Pursuit of Wellness - Solo: Navigating My First IVF Appointment and Fertility Challenges

Starting point is 00:00:00 This is the Pursuit of Wellness podcast and I'm your host, Mari Llewellyn. Hi guys, welcome back to another solo episode today. We are talking life update, fertility update. It's honestly a great day for me to record because I am fresh off of my first IVF appointment. So I have a lot to fill you guys in on and I'm really excited to bring you along the journey. Obviously I've been talking about my fertility journey for about a year at this point, over a year at this point, and I think something that's brought me a lot of comfort is the fact that me sharing my struggles, my findings, my ups and downs,

Starting point is 00:00:45 my lessons I'm learning could be helping you guys on the other end, I really hope it is. And for some reason I feel like I'm not tentative about oversharing, I feel pretty comfortable talking about this journey, even though I do get unsolicited advice and random DMs and sort of like negativity around it I don't care because I do feel like there's a much more positive outcome the pros outweigh the cons if that makes sense and I've been very open about it on my podcast on my TikTok and my plan

Starting point is 00:01:20 is to continue doing that through IVF. I know as someone who has explored it for a while now, I really enjoy hearing about it, learning about it, having resources and I think the beauty of social media and podcasting is that we can sort of live through someone else's eyes and really get that full experience and have the knowledge before we do it ourselves. So I will be documenting and reporting on this IVF journey. So definitely subscribe to the show if you don't already go to my TikTok account. I've been sort of vlogging a ton about my fertility journey and talking about it and doing like little vlogs around

Starting point is 00:02:04 it. so go check that out as well. So I definitely want to talk to you guys about the appointment today because it's very exciting and I also want to share things like tools and practices I've been doing for just my mental health and stability through the journey. I know that's by far the most difficult part. I think month to month to month the most challenging piece of this puzzle has just been the mental anguish, waiting, the negative pregnancy tests, the yeah it's just been like pretty painful honestly and I think I've gotten a lot more hopeful and positive the past few months but I've definitely been through some dark periods of time so I do kind of want to share with you

Starting point is 00:02:48 guys the tools I've been using during that. Today was my first of many IVF appointments and I'm very very excited about it. I'm on day three and you know if you're a man or you don't want to hear this like tune out now but I'm on day three, and you know, if you're a man or you don't want to hear this, like tune out now, but I'm on day three of my cycle and that is the first day they ask you to come in for testing. So we did a blood test. It was very, very fast and easy. I think they were testing FSH and AMH and things like that. I also did a blood test last week before my cycle and then we also did a uterus exam Which kind of confused me when I first went in I like looked at the nurse and I was like, but I'm on my period Do we still are we still doing that? And she was like, yeah girl, we see it every day and I was like, okay, great

Starting point is 00:03:37 So did the uterus exam it went great It was interesting hearing his feedback on it because I've obviously had ultrasounds done a bunch of times at this point for IUI and I've seen my ovaries and my follicles a bunch. He mentioned that my uterus looked great. He was like it's a little more curved than usual which I'm not sure what that means but he looked at my ovaries he said they were very healthy, I have a high follicle count. We did see a cyst on the left ovary which I was really surprised by because, as I just said, have had so many ultrasounds done at this point and have never seen a cyst or been told I have a cyst. So I was a little bit surprised. Turns out it's new and it happened because I took

Starting point is 00:04:23 stimulation medication last month. So last month I took the Letrozole for IUI and what happens is when you take stimulation meds and the egg is released like you ovulate it leaves behind a cyst. So at first I was like oh my gosh are we going to have to pop this cyst like what is it in the way like like what are we gonna have to do? Turns out it just goes away by itself, thank God. So feeling good about that. And then after our uterus exam I went into the doctor's office and we basically ran through my entire schedule for the next two months. And honestly having a day-to-day schedule and seeing exactly how everything's gonna go the next two months brings me such a sense of peace. I know the exact window that I'm doing my

Starting point is 00:05:09 injections, the window that I'm not allowed to travel, the appointment days like when Greg needs to be there it honestly is just so nice to have this all laid out and I'm just really excited about it. So I went through the schedule with him, asked all my questions, the window that I'm doing really excited about it. So I went through the schedule with him, asked all my questions. The window that I'm doing my injections, I've been told by other, I know a lot of people who have gone through this and they've told me that you essentially wanna keep

