.
Hello everyone, welcome back to a solo episode. We have a lot to catch up on. Today's a big
episode. We have a lot happening with IVF. I want to be so honest, I just got to the studio
I want to be so honest. I just got to the studio and
I'm on all new medication leading up to the transfer and they warned me I might feel dizzy And I'm definitely feeling that way right now
I started progesterone shots, which are kind of known as being like the worst part of IVF. They go in your butt
They can be really painful. Honestly
Hasn't been that bad so far Greg is like doing a great job
And then I'm taking like endometriine all this stuff, like a lot of suppositories.
Just I'm so sorry if you don't want to hear about this, but like you're basically
shoving pills up my vagina all day and taking pills orally, injections.
Like honestly, this feels like more medicine intense than the IVF like stim shots.
Like I feel like I'm having to stay on top of so many different meds and legit as I pulled
in the office today, I'm so dizzy.
So I apologize if I sound low energy or my eyes are like not focused.
I am not doing great right now, but I was like, you know what?
I want to get on the mic and tell them what's going on because that is the point of the show. I also wanted to say I feel so much more comfortable
sharing here on the podcast and with the Pow Girls. I feel like Instagram and TikTok feel really
vulnerable and you never really know what algorithm you're going to land on. Just like the
way that people, I don't know, I went to a wedding in Mexico which we need to talk about I
posted a photo and everyone's commenting like pregnant calling it now she's
pregnant and it's getting like a hundred plus likes and it's just like dude
people are so rude I get why people are guessing that. Of course, I've been talking about it a lot
and that is completely reasonable. But just the way they go about it. People are so insensitive
sometimes, but anyways, my transfer is coming up. And I just want to be clear. I think I've
said this. I haven't shared the exact date of the transfer because just to be
honest with you guys, I don't know if it's going to work and it takes two weeks to even find out
if it did work and those two weeks are going to be really hard and really anxiety provoking.
I'm going to try my best to not test at home. I know a lot of girls do that, but you can have
false negatives, you can have false positives. I just don lot of girls do that, but you can have false negatives,
you can have false positives. I just don't want to do that to my mental state. Let's
see if I actually stick with that, but I have to wait a while to find out if it even worked.
And then even after that, you're not really out of the woods until a few days later because
you have to keep going back for more testing. So I don't want to share that the day
because I don't want people reaching out constantly to see if it works. I don't want to add that
pressure on myself and I don't want it jinx it. I don't know. I'm just having a lot of feelings
around it. So honestly, I was feeling really good before about 15 minutes ago. I was pretty nervous about going to Mexico.
It was one of my best friend's weddings
and I knew I really wanted to be there for her.
We've become super close the past like six months
and I had just heard about this wedding so much from her
and it was such an honor to be invited
and I was definitely nervous about traveling outside
the country with my meds and just like,
I didn't wanna get sick and all these things but it was such a beautiful, magical experience.
I think it was the perfect thing for me to do, to be surrounded by love, good vibes,
sunshine, beach.
I stayed 100% sober the whole weekend, which it was the craziest wedding, guys.
I can't even put into words. I wasn't allowed to share about it on Instagram because it's going to be shared in a
major publication, so we have to wait. But oh my gosh, I got to celebrate with my best friends and
see someone I care about so much get married. Actually, she's been on the show, Paige Mykoski,
founder of Aviator Nation, and her wife, Jess. And it was so unbelievably special.
And I'm so grateful that I went and pushed through that
and made it work.
And I actually felt amazing the whole weekend.
And it was actually a fantastic test to see,
oh, I can be sober and have so much fun.
I was dancing my face off, vibing with Greg,
just having such a
good time and I didn't even need alcohol. So I was really proud of myself for that and
really grateful I did that because I think I would have a lot of regret if I had drank,
to be honest. If anything doesn't go to plan with the transfer, I'm sure I would blame
myself. So that's kind of my mindset with it.
And this is a really crazy time.
Like this is such a big upcoming thing and I just keep thinking about it and dreaming
about it and it's a lot of feelings.
So please keep me in your prayers if you can and send the good vibes.
