Pursuit of Wellness - POWerful Moment: 006 - Tobi Pearce on Rediscovering Your Identity After Success and Finding Happiness.

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

In this POWerful Moment from Episode #42, Tobi shares the ups and downs of his journey from building a successful business to navigating life after a massive exit. He talks about the unexpected challenges that came with financial success and how it reshaped his perspective on work and life. Tune in for an honest conversation about growth, purpose, and the lessons that come with finding balance after big wins. Listen or watch the full podcast here:  On Apple click here!  On Spotify click here! 

Thank you guys for joining me for another powerful moment from one of my favorite episodes. This is a highlight clip to enhance your week I hope you enjoy so Obviously you had a very successful exit with sweat. Yep a 400 million dollar exit at age 29 Well, I think it was two weeks before my 29th birthday No way, okay, so you were still in your 20s, which is considerably young What was it like to have that level of financial success at that age? Yeah, so going back into my very early 20s, so like I also even before that, so I left home, I was working like two or three jobs, kind of after high school, making like $30,000

a year, $40,000 a year. And that was like a lot at that point. Like for me, it was a lot, you know, to starting PT, you know, did about 150K in my first year, you know, and then three years after that, did about 10 million. Right. So the, the curve of like, or like, you know, the financial, you know, wealth generation or income generation was like financial, or like wealth generation or income generation was like quite aggressive early on. So I think like by the time I got to like actually selling the organization, you obviously got some money as a part of that. I think it was two things happened at the same time.

Like one was, okay, well, now kind of hit a point where that's never ever gonna be a problem in my life, unless I've made a whole bunch of really bad decisions. Right, so presumably there's a decent degree of safety there. But then like outside of the money, what ended up happening, which I probably naively didn't really consider enough, was that I had a massive identity crisis almost immediately after doing the deal. Because I'd worked very diligently in the background to set the organization up so that it would effectively run itself. So like by the time we sold the company, you know, with a

kind of grain of salt, I would really do about five significant meetings per month and that would that would pretty much run the company. Yes, I did other stuff in between of course, but it was really five primary meetings per month that run the company. So when we sold the company, a few months later my COO took my position and I was kind of out. And so like this after that, it's like, okay, well, you're no longer the founder guy, you're no longer the CEO guy, you don't really have a job or a place to go. You don't really like see all of

the people that you love working with, you know, this out and the other, it's like, well, who the hell are you? So like, it all goes, you know, kind of just like, you know, disappears overnight. And I think for me, that was actually, it was a really valuable experience because it definitely helped me realize that although I loved the game, I had my own kind of like blinders on in some regards. So those remarks before about like people take a lot of status

in the CEO title, this, that, the other, that wasn't, I didn't necessarily have that. That wasn't it for me. But I definitely kind of unconsciously took status and being like, but I have a business. This is me. I'm hustling, the business is me. So there was no, in my mind,

there was no fundamental differentiation between the company and me. The identity was quite shared. And it wasn't until after having gone through that process, I was like, oh, okay, that was a very risky position to be in. That was probably a very unwise approach on my part. And obviously, this is like, oh, okay, that was a very risky position to be in. Yeah, and that was probably a very unwise, you know, like approach on my part. And obviously, you know, this is part

of the development journey, you know, as we get older and hopefully wiser. So like that was like the money part was actually a much smaller component of it for me than necessarily like the identity piece. Yeah, that was actually something I was gonna ask you about because I've had a lot of entrepreneurs tell me and Greg that is the hardest thing to experience because your business becomes who you are,

especially when it's bootstrapped. You were involved from the beginning. It's your child. It's everything that you know. I mean, Bloom is like the only real job I've had other than working the front desk at a gym making minimum wage. So I don't really know anything else. How do you even begin to rebuild your identity after that?

Because it's not like you necessarily needed to go work more. Yeah. Well, it's like, who the hell are you? This is a question I ask myself. So like, and I remember it was like quite an interesting thing. Like shortly after I had moved house and I didn't have any furniture in the house. I had like literally an inflatable mattress and this was, I was like working out my last couple of months of, you know, kind of handover. And so I, you know,

kind of finished up on the Friday. Yeah. I went to like give this speech to the company saying, thank you for your support and all this stuff over, you know, the many previous years. Thank you for your support and all this stuff over many previous years. Anyway, I'm not typically a very emotional guy in this regard, but I was sobbing. I couldn't even get words out. I felt very embarrassed at the time almost because I'd spent seven years or whatever working with all these people and never once having given any emotion at all to being completely just like you could not control the emotion. Anyway, finish that call, kind of hang up,

and that's it, my job there is done. So I got away for the weekend, I get home, and then I wake up on my inflatable mattress, going on Monday morning, and I'm like. So you just made 400 million dollars, and you woke up on an inflatable mattress. Yeah, yeah. I don't attach much to things,

you've probably come to know that over time, but like. This is so funny. So I wake up and I'm like, oh, I'll go to my favorite cafe. So I go on a breakfast and I was like, but normally my routine would be like, I go to the cafe and get coffee, go to work. And I was like, well, I'm not going to go to work. And I was like, so I go home and I was going to read for a bit. And I'm like, this is actually, this is, this is quite hard.