Starting point is 00:05:36 that window like free of any, essentially treat it like you're out of the country. Like don't plan any work, don't plan any social occasions, like really focus on just relaxing and being at home and being healthy because that will help your chances of healthy eggs, healthy embryos. So I am doing the stimulation meds and you know,

Starting point is 00:06:02 if you're listening to this on January 9th, I'm recording in advance because of all of this so I probably will be done actually by the time you're listening to this but I will be doing stimulation injections from December 27th to January 5th so that window of time I will not be working which is kind kind of crazy, um, and I will pretty much just be at home chilling. And honestly that window of time couldn't be better because it's the holidays and we kind of don't have anything in the calendar during that time anyway, so I feel pretty grateful that it landed exactly where it should. My egg retrieval should be, oh,

Starting point is 00:06:44 okay, it should be January 8th which is the day before this comes out so I may have done it already by this point. If you guys want to go follow my TikTok it's like very much live updates and based on this plan my egg biopsy or embryo biopsy should be around January 14th anyway you guys don't need to know every single date but it really is bringing me a lot of peace to know that we have this plan and this will be my focus for the next month or so this episode of the pursuit of wellness is brought to you by Wild Grain.

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Starting point is 00:10:38 I was just talking to the girls in the studio and they were like, yeah, everyone's doing IVF right now. It's like trending. It really does feel like IVF has become, obviously we know from conversations we've had on this show, infertility is becoming such a prevalent issue for people my age because of all the toxins in the environment and the microplastics and the canola oil and all of the things. But that aside, it's so amazing that we have modern medicine and this is an toxins in the environment and the microplastics and the canola oil and all of the things. But that aside, it's so amazing that we have modern medicine and this is an option.

Starting point is 00:11:10 Obviously, it is a very expensive option. I'm just so grateful that I am in the position where I can do this and I just want to acknowledge that because I know not everyone has this option. So I do feel so, so grateful. And I hope that I can share with anyone who's interested in doing it and sort of Just be really transparent about how I'm feeling so along with that just advice for anyone going through fertility right now or

Starting point is 00:11:38 Struggling with it. I think some of the major tools I've used is number one sharing I mean, and that's a personal decision if you wanna be private or share, but I think sharing with people I'm close to and having them be aware of what I'm going through because it has allowed them to sort of give me space when I need it and understand if I'm not always showing up in the best, best mood,

Starting point is 00:12:03 that might be why. I think that's been the biggest thing is that in general I tend to be more positive, bubbly, ready to take everything on and I think the past few months it's just been so difficult for me that maybe I've felt like I haven't shown up as the best version of me and that's probably me being a little bit self-critical but I feel like it's been more difficult for me to really push myself the way I used to because I've just been so mentally heavy with this stuff

Starting point is 00:12:34 and also on medication and just not feeling my best. So I think having people you're close to just be aware of it, but also being okay with saying, hey, I don't really wanna talk about it right now or whatever it may be. I also think not putting too much pressure on myself with, you know, like exercise and going crazy. I feel like I've been a bit more relaxed and like walking a lot and doing Pilates and not

Starting point is 00:13:00 holding myself to this insane standard like I used to has been really helpful. Also, I always mention like riding my horse or whatever your hobby is for me being around animals, specifically horses and riding brings me like the most insane amount of joy. So prioritizing that for sure. Socializing more because I feel like when I'm around other people, it helps me be present and get my mind off things. Then another tool that I've mentioned a ton of times is the Superhuman app, which I absolutely love. They have tons of different activations on there,

Starting point is 00:13:35 and they are activations rather than meditations because you can do them while doing other activities. You could be cooking, you could be walking, working out, getting ready for the day, while doing other activities. So you could be cooking, you could be walking, working out, getting ready for the day. And it's basically just a really positive flow. It's Mimi herself talking most of the time with like beautiful music behind it.

Starting point is 00:13:56 They even have a positive pregnancy activation, which I think would be really good if you're pregnant or just trying to get pregnant. So that has been such a great tool I generally use it when I'm on a walk with Arnold or sitting in front of my red light therapy Just sort of like habit stacking and getting myself in a positive and hopeful Mindset they actually do have a 14 day free trial if you go to the link activations.com free trial if you go to the link activations.com slash pow pow and we still have a 60% off code so make sure you go through the website and not

Starting point is 00:14:31 through the app store if you want the discount with code pow and yeah those have been some really helpful tools for me along the way and now I want to hop into a Q&A I asked you guys for some questions and I feel like it's a good time because a lot of you were going through IVF or fertility or whatever it may be. So let's see what we got. I just posted it five minutes ago so hopefully we have some good questions. Are your chicken eggs better than your past experiences with other eggs sensitivity wise?