I really appreciate it and I appreciate
you guys sticking with me through the past few months. It's been a little tough for me to show
up here the same way that I used to and I love this show so much and I'm so proud of everything
I've done and the conversations we've had and the community we have. And it's just incredible.
And I think as I spoke about in a recent episode,
just like taking a step back
and allowing myself some breathing room
has been necessary, but also really hard for me.
Like I really don't like living in the gray area.
I like being the absolute best
or not doing it at all, basically,
not in a competitive way, but just like for myself. And I think that comes from my fitness journey and
learning to live at my full potential at all times. And this has been a very interesting shift. Like
my fitness journey was so transformative and so meaningful in a different way. It was like all
about discipline, motivation, pushing myself to be the best, keeping my own promises and, you know,
really taking control of my life. And in this season, I've had to completely let go control and
stop caring what my body looks like and really love myself through every stage and stop stop valuing myself at you know my accomplishments so i also just wanna say regardless of the transfer results like i probably will not share them for a while.
I actually plan on fully deleting social media for as long as i can post transfer i think.
The state of mind that you're in is really, really important.
And I want to protect my energy and feel the best that I can.
And that's just like a huge piece of this.
And I think if I'm on social media, that just will not happen.
So I'm really treating this as like a sacred time in my life.
I'm also not recording the next couple of weeks.
So if you hear some like mashups and things like that that is why and then we'll be picking
back up with guests pretty soon and we have some amazing guests lined up so
definitely stay tuned for that and I appreciate you guys sticking around it
really means the absolute world so that is a majority of my updates. I want to
tell you all about the wedding I went to.
I don't know if I'm like allowed to
because of the publication situation,
but guys, it was like a full blown three day extravaganza.
I mean, Paige is the most creative person I know
and she planned the entire wedding, sketched everything out.
The cake, I can't even, the cake was insane, you guys.
Like definitely check out my Instagram in a few days
when I'm allowed to post about it,
cause it was fricking nuts.
It was a full, they had a music festival
until five in the morning.
Like I stayed up till 2.30, I was really proud of myself.
But I will get into that definitely at a later time
because it was just, I can't even put it into words.
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Let's do a Q&A. How to stay consistent when you constantly fall off the wagon biggest struggle for me.
This is yeah, like that used to be me before 2017.
I mean I wasn't even really on a wagon to begin with.
I just kind of would have spurts of, I, I'm going to go to the gym now.
Oh, I will try and eat healthy now.
Um, and it was never really a full commitment.
I think that's the difference.
It's like, you really have to want to change your life and change the person
that you are, not change who you are, but like hone in on that best version of you.
And I think once you hone in on that, there's really no option.
I think deciding like, hey, I am the type of person
who shows up no matter what,
that is what you need to kind of channel.
And if you keep falling off the bandwagon,
I would, and maybe this is harsh advice,
but like you're not keeping your own promises
and you're not showing up for yourself.
And it's like a realization you need to have. Your life will change the second that you start showing up
consistently and it's not about motivation. It's like, hey, I do this regardless. I remember on my
fitness journey, it was like a crazy snow day. No one could even drive and I like took myself to
the gym and like tried to get in and it was closed and I did an at-home workout instead and I remember
being like really pissed
because I was like, I need to do this.
I think that's the difference.
You got to really want it.
Recently started IVF stims with PCOS.
I'm scared my quality will be bad.
Any suggestions?
There's a book called,
It All Starts With The Egg, I think it's called on Amazon.
There are so many things you can do for egg quality,
red light therapy, diet, supplementation.
I wouldn't be scared.
I have PCOS too and I have a good amount of embryos
and things worked out for me.
The thing you have to be careful with with PCOS
is you do get kind of overstimulated.
It's called OHSS, like ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.
That's what happened to me post egg retrieval
and I would just be conscious of that. But everything's gonna be fine. I have faith for you and you're
good. About to start IVF, any natural supplements you took. Definitely get
yourself the prenatal or there's even an egg IVF freeze pack from Parallel. I got
that. I take some Chinese medicine herbs, drink your pomegranate juice, drink your beet juice,
eat your Brazil nuts, eat your pineapple, get enough protein in.