This is got nothing to do. You know, I'm like, fuck, I'm pretty lonely actually, you know, like I'm sitting here and I'm like, how would I do, you know? And so like, you go through this massive, and for me it was probably like a three to six month process. It was quite hard actually, like, and my coach, you know, my psychologist I've worked with

for sort of six or seven years, he said to me, he's like, Toby, this presents you an incredible opportunity to get really good at being bored. And like I didn't properly understand you know like what that meant, you know like at the time, but it was excruciatingly painful for me. But yeah, like literally it was months of like,

you know kind of like meditating and you know journaling and talking to people and trying to figure out like what actually you know mattered to me. Like, cause when you're in a journey like that, and I mean you're in yours right now, like it is, it is in many regards, kind of a bubble, right? Like you're in that bubble for a little while. And it's hard to get out of the bubble,

to like kind of zoom out and get like perspective and figure out like, who are you kind of agnostic of the bubble that you're in. And so for me, like I said, the for many months being like, well, what do I actually even like doing? Yeah, because I would just work, like cause I like the game. I being like, well, what do I actually even like doing? Yeah, because I would just work. Like, because I like the game.

I was like, well, I definitely love business and I want to be in business, but I don't want to rush into something because I want it to be, you know, good to do. But I was like, well, what do I do in the interim? And I was like, oh, well, you're so, but this was one of the things that led me to the position that I'm in now,

which is sort of doing consulting and advisory with, you know, with founders is because I was like, well, I love the game, you know, and I love learning, which, you know, game is learning to me. But then I'm like, I really like the idea of helping other people achieve similar success that I had, but without them having to go through all the pain that I went through. Yeah. And so for me like that, I personally don't like this word, you know, the idea of like teaching, if it was kind of weird using that word, but like for me that like is and has been some of the most fulfilling stuff I've done in my career that I would have never ever imagined in my time at SWEAR. I would have never ever

thought for one minute, oh, like I'd love to actually help other people do that. It would have never occurred to me. That's kind of beautiful though. And I do feel like a lot of the time we find purpose in the pain. Oh, absolutely. And I love that you've turned it into that. Rachel mentioned to me actually that we were talking about what do we like outside of our jobs?

That is such a common issue, I think, for entrepreneurs. Yeah, huge. And she said you've actually helped her a ton, focus on her personal life as well as her career. How do you approach balancing the two? Yeah, so for me and for a lot of people as her career, how do you approach balancing the two? Yeah. So for me and for a lot of people who are first time founders that I've engaged in,

you have this fear that if you kind of don't like touch and control and be across everything, that the whole thing will blow up. And this is an elaborated story, but an example, a friend of mine, he's in his mid forties, he's got three children three daughters and I was talking to him, you know once about kids and he's like, oh, yeah you have the first one and you wrap them in cotton wool and you gently place them you're in the cot and then Five or ten times a night you come in just to like listen to them or poke them to see if they're still alive Because you're not sure if they're dead right because you have massive paranoia that like something is going to go wrong, right?

You've left the hospital and you're like, what the hell is this little nugget? Right? Anyway, that obviously that all works out. And then you have the second kid and you're like, oh, you just kind of a bit sloppy. You throw them in there, chuck a blanket over it. Yeah, that would be all right, right, right, whatever. And he's like, tell me the third kid, he's like, kick him down the hallway. That'll be fine.

And like the same principle is kind of applying in business, but it's really hard to get that perspective early on, right? And so to your initial points, like how do you kind of disassociate like the business and personal life and whatever. Part of this is understanding, so like one, there is no disassociation, like your identity is in some regard tied up with the business.

But like two, understanding from an emotional standpoint, like if you're not on top of everything and you don't know everything and it's not all working and it's perfect this, that, and the other, the baby will still live, it'll still survive. And that's a very important mentality, I think, for your founders early in their journey to have. It's like not everything has to be perfect.

And it's part of that emotional tension that makes it really hard for people to switch off. So they might work a 40, 50, 60 hour week, but mentally they work in 120 hours. Yeah, because they're freaking out about it all the time. And this is like what Rachel Ive would talk about all the time, she's like, she's like, you just are never worried.