Starting point is 00:15:03 Honestly, yes because I used to break out from eggs really bad when I got them from the store. And now that I eat my own chicken eggs, I really have not noticed any breakouts from them. So I think there's something to that personally, because I control what they eat every day. I make sure they get enough protein. They graze on the grass.

Starting point is 00:15:24 Anything you're doing to prep your body for IVF? Yes, I'm taking all the certain supplements that I want to be taking before like a prenatal, like fish oil. I'll probably like do some research and introduce some more. I also want to be doing red light therapy like on the uterus area. I've done that before. I'm gonna start doing that more. Sleeping enough, I think managing stress, preparing my calendar, clearing out any travel or work stuff that's gonna stress me out, preparing for the medication

Starting point is 00:15:57 and having an area of my bathroom just dedicated to that and organizing it and making it easy for myself. I'm kind of asking around people I know for advice because I know a lot of people who've gone through it and I do know that I'm not allowed to exercise for like two to three weeks at one point or ride my horse which is I think going to be the hardest part for me but we'll get through it. What made you decide to go for IVF? I'm 10 months into trying to conceive.

Starting point is 00:16:27 So I am about a year over a year into trying to conceive and I think, how do I explain? I feel like I was mentally avoiding IVF for a while because I know it can be really hard on the body and I was nervous about it. And just for context, for anyone while because I know it can be really hard on the body and I was nervous about it. And just for context for anyone who doesn't know, Greg and I have both done every single test you can possibly do and everything is normal and healthy. So it's kind of unexplained at this point and you know, Greg is also on some fertility

Starting point is 00:17:01 medication and there's just been a lot of things we've had to do to put ourselves in the right place for this and I think I'm at the point where I don't ever really want to go through this again because it has mentally just taken up so much of my time in a way I feel like I kind of put my life on hold because I felt like, oh what if I'm pregnant that month or what if this and what if that and I put off travel and it kind of has felt like my life is on freeze and I'm just ready to move forward and I think the idea of having embryos on ice and essentially being set up for kids for the next few years like really is a good plan for me and makes me feel like I'm never going to have to go

Starting point is 00:17:43 through this again if that makes sense and I think Greg and I are both just sort of mentally exhausted at this point and this feels right for us and when I sat down with the doctor for the first time he was like if you feel stressed and overwhelmed by what I'm telling you right now it's probably not a good time if you feel excited then it's the right time. And I felt nothing but excitement. So to me, that means it's the right time. I have a lot of weddings coming up, a lot of events, and there are some dresses where you just really need shapewear,

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Starting point is 00:20:33 travel case and countertop stand at getquipquip.com slash pow. Getquipquip.com slash pow. How many horses do you have? I have one horse named Red. I would like to have 10, but for now I have one. I actually really wanna get, okay, I really wanna get a husband horse, like a really chill ranch trail horse that Greg can go on or my friends can go on. And I really want a

Starting point is 00:21:05 mini horse like a mini pony because I think they're good companions for the other horses and I would like for my future child to be able to ride the pony and obviously for selfish reasons I just want a mini pony. What is the hardest thing about being so present online? I think hardest thing about being online is and I've gotten a lot thicker skin, I mean I've been doing this since 2017 and I used to be like super sensitive about everything. I think like me in real life,

Starting point is 00:21:35 like I am a pretty sensitive person, like I'm very overly aware of like how other people feel or are they talking badly about me or just like that is my personality. So if I and I'm very good about not looking myself up, I don't go on Reddit, like I don't do any of that toxic stuff. If I see my name ever pop up I just whoop I like scroll right past it like I don't want to know. But I think just having people be like really overly like invested in my life like screenshotting things I do and sending it to other people or I get DMs that

Starting point is 00:22:14 are clearly like meaning to send my story to their friend but they accidentally respond to me and I see it or just like tons of opinions about everything I'm doing and tons of questions and, you know, like personal relationships in my life and people like coming up with their own narrative about how things are when really they're the complete opposite and me not being able to say anything. Like, I just feel like anytime I say something,

Starting point is 00:22:41 it could get taken out of context or whatever it may be. I think just the idea that people might have the wrong idea about me or come up with their own story I think is difficult for me but I honestly don't spend too much time thinking about it because then I'll get upset. What happened with the interior design group and your house? Okay I'm trying to decide if I want to get into this. I'm gonna get into it. So the tea with my house is and I really don't want to bash the interior designer who did it because I really like him. I think he is a great guy. We had a great relationship and I'm really not the kind of person I hate

Starting point is 00:23:26 when I see influencers like bash companies online I'm like dude if you had a poor experience like talk about it with your friends like a normal person like you don't have to ruin this company's reputation on the internet and I'm for that reason I am NOT gonna say the name of this person or the group I was working with. But basically, I'm very busy. I'm not good at interior design. I knew the vibe I wanted. I've worked with a designer before in LA.