Yeah, you're on so many meds, the natural supplements, like I definitely actually cut
down a lot on everything I was taking.
So just really focus on the good things and like zinc, vitamin D. Do you own the Palomino
horse you've been riding recently? So the tea with that, I have been extra cautious right now
during this home stretch to the transfer.
I don't want anything bad to happen.
And it's not that my horse Red is a bad horse
or misbehaved by any means.
I don't know, like he spooks sometimes,
like he's not a beginner horse necessarily.
He's an amazing horse and so sweet and kind-mannered.
Golden Boy, the Palomino I've been riding is old, slow,
and like literally doesn't even care about anything.
Like a bomb could go off and he'd be fine.
So that just makes me feel more secure.
And I have my, the girl that runs the barn, Kaylin, riding Red. So we ride
together and I get to see Red and hang out with him but I am just being really careful right now.
How do you approach seed oils? Completely avoid or in moderation. Honestly, moderation. I absolutely
do not choose to eat seed oils and I avoid them when I can but like you know you got to live your
life and if something has a seed oil in it and I ate it,
I think we'll be okay.
I think living a life where you're terrified
of eating anything is almost worse.
You know, it's more stressful on the body.
About to start IVF, what have you done to relax?
I struggle with over planning and researching.
Totally, I have been there.
I used to be obsessed with going on TikTok
and looking up IVF and like researching.
It has taken a minute, but I've really gotten to a place now where I feel pretty relaxed.
I really have allowed myself to slow down.
I think like I was addicted to rushing and being productive and I've had to really let that go and embrace this like slow mindful lifestyle where you're
like putting the phone down, you're not over obsessing and I'm like making my sourdough
bread, I'm going outside, I'm hanging out with the dogs and the chickens and like you
just got to do it.
I mean, this is a season of life where you need to be selfish and prioritize yourself.
And unfortunately with IVF there's ups and downs and you can't really control how you
like me for example, I'm here for a work day and I don't feel good.
And that's just going to happen.
You're pumping yourself with hormones and things that your body's like what the heck's
going on.
You're building a baby like essentially that's what you're doing and you need to give yourself
grace.
Will you ride pregnant?
That's such an interesting great question and it's something I am so back and forth
on because horses bring me so much joy and it makes me really sad to think I can't ride.
I think I will inevitably be really careful because of everything I've been through and
with horses you never know. Again like I have this golden boy horse who is super duper safe rides
with kids, old people like he doesn't put a foot out of place but I think I want to
get through the first trimester before I consider that and probably just walk or
trail ride or just keep it super chill like I do not want to risk anything so
we will see. Did you try IUI first or was IVF your only option?
I did three rounds of IUI.
The success rate's really low and it's a lot.
Like they give you medication
and you have to time everything perfectly
and you can't really travel
and you never know the day that they're gonna have you
take the trigger shot and it's a whole thing.
I think it's worth trying.
It's like the more casual version before IVF,
but honestly, like, I mean, I could say I wish I did IVF
sooner, but I think everything happens for a reason,
you know?
How to balance wellness goals with extremely demanding work.
How do y'all do it?
Yeah, I mean, right now I'm in a different season,
but before when we were like, calendar was literally
back to back to back.
I would wake up super early.
I'd wake up at like 5.30, six in the morning,
get my workout in.
I was just so regimented, I would say,
and like kept a routine I could really keep up with.
I think that's the biggest thing.
It's so important to like, if you want something,
you gotta prioritize it and you gotta wake up extra early,
do what you need to do, pack your meals,
meal prep on the weekend.
I know it's a lot and it can be hard,
but I think prioritizing wellness will just like benefit
every other part of your life.
How do you find reliable business mentors and supporters?
I feel like Greg and I have done a really good job of this
for the most part.