She's like, you were just never stressed about anything. I mean, you just sent me five years ago. You know, I was crazy. Yeah. You're in a position where you don't need to be worried anymore. No, I have a very, very different perspective on it now. And again, I'm very grateful and fortunate, of course, to have that perspective.

Yes, part of that is having some money, but a huge part of that is actually learning. It's actually having the knowledge and the perspective to be like, okay, well, if your business dies, cool, you did it once, you did it again. Did that financial success change your view on success and happiness at all? Yeah, yeah, it did. And this is a fun aside, right? So if you're a first time founder

who didn't come from wealth or you have a reason that money is very important to you and you wanna build it, you spend your first half of many years trying to get it. You're like, you gotta get money, gotta get money, gotta get it, gotta get it. And then you get it. Maybe you sell a company or you have a really big year of profit or whatever and then you go, cool.

And you go, well fuck, I don't wanna lose it now. Yeah, and then that becomes a really big problem, right? And the fear of not losing it is in some regards almost worse than the fear of trying to get it because you didn't have it. So you had nothing to lose. But when you have it, then you're like, oh shit, I don't wanna lose it.

So it's a very different kind of mindset to go through. And that in itself is a really interesting journey to try and navigate. Part of the learning that even having money doesn't change your, won't necessarily change your perspective or the fear with it. That's a journey, you have to go through that journey to try to disassociate from the safety that it provides you.

But I think even some of the earlier remarks, people will see success as money. Yes, they'll see success as a CEO job title or an entrepreneur job title or a big office or lots of employees or winning a business award or whatever, right? You know, it's like, but like, and this is so cliche, but like if all that shit makes you really miserable,

like are you really winning? Yeah, like, cause I have lots of friends. I have a few friends who are billionaires and they've got planes and yachts and this and that and the other and whatever. It's like, we've spoken about this many times. I'm like, are you any happier since having those things? And they're like, no.

They're like, sure, I have like, it's more convenient. Yeah, like maybe my holidays are slot like they were here and now they're here. But it's like, but the importance of happiness doesn't come from those things. And I know some people would certainly argue that and we're all entitled to our beliefs, but like having more money doesn't really make you

any happier. You know, like. And I guess your level of normal is just different. Yeah, absolutely. You just adjust to the new normal. Yep, yep, absolutely. In my position, you know, I, so I bought a new house shortly after, you know, doing the deal. And a few friends of mine were like, they're like, oh man, you bought a new house shortly after doing the deal.

And a few friends of mine were like, oh man, you have a new house, you've massively upgraded. I'm like, I didn't buy that with the deal money. You bought it before? Yeah. And they're like, well, what do you mean? I was like, well, I haven't spent any of the deal money. And they're like, what do you mean? I was like, well, what would be the point in that? Have you bought anything crazy?

No. Oh, my gosh. Not a single thing. Well, the most, like literally the most crazy thing is a nice holiday. Which I think is amazing because it's such a good experience and memory. Yeah. Yeah. But like, and this is like part of the point too, right? You're like, yeah, I bought a slightly nicer, larger house.

At the moment in that house, at least 50% of the rooms have no furniture still. Are you just a minimalist? That stuff's just not that important to me. Yeah. Like and it's really strange, so you know going the other way around right like you know when I was very early in the journey it's like I had made about three or four hundred thousand dollars a year as a personal trainer and I bought myself a watch. Right? I didn't know anything about watches. I literally straight up bought that watch. I didn't know anything about watches.

I literally straight up bought that watch because I thought that that's what you did when you made money. It was a $15,000 Breitling. I still have it. I never wear it. Like literally ever. It's cool to keep that though. Yeah.

And of course I was like, oh yeah, I'm going to buy like a set of Louis Vuitton suitcases. Because that's what you do. Because this is what you do. I got them and shortly after I discovered them, I'm like, yeah yeah, I'm gonna buy like a set of Louis Vuitton suitcases. Right? Because that's what you do. Because this is what you do, right? But anyway, when I got them and I shortly after I discovered them, I'm like, yeah, they're nice looking and they're nice leather, but they're really bloody hard to use. Yeah, I have like a $300 Samson one and I use that and I've got a July suitcase as well. They're great. I don't have to worry about damaging them.

And like you can probably see, I'm quite practical more than I am. Style is not my thing. I'm not like cool. You look great. Yeah, this is Rachel. I was going to say, does Rachel help? These are like cargo pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even really know what they were until we met.

Thanks for listening to this powerful moment. If you want to hear the full episode, click the link in the show notes. Love you guys. Bye.