Starting point is 00:23:56 And so I went through the same agency that I used in LA for this house in Texas. And I started working with this person and they live in New York so out of state which was probably my first mistake and I said this is the vibe I want but please like make sure it works in this house because the house I live in is pretty contemporary big windows like kind of a modern vibe and I tend to be a bit more like I like Ralph Lauren I like a bit more traditional like

Starting point is 00:24:23 equestrian vibes. We work together and obviously I'm very busy so I would just hop on meetings like once a week, kind of review his ideas, approve things and it was going well. I was a bit nervous because interior designers like the standard of like the price for each thing is just so crazy, the amount of money expected to be spent, that I was like, yeah, like I'm getting a bit nervous about budget, whatever. This designer wanted to keep everything in storage until one big move-in day to kind of have like one big reveal, I guess.

Starting point is 00:24:59 So all of the pieces went into storage for months and then we did one big move-in day and I was there for the move-in day. And as things were getting moved in, I was like, I'm just not obsessed. Like things just kept getting moved in and I was really like very excited to finally have furniture, really looking forward to it. And I just had this feeling of like, it doesn't look right.

Starting point is 00:25:23 And I even said to the designer in person, like I was pointing things out and just saying, I feel like it doesn't look right. And I even said to the designer in person, like I was pointing things out and just saying I feel like this doesn't work. Like I feel like I just wasn't excited about it. And I was like, maybe I'm just having some shock factor. Like maybe I need to live with it for a couple of weeks. So I live with it for a couple of weeks and just every day I was like, I really, I just think it looks wrong and it doesn't look like me it looks too old it looks dark like it just isn't working in the house and I felt really guilty about it so finally I just said something to the agency to the designer I was like look like I don't love

Starting point is 00:25:58 how this is looking and we've spent I mean we went way over, like an exuberant amount of money on this stuff and the fact that I'm not obsessed with it I think is a problem and I feel really bad having this conversation but I would just love some help. And also keep in mind I was having friends come over and give me their opinion and every single person that came to my house was like, it looks wrong and And there's like a ton of mistakes happening. I mean, that's something I didn't mention. There was like the bed, we had a custom bed built. It was the wrong size.

Starting point is 00:26:32 I didn't even fit in the bed. Um, lights were done wrong. Like colors were wrong. It just looked wrong. And everyone was telling me like, you need to say something. So I did. And basically the design firm said, yeah, we're, we can't help you. Like it's past the return window.

Starting point is 00:26:51 Like you need to sell everything yourself. The only reason it was past the return window was because everything was kept in storage as per their request for months. So basically I got completely screwed and now I'm in the position where I am trying to sell things and do it myself. And by the way, if you're interested in buying any of the furniture, it's all gorgeous stuff. It just looks wrong in my modern house basically. It's on my Instagram stories.

Starting point is 00:27:19 If you want to go check, I have a highlight. Anyway, now I am too scared to hire another designer because I don't want to spend a ton more money and I'm just trying to do it myself. So yeah, I kind of been spiraling about that for weeks. It's been quite a big issue in my life. So that is the tea on the house. Top three tips for 20 year olds on professional development. I'm trying to think back to when I was 20, probably not a great example because I wasn't as high achieving as I am now. But I think looking at people you admire,

Starting point is 00:27:55 also being down to take a risk and being down for change. Because I think when you're in your young 20s, you don't have much to lose. You have space to lose. You have space to just try things and see if they work. Like try as much as you can, because even if you try something and you're like, this isn't for me, that is valuable information as well. And if you try something and absolutely love it, great, you're one step closer to doing something that you really, really like. I also just think we're in a time where you can really turn anything into a career with social media, like whatever your passion is,

Starting point is 00:28:30 there is space for you to grow in that niche. So really put yourself out there. I mean, when I was in my young twenties, I did a ton of internships. I tried a million things. I really always liked working. I didn't love being in school. I liked being like out doing things.