I feel, so for example, like the president of job of this for the most part. So for example,
the president of Bloom is Greg's high school best friend, Leo, and one of my best friends,
and he ordained our wedding. And I think we like to keep our circle tight and small. Greg's mom
was our accountant for so many years, and she's still my accountant for pow. The people we trust,
I think it's really important to us, and we've learned that over the years. We've definitely made some mistakes here
and there but I think you can really tell when someone's writing for you and has a like really
shares your vision and I think it's important to work with people who also like respect your
feelings and there's so many things like I think it's just easy to tell when someone really has
your best interest at heart.
So yeah, but it's taken time, like hiring can be really, really tough.
Do you plan to announce pregnancy right away or wait till your second trimester?
I think, I mean, listen guys, like in my personal life, I'm horrible at keeping secrets.
Like everything just falls out of my mouth.
Like I'm not, I'm not good at that, but I think I will wait in terms of sharing
on the internet because it's just scary.
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Can you talk about your experience with veneers? Process cost worth it?
So for those of you who don't know, I do have veneers.
Full top row.
I had really small teeth that had gaps.
And in the UK, braces and things and dental work is not like super popular.
Maybe it is now, but like the stereotype is true,
we have pretty awful teeth.
It was a huge insecurity of mine,
I used to smile mouth closed like this, always,
and I would never show my teeth,
and I never really got braces, I tried Invisalign,
like, but it just, like I didn't get my teeth fixed,
and then when my job became primarily on camera,
I was like, wow, I'm so deeply insecure
of my smile and talking. And I told myself, like, actually it was during COVID, I am getting this
done no matter what, because I need to boost my confidence. And it was so expensive. I mean,
I don't even want to say the number. It was probably the most expensive thing I've ever bought
other than my house. But it was a lot of money, but it made the biggest difference.
It was a process.
I was in there probably four days in a row.
They shaved down your teeth.
They put the temporary ones in, but I'm so happy with them.
I went to like Benstonhurst Dental in Brooklyn, I want to say, with Dr. Daniel Rubin.
I think they look supernatural. I love them and
people usually don't even realize I have veneers so yeah made a huge difference on my face.
What does the transfer look like exactly? So I don't know every detail but I do know. So I go
into the surgery center but they don't put me under they give give me a Valium. And then I sit in a chair and Greg is next to me
and we watch on a screen as they impregnate me,
which I think is just insane.
Like we watch them take the embryo
and put it in my uterine lining.
Like apparently it's very emotional, I'm sure it will be.
And then they give you a picture of the embryo.
I don't even know what to expect,
but I'm so excited and so ready
and excited to just
keep up my routine this week and prepare and do all the warm drinks and all the things
I'm supposed to be doing.
PCOS and metformin, have you tried?
No.
And honestly, my take on that, and I know people love metformin, I think it's a really
outdated medicine and it doesn't have the best side effects and I don't think it's great
for you.
I think there's like much better methods and I've actually done a lot of episodes on this topic.
Like if you scroll back with Dr. Mark Hyman and Dr. Gabrielle Lyon, how do you pass the time while
in trying to conceive error? Why does it feel like time stands still? I know, I think that's the
biggest thing I struggled with. I stayed busy in like the most
calm way possible, like lots of walks, sourdough, horses, just like things that make you so happy,
being with friends and loved ones. I know it can be so hard though to be patient, just know that
the end goal is so worth it, you know, and it feels like a long time but in reality compared to how
long we've been trying to have a baby, it's like a small snapshot. I love how we are getting
so much from you on the pod. What made you decide to focus more on that? Having guests
is, like I take it really seriously and when I have a guest on, I do a ton of research.
I want to be super prepped and do a great interview. I love interviewing, but I feel
like right now it's so difficult for me to honestly put my energy
anywhere else except into my fertility journey so I just had to take a pause on guests and I'm
excited to bring them back at some point but like one thing I hate is cancelling on people and right
now with how up and down this journey is I don't even want to get locked into that. Have you changed
your workouts at all while doing IVF? 100%. They are definitely
less intense. Like I'm walking, I try to get 10,000 steps a day but I'm not like jumping around,
I'm not doing barriers, I'm not going crazy. Especially these next few days, I'm just like
slow working out if that makes sense. Where is your leopard dress from? That's from Retrofit.