Starting point is 00:28:50 And yeah, just put your best foot forward, try your hardest, ask a lot of questions. Yeah, I hope that was helpful. Are you pregnant? No. Apparently not. How do you balance seeing your family and Greg's family during the holidays?

Starting point is 00:29:07 My family is quite spread out. So my dad actually doesn't even really live in America anymore. He retired from the UN and now he kind of hops around. He's in Singapore right now. His wife is Swiss, so he spends a lot of time in Switzerland. He has an apartment there. And then I think he's doing some time in New York, but he technically is kind of a nomad. So I can't really spend the holiday with my dad anyway. And then my mom and sister live on the East Coast. And they spent it with my sister's boyfriend's family. So my family is kind of like international.

Starting point is 00:29:47 They go to the UK with my granny for Christmas and stuff. So generally I'm with Greg's family for the holidays. Unless like unique circumstances like my mum visited me a couple years ago. Thoughts on the sauna while trying to conceive my research has come up with conflicting information. sauna while trying to conceive my research has come up with conflicting information?" Great question. I feel the same way. What I do know is I think the sauna is better than the cold plunge while trying to conceive. I feel like doing the sauna to an extreme level and doing it every day probably isn't the best while trying to conceive but doing it every once in a while I think is fine. Cold plunge is very very stressful on the body and I know in Chinese medicine they say

Starting point is 00:30:32 to keep the womb warm essentially and eat like a lot of warming foods and stuff so I definitely stopped doing the cold plunge as much as I was. I actually don't even do it anymore. So I would keep that in mind. I keep seeing ads for non-toxic athletic. Where is this really an issue with BPA and plastics? Yes, a lot of leggings are made with BPA, which is crazy, because obviously you're wearing it

Starting point is 00:30:58 like in very intimate areas. Go back and listen to my episode with Darren O'Lean, if you're interested in toxic products. That's a very interesting, I mean, I don't know how to avoid it either. I'm wearing leggings right now that probably have BPAs. So yeah, that's like a very interesting issue. I feel like. Have you done any plastic surgery? Would you consider that? I have not.

Starting point is 00:31:20 I've done Botox and I've done a little bit of lip filler but I've never done plastic surgery. What I consider it? I mean maybe in the future but I'm also really afraid of going under anesthesia so that would probably hold me back but possibly when I'm done having kids I don't know. I'm honestly more focused on getting like laser for my acne scoring. I'm so excited for you to go to the NFR. Me too. So for anyone who doesn't know the NFR is the biggest rodeo of the year in Vegas. I'm going this coming weekend actually Friday to Monday and I'm so so excited.

Starting point is 00:31:58 Vegas is essentially just becomes like cowboy country and the casino is called Cowboy Christmas and there are booths from every single western brand i need to get a saddle so i'm going to be buying a saddle at the nfr for red i need a different saddle um and then we're going to the rodeo on saturday night bloom is actually sponsoring some of the nfr we're partnered with Teton Ridge, so we are sponsoring the viewing party, the after party, handing out energy drinks, our logo is on the leather jacket that all the competitors are wearing, and I actually saw a picture yesterday

Starting point is 00:32:33 of Snoop Dogg wearing it, and I like just about lost my mind, so that was cool. And yeah, it's just like obviously something I'm very passionate about that we get to partake in, which I'm so excited for. I'm about to start IVF in January wishing you all the good luck and good vibes. You too babe. You too. Did you always know Greg was the one? Yeah, I mean from the second I met Greg we were like besties, hung out every day, definitely knew he'd be in my life

Starting point is 00:33:00 for like a very long time and I think we just grew so much together. Like when we met, we were both like just so young in such disasters and we grew together and learned, like just learned so much. And I think we hold each other to a high standard. Like we're always trying to do better. So yeah, I feel like I've gotten, fallen more in love with him the longer I've known him and like gotten stronger with him so

Starting point is 00:33:26 I think like knowing someone was the one is like sometimes you don't know until you like grow together I think sometimes that's like a sort of unrealistic expectation I think I'll cut the Q&A there guys thank you so much for tuning in today's solo let me know what you thought. If you haven't followed or subscribed, make sure you do that, leave a review and I'll see you in the next one, bye. The content of this show is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for individual medical and mental health advice

Starting point is 00:34:07 and does not constitute a provider-patient relationship. As always, talk to your doctor or health team.

Pursuit of Wellness - Solo: Navigating My First IVF Appointment and Fertility Challenges

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