I loved it, especially right now
while I'm like puffy and bloated and not feeling 100%.
It was like great.
Let's listen to some voice messages.
Hi Mari, my name is Tiffany.
I live in Colorado.
I have a question about IVF and your journey.
I have been diagnosed with stage four endometriosis
for a few years now,
so I know it's gonna be a little bit difficult.
So they're predicting two to three rounds of IVF
to get enough eggs for us to fertilize.
So I'm curious if there's been downsides
and how you would advise to getting through those
tough little moments where emotions are higher
than you expect or what you would
suggest for staying calm and managing stress during this incredibly stressful time. Thank
you.
Thanks, Tiffany. Yeah, totally feel you. There's not much that can prepare you for how you're
going to feel. The way I would describe it is it's very up and down because one day you
have good news, the next day and you're excited,
you're excited to get started. But then when it takes a long time or maybe you don't get such good
news or you have something happens, it can feel really lonely. I think the biggest thing is like,
it's one of the hardest things you'll ever go through and not many people understand what it's
like. And I think finding people, even if you're not super close with them,
to connect with and ask questions is really, really helpful.
I think, again, developing some calming hobbies
to do at home, cooking, painting, whatever you're into.
The thing that I'm really happy that I did
is I got in the head space of this is gonna be a weird time
and things are gonna look different for me,
and I'm not gonna be able to show up in the best version of myself at work.
I think that was a huge thing for me because I'm so career oriented and just getting in
that mindset of like, almost like it sounds weird, but almost like you're already pregnant
and you're like treating life differently. I think that will help you like really handle
what's to come.
Hi Mari. My name is Eldana. Excuse my voice, I have a cold. I have two questions for you.
The first one is, what is the most annoying, repetitive thing that you hear from people
when they find out that you're going through infertility and IVF. And then the second part is what's the best or positive
or most impactful thing that you've heard from people or a person while going through
this journey. I'm really curious as somebody that's gone through it myself, some people
just chiming in on something they absolutely have no clue about. But then there were some
really great things that I heard from people. So I'm curious to hear how it's been for you.
Thank you so much. I love you. Bye.
Oh, love you too. That's so sweet. Great question. There's definitely a lot of that. And it's
interesting how little people know about the process. It's definitely long and confusing
and it's hard to explain to people.
I actually made a TikTok about this.
Interestingly, with the transfer, for example,
I know everyone has the best intentions
and they're just trying to make me feel good,
but when people are like,
you can't even think that it might not happen.
You have to just, you have to act like
it's definitely gonna happen and manifest it
and there's no other way that it will,
there's no way it won't happen.
Like you need to be positive.
And I'm like, yeah.
But also like you haven't been through
what I've been through
and I have to be so cautious with my feelings.
Like what I like to say is like cautiously optimistic.
Like of course I do have confidence
and I do feel like it will happen and I feel good about it, but I'm not
gonna say like it's definitely gonna work and I'm 100% gonna be pregnant. Like if I let myself get
there I'll be crushed if it doesn't work. Like I need to have some realistic thinking behind it.
So I think that's tough when people are like trying to tell me to think a certain way when
it's like well you haven't been's like, well, you haven't been
through a fertility journey, you don't know.
Like I've been crushed so many times,
like I'm traumatized, like of course I need to be cautious.
So I think that's a little tough.
I think some of the best things or connections I've had
through this journey is like meeting people,
even at the wedding I was at the past weekend,
the bride's sister had been
through it and she just was like really kind and kept coming up to me and giving me words of advice
and just validating my feelings and just making me feel so seen. I think connecting with women
who have been through it has been the strongest tool for me at this point. So I think leaning into that has been
so so deeply helpful. But people are going to say crazy insensitive things to you. I
think that happens during pregnancy. I think it happens during IVF. Like I think that's
just kind of part of it. So I completely understand. Guys, thank you so so much for all the questions.
Again, I apologize for my lower energy today. We're getting through the home stretch of IVF here. I really appreciate all the love and I'll see you in the